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    Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang
    Unavailable
    Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang
    Unavailable
    Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang
    Audiobook4 hours

    Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang

    Published by Hachette Audio

    3.5/5

    ()

    Currently unavailable

    Currently unavailable

    About this audiobook

    WHAT . . . A RIOT!

    Life doesn't get more hilarious than when Chelsea Handler takes aim with her irreverent wit. Who else would send all-staff emails to smoke out the dumbest people on her show? Now, in this new collection of original essays, the #1 bestselling author of Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea delivers one laugh-out-loud moment after another as she sets her sights on the ridiculous side of childhood, adulthood, and daughterhood.

    Family moments are fair game, whether it's writing a report on Reaganomics to earn a Cabbage Patch doll, or teaching her father social graces by ordering him to stay indoors. It's open season on her love life, from playing a prank on her boyfriend (using a ravioli, a fake autopsy, and the Santa Monica pier) to adopting a dog so she can snuggle with someone who doesn't talk. And everyone better duck for cover when her beach vacation turns into matchmaking gone wild. Outrageously funny and deliciously wicked, CHELSEA CHELSEA BANG BANG is good good good good!

    CHELSEA HANDLER ON...

    Being unpopular: "My parents couldn't have been more unreasonable when it came to fads or clothes that weren't purchased at a pharmacy."

    Living with her boyfriend: "He's similar to a large toddler, the only difference being he doesn't cry when he wakes up."

    Appreciating her brother: "He's a certified public accountant, and I have a real life."

    Arm-wrestling a maid of honor: "It wasn't her strength that intimidated me. It was the starry way her eyes focused on me, like Mike Tyson getting ready to feed."
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherHachette Audio
    Release dateMar 4, 2014
    ISBN9781478925651
    Unavailable
    Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang

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    Reviews for Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang

    3.5/5

    438 ratings29 reviews

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    • 4/5
      Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bangby Chelsea Handler 2010Grand Central/ HachetteSo my love/hate relationship with Chels continues. She can make me laugh out loud at the most inappropriate comments,. She has moments of comedic brilliance and is totally irreverent and irresponsible. This I love. And then she can piss me off with the next comment. She can be rude, obnoxious and hurtful. This I hate abut her.But that is exactly what makes her so funny.This book of stories show one of the best forms of her comedy to me.....pulling off a prank. No one ....no one can pull off a prank like Chels.......and even though I probably should not......I burst out in laughter. The pranks against her boyfriend, Ted, are just too good. Too good. These stories save this book. Overall, this is not her best collection but worth the read just for chapters of her jokes on her friends and her boyfriend, Ted.
    • 2/5
      Most stand-up comedians don't translate their funny onto the written page very well, and I don't think Chelsea Handler is an exception. She's crazy and vulgar, sure, but... I just didn't laugh. Not even really sure why I checked this book out, but it had a loooong waiting list, so I guess lots of other people like it.
    • 3/5
      The last chapter is by far the best! Not as funny as her previous books, but a valiant effort.
    • 3/5
      If you've read Chelsea's other books or seen her show, the extravagant stories in this book will come as no surprise. There's more of a focus on family stories this time, some of which are pretty hilarious. The whole fact is stranger than fiction definitely comes into play.
    • 5/5
      This is one of the funniest books I've ever read. Chelsea Handler writes purely for entertainment and she does it so amazingly well. The stories from her childhood are especially hilarious but it's hard to believe they are entirely true. But that's OK, because they are a riot and I want to believe them so bad, SO BAD, that I sort of do. I would recommend this book in a heartbeat to anyone just looking to laugh and be entertained. This is definitely the book for it.
    • 1/5
      I got it free - just thought it was another trashy novel by a ebook writer. It is rather disgusting to start with - chapters of masterbating at the age of 8. I had no idea she was a comedian, suggest she doesn't tour New Zealand unless she is wanting a holiday without crowds. I have no idea why I am continuing to read it - maybe hoping it will get better and actually make me laugh.
    • 1/5
      I don't know why I keep doing this to myself. I had read Handler's previous books and disliked them, but after reading so many glowing reviews I though that perhaps I just didn't 'get it'. I can't stand the egocentricity, the vapid materialistic nature of the author, and I just can't find humour in her writing at all. Despite the fact that I am a bit of a comedy buff and enjoy other autobiographical humour books like those of David Sedaris and Sarah Silverman, I just can't like this woman.
    • 3/5
      Time to wash my eyes - but it did make me laugh. Thanks Ali :)
    • 4/5
      She's raunchy, but I like it. The book was a quick read for me and made me laugh a lot. However, I like her better on tv and I feel like some of her jokes are played out. I like the tricks she plays on her then boyfriend, and the scene with the new friends she meets while on vacation are the best.
    • 5/5
      Chelsea Handler is even funnier in writing. If you like to laugh at the expense of others, this book is for you. Chelsea spares no details when dishing dirt on others, or even on herself. Those who find the sometimes less-than-flattering aspects of being into alcohol, one-night stands and other alternative life choices to be entertaining, will absolutely love this. - Kaitlyn Spahr (6/6/11)
    • 2/5
      A friend at work came up to me one day and asked, "Do you watch Chelsea Lately?" When I nodded, she said, "You HAVE to read this book!" and loaned me her copy of Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang. I was expecting it to be hilarious, light reading. I was disappointed from the very beginning. For starters, this so-called book is actually a compilation of 11 essays/stories that are unrelated to each other, except that they are all events from Chelsea's life. The first essay describes an 8-year old girl who goes to a slumber party and thereafter becomes obsessed with masturbation. I get that Chelsea Handler is going for shock value, but it wasn't funny to me at all. Instead, it was really disturbing. The other stories are just okay. At least they didn't make me cringe by discussing a child's sexuality. Chelsea Handler is hilarious in person, and afer reading this book I didn't understand why it fell so flat. Watching her show again last night, it hit me. She is very witty, and much of her punch lines have a dead-pan delivery. This makes her an excellent stand-up comic but just does not translate well in print. I won't bother reading anything else she writes, but I continue to be a fan of her show and live performances.
    • 3/5
      Not as funny as the first two, but a good humorous book.
    • 4/5
      This book was so much better than I anticipated. I really enjoyed it. I was laughing out loud multiple times. Not everything was very believable - what kind of child has conversations like she claims to have had, but overall very funny.
    • 3/5
      Not quite as hilarious as her first two books but let's face it Chelsea is nothing if not continuously funny. I know some people don't like her (my significant other included) but her antics keep me constantly entertained.
    • 5/5
      Girl is just too funny!!! Her writing style is so easy to read plus it keeps the reader entertained with all her funny schemes (Dudley was great).
    • 4/5
      You know that one friend you have who is always drunk, always sarcastic, always getting into trouble and always hilarious? Chelsea Handler is the ultimate version of that friend. Reading this book was like having a drink with her and having her tell you highly embarrassing (and enormously funny (and pretty dirty)) stories about her life.
    • 4/5
      Some parts of this book were better than others but still glad I read it. (If you liked either of her first two books, you won't be disappointed by this one.)Can't help but wondering how much of this stuff is really true...
    • 3/5
      The book started off well with an often uncomfortable story about Chelsea learning to masturbate, but felt the theme of a successful media celebrity trying to stay in touch with her roots while visiting exclusive resorts and stressing out corporate lawyers was impossible to identify with. There were still hilarious parts of the stories - I enjoyed the off-the-cuff way she'd lie about trivial things to her boyfriend, and the day/week she spent in bed while he was out of town - but the rest was drawn out anecdotes with personal assistants and Hollywood parties that nobody can identify with. I also thought the book felt padded, with the family email dialogue chapter being an unsuccessful experiment in a way to make the book long enough to publish.
    • 4/5
      Another great book of essays from Handler. While it wasn't as good as her first two books, I still enjoyed it.
    • 4/5
      I love Chelsea Handler, and I really enjoy reading her books. The first one I read actually made me gasp and blush...the second one a little less, and this one was definitely the least shocking of all. The style of writing is very personal and informal, and it felt like I was reading blog posts. It also seemed a little more intimate and personal than her other books -- maybe I'm just more familiar with her writing? She actually seemed a little more vulnerable in this book, which was nice. It made her seem a little more human.I think Chelsea is one of the funniest commediennes I've ever seen (or read) and I love hearing about her life. Reading her books makes me wish she was my crazy cousin I could spend Thanksgiving or the 4th of July with, and I think a lot of people will feel the same way after reading her. I wouldn't recommend this book for anyone under high school age...or anyone who is faint of heart. Mormons might not like it either. But pretty much everyone else should love it!
    • 3/5
      I recently read this book. It was okay but I didn't like it as much as her previous book, "Are you there God?" I felt like this book rambled a bit and didn't have a cohesive storyline. I wouldn't recommend purchasing this book, but rather getting it on loan from the library.
    • 4/5
      Overall, I preferred My Horizontal Life and Are You There Vodka? It's Me Chelsea. Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang Bang is still pretty good though. By far my favorite story was Dudley. I was laughing enough to get the evil eye from my dog and had to take a break or two to catch my breath. This one even has pictures which bring the stories to life.
    • 4/5
      Pretty funny. I can't tell if it's amazingly honest or if she's making stuff up to make the jokes land better. Like the way she claims she talked when she was a kid sounds extremely mature for a child, so she could be joking. But then again I've known a few kids who are that grown-up already at 8, so maybe. Who knows? Her dad did make her read the Boston Globe as a kid. So it's possible.

      I've never seen her show or standup or anything, so I'm basing this on just this book, but I like her. I'll probably get another book by her soon.
    • 4/5
      Typical Chelsea, funny, filthy, crazy!
    • 3/5
      Liked it a little better than her other books. Some stories were funnier that others and 1 or 2 were just plain offensive. Definatly could have left out the first chapter. I almost didnt bother with the rest of the book after reading it.
    • 3/5
      Chelsea and I would never be best buds. She's way too much of a party girl for this nerd. It was amusing to read about her exploits, but oy. Kinda wild.
    • 4/5
      She's raunchy, but I like it. The book was a quick read for me and made me laugh a lot. However, I like her better on tv and I feel like some of her jokes are played out. I like the tricks she plays on her then boyfriend, and the scene with the new friends she meets while on vacation are the best.
    • 3/5
      I wasn’t sure what to expect when I read this book, but ended up enjoying reading it. It’s a recollection of different events in her life. It feels part autobiographical and part vignette. She is well known for telling tall tells for her own amusement (she writes about the constant practical jokes she pulls on people), so how much truth there is to each story is uncertain. But what does it matter, it’s entertaining and the stories feel like an extended monologue on a talk show: open and friendly.
    • 1/5
      Chelsea Handler gets a book deal for unfunny, contrived CHELSEA CHELSEA BANG BANG & I get nil published? Oh, I’m not jealous or anything. And if you believe that, I heard the Brooklyn Bridge is for sale. I find Chelsea Handler to be entertaining on her show Chelsea Lately. Her writing has not impressed me [My Horizontal Life, Are you there Vodka? It’s Me Chelsea]. I expect her stories to be racier, funnier, more adventurous or perhaps more introspective. In CHELSEA CHELSEA BANG BANG, I have a difficult time believing that what she’s writing about actually happened. When her “silver fox” partner Ted, the head of E! Entertainment, wants a fish tank, Chelsea insists on buying a dolphin for the tank. That’s when I just thought she can't be serious and could this really be true? I know this woman barely graduated high school but she has enough life experience to know that owning a dolphin is just cruel, ridiculous and impossible. The conversations and events she recalls seem as scripted as the silly skits on her show [my least favorite part and thank you TiVo that I don’t have to suffer through them]. Throughout most of CHELSEA CHELSEA BANG BANG , Handler retells stories from her show Chelsea Lately: Ted’s penchant for snorkeling gear; how she plays practical jokes on him; her proclivity toward “chunky” people with a little extra to grab, like her chauffeur Sylvan, her boyfriend and her “assistant” Chuy; also Chelsea’s preference to take others on vacation to her partner’s dismay. One story Chelsea already told on the show, which comprises one chapter in the book, is when she brought Sylvan along on an island vacation to try to get him some “action.” Chaos ensues Chelsea Handler-style. Right off, Chelsea talks about discovering masturbation . [I would get so excited on Friday nights, knowing that my peekachu and I would be able to have the whole weekend to ourselves.] and then how her parents were so mean and out of touch that they didn’t manage to buy her a Cabbage Patch Kid [I knew that my parents would never fall for what was “hot” on the market. The word “hot”