Everand Logo

Welcome to Everand!

  • Discover millions of ebooks, audiobooks, and so much more with a free trial

    Only $11.99/month after trial. Cancel anytime.

    The Lover's Dictionary: A Novel
    The Lover's Dictionary: A Novel
    The Lover's Dictionary: A Novel
    Ebook202 pages1 hour

    The Lover's Dictionary: A Novel

    By David Levithan

    4/5

    ()

    Read preview

    About this ebook

    How does one talk about love? Is it even possible to describe something at once utterly mundane and wholly transcendent, that has the power to consume our lives completely, while making us feel part of something infinitely larger than ourselves?

    Taking a unique approach to this age-old problem, the nameless narrator of David Levithan's The Lover's Dictionary constructs the story of a relationship as a dictionary. Through these sharp entries, he provides an intimate window into the great events and quotidian trifles of coupledom, giving us an indelible and deeply moving portrait of love in our time.

    Editor's Note

    This could be love…

    A soulful, sentimental set of dictionary-style entries describing the highs and lows of being in love that sharply clarifies many universal feelings in a story full of individual quirks. Lyrical and vastly quotable.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherMacmillan Publishers
    Release dateJan 21, 2011
    ISBN9781429994309
    The Lover's Dictionary: A Novel
    Author

    David Levithan

    David Levithan was not born in France, Milwaukee or Olympia, Washington. He did not go to Eton, Harvard Law School or Oxford University. He is not the author of War and Peace, Hollywood Wives: The New Generation or The Baby-sitters Club #8: Boy-crazy Stacey. He has not won the Newbery Medal, the Pulitzer Prize, the Bausch & Lomb Science Award or the race for eleventh-grade vice president. He currently does not live in Manhatten.

    Read more from David Levithan

    Related to The Lover's Dictionary

    Related ebooks

    Literary Fiction For You

    View More
    View More

    Related podcast episodes

    Related articles

    • Article

      How To Install Your First Widget

      Feb 9, 2021

      > As you would expect with Apple, the company has made installing widgets in iOS 14 a piece of cake. Your device will come with Apple apps that have their own widgets ready to go, although you might have to launch third-party apps at least once befor

      1 min read

    • Article

      The Invisible Life Of Addie Larue

      Oct 7, 2020

      RELEASED OUT NOW! 560 pages | Hardback/ebook Author VE Schwab Publisher Titan Books This story weaves together a number of tropes – a deal with the Devil (or in this case the darkness), the damned soul condemned to wander for all eternity – and yet c

      1 min read

    • Article

      Tale As Old As Time: The Dark Appeal of 'Beauty And The Beast'

      Mar 26, 2017

      Disney's new live-action extravaganza is just the latest retelling of this classic fairy tale. But why do Beauty and her Beast have such a hold on us? And why are there so many versions of their tale?

      4 min read

    • Article

      Under The Whispering Door

      Nov 3, 2021

      ▶ RELEASED OUT NOW! 376 pages | Hardback/ebook/audiobook ▶ Author TJ Klune ▶ Publisher Tor An uneven yet goodhearted hybrid of Dead Like Me and The Good Place, Under The Whispering Door ponders what happens when you don’t start actually living your l

      1 min read

    • Article

      Normal People

      Sep 17, 2021

      Normal People
      1 min read

    • Article

      Wild Days

      Jul 27, 2020

      Wild Days
      7 min read

    • Article

      Before You Melt Into The Sea

      Feb 3, 2022

      Before You Melt Into The Sea
      11 min read

    • Article

      The Physics Of Connection

      Sep 1, 2020

      IF I HELD A HAMMER CORRECTLY, the way my father taught me, and then swung it down on a rock, the rock would break. I would have caused that to happen. I would have transferred kinetic energy from my arm to the hammer’s handle and then to the hammer’s

      6 min read

    • Article

      Dispatches From the Trenches of Domestic Life

      Mar 2, 2018

      Six years ago my wife gave me a pair of house slippers. My first ever. A domestic present I thought signaled some new phase of my life. I thanked her. Tried them on. Plush fur lined the inside. I stood up to make a show of enjoying them. Then she han

      6 min read

    • Article

      Ambient Ecstasy

      Jan 2, 2022

      Ambient Ecstasy
      4 min read

    • Article

      Someone I Used To Know

      Jan 6, 2022

      Someone I Used To Know
      7 min read

    • Article

      After “The End”

      Oct 10, 2022

      I walked down the road with a hunched back and a wet cigarette in my mouth—the fire had died a while back. My hands were tucked into the pockets of my jacket, and my hair fell over my face, limiting my sight. But I wasn’t really seeing where I was go

      10 min read

    • Article

      Swisher Sweets

      May 1, 2022

      Swisher Sweets
      17 min read

    • Article

      The Wolf

      Nov 6, 2018

      The Wolf
      12 min read

    • Article

      Everywhere Around Us

      Sep 23, 2023

      Everywhere Around Us
      5 min read

    Related categories

    Reviews for The Lover's Dictionary

    4/5

    561 ratings75 reviews

    What did you think?

    Tap to rate

    Review must be at least 10 words

    • 3/5
      The Lover’s Dictionary by David Levithan is a love story of a couple told through dictionary entries.I know this sounds odd, but it totally works.I enjoyed the story a lot, but I had two issues, which are directly related to each other:Did the perspectives change from male to female? Was one person telling the story the whole time? I got confused with that.For the full review, visit Love at First Book
    • 2/5
      2.4 A tremendous concept executed mediocrely. Disappointingly saccharine and cliché, I was surprised to find this book kinda racist in its absolute assumption of the universality of upper-middle-class experience. Really didn't think I would notice such a thing. It has its moments, but not really worth it.
    • 4/5
      A novel about a couple's relationship from beginning through the first two years or so, told through dictionary entry definitions. A really cool concept, but it fell a bit flat for me; I think it tried to be too clever (or needed to be better at the poetic bits and just couldn't manage it), and that, in addition to me not particularly liking either of the characters, made for a dissatisfying read.
    • 5/5
      This is a series of dictionary-style reflections on a relationship, but they're so elegantly crafted that I actually want to put them in the category of prose poems. Some are longer and could almost be called vignettes, but others are just pithy word-snapshots:

      buffoonery, n.

      You were drunk, and I made the mistake of mentioning Showgirls in a near-empty subway car. The pole had no idea what it was about to endure.

      That's not even close to my favorite entry, by the way, but I'd rather let you discover the most poignant ones yourself. I love the way a whole story unfolds through these alphabetically listed words.

      In other words, I'd like to have written this first.
    • 5/5
      The unique format makes this story for me, although I can see it being off-putting for a lot of readers.
    • 4/5
      Being an attempt to describe a romance through vignettes tied to specific words, an interesting device. The book is a playful, quick read, and for the most part it stays playful even when the dissonance it sometimes describes is anything but. To call it a novel in any meaningful sense is to my mind a misnomer; yes, it tells a story, albeit in an extremely unsystematic way, but so do narrative poems and plays. The strength of the book is how frequently it reveals character and emotion indirectly, by allowing the reader to fill in the many blanks in the narrative. Most may have to restrain themselves a bit when our opinionated narrator or his lover issue forth with some blarney with which they totally disagree, but this clearly happens to the characters as well.
    • 4/5
      david levithan is a genius i love him
    • 3/5
      Appropriate, although entirely coincidental, that I read this book in the week leading up to Valentine's Day.
    • 3/5
      This is nice little book and I like the idea of taking a word almost as a concept and then working from there. The originality of this book lies in this, that is, the way the story is told, not necessarily following a traditional timeline.

      That being said, this isn't great literature and the approach of the theme (love) is not new, but rather romantic - like a romantic comedy.

      It's a nice read for when you don't want to think and are not looking for something that will actually cause you to reflect upon life. (I find it to be a reading for between really good books.)
    • 3/5
      Uniquely written, The Lover's Dictionary tells the story of a couple throughout their relationship, but alphabetically as opposed to chronologically. Each tidbit is told as a "definition;" an interpretation of a word that mirrors a journal entry. So many of the definitions resonated with me. I can remember thinking or feeling that exact way while in a relationship. I loved the words Levithan chose to use, they seem to perfectly capture the essence of what happened.

      An added bonus: you are exposed to (possibly) new words, or at least to applications of a word that you had not previously considered. :)
    • 5/5
      Amazing, absorbing read. It took embarrassingly longer to read than it should have. So heartbreakingly real. Simplistic and complicated, both, at the same time. Just like love.
    • 5/5
      Feelings, meet fist. The fist is nice. It jogs your brain. It clarifies those universal feelings in a story full of individual quirks. It is like The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows in its lyricism, but these feelings are far from obscure.
    • 3/5
      Patience, I build up to a point:

      Not only do I live in a extrovert-valued society, but a very sexual one: sex still sells, and as discussions mount, more people are (hopefully) accepting the fact that more than one orientation exists. It lives in our media and news, and it is natural, if only because we are human, to form strong emotions from intimacy.

      Then there is me: an awkward puzzle piece that doesn't know her place. I know people who praise their significant others (good for them) or dump a nasty truckload of their relationship garbage when things turn sour. I'm not positive if these people want me to partake in their joy, console, or relate and participate in a woo-hoo or moan-and-groan conversation. (When consulted, I am experienced in offering my honest observations on love problems. This promptly upsets the other party and I get yelled at. Honesty, I learned, is not the best policy. When in doubt: lie.)

      However uncomfortable to discuss, I snugly fit into the smaller fraction of introverts and aromantic "asexuals." The point is: sometimes I don't get it. Just as many don't understand my odd tendencies, I don't understand the wants, needs, and obsessions others have for such intimate relationships -- I grasp circumstance and interactions. Friendship is good enough for me, and anything beyond that is a territory I possess no desire or passion for. Likewise, I couldn't be sure if I'd "get" The Lover's Dictionary.

      autonomy, n.
      "I want my books to have their own shelves," you said, and that's how I knew it would be okay to live together.

      I raise attention to this context because most who adore The Lover's Dictionary personally connect -- that is why they enjoy it. This book resonates with people's emotional memories, which excludes me entirely. Its arm creeps out as a finger distends, swirls the memory pool, and all at once: old or current relationship(s) pop out and that emotional cord gets plucked. I understand this much; blame your brain. It stores all those happy and bitter or plain pissed-off memories, and watch out for what it will toss: a whole spectrum can be hurled as a range of feelings storm through. Pleasant or horrid, it doesn't matter and it's automatic.

      With all that I said, and considering how I tantrum'd over the last two Levithan books I read, I'm surprised I don't dislike this. I don't love The Lover's Dictionary, but I do -- at the very least -- like it, which is good enough. In the past, my chief complaint has centered on Levithan's lackluster and contrived effect, resulting in shallow characters and my own disappointment. What I have grown to expect from David Levithan's skill is tantamount to bad coffee: it's weak, and I'll devour very little. Unlike the coffee, I'll take in the entire book, all right, but I can dive deeper in kiddy pools. I read Levithan's work in under an hour and walk away unconvinced of any character conviction.

      That established, it feels nice to say that -- for the first time -- Levithan convinced me. I believed these were two people in a relationship! Wow, Levithan, let's celebrate; I applaud this moment.

      However, I find prejudice in the perspective. I think the narrator presents himself too 'clean-cut,' as in all or most of the failures landed upon his partner. (Or perhaps the narrator is female? It's difficult to ascertain, and sometimes it feels like the narrator switches between the couple.) I can't say I took issue with this, because it seems genuine. How often do we scrutinize our own contributions to arguments, our miscommunications? Many of us prefer to feel clean of fault and place that burden on the other person. Much honesty breathes this story into reality, but...

      I don't care for the overall arrangement. The idea of exposing the ups and downs of a relationship (defining, you might say) in dictionary format is quirky. If well-executed, you could have a very peculiar success. But -- and here I go morphing into an ugly monster, claws showing and ready to madden the fan base -- Levithan's work needs time and polish. I still spy that unrefined edge to his structure where I'd rather see smooth class. There's not one particular example to quote, as I see it in every sentence. I won't pretend I'm a fan of his work, so why do I read David Levithan's books? I suppose, if anything, I want to watch him grow as a writer while hoping to catch a glimpse of what makes him so damn popular.

      Love, like most relationships, can feel daunting and uncertain at times. What attracts a person to another may end up becoming that one thing the person loathes. (500) Days of Summer's Tom Hansen expressed this: "I love this heart-shaped birthmark she has on her neck" turned to "I hate her cockroach-shaped splotch on her neck." Levithan presents the topsy-turvy aspect, the "I love you, but sometimes I hate you" conflict. He highlights the scary leap couples take, and those decisions that either strengthen or tear down the life they've built together.

      If you're a Tom Hansen, or know a Tom Hansen, this book will better suffice as an object to batter and deface with crass card greetings -- wait for the train to rush by and some wreckage to clear. I wouldn't recommend this to anyone experiencing love problems, but if you're in a content place, in love, or in love with the idea of love: yes, I recommend this book. I'm not crazy about The Lover's Dictionary myself, but no harm came from reading it.

      flux, n.
      The natural state. Our moods change. Our lives change. Our feelings for each other change. Our bearings change. The song changes. The air changes. The temperature of the shower changes.
      Accept this. We must accept this.


      This review and more can be read at Midnight Coffee Monster.
    • 5/5
      It's been a long time since I've encountered a book that's moved me as much as The Lover's Dictionary has. I knew from page 1 that I'd end up treasuring it, mainly because I've anticipated it for so long and finally just sat down and picked it up—which I'm not sure why I didn't do sooner, since it's such a short read. Being a frequent retweeter from the book's Twitter page, I had high expectations with this one, and honestly, every single one of them were met.Writing this review is proving to be difficult because The Lover's Dictionary's format and plot layout are both quite unusual. The obvious novelty of this story is that it's not narrated traditionally with chapters, but rather through individual dictionary entries, in second person by an unnamed protagonist to his lover. The whammy is that these little vignettes are arranged alphabetically, not chronologically—as dictionaries tend to be organized—so the lovers' story is non-linear, and is rather told in sporadic moments with which anyone who's been in love will be able to relate: frustration, butterflies, doubt, insecurity, optimism about the future, exasperation, elation. Each entry is its own story, spare on words but regardless extremely high-impact.This non-chronological sequence of events is far from confusing or difficult to read, however; somehow, Levithan still makes it work because the story itself does not require a definitive beginning or end. All we know is that there is a couple, there is a conflict, and there is no clean resolution—because in real life, there hardly ever is. That's what I think makes it so potent; its implications regarding the ineffability of love are so relatable, so real.The plot itself isn't necessarily a sweeping romance, nor a particularly profound love story—that's not why I love this book. In fact, the dictionary entries, while beautifully crafted, are vague and often unsettling, but each of them packs a strong punch. I was sucked in immediately because the main problem is introduced so early on, but it's only unraveled as you read further down the alphabet. The inevitable doom of the relationship's tragedy is always hanging in the air, impending, and the distressing feeling that it probably won't have a tidy tucked-away ending will constantly stick with you. You'll either be enchanted by Levithan's interpretation of each word, or find yourself relating to each on a near-spiritual level; there isn't a single page that I didn't like in this novel.Pros: Touching, breathtaking // Relatable in the subtlest aspects that everyone notices in relationships, but don't necessarily always put to words // Portrays love beautifully, humanly // Unusual concept of book structure, but I found it clever and very absorbing // Conveys a realistic view of a romance, as deep and exhausting as it may be—they don't always "end" like they do in books and movies // A very quick read, since each "chapter" is composed of one dictionary entry (1-2 pages each)Cons: Not a problem with the book itself, but with my inability to express with words how great it is: my review and the back cover synopsis do not do it justice!Verdict: Remarkable in ways that my own words fail to sufficiently articulate, The Lover's Dictionary is a comforting, candid, and devastating characterization of love, and the parallel irony to ever be able to adequately write about it. If I don't have you convinced, check out the corresponding Twitter page for a more succinct preview of what the book is like. David Levithan has an extensive fan base for valid reason; his grasp on the written word is adept, his understanding of the human tendency to fall in love with flaws is painfully accurate, and when his dictionary entries are pieced together, the end result is simultaneously witty and evocative. This is the kind of book I wish I could write: a subtle masterpiece and a hefty accomplishment.Rating: 10 out of 10 hearts (5 stars): I'm speechless; this book is an extraordinarily amazingly wonderfully fantastically marvelous masterpiece. Drop everything and go buy yourself a copy now!Source: Purchased.
    • 3/5
      Well, that was fast.
      This book reminds me so much of (500) Days of Summer. I liked the staccato way of writing and I especially loved the reflections that came with each significant word. They're really thoughtful, and heartfelt, and Levithan's words can cut through your heart.

      But I never got into the depth of how they met, or how they broke up. Everything was sort of in-between. It was never formally narrated, their story. I feel like all I had were bits and pieces of the two of them that never really created a whole picture. But still, I liked the fragments of their story—they were wonderful. It would've been nicer though if I actually understood and pictured the sum of the parts.

      P.S. Levithan's choice of words are beautiful.
    • 5/5
      A book I can read again and again and again
    • 4/5
      This book was wonderful. It was a quick read (around 2 hours). It goes through every letter of the alphabet, each letter representing 2 or 3 words that accompany passages describing moments in the life of a couple. There are ups and downs. There is laughter, there are tears. There are loving moments, moments of vulnerability. There are fights, and there are betrayals.
      This book offers a series of snapshots, not a complete narrative, which I thought was a completely appropriate way to tell this particular story. Of course I have questions about what happened in between the snapshots, but perhaps that is not for us to know.
      I highly recommend this book.
    • 5/5
      I read this in an hour. I love non-linear narrative, and this is one of the better ones I've read, as the story is driven by words that are relevant to a long-term relationship. The English teacher in me saw using parts of this book as a way to teach grammar, and other parts to teach connotation. If you like tidy packages for your books, this one is not for you. But if you're okay with books reflecting the messiness and sometimes unsolvable parts of life, then give this one a try. I loved it.
    • 5/5
      I loved this book and a want to get to know these people better. Reading this book felt a little like reading a diary a little like reading the dictionary.
      Here is a sample:

      obstinate, adj.
      Sometimes it becomes a contest: Which is more stubborn, the love or the two arguing people caught within it?
    • 2/5
      I really wanted to like this book. I was excited about the idea of this book, and its interesting and different format. But it just did not deliver. It's possible I went in with too many expectations, or was just unable to break out of my own preconceived notions of what this book would be. I was anticipating a story of love, told in chronological order, progressing through the dictionary from beginning to end. What I got instead was a disjointed relationship told in alphabetical order, disregarding timeline. And that would have been fine! It's rare that we are presented a story out of the generally accepted order. But without the typical chronology, all my focus shifted to the entries, and I just really felt that the words and their stories did not meld well most of the time. I gave up about halfway through, because I just could not bring myself to care anymore.
    • 5/5
      I read this because I love Levithan's voice in Will Grayson, will grayson. This was simple and novel I wish I had thought of it, and the words so poignant and forward while conveying love and its complicating factors. Adored this book.
    • 4/5
      Loved it! Super quick read, but I am glad I own it as I will probably read it multiple times.
    • 4/5
      A pretty standard offering from David Levithan, but since I love him, I'm more than okay with that. Breaking down a relationship into small vignettes related to a particular vocabulary word was fun, and still managed to paint a very thorough picture of a troubled relationship.

      A quote I loved "I'd get a tattoo with your name on it, but I want you to have the freedom to change your name if you want to." After I finished awwwing over this, it upset me. Is there such a thing as relationship porn? Descriptions of romance so perfect they're unrealistic, forever setting us up to be disappointed by everyday life? This quote feels like this to me.
    • 4/5
      "At the core of this desire is the belief that everything can be perfect."
    • 5/5
      This book is written as dictionary entries. There is one word that begins the page with subsequent description. It is not your typical word definition - it is how life would describe that word. I enjoyed the concept of the book. I enjoyed the story. I felt that, even though it does not go in chronological order (because it goes in alphabetical order instead), I understood the events that unfolded. It is not as filled with emotion as some of the other works that I have read, but it is a beautiful story.
    • 5/5
      This slim, little gem of a novel can be read in 1 or 2 wonderful sittings. I LOVED it. It reminded me a lot of Jenny Offill’s Dept. of Speculation, as it gives the reader bits and pieces of a relationship hurt by infidelity. Also like her book, it reads like a poem. Some of the lines just made my jaw drop. It’s truly beautiful writing. I was so enamored that I visited David Levithan’s website and learned that he’s written a ton of stuff. I had no idea. He describes The Lover’s Dictionary as “the story of a two-year relationship, told in dictionary entries that one lover is writing for the other.” He says, “I happened to have a book on ‘words you need to know’ (a graduation gift from high school) on my desk, and I decided to try to tell a relationship story using one word from each page spread in this book. And the novel grew from that.” It’s very clever and very engaging. The fact that there is so much emotional impact with relatively few words is a testament to his writing. I can’t wait to read more of his stuff.A section I loved:"These words will ultimately end up being the barest of reflections, devoid of the sensations words cannot convey. Trying to write about love is ultimately like trying to have a dictionary represent life. No matter how many words there are, there will never be enough."
    • 3/5
      I love Levithan's tendency to try experimental, different things. That made this love story a lot fresher than it could have been, given that there's little to grab hold of character-wise, and the story is fairly banal -- and better, it doesn't feel too gimmicky. It feels like the only way to present this story.Still, reading in snatches like this is not something I particularly enjoy, and I'm not very into the ~modern love story~ with the two characters (are they ever specifically gendered?) being fairly typical and the trajectory of the story being infatuation -> disillusionment -> the end.
    • 4/5
      The Lover's Dictionary is a cute little story told in dictionary format. This is a collection of snippets that all together make up a modern day relationship. This couple has their ups and downs, their highs and lows. Levithan captures their story nicely and I think most couples would be able to relate to some of these entries.I found this one to be a quick read, I read it in bed one morning when I wanted to delve into something light. This is a quirky, charming, sometimes sad little gem of a book that I think would appeal to the hopeless romantics out there."Sometimes desire is air; sometimes desire is liquid. And every now and then, when everything else is air and liquid, desire solidifies, and the body is the magnet that draws its weight."p.18, The Lover's Dictionary, David LevithanDisclaimer:This review is my honest opinion. I did not receive any type of compensation for reading and reviewing this book. I borrowed my copy of The Lover's Dictionary from the local library.
    • 4/5
      Pretty sure that was the fastest book I've ever read. :) It was easy, light (mostly), funny, heartwarming and genuine. I've heard lots of people say that they liked the ambiguity of it - that it never really said who the two main characters were, so you could make them out to be whoever you wanted, but that's actually what knocked this down a star for me. I like to know, specifically, what I'm reading.

      Other than that detail, it was a good, easy read.
    • 5/5
      This is a love story. The love story itself is not extraordinary, it is not a story of "star-crossed lovers" or a perfect love with a happy ending. Rather, it is the story of a completely average couple and their progression from first date to exclusivity to living together and beyond. It is the story you or I could have with out significant others.

      What really makes this book profound is that instead of telling the story chronoligically it tells it by showing us those bits and pieces of the relationship that mean the most; the simple things between a couple that make their story unique to them but evoke the emotions that we all can connect to within our own relationships.

      This is really an intimate look at the relationship that is reminiscent of diary entries. There are some philosophical musings as well as more mundane definitions that serve to give a complete picture of a relationship.
      encroach,v.
      The first three nights we spent together, I couldn't sleep. I wasn't used to your breathing, your feet on my legs, your weight in the bed. In truth, I still sleep better when I'm alone. But now I allow that sleep isn't always the most important thing.

      corrode, v.
      I spent all this time building a relationship. Then one night I left the window open, and it started to rust.

      ineffable, adj.
      These words will ultimately end up being the barest of reflections, devoid of the sensations words cannot convey. Trying to write about love is ultimately like trying to have a dictionary represent life. No matter how many words there are, there will never be enough.

      I really loved this book. I loved the concept, I thought the writing was beautiful and intimate and relatable. It's a love story that could be anyone's and that's a big part of what makes it so beautiful.

    Book preview

    The Lover's Dictionary - David Levithan

    A

    aberrant, adj.

    I don’t normally do this kind of thing, you said.

    Neither do I, I assured you.

    Later it turned out we had both met people online before, and we had both slept with people on first dates before, and we had both found ourselves falling too fast before. But we comforted ourselves with what we really meant to say, which was: I don’t normally feel this good about what I’m doing.

    Measure the hope of that moment, that feeling.

    Everything else will be measured against it.

    abstain, v.

    I’m sorry I was so surprised you didn’t drink that night.

    Is something wrong? I asked. It wasn’t like you to turn down a drink after work.

    Go ahead, you said. Drink for both of us.

    So I ordered two Manhattans. I didn’t know whether to offer you a sip. I didn’t know if it could be this easy to get you, for once, to stop.

    What’s wrong? I asked.

    After a dramatic pause, you said, totally serious, I’m pregnant. And then you cracked up.

    I laughed even though I didn’t feel like laughing. I raised my Manhattan, tipped it a little in your direction, then asked, Whose is it?

    abstraction, n.

    Love is one kind of abstraction. And then there are those nights when I sleep alone, when I curl into a pillow that isn’t you, when I hear the tiptoe sounds that aren’t yours. It’s not as if I can conjure you there completely. I must embrace the idea of you instead.

    abyss, n.

    There are times when I doubt everything. When I regret everything you’ve taken from me, everything I’ve given you, and the waste of all the time I’ve spent on us.

    acronym, n.

    I remember the first time you signed an email with SWAK. I didn’t know what it meant. It sounded violent, like a slap connecting. SWAK! Batman knocking down the Riddler. SWAK! Cries of Liar! Liar! Tears. SWAK! So I wrote back: SWAK? And the next time you wrote, ten minutes later, you explained.

    I loved the ridiculous image I got from that, of you leaning over your laptop, touching your lips gently to the screen, sealing your words to me before turning them into electricity. Now every time you SWAK me, the echo of that electricity remains.

    adamant, adj.

    You swore that Meryl Streep won the Best Actress Oscar for Silkwood. I said, no, it was Sophie’s Choice. The way you argued with me, you would have thought we were debating the existence of God or whether or not we should move in together. These kinds of fights can never be won—even if you’re the victor, you’ve hurt the other person, and there has to be some loss associated with that.

    We looked it up, of course, and even though you conceded I was right, you still acted like it was a special occasion. I thought about leaving you then. Just for a split second, I was out the door.

    akin, adj.

    I noticed on your profile that you said you loved Charlotte’s Web. So it was something we talked about on that first date, about how the word radiant sealed it for each of us, and how the most heartbreaking moment isn’t when Charlotte dies, but when it looks like all of her children will leave Wilbur, too.

    In the long view, did it matter that we shared this? Did it matter that we both drank coffee at night and both happened to go to Barcelona the summer after our senior year? In the long view, was it such a revelation that we were both ticklish and that we both liked dogs more than cats? Really, weren’t these facts just placeholders until the long view could truly assert itself?

    We were painting by numbers, starting with the greens. Because that happened to be our favorite color. And this, we figured, had to mean something.

    alfresco, adv.

    We couldn’t stand the city one minute longer, so we walked right into the rent-a-car place, no reservation, and started our journey upstate. As you drove, I called around, and eventually I found us a cabin. We stopped at a supermarket and bought a week’s worth of food for two nights.

    It wasn’t too cold out, so we moved the kitchen table outside. The breeze kept blowing out the candles, but that didn’t matter, because for the first time in our relationship, there were plenty of stars above

    Enjoying the preview?
    Page 1 of 1