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    The Answers from Dr. Pat Allen
    The Answers from Dr. Pat Allen
    The Answers from Dr. Pat Allen
    Ebook187 pages1 hour

    The Answers from Dr. Pat Allen

    By Barbara Schroeder

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    About this ebook

    Finally, the answers to the 3 most common questions in life:
    1. Why does my life suck?
    2. Why don't I have a great relationship?
    3. How can I tell if I'm really in love?

    This is the first ever collection of the wit and wisdom of Dr. Pat Allen, one of Hollywood's most respected and effective licensed marriage, family and child therapists with a specialty in addictions.

    Dr. Allen's devoted over 3 decades to studying and sharing wisdom from her therapy, including her famous Monday Night "therapy shows" held in Los Angeles.

    Author of the best selling 'Getting to I Do", Dr. Allen is currently appearing on the hit TV show "Millionaire Matchmaker" as a go-to therapist.

    Live better and love better with Dr. Allen's treasure trove of how to handle life's toughest challenges.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherBarbara Schroeder
    Release dateJun 21, 2011
    ISBN9781458088147
    The Answers from Dr. Pat Allen
    Author

    Barbara Schroeder

    Barbara Schroeder is an Emmy-award winning journalist who co-wrote the book "The Diet for Teenagers Only"

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      Book preview

      The Answers from Dr. Pat Allen - Barbara Schroeder

      CHAPTER 1

      WHY DOES MY LIFE SUCK?

      Do you ever react first, and think later? Are you obsessing about a problem or person? Can’t find a solution? Don’t like the way someone’s talking to you but you can’t respond effectively? Hurting someone you love?

      Most people, instead of communicating in a healthy way, play verbal intimidation games, or verbal seduction games. They react to life based upon what other people have taught them and they criticize themselves and others.

      The key to communicating more effectively, as Dr. Allen likes to say, is to Watch your mouth!

      So maybe your life sucks because…

      YOU ARE A COMMUNICATION LOSER

      tmp_e2213e669029be73be2f1e99600716db_JC9dkY_html_m1385382c.jpg

      There are 4 ways Dr. Allen says people speak that will reveal if they’re a bad communicator. Communication losers are:

      1. Condescending: This would be someone saying things like Oh come on, you should know that, or any I’m ok, you’re not ok kind of comment.

      2. Abrupt: These are people who say shut up or suddenly hang up on you, or maybe just stomp away during a discussion.

      3. Secretive: An example of this is someone saying, If you really loved me, you would have known, even though they never told you what you should have known. You’re being asked to be a mind reader. This category includes people who really are just keeping secrets from you.

      4. Evasive: This is someone who’s dodging issues and questions, perhaps someone who is hard to pin down, saying things like I’ll marry you. Someday. Or I’ll deal with this later.

      YOU REACT INSTEAD OF THINKING FIRST

      tmp_e2213e669029be73be2f1e99600716db_JC9dkY_html_m699bc1fb.jpg

      Dr. Allen says there are only two ways to react to someone or something: emotionally or rationally. She adds that there’s a strange phenomenon associated with this theory: that rational people care about feelings and emotional people don’t care about feelings.

      Her explanation: Emotional people (the majority of us) do a feel, react, think routine, where you feel your pain or pleasure, react on that feeling and then think later.

      tmp_e2213e669029be73be2f1e99600716db_JC9dkY_html_m46902937.jpg

      Rational people do the opposite: feel, think, react. You feel your pain or pleasure, figure out what you want and don’t want, think about the cost factor, and only then act on it.

      tmp_e2213e669029be73be2f1e99600716db_JC9dkY_html_m5fc17d17.jpg

      A quote from Dr. Allen, Now if you really want to make the industry of shrink-dom powerful and rich, here’s what you gotta do: feel, think, feel, think, feel, think. What’s that called? Rumination! You can stop rumination by going back to your main mantra: The way out of a negative feeling is a positive decision (what do I want or what do I not want) followed by action or inaction as soon as possible.

      *Note: Your action may actually be the decision to not react (inaction), as in I’m consciously deciding not to react to that.

      YOU ARE THE WRONG KIND OF SPONTANEOUS

      tmp_e2213e669029be73be2f1e99600716db_JC9dkY_html_m1a8cba6.jpg

      Dr. Allen, People who react emotionally, without thinking first, are spontaneous. And while some people adore spontaneity, here’s the problem: total spontaneity produces chaos. Self-discipline actually allows you to experience the best of spontaneity.

      This image might help: Say you want to go diving to see sharks up close. Some self discipline, or boundaries, like a cage will make the experience far more enjoyable than shark watching without a cage.

      So Dr. Allen recommends that by all means, enjoy your spontaneous nature, but consider using some self-discipline, or boundaries, If you know the boundaries of your relationship, whether it's your mother, your father, your lover, your boyfriend, your kid, whoever it is… if you know your boundaries; what you want and don't want from a relationship, you are basically safer.

      YOU TOLERATE SITUATIONS AND PEOPLE

      tmp_e2213e669029be73be2f1e99600716db_JC9dkY_html_3407cbbd.jpg

      Dr. Allen believes you can’t change other people, but you can change your reaction to them.

      If you’re dealing with a difficult situation or with difficult people, you have one of 3

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