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The Problem Is You: How to Get Out of Your Own Way and Conquer Self-Defeating Behavior
The Problem Is You: How to Get Out of Your Own Way and Conquer Self-Defeating Behavior
The Problem Is You: How to Get Out of Your Own Way and Conquer Self-Defeating Behavior
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The Problem Is You: How to Get Out of Your Own Way and Conquer Self-Defeating Behavior

Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars

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About this ebook

This book won’t help you with self defeating behavior. It’s easier to spend your life procrastinating, sabotaging relationships, not finishing tasks, fearing failure and other bad habits than it is to change. Just stay the way you are.

This is how the voice of self defeating behavior works on you. It works against your goals and interests in a way that you never get what you want. Opportunities are missed, your habits continue, your relationships don't flourish, and your life becomes one big regret.

Inside "The Problem Is YOU: How to Get Out of Your Own Way and Conquer Self-Defeating Behavior," we reveal exactly what these behaviors are and the steps to conquer each and every one of them. The result? A positive attitude, achieving what you want, and getting more out of life. Read this book today and free yourself from all the habits that are holding you back from living the life you truly deserve.

LanguageEnglish
Release dateMar 14, 2014
ISBN9781632300157
The Problem Is You: How to Get Out of Your Own Way and Conquer Self-Defeating Behavior
Author

John Burke

John Burke and his wife, Kathy, founded Gateway Church in Austin, Texas, in 1998. Since then, Gateway has grown to over 3,000 people, 70 percent of whom are in their twenties and thirties, and consists mostly of unchurched people who began actively following Christ at Gateway. Burke is also the author of No Perfect People Allowed: Creating a Come-as-You-Are Culture in the Church.

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Reviews for The Problem Is You

Rating: 3.290322658064516 out of 5 stars
3.5/5

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  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    I read the Problem is You by John Burke, in exchange for review from Library Thing. The book was part of a giveaway, in exchange for a review. The book was published by Empowerment Nation. The book was a quick read. The book discusses how to conquer self-defeating behavior, which I have plenty of. I will talk my way out of some situations because I am afraid of the outcome. I also can rationalize and project with the best of them. When you feel like a failure, you do things that will not make you a success, like procrastinate. Life is still moving forward, while you are stuck in the past. Some of my self-defeating behaviors include eating; procrastination; blaming others; obsession with perfection; taking things out of proportion; keeping grudges; trying to please people; wanting to be right; and lack of willingness, yet I still have the same problems once I am done. Life still moves forward and I am left further behind. The book is available on Amazon.comThe book discusses self-defeating behavior; characteristics of self-defeating behavior; origins of incorrect beliefs; recognizing and minimizing self-defeating behavior; and creating a path to success (5 chapters, 36 pages). The book will teach you how to change your attitude from negative to positive, provided you are willing to change. The book discusses how self-defeating behaviors may start from behaviors and actions, not going according to plan. We expect a particular outcome, but get something else. We go into depression, anger, frustration, hurt, instead of refocusing and trying again. Just because something failed, does not mean that is the end. We can start over again. We don't have to please everyone. We don't have to sacrifice morals and values. We don't have to feel like a total failure because something did not go as planned. . We can not control what other people do and say. We do not have to live our lives for someone else. We can say no. In doing this, we develop a more mature, positive attitude towards life, especially our self. I read this book in a few hours. Loved the book.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    1) How did the book help you? I'm going to try to be less fatalistic in my decision making and goal setting.I also plan to take responsibility for my failures, and not blame others for them.2) What did you learn from the book?"A. Feeling that you deserve the expected results". Yes! Society embraces the concept of "I deserve this" attitude. Learning how to not dwell on my mistakes and ignore my "I deserve this" voice in my head will lead me to a happier life.3) On a scale from 1-10 (10 being the highest rating), how would you rate it, and why?8 - I learned a lot. Application can be difficult, though. Lots of people know their flaws, and don't do anything about it.
  • Rating: 2 out of 5 stars
    2/5
    This book might be the answer somebody's been waiting for, but unfortunately, it wasn't a light at the end of a dark tunnel for me personally. I was really hoping it would be helpful, but it didn't tell me anything I didn't already know, and I found the writing to be a smidge juvenile and awkward here and there. I think a self-help book like this one is only useful to a person who needs help, as opposed to being a goldmine of information that can be accessed later. I'm thinking I should pick it up again when I'm not in a good place in my life. This book probably looks very different to an unhappy person- and right now I am quite satisfied with my life. I'll be reading this again later, and perhaps my review will change. The problem here is me, ironically enough.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    The Problem Is You written by John Burke identifies some patterns and character traits that may contribute to a lack of success. However, it does not offer concrete steps or actions the reader might employ to turn around their circumstances. The tone is more like a newsletter or blog rather than an actual book and appears to be a superficial view of the topic.
  • Rating: 2 out of 5 stars
    2/5
    This book for me felt more like a school term paper than anything else. I've read some self help books before, and I wish that this one would feel more personal. I still know nothing about the author, is he a psychologist, therapist, healer or teacher? No references to his experiences or observations were given. I can't really say I learned anything new after reading.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    I received this book in exchange for an honest review. This is a very short book. It reads more like a lecture than any self-help book I have read. Chapter 4 is good. There are practical solutions and techniques to help you. All in all, it was a helpful book.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Do you find yourself quitting at the first chance or problem that comes your way? Then this reasonable look at how to stop that type of behavior is for you. Short but to the point and very enlightening. A great way to spend an hour or so in the sun.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    The Problem is YOU: How to Get Out of Your Own Way and Conquer Self Defeating Behavior by John Burke I am a firm believer that when the student is ready the teacher will appear. That was certainly the case when I was asked to review this exciting eBook. I learned so much about self defeating behaviors, how to spot them and how to work through them. The author's pull-no-punches writing style cut right through my denial and helped me get back on track. I am amazed at how he got so much wisdom into just those few pages. I would recommend this blessed little read to anyone who truly once to become unstuck and move on from where they are. Thanks John, for showing me the way out.Love & Light,Riki Frahmann
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    I felt that this was a good beginner book when it comes to recovery or trying to fix yourself. It doesn't go into to much detail on really how to change and stay changed but it does get you thinking about yourself and a start on 'becoming a better you'. I would recommend this book to other, who may or may not know they need to change.
  • Rating: 2 out of 5 stars
    2/5
    The Problem Is You written by John Burke is a self-help book about self-defeating behavior. It contained information that I found not only useful, it was very educating. It had a few tips and helpful steps on how to not be self-defeating. While it was very informative, it read like something a well educated student would turn in for a term paper. It was hard to stay focused because it was very clinical, it didn’t draw you in and make you say “Hey these are great tips”. It was more of a “I need to keep reading this because I know these tips are good, even though my mind is already thinking about what I’m going to do next.” This probably means I need to re-read the book so I don’t defeat myself from reading it.Either way it was a short read, with good information and tips. [Reviewed as part of the LibraryThing Member's Giveaway Program]
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Let’s just face it, the truth hurts sometimes. Sometimes we fail and like to blame it on others, when we truly know it is our own fault. This book helps us overcome our self-defeating behavior. Have you ever felt that no matter what you did, nothing ever happens the way it was supposed to? How about every time you try to make a bad situation better, only to make it worse? Maybe you are not, but are you like me, where you try to make sure that everyone is happy? You do everything you can to make sure you please them because you don’t like to say no. This is also self-defeating behavior. There are so many obstacles this book will help you overcome. If you are fighting with self-defeating behavior, I encourage you to please pick this book up and give it a try. You will find something in this book to help you. You deserve a happier, healthier life and relationship.

Book preview

The Problem Is You - John Burke

Introduction

I feel like I'm trapped in a revolving door. Nothing I've ever done has felt successful. I am beginning to hate myself. I'm cursed.

Millions among us suffer from depression, low self-esteem, anxiety, and addictive disorders based solely on the fact that we feel like failures. We strive for success only to feel as if there is a wall preventing us from ever taking a step forward. We face setback after setback and cannot understand how those around us seem capable of moving forward.

Self-sabotage is a term that refers to the act of shooting oneself in the foot, as they say. For whatever reason or another, there are those among us who habitually prevent ourselves from fulfilling our full potential based solely on fear. Fears of failure, fears of inadequacy--even fears of success--can prevent us from moving forward, even when we believe we are making every attempt to do our best. Understanding self-sabotage means looking at our behaviors and the fears that lie beneath them. Overcoming self-destructive behaviors means committing to opening ourselves beyond those fears.

No one has to live a life in lonely solitude, driven by the inner critics in their head. Every person has the capabilities and the strength to overcome negative thinking and habits and to live a meaningful and happy life. This book will teach you how to take responsibility over your life, your career, your family life, and the outcomes of the decisions you make every day. You will learn how to attain a positive attitude and emerge from your comfort zone in your quest to becoming the manager of your life.

Chapter 1: What is self-defeating behavior?

Your own worst enemy

Sometimes called shooting yourself in the foot, self-defeating behavior develops when we commit to solve a problem only to realize that in the course of doing so, other problems keep surfacing. These obstacles are the result of subconscious behaviors that can also get in the way of both long-term and short-term relationships.

We might recognize self-defeating behaviors when we find ourselves doing things such as comfort eating, even if the habit has made us overweight. Other self-sabotaging behaviors include drug addiction, alcoholism, and the most common of all – procrastination. Some people practice forms of self-injury in order to escape painful emotions. Others go shopping for expensive stuff they can hardly afford in order to forget their situation. Each of us has likely succumbed to one form of self-sabotage or another, whether we were aware of it at the time or not.

The paradox of self-sabotage is that, in most cases, people reach this self-destructive state while trying to help themselves out of a destructive behavior. This occurs when someone gets upset over something and then begins to deploy a number of self-destructive behaviors with the hope that they will numb the emotional pain they are going through. The trouble is that while the behavior may appear to numb the emotional pain for a moment, in most cases these behaviors leave behind a string of negative consequences.

While self-defeating behavior happens equally among men and women, there are specific behaviors that appear to be consistent with each gender. Men are often likely to develop behaviors that edge toward the use of alcohol, drugs, or even aggressiveness; women, on the other hand, will often display behaviors related to self-injury or eating disorders.

In most cases we don’t realize that we are engaging in self-defeating behavior because often the consequences are not instant. Then, because we have failed to see the correlation between our actions and their results, we are left to blame nature for our ballooning waistlines or the national economy for our overwhelming credit card debt. In many cases, we self-sabotage because we have a wrong understanding or belief

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