Confessions By An Abused Boy

Confessions Of An Abused Boy

The Long Road To Recovery

Volume 1

Fritz Kennidy

Published by Fritz Kennidy at Smashwords

Copyright 2014 Fritz Kennidy

Smashwords Edition, Licence Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Chapter 1 Introduction

If you have any experience with addictions, been

abused or have a friend or family member who has been sexually abused this writings might be your best investment ever.

In this book I openly discuss how I was sexually abused by woman since the age of 5, my addiction to sex and alcohol. During my life I never identified that I had a serious problem, I never saw my ill sick behaviour as abuse. Having sex with ten different women a day was normal and I did not see anything wrong in enjoying an active sex life.

Sensitive issues are openly confessed and my long

road from being abused to becoming the abuser and manipulator myself.

I know the feeling of absolute despondency, the feeling that not even death can save me from this terrible pain deep inside me.

I never had the intention to become a writer, I am not an author and my writing skills are limited to business proposals. If you are looking for a well written book, perfect tenses in English you are at the wide of the mark.

My intention is not to conceit myself as an author, a writer of international status. I am a straightforward man who has decided to write about my own experience.

If these writings and confessions can be of assistance for people to understand what we as survivors are going through, I think I have accomplished some of my objectives.

Most people think about drugs as a substance that you buy in the form of a dose; you inject it into your veins, sniff it or smoke it.

My drug of choice was sex, woman and more women. I could not survive without having sex on a daily basis. The more I had sex the more I wanted sex. Nothing in life was more important than sex, not money, my job, stability, love nothing mattered. I was willing to sacrifice everything for my kick.

Only people who have an addiction will know how difficult it is to cure an addiction. A sex addiction is no less agonizing than any drug addiction. Cheating, lying, and staying away from work. If the addiction hit you, it hit you with powers unexplained to anyone who does not experience the same. I remember how sick I felt if I did not have sex at least 5 times a day. I almost died. I would not go to bed prior to have my kick, irrespective what I needed to do to accomplish this.

In writing this book I hope to open the eyes and views of people around the world.

I know that there are millions of people who are subjected to abuse, rape and other ill sick sex crimes. I would like people to connect with me and maybe help them to identify their addictions and abuse.

I urge you to have the free will to discuss your situation with someone who cares and who will not be judgmental.

Offload this huge lumber that you bear on your own.

Too many people still believe that sex crimes are committed by men only and that woman are the only victims of this sick behaviour.

Unfortunately these crimes are equally committed by both woman AND men.

For many years the abuse by woman has gone concealed and the most universal reason for this is that boys don’t talk.

In my case and generation boys did not want to be branded as sissies, and if you have been abused you take it as a man. In most cases boys do not realize the huge impact that this abuse will have on their lives.

Most women I have spoken to consider that sexual abuse by woman is not a huge issue. No destruction is done! More harm is done when a male abuse a female.

Whilst writing this book I have decided to do my own research on the general feeling woman had on boys being molested by the opposite sex.

I have spoken to 3000 woman; 47% said that they did not know that woman can actually sexually molest boys; 53% said that there is less harm done if boys are molested by woman. They oppose that you can not compare the sexual abuse between boys and girls.

Not true! The damage and consequences is the same: a deranged human being who is certainly going to fuck up somewhere along the road to adulthood.

Please wake up, fuck - smell the coffee!

I would like to urge boys AND girls to stand up and report sexual abuse by any gender. Stand up and talk about it. You are not on your own!

It is time that the world understands the depressing consequences sexual abuse has on the lives of young boys!

You are not the predator. You are the victim and have nothing to be ashamed of.

You deserve to be heard. You have the right to say NO! - equal to girls, you have the right to CHOOSE when you loose your virginity!

Like young girls you do not need sex education from anyone. Sex should be an act of love between husband and wife and not an act of lust between adults and children .You are not the offender, the criminal or abuser. You are no less of a man if you say no; this is your right, your choice and it could have a huge impact on your life ahead.

You do not need to be the victim of this sick fucks. Stand up and claim your right to a sex-free child’s life!

No! Means No!

Women have to understand that boys do not call for sex education. They need the same as young girls: love and security. .

Most of us choose to protect children against this ill sick behaviour.

I have spoken to a woman some months back and she told me that her son enjoyed the sex education received from her. Maybe he did enjoy the sexual activities? Is it right for him to take pleasure in this? Did he have a choice? This is my question: Why introduce sex to your own child irrespective his or her gender?

What do female sexual abusers advocate to young boys? Sexual abuse is acceptable?

There is no destruction done in sexual games, it is fine to force your sexual covetousness onto children! This is what I was told. It is only a game! If boys are taught that sexual abuse is innocent then can we really blame them if they conduct the same sick behaviour? They are brainwashed to believe that it is fine to have sex with adults whether it is male or female.

Please understand my intention: I am not here to advocate that women are sick and all women are abusers or child molesters.

Adults don’t have the right to introduce sex to their or any other child.

I have nothing against sober and intelligent sex education. I believe in sex education; this however have to be conducted when your children is of age and in proper moral manner.

We need to educate our children that they have the right to discuss and talk about any uncharacteristic behaviour by adults. We need to kill the fear and guilt they have when abused by others.

Much more can be done to alert our children and protect them against the fear of discussing the issue. It is our responsibility to promote the freedom of choice and the importance of telling.

Education should start at home and begin from pre-school to high school. Children need to understand that they are not the guilty party, they are not evil and that they will be protected if they talk.

During my research I have learned that sexual offenders have no limits: law enforcement advocates, judges, teachers; preachers, there are no boundaries! Throughout any career or class, rich or poor, you will find them anywhere!

Pedophiles are part of huge international syndicates that stretches from churches, judges, the rich and the poor and only 2% of these fuckers are convicted, but never punished. In most cases the predators will continue for decades without being brought to justice.

Offenders have been getting away with it! Only 15% of serious sexual offences against people 16 and over are reported to the police and of the rape offences that are reported, fewer than 6% result in an offender being convicted of this offence.

This means that those who commit these very serious crimes may continue to pose a risk to the public.

As a young boy I was told that I am receiving free sex education and that all boys need this edification.

This is part of becoming an actual man. It will help to prevent boys from being homosexual give them an introduction to a man’s world!

BULLSHIT!

You can be a man without being sexually molested or abused by adults.

In our country, children as little as 3 months are raped and killed. Some sick fuckers have decided that this is the ultimate cure for HIV (Aids).

I have noticed the huge increase in abuse, rape and murder of woman and children around the globe. There is no end in sight and on a daily basis the abuse of woman and children is on the increase.

Yes this is sickening! And not much is really done to end these sick phenomena. These cowards are never brought to book or punished for their ill sick behaviour.

Does anyone really understand what the victims of abuse really experience? Not only the physical but the mental suffering?

Rape is a subject which most people find uncomfortable. For women it conjures up all kinds of images. Some of us will think of dirty old men in plastic coats, or a monster too gross to think about. Others will have more specific ideas about rape, perhaps thinking about a certain group of men such as weirdoes in dark alleys.

Rape and sexual assault happens far more often than statistics indicate. It's much more common than people think. Around 21% of girls and 17% of boys experience some form of child sexual abuse; 23% of women and 3% of men experience sexual assault as an adult; 5% of women and 0.4% of men experience rape.

Most perpetrators are male and most victims are female. This is not true. It is both a consequence and cause of gender inequality.

Direct physical health consequences of sexual violence and child sexual abuse include physical injury, sexually transmitted infections and unwanted pregnancy.

Long-term consequences of sexual violence and child sexual abuse include post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety and panic attacks, depression, social phobia, substance abuse, obesity, eating disorders, self harm and suicide, domestic violence and in some cases, offending behaviour. Child abuse can also impact on educational attainment and school attendance.

40% of adults who are raped tell no one about it. 85% of children who are abused reach adulthood without having disclosed their abuse.

This means that victims don't get the support they need to deal with the abuse or violence they have experienced.

It is beginning to be acknowledged that Childhood Sexual Abuse happens far more frequently than most people believed, or previously wanted to believe. Around 65% of women that contact rape crisis centers are adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse.

Sexual abuse involves an abuse of power and an abuse of trust - the abuser being an adult, or sometimes even an older child.

As children we look to adults and older children for guidance about how to 'be' in the world. To show us what is acceptable and what is wrong.

If a manipulative adult or older child abuses that trust and coerces a child into a sexual situation, possibly saying it is right, or that something bad will happen if the child does not do as they are told, it is hard, if not impossible for the child to disobey even when it results in distress and confusion in the child's mind.

'Grooming' a child is common practice amongst abusers who will spend time and effort insidiously compelling a child to do as he or she is told.

Often bribes or threats are used to maintain compliance.

In determining whether the actions of an adult or older child can be defined as sexual abuse, it is necessary to understand the intention and motivation behind the behaviour - watching a child in the bath is not necessarily sexually orientated or abusive.

Also, sexual abuse has nothing to do with 'sex play', which can often be indulged in quite normally by consenting same age young children, and is a part of their learning experience.

As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse it is possible that you will be feeling recurrent depression or anxiety; you may suffer panic attacks, phobias and/flashbacks.

Maybe you are filled with anger and shame and/ feel worthless. You cry a lot or you find it difficult to show emotion. Perhaps you suffer from disturbing thought patterns and intrusive memories and your feelings reveal themselves in physical symptoms, unexplained illnesses. Maybe you find relief by self-harming - cutting or burning yourself, neglecting your needs or drinking too much.

Feeling sick or afraid when you hear the abuser's voice or a similar voice, seeing an object or place that reminds you of the abuse, feeling confused about what happened, remembering only parts of what happened or remembering it in vivid detail, blaming yourself for what happened are all common responses to childhood sexual abuse.

If you’ve been sexually abused as a child you might recognize that you experience some of the effects mentioned above. Maybe it feels quite frightening to see all the possible ways that you might have been affected, written down.

Whatever those effects are, there are also ways of improving your life that you can benefit from.

It is important to understand that however you have been affected, and whatever your feelings about the abuse, it is OK to feel whatever you do - your feelings are individual and normal.

It is also important to KNOW that it is NEVER the fault of the child when they have been abused - the blame and guilt always lie with the abuser.

As a first step you could try talking through your options with a rape crisis worker on a helpline. You are in control of the call and can decide what you do or do not want to disclose. It may help you to become clear in your own mind on how you want to proceed with your healing. This is completely confidential!

There are several stages in the process of healing including acknowledging what happened to you, breaking the silence, believing that you were not to blame, living through and integrating the feelings of grief, pain and anger and maybe if it feels right for you, confronting your abuser.

It is hard work and it takes time and it may be painful, but eventually you will reach what is known as the stage of resolution, where, at last, you will be free to move on and concentrate on the present and your aspirations for the future.

My message to my abusers:

Thank you for screwing up my life. Thank you for creating a sex addict, a deranged individual who fucked - up for the most part of his childhood and adult life.

This is my story...

Chapter 2

I have been a sex addict for almost 45 years and have been cheating throughout my adult life and in most cases I did not really acknowledge that

I had a serious problem. I did not identify the reason for my own sick behaviour. It was only after my fourth attempt to commit suicide that I have decided that I need to tunnel deeper into my soul and this took me back to my childhood.

The only difference between me and a rapist is our way in which we rape people.

I have been raping woman’s minds for well over 35 years; I did not use aggression or hurt them physically. I used my charm and comprehension of the opposite sex to penetrate their minds. Thereafter it was easy to seduce them and use them for sex whenever I needed. The sick part of this is that I truly thought that I was doing an act of kindness and my assumption was that I was not doing anything wrong.

I was born in 1964; a white boy in a small country in Africa. My first experience for what the universe has planned for me was not encouraging. I was born two months premature and perhaps if I had