Everand Logo

Welcome to Everand!

  • Discover millions of ebooks, audiobooks, and so much more with a free trial

    Only $11.99/month after trial. Cancel anytime.

    From Bush to Bush: The Lazlo Toth Letters
    From Bush to Bush: The Lazlo Toth Letters
    From Bush to Bush: The Lazlo Toth Letters
    Ebook266 pages1 hour

    From Bush to Bush: The Lazlo Toth Letters

    By Don Novello

    2.5/5

    ()

    Read preview

    About this ebook

    The passionate correspondence of a proud (if concerned) American!

    From the reign of Bush the First through the hilarious Clinton Years and to the restoration of the Bush Dynasty with Dubya, one lone crusader, Lazlo Toth, has been at work dispensing advice, offering ideas, and launching investigations on your behalf. Now this important effort has been collected and presented for instruction to the ages.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherSimon & Schuster
    Release dateJun 15, 2010
    ISBN9781451603934
    From Bush to Bush: The Lazlo Toth Letters

    Related to From Bush to Bush

    Related ebooks

    Humor & Satire For You

    View More
    View More

    Related podcast episodes

    Related articles

    Related categories

    Reviews for From Bush to Bush

    2.5/5

    5 ratings0 reviews

    What did you think?

    Tap to rate

    Review must be at least 10 words

      Book preview

      From Bush to Bush - Don Novello

      CLICK HERE TO SIGN UP

      From Bush to Bush

      The Lazlo Toth Letters

      Don Novello

      SIMON & SCHUSTER

      New York London Toronto Sydney Singapore

      Copyright © 2003 by Don Novello

      All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form.

      First Simon & Schuster trade paperback edition 2003

      SIMON & SCHUSTER and colophon are registered trademarks of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

      www.SimonandSchuster.com

      For Information about special discounts for bulk purchases, please contact Simon & Schuster Special Sales at 1-800-456-6798 or business@simonandschuster.com

      Photos on pages 23, 31, 37, 69, 74, 75, 76, 82, 114, 125, 128, 138, 154, 155 courtesy of AP/WideWorld Photos.

      Designed by Red Herring Design

      Manufactured in the United States of America

      5   7   9   10   8   6   4

      Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

      ISBN-13: 978-0-7432-5108-2

      ISBN-10:   0-7432-5108-3

      ISBN 978-1-451-60393-4

      From Bush to Bush

      Dedicated to the Big Bopper.

      Also by Don Novello

      The Lazlo Letters: The Amazing, Real-Life, Actual Correspondence of Lazlo Toth, American

      Citizen Lazlo! The Continuing, Unrelenting Correspondence of Lazlo Toth, American!

      Blade: Shellville High School Sheep Yearbook

      Lazlo Toth P.O. Box 245

      Fairfax, California

      94930 U.S.A.

      Vice President Elect Albert Gore

      c/o U.S. Senate

      Washington, D.C.

      November 24, 1992

      Dear Vice-President-Elect Gore,

      Soon!, in less than two months, you will be going into office, and so I say,-Hello!.

      I am presently working on my application for a position in the new Administration (Department of the Deficit), and am looking forward to working with you in the coming years to make the Deficit a thing of the past, once and for all! Working together, I know we can do it!

      If you could two thumbs up me when my name comes up in Little Rock, I know you won’t regret it! I have many ideas ready to go:

      -PET TAX! $200 for large Dog. $100 for medium. Small- $32. Cats-$35.

      -In RESTAURANTS, instead of having to just order from the menu, give people the option of being able to bring their own food and paying a kitchen tax, for stove time, seasonings (salt and pepper), and pot and pan use.

      By spending less in restaurants, people will be able to save more money, and the interest on these savings will be TAXED.

      Also, instead of people taking food home in doggie bags, have people write their name on the bags, and have restaurants keep the bags there (refrigerated).

      This way, people can come back and finish eating it at the restaurant (next day or within one week (maximum).

      -Instead of starting a higher (36%) tax bracket for a family that makes $200,000 or more per year, change the top rate to start at $125,000-the annual pay of a congressman. This change will bring in a lot more revenue-there are over 400 congressmen!

      -Let people turn in their taxes on April 17th-two days late! if they are willing to pay a $25 fine-which goes straight to pay off the deficit! This way, instead of rushing and feeling guilty for being late, they can slow down and feel patriotic. Also, this plan will help the post office by spreading out the load.

      TOTH

      P.O. Box 245

      Fairfax, California

      94930

      December 1, 1992

      Clinton Transition Team

      ATTENTION: Pres.-Elect Bill Clinton

      State House

      Little Rock, Arkansas

      TO:

      President-Elect Clinton Transition Team

      From:

      Lazlo Toth, California

      Applying For: Employment in Clinton Administration

      What Department: Department of the Deficit

      What Position: Deficit Csar

      2nd choice: Deputy Deficit Csar

      (If you owe somebody a favor and have to give the top spot to him, I’ll step down to the next slot.)

      Starting Salary: $9 per hour (minimum).

      plus moving expenses and room and board.

      My Proposed Platform:

      As the Deficit Csar, or the Deputy Deficit Csar, I vow to do all I possibly can to rid the nation of the nagging debt that hovers over us like turkey buzzards cutting off the sunshine so that proper light cannot even begin to reach the budding future crops of commerce.

      Now, I’m sorry, but I have to get going. I know I haven’t got the job yet, but I’m starting to pack up and put a few things in storage anyway. I figure once I get the word you’ll want me in D.C.-or in Little Rock, A.S.A.P. ( As Soon As Possible).

      Together we can do it!

      Lazlo Toth

      Lazlo Toth P.O. Box 245 Fairfax, California 94930 U.S.A.

      December 10, 1992

      Senator Lloyd Bentsen

      c/o United States Senate

      Washington, D.C.

      Zip-20510

      Dear Senator Bentsen,

      I saw the good news today (for you), that you were named to be President-Elect Clinton’s Treasury Secretary (if you get confirmed, which there is no doubt in my mind), which means I’ll be working for you if I get appointed Deficit Czar or Deputy Deficit Csar, and I just wanted to take this opportunity to reintroduce myself in my new position, regardless of whichever one I get.

      I look forward to helping you reshape the American Economy, and I was wondering if you have any recommendations of where I can stay in Washington just until I rent a place of my own.

      I’m not asking to stay at your house, but if you have a room and if I wouldn’t be a bother, it might be nice to spend some private time together in your home setting.

      But—Warning!, if you have male dogs, then I think it’s best that I stay with someone else. It’s not that I don’t like dogs, the reason is because I have dogs of my own, and they don’t like dogs, that’s our problem.

      I salute you in your new position!

      Thanks for everything,

      Lazlo Toth

      LLOYD BENTSEN

      TEXAS

      COMMITTEES:

      FINANCE

      COMMERCE, SCIENCE, AND TRANSPORTATION JOINT ECONOMIC JOINT COMMITTEE ON TAXATION

      United States Senate

      WASHINGTON, DC 20510-4301

      January 14, 1993

      Dear Friend:

      As you know, President-elect Clinton has asked me to become Secretary of the Treasury, and I want to take this moment to thank you for years of friendship and support.

      Before a Senator can stand up and be counted, he has to have friends who will stand behind him and stand by him. You’ve always been there for me, and the memory of your friendship will be among the prized remembrances of my three decades in public service.

      You know my decision to resign and join the Cabinet wasn’t easy. Together, we’ve accomplished much for Texas. Together, we could do much more. But the economic challenges facing America—challenges Texas and Texans know intimately—are so great that I had to accept when President-elect Clinton called on me.

      Through all that lies ahead, one thing will not change: my office will always be your office.

      Sincerely,

      PREPARED, PUBLISHED, AND MAILED AT TAXPAYER EXPENSE.

      March 25, 1993

      President William Jefferson Clinton

      The White House

      Washington, D. C.

      20500-ZIP

      Dear President Clinton,

      I agree with you 100% that the Gays should not be allowed on Submarines.

      P.T. boats?-yes!

      Destroyers?-yes!

      Battleships?-yes!

      Frigates?-yes!

      Submarines?-NO!

      100% American!

      Lazlo Toth

      Lazlo Toth

      P.O. Box 245

      Fairfax, California

      94930 U.S.A.

      August 22, 1993

      Postmaster General

      U.S. Post Office Headquarters

      Washington, D.C.

      Dear General,

      I just read that this summer (1993) is the 30th anniversary of the ZIP CODE, and it hit me like a ton of bricks that NOT A THING! is being done about it!

      Why is the U.S. postal service promoting stamps with things on them like Broadway Shows (SOUTH PACIFIC) instead of a stamp to mark an occasion that changed the American postal system forever - the invention of the ZIP CODE!

      Also, I would like to know why you never write back to me? What kind of a country is this when the Postmaster General doesn’t even write back! You’d think you would be the last person not to respond to somebody’s letter! Isn’t not answering your mail kind of like biting the hand that feeds you food? What’s the problem - tired blood?

      Also, why don’t we have a stamp honoring THE BIG BOPPER? BUDDY HOLLY has his own stamp and so does RICHIE VALENS! BUDDY, RICHIE, and BIG performed the same last show together, and died in the same airplane crash—and two get stamps and one gets ZILCH!

      And now, even SOUTH PACIFIC gets one instead of him! You call this fair?

      If there is a heaven, and for your sake I hope there isn’t, how do you think Buddy and Richie and whoever wrote SOUTH PACIFIC feel when they run into the Big Bopper? This stamp business probably makes them very defensive.

      Did it ever enter your mind that your actions may have caused them embarrassment? What kind of a postal system are you running anyway?

      Very disillusioned,

      Lazlo Toth

      CONSUMER AFFAIRS

      UNITED STATES POSTAL SERVICE

      475 L’ENFANT PLAZA SW

      WASHINGTON DC 20260-2200

      September 15, 1993

      Mr. Lazlo Toth

      Post Office Box 245

      Fairfax, CA 94930-0245

      Dear Mr. Toth:

      This responds to your August 22 letter about our stamp program.

      Our Citizens’ Stamp Advisory Committee reviews some 30,000 public suggestions each year in making final stamp selections to the Postmaster General. They focus on cultural and historical heritage, achievements, portray of natural wonders, worthy causes, issues, and interest of national concern and use the enclosed criteria in making selections. CSAC did not elect to promote the 30th anniversary of the ZIP CODE, which remains voluntary in an address.

      We are proud of the variety of stamps we offer and your suggestions and ideas would be welcome by the CSAC; the enclosed sheet has their address. The CSAC could provide the reason for not selecting The Big Bopper in our rock and roll series as well.

      The Postmaster General’s busy schedule precludes his writing back to every one who writes. He relies upon his Vice

      Enjoying the preview?
      Page 1 of 1