The Raped Me Once ~ Over & Over Again

She was voted Most Likely to Succeed in college...until her dreams were turned into nightmares.

THEY RAPED ME ONCE ~ OVER AND OVER AGAIN is the true story of a young woman who possessed courage, determination, success, power, and money—until she was raped. Struggling to survive, and to deal with the pregnancy caused by the rape, she hides the truth and marries her boyfriend who believes the baby is his. It seems to be the perfect solution, until her husband betrays her, leaving her on the verge of a mental breakdown—mentally, emotionally, and physically destroyed—and kidnaps her son. Discover the amazing story of how this courageous young woman survived loneliness, depression, abuse, lies, deceit, and the men in her life, for more than seven years while she fought to get her child back.

THEY RAPED ME ONCE ~ OVER AND OVER AGAIN is not for the faint of heart. It’s a graphic, real-life account about the things men do to women and the things women must do to survive. It will change the way you think about life. Read it...if you dare!

KUDOS FOR THEY RAPED ME ONCE ~ OVER & OVER AGAIN

They Raped Me Once ~ Over & Over Again by Jacqueline Charmane is about a young woman who, while involved with another man (Tony), is raped—and subsequently becomes pregnant—by a man whom she thought was a nice person, whom she had known for a while, who always had treated her nicely, and whom she never expected to act in such a way. It is a poignant tale of her troubled life from the moment the rape happens, to her decision to not tell Tony about the rape and to keep the baby...It is a gripping tale, and very candid, although due to its graphic nature, the book may not be for everyone. – Taylor, reviewer

They Raped Me Once ~ Over & Over Again by Jacqueline Charmane is a troubling story. No woman should have to go through what this woman did, especially since she never got justice for the things that were done to her. Yes, we all have problems, and yes, we all suffer injustices. But most of us aren’t royally screwed, by people we love and/or trust, for no other reason than that they can...I am a big believer in justice, and while Charmane managed to forgive the things that happened to her and go on to get her life back, I didn’t feel she ever received the justice due her. And she is a much better woman than I am as I doubt I could have forgiven so easily. I think every woman should read this book, as you never know when life can turn on you and bite you on the ass. – Regan, reviewer

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I would like to acknowledge all those who are mentioned in this book and who were instrumental in helping me to live. I extend my sincere gratitude for your friendship and love.

THEY RAPED ME ONCE ~ OVER & OVER AGAIN

Jacqueline Charmane

A BLACK OPAL BOOKS PUBLICATION

Copyright 2013 BY Jacqueline Charmane

Cover Design by Kevin Carr, New Media Designs

Copyright 2013 All Rights Reserved

EBOOK ISBN: 978-1-937329-96-9

EXCERPT

I thought No meant No, but I couldn’t have been more wrong...

Before I could say or do anything, he eased me back on the bed and slid on top of me, kissing me harder and harder. He held my hands down. The weight of his 140-pound body seemed unbearable. My head moved from side to side as I tried to resist his advances. I tried to keep my lips pressed together to stop his tongue from entering my mouth.

Eventually, I had to open my mouth in order to convey what I was feeling. The first couple of times I opened my mouth, his tongue slid in, forcing its way to the back of my throat. I never knew how difficult it would be for me to speak when someone’s tongue was being forced into my mouth. Finally, the word No! came from between my lips—clear from the depths of my soul! At first I thought he did not hear me because he not only continued to kiss me, he then began to place his hand inside my blouse. I said it again. No!

DEDICATION

I dedicate this book to my son, Ty whom I love so very dearly. Although I have exposed a portion of my life story in this book, it would take every page therein to express the love I have for you. You were the only child God allowed to live to be birthed through my womb. I am truly grateful and glad that God choose you. God uses miraculous births to introduce His chosen ones to the world. So I named you Ty which means Thank You!

WHAT YOU’LL FIND IN THIS BOOK

INTRODUCTION; CHAPTER 1, DETERMINED TO BE HAPPY; CHAPTER 2, A TWIST OF FATE; CHAPTER 3, THE LAST CAR; CHAPTER 4, I THOUGHT NO MEANT NO; CHAPTER 5, DATE RAPE; CHAPTER 6, MY CHOICE; CHAPTER 7, ANY FATHER WON’T DO; CHAPTER 8, HIS PLOT WAS THICKER; CHAPTER 9, RUDE AWAKENING; CHAPTER 10, LIFE SAVING FRIENDS; CHAPTER 11, I MET LOVE; CHAPTER 12, DEATH CAME KNOCKING AT MY DOOR; CHAPTER 13, LOVE IN LOVE OUT; CHAPTER 14, HE KIDNAPPED MY CHILD; CHAPTER 15, A PLEA FOR HELP; CHAPTER 16, UNFORGETTABLE OBSESSION; CHAPTER 17, A BLAZE THAT WOULDN’T STOP BURNING; CHAPTER 18, ROCK BOTTOM; CHAPTER 19, MONEY COULDN’T BUY THE HELP I GOT; CHAPTER 20, THE TRUTH; CHAPTER 21, THE REDISCOVERY OF CRUZ; CHAPTER 22, THIRTY YEARS LATER;

INTRODUCTION

A horrifying scream or plea from outside your window or door may make you wonder, Is that distress call for help from a woman being raped? It very well could be. Still, what about the cries that are not heard because they are not audible to the naked ear? Sexual abuse is an act that occurs not only behind a bush, in a dark alley, or on a deserted street, but it can also happen right in what you might consider a safe environment, such as a home. That was where it happened to me. I was raped in someone’s home. I didn’t scream or plea for help on the outside. For 10 years, on the inside, I silently cried rivers of water. I screamed for help but no one could hear my inner pleas so that they could come to my rescue. Day after day, my life began to change from a young woman who possessed courage, determination, success, power, and money to someone I never knew—weak, vulnerable, and dying daily.

My journey to death started with a two minute cowardly act called rape that resulted in a downhill descent of my life. My life took a leave of absence from the hopes and dreams I had so eagerly set out to accomplish and went straight to hell. Not knowing how to escape, I hid the truth about the rape and the baby I was carrying within me that resulted from the rape. The only suitable father I could sell the Baby Daddy story to was my boyfriend of three years. After he suggested we get married, it seemed to be the perfect solution until our marital bliss quickly turned into betrayal as my husband left me on the verge of a mental breakdown—and kidnapped my son. I was mentally, physically and emotionally destroyed.

My life quickly began to take on the characteristics of some other 23 year old naïve woman who I could have felt an extreme sorrow for if I did not know that it was me. I could not pity what I felt was my fault. I made the mistake of trusting a man I did not know and not telling the truth to a man that I thought I knew. I felt and believed I would have to live with the consequences of my choices for the rest of my life, and on some depressed days I hoped my life would quickly end.

As you read the graphic and vulgar details of the domino effect of what happened to my life because of the rape, it may cause you to feel as though you were there during every pain, heartache, and shame. If you are a woman reading this book, you may feel the need to re-examine your choices whether they be social, economic or spiritual. If you can personally relate to my experience, seek the help you need to come through whatever traumatic experience you have had in your life. If you are a man reading this book, you may also feel the need to re-examine your choices, whether they be social, economic, or spiritual. Take the initiative to change. The wrong you have done can be overcome with good. It does take the Truth to make it all work together.

My leave of absence from pursuing my hopes and dreams is over. I am back on track, surprisingly, with no time lost. My life and years have been restored. You can also start your process of change by turning the page and continuing to read. The shocking disclosure at the end will leave you gasping for breath as the truth I didn’t even know is revealed. THEY RAPED ME ONCE ~ OVER AND OVER AGAIN will change the way you think about life...if you dare to let it!

CHAPTER 1

DETERMINED TO BE HAPPY

I was so determined! Landing a job at the Federal Reserve Bank of Philadelphia, making an annual salary of close to $20,000, after graduating from college was a dream come true. I had initially thought I could accomplish great things in life without a college degree. I actually made a failed attempt to do so just one year earlier. After only two years at Cheyney State University (Cheyney), in 1978, I dropped out of college to pursue my career dreams with just the common sense I possessed. I quickly got a rude awakening. Although I was confident that my skills and abilities were worth their weight in gold, the world was not as sure. So, I set out to prove myself.

My first job offer, without a college degree, was with the University of Delaware (U of D), earning $6,000 a year which equated to approximately $2.89 an hour. I know exactly what you are thinking...WOW! Who could survive on such a low income? What helped was that I lived at home with my parents. Therefore, the money wasn’t a necessity for me. My goal wasn’t just to earn money, but, to achieve my dreams as well as conquer and defeat any and every thing that stood in my way. I was not about to let anything or anyone stop me.

My fearless attitude had become instilled in me like wrought iron as a result of my struggles through a childhood illness. An unknown condition daily threatened my very existence from the age of 4 until the age of 12. No one understood my sickness—not even the doctors could accurately diagnosis my affliction. All anyone knew was that I had uncontrollable seizures that left me at the mercy of those who found me in a fetal state. No matter who found me, it was my 28-year-old mother who would hold me close in her arms as she wept before God, praying a prayer of healing and deliverance for my life. It was comforting to have a praying mother and a supportive father. My brother and sister at times were not as loving toward me. To some degree, you would expect my peers to tease me, as they did, due to their lack of understanding. However, even my siblings took turns at saying cruel things about me. I don’t fault them. Children will be children. They had to all eat their words. At this point, I had out lived the doctors’ predictions. And I have accomplished more in life than the bullies could envision or had achieved themselves. What I learned through it all was to be anxious for nothing but determined in all things.

The task to get U of D to recognize me as a valued employee appeared, to me, to be effortless compared to the insurmountable challenges I faced growing up. I carefully calculated that it would take only one year to demonstrate my professional abilities. In the meantime, I decided to enjoy every aspect of my life as it currently was. Like most people, after working Monday through Friday, I lived for the weekend.

The club scene wasn’t much in the small town of Wilmington, Delaware. I had only a few choices. So I made the club First Choice my choice. My girlfriend, Pam, and I had a ritual that we performed to prepare ourselves for the night life. Pam’s parents named us the Night Owls because it was nearly midnight when we would darken the door to head toward our conquest. Our goal was just to have fun—nothing more and nothing less. Having that kind of fun (drinking, dancing, and eating) as you can picture, took more money than I could afford. I always thought ahead for a plan C just in case my plans A and B were hindered. So, I came up with the perfect solution to my problem. To balance my desire to have fun with my limited financial resources, I decided to work on weekends at First Choice.

I was doing what the bar scene called slinging drinks. Mixing and serving drinks was beyond my comprehension, but not beyond my willingness to give it a good try. Larry, one of the owners, insisted that I would not last. He probably placed a secret bet with John (Trip), who also was an owner, on how long it would take before the first guy who would ask me to be his girlfriend would then demand that I quit. I was sure that would never happen to me. I loved my double life. It was adventurous. I was proving myself to be a professional by day—and, by night, I was a woman who enjoyed being alive. Life was grand—until the day the guy whom Larry had predicted to walk through the door did exactly that, and I was reeled in by his Hook.

It happened on a Sunday evening at Club First Choice. I was not scheduled to work, but, since there was a dance contest that night, I had to be there. I enjoyed dancing. I had won many dance contests and could not resist another chance to earn bragging rights. I would always enter the Club without a dance partner. But, before the contest would begin, I would partner with the best. A guy named Tony came into the Club with a swagger and a style I had never seen before. He had the look of a slick city-suburbanite that no other man had in the club had. I immediately escorted him to the dance floor where we proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that we were the best couple on the dance floor. After winning the dance contest, we danced nearly all night long.

I quickly found out Tony was Trip’s best friend, visiting from out-of-town for the Thanksgiving holiday. His family lived in Delaware. However, after leaving Morgan State University, he migrated to the District of Columbia (DC) to pursue a career in computers. After a couple of drinks at the bar, I learned he possessed my main list of credentials: he was a man, 27 years old, with a well-paying job, his own apartment, and no children. It didn’t take him long to win my affection, nor me his. He really had me at Hello. In less than six months, my attention had become redirected.

Had it been any other man that tried to steer me away from working at the Club, Trip would have interfered. But because it was his best friend doing what he considered rescuing me from what he felt was no place for his woman to be, Trip