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    Almost the Best Pun and Joke Book Ever
    Almost the Best Pun and Joke Book Ever
    Almost the Best Pun and Joke Book Ever
    Ebook52 pages31 minutes

    Almost the Best Pun and Joke Book Ever

    By James Dargan

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    About this ebook

    ALMOST THE BEST PUN AND JOKE BOOK EVER is a collection of over 500 puns and jokes that go right across the board, from politics and politicians, to historical figures, general observations and commentary on today's world. One thing's for sure though: you'll be laughing out loud if you don't cringe with embarrassment at their sheer lameness first!

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherDanny Boy Books
    Release dateSep 13, 2014
    ISBN9781502262554
    Almost the Best Pun and Joke Book Ever
    Author

    James Dargan

    James Dargan was born in Birmingham, England, in 1974. Coming from an Irish background, he frequently writes about that experience. As well as England, he has also lived in the United States, Ireland, and - for the best part of fifteen years - in Warsaw, Poland, his home from home from home.

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      Book preview

      Almost the Best Pun and Joke Book Ever - James Dargan

      Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is. ~Francis Bacon

      - They say soccer's the beautiful game. In that case why are Franck Ribery and Carlos Tevez playing?

      - I know why every decent, law-abiding male citizen in the world has a penis: they'd all be cunts if they didn't.

      - What do you call a Rastafarian biker? Bob Harley.

      - In a recent survey, 79% of Poles living in Chicago regarded themselves as lamp posts.

      - I've always wanted to be Rich. I've never liked my own name.

      - Two Colombian firefighters have been arrested at Miami airport with a consignment of smoke.

      - Breaking News: Dracula has bought a major stake in Nike. Reluctant at first, his advisors said to him: Just Do It!

      - I was at the cinema the other day, sitting next to three undertakers. I couldn't watch the film in peace because they kept coffin.

      - Don't go to the town of Pyle, Wales. I did, all the way from Scotland. By plane, train and automobile - what a pain in the arse that was.

      - What do you say to an unwelcome and drunk Russian guest in your home? Sorry, Vladimir, you Moscow now because your behaviour is unacceptable.

      - A liberal politician has been shot in the head and killed with a Magnum. A friend said: we'll always remember him for his openmindedness.

      - A short film clip of Hobbits trying painfully to put on shoes for the first time. Warning: This is unpleasant footage.

      - Press release: A guided tour in Mainz, Germany, connected to the life of Johannes Gutenberg, has been cancelled due to a lack of bookings.

      - I slept with my brain ten years ago. It's something I'll never forget and no matter how hard I try, I won't be able to get out of my head.

      - A 90-year-old lumberjack who has just joined The Chippendales, replied when asked about the change in profession: I'm just branching out.

      - What Christian first name is well-built, muscular, fit, toned, chiselled, has stamina, a six-pack, huge biceps, and sweats a lot? Jim.

      - An Australian male ghost, who accidentally killed his wife when the boomerang he was throwing hit her in the face, says the event comes back to haunt him every night.

      - 2x3=8.

      - Pakistani man: What are you eating? English man: Pork. Would you like to try? Pakistani man: No, I Khan, it's against my religion.

      - A woman claims Rolf Harris is the father of her baby son, Drew. Before she knew the sex, people asked her: have you guessed what it is yet?

      - Paul McCartney had a gig to stop the tropical depression hitting the British coast. His first tune to the storm was Hey Jude (Don't Take it Bad).

      - A fruit exporter was detained at JFK airport for going bananas at the flight crew when they wouldn't allow him to use his Blackberry.

      - Mr Pennington, the host of 'Extreme Makeover, Home Edition', said he would be interested in creating a new show to Ty in with the present one.

      - Interesting fact: Did you know that Edward John Noble was teased at school because he didn't know his ABC?

      - The most well-read science fiction character in history is Book Rogers.

      - After Demi Moore & Patrick Swayze's sexy scene making the clay pot in the movie Ghost, the director of photography was fired.

      - A redneck miner from West Virginia, Billy Hill, has been rescued from a

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