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    Protecting Innocence: How to Discuss Sexual Safety with Children
    Protecting Innocence: How to Discuss Sexual Safety with Children
    Protecting Innocence: How to Discuss Sexual Safety with Children
    Ebook150 pages1 hour

    Protecting Innocence: How to Discuss Sexual Safety with Children

    By Diane Obbema

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    About this ebook

    Every parent wants to protect their child from harm, but is there a way to prepare young children to be safe from sexual abuse without frightening them or damaging their innocence? Detective Diane Obbema, a 30-year veteran of law enforcement, offers critical choices that parents can make to fortify the protective boundaries around their children in her new book, Protecting Innocence.

    According to statistics, 93% of child victims know their molester, with most never telling anyone about their victimization. Understanding that children are most vulnerable to sexual assault between the ages of 7 and 13, Detective Obbema draws from her specialized training and investigation of hundreds of child sexual assault cases to give parents the skills they need to navigate this sensitive topic with their children before they reach this vulnerable age group and are approached by a molester.

    Detective Obbema also gives parents insight on how molesters operate by providing glimpses of what transpires in the interrogation room. By using illustrations from her real-life cases, she makes a powerful impression on parents to help them understand what happens inside a child's heart and mind when pressured by an offender. Parents learn where children are vulnerable to molesters and practical steps to thwart potential exploitation. Parents learn the power they have to foster respect for the human body within the home, and what negative influences they will need to confront.

    Protecting Innocence offers actual scripts for parent-child conversations to help parents feel comfortable in addressing topics many of them avoid. These dialogs teach the child proper names for intimate parts, what touches are okay and not okay, how to be assertive in uncomfortable situations, how to recognize and respond to internal feelings that warn of danger, and understanding good vs. bad secrets. These conversations help build a foundation of trust and openness between parent and child. This greater security gives a child confidence to talk with his or her parent any time... about anything.

    Cecil Murphey, New York Times best-selling author and a survivor of childhood sexual abuse himself, says of Protecting Innocence: “Because of Detective Diane Obbema's experience with Crimes Against Children, she is an expert and her insights show on every page. Although I've read dozens of books on the topic, Protecting Innocence is the most practical and easy-to-read book I've seen on protecting our children.”

    This book will help you ...
    • Make critical choices for protective boundaries around your child.
    • Be comfortable in parent-child conversations about private parts.
    • Teach respect for their bodies and to expect respect from others.
    • Ease your child’s fears and build stronger confidence.
    • Recognize red flags indicating inappropriate interest in your child.
    • Understand a child’s heart and mind when pressured by someone.
    • Build a trust that encourages your child to confide in you.
    • Learn 10 ways to be a more approachable parent.
    Besides moms and dads, this book will benefit grandparents, teachers, therapists, nurses, social workers and police officers. Protecting Innocence is vital, eye-opening education for those who have young children they love and want to protect.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherDiane Obbema
    Release dateJan 30, 2015
    ISBN9781310267314
    Protecting Innocence: How to Discuss Sexual Safety with Children
    Author

    Diane Obbema

    Diane Obbema, a 30-year veteran of the Jefferson County Sheriff’s Office in Colorado, specialized for 12 years as a detective investigating crimes against children in Colorado’s First Judicial District.The first woman ever named Top Recruit in a Jefferson County Law Enforcement Academy class, Deputy Obbema worked several years on patrol before being selected to pioneer the DARE program in Jefferson County schools in 1990. She returned to patrol in 1995. Promoted to detective in 1998, Detective Obbema was assigned to the Crimes Against Children Unit where she investigated over 400 cases involving child victims of sexual abuse, physical abuse/neglect, and homicide.Det. Obbema earned wide recognition for her notable work in several high-profile crimes. She was a key investigator of the Columbine High School shootings, earning commendations for her work to determine exact events in the school library where 10 children were murdered and many others severely injured or traumatized. Her central role in the Evergreen “Rebirthing” Homicide case - where a child was killed by her therapists - received national and international coverage.An accomplished speaker and presenter, Det. Obbema has instructed criminology students at Regis University, child welfare professionals, and law enforcement officers throughout Colorado. Her topics include The Mind of the Child Molester, Child Forensic Interviews, and Interview and Interrogation. Det. Obbema has served as a Crime Scene Technician and Field Training Instructor. For 14 years she has been a P.O.S.T. Certified Law Enforcement Academy Instructor and subject matter expert in Child Abuse Investigation.Det. Obbema was honored as the 2006 Employee of the Year for her excellence in directing the department’s Sex Offender Registry. Her interrogation skills were used in obtaining confessions from suspects in the nation’s first multi-jurisdictional Internet Predator Sting. Her testimony before the Colorado Senate helped tighten sex offender registration laws.Three times Det. Obbema was awarded commendations by the District Attorney’s Office for her investigations of child abuse cases. She received the Hero’s Award from the Jefferson County Children’s Advocacy Center. She served as Chair and 10 year member of the Jefferson County Child Protection Team. Det. Obbema received her agency’s Professional Conduct Award, Life Saving Award, and the prestigious Sheriff’s Distinguish Service Medal.Det. Obbema has volunteered as an Investigative Associate with International Justice Missions, a human rights agency that intervenes on behalf of child victims of sex trafficking.Det. Obbema retired in 2015 and is available to speak on child sexual abuse prevention and investigation. She has authored the new book Protecting Innocence: How to Discuss Sexual Safety with Children (Highdale Press; 2015) to help parents understand how children become vulnerable to offenders; and the parent-child conversations which will educate and build a trust that deters potential victimization. Contact Diane Obbema at www.ProtectingInnocence.com

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      Book preview

      Protecting Innocence - Diane Obbema

      Protecting Innocence

      How to Discuss Sexual Safety with Children

      Detective Diane Obbema

      Crimes Against Children Unit

      Foreword by

      Kathryn Wells MD, FAAP

      Copyright 2015 Diane Obbema

      All rights reserved.

      No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, digital, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without prior written permission from the author.

      Requests for permission to make copies of any part of this book should be submitted to the author at DetectiveDiane@gmail.com

      Published by

      Website: www.ProtectingInnocence.com

      Email: DetectiveDiane@gmail.com

      Editor and Illustrator: Rick Marschall

      Cover and Interior Design: Nick Zelinger, NZ Graphics

      Author Photo: Denise Aulie

      Disclaimer: Although the author and publisher have made every effort to ensure that the information in this book was correct at press time, they assume no liability for damages that may result from the use of information contained within.

      Smashwords Edition

      Licensing Notes

      This e-book is licensed for your personal use and enjoyment only. This e-book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or if it was not purchased for your use only, please visit Smashwords.com and purchase a copy for yourself. Thank you for respecting this author’s work.

      E-Book by e-book-design.com.

      Praise for Protecting Innocence

      "Because of Detective Diane Obbema’s experience with Crimes Against Children, she is an expert and her insights show on every page. Although I’ve read dozens of books on the topic, Protecting Innocence is the most practical and easy-to-read book I’ve seen on protecting our children."

      — Cecil Murphey

      New York Times best selling author, Childhood sexual abuse survivor

      "Detective Diane Obbema’s book, Protecting Innocence, boldly cuts through the veil of fear and embarrassment that surrounds the topic of child sexual abuse. This book offers clear and practical advice to parents on how they can keep their children safe from predators, and what they should do in the event that sexual abuse is disclosed. Protecting Innocence is a must-read for anyone in a position to protect children or affect change on their behalf. I wholeheartedly recommend this book to my patients."

      — Robin Eskey, PsyD

      Licensed Clinical Psychologist, Denver, Colorado

      "Detective Obbema has dedicated the majority of her professional career investigating crimes against the most vulnerable and innocent individuals in our society. Her book, Protecting Innocence, contains real life examples and experiences that parents and others can learn from. I highly recommend this book to parents, teachers and other professionals."

      — Sheriff Ted Mink

      Jefferson County Sheriff’s Office, Golden, Colorado

      "In Protecting Innocence, Detective Obbema has written a very practical book on how parents and concerned adults can help protect children from sexual abuse. Her many years in this field interviewing parents, children, and perpetrators has given her insight into what to look for and how to talk with children at an age appropriate level to help them recognize and express discomfort with relationships that are heading into abuse. Every parent should read Protecting Innocence."

      — David Martin, MSW (Ret.)

      Foster Placement Team Supervisor, Department of Children and Family Services, Chicago, Illinois

      "Protecting Innocence is an amazing book! It is compelling reading. I didn’t want to put it down."

      — Dana Jene Easter, J.D.

      Chief Deputy District Attorney, Crimes Against Children, First Judicial District - Colorado

      "Detective Obbema writes in an engaging style and clearly lays out everything you need to know about the mechanics of promoting the sexual safety of your child. Parents and childcare professionals will learn critical skills on how to relate and appropriately communicate with children. If five stars is tops, I give Protecting Innocence a ten!"

      — Phil P. Baca, Chief of Police (Ret.)

      Commerce City, Colorado

      "It is easy to parent out of fear instead of confident love. In Protecting Innocence, your words have empowered my parenting skills, and helped me to clearly know what makes a child vulnerable. Thank you for this book!"

      — Mother of three

      Ages 4, 7, 12

      To every child:

      You are a treasure and a blessing, Worthy of love and protection.

      Table of Contents

      Foreword

      Introduction

      Chapter One: A Child’s Outcry

      Chapter Two: An Unpleasant Topic … and a Childhood Memory

      Chapter Three: Protecting the Whole Child

      Chapter Four: The Proper Names for Intimate Parts

      Chapter Five: Choosing Protective Boundaries for Your Home

      Chapter Six: Okay and Not Okay Touches

      Chapter Seven: It’s Okay to Say No to an Older Person

      Chapter Eight: Where Dangers Lurk

      Chapter Nine: Grooming: Exploiting a Child’s Vulnerability

      Chapter Ten: Understanding Good vs. Bad Secrets

      Chapter Eleven: Building Trust: Your Pre-emptive Strike Against Molesters

      Chapter Twelve: If Your Child Discloses Sexual Abuse

      Chapter Thirteen: An Unexpected Future

      Acknowledgments

      Contact Detective Diane

      Anatomical Drawings

      Resources For Parents And Caregivers

      About the Author

      Foreword

      by Dr. Kathryn Wells

      Nationally recognized expert in Child Abuse Pediatrics

      In a recent year, approximately 686,000 American children were abused or neglected, and almost 10 percent of those were victims of sexual abuse. In the vast majority of those cases the abuser was someone known to the child.

      As a pediatrician who specializes in child abuse and neglect, I have dedicated my career to caring for children who suffer these atrocities. My passion is also to prevent these things from occurring. That is why Detective Diane Obbema’s book, Protecting Innocence, is so important.

      The most impactful way to prevent children from becoming victims of sexual abuse is to create parental awareness. Protecting Innocence helps arm parents and their children with the knowledge and life skills needed to maximize safety, deter predators, and keep vital parent-child communication open.

      In her book, Detective Diane masterfully uses her extensive knowledge and firsthand experience of investigating child sexual assault cases to equip parents and caregivers with the understanding, language, and skills needed to better protect the children they care about.

      In Protecting Innocence, readers will learn to identify situations that can pose increased risks to children; discover how to build crucial trust with their children; utilize the keys to building confidence in children; comfortably discuss sexual safety without jeopardizing a child’s innocence; and know what to do if their child is victimized. Detective Diane skillfully and compassionately calls upon her wealth of experiences to provide practical approaches to the prevention of child sexual abuse.

      I will enthusiastically recommend this book to colleagues as well as my own loved ones.

      Kathryn Wells, MD, FAAP is Medical Director of the Denver Health Clinic at the Family Crisis Center in Colorado. She is Attending Physician at Denver Health and Children’s Hospital, as well as Clinical Researcher at the world-renowned Kempe Center for the Prevention and Treatment of Child Abuse and Neglect. Dr. Wells is Associate Professor at the University of Colorado Department of Pediatrics.

      Introduction

      Many parents assume their children will talk to them about anything, but when faced with unexpected pressures involving their safety, children’s fears can drive them into silence. Does your child have the confidence, and the know-how, to resist someone who wants to harm him or her? Would your child tell you if a trusted person committed a sexual violation against him or her? Most child victims do not tell … and if they do, not until years later.

      In Protecting Innocence I will help you discover ways to keep communication with your child open regarding the most private of topics. This book will enable you to have meaningful conversations with your child about a subject he or she needs to know about: sexual safety.

      I am Diane Obbema, a 30-year veteran of law enforcement. For 12 years I specialized as a detective in the Crimes Against Children Unit for the Jefferson County Sheriff’s Office in Colorado. Many kids just know me as Detective Diane. My perspective in this book, as we explore issues and share common-sense defenses, is as a veteran detective. I have investigated hundreds of childhood sexual abuse cases through the years—interviewing victims, parents, and perpetrators—and it has given me a unique understanding of the many things involved in this type of crime.

      National child abuse statistics show that 93% of child sexual abuse victims know their molesters in some way, and 68% are abused by family members. The odds are that the danger to your child’s innocence would most likely come from someone you know personally.

      In this book I will discuss important factors inside and outside the home that leave children vulnerable, and offer suggestions that can deter victimization. I will use real-life examples from my own cases, presenting you with first-hand insight into child molesters—how they think, and the tactics they use to seduce both parent and child. The true stories and time-tested advice will help you recognize relational red flags that indicate potential threats to your child. I place an emphasis on ways to build a deeper trust with your child to counter the methods that offenders use to undermine the vitally important parent-child bond.

      After more than a decade of investigating child sexual abuse cases, I will share with you answers to these questions: Can a child be sexually assaulted over years and no one know about it? Wouldn’t an abused child show signs of abuse that others would notice? Can a child’s word be trusted over an adult’s? Can a child be close with others yet never trust them with a secret about being hurt? Why wouldn’t a child tell?

      To protect children, parents must be willing to engage their children in meaningful, effective conversations that promote an open rapport and lay

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