Fight Fire With Fire

PART I

PURPOSE

HOW WILL I KNOW THE ANSWER IF I DON’T KNOW THE QUESTION?

‘When you know what you want, and want it bad enough, you will find a way to get it.’

– Jim Rohn

Finding the right direction in life is an existential problem that all of us face at some time or another. More often it is our lack of purpose and not knowing the ‘how’, the ‘why’, and the ‘what’ that holds us back.

I have been fortunate to guide our next generation of firefighters. Within their teachings I have always spoken of the adage: ‘we always know what is going to happen (incidents that we are likely to turn out to), we know where (as in geographical area), but we never know when’.

So how does this affect you? When it comes to your purpose, you should always manage and prepare for what you do know, rather than what you don’t know.

If we look back at my friends Mo and Curly, it seems to me they were not actually working on the answer to their problems as they didn’t know the question, and therefore couldn’t rightfully commit with purpose – or more importantly, to a purpose. They are always pondering the thought of having a ‘commitment to what?’.

The days when people held one job for all, or most, of their working life are gone. Today, the average person changes jobs 10 to 15 times (with an average of 11 job changes) during his or her career, which means a good amount of time is spent changing employment. According to data from the American Bureau of Labor Statistics, the average worker today stays at each of his or her jobs for 4.4 years, with the expected term of the workforce’s youngest employees about half that.

According to researcher John Norcross and his colleagues, who published their findings in the Journal of Clinical Psychology, approximately 50 percent of the population makes resolutions each New Year. Among the top resolutions are more weight loss, increased exercise, stopping smoking, better money management and debt reduction.

Timothy Pychyl, Professor of Psychology at Carleton University in Canada, explains that resolutions are a form of ‘cultural procrastination’, that resolutions are an effort to reinvent oneself, with people only making resolutions as a way of motivating themselves. Pychyl argues that people aren’t really ready to change theirs habits, particularly bad habits, and this fact alone accounts for the high failure rate.

‘Cultural procrastination’ – why is that? Cultural procrastination, much like the Fire Department believe, is solved through defining your purpose: firefighters delineate their purpose simply through clearly identifying what and where, then the when.

Dr Avya Sharma of the Canadian Obesity Network believes that people set unrealistic goals and expectations in their resolutions and lifestyle changes.

Perhaps a well-thought-out method with an organized step-by-step process applied by the individual would solve the obesity issues as seen by Dr Sharma. It has been soundly debated and well recorded that weight loss isn’t just about calorie intake and calorie expenditure; the bigger issues is the individual’s lifestyle, encompassing the big picture plan.

Research by author and psychologist Richard Wiseman found that only 52 percent of resolution-makers were confident that they’d achieve their goals, and barely 12 percent actually succeeded.

Wow – at these odds it’s no wonder Mo and Curly recycle the same predictable and inevitable failure chat over coffee.

Are they doomed to this reused disappointment loop, believing it’s not their fault, it’s human to fail?

Conversely, is Mr Wiseman telling us that the other 48 percent of resolution-makers were not confident that they would achieve their goals – I’m guessing they are right, and will have a 48 percent failure rate, a self-fulfilling prophecy. (Be reassured that all is not lost; I have also noted in my readings that 73 percent of percentages quoted are incorrect – go figure.)

Are you on a diet at the moment, or have been recently? Not surprisingly, so are and have been millions of other people worldwide, particularly women. Statistics show that the vast majority of women dieting (a staggering 95 percent) won’t manage to lose weight and keep it off.

So why might your diet fail, and what can you do to make sure you’re among the successful 5 percenters?

Also, add to this staggering statistic that a huge majority of these people who have lost weight (the 5 percenters) will gain weight again. Nearly 65 percent of dieters return to their pre-dieting weight within three years, according to Gary Foster, PhD, Clinical Director of the Weight and Eating Disorders Program at the University of Pennsylvania.

You would also notice – despite having the money, having the time, and also their own personal trainers and chefs – that even celebrities can struggle with their weight or fitness regimes.

Here is another staggering yet sad fact – according to marriage expert Hellen Chen, 85 percent of relationships end in breakups. Seeing as only the elite few relationships end in marriage, you then also have to consider 50 percent of marriages end in divorce.

All of these facts and figures point to one thing: people have trouble finding their purpose, and without it your goals will remain out of reach. So when it comes to your personal goals and wants, I would like you to consider Professor Pychyl’s theory of cultural procrastination; again, his theory is that resolutions are a form of ‘procrastination’, that these determinations are efforts to reinvent oneself, with people only making resolutions as a way of motivating themselves. In a nutshell, he maintains ‘that people aren’t really ready to change their habits, particularly bad habits, and this fact alone accounts for the high failure rate’.

Are you ready, and I do mean truly ready, to change your habits, especially the bad ones?

CHAPTER 1

WHAT IS THE SECRET TO SUCCESS?

What separates those who took meaningful steps to achieve their commitments and their resolutions to themselves from those who fail? What is the secret to ensuring your marriage works, to changing your space, your destiny and your lifestyle?

The question is, why do people fail to achieve their goals, considering the majority of these goals involve their health, happiness and welfare? Why do Mo and Curly continuingly fail to achieve their goals? After all, they claim to understand the importance of goal setting in order to attain a better life, weight loss and career changes …

FIRST, SET THE GOAL …

Here it is: despite what they say and what they do, approximately 80 percent of people never set goals for themselves or set their purpose. This is especially prevalent among people who are not involved in some sort of business or entrepreneurial endeavor that promotes goal setting.

Research tells us that by setting step-by-step goals – or even simply telling their friends and family, for example – people were far more likely to achieve their desires than those who made no specific commitments. So if you really want to see results this New Year, this time it’s critical that you set your goals with sincerity and set yourself up for success.

Before you do anything, before you go headlong into your destiny, the new you, be clear on what you want to do and why you want to do it.

… THEN MAKE IT HAPPEN

Sorry, but here are some more stats and facts even more surprising: of the 20 percent of the population that does set goals, roughly 70 percent fail to achieve the goals they have set for themselves.

Now there is no disputing in today’s world that no matter who you are and no matter what you do, there will be times when you feel down, lost, and have no sense of direction in life. Despite your best efforts, the world and the other people in it may deliberately or unintentionally adversely affect your commitments. There have been times when I have taken my beatings from life, fallen, even been pushed by those that try to steal your light, the haters. I have felt loss and felt pain, and also experienced lack of direction in life. But I kept on repeating the behaviors that got me there. I maintained, replicated and did the same things, despite them not working. With no reasonable approach ahead, I either stood still or went about repeating history, yet having the audacity to expect a different outcome.

Isn’t it said, ‘The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting it to come out differently’, a line that it is argued should be attributed to either Benjamin Franklin or Albert Einstein. Interestingly, sources on this statement can’t define or confirm the originator of the quote; as a simple firefighter I like to think it’s more about the words and less the man, as I’m sure either of these great men would be happy for the other to take credit … as long as we take the advice and don’t keep repeating our mistakes.

Interestingly enough, Ben also said in his autobiography: ‘All humanity is divided into three classes: those who are immovable, those who are movable, and those who move.’

Time and time again, weirdly enough and with contradiction, I personally operated within the comfort zones of his first two examples, immovable and movable, neither being conducive to my soul in the manner I applied them. I continuously examined parts of my life skeptically, and over-thought all the various life paths in front of me – each presented a scary picture of required change and a journey into the unknown. I blamed others; I became the consummate victim to shroud my inability and unwillingness to make change, as this meant self-analysis that could have possibly found me to be wrong in blaming others for my predicament. Each passageway of change looked worse than the other, therefore inhibiting any possible action I would take.

THE FIRE DEPARTMENT VIEW: IT’S ALL ABOUT GOAL SETTING

I recently spoke at an event on purpose; one of my opening statements was ‘vagueness leads to failure’. I then went on to discuss how as an organization the Fire Department has a long and proud history; worldwide we are a skilled and highly regarded group who are proud of our traditions, our community service ethos, and our response and professional capabilities.

This talk gave me an opportunity to show people how fire and rescue recognize and acknowledge that we must continue to develop ourselves, cultivate our Fire Department to remain relevant and keep pace with what the risks, the community, our partners and our government want and need from us. As an organization we want to remain essential to the people. We want to maintain our place as a respected and highly regarded emergency department organization.

We do this with clear strategic direction and purpose:

To save life, property and the environment from fires, emergencies and disasters.

Our vision is just as simple:

To be recognized as an effective, sound and professional Fire Department that effectively and efficiently minimizes the impact of hazards, emergency incidents and disasters on the community.

By utilizing hundreds of years of methodology, we continually transform ourselves personally, convert our job for the better, develop our business, our communities and our lives. Our proven structures work. We take action to get things started, moving and done.

It’s unpretentious and without fanfare – as a fire service we operate and function to a purpose, a goal. By having these aims and visions very clear everything else falls into step.

I ask you to consider this question now: how would your life look if you took this approach to tackling your problems? Rather than just talking, the key to starting is doing, be it study or exercising habitually, losing weight, giving up an addiction or changing careers.

THE SPARKS TO START YOUR FIRE

1.  Set step-by-step goals; it’s critical that you set your goals with sincerity and set yourself up for success.

2.  Be clear on what you want to do and why you want to do it.

3.  Share your goals with the people around you.

4.  Do it a different way this time – ‘The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting it to come out differently’.

5.  No more blaming others for your predicament; take ownership.

CHAPTER 2

FINDING YOUR DIRECTION

Life has two types of people: those with purpose and those without. The first type creates opportunities, the second wait for opportunities to come to them. It’s as simple as that. If you operate to a purpose, an objective, you will steadily move towards a well-defined target, to being more productive and achieving success through purpose, a plan and a strategy.

Working with resolve will help your transformation, your shift.

People will often say, ‘What should I do with my life?’ or ‘What is my life purpose?’ I believe they’re actually asking: ‘What can I do with my time that is important?’

It is human to search for meaning, your meaning, and your purpose.

Fact: We exist on this planet for an undetermined amount of time. During that time we do stuff, lots of stuff, some good and some bad. Some of these things are significant, some of them not so much. The more important experiences give us satisfaction, and bring fulfillment to our lives; they provide meaning and contentment. The unimportant ones basically just use up time and energy. The more situations and experiences you expose yourself to, the higher the chance of finding what really floats your boat, so sleeping in and wasting time on insignificant things robs you of preparation and opportunity.

Is it better to prepare should opportunity come a’knocking or wait for opportunity and then prepare?

THE STRENGTH TO GO FORWARD

‘What man actually needs is not a tensionless state but rather the striving and struggling for some goal worthy of him. What he needs is not the discharge of tension at any cost, but the call of a potential meaning waiting to be fulfilled by him.’

– Victor Emil Frankl (1905–1997)

Victor Frankl, an Austrian neurologist, psychiatrist and holocaust survivor, dedicated his life to learning, appreciating and promoting meaning and having purpose. Victor chronicled his experiences as a concentration camp inmate, which in turn led him to discover the importance of finding meaning in all forms of existence, in good and bad, from sad and horrific to virtuous and worthy.

Put yourself in Victor’s situation: you and your family, your friends and your neighbors are corralled like cattle onto trains, then transported to death camps due to your race, religion and beliefs, camps where mass murders are carried out as part of a daily routine by callous unwavering extremists, indifferently and without favor or empathy.

Frankl highlighted the research indicating a strong relationship between ‘meaninglessness’ and criminal behaviors in addictions and depression. He surmised that without meaning, people fill the void with hedonistic pleasures, power, materialism, hatred, boredom, or neurotic obsessions and compulsions. Not just a researcher, Frankl lived that reality. How did he survive the brutality, the cruelty and violence, the