Tough Mark for Women: Preventing Assault and Attacks from Predators

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Introduction

9:15 p.m.

In a middle-class suburb of Lakewood, Tennessee, fifty-six-year-old Donald Roush drives home after a quick trip to the grocery store. The sound of squealing of tires to his left draws his attention, and he sees a dark gray sedan whip around the corner and careen into the lane in front of him. He hits his brakes, but it’s too late to avoid a collision, and his front bumper bangs against the right rear quarter panel of the car in front of him. After the initial jolt of adrenaline passes, Donald feels relieved: the car in front of him doesn’t look badly damaged, and no one seems to be injured.

Following proper accident procedure, Donald pulls his car to the side of the road and stops. The car in front of him weaves erratically a few times before pulling over and stopping as well. Donald reaches into his glove box for his insurance card, and when he looks up, he has to suppress a gasp. Five rough-looking young men have surrounded his car and are cursing and hurling insults at him. One of them beats the hood of Donald’s car with a fist while the others start pounding furiously on the windows and kicking the doors.

Panicked, Donald holds up his insurance card. It’s okay; I have insurance, he says. I’m sorry! It’s my fault. I was in a hurry!

If the men hear his words, they only enrage them further. Donald suddenly thinks to lock his doors and reaches for the button, but he’s a fraction of a second too late. The next thing he knows, he is dragged out of the car. Blows rain down upon him: kicks, punches, stomps. His vision blurs. The taste of blood fills his mouth. Afraid for his life, he tries to scramble to his feet and flee, but one of the men lifts him up and pile drives him to the ground. Donald slams face first into the pavement, his body goes limp, and then he blacks out.

When Donald regains consciousness, his whole body aches and throbs. He realizes that he is in the ER and thanks God that he made it there alive. His vision is blurry in the one eye that isn’t covered by gauze, but he can still see well enough to discern he has a visitor.

Officer? Donald says through split lips and broken teeth. His jaws ache with the effort.

The policeman nods at him. You’re awake. Good. I’d like to ask you some questions before they take you back for surgery.

What happened? Donald asks.

Just then, there is a commotion at the nurse’s station, and Donald can hear the hysteria in his wife’s voice as she asks where her husband is. When Rita arrives at his bedside, she repeats Donald’s question to the officer. He gives a brief account of the events according to witness statements. Rita is visibly shaken by what her husband has gone through.

As Donald is prepped and sedated for surgery to repair his eye socket, his wife kisses him on the forehead and says, I love you very much. She then turns and leaves the emergency department, following the signs to the OR waiting room. After sinking into a seat next to another woman, Rita struggles to hold herself together while she calls her son on her phone.

10:30 p.m.

A police officer arrives at the home of Stephanie Anderwein in Lakewood, Tennessee. Her mother, Marie, answers the door—a terrible feeling in her stomach—and immediately asks, What’s going on, officer?

I’m Deputy Wilson with the Lakewood Sherriff’s office, ma’am. Does Stephanie Anderwein live at this address? he inquires.

Yes, she’s my daughter. Is something wrong? Marie asks, feeling alarmed and confused.

The deputy hesitates, a look of concern on his face. She’s been injured and taken to Lakewood General Hospital. She’s being taken care of.

Oh my God! Is she all right? What happened? The deputy mentions that he doesn’t have all of the details but he needs to ask her some important questions to give to the detectives.

A vision of Stephanie flashes before Marie’s eyes, looking just as she did the last time her mother saw her—nineteen and lovely with bright brown eyes and a big red flower in her hair. Her sweet Stephanie! Marie’s throat clenches with worry and fear.

Marie is in shock yet answers several questions about Stephanie, her friends, her schedule, and social media.

The deputy asks her if there is anyone he can call to drive her to the hospital. She thanks him but opts to text her friend Nancy who lives next door. Nancy comes over immediately and they set off.

When they arrive at the hospital, Marie and Nancy follow the signs to the OR waiting room and are met by Deputy Wilson. Marie asks the officer to tell her what happened to her daughter. He opens a small notepad to double-check his facts and begins.

"Stephanie was studying with friends at the college library and went to use the bathroom at approximately 9:15 and never returned. She walked into a stall where a man jumped out of hiding and grabbed her. He threatened her with a gun and then forced her to take him to her car. They passed several other students on the way, but Stephanie was too afraid to alert them to the fact that she was in trouble.

After they reached her car, the man had her drive to an ATM, clean out her account, and give him the money. He then ordered her to drive out into the country. When they reached a secluded area, he demanded she exit the vehicle.

The officer pauses at this point in his story and then quietly adds, Then he shot her, twice.

Marie is now having a hard time breathing. Oh my God! My baby was shot!

You have a very strong daughter, Deputy Wilson tells her. He goes on to explain that Stephanie laid still until she heard her car drive away. Then, even though she was badly hurt, she managed to walk approximately half a mile to the nearest house, where she got help and was able to tell the occupants what happened."

Marie looks as if she is going to collapse, so Nancy and the deputy lead her to a chair. After several hours a doctor walks into the waiting room. Spotting Deputy Wilson, he heads over.

Before he can say a word, Marie jumps up and asks, Is she okay? Is my daughter going to be okay? Please, Doctor, please tell me if she’s okay!

The doctor offers her a gentle smile and a calming hand on her shoulder. He tells her that the surgery went well and they were able to repair one wound to her chest and one to her hand.

Her vital signs are stable and she will be fine, the doctor says. And all things considered, it could have been much worse. If the bullet to her neck were just centimeters to the right it would have hit the main artery.

Marie wipes the tears from her cheeks with a soaked tissue. I just can’t believe it . . . I cannot believe this is happening! She shakes her head. I just thank God she’s alive.

Officer Wilson puts his notepad away and tells her, I’m very sorry and hope everything turns out okay. Here’s my card. Call me if you have any questions, and I will be in touch when we find out more information.

* * *

Donald and Stephanie both have to remain in the hospital for several days while recovering from their severe injuries. During this time, Rita and Marie meet and begin a relationship of supporting and strengthening one another.

After two days, doctors determine that Donald’s damaged eye will need to be removed; he will also have to undergo several months of therapy to regain his sense of balance. Things for Stephanie are just as serious. She has suffered two fractured ribs and nerve damage to her fingers. She too will have to endure months of painful physical therapy to help her adjust to the diminished use of her right hand. But by far the most difficult part for her is the overwhelming sense of depression, sadness, and guilt she experiences on a daily basis.

And then there are the nightmares.

What can you do?

The two stories you just read are based on real events, events like the ones we hear about every day on the news. The truth is that the world is becoming a more dangerous place for us and our children; in 2009 alone, 4.3 million violent crimes took place in America. Even more troubling, there are far more violent offenders than there are police officers to protect us. According to the Department of Justice, there are six million violent offenders walking America’s streets at any given time, eight hundred thousand of which are paroled murderers, but in 2011 there were fewer than seven hundred thousand police officers in the entire US! Even nice areas or good universities and colleges can no longer be considered safe zones. Crime is everywhere.

The dangers in our world are real, and sometimes it’s easy to feel like there’s nothing you can do about them, but that’s not true—you can do your best to not become a victim. This book will show you how to change from an easy target into a tough mark, someone who predators would rather avoid. It will do this by calling your attention to the things you do on a daily basis that make you look like an easy target and empowering you to change them. In the process, you will learn how to be more aware, prepared, and self-confident.

One word of caution. Getting the greatest benefit from the information is this book requires two things: accepting that violent crime can happen to anyone, and being willing to make small adjustments in your lifestyle. This book can help you protect yourself and your loved ones if you embrace the proven methods you’ll learn here.

What you will learn from this book

You will learn who poses the greatest threat to you. While serial killers and rapists tend to capture the most fearful parts of our imaginations, they’re far from the only threats to our safety. What about the normally sweet boyfriend or spouse who has an explosive temper? An overly touchy friend who has trouble respecting boundaries? Individuals who seem perfectly nice when they’re sober but are very different under the influence of alcohol?

You will learn about the different types of attacks you might face. Once we’ve identified possible attackers, we then need to examine the types of attacks we might face. These include muggings, sexual assault, domestic violence, murder, physical bullying and battery, verbal assault, terrorist attacks, and protest escalation and riots.

There is also theft: robbery, carjacking, purse snatching, and pickpocketing. There is workplace and school violence, as well as attacks on college campuses with a disturbing level of sexual assaults.

It isn’t just physical violence that takes its toll on families and communities; verbal violence can also have terrible consequences. Teenagers, children, and even adults can face threats, bullying, slander, and intimidation, which can lead to anxiety, depression, and as we see on the news, suicide.

Then of course there’s:

• Kidnapping of small children in the US for sex trafficking

• Gang activity, sending showers of stray bullets into the streets

• Rioting, looting, and many other acts of violence that often follow emergencies

The good news is we are not powerless. Through the methods discussed in this book, you can learn how to make yourself safe by deterring would-be predators, neutralizing possible threats, and avoiding dangerous situations. And you don’t need to change your whole lifestyle. You will simply learn to do the things you normally do in slightly different ways.

My attack prevention philosophy

When the terrorist attacks occurred on 9/11 in New York City, I was working as the vice president of safety and security for the largest bus fleet in North America. I immediately began to expand my thinking about safety and security from thefts and the occasional passenger assaults on drivers to developing a new approach for a threat none of us had really considered before. Terrorism on our streets.

In the years following 9/11, I wrote our nation’s first commercial vehicle terrorism prevention program called Operation Secure Transport.

During my research, I discovered that there was only one strategy for success in this area: in order to protect their customers, employees, and assets, companies needed to make themselves unattractive targets for would-be terrorists. These companies didn’t need to revolutionize the way they did business. They merely needed to make minor adjustments to their operations, including employee security training, equipment maintenance, and developing safe operating procedures to alter the way terrorists might view them as targets. In short, they had to make the risk of targeting their fleet greater for the terrorist than the possible reward of a successful attack.

Fast forward to 2007. My daughter was growing up, and as all kids do . . . she was starting to go out with friends to the mall, parties, and wherever. She would be heading out the door and I would say good-bye to her with that familiar lump of parental fear in my throat, hoping that she wouldn’t encounter anything bad when I wasn’t there to protect her.

Be safe, I would say to her, as so many other parents say to their kids. I would even give her the common suggestions of, Make sure your phone is charged, Stick together, Don’t talk to strangers, and of course, Be home on time or I’m coming to look for you.

One day, after saying this for maybe the one-hundredth time, I stopped in my tracks and thought about what I’d just said. Let’s face it, just telling someone to be safe is almost meaningless. We all want to be safe, and most of us don’t intentionally do things to endanger ourselves. Still, too many people end up in bad situations or environments and experience tragic outcomes. How could such dangers be avoided? I asked myself. What could I say to my daughter (or to anyone for that matter) that would be more helpful and effective than a generic be safe?

I reflected back on my career experience with attack prevention.

I had training as a personal protection specialist, twenty-seven years of safety and security, and had developed programs for the Department of Homeland Security–TSA. As a black belt in Kuk Sool Won, I also became skilled in an extraordinarily comprehensive martial art form.

YIKES!

I’ve got to be able to do better than be safe, I thought!

That’s when it hit me. The same principles I had developed for corporations would also work on an individual level. There was a real, practical way for my daughter—and everyone else—to be safe. She simply had to learn to change how a potential predator would evaluate her as a target. She had to make the shift from being an easy target to becoming a tough mark.

That’s when