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Piecing Me Together
Piecing Me Together
Piecing Me Together
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Piecing Me Together

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Newbery Honor and Coretta Scott King Author Award Winner
New York Times bestseller
"Timely and timeless." --Jacqueline Woodson
"Important and deeply moving." --John Green


Acclaimed author Renee Watson offers a powerful story about a girl striving for success in a world that too often seems like it's trying to break her.

Jade believes she must get out of her poor neighborhood if she's ever going to succeed. Her mother tells her to take advantage of every opportunity that comes her way. And Jade has: every day she rides the bus away from her friends and to the private school where she feels like an outsider, but where she has plenty of opportunities. But some opportunities she doesn't really welcome, like an invitation to join Women to Women, a mentorship program for "at-risk" girls. Just because her mentor is black and graduated from the same high school doesn't mean she understands where Jade is coming from. She's tired of being singled out as someone who needs help, someone people want to fix. Jade wants to speak, to create, to express her joys and sorrows, her pain and her hope. Maybe there are some things she could show other women about understanding the world and finding ways to be real, to make a difference.

NPR's Best Books of 2017
A 2017 New York Public Library Best Teen Book of the Year
Chicago Public Library's Best Books of 2017
A School Library Journal Best Book of 2017
Kirkus Reviews' Best Teen Books of 2017
2018 Josette Frank Award Winner

Editor's Note

Creativity taking shape…

Renée Watson won the Coretta Scott King Author Award for this story about a girl named Jade who’s been dubbed an “at-risk kid” and feels stifled by adult’s well-meaning attitudes toward her. Race and class stereotypes are shattered as Jade’s creativity gains shape and power.

LanguageEnglish
Release dateFeb 14, 2017
ISBN9781681191065
Author

Renée Watson

Renée Watson is a #1 New York Times bestselling author. Her young adult novel Piecing Me Together received a Newbery Honor and Coretta Scott King Award. Her children’s picture books and novels for teens have received several awards and international recognition. Her picture books include A Place Where Hurricanes Happen, Harlem’s Little Blackbird: The Story of Florence Mills, Summer Is Here, and The 1619 Project: Born on the Water, written with Nikole Hannah-Jones. Renée grew up in Oregon and splits her time between Portland and Harlem.

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Rating: 4.298882592178771 out of 5 stars
4.5/5

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  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
     This book is quietly more raw than "The Hate U Give." Jade lives in a Portland 'hood and attends a private school on full scholarship. She knows that opportunity will help her succeed and she's been offered and taken advantage of many, including a mentor with Woman to Woman. She contrasts her life with her mother's, who works long hours as a home health aide but keeps tabs on Jade's life. Jade is uncomfortable with being perceived as someone who needs help, rather than someone who has strengths to offer. Teens of color may find that Jade's voice perfectly captures what they are going through. Adults with good intentions of supporting "marginalized" communities and youth would do well to read this book and rethink how they approach their "good works."
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    An interesting book, and very clear-cut. How do you make the best of opportunities, when they are all thrown at you, but some of them make you feel like a broken apart doll?
    A straightforward book, but with a nice resolution, characters, and depth.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Jade is driven and has a mom who forces her to take advantage of every opportunity she is offered. During her junior year at a private school far from her Portland neighborhood, she gets involved in a mentorship program. During the course of the year, she really thinks about her identity, what it means to be a black girl learning to navigate different worlds, learns to think about how to speak up and advocate for herself. Beautiful, powerful writing. She uses her art to explore her feelings and things she is thinking about and learns to talk to friends and family about the tough stuff.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    This was a great story conveying the nuances of racism and classism in America. It was easy to sympathize with the main character and her ups and downs as a teenager illustrated the ideas the author wanted to convey. It was also fun to read a book set in Portland with lots of very specific details. Some things annoyed me: Maxine the mentor didn't seem like good mentor material--how would she have been vetted and approved for that program? She was unemployed and irresponsible. The mentor program also wasn't entirely convincing--mentors and mentees should not have been allowed in each others' homes--meetings should all have been in public places. Isn't that a given rule in most mentorship/student-teacher relationships? I also kept wondering who the other students in the mentorship program were--other black kids? But i thought there weren't many at the school. White kids? poor kids? Also I didn't think there were many at the school, and then why would Jade have felt singled out as the one always needing charity if there's a whole group? With all the details of Portland and the little bit of history of Lewis and Clark i was really surprised the author didn't bring up the fact that Portland is one of the whitest cities in the country due to the state's history of exclusionary laws. And then at the end when Jade asks for an internship at the art gallery and Mia says "yes I have 2 paid internships" I laughed out loud. If she had interns they probably wouldn't be paid. If they were paid, they'd go to over qualified college grads.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    The story of a high school girl living in the poor part of town but commuting to a private school in another part of town on scholarship, trying to balance both worlds and her place in each while negotiating her role within the opportunities she's given and those she makes for herself. She struggles to find her own voice through her interactions with others and through her art.I enjoyed this one, and I suspect that it would be a great read for many high school kids for the world that it explores and the inspiration it could bring.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    This book is quiet, yet powerful.

    I love that I was able to just *be* with Jade.

    It's so nice to read a story about a black girl that's not high stakes, drama driven, full of black pain. Instead, we are given glimpses into Jade's world, her life, her mind. And those glimpses help us journey along with Jade as she grows strong and becomes brave enough to use her voice.

    I wish I'd had this when I was a teen.

    I'm glad I have it now.

    It'll stay with me for a long time.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Jade is taking the bus to go to private school every day. She studies with rich and privileged kids, but lives with a single mother who doesn't make much money. For Jade opportunities are scarce and when she gets them she needs to grab them with both hands. She's smart and artistic and does incredibly well at school, she regularly tutors others, but her achievements often go unnoticed. Jade has never been on holiday and a school trip would be a dream come true, but will she be invited?

    Jade's being pushed into the Women to Women mentorship program, but she doesn't feel her mentor is teaching her much. However, if Jade wants to learn from her mentor she might have to share her thoughts. Jade needs to find her voice, so other people will hear her. Maybe if she speaks up she will finally be understood and get the chances she so longs to have? Will she ever be able to find out who she is and where she fits into the world, can she fit all the pieces of her personality together to make a beautiful whole like the collages she makes?

    Piecing Me Together is a beautiful strong story. Jade doesn’t feel seen or heard by anyone. She’s from a poor neighborhood, going to a private school where nobody seems to understand her. Jade doesn’t have many friends because of this, which is a fantastic thought-provoking topic for a story. She can totally lose herself in her art and this talent put a big smile on my face. Renée Watson describes her creations in such a stunning vivid way that it makes them pop off the pages of the book. Even though Jade’s being given opportunities, she isn’t happy with everything she’s being made part of and she’s absolutely right about that too. Jade is being asked for the Women to Women mentorship program. At first Jade feels smaller because of this program, but slowly she starts to find her voice and she grows into someone who can stand up for herself, which was such an amazing process to witness.

    Renée Watson has a fantastic engaging writing style. I was captivated by her story from beginning to end. I really enjoyed reading about Jade's personal development. While she is used to running away from her problems she’s learning to solve them, to demand to be heard and seen instead. I absolutely loved that. I also liked the dynamics between Jade and her mentor, the way Jade lets her know how she feels and voices her opinions. Jade is smart, articulate and talented and when she lets people know how she feels she finally gets her results. It takes a lot of courage to do this and that is what I admired the most about this book, Jade’s journey to find that courage within herself and using it for others who need it as well. I love stories about strong girls and think Renée Watson has done a brilliant job with this one.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Complex, nuanced portrayal of life as a teen that people often stereotype as poor and in need. The main character makes it a point to let others see what she has to offer, which is such an empowering lesson for young people.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Such a beautifully written story. It tells the raw story of mentorship, friends, family, and struggle. That everything that may seem dark can be made beautiful with just a little light.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    "Piecing Me Together" was a gentle read about a young, African-American trying to find her place in the world. Jade was a believable character, although she did feel sorry for herself at times. However, through her journey of self-discovery and personal growth, Jade found her voice. While this book didn't really pack any punches it was still a solid read dealing with racism, prejudice and identity.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Watson gives us authentic insight into a black girl’s hopes, fears and dreams. She carefully, authentically deals with race and body image issues. Using Spanish titles for each chapter (and the story behind it) helps us understand that loving and learning about ourselves as racial, gendered beings and appreciating the lives of others is not mutually exclusive.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    I found this book very moving, raw, honest. Sometimes uncomfortable. I really appreciate the truths that Jade has to tell and how she finds a way to share her thoughts with her school and her friends and her community. I also really like how her adults (mother, mentor) hold her accountable for her own success. I appreciate how they push her to not quit and to find a way through difficult situations. The overt racism Jade experiences is an eye opener to me, as a privileged person, and I think Renee Watson does a beautiful job showing us both sides of a conversation -- both Jade's hurt fury and Sam's bewildered embarrassment. I feel like this book offers a road map on some hard issues and does an extremely good job in painting the grey areas -- the gap of wealth and poverty isn't strictly along race lines, and there is something to learn from every character in the book. It's a celebration of diversity and of endurance.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Piecing Me Together is an important book about a young woman trying to find herself despite the obstacles that are placed in front of her. This book means a lot to me because there were not a lot of coming-of-age books for young black girls, I am happy to see more of those stories being told. It is important for all students to feel seen and heard by the media and I think this book is a great avenue for representation. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it as it made me feel seen in so many relatable aspects. A truly wonderful book.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    This is a beautifully written novel about teens that should find a broader audience beyond YA. Jade, an African American girl from a poor neighborhood, wins admission to a private school where she is vastly outnumbered by privileged white kids. Many novels have dealt with the difficulty of code switching between contrasting communities of diverse income levels, but Jade keeps her steady feet in both and learns how to handle some of the situations and contradictions that arise. She's got strong support from her mother and from two friends, but when she is turned down for a study abroad program, the rejection threatens to derail her motivation. When Jade's chosen as a mentee by a volunteer group of successful black women, she wonders why she's only chosen for activities that attempt to uplift her rather than rewarding her for her hard work. The novel also wisely focuses on Jade's talent as a budding collage artist, and so incorporates the important nature of creativity and artistic passion as the engine of a happy and productive life. This novel is as inspirational as its main character. Highly recommended.

    1 person found this helpful

  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    A realistic fiction novel, Piecing Me Together, is a 2018 Lone Star selection. I didn’t want to read this novel because of the cover. Once you read the book, you understand the cover, but it doesn’t make one want to read it. It’s really good, so I highly recommend it.Jade is from a poor family, but she is smart and attends a prestigious school that should lead her to achieve more than others in a similar situation. Her mother truly loves her and makes decisions to keep her safe. She tries hard to ensure there’s food and something for special occasions, but her mother’s promises are “fragile and break easily” (8). Jade’s friends are mostly from her neighborhood, so she’s separates herself at school from the rich kids. She works hard in her Spanish class because she wants to go on mission trip. The novel shows Jade’s life at school and home--the differences between those who have and those who have not. What I like is that her friends at home aren’t jealous of her. They want her to succeed and support her art. Jade loves to create art through objects she finds--found art. She also makes a friend at school who doesn’t live far from her, so she understands Jade’s life more. Sam, however, can’t always see that life is different for a black girl than a white girl.Her school also supports her but more as a charity case in Jade’s eyes. She feels that they expect her to be thankful for all the opportunities they give her that she feels she has earned. She wants earned respect, not a hand out. One opportunity is to be given a mentor--a black woman who has done well in the world who graduated from the school. Maxine doesn’t seem to be a great mentor, but one gets a scholarship to college after two years. Jade can’t turn that down. This is a novel of perceptions--how we perceive others and their motivations. Jade appreciates the opportunity to attend her school, but she wants to be heard and treated like a person, but learning to speak up in order to be heard can take courage. This is a novel well worth your time; it’s well-written, engaging, and just a good book.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    diverse teen fiction (newbery honor and Coretta Scott King award winner) - 11th-grade black teen who is "curvy" and from an underprivileged single-parent family in Portland, OR, makes friends, joins a mentorship program (in exchange for a college scholarship) and learns to speak up for herself and for others.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    This Newbery and Printz honor book is well worth the accolades. Jaade's mother is poor. She works a job that barely pays the rent and puts food on the table.Jade is highly intelligent, and she won a scholarship to attend a different highschool -- one where children of rich parents attend.She learns how to navigate through the rules of the new school and learns how to keep her own identity and self worth while knowing she is different from thee others. She takes a bus across town to her new school.When she is chosen for a mentorship program titled Woman to Woman, she is paired with a woman who, like her attended the school where she originally didn't belong.Jade is a strong young lady. The story is told from her perspective. She is very adept at noticing the phrases used by the students who never had to worry about where to eat, and the many things they never have to worry about. Attending the Woman to Woman program meetings serve food. And, Jade learns to slip food in a napkin to take home to her mother and uncle to shareThis book shines a light on the haves and the have nots, and while Jade wants to go to college, she does not want to compromise the core of good that makes her the wonderful person she is.

Book preview

Piecing Me Together - Renée Watson

Praise for Piecing Me Together

"Speaks to the myriad of people who find themselves searching for themselves in the world. Timely and timeless, Piecing Me Together is a book about the ways young people deal with the hardships and heartbreak of everyday living while remaining whole and true to themselves." –Jacqueline Woodson, awardwinning author of Brown Girl Dreaming

Watson, with rhythm and style, somehow gets at the toxicity of sympathy, the unquenchable thirst of fear, and the life-changing power of voice and opportunity, all wrapped up in Jade.Jason Reynolds, award-winning author of Long Way Down

A brilliant look at the role that art plays in the lives of young people, but also all of these different ways that race and gender and privilege intersect in the life of this one really extraordinary young woman.John Green, awardwinning author of Turtles All the Way Down

An honest look at how girls stitch together their talents to find their voice and power. Renée Watson is a top-rate storyteller about what impacts young women today.Meg Medina, award-winning author of Burn Baby Burn

With poetically efficient writing, Watson manages to create astonishingly nuanced relationships . . . all resulting in a richly complex story about whom we imagine needs help and what women–across age, class and race divides–really have to teach one another.NPR

* This unique and thought-provoking title offers a nuanced meditation on race, privilege, and intersectionality.SLJ, starred review

* A thoughtful testament to the value of growth and of work, of speaking up and of listening, that will resonate with many readers.BCCB, starred review

For my nieces, Ashley Watson and Sydney Kelly

Books by Renée Watson

What Momma Left Me

This Side of Home

Piecing Me Together

Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Chapter 35

Chapter 36

Chapter 37

Chapter 38

Chapter 39

Chapter 40

Chapter 41

Chapter 42

Chapter 43

Chapter 44

Chapter 45

Chapter 46

Chapter 47

Chapter 48

Chapter 49

Chapter 50

Chapter 51

Chapter 52

Chapter 53

Chapter 54

Chapter 55

Chapter 56

Chapter 57

Chapter 58

Chapter 59

Chapter 60

Chapter 61

Chapter 62

Chapter 63

Chapter 64

Chapter 65

Chapter 66

Chapter 67

Chapter 68

Chapter 69

Chapter 70

Chapter 71

Chapter 72

Chapter 73

Chapter 74

Chapter 75

Chapter 76

Acknowledgments

This Side of Home teaser

About the Author

1

español

Spanish language

I am learning to speak.

To give myself a way out. A way in.

2

tener éxito

to succeed

When I learned the Spanish word for succeed, I thought it was kind of ironic that the word exit is embedded in it. Like the universe was telling me that in order for me to make something of this life, I’d have to leave home, my neighborhood, my friends.

And maybe I’ve already started. For the past two years I’ve attended St. Francis High School on the other side of town, away from everything and everyone I love. Tomorrow is the first day of junior year, and you’d think it was my first day as a freshman, the way my stomach is turning. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to being at St. Francis while the rest of my friends are at Northside. I begged Mom to let me go to my neighborhood high school, but she just kept telling me, Jade, honey, this is a good opportunity. One I couldn’t pass up. It’s the best private school in Portland, which means it’s mostly white, which means it’s expensive. I didn’t want to get my hopes up. What was the point of applying if, once I got accepted, Mom wouldn’t be able to afford for me to go?

But Mom had done her research. She knew St. Francis offered financial aid. So I applied, and once I got accepted, I received a full scholarship, so I kind of had to go.

So here I am, trying to pick out something to wear that doesn’t look like I’m trying too hard to impress or that I don’t care about how I look. St. Francis doesn’t have uniforms, and even though everyone says it doesn’t matter how you look on the outside, it does. Especially at St. Francis. I bought clothes with the money I made from working as a tutor at the rec center over the summer. I offered Mom some of the money I earned, to help with the bills or at least the groceries, but she wasn’t having any of that. She told me to spend it on my school clothes and supplies. I saved some of it, though. Just in case.

Mom comes into my room without knocking, like always. I won’t be here tomorrow morning when you leave for school, she says. She seems sad about this, but I don’t think it’s a big deal. You won’t see much of me this week. I’m working extra hours.

Mom used to work as a housekeeper at Emanuel Hospital, but she got fired because she was caught stealing supplies. She sometimes brought home blankets and the small lotions that are given to patients. Snacks, too, like saltine crackers, juice boxes. Then one of her coworkers reported her. Now Mom works for her friend’s mother, Ms. Louise, a rich old lady who can’t do much for herself. Mom makes Ms. Louise breakfast, lunch, and dinner, gives her baths, and takes her to doctors’ appointments. She cleans up the accidents Ms. Louise sometimes has when she can’t make it to the bathroom. Ms. Louise’s daughter comes at night, but sometimes she has a business trip to go on, so Mom stays.

I know Mom isn’t here just to tell me her schedule for the week, because it’s posted on the fridge. That’s how we communicate. We write our schedules on the dry-erase board and use it to let each other know what we’re up to. I close my closet, turn around, look at her, and wait. I know what’s coming. Every year since I started at St. Francis, Mom comes to my room the night before school and starts to give me the Talk. Tonight she’s taking a while to get to it, but I know it’s coming. She asks questions she already knows the answers to—have I registered to take the SATs yet, and am I still going to tutor at the rec, now that school has started?—and then she says, Jade, are you going to make some friends this year?

Here it is. The Talk.

Really, Mom?

Yes, really. You need some friends.

I have Lee Lee.

You need friends who go to St. Francis. You’ve been there for two years. How is it that you haven’t made any new friends?

Well, at least I haven’t made enemies, I say.

Mom sighs.

"I have friends there, Mom. They’re just not my best friends. It’s not like I go to school and sit all by myself in the cafeteria. I’m fine," I tell her.

Are you sure? Mom asks. Because I swear, it’s like if you and Lee Lee aren’t joined together at the hip, you act like you can’t survive.

Mom doesn’t understand that I want to have Lee Lee to look at when something funny happens—something that’s only funny to us. Our eyes have a way of finding each other no matter where we are in a room so we can give each other a look. A look that says, Did you see that? But at St. Francis, I don’t have anyone to share that look with. Most things that seem ridiculous to me are normal there. Like when my humanities teacher asked, Who are the invisible people in our community? Who are the people we, as a society, take for granted?

Some girl in my class said her housekeeper.

It wasn’t that I didn’t think she took her housekeeper for granted; it was that I couldn’t believe she had one. And then so many of my classmates nodded, like they could all relate. I actually looked across the room at the only other black girl in the class, and she was raising her hand, saying, She took my answer, and so I knew we’d probably never make eye contact about anything. And I realized how different I am from everyone else at St. Francis. Not only because I’m black and almost everyone else is white, but because their mothers are the kind of people who hire housekeepers, and my mother is the kind of person who works as one.

Lee Lee would get that. She’d look at me, and we’d have a whole conversation with only our eyes. But now I have to wait till I get home from school to fill her in on the crazy things these rich people say and do.

Mom keeps on with her talk. I really wish you’d make at least one friend—a close friend—this year at your school, she says. Then she says good night to me and walks into the hallway, where she turns and says, Almost forgot to remind you—did you see my note on the fridge? You have a meeting with Mrs. Parker during lunch tomorrow.

On the first day of school? About what?

Mom shrugs. She didn’t give me details. Must be about the study abroad program, she says with a smile.

You think so? For the first time in—well, for the first time ever—I am excited to talk to Mrs. Parker. This is the year that teachers select students to volunteer in a foreign country and do service learning projects. That was the thing that made me want to attend St. Francis. Well, that and the scholarship. When we met with Mrs. Parker, my guidance counselor, I think she could tell I was not feeling going to school away from my friends. But she knew from my application essay that I wanted to take Spanish and that I wanted to travel, so she said, Jade, St. Francis provides opportunities for our students to travel the world. She had me at that. Of course, she didn’t tell me I’d have to wait until I was a junior.

Mrs. Parker always has some kind of opportunity to tell me about. Freshman year it was an essay writing class that happened after school. Sophomore year it was the free SAT prep class that met on Saturday mornings. Saturday mornings. She likes to take me downtown to the Arlene Schnitzer Hall whenever there’s a speaker or poet in town, telling me I should hear so-and-so because kids in other cities in Oregon don’t get these kinds of opportunities. I know Mrs. Parker is looking out for me—that she promised Mom she’d make sure I’d have a successful four years at St. Francis—but sometimes I wish I could say, Oh, no, thank you, Mrs. Parker. I have enough opportunities. My life is full of opportunities. Give an opportunity to someone else.

But girls like me, with coal skin and hula-hoop hips, whose mommas barely make enough money to keep food in the house, have to take opportunities every chance we get.

Before Mom walks away, she says, I’m going to pick up some groceries after I get off work tomorrow. Anything you need me to get?

Did you see what I added to the list on the fridge? I ask, smiling.

Mom laughs. That was you? I thought maybe it was E.J. who wrote that.

E.J. is my mom’s brother, but I have never called him Uncle E.J. He is twenty, so we are more like siblings. He started staying with us when he dropped out of college. Well, let him tell it: he took a leave of absence, but it’s been a year and I haven’t heard anything about his trying to go back. Instead he’s busy making a name for himself as a local deejay.

Mom walks to her bedroom. Mint chocolate chip ice cream. I’ll see what I can do, she says. If I have enough money, I’ll get it. Promise.

I finish getting ready for school, thinking to myself that I know all about Mom’s promises. She does her best to make them, but they are fragile and break easily.

3

dejar

to leave

The next morning I wake up before the sun. So early that only trucks and people up to no good are on the streets. There’s nothing in the fridge but baking soda in the way back and half-empty bottles of ketchup, barbeque sauce, and mustard on the door. I drink a glass of water, take a shower, get dressed, and leave by six thirty so I can get to the bus.

I ride the 35 through the maze of houses that all look like one another, like sisters who are not twins but everyone thinks they are. Living here means when people ask, Where do you live? and you say, The New Columbia, they say, You mean the Villa? and remind you that your neighborhood used to be public housing for World War II shipyard workers, and they remind you how by the eighties a lot of those apartments were run-down and how really, they were just the projects with a different name. At least that’s what Mom says. She’s always telling me, I don’t care if they give the ’hood a new name or not; it’s still the ’hood.

Lots of people can’t find beauty in my neighborhood, but I can. Ever since elementary school, I’ve been making beauty out of everyday things—candy wrappers, pages of a newspaper, receipts, rip-outs from magazines. I cut and tear, arrange and rearrange, and glue them down, morphing them into something no one else thought they could be. Like me. I’m ordinary too. The only thing fancy about me is my name: Jade. But I am not precious like the gem. There is nothing exquisite about my life. It’s mine, though, so I’m going to make something out of it.

Not only for me but for my mom, too, because she is always saying, Never thought I’d be here forever. But that’s how things turned out. And when she says this, I know she means that if she hadn’t had me when she was sixteen, she would have gone to college, would have maybe moved away from Portland, would have had fewer struggles. She never outright blames me for making her life harder than it needed to be; instead she pushes me. Hard. Because no one pushed me, she says. One of us has to make it out of here, and I’m her only child, her only hope of remaking herself.

Dad saw a different future for himself too. But unlike Mom, I think I changed him in all the best ways. He’s always telling me how I made him settle down, get himself together. And just because me and your mom didn’t work out, doesn’t mean I don’t love you, he tells me. He lives with his girlfriend, who I actually like, even though I’d never tell Mom that. Mom never talks bad about her, but I know I am not supposed to like this woman, who knew my dad had a girlfriend, a daughter, but flirted with him anyway. This woman, who is white and everything opposite of my mom, with her college degree and good-paying job. I try to stay out of any talk about Dad, his girlfriend, and what happened with him and Mom. At least he’s in my life. A lot of my friends can’t say that. Dad calls me his queen, says I am the best thing that happened to him.

I think about this as I ride to school. How I am someone’s answered prayer but also someone’s deferred dream. The bus moves and stops, moves and stops, making its way through North Portland. We pass the transition blocks, where North Portland becomes Northeast. Within just a block or two, you stop seeing modest apartment complexes

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