Alexandra Krowicki

English 1102
February 10, y

Divorce: Should it be Easier

or Harder to Obtain?
Today, the world is bustling with self-centered, self-loving individuals.
Marriage was once thought to be a sacred ritual and a privilege to obtain.
Marriage was something to be valued greatly and whatever struggles come
with it, the couple would endure together. I feel as though divorce is
becoming more and more common now. I am a child of divorced parents and
this is not a fun matter to deal with. I wonder if the divorce rates have
increased because people nowadays are too self centered to try and make
things work, or if getting a lawyer to file a divorce is just too easy. If it is too
easy, should there be laws to make it harder for married couples to get a
divorce? This is the question I want to answer.
Fifty percent of all marriages in the United States end in divorce is a
common statistic that is often heard, and is false. Bronson, the author of
Why Do I Love These People? says, "Divorce rates don't take into account
social and economic events that can have a huge influence on both marriage
and divorce rates. Bronsons statement is definitely something to consider,
and shows an idea of how many people actually get divorced. Divorce puts a

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huge financial burden on both parties, especially if the couple is used to

having a two person income. During a time of economic depression, lets say,
divorce rates may slow. On the other hand, divorce rates can spike, such as
during the returning of soldiers after WW1.
Regardless of what the real percentage is for couples that divorce, it is
a very real thing and comes with many issues and complications. For
women, Single mothers support up to four children on an average after-tax
annual income of $12,200. This statistic alone is mind boggling to me. I do
not understand how someone is expected to provide for themselves on
$12,000 a year, let alone themselves and one or more. 65% divorced
mothers receive no child support. Again, how is this possible? Why is one
person expected to care for their children, but not the other? Not saying all
fathers do not contribute to their childs life, because I know many that do
including my own, but for the ones who dont, where is the justice?
Women who work and place their children in child care experience a
greater stigma than men in the same position. Men in the same position
often attract support and compassion. Although unfair, this stigma does not
surprise me. In the society we live in, women are looked at as the primary
caregivers to their children, and it is not fair they have to be looked down
upon for putting their child in daycare.
For men, they face greater emotional issues because of ..the loss of
intimacy, the loss of social connection, reduced finances, and the common
interruption of the parental role. Most people think that men are okay on

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their own and dont need a woman. Wrong. The loss of their wife may make a
man feel lonely and disconnected with friends, or even other married
couples. Reduced finances can place huge stress on someone when they are
used to two incomes, especially if the other person brought in most of the
money. Not seeing their children may cause them a sense of guilt for not
being there for them.
For children, something I can relate to, children of divorce suffered
from depression, failed in school, and got in trouble with the law. Having two
parents, and then having one is a huge change for a child. I was five years
old when my parents got divorced, and at such a young age I did not
understand where daddy was. All I knew is that he was always working and
did not come home until my brother and I were asleep. I remember moving
out of our house and into a new one, only with my mother and brother.
At such a young age this was confusing and a hard adjustment to
make. I was never depressed, failed in school, or got in trouble with the law. I
was, however, sad, confused, and acted out occasionally out of frustration. I
often got jealous when going to a friends house who had married parents,
because they had something I did not. I think divorces have a greater impact
on the child/children dealing with the situation, especially if one parent is not
present anymore.
Divorces financially affect children in terms of proper nutrition,
involvement in extracurricular activities, clothing (no more designer jeans
and fancy shoes), and school choices. I believe these drastic changes only

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occur when parents do not want to work together. These changes as well can
cause a child to become depressed, confused, and act out.
Being a child of divorced parents, it is hard to explain what it feels like
having to live with one parent. Having to chose sides and having to split
holidays. Growing up it was hard to explain why I had to miss a birthday
party because I had to go to my dads house that weekend, and couldnt
pass up that opportunity because I had to wait an entire week to see him
again. Going in and out of court was a hassle and draining. And I still cant
help but think about all the money that was wasted on court fees and
lawyers. It was annoying when my parents started seeing other people,
because I did not want anyone new in the family. As I got older, my
resentment to the situation diminished and I accepted it for what it was.
I still wonder what it would have been like growing up with both of my
parents, and how my life would be different. Although my parents had their
differences, they pulled together when it came to my brother and I. Both
parents were active in our lives and both worked hard to give us everything
and anything we needed. I may not have grown up in a normal home with
both parents, but I grew up in a stable home while having a normal life.
After seeing all of these statistics and living through divorced parents,
Im not sure if there is a right or wrong answer as to wether or not divorce
should be harder to obtain. Even after diving into this subject and learning
more about it, I do not think divorce should be harder to obtain. If two people
do not want to live together, they should not have to. If a couple wants to get

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a divorce for whatever reason, they should be allowed to. I cannot imagine
having to live with someone who I was unhappy with or did not get along
with. If people want a divorce, they are going to get one, no matter how long
it takes. Prolonging a divorce will make the situation worse.
I can see why some might suggest making it harder to get a divorce,
because when you look at the statistics they do not seem great. It is not fair
to the couple who are filing for divorce to be told how to live their lives or
wether or not they should stay together. Prolonging a divorce cannot only
make the problem worse, but also prevent from both parties of being truly
happy. They would be deprived of their happiness because they are being
forced to stay in the same situation they are tying to get out of. They would
have to wait longer to start their new lives as single, finding a home, and
possibly finding who they are truly meant to be with.
It is hard for me to speak for someone who has been married and
divorced before, because obviously I have not gone through either of those
things. To get an even better understanding from someones personal
experience, I asked my mother. Having been through a first marriage to my
father, and having two children, I wanted to know what she thought. She
replied, If people dont want to be married then I don't think there should be
laws making it [divorce] difficult. That causes resentment and why force
them to be together? Even though my mom had to deal with all of the
statistics you have read previously, marriage, divorce, emotional and
financial struggles, having children, ext. she would not change her decision.

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Even though she may have been happy with my dad at one point, she is
happier with her husband now, and I do not think anyone should be deprived
of that.
Another person I interviewed was my father, and surprisingly he said
that getting a divorce should be easier. I thought to myself, easier? Why
easier? And again I thought about it and came up with a conclusion. People
want to get out! If you are in a dangerous situation, you want to leave that
situation as soon as possible. People that want a divorce want to get out too.
I do not think couples get divorced just for fun. It is a serious change in
someones life. It takes a lot of time and costs a lot of money. It tears families
apart and the months, even years, after are a long a bumpy road. People
have reasons for wanting a divorce and they should be respected.
The last person I interviewed was my step mother. Her response was
similar to both my mother and fathers. She said, I think the divorce process
is fine the way it is. Its not too short, and not too long. When you have a
good lawyer, things go a lot smoother. If I had been forced to stay with Pete
longer than I should have, Im not sure what would have happened.
My step mom was in an abusive marriage and fled with my step sister.
Now, imagine if they were forced to continue to live with her ex-husband
because laws made it harder for divorces to happen. Both my step mom and
sister would have had to endure more suffering. I chose to do these
interviews so readers could understand from someones perspective who has
gone through a divorce.

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By no means do I think people should be able to wakeup one day

married and be divorced the next. When I spoke with my mom, she made a
great suggestion. She said, I do think that there should be a mandatory
counseling sessions for a period of time to see if the differences could be
resolved. Yes! Definitely. There should be a few, maybe 3, mandatory
sessions to see what the underlying issue is. Maybe a few therapy sessions
can save a few marriages. Help from an outside source may actually benefit
the couple if they cannot recognize the deeper issues or find a way to work
things out themselves.
If the couple does not want to go to sessions together, then they
should have two separate sessions and then one together. At first they may
not agree with it, but it does not hurt to try to save a marriage. If they can
work together with a councilor to rebuild their marriage I truly believe most
people would do so. I definitely wish my parents had gone to concealing or
at least tried to fix the problem before filing for divorce.
Maybe too many people getting a divorce isn't the problem. Maybe it is
too many people getting married. Any two people can get married whenever
they want, however they want, even if they have only known each other for a
day. They can walk into city hall and get married. Just like that in only a few
hours. Just like divorce, marriage is a legal process and requires legal
documentation. If marriage is a bit harder to obtain, maybe the divorce rates
would lower. Even something as simple as requiring two people to have
known each other for a certain amount of time.

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Divorce laws do not cause divorce the real problem is the low
quality marital relationships that lead to decisions to divorce. The force of
law can make divorce harder, but such laws do not teach couples how to
build great marriages. Agreed. The only thing divorce laws making divorce
harder would do is literally make a divorce harder to obtain. That is why
mandatory counseling classes before getting a divorce or classes before
getting married are a must.
Along with that, I think couples should be required to take classes
about marriage. Most people get married when they are young, and I feel like
when youre that young you do not realize how big of a commitment
marriage actually is. The Center for Marital and Family Studies says, in
essence, it is not how much couples love each other, but how they handle
conflict that best predicts future marital distress or divorce.
I think classes should be required to help the couple realize what theyre
getting into. Classes should also teach couples how to work together in
stressful situations. The classes should show couples the types of issues they
might run into and how to address them. Another thing that the couples
should do is take a personality test, especially if they havent all ready lived
together.
Added to the prediction research, studies on our Prevention and
Relationship Enhancement Program (PREP) strongly suggest that couples can
learn skills and enhance ways of thinking--prior to marriage--that significantly
improve their odds of having good marriages. It is important for the couples

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to recognize each others habits, likes, and dislikes. Knowing small things like
that about each other may help prevent fights or miscommunication. Also,
going through this process might make someone realize that they cannot see
themselves having a future with them anymore. This realization before
getting married would be greatly beneficial to both parties.
Divorce laws do not cause divorce the real problem is the low
quality marital relationships that lead to decisions to divorce. The force of
law can make divorce harder, but such laws do not teach couples how to
build great marriages.
Im sure you are wondering why I chose to write about divorce when I
could have written about anything I wanted. Well, honestly, it is something I
have lived through and something children and adults live through everyday.
I feel like there is a common misconception about split families from those
who do not believe in it for religious/personal purposes or those who have
never lived through it. Through this essay I wanted to show readers people
get divorced for various reasons and they should never judge a split family. I
wanted to show the struggles everyone endures. I wanted to help readers
understand this process and everything that comes along with it before they
judge someone.
I also wanted to share a piece of myself with you and the class. Divorce
was never something I enjoyed talking about, especially with friends whose
parents were still married. Even to this day, it is almost awkward being in a
house with a normal family. Most people think the typical father, mother,

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children type of family is normal, but that is not the normal Ive come to
know. My normal is two houses. Two celebrations of the same holiday. Two
birthday parties. Two families. Two sets of parents - my parents and my step
parents. Siblings ranging from full blood, half, and step. Two lawyers. Two
different lifestyles. Since age five everything came in twos.
Some people hear the word divorce and get upset. Anytime I have ever
said my parents were divorced I always got the oh my gosh you poor thing,
Im sorry response. No. No sorries, no sympathy. I chose to write about this
because a topic that was once hard to talk about can now be expressed in
eight pages and probably more. Something that once made me sad has
made me strong and helped me develop into the woman I am today. My
parents divorce has had a huge impact on my life and how I view things. It
has taught me to be careful who I love and makes me want to be sure the
person I want to marry is the absolute right one. Call me crazy, but I wouldn't
change it for the world.

Works Cited Page

Bronson. "U.S. Divorce Rates and Statistics - Divorce Source." U.S.

Divorce Rates and Statistics - Divorce Source. Web. 10 Feb. 2015.
<http://www.divorcesource.com/ds/main/u-s-divorce-rates-andstatistics-1037.shtml>.
"Mediate.com - Mobile Site - Mediator Directory." Mediate.com Mobile Site - Mediator Directory. Web. 10 Feb. 2015.
<http://www.mediate.com/mobile/article.cfm?id=229>.

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"Psychological and Emotional Aspects of Divorce." Psychological

and Emotional Aspects of Divorce. Web. 10 Feb. 2015.
<http://www.mediate.com/articles/psych.cfm>
"Should Divorce Be Harder to Get?" OMG Chronicles RSS. Web. 10
Feb. 2015.
<http://omgchronicles.vickilarson.com/2012/10/09/shoulddivorce-be-harder-to-get/>.

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