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ADOLESCENT YEARS

Angela Bell
Adolescent Years
SW 3510
November 14, 2013

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Introduction
Adolescence is described as being the period of growth beginning between ages
10-12 and ending between ages 21-22 (Ashford & LeCroy, 2010). During this stage of
life, individuals are questioning and everything - Who am I? What do I want to be when I
grow up? Whats going on with my body? This is the time when individuals discover who
they are and who they want to become. Being that adolescence covers a wide age
range, researchers believe that it should be broken down into three categories, early
(11-14), middle (14-16) and late (17-21) (Ashford & LeCroy, 2010). Some of the major
differences between the ages are that in early adolescence individuals tend to rely a
great deal of peer approval, middle adolescence goes more with the avenue of selfdiscovery, while late adolescence battles with independence and personal identity
(Ashford & LeCroy, 2010). Two things that all sub categories share are hormone
changes and uncertainty. On top of experiencing biological and psychological changes,
adolescents are being bombarded with various social changes/pressures. Things like
sexuality, drugs, peer pressure and diversity are now knocking at their door.
My adolescent years were only a few years ago, but I am more than glad that
they are over. Those years held a lot of emotions. I can remember always being angry
or having an attitude about one thing or another. I can remember some days just waking
up mad just because the sun was shining to bright or something silly like that. In
hindsight I realize that I was trying to be the opposite of what I really was fragile. I
didnt want to cry, so I yelled. I was too sad to smile, so I wore an angry frown. I didnt
want to be around anyone that was happy, heck I didnt want to be around anyone at all.

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I recall constantly attempting to isolate myself from my family and friends. My

adolescent years were very dark in my opinion.
Significant Life Events and Their Effects
During my adolescent years I can recall experiencing two significant life events.
The first actually happened over a duration of two years. My parents got divorced.
When I was a kid I remember being in school and half of my classmates lived in a home
without both parents. I always thought they were lucky because they got to have two
Christmass! Boy was I wrong. The summer of my sixteenth birthday my father came
into my room to tell me that he and my mother were splitting up because of a variety of
reasons. It broke my heart. I felt like this was something that could not happen to me. I
knew my dad was a cheater and things had changed over the years, but I wanted them
to stick it out and let love prevail. My parents ended up staying together and we moved
that winter. Over the next two years things changed for the worst with my father and
when I came home from my first year at college my mom and I were moving out and
they finally divorced. Although I saw this coming, what hurt the most is knowing that
even though my parents could not work things out, my dad would not let me stay with
him, an hour after we moved out I came back to get a few minor things and he was
changing the locks. All the while this significant life event is transpiring, I had a
boyfriend. We were best friends first and promised to always be friends even if a
relationship does not work for us. Unfortunately while things were rough at home for me,
I was showing it in my relationship without ever telling him what was going on at home.
He refused to go to my prom, missed my graduation and broke up with me. I managed
to get passed that, because after all we did make a promise to always be friends no

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matter what, but he wanted nothing to do with me and acted very harsh towards me. So
in this case it was not the break up, but the broken promise. With so much going wrong
in my life at home I depending on the promise, I needed him to keep his word. With both
of these event taking place at the same time I didnt know what to do. I was so lonely.
Two out of the three men in my life turned out to be major disappointments.
I feel that during my adolescence my emotional intelligence was malfunctioning. I
could not process this overload of emotions and therefore could not problem solve
effectively. I was away at school and unable to focus. I was so angry. I felt unwanted
and damaged in a sense. The unmanaged emotions that I had at that time actually lead
to the loss of my virginity, cutting and period of loneliness. I also slacked off in school.
My next actions can best be described by the theory of social cognitive monitoring. I
took a step back and had to assess what was going on around me. I asked myself
questions. Was I ready to be away from home? Could I separate my issues at home
form my life at school? What could I do to get back on the right track, back to Angela? At
that point, I took a break for a year and then transferred to Wayne State. Both of those
events still play a significant role in how I function today. I constantly evaluate the
relationships that I have with people. I am guilty of trying to please people so they wont
leave me. I can admit that I have daddy issues. I always looked to my father to set the
stand for how a man should treat me. But when he rejected me, I felt as if I could not
trust him or anyone for that matter. I have developed a mentality that I only trust people
to do what they are going to do. I dont believe that someone allegiance to me will stop
them from doing wrong by me. The only person who has never turned their back on me
is my mother. And for that I owe her everything.

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Sexuality
During my early and middle adolescent years, I had absolutely no interest in sex.
I was always attracted to males, but in a very innocent fashion I suppose. Once I
reached my late adolescent years, my hormones woke up! I had a boyfriend and I
couldnt stop thinking about the day I would have sex. It was all my friends and I would
talk about. Although it was on my mind, it still hadnt gotten enough of my interest for me
to actively pursue losing my virginity. Kissing was enough for me. Sex was too serious
for me. For me I enjoyed it when someone would ask me if I had sex before and I could
tell them no. No one believed me because it was so common for girls my age to be
sexually active. Even as a freshman in college I had no interest. When I finally did, it
was in search of filling a void. I was looking to stop the hurt and abandonment I
experienced with my father and my ex-boyfriend. I wanted someone to want me,
someone to need me. This search lead me on a frenzy of temporary promiscuity and
alcohol. And then I finally broke down. I had an out of body experience. I was out one
particular night and I just hated everything about what was going on around me. I
realized that wasnt who I was. After learning about adolescence I believe that at that
moment I was experiencing social cognitive monitoring. I took a moment to try and
make sense of my own social thoughts. I questioned what I was doing? I wanted to
know, What joy did I get out of drinking? I questioned my spirit, I wanted to know Why
was I throwing away something that was supposed to be sacred? I took time to analyze
my thoughts and my previous actions and realized that I didnt fit in, I was trying so hard
to but it just wasnt me. Everything that I was doing only made that void in my heart
bigger. I realized that I needed to get in touch with my spirit.

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Drugs
Drugs never played much of a role in my life. I personally never had any real
interest. Although I grew up in an underprivileged neighborhood on the West side of
Detroit, I was never exposed to drugs growing up. I knew adults that engaged in
smoking marijuana and I knew of a few that used crack, but I never saw anything. My
parents did their best to keep a blanket over my eyes so that I would be oblivious to the
things going on around me. I can closely relate my feelings towards drugs during my
adolescent years to stage 4 of Kohlbergs Stages of Morality theory. This stage deals
with law and order. I knew that drugs were illegal and that they had to be illegal for a
reason. Therefore I chose to stay away. I saw what they did to people around me, and I
did not want to be one of those people.
Peer Pressure
I honestly do not recall peer pressure being a big issue in my adolescent years. I
had managed to stay out of trouble during those years as far as I can remember. In fact,
I remember practically praying to be involved in just one of the wild and crazy stories
that my cousins would tell me about. No one pressured me to do anything, I just wanted
to be a part of the excitement. Maybe if there is such a thing as indirect peer pressure I
would fall into that category. I would hear others tell their crazy stories and I wanted to
be a part of those stories but no one that I hung around coerced me to be involved.
Family Dynamics
My family dynamics changed quite a bit throughout my adolescent years. During
my early adolescents we were a very tight unit. My mother was a stay at home mom

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due to her disability, my father worked in the auto industry and my brother and I were
typical kids. We had finally made it out of a rough area of Detroit and moved to the East
side. We would have family barbeques and movie nights. Naturally we had our bad
times too but it was fun. I can remember my mom and me staying up late and baking
cookies for my dad when he came home from work. My brother and my dad would play
video games for hours when my dad was off work. My dad wanted us to learn about the
stock market so he had us buy a share in something we liked and we would watch for it
every weekend in the paper and tell him how it was doing. But then things changed. No
more movie nights, late night cookie parties or family fun. My dad sold our stocks,
started coming home later and grew very distant. He started to hide us. During my
middle and late adolescent years I was no longer a daddys girls. According to the
theory of moral development, our relationship had shifted to stage 2. Our relationship
was only functionally when something would mutually benefit us. He benefitted me
financially and I would do a task for him. Other than that we barely spoke. I stood guard
for my passive mother. My brother moved out his senior year in high school, he and my
dad just couldnt get along anymore. In essence we were no longer functioned as a
family unit. We were just relatives in my eyes. Till this day I still protect my mom as if
she is my child.
Issues of Diversity
Outside of my family I had no real issues with diversity. I had one mixed friend.
Her mom was white and her dad was black. We were attached at the hip. The only
thing that I could never get past was that they let the dog lay on the couch. Within my
family was another story. During my early adolescent years I was introduced to my aunt

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and cousin on my mothers side. They lived in Kalamazoo, MI. My Aunt is half white.
When we were first introduced I had a very difficult time believing we were related
because they didnt look like me. I had a difficult time understanding that we could be
family and be so visually different.
Conclusion
All in all my adolescent years were very interesting. They were filled with lots of
different emotions. Some of the things that things that happened I really had to reflect
on and wonder why they happened the way that it did, or why I reacted the way that I
did. But from our text, I have learned that it is just something that happens as we get
older. I am happy to look back now and see what I have overcome and how I have
matured. I handle my emotions a lot better than what I did before. My entire outlook on
life and relationships has evolved completely as I am sure that it will continue to change.
One thing I can say is that the various incidents that happened during those years made
me the person that I am today, but I am so glad those years are behind me!

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References

Ashford, J. B., & LeCroy, C. W. (2010). Human Behavior in the Social Environment: A
Multidimensional Perspective. Belmont: Brooks/Cole CENGAGE Learning.