Conflict Management Analysis:

Problem Solving Steps to Manage Conflict

Aubrey Adams
Communications 2110
February 24, 2015

Overview
Conflict occurs in every relationship at some point. Our text explains interpersonal
conflict as an expressed struggle amongst at least a couple of individuals. A lack of resources
or interference when trying to reach a specific goal can cause interpersonal conflict (Beebe, p.
221). My purpose for writing this paper is to, through example, use steps of problem-solving
and collaboration to manage a conflict I am currently having with my husband. In this paper I
want to explain how all parties involved can integrate different conflict management styles and
uncover conflict myths.
Managing the Problem
I believe that my conflict can be resolved and that both my husband and I will feel
respected. Collaboration is the one conflict management style that provides both involved an
equal amount of concern when regarding themselves and others, this is a win-win style I will be
implementing. I will combine this with the five step method of problem solving to manage my
conflict (Beebe, p. 250). The first step is to define the problem. A conflict cannot be resolved if
the problem is not vocalized and unclear to both individuals. If the two individuals can focus on
the outcome instead of their subjective view there is hope that resolution will occur and please
both parties (Beebe, p. 249).
The second step is to analyze the problem. Breaking down its components and
describing events that caused the conflict will help you decide if you need more information to
solve the conflict. Also by breaking down the conflict you can decide whether your conflict is
pseudoconflict or an ego conflict (Beebe, p. 249), Breaking down the components of the conflict

allows you to see the cause, symptoms, or any obstacles that can help get to the root cause of the
conflict and lead you on the path to a resolution.
The third step in resolving a conflict is to determine the goals. State your goals in terms
of underlying general interests; (Clark, Chapter 8 Readings) if one of the individuals is not on
the same page as the other then setting a goal together will not work. Setting goals that fulfill the
needs of both individuals is critical in order to make a solution. Each individual needs to be
other-oriented and be aware of the other persons needs so they can help set a meaningful goal
that can be attainable by both individuals. The more measurable, verifiable, and objective the
criteria, the greater the likelihood that you and your partner will be able to agree when the
criteria have been met (Beebe, p. 250); by making sure that the goal is obtainable you can find
the best way to manage the conflict can help you move forward.
The fourth step is to generate solution and the more solutions you can generate increases
the probability that the conflict can be managed (Beebe, p. 250). When generating a solution
brainstorm and think of any possible solutions. Getting both individuals involved in
brainstorming and encouraging each other is critical in finding a common ground; collaboration
at its finest.
The final step is to select the best solution. The goal of managing a conflict is to help
work through any relationship issues and not just about solving the problem at hand. This to me
is a great challenge. Admitting that you are wrong and offering a positive support can help heal a
conflict. Sometimes finding the best solution may take multiple attempts before you find the
best solution for both individuals. Keep in mind that you, together, are aiming for a win-win

solution, this is collaboration and it allows both individuals to shape the outcome of the problem
(Beebe, p. 238).
Collaboration is necessary in resolving this conflict with my husband, after all, a
marriage is collaboration every day; in order to have success you need to work together and think
unselfishly. Knowing that each person has their own needs and opinions is essential and can
help in solving conflicts and establishing a stronger and long lasting interpersonal relationship.
Background of the Conflict
The conflict I am having with my husband is that he is scheduling work and military time
when I have school which causes me to find last minute child care and leaves me with less time
to study. My husband has been in his desired career know for over two years and I have recently
taken the initiative to stop working and become a full-time student and stay at home mom. In the
past nine years that we have been married I have supported him through three deployments,
school and his current jobs extensive training and feel as if it is my turn to focus on myself and
get a career. Our conflict is a combination of a simple and a pseudoconflict. It is a simple
conflict because it stems from our two separate goals and our perceptions of each other. Ours is
also a pseudoconflict because it was triggered by a lack of understanding and miscommunication
(Beebe, p. 228).
Comparative Dialogues
The following dialogues illustrate our attempt to talk to each other about scheduling military
time during my scheduled classes.
Dialogue A (without using the problem-solving process)

Me: Why do you keep scheduling military work during my class schedule?
Husband: Because the office is not busy and I just need to get it done.
Me: Well, I need to go to class and cannot take our son. You need to reschedule.
Husband: Cant we just find someone to watch him?
Me: It is too expensive and I dont know anyone who can watch him that I trust.
Husband: Well, I guess I can take him with me, I have to get this done.
Me: You cannot take a three year old to a military base and expect him to stay quiet in your
office for a couple of hours. Cant you just go to the office later when I dont have class?
Husband: I need to get this done now.
Me: Well, you shouldnt have procrastinated. They know this is extra and cannot expect you to
have it done right away.
Husband: Yes, they can, it is the military. We will talk about this later.
Dialogue B (using the problem-solving process)
Defining the problem:
Me: I have to attend class and have time to finish my homework. We have to manage our time
together because we cannot have conflicting schedules.
Husband: I agree, with our crazy schedules we need to sit down and figure this out.
*In this dialogue we both have identified that we have a problem that needs to be solved.
Analyze the problem:

Me: There must be something we can do to better communicate our scheduling.

Husband: I agree, our schedules need work in order for us to both be satisfied.
*Instead of pointing fingers we both take credit and acknowledge that we can solve this problem.
Determine the goals:
Me: So, we need to make a figure out each others schedules so we dont overlap.
Husband: Yes, because this overlapping of schedules is too much. We need to figure this
scheduling thing out.
*By determining the goal we were able to both agree that both of our scheduling needs work.
Generate many solutions:
Me: What if we make a calendar where we can both write out our schedules? Or what if we
pick certain days for homework and your over time?
Husband: I think that both of those would work.
*I think that we could have done some more brainstorming and come up with more options.
Select the best solution:
Me: What if we hang a calendar on our desk in the bedroom and we can each write our
schedules down so the other can see.
Husband: I like that, but I think that we need to sit down at the beginning of every month and fill
it out together.

Me: That would work perfect, that way we can discuss the schedule at the same time
*In the end we both felt good about our solution and were able to listen to each other better.
Analysis
When I look back on both the dialogues I realize that in the first dialogue we were
slightly attacking each other and were triggered by a lack of understanding each others
scheduling needs and time management. Time and patience are required to balance your
immediate goal with the goal of maintaining a relationship with your partner (Beebe, pg. 251). I
think that in the second dialogue we were able to take time and be more patient with each other
because we did want to succeed in managing our goal. We were both able to be less selfish and
listen to each others needs.
The conflict style in the first dialogue is almost competitive and we both wanted what we
wanted and it was taken out on the other person involved. I believe, that after sitting down and
actually taking the time to talk about our conflict that each of us did compromise and both were
pleased with the outcome. While compromising we also used collaboration and confirmed that
our relationship was highly valued and that a positive environment was needed (Beebe, p. 238).
One challenge that we came across during the problem-solving process was being able to
encode my message. It is not easy for me to translate my feelings and thoughts (Beebe, p. 7). I
had to come to the realization that my husband does care about me and my feelings and I should
not be afraid to express myself.
Application

My avoidance style has often come back to bite me when I most need help. By avoiding
conflict and backing off has often led to a bigger conflict and unsolved problems. By using the
problem-solving steps I am now aware that expressing your problem can only help you resolve
the problem. A problem will not get solved if the other individual involved is not even aware of
the situation. I used to get frustrated at little things my husband would or wouldnt do but he had
no idea why I was angered because I was afraid that if I did voice my opinion that he would just
get angry. I do know now that we can work together and take time to sit down and listen to each
other without getting angry.
Conclusion
After showing how the problem-solving skills can work and resolve conflict I can now
see how simple problem-solving skills can improve not only the relationship with my husband
but with other family and friends. By applying five simple steps a conflict can be resolved with
no ones feelings getting hurt. Interpersonal conflict will always occur and it is how we handle
the conflict as to how our relationships will either grow or be damaged.

Works Cited
Beebe, S., & Redmond, M. (2014). Interpersonal Communication: Relating to Others (7th ed.).
Boston: Pearson Publishers
Clark, C. (2014). Conflict Management Skills, Available at
https://slcc.instructure.com$WIKI_REFERENCE$/wiki/ch08-readings-conflict-managementskills Accessed February 19, 2015. Merriam-Webster. (2006). New Collegiate Dictionary.
Springfield: Merriam-Webster.