Shawn Frank-Forbes

Melissa Sipin
English 211
January 20, 2014
The Inability to Choose
To define one we often have to categorize our defining characteristics. By
recognizing these personality traits we can begin to have a better understanding of our
self and the relation we hold with society. Each individual trait has shaped us in some
way, whether it be our sex, gender, race or ethnicity. While some strain to express their
uniqueness others rather blend into the crowd. In my personal life I have been divided on
who I want to be and how I want to be perceived. While many people are able to
manipulate their strongest characteristics, in my life the most prominent features are ones
I gained through no choosing of my own. My biology decided my female sex, my father
choose my religious beliefs, and my husbands career choice has dictated my education
and my future career.
The most defining characteristic in my life is being female, whether it being a
daughter, sister, wife or mother. Every role associated with my sex I have welcomed and
strived to excel at, beginning with being a daughter and sister and to my newest roles as
wife and mother. While these roles are not unique they are the most life altering for
myself and arguably most women.
My father was a third generation German immigrant who favored having sons
over daughters. He was gifted with one son and four daughters. His lack of sons didnt
deter his idea of having proud and headstrong offspring. The ironic incident is that of all

his children his son is the romantic and sensitive while all the daughters are ball busters.
The women in my family view that the experiences associated with a college education
and challenging careers are fulfilling goals that are nonnegotiable in our life goals and
aspirations. While a appreciate my father strong sense self he created in all his daughters
growing up in a household with three other strong willed females all very close to age
lead to a very interesting childhood. The competitiveness instilled all my siblings can be
overwhelming at times and often simple board games that are supposed to be encourage
bonding and relaxation will lead to confrontation. I have found now that we have all
become independent and live hundreds of miles away from each other our relationships
have greatly improved.
My siblings and I are very goal orientated individuals but we also have an
appreciation for family life. Many American families are relatively small but my family
consisted of five children. While none of us strive to reach a large number of children we
can appreciate the joys associated with being married and having children. I discovered
relatively early what I ultimately wanted out of life. I met my husband at nineteen and we
were married at when I turned twenty-one, we also have a young son. Many people
believe that I am too young to have agreed to a lifelong commitment. While I was
relatively young when I was married my husband, my spouse was much older. Between
us there is a seven year age difference. In the beginning of our relationship many friends
and family didnt understand the connection between us. I was a college student and he
was already advanced in his career. His friends were convinced a has father issues while
mine viewed him as an older man trying to manipulate a young girl. My view on
relationships can be rather cynical but to me its just realistic. In the beginning of our

relationship we each filled a role the other was looking for. After witnessing my own
parents difficulties with marriage and seeing several failed marriages between friends
and family I saw nothing wrong with entering a relationship with realistic expectations.
Finding someone who I was compatible and shared similar life goals with for me was far
more important than love or attraction. While I do love my husband I feel our relationship
have been built on a strong foundation and we will not break the vows we took when we
were married.
Another defining characteristic is my religious beliefs. I was raised Roman
Catholic and have attended weekly mass since I was young. My father was a very
religious man and wanted each of his children to follow his example. While his intention
of sharing his religious ideals was positive in his mind, to us he was often assertive and
overbearing. Out of five children I am the only child who still remains involved with the
religion. Though my religious preference was begun with my father my faith to remain
with the church is individualistic. The morals and ideals in the church are something I
find important to not only involve in my life but my children. It is not the opinions of the
head of church I find enlightening but the environment of the individual churches and
priests. Growing up I was considerably close with a nun who lived in a nearby convent.
Sister Elizabeth was a kind and whole hearted human being. The sheer lengths she would
go to help those less unfortunate was astounding. While she took her oath to God
seriously her intentions were to help those less fortunate than focusing on preaching.
Even on her meager salary she would use her own funds to feed the homeless or donate
her time to help homeless women find jobs and stability. A large part of still attending
church is in part a way to continue honoring her.

The newest defining characteristic in my life is my relation to the armed forces.

My husband is a United States Sailor and my attending this University is a direct result of
his being station at Norfolk. In marrying him I have committed my life to building a life
wherever he may go. We grew up in Maine and even living in the southern portion of the
state with a larger population, life is very different than much of the rest of the country. I
lived in a town where most residents knew who you were and every person shared a
connection to their community. Moving a thousand miles away is an opportunity to
further expand my experience and finishing my last year at a different university is a
great opportunity.
In the research of myself I have discovered that I along with the characters in At
the Caf Lovely and My runaway Childhood, I two have experienced a double
consciousness. While the instances in which I exist are not are extreme as the two
protagonists I still under the inner turmoil. While my father wanted us to be strong
independent women he raised us in an environment where there is clearly structural
sexism. The Catholic Church is clearly a place for men, women are encouraged to marry
young and produce young Christians to carry on the religion. While a personally I have
no issue with premarital sex or the use of birth control the higher powers of the Church
have considered these actions to be sinful. The usual priest in my church was a young
man who just finished his training. While he did encourage the behavior he understood
the society we live in today is not conducive to have large families with a single provider.
In examining myself I often find my characteristics are often typical and
unremarkable. My sisters often remark I am a boring person and with my analysis thus
far I may have to agree with them. As a person I do not strive to be different or unique,

my ambitions in life is to be happy. Unfortunately for my very eccentric sister this leaves
them at in impasse about my life. While looking back at my own self evaluation, I have
no disagreements about what I have been given in life. The only tension I have with this
evaluation is perhaps I have not experience enough in my life. I was married young and if
not for extenuating forces perhaps the chance to wait would have provided me with a
chance to explore more of this world has to offer.
We do not have the luxury to choose many of our defining characteristics. In my
case I am lucky that the characteristics that I have been graced with have been agreeable
in who I have become. Often people are conflicted because characteristics do not mesh
with who they are as a person. I am grateful for being able to build who I am with what I
have been given.