SMALL STREAMS MAKE FOR A GREAT IMPACT

Zack De Piero 12/1/2015 1:16 PM

Comment [1]: You need the words
Running head: (in your header) before
your title on the 1st page.

Marta Waldrop Bergman

Small Streams Make for a Great Impact
Academic Writing 310

SMALL STREAMS MAKE FOR A GREAT IMPACT

Imagine a world without writing. It wouldnt have had Martin Luther King Jr.s speeches,
it wouldnt have had the Arab Spring, nor would it have had the elected leaders around the
world. Writing is regarded by many as a tranquil activity, something that calm people do, but
what many seem to forget is that writing is the key element behind most of the major changes in
both ancient and modern society. Writing is a powerful weapon many overlook in todays
struggle for justice, even though it is right under their noses. The force of it tends to be forgotten
and the idea that writing creates the base for rhetoric - the persuasive element that is the
foundation for change - does not generally come across as apparent. Writing is there, however,
and it really does make a change when used properly within the right framework. Documentary
filmmaking is one of these forums where writing truly shows its form as a carving tool used to
shape the ideas that will bring changes in the world.
Thea Mercouffer was born and raised in Romania but escaped to the United States with
her family from the communist dictatorship in 1987 (Thea, n.d.). Mercouffer moved to Los
Angeles and there continued pursuing her great passion in life: Acting and Directing.
Meanwhile, she was on the board of a big organization and when they asked her if she could
write and direct a series of films about sexual assault she states in an interview with me that she
fell into documentary filmmaking. Mercouffer took on the challenge to direct the film, going
straight from only having directed theater in the past. She then continued on making a film about
human trafficking, and Mercouffer found that she really enjoyed making documentary films so
[she] stuck with it. That was 13 years ago. Today, Thea Mercouffer is a renowned documentary
filmmaker with a kind heart and a warm spirit.
Mercouffer is one of those who use writing to change the world she lives in, and she does
so through her documentary films. Her latest project clearly shows how using words to ones

Zack De Piero 12/1/2015 1:19 PM

Comment [2]: Youre being a bit
repetitive here. many seem to forget,
many overlook, and tends to be
forgotten

Zack De Piero 12/1/2015 1:18 PM
Comment [3]: Marta, this is a nice start,
but be careful of being overly repetitive3
sentences have started off with Writing
is
Zack De Piero 12/1/2015 1:21 PM
Comment [4]: I need more of a specific,
driving thesis statement, Marta. What,
exactly, about documentary filmmaking, are
you going to be arguing here? And what
specific points are you going to use to make
that case? What genres/documents are you
going to be analyzing? What audience(s) are
you/they focusing on?
Remember: you cant make a grand claim
about the whole world of documentary
filmmaing b/c you havent researched that.
Stick to your evidence and your informant.
Narrow your claim(s).

Zack De Piero 12/1/2015 1:23 PM

Comment [5]: Transition issue: whats the
specific link between sentence 1 and sentence
2? Whatever that is, considering putting it into
the start of sentence 2. (At the end of sentence
1 is another option.) Right nowas a
readerI want from hearing that writing is a
vehicle for change and thats evident in
documentaries toThea am I supposed to
know shes a documentarian? This is coming
up to me too abruptly.

Zack De Piero 12/1/2015 1:23 PM
Comment [6]: This is all goodndandy,
but at the moment, I dont know why Im
reading this information.

(PS: youre doing just fine. I ask everybody
tough questions.)
Zack De Piero 12/1/2015 1:24 PM
Comment [7]: Could this be a better fit at
the start of paragraph 2?

SMALL STREAMS MAKE FOR A GREAT IMPACT

advantage truly can make a difference. It all started when she realized that the Los Angeles River
going through her home city was not deemed navigable, and therefore not under the protection of
the Clean Water Act. Mercouffers husband George Wolfe decided to travel fifty-one miles and
show the EPA (the United States Environmental Protection Agency) that the river was, truly,
navigable (Press release, n.d.). Mercouffer decided to document this act of civil disobedience,
and that created the foundation for her award-winning documentary Rock the Boat. The issue
with documentaries however, is that in order to be able to make them one needs money, and
money has to be asked for. This is where the building blocks of writing used to support worldchanging ideas come into play. Mercouffer had to convince sponsors that her documentary was
worth their time and effort through a documentary treatment, a short document which describes
the intention of the film as well as sets the tone for the production. Mercouffer, being an artist,
found this extremely challenging since often times the primary idea of the project does not
necessarily mirror the finalized product. Not only did she have to try to accomplish that task, but
she also had to be able to write in a way that would make the reader understand the importance
of the completion of her project, and as stated by Gerald Graff and Cathy Birkenstein writers
who fail to show that others should care or already do care about their claims will ultimately lose
their audiences interest (2010, p. 93). Mercouffers whole film depended on her being able to
write in the right way for her audience.
Mercouffer had to apply for sponsorships, and she tells the story of how one has to be
endearing when needed, as well as strict and formal in other settings (interview, 2015). In a the
opening sentence of a sponsorship letter sent by Mercouffers producer for Rock the Boat, one
can understand the fine line that needs to be balanced in order to successfully receive support:

Zack De Piero 12/1/2015 1:26 PM

Comment [8]: Nice artifact! This is a very
unique and specific genre!

Question for you: what about this
artifact/genre are you hoping toor can
youanalyze? What are its conventions?
Has Thea adhered to them? Why or why
not?
Zack De Piero 12/1/2015 1:27 PM
Comment [9]: How do you know this?
Did this comeup in the interview?

RemembeR: think about data as evidence
for your argument. Be sure to include
relevant evidence as much as possible.
Zack De Piero 12/1/2015 1:27 PM
Comment [10]: Way to weave in this
course reading. J Remember: no first
names of researchers in APA.
Zack De Piero 12/1/2015 1:29 PM
Comment [11]: Is this a different artifact
than the one you previously mentioned. Its
unclear to me.

You might want to slow down earlier on and
give an overview of the different
artifacts/genres that youll be bringing up in
this paper. Tell your reader where theyre
going before you take them therethat
way, they can anticipate where theyre
heading while theyre traveling.

SMALL STREAMS MAKE FOR A GREAT IMPACT

Dear Rob,
Our mutual friend, John McLaughlin, suggested I write to you directly
about Rock the Boat the documentary about the Los Angeles River, which Im
producing. Were raising the final finishing funds, a bit less than $30,000. John
and Susan have contributed and think that, given your interest in the river and
environmental activism, you might like to participate, too (Sponsorship, n.d.).

What Randi Johnson, producer of Rock the Boat, shows here is that an application for
funding does not need to be extremely formal, even though he does not directly know the person
he is asking for financial support. Mercouffer does explain, however, that it is when one applies
for grants it is extremely important to follow the guidelines given, and that it can sometimes be
an very tiring thing to write the applications, since they are quite intricate and often fruitless
attempts (interview, 2015).

Zack De Piero 12/1/2015 1:30 PM

Comment [12]: Where does it show that?
Help me understand the connection. (Right
now, it looks to me like you just
copy/pasted the data into your paper. You
need to help me understand how/why it fits
into your greater argument.)

Just as it was important for Mercouffer to write to her audience, she also had to make
sure that people would care about the issue she was trying to shed some light upon. Mercouffer
had Kairos on her side - the idea that within what timeframe one delivers a message is as equally
important as the content of that message (Losh & Alexander, 2013) - and in a time where the
public was becoming more and more concerned about water it couldnt have been better.
Another important factor was exigence, and as stated by Laura Carroll: Understanding the
exigence is important because it helps you begin to discover the purpose of the rhetoric. It helps
you understand what the discourse is trying to accomplish (2010, p. 49). Exigence, which goes
hand in hand with Kairos, means the surrounding events that forces someone to speak up.
Mercouffer was affected by the exigence since that she lived in drought-stricken California.

Zack De Piero 12/1/2015 1:30 PM

Comment [13]: Tremendous tie-in here!
Well done.
Zack De Piero 12/1/2015 1:31 PM
Comment [14]: This is good too, but Id
like to suggest creating a paragraph about
each of these ideasone about kairos and
one about exigence. Slow down and really
analyze whats happening within these ideas
and how it connects to Theas (writing-
relateD) work.

SMALL STREAMS MAKE FOR A GREAT IMPACT

Another crucial part of making a documentary film is the legal documents that need to be
in order. When conducting an interview one needs their consent to use the footage captured
during the interview, and forgetting to get their signature on those papers can make or break a

Zack De Piero 12/1/2015 1:31 PM

Comment [15]: Great. Again, though,
preview this earlier on to maximize the pay-
off here.

documentary before it has even started to come together. One also needs to get proper paper
work filled out in order to receive the permission to film in certain areas, and in that can
sometimes cause issues when they have not been meticulously filled out in the correct way. An
example of this kind of writing is a Crowd Release, which is a legal disclaimer for a location

Zack De Piero 12/1/2015 1:31 PM

Comment [16]: This seems important.
Remind me of how this ties back to your
main argument.

where people may show up in the frame

By entering and by your presence here, you consent to be photographed,
filmed and/or otherwise recorded. Your entry constitutes your consent to
such photography, filming and/or recording and to any use, in any and all
media throughout the universe in perpetuity, of your appearance, voice
and name for any purpose whatsoever in connection with the production
presently entitled: _______________________.
You understand that all photography, filming and/or recording will be
done in reliance on this consent given by you by entering this area.
If you do not agree to the foregoing, please do not enter this area (Bennet,
2009).
The same goes for the use of music and other copyrighted material such as logos or brand
names. When making a documentary film it is crucial to be able to understand and write in legal
terms in order to not get confused in a world filled with jargon. Janet Boyd explains that Jargon

Zack De Piero 12/1/2015 1:33 PM

Comment [17]: This is eating up a lot of
space, and I cant consider it a part of the
minimum requirement of this paper. So, if
you want to keep it, go for it, but it doesnt
really count towards the length. (Why?
Well, this isnt really your
work/writing/thoughts/analysis.)

Zack De Piero 12/1/2015 1:33 PM
Comment [18]: The same what?

SMALL STREAMS MAKE FOR A GREAT IMPACT

is the terminology used by those in a particular profession or group to facilitate clear and precise
communication (2011, p. 89), which could be quite counterintuitive since jargon has in many
instances increased confusion rather than decreased it.
Even though a massive part of the creation of a documentary revolves around disclaimers
and asking for money, the creative process is also highly dependent on writing. Documentaries
may not seem dramatic in the same way as a play or a regular movie, but the creator still has to
make sure that the storytelling is unique, and that the film has an arch that it follows. Mercouffer
states that since she had written many manuscripts for theater before she got involved in

Zack De Piero 12/1/2015 1:33 PM

Comment [19]: True! Once again, this is
a very effective tie-in.

You mght want to include a bit more about
Theas jargon within/across artifacts.
Zack De Piero 12/1/2015 1:35 PM
Comment [20]: I like this topic sentence a
lotit gives me a signal: Yo, Zack, this
paragraph is gonna be about creativity. My
one question/request would be: can you
include a bit more specificity, ie, what
artifacts/genres youll be using to analyze
Theas creativity? Id work in storytelling or
scripts or whatever into this topic sentence.

documentary filmmaking she knew what she was doing, but that the factual and educational
foundation had to be more extensive (Interview, 2015). While writing the script the writer creates
a storyline and the film begins to form a skeleton, one could say. It is around this skeleton the
rest of the documentary will come together, even though the main storyline may change during
the creative process. When the base for the documentary has been filmed, the skeleton will work
so that one can easily see what pieces are missing for it to become a whole body.
Understanding the importance of writing in documentary may not seem to be a priority to
many, but maybe it should be. Even though documentary filmmaking is a narrow niche the
construction of the end product can be applied to most anything. In order to make a change in
this world, one needs to understand the power of writing. Not only inspirational writing but also
what is considered dull writing at times. The legal documents, the press releases, the grant
requests. They all play a major roll in order to create something that will move people into a
direction where they will help change the world and make it a better place. It seems strange that
a futile legal disclaimer could ever make a difference, but when all these components, be it

Zack De Piero 12/1/2015 1:37 PM

Comment [21]: Marta, this is a strong
paper and Im happy with your work here.
Nice job, sister. To get it to the next level,
please consider some of the questions Ive
asked. Also, try to work in some of Rock
the Boatthe documentaryitself. Can
you find additional evidence within that
(artifact) that supports any of your claims
about Thea and her writing?

Most importantly, though, try to be more
explicit about what, exactly, youre arguing
in this paper. How do all these ideas fit
together? What are you trying to ultimately
convince me of?

Still, like I said, awesome work here. J

SMALL STREAMS MAKE FOR A GREAT IMPACT

disclaimers, sponsorship letters, or a draft for a script, come together they will create a mighty
river of what was once mere streams.

SMALL STREAMS MAKE FOR A GREAT IMPACT

References
Bennet, T. (2009, April 17). Crowd Release | JD Supra. Retrieved from
http://www.jdsupra.com/legalnews/crowd-release-44788/
Boyd, J. (2011). Murder! (Rhetorically Speaking). In Writing spaces: Readings on
writing. (Vol. 1, p. 89). Anderson, South Carolina.: Parlor Press.
Carrol, L. (2010). Backpacks vs. Briefcases: Steps toward Rhetorical Analysis. In
Writing spaces: Readings on writing (Vol. 1, p. 49).
Graff, G., & Birkenstein, C. (2010). "So What? Who Cares? In They say / I say: The
moves that matter in academic writing (2nd ed., p. 93). New York: W.W. Norton &.
Interview with Thea Mercouffer, November 4, 2015
Johnson, R., Sponsorship Proposal Rock The Boat (n.d.)
Losh, E., & Alexander, J. (2013). Why Rhetoric? In Understanding rhetoric: A graphic
guide to writing (1st ed., p. 46).
Rock The Boat Press Release (n.d.)
Thea Mercouffer - director and producer of Rock the Boat. (n.d.). Retrieved from
http://www.theamercouffer.com/