Jocelyn Ramirez

Zack De Piero
Writing 2
October 14th, 2015
Value of Political Websites

Comment [1]: Yawwwwn... Jocelyn, get me revved up

about this! :)

Political talk can be really confusing, complicated, and extensive for most people that
dont follow politics closely. At the end of the day, the most important thing should be the
individual issues a candidate and voter care about. Genres are undoubtedly anywhere-from
scientific research papers to tweets to presidential campaign websites-we read and write. As a
part of genres, conventions occur to help determine the most common components of a specific
genre. Kerry Dirk explains genres in Navigating Genres as, That is, of course, not to say that
there arent rules that come with genres; the difference is that the rules change as the genre

Comment [2]: I strongly suggest to *always* avoid

"things"; it's the vaguest word in the English language.
To conquer the world of academic writing, be as
specific and detailed as possible.
Comment [3]: How does sentence 2 build off of
sentence 1? I'm having a tough time seeing how they
connect -- if/whenever that's the case, you need to
think about including more of a transition between
these thoughts to guide your reader along your thought
process.

(PS, please remember: I'm just trying to get the most
out of you, Jocelyn. Please don't be upset; I just
wanna be helpful.) :)

changes, that no rules apply to all genres, and that genres require more effort than simply
following the rules. Genres can come with simple forms and conventions like Tweets or they

Comment [4]: Great use of the course readings here.

Don't forget to include a page #.

can be complicated like a presidential candidate's issues on campaign websites. Campaign

Comment [5]: a tweet is a form, but it's not a

convention...

websites can be very similar and different at the same because they are catered to a specific

Comment [6]: tweets *have conventions*, but they,

themselves, are not conventions.

political party audience. In slightly different ways and political parties, presidential candidatesHillary Clinton, Donald Trump, Bernie Sanders, and Ben Carson-want to influence the American
public as much as possible to agree with their political opinion and gain their vote with
persuasive issues on their website.

A presidential candidates website is an important feature in discovering information

about the candidate, specifically in their issues section. In this area, the candidate is specifically
stating his or her stand on a political issue-college tuition, guns laws, health care, and so on.

Comment [7]: Cool topic! OK, so I think I'd like you to

(1) find a way to combined these two sentences and (2)
tell me what *specific* conventions/rhetorical issues
you'll be analyzing and (3) get more "tension" in here to
raise the "so what?" stakes of your argument. Right
now, it sounds too much like a descriptive paper -- I
want you to present a case! Take a stand and that
back it up with textual support/evidence.

Therefore, anyone wanting to know more information about the political views of a candidate on
a certain subject should look in the issues portion of the website. When you first go to a
candidates issues section, there is a list of issues. Hillary Clinton has twenty three different
issues on her website from voting rights to rural communities and Donald Trump has three. Most
of the issues are the same but each candidate has a different view, largely depending on their

Comment [8]: I think there's a bit too much fluff here,

Jocelyn. Get right to it. What's this paragraph going to
be about? Then start digging in!
Comment [9]: Excellent! This kind of specificity is
exactly what I want. Now the question is: so what?
What does this suggest? (That the Clinton campaign is
more issues-oriented than The Donald's?)

political party. When viewing all the issues and a brief statement about each, you can click to a

Comment [10]: I thought she had 20 more issues than

him... ?

specific issue to find out more information about it.The conventions of the text in these areas, is

Comment [11]: Who is you here? Me? Using

pronouns can be tricky, and you might want to steer
clear of using too many yous/wes.

easy to understand, concise, sectioned with bullet points, and persuasive. Bernie Sanders issue on
Getting Big Money Out of Politics is, Our democracy is under fierce attack. Billionaire families
are now able to spend hundreds of millions of dollars to buy the candidates of their choice. These
people own most of the economy. Now they want to own our government as well. These

Comment [12]: I'm wondering if you're losing focus of

this paragraph a bit, Jocelyn. At first, I thought this
paragraph was going to focus on the issues -- and the
language of those issues -- that were present in the
websites. Now i'm reading about the formatting....

Remember: each paragraph should focus on one main
idea that's central to your argument. One at a time.
Comment [13]: Nice textual support.

candidates use rhetoric to give the reader a sense of urgency to heighten the importance of the
issue at hand and do so by including graphs, large font sizes, numerical statistics, highlighted
words, bright colors, short videos and pictures. Laura Bolin Carroll from Backpacks vs.
Briefcases: Steps toward Rhetorical Analysis states, Rhetoric-the way we use language and
images to persuade-is what makes media work. Sanders rhetoric persuades us to consider the
effects of our democracy and pay attention to how he wants to change it for the better by voting
for him. Ben Carson stance on Obamacare is quite statistical, We didnt need the monstrosity of
the $1.2 trillion Affordable Care Act. Even after it is fully implemented for 10 years, 23 million
people still wont have any health insurance. Carson uses a lot more data to shock the audience
into understanding what is wrong with what is currently happening and how he will improve on
the issue. Both Sanders and Carson, use rhetoric to make their point of view more appealing to
their voters and to ultimately win the presidency.

Comment [14]: Great use of rhetoric and great follow-

up tie-in back to Sanders. However, this seems to be
buried within this paragraph...

(I'm not sure what this paragraph is about, and I can
see that, below, you're bringing up statistics which is its
own major/big issue..)

The Democratic candidates also cater their website to the group of voters they desire.

Comment [15]: Should you call this audience?

Bernie Sanders has a total of seventeen issues, all with detailed sections, graphs, and an image of
Sanders at the top of the issues. On college tuition Sanders states, MAKE TUITION FREE AT
PUBLIC COLLEGES AND UNIVERSITIES. This is not a radical idea. Last year, Germany
eliminated tuition because they believed that charging students $1,300 per year was discouraging
Germans from going to college. Sanders is more specific on issues he feels more strongly on,

Comment [16]: Awesome. Relevant quote and nice

follow-up analysis.

enabling audiences to relate to topics they are more passionate about. An article called, So
what? Who cares Saying Why It Matters describes the importance of why differences matter,
The best way to answer such questions about the larger consequences of your claims is to
appeal to something that your audience already figures to care about. Bernie Sanders believes
his audience already cares about certain issues, therefore he wants to inform them of how he will
improve those issues when winning the election. Hillary Clinton has many policies on her
website but for some of them, she includes emotional videos. Nearly every issue contains lengthy
information separated into bullet points and an image of Clinton involved in something related to
the topic. For example, in the K-12 Education issue, Clinton is shaking hands with a student at
what could be a school. From a direct quote Clinton states, We need a president who will fight
for strong public schools in every ZIP code and every community across the country. I want to
be that president. I want to fight for you and for educators, and for students and for families. I
think they go together. In short, Clinton includes direct quotes, individual videos, and short
conclusions at the end of each video to make it easier for the viewer to receive the content she
cares about without too much work. By including videos, Clinton allows voters to be swayed by
their emotions and be much more like to vote for her because they will remember she caused a

Comment [17]: "For example's" are always a great idea.

:)

reaction within them. All of these candidates, use particular formats to appeal and cater to their
specific audience.

Presidential candidates from different political parties use conventions on the issues on
their websites to persuade voters to agree with their political opinion. This specific genre of
presidential candidates websites is a small part of all the genres out there, but becoming familiar
with this genre and its conventions allows for readers to be conscious voters and maybe one day
write their own political issues. Similarly, for any future presidential candidates, using these
conventions will assist them in creating their own websites because the genre is already set from
the beginning of this technological advancement. Presidential candidates from different political
parties use conventions on the issues on their websites to persuade voters to agree with their
political opinion.

Did Not Meet
Expectations

Thesis Statement

Exceeded
Expectations

Use of Textual Evidence
from Genres

Met Expectations

Comment [18]: This is an important point and worth

elaborating on if you're looking for a way(s) to expand
this paper.

Use of Course Readings

Analysis

Sentence-level Clarity,
Mechanics, Flow

Attention to
Genre/Conventions and
Rhetorical Factors

Organization/Structure

X-

Other Comments

Jocelyn,

Nice paper on a relevant topic. My biggest piece of advice to you is:
think about the organization/structure of your paper and think about
what you want each paragraph to DO. Im only saying this to (try to)
be helpful, but I felt that some of your paragraphs were a bit all over
the place. Ask yourself: what are the main points I want to get
across in this paper? Then: how can I best lay them out -- from start
to finish -- to win my read over? And THEN you might want to fill in
those paragraphs with all the great textual evidence/support tht you
provided -- that way, your paragraphs will hopefully have more
cohesiveness.

Im looking forward to getting an even better version of this for your
portfolio. Also, excellent job on your examples -- you helped me
*see* many of your points.

Z
8/10