Ana Lopez

3/5/16
Unit 4 essay 1
Young Marrieds

Young Marrieds
I interviewed 2 couples who are in their 20 and early 30s. They have been
married between one to five years. As newlyweds, I questioned them about their
marriages. Both are males. These are the following questions and responses I
received:
Q1:
What are the important tasks that young couples need to undertake in order
to have a long-term successful marriage?
A1:
spending time together, getting to know the other persons hot spots, or what
makes them mad so you can avoid conflict.
A2:
Get to know everything about them. Do your homework, getting to know
them on the dating stage. So you already know what they like, what they expect
from you, what their goals are, what they do or dont like. Also get to know their
family before marriage. Get to know whats important in their families and what
they expect.( Ex: religious believes, politics, family values, ect.) You also have to
know their simple goals: Long-term and short term goals. If youre going to get
married to them you have to ask these questions when youre dating. Youre going
to have conflict when your already married and your goals dont match hers. Make
sure individuals goals are compatible.

Q2:
Is it okay for a woman to be more successful than her husband? Even
though the higher-earning wives dont derive the benefit of greater power due to
earning more money, the money-power formula may still work for husbands.
(Strong)
A1:
Yes, I would be okay with it. I would stay at home and my wife working,
drinking red bull and playing videogames all day long. But if shes okay with it too.
We would have to talk about it and see how much see makes to pay the bills and
stuff. If not then I would work too. Then we would be making more money that way.
Q2:
Do you think that would affect you if your family or neighbor thought of you
in a negative way if they know youre a stay home husband and your wife provided
the income?

A2:
I wouldnt care what they think. If we or my wife makes 10X what my
neighbor makes then well show him. This is our life. Not theirs. As long as financial
income is being met, I would be okay with it. I personally believe that a woman
should be the care giver like generations before, but if something were to happen
that I would be unable to provide then thats when she would step inn temporarily. I
would be okay with it because its teamwork.

Q3:

What impact could her success have on your marriage?

A2 &A1:

I dont think it would have an impact.

Q3:
What if she had a degree? Would that matter if she did or didnt? Would it
bother you? How would that affect your marriage?
A1:
Well, from a personal experience, like my father and mother side: my father
had his own business and helped my mom get though medical school financially. He
paid all her tuition. Now she is a DR. She loves it, and makes more money than him.
When my dad decided to make a family business, he wanted to make his own
dealership so his children wouldnt have to work for someone else and he would
later on pass it down to the family to take over. My dad told my mom that he can
take care of all the inventory and outside work, and she could take care of all the
financial business side. Her exact words were, Im a DR. not your dam secretary. I
think it all went downhill from there.
Q3:
So how can someone who is married prevent a problem like that already
being years married?
A2:
A lot of Communication. I think its important to have a realignment on each
others goals on monthly basis to know if you are still going in the right and same
direction. Respect each others decisions.

Q4:
What should be the marriage partners relationship with his or her own
parents?
A1:

A good and open one.

A2
Make sure they dont hate you and get to know them so you wont have
conflict. And sometimes they can get in the way and the in-laws could make you
both get divorce. Like mine.

Q5:

what should be the persons relationship with his or her in-laws?

A1:

Same answer.

A2:
you have to get to know them or they could make you marriage miserable. i
met my wife with different religious values. She converted into my religion on her
own free will and her parents hated me ever since, they tried to get us divorced. You
also have to know what kind of environment she grew up in. That explains a lot why
shes the say she is. For example, abusive parents.

Q6:

What was your hardest adjustment to marriage?

A1:
Finance, you now have to share everything together, and manage your
finance for both of your futures together, instead of just thinking about yourself.
Scheduling time together, its a responsibility and have to know how to schedule
your time with her, especially when you have an overtime job like mine, when she
says, Lets go here, or what time day you have off so we can go here, when can
you get time off to go do this important arrangement? its hard saying I cant take
the time off from work to spend some time together, but when I do have it off its
important to her. So basically balancing work and time together was and still is an
adjustment. Also spending time with the kids. Each one requires individual
attention.

A2:
Getting used to living with another person. Its weird how your single for so
long so your already used to doing your own thing without letting someone else
know your whereabouts, and making room with the other person when they first
move in together. You have to respect and come to agreements on a lot of things.
You have to communicate everything, you have no privacy and you have to open
yourself up to them.

Work Cite
Strong, Bryan. The Marriage and Family Experience. St. Paul: West Pub.,
1983. 246. Print.