Discussion Topic #2 Prompts

Prompt #1: Values Worksheet: What were your top 5 values? What kinds of
defining characteristics did you associate with your values as you crossed them off
the list one at a time until you had only one value listed? What did you learn about
your values hierarchy through this activity?
My top five values are religion, family, order, integrity, and meaningful work. In
working through this activity, I learned that the values that matter most to me are
religion and family. All the others fall within a secondary category that are in
support of religion and family. The defining characteristics I associated with the
secondary values such as order and meaningful work were that they would not be
considered a need to me but more of a want. Integrity is something I hold very dear,
but defaulted to third place behind family and religion. Religion must be my number
one value because this is what God calls us to do and in turn enables every other
aspect of my life to function highly.

Prompt #2: Take a moment to revisit your Identities Table (you completed this as
part of last weeks discussion topic Prompt #4). Take a look at each of your areas
of identity and reflect on your responses there in light of your core values. What
are your core values in each of those areas of identity? Highlight several key
areas of identity that guide you in life and think about whether the values you
ascribed to these areas are values that you truly live by or simply talk about.
Discuss any values gaps
My core values that are underlying within most of my areas of identity are my
commitment to being a great father and husband and living life by the Christian
values I hold dear. This is even reflected in my core values in my identity as an
employee. I made a conscious decision to sell my shares of the organization and
return to being an employee of the company for many reason, but one of the most
important reasons was the amount and quality of time this allowed me to spend
with my family. As an owner, I not only worked long hours but was also burdened
with the stress of ownership. This impacted any time I was able to spend with my
family because I was stressed.
The key areas I chose to highlight are my identities as a father, husband, and
Christian. I would say that I both live by some of these values and unfortunately
simply talk about some of these values. For example, I live my life and make
decisions by always choosing to do what I think is the right thing in any given
circumstance, regardless of personal gain. On the contrary, I always want to be
patient with my children and not allow outside stressors to impact the way I interact
with them. Though I typically do a good job with this, there are times when my

patience wavers. I also try to walk with Christ in every aspect of my life and, as
most anyone of us does, I fail on a daily basis. This would be an example of a value
gap that I experience. I want badly to lead by example and live a life Christ would
be proud of, but I have to say I am not living up to these values. But I do wake up
again tomorrow and give it my best effort yet again.

Prompt #3: Dreams and Desires Worksheet: What underlying meaning did you
discover through exploring your dreams and desires in this manner? Can you see a
connection between what you desire and your inner sense of purpose? Explain.
What I really discovered in completing this exercise, is that somewhere along the
line I stopped dreaming for myself and began dreaming for my family. The self
centered things that I used to dream of as a single man are no longer important. My
wife and my children are my focus and providing them with a high quality of life is
my biggest dream. I absolutely see a connection between what I desire and my
inner sense of purpose. For example, my wife and I both dream of moving to the
South in search of a different life for our family. We long for a slower pace of life
where Jesus and family are the focus and time passes more slowly. This desire along
with the desire to gain financial freedom is directly connected to providing my
family with a high quality of life.

Prompt #4: Lemming Debrief: Think about the structures in your life select two
or three and discuss how each of these structures influence your life, the way you
view the world, the way you relate to others, and your ability to be effective.
There are many structures that influence my life but the two that really hit home
with me are geographical and beliefs about others. I was born and raised in Phoenix,
Arizona and have witnessed many changes over the course of the last 36 years.
Some have been for the good, but in my option, many of the changes have had a
negative impact on the lifestyle I seek for myself and my family. I am not sure if it is
the many transplants that have decided to move here, or just the Scottsdale culture
rubbing off on people, but it seems as though the desire for community and caring
about your neighbors has all but vanished. Growing up on a street of 30 or more
houses, there were only a couple of neighbors I didnt know well. There always
seemed to be people outside in conversation and a genuine care for each other. Fast
forward 36 years and it seems that the neighbors cant get the garage door closed
fast enough behind them. I also feel that the culture here has become very much of
a me culture where that is what most people are concerned about. If you dont
believe me, just spend 15 or twenty minutes driving around town.
This geographical location and the beliefs about others are definitely structures
under the surface that have a great impact on me. I have spent time in the Sothern

United States on various occasions and know many people who reside there. Each
experience has been very refreshing as the culture feels like what I experienced
growing up. People are friendly and caring and the overall pace of life is much
slower. I have learned that life passes us by way to quickly on its own, the last thing
I need to do is reside in a place that contributes to an even faster pace.

Prompt #5: Make some connections between the Lemming Dilemma and the HBR
article Do your commitments match your convictions? In particular, comment on
inertia with respect to the structures in your life. Elaborate on the positive and
negative aspects of inertia with respect to living a values-centered life.
I found the concept of inertia very interesting as I have thought about this in
different terms over the course of that last few years. As I mentioned, things here
have changed pretty drastically and in turn have forced me to react. For instance,
the drivers in this city seem to be extremely selfish and not very courteous. A good
example of this is trying to change lanes on the freeway. In a non selfish
environment, one would engage their turn signal to let the other drivers know they
wanted to change lanes. The surrounding drivers would then make the adjustments
needed to allow for the lane change. In the environment I am used to, if there is an
opening of more than half a car length between you and the vehicle in front of you,
someone is ultimately going to force their way in front of you. There are two options
in this situation, either slow down to allow the driver over or speed up to close the
gap. For years I would slow down to let the drive over, and then I realized that in
doing this I am just moving further and further back in traffic because someone else
forced their way in front of me. So in response I have noticed myself driving more
like those around me in order to not get taken advantage of. This is a great analogy
for many aspects of life and to me it is inertia that my subconscious reaction is to
react to the behavior of those around me. Similar to the example Snull and Houlder
provide in the article Do your Commitments Match your Convictions of the driver of
the car who stepped on the gas to only spin his tires, that is how my reaction to the
new culture here has impacted me. It has in a sense forced me to take on the very
selfish behaviors I so strongly dislike. I think this has happened and keeps
happening to many people here and the result has become a changed culture. A
great alternative in which my wife and I are exploring is to relocate to another place
where the culture is more suited to the lifestyle we want to live and raise our
children in.

Prompt #6: Imagine that your life exists exactly the way that you want it to be,
right at this moment regardless of what you believe is actually possible. What do
you see? Where are you? Who are you with? What do you do with your time? Be

specific. Also, what underlying personal meaning, values, personal characteristics,

desires are represented and/or satisfied in that life?
If my perfect world, my family, both immediate and extended would live in the
South in a time similar to that of the 1940s and 1950s. If any of you have seen the
movie The Notebook, this is pretty much the era and location I would choose. The
values that once made America great, like the pride of being American, a faith
centered life and community, and a strong focus on family and the time spent
together is what I see. I would more than likely be in the military, as my
grandfathers and father were, which I would have been proud to do. I would spend
every free moment with my family, whether playing with the children in the
backyard, or taking a family vacation. I would also love to sit on the swing on the
front porch, drink sweet tea and have great conversations with my wife as the
children play.
As mentioned in the Harvard Business Review article Reawakening your Passions for
Work, some realize life is too short and priorities come into perspective. This is very
true for me as with the birth of my two sons, I have realized that the legacy I want
to leave behind is not my accomplishments at work, but the life I have provided for
my family. The underlying values that are satisfied in this life for me are the desire
to spend time with family which is what matters most in life to me and provide a
wholesome and safe upbringing for my children. I believe this would enable me to
live life with the values that I hold dear without feeling as though I have to
compromise them in order to assimilate with the ways of society.