Brianna Melanson

Document Fiction
Perspectives on Divorce: Anonymous Stories of Affected Children
My mom and dad got divorced when I was in 2nd grade, my sister in
1st. I had an inkling of it happening when I heard my parents arguing in the
kitchen and me and my sister were brushing our teeth in the bathroom down
the hall. I snuck up to the side of the kitchen doorway and thought I heard
them mention the term divorce. I ran back to my sister and told her what I
heard and she got really upset. I think it was her telling my parents what I
heard that they finally sat us down. When they did, it didnt sink in. They
hid their disagreements so well. I tried to dismiss it. I tried to make it
positive by saying wed have two Christmases. I was very selfish. I couldnt
make sense of anything they were saying.
It didnt click that divorce meant my mom would be moving away. She
moved to Niskayuna, 10 minutes from us. We stayed with our dad so we
could be at the school we were used to and with our friends. Im so glad she
didnt live any farther than that though because when it came to girly things,
like my first period, she could drive right over.
I think I was so distracted by who knows what, that one night at dinner,
one of the first nights my mom was living in her new house, I asked where
she was. My sister called me stupid and my dad asked, Where do you think,
silly? At her new house. Do you want to call her?
I replied, I can call her?! So he gave me her new phone number and I
called to say I missed her and she said she missed me, too and was just
unpacking some things. She said me and my sisters room would be ready
soon so we could live there on the weekends. The house needed a lot of
work. She was painting our room lavender. I always thought it was a pain to
keep going back and forth and it was difficult to schedule play dates with
anyone.
The first time she took us to her new house, I remember being nervous
and very judgmental of the old, smelly brick house the previous owner did
not take care of. I felt like she deserved better. It has come a long way since
then. Now it is the cutest, up-to-date house on Balltown. And my mom did it
all on her own- basically. Anyway, she showed me and my sister a tiny room
in the corner of the house that was freshly painted and had bunk beds set
up. I was angry that I had to share a room with my sister because we never
got along, but there were only two bedrooms in the house at the time. I put
a smile on my face because I knew my mom was trying hard and said I liked
the room. She and my sister went to make lunch and I said Id be right there,
but I just sat on the bunk bed and reality suddenly broke through. I started
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crying. My mom heard me and came in to check on me. She said she was
going to do the best she could to make us comfortable there and she knew it
must be tough for us. I was a little more accepting of the situation after that.
We had to go to a program called Banana Splits at school and I dont
remember ever learning anything, but I think this encouraged my writing in
my diary. Im pretty sure we eventually got our banana split sundaes at the
end of the program.
My dad started going to the City on weekends to visit my future stepmom, Cathy. Since it was getting serious, me, my dad, and sister took the
train to the City to meet her and her son, who was an adult. My sister loved
Cathy right away and held her hand, but I was hesitant and skeptical. I
secretly wanted my mom and dad to get back together. They were still
friends, thank goodness, so they would hug once in awhile and that would
make me hopeful. I eventually realized that wasnt going to happen and
started taking a liking to Cathy when she eventually started to come up from
the City for the weekends. My mom and dad would have been miserable if
they stayed together and they made the right decision. As long as they are
happy, I am, too.
My dad got remarried to Cathy when I was in 8th grade. Before the
court house wedding, we were getting dolled up at my dads and she came
up to me to double-check that I was definitely okay with everything, tell me
that she loved my father, and that nothing major was going to change. She
didnt want me to worry about anything and she thought of me and my sister
as daughters. I love her like family, too. Plus, she makes excellent chicken
parm. Me and my sister were living off of hot dogs, peas, and pizza every
week for years at my dads until she came along. My dad needed another
woman in his life. I am very happy for them. My mom has dated off and on
is still trying to find her Hugh Grant. She has since told me stories of my dad
and their relationship and I can see how they were not a good match.
We do have two Christmas mornings and we dont receive any more or
less presents than we would have before. If anything, it makes it more
complicated on holidays to choose who to celebrate with or whose house
were going to first, but you get used to it. Today my parents are equally
involved in my life and help me out. I mostly live at my moms, but I still
have a room at my dads. I feel lucky that their divorce had a happier ending
than many others. I made a promise to myself that I would be positive my
fiance is my soulmate before getting married and would never get a divorce
to my husband; we would work through our fights.

My parents divorced when I was two. I don't remember them ever

being married or living together. When dad moved out mom said our house
was sick and we stayed with gram for a few weeks. I think my mom
explained it the best she could for a two-year-old to understand. I lived with
my mom and went to dad's every other weekend. My dad had a girlfriend he
had Brian with and mom remarried. Both those relationships ended when I
was 8. I wasn't phased by it really; my parents dated a lot. I was used to
people coming and going. Growing up though I really wanted a normal"
family life. A mom and dad who loved each other. I used to pretend my play
families were real. I think I struggled also being an only child. When mom
was sick and dad died, I felt alone; not only were my parents not together,
but I had no brother or sister to lean on.
When Jon and I got engaged, his parents asked we go see a priest. The
priest found out my parents divorced and told me children of divorce are
likely to end up divorced as well. We also were an army couple and the
divorce rate is 80 percent. We ended up not letting this man marry us, but
what he said stuck with me.
Our family seems to have a high number of divorces. Out of grams 4
kids, 3 got divorced. Out of 11 grand kids 4 got divorced. I was very worried
that I would not know how to be a wife?
I really want to give my kids the life I didn't have. I think today people
rush into marriage and then rush out when things get bad....but if you just
can't make it work you should divorce.

I was 21 and it was the summer before my senior year in college. My

mom sat me and my sibling down (also in college), and said she figured out
that my dad had been cheating on her for at least a year. She said that there
had been some distance between them for awhile and they had somewhat
drifted apart, but had found evidence of the cheating on his cellphone,
obviously the last straw. My parents are now separated now and the divorce
is being finalized, so he has since moved out, and is attempting to maintain a
good relationship with me. In all honestly it was a blindside, it came out of
nowhere. Prior to this, I loathed and despised cheating, but this situation has
solidified and reinforced that. I would've rather had them get divorced years
ago than it go down in the manner that it did. Be honest in a marriage or in
any relationship, and break up or get divorced before you cheat, and if you

cheat and hide it not only is it cowardly but against the vows that were
supposed to mean something.

My parents decided to get divorced when I was 4, in 1998. They got

married a month after I was born in 1994. I was confused then and my
parents sent me to therapy in an attempt to help make things more clear. I
developed separation anxiety as a result and had trouble coping with their
separation. Now, they're good friends and help each other out often. I'm glad
they got divorced. They were miserable together and are so much happier
with other people. It hasn't changed my view on marriage but I am more
cautious and do not want to rush into marriage the way my parents did.

My parents got divorced when I was about 5 or 6, so it's hard to

remember exactly how I felt. To be honest I don't think I thought of it as they
were out of love anymore because the concept of love wasn't even real to
me yet. Them getting divorced meant 2 houses, 2 rooms, and a whole lot of
back and forth. My parents signed me up for a program at school with
divorced parents called banana splits. We met and talked about our feelings
and occasionally ate ice cream. I didn't like it because I wanted to be eating
lunch with my friends, not talking to strangers and I didn't feel like I had
much to say anyways. As I got older in middle school and high school it
became more frustrating going and back and forth and having to choose
which holidays to spend where, and the fighting between my parents over
us. But it wasn't until my late high school and early college years that I
started to think about their divorce as something that happened to them,
and not something that happened to me. It really bothered me and made me
resent my dad a lot. Id never had the best relationship with my dad to begin
with because we fought a lot and i've always been exactly like my mom. The
one time we had an actual conversation about it, my mom told me she felt
like she settled with my dad because she didn't think she'd be able to find
anyone else. As soon as they got married they had my older sister which
caused my mom bad postpartum depression and my dad immediately
wanted to have another baby. My mom wasn't ready and she did it anyways
and here I am today. That makes me resent my dad a lot because it sucks to
have that much pressure on you. I also think he's never understood the
concept of real depression because even when I started suffering from it he

just blamed me more. I think it probably did change my views on marriage in

the way that I want to be absolutely 100% positive when I get married. But
also I know 50% of marriages end in divorce and if I some day end up getting
one it will be okay. The worst is going over to friends houses with parents
who are still clearly in love. That's frustrating because I had no control over
the situation. My overall opinion on divorce has not changed much. If you
feel like that's what's right for you then do it. It's not the end of the world
and you can't be stuck in a marriage that s suffocating you. It's only taught
me to be careful about who I choose to spend the rest of my life with.

My parents got divorced when I was 16. I didn't see it coming. They
didn't fight a lot so from my perspective they were happy. My mom initiated
the divorce and my dad just could not take it. He turned into a monster who
did not care about me or my older brother. He only cared about hurting my
mom no matter what the cost. My brother got sent over the edge into
alcoholism and a pretty bad mental breakdown. I have since forgiven my dad
and have tried to rebuild my relationship with him over the past 6 years. His
relationship with my brother still suffers and he can't even be in the same
room as my mom. After finding out about my parents and all their hidden
problems over their 23 year marriage, I started looking very critically at
myself. I tried to see what flaws of theirs I had inherited and I continue to try
and learn from their mistakes. I blamed my mom for a long time for "ruining
my life" but I realize now that she had to do what made her happy and if I
had continued to see my parents as an example of a "healthy" relationship, I
might repeat their mistakes in the future. I'm in a committed 4 year
relationship that has survived 4 years of me being away at school as well as
an array of other adversities. We have some of the best, most open
communication skills of any couple I know and I'm not afraid of commitment
or getting divorced in the future because I will make sure my future family
will not be destroyed by divorce like mine was.

My parents divorced when I was 2 years old because my father had an

alcohol problem. My mom's father was an alcoholic, too so she didn't want
my brother and I growing up with an abusive father, as well. When I was
young, we were only permitted supervised weekend visits but as I got older, I
saw my father more. Now, almost twenty years later, my mom is remarried

to my wonderful step father. My dad is married to my step mother and they

have a daughter together. Life isn't how we planned but I wouldn't trade my
four parents for the world.

My parents were never married, but I went through a similar situation

to some of those that did deal with divorce. My parents were together for a
little over seven years in total. In this time, they moved in together. My
father was coming into a family with three children and their mother (my
siblings and my mom). A few years into their relationship my parents were
pregnant with my brother Joey. My dad couldnt be happier because he really
wanted kids and this would be his first. My mother however, was now having
her fourth kid, and as she likes to say I was not leaving Joey by himself.
What she means is he would be growing up with his closest sibling being
nine years older than him. So they planned to have another baby; that baby
was me. When I was born they started looking for a bigger house because as
a family of seven, the house we were in was not cutting it. We moved into a
house when I was about one year old. Everything seemed to be fine for a
little while, and then things started going downhill. When I was three years
old my parents split up. I do not really remember much from this age, so for
me it was just part of my life. My mother stayed in the house with her
children and my father moved out into an apartment. When they split up,
there was a custody battle between them, and my mother was given full
custody of me and my brother, with my father having weekends with us.
A few years later (when I was five or six), things changed drastically for
me and my brother. My father was in a serious relationship, and was getting
married later that year. This would be a huge factor in the events soon to
follow. My mother was an alcoholic (although I would like to say now that
anyone recovering says once an alcoholic always an alcoholic no matter how
many years sober. My mother is 15 years sober now, and will introduce
herself at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting as an alcoholic). One day she
was up drinking with my neighbor until morning. She worked at the
elementary school me and my brother attended, and that morning she drove
us to school as if everything was normal. What I remember from this day was
sitting out on the curb with my mother after being called from class, and
waiting for her to get done speaking to the police officer. We walked home
that day, and after that it was kind of blurry. The next spot I remember is
Christmas night following this incident. I was home with my mom and brother
Joey. My mom called us upstairs and into her room. She sat us down and told

us we wouldnt be seeing her for a while, we would be staying with our dad. I
couldnt really understand what was going on at that moment, but life was
going to be different.
Joey and I moved into an apartment with my dad and his wife, we had
no contact with our mother. CPS had given my father full custody with no
visiting hours for my mother until she went through what they considered a
rehab time. She was told to go to AA meetings, get a sponsor (in AA) and get
a job. In the meantime, Joey and I were adjusting to our lives. We moved
from Mastic to live in Sayville, this meant a new school. When the change of
school processing was occurring my dads wife, Krista, was telling the school
she was our mother, which caused a lot of issues when my mother found out.
And trust me she did and was all but happy.
Things started to change a few months after moving in with my dad.
My mom had completed what was required of her in order to get visiting
hours with me and my brother. This was difficult to go through because
everything she did was questioned. There was always a CPS working
watching her like a hawk as well as my dad and Krista. Soon we werent
watched by CPS and my mom was given weekend custody. After six months,
my mother was given full custody and my brother and I moved back into our
mothers house. Shortly after this though, my father and his wife got a
divorce. This was the second time I was going through a breakup.
Now that you have a background, let me explain how this affected me.
I found out my parents were splitting up around three years old, but I dont
remember anything major until I was six. To me, them splitting up wasnt a
huge deal because I was so little, I dont have any recollection of being
upset. It was when the custody battle started and CPS came into the picture
that things changed. When this was happening I remember being very upset
because I did not want to go through this huge change. I can remember my
mother sending us cards writing about how much she missed us and how
hard she was working to see us again. This hurt me even though I was so
little. Moving onto after my mother had full custody again, it was always a
battle of parents for at least five years. There was constant bickering and a
need for one parent to feel dominant. This meant I heard nasty things about
each parent from the other one, each trying to convince me why they were a
terrible parent. For a few years after this, things were fine. My parents had
grown out of the bickering stage and could talk to each other and deal with
things when they had to. Flash forward to my senior year of high school, and
things reverted right back. My mom kicked my brother out of my house and
a civil war broke out in my family. I felt like I was right back at six years old

again. Who do I believe? Whos the better parent? Why do I agree with one
over the other?
As far as I know, this is going to be my life, for the rest of my life. I will
always have split parents who have a terrible relationship. From this I learned
that divorce does affect children and it can be difficult for some more than
others. I dont have a horrible experience, and I know people who went
through their parents getting a divorce and are in a much worse situation
than I am. I really dont remember my parents being together, and knowing
them now, I dont know how they ever were. I think my biggest learning
experience would be that children can take divorce harder than parents, and
it is different in everyone. So no one can make assumptions based on their
own experience.
Lastly, my views on divorce and marriage. As far as divorce goes, I
really feel if the relationship cannot be fixed, and after a while of trying
nothing works, then yes a divorce can fix things. I dont believe anyone
should stay married to someone who they grew apart from and knowing if
they stay with them, that they lose their own happiness, it isnt worth it.
Even though kids are affected, they can get through it and eventually
understand it should they ever encounter this situation. With marriage, my
parents splitting up didnt change anything. I have always looked at marriage
as a bond between people who truly love each other. I live in a world where it
is common to divorce, so my parents werent really the ones to put happily
ever after out of the
picture for me. I do believe marriage is a wonderful thing, and I hope to
get married one day. However, should I get married and come into a situation
where I am truly unhappy and nothing can be worked out, then I would get a
divorce. I think growing up with split parents almost helped with this. I dont
look at divorce as a huge scary thing. I can honestly say I wouldnt view
having to be a single parent as the end of the world. I grew up with two
single parents, and here I am, going to college. So obviously it can be done,
and there is nothing to really worry about. I grew up knowing that both of my
parents loved me unconditionally, and this gives me confidence going into
relationships and thinking of having children. I can get married and have a
loving family, and should anything happen where I get a divorce, it will all
still be alright.