1

DanielLieu
Dr.Haas
Writing39C
May18,2016
AdvocacyProjectDraft1
Throughoutthepast100years,scientificdevelopmentanddruganalysishasprimarily
beenmadethroughtheresearchstudyofratsandmice.Whatbeganasjustafewassignments
slowlyescalatedbeyondthenormal,nowatover100millionratsayearintheUnitedStates
alone.Sinceanimalsareasensitiveissuetostudytomanyscientistsandanimaladvocates,the
U.S.CongressissuedanAnimalWelfareActin1966thatimposedstrictregulationsupon
differentanimalsinthelaboratory.Amongthoseincludedweredogs,cats,guineapigs,and
nonhumanprimates.Notincludedwererats,whichisthelargestgroupusedtotesttothisday.
Dr.MarkBekoff,aprofessorofecologyandevolutionarybiologyattheUniversityof
Colorado,Boulder,wroteanarticleinPsychologyTodaydiscussinganimalemotions,butmore
specifically,ratsinthelab.Hesays,Whyaretheseinteresting,sensitiveanimalstormentedin
experimentsatall?AndwhyareratsandmicespecificallyexcludedfromtheAnimalWelfare
Act?(PsychologyToday).MarkBekoffraisesaninterestingpointthatwhilevoicinghis
opiniononratsbeingsensitiveandinterestinganimals.Theseratsandmiceareusedforanimal
testing,butatthesametimetheyredoingso,theyreceivenoprotectionbytheonlygoverning
lawthatcanprotectanimals.Asaresult,over100millionratsareusedinthelaboratoryeach
yearstrictlylimitedtotheUS,notincludingtheotherplacesintheworldwherescientific
developmentisoccurring.

Whilethestatisticofover100millionratsusedinthelabisvagueandunspecific,thisis
largelyduetothefactnoregulationsarerequiredtobeimposedtotheseanimals.TheAWA
needstopresentastricterregulationforratsandevenstartwithsomethingassimpleasincluding
ratswithintheprotection.Beforebeingabletoproposesomethingthatcanchangethecultureof
howalabfunctionsandwhatoccursinalab,muchresearchhasbeenconductedintoratsand
howthesespeciesinteracttolabtesting.Thesciencethatsunderstoodtodayregardingratsis
primarilydevelopedbytheresearchofSharonAckerman,DeliaVazquez,andJaakPankseep.
Thesethreescientistscontributedtoprovingthatratsgrieveandfeelpain.
TheCommitteefortheStudyofHealthConsequencesofStressandBereavement
publishedthefirstwellknownbookregardingratgriefonJanuary1,1984,titledBereavement:
Reactions,Consequences,andCare.Thecommitteegatheredthefindingsofover100scientists
andbroughttheirsummarytotheNationalAcademyofScience,leadingtotheir
acknowledgementasoneofthefirstreputablesourcesinthisfield.SharonAckerman,aformer
researcheronproteinfolding,andcurrentprofessoratWayneStateUniversity,ledthefirstlarge
discoveryinthebookwhenshestudiedratreactiontoseparationin1980.Herresearchgroup
hadacontrolgroupconsistingofaratandanewborninfantwhowereallowedtobetogetherin
thesameroom.Herexperimentalgroupdifferedinthesensethatinfantswereallowedtobewith
theparentsforxamountofdays,andthenwereseparated.Theinfantratsthatwereseparated
fromtheirparentswereobservedtosufferfromaweakenedimmunesystemincomparisonto
theirimmunesystembeforeseparation,andevenappearedtobeinsomniacwithareductionin
REM(RapidEyeMovement)cyclewhentheytriedtosleep(InstituteofMedicineCommittee).

Ackermansunderstandingofratbehaviorthroughherseparationexperimentledtothe

researchgroupsfirstconclusion.Theyconcludedthatinfantratsseparatedfromtheirparents
underwentgriefinaverysimilarfashiontohumans.ThescienceregardingREMsleepcyclewas
establishedin1952byaneuroscientistnamedEugeneAserinskywhomadethispublicationin
theJournalofHistoricalNeuroscience,leadingtohistitleasthepioneerofsleepstudy
(Aserinski,1).AserinskydiscoveredthatgriefresultedinanegativeimpacttotheREMsleep
cycleofhumans.BecausethiswasestablishedbeforeAckermanobservedtherats,shewasable
toconcludethatratsdoinfactundergoasenseofgrief,whichwasthefirstactualconnectionto
ratsandgrief(InstituteofMedicineCommittee).
AftertheobservationfromAckermanmadethefieldofratgriefmorewellknown,Delia
Vazquez,aneuroscientistandprofessorofPediatricsandPsychiatryattheCenterofGrowthand
Developmentdiscoveredthenextmilestoneregardingratgrief.Sheisolatedratsinasimilar
fashiontoAckermansexperimentinthesensethatshestudiedwhatoccurredwheninfantrats
wereseparatedfromtheirparents.Itdifferedbecauseshestudiedradioactivelylabeled
adrenocorticotrophin(ACTH),orthehormonereleasedinthebodywhenexperiencingstress
(Vazquez1).Vazquezsknowledgeofthishormonewasbasedoffofapreviousstudyonhumans
byadoctorandprofessorattheUniversityofMontreal,CanadanamedHansSelye.In1951,he
tookthemothersofterminallyillchildrenandobservedthemfromthebirthofthechildtothe
death.HespecificallymeasuredtheACTHlevelsandfoundthattheywereonlyreleasedwhen
themotherexperiencedstress,whichincomparisontonormalmotherswithoutthisstress,was
multipliedtenfold(Selye476).

Vazqueztookthisunderstandingandseparatedtheinfantratsfromtheirmothers,

measuringtheirACTHlevelsbeforeandafter.Shefoundthatwhentheratwasseparated,they
wentfromanormallevelofACTHthatgraduallyincreasedovertimeanddidnotdecrease
unlessreunitedwiththeirmother.Throughoutthe10dayexperimentinvolving200samples,the
prolongedACTHwassimilartotheobservationfromSelyeregardingthemotherswho
experiencedprolongedACTHlevelsincomparisontothenormallevels(Vazquez1).Her
discoveryledtotheconclusionthatratsexperiencestressinthesamefashionashumansata
microlevelinadditiontoamacrolevel.ShepublishedherfindingsintheJournalof
Neuroendocrinologyin1997,discussingtheeffectsofstressinrats,explainingthatratsundergo
thesameresponsewhenunderstressandgrievingashumansdo(Vazquez3).
Morerecently,aneuroscientistnamedJaakPankseep,thechairmanfortheAnimal
WellBeingSciencefortheDepartmentofVeterinaryandComparativeAnatomy,Pharmacology,
andPhysiologyatWashingtonStateUniversitypublishedAffectiveNeuroscienceofthe
EmotionalBrainMind,ajournalregardingthebrainofratsin2010.Hespecificallystudiedthe
effectofhormonalchangesinratsduringdepressionandcomparedittohumans.Inhisjournal,
henotedthatdepressionresultedinasustaineddysphoriawithhormonalchangethatdoesnt
decreasetoanormallevelafter48hours(Pankseep1).Ratsthatwereexperiencingadecreased
amountofactivityandlackofappetitewerefoundtoexperienceanelevatedlevelofhormones
inthebody,incomparisontothehormonallevelsofthatratfromapriordatacollection
(Pankseep2).Pankseepconnectedthissustainedelevationofhormonallevelsandcompareditto
humans.Duringdepression,humansexperiencethesameelevatedhormonelevelthatratsdo.As

aresult,heconcludedthatratsexperiencedasimilartypeofdepressiontohumans,furthering
ourunderstandingofratgrief(Pankseep1).
Theseconclusionsallleduptotheconclusionthatratsdoexperiencegrief,buthowdoes
itchangethewaythatscientistsarethinkingaboutusingratsastestsubjectsinthelaboratory?
TheonlygoverninglawregardingtheuseofanimalsinresearchandtestingistheAnimal
WelfareAct(AWA),publishedin1966bytheU.S.DepartmentofAgriculture(www.gpo.gov).
ThisAWAdoesntincludethemostusedanimalinthelab,whichpresentsaclearandstriking
problem.Since1966,therehasntbeenasinglechangetotheAWA,regardlessofthefactthata
majorityofthegroundbreakingdiscoveriesregardinggriefinratswerediscoveredafter1980,
beginningwithAckerman,andnotpublisheduntil1984.
KnowingthattheAWAdoesnotfederallyprotectthelivesofratsandmiceinthelab,it
helpsexplainthenumbersalotmoreclearly.AccordingtotheAmericanAntiVivisection
Society,95%ofofanimalsusedinthelabareratsandmice.Asaresult,whenthenumbersare
calculated,ashockingnumberofover100millionareusedinthelabeachyear.Everysingleone
ofthe100millionratsarenotprotectedbytheAWA,resultinginextremelyharshlabconditions
andthefreedomforscientiststousetheseanimalswithoutconsiderationforpain
(www.aavs.org).
TheirrelevancyofratsintheAnimalWelfareActhasnotonlyhinderedwhatoccursin
thelab,butalsohowresearchisconducted.U.S.researchgroups,likeSpeakingofStatistics,a
groupthatconductsresearchonawidevarietyofdifferentgroups,organizations,andrandom
statistics,conductedasurveyonthenumberofanimalsusedinlaboratoriesintheUSeachyear.
Lookingatfigure1,therearemanydifferentcategoriestakenfromanimalresearch,howeverthe

mostshockingthingisthatratsandmice
arentincluded.Thisisbecausethereisno
regulationsonreportingthatlabresearchers
needtoadhereto,resultinginonly
estimationsthatofficialstatisticsitescant
report.
Image1:GraphtakenfromSpeakingofStatisticsonAnimalResearch

Insummary,ratsbeingexcludedfromtheAWApresentsaclearproblemduetothefact
therearenoregulationsimposeduponratstoensuretheirsafetyfrompain.Bekoffhighlightsthis
issueperfectlywhenhequestionswhywereusinganimalsthataresensitiveandnotprotected
underanyregulations.Itleadsustoreconsiderthisissueandquestionifweshouldmakethe
AWAstricter.
Approachingasolutionforusingratsinthelaboratoryisadifficultproblemtoapproach
becauseitdealswithsciencethatrequiresprogress.Manyofthesolutionsthatareproposed
generallyfailduetotheinabilitytoreplicatetheresultsthatwouldonlybepossiblethroughthe
useofrats.Asaresult,itleadstoanalyzingtwodifferenttypesofsolutions:Aglobal/bigpicture
solution,andagrassrootssolution.
Beginningwithaglobalsolutionthatdealswithapolicyorlawthatcouldbeenactedto
minimizetheuseofratsandthewayratsaretreatedinthelabbeginswiththeAnimalWelfare
Act.Becausetheonlygoverninglawestablishedwasbeforethescienceofratsregardingpain
wasreleased,thisistheplacethatreformneedstobelookedatfirst.Thebestwaytoproposea
solutionthatwouldlimittheuseofratswouldbetoincluderatsintheprotectionamongthe
otheranimalslisted,suchasprimates.Byreplicatingthelawsthatgovernprimatestocoverrats,

thiswouldcutbackonhowmanyratsaredisposedinthelaboratoryeachyear,inadditionto
providingsafetyandnecessaryprotectiontolimitthepainpushedontorats.Forexample,
accordingtotheAnimalWelfareAct,thereare18sections,startingfromsection3.753.92that
enforcestrictregulationsonwhatcanandcannotoccurinthelab.Takingonespecificallyinto
account,bylookingatsection3.76oftheAWA,itaddressesthehousingrequiredforprimatesto
benolowerthan45degreescelsiusandnohigherthan85degreescelsius.Theremustbe
adequateventilationandthelightingmustbeincyclewithREMsleepastonotdisturbthe
sleepingpatternsofprimates.Ratsdifferdramaticallyinthelabbecauseneitherofthosethree
considerationsaretakenintoaccount.Generally,temperatureandventilationarenotputinto
considerationbyscientistsduetothecheapanddisposablenatureofrats.Thelargestissuedeals
withlightingthatfallsinlinewithsleepcycle,whichisalsonottakenintoaccountduetothe
numberofratsthatoccupyalabatacertaintime(animallaw.info).
Oneofthelargestissueswithimposingregulationsonratsisthelimitationthatitbrings
inscientificresearchanddevelopment.RemyMelinaiscurrentlyaspecialistforMedNet
Technologieswhoanalyzedwhetherornotscientificdevelopmentcanoccurwithoutratson
Livescience.Shestatesthattheprimaryreasonwhyratsareusedasopposedtootheranimalsis
duetothefactthatratsaretheclosestandcheapestanimalstothehuman.Duetothissimilarity
inthegeneticmakeup,ratscanbevalidandgoodwaysoftestingmedicalanddrugresearch
(livescience.com).Bylimitingrats,scienceisbeinglimitedaswellbecausethesemodel
organismsarenolongerabletodrivethedevelopmentthroughouttheyears,whichisahuge
problem.AlongsidetheglobalsolutionisalsoasidesolutionforinvitroSTEMcellresearch.
EmbryonicSTEMcellshavetheabilitytodifferentiateintomanydifferenttypesofcellsand

eventoutlastinvivocellsbecausethetelomeresarelonger.TocreatetheseSTEMcells,
scientistsneedtoisolatecellsfromaratduringtheblostocystsstageandthenculturethemto
bacterialplasmids.Bacteriahavetheabilitytomultiplyquickly,whichisaperfecthostfor
growingratcells(U.S.NationalLibraryofMedicine).Byimposingregulationsonratsthrough
theAnimalWelfareAct,itlimitstheprogressinourscientificdevelopment,butbytheuseof
STEMcellstorecreateforthereductionofratsinthelab,thecompensationprovestobeaviable
solution.
Thefinalsolutionisagrassrootssolutionorasolutionthatusessocialmediaasthe
catalystforchange.Socialmediainthe21stcenturyisthepioneerforanydevelopmentand
news.AccordingtothenationalarchivesontheU.S.government'sdatabase,inAprilalone,
Facebookreceivedover13millionuniquevisitorsandTwitterhadover400thousanddailyusers
(archives.gov).Beingabletogetthewordoutregardingratresearchandtheethics/treatmentin
labscanwithoutadoubt,beaccomplishedthroughtheuseofsocialmedia.Inordertosparka
changeregardingscientificdevelopment,onesolutionistolaunchacampaigntoenforceAWA
regulationsinratresearch.TherearenottoomanywhorealizetheAnimalWelfareActisthe
onlyregulationthatisonlygoverningactforanimalsinlabsthatdoesntevenincluderats.By
raisingawareness,itcansparkchangeandthereformfortheglobalchange.
Tobemorespecificregardingthesocialmediacampaign,aprimaryaspectthatneedsto
befocusedonistheAWAnotprotectingtherightsofrats.Bygettingthewordoutandhaving
peopleunderstandthis,itcanleadtothepushtowardshavingthegeneralpublicpressure
congresstoreformtheAWA.

Thoughviablesolutions,bothglobalandgrassrootshavebeenpresented,manylieonthe
oppositionofboth.InvitrocellculturingofratcellsthroughtheuseofSTEMcellswill
dramaticallyreducethestrainplacedonrats,inadditiontoreducethe100millionratsthatare
usedinthelabeachyear(quote).AccordingtoBennardVanRavenzwaay,acurrentprofessorof
GeneticsandseniorvicepresidentofexperimentaltoxicologyandecologyinGermany,analyzed
thedifferencesbetweeninvivoratskincellincomparisontoinvitroculturedcells.Hisfindings
statedthatthroughdrugexposureinvitro,theratskincellsabsorbedahigherconcentrationas
opposedtoaliveratskintest(Ravenzwaay1).FindingslikethatofRavenzwaayresultedin
immenseoppositionfrommanyscientists,statingthatinvitrolabtestingdoesnotcomparetoin
vivo.Thereisadifferencebetweenthetwo,resultingininaccuratescience.Whileahighly
concentratedcellinvitroprovidesresults,theresultscannotreplicatetheresultsofaliverat,
whichisgroundsforvalidopposition.OppositionforincreasedlimitationswithintheAnimal
WelfareActbyprotectingratsinthelabalsofacesgreatoppositionduetotheeffectoflimiting
scientificdevelopment.Byimposinglimitationsonthenumberofanimalsinthelab,itwould
resultinlessdrugsbeingtested,meaningtherewillbelessdrugsbeingreleasedtothegeneral
publiceachyear.

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Bibliography
"AnimalWelfareAct."AnimalWelfareAct.US.DepartmentofAgriculture.Web.24
Apr.2016.

Aserinsky,Eugene."Sleepstatesandlearninginrats.EditedbyA.Lehrman.Swedish
UniversityofAgriculturalSciences(SLU),Uppsala,Sweden.1953.Web.

Bekoff,Mark."RatsLikeTickling:WhyIstheAnimalWelfareActSoLame?"PsychologyToday.
PsychologyToday,14Jan.2014.Web.18May2016.

Cloutier,Sylvie."PlayfulHandlingofLaboratoryRatsIsMoreBeneficialWhenAppliedbeforethanafter
RoutineInjections."AppliedAnimalBehavior.12Dec.2014.Web.18May2016.

CommitteeonRecognitionandAlleviationofPaininLaboratoryAnimals,InstituteFor
LaboratoryAnimal

Research,DivisiononEarthandLifeStudies,andNationalResearchCouncil.

RecognitionandAlleviationofPaininLaboratoryAnimals.NationalAcademies,2009.Print.

"InformationonProtectionofHumanSubjectsinResearchFundedorRegulatedbyU.S.
Government."HHS.gov.USDepartmentofHuman&HealthServices.Web.24Apr.2016.

"MiceandRatsAmericanAntiVivisectionSociety."AmericanAntiVivisectionSociety.Web.18May
2016.

Panksepp,Jaak."AffectiveReflectionsandRefractionswithintheBrainMind."NEJP
NetherlandsJournalofPsychology64.4(2008):12831.Print.

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"RatsFeelPainandLikeBeingTickledWhyUseThemasTestTubes?"PETARatsFeelPainandLike
BeingTickledWhyUseThemasTestTubesComments.2015.Web.18May2016.

Sanada,L.,K.Sato,E.Carmo,N.Machado,K.Sluka,andV.Fazan."NoxiousStimuliin
theNeonatalPeriodinRatsCanCauseImportantPeripheralNervousSystemAlterationsThatPersistonAdultsina
SexdependentManner."TheJournalofPain14.4(2013).Web.24Apr.2016.

"USStatistics."SpeakingofResearch.2008.Web.18May2016.

Vzquez,DeliaM.,MaraI.Morano,andHudaAkil."KineticsofRadiolabeled
AdrenocorticotropinHormoneinInfantandWeanlingRats."JournalofNeuroendocrinology9.7(2003):52936.
Web.
https://www.animallaw.info/administrative/usawaawaprimateregulationssubpartdprimatestandards#s76
http://www.livescience.com/32860whydomedicalresearchersusemice.html
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20013233
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15497817

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APPeerReview

Trait

Description

Above Meets

Introduction

Theintroductoryparagraphssetupthetopic X
inaninterestingway,providesome
background,andforeshadowthe
problem/solution.

Below

Comments:
Thewayyouintroducedthetopicofanimaltestingandleadingittowardstheplightoflabrats
wasverywelldonenotingthepartofitbeingthelargestgroupofanimalstestedon.The
incorporationofthethesolutionoftheAnimalWelfareActwasagoodwaytoforeshadowthe
solution.
Reviewofthe
scientific
literature

Thefounda onoftheadvocacyprojectisa
X
wellwri enandrelevantreviewofscien c
studiesabouttheanimalsimpactedbythe
issuebeingcovered.Thisreviewoftheliterature
ispresentedwithahistoricalframeworkandis
logicallyconnectedtothepresenta onofthe
problemandthesolu onsoered.

Comments:
Thetransitionfromtheintroductiontothereviewoftheliteraturewasseamlessyouprovided
verydetailedinformationaboutthestudiesthatwereinvolved.Oneofthestudiescouldhave
beenbecondensedalittlemoreperhapsprovideabriefoverviewabouttheexperiment
youdontnecessarilyhavetoexplaineverysinglelittledetailaboutthemethodology
(Ackerman).
Statementofthe Thecomposi onclearlypresentsasignicant
Problem
poli cal/social/culturalproblemandestablishes
theproblemsurgency,scope,andseverity.The
problemisclearlyframedandfocused;itisnot
presentedasthewritersopinion,butisa
sourcedargument,backedupwithcredible
sources.

Comments:TheonlyreasonwhyImarkedthispartasbelowisbecauseyouareexpectedto
haveabout2.5pagesoftextstatingtheproblem.Otherwise,thelanguageandtheevidence
thatyoupresentiswellphrasedandthedataisrelevant.However,youcanaddmoreabout
thehistoryoftheproblem,moresubproblems(althoughyoualreadypresented1,youcan
addmore),andperhapsthepoliticalandeconomicaspectsoftheproblem.

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Analysisof
Solutions

Thecomposi onpresentsandanalyzes
solu on(s)tothecentralproblem(globaland
grassrootssolu onsoered).Rigorousand
welldocumentedargumentsthataddressa
possiblesolu onorsolu onsarepresented
clearly.

Comments:
Above(Icouldntcheckmarkitforsomereason.)

Excellent.Youdidaverythoroughjobofanalyzingthebillthatprotectedanimalsandtheir
basicrights,especiallythepartabouttheexacttemperatureandtheconditionsthatprimates
neededtohaveandhowthatshouldbeappliedtolabratsaswell.Thegrassrootssolutionis
alsowelldoneintermsofspecificallymentioningwhichsocialmediaplatformsworkandwhy
theywork.Thetransitionsarealsosmoothaswell.OnethingImightaddistoproposewhy
yourglobalbillwillworkandhowitmightbeenforced.
Counter
argument

Thecomposi onan cipatesandresponds

eec velyandappropriatelytoopposi onal
claims.

Comments:

Makesureyouaddasectionaboutthispartoryoucansprinkleitthroughyouressay.
Argument
overall

Theargumentsthroughoutaresophis cated,
crea ve,persuasive,insigh ul,anddeeply
embeddedinscholarlydiscourse.The
argumentsaredevelopedthroughtheuseof
expertsupport,persuasiveevidence,andwell
chosenrhetoricalappeals(ethosandlogos).

Comments:
Yourliteraturereviewreallyhelpedsetuptheplatformforpresentingtheproblembecauseit
demonstratedhowtheproblemwasurgentandsomethingthatcouldnotgoonforanylonger.
Addingcounterargumentsthroughouttheessaywouldbeagoodwaytostrengthenyour
stancebecauseitshowsthatyoucandefendyourpositionineverysituation.Thewayyou
organizethosecounterargumentsisuptoyoubutIpersonallywouldputtheminthe
paragraphsthroughouttheessay.

MultiModal

Usesatleastonemul modalelement,andthis

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Element(s)

elementstrengthensanddeepensexplana ons,
summaries,orarguments.Theelementis
correctlycap onedwithMLAformat.Ifthereis
morethanonemul modalelementused,allof
themcommunicateinforma onclearlyand
eec velyandhelpdeveloptheideasand
argument.

Comments:
Althoughyoudidintroduceyourimageswithintheparagraphs,youneedtoputacaption
explainingthefigureaswelltohelpreallystrengthenitspurpose.

Organization

Theprojectiswellorganizedandeasytofollow, X
withtransi ons,topicsentencesand/orheaders
tohelpguidethereader;thepresenta onof
evidenceisarrangedcoherentlyand
demonstratesawelldocumentedanaly cal
synthesis.Theorganiza onisdeliberatelypaced,
anddemonstratesaveryhighdegreeofskilland
controlwhenmovingfromideatoidea,
paragraphtoparagraph,andsentenceto
sentence.Connec onsaremadethroughoutthe
essaytocreatecohesion.

Comments:
Yourbodyparagraphswereveryeasytofollowandthesentencesthatyouwroteattheendof
theparagraphsmadeitclearthatyouweregoingtotalkaboutthesolutionandtheproblem
andsoforth.Great!

ScholarlyEthos

Throughoutthecomposi on,thewriter
illustratesthescholarlyethosofa
wellinformed,objec ve,andcredible
advocate.

Comments:
Yourlanguagewasscholarlya

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Sources:
Credibilityand
Evidence

Theselectedsourcesarecredibleforascholarly X
audienceandoerclear,relevantsupporttoall
ofthecomposi onsargumenta vemoves.

Theauthorintegratesthesourcesseamlessly
intothecomposi onandproperlyintroduces
them.Whereverappropriate,MLAformat
cita onsareusedcorrectlythroughout.

Comments:

Source
Integration

Comments:yourworkcitedpageiskindamessythatsomeofthemarenotfollowingtheMLA
format.Pleasefixthat.

Clarity,Sentence
Structure,Word
Choice
Readability

Thewri ngisclear,eloquent,characterizedby
X
precisewordchoice,purposefulsentenceswith
variedstructure,andahighdegreeof
readabilityforthelevelofitscourseandthis
par cularassignment.Fewerrorsof
grammar/language/usagearefound,andifthere
aresmallerrors,theydonotdetractfrom
readability.

Comments:Itsclearandtheconceptiseasytounderstandasthewaysyouphrasethem.

Required
Elements

Pagelength,numberofsources,and
includedcontentasdescribedinprompt
meettheminimumrequirements.The
essayisformattedcorrectlyusingMLA
formatting(thisincludesmargins,page
numberlocation,andpage1header).

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Comments:needalittlebitmoretogoto10pages.Also,theworkcitedpageismessy.You
needtoindentthesecondlineofyoursourcesinworkcitedpage.