Ee eee ad Gere eee teers ee prereset ites ne a —Joseph Campbell author of Masks of God ce igre ace “ Your Body Speaks Its Mind is an important contribution to Bioenergetics... itis very finely written book which I would recommend eee ttn ect et) por outa —Alexander Lowen, M.D. Executive Director Deere ee ue NS Se ee ees provocative work pn how ta understand the language of Pooch ene pee eae i ene ee onan cas ec ester he eg bee cre cot ise aie eee ela pene oie Concept is what Keleman describes asthe formative oe ea cr Eotmraeteer see eer ene ro feria sen fe anie bree ceetea tt Pon meter et ey eee iret) ey eed ene eer rey tyes ec eet ero Ee eerste it Stanley Keleman has been practicing and developing eens Seen Leereaeg ae tional See cm Saat ated fern ad eerste s. CENTER PRESS Berkeley, California le I od) ee fo srs) HIN SLI SHVAdS ACOG UNOA ~ NVA | gece‘orm seta is ‘Scan Me MATOrREoNc TE eRUBOKAART AA sap tucescioreet Forney parent, ‘Rose nd Joe ‘and (Graf Kariied vom DirckStanley Keleman YOUR BODY SPEAKS ITS MIND Center Press Berkeley, CaliforniaCONTENTS. Ovror tiv Ocean ‘Out ofthe Ocean Bodily Roots of Awareness Grounding ad Bodies Vibration. Pulsaion. nd Siramitng “The Formative Process Awtudes aad the Formative Process Form and Character Identity and the Formative Press SelFformationthrougs Denial ‘The Decision to Form One's Ground ‘The Unchanging Bly 109 a30 ‘contents iach anton a Been i moe be (Gearteeartcpantes ie OUT OF Expiing OSes ‘ THE OCEAN Meviios ma Avpesone‘Tiwo Ways to Form Groundedness 183OUT OF THE OCEAN “Team from the binenergeti tradition, which taught me Simportance ofthe body. Tlearned thatthe form and “the movement nf my boll expression reveal the nature ‘my existence. {Tearned that Tam my body. My body sme. Lam not «body: Lam some: body. in dg my work Ihave fund tb si ‘ewe. Graf Diaretheimt with whom 1 studied for "yen, putt this way: “The hod you have isthe ‘you He” Our feeling and responsiveness shape Tvs. We form ont bodily selves as we shape our owt ity: Our bodily living shapes our existence “Your lady sac nly felingfl ut formative. The thnist toward shaping your Bring insists on ‘being more—more contectiul, more interwctive, sotistied, more f yourself. Your formativenes ie4 a of urges towiaed enrichivent avi fulfillment,4 oun sooysreane sma Sleeping and sing. ying and stating, resting and walling isthe prin! pater of ions ence Wis Fiythmicpators Wo correspond othe rey ea Scting sun, to day and night, We match the Foythicat hanging days—fll moons an crescent ton, ring Sides and nap tides with the shuns we fel rane cm bodies: with fening exited end feling ted oe waking and dreaming wit semen anders ete Inga dying Bt stnding—what can tat be conmparid to? The fit man who std up mst have fall tory. ifecne Standing made him difereot Bog upeightsrguatod ‘im difretly fonved him dlifereay rocks oe ew teste “To stand twill Being erat exten big te sty oar amngers—for ted, tole wast od Shelter Our uprghtes begins te pres that eee gine x human concntse, hneutne To be ap "ht Isto reduce chance, in Aitd and weincenecommitment, ‘When wee o ur feet, we fous and expres our selves Standing up shits our emphasis um epee ‘a eprestin,Eaprenee wie roel eee, thes not demand feusing or rik Expesionc oe ed cxpands ins expression shapes us. Bog verte rae, than horizontal changes the stream of cur erereone Changes the orientation of oar nervous syste makes snore intention mute alec amie fda Being upright changes our reltiship to th fous We area longer fd ch, swim alsge all fours Now we wall Its ionic dat w 8 art oe est grow down The level, ud the pe Le te Ta = » oe if, ponte eer egret ah ge he ak (ee ees Sig akher els Dare ced NR get See Se ees fnticgege berrreecterig item Ge oa of HfL have tee formed i aman. From my ow forsing, I ite this bokBODILY ROOTS OF AWARENESS Pd need ry Fie pm Lea ane SRE eta cies i tenet en Geos thee years, and T thought Te take ‘a long, lfsarely boat iar viaract ts tpeneb art's Each at vem rn T said, “What do you mean, which cabin do e Don's Thavean assigned cabin?” ae ce rene erase Gly wa ee Tle el Shing tm sma nls aegentage oe Wy os Reale sate te Sends ee eoen ase Saco poorer woos OF AmARESESY ” Ii, “Dut ts wight dock” ope ie ais ne jst sed the mers. 1 rita tock “Hi on evey day. Pd come down an Find fhe eward turning the oc bch, Haven that Tate kite er aud er, Beesuse Xess il tg op ease nthe seid Yd bee Keeping when T fst 7 i Bat there came a pint when Uxhied e Fe eae four hours fier Fg up. arte to mat te Tiaas lunges Tw the ory prssnges foe Sve Pas Inc atemard as my fed and he fi mi when T veld font T wont tthe tale to Kep she captain Tompang, but at for rab re Yaand pe on my om lack. And the wore 1 beget foed melt when Cas ungry and Seep Teeter, ee more Tegan to experience the PRT ently Aer way T become ene who Te can theme wn shaped the spree Taatanc eperavng wy ea it ir de Themen ere me Rien Tras satated, 1 ent. to alee. T woke Ip aronpey sechargd wth exilemnet. "Oh" 1 sail f0 set pn of waking wn stoping sending td Fee twa orto do with bing excited, Hatem Pee ey cee iat lng up. ieing aah nd eee os toe uth bing excited an going 10 i dy wi big ce ang howe thee days ip shipboard Degen to wnt that eoctement Heth and ‘Gated Tat an are: making my word be opine has wdo-with my being up. Ana then Tie down Ss eechrge myst hep and down of sy Aly est open hc complemomtariy seing the two aspects of my excitement thar farm me. shape'me. When Tm asleep. [assimilate the past day. This gives shape to my might—just as the field of the igh i ers sl ain, hk sgn ee ee ‘Wnts coioioownll? Por sea our sorrel Ga Br Ing proce I don't belive that theres 3 conscious part eft which directs our behavior. independently of ot teaice What I bslces is that ou hinlogical process— cqprased a aniring, fottng, perceiving, andl aking faterns of meaning-—form wir ld of experiencing that we call Knowing, Our perception of our om ie a0 tivity fs what we call awarontan What our Tver re Hiatigsntentomes TT tmogine moa tobe am cco Hel, 4 wid teal soph nel lney sel paenan ony nore Tres i that part of me which & exiled. Sometimes € nore who Lr wna satin T der Fecogiian wit Tm becoming depending oe intensity and he Ince teaslnyeciene i" fhe Know ound or excitement comes for in the forme of action and foting. expectation snd de- tee Oar grestet ere scat onstortcxs which we ars ondeuslty Soratag end re lorie. Oar leniary. the place where our excitation defies us, where our etoncr erg ur mer chap, cx partinlar Ta mie peecniial econerelcip ie ure foring incision [noDILy ROOTS OF AWARENESS 19 ‘The cestesy and anguish of the human sitvation is that we live and perceive the form of our life in the fr mediate present, And, standing up as wedo. se are able ‘to ee itn the distance, the Future. And so we Live these {pro aspects of nove atthe some time. No other animal’ tneitatiry patterns extond the novr in this way, No ather ‘Goimmal 1s 0 fall of the energy that reaches out ond that which isnot yet there ‘Waking, sending. snd walking take 9 out of the ‘ocean, that unibourided space where we are pure expan don, Ox the ship from Furope to America T discovered that my awareness Je actually the process of may excite iment thrusting tower form. The unbounded nding ‘boundaries is what awareness "The continnuen of our self formingt is what we are eomsciss of Lying down flattens and broadens ow ex: ttement, our awareness, ou self (eeling. making eur boundaries less differentiated. Standing up intensifies four excitement and deepens our awareness, or self Fesling, as we reorganize our selves in the aphore of mrovity: ‘Stending is the thrust of our lf forming, of in “dividuating cur lives, of creating a lifestyle. In getting Sip we shape the space for mew response and new Focus ‘We experience new forms of pleasure, new patterns of ‘expresting our love for another. Sound becomes speech land acquires ihe distinctions of language. The emotions fof waking and standing form the tnuman body. the int tan awareness Tho awake body is ur oonseiousness.Our Awake Body ‘There are two heroic and major phenomena that occist for us every day of our lives. The fst is getting up in the morning. And the second is ging to sleep night Simple events. We live our lives within the framework ‘of these te events. ‘The human animal has evolved from being on his belly to being ou his feet. Our evolution embodies two ‘aspects of living: the living of our former horizantal sta, Dility, and the living of our preset vertical instability, ‘oar unfixednoss and responsiveness. This unsiable wad Lhighly responsive standing is the contemporary: expres ‘sion uf the evolutionary drama, ‘When working with people 1 usually aah them to lie down. to relieve the effects of gravity. Then, later on Jn the session, Task them to gct up from the floor or the bed with their experience, to receive the effects of grave ity: Meing upright leads toa new feeling, « new standing sell ‘Through my work T have learued how people ate tn their backs and bellies and how they are on thei fort (On their backs and bellies, they are more helpless. snore subject to chance. On their feet. they're more in control, ‘even though it may beaore risky. Anirnal horiznntality gives contact with the ground: itis expresed four footedness, with the lead and tors in the same plane Animal verticalty, while diminishing the aren of com tact with the earth, intensifies the connection and also ‘pens an expanse of belly and chest for mecting the orld. .F ROOTS OF AWARENESS a Manis ancesiors—vho fst engaged in the pote warelike movements of swimming, and en in pi necetie car lahore ates OS ot Remeber It wer lier enrsiel cpa Elon tn terol Lorne fee, l Bao snares ad tabi serve Une find fies of Inman conslosmecs.Himen conscouenem tad an, ee eto fore racdon of « ec in ohh se rn fuses ncn hee I et rede iad Feat octet tree vice aspre fhe cma fection. And the trove cotitin iy him aware tev Thea or prghne tne areca an cngeng yremae whic rw expat ural Wechsler our uprighiness Th nt tr realy an wae Recosrired ly scary sprtonl cscs, Tn order Wee creator telomere dice sonetner Drescribe the maintsinng vf a saight spine. Westere arnyete we horimmalty to ge i the surce Bi ete orca rl rc ie ofc oem Tey Meg eke Ge -tertieal stance arraed! with the energy af new insight reich they hope, be willtrenlate ase ptterne sf activity. 4 ological_proess called “ontogeny wen Pitulotes phylogeny.” The fotos repeats ons way tobing a tuman, major stages af evolutionary dew ‘ment It thos on shes int ae osinlly chegie rom conception to birth. as ane lives iroug the history of cal fe, fs lies amphiinn mammal, and hs rman form would ike io suggest that ontogeny als reeapita- lates phylogeny outside the womb in the drama Vat takes place between child and environment. Daring the fist three years of this dram, the cl lear go from a horizontal postion tn vertical position: andi is probably, along with acquiring the use of yer lan fzang. the most important achievement of is fe. Can You imagine the ammant of energy at hand for learn hhow tastanl? tn onder to got tel on two fee. the organs {seas to rip itself out of the horizontal eovironment the dependeatcavinmnment. If ie horizontal envi ‘met is poor the organism tonds to remain depeedent, depresied, down. 1 cannot become ialependent a le {8 ising damn aged 1 equate verticlity with fdividaality. Thee isa ‘three-way connection between vertiality. out capacity or higher excitement over sustained evi of te ardour increased ahility take distinctions and ele tions. Man i the-mast hight individual animal on this arth, and the most consciously selective and evi, ent alteing. Our uprightese presents natures for Torbapingness We ck nr own path nen of bong A higher energy metabolism leads to a more lively connection with the world and a wider veality:a greater grasp of what ie ant of wht is possible. We have all ser Folks who collapse, who lose their uprightness and have lowered alivenes. Collectively. people with higher tn 21 ROOTS OF AOWAMENESS 33 ‘ereate new social forms. If perple try to Hive in a ent position, they fation their excitation and any theis emerging indivi © We sho stand are the only animals capable of lov- ng, Other snimals have contact, have connection. Rt development of richer. more tender relationships ax consistent possibility in one's existence depends tipon fing and expising the tender side of the body fon foated animals an animals that ouch over. front of the lead isthe leading edge. They receive ‘world with sight and smell. But for the human’ be the whole front ofthe body is the leading edge—not the eyes nose. and even, ba Ube chest and belly and ‘ALL of this warmth and extended toring 8 the leading edge. That's what it means to stand up. dup isto oper up, open out We are not eucourtering the world with just our anil noses: we're encountering it with the entire of mur bodies, The front of ys isan extended sar- ex-of contact and cormection. This is what we present the world. We might say thatthe fmt of our bod ex- de the surface of int brain, ur thal our bait extends fis skin and anaecles, organs and nerves. which our comuections with others and shape fret Being Up Front Jen we san, we expose the underside of our beds had ourselves opet to the world. The aderside of formerly protected. now faces enstiward. Our softs ‘endemess. is exposed to the environment and te4 {OUN 3007 sreans na orher people, There iso detpening and toadentg of contact which says lan willing task, te met te apt T permit myol tw be inenced, When {fel vl Berube and threatened ¥ contracts T natow any le ‘pace: When Ta longer fel tretencd Lupe pape ‘60 tae ese’ as hen eet or i gn in satic relationship with the wor. We engine te 4 uid way. Static relatonchips sereatyye ergy, ie hibit excitement, Our two-footedness expands and in. tenstiesnureartemet. our rponsvenre ‘A dynamic. responsive. upeght atte dos not Pest the stereotyping of respons. It encourages ex itatery responsiveness When we are seared. of being excited, we ever up with musclar rigies tut ee 8 the ison of tenth A person my lnk ie ese to place thesia abit. When he ere ne ees, his responsiveness andthe fer of rapoive sssenereugn Act af waking and soning up ahs the wn pulse with excitoment Being upright moles the word Symmetrical One lakes stp one goes up at re ss dewn, Cnc hus nt erection aad une ors ei Syst fd dasole. Our atin incense and decease cane Thay inerose and decrease desire Think of lene a ‘When yn a engaged another person, z seal eee with rcoaragig your feng yn he hheart open up. you let the unexpected wate You mee oc, — ‘orig toward the oer, net tno as in willing to ive your Thre ho Re Fixed forms, absolutes, are an illusion. Everything ‘noon nooTs oF AWARENESS a5 fn nature indicates that nothing is permanent. When 1 ‘work with people T don't attempt to make them into any- ‘hing, Ttry to help them experience and he more, What Iappens when we accept our continual forming instead fof seeking permanence? We dicaver that our lives are ‘anadventute. an emotional odyssey: ‘Maturity is being willing to enjoy one’s ow self perception, Niuturityf the willingness to stand, to shape ‘e's sey rather than compulsively lesning on others oF ‘ona sctof ideals Tn talking about the development of human aware- ns, Tm not just talking about the metal life 'm alk ing about the willingness to acrept feelings and sensa- ‘tions. I'm talking-about the ability to refuse conditions fn love. definitions of love, and ta accept the experiice ‘of what love is. {'m talking about people discovering the feeling and the experience of their own dythmicity “and then going on to discover the particular fiytha of “their gravitational relationship, ‘Weare always involved with a relationship to grav ity, always intimately involved swith a relationship to 1c. A large part of the nervous system: ix devoted to “Geoling with this Gravitational and spatial relationships the template of socal relat Gravitational aad spatial relationships organize seit fom: and con: Inestons Being upright generates he faaman connection How can T fully transmit the feeling of freedom in ‘human experiencing. which is represented by onr tand- up? Ta being erect we are free wo Toak beyond the sige, unbounded hy old images and old forms. free to ‘mdulating toward a new expresion. fe to be strong ‘enough wo take that next step fee to breathe, to generate ‘ur own awareness rather Yeu intojecting coniebady36 ‘YOUN HoDY SPEAKS Mix ses ‘When we take our time to wake wp, we Alieorer 9 world that i». dont know what even if we can't make head oF fil of it And anyway, who the hell are we satisfying? Who are we living for? For whom must we have snswers? Who are we making. onder for? We have all heen comedtioned so y to prove ourselves, to make ourselves correct. Bu wee ‘notin schoo! anymore. Stand up and be your sel. GROUNDING AND BODILINESS Grounding ison expression of one planetary life Ground- ‘connects our proceses of exclution wih the arth, ins both. Just asthe gronindedness of tee sts oof sap from earth to aves and from leaves) £9 does ou gromedness channel the flow of ex from ourselves to the envinonment sd om environment 1) ourselves This flow of excitation nourishes us and intensifies connectedness. Grounding establishes the cireslaion streaming sap. the steanring of ar blood. Teste 8 rhytin of eb and Dow ara 4 vitnating resonance eovironment ‘We have all heard expressions such os “having feet on the ground,” “being well grounded" What it to be well-grounded? How docs one find one's ‘A tee, in biocheaseal relationship with the “sends forth tentacles called ote which raike i= ‘YOUR nowy sexaxs res Minn Fan of its ground and the ground part of the Fi wea uum of te Ihis parents, finds his onc 0 ite ntercton Ihe al eee trenther har growing may Be peso en too tough, i Tea ree an be uprooted sa ax psi be "td: Winsor pra tres ondeoohoeet eee uprost men and’ mirtn, Emotional sasne real he Continulty of ectatry tow beracon ae a tcvirmment—the cntinuly which pace ae Cecio nthe a SET cslatingf vali. ings tone sek oor ne Paton fom our bilgill rund rec Be, cen ‘ienish ond een death A Raat boo ae inte evey from Bsn ana {Grong grows nf ing bor grows ut af ming into the world with a uly. We plant caves ine wr Gar natural fame fo eso sd and lator and rancher socal aie the other. Te Some af us re so embedded in our family or our feo that we take our living for grated. We hie gute COIN AND ODILINESS 29 1scigusly. When we lose our homes or our tradi- ns, sehen the starms of tragedy and new growing tear from our cornections, we begin to he aware of what to have our ground, to have ous legs and be able to ‘around, te have that place from which our nour nt springs i an uninterrupted flow. = We can be grounded without being ennscious of it fare those of us who work and love and interrelate th the wari yet who never have the experience of be ers of their ow world and of their own selves. He not until our way of grounding ourselves is threat- or significantly altered that we begin to appreciate swe connect with the world. Though emotional Fans may uproot us. weaken iar badies anid. person they may just as well serve to deepen us—to us mire viv, more intensely Boing Rodiod “To be or ane rms havea body To die ome mt give hisor her bey, Ouse bodies anew se process, notte ae Structure is slowed doven process. As life builds {e builds steel in How alive we are owe Tesponsive and expressive we are. shows in the 1 shape of war body. whch recets our connested feeling. thoucht nd ction. How analive we ares Tunincaraated we are reveals sell ax unresponsive Lungraceluliess aud estricted bodily maby. “To be grommets to establish relationship with earth, Tobe embodied is to establish living bod just to be with your body. or in relationship toi. living body creates your relationships2° {TOUR Bony seas 8 tN How sve live our bodies i the stry of our proces (ur excitement tenet crete bomndaries oa peal ‘w embody itself. Our steam of excitation inhibit eel st crucial points in ite evel of develpinent. The thrust, four excitement triggers setishibiting which eta ‘tel. so that our excitement dies na fully lose ts shape 1 collects itself, contin Self. It forms a boundary, a ‘apoio, an image, a body. This is the development of the organization that we peresive as "us: Thhave a film® that shows very clearly how proto plasm is eapsble of forming structure from ise The Protoplasm is pulsating. streaming. Dive layer of the Sreamings thicken and creates a membrane wich ets ssachantel fr the moin low giving it more form. This Containing creates an individuation, of velocity and shythm. The diffrent rtes of eeiterent ad the 367m ‘metry of vibrating and resonating qualities remit i Jnndy The protoplasm has been bie. ur diffrent excitatory levels gentrate our Yaris *xperones in ving the ys and re ht form ou eronality. Hoing bodied is the shaping of our liv Hesh. the forming ourself wea living senebedy. = Wo can interfere with embadiment hy not permitting boundaries to form—oe by not permitting boundaries to tunform. Either way. we can discourage our future, ou self forming, ‘There i 9 disease called hosptelism. When « child Ser om Peetplasm” "GROUNDING AND noDtLINHSs a ix born, if it doem't have a mother and if there are 10 ‘mother substitutes, it is putin the hospital and virtually. Ignored, the child very often becomes spataeic ‘and die Ts streamings of excitation experience na con ‘act. no responsiveness. The organism senses that it has no _ ground-—nu0 mother to ground itsolf with, And without 42 ground it has'no future, so it terminates ils own proe ‘esses and collapses its own boundaries. 1t prevents its ‘own structure from unfolding. ‘The forming of boundaries aecossitates a presell- conscious, pre personal decision, This pre-peesanal devi sion lays the grotindsork for later bouadaey formations that are individualistic and personal. Some people, be- cause of vory negative conditions in early life, were able 4p form only partially. During theit early years it was ‘00 painful for them to fully inhabit their flesh: and sn ‘they decided not to body themselves fully. They formed themselves ina diminished way. and although they may now be adults, we recognize them as being babies Schizophronies live another kind of diminished Irmman ‘existence: part human, part shadow: part social. part ‘unsocial ‘Those of ns who do not inhabit oar flesh. wha do not Ihave the deep satisfactions that our bodies can give, ave always hanging at the door of ourselves. trying ty get | sitsfaction. Those of who ane afraid of nar amprales Tock ourselves ina world of ideas. ‘Those of us who are continually boraling andl bounding, forming and unfolding ourselves, feel neither ‘trapped nor los When we don't confuse ourselves with ‘social image we form a bodily self, a somebedy, free, ‘ur plessures and satisfactions, our paine and sorrows2 "YOUN noDY SPEARS 27536280) I Say No “To say no isto make statement of protest and sl tention that Weight me's entry pres a ‘vies the seme of “Ln the cary fe gra pon taneous, ciumstantally properuinaly. The sls Io atl or olde corikn postore and in is pot tom of expresion its character i ured. Lal ows ty infnt daughter ban hr expression of no by tae ing crying into serming, then siffening all ovr-so a: wor w be mova: tha her stuibtranes wes eA few mois ltr she sok het en, se ee jms a sine TE wih to maintain my induc. mie spoce. mt scept the pain tthe please hal come rth king and aking ditance rn my Support Communicates my wigs to rok distance separ tm an loneine ‘Many af us ve a pools kaying i. Even mir of ushave a problem sayhng nn end making i sek OF ‘ee we sy ns rig tnt neat ther capa of Allowing the yr to scut—the pussory ovenent dat cate Tryon do not sy nd, you never arm youself you dont erecne the’ any wo fon end mina Kundaries, you become viknied. OF course, fou Deg the wel rjc os tht only fon exo. ou tills yourself ton Bt youl never be youre unless ove willing oat yur self a oom te sero ‘which may be mother nhichmny be the ctr, wih tmay be te por group on may evan have to form (UING AND nOOLLINESS 3 0 A swoman T worked with told me that, since pe could not fight her fathor or run from him, he had pall over in order to keep him (rom iatrading In ‘the strongest many C3565 a contraction i expres. of self-affirmation that a child can make, A ehild ro in order to protect and assert itself. And if that ‘uot respecied. do you know what happens? You get a amiable bow! of jelly-a ny -tedy that cannot bear ‘the excitatory processes that form expansion. ‘the same time affirms, But it may becosie sembly ‘hat the persom is taut won't open hinselk hho may come to me and say, “Help’me to again be ive. Help me to trust again, to uncintract, to un. ‘bound, to Iearn to say mo im a different way." To say no tances yous i then permis te expresian—the _yes—of new actor, new yor ‘Accontraction dyes not have to be a chromic muscu- ‘eramp. It can be a temporary set of personal deci “The formative process requires that you set bound ‘and form yourself—tien soften your boundaries e-form yourselfVIBRATION, PULSATION, AND STREAMING ‘The Stuff of Creation T asked » woman 1 was working with to stand up and breathe in sucha way 2s to prolong: her exlalation with= cot tightening her abdomen. Alter a bit, she felt afices she was shaking and tingling. These vibrations, sen tions, developed into rhythmical contractions “whieh then, to my aye, Became & ‘sevice of electric ‘explosions. She expressed these waves of feeling as tes der movements and sounds. T felt in me a responding vibration of tonderncss nl hen, as her expressions in ‘eveased in assertiveness, I experienced the rhythmical intensifying of my tenderness anda softening, which he- came a stream of softness reaching across space. connest ing this woman and me it 4 river of excitement and feeling. ‘The way in which we perceive the world and inter- swith it depends fundamentally om the quality of liveness of our tissie, tar tissue tone—its health or is {10N, PULSATION. AND STRPAMING 6 cath, its vibrancy or its deadenediness—is the hack af ow experience and our ‘We all ea bea hy by fet wt weal Thow a sick person feels. We asociate 4 hard tone arith x he-man, and a fabby tone with a weakling TT Thore are thee sates of alivenes' vibration. pulsa ‘sion, and streaming. Each state has qualities that are di Ainctive and diretiy observable, although one shades Sato the next. One badies display all theee ofthese states Vibration, pulsation, and streaming’ ore natural func tions of protoplasm. of cells and orgen-—nataral func- tions which can be seen under a microscope. They may leo he experienced sibjectively-as qualities of feeling, Teel the universe as a continuum of vibration, a shimmering feld of excitation ‘This vibrating field gives rise to an increase in excitation, which te toward ex Dansion; and the expanding excitation triggers sel Inhibiting mechanism which limits i and. forms ste ies The excitation continues to swell against ‘hese boundaries until it carinat swell any Further: and tow there is slight shriuking. a begianing of vet callecting.« sort of jelling or clrting. This i how the ‘quality of pulsation develops. Actually. the intial ex pansion is already expresive of pulsatory state. but the ing is not seen as such until the exparirion Bas cic He you have ever been seriously cut, first you're ‘shaken and vibrating, an then you begia to throb: your “world rashes in and ct. Whon pulsations accu rapidly “tnd in series you have streaming, Streaming is a con- imuity of pulsition, «steam of thythenie excitation that imtains itself ina perticular direction and in 9 par ly organizes form,30 {oon s00r seats 5D If you hold your breath and pay attention t» your chest and abdomen, you wil fel the coming and going, Of excitement. If you clench your fist or tighten your ‘high muscles ond wisten the contraction, you wi et fi in tho ar etre i he tion ‘youll begin to experence ita» = Pleting, Sustain the contraction unl the pulsating Acepens, then let i go, and you Imcame avore af & Streaming: an itera owing which i diel se but whic you can Teel Stoning i like the fw ef sep fn toe, Ie fel simular to the rhythmic romrems Uf blood, the rhythmic currents of thughteatiancel by # subjective sense af sweeties and glowing. and forme, at leost—a quality of moving otra tat» difleren spas difrnt ime,» quay of concedes a owing ‘Toro of ae excited The to fs together inten sy our fields of excitement. We begin 10 expand. to ‘ake movements toward each other gestures back and forth This plestion, Then the feng of excemnnt Seg to te ona stream of catinty that we exper sat like an cleeiccument Suppose we are at a daie hall. We se infviials withthe own auras af livres: the dance hall sen of excitement, The music starts playing and the alive ‘eis increases The people make geste toward ane an ther: they begin to dance. And thew dancing move ‘ments begin to interact im sac a way that locking om from the otside, we feel waves of excitement see the dance or: We fel the recurrent pletion ofthe dane, ing The individual dancers have etre a steaming ‘nganism before our eyes Ifyou watch a cell divide, first you se that the call -VIERATION, PULSATION, AN STREAMING 37 4s excited, vibrating. You seo the forming of two poles, Tareas of intense internal activity. You actually see radiation between one pole and the other, and the ining-up of chromosome bodies within that field. The radiating between the two poles intensifies until it be- comes a pulsation and then a streaming. The streaming “communicates the deepest infurration about life—as we do when we communicate with each ather. We are all, for better or worse. attimed to pattems of excitement. ‘Vibrations, pulsations, and streamings are basic to all Auman relationships, and to all concepts of freedom ‘and social concern. The child ie connected sith the ‘mother through these life phenomena. As he develips ‘his own boundaries and his own pulsating. he begins to ‘expand arid extend himself away from the mother. He “extends himself and recomnects extends himself and re forms his relationships and his self. Ti this way, bit by Dit he acquires his perwmality, he gains his independ fence. TF the child's own are allowed to de- velop and intensify. he becomes a living exanaple of the _paralox of individuality and connectednes. Ta our particular culture. hewever. the nornsl of sell-separating is arieially speeded sp. Onr nitiotmy rite hegins at the moment of birth when. typic ‘ally, we take the child away from the mother ard put “tin scrle environment. The ite cortinues with early ‘weaning and the taboo wn sucking. andl culminates in ‘the drams of toilet training These three separative ef forts are initiated much soomor in our cultare thom in8 ‘OUR voor SPEARS Ts MIND thers They help ts erie contin of sl. ‘hich dentes the discomtimaus. pulsating life of he body. They lead to acceptance of 3m arf scheale 4 socially imposed rhythrn that kills indvihal ryt aicity. Wakeup at 8. Brish your tooth at ios Fat pace lrakas at 6:10 and ut ther Catch the bus at ae Gotorctnol gto5 ‘The initiation is mainly non-verbal. The attitude ‘of “Don't touch” it ontminiemted divecily by pus ‘ay oF by holding the child aginst a ned boa Fie febrile nary el cnd arses ese {he child from developing his own pulbaians ‘By the time the child understands words by the time he under. stand the conses af is far ad enguish the separation has alrendy beer ecomplihed. Then the etre dene aout the nature of the body andthe nature af ie nd 4 prepared Field to grow in (PION, PULSATION, AND STREAMING 20 to Germany to lve inthe Black Forest, The Black sa thosand meters up—neerly four thousand feet above sea level. T was crary for weeks I couldn't fv satisfactory breath, ond T eoula't imagine what going on. Then Tmade a discovery. My breathing “dn Have to do wih the rarefied air or with ner af my red ood ells Iwas eathor that T ben pulled wut of» pollution chanber and pt nto “nclean backwoods envirunment shove sibratione Twas totally unused to deciphering, 1 tok me a Tong time ta acept the feelings that those vibrations created in me. When Ii accept them. ecognized that these feelings were akin to the uncen- feted cistence that T felt nw very all Cid. I fed tat they came frum the sve exeory 208 ther lived in during the presverbal par of my fe the Ps [Me when Twas directly experiencing the frorid in qualities of vibration, puts, and steaming “The world that mort of urn longer recog the Pit ois omnis Wo or rat fmargs in us, oe toad it hack ae sve rea it Bl tanger We sept nto en peta forms "Teed you: want you: T appre ee recttanmoecqecieteasmena pee But when we ofe prewented with intensified vibration, ‘most nf sare unable to accept st. We think see are sick. ‘We do nt recive a ie a this Revel Feelings do not emerge from a background of noth ing: They result from moventent, containment, and the intensifying of excitation. A persan feels the progusssiet from vibrating to pulsating to streaming ae a deepening of self-enjoyment and a deepening participation with the rest of the natural world. The streamings brew fee ‘ings of rightness and nieness with nature Have you ever walked alone into a forest in whith ‘there vas absolute silence. and in that silence there ws s0 much going on that it almost overwhelmed yous? The Contact with the streeming isso intense that it quiets the ‘mind, so exquisite that sometimes it becomes unbearable. T spent my early life in New York Gity and then We Are More When We're Vibrant I evo asec i a ‘Our relationship to gravity. our back-and-forth dialogue ‘ourselves and with ters, our eating patternsro ‘YOUN HOO SPEARS rr atEND sou action patterns, our dreaas and loves, the qualities ‘of our tissues and organs ae statements of our pulsatory individuality. They. determine how we perceive wus selves and onr world, lw we create out values, our needs, and our choices. A person with tisue that fs ot very motile and a structase that ls not very brant wil fel the world as stronger than he. an ell ether be eaten by itor be glad that itis protective, A pers ‘who demonstrates a grent deal of vibrancy will chal. lenge the world, or feel is harmony with Ste-bat ho ‘wom foe sb ‘We deceive ourselves to think that if we pulsate and ‘aiy our self-expression. we are unstable and uel land don't know who we are On the basis of this se deception. we fo on to seek our identity aecoring tothe definitions of socially: approved rolex We deny” the ‘hanging patterns of our individuation by teyiag to inain an unchanging image Rat a rigid identity i not individuality, To afro ou individuality. we have to give up our search for static roles and atttudes and instead, seek cannoctednest with our own pulsatory Thy. To be-an individual isto impress the world with one's varying expression rather thon merely to ‘mimic the expression of somebody else When we identity with ctr streamings we discover our ove continuity: Pusatons and streamings are de continuous, yet there's « continuity to them It's Like ‘waves breaking on the shore The waves are dsconting ‘hes, but the process i continuous. There ie no contnaty that does not incorporate some kind of discontinuity Living this pulsutory discontinuity destroys sterentypre, demands that we give up the old ad create new spares, ‘ow forms, new connections. To deny this discontent 205, PULSATION, AND STREARENG ” Jam attempt to establish security. permanent posses Sons. id social sractare tiene yarn, i Ncninis wit e sense af excitement and unkvowing that develops out of Aoving from the horizontal to the vertical position. 17 ying dwn, my plating is finly quiet and stable Tice tne stendiness a» single contact withthe earth If Ee crcrny potniing foo nce Stan el oy fantact ith the arth becomes wnstabie and Wr ‘When T stand T sway. T shift from fot Yo foo Heme trward ant withdraw; Lreach wal tach aay 1 Know sd dant know Leay yes and say no ‘Everything in the muman being points to discon sity. We ate pulsating all the time. Perisiatic waves ow throug the alsuentery and vascular systems The -neree fibers plete. So do the biologie! claks that rog ‘ilate the flow of glandular fide. Laghing and crying. ‘ergeam and cjacwlation are pulsatory. shythanical. The Imescles extend and flew Lope and else. Tove and T font love. My feelings come snd go Lam may discon ‘inoity may connectesnes and diseomncctednss ‘When two penple connect sexually. the deepening hee conection ine tytn ter To push’ one's sexuality exprosies the need to eto one's Bert te rei ow keg for doy Pa results when the socialized performance images fats wi the satura tvs of aly costo These iomges ao Siteranived as chooee ‘muscular contractions which disrupt the exiotry y ‘ees The crength of one's pulsatoxy waves ie dimin- ‘hed. One's responsiveness diminished. TE say stresnings are interfered with if my ee down is intrfored with. I react violently do violence toa ee ae ae oe 2 ‘our moby sonaxe rs sn ‘myself, to you, or to my onviranment. 1 twist myself Or Tendon snysell live im a sort of sleep, Veurtall my so ial contacts, When my avenues for connectedness aro narrowed, I cover up the pain of the n by giv ‘ng myself ressons for holding back. I settle for com ‘pensalory satisfactions rather than bodily satisfactions, | fulfill Samebidy else's ideals: Vseck sority’s goals and {ry to fool satisfied that way The Field (ne day 081 was siting om he shore ofthe Zurcher lacing uth toward the Sis Alps Isa af the dis tance 6k of gcse fing act te lake. The cable seilray was mung overt bg inthe hackgraond Ann all ofa sudden I Yl, vive my cannccon oth those Hying eds resonate et Eventide ysl ad ‘crow the ake. felt myself seating wi the lake And with the bridge and wth the tanta. Tans seifava point ma hg patter, a huge Geld owe Gonnecied frm an eng. Ad tet felt ng le ‘he pain. Tell myself a prt of the Fld ato he foki—able to peesive iy sound and being my ae round vith everything tonoeced by this fesndating Balter of excitement tha Iwas enpericaing. Bie ad eam water and mounts ad tea ie, ‘hore were no secrets Tesperined thatthe pt tom of living is to he forming now putes The Hes reveal tea eng ere ae fe alng ina magical chyikimic orang of te shaper new spaces The lke, the Fipples onthe lake the bogs in the background the brent in me. pulsating ot ‘me wih hein geese everything wastage {FION, MULSATION, AND SeMEAMING 8 to moment in this exquisitely vibrating pattern, exquisite stillness. I recognized everything. and yet ngs renga, That which ened stoady. like the bridge. I cxperienced as simply hav Tes vibrancy tham that in which ft was eniedded. encing my self and my world i this fachion—as and pulsating rather than conforming to con and images—brought me int a platory. ste aos ce ro i iain Tt you hove ever run a lg distance er been deeply ist Gamers re oe coor, ou nae eas bly et the vibrtions tr ito a else ow. Where ue in love, i happert ‘here yon are. sanding of your girlie. throbbing and vibrating inside all Kinds of electricity sunning thivigh your bones, Arties a sweet ight streaming tg you. Yo can hardly contain yourself, And yet the ssorsje contain Yoursel. the sore forling you haves and there ate streams of connection. of excitement, between you and tore. ‘ne way T feel my sttsamings isto clase my eyes ane had exp reat. By dung this Lusoally feo exete- ‘ment in my chest aad abdomen, Whew T exhale, I fs) ‘he excitement spread thevughout me. When I sont iy breathing i fllows my excitatory stream. hy lmc currents Tlesea5y image and teughte—my in, my ody is. glow a please: everything Mere. ve found that to Ive with my own sre ings fs“ YOUR nooy smEAxs 5 exp pleasurable, To participate with my awn pulsating isto form my own life. After al. connection and disconiec- fiom is a fact of existence, hut the willingness to disc rect i am act of faith. H's an act of faith that Iwill woke ‘again after sleep, that the persn [love will return, that iT hold my breath I will breathe again that Iwill have fm erection again, that I will always be somebody. THE FORMATIVE PROCESS How We Become Who We Are Tn the picture 2001, 2 chimp finds o bone thet he learns fo grosp and lift abyve his head in such 4 way that, step step, he is able to aectmulate power, He accumulates power bry refusing to let the bone strike the animal he fully extends hieself and can no longer contain ‘Try it lift a tennis sachet over your head, back, and hold it there until the vibration he so intense that you cannut contain Then the bed. Your self-inhibition has organized both a of power and the power itself Ts hold back too is to freeze. Not to hold hack long enough is to die the power and the feeling of power. Appropriate aint isthe essence of one's sense of self and one's ‘of power. Kubrick conveyed hie awareness of this, “The miracle and the mystery of my living fs that 1e ‘YOUR HODY SPEAKS IPS MIND crganize myself and shape myself. Teall this my forma: ‘ive process. experience the wniverse as a eld of excitation, a continuum of excitement, an ocean of excitatory eur nis. My exeitement is my besie experience of ty Dodi i My excitement swells and expands This expan siveness has n quality of thrast that gives me the sub: jective feeling of growing When Tam expanding aid growing Tam highly charged. Tf my expanding excite ‘ment continues unbounded. my charge dissipates So that my excitement will nat dissipate, T have a self-regulating, self Limiting function which protects me gains total dschorge Fundamental tothe Iuuman con dition is an autonomous self inhibiting that wever docs permit total excitatory discharge—eomplete bodily um- ‘boundedress—tantil I anateady to dic. re re tien is the triggering of «sl which begins to sn Init my excitement, to enlleet me, compress me. When ‘my heart is filled to the vit with bleed. $€ automati- ‘ally says, “Enough!” When Tam filled with the rich ness uf my life, [reach a place where something in me ‘says, °No move” And then T begin tv gather myself, esting z lere begins my boundary formation. my emboli ment—the forming of my loop, my capsule, my cor tainer. I hegin w hound myselé T begins» experience ‘my self discretely. individually. [begin to feel my power. I ogin to fel, awarely, he form of my sel In developing the form of 4 loop ar capsule, my es sitemient does not stop expanding: i intensifies within ime, My feeling of growing gots intensified by: being con spe ronearive moet ar tained. The outcome of th intnsfcation is more sa feeling nd ef pereiving, which compounds into se “There then comes a ertcl point at whic Tet go my boners vo that can expen my excite. My containing cape, i adn to intetying my feng on preeplns serves achat ry ll ‘When I express my exsitemen. 1 interact tulsa world—in new experience twill once sein roveke mc to expand, contain and expres my forma Brevi Personal | Postipexsin Turning Points “As [Kve my life, major events form me into being aa ther somebody, ‘Those high points af my formative8 x0Un done sans sae proces call “turning pos” Each turning point each Turning of the formative loop encompass tree peses yrepenonal, personal, snd pot poronal In te pre Fersoual phase, my excitement Ie undernoted Ts the pal pw, tan Home ental iy infividuallty aod perwoality emerge, In the pov pervonal phase {release my boundaries by exprening Iysell abd nso doing, Vereate a ell. al of alt ‘When «child bora i leaves a pre personal world and develop ino « perm. When perm leaves the sword of adaleseonce forte world faulted hs ad Intrence fades int impersnality and his adult be comes pertonal. Whe he din he leaves his perso tveld and Lives in the memaricof ethers his Weld is Patperonal “Think of situations n your life which you under sent major chonge. Some of thee ituatins ig nated outed, ke ging to scl, and Some originated indie Ike the descent ofthe testes Think vt how Mee vents generated felings mages new weys af ding, ‘hings. ne selatonshipe with youre and with thers Think of bow you were before the event and after the vent Think flow the event reformed you ‘Whiena gil experiences thoonst of menses, is not yet her ent yet perma. After we te il on Bresses her period ‘individually. Its hee When her tenses cease at meno, the experience ino lager her it i pt personal 'A turning point has three phases corresponding to the thre phaser the formative proces. Each transom from one phase to another requis a Joon tat I snake organically sometimes consul and some panne “aur vonwacrive rmocess 6 “The fit of thet ecto eth decison to rete fw deine part of melo sow my expansion TL love yell ny flings af expending at do not Bare toad containing Ue felings then never end the so of non-iferenied ciation Bo clct behcamated te bown tb ered. ‘iy second decision 1 to continue ay fering by esting bourtaree I iferentinte and’ Become per tonal. become aman by eminying melt, by sap fing ny body. dear fora onda 1d mysl tito of ing» person. af no having shape can san matninn my buundaie oe long. The Intenicaion of my fesing reaches» level a whic T fm moved tlt go of my boundaries, to ive np My resent fra, My third decision st become boar bund I decks to leave the percual Inbiecance lr exomple—and I begin to enter the Srerld of adulthood, which ie personal, pst personal Folate tothe adolecent worl ‘Atte interface betwen the personal hose andthe portperional phase where Im 6 the verge of giving Apnay ol boxdaren, ave the mot for Ad ak Atanation fromthe high gn ofr the les orm Teampoud and intensify my excitation. Trish of = saan about to srike a blow, ofa finger abovt t hit a ey. At the pit of mpact the excitement shapes inte ot ihe Fore here ee bight pat fa frm, shape Umpc. Foren belated to again form fant. The mola rlenes nnd contacts geno ato another impact. The gretor my excitement. the reser my potetiel for shaping my own veal. my try elt Tm not alone in my sl-orpresng share with50 ‘YOUR nowy smeans sre sino others. My maximum excitement may be the worderfl chord that thrills the audience, or the knockout. My ex ‘preston impresses itself cm others, and the expressions fof others impress themselves upon me: It is thie inter- change of out-prossing and in-pressing which initiates ‘the forming of reality. All Living soem to be able to form itll This st forming fs predictable and rediable, invelustary and voluntary inpersoal and personal We all for Innis, and yt each of fermen tq body "nthe proceso forming my uniueness. 1 may alo form amet. cmt of the Fk of my nut bing able form agin: Aniety iy leling when the engengness my formative proces i teste o interfered ith ‘And yet. except when Tie, [never tually Tose my ‘boundaries, Weal ive up our form. an yet cach of ves up in sg way. Well dtc and yet each of ‘forme econ ding ‘Our formative pices rele to our ding the same asiteateso oor living Oe may die in any ofthe for. tative phases There ate style of dying in which people ‘ercontais themselves aqucze Themselves to death Ane there ure also ser of dying in which people ee too willing t uso hemeles on ready fo ise body themtelver and move nt a fantasy. What hissy tne is that ou dying ea trnng pet on organise econ that constitute toga prt fou erative proces (anltremt sted; expending DPRE-PERSONAL PHASE, xciton) eRraTive dn, poms nee ‘egetfer He lien ‘Bj ha ont fy etn uy "The evety xpi jee slwayrpertarming He teases2 YOUR noDy spears seco apremon. For dhs rami theo {Quence may be researc of ascending tard expres Sion Or mst Kep x mit, however, that he mening aa ioe ak CREATIVE VoD (D expression and extension ‘eve aeractin contact Seecpnce af he aks, (4) increasing fas upon gos (6) lee focus oss preise crmemetecrpenen ton - a) sleton and reetions Sipe tsretde hl (taller mii Shoe a (2) ineipiant me oremtation:ex (8) etng go of frm; seep ploeabion sod orton, rotherng Hy ahankoecss (0 iene saat dines (9) ering te wo ‘ne may encomtr bene ent one all at each Sie anect or dete Whos ‘dus apps. the peor be force tne af ascending ane feeding Truro eae ag moet teat latte ATTITUDES AND THE FORMATIVE PROCESS Our formative self is hat unique set of studs whieh “Baas never existed hefoce. This human response isthe aet of eration Twas walking through the streets of Basel. in Swit azecland. And 1 remember s0 very clearly saying to my- elf. Tet your shoulders dawn, Staley.” Nothing hap Then T sid, “Allright let your self down.” As foon as I sail i that way. Twas clothed in waves of ex- ‘tation. The siti language made me recognize that “my shoulders were holding me in an attitude of fear— ‘was holding myself with my shoulders. And wom Te- “Teased my soldrs and let myself come dawn. 1 was “Mlooded with a tide of excitement, a great ecstatic global [At thot moment the world became vivid end Trea: Twas connoctod with everything, Yet my social ‘all the images and thinkings that T considered my inner continuity. didnot evaporate. T simply dis I “Hey! Tm more than what T thought, more5a -XOUR moby SPEAKS ITS END than what Te been assuming, mare than what Fused to feel Tm not merely ey opinion of me” found maysel nn so of conmecteriness with all the hinge and all the people around me_ And just as am air plane flies up into the invisihle continuum of air and ‘eers with is rudder and mancuvers with its wing-laps. felt that T could navigate wherever T leased in this ‘ocean of connertednes. felt myself expansively immersed in the world ‘And I could see that everybody elee-way in the same ‘ocean Twas in, except teat most of them didn't Knows i ‘They didn't know i because their muscular tightness sand their heldin breath tended ty diminish thoir space ‘They weren't permitting themselves feedom of expan sion and expression. In this oeean-continautn they were laying to maintain the Wemtty of their living space by ‘meancof cramped attitudes. We geuerally think of an attitude as a mental set An attitade i a bodily set, Our attitudes are the Framework of oue form “Attitudinal patterns are unlimited in number, and ‘their interaction is simultaneous and complex. Attitudes >have muscalar. emotional, and mental coraponents. The pattems of our excitement manifest themselves as ac ‘on, a feeting. and as thinking, “Attitudes form the background for character. In the Playing of « football game, the players and the plays the formations and the styles are like attitudes. They set the limits for how the game is played. The quality of ‘play—the expression that emerges out of the playing of ‘the game—is its charactor. One side is recognized by its aso rate FoRATIVE PROCESS cy character of ing team of rushers: the ther oe orm “A limited number of plays, 90 mater how well rakes fara mite game ICT have rigid at fades they not only define ny gid ele systems they “toe define the righ fvling syste and the tigi acing appurtenant tomy rigid bodily ot ot jut tht ix dosely booed. Te may whole Tky that crm more freely that ent fel rely ‘My atitudes combine to form tiudaries which contin ond exprese my exetemert. my abity for seltenpresion fe severely lite iis bres T have developed ste thot rnc he expansion af my ex Sittin. Lench muscles in my Ba. arms, mouth thes belly. legs ‘This makes me cation comervatve. Init. T lok for ends cling tT blew that Holding on to the known is safer and Better than doing thing ny oon wa When we are excited ond our excitement is ac cepted an supported we devel stirs that extn tur boundariee We rach int the word. We expand the tris the torso The heart opens, We fel expanses fstoretha te wie is ticly icles Fulfillment and Frustration fe shape ourslys by organiving ttuudes—patterns of {or dang and of actual dang ‘There are two dnc hols of attics, One kind is fuller weather i frustration oriented. Both fulfillment Jind frusrtionorientedatiides attempt to serve in ‘tinctial and social needs aid manifest themselves in thinking and ation56 ‘Youn aony seas rrs Min Scltfrming organiaes my atts. FL fat rent oriented, the orgoniration of ny formative prcen Ferg of my tl ne Aa linen fe characteriod by aformard ping. upright laced, Aexible bodily shape; There ie sytamery eich ve sealed as hatnuony between the lft and Fight halves the brain—the practical side and the inuiive suo and, mee generely between the left and ight sides ot the body. The ever oe eordnated. The legs arms ad tors are integrated. The thoughts an Teeling: are com sistent with the actin ofthe person. jt there form, «grace,» quality that we recognize as an ich eit © = “This harmony, tegration, and connectedness is perceived mentally a intrest. self unfidence, imagine tivencen and wilingues to ive withthe uae, Te Is peresived emotionally as felings of excitement an titpation. lve. and oy. Think ofthe visonery. Talk of people who are cooperatively committed ty w tah People who love odo what they are ing, who feel of fect themes dots erference with our selferganising rents in toakdown of ffilmentriented attitudes We become asymmetrical and there sls of grace and sannested snes I both halves of the body ate ot invaled gether in the same action, then we arr ding two actions at ance fer example grasping and pshing way. or held ing on and trying fo move ao. Caught in rast tional pattern, we register dinghts of unsure = Competence, and eorftvon, and felings of esentmiem hosity, worthless, and despair. There is general shrinking of our cl. “The increasing dominance of frustratonal ties [UDES AND THE FORMATIVE PROCESS at 10 descending levels of orgenization that indicate and les flexibility o goon growing, less and les of a ety ay grim rr tet oe ing to feel interfered with, we retreat into ati- that we have already tested—old patterns from childhood such as sullenness and clinging which can be: ‘eeme more deeply ingrained with each rationalized lon We becouse repetitive —bored and boring ‘The Descent into Helplessness In the proces of self frmsing. peuple invariably encoun ‘er obstacles, There is unresponsiveness: a baby reaches for mother and she isn't present. There are impel rents: chil puts out is hard for something al he Ind gets lapped. Arn Uheve are self-eritations: Lean't spring forward ell enough to jump twenty feet get a flood of insight. but T hove eificulty tesnslring i nt waitten sons ‘An obstacle poses a threat to me when I experience that it imerfres with my. pales of ment 1 clk lide with many tnexpeced stations in the course of a Alay, but my experience of vor of them i such that it stops me in my racks I'm startled. 1 pose befre com mitting myself todo anything. This atte of surprise.* hich ranges in intensity from hesitation to astonish + Wem this happens team organism, thst Laer i ie pr souality that corresponds the tune period of the tania Bes Fas state of severe contvotion, He may cominie to gr swe ‘hat layer but the growth ie not grounded in wht et bere the fertesstion "Peel sinumnieaton Tom Alexander Lowe, MD.8 {OUR HODY SPEARS ep ment, my ial cepante to what I experience in tevferece. A child who falls down hurd aways races Himsa before ‘cil who hat fuse dle covered something raw tnd there unmoving totally torte in what runt of hi "The pasoof suprises fundamental o learning isthe ne ody atitade which ope tin, being tT: Ant con be explted rete ‘washing and hypis bth attempt to catch pape fx thisptse 0 that suggetions nay belo in The fu sont syle of educaton begins iy being diaypeovng of ovement dhe sillingof the childrens ines ince individual patter of rine which enhance ai sis tain one another The energy of each child's ares, am them be directed nto fering the ole of the ideal ste. “The surprised, vigilant tine develops ints ether saved anna Ginyu eeepc reassering ones frwardoingess Toe i detlope fa into active investigation a ‘ent atid integration. Armeyan the Rt sep of ie Urustrational deco «sequence of Siminishing excitement which leeds prngreately to angry ds, lely eryitg, and the fonen tenor of fea uterly helpless U's asume tata three ye ld id wants some tention from his moter He ses ner halfway dona Ue Street and runs toward hee. Sudeny bigdog ems fut ofthe bushes, ight in hie oth, Surprbl ee Lid Tnstats the dog sey or ay note rey 1 the Ki decides that dhe dog. fondly he might give it tarious put He ight even chan to tay end play wit the dg! ond fd his suther Tater. Ten again, i he ss TH FORMATIVE FECES ct bale pase) aiyanee, dike, gost ‘hay attack rin, throat as ying fo lp ton bpesess despite tr sation an dees that he dog tens est dodge he animal ond eave tothe saety af his mothers shirts Tey ta then ht Ue gh pase of his oe surprise, Part of him moves ether, ad an equal part of Mint reais rom the dog. “find tsk the pen of eying ove ‘his energies. trying to run in two opposie directions fant Sime Shou he be unable to mabe amore, he Yor help. If help does areive, he collapses ur Fendering to whatever may come60 ‘YOUR mony SPEAKS TIS pts ‘The attitude of curiosity fsa vital sign in any society. since it indicates the mecting and resolving of the unex. pected, Yet in some cases, annoyance is wcially acrept able and curiesity ie not Annoyance is registered emo- tionally ap disgust and mentally as dislike. A. young. child learns to neepond to ite feces and ite sewn! in lees with disgust. cild in school learns to ridicule any appearance of the daydreamer, any evidence of strictly individual pereeption—in others and also in himself. in ach instance, the expressing of permissible dislke is given form bythe ati of impermissible di like which the child already foels: toward his parents for insisting that he be “lean.” and toward school authori tics for demanding that he sit still and listen up sharp. Annoyance is always two-pronged, self-directed as ‘well as other directed. Sappose I eat semething that die ‘agrees with me. I can spit stp. Pein rum assay to bed, for Team do both, Bt the diculty ie that Til) mast eat ales I choose to turn off eating and die. So wheter 1 ‘recognize ft or not, my attitude of smnoyance expresses ® fundamental self conflict. And if T dow resalve this ean flict, Tam leh with a readiness to reject, eften without Jknowing the reason why. In this way T may gradually lose my creative thrust and begin to perceive fulfilment merely in terms of avoiding interference, eliminating obstacles “To extend the example ofthe three-year-old ond tho og: the kid may be so frightaned that even after he finally gets to hie mother, he sill feels consumed by the need to be rid of that dog. The attitude of fear has been ‘So deeply implanted in hima that for weeks afterwae he remains reluctant to eave the house. During this time the object of his fear may become unconscious. But eves, _APHITUDES AND THE FORMATIVE PROCESS oe the kid knows why he's scared, He goes on feeling Thelpless to the extent that he hasn't undane the emo- “tional and the nesromiscular components of his atti- tude. And thus itis that many people live out their Tives wounting obstacles such as resentment or inferiority fof poverty-—sbstacles that have not yet ceased to inter ere with hei Feelings or thee bad Ifa aude of ssnoyance dee it apo of the ener fing ciniacl that hae set it af, the atte continocs to be operative, Heennires a cles system. Ayo else _gsiem of behavior mild frstrational atitade com tly devalve inn withdrawal and crying fr belp ad from there one can snk oven further into help ub risson, despie si the desir to sireender ont ie At “tach sep of the way dawn, one weskens ones form ‘One's ccitement becomes inerevsngly hing thet conveys one's espeate tempts o grasp ft the wld. And wate formed ea fail person. “The entire stration descents a exteion ad ifeston of the mated pee Ding. anger help bg ect pee ccsive Sapa ct Ceti ‘im bind” And this oe common ew ofthe evar wu live aewrmen ara procnrcl ty 80 cvercrne oor helpless, sur aerety. Uni we se are vicline ad prisoners tered y the pro Df death and equally frightened of ing alive: We a fren bette wasnt Bical oeiag Chl: tina sew the ecgbe ‘Youn nopy sPxAKS 186 st370 sive” weakncsses we project upon old age. And we find ourselves absessed by the need to cooperate with each other, to share what we lave goue Uhfough £0 that ye fan develop insights, approaches, techniques for ox. stence, ‘Another view af the human condition grows out of four ongoing experience af the formative sequence which, ‘though momentarily checked, does not get tropped by an intertering situation, We recover from the shock of surprise, We become curious. We investigate. ‘and either we pass on by ur we allow our excitement bloom: into delighted fascination—such that we assizi Tate ara integrate who and what we encounter Formative sttitudes seek the fulfillment of ex [pressing that which is newly exciting, Frustrational att: tudes aim at compensatory goals. Tam hungry but Um prevented from eating. so Tact to proud to eat; Tsay 1 ‘don’t care about food. It is easy to see that pride can be 2 forced uplifting. a stiffening of the upper torso and neck and jaw to offset established deflation and wort lesstioss By contrast. the proud uplift of Fiving a forma ‘ive life comes from being filled with one's own oxeite ‘ment. The excitement organizes as feelings of self-estecm and as expression uf erettness and prancing, Untying the Knot eis important to appreciate the fact that mental att tudes and body attitudes are identical—as Nina Dall pointed out in The Attitude Theory of Emotions. With ‘ost educational and psychotherapentic approaches, the mind is affected while the body muintains nearly the joe THE FORMATIVE Pnocess 6 frustrational form, Everybody can think of some- ‘who, though marvelously ve, is still walking with a constricted chest which gives him feelings ow slf-estcem, © fa person is stuck ina frustratfonal rut, the trick i boring him, bovlly, to reexperience the startled state which his conflict eriginated. The startle pattern is essential attitude that needs to be touched. Then the ‘can begin to reexperience and investigate the orming of what used to be terrifying or taboo. Thegin to undo my frustrational attitudes by ex ening and perceiving them as my body. A chronic 3r contraction is not something that somebody hse is doing to me. It s something that T am doing te In coming to recognize how T hold myself. 1 4o contact the feelings. thoughts, and memories go along with my structure. T begin to experience the personal history of the hind in which [have bounds! If. And one way and another I make ecnnection th the living body that Tam. * TET have developed attitudes of being a mental then I try to feel how I funnel energy to my Tale take note of ow I sianage to quiet the ex- tin the rest of my bndy. I experience the form of ‘that nourishes my thinking at the expense of my Jing anv action —the form that has enabled my’ brain. (grow while letting the rest of me became 2 poor in whose existence is alternately ignored and deni- ted. As soon vs T choose to inhabit the neglected part ‘ny body, T bogin the process of integrating its mes- Wilken Rech published teas sane dacoveres im 1935 Tame them idependndy% {OUR 200" sreans rn seein enone cuca gnc maese feed Tp at opt e my sre i SE wee ny fatboy ene laughing, and love reach out for expressiun, We restary ible tr lone eer sens meg tee ey et Siete eee iene ne looms eh get Saenger ee aaieapeor hedaman ged a ec Rtv gy eae are eae Ie ree cal es a re po eam permet moe lado ae ee Fea mate nate ee ee Cen tia sfociaene reteset See mrant epic aie aes Bead oon dierent Seeking meee canons i fans wieciemissecses Selden d eeat see Shauna aetna [Oks AND THE FORMATIVE Process 65 ence the feling of in-orming as well x e-orm nyeaf inthe cure of tnesking up thew atcader T the forme ofthe od frutratonal pater, abd 1 the fore of he ne el ulling pater "The informing of ny ongtive phere ie called in Here agin. avht desrves tention ie the atin Fy mightier organization, ot Just is ‘New farming ie accompa ty he fangs Senna of metal nd ne region fperienceof my "Aba" it complet ues ts of learning sd orning involves my whole elf imply my cognitive funcin, Inve diet. re ffereely and feck eiforentty tn nditon ng difercly, My responsive omen siaaions emg my wy. my otto beng eer hadyFORM AND (CHARACTER How 1 Appear and How I Act ‘The body cannot Hie. Tris ineapable of lying, Only what comes out of the mouth cas lic: the body never lic. ‘My particular bodily farm, my particular body feeling, i testimony to my particular character. my particular way af behaving, tnth peychologically and physically, Who Tm hae a quality that permeates every Aspect of my existence and makes me rerogrsizable. 1 do things seriously. I respond flamboyantly. I radiate jos-T ‘ooze possnt. This is the self that I have formed and the individuality that I radiate ‘Tam not so much interested in the motives beiind ‘person's behavior. What I'm interested in is the quality ‘with which that pereon performs an act—mith love or With hate, straightforwardly engaged or ambivalently. 1 atk myself: How docs this person's body reach out for ‘contact? Is it with the groveling huzaiity of a beaten og? Does hhe, Hike a slave, move cautiously so as te ann cxanacran 67 oy his performance? Or is his quality that of a ful defiance, a withholding: by means of rigid chest igritted teeth? Dues he reach out aggressively. with ‘arms and thoughts of revenge nr tearing up? does he express hs overall satisfaction in his tissue, wells outward with pleasure? This is how T read ‘Trospond tothe process of interacting with other, 1 form my self according to my experiences 1 have sbodied my encounters withthe world nd they have ft their mark. My character reveals the quality of my ence—he it bitters or plesrure,slkness or opts. People recgnize moe by tis essential quale "And Lrecgnize eyslf by iL have one rend who “s0 buuney, aggresive taker-over, love for his quality Swoctnes; nd another friend who is a slow-moving, win-mood woman. loved for her radiation of dl our bodily responses form wur character and our ening eunscistness There are many varieties and ls of encunnter many diferent ways i which life's cittory processes may intermingle to evoke form. form fncldes the shape of leling “the excitement of the cld and the excitement of the parent have cslities sich ax swsstaces or resont= ‘that cemimnicated with each other. The com tion of ths quality of excitement gives the child's man emotional tie If the parent excitement is68 ‘OUR nowy smeaxs 15. Iheavy with over-concorn or fear, it compresies the ex citement of the child; the cil shrinks, gives up, devel ‘psa collapsed form. Ifthe parent's excitement is weak, spongy, unsure, wishy-washy. it provides no bouridavies {for the child's excitement; the childs form then doesn't Jnow its own limits He becemes @ person who is always testing the world in an effort to find someone that ll ‘When a chilé’s early encounters with the outer world are restrictive—when he is almost invariably told “Don't touch" and punished for touching-—he be- ginsto besa form that curbs its wun impulses ta ouch, A growing child who is taught to be ashatned aout his sex Fife may canie to express that shame im the form of a stiff neck. He becomes a stffmecked character. A youtig lady 1 worked with said that whom she mistirbated she ‘would stiffen her neck and clench her jaw 29 a8 to not ‘make sounds, Another old me she would make her neck gid when she felt sexual so as not t let others know. On the other hand. a child whose impulses ate largely accepted by the world isikely to develop a form that manifests this approval with w quality of ongoing ness, pleasure. ar sures: There are many aspects of form. One aspect of form fs the shape and boundary of a cell. the shape ana Doundary of an organism. But forma is also the shape ‘and boundlory of @ gesture. There are forms of handshake ing and lovemaking. There are shapes and boundaries to behavior. There are patterns of sacl protocol. There the nodding between people i comversatian that the ‘ever transcend. In this snse, form is the Tink between the visible and the invisible, between the act and the feeling ofthe act. AND CHARACTER & is sloweit-down process Part of our formative so Dull now forms hat manifest the fring of “e Tw enperiance life as prcess we cam ae hat po rs experience of space si tine is expressed by how fare in the world. We can Tork st a compulsively {ype and understand that this person repeatedly rete bie time—he's ponetsal, he makes deadlines consis his Iie spice by constricting his body. fs body i indicative of ome who fees that He must not Tet hie time and space expand. get ont of contra. Can “rerely, we take note of weak character who cannot frganze u cohesive foram to contain Iie space and tiene Lacking slfcortoinment, self-cumpeehension. he leaks ‘ut, disins away, The constricted peron may radiate 0 sgualty of deades, pais the weak persona quality of “thushinor. unreliability ‘When Tan working with « peeson, I try to under. er els ing pce he's ekg wtih isis by. 1 try fo perceive howe much Beso lei ha 8) 16 what extent Ill allow these boundaries to be in ‘ade. I ry to develop a fot for how he experiences and ives his tne, how Savalved he is in living his own. Each person's Life space and Mle time is es sis ‘Our el frming does ot wold space it forms “ts own space. We are na living iim and space. We ‘are living time; we are living space. To postess ourselves.rm ‘OUR nonY SPEAKS MIN ‘to be self possessed, iso inhabit the space ari to live the ‘time that we have formed {tis important to know not only whist you do but how you do it, To know that you rebel. or even why yout ‘eel, is incomplete. To experience the how —lor ex ample. the pushing away with arms and shoulders Aecpens and completes the feeling of yoursell. ‘Thore is no pat anewer to the question of why you take on such and:such a character Why choose to be 2 chronically contracted character instoad of choosing $0 brea free character? The door ie never closed. The form ing of character is rooted in the same open-ended pricess thar forms te as bodies. remember a group situation T was involved in One of the participants. 2 woman of fifty Five oF sixty. hhad the character of a camplainer. She complained thet the wasn't able to complete anything, that she never felt satisfied, Her hody was stooped over an sour lock Inge She had chosen te form a crippled el She told ns a dream. and it was evident feorn the ream that she wanted te die. Several af us pwinted this ut. AL frst she couldn't recagnize it heetelf: bt then step by step. it heeame clear to her that death was what she really dlesired. She felt that life was a bere id thet ‘ying was something she eould do success ully, To wit to die-was én character for her—a trie-o-form sion of her crushed self. And as she began to understand how she hind originated this charaeter, as she beger {0 tunderstand that she was choosing to Hive her pest i ths not AND CHEARACT n ent she began to want to create a different form of Floiever negative a person's structure may pres ly pont there as a ane len it served the desi terms of the perwia’s fulflling is poten desirable form may now he severely restrictive nif the parsons rasintains #t tho long. he dies. He dies the sence that he effectively curtatls his life expres- ‘Eremember a woman E worked with: petty, big- energetic, a dancer, very muscle-baund. warm, tn big black eves that invited yon speak. At thir ‘ea everyones iumarried older sister Whew T out dhe Vigaiser role with which she ap ed all tskethe attitude she had of being the rageresive, self denying syimpathiner—she broke mand crid. She tall me that her big icles on her anger toward those she flt aid ot appreciate or give her recngnition for wanting to plese. T inted out that her muscle wnondadnes als. stopped rom moving like a woman. She cried again. sang “the felt impelled to be e dancer wast leara to move Bes eae Dat ren ry Twas Inoghed at fy Her family. wh old hee. Dest gg i tnt” And we ma Bsh se How er characer. the hig sister, had created a shape that ex er veldIDENTITY AND THE FORMATIVE PROCESS Gur bodily experiencing gives rise to 4 continaity of feeling that shapes itself as us The shape of our oe. 6x perience is our own identity. When we diminish our bodily experiencing, we subject ourselves to letting ‘others tell us who we ore (“You're a salesman: “You're tn engincer”) and who ta be (“Be a mire pleasant per- sen"; “Be a loyal worker”). IC is one somatic messiges that help us weather the need fer approval and the psi of rejection, As soon as we dismiss these messages 6 bbogin to adopt ready-amade images and roles For years we have hee content to rolate to itr selves and 9 each other on the basis of roles that have been handed dows to us. We have perpetuated precise categories for defining the nature uf why we are—for pinpointing what it is 19 be a woraan, what iti to bea sman, what itis to be sexual, to be adult and mature Most of us attempt to create our identities by imitating and living out these proconeeived rules Ever since anyone can remember, our encrgy has mere A THF HORDATIVE PROEISS 2B gine almost enticely into winning food, sblter and {Etery and our identities have bee consistent with our lnoods Novedays, however, for Jot of thee base feds are being met. Ard the moment oe needs are met, freare prenented witha surplos of energy. We then ex evince yearning to move ite nw situations torre Foy connection. to allow shew forme and images 1 erg ioe ving ; "Fe uniqueness of us rman wns that we are inde. Our ifetimes contin afer fresh pos ilies for fring unprecedented eaoc hips with thers and with or send. Our open-end is it ‘inset our human wntelding ‘Oued forming gees ee feoings of joy— fd also to flings of unsurencn felings of ariey. When ye fel anions, any oft ry to contain oar tacitement by holding lark, fling on tothe sats qe, contracting and omstricting mer than choosing fe cepa, We formulate philempic, dagen. and ther innge-sytems which, by storssyping sm, assure ‘oe a wen of nity ut whem sey In ‘ystematiro urseleos and this syeematisng snot neces “ary for survival, we fel shanse and git—the el of Shrinking say from ue pstental for uniguely forming Se mines “Weare situated betwen vr proces of engingnes and our atempts to retreat frum that proces We oe Plated anecen acting to fbi «of gives aad Ging willing tu let the old Snslee while the nv it We are situated between faintining 0 i emg rn poring a nme “ing oor aegis, he ern When we challenged ptterns—sevtyped oes1” ‘Youn nony sreans irs wisp chronically rigid muscular responses, outdated feelings —we experience the present pais of our lived past. We also confront the unsureness of the future. And if we are ‘unable to commit our energy to an uncharted couse of forming the new, we retreat to the numbing security of shat is familiar Evolution isthe e-motion of living: At this particu Jar time, the forms of our entre ure slowly begining to give way. The stereotypes are beginning to be out grown. With the dismantling of the old an the sincer {ainty of the now. roany feel distress and panic: a few are feeling excitement arid anticipation “Those of us who experience panic have not been able to identify with our own forming. with the feoling and pulsating nf our bodies We have accepted others images of ourselves: we have chwsen to disasriate ourselves {iv our excitement—porhaps because of w lack of body contact. perhaps ont of despair over feeling at all, Li ‘with and through our hurt anid elplessiess helps vt cons tinue to inhabit our beslies, brings us into touch sith ‘what will give satisfaction to our bodies, nt merely to four minds. When we can experience our bodies forming with pleasure, we discover itr vst identity, ‘The Rote of the Rote ‘We ask our children to find out who they are quite early inlife. This happens in atleast three ways. First right from the beginning, we expoct a child 1 Identify with a cortain self mastery. “Don't ery.” "Don't ouch.” "Control your bowels.” “Swallow that anger ‘Thore are definito roles that the selEenastered « ‘irocted to assume: the good bey. the good girl, the pry AND Tite YORMATTEE PnOCESE 5 oe, the smart one, the cooperative one, The ld who taker cu a otal role lsrns toe his own “ciicizer in plore of his parent. “wes nat good todays L Vive up tothe eal" ‘Second we ask the young person to take wn occupa ole. "Hw much seeing do you have?” “What “Bind of job do yout have?” “Whats your earning ca oe “Aa then we ath everyone to take on a bilogical or sexual role, 19 idenify with particular notion of what vont ora men i mother. her. wi, husband “Allof these are cultural oles that shape the identity the scaled civilized Iruman Being, tn these thee Aways and more, one is expected as soon as posible 0 Find a stale niche i lie Tm intintive oT study to “beam artist. I'm mectancally talented, so study to bea iin. eery et eds prose "he to creatoan identifiable st of atinudes. And to fen oof tues crete nly ait 37> em abeut wh Ia, Bats st of actin patterns to in wet these belie 'A role serves two porposes. Tk serves to give mie « sthapethe Kind of Adentity by which the world can tatoporize re and judge me. J also serves to give mie a seme of inner continuity and selFrecognition upon. ‘iets Ian act. By perpetuating eortan definite foe Ings an inages, Ldn my fear of the unkown. TE tay role i disrypio, I get disoriented T don't now who Tar Fn cut of phone with conse ime Tn order to pscess an identity that gives bath an tsi reference fo hrs and an inner sense of identity. Met awe aco abd oe. Tact tic ecity and T die living upto it 1 begin wo live an ape pattern and 1 lng fo Hall my fe The oy6 ‘YOUR mony sPeARS ITE NID variations are that I'm young, then I'm midlle-aged, and finally Tm old. During my youthfal stage and dua ing middle age I perform as T should, And then in old ‘age [run down—and I fear that. Whatever our age. we are ll afraid of being useless, of mat having a useful role to fulfil. a useful identity to keep up. So when T select ‘my role, I fel bound to it becaase Frm afraid that wih- fut it, 1 lowe my connections to my self and to others ‘The muin alternative tothe stereotypes of ose West- erm culture has been the Kastem cultsral philosophy that personality is an iMlusion, that differentiation feoen the cosmos is an illysion smn that each of ur ie every ‘thing. Like the Western tradition, the Eastern tration hhas served poople asa guide ta living their lives. Txt the Eastern approach has turned out to be no more of an impetis to growth than the Western appmmach. For if one is already everything. how can one become some boty? ‘What I'm saying is that T'do not have a fixed role, toram I everything in the world I don’t have tn be # fixed thing and Idon'thave ta be everything. Pi always forming, expressing that which shapes me. that which gives me an identity. ‘My formative process i revealed by all the charac tors, all the different physiological and psychological sates of being that are manifested as my self, T may choose th identify with any one aspect of my process and Hive it out. T may choose to identify with varions aspects eoncurrently—or sequentially. as they emerge. Fach manifestation of my process has its own lifetime which comes and goes. There are old manifestations ond now manifestations. Some are continuous, some are dis continue, IDENTITY AND THE FORMAIVE PROCESS " Tam cimtimuous and disoontimuous T mover finish forming. ever if I choose net to form. Steeped in wanting, “to be alveays young, I may choose to be @ perpetual ado- escent. T choose to be young, 20 T become a-young old fool or & foolish old yonth. In this way. my shaping “process says whe Tam. “Anumber of years ago, I ean othe understanding that ‘the ilos I hod adopred inthe course of may life were incorporated ins mme muscularky. T wnderstood that in der tobe good boy. Iresiricted mysel. In order to be amar, I coerced myself. Tn der tobe pleasantly unos Arosve. J nerd to translate unobirsiveness into a pat tern of ating, order t hide unacceptable felings— “anger fear, tenderness, envy, Lastinose—T covered them ‘witha tig musclatyre thes hell my eathing i and Kept my neck sti, By contracting the muscles of my limbs and diaphragm and broin and hawt and digestive organs, [esoted annecoptablesele ‘The roles Usenimer! formed my’ footings After all “HEI was fesing excited snd noiny Ua suppres call Ting ont an singing in order to be » mice quiet boy. “Hing. good” meant eonteoining my veges il they Ahreatened other people. And so, as 1 formed the rule of being good. I sacrificed certain feelings of alivoness rom my living. Tao loager knew with my whole organ iam that these feelings existed. My body surreiered its Korsing ofthese feelings: They became haeely mem [By the time T begen to challenge my anderly and® YOUR noDy seEARS Ts ix sbeent roles, {had boys to understand not only that they were socially given but also that / chose to embay them. I was accepting conditions that diminished my ‘own resonating, my own feeling life. And wher Tegan ‘to Tooson the muscular eomactione ia sayself, when I allowed the bodily role-patterns to comm apart. Y began, the excitement of feeling chsteeperaus and rebellious and not wanting to please, the streaming sensation of ‘being noisy and free and senasally and sexually alive. T even hegan to sing again Allin all. I was beginning to inhibit my bodily sl ‘And the more I did so, the meme I ecmnected sith the ‘willingness to live my own image oles have a postive aspect insofar as they organize collective behavior. There is no family, wo agricultural community, ny industrial nation without the creating of roles. But we imitate a role, Selfimages, onthe other Irani, grow out of our individual living process. Our unique Tivingwess initiates each of wur self images. Exch selF-image rellets our unique self forming, The Unobstructed Image How a chill exporiences himselt gives him bis identity sand generates his image of himeelf. This self experienc ing i greatly influenced by the eommanientions he re ceives verbally and ron-verbally frum his environme. ‘The environment sends that help to define who the child is as well ag the world the child i in, Vor ‘example, a child bora anv the asphalt and concrete of 9 city will experience nature ax somewhat alien, because of being imprinted with the patterns of his artifical sur~ Mette ats toe cry espercac tke Shy ‘alien. His nature is not in man’s works. A child in Tibet one Men. Acid in New ork gts omni. Te Pi to te nena‘ Toa seaio wih tlag idan tohenron we the New York ld etn wil BG cet liary tet oped eeeies inte Fic fou pi yt la ci mtn ll ie eae hon, ol ee, Crete re theme > troreiting am experince ou sensei Gavteeredl tonetiniared Bey ages eapctcns vc bepstoreite nara Bier fe sta oe cnt sabe i etoneg ot Citron sel rt only ron mat eel the Sd Ise sonal ese Zaldipaltng te GH, Weer Ue vice ah way ete voy fa tmyieinge rejecting bon. The ei “unloved. Something is wrong with me.” And the rlos of Fietinn and Manet ace bora, rather than the role oF owed one "AS a child develops, his patterns ace affected by people veho are mare experienced, who have more ei- fxgy: and e's affected in other ways by people who are ess charged. Uv this manner experience i parsed ot Sometimes ges passed nae cum: "Dnt ouch Aha” on “Towel ike this” Moce olen dhe identity formed with feings. The fathers wanes tnches the child the world s+ wshappy. The smother smvety ‘aches the child the world ts dangers oat leas erin, The father says non verbally. "Don't ty tbe smarter than your father" a0 ue Heater hissel as80 OUR BODY SPEAKS IES Mn or his admirer, oF he fs rebeiously smarter, ‘Adult patterning sets the tone for the enhancing. or the squashing of a child's excitement. The grown perwon provides feedback for how the child experiences him self, feedback which enerages or discourages the de veloping of self. An adult wlw resonetes with a child's ‘excitement mapnifiesit for him and helps kis to form a self-image: An adult who teeatea child like an animal ts bbe tamed and trained cripples that child's exciteraent ‘When a child has to deaden his vibrancy in order to win approval. he becomes someone who requires that others Aline him, The deadening of himself is the prelude to his obediently accepting and adapting ty roles, Many people have tald me that their parents were ‘unresponsive, and that this made them feel abandoned: ‘or that their parents were not available, wnt that this ‘made them feel unwanted. As children, these people ‘demtified their roles throngh their parents! bodies, Out impulses of lowe. our ideas, lose their vibrant thrust ‘when authorities respond negatively when they diu't Zespond at all. Sometimes their disapproval reinforces the tenacity of our vibrancy: but more often, especially ‘when the authoritative mo will not brook ultemntives, \werdovelop a fear of forming wha we are ‘Nowhere in the West or the East do these on tp tell is that we can identify with our pulsations, cut sreamings, our foolings. Some authorities siy that we Ihave such things, but we are'not to trast them end eo ‘are certainly not to identify with them, Nonetheless 1 fully believe thatthe human being who denies his bodily process is denying the only identity he can ever go oi having. The lived body which feels and dreams is ol once gives ura personal vision uf continuity ad con “Thies our living image. By sdentilying with fand by maintaining contact with our bdily expo 36 the source af our self-referral, we develop a es sues, ah od pleasurabloness i the forming of our ivesSELF-FORMATION THROUGH DENIAL ae ee saperpeegeoeaetagty eeett See eae a epee eee ee tenons ee yl i fon sore caer nana SS eo ar a ae des gio a re Ores seur-romanrion Tunoven pENIAL 8s ‘A rmuseular contraction has positive value insofar as serves asa short-term personal defense. To contract our bodily way of saying ro to intereelaing fully with ‘ourselves and with others. We tighten up to prevent get- ‘ting het. We shrink avvay from bodily harm, whether “the jeopardy arises from outside or from the impetus of ur own feelings and woods. To diminish our selves isto minish our sensations In restricting ourseloes, we “restrict one sense of pain—andl of pleasure, A child sisks death if he does not or cannot respond 4 the inhibitory vocalizations and gestures from his ‘elders, If he's skicting the edge of damger. is Hfe-sup- Pp fr Nn set spre Not” Bat wo parents arbitrarily use thoit no to the extent that in: Iaibition becomes training. dere begins a war of wills, ‘The child has am too. And if the parents’ na repestedly- ‘overwhelms the child's 0, the child begins to fect _meddled with. Bit by bit he dovelops the picture of an antagonistic world: 9 world in which it is unsafe to ‘move. world in which esploration brings about ‘catastrophe ‘When a child says ay he means it, Noe a statement of selfhood. It weakens a growing persia if he does not to valne and utilise his no. And if the parents “abuse their nthe child has very hard time learning use his no without similarly abusing it. Any parent Duarps on no for the sake of discipline or constant lection is ignoring the noof the child. And the child's 5. in addition to undervalning his own mo, is fr disregard or ta submit tothe wwerwlielming 20 ifthe parent Tf, as a parent, you feel your no when you com sate it to Your cil, he will listen to it and respect% ‘Youn nope sPEAKE HT NSD it But fo Becomes a ait, iit becomes bound up with 1 stern system of child raising, then your reprimands dampen your child’s excitement and help o form spite "The child who is rogularly scolded or slapped when he talks up learns to clench his jaws, and he continues to {do so ong after he leaves home. Weroreeumntar ity ty ol contract lrgly beer aves ot a cence ol owner When se norow simeines find restrict our palsitng, we ntetere with our proces ‘icra i cbrefeat tila of being sage Sine of having achinved «static reality” We belive twee sain this tate sition, And we believe Ut we reamed tat epee tome “The holdingem of muscular contractions produces scion of forevemen by impaling wetabaie act iy. In tightening one’s sell me narrows the seas of to potest ie aes pela ore me Tied fret theory of enteral tea fee fantary whch ne ry rualne fn tree of the pas the future, But not the prevent. Either way hee a silanes of resnt experience preentnest Gig ns ol arstormed suglantr ec heg for the truth of how Ife mes and goes, form ad i ferme is bors and die. It's aber Mest people ae devoted to nmmortaizig their present lives that they Cannot poate life hereafter that ie wabeentally Sitirent from this life. They carota wil ot pee Seemetver wo eeaive cur Forme Eetog, By Sp Eig tbat, they dato Hier prenpton— doe Gectaliageelinepestiiteacy tape alle .P-PORMATION THROUGH DENIAL % us Wester cultre has tought ws to cultivate the misuse of oor inhibiting abilities Stereotype atitades “ire encouraged and consciously perpetuated. Think of how we learn to mask our faces in order to hide our feelings Consider hows we pracsice mot tn cry with ir _hests ad belies, how we work to squcere ot hut into “our heads, vhere vc can rst ecient diguise i. For ‘the past several undred yours we have hren dling ‘nrselves in all the varios techniques of constrictive fporer. Ard fn so doing, we have smothered ove pssin fis notural.cmpathy. We have cramped our emotion! selves "The heart feclings of lowe, tenderness desire are Isic exprenions af our vibrating. pulsating stem “When we contrac our steamsinge in mich 9 way as to restrict the felings of on hears. wo become creates ‘ho do not emotionally respond tothe aivenest of or Selves or of our environment, And itis. Having “esined selves to be emotional deserts. we are now ‘arming our plate into «desert Narrowing Our Selves ‘Assoonas contraction ceases tobe prnsurvival ana en “dures past te moment af wefulness, it bocaraes 0 nega je factor Chronic. muscular contractions, whether ealturaly indeed or self-induced, are self-Sefesting be ve they ate overly sellprective, selfseparative. If ‘aintain a constricted atid, we become discon Iecled aot only fom the world aevund ws but foe ‘whole cegients of our own being. The irony is that to id danger, w save ourselves from dying, we deny of our living.86 ‘OUR moby SPEAKS 115 END At one time or another, we have all sacrificed parts of ourselves sn that the rest of us might live. For ex 1) Theman with the caved:in upper chest, shoulders bowed. fis head sticks out like Quasimodo’. What is he expressing if not self-denial? Instead of being filled th is uprightness he crushos himself. He's afraid of his ex citement—afeaid that it might conte him if he doesn't comtrn it 12) Thewomon whose pelvis istueked in like that ofa beaten dog. Her legs ae lightly pressed together: ler fanny is packed away underneath She may have a punch. With the lower half of her body she's squeering sand pushing forward, while her top Half ie Teaning back ward as if pulling away frum something distasteful She won't roveive and she won't give. She's fearful about Sing al empying “Moke me open up." shea. 1 ‘When somebody comes to see me with hunched Sholders or tckedin ail. we try to fined ot why be has become. Tals attempt to move hima toward asking i self, “What is it 1 keep doing? What am I not letting live? And how dows that feel—ey not letting it live? ‘Ann I afraid of schat eight happen if T let my shoulders down?” And each time. the tw of ws come i the ansaz- Ing disciwery thot the freedom ta be responsive i fright ‘ening to this person. “If [let my shoulders down. may pres the anger I fel tesvard my father. L might even. hit him, and that woulda’t be right because Yd become what neither of us wants. So Fd better keep on sacrificng my urge to lash ont.” We choose our manner of suffering. The part of us in which we suffer is tht part in which we Bandle in tensified excitation poorly. onserT1O8 THROUGH DENIAL 8 renieinber werking with « woman who hid ml tiple cero One. time a burs of fsting, rushed rough Her loge and abe sid. quite spontaneous. You know why T crippled mysolP Baca whenever ‘wen tomy mathe, sh wasn't there” Her decision may Trave been unconscious tt nonetheless she chosen to “alk She idm to her expansive ype wal Negetiveinacces fn the enrnent acted pooee on tis oct wofAling eeiatery Po ‘erm, contibuting th er cir of infntlzation nd Uinequentdteriration Tater se whet she fla surgence of the tnspule to expand, her own lege r. ete er sility to ‘Yet she swat mow! keenly alive. All depressive people fare alive: they are alive ina excruciating way Their wt bear the life they have at “the moment, and yet they claim that they want more iving. snore excitement, What a paradon! (Containing More of Our Selves fe may perceive that our contractedness is undesirable Bur ac long as we don't know hiv #o contain ourselves flexibly, we've stuck with our rigid containers. ‘The art of living our bodily lives is that of contins Ally creating new containers, evulving forms. When our dees are chronically restrictive. we resemble is= IE our boundaries are underdeveloped. we keep tually active in order to avoid drifting into frog ‘ments ‘To contain ourelvesis to embrace our living without ‘tte death. Signs of containment are a fllness88 OUR 80% Shean ress of feating, a deepening and ripening of sl experience. Tink of fll torah, o areal fll of fing. At what point des containment stop and self-denial gin? Think ofa distended blader. or a east engorged ith all When we reach the edge of expres he exci tary apex of ir Krmative proces, we Iuld beck We ston lt the et ep eppen, We met give poo Container. We tighten we defend wirsies, We regiser a doubt and. pin this preventing of the natural ox res of otanad energies Ad if re oii to Tait on, we experience an oral disinotin f foc, scant Wer ur th Toure amy iving. T bald tempor Younderien Tse sanstory limit far my sl A at nck mgt be te busty thet express my preset Teanga "Don't Snead me, uneasy just now leis limp for mi abe alive without defenses Ti i posible for me to rick Snterecon witout hibit nd Uniting rue fo a greateroe loser extent. Living das rake tne Ir sets, rtervlating with the sword does lead to my erecting protective barrier. Te faperince my peronal inadeparies and os them Staragh Inecibly Teaver ie mush acl tisory veut fare my caracer, ike the gnarl ina tre Tat Tali with open ip my boundates, tv nove eyo mySnadequacit of yesterday. T be open to my ving pret Is feel my wllingss to exp oe iencing. And so I heep coming tothe place whore T Spell eghlycleree lity tet ele Tow ‘iling and alle W experience. Satine T find that Te fren the ey tht unlocks ny ld Domndares and 1 atk lckeith to help meee to fasion © ‘new key orto pick the oc seue-vonsearios THmowett ENTAL 89 ‘Yet even with the help of « locksmith, i's not ‘enough that I unlock myself. It's not enough that T ‘simply stop denying mayeef, Ted also to begin learn. ng hoe to afer myself ‘Thi not bain leeing ie Toaraing that takes place throughout all the tissues am gins and fibers of my flesh, 1 learn with imy body to -arell with say excitement, to contain my strenmings sy feelings, my thoughts and perceptions. And this is the thrust of my liteTHE DECISION TO FORM ONE'S GROUND Tax taining as raid dit wetland or J fr peice eth sy Popes seals Coomera pal ieeorerace eetieer econ es poco io e tte tal are poles a gu clearectan prong (Ste eat rte coe erly sO ewes Tic Sapte ein wf hal halen: l- pas Oa eet ea ree ope ipetateed teeta Ceeener seh fel aly pouch rang perry . Feacsnes grea a pilin ey oe . peg ipensd pers emp grey ei her ry te Fe on Se Coates bs pond veel recall debe fare Sy see pole night be a Pappned the Sogrtspoceure tthe ae "+ Fer was tall; bigoted, and he held himself stifly. {FRE DECISION ro vonM ONE'S GROUND o ‘He looked like a boy who had worked at muscle-building ‘ty make himself into a man, « boy who was tying to appear bigger and tougher thas he actwally seas, His facial expression was that of a statue—mask like, stony ‘unreveeling. He wavered on lis feet like a agpole in the breore, ill at ease, uncomfortable with his ground, “To me he demonstrated throe distinguishing character istics: Is boyishmess. his inflatedese and his stifiness. 1 ‘as interested to discover how these bodily character- {istics defines the life situations he got himself into, Stantey: The firs: question Von asking myselé is: How is this person grounded? What is hie relationship with the earth? What is the quality of this connection? Hox much energy does this person present ashe stands hore? Tshe dull? Ishe vibrant? ‘What is bis shape, emotionally and physically? How is he embodied? How does he inhabit hs flesh? ‘Wht is his body trying to say? What kind of feelin does he communicate 10 you? What is his Hing a ment you? Participant: 1 seo more sliveness around his head thars around his feet and legs see a egghead. Stanley: Okay. what is the feeling of this egghead mage? What feeling is this yorson organized aruend? Is he organized arosnd hopefulness) Atourid despa Participant: feel there iea sllenness, Participant a remoteness9 ‘YOUR RODY SPEARS 8 sp Stanley: Then T would ask him: What ie that sullen ‘Took? And how is that mllermese related to his egghead, tw his cerebralized state? Why is he heooding? Whit i hhe being? T experience his way of being in the world, and how he feels ta me helps me begin to make sense of hhim, His sullermess tells me how he is grounded and ives clues to why he doesn't want to become more ‘groumided—wehy he stays up in the head lt Participant Could you explain again how he begins to sake se? Stanley Bis eallenness communicates a feeling of dis nppointment Somewhere in his living, he didn't get something crucial that he needed, We have ta find what wis anfuliled ia himn. Now li expresses a silent demand, 1s it “touch me”? Is it “hold me"? Whit is? ‘With the sullennes there is « quality of reserve: of resi- nation and withdrawal, causing a bodily density and @ shrinking from the wl, Hie has vitality. too. One sees thal in his eyes. "Tis person is strong: His budy isnot seeak: it's got substan His tissue isnot like padding, Maybe he's ungrounded Docause he's caght between srring to esianert with in a vital way and avoiding the posible disappointsient cof being turned down le keeps his shoulders drawn close to him. crap ing his cist. What does this do to his life space? What kind of feeling comes out of this constriction? What kinds of thoughts emerge frou this restricted ability © expand? Participant: What 1 get as T look ot kim is a kind of statuesque quality ‘que prctsiow 10 roma one's crowns 93 I don't know about “statuesque” Pm standing trying to neally be lene and at tlie same tie listen Stanley: Okay. 1 ageee with you, but how are you there? You look to me as if you're sitting behind a desk ina classroom—obedient and iramobile. Participant: You remember. Fred, yesterday I said to ‘you that T thought you had difficulty feeling. And yet [you're extremely perceptive. You pick up all kinds of things in everybody else. You're the first one Wy pick ap ‘on things and you're right about them. And Tm won: ering abou the contrast Stanley How doeshis bodily shape express that? Participant: He's withdrawn into birasell. He's stand. ing there like watchtower. “Participant: Is kis body saying that to move is to lose some of his perceptiveness of the environment? ‘Staniey: Or is it saying thet if he moves, he's afraid hae'l lowe his sense of himecl®? Participant: ‘To moves wo fee, ‘Stanley: Right. So he diminishes his movement. He Pulls himself off the ground. ‘Lets broaden this. Hest do you think he makes de isione? Hove do you think he exercises his freedom, his ange of potentialities? Participant: When you fist stood up, Fred, it eame t mind that you seem to be caught between resignation land defiance, and that's what makes the immobility Neither one of those xeally ges expressed.co ‘YOUR ROY SPRAKEITS nan Stanley: That’simportant. He's living the impasse, Participant: Ered. 1 was noticing that when peuple are speaking to you, your eyes stem to pull hack. The si marrow as if you were peering frou behind a thick wal. Slantey> Okay, that’s enough negativity. You can't preciatea person by staying only with what's wrong. See you can discover what's positive about hie. Participant: The body is well proportioned, Stantey> Is histmind well proportioned? Participant: Sort of x courage. The beave'in his perceptions? Stantey Participant: There's certain integrity. Participant: & directness in the eyes Stanley Yes, exy feeling is that this man has indeed ‘made decisions of directness. Hie has made the decision to be muthful, and this decision is expressed in bie watchtower stance and hy his sullenness, which be doesn't try t hide Participant: The right word seems to be somewhere Jbetween integrity and self sufieieney. He doesnt need to take from anybody else to maintain his owt thing Fred: When was teen-ager | decided there were 10 rays of feng higy One was w beat everytiody elie Stontey: Fred, ave you aware huw your face was just sesturing? “aut rc1ston 1o Fonat ons crow 9% and I decided i's not right to try to beat every: eve doen ley What ae you moving toward? Fred: Ym not feeling os resigned. | feel safer. and T feel a trombling ia my body, T feel Tin not struggling “with myself to hear whet you sey withont cringing from Tmpact of it 1 feel Téan be open tof in spite of the act tht i's going to tar. “Participant: Wis eyes are less piercing. Stanley: How does that lose piercing quality feel to "you, Fred? How are yo experiencing? More sensation in-my eves. and my mouth opens adit more Stanley, Tsthis being vulnerable? Fred: Yim not sure, .. . I feel a kind of delicious hu- liation. ‘Then the shame of the deliciousness. Ls my “eyes I'm proud, And sad. ‘Stantey: Your expression looks like “Don’t hart me." Fred: I'm not sure what’ going to happen from inside me oth want it nnd don't mat it Pasticipane: Stanley: THe docen't really apprecite his own strength Talsay that he tas sacrifice some of it in order to prtect himself ogainst the possiblity of getting hurt That's the “watchtower and the piercing eyes “Frod: ‘That's what Tve been reaching for. Not to be ‘rid. 1 heara martyr lke quality in his wee“ ‘oon 00% sR 8 MND Stanley: ‘ey hitsng the be. Breathe wore wih your chest Every bit of amertvenestharyou allow to emerge ‘you. You can beasamcrtive as you want to Fred: [Slowly crumples to the toor and stars $s Tag] Stanley Whatsfanay? Participant: Wie watchtomer finally cillapsed, and nothing tapic happened. I yos've thinking Someth terrible is going f happea. and it does, then yor Img. Fred: (Stastocry. Participant? That wists saquence was-one of the most Usual things Te ever seen Really. Fred. tt began with your senso Sak there are two ways of Seng Big. You told sone way bet eversedy cae do Du Yynever got around Uae tha whe hs "They're ging o beat dove And tats he de feast you have adopted Stanley: T aluo aw a willingness to be defenseless, to Jet your tautness acker to ve up Form, to learn to trast hat you were forming atthe moments oll yo self take a different stance in the world. - ‘To learn ito tot goof the tnimpat. up performing that comes out of your upbringing To lata eo cept an experience which you ave not yet coordinated and synthesized to acept this experience without resorting to modes of he to perfor. Inthe ral of feling, be havior is ovented rather than initated red ar aserivenra becomes more available + ‘you, youl hegin to integrate and shape these flings. ‘rie peciston To rons on's cxoune 7 ‘and you'll find expression for them. They'll give you form. Fred: Ws just that Tm slot, shy. T Wold ack. As shrank at alwing yl ely pan in withont having toms and sp We had ste Beer td Une Eile tomyeeld es bell ven ty oud," Wed i the emer ty Hive in he cty you he what Wot fe ke ae ty Tein wos ered and Trslved what Fd bon fighting gain Who wants to fee someone ol pain? Stanley: Say tha gain red: Who wants to fel someone ei’ pa? fal my pain. That's cay, became [can acept tae mine and de meshing aunt Stanley: Many sf us can't diferente beticen our re pit an the pin fl by the thor mewsbrs of or Family. Won this for youd Fred: My mother was dopresied. Sho tried to live through me. She shined and nagged and was chron ‘ally dissatisfied. T did ovorything to keop away from hher. You know that scene in Thhe Graduate a te beak. fast table, where e's reading the cereal ln? Stantey- Okay. you were shaped by your mother's pain. But what was your own tending toward, your own wish? Brad: 1 wanted tobe what she wanted me to be. Stantey: ia you ever experience this as painful? Fred: 1did. Stanley: How about ight now?8 ‘YouR nopy seEAxs 175 mix Fred: {don't think I want to fel it Participant: Maybe Tm caught in my own projection, ‘but I saw a lot of masochiso there. I saw i in the «rum hing. Stanley: What happened here may have looked like ‘crumbling, but it was mot. He gavo in, which is ot 9 collapse. And it in't masochism; it fart wlftefeating, Giying up form isnot wallowing in the pin and suffer. ing and making a lite out of it. Pred allowed himoell to ‘become unorganized, and out of this came a new form. 4 new self-asertiveness, He never collapsed like house of cards A person who can give love-and receive love is lf. expanding and solf.affrming. When Fred begais to ex perience that his lovinge wasn't received and that his ‘mother’s Loving was conditional, he formed bis watch tower, hisremotenes anu! sullensess Fred: Yeah, U was dammed if I did and dammed if 1 idn't, Tfelt (rapped. If Tloved her | hocame her slave And if allowed her to love me. Elst my identity. All 1 could do was pull away and go stiff—hide my need and ‘ard hers off: When I fell om the lor L contd actually feel that stiffness breaking up. And all of a sudden 1 Marted feeling warm without feeling scored. I felt ay self having a shape without beng stiff THE UNCHANGING BODY iy rn tit by a ge ig eee sy ese ele batte ae ip ies fl er oe eae ae Bs eee ere cee seer Se ci el ee Total be her own person, Theft er lonay. ee ie Je acs “also claimed that men treated her as # sex object. and De eecanannd ae NN rar eres se by et eeecontractions in her chest and throat, and had @ perma- ‘nent pout planted on her puss. The pout was testimony 10 her selfi ‘while her constrictedness indi ‘ated her diminished willingness to lave and to be loved She presented a quality of hardness in everything she id, ‘Stanley: What's going on with yon, Roberts? Roberta: 1 just feel dead. Staley: You haven't looked well ether yesterday or today. Roberta: 1 feel good in the morning: A lot of shit is pouring out Stanley As if you wer explng, Ant yet yom lak ‘uymie more asf you're shrinking. Roberta “That's what happened last aight, with a friond of mine. {shrank away from him. F couldn't let mysell— Stantey: "wouldn't" rathor than “couldn. Roberta: Veal, Uworlda't... . Anyway, later on last night, Thad this dream sboul wo men on @ mountain top. Thoy were looking doen on « woman whi wa fal ing into quicksand atid sinking. Tt was almost like a nngeal burial, watching hersink Stanley: What Kinds of flings did you have alon ‘with that? e 7" Roberta: There was kind of hopeless quality to it, Like the guys on the mountaintop svere . . . imper. sonal Stanley Was itclausteophobie, self shrinking? Roberta: Yesterday was frightening. Stantey: What was frightening about it? What was the shape of thet fright? Roberta: Well, it started off wher you were doing your ‘theories and stufl. I was getting angry hecise you were talking to fat Stantey> Too fast? Roberta: Tt was almost as if you didn’t want anyone else to interact. [felt slighted because there were Tot of things | wanted to say. And T got into my feling of be ing worthless Stanley: Is that like not being recognized? Like being ‘mall? Roberta: Tome they'tethe same thing Stantey> Do you want wo say something about feeking ‘unrecognized? Roberta: Oh, lke last night I was thinking that T ‘would be feeling this way, L oulda't be so upset ex ‘cept for istoning to this tremendos trge in me to be recognized, and knowing that T eld never get enough, And sn it's vicious circle, There isa vicious quality tai Stanley: Why do yor use that adjective? ‘Roberta: ‘That's what I feel itis at times. I experience tae that| s02 YOUN nowy SPEAKS ITS MND Stantey: As vicious Roberta: Yeah, ‘Stanley: How does vicious feel? What's the form, the shape of vieious? Roberta: “There's asqueering Stanley: Squeezing is vicious? Roberta: Mean bevieions Stanley: Yes, it can te. But you haven't really dee seribed your wn style of ricioustess yet. Roberta: Ws a feeling of... actually doing hares ty ‘another person. The enjoyment of it: focusing myself to ‘dominate people Stantey: Being vicious serves to give you a feeling of power? Roberta: Ws like sometimes when Y screw, U hold hack ‘emakes me feel strung, hard, tongh, Stanley: That's vicious? I think holding back can: be very pleasurable. In fact, one of our greatest sources of pleasure is that we can say, “Hold ‘not yot ready to let myself go here. ‘What were you telling yourself in that dren? Roberta: T'm not sure. Usually my dreams are elear— the visual sensations, the physical sensations. But this time there was a kind of deatily gauze over the whole thing. Stanley: You could see yourself? 1 want more Pm Roberta: No, 1 didn't reeagnize anybody. I was seeing ame UNCHANGING BODY 103, ‘the two men on the mountaintop, and the woman in the quicksand was going down. [was somewhere else ‘Stanley: Who's the gal in the quicksand? Could. you fact the drowning yerson—be her body? ... What's ‘the experience ofthat part of yourself? Roberta: don't know. but Stanley: Roberta, what are you crying about? Roberta: Part of ne wants to live— ‘Stanley: —and part of you wants to die? Roberta: Toa trying tw keep any sound from coming ‘Stanley: Do you fel that anybody cares? Roberta: I don't care if they care! Tm tought. It felt good to say that Stanley: I wonder if t's true, though. Becanse the min inte T began to pay attention 19 yous your whole attitude 2. You became softer. You stopped halding your felf mo tightly. You expanded. Maybe you care so much that you can't hear the pain af it Maybe you care ton sch Roberta, you say you want more freedom. Well, you've pot a findamental choice to miake, « choice that ‘you have tn make conscionsly, about how you're going 1w respond to yourself in order 1 be free of your stereo- types. You can take on the traditional point of view that ‘you've been born in original sin. the point of view that @emands that you cunstrict yourself, that you hold the body in bondage and deny your sensual impulses. Or You cat: define yourself asa fender animal, fell of lusti-104 ‘YOUR moby sPxAxS HF sence ness and light. Either you confine yourself in auch a way as to perpetuate the form and feelings of being tough, hhard, small and tortured, or you respond to yourself as somone who wants loving and car Why don't you lie dows, Roberta, and see if you ‘am locate where i i that you're grasping yourself Put your hand on that place and see if you feel anything. ‘And even if you dor feel anything. you can experience the deadness. What's its form? Recognize thst you have chosen not to be responsive in that place, that yore al Towed vour form tobe frozen there ‘This choice isnot something to be overcome. Tt is ‘not something» be goten rid of, like a piece of garboe. t's your life experience. It's you. Can you feel the form of the covered you. the hardened, mud you? Roberta: | softly] Lehto to mull myself, Stanley: Where: Roberta? Hove? Roberta: The back of my neck Stanley: Put your hand there, Say “1. Roberta UT. . . . But Tdon't feel anything. Stanley: Not cven the tightness? Would you say, choose not to go any further, aot to respond?” Roberta: Tebiose not to go any further. Stanley” What feeling does that have for you? Roberta: It gives me the feeling of fear. Stanley: Cari you respond to your fear? Can you Tet it speak to you without being overwhelmed by it? Roberta: Yes... 'm feeling more relaxed nw peed = Pin Tact mings Cia voy strong ting of Boos ce Stoney: Of as? Erolora: Syed obo gh cir: incre iat. Feri, Sain a het won drag nai fst Taken w eck tn ewan ery ple hp chong tg Bice Whines joa ict Rober Myst Me My exten. was ae of cing ppg ity htt se ny mecha ee Yow tg, ond non Fe festng vey Gown so-sarth ed ele Ter going orev let that prt of me esha Stadey: What pats? Roberta: ‘The pare that I just would eter Tet out ‘You know, like caring, T'can see that Te got to take the rity for nhng even fro Weis ive Ton diteveally To eae frm my oresALTERNATIVES TO INTROSPECTIONALTERNATIVES TO INTROSPECTION ook ound me and I see that everything has become something. Fverything has undergone formation. In in- teracting with the world, everything hus become more than it started outs, ‘Alot of forming goes on outside the purview of self- awareness, I think of myself one way, and then I dis over that I'm quite something else—and this happens whether I am conscious of my self forming or uncon Selous of my self-farming, whether 1 kaowingly partic: pie coming emcne of urna, pate it Even when Lam actively involved in shaping my- self, 1 may suddenly realize that Hey, Ive been formed! Tm me! Lam the unique expression of the whole of my life, the porticular quality that has emerged and estab lished itself as me. ‘When T ssork with a person, 1 keop a close eye om what is emerging in terms of what he or she iy presently forming. Its the kind of looking that leads me to inter. -rupt and say, "Are you aware of what you look like? Doyou experience what you're doing to yourse? Do you Ahem to fee! what emerges when they touch themselves realize that your neck, your chess your pelvis have’ be tnd wien Itouch ther. Task people to fel their breath: gon to mave and that you now have another rhythm?” ng 22 His and then sometimes Task ther to slow it Tina sense. the person is earning t bean artis. On a dln or speed it up. With certain people Yak that they worked with became a poet, even though he never fact aggressively: that they stamp, hit shake, kick, shout ‘wrote a line. He came to experience snd preesivn the ep that they can bserve their rage nd decide whether world asa poet He hegan to speak poetry. to live the Jsuppent itor be rid of it. In essence, ask people to try form of a poet reve forms, o old thei bodies and to use themselves in Man¥ ties people ndergo formative changes an “mnaceustomed ways they're sy keenly interested it their performance or in “The content of persons understanding is impor ‘he emotional content of tei varings reactions that they tant, but to me is nowhere nea 3 per aise owhat ther form has come tobe. They don realy son's being able to experience the forming of his own ‘exjorience that ther shoulders have let dew bat they attitudes, his own urges, bie own expresions—the hhave nmexpetedly grown more graceful, more cine Iyzind iiosynerai af being himself in the world ‘nated. more radiant, that their self has enlarged ad that ‘And therefore my work atempts to initiate w series of they are literally someone elie. They ignore who they tinfailine experiences which will enable that person + Ihave become. And so they keep on talling Jar of patterns that belong to the past: teach himself about iis excitement and its rhytloms— experiences which vill enable him to feel and perceive ‘bothering mae.” “T can't be happy." hhow he contains himself and oxtends himelf, how he ground” relates tothe known and to the unknewn, how he estab ‘The great majority of people invalved in therapy — Tishes houndaries and gives up) boundaries, how he re- ‘and int elucation—seant to know. ‘They want to know Teas oll form and creates new form, tho they are, how they relate to themeelves, how they act and react. They ant th create a cognitive comnee tion tween shat is going on now atid what has gone ‘nin the past and what may go om in the future, But Fn not all that intorested im whether or not people kom We expand and contract. This pulsatory process is the ‘What interests me is how they are or are not exparicne story of how we form ourselves the history of vue image ing who thoy are becoming how they are or are not tnd identity. Our dreams does not have to e searched for ‘experiencing what is forming. Inside. It presents itelf without our rummaging around T encourage expression. I encourage peaple to let fn our psychological graveyard. The dream expands their excitatory processes speak. I ask them to feel thee upon us, into us, like a wave swelling forth from the selves and to move different paris of theraselves. 1 ask ‘ocean, It engages us physically ard cognitively, seeking‘not interpretation but further understanding’ self-reflection and through expression in the social world ‘of friends and lovers, One soon Iearns that one’s forming hhasa thousand tongues. Tntensifying the expansiveness and the thrust of our excitement paints a very different picture from turaing thee om our self. We lot our inside become the outside ‘We let our excitement surface, In response the thrasting world invaginstes us: its exterior becomes ur itor in ‘a dance of alternating surfaces. Ibis a dynamic process [process of forming rathor than performing, « process uf ‘cooperating rather than competing. a provass of experi fencing rather than a constant effort toward sntrospertion. EXPERIENCING (ur formative proces is mother to our experiencing ust as experience sires forming. Exporieace directly ex- preses three aspects of our Tormetive proces (1) the quantity of excitation we are able to covtan ad release, (G) the qualities of this excitement (hard or gentle, ‘weak ar song), and (3) the rhythmicity of ur excite: ament its ebb and flow. it eteacting arid expanding We are most globally excited when we ore im the vor with litte boundary—whon sere immersed in the expansive (pre-personal) and expresive (post ‘persanal) phases of our formative sequence, But in these ‘phases we have the least sense of experience. Ie is not lntil we contain our exeitement that we gain the self ling and the self-perception thet round oxt ove self experiencing, Informing’ container, we alter and di Zalnich our connectedomes with the excialory Matix ‘enhancing our indvidatiom As we draw into oureelven we came to aww mare bout what i ging om relative 10 tum both ouide nd inside. We create distonce14 ‘YOUR MODY SPEAKS FFs aD ‘which permits us to reflec, to conceptualize our selves and our world, We are then in « position to connect ‘even mare luscious with our surround, ‘The embodying of excitation makes seltaware ex periencers of us. Containment stimulates mur develop- ‘mont as experiencers. In our unbounded phases we are ‘not the experiencers, we're the experience, We don't per cevive; we are, There is no reflective 1 As children, we express excitement impulsively ‘Then, as we start wo develop boundaries and become ca able of containing our excitation, we begin to exper: fence: “Here am T.and there s the not" “This is my selfs and thet is the not-mysel” “Here is may world, at there is the outer world.” Our sense of distancing and afiscriminating and focusing is formed in the embodying of our excitement. soul toad ott ther == or weed == ort Se Continual inamersion does nat make us aveare of oir experience, nor does it enable us to utilize i in the os EXPERIENCING 115 going process of forming ourselves. Those of us who laa to be totally involved donot fully experience that Involvement until we begin to pull back and reflect. Our ‘embodiment sets bounds, creates distinctions. I, as body. ‘experience the not-l, hecame intimate with it This in timacy of Land not I forms new Ia new entity which makes the former Lond not 1 knowable We have no human voice without our body as a sounding box. Tn the same way. without a body we do ‘not resonate with experience. Each of us is a uniquely ‘embodied field of oscillating excitation which resonates im the field of the biosphere. "The experience af immer son is that of resonating with the basic excitement of life and with other bodily creatures in this more incl sive field ‘The different frequencies of our bodily resonating giverrice tothe diferent strata of os 1, which make self ‘election possible. We contain the pulsating and stream. ing excitement of that with which we have been able to resonate directly. Our containing allows us ty absorb and digest the experience of aur immersion. And then we go out again. We undo our roles and images, our bound- arios. We stretch our limits. shrink our distances, and re Sound with the world ‘Then, ence more, we become willing to diminish four connectedness and to reform, There isthe immed acy of involvement, then the diminution of connection. ‘and then re-formed connectedness This is the pulsatory ee8 of our formative pevcess in which we reach to the surround and draw ick. We steep ourselves i: our environment: then see separate ont. asimilnte, ond ‘eloct oat what has taken place. This is how we nourish ‘ourselves, how we deopen and broaden our experiencing.130 ‘YOUN BODY SPEAKS ITs ser Our Inner Sea (nce, fying into Sam Francisco over the salt tsar Sam fone, Tonka dams and suddenly sae how a ner saturated solution hein o form a ery. Tsaw a rye talising find nthe water,» Sil shat fad ese Timits of expansion and was beginning to setup borders sud-aminein fal’ Moriog it te tbe, reomatiog Intttay Sasi oer i cermded w ested sven the breeze And Twnderstond, experiential, hw sve all ae inthe world. and how we all a the veld “Ths Hi ig aetna ans iat ocean of excitation. ‘Thestreamings of eat sal tos present a paticalar resonating pttern—or rather, « particular combination of esonating patterns, superim Peters ps opel enter nnaine gate ls ihe {hie cystine pattern in thesalt waters the world and T oseillate in unison at certain Frequencies And my re ‘ting pattern is capable of cntracting Hef. AY T on- tract mull T low down part of my ollatng Bld “This slowing-den forme srctre,brusdares, fe com tating prensa My expertoncer ny felis, thongs an aetons —are derived from the geometry af my rating. pul ating ELA ally eet ett hat Erexmat. My experience i ton interne where 2F field calles mod tigrowsly. Think agnn ofthe tan vice: treater in the bead, the eet the ido ten, and even throughout the entire body. Wherever it Seeute, segs kamety ote wxprmexcixe a “The dnp cna Kings tha vo frm pein Deig futsry ed oening ora wah ogy fucka annoyance chine iloson, te Ucaosd fp, wich cee lan copie of tg ec foece. Ficus an lectins ey ao chal rt ae piper coped wi the re Tey aunty ot joy cago get Woh al forth wher were aloe Sep pt or Pipes che spore ngewe cmngatid hc fe secs Saeed Iecngs do tue eal hole pr, ely the eral layer Te lees fees rina felingrae pur feign oe Sitcrner werd ickeng me sod drp tal Ses brad ce pyle cer ot ey thornghly avd prfndly we fel our eatin At he pos ert cu exponent and ips art otic ip pri ihe fon a types sya tate A tureo lvl we nee or expres ornate and d a pies ee ee ee te cvcnage te mle eepereny of eaten Tied, eco cdo i i ie ting ae feaeraingat cooler Weslo te ee cto Bt thscs en. We enpeer tin wl ith prea plone Stn Shan Sup stocon, sh Coates rd thn ritongee Most of a ar able lt goo fae inl we hae ial lag toe’ teta8 ‘YOUR moDy SPEAKS 118 MD wwe hegin to experience deeper levels of our ovn bodies and the bodies of others. We may understand ogni ly that, at ll level, the unforming of our hounds is necessary for expanding our experience. but it sill isn't easy io lot go- We experience our selves most i tensely in a contained stage. And individually and cul ‘urally, we have generated a powerful fear of giving np the continual self experience of containment. sich that swe don't dare to open our living to levels of experience ‘that we know nothing about. As [liston to people's experience, I heart what an atrocious extent we teach ourselves to deny and even de- rnounce our own flesh and blood—thereby diminishing 1 with the depth of our formativeness. Most nf us form our lives superficially. while the forming of our deeper elves is neglected and discouraged, Canght up) in the superficiality of our ing, most of us have very little experience of the depth af our possible fur ing. Tearning ‘We train the brain to control and discipline the body ‘We are brought up to reason with our instinets, to cajle feelings with thoughts. to eam gratification by being smart and doing a gind job. We appoint the central nervous system moster and driver ofthe rst of the body We foster the belief that cognition is the great ex perience. This is what we call “learning” Almost all of fur social Learning forens are based upon the asnsmption ‘that experience and its commnmieation are cognitive Tm suggesting that learning—the transfer of e< “EXPERIENCING. 119 ence—is x eunition of the resonating of the Plays action The body's commating Hg up is Ports al copian Tha bin itr tthe ley, evicowens ‘A rend of ino wld me tat he od nv i- salen hy calling pcre nto he sine frost is cxchement nn ti tre Ue As sna at SC sopped inten bumaelé merely. i dy xp Sic fore olin vemert “Te dynamo ty nected ening ae ils trated by what happen ferns vuenee Be fston cxponds lc foe, and forms tymndarien Sen pte nn lcs focndarice post slop of continent sed ato Ue urroud Exfreson ia pak event ke he poking of erin the peta organ ‘The formative peaking interacts with the environ ment, generating new in-for-ation, new cemazmunica- tion, Then it draws back, gathers itself, and forms a new Joop. The sew containment invokes all of the fel- ing, imaging, dreaming, thinking. and decision-making ‘which permit sicher experience of wll sod oer: self tnd wotld. Thi show we form our reality. This show wwe lesen120 OUR noby SPEAKS ITS NkD {Ina wellknown sty, two researchers showed that shen child's ceeying and ermting, wre interred ‘with, he has rule wi is peel factions am ten fends.up asa staterer Their sty wns revelation sna fer ont demonstrated thet when cera osmotarpa terns ore not comsested ip and developed, cera sal {zing patios donot ally emerge, The same researchers then found that encosraging the steer to crepe sal ence again seve ta Cll up the Immature lot totter in once that he might develop thom. As he dd $0, hie speech and iether soiling activities m- proved “The body teaches itelt That which is becoming conscious teaches tha whichis cnscous and that which is conscious teaches that which is becoming consious. ‘Asourhedies move toward containing te exciternent of our ife experience we refine sur entation In the fas of traranting from one level to another. The leaning process our formative proces. We open sar oundaries an extnd oxrciver then we integrate ou experiences Ft we becoe more: Te we how mote taal we exprns mor: wo live mare 2 fe years ago I ave up sking. Staking had been nevi Lifer ritual fr re. and daring the dys that followed et confetab: And then sede L realized tha I eas having semations in my-thoat ed mouth at Td never experienced asx adult. Stop the amhing had reeroticaed my sesiratory trac nd {he experionce of the new sonnions made Pas ania Wher I recagied hat that wae what it wast pt inte the moree af what was going on as mynd gave me plarare My dicot wae relate tr having Sensations that Idi recognize an coun’ lly ap recite ‘To describe learning in terms of role identification ox problem-solving gives a very limited and misleading jcture of what goes on in the actual course of one's festa proce Te nara experince vd pallor ‘of excitation and to embody them. An experionce of ex- ‘itement in the chest travels downward and expresses it self as sexual feeling and pelvic reaching, It wavels up- ‘ward and expresses itself ¢s words: I love you, The eves see with this same vibrant quality. the arms reach eut to ‘theloved one. and we arechanged.IMAGERY AND SELF-SHAPING All wo often, our way of being simebody is tobe some- body else's body. Our way of being enibodied is to be Daddy's ideal of a good girl, Mommy's ideal of 2 good boy. We learn to mimic people, especially people are successful by society's standards. “Act Hke your fa thee.” Or, if father isa failure: “Don't act like your fo whee” ‘And then we live a lot of fantasy. lot af if-0nly “IE only the world were different place I could be happier, more outgoing. more sensually alive” Or we ‘escape into hoove, the movies, compulsive eating: In stead of inhabiting cur bodies, we both alse and es) ‘away fram our bodies And things happen to us We be come victims. Fantasiring and mimicking and taking assigned voles are methods for avoiding eellforming. We practice ‘ese methods until we identify with ther. Must people ‘ho came to work with me have experienced very little other than self avoidance. For various reasons they have IMAGERY Ax seLv-sHAPENE a3 ‘heen unwilling to disengage from these ttatie attitudes, stereotypes of performance which announce, “This isthe ‘way Lmust be.” Sol invite people to get at the source of themselves. ‘ask them to evoke their own excitement, call forth their ‘aye sensations. { encourage them to express themselves physically and to feel the emotions associated with their Exprestion. T encourage them to move parts of them- selves thet are rigid, and to recognize the thoughts re lated to their sift body attitudes. T invite them to un- ‘cover and, aboce al, to Hoe their own excitatory paticens fand rhythm. Out oftheir living grows thoir understand fing. All of this becomes possible as they challenge their fenumaptions their voles, the ways they do things ‘When we are willing to experience «urselves. we don't live anyhedy else's lif, Nor do we lose ourselves in fantasy. As our bodies become freer. less constricted, we begin to shape ourselves imaginatively rather than ‘mimicking and fantasizing. Who developed Babe Ruth's batting style for him? Who inspired Columbus to set sail? Who teaches lovers how te make love? To Know or to Grow. ‘To form is w gring, A crystal expands itself in an addi tive way: a tree, in & goometric extendedness. We hi mans grow by increasing our motility and coordination fad by inventing new behavior. new shapes and feelings land responses. The intricate connectedness of developing shape and responsivences that we usually call growing, T call forming Growing is mune than knowing. It is more than the134 ‘oun none eens 259 collecting of data and concepts. Our emphasis on tno ‘ng enue our brains and spper crclatory yates To fo while theres of ut remminsnfele Ts our eo [hast on Anowing tht leads to eur forming tary fedies that are outof-hape and mishmpen “Our fang on the brain gives rie to Reatifal ies. to sell formed thought, and to ansised bes wth «arto range offelig By living cererally dovtng oor a exsist collecting ota aid alntracting experience, ro image our narod feelings in the fran ofa por sonal ond dispustonate by of Knowledge, We piers the world ae feslinglow machine: opersting I's ope tem a laws and rules rather then aso aie gooning selesbaping univer sour emphasis knowing that enable the brain to feel tat thas” a body. The cognitive seperation if bran an body is eeated by the brn’ eapecy tb fureate, to make distinction, to categeeier ta ve ale inthis way or brain can come to tently liveness ith iuelt ant cones the bly ting ‘Then rather thn Beng wine dy we head ‘We want ta haw fr the sa of power so tt we sont be vitims to nature o circumstances our ide anu uted works. When we boo we ae ale pe diet manipulate, and repeat But theo performing ant ‘experiencing or expreninn. I's progress nat proces Le ten 6 power, no pletire: conto, net chpeaton darmiation. nat tition To form, grow, cana an crotinal comitment. 1 demands, continsally ‘naturing expeesivenen # Iestye that int ype thepleasnrablenessoflivingrather‘han power. TE yu wun wo ko yournll, iw do. Stop het yom are dong. Buti you want to gre i you want to form yousells youn actively expr ysl IMAGERY AND SELE-SHAPING 135 “The chokes between nrring’ and firming is a tcice that many of tare mang idey, often whut seelizing tht we are making it. We wish to Lr our selves oo we acept dsipline that dk vst curtail our activity. By slowing down and sopping, we cen eam 10 Imow ourselves by sbsracting frm et experience: Bt tre alo cone ta form ourselves To form aunties, 10 . resus that we he expressive tat wey to Fey we sesitenss Ty tom Meebotinc vo met theTiat of the unknown, Theres a tifference baron turing wh ere and forming whee are The pycboentlytenl Too ‘ment has collage on the mythology of "Rrow tayo = versace the days of Sorte. to enw one he ben the freon gal and highest achiercmest af ext Cal ‘ture—but damn i whatever you do don't be youre Dosiform youre: Let fri you, ‘To gm is to change the shape of your Ivig. 1s never ate fo gro. ll yourself with your we Thave two Eins over seventy-five whose whole exist ence has ben the continued shaping andre shping of Sir Ives. One of them iow ply lasing Bs Se Sight. Whon Foked hits Hoye Flt abut te, he a sere it eaitenent a well av melancholy "Well Tm going io have to mae »aillren ie for rysle My other fiend Jat divorced he wife He tla tee Ind been making asl ik by ring to compromise Tis urge to be wlhry. Se he asd deri w stay cor ing Mill He went ahead wilh the sepacation fond lt his Wundaries open, Av he ld ane rectly he Fain the pocesallrelag oer al Some people are so hiny Lnoreng,fndo out, cumulating information. being intrsgrtive. that hey ire perpetal sansa sates Try hare een)6 ‘YOUR nor SPEARS Mis knowing and understanding, knowledge ancl experience, “The highest level af excitement occurs during sll expression, and this does not necessitate a dimimation of self perception. When you express yourself you generate the energy for seli-perceiving. Activity alone does not ds his, however: self experiencing is the necessery ingre- sient. ‘You don't have to know, You don't fut an answer or find a way. That's the mi ts make: we are louking for knowledge for a ready. tmade may, instead of letting our feeling and our self expression form one way. ‘Thw Shape of Our Own Way Anyone who maintains @ particular style of living has Stake in perpetuating a particular stracture, a particular pattorn of form and mavernent, a certain Tixed expres son of being alive. Bat if one feels one's own liveliness. then one iy willing to leave behind what yne has already finished f ‘Consider what happens in the act of making love. ‘Two penple come into juxtaposition, and in the sharing ‘of feeling and movement, all that i currently expressive ‘of these two porsons is exchanged. If they are willing to abandon what should be there for what ir there, the ox cofthe-ordinary is evoked. Every encounter isa beaut fencinmter and n satisfying encesmter—unlase they are ooking to repeat a patiern to re-establish a feeling that they recognize as “Iove' er “sex.” Orunless they-want to believe somebody else's eriteri and chase somebody elac’s als naaceny aso sper saris: wy ‘To be a man animal is to express one’s unique liveness with me's flesh and blood. Our nervous system is capable of withholding expression of ourselves, height- fexing our vibratory state by permitting oar exeitaion to be released and committed selectively. Te say, “T sur render myself to anything that comes along” isto com- amit myself lightly, It shows conterapt forthe part of me that expresses me. By being contemptuous of i, { lose it By releasing indiscriminately. Tseck to rid myself ‘of something unpleasant. Take no finite commitment simply give up the energy of my self forming. md this is an expression of self contempt and fear. Wher man ‘and roman are making love. they dinect their expres ‘ion toward each other to build their pleasure. They par- ticipate with each other. They say. “Let ue fer or Our Chitdren ‘Our children are the expression of oar being alive and making love: And yet they are more than the fof us. They are thie expressinn of themselves. Children naturally form themselves around the expressing. of their won feelings. They educate themselves. organize ‘themselves, regulate themselves, learning, from the mo- iment they are be ‘When se encourage our children to express their feelings—their laughing, their crying, their curiosity. their tenderness, their anger—thoy develop flexible, (graceful, expressive bodies, and they learn that the ‘orld is @ supportive place in which to live and grow Indepenilently. By direct experience, direct contact, theyak {OUR 00% spa 5 wp lear to take joy in the ivi forming of their ex sleet “The trouble aries when, musing the presumption that we the ony ones wh iow what lf is all about ana howe it shouldbe formed, we try to inclente our Children with ou patterns of tepression,Thove of ts who are alder ae Habitually tlie the young how lve, whichis « roundabout way of telling them not ‘hveaton us hy living diferent. “Tho be alive in aye sway medon' approve ol” We act toward the young oss their aliveness end thei expremiveness seve inns tally immontoe, at if they were incapable of learning fui th own experience Tn the mame of Knowledge we dampen and chan- dilialfemen One caret pdr of tcaion ernie Spasms We cmp or children's bons s that wea fonm thee minds “The school system insite: © cial ntact betwen the kids ad the teachers nd betes ‘he ids and alt authorities in general Ad the cor tract sa contraction model. Leaning comes pinta earning becomes chire that requires dicipling ‘Ald wh brought up under a restive iia contact lear ttf those moments wien he i mst intensely alive it those moments wen he i mest ex prosvely himslf hei im danger He may be able to aprem Bis ideas to soak his mid. But what ithe walks dawn the sizer fectng m alive that he wants to reac tutto people to Bg thers and cars hom? What ap pans ithe start outing them? Our entra contrat teaches us to nofain frm touching. I teats stn Merify witha vestned ral Even under these conditions, children retain as much liveness ae they can, but hey beewme increasing uAGARY an SELF-MAPING 129 ‘aware that its a dangerous world for an expressive ani ‘mal. An expressive animal threatens society ‘And yet why should anyone accept the ides that he ig a socal threat. simply because he's alive and strong? In my work, and in dealing with people day to day. T ‘used to pl hac so as never ta poe 4 threat Bt by pul ing back [conflicted with my own expresive excitement ‘So T don't pull back any more. If T threaten poople, 1 threaten them If they walk away from me, that's okay. ‘What else am I going w do? Tam aman before Lamm a hhoaler ey ys iv ti preeat in my it. partie soit aha Talc dle every day et die what T dr needa the becomes my pas, Nairediplays tle Snaltateoue living aod dying and piste phe parse do of continaows dss of forming a on foe specs i ssibraion, When T express my ssi, Lam actively prtcpating with others, conn ipetiecadl engi large ey excitons nthe eis ot expen sh exper ice Expres nd expo form ay el, font as form my worldEXPRESSION “To lve sto express ont sl (hu expressive self i our formative self Expression impels ue inward more set forming. toward experiencing more deeply. Are yet in the act of expressing ourelvn weave not anare i our selves in the conscious senor This Kind of avearoness cones ateraurd Slfasarenes artes during the sll collecting secovtaiing and wef intensifying that fol. lowsa sigifcant exprsion f hing alive Fspresion isthe auton of our enlarged exit tim, the outpeesting of what we have taken tn and con tained, ‘The excitemont of our humanness continually attempts to satisty our hungers by. presing ostward Pulatiny wavering af ith tbr extent filling the anvironraent ith x, Our groatst exert ‘manifests ill wherever we have the lest boundary to restrict it And our boundaries are least restrictive at the ‘gerat ex growing aprendan To understand ist be tatvate with, This under sanding s bom of expressing To confine it with heel leetng of data i oso on our ving selves in ae EXPRESSION 13 Degimaing there was living. not knowledge. Knowledge fs reaped, abstracted after the event. Iris nat the growing, of the frit ET am forever aware of myself, Teonstrain myselt Told my excitement back frm expression, from self involvement, keeping it in the stage of containment ‘which encapsalates and intensifies my experience of pas involvements. To base my identity oa awareness is to diminish my desires an to constantly focus may exeita- ‘tion into an objectified, stereotyped present—thereby entting myself off from ny future, sshose: source is ray ‘ongoing inmger to experience my solf and others. In ex pressing myself, [diminish commitment in self knowing. But Io not eliminate commitments to self experiencing Tinvest myself in my formativenes, willing to reshape ‘my notions about myself rather than clinging to a pre conceived plan, ‘There is nothing wrong with knowledge, What's wrong is an incessant, unrelenting need to know. which is related to a compulsive need for power. In our West- ern culture we still desire—the hunger for experienc- ‘ng. Instead, we push programs that teach us wo kno — and to want to know. That's our biggest stumbling block ‘By saying. “I must know.” by structuring our identity ‘upon what we do or do not prove, we build a stone wall around ourselves. We say in effect, “I can't be until 1 Ihave the facts." This undermines the emational needs of living. ‘Knowing comes from experiencing: Knowing as 4 goal divorced from living, or touted asa way of living ‘sa poor compensation for experiencing. Yet many peo. ple do not wish to shape their own lives. They prefer to be given the knowledge of how to ive.132 ‘WoUn mony seEAxs rs san The Language of Expression “The formative proce as three phase: expansion, com tainment, anid expression. When T work with a person what we do enconspasies hese three phaser. Fsse Tsk the person somehow to expe the range of his mone tents Thien that he sont be eared aay by the Lunfarilian activity, Tank imo slew down. tn eatin cabgret emeetgvogsinge tinal y Tad icgeaee pres hime agin. this tte Segre nem lol Ings aid perceptions inte histone The expmmive phan of « pert’ forming forthe sort part, @ pre-cgnitive, pre:peronal phase. Some tay nvnived nan expaneve setiity nol usualy conics of his participation Ix psi for him fo be omscinas of. but tre eosin hie eognition dos rot begin to enter in unl Ie roches the Kimi bs Cpa or Bornes up ogee something wt Kise ‘A the pon of imitation, when the person begins to inhibi and collect hime, he begins to sense hie houndares. He bepie to know increasingly wh eis He hnpns to disor that this ms a thats ot se" Aad he renporc to this diecovery i either Ter oe Sided excitement ther he witha in err to con Heivbegrticcsas i eonttiinn aethioiseen Containment ix Ith amatic and self nit “Tink of the heart ahem St has sien filled with ‘ood, it cantearts Think fhe serach when you have ad eg eo tp eating When yon had enough fon roma and playioge you sop and rst, ‘Wat the ton of ork tage ond jon euctcinen exertion 133 has been expanding, you senee'a reluctance at @ certain point to goon with the expensive activity. You begin to Feel who you are and who L am, and this feeling grows sronger. And then you Anew who you are, atl You may decide that you want to share this by releasing your con tino excitement so that it blossom in the world Troe the wan of sef-comtainment is born the lan ‘guage of self expression: our yes and our no, We ean choose to lenp inte the air ar ta sit tight. Wecan choose tw Isugh or ery or sing or heep silent. Whatever we do express ourselves, we are saying, ut least implicitly, “T {feel myself so strongly that I'm going to take » chance TM isk a yos ora.no and soe what comes uf i.” So we say ‘yet. Or we say no, And we interact with the social world encouraging the tested and the untested. the famsiliar and the unfamiliar t greet us a5 we shape ourselves ‘When we express excitation that we have contained and intensified. oar relationships with others bogin to change. Others react to the quality of our expression in responsive ways. I tseares them. they shua it. Or they consider it frors a-distance. Or, if they resonate with it, ‘they move toward it and it makes dhe connection deeper ‘and more vital between the two of us ‘During a group session, one of the participants was standing for the first time without hacing to constrict himself in order to hold inaself up. He was experiencing fan enormous flow of sensation and feeling, and it was Contagious. A young woman sitting nearby ssid that she ‘old feel the waves of his excitation wash against her ‘and sweep through ler body. As this continued to hap- pen, she hogan tn know him she began to contact him, fand then to conect with him, And then she nega to ‘know herself in the same connocted fashion. Th was a34 ‘YOUN noDY SPEAKS IT¢ MIND revelation to her. a communication of abundant excite. ‘ment from without and within In and Out: The Dialogue of Breath Tork a great deal with people's breathing. Often Task people just to lie on the bed and breathe. T watch ther ‘% they breathe in and out, in and ont, and I begin to discern a pulsatory wave that has « unique emotional charge. No two breaths are ever the sume, Never. They ‘may have similarities, but they are not the same. Every ‘conection that someone makes with the enviromnent bay inhaling and exhaling is different from the conn: tom that went before it Breathing isa marvelous at, Its the bridge between ‘wo worlds. Tt spans the borderline between control and ‘nooomtro. between the taught and the untatight 1h the civilized world we Dreathe more cestrainedly.. i the ‘world af nature we Breathe more sportanenusly ‘There isa very evident relationship between breath- ‘ng patterns and individuality. Shortly after the arrival of our baby daughter, her breathing tamed her pink and we enuld actually see her birth as an individ She wa an impersonal cresture until she took her Est fall ‘breath. Ans the came is true for all people, An individ laa wit will not Fully inhale witl not filly ispiee hira- self accept into himssll the infias of his surround, An individuel who inhibits exhaling will not fully commit himself, give himself wrustingly to his surround. An dividual who will not flly breathe restricts his indivi ty ‘Chest breathing renches into space, Belly breathing — a Soames ee ey are Mee ee cess eee eer ear eee ere eee se ee eee Sone eeu Sea eee a ieoing ae pence Te pene ee ee eee Perse earn i cerca lox eter h pale reas teres st pee Od ee iacieiotaee teenie See Se ee ere Soe i es eo a aalhcers ibe ne Tory ‘Breathing facilitates erying. end people ery a lot in this ork They ey ntl fr the sake of cathonst they ry for jay, fram having matte connection with mare of themselves. Crying expresses the full range of human emotion139 YOUR Zor srEaxs 78 ay from anguish to ecstasy. Even layghter isa derivative of crying, I you watch samerine ery. tn pain w for joy. you see that the whale person is convulsing rhythmically. I's interesting, because crying. unlike her forms of expression, almost always brings about the basic invol- luntary, pulsatory movements. Anger generally does not A person capable of expressing ager is not necessarily ‘willing to ery, It's the person unilling to ery who ie ‘unvelling 1 practicn his own freedom. T's the persin wha won tery whn doesnot fully share Anyane who has been around children has moticed that their every emotion is expressed by some form of ‘omery. Their cry isthe voice of their bodily freshness An int this respect adults are mo different from chil aren. As eo become able to cry. oar bodies become rare capable of expressing our selves. Ax we lear ice again wery, we grow more and more willing and able to make joyful lve, We enter the world with a ery. and from that time on. our ceying ar eur noterying is part and parcel of sur forming, He who never evies ost is never heard. The warrior’ roar, the Jover’s shout, the victim's scream ‘evoke Iiuman response—and are heard by the gods as swell “The ey is the mother ofall emotional expression howls of unger. moans of sadness, sighs of tenderness. bellows of himger. shouts of joy. We wwho do not ery en sue that our rigidities never soften, that we never be- ‘come impressionable enough to form again. URGES ae me eet Seen SS te ore el ctrpelte inlet ncn Fee tages tw or wg er Se ee uy whan wien Bere re ae ay pore gret Le eee wee Gigs ee ee oe raietee ea ee ee Ee oe teeloeetooe naeene a these things, but it sll happens that somebody actually eee oS ue ae eee ore eee, a my ae oh celal teen ee eS ae ane eee Boece ee on28 ‘OU AODYarbags iN they're of heroic o cise proportions. And so we sss ‘und opportunities tench bu lives. Tach of usa sen of needs 4 continuum of urges svhich we tend talon and render more oe leas Potent. And ines we find ways to IMorupt on Fo Hines, we bevome rbot. Inertupting set our el [ibiam, separate ss fom ur embedded ae stand at fom the world wt routniced behavior The ‘hallange to bu boundaries calls ft regen, fe impute Tpulter are continually poking at us tke Ute speatheads potential please ringers Du mast of ‘ee eres all tot of one alved Hives Ard is necesary now and thes that olhers interac toundaris ual we ear that om desires oe om ‘args otis for us They ura and reform us ‘Tom was short barrel chested, and hairy. with a very ‘taut torso. A pratter, he took outspoken pride in the fact that he was tough and realistic. He joined « group that was working on emotional expressiveness because he felt that he was insaicienlly responsive to others. Tom: .. Yes. Tax aware ofthat, But I havea certain mount of feeling for my ald ledy. and the love that | et, T guess. Tye also heen in a tally new environment forthe last year, anid [feel thot — Starter: Wait a minute. You've got 2 wise guy in you And for the past twenty minutes tat wise guy in you has been undermining every approach to you Tnstead nox 20 ead, of yertutting ws agsin and again, cating your Taonga us pty wt the corner a your eye wish oud bring that Aira side out front. You could Simply saye"T dart balieve thats dont experience i ‘Tom: Yeah, but you mony be emposing your tip om mes sich my ne be slid at thie tne. dha now tat Inytling i dis workshop can do anything for me: Any~ trey, fel that yurte playing geme. And {fee that Joute inthe esd, Stank. Stanley: "That's not what you fel Thats what you thi T Stoney Tve been feeling some sadness, some anxiety nregard to uhat? Tom: Inthe sense of not heing able to reach through to you Stanley: Covsld you express that physirally? More dra ‘matically? Ton’ TW try. But 1 feel it's Tard. . 10 work with ‘what Feel, Stanley: Do yout know what position your head is in now? The head tilted back and the eyes up? TVs an at ‘tae of pride, or scornful disgst—looking sown at us as if youd ike to vomit Tam: You want me to vorni?? ‘Stanley: Well, if that’ what you want to do, doit Tom: {wakes Joud vomiting noises] . . . AIL right140 ‘OUR nopy SPEARS ITS sis Stanley: Oh, lie down and take your shirt off. Bring ‘Your arms to your sides and reach wp, as # you were Teaching to someone. and wpent your mouth and breathe ‘And make the sound “Aaaaaalihh” Keep doing it Tom: Sawah! Aaaaaaabh!! Stantey: Can yous fel any vibrations? Tomi: 1 feel it here in my throat and little farther on down, like longing: Aasaaaablih! Aaauaaahith! 1's in ‘my upper chest. Aaasuaahh! Tt feels hetter in my throat ‘than in my chest Stantey> Say,*"Why dost yo Tom: Why don't yon respond to nie? To ene! ‘Stantoy: Where ay yrs experience that? And how? spond to me?” Tom: Hore, in my chest... a pain... Danis, espn tome! Stantoy: Now say. ns disappointed” apelin. Torn: _'m disappointed. I'm disappointed. disappointed My lipsare quivering... T want so murh to get ‘arough to penple and T never do “Tom started to weep deeply as the quivering spread through his body. Tis mouth and arins reached. out {njertupting this man, interfering with his yes-but and wise-guy attiades, stimulated hima to experience more of himself, He let his feelings break in on him. He ex perionced his urge ts extend himself Ile was able to cry Until then. his arrogance had protected him from his de sine in such a way that he could not form himself to deopon his satisfactions, REVELATIONS Claude Chae dost oes with eyes This minis the ney he fc n his eye Hie fears ecg and etn Zon When T lok a him divcly, Ke feols Mimsll dank hs he ove ep, exlicment started il pals legrard pelts ad manifested ial a ching ‘The iching provoted anger, is tection a 19 Riek ‘Mer wi i pelsic Hoge te wake ieontary mo vn, hat he we pushing age wit wi te ‘cies a he ter back salar thn wnt ples Tray with hips legs and fee. He scemed to be tying to gevaway ftom ls excitement by compresing him {CAE When U soggested that te stata ped wok his pelvis raytrcly tha he rach lr and thee fae hms he ed fad yoke eek I elias Ene ee tery re tly seve hs fesrulna hs oxveme ack of conlasinnaaa ‘YOUR noby speaxs tre. He knots his diaphragm. He draws back and locks hhis mouth and throat to reduce excitation which makes hhim anxious, When T ask him to express his anger. to shout and scream, his most common response is “I ean Tcan't, I'm afraid I might lose control T might hill somebody. cx I might get dotie in as a rewull.” So he squeezes himself. and then be reads back the squeezing asa feeling of impotence, se la Ms ery ity os Head When be soles, he gets dry ad sinking feelings hick Aco him with « sens of dying. Se rats even ‘git Whenever our tlk bercmes intimate, he st Ireathing deeply ond sire that he won't have to feel hime Hie braces bial, nn atte at ex press "ca take ldo” Bul this merely omer pa rch more pron fein of “Whats thease Teast dont dare 1 cull nat help this san as much as I waned to Atte time, Fa icity smderstand that without his squering, he'd collapue.T didnt realian how deep eres eling od. When bene ae me, did not ge in enough to enenurage the forming of hit cond. T eased wit hen, Sh ‘einfreed his old ps for being uma. eveLarions: 8 Sarah ‘Sarah complains of stomech aches, vaginal dryness, and {in the lower back and neck. She has spasms in her Stomach that make it appear as if she is trying to def- cite, She says she feels Frantic Her thighs are flabby on the surface, but deep in side, around the bees ould (eel that the muscles were ‘very tight. I put pressure on the top part of her thigh ‘muscles, which had the effet of deepening her breath- ing. She told me that she felt a slight vibration in her pelvis ‘When Lasked her to rock her pelvis she could net. She arched her spine and locked it back. This arched: back attitude allowed her to breathe into her abdomen, ‘which protruded loosely. but it also tightened her chest, shoulders, and neck Her face grow hot and agitated. She ‘nas somewhat aware of the comtractedness, but she nt know what to da about the sll-cheking. “Today T asked Sera olan over baka and pt her pals against the wall This stretching began tor Tewse the contractions inh thighs, and she began make slight pele wowements forward with each out breath. She then reported «yar oo im er legs avd a vibratory sensation inher upper back. and she ld me ahot she bad Teared ite bt abot hw to help hee tnitaton move thenogh her fee and into her lps Her Tower back war sil el, howeree "ews today al that | graxped the relationship be4 ‘YOUR noDY SPEAKS Hs sD ‘een someone's being exited and my being able to ex perience this person's exciton boyund the kim, Prey uly, Sarah low level of excitement hnd nade t ie forme prceiveher excatory Beli Tilo he ther brething heighten, but hepsi snorted She stl rps er Ge he iaseped the bck a her nek tel er et me Stim eter her had her pli beget ea very slowly and cnt She apart he en Mahe palinguen, She tl eS i’ now what odo wth er tel ft v0 scat Isid to hee "Whe Shon ite sie» bby aking ss sep ie gntcae tat after hang. eenenced ths pe thovementsbe movable fo exp Enger st me fas shesad war tony emp wie AS Sara soppe rabing in hee highs she began to cough She botsme stare of wanting pel seer thing from her ees. st suggested that she screare Shei an her jae beg to vibrate {ached her i she wted te bites because ht wre how it lke. But she evi ha ‘She tad me ont havi wy title perception of hee loner libs. She sid they felt cold ad wea T ‘nesiged le ners calves abe ed et, an abe nga ner. [evar Iavghing sr fey. eut of sume ‘tere down theta Her eething oe ‘when she stood phe hogan oat ‘AL This point she ws eperoncing intense pin in snevetari0Ns 45 ‘the small of the back ‘The pain frightened fer, bat she _accopted it and let go a bit. This very light letting-zo in ‘the small of her back led to increased vibrating and even deeper breathing. Ac she remained standing, the vibeat Ing began to extend into her pelvis, and she experienced ‘listinet sensations of enjoyment ond satisfaction throwgh- ‘oather pelvic area Suddenly she Teaned forward and squatted Her ‘back went rigid. Her pelvis locked. Then she collapsed to the floor and wept sofly. She told me that she eried ‘because the expanding of her excitaticn made her feel plessorable and young: and for her, to feel pleasurable and young generated feelings of helplessness. It was ‘wonderful, she said. lat she was terrified that her back ‘might crack, “Today I placed mya n er pels to help her licalie he ip contractions. After some ical, she finally aids. Weak exctsory waves egan to tavel slo and gently St her ples and thighs Her breath ing despene some yet there was defi eon- stile inthe trot. When uted her thee er Trenthing grew quite deep. It tired into geo jam, odie Seem ones en ae Then she pt her hand on her genial Tater she wld ae that deep breathing grove seations that end Telese the contractions ner thet eyes ar ra feuhling her ool pleasure Today. tow much geéater extent than beloce, Sarat accepted feelings into her thighs and pelvic area Her140 ‘YOUR noDY sreaxs rrsaenN field was a brilliant green, clear and vibrant like the seo in sunshine. She could feel herself streaming, and che told me that she was sensually excited, although she felt ‘that if she continued to expand she would suffer sme ‘ort of catastesphe. By an effore of will, she tried to pre ‘vent her excitoment from entering her head. When she Stood. she was extremely anxiows, breathing fast and heavily, shaking, straggling to get rid of her Kveliness Tunderstood that her increased excitement caused hher anxiety because of a fear of disapproval, a fear that her body’s sensations were not aevepted by others. Sarah could not tolerate an increase in excitement when she experienced it in the form of 4 need for touching, an ‘urge toward being sexual, She registered it as anxiety 1 placed my hands on her to alliem that she-wosn't lone in this dimension of her bodily life, This encaur aged her o feel that her sensations were natura. aud she ‘was able to receive them intn the conscions areas of her train, Sarah seems to be starting to form hersell. She seem tobe growing into somebody. CONTRACTION AND EXPANSION Harry came to sec me in 1959—severely contracted, ‘caught in a tube like existence in which there was litle ‘tom for the satisfactin of expanding and growing, His life was an unbending line of fastration ‘We hegan to work on his contracted bodily atti tudes, which gave'shape to bot his inner and his outer existence—to how he felt and though, and how he ‘moved and behaved. As Tlarry learned to give up his contractedness he lot himself expand, reinstititing the ‘process of expansion and contraction which formed a ‘new body, a new somebody. ary came to me with complains of draining oon mystic lesion in help. odition Bat had exe Ee eepeal jour dai Gnd erpualy fave lab a om ‘potion He dexribed himself ox komsexal with148 ‘Youn aony SPEAKS ITS SEND Protestant, middleclass upbringing: At age thirty nine, Ihiemain dissatisfaction in life was that he could form alasting love relationship with either a man or # woman, Harey's hasic expression was stiffness. His stifines, wwas his way of being, his way of doing. his way of feel ing and experiencing His bosily set was cnmmpressed and ramrod straight, Tt manifested iielf ms proud defiance. However, as we later discovered, this pride concealed feelings of being helpless and easily manigmlated Fear ing his weaknesses. Harry stiffened himself He was sevevely constricted deeply compressod. a3 there were a rigid tube from his mouth to is anus. He ‘was built Tike a pipe with stufing packed around it, 4 pipe tht funneled everything from top to bottom, dose the hatch and ut again, And he depicted his life experi. lentes in the same fashion He'd feel some excitement. and the excitement sould min down the pipe and be gone almost as soon ast had beg ‘The ramrod musculature limited Harry's mobility His ability w» expand was impaired A. frustration oriented person like Marry does not permit himself to ‘expand. Te funnels energy toward the world, but in 2 propolsive, dinrehetie way, not in am expansive way ‘The fulfllmentoriented person ie not afraid to extend imal “Herry veseurblad an aged foetus His head was too Targe in. proportion to his hy, the forehead swollen as if the bain were over activated, The month an jars Tooked sensual but misused. There was 4 yoke ard the neck. collar of terrific constriction which seperated the aris frum the torso. The arms were spindly and dis jointed—unds, wrists, and forearms able to participate fn omly a limited flow of integrated activity, Their ox: CONTRACTION Ae YXPANSION 149 pression was the grasping and snatching of o frustrated child. To avoid disappointment, Harry kept his comacts peripheral and at a minimum. He used his long. arms ‘ot to reach further into the warmth of the world, but to ‘grab freon the world and to ald hinsoll aw His chest was hairless, depressively fat, and darker: complected than the rest of his body. He breathed pri- ‘marily with his upper chest, but aside from that it re- ‘vealed very little movement. twas here that Harry still {elt the rejection he hiad experienced ay an infant. The flattened chest was a perfert expression of his heart a ‘emer ge from this part of hin as it lomened fla lara vor wey wed ee ‘continual pulling of the stomach area. Harry told me that 9 bulging abdomen was fensinine and dispustinn “You have to keep your guts held in,” he said. Harry liu’ fea ouch with his gots “The top half of his body was contracted but overac tive hy contrast, his btorks and legs appenned soft. bist the tissue showed little tone. The thick layers of toneless {at expressed a passiveness that belied the ring of tension around the rost of his penis. Harry liad high spastic arches, and he also kept his legs pressed together, press ing himlf as far off the ground as he could squeeze The osteomyelitis that would not heal wae in part point ing out his unwillingness to come down to eatth and al lw exsitentent to dow ito his Ings “Tho rigid, infantile simictare of Harry's body set sovere limits on what he could do and would do. His con- stricted attitudes narrowed the possibilitins available to ‘him. His tubular form was unable to contain pleasure, tunable to experience pleasure on any level beyond that+ ‘oun hoy sean af the imple, most perfil entation, He preived om the nere levels he experince nerve plcsre in Stead of gut please: He hd the plearare of furs pride, embiton,oe-upransip. Bu he id mt vet sure of saying his cps sry fo eta Horie et ecpecinemo ary felt that he wa raped that fe was hope tes and he was ck But wih his immense head mergy fe rationale Hsvwy of ing: Tes phy Of rsrcted Sw. Teed of it own exing. Horry fet that he sed tof a imate chi order» survive safety Thi perl vd fo rem Immtre gave oon to isd a ell fol Ingsand hi etye Making the conncetion hetwween how Harry looked and hhow he expressed himsolf verbally and actively was @ very exciting diseeery for me* T started to see that the tightness throughout his torso served as 2 gromnd for his compulsive betiayior. His inside and outside had the ‘same energetic qualities Harry bogan w toll me aint his iuner rigidities: his fear of being drowned, his fear of being overwheled ‘and swallowed, his fear of losing his penis. his feat of he- ‘ing squoozed and suffocated and not having. rom 10 move. Everything was compulsive. His contact Ihunger ‘vas as compulsive and as intense a8 his sel hatred. his feelings of fuility and nothingness He would escape alm Reich reported this discovery Function ofthe rgaom CONTRACTION Ann EXPANSION 15 into fantasies oF he'd spt ome injustice and ga inte hysteria rage, bt his age never change the Situation and he'd sink once again into despie, fo -aid he ene ‘ated tension in order to fel live” He experienced the Creitement born sf tension as alireaes: anything ele Telthim with depression and ence of impending dest Anil yeUbe ‘old me, "The minute Tel seal te sion Ihave an imperative ge oget id a got exten gee off me He could bea Beng ae ts Tong Me could sae the posiy of trstation or disappaintirent So he wld mactarbte-—ight away rhedrneutand suck smebdy afore st aie bay te nach him of le even scl the hays in the schon where he was a toncher- Ne relatonslp Tse more than «couple af suckle that wos the way Harry Stracned his word. His exsteureconeed sud Oe ‘mouth and sucking He lived He was a shoplifter tn. He lied money and mate Fil bjecm: and fhe wanted smething fo «sire he {oki immeditly He was unable to contain hinele Teall wentdown the pipe 9 cmpenate for hie inert, Hlarey was very snbitious. He was intrested in playing pulls fe Frome and conte Me tok sey strongly od orto Fought with autres playing his fundamental bello agsin the good toy role. Being = ood. ey seat pleasing ober and stg the expectations Being ago oy meant not targets nt aking 1 ‘meant clamping ows on his exctaton atl dampirg e It meant natch wate wanted. ary dec re seat having i do thi yet the sutvoed ede test of reaching twas sonmetig that seared him orem ‘ire deoply Mis hans had bcte stancingogasea2 “YOUR mony SPEAKS HTS sts larry dia express some tenderness but the tender: nest he expressed wae outweighed by his compulsive Ihungers. His tender feclings tumed into clinging, His reaching turned into a inmgry, destructive snatching and grabhing and clawing. ven shen he tried to be kind to people. he ended up pinching thera and grabiing at them, Harry's body revealed a numberof non-coneciows org jsmic choices, choices that sere necescitated by aril es pressive of editions he had met fn early life Ie order to survive those conditions. he had learned to confine his ‘excitement to his hind. Harrys entire expression was vertically oriented, directed toward a prod cerebyal up rightness that was formed by his tube around his spin e fled from his bodily fears into concepls, idealization, is life took place in his fantasies and thoughts. Ard his sexuality was in his head. a5 pietures that he thought ‘would bring him satisfaction, i wus clear to Harry tat he had to heep bis ex ‘ment locked within the walls of his craniuen. The experi ‘ence of inhabiting the whale of his bidy was terrlying for him. He was disembodied, and he deeded leitine Ihimsell be bodily. He would not permit his excitement ‘w move down out of hi head and grove toward the earth Harry's body form related closoly ta his interest in intorinr decorating: He based his sensitivity om an at titude of pride and a great fear of expandedness. And fram this bodily state he created his art. Ie was over: Aelicate—a finely exquisite art. There wae 0 womanly CONTRACTION AND EXPANSION 153 force in it none of the round, strong. forceful passion of earth and mother, His art was fragile. Te was thin in form, delicate of line, holding forth a less fearsome but ‘brutally restricted world, ‘Harry wat scaved of loving and bain Loved. Hie ejacsa- thane were as fragile as his art—highly exeited on the surface, but lacking the fecling offal hadied connected ness, His chronic rigidity cut off his pulsations and streamings, leaving him with only his vibrations. His consciousness of feeling was limited to his senses. to his pletores.to the periphery uf is being Lave to Harry meant slavery and dependence. le had sacrificed his bodily self to his family’s insistence ‘that he relate to them as a non-sexual person. He had surrendered his masculinity and hie freedom by assum: ing the tevercly restrictive role of “nice boy” And he was frightened of having to make more sacrifices of hay ing again to become dependent, pleasing. crmtrarted. “Tw lave and ty be loved were bath dangers to his fexistonce. When sumebonly got close (o hire he felt that he wats going to be caught. trapped enslaved. He wanted tne loved episodically. He wanted hotel-room sex. with zone of the ongoingness of a long-term relationship. He preferred to play geestation attendant: 1 service you: [you service me He wanted no demands placed on him He did aot wish to love another, snd he certainly enald nat love himslf ‘And yet the chief paradox of Harry's life was that coverything he did was. desperate search for love, a des-154 YOUR 200 SPEAKS 195 serD [petate search for the feeling of being loved. He yearned {or the feting of being accepted. He longed for the love ‘of someone who would give him security and support He wanted to fel warm, he wanted to foel relieved of his Imurts and his tensions. he wanted to feel that someone recoived something frem him and gave him something {in return, He wanted to nourish himself on these feelings He pretended to do this for others, He taught schoo and he wonld say, "Tam taking care of the boys. The boys need a father, and Pim giving them what I never had myself” Bur actually—and Harry later told me as mich —it was the boys who were caring for him. Dy acting ‘concerned, he became the loved ote “Harry was the one who needed the love and accept: dance. Yet he had a terible ime admitting this to him. self, He'd go out and get sacked off, and then say. °S ‘Tum giving something that’s accepted” The pick-up sex uality expressed Harry i many ways. But mosily it expressed his desperate way of getting and giving love Harry's belunvior was an attempt ta have pleasure Hike & ‘child. He had never been satisfied, never had the experi ence of being filled, All he recalled sas the stress of deprivation Pleasure plays very important part in the process ‘of how one forms one's self We donot do tint which is ppainfll unless we absolutely have to. Basiealhy. our pleasure is tiod in with our growth and development But if our formative process is drastically inhibited, oar capacity for pleasure Is inhibited just as drastically. And covrascrion AND EXPANSION 5 it our activites become astcited with frst stional feling, i takes opeial work to reorganize ourselves soul lear afr hd a great deal of dict in permitting is morganining, tbe re-lorming of is dyed there swat am analog to that Ue great dlc he ha erring please inthe ac f love. His pease wae fontined to geting rid of his excitement, fo making ‘lek contact an geting reed ‘Allthe sam, hat gave Haney the elingts to ihange ve that he begat eel tat hs own const tion were strangling him. His effort attain swore not giving him plessur, ad yet he could not ex acd ina soater way of ing. fn entering ite the fork wo did he hago todlscves the poniity of he ing joy. Hie experienced at comaaing gave re esate: rather than compulsively trying to fet ido i stil atoeat ati cates eevee Sying with himaef or with there gree him a more Akeply saying sage. In his fan he mv tard taking repontbly for ison lie leelings ee ae erage Se ee eer aeons ee spogtineuth ge tines ee Se ors aa156 ‘YouR nowy spzaxs Hs atx ‘vented the movement of excited feelings into his lower body. They also prevented hie perception of these feel ‘As we worked to open the squeezing attitude, some ‘thing happened, something visibly changed. There was 1 downward flow of excitement, a ow'of blood. T asked Harry totell me what was going on iw him. He reported the feelings of aliveness, but he was also experiencing acute anxiety. He didn't know how to deal with these new feelings, und they were tremendously upsetting He could wot maintain an ewereness of his own alive- ness. Fither he drifted int fantasies fantasies of fleeing across an open space. fantasies of devouring and being evoured—or else he passed out to get away from sene- ing low heavy and dead the rest of him felt This was precisely how. asa child. he had avoided foeling rejected and terrified. Awareness is directly velated to mability and metil- ity. Faery’s body revealed some areas, like his mouth, that were more mobile: These areas contained his exit ‘ment; they had good tane and motility. And these were hhis areas of consciousness, his lf expressive areas. In the other areas of his body there wat fear, and therefore ‘consciousness was impermissible, Harry's wmconseious “areas. like his pelvis and neck, wore hardened and dull ‘Where one has deep muscular contractions, une’ Dotty image is distorted 1 poople draw pictures of them selves or imagine themselves or scan their bodies, they skip over the parts of themselves that are deeply con ‘acted, They are mumb to these parts. These parts are disassociated from their bodily. pereeptione. Because cf the chronic contraction around the root of his penis, Harry didn't feel that it belonged to him, He told me CONTRACTION AND EXPANSION a7 ‘again and again that he wished it didn't belong to lian, that he wished he dient have a pest all. Whole areas of mevement and feeling. of response and decision, were outside Harry's scope. He did know they existed. For instance, he didnt know that he cond extend his body in any way other than straight ap and down. He had no idea that he enuld rotate his shoul ers and look bekind him while his pelvis was stil going forward. If he tured. he turned on a pivot. The flexing. and extending movements involved in twisting himselt around were elimineted from his repertoire because his body image didnot sanction them. And so he contracted the choices that he was able th make. ‘As Ear gat his xcorm uieis te alr Becae comes f the fear bat wa Cong Hit afer: But tok bin quite a wie develop 4 new bay image that woul enable Hi to maa tie einen le paccning nee, A ne of wert, ie ee Goat pred 4 a awareness ofthe lore that he lacked Rt af eying ed ‘oncrage tr Soper, er Voth, Aw of ose tate his plete prodiced dig at hima! nd ne sx. fl leet yt yy Se Hf ated ctanrecton att ata nto nein hs ronment {Fbeiplents he dclred hw recs ie weed Wo ark {ogra fo yonk i, Siretis he blacked ont, otting his by hysterical. At oer times be heaton tac oe ed ike tanto Ri wig t dese Mngt that he hated158 ‘Youn sor sezans rts xp At one point he recounted an amazing story. 1 don’t remember how it came up, but this is what he told mi: her ase to my front. And I got so excited, so charged, that Tab ‘most went berserk The oly thing T could do was desden. ‘myself I asked him how he hal deadened himself, and Ihe said, “stiffened up inside, all over” He dared mot Ihave an erection, so he tightened up aad formed the con striction ut the root of his penis that kept it out of touch, ‘He made himself rigid and blank At this juncture we. both understood that Harry could permit excitation, but he wold not permit the ex citement to develop into feeling and action. We both gained the insight that a person cam have a hell ofa lot of excitation and very Lille feeling: There's a slipped sage in the formative sequence. Most of the cantsin- ‘ment stage is mised, and the person goes straight from ‘xcitatory expansion to relles, mparticipating discharge 0 knee.jerk response to stimulus, Tn Harry's osm ‘words, "When [eal excited, I gotta got rid of it ‘The women in Harry's family lashed a great deal of exciting attention upon him—teasing hinn. ‘tilling him, But if Harry let that excitement build up, the ‘amen rejected him. So he leamed tar be afraid of. and inorder 10 be safe, he learned o got rid of it. He formed ‘the pipe. which contained nothing: Maintaining the pipe ot rid of what threstencd him But then Harry felt dead. He could feel so depressed and unalive that he ‘would panic; he would rush out and find someone to suck to charge himself back up agai. ‘Wereally went dhrough the mill together. But after “CONTRACTION AND EXPANEION 159 several months Harry began to perceive that under all his hysteria was a longinng and a sadness and an empti ness. Gradwally he allowed himself to experience these feolings, and to experience the qualitative difference be: ‘ween excitement and feeling. As he softened enough to feel his emptiness, he began to recognize how emotion ally impoverished and undernourished he actually was. Another story ie told me: His miter vac w get dressed and go tothe washbow! to wash. Harry loved 0 sec her naked thre ho ed ors whe wat ber One tines wanting to approach hee te St tratly he set himself up tha she would ccs Him Ihastutlating. He lay onthe couch directly in rot of the tathroom dove Hk nother came otf De bath oon, se cn ering ff nd id say a word. She wralied ou by ium ar it sotking were happening, He reve forgave her fort Heer fell ep. porsnolly cheated by the women i hs fay. Ata baby be had be fd with Tn eyetinpe. ls mer ad been Smpoingderand- ing che continually threatened to wis he lve that {Ne wac never ell ale to giv. But twos only his Inother This aunts too, dirig hie goowing peas. come Sstently malign the men ithe liver is father hind ru away du uncles bad gone of to the World War. and the women Wed 1s st sround ho Tne to her sd Separage the men. They made al frms of insult ser aceptbl, Tse reveled for ox- trople tha they drone ie ie ling. And he160 ‘YOUR HODY SPEAKS IFS MIND ‘resented that terribly. But even stronger than his resent. ‘ment was his fear of being rejected, 40 he learned to tailor his movements to girlish patterns that the wamien ‘would find acceptable, He also learned to think the way. ‘they did. He saw all men ar weak slaves incapable of be ing true to themselves. By escaping the slavery of man- Ihood, by taking on the sexual role of an efferninate child, hie freed himself from the burden of being @ husband fan provider "The work we did helped Horry to discover that his ‘homosexual “freedom” was itself a slavery. He saw that Ihe was enslaved to his need for episodic cnatact that he ‘asin bondage to his eonlet etscern wanting ta please women and resenting the abligntion to please them. we did exercises 10 help hhien experience his legs and pelvis. he began to express the feeling that loving aveant ponetrating and being loved meant being penetrated. He Tore. he said. he had awed ponetration. even in his en- “counters with men, He had preferred to stiffen his spine ‘rd sock ‘Tater on, Harry went on vacation with sme wornen schoolteachers and initinted going tw hed with one of them, But he had difficulty taking part in the lnveask ing. He was still embodying a tremendous anoount of resentinert, He stil felt that while he was entitled to Tove, the woman didn't deserve to get any love from him He resented paying the hills: he resented giving wp his sperm. Mainly he resented what he saw a having to perform. He could not let himsolf relax sufficiently to understand that making love with a woman was any- thing other than performing ‘CONTRACTION AND EXPANSION 161 2 fs tory donner, which ive cing Fat ws Fat etc err raters ts i pecliey a cow Lesa ellie At age wernt tod Soa a Tibpecheaten One way-etoeeat Ge pipe are tovoaler Esser ees Papin ike Heep Sete ely err Sipe hn enprtance Sorbian! Ga oem fp tn bro tr cuit the dT Sears ed hey tea os wing x aod woe lone wort thet hobed formed go vertically alge aly atthe tame noe te ling tek icy reid expe ling tagline oP Salyer yess Much to his sorry Harry began eting go and accepting ectaton io ie pv Ee eal por Territoire cbc rere contd ty Fee rete He cond ale se the the imide rey Sipe iescputecalin istetapecr yer ongli ciiseiae Ta ut had ind i opervece esrb etlngit sonst” He er hcl x eof dor alle sup bez be pyeigthecie eeatorenna Merci rar eopicy Gop on te pe costocd Tecan, fu tigre tclick th loc leetts el being Freve geale end seme: Me fl he threat dba pirat Sele ll eon be wor or saint pening Boas hee pe a Sreviae hima, Sn ny get change came Lake Hay tn seme 2 pina of hyperestenson, lensing ove cloend ont hi aris ottreteed. Suddely cor160 ‘oun nopy smEARS 175 rio traction in his abdomen gave way and he started to scream. He couldn't breathe and he totally panicked, sumed different colors and Finally collapeed to the foor, ‘This wasn't one of his ordinary blackouts. Tarry had really become a helpless baby. unable even to stand. 1 picked hin up. carried him to the eoueh, and listened to all his hurts come bursting through—all his hunger for ova, his forbidden infantile longing fur clne contact and acceptance. He lett pour out nf im. and then spent the weekend in my house letting himself be taken care af ‘This was the turing point for Harry. Thereafter. ‘ho could hewn to construct a World that to some extent gratified the deepurge for love he had hen denying, He was progressively able to free himself from the censlasement shat his mother re In terme of both his dependence upon er and his whelliousness against her. He grew stronger, more confident. and In ‘impulsive. He outgrew the rtd for the stealing ail he sori sexual adventinees. Fvon the osteomyelitie bleed ing eventually stopped. Ke stopped after tlanry came back from taking 4 trip and realize that be had gone aveay to escape the excitement of his own forming, With ary, Pogo to perder i ha ly Eka, Etre pepe te tle wnt on et tines the bays conigraton ad eso of Charge that epee tan srry ovale ahem tee wat heppant when someone begin to sergonine the flow of his excitement. * CONTRACTION AND EXPANSION 163 Tia working with Harry I proved to my satisfaction fs do indeed restrict the fiw of Everything be di (ofeesabih the cveulstion of is tellement rede chavo is fe—physically, py logically. and ctl Tor Harry, eering wo accept his oy and’ work ‘sth wel was an ac of tves «wlan me sways thet werner hmcilisting nor sll dsiroctive Fico prepa Wo eremreetal Hilertnanst resect were ou hig fo hat He aly resched Die boughs bere he gore wp his de oer ond Eiedforanongcngreltonsip wih man. Elefada’t been able tdi ha beove And I rally ndersid Heteremulity i not the only goal. Harry expanded Joa relationship that had contin and menting, He svelivings fll, more formative ie —aerepting moe Jchmoent om he lore of ether and expresing Mi mn Javea aslo forma contig cvmectednee for Bite se han gove him dep stisacion ‘When Harry frst came to se me, he was someone of ‘neuter gender, He had been fruzen as & young child, In the process of watching him unfreeze, 1 had the opportu nity tu observe how a person begins te relate tothe opp site sex, how o man's energy starts moving toward a ‘woman and what happens when it does. ‘Asa result of working with Hany Ubegan to under- ‘tind one other thing: a great maray mer hold to a'con