The UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN is the student newspaper of the University of Kansas. This issue has plenty of information about protecting yourself from STDs and unplanned pregnancy. There's also plenty of stories about sexual identity, relationships, hooking up.
The UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN is the student newspaper of the University of Kansas. This issue has plenty of information about protecting yourself from STDs and unplanned pregnancy. There's also plenty of stories about sexual identity, relationships, hooking up.
The UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN is the student newspaper of the University of Kansas. This issue has plenty of information about protecting yourself from STDs and unplanned pregnancy. There's also plenty of stories about sexual identity, relationships, hooking up.
SEX on thE hILL Editor Alex Garrison Managing editors Erin Brown Nick Gerik Managingeditor, Kansan.com David Cawthon Special sections editor Sarah Kelly Design editor Andrew Taylor Design chiefs Anna Allen Helen Mubarak Daniel Rezaiekhaligh Designer Ben Pirotte Copy chiefs Drew Anderson Sarah Kelly Ashley Montgomery Jacob Muselmann Photo editor Ryan Waggoner Senior photographer Jerry Wang Advertising director Joe Garvey Sales manager Amy OBrien General manager, news adviser Malcolm Gibson Sales and marketing adviser Jon Schlitt
Kansan newsroom 2000 Dole Human Development Center 1000 Sunnyside Ave. Lawrence, KS 66045 (785) 864-4810 et cetera The University Daily Kansan is the student newspaper of the University of Kansas. The student- run Kansan publishes Monday through Friday when school is in session. 2 / SEX ON THE HILL / thursday, November 18, 2010 / THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN / kaNsaN.com Please recycle this newspaper Table of contents Fall 2010 Kansan staff I talk about sex a lot. Consider it an occupational hazard. The other day I found myself sitting in Chipotle, discussing orgasms over the phone. Six months ago, I would have been mortified, but now its just part of my job. Editing Sex on the Hill has prompted some of the most uncom- fortable conversations of my life. But its also forced me to get over my hang-ups about sex. Now I can discuss just about anything without blushing. Thats the beauty of Sex on the Hill: It makes people talk about sex. This issue has plenty of informa- tion about protecting yourself from STDs and unplanned pregnancy, but theres more to healthy sexuality than just that. Part of the college experience is figuring out what we like, who we like, and how we like it and how to nagivate the tricky social situa- tions that surround our sex lives. So in addition to the medical stuff, youll find stories about sexual identity, relationships, hooking up, abstinence, the walk of shame, and even a sexy-time playlist. To have a healthy sex life, youll need to get comfortable with your sexuality. Openly discussing tough topics even if you have to giggle through it is the best way to over- come sheepishness. I hope some- thing in this issue gets you talking. Note from the editor By SARAH KELLy skelly@kansan.com Health Q&A............ STDs..................... International.......... Culture column....... Female sexuality..... Abstinence............. PDA...................... Hooking up............ Label column......... Pansexuality.......... Plan B pill.............. Coworkers............ Coming out........... Long distance........ Online dating........ Sex playlist........... Myths debunked.... Shacking.............. Photo illustration by Adam Buhler/KANSAN 3 3 4 4 4 5 5 6 6 7 7 10 11 12 12 13 13 14 Cover photo illustration by Adam Buhler/KANSAN FREE. CONFIDENTIAL. www.birthright.org now what? Unplanned Pregnancy? We Can Help. Geoffrey Calvert editor@kansan.com It is no secret that many college students are sexually active, and many are not monogamous. While sex is a fun activity for college students, it carries with it potential harmful consequences, most nota- bly sexually transmitted diseases. Young adults aged 15 to 24 are at the highest risk of contract- ing an STD, accord- ing to the Center for Di s e a s e Control. Its our belief that 1 out of 4 sexually active KU students will get an STD through unprotected inter- course. We call it a grassfire, said Patty Quinlan, supervisor of nurs- ing at Watkins Memorial Health Center. Some of the commonly trans- mitted STDs are HIV/AIDS, genital herpes, syphilis and gon- orrhea. STDs are transmitted not only through vaginal sex, but also through anal and oral sex. According to Quinlan, chlamydia and HPV are the most common STDs and the easiest ones to spread to another person. Theyre transmitted eas- ily because of the makeup of the virus and bacteria, Quinlan said. While abstinence is the most surefire way to protect against transmitting or receiving an STD, many students have sex anyway. But one practical way for students to avoid contracting an STD is to use a condom. The CDC has determined that using a condom is effective in lowering the risk for transmitting STDs that are passed along through cross- contact of flu- ids. Co nd o ms are an effec- tive barrier if intact and used appropriately. They are effec- tive only for the areas that it covers. Genital warts, HPV and syphilis are transmitted skin-to- skin, and condoms cant always protect against those, Quinlan said. Nothing will protect you if youre having unprotected sex. Two forms of HPV the high- risk forms that can lead to can- cer can be preempted by the Gardasil vaccine. Syphilis can be treated with antibiotic injections, according to the CDC. Many places in Lawrence offer free condoms, including two locations on the KU campus, the Queers and Allies office and the Student Union Association, both located on the fourth floor of the Kansas Union. Its worthwhile to have one available at your bedside, Quinlan said. Its too easy to come by to not have one available. Its important to know how to correctly use a condom, or it is useless in protecting against STDs. According to the Universitys Hawk Health website, 15 percent of condom failures occur because the condom was used incorrect- ly. Oil-based lubricants, such as Vaseline or baby oil, can damage condoms. Use only water-based lubricants. And carrying a con- dom in a wallet or a back pocket for an extended period of time can cause condom damage. There can be damage to the condom that the naked eye cant see. Viruses are microscopic so they penetrate even if the con- dom seems safe, Quinlan said. Condoms should have an expira- tion date. Vaginal sex isnt the only way to contract an STD. Oral sex also carries a risk, though a smaller one than vaginal or anal sex. According to the CDC, some of the diseases that can be contracted through oral sex include HIV, herpes, genital warts, syphilis, gonorrhea and hep- atitis A. Some factors that lead to contracting or transmitting STDs are genital sores, bleeding gums and oral ulcers. Edited by David Cawthon By taylor lewis editor@kansan.com The scene is familiar. Boy meets girl. Boy invites girl back to his room. And things progress from there. But the hook-up doesnt end in the morning. According to Patty Quinlan, nursing supervisor at Watkins Memorial Health Center, students are facing multiple sexual health problems nowadays. She said its important for students to take some factors into consider- ation before their next fling. What should students consider before having sex? Be comfortable enough to carry a condom with you, be it in your wallet or your purse. Its equally as important for the females and the males to be carrying condoms. What is the biggest sexual health concern that students are facing today? Well, the biggest concern is contracting sexually transmitted infections. I feel like theyre easily spread. We treat a good number of students who get sexually trans- mitted infections. Very common is chlamydia and genital warts. What are the symptoms of those STIs? If you have any vaginal or penile discharge it may be discolored or just a larger amount than nor- mal pain on intercourse, or pain in general. Sometimes theyre not symptomatic and thats not helpful, so the infection can grow worse and they dont know they have it. Also, they should look for any lumps or bumps that werent there before in the vaginal area or around the penis. How can students avoid these problems? Become comfortable discussing having sex with a partner and there are many ways to do that. They could role-play with their friends. They could seek out a pro- fessional or their physician, any person they feel comfortable to talk about something as intimate as sexual relations so they can become comfortable discussing it before having a sexual relation- ship. That helps avoid being in a situation where youre too uncom- fortable to ask that condoms or dental dams be used. Most times, students are in a position to be able to contract a STI because theyre not comfortable talking about it. Its super important to me that individuals become comfort- able being able to discuss sex prior to the encounter. Edited by Clark Goble KANSAN.COM / THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN / ThurSdAy, NOveMber 18, 2010 / SEX ON THE HILL / 3 HEALTH Genital warts, HPV and syphilis are trans- mitted skin-to-skin, and condoms cant always protect against those. PATTy quiNlAN Watkins nursing supervisor Watkins estimates 1 in 4 students will contract an STD while enrolled at the University College years pose increased risk WHERE TO fIND fREE cONDOmS campus queers & Allies Ofce: Kan- sas union, fourth foor Student union Activities: Kansas union, fourth foor
Downtown Java break: 17 e. Seventh St. 8th Street Tap room: 801 New hampshire St. henrys Cofee house: 11 e. eighth St. The Third Planet: 846 Mas- sachusetts St. replay lounge: 946 Mas- sachusetts St. Jazzhaus: 926.5 Massachu- setts St. Source: Douglas County AIDS Project Expert answers frequently asked questions about sex Q & A Photo illustration by Chris Bronson SEXUAL HEALTH RESOURcES ON cAmpUS Ask-a-Nurse: 785-864- 9583 Womens Health: 785- 864-9566 Health Education Resource Ofce: 785-864-9470 international Foreign students face culture clash about sex, dating BY HANNAH WISE editor@kansan.com Picture this: a man has feelings for a woman. He tells his mother about these feelings before going out to get cofee with the woman. Te mother gives her blessing and the man proceeds to approach the young lady about meeting at a cof- fee shop. Te day of the proposed date arrives and the young lady and her brother are there waiting. Tey all talk and have a good time and then return to their homes. Tis story is just one example of how relation- ships in the Islamic world exist. Students at the University of Kansas come from many difer- ent backgrounds. Tis is especially true for the more than 1,000 in- ternational students ranging in countries of origin from China to Jamaica to Zambia. Each culture has its own view on what is per- missible and taboo when it comes to speaking about dating and sex and then more diferent views on the actions. For Ameri- cans, dating generally means going out with the other per- son, perhaps to grab some- thing to eat and see a movie. Tere may be two people or a group going out, it does not really matter. Te indi- viduals generally do not tell their parents right of, at least until they know that it is serious. Tis is not the case for Hestie Assinga, a graduate student from Brazza- ville, Democratic Republic of the Congo. Marriage, sometimes ar- ranged by the parents, is expected of every woman in the Congo. You cant make it ofcial when you have a boyfriend. You just hide, your family doesnt have to know about it because it is really disrespectful. So we dont intro- duce our boyfriend to our par- ents. Whatever you are doing you just do it away from your family. Most families when they fnd out, you get blamed seriously and there are some families that will go to see the boys parents and tell them about it and see if they can stop it, Assinga said. Tis is very diferent from Ibra- him Alanqar, a senior from Pales- tine. In the Middle Eastern culture and Muslim faith, ones family and the respect of family is extremely important. It is important for every action by a couple to be announced to the rest of the community so that a persons status is clear. If a guy starts to see a lady and people havent heard that they are together, then rumors will start and that is a huge deal. Because if say someone else is interested, but he heard these rumors, then he will think, Okay, I prob- ably should stay away. Tat is why it is important the people make things ofcial and clean so that nothing goes wrong, Alanqar said. Tat is why, when a person starts to get interested in some- body else, they try to make it kind of formal. I would as my parents, my father, my mom, especially in Palestine, where I am from, you start with the mom. She will go and ask about the person, Is she a good girl? Is it a good family? and then afer that we can probably make it ofcial. When Jalashree Mehta, a sopho- more from Mumbai, India, decides to start dating someone, it will be with the idea that she will want to marry him. It is kind of an unwritten ex- pectation that people have that if we are together, that we should try to make this work no matter what, unless it is like a really bad situa- tion, Mehta said. On an average, most people in India wait till they get married to have sex. Marriage is considered to be so sacred and holy that once you do get married to a person, that is when you want to open up and become one. Do- ing that before you get married, and then it doesnt work out, you became one with a person and then if you separate you lose part of yourself. In many Asian cultures, students are expected to focus on their stud- ies the most. Yiming Che is a grad- uate student from Beijing, China. In my high school I just knew to study. Before college our parents and teachers told us everything we could and we should do. I always liked the boys, but our parents and teachers told us it was bad for our studies, Che said. Sexual education is a part of growing up for Americans, but thats not always the case in other parts of the world. Ivan Babkov, a sophomore, was born in St. Petersburg, Russia, but immigrated to Lansing, Mich., when he was 11. He can still re- member many diferences between Russian and American sexual edu- cation. Up to the point where I was in school, it was nonexistent. It all de- pended upon the family that you grew up with. You would have to learn from the world around you, Babkov said. Teen pregnancies in the United States have recently been glamor- ized in a sense by shows such as MTVs Teen Mom. However, still many young women all over the world have unplanned pregnancies and they all deal with them difer- ently. I know fve girls who took an abortion, Che said. If you are a teenager you are still a kid and you cannot control your life. I never heard a girl stop her studies for a baby. Normal girls dont know something about sex because par- ents and teachers never taught us about it. We dont know how to protect ourselves. Tat is why so many girls get an abortion. Assinga said unplanned preg- nancies occur in the Congo and the girls are expected to keep the child. We have a lot of teens now getting pregnant, Assinga said. When you get pregnant and your family knows about it, they will take you to your boys family and they will have to take care of you because they have responsibility. Even with the diferences in cul- ture between the United States and the rest of the world, when it comes to actually going out on a date, the activities really do not change all that much. Te main diferences occur in how to handle the rela- tionships within the family and what is socially acceptable. Edited by Clark Goble Photo illustration by Ben Pirotte/KANSAN The rules of dating and sexual morals are sometimes more complicated for international students. Normal girls dont know something about sex because parents and teachers never taught us about it. Yeming Che Beijing graduate student L ike many American teenag- ers, I grew up watching mov- ies like EuroTrip with its Dutch dominatrix, and American Pie with its naughty Czech exchange student Nadia. But unlike American teenagers, I could have been one of those sexual targets. I was born in an Eastern European country Poland and grew up in a Western European country Germany. I was born Karolina Bledowska and my accent has so far been described as a mixture of German-Polish- Midwestern-American-English. According to frequent European stereotypes in movies, that would make me the typical American boys sexual dream, right? I dont know about that. But a guy told me a few months ago that he absolutely loves women with an accent. Well, too bad Im not into guys who love women only because of their accent. Every culture is stereotyped by other cultures. Its our way of under- standing each culture and simplify- ing their usually complex heritage. Often though, stereotypes only lead to misconceptions and false accusa- tions, as is certainly the case with the stereotype of the sexually avail- able and promiscuous European woman. Europeans have fewer sexual partners than Americans, which makes them less promiscuous. A study published in Family Planning Perspectives in 2001 compared the sexual activity, safety, sexual disease and teen pregnancy rates of the U.S. and five European countries. It found not only more promiscuity, but also a higher teen pregnancy rate, less use of contraceptives and a higher level of STDs in the U.S. A similar study by Advocates for Youth later in the decade showed that teen pregnancy is four times higher in the U.S. than in Germany. The U.S. abortion rate per 1,000 women is twice as high as in Germany, even though abortion has serious restrictions in some states, but is completely legal in all of Germany. The latter study concluded that the European countries with lower rates Germany, France, and the Netherlands all emphasize man- datory sexual education in school and value the individual as a sexual being with needs and desires. Those countries find information on sex and safety more important than opinions by religious groups or per- sonal preferences. These are the same reasons I would give for the creation of the common female European stereo- type. The European woman is con- fident and educated in her sexuality because her culture is more open to communication about sex and accepts sexual activity and experi- mentation in youth. In school, I received mandatory sex education, including two extra sessions on HIV, one of which was in the local center for drug addicts. In magazines, I saw pictures of nude men and women in non-suggestive poses, which showed me the vari- ous types of human bodies rather than the ideal body generated by advertising. In those magazines, I also read about common questions and problems surrounding teen sexuality even before I decided to have sex. When I was ready, I knew that I didnt have to lie about it, not even to my parents. I grew up in a society that treats sex as a part of life, not as a sin or marital duty. I grew up with enough information on sexual health to fill an abortion clinic. And Im glad I grew up in a society that let me ask any question I wanted without being judged as immoral or inde- cent, even when I asked my parents about the first time they had sex (although I still dont know what had gotten into me that day). Bledowski is agraduate student fromCracow, Poland, injournalism. BY CArolINE BlEdoWSkI cbledowski@kansan.com commentary society Women still face obstacles on track to sexual fulfllment European outlook is more open BY Noopur GoEl editor@kansan.com
Cirillas manager Allison Ortego has noticed a trend in her custom- ers. Older couples are a little more experimental, Ortego said. They usually end up buying porn togeth- er, toys like anal toys and vibra- tors. Ortego has also noticed that older couples are more likely to try out fetishes such as bondage. She says that most people dont get into bondage until their 30s or 40s. The closest the college-aged group gets is buying fuzzy handcuffs. I can usually spot them when they walk in the door, Ortego said. People that want to try something new but theyre kind of scared. They usually dont want leather harnesses or anything. Ortego says that the most com- mon items for a college-age woman to buy is a vibrator or vibrating cock ring. Although some women are conformable buying these items at a store, others are still uneasy with the idea. Its kinda like buying tampons, said Sera Lanzer, a freshman from Overland Park. Every girl does it, but still were always afraid of who were going to see at the store. The results of the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, published in Octobers Journal of Sexual Medicine, give evidence of the discomfort women have with their own sexuality. The survey was conducted at Indiana University to honor the 60th anniversary of the Kinsey Reports, which were conducted at that very institution. The Kinsey Reports were con- structed by Dr. Alfred Kinsey in the 1930s and 40s after extensive research on the American sexu- al experience. Kinseys findings shocked the nation, and revealed some interesting insight into what really happens behind the closed doors of an American bedroom. The results of the NSSHB also reveal some new and intriguing data about sex in America. According to the NSSHB, mas- turbation is the sexual activity men experience the most through- out their lifetime, while vaginal intercourse is most common for women. That sounds about right, Lanzer said. Men dont need any- one else to masturbate, they can just do it themselves, and women dont really think of sex much out- side of vaginal sex. The NSSHB revealed that 61 to 63 percent of men in the college- going age group have masturbated in the past month, while only 26 to 43 percent of college women have done the same. Graduate student Jordan Wade believes that this may be because of the societal constructs on women. Women arent supposed to be sexuality inclined, Wade said. The female orgasm was only acknowl- edged in the past few years. I think were a little behind on that. The director of women, gen- der, and sexuality studies, John Younger, agrees with the sentiment that society affects how a woman views herself. Society expects women to ser- vice men sexually, Younger said. And since men have an orgasm time that is really, really short, women are often sexually unsatis- fied, and they are taught that that is OK. Younger believes there is always a power dynamic involved with sex, and society usually reserves that power for the men. He points to an example of an exercise he often assigns to his introductory archaeology classes. He asks the students to create their own deity, and every now and then, he comes across a student, usually female, who has created a penis god. The first time I ran across this I thought, Oh my god, this woman is so socialized she thinks the most important thing is a phallus, Younger said. This power that women give to men can be expressed in various ways. One is to be sexually repressed, so that the man has control, Younger said. Another is to be slut-like and to service the men, because thats what men want. To escape from this power dynamic, many women choose to experiment with same-sex sexual experiences, a phemomenon seen not only in the current era, but also throughout history. Men are out there in the mar- ketplace doing this, this and this, shacking up with young boys, Younger said. What is the woman going to do but, hey, find herself a girlfriend. This has been written about for 180 years. The NSSHB recently reported that 10 percent of women between the ages of 16 and 49 have partici- pated in a same-sex experience in the past year. It is socially OK for two girls to make out at a party and not be con- sidered lesbians, said Pedro Lopez, a sophomore from Prairie Village. Societal acceptance seems to be the most influential element that determines how comfortable a woman is with her sexuality. When society tells her it is not okay to masturbate she doesnt do it. But when society tells her it is okay to have relations with another woman, she has no problem experimenting with it. The NSSHB, like the original Kinsey Reports, seeks to educate the nation about what is actually occurring around the country. Perhaps knowing that they are not alone in certain sexual experimen- tation will allow women to widen their view on acceptable sexual behavior, and become more com- fortable with their own sexuality. Knowledge and open discus- sion are the path to societal change that lead us away from viewing sexuality primarily in negative terms and towards viewing sexual- ity as a part of life that is whole- some and pleasurable, said former Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders in her introduction for the NSSHB journal article. Editedby Michael Bednar Convenient stops @ the Oread & Eldridge Guaranteed Reservations Starting at $36 per way ***Mention this ad and get $7 off 1st round trip www.parkwayshuttle.com 1-877-806-7229 For Reservations, Call: Parkway Shuttle in one word...EASY Nobody likes ugly feet in bed... Nail Lounge Pedicures $20 785.856.3002 In front of Best Buy @ 31st and Iowa, Next to Five Guys Restaurant. Find something -fall items arriving daily- bu wildman to take off 4 / seX on tHe Hill / thursdaY, novemBer 18, 2010 / tHe UniVersity Daily Kansan / kansan.Com KANSAN.COM / THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN / THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 18, 2010 / SEX ON THE HILL / 5 Jacklyn Baillergeon editor@kansan.com As sex becomes a more open subject in society, it seems abstinence is less practiced than generations before. So that must mean everyone around is having sex, right? Wrong. While the Center for Disease Control and Prevention reports 55 percent of college students have sex every month, Milton Wendland, a doctoral student in American Studies and a graduate teaching assistant in women, gender and sexuality studies, said the actual number could be lower. We dont have any reliable numbers for how many college students are engaging in sexual activity because sexual activity means diferent things to diferent people, Wendland said. Students have a variety of reasons for avoiding sex, ranging from religious and moral reasons to health and safety concerns. Tere are also emotional reasons. Abstinence can ofer some reduction of health risks, like STDs, Wendland said. Tis is only true if one abstains 100 percent from all physical contact with another person. Kissing and oral sex can still open the possibility for transmission of STDs. Wendland said there were additions to the physical benefts of remaining abstinent. For some people abstinence can ofer a mental health beneft as well, Wendland said. If you arent ready to be physically i nt i ma t e w i t h anyone, then sexual activity may cause a great deal of emotional distress or guilt. Paul Johnson, a freshman from Wichita, said he had more than one reason for staying abstinent. Biologically, we are not made to have multiple sex partners, and we are much less likely to get STDs or unwanted pregnancies if we practice abstinence, Johnson said. Johnson added that he stays celibate for moral reasons. Sex is a sacred act that must be respected and saved for the right person, Johnson said. If we cannot wait to have sex with our future spouse, how can we expect to remain faithful to them during marriage? It cannot become a pleasure-seeking habit. It should be looked at in a deeper way as more of a self-gif for another. Carter Zielinski, a sophomore from Overland Park, also abstains and said he hoped to fnd a partner with similar values. Zielinski said he believes society is over sexualized. Students in relationships are also avoiding sex. Lauren Hammond, a freshman from Shawnee, was in a long-term relationship and avoided having sex. Hammond said she believes being abstinent made her relationship stronger. I was in a relationship because I wanted to be in one, not because of sex, Hammond said. You can still be close without having sex. Every experience Ive had with people having sex with their boyfriend or girlfriend becomes a way bigger deal, or they stay in a relationship they shouldnt be in so they can keep having sex. I personally dont think its worth it. Along with moral and health reasons, gender roles and the pressure of being made fun of for having or not having sex also play a role in a persons sexual behavior. Diferent notions of what it is to be a real man or a good woman means that it is common for men to feel pressured to be sexually active or to embellish their sexual activities, while for many women, there is a pressure to abstain from sexual activity or downplay their sexual behavior, Wendland said. Kayla Eddins, a freshman from Lenexa, said she agreed that she has noticed many people have either claimed to be abstinent while they have been having sex or have said they have had sex while they have been practicing abstinence in order to try to ft in with the rest of society. People who are religious or raised that way sometimes claim theyre abstinent while theyre really having sex, Eddins said. On the other hand, the older we get, the easier it is to try to hint that you have had sex while you really havent because its hard to be diferent. Eddins said she disagreed with the notion that society would be better of if more people abstained from sex. Abstinence shouldnt be mandated for everyone, Eddins said. Its a personal choice. You shouldnt be ashamed of your own body. Teres not anything to be guilty of for having sex before marriage. Wendland also said that having sex with a signifcant other is not necessarily a bad thing. If both partners are informed and the sexual activity is consensual, he said it can be an incredibly pleasurable experience for the mind and body. For students who want to avoid sexual activity but still want to experience intimacy, Wendland suggested some alternatives. Teres a full range of possibilities for producing physical and emotional pleasure without actual doing it, Wendland said. Tose possibilities included massage and cuddling, masturbation, and use of props and toys. As long as youre being careful and safe and know who youre sleeping with you should be fne, Eddins said. She suggests getting to know the person, asking about STDs, and always practicing safe sex. While Eddins believes abstinence isnt necessary, she does have a warning for those wanting to become sexually active. If you choose not to be abstinent you need to be OK with that decision, Eddins said. Edited by Anna Nordling By Tanvi nimkar editor@kansan.com Public displays of affection are a common sight on any walk through campus holding hands, quick kisses and hugs, make-out sessions in the open air or covertly in secret spots around campus. Typically PDA is harmless but there is a limit, for which the appropriate response is, Get a room. There is the clich of deserted library stacks for romantic encounters, but there are other covert spots around campus. During a Career Services event last year, a few volunteers such as Erin Wolfram, associate director of the University Career Center, noticed a number of students with large hickeys enter the Kansas Union from the adjacent parking garage. Wolfram was taken by sur- prise because she didnt think a parking garage was a good place to make out. Although most PDA is not a crime, there are several situations where it is absolutely inappropriate. Anything in a business or work environment is inappropriate, Wolfram said. Everything should be professional. Business and academic settings are considered off-limits because the focus must be work. Anything beyond these settings seems to be fair game. A parking garage is a sensible choice because of the dark seclu- sion and the fact that most people do not spend much time in the garage so the chances of being seen are slim. There is a downside to the garage as well, though. Noise echoes in the garage, so if someone happens to be wandering around, he or she could hear everything. Also there is the danger of cars driving around in the darkness of the garage. Another common spot that is not secret is the sidewalk, espe- cially after sporting events. The dilemma occurs when people are walking back to their car after a game and in the middle of the sidewalk there is a couple making out without a care. In the crowd of people leaving, simply side- stepping the affectionate couple is harder than you may think. Often a persons reaction to this sighting can be just as interest- ing as the PDA itself. Senior Jon Moore says if he saw inappropriate PDA, his first thought would be that the relationship wouldnt last very long. Colin Barnes says he would more than likely just ignore the couple because he has better things to do. Not all PDA is simply making out. It includes even the simplest affectionate gestures, such as hold- ing hands or a kiss on the cheek. Most students find these gestures acceptable. For example junior Julia Miggins admits to holding hands or briefly kissing on cam- pus. It is hard to know where to draw the line. Barnes says a hug or kiss is fine but a kiss with tongue is a bit much which is similar to Miggins judgement. Edited by David Cawthon Public displays of afection common on college campuses Celibate students put the brakes on sex, for now Howard Ting/KANSAN AbSTINENcE ETTIqUETTE Photo illustration by Dalton Gomez/KANSAN PDA can be as simple as holding hands or a kiss. Theres No Wednesday $1 Almost Anything $2 Premiums $2 Jager Bombs Thursday $2.50 Domestic Bottles $2 Double Wells $2 SoCo Lime Shots Friday $4 Double Bacardi Drinks $2 UV Bombs S e x O n T h e H ill... without THE HAWK 1B4O Oho * B4B-927B Watch all the football games at THE HAWK WWW.JAYHAWKCAFE.COM Watch all the football games at THE HAWK S ex is not just for sluts. Its a radical statement surely, but someone has to say it. Despite what we see in movies and read about in books, sex is still regarded as something dirty and shameful. Everyone is always talking about how skanky insert name of your friend here was at Fridays party or what a man-whore your biology lab partner is, basically scaring each other into thinking that sex is something for the skanks and douchey guys of the world. No one wants to be a slut, therefore people dont address sex for the basic human need that it is. Sex is a primal instinct. It is encoded into our biological system. Everyone in the world does it, will do it or at the very least is the product of it. While it is not every- thing, sex is an integral part of life. So why do we feel the need to label it as some- thing bad? Sex shouldnt be shameful and it shouldnt be slutty. In fact, I hereby revoke the use of that word. Wanting to have, or hav- ing sex does not make someone a slut. It makes you human. As long as you practice sex in a safe and healthy way, I say go forth and buy condoms! We all think about it, so why d o e s s o c i e t y c o n - d e m n t h o s e that act on it? There is no need to judge e a c h other for our sexual appetites. To repress something so natural causes internal conflict and frustration. Just be honest with yourself. You can want sex just for the sake of having sex. There is no need to dress the issue up with a bow or a relationship. You dont have to fake a deeper meaning for it. As long as both people involved know what they are getting out of the interaction, I see nothing wrong with it. Sure, feelings are involved with sex but they dont necessarily have to be feelings of love. Sex can work just fine on mutual feelings of attraction and the basic need itself. Now, Im not advocating for people to go out and sleep with a new person every night although if that is your preroga- tive and you are being safe about it, then you are adult enough to make your own decisions. It is important to retain a level of self-respect. Only do what you want, and what makes you happy. This is the 21st century times have changed. No one expects sex to wait until mar- riage. It is better to discover who you are and what you want before making a promise you arent sure you can keep. Sex does not have to be the big taboo subject that our grade school teachers made it out to be. Lets stop the name- calling and grow up. We are all of age to make the right decision for ourselves. If all else fails, we can always stand to listen to the advice of our elders. As my good friend Marvin Gaye says, You dont have to worry that its wrong. If the spirit moves you, let me groove you good. Edited by Alex Tretbar By Danielle Valliere editor@kansan.com To hook up or not to hook up, that is the question. This question is an old one, but certainly not obsolete. Hook-ups on college campuses appear to be the norm, with up to 81 per- cent of college students reporting having engaged in at least one, according to a study published in Archives of Sexual Health. The study investigated the effects that casual sex has on women and men. It suggested that casual sex in women led to lower self-esteem and higher distress. Conversely, casual sex among men was linked to higher self-esteem . I think girls go into it hoping the guy calls or texts them the next day even though theyre cool sleeping with them the night they meet, Allie Miller, a sophomore from Frisco, Texas said. Guys are just thinking about the one night. Rejection causes women distress because they hook up to feel accepted. Its fun, but girls want someone to like them and be interested in them. When the guys done and hes not inter- ested, girls get upset. Dhyana Coil is chairwom- an of the Sexuality Education Committee, a student organiza- tion that promotes healthy sexu- ality education. She said she did not agree with the studys find- ings. My hunch is to say that if women have lower self-esteem to begin with, then they may tend to deal with that by seeking valida- tion with many sexual partners, Coil said. Coil said she did not believe men and women necessarily had different emotional reactions to sexual hook-ups. I have female friends who are very happy to have multiple sexual partners and I have male friends who are self-described as too emotional to be able to enjoy one night stands, she said. I dont think men and women are as different as our history and culture would have us think and peoples differing reactions are just more based on the indi- vidual. And, frequently, the stresses of college make individuals seek less-stressful releases. Schools hard enough as it is, Miller said. Relationships arent easy. Hook-ups are simple, quick, fun and not a lot of work. In the past, a double standard was present in societys percep- tions of men and women in rela- tion to number of sexual partners. As a woman acquired a certain num- ber of part- ners, she was labeled, but a man could usually get away with promiscuity. This defi- nitely still exists, Miller said. If a guy hears a girl has been with a ton of guys, he wont even touch her. Being called slutty or a whore really messes with girls mentally and psychologically, while guys become the coolest dudes. Miller said she thought women were likely to hook up with the same man to keep their number of sexual partners down. Girls definitely would try their hardest to get the same guys to sleep with them more than once, she said. Were not like guys and dont look for meaningless sex. Just because I want to have sex doesnt mean I want to sleep with every guy. Some of the consequences of engaging in casual sex and sexual hook-ups include risks of preg- nancy and sexually transmitted infection, in addition to emo- tional damage. I dont want to get to the point where I cant remember the name and face and exact number of guys Ive slept with, Miller said. Hooking up is perfectly fine if youre having fun, but be smart. Dont make it into risking STDs and pregnancies. If youre old enough to have sex, youre old enough to be smart about it, too. Coil said ultimately, when it came to casual sex, knowing yourself made all the difference. I do think it is possible to emotionally distance oneself to avoid being hurt, Coil said. I dont think that it is possible for all people. Some people start to get emotionally attached after a certain amount of time together no matter their initial inten- tions. Edited by Emily McCoy casual encounters Hooking up common, but not for everyone A recent study suggests casual encounters lower womens self-esteem and raise mens, but some students and experts disagree I do think it is possible to emotionally distance oneself to avoid being hurt. dhyana coil Sexuality Education committee Lets take the shame and slut out of sex commentary What do you think? By HannaH wise sammi Golden chicago freshman anything from a kiss to anything after that. What does hooking up mean to you? amy Van Wichita sophomore it is being physically intimate with someone like kissing or mak- ing out." Jerron ashby Kansas city, Kan., freshman it has to be sex. it just depends on who says it, like if an old person says it, it could mean something else. ashton capps Wichita freshman More than making out. Grant binGham edmond, okla., freshman a short-term relationship. By Jessie BlakeBorougH editor@kansan.com 6 / seX on the hill / thurSday, novEMbEr 18, 2010 / the uniVersity daily Kansan / kanSan.coM By Allison Bond editor@kansan.com Plan B One Step is a pill used as an emergency birth control option for those worried that they might become pregnant. According to planbonestep.com, the official website, if taken cor- rectly, seven out of eight women will not become pregnant. Cathy Thrasher, head pharmacist at Student Health Services, said 75 students bought Plan B One Step at Watkins Health Center in October, and that this was an aver- age number. While many students are purchasing Plan B One Step, there are still many unanswered questions about the drug. Plan B One Step has been on the market for 10 years, and has become more popular since it became an over-the-counter drug in 2006. Originally approved by the FDA in July 1999, it is the only emergency contraception available with just one pill. Next Choice, a generic off brand of Plan B One Step, is an emergency contracep- tion that requires two pills taken at the same time. The most common miscon- ception with Plan B One Step is that it is an abortion pill, said Sarah Gillooly, a representative of Planned Parenthood. It is something people tend to get confused about, Gillooly said. According to One Steps edu- cational website, Plan B is not an RU-486 abortion pill. While an RU-486 drug will end an existing pregnancy, Plan B wont work if the user is already pregnant and it will not affect an existing preg- nancy. The sooner Plan B One Step is taken the more effective it is in preventing pregnancy for occuring. It is most effective if taken within 24 hours. Plan B can be a really valuable tool to avoid an unplanned preg- nancy, Gillooly said. However, Plan B should only be used in emergency situations such as condom breakage and never as a first line of birth control, health officals say. We believe Plan B should be used as a back-up plan and not as a regular birth control, Gillooly said. It is important to remember and realize that it is a high dose of the same hormones contained in a womans monthly pack of birth control pills. Edited by Abbey Strusz KANSAN.COM / THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN / THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 18, 2010 / SEX ON THE HILL / 7 By Jessie BlAkeBorough editor@kansan.com Every teenager feels misunderstood at some point. For Emily, this held a little more truth. While her peers were arguing for later curfews, Emily, a KU student who did not want her full name used because she is not out to her parents, was questioning bigger issues. She understood early on that she did not ft into societys conventional molds. It wasnt until high school that Emily was able to categorize her feelings, and even then she wasnt sure if anyone would understand her. Emily is not gay. She is pansexual. Te four best known groups of sexuality are heterosexuality, homosexuality, bisexuality and transsexualism. However, not everyone fts into these groups, and there is little education regarding pansexuality. Emily experienced a similar disconnect growing up and it was years before she was introduced to the term. It is really interesting to know how you feel before you can even put a label on it, Emily said. Because pansexuality is a relatively new term, it causes a lot of misunderstanding in both gay and straight communities. Most commonly it is ofen confused with bisexuality, which is the attraction to both male and female genders; bi meaning two. Pansexuality difers in that it focuses on certain characteristics, or emotional connections that can be found regardless of gender identity or biological sex. Pansexuals have the capability to become sexually, emotionally or spiritually attracted to all genders. Bisexuality is very black and white. But for me, its anything. It doesnt matter what the outside is, Emily said. Some pansexuals claim to be gender blind or neutral. Tis means that gender does not factor into attraction or sexual desire in potential mates. Pansexuals can be attracted to women, men, transgendered, androgynous or gender-fuid people. Emily says most people assume she is too embarrassed to admit she is bisexual or gay when she tells them she is pansexual. People dont have to understand my sexuality, I know what it is to me, Emily said. Problems Emily runs into afer explaining her sexuality ofen involve women thinking she is hitting on them, and past boyfriends assuming she will cheat with women. A straight girl is not attracted to every guy she sees just like I am not attracted to everything with two legs, Emily said. Queers & Allies President Sara Tompson jokes that the acronym LGBTQQ (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered, Queer and Questioning) is becoming more like alphabet soup with each new term. She reminds people to be comfortable with themselves and their sexuality in whatever way they deem to express it. Te most important thing about your sense of self is being honest with yourself, Tompson said. You can label yourself whatever you want as long as you truly believe that the chosen label is for you. Tat being said, dont over think labels. Emily suggests that pansexuality could hold more insight for the straight community than the gay community since members of the gay community already admit to being attracted to members of the same sex. If anyone has ever had crush on somebody of their same gender and has thought, Man I wish they werent a girl/guy, you should really think about what pansexuality is, Emily said. Gender shouldnt matter, if you feel like you want to be with someone then you should. Language will always create barriers. Terms can ofen be manipulated and context can be misinterpreted. Instead of addressing complex issues, people tend to avoid them to keep from being ofensive. To me its always been like people did not understand, so pansexuality has almost been a taboo word, but now that it is being discussed I hope that it helps people who are struggling with their identity fgure it out, Emily said. Editedby DavidCawthon Beyond gay, straight and bisexual IDENTITY Pansexuals connect sexually, emotionally with individuals across the gender spectrum Morning-afer pill widely available for emergencies HEALTH P h o to illu stratio n b y Evan P alm er/K A N SA N Photo illustration Dalton Gomez/KANSAN Emergency contraception reduces the chances of pregnacy after unprotected sex or if another method of contraception fails. Plan B and the generic Next Choice are available at most pharmacies. wHERE pLAN b IS AVAILAbLE Target Plan B One Step: $39.41 Next Choice: $24.78 walmart Plan B One Step: $51.52 Next Choice: $43.79 Dillons Plan B One Step: $52.59 Next Choice: $38.39 walgreens Plan B One Step: $41.99 Next Choice: $44.99 watkins Health Center Plan B One Step: $24.99 Does not ofer Next Choice W h e r e w i l l
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(=I<< !C@D@K*! BLJKL;<EKJFECP couPons K ANSAN By Jessie BlakeBorough editor@kansan.com The rush alone is almost worth the risk. Knowing its against the rules, but not caring. Stealing time for kisses in the supply closet. Bumping into each other on pur- pose but only the two of you know that. Hooking up with or dating friends and coworkers can be thrilling, but what happens when things go wrong? Is it possible to balance a romantic fling and maintain a civil work environ- ment? Six KU students offer their stories and advice on this matter, in a quest to answer the age-old question, Can you mix business and pleasure? Be careful what you wish for For Jon Mura, a freshman from Grandview, Mo., hooking up wasnt all it was cracked up to be. What started out as a mutual, n o - s t r i n g s - attached agree- ment between friends turned into an awk- ward situation when she sud- denly became very attached. If you are friends with someone and would like to take it to a sexual level, dont, Mura said. If you want to take it to a romantic level, dont start with sex. Mura suggested building up friendships based on common interests before taking it to a phys- ical level. He said otherwise rela- tions would become strained. Hooking up can turn your circle of friends into an awkward tangle and leaves you asking How can I untangle the knot? when the real answer is you should never have tied the knot in the first place, Mura said. happiness is on the horizon Donna Jo Harkrider, a junior from Tulsa, Okla., has not run into any difficulties with dating a coworker. As resident assistants in the dorms, students who date coworkers worry about literally living with the consequences of a broken relationship. Harkrider said she believed in taking time to get to know a partner, not just rushing into something. She said her relation- ship was the result of a year-long friendship that blossomed into something more. When my current boyfriend and I started dating, the most common comment we got was, Someone owes me ten bucks. It was like everyone saw it coming and they have been very support- ive of us, Harkrider said. For Harkrider, the key lies in remaining individual people while at work. She said she avoid- ed creating a clique-like atmosphere. When you work where you live things get tricky. As a staff we cant be our own unit, we have to contribute as individuals, Harkrider said. You dont want your personal relationship to bleed into the work environment. the view from the other side The little tiffs couples go through can cause strained rela- tions at work. A common com- plaint against hooking up or dating a fellow employee is the awkward situation that results for other staff members. Abbie Kendall, a freshman from Dallas, witnessed first-hand how personal relationships can affect an entire work unit. When her fellow employee became involved with a manager, the whole staff suffered the consequences of their indiscretion. Human resources had to come in and interview everyone at the store and our manager ended up getting fired for hooking up with an employee, Kendall said. The whole thing was really uncom- fortable. John McKernen, a sophomore from Leawood, on the other hand, said he didnt believe his relation- ship bothered his fellow co-work- ers. In fact, he thought it had the opposite effect. It seemed like everyone was excited to have something to gos- sip about, McKernen said. talking together advice from a real, live couple Four months into their rela- tionship, Pat Bayer, a junior from Overland Park, and Emily Bissell, a sophomore from McPherson, are now in a comfortable rhythm. Things werent always so easy, however. When they first met last year, Bayer was a resident assitant and Bissell a resident in Hashinger Hall. University Housing has strict policies against RAs dating resi- dents. I knew I couldnt let it go, so I talked to my boss, Bayer said. Even after the OK from superi- ors and support from friends and coworkers, Bayer and Bissell didnt rush into anything. We took it really slow so it removed the chance of drama if it wasnt going to work, Bissell said. Bayer also suggested setting clear boundaries about what was about work and keeping the rela- tionship out of it. If he has to do something for his job, he said, she understands its not personal. He says an understanding and respect for each persons positions and feelings keeps things running smoothly. It takes a level of maturity to know how to handle situations like this because ultimately if it ends, it has to end well, Bayer said. lessons learned In the end, students in this situ- ation have some common advice. Tey recommend taking the time to consider how the relationship will afect themselves and their co- workers. Dont let personal feelings loving or bickering override your ability to maintain a profes- sional work environment, they say. Edited by Dana Meredith relationships Dating can get dicey in the workplace Jessica Janasz/KANSAN Students who have been in relationships with coworkers recommend setting boundaries between work and play. Otherwise, things can quickly get awkward for fellowemployees. Hooking up can turn your circle of friends into an awkward tangle and leaves you asking How can I untangle the knot? Jon Mura Grandview, Mo., freshman 10 / seX on the hill / thursday, noveMber 18, 2010 / the university daily kansan / kansan.coM By Sara Sneath editor@kansan.com Sophomore Alex Jensen came out to a close friend in high school. But it wasnt until he got to college and became a member of Delta Lambda Phi, a fraternity welcoming of all sexual orienta- tions, that he decided to share his sexuality with his family. So far, they have been supportive, and have even urged Jensen to come out to his more distant relatives. Nevertheless, he remains hesitant to inform everyone. The whole coming-out process can be liberating, but you know Im not sure that we should have to do it in a way that we are sort of disadvantaged, says Jensen. If people ask me then I will tell them, but Im not going to have a random conversation with them about it, Jensen said. My theory is they didnt come to me and say, well, were straight, and ask me to be okay with that. So, Im not going to go to them and say the same thing. Unfortunately, there is no flow chart or 10-step procedure to com- ing out; the process is as individual, fluid and com- plex as sexuality. Tyler Mulholland, a junior from Lenexa, emphasizes that not everyones coming-out expe- rience is horrific. But whether you are the one com- ing out or you are the supporter, there are many things to keep in mind. I think that it is important for people to understand that it is a completely individualized proces. People who face this issue have to consider a number of different variables, including their safety, said Diane Genther, the Universitys LGBT Resource Center coordinator. For those who are in the process of exploring their sexuality, Genther recom- mends creating a support group of friends, counselors and LGBT peers. Genther emphasized that if someone comes out to you, it does not mean he or she is ready or willing to come out to everyone. It can be a new and exciting time in a persons life, but it is important to respect their privacy. Genther said that though some people may be fine with sharing the news, it is important that you have con- versations with that person about what they would like you to do with that information. Renee Rivera recently faced this consideration. She has been out to her family and to close personal friends for about two years now, but waited until this years Coming Out Day, which was last month, to tell acquaintances and classmates she is gay. Because Rivera is a student in the School of Education at the University, com- ing out was an especially sen- sitive issue for her. My biggest fear is that when I start teaching, a parent will ask for their child to be taken out of my classroom because Im gay, Rivera said. The big ques- tion is: should coming out even be an issue? After telling their com- ing-out stories, Delta Lambda Phi brothers Godfrey Riddle, Jensen and Mulholland noted that none of them had shared their stories with each other before an indi- cation that among an understand- ing community, the coming-out practice isnt one big ordeal its often continuous and mundane. To some, the process of coming out is a form of activism; to oth- ers, it is a sign of a fundamental misconception. The fact there has to be a coming-out process for people is indicative of a homophobic cul- ture. I suppose in some instances that it could have repercussions that look like social activism, Genther said. But I think how someone displays their sexual- ity is different for each person. I think it is fine if someone doesnt want to place a label on them- selves. Edited by Kelsey Nill KANSAN.COM / THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN / ThurSdAy, NOveMber 18, 2010 / SEX ON THE HILL / 11 IDENTITY Students come out on their own terms Campus groups, social support can make the process easier If YOURE cOmINg OUT do it in your own time 1. and in your own way Weigh the risks and 2. benefts of coming out the cost can be high including being cut of from parental fnancial support, fred or ending personal relationships Test the water start 3. with your inner circle and work your way out It is important for people to understand that is is a completely individualized process. diANe GeNTher LGbT resource Center coordinator Kelsey Richardson/KANSAN Renee Rivera has been out to close friends and family for about two years. She used this years Coming Out Day on Oct. 11 to tell acquaintances and classmates that shes gay. fOR fRIENDS AND fAmILY Come out as a LGbT 1. supporter take a stance on LGbT issues. Let sexual minorities 2. label themselves. do not tell others about 3. a persons sexuality unless it is relevant and that person is comfort- able with you telling people Kelsey Richardson/KANSAN Delta Lambda Phi members Tyler Mulholland, a junior from Lenexa, Alex Jensen, a sophomore from Lincoln, Neb., and Godfrey Riddle, a senior from Olathe. 1 8 + T o D A N C E | 2 1 + D R I N K
| $ 1 D R I N K S P E C I A L S F I R S T 5 0 P E O P L E T H A T D O N A T E C O N D O M S G E T I N F O R $ 3 D R E S S C O D E S E X Y . . . 913-219-5017 913-219-5017 ? 1814 W. 23rd | 843-6000 Does si ze matter? 1814 W. 23rd | 843-6 12 / SEX ON THE HILL / THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 18, 2010 / THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN / kANSAN.cOM DATINg INTERNET Long-distance relationships require certain skills Online dating ofers new arena even for college-aged romantics By HannaH Wise editor@kansan.com Skype. Phone calls. Texts. e-mails. Trust. These are the tools necessary for a good relationship, but they are more important for one that stretches two people across state lines and sometimes overseas. Emily Bernard, a freshman from Aurora, Colo., started dating her boyfriend, Sean Nicely, a year ago. They met in their high school the- ater department. We were together all the time, studying and hanging out, Bernard said. While Bernard moved here at the beginning of the summer, her boyfriend is still in high school. However, they have still been able to go on Skype dates. They usu- ally start their date at 5 p.m., eat dinner, watch a movie and stay up talking the rest of the night. We will both dress up like a date, she said. Bernard and Nicely are mak- ing their long-distance relationship work through communication, but some relationships are not so suc- cessful. Brandon Hopkins, a sopho- more from Kansas City, Kan., did not have such a sweet long-distance relationship. It lasted three weeks as a long- distance relationship, but we had been dating for four or five months before that, Hopkins said. In the end, they broke up because of the distance. It was because we were not able to trust each other and there was no way to really know what the other person was doing, he said. Jessica Bjorgaard, a junior from Olathe, said her relationship ended because her boyfriend moved to where she was living at the time. When we lived long distance we had gotten used to us being away but when he moved to be with me we just saw each other too much and realized we didnt like each other as much as we thought, Bjorgaard said. Some long-distance relation- ships can work and can last for years like Seth Dolans, a senior from Atlanta. He and his girlfriend Caroline Quat, also from Atlanta, have been together for three-and- a-half-years. We went to high school togeth- er. Its kind of dorky, but we were both members of Model UN, said Dolan. Quat is a junior at George Washington University in Washington, D.C., but is abroad in Prague. Dolan said their relation- ship has been able to last because of their commitment to commu- nication. While she was in the states we would set aside a time at night where we would talk on the phone, he said. It has been a little tricky with her overseas, but thanks to Skype I am able to see her almost every day. We have also made sure that we frequently check our e-mail. Long-distance relationships put a strain on both people involved, but some students make them work. You have to trust the other per- son completely and communicate with each other effectively, Dolan said. Caroline is my best friend and I cant imagine not having her in my life. While I dont get to see her everyday, Im sure that she is the right person for me and talking to her is always the high point of my day. Edited by Lisa Curran By Molly a. Martin editor@kansan.com Overall online dating service usage has increased in recent years, but is this the case for col- lege-age students? According to the Nielsen Company, dating site popularity has grown from 24.2 million monthly users in January 2006 to 30 million in January 2010. Twenty-nine percent of users on Match.com are under the age of 30, according to Match.coms media room statistics. For Patrick Shields, a sopho- more from Shawnee, free online dating services such as OkCupid. com serve as a way to meet peo- ple he would not otherwise meet. Shields signed up for OkCupid at least two years ago, and said he has been using the site off and on. I used OkCupid to sort of extend my range, Shields said. Ive been an earlier adopter of a lot of different technologies and for me online dating is just another way to increase my odds. Created by the founders of both SparkNotes and TheSpark, OkCupid markets its services to users by offering the match- making site for free. Other online dating services such as Match.com and Yahoo! P e r s o n a l s charge for their services. It is a nearly impos- sible market to crack with- out marketing, which costs money. Thats our best guess. Also most matching services use poor, expensive technology, or crappy languages like Java, requiring many more resources, OkCupid. com said in explanation of the lack of other free matching services. For Shields, OkCupids match- making technology and site design are what drew him. The site uses personality analysis and question- naires, which allows users to answer indi- vidual questions about themselves and how their ideal partner would respond, to find potential matches. What I like about OkCupid is it is free and they have a really nice interface. By answering questions about your- self and what your ideal partner would think it actually sort of uses technology to present you with people who you would be most compatible with, which is technol- ogy unheard of in any other site by now, Shields said. Along with privacy concerns that stem from online communi- cations, there are both advantages and disadvantages to going online instead of meeting people in a more traditional manner. For Miranda Haley, a senior from Topeka, online dating was something she previously had been opposed to and just recently decided to try. I have always been against online dating. I think it is an unnatural way to meet people, but I am giving it a shot and hoping that it will prove me wrong and that I will meet someone great off of it. If it doesnt work out then I can tell my friends to back off, Haley said. For Shields, the advantage comes from the ability to monitor a prospects profile and matches. When you talk to someone in person, you dont know anything about them until they tell it to you but when you are looking at profiles online you can screen out people who you are not compat- ible with, without wasting their time, Shields said, There is an element of someone that cant be contained in an online profile. You cant know for certain if you are compatible with someone until you meet them. Although one of Shields friends met her current boyfriend of three years on OkCupid, Shields expressed some doubt about his use of online dating. Even though I love the idea of it, I dont know if it has reached the critical mass where I can really meet people who I really want to be with, Shields said. Edited by Michael Bednar TOp 5 FREE ONLINE DATINg SITES 1. Plentyofsh.com 2. Okcupid.com 3. mingle2.com 4. engage.com 5. yesnomayb.com about.com Photo illustration by Chris Neal/KANSAN Students whose signifcant others live far away face diferent struggles than those dating someone close to home. Many use Skype, phone calls, text messages and e-mail to keep in touch despite the distance. I think it is an unnatural way to meet people, but I am giving it a shot and hoping that it will prove me wrong ... MiRANDA HAlEY Senior from Topeka Romances across great distances demand more KANSAN.COM / THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN / THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 18, 2010 / SEX ON THE HILL / 13 M usic goes well in almost any situation: exercis- ing, partying, relaxing. The list goes on. And then there are those times when a certain situation calls for a certain song. Sometimes musical artists cap- ture the mood better than awkward silence or your nervous, incessant babbling. If you are uncertain how to go about having sex, just go with the flow and see what soundtrack works best. Also keep in mind your audience. Know how fast or slow they want to go and dont scare them with a suggestive playlist. Some songs are better suited for one-night stands rather than a candle-lit night with your wife of 15 years. Everyone knows about Barry Manilow, Barry White and Blondie. You arent going to impress your date with staples from the past five decades. Theres a lot of music out there and you shouldnt just settle with anything. A special occasion should require a special song. For the new generation, here are some familiar artists that have a little something for the bedroom. SLOw AND STEADY Insatiable Darren Hayes For the most intimate experience musically and sexually possible, the former lead singer of Savage Garden weaves a silky-smooth and beauti- fully fragile gem. The airy backdrop suits a heavenly atmosphere and his voice furthers your journey to inti- macy. The song is, well, insatiable. Like It or Not Madonna And what list would be complete without Madonna? Theres a good chance this is not even a love song. But when she uses lines like, Ill be the garden, youll be the snake. All of my fruit is yours to take, its hard not to get that feeling. There is a seductive darkness here. Anything from Robin Thicke Robins voice automatically makes the ladies swoon. Hes a dreamy guy and his albums are erotic on such a level that it makes it hard to enjoy it as it is. They compel you to engage in promiscuous activity. If you want it narrowed down, start off with the delicate Dreamworld or Sex Therapy. If you think you have the lasting power, throw on a full album. Making Love (Into the Night) Usher Usher got the voice to make your _____ go _____. You fill in the blank. Theres no need for Ush to dilly-dally. Its as simple as picking the girl and making love as long as time allows. Straight-forward and beautifully performed in the pro- cess. Here in My Room Incubus Get away from the people and into the closest room. Heres a charming little narrative about a sexual encounter with the sugges- tive tag, Your love is a verb here in my room. The party is boring and the people are uninteresting, then in walks that one who changes the whole dynamic. They just happen to be better suited unsuited. Wanna B Ur Lovr Weird Al Yankovic Some people will find a use for this one. Weird Al pulls out all the greatest sexual innuendos in a smooth and funky attempt at a sex song. If you arent in a serious mood or need an ice-breaker, here you go. Howd you get through security cuz baby, youre the bomb. Id like to take you home right now so you can meet my mom. FAST AND NAUgHTY Kiwi Maroon 5 If you have never seen pornography, this is as close as you can get, audibly. The lyrics gush with eroticism, though you might not be paying attention during the course of action. Dont worry. You wont have to pay attention to what he says to feel what the song is getting at. Warning: Juice may be involved. Up All Night Hinder Heres the sex, booze and rock n roll track. Maybe you arent lowok- ing for an intimate relationship. Maybe youll do something daddy wont like. Maybe you wont get to sleep before the sun rises the next day. The ultimate post-party hook- up jam. Butterfly Jason Mraz Somehow, Jason makes a raunchy sexual encounter seem so innocent. Love-making is supposed to flow and this song is pure liquid. Hes even nice enough to make breakfast the next morning. Faster Janelle Monae Its all about pace with this one. If at any time one of you are wan- ing, the recurring faster and faster should fix it. Janelle delivers it in a light manner, so as not to push you too hard. End Transmission AFI Though it would be fun, a raptur- ous, late-night car ride like this song depicts isnt recommended. It has a bit of Billy Idol flavor in it to accent the dark yet benevolent theme. The first line hits you with Pull the top down, use your knees to drive. The ride just goes from there. Peacock Katy Perry Katy Perry is not talking about the bird. The innuendos are not subtle at all and Katy Perry doesnt waste any time trying to get what she wants: Are you brave enough to let me see your peacock? Do you really want to let her down? Editedby Clark Goble Myths about sex surround many college campuses EDUcATION Te right song can set the mood for passionate moments By Victoria Pitcher editor@kansan.com Mountain Dew will lower sperm count. If the woman is on top, she cant get pregnant. Shoe size is directly related to penis size. These are just a few of the myths that pollute campuses everywhere. They may seem ridiculous and obviously untrue, but they are still believed by students. What students may not be aware of are the general feelings toward this topic and their fctional parts. Dennis Dailey, professor emeritus of social welfare and sex therapist, sheds some light on a few diferent myths about sex. The following allegations are not as radical; therefore, students are often more susceptible to believing they are true. Dailey recommends that students educate themselves about sex to keep from falling victim to these myths. You hear more about the sexual encoun- ters of others just in one sitting on Wescoe Beach than you want to hear in a life time. It may seem as if everyone around you is having sex, but that is simply not true. A good proportion (of students) are, but its a myth that everyone is having sex,Daily said. A survey done by the American College Health Association in 2009 showed that about 34 per- cent of college students reported no sexual partners within the last 12 months. Not all of your peers are having sex. Many refrain due to personal beliefs. 1 EVERYONE IS HAVINg SEX Its a generalized assumption that men are engaging in sexual activity more often than women. Men tend to show more sexual activity than women, but the gap is narrowing, Dailey said. According to the same sur- vey done by the ACHA, 10.5 percent of men report- ed having four or more sexual partners within the last 12 months compared to 6.1 percent of women. These numbers are not that far apart. Another factor to consider is that women may not be as willing to disclose their actual activity. 2 MEN ARE HAVINg MORE SEX THAN wOMEN You can be dumb as a stump and still get laid,Dailey said. For instance, many students think sex should always produce a female orgasm. This is simply not true. A lot of col- lege students believe that sexual intercourse should result in orgasm for female partners when in fact only 25 to 30 percent of women will have reliable orgasms, Dailey said. Sex and relationships are not as easy as they seem. Falling in love and getting married does not guarantee good relationships or good sex,Dailey said.Knowledge and hard work does. 3 TODAYS cOLLEgE STUDENTS KNOw A LOT AbOUT SEX cOMMENTARY By corey thiBodeaux cthibodeaux@kansan.com TRY THESE CLASSES SOCI 1114 : Human Sexuality HLTH 1248: Personal and Community Health www.bartonline.org Enroll Now at: Online college courses ofered by Barton Community College Having trouble getting your class schedule to work? Dropped a class? Need to add a class? 3 quiet and pet-friendly locations 3BR 2BR 2 BR w/ Study Small Quiet Property West Lawrence Next to Dad Perry Park Pool Access 2 BR 1BR w/ Study SPACIOUS POOL ACCESS WALK TO KU ON KU BUS ROUTE Jkl[`fj (9I )9I :cfj\kfZXdglj )9cfZbj]ifd [fnekfne Gffc8ZZ\jj MXlck\[Z\`c`e^j `ek_\)9I 785 - 842 - 3040 jayhawkinns@sunflower.com ?Xefm\i GcXZ\ VILLAGE SQUARE Stonecrest 14 / SEX ON THE HILL / THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 18, 2010 / THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN / kANSAN.cOM cULTURE Taking the walk of shame BY AMANDA GAGE editor@kansan.com You wake up in a daze and the alcohol from last night is still lin- gering through your body. The sun breaking through the window is blinding. You roll over and allow your eyes to adjust. Then you remember where you are and its not your bed. The guy or girl next to you is definitely passed out and your situation immediately clicks. Yep, like a majority of the partying college population, youve shacked. Suddenly, the fun night you thought you were having blurs into the present and you realize that more than anything, all you want to do is dart especially if you cant remember the name of your snoozing bedmate. You proceed to quietly squirm out of the bed and scramble for your belongings. You look everywhere, even across the room and under the inhabitants dirty clothes to locate everything. Theres no way youre going to leave your stuff. At last, you spot your wallet under the bed and tip-toe out. In dorm rooms or fraternity sleeping dorms, the exit must be navigated swiftly and carefully to avoid crossing paths with another human while your escape plan is in full motion. And finally, the official exit is right there in front of you at the touch of the hand. Whether youre busting out of Corbin or winded from climbing stairs in McCollum, the exit is so relieving. Now, the tricky part is upon you time for the infamous Walk of Shame. You either whip out your phone and proceed to dial half of your phone bookt hoping one of your friends answer or you decide to commit to the trek. Sometimes, if youre lucky, your location of shack- ing is conveniently close to home. If so, you may have dodged some seri- ous humiliation, which would have been grand. But for some reason at least one person always seems to notice and spot you in all of your glory and you curse the day. You pretend not to see them and just keep walking not stopping for anything until you reach the sanctity of your home and warm bed (which sounds heavenly at this specific juncture). Whether safely riding in a generous friends car or walking across campus wondering who the idiots were who decided to build the University on the Rockies of the Midwest, the walk of shame is a struggle. Some obstacles are hard to avoid, and if youre really having a bad day, you could find yourself in a tangle of a situation that results in your worst nightmare. After a fun night out, Grace Dooley, a sophomore from Lawrence, walked out of her shack- ing location at a fraternity and was surprised. When I walked outside a bunch of the pledges were out there clean- ing and they all started clapping, Dooley said. I used my long hair to cover my face while I was walking across the basketball court to my ride so I could hide my identity. Many students have been victims of the uncomfortable and ultimate- ly embarrassing shacking moments that are unforgettable. Luckily, peo- ple are smart these days. Available for purchase is a Walk of Shame Kit that is for sale for $34.99 on walkof- shamekit.com that includes all the essentials a girl that next morning. These are necessities for surviving and beating the ordinary shacking experience. This advanced kit includes: a cot- ton dress, flip flops, a backpack with drawstrings to fit your belongings in, pre-pasted toothbrush, hypo-al- lergenic wipes, a call/dont call leave behind note card and a breast can- cer awareness bracelet. A portion of the proceeds are donated to a breast cancer foundation. So, at least you wont have to feel completely guilty for splurging for this hefty kit. For guys, the walk of shame isnt as mortifying as it is for girls. Because guys are usually wearing a shirt and jeans or maybe a button- up, they dont look as odd walking down the street in the morning from shacking. Some guys even refer to the walk of shame as the stride of pride and probably pro- ceed to run home to tell their room- mates every detail, reveling in their accomplishments from the night before. With shacking, careful precau- tions need to be made so some- thing bad wont happen to you. Kathy Rose-Mockry from the Emily Taylor Womens Resource Center on campus says alcohol blurs peo- ples judgments and they might end up in a situation that they never wanted to be in the next day. People need to be aware of the effect of alcohol and decision making, Rose-Mockry said. It can often result in sexual assault. Theyre going forward and people arent realizing whats happening and thats tragic. Whether its repeated again or left as that embarrassing moment in college, shacking and the walk of shame are phenomenons that con- sistently reoccurs on college cam- puses across the nation. It needs to be dealt with carefully so you dont end up with a situation that you dont want. If youre lucky enough to catch the glimpse of a shacker walking home, dont be too quick to judge because at one point that could have been or probably was you. Edited by TimDwyer Illustration by Kylie Millward/KANSAN Waking up at someone elses house after a hook-up can lead to an embarrssing walk home. How to survive the journey home after a night of shacking OUTRAGEOUS RATE SPECIAL SINGLE ROOM STANDARD ROOM & MEALS $ 839 $ 654 MONTH MONTH EXP 11/30 GOOD-BYE WALK OF SHAME