Jayplay

November 16, 2006

THree TImeS THe FUN

With preparation and planning, anyone can compete in a triathlon. Jayplay shares advice from trainers and student triathlete.

TRY THIS WORKOUT MELISSA JACKSON

these moves take balls a breath of fresh air

POLYSEXUALITY

one couples relationship

13

t o c TABLE OF CONTENTS
Pleaseeasaur and more

CALENDAR

My boyfriends family lives at Lake of the Forest, a private lake community outside of Lawrence. Every Fourth of July, the lake hosts an old-fashioned day of fun, complete with frog-jumping contests, a greased watermelon competition and the tin man race. The tin man is a mini-triathlon. Some crazy people do it themselves, but most people get a team of three together and split up the legs of the race swimming across the lake, biking around the lake and running around the lake. Children as young as 12 compete against 50-year-old men, and the entire lake community cheers on the competitors. My best friend swam, my boyfriend ran, his dad biked, and I cheered them on from the sidelines as loudly as I could. I didnt race because I thought a triathlon even a mini one was more than I could handle. Erika Bentsons feature describes what it takes to compete in a real triathlon. Her tips can help anyone train for a race. The iron man is the longest official triathlon, but the tin man remains the official race of Lake of the Forest. With the advice from page 8, maybe Ill compete in the tin man next year.
Carolyn Tharp, Editor
COVER PHOTOS/RYAN MCGEENEY

note.

swim, bike and run for fun

FEATURE

work out with fitness balls

HEALTH

Melissa Jackson in the underground

PEOPLE

HAWK TOPICS

13
PEOPLE
defining a polysexual relationship
BITE/HEALTH GOOD FOR YOU Erika Bentson Rikki Kite Rachel Parker PEOPLE KNOW EVERYONE Katherine Loeck Frank Tankard OUT HIT THE TOWN Carissa Pedigo Caleb Regan NOTICE TAKE NOTE OF IT Beth Breitenstein Jacky Carter Bart Vandever

8
REVIEWS

news you can use

what we think

14

watch Ask a Gay Man

JAYPLAY SAYS

12
15

On the cover: Allison Kapsner, Minneapolis, Minn., junior, Lindsey Brooks, Chesterfield, Mo., senior, and Dustin Elliot, Olathe senior, participate in the three legs of a triathlon: running, swimming and biking.

JAYPLAYERS
EDITOR QUEEN OF THE CASTLE Carolyn Tharp ASSOCIATE EDITOR PUDDIN POP Becka Cremer CLERK GETS AROUND TOWN Rene Ward DESIGNERS MAKE IT PRETTY Bryan Marvin Kim Wallace PHOTOGRAPHER MCGUYVER STUFF Amanda Sellers Jared Gab Kimberly Westphall CONTACT HELP YOUR LOVE LIFE Lisa Anderson Megan Heffley CREATIVE CONSULTANT KNOWS A LOT Carol Holstead WRITE TO US jayplay06@gmail.com JAYPLAY The University Daily Kansan 111 Stauffer-Flint Hall 1435 Jayhawk Blvd. Lawrence, KS 66045

02 JAYPLAY 11.16.2006

VOLUME 4, ISSUE 13

Ca l e n d a r
THURSDAY
november 16 november 17

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

november 18

SUNDAY

november 19

TUESDAY

november 21

VENUES

where?

International Film Series. Watson Library, 9 a.m. 4 p.m., all ages, free, www.lib.ku.edu.

International Film Series. Watson Library, 9 a.m. 4 p.m., all ages, free, www.lib.ku.edu. Recycling Drop-Off. Memorial Stadium, 9 a.m. 5 p.m., all ages, free, www.recycling.ku.edu. University Theatre: Sister Mary Ignatius Explains It All for You and SantaLand Diaries. Inge Theatre, 7:30 p.m., all ages, $10 students, www.kutheatre.com. University Dance Company. Lied Center, 7:30 p.m., $7 students and seniors, $10 adults.

Tea Time. Kansas Union, 3 p.m., all ages, free. Internship Fair. Burge Union, 4:30 p.m., free.

University Theatre: Sister Mary Ignatius Explains It All for You and SantaLand Diaries. Inge Theatre, 5 p.m., all ages, $10 students, www.kutheatre.com.

Annual Holiday Bazaar. Community Building on 11th and Vermont, 10 a.m. 5 p.m., all ages, free, www.visitlawrence. com. Seussical The Musical. Lawrence Community Theatre, 2:30 p.m., all ages, $18, http:// community.lawrence.com/ CommunityTheatre/. Band Spectacular. Lied Center, 3 p.m., all ages, $5/students, www.arts.ku.edu. Paper Airplanes / Kunek / Long Division. Jackpot Music Hall, 10 p.m., 18+, www. jackpotmusichall.com.

Jazz Poetry Jams: Griouard Weddington, a.k.a. Bonafyde G. The Blue Room, 7 p.m., 21+, $5, www.americanjazzmuseum. org. Lucky Break. VooDoo Lounge at Harrahs Casino, registration begins at 6 p.m., show starts at 7:45 p.m., 21+, free, www. voodookc.com.

Abe & Jakes Landing 8 E. Sixth St. Lawrence (785) 841-5855 Beaumont Club 4050 Pennsylvania St. Kansas City, Mo. (816) 561-2560 The Blue Room 1616 E. 18th St. Kansas City, Mo. (816) 474-2929

Alice in Chains / Moderndayzero. Uptown Theater, 7 p.m., all ages, $36.50, www.uptowntheater.com. Talladega Nights. Woodruff Auditorium, 8 p.m., all ages, $2. Seussical The Musical. Lawrence Community Theatre, 8 p.m., all ages, $19, http:// community.lawrence.com/ CommunityTheatre/.

Lawrence Skatepark Benefit: Video Premiere and Rock Show. Jackpot Music Hall, 10 p.m., 18+, www.jackpotmusichall. com.

Comedy Night. VooDoo Lounge at Harrahs Casino, 5 p.m., $5.

WEDNESDAY
Thanksgiving Break. No classes. University Forum: Everymans University: Haldeman-Julius Publishing and Little Blue Books. ECM center, 12 p.m., all ages, optional lunch $3 students or $5.50 others. Red Line Chemistry / National Fire Theory / Sidewise. Uptown Theater, 7 p.m., all ages, $10, www.uptowntheater.com.

november 22

Ecumenical Christian Ministry Center 1204 Oread Ave. Lawrence (785) 843-4933 The Granada 1020 Massachusetts St. Lawrence (785) 842-1390 Grand Emporium 3832 Main St. Kansas City, Mo. (816) 531-1504 Inge Theatre 1530 Naismith Drive Lawrence (785) 864-3982 Jackpot Music Hall 943 Massachusetts St. Lawrence (785) 843-2846 Lawrence Community Theatre 1501 New Hampshire St. Lawrence (785) 843-7469

Film: Frida. Spencer Museum of Art, 7 p.m., free. University Theatre: Sister Mary Ignatius Explains It All for You and SantaLand Diaries. Inge Theatre, 7:30 p.m., all ages, $10/students, www.kutheatre. com. University Dance Company. Lied Center, 7:30p.m., $7 students and seniors, $10 adults. Talladega Nights. Woodruff Auditorium, 8 p.m., all ages, $2. Old Crow Medicine Show. Liberty Hall, 8 p.m., $20.

MONDAY
British/Early Modern Seminar. Hall Center for Humanities, 3:30 p.m., free. Hallmark Design Symposium: Bruce Branit, CGI visual effects artist. 3140 Wescoe, 6 p.m., all ages, free, www.arts.ku.edu.

november 20

Talladega Nights. Woodruff Auditorium, 8 p.m., all ages, $2.

The New Amsterdams. Granada, 9 p.m., all ages, $8, www.thegranada.com. Messiah Complex / Insignifica / Obsidian Shore / Flak. Grand Emporium, 9 p.m., 18+, www. kcclubs.com/grandemp.cfm. Cosmic Bowling. Jaybowl, 10 p.m., free with KUID. The Marmots / Darlin Maudie. Replay Lounge, 10 p.m., 21+, $2, www.replaylounge.com. Cannibal Corpse / Dying Fetus. Granada, 7 p.m., all ages, $15, www.thegranada.com. Psyclon Nine. Grand Emporium, 8 p.m., all ages, $12, www. kcclubs.com/grandemp.cfm. Wolf Eyes / Raven Strain / Sick Llama / The LWA. Jackpot Music Hall, 10 p.m., 18+, $7, www. jackpotmusichall.com. Red Line Chemistry / Sidewise / Organic M / The Fall Club Wars Winner. Uptown Theater, 8 p.m., $10. Distance to Empty. Grand Emporium, 9 p.m., 18+, www. kcclubs.com/grandemp.cfm. Iggy baby. Jackpot Music Hall, 10 p.m., 18+, $3-$5, www. jackpotmusichall.com.

Lied Center 1600 Stewart Drive Lawrence (785) 864-2787 Replay Lounge 946 Massachusetts St. Lawrence (785) 749-7676 Uptown Theater 3700 Broadway St. Kansas City, Mo. (816) 753-8665 VooDoo Lounge at Harrahs Casino 1 Riverboat Drive Kansas City, Mo. (816) 889-7320

Seussical The Musical. Lawrence Community Theatre, 8 p.m., all ages, $19, http:// community.lawrence.com/ CommunityTheatre/. Cosmic Bowling. Jaybowl, 10 p.m., free with KUID. The Disco Biscuits. Granada, 8 p.m., $16. A Static Lullaby. Bottleneck, 7 p.m., $11. Mad Caddies. Grand Emporium 8 p.m., $12.

Kevin Fowler. Grand Emporium, 8 p.m., 18+, $15. Bret Michaels. VooDoo Lounge at Harrahs Casino, 8 p.m., 21+, $18-28.

Pleaseeasaur / Magic Cyclops. Jackpot Music Hall, 10 p.m., 18+, www.jackpotmusichall.com.

11.16.2006 JAYPLAY 03

DID YOU KNOW...

get reaDY fOr flU seasON

TONIGHT

THURSDAY -$1 draws -no cover for the ladies -18 & over FRIDAY -$1 wells -$2 dbl wells -$2 jager bombs -$2 coors light bottles -band in the pub 10pm SATURDAY -KU/KSU postgame party -$2 domestic bottles -18 & over -FREE ADMISSION WITH NOV. 14, 2006 ticket stub....

Boost your immune system now because cold and flu season is here. Eat well and exercise, but also try Astragalus, an herbal remedy used for thousands of years in China. Astragalus has no known side effects and helps boost the immune system. Its also being studied as a treatment for patients whose

immune systems have been lowered by radiation and chemotherapy. Its available in capsule form at the Community Mercantile, 901 Iowa St., and is currently their staff pick. Source: University of Maryland Medical Center Rikki Kite

LittLe-Known food fact

gObble, gObble
Preliminary estimates indicate that more than 256 million turkeys were raised in the U.S. in 2006. Ninety-five percent of Americans eat turkey at Thanksgiving, totaling more than 45 million turkeys each year, according to the National Turkey Federation. If Butterball is not for you, locally raised turkeys and vegetarian turkeys like Tofurkeys and Unturkeys are available at the Community Mercantile, 901 Iowa St. Sources: www.census.gov, www.eatturkey.com Rikki Kite

ONE EYST K KEGS IGHT L

.99 $58
3020 Iowa St.

Call TODAY to reserve your kegs!

Because other liquor stores dont know JACK!

M-Sat 9am11pm Sun 12pm8pm 04 JAYPLAY 11.16.2006

(785) 856-8088

by Erika Bentson

Get some

balls
PHoTo ILLUSTRATIoNS/RYAN MCGEENEY

health

Use fitness balls to exercise without busting your own

try these exercises the next time yoU work oUt

ToTal-Body PushuP/Pull in
Three sets of 10 Start with shins resting on ball and hands placed on the ground shoulderwidth apart. Go down like youre doing a push up, come back up and bring your knees into your chest, tightening your abs as youre doing it. Roll out your legs and repeat with pushup.

ThREE-sTaGE PushuPs
Three sets of 30, 10 with ball at thighs, at knees, at shins Start by resting your thigh on the ball and placing your hands on the ground about shoulder-width apart. Tighten and hold in abs and push your nose to the ground. Repeat process by resting your knees on the ball and then your shins. You can start with which ever is easiest and work to hardest or vice versa.

If Carey Detrick gets bored when shes in front of the computer, she can always bounce around the room like a child, springing about on a jumping ball. Detrick, a personal trainer at Lawrence Athletic Club, 3201 Mesa Way, after hunching over in front the computer, noticed her spine turning into the shape of the letter C. She improved her posture and got rid of neck pain by replacing her swiveling office chair with a big fitness ball. These balls also known as Swiss, ab, stability and core balls, among other names were designed for abdominal work, Detrick says.Nowadays,though,you can do anything on them. They can replace a bench, and you can add resistance to customize a variety of workouts. Even if you dont like going to the gym, for around $20, you can work out your whole body at home with a fitness ball. Find your core A strong body starts with a strong core. The core is the middle of your body, which goes from the bottom of your rib cage to the top of your hips. The deep, internal muscles of your stomach and back balance the rest of your body during everyday activities and especially during workouts, says Jenny Prohaska, personal trainer at the Student Recreation Fitness Center. You dont usually train core muscles during routine exercises unless youre using a fitness ball or another balance-forcing apparatus like balancing boards or pads. Dayto-day movements dont require a lot of balance, Prohaska says. If core muscles are strong, you can be sure that youre doing other exercises

correctly. Whether youre squatting 300 pounds or just doing sit-ups, your workout is more effective when your core is strong, Prohaska says. Badass asses and abs Fitness balls are commonly used for crunches at the recreation center. Greg Bouzianis, Silver Lake senior, works his abs by doing crunches on a ball about three times a week. This kind of exercise is easier on his back than traditional crunches, he says. To do this simple crunch, position the middle of your back on a fitness ball, letting your shoulders hang off. As you crunch up, blow out air and try to push your belly button through your back, Prohaska says. Think about making your waist as tiny as possible, Prohaska says. Find a point on the ceiling to focus on while you are crunching up, press towards it and try not to bend your spine and curl up, Prohaska says. What works for you You can use your balls to do just about any exercise from crunches to squats, but its important to think of an exercise ball as a workout accessory. Its something that you can add into your workout, like weights or a medicine ball, says David Pfeuffer, athletic trainer at Neu Physical Therapy, 1305 Wakarusa Drive. He also suggests using a ball that is appropriate for your weight and height. Fitness balls come in different sizes, and most balls tell who theyre made for, based on how tall you are. SuperTarget, 3201 Iowa St., sells fitness balls for $12. You want to put yourself in the

Paul shipley, olathe senior, does push-ups while balancing on medicine balls at the student Recreation Center. best position to make the exercise beneficial for your body, Pfeuffer says. Anyone can use a ball, whether youre an experienced weight lifter or just want to tone up. Nate Burns, personal trainer at the recreation center and Topeka junior, uses an exercise ball for different types of training because it keeps his workout flowing. Fitness balls can help tone arms, legs, abs, back and even your butt. If youre trying to make a significant change in your body, you have to do some cardio. You should do at least 35 minutes of cardio most days of the week to actually lose body fat and see a difference, Prohaska says. To get into a workout routine, find a schedule that fits with your lifestyle and exercises that are fun for you to do, Detrick says. Balls out The holidays are around the corner, giving you plenty of opportunities to bulk up from fatty portions of pie and Christmas cookies. If youre looking to keep the wintertime inner tube away from your midsection, start working on your core. Unless youre adding resistance, like a weighted medicine ball or regular dumbbells with an exercise ball, these balls are mainly for tone instead of building muscle, Prohaska says. If you start working now, you can tone your own chiseled abs sooner than spring break.

onE lEG lunGEs

Three sets of 15 Balance yourself by standing next to a wall, or bench. With either leg outstretched behind resting shin on ball, slowly roll the ball behind you, squatting down to a 90-degree angle.

lEGs
Ball squats Three sets of 15 Sit, pushing the ball into the wall, with ball resting on back, near buttocks. With feet shoulder-width apart squat down until your knees form a 90-degree angle.

sidE CRunCh
Three sets of 15 on each side Stand next to wall, resting soles of feet against wall and leaning back on ball. With bottom leg out front, make less than a 90degree angle with your legs touching your feet to the wall. Wrap your arms around the ball to position yourself, resting hips and side of leg on ball. Crunch up, tightening obliques as you pull up.

Get yoUr own ball at these web sites

www.amazon.com www.BigFitness.com www.simplefitnesssolutions.com www.sitincomfort.com www.fogdog.com

11.16.2006 JAYPLAY 05

grad check
Lauren Airey
Year: 2005 Hometown: Overland Park Degrees: Journalism and Political Science

Each year students make the legendary walk through the Campanile, down The Hill and into the real world. Were here to check in on them.

Back in the day: Airey interned with Congressman Dennis Moore in Washington D.C. during her last semester at KU. She was the president of Pi Beta Phi sorority and worked for the Lawrence Journal-World, The University Daily Kansan and the Jayhawker yearbook. The writing and research skills she earned studying journalism have been helpful, she says. Although her political science classes were interesting, they didnt prepare her for real-life situations. Today: As a public policy assistant at the American Farm Bureau Federation, Airey sees the practical side of political science. She works with the executive director of public policy and lobbyists to help projects that are on the table. The FB, a grassroots organization, lobbies on behalf of farming

and ranching families on the issues of estate tax, immigration, international trade negotiations and many others. The FB is a top 25 lobbying group in D.C., Airey says. She also does research for the FB and sends out an informational daily public policy bulletin. She likes the job because it provides a balance between policy and politics, and its always changing. Its fun to see policy theories acted out, Airey says. I really like working for an association instead of a corporation. Lawrence love: The Kansas connection in D.C. is a lot stronger than she expected, she says. When she first moved, KU professors helped connect her to students and older alumni in the area. She will go watch a game at a bar on Capital Hill and there will be other KU fans there, she says. Airey was in Lawrence for Homecoming this year. She likes the urban D.C. area, but she misses being able to walk down Massachusetts Street. She also misses the familiarity of Lawrence, like knowing which

William Sledd, host

of Ask A Gay Man on youtube.com

5?
what is your favorite word?
Fabulous. What kind of gay man would I be without it? Dont Rain On My Parade by Barbra Streisand. This song is so extremely uplifting to me. I can never hear this song without going into a full Broadway production. 1. New York City. No tax on clothing! 2. Washington D.C. I think it would be fun to see all the historic monuments. 3. Jacksonville, Ala. I love the accent. Any European-made car. I will not buy American-made cars. I love gadgets and so do the Germans. So much more gets put into foreign cars. That two fingered whistle. I have no idea how the hell you do it, but its amazing and powerful.

Josh Stucky, Dallas, Texas, senior

sandwich shops are good and where to get good ice cream. For more information about the Political Science Departments Washington D.C. Internship Program, visit www2. ku.edu/~kups/undergraduate/ WashingtonInternships.shtml

Snickerdoodle. It reminds me of the best times of my life sophomore year at 1612 Tennessee. I Believe by Blessed Union of Souls. Its everything thats right in this world: loving something you cant but believing in it anyway.

if you had a personal theme song, what would it be? what three destinations would you visit on a u.s. road trip?

Katherine Loeck

Whether youre singin along, groovin by yourself or just studying in the library, well catch you with the

music that moves you

Listener: Megan Smith, Lenexa junior Tune: a song on a mixed CD by Snow Patrol While pumpin the jams, she was: On the way to an Earthquakes and Natural Disasters test She says: I was studying for a test, so its something I can listen to and enjoy but still concentrate. Theyre kinda mellow.

Listener: Josh Roehr, Kismet senior Tune: Thunder Rolls by Garth Brooks While pumpin the jams, he was: Reading Jayplay before Legal Aspects of Business class in Budig Hall He says: Garth Brooks was my hero back in the day. I just get back to my old roots. Most of the music I like is heavier, hard rock 80s metal. Katherine Loeck

1. Nashville, Tennessee. Ive never drank more alcohol in the shortest time with my best friends. 2. Austin, Texas. Great city. Best state ever. And one night during spring break 2004, 15 Jayhawks took over the city. 3. Alexandria, Minn. A nice, little cozy spot where I can relax and gather my thoughts. Hummer. Cuz I love em. Take that how you will.

if you were a car, what kind would you be? what sound do you love?

I cant really spell it. But its the most annoying sound from Dumb and Dumber. Jacky Carter

ww
06 JAYPLAY 11.16.2006

Girl: I saw Borat over the weekend. Guy: Really? Did you like it? Girl: (Looking disappointed) I wanted to see Borats penis. Guy: (pause) Understandable. Guy 1: Can we still drop this class? Guy 2: I dunno. Guy 1: Man, I really need to get on that. Guy 2: You could stop watching YouTube during class dude.

wescoe wit
Girl 1: I think Im gonna go to sleep in the library somewhere. Girl 2: (Disgusted) Ugh. Girl 1: What? Girl 2: What if that bum guy with the huge beard is sleeping there too? Girl 1: Ill definitely be in the opposite corner. Guy 1: Shell never leave you alone man. I know her type. Guy 2: She took advantage of me again last weekend. There was nothing I could do. Guy 1: (Pause) Id lock my door.

Guy 1: Its a beautiful day out today. We should go play tennis later. Guy 2: I was gonna play Mortal Kombat. Guy 1: Come on, its great out, and I havent played tennis in so long. Guy 2: How about some Mario Tennis? Girl 1: (Acting surprised) What do we have here? Girl 2: What are you talking about? I saw you an hour ago.
Bart Vandever

peopLe

Life in the UndergroUnd

Armed with an uncanny ability to make people smile, Melissa Jackson does what she can to break the monotony in the Underground.
by Frank Tankard
PHOTO/JARED GAB

When theres a lull in the line ring; shes had pink hair but now and Melissa Jackson is in full force is a natural blonde. and shes usually in full force At The Undergroud, the most she waits nervously behind her bustling place on the KU campus register with her hands on her hips, at lunchtime a place full of staring down cards being dont MisUnderstAnd swiped, change the ambling lunchgoers. shes not JUst A hAve being made, She hopes A nice dAy, wArM sMiLe, long lines being theyll pick her stood in and register, the one best-pArt-of-wAking-Up- people, people on the north end is-foLgers-in-yoUr-cUp everywhere of the row in The she has adopted person. shes kind Underground another role: she of weird. food court in makes people Wescoe Hall. smile, even if For Jackson, a steward of only for a few seconds. liveliness in a monotonous Dont misunderstand shes world, a lunchtime transaction is not just a have a nice day, warm a simple and happy thing. smile, best-part-of-waking-up-isHere comes a guy in a red Folgers-in-your-cup person. Shes shirt. He slides his tray onto the kind of weird. Its the sort of stuff counter and she scans his card. that doesnt translate to paper, Have a stupendous day, she but she tells customers things says, finishing the transaction. like Whats on your pizza? I find His face brightens and he that kind of odd, and Six and laughs. Stupendous? three quarters please and Do I Why not? she says. She have to give you a receipt? Shes pumps her fists and looks him in abrasive, in a fun way, she says. the eye. Yeah! Yeah! And people recognize her for He walks off, a smile remaining it. All the time. When she walks on his face for a few seconds through campus or rides the bus before fading away. or on the rare occasions when Melissa Jackson, Beloit junior, she goes out on the weekend, has been many things: a lonely people say, Hey, youre that girl cops kid, a mamas girl, a smallwho told me to have a groovy town girl, a vegetarian. Shes had day. Thats her trademark a lip ring and now wears a nose saying.

Is it enough to make a difference in a sea of sameness? *** Let us turn our attention momentarily to the mathematical study of monotonic function. More specifically, lets look at some statements pulled severely out of context from online encyclopedias and Berkeleys Electrical Engineering and Computer Sciences Web site: A monotonic function is either entirely non-increasing or non-decreasing. A monotonic function preserves the order. A monotonic function never recants. When plotted, a monotonic function can look like this:

Now perhaps you understand what Jackson is up against. A monotonic function never recants. Never. So what does Jackson bring to the fight? Let us look to her past. She didnt really fit in in Beloit, Kansas, her mom, Vicki,

says, because she walked to a beat of a different drum. She was probably the first person in Beloit, a town of fewer than 4,000 people in northcentral Kansas, to dye her hair pink, Vicki says, and probably the first to ask about vegetarian options for the school lunch menu (now she orders her veggie wrap from The Underground with a slice of turkey on top). She didnt go out on the weekends to party with the other kids. Her father was a policeman, and she was labeled a narc. She stayed at home and read Ayn Rand. Her mom was her best friend. In fact, she didnt receive a birthday present from a non-family member until freshman year of college when she received a gift from a friend at Watkins Scholarship Hall. This made her cry. She got good grades and waited tables at a restaurant called Plum Creek, where she started to develop her knack for getting a rise out of customers. She once reconnected her father with his roommate from his football-playing days at Kansas State, whom she got to know in one of her conversations at the restaurant. Maybe its because of spirits and angels, her mom hypothesizes. Shes in tune

with them and these things happen. *** Within the doors of The Underground, where she has worked since it opened her freshman year, Jackson says strange things to people she doesnt now. But outside of those doors, she is a shy girl who keeps her room organized, washes the dishes regularly, doesnt fall behind on her homework and checks up on her roommate. She is a very complex person, says her roommate, Lauren Goger, Newton junior, who also works at The Underground. When plotted, Melissa Jackson might look like this:

Armed with just a few seconds and a cash register, Jackson fights the mundane with what her supervisor, Andrea Michel-Cox, calls the six-second conversation. She studies her customers, noticing when a guy in a navy jacket shows up later than normal to buy his daily doughnut, or

when a girl buys soup instead of Chick-fil-A. She connects with them in small ways. She has regulars, like Brittany Williams, New Orleans freshman, who pick her line every time. Shes my favorite, Williams says. Shes so nice. She starts conversations with you. And every day she connects with countless strangers who trudge through a busy lunch line and, for the first time, run into the weird girl in The Underground. Shes beautiful, Robert Hemmelgarn, Columbia, Mo., senior, said after Jackson told him tohave a groovy day when he went through her line for the first time last week. For a moment, monotony is broken. Is it enough to make a difference in a sea of sameness? Honestly, its just me trying to reach a part of them thats trying to shrug off a bad test or shrug off the bad weather, she says. It seems like everyone is just kind of walking from one place to another and they dont have that human interaction. I think the crutch I rely on is that people will interact out of silliness, to have that interaction for no reason other than just to have it no ulterior motive, no strings attached. Just two people wanting to smile for a minute and say, Hey.

11.16.2006 JAYPLAY 07

Upcoming triathlons
JCC Triathlon February 10, 2007 Jewish Community Center, Chesterfield, Mo. www.trifind.net/triathlons/ missouri/jcc The Big O Half Iron Distance Triathlon, Duathlon and Sprint Triathlon May 6, 2007 Lake Olathe, Olathe www.sportkc.org/events/ TheBigO2007.htm Sedalia Spring into Summer Duathlon June 9, 2007 Cloverdell Park, Sedalia, Mo. www.trifind.net/triathlons/ missouri/sedalia Topeka Tinman Triathlon and Duathlon June 16, 2007 Lake Shawnee, Topeka www.topekatinman.com Midwest Mudder Off Road Triathlon and Duathlon July 15, 2007 Clinton Lake, Lawrence www.midwestmultisportraces. com/mudder Midwest Mayhem Triathlon July 22, 2007 Lone Star Lake, Lawrence www.midwestmultisportraces.com/ multiSport Jackson County Triathlon and Duathlon Aug. 26, 2007 Longview Lake, Lees Summit, Mo. www.jacksoncountytriathlon.com Midwest Meltdown Olympic Distance Triathlon and Duathlon Sept. 9, 2007 Wyandotte County Lake, Kansas City, Kan. www.sportkc.org/events/ MidwestMeltdown07.htm

TRY A
by Erika Bentson

TRIATHLON
completed and liked the feeling of accomplishment. Each year participants run, bike and swim in dozens of triathlons in Kansas alone between February and October. Competitors are men and women, young and old. Last July, Dustin Elliot finished one at Lonestar Lake, 11 miles southwest of Lawrence. The Olathe senior started competing in triathlons in the spring of 2005 because he wanted a personal challenge. Since then, triathlons have become a hobby for him. Everyone has something that gets them going, for some its art or music, he says. But for him, its competing. With winter is approaching, start training to compete in a triathlon now, and get fit for a race in the spring. The little sprint Last summer, Kapsner trained for and competed in a sprint triathlon in Minneapolis., Minn. Dont let the name fool you; you dont have to sprint through the race. A sprint triathlon is the shortest of the four basic types of triathlons. Although distances differ depending on local geography, sprint races include a swim of about 500 yards, which is about 20 laps in a pool. After the swim, participants bike between 11 and 16 miles and finish with a five-kilometer run, which is a little more than three miles. Even these shorter triathlons are endurance events and take anywhere from one to two hours to complete, says Mike Mullane, triathlete and Web site forum administrator of www. beginnertriathlete.com. Thats one to two hours of hard racing, which is tough, he says. Completing a triathlon builds mental toughness. Ive finished six-hour races in 95-degree heat, and when Im having a tough day at work, I can think back to that and use it as inspiration. Of Olympic proportions The step up from sprint is the Olympic or international distance the event raced in the Olympics. The international race includes a 0.9-mile swim (80 laps in a pool), a 24.8 miles on a bike and a 6.2-mile run. These distances are measured differently than other triathlons because they are standard internationally and use the metric system as measurement, says Gale Bernhardt, 2004 United States Olympic triathlon coach. Once you start doing triathlons, its easy to work up, says Danny Hoyt, Omaha junior. He has competed in international distance triathlons the past two summers. He prefers the longer distance because it allows him to get into each leg of the race. After a certain point, Hoyts body loosens up and he feels stronger pacing himself, he says. Half iron, but definitely not half ass A step up from that race, which takes Olympians no less than two hours to finish, is the half iron distance. A 1.2-mile swim (100 laps) is followed by a 56-mile bike and a 13.1-mile run. This race is a personal favorite

swimming, biking and running have never been so much fun.

With the summer sun burning down bike a few times, she recognized it and and her stomach churning itself into rode off in a mist of lake water flinging knots, Allison Kapsner, Minneapolis from other riders wheels. Minn., junior, wondered what the It wasnt until an hour later when hell she had gotten herself into. She she was finishing the 15-mile bike stood in a line, ride that Kapsner single file with her began to feel the burn train with this workoUt from competing in a fellow triathletes wim 20 laps in 25-meter pool, S and waited for triathlon. or 10 in a 50-meter pool, any her turn, hoping She ditched her stroke, taking 45 seconds of rest she wouldnt get bike and started the in between. kicked too much sweaty, 3.2-mile run. ike 30 minutes. B swimming across By then, it was noon, un a minute, walk a minute. R the lake. with no clouds in the Repeat five times. What if I get lost? sky. Kapsner was no radually work up within 12 G What if I cant find longer excited about weeks to swim 500 meters, bike my bike when Im the run she had to for 11 to 15 miles and run 3.1 done swimming? finish. As her noodly miles Should I eat a arms and legs swung Source: Gale Bernhardt, 2004 Powerbar? Maybe I about, she started Olympic triathlon coach should drink some talking to the people water. But will I just on the sidelines to puke it back up? keep her mind off how tired she was. When it was finally her turn, she Mom! I want a cheeseburger, raced to the edge of the lake. As she Kapsner yelled as she passed her dashed into the murky lake water, family. Kapsner knew she was going to be Every minute or so, she would fine. All she had to do was keep going. pass people handing her water or The half-mile swim across the lake Powerbars, but a fear of vomiting wasnt painful, and she finished in 13 made her swish the water around her minutes. To her surprise she smacked mouth and spit it out. Two hours after limbs with her fellow swimmers her run into the lake, she stretched only a few times. Half coughing, half past the finish line and collapsed onto adrenaline-induced giggling, she the grass. By then she had sworn off jogged out of the lake and searched competing in future triathlons or any for her bike. Some bikes had ribbons other strenuous physical activity in or balloons tied to them so they could her near future. be picked out easily from the group. But the next day, when her achy Unfortunately, Kapsner didnt know muscles had loosened up, she felt about this trick. After she passed her proud of the triathlon she had

of Bernhardt, she says, but not for all triathletes. Former college swimmer, Ashley Andreas, St. Louis senior, did a half-iron last year. Her experience was awful because it was so long, she says. Tough up the iron man The longest triathlon is the iron man. The race gets its name from the trademarked race production company called Ironman. During this grueling race, athletes swim for 2.4 miles, bike for 112 miles and finish with a marathon, which is 26.2 miles. People train months just to run a marathon, but these athletes tack on a two-mile swim in rocky ocean waves, and then bike three times the distance from Lawrence to Kansas City and then they finish with a marathon. This race, which you have to qualify for, must be completed in less than 17 hours, Bernhardt says. Usually they begin at 7 a.m., and competitors have until midnight to finish. There are also cutoff times within the race participants have to finish swimming in less than two hours and 20 minutes and finish biking in five-and-a-half hours, then they have until midnight to run to the finish line. Lets get physical Like any physical activity, training and competing in triathlons helps maintain overall body fitness and cardiovascular health, Bernhardt says. When youre just running, or biking, you dont always get a good CONTINUED ON PAGE 10 Dustin Elliot, Olathe senior, exits the water, grabs his helmet and begins biking. Elliot has competed in triathlons since 2005.

Allison Kapsner, Minneapolis, Minn., junior, jogs regularly. Kapsner competed in a triathlon last summer.

08 JAYPLAY 11.16.2006

PHOTO ILLUSTRATIOnS/RyAn MCGEEnEy

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CONTINUED FROM PAGE 9 upper-body workout, but throw swimming into the mix and you balance a full-body workout. Switching exercise regularly minimizes the risk of injury from repetitive movement on joints, Bernhardt says. Its harder to get bored because you get to switch up your workout every day if you want to. You get a chance to get out of the gym and still get a good workout. Elliot, Olathe senior, prefers this because he doesnt like lifting weights, he says. He loves being outside running and biking because it gives him a chance to work out and clear his head. Free your mind If youre a student who gets stressed out, working out helps keep the stress mongers at bay, says Bernhardt, Olympic triathlon coach. Andreas, St. Louis senior, agrees that training helps keep stress from clouding her brain. She started doing triathlons three years ago and just returned this September from triathlon world championships in Switzerland. Swimming competitively was stressful for Andreas, and she used to freak out before races. But because triathlons are longer events, you stretch out the competition and can relax when youre doing it, she says. I like doing races because
pHOTO ILLuSTrATION/rYAN MCgEENEY

Lindsey Brooks, Chesterfield, Mo., senior, swims laps to stay in shape. Swimming is the first event participants complete in during a triathlon.

it gives me something to work out for, Andreas says. I like staying in shape. Its hard during school, but when I have something to work toward, it gives me motivation. When youre stressed out with a project, or just with life in general, its good to know that you can complete something like a triathlon. Even though her half iron triathlon experience was painful, Andreas says that just knowing she can finish something like that helps her through tough times. Choose some chow Even if living with a keg-orator in the kitchen has left you with a less-than perfect

when youRe sTRessed ouT wiTh a pRojecT, oR jusT life in geneRal, iTs good To know ThaT you can compleTe someThing like a TRiaThlon ashley andReas, sT. louis senioR
physique, you can train for a triathlon in less time than you might think. Although Bernhardt recommends taking at least 12 weeks to get ready, Kapsner did her first race with

barely any training. You dont have to be a perfect eater and you can still have dessert when youre training for a race, Andreas says. Eat a balanced diet, sticking to lean protein like chicken, fish, black beans or vegetables, says Colin Thomasset, Shawnee graduate student. Thomasset is in training now. Hoyt tries to eat healthily when hes training because he can tell a difference in his performance. When he eats well, he is able to run longer and faster, without feeling lethargic he says. Before a race, go carb-crazy so you have energy during the race. Stick to foods like pasta and potatoes, which are stocked

with carbs. Andreas drinks lots of water to stay hydrated and usually eats a baked potato and chicken the day before a race. Just do it Although, Kapsners emotions ranged from nervousness and nausea to excitement and exhaustion, the Minneapolis, Minn., junior, has since competed in another triathlon and looks forward to more. She loves the feeling of accomplishing something of that level. So if youre feeling sluggish and need something to strengthen your abs and your pride, try a triathlon. You too can swim, bike and test your limits while youre kicking your own ass.

The Races
Crazy fun Sprint triathlon 500-yard swim, 11 to 16-mile bike, 5kilometer run Just crazy Olympic, or international triathlon 0.9-mile swim, 24.8-mile bike, 6.2-mile run Crazier Half iron 1.2-mile swim, 56-mile bike, 13.1-mile run, or a half-marathon F-ing Insane Iron Man 2.4-mile ocean swim, 112-mile bike, 26.2mile run, equivalent to a marathon. No big deal. Dustin Elliot, Olathe senior, stretches to loosen his muscles before training.

10 JAYPLAY 11.16.2006

BITCH +
Chris Raine
Please send your questions and concerns to bitch@kansan.com

moan

Niloofar Shahmohammadi

I JUST STARTED DATING THIS GIRL. I LIKE HER, BUT IM NOT OPTIMISTIC ABOUT OUR FUTURE. SHE SMOKES POT PRETTY MUCH EVERY DAY, AND I DONT EVER SMOKE ANYTHING. IM JUST NOT SURE THAT OUR LIFESTYLES WILL MESH THAT WELL. WHAT SHOULD I DO? DAN, SOPHOMORE
Chris: It sounds like youre dwelling too much on the negatives of the stoner lifestyle, like the long, pointless conversations, the unprovoked bouts of laughter while watching horrible movies, the constant consumption of the potato chips and taquitos, the inevitable unemployment, the passing out in the middle of a make-out sessions, the chronic lack of basic hygiene, the sudden disappearance of your CDs and the annoying friends who are inexplicably always at your place asking if they can borrow a few bucks. Instead, you should focus on the positives, like um well uh, a lack of short-term memory? Whatever you do, do not fall for the line about marijuana being a good contraceptive, a trick my mother constantly reminds me is the reason for my existence. Niloofar: It sounds like youre a commitment-oriented man, so something temporary might not be your style. Unfortunately, thats all this will probably ever be. If you dont smoke pot, and shes baked every day, there will be mutual frustration. Youll start to see her as lazy and worthless, and shell start to see you as uptight. Shell even start lying about when shes blazed. Fights about the lying will ensue followed by the inevitable break-up. Spare yourself the heartbreak and dump this dope-smoker now before anyone becomes too emotionally invested. Luckily, the pot will probably prevent her from putting up much of a ght or making a scene.

THERE IS THIS REALLY PRETTY GIRL IN MY CLASS WHO I HAVE A CRUSH ON. I WANT TO ASK HER OUT, BUT THE PROBLEM IS, SHES MUSLIM AND WEARS A SCARF ON HER HEAD. IS IT OK FOR ME TO ASK HER? HOW SHOULD I APPROACH THIS? JAKE, SENIOR
Chris: Im not going near this one. Muslim, Christian, Scientologist, FSM, whatever faith your intended prey practices wont make a difference. All youre doing is setting up an exit strategy for yourself when she inevitably shoots you down. With this kind of thinking, you can tell yourself, She was totally digging me, but her religion wouldnt allow it. Just like the last ve girls who shot you down were either too supercial, too much into Sex and the City, too Greek, homeless or really into cats. Not that I blame you for nding excuses for your dating failures; it beats lying awake in bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering how youre ever going to nd a girl who can look past your horric aws and love the real you wait, am I still talking about you? Im going to end this now, its time for my midafternoon sobbing session, and that mirrors not going to yell at itself Niloofar: Of course you can ask her out! But that doesnt guarantee shell say yes. Muslim women wear scarves on their heads for a myriad of reasons, including modesty and to command respect from others, especially men. As long as you approach her in a respectful manner, if shes truly living up to the ideals of the scarf on her head, she will respond to you in a kind and respectful manner too. But be prepared for her to tell you that she cant date, or at least not in the traditional American sense. Or that she will only be with another Muslim. Or that, frankly, shes just not that into you. This is not a lost cause, however, as Im familiar with more than a handful of couples where nonMuslims have courted and even married veiled women. If you want a truly unique relationship and perhaps a quite emotionally intimate and fulfilling experience, you should go for it. If youre just looking to unveil the mystery, or wondering whats under there, then you should probably find a nice nonMuslim girl who will engage in some fantasy role-playing with you.

Karl Denson Trio

novermber 29
The Granada Theater 1020 Massachusetts Street Lawrence, KS 66044

11.16.2006 JAYPLAY 11

RAINE REVIEWS NEWS YOU CAN USE

HAWK TOPICS
embattled secretary of defense donald rumsfeld resigns.
According to leading historians who compile rankings of military leaders, Rumsfeld will be placed just behind General Custer and just before Ghandi.

WAxmAN SET TO PROBE AREAS Of BUSH GOvERNmENT.

Thats a real AP headline, referring to Henry Waxman, D-California. Im hoping that these probes will lead to this headline: Waxman set to clear out Bush administration.

Lock your doors! According to some ads, our streets are about to be overrun by gay Mexican al-Qaida socialist paroled felons coming after our unborn babies!

Democrats take majorities in both the house of representatives anD the senate.

britney spears files for divorce from Kevin federline citing irreconcilable differences.
In related news, K-Fed has canceled several shows on his tour due to Americas irreconcilable indifference.

university of miami football player bryan pata shot and killed in his apartment complex.
In related news, fire is hot. Joke by Chris Schulz, grad student

KU EASILY WINS BASKETBALL OPENER AGAINST NORTHERN ARIZONA.

Did anyone else wonder why a team from Arizona is called the Lumberjacks? Are there even forests in Arizona? Thats almost as stupid as a team in Missouri calling themselves the Tigers.

pamela anderson reportedly has a miscarriage.

After reading in a parenting magazine that playing music for your unborn baby is good, Anderson held a boombox playing Kid Rocks greatest hits next to her belly for hours.

Somewhere, while imagining gay married Mexicans illegally crossing the border to take American jobs, Bill OReillys head just exploded.

meXico city signs laW alloWing gay civil Unions.

Wichita native robert gates is nominated to replace donald rumsfeld as secretary of defense.
Gates was given the job because of his ability to make the best out of a hellish no-win situation, a skill he acquired by growing up in Wichita.

rACIST frAT bOyS Sue borat CreATOrS, ClAImIng THey Were COerCed WITH AlCOHOl And lIeS.
Coerced with alcohol and lies? If it wasnt for coercion via alcohol and lies, frat boys would never reproduce.

THInK yOu HAve A beTTer jOKe? e-mAIl me AT hawktopics@kansan.com.

Chris Raine

12 Jayplay 11.16.2006

on our terms
by Lisa Anderson

PeoPLe
emily Goddard and Claven snow dont need a dictionary to define their relationship.
Bisexual Characterized by a tendency to direct sexual desire toward both sexes (male and female) Heterosexual Characterized by a tendency to direct sexual desire toward the opposite sex Homosexual Characterized by a tendency to direct sexual desire toward another of the same sex Pansexual Exhibiting or implying many forms of sexual expression Polysexual Sexual attraction to more than one sex but not limited to men and women

Emily Goddard, Lawrence sophomore, and Claven Snow, Lawrence resident, have been dating since June.The couple considers themselves polysexual.

PHoToS/JARED GAB

Emily Goddard dated women for years before she met her current boyfriend. I was afraid I was going to lose my queer membership card, the Lawrence sophomore says with a chuckle. After this remark, Goddards smile fades as she gazes out the window and discusses her family and friends who are still trying to understand and accept her somewhat new life. Goddard, now 19, came out as a lesbian to her parents when she was 13 years old. They responded with a positive yet unexpected, We know. She came out to her friends and schoolmates when she was 15, and everyone was pretty supportive, she says. Recently, however, Goddard faced her fathers hesitation and friends confusion when she began dating a man. Loving someone your family doesnt love is difficult, but many queer people go through this, Goddard says. Until recently, when Claven Snow, Lawrence resident, and Goddard began dating, Goddard hadnt faced the

family-versus-lover conflict. The couple met in 2003 at a radical art auction. Although there was an age gap between them Snow was 23 and Goddard was 15 she was attracted to Snow. It was more like a school-girl crush, she says, so she wasnt concerned about her attraction to a man. The pair met again in 2005 and began dating in June of 2006. Snow classifies himself as a female-born man transsexual, meaning that he was born a female but identifies as a male. Goddards family was confused when she began dating Snow because they didnt see the relationship coming, Goddard says. While her mom and Snow built a friendship, her dad took a little more time to adjust. He was comfortable with the idea that I was going to be with women,Goddard says. Its the transsexual part that he didnt understand. Sex is entirely biological but gender is socially constructed, she says. Disappointed with her fathers reaction, Goddard explained this to him, but he was still put off. He

knew the mechanics, but couldnt put himself in that head space of being born one sex but identifying with another, Goddard says. Goddard and Snow describe themselves as polysexual. Polysexuality is not in the dictionary and was not coined by either Goddard or Snow. In fact, they arent sure of its exact origin. The term expands sexual identity beyond the realm of bisexuality sexual attraction to men and women and opens up the conversation for transsexual people, i.e. male-born woman or female-born man. Thats the limitation of bisexuality. You are attracted to men and women, strictly, Goddard says. Polysexuality differs from bisexuality because a person is attracted to more than or different from the male-female dichotomy, Snow says. For example, Goddard, who is female-born woman, has been in a relationship with a female-born woman and now a female-born man but has yet to have a serious attraction to a male-born man. I really support folks making

up their own orientation, William Burleson says of the term polysexual, which he had never heard of. Burleson, a Minnesota STD/HIV prevention educator, activist and writer, understands why many people cannot understand an attraction to many sexes nor identification with different sexes. Part of this twofold way of looking at things is that we live in a very Northern European culture that is binary in its approach to life, Burleson says. Everyones one thing or another: black or white, for us or a terrorist, male or female, he says. Sexuality is high among that and its just not that simple. Because of this binary view of things, Goddard worried about her fathers acceptance and the

acceptance of her peers. The fact that she was a homosexual woman was what she and most of her friends had in common, Goddard was worried that when she started dating a man, even a transsexual man, she was going to lose some of the queer community, she says. People who dont know her and see her walking down the street with Snow view her as heterosexual, but she doesnt think that way, Goddard says. There is some hetero privilege, but I try not to let that take over, she says, grabbing her rainbow flag from her backpack. I think if I started to abandon the queer community and abandon what this means diversity I would lose a big part of who I am.

Queer Differing in some odd way from what is usual or normal (Goddard prefers this term to any other because it often simply means, not heterosexual.) Transsexual A person who strongly identifies with the opposite sex and may seek to live as a member of this sex, especially by undergoing surgery and hormone therapy to obtain the necessary physical appearance All definitions from MerriamWebster Dictionary Online, with the exception of polysexual, which was provided by Claven Snow and Emily Goddard

11.16.2006 JAYPLAY 13

Stranger Than Fiction

MOVIE

Will Ferrell successfully plays a character who is not over-the-top in Stranger Than Fiction. Ferrell plays Harold Crick, an IRS worker so boring that he counts toothbrush strokes and steps to the bus. Harold suddenly starts to hear a voice that seems to narrate his life and which has a much better vocabulary than Harold hmself. Harold soon learns to ignore the voice and even falls for a baker hes auditing (Maggie Gyllenhaal). But when the voice says that Harold is facing

imminent death, he finds that just as he starts to live it up, he may have to give it up. Stranger Than Fiction features a great ensemble cast, including Dustin Hoffman, Emma Thompson and Queen Latifah, but the real star is the premise. This movie has been compared to Adaptation, but Fiction is much lighter and optimistic than anything Kaufman has written. However, its just as enjoyable. In fact, the most refreshing thing about this movie, besides

delivering whats promised by the trailer, is the idea of a cast working together for the good of a film rather than for star status. Its a brilliant and hilarious debut from screenwriter Zach Helm, who brings back theatrical whimsy from days past and gives us pretty much everything we go to the movies for. Rated: PG-13 Running Time: 117 minutes Jared Duncan

The dramatic film Babel focuses on the human connection each of us share across the globe, told through one day in the lives of four groups of people across Japan, Mexico and Morocco. A gray-haired Brad Pitt and stoic looking Cate Blanchett are the films title characters and the supporting cast of unknowns easily matches their talent. Pitt and Blanchett play a married couple going through a rocky patch in a marriage filled with misunderstandings. Both travel to Morocco to try and clear their heads from a family crisis, and after a violent accident occurs, each must deal with their inner demons. The second narrative deals with the couples Mexican maid and their two young children, as they all cross the Mexican border for a wedding. What later ensues changes everything for the woman and throws the children in the middle of a culture clash. The third narrative follows a Moroccan family as two young sons practice shooting a rifle with dire consequences for their family. The aftermath of their petty rivalry displays the incompetence of government relations and the empathy that unites people. The final narrative is about a Japanese teen with deafness, who must deal with the death of her mother, while living in a silent world. Such diverse characters and cultures

Babel

MOVIE

captured vividly are refreshing to see. The film beautifully shows the humanity and fragility in all of us and the mistakes that we must pay for. Despite dragging a bit in places, this is a violent but empathetic portrayal of the human condition with excellent performances throughout. Rated: R Running Time: 140 minutes Sarah Tucker

All rAtings Are out of A possible five stArs.

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Science of Sleep
MovIe

Knives Dont Have Your Back

MUSIC
Knives Dont Have Your Back is the latest album from Metric frontwoman Emily Haines. Leaving behind the new-wave sound shes made popular with Metric, Haines opts for a more piano-heavy sound backed occasionally by a few musicians known collectively as The Soft Skeleton. Four years in the making, Knives Dont Have Your Back has some good moments and some not so good moments. The high points include The Lottery in which Haines sings, Its impossible. Like girls in stilettos, like girls in stilettos, like girls in stilettos trying to run. Nothing & Nowhere features some inventive piano playing and a nice vocal melody. The album closes beautifully with Winning as Haines soft voice lulls listeners into a peaceful state. A lack of variety hurts Knives Dont Have Your Back. Eleven tracks of piano with occasional additional instrumentation can bore any listener after awhile. Haines does a good job writing some unique piano parts, but cant hide the fact that a little variety couldve greatly improved the album. This album doesnt quite live up to the albums Haines has released with Metric, but it proves that Haines is a versatile songwriter who deserves some attention.

Emily Haines

The Science of Sleep is an uneven but visually stunning film, created by the writer/director of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Keeping with the same whimsy and narrative distortion of Sunshine, Sleep tells the story of a young man named Stephan who cannot distinguish his dreams from reality. His love interest and neighbor, Stephanie, shares his strange delight in the paranormal. Stephans coworkers provide the wit and laughs in many of the films surreal circumstances. The scenes where one co-worker tries to speak English are hysterical. Overall, the film is creative and funny but due to Stephans childish nature and

Stephanies distrust of him, their coupling is hard to root for. While Stephan is a sympathetic character, his overall lack of social courtesy and inappropriate comments make him unappealing. Even with an enthusiastic performance from Gael Garcia Bernal, the film lacks focus and the numerous dream sequences hinder the plot, despite their creativity. Visually, The Science of Sleep is a masterpiece but narratively, its a mess.

Running time: 120 minutes Sarah Tucker

Chris Brower

ALL rAtingS Are out of A PoSSibLe five StArS.

JAYPLAY SAYS
WATCH Ask A GAy MAn
Dont know what to wear this season? Search for William Sledd on youtube.com. Sledd hosts Ask a Gay Man and gives tips about fashion, hair and style. He includes trend alerts, an item of the week and discusses everything from new products to his hatred of overalls. Viewers can e-mail Sledd, and hell answer their questions on his next show. Sledds qualifications? He has worked in retail for almost six years and is a self-proclaimed whore for product knowledge. Bonus: Pink cupcakes for Breast Cancer Awareness month whats more fun than that? Sledd hosted a special baking edition on October.
Carolyn Tharp

ReAD GUIDE TO GETTInG IT On

Whether youre jumping in the sack or wondering what its like, Paul Joannidess Guide to Getting It On has useful information. Complete with lots of pictures, this is the bible of all sex books. With chapters like Whats Inside a Girl?,Barbie the Icon and Techno Breasts & Weenie Angst,the book covers everything from anatomy to how to perform oral sex. Joannides describes graphically yet tastefully, and chapters include comments from readers of all ages, including 18 and 65. Bonus: The book includes a 51-page Glossary of Sexual Slang in Popular & Unpopular Culture. Did you know that a Circle Jerk(s) refers either to guys masturbating together or to a semi-notorious punk band from the 80s?
Carolyn Tharp

11.16.2006 JAYPLAY 15