Alvin Nella Proposal Argument 10/18/12 ADVICE As a member of the study body of DePaul University, it was brought to my attention

that students wanted more funding towards advising. They wanted guidance throughout the path they are taking to complete their years at DePaul. It is understandable for a student to know how they should pave their path, but some students dont know what to do. Students are struggling to complete their credits on time to graduate, and to be eligible to acquire their degree. I believe the cause for this is because of poor advising for students, and not enough advising throughout their years at DePaul. The moment registration begins; students are rushing to their computers trying to figure out what class they need to add for their next quarter. Its times like this where students should be informed and ready to choose classes instead of blindly choosing them. Stress and confusion are the top emotions when it comes to registration, and that should be changed. Students should be able to find a gradual path towards success with the help of their advisors to what they should be doing. To solve this problem Ive come up with a plan that should be able to engage students and the university in a program that will increase confidence and trust in each other. DePaul should hire more advisors and have mandatory meetings with all DePaul students each quarter to figure out registration confusion and other advisory issues. I believe this plan will work accordingly if the Office for Academic Advising Support (OAAS) and the Student Government Association (SGA) work together to help their student body. This one act can change the graduation rate of DePaul, and the success of DePaul students will exceed many other college graduates. Students will be able to achieve so much more with the guidance and advice from advisors within their path to success.
Comment [i3]: Good work providing a concrete plan Comment [i2]: This paragraph is a little lengthy Comment [i1]: Great! You appeal to your ethos from the onset.

The SGA and the OAAS can work together to create a better advising atmosphere at DePaul University. They can figure out plans in order to cut down the expenses of certain upgrades within both campuses and use that money to hire more advisors. A couple days ago, I was surprised to find flat screen televisions outside of many classrooms. I do not think these types of upgrades are necessary, and they should be using this money to fund a greater number of advisors because DePaul has such a big student body. These types of upgrading should not be used through our tuition for attending DePaul. Although many may think that hiring more advisors is just another unnecessary upgrade, I believe it will help the student body from freshman year through graduation. Another way DePaul can cut down on expenses is by lowering the tuition rate. A lot of students can benefit by the decrease of tuition payment, and it will be going to a better cause for helping students stay on track. The more advisors DePaul can hire for their advising program, the more time students have to meet with their advisors and talk about issues or simply their plan at DePaul. After hiring more advisors, the requirement for consulting with an advisor should be mandatory for each quarter at DePaul. Many people will say that these are college students, and they should be taking initiative by themselves. DePaulians are definitely college students, but every college student needs to be guided throughout their life in order to reach success. Mandatory advising allows each student to take some time once every quarter to acknowledge what they have done, and what they need to be doing or how. This will lead to better preparation and understanding for students of what needs to be fulfilled throughout their years at DePaul. Relieving stress for the student body is one of the effects of encouraging the mandatory meetings. Students will know what classes to choose when registration rolls around, and they only have a few minutes before their classes fill up. I have experienced the tragic event of having
Comment [i6]: Good Comment [i5]: Im not sure I follow this argument Decreasing tuition means less money for depaul which means more expenses, doesnt it? Comment [i4]: Good job bringing up a counterargument

the classes that I wanted to fill up, and a lot of my peers have said they did not know which classes to choose on registration day and it was very stressful for them. I have conducted a study within 50 members of the DePaul student body of various ages, and over half of the students told me we should hire more advisors and meet with them every quarter. Some of them told me, We definitely should because itll decrease the confusion once registration comes around. Others said, Some students simply dont know what they should be doing in order to earn their degree. I also believe that through these mandatory meetings, a higher number of DePaul students will graduate with their degrees in hand with jobs lined up for them. I believe this is so because through guidance and intuition, the student body will be able to become successful members of society. Studies have shown that students with better advising and understanding of their university will have a much higher graduation rate than those who have little to no advising help. With mandatory meetings with advisors, students will be able to speak to their advisors about any matter they want. Whether it is about the types of classes that are offered at DePaul, or even help with personal or professional development, students will have a sense of belonging to the University and have more confidence that their tuition payment is going in to good use. In conclusion, by hiring advisors and having mandatory meetings for students each quarter will increase their confidence and understanding of the University on how to successfully graduate. By cutting down expenses DePaul should be able to hire more advisors for the large student body. Rather than increasing the dropout rate, decreasing the amount of unnecessary upgrades and student tuition should be enacted. This will ultimately result in the effects of students being well prepared with registration and they will have the guidance on how to survive DePaul as a successful student. Through this proposal, I hope that one day I can see DePaul put their students in a better path towards success.

Comment [i7]: Good, this makes you sound more credible

Comment [i8]: We know you believe all of this, which is why saying so might not be necessary.

Comment [i9]: What studies? Any study will need to be cited consider including a quote from a study to strengthen the claim. Otherwise your readers wont know whether to believe you or not. Comment [i10]: This study can be very strong supporting evidence

Comment [i11]: We know this is your conclusion by the very fact that it is the last paragraph in your essay

Alvin, this is on its way to a very strong Proposal Argument. You have included references to evidences (studies, surveys) and would simply need to details these to strengthen your readers confidence in you. Your paragraphs get to be quite lengthy at times; consider mapping out the central idea or main point of each paragraph. If youve included multiple topics within one paragraph, try to split or shift things around. Also, you mention the OAAS in the beginning but do not come back to it at all. Perhaps you can introduce SGA to the organizations goals so that they know why you would want the organization involved, and tie in how it might be able to help with any of the ideas you propose in the body paragraphs. [ ] Let me know if you need any clarifications! Best, Sumbul