2

The Avenues of Rain

Mick OShanty 2013

Contents
1 Ray gets a job 2 Jack gets a job 3 The boys go to the country 4 Manzanita 5 Some road trip 6 The Shit Rock 7 Risky Business 8 Fresh Air 9 Jobs Jobs Jobs 10 About a Couch 11 A Night Piece 12 The Bad And The Cactus 13 Grog and Ma Wang 14 A Place to Call Home 3 5 9 13 17 21 27 31 33 37 39 41 45 47 51

4 15 Riding 16 Sup 17 Ma Wang (Again) 18 Ashes 19 Ma Wang (Continued) 20 Favorite Sport 21 Fun Atop Boom Boom Mountain 22 Petey Boy 23 Sup pt. 2 24 Nose Poke 25 Hello, Cat 26 Sisters 27 Baby, I know 28 Tin Angel 29 Ceiling Wax 30 The Lost

CONTENTS 53 55 57 61 63 67 69 71 75 77 81 85 89 91 95 97

Chapter 1

Ray gets a job

2009 Classes dismissed in the summer and they graduated. Jack and Ray sat by Drumheller Fountain and surveyed the empty campus. Summer school hadnt started yet, and the cool night was young and soft. Well, what are you going to do now? Get a job, I guess. I have a friend who has a bike shop down in Portland. What a waste. Youre the best damn writer I know. At least Ill have some money. What about you, did you get into MIT? Nah, too many damn Indians. Im more interested in starting my own company anyways. Steve Jobs did it Steve Jobs died of cancer Jenny and Jim walked by. It was getting dark. Jack calls them over. Hey guys! Hey hows it going? Alright, Jim and I were just thinking how much were going to miss this place. Yeah me too, I guess. 5

6 What are you guys up to?

CHAPTER 1. RAY GETS A JOB

Talking about death. You know, an english major and a computer guy walk to a bar. And die. Ha, classico. You gonna keep writing, Ray? No, I have to get a job. Lame. Well, yeah. Its cold. Yeah. Lets all go and get a drink. You guys down? Yeah. 2012 I got a job! And I got a hangover. Mazel Tov. Jack is lying on the sofa in the bropartment. Ray pops open a nice cold PBR and looks out onto SE Hawthorn. Autumn in Portland. Or Winter. It was August 7th. Rain. What is it this time? Part time janitor? Worse. Seems so. Remember that time you were selling free-trade marijuana to those Reedies? Classico. Im going to euthanize horses. Thats cool dude. Wait what? No you dingus. Thats gross. Like way gross. Dont you have morals or anything? Hey, I have to pay the rent here. What the hell dude. You just masturbate and go on reddit. Its called coding. And I have an awesome idea for a startup. Itll be awe-

7 some. What is it? Ill tell you later. I just know that itll be cooler than killing horses. You suck dude. The bike down to Milwaukee is a great ride. All the quant little houses with the little yards pass by. Ray loved to let his mind wander through the soft scent of blackberry and lavender. For him nothing was better than the smell of a dusty road after a light shower. As the rows of poplars perfect in their military salute glided by, his thoughts would abstract and then spontaneously come together in lovely verse. Like a heartbeat, his imagination pulsed. And he would want nothing more than to sit by the rs and oaks and wholly engage himself in nothing. By the time he got to SE Oak Grove, he was exhausted. Yet, he loved that xie. Ray wasnt the type to own a xie just to say it. He just liked that bike. Something about the rusty orange reminded him of the New York gates of his youth. A romantic notion captivated him. His bike was his torii and he was a great Yamabushi perched in silent contemplation of the world around him. But he wasnt. At least not today. Whatever mood he was in before coming to Mr Johns farm was darkened by the shadow of his conscience. William John was a tall slender man in his early nineties. The living image of health. He owned several horses and made a small name for himself in the Seventies for being the breeder of Secretariats damsire. He loved horses. Loved their shining manes and compassionate eyes. Loved their smell. Thing was, this morning some punks were playing with reworks by the apple orchid down the lane and set one o. It spooked the horse so bad that she jumped the fence and fell into a ravine. The horse was so banged up that she had to be put down. It was the right thing to do, but the vet was vacationing in Indonesia and John couldnt bring himself to do it. Luckily he had met Ray at the Calligraphy Convention that summer, and Ray told him that hed be happy to help around the farm if there was work available. So John called.

CHAPTER 1. RAY GETS A JOB Four hundred to put down and bury a horse is enough to pay the rent

for this month and it wasnt like jobs were just appearing wily-nilly so Ray hurried down. Ray Burne, vegetarian never-held-a-gun-in-his-life Ray, was going to shoot a horse in the forehead. Hi, Ray. Hurry. Shes in pain. Ok, what do I do? Take this gun and aim it perpendicular to the intersection of the lines from the right ear to left eye and from the left ear to the right eye. Ah. math. Here she is. Hurry. The horse lay in a dusty trench next to the road half in shock and half crying in pain. As he put the gun to the horses head he made sure not to look in her eyes. And he hesitated. He could feel her warmth. John understood but probably wondered why he hired a college kid to do a mans job. But whatever normative ethics was glazing over Rays eyes soon gave way to a righteous storm of will-power and he pulled the trigger. The horse gently fell into the ditch where it lay until they got the old Ford and dragged poor Hektor to the middle of the farm. It took six hours for Ray to dig that grave, each movement of dirt a contemplation of an evil that did not seem all that bad nor that dicult.

Chapter 2

Jack gets a job

Jack didnt have much, but he had something. Youth that abounds is youth that abides. Many days his sharp grey eyes would stare intently at the dusty ceiling fan that was never used. Anyone who looked into those eyes knew that they were looking into potential, though no one has yet to gure out what that potential was for. He was bright, he thought. Maybe living with Ray for a few years after college dulled the old brain, but he was still bright. And like a lighthouse, he wanted to shine for no purpose other than to look cool. Hey dude, I paid for rent. Utilities is on you. Its 65 this month. Cool. Youre the worst. No really, I got it, dude. Last I checked, youre broke Not true, jerk-face. I just got hired. At a job. Full-time. Bullshit. It was bullshit. Nah, dude. Grassroots organizer for the gays. Eat it. I got the same ad for that in the mail. We share mail. 9

10

CHAPTER 2. JACK GETS A JOB

Well, I called. And I got the job. 2200 a month. Mah ball sack. Jack gestured at his crotch. Defeated, Ray went to the fridge and opened some tofu. Veggie tofu stir-fry was for dinner. Jack wasnt a vegetarian, but he was ne with tofu. He believed that tofu was cool for being itself. Tempeh and seitan try too hard to have a meat-like texture and like a cabbage comparing itself to a steak, obviously fails. Tofus just tofu. Its the only element in a set that only consists of tofu, as his computer-science mind would have him think. Anyways, dinner was descent. As it turned out, that degree from the Dub really paid o and the job was not dicult for Jack to get. This moment of bad-ass-ness was shortlived however as Jack found out that gays really are more organized than straights and that he was really not organized at all, nor good at organizing things in general. Dismayed at the harsh realities of assembling an adorable rainbow army in Portland which is not a hard thing to do at all when you think about it he quit and sought to earn those 65 dollars the right way. Jack was a naturally ethical person. Perhaps if doing the wrong thing worked out more often than not, he might have been persuaded, but a long string of mishaps involving bananas, a truancy ocer, and a midget during his high-school days established in him a deep sense of principles. To be perfectly honest, he was a little bugged at Ray for killing that horse. But not nearly as bugged as when he met her. Powells books. You will never nd a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. And tourists. Summer sucks. Not only is it too hot, but dierent people from dierent places come and converge on the only place you can nd a second edition version of one of Kants treatise on ethics. And you only need one because they all say the same thing. Act only according to that maxim whereby you can, at the same time have a free hand to smack Fifty Shades of Grey out of the grasp of that guy over there. He couldve as easily ordered that book o of Amazon. But Powells is for pretension. And for Penelope. What a dumb name. Jack didnt notice it until he wrote it down with her number. Cute. Petit. Beautiful brown hair. And a face that is classico but not outstanding. Just his type. Jack hated his type. Deep

11 down, it wouldnt be hard to see him secretly wanting a strong independent black woman with a big fat booty that didnt take no shit from nobody. But nope, Jack was a Penelope type of guy and Penelope just happened to be right there. Oh youre a fan of Yeats, too? No.

12

CHAPTER 2. JACK GETS A JOB

Chapter 3

The boys go to the country

1998 The car ride to Daniels farm was one of their favorite adventures. Miles of winding roads dividing the golden elds and apple orchards and passing through random old growths where the crepuscular rays burnt through the darkness and suddenly exploded back into the open elds. When they got to the farm they would say hello to their uncle and have some lunch on the old brown porch next to the wheel that was bought from Pottery Barn that leaned against the old spittoon. Rays dad would bring out the KFC and uncle Dan would tell them stories about moving to the country. And how it used to be so remote and beautiful. No farms no people. Most of it was gone now, but hed tell the boys of the path to Clams Creek. A few miles hike from the house was the crossroads where Lincoln road diverged from Main street. Blackberries were overgrown over the dusty cobblestone arching over a small gate. Jack and Ray pushed their way through the hedges and shrubbery and soon they were in the woods. Tall red cedars and doug rs blocked out the summer sun, but it was still warm and Jack was getting tired. Hey! Slow down, dingus! Youre a vagina, Jack. 13

14

CHAPTER 3. THE BOYS GO TO THE COUNTRY

Stop douchin me, holmes. Ray arrived at the eld where the high grasses grew tall and ran headlong into the gold. Soon he arrived at Clams Creek. The water was cool and there were dogs barking in the distance. The creek didnt have any clams, but it was in the middle of nowhere and it might as well have. No one but Ray was there to see it. Hey, Jack! Yo, Jack! Jaaaaaaaack! Maybe Jack went home. He was kind of a wimp. But he was right behind for awhile. Or something. Whateves. Its nice out. Ray put his feet in the water and went for a swim. There were crickets and dragonies to capture his attention and soon it was evening and Ray had oated a good ways downstream. The creek was getting cold now and Ray had pretty much given up remembering where he left his shirt. Jack still wasnt around. Maybe he fell down a ravine. Maybe he died. Ha. Classic Jack, being a peen. But it was almost dusk and Ray was a little worried. He took a piss on a tree and set out back home. Just follow the water-tower and youll be there in an hour. Ray passed through the browning greens that itched and tickled his bare legs and soon got to the forest. Shadows played and frolicked under the weening light and the trees seemed to move. A rabbit hopped and a couple of crows crowed and in the darkness of the tress Ray saw something move. Jack! Ray followed the darkness through the winding rs and hemlock and the light continued to recede. As night was about to fall, it occurred to Ray that deer also move like Jack. And that deer dont speak. But now he was lost. And cold. There were steps approaching. But as Ray discerned the outline

15 of his friend the blackness descended and Ray woke up the next day in the leaves with a broken nose.

16

CHAPTER 3. THE BOYS GO TO THE COUNTRY

Chapter 4

Manzanita
Its a pretty weird feeling waking up on a beach after falling o a small yet substantial cli. Well, at least it was sunny as Jack rose from the sand dune where he had probably been for the last couple of hours. Ah, Manzanita Oregon, the beach. And the ennui, Jack looked at the kites of Manzanita and saw his hopes and dreams, tethered to the earth by idiots. The car was still broken, Ray was getting it xed and it seemed that the wind was a calling him go windsurng. But he didnt. As Jack walked through the tall grasses he thought of his childhood out on the coast and the headache that was smacking him upside the head. If a man is bored long enough, he will believe himself unlucky. And being unlucky sucks. It must have started as a kid. Jack remembered a time way back when when his parents would bring him to the beach house on the weekends and the neighbor kids would invite him to play. Hey, you want to play some football? No. Come on! We just need one more player! Nope. Aw, you suck. Yeah, what a loser. gheeeeeeeeeey! 17

18 What a pussy!

CHAPTER 4. MANZANITA

Jack watched the other boys play football on the beach and then walked underneath the rowboats that were neatly stacked up on a wooden structure. He took out his book of poems and would read as the waves crashed and roared on the rocky shore. He was reading but mostly waiting. But you can wait forever, and what youre waiting for can always be a moment away. Jack had his moments. But he was still alone. Hey, whatcha doing? All the boys are playing down the boardwalk. Huh? Hey, you deaf or something? Go away. Youre not very nice. And youre not very pretty. Hey! Lucy grabbed Jacks book and ran. They ran down the beach, past the middle income houses and yellow shrubbery that lined the grey haze. Jack caught up, but before he could grab his book, Lucy through it into the ocean. Classic. What the hell! I see you reading that book all the time, you probably have it memorized by now. You asshole! What, you nally get some attention and youre going to cry about losing a book! I dont want attention! And Im not crying! I want to be alone! Oh come on, I didnt mean to hurt your feelings. Ill buy you another book if you want. No, its ne. What kind of book was it?

19 The poems of William Blake. Oh, my daddy used to read me those poems! Tiger Tiger burning bright. Yeah, well everyone knows that poem. So sung a little clod of clay, you poor trodden thing. Youre the mean one. Well, I am sorry about the book, I dont know what I was thinking. Whats your name? Im Lucy. My names Jack. Youre pretty weird, Jack. Why dont you play with the other kids? I dont like people. Lucy and Jack would meet every weekend for the rest of the summer and talked like old people talked. Blah blah blah complain complain complain. And it was nice. They would write each other poems and once they even kissed, but they thought it was weird. Its strange being thirteen. Hormones and boredom. Jack could feel each week blending into another. School, beach, Lucy. It itched and Jack was angry. Hey Jack. Hey Lucy. Want to get some lunch? Fine.

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CHAPTER 4. MANZANITA

Chapter 5

Some road trip

Fifteen hundred dollars. Fuck that shit. Well, Ray could see that theyd be chilling in Manzanita for awhile. What the hell was a tire doing chilling in the middle of 101. Well, most road trips have to end somewhere. At least they werent nowhere. It was a weird trip. It started with another odd job, Ray was going to go pick up twenty small trees in the priusmoble from Berkeley, when Jack was like ROADTRIP! So they decided to go to the redwoods. Jebediah Smith State Park, on the border, no big deal. But who did they run into at Fire on the Mountain, but Jenny and Jim. They were still in the weird post-divorce, still-friends, and too-broke to move out phase. Thats not a real things which is why it was so weird, but Ray and Jack thought it would be better than a one-on-one bro fest in a prius, so the adventure went. Sometimes fate just likes to take a shit on your face, it was raining cats and buckets on the way down. So the plan was to keep driving south until there was sun. Californias a big ass state, theres going to be sun somewhere. It was 3 in the morning when they pulled into the the prairie state park and it was way too rainy to set up camp, so the four of them pulled down the seats and crammed into the back of the prius. It was steamy. But not in a good way. It was too hot so the door was opened and then it was too cold. Classic road trip. Whateves. In the morning, there were big ass trees. 21

22

CHAPTER 5. SOME ROAD TRIP

Lets go botanize! WHOOOOO! Trees! Bio majors are the most fun. Mostly because they just get drunk and look at nature. Bitches love my P-value! Smaller than point O-ve! Beeeeeeer! Hairy women delight me! Ew. Treeeees! Jenny was actually a successful person after college. Having gotten a degree in biochemistry from the Dub, she when on to work for Monsanto and was doing research out in Portland to develop genetically engineered poplars to have a greater biomass as a fuel alternative. Man, what a tree! Whole genome sequenced, hearty, great for fuel. She loved poplars. Unfortunately for Jim, there comes a time in every botanists life when they realize that they like plants more than people and sometimes even more than their husband. But thats life. And Jim was lucky to have such a great wife and friend for those years. Jim was the Huskys starting punter and a real nice guy. Didnt make the pros but that was okay. Didnt develop skills to get employed after college and that was still okay but less okay. You couldnt say he didnt make a great barista. But god was he late. If he didnt have such beautiful hair, well rst Jenny would not have married him, but he would never have been hired for anything. But damn if that hair didnt look good. It would glow golden in the sunny rays as they walked through the mist and dew of the redwoods. They kept driving down through 101 and down the Avenue of the Giants. And there they found the magic forest, or the Enoch Percy French Grove.

23 Damn that roadside farmer was cool. Ive never had a lemon cucumber before. It looks like a lemon but tastes like a cucumber! He was pretty damn American! Classic blue collar. Just like me! I thought blue collar people work hard. Youre a lazy shit, Jack. Woah look at this place! The grand coastal redwoods rose high among a green sea of oxalis. As the sun broke through the canopy, the mazes that wound through the cloverlike leaves could easily have linked the forests to the other world of fairies and spirits. Huge uprooted teepees and rabbit holes reminded the crew why they stayed on the west coast. It was even like seventy degrees out. Ray took a nap under a really big hanging vine. Jim thought is was good idea to climb one of the trees and fell and banged up his arm. But it was all good. By the time they were back on 101, the vibe had completely changed. Its like the old saying goes, if you can outrun the rain, you can outrun your problems, whatever they may be. Soon, it was like well lets just go to In-N-Out, hey thats already in Santa Rosa, why not just just go to San Francisco? And blam! The Golden Gate Bridge beaconed the priusmobile with sun and tolled them six dollars. Its incredible what a happening place the city is. And what incredibly bad music is around, ensnaring unknowing victims with the allure of free music. Most people see folk-singers because they have hilarious stories that accompany their songs. Like one time there was this guy in France and he gave a homeless person a pear, but she happened to be a magic gypsy and the guy was on 2C-B and the gypsy danced with him to the songs of butteries. The punch line is that he got robbed. But anyways, they went to some cafe and the people there sucked. One was okay. She was this funny Catholic lesbian who played bass and violently hip-thrust through her song about having sex with a girl when her sister and mom were out shopping. But the guy with the hat blew. He had the shittiest lyrics. One was about how shoes do not make you cool, which would have been cute if

24

CHAPTER 5. SOME ROAD TRIP

he didnt take the lyrics so seriously. Like, it really means, man. Just think about it. The gang did think about it and left. They went downtown to the Yerba Beuno district where there was a super neat arts festival going on. Oh dude this place is crazy! Oh man, that chick is playing a giant harp! Damn it. I stepped in poop. Do you think itd be cool if I washed my shoe in that fountain over there? Yeah dude, for sure. Theres a band thats called String Theory and they have the coolest instruments. They set a giant harp that makes sound through the vibrations caused by a glove covered in resin squeezing a metal rod. They even let the kids play with it after the set. But that was just the start of the night, a huge parade swooped down and there was Brazil. Those girls were attractive and not wearing much clothes. Even Jenny was a little aroused. Classic San Francisco making people gay since 1849. Dat ass. Well, the night was closing and they drove to Berkeley. Telegraph? More like Homelessgraph! Top Dog was closed, but Blondies was still open and they got some pizza. I need to see your ticket before you get the pizza. Woah, sorry man! They sure are strict here. Well they have to be with all the homeless people around. Speaking of homeless, where are we staying tonight? Theres a park up the hill from here that we can pitch a tent at. Why not just do it on campus? We can get some cardboard and write Occupy Financial Aid or some dumb shit like that. Speaking of Occupy, theres an interesting article on the wall over here. Like the FBI planted some peeps within a group and coaxed them into almost blowing up a bridge. Thats so fucked up. Nah dude, I think thats okay. You have to nd the radicals in the system

25 before they cause harm. Well, they probably wouldnt have blown up the bridge if they werent pressured. Well, thats what Im saying, we cant have people out there who will wantonly blow up bridges. There are some things that are right and some that are wrong. Im being kind of deontological with my ethics here, but you cant do certain things. Like murder, or bridge destruction, or other stu. That makes sense, Jack, but its like the famous question, if a murderer comes up to your house and asks if your wife is home, do you lie even though lying is wrong ? Well, I dont believe that lying is wrong. Its not murder. Damn, this pizza is mighty ne! They camped out on the cli, overlooking a sea of fog and lights, and nervously near idiots racing around the bend with their sports cars. The morning came and they drove back with some granola and some corn nuts. First though, the stopped by UC Berkeley and saw two brothers play the piano virtuosically and read Keats in a silly manner. They picked up twenty poplars for the forestry college at OSU and drove up to Corvallis. It was uncomfortable for everyone but Ray as he was driving. Although not being able to see your back or left mirror is a little bit uncomfortable it would seem. Once the trees were delivered and long words exchanged by Jenny about the loveliness of the cycads in the greenhouse and the interesting biodiversity of cyanobacteria in the roots that was recently discovered by a certain Michael Song of Reed College. Man, plants. Well being unemployed, they had nothing to do so they decided to go to the Oregon coast. Then they hit the tire. The fender was pushed under and they costed into Manzanita. Ray and Jim went to go nd a mechanic. Jenny took a nap in the car. Jack went to get some ice cream and fell down a hill or something. It was an eventful weekend.

26

CHAPTER 5. SOME ROAD TRIP

Chapter 6

The Shit Rock

Good friends are there for one another, but the best friends all independently abandon each other. There was no way in hell that Ray or Jim was going to cough up a thousand dollars so they just left. Like, Manzanitas a city; itll be ne. So Ray went on his way and thumbed a ride back south. Just got to feel it sometimes. California can do that to you, just pulls you back. Anyway, some Joe named Finn picked him up in a old Ford truck. Ray could tell that this girl was a winner. Tattoos of various things all on her arms and foot and reeking of smoke and the herb. Where you going, bum? Wherever. I dont have anywhere to be. Me neither. You have money for gas? I have sixty ve bucks. Hop in. Seems like the truck was headed for Los Angeles. City of shit some people call it. That was cool by Ray though, at least he didnt have to deal with his friends anymore. And this chick was a punk. So Im meeting up with my band in LA. Sounds good. You can drop me o wherever you want. 27

28 Do you know anyone there?

CHAPTER 6. THE SHIT ROCK

Nah, but ya know, I think Ill just try being homeless for a while. I think Id make an excellent welfare queen. You could crash with my band if you want. We live in my buddys exsstep-dads basement. And our bass player recently ate the shitter and moved to Hawaii, so theres space and weed. Well, I have been known to slap da bass every now and then. Sweeeet. Ray never slapped the bass. Growing up, he played a little bit of guitar. He was not a punk. He ate tofu and did yoga. But Finn did seem like she wanted the D and like really, how hard can punk music be? It just sounded like noise to Ray. Luckily, the wikipedia age had endowed Ray with the encyclopedic knowledge of punk and post-punk and proto-punk and noise rock and no wave and there was no knowing if Finn was just a hipster or a real punk. Both smell and have piercings. It took 15 hours, 7 blunts, 2 splis, 3 PBRS, 6 RedBulls and 4 pit-stops to make it to LA. 6 in the morning and their friends exs step dad aint home. But their friend was. His name was Rillo and he played drums. Long beach blond hair with blue streaks that looked gross and a scraggly beard that also looked gross. His boyfriend Hal was much cuter. Brunet with green eyes and some cocaine hanging out of his nose; he played guitar and electric triangle. Greetings were exchanged by all and Ray was ocially a band member. He never did cocaine before but he was tired and had to go to a pawn shop to buy a bass. Ray and Finn railed a line o of the hood and looked stimulated. Bobos pawn shop was down the street. Well, Ray had 20 bucks left and a watch he borrowed from Jack. And thats when Finn fell in love. There was a black no-name bass that had lighting bolt inlays and the highest action you could ever see on a bass. Neck was warped and it sounded like shit. Needless to say that Ray lost his watch. When they got back to the garage they sat on the stinky white couch with sand paper and a hammer and gave the instrument some mojo. Soon there were pieces of the body missing and they stuck a drumstick between

29 the neck and the strings and tuned it to DDGG. Blessed by the herb, they named her Momoko. Peach Child.

30

CHAPTER 6. THE SHIT ROCK

Chapter 7

Risky Business
Where did Ray and Jim go? Who knows. Where were you? I was taking a nap on the beach. You? I was sleeping in the car. Cool. Do you want to steal that motorcycle? That is just not a good idea. Your mom isnt a good idea. Why dont we just ask the owner if we could borrow his bike for a while. Wut. Hey! Dude! Wait. what? That didnt work and Jack looked like a fool. But then Jenny then had the great idea to sell Rays Prius. They sold it to Farmer Pete, broken fender and all, for his bike. Excellente! You know what, Jack? What, Jenny? We should go to Montana.

31

32

CHAPTER 7. RISKY BUSINESS They took o down the highway. Meanwhile, Jim had found himself on

a bus back to Portland. He had an interview at Tea Chai Te the next day. That place would be the best to work at. A very large selection of teas and various tea accessories. Jim liked tea. His favorite cup was of Dragon Pearl Jasmine. It is like the ancient monks say: A cat lies down and does not move. It might as well be dead. But a river otter lies on his back and sails the entire Yangtze. The night was falling and it was raining and Jenny and Jack just ended up back in Portland. Whatever. At least they had a killer bike. They went to Palios and ran into Jim. They played Risk and Jenny won by taking South America rst and then getting lucky and taking North America. Jack tried to take and hold Europe which was not a good idea and Jim had about a hundred troops in Australia but couldnt handle Jennys march from Alaska to Siam. A good time was had by all.

Chapter 8

Fresh Air
The rst gig was at a shitty dive bar in East LA. Green white and red lights dimly lit the smokey and crowded room. The acoustics werent that good and the bands equipment took up most of the stage. Ray found out that he could thrash by the middle of the rst set and the sound was loud and gritty. Momoko had recently been turned into a fretless bass with the help of a hammer and screwdriver and there was a lot of o-key glissando going on. G-L-O-R-aye-aye-aye-aye-aye! Finn pulled a sparkler out her pocket at lit it. Ray was high as fuck at that point and evidently the show went great, but he didnt remember it. Who would have known that cocaine would make you feel shitty the next day. The band didnt get paid but they got free tacos and they were tasty. They even got some of that mexican corn fresh o the re. Thats some classic LA shit right there. Ray never really did drugs before so this Cali eld trip was pretty far out for him. His thinking was, well, I killed a horse, why not do ketamine? And although it may seem shady, being surrounded by punks on a stained couch looking out into a palm-tree lined cul-de-sac is a comforting and safe place. Dinners here! Thanks Dad! Dad, this is Ray. Hes our new bassist. 33

34

CHAPTER 8. FRESH AIR

Nice to meet you Ray, Im Claude. Im the dad around here I guess. Nice to meet you. Yeah. Thanks for dinner. Claude wasnt really anyones dad, but Rillo didnt have any parents but his deadbeat uncle. So when Claudes daughter Sade got shot he wasnt going to let her boyfriend go back to a crack den. He worked in construction as a contractor and provided for Rillo and his bum friends. When Rillo came out to him, he took Hal under his roof as well. Hal had mentored a girl named Finn from the Boys and Girls club when he was in college, and seven years and half a college diploma later she was on the street as well. Soon, the ShitRock, as the house was called, was the home of a half-dozen wayward punks as they bounced around LA with nowhere to go. It was rewarding though, and Claude liked to feel needed and respected. He used to rock out himself back in the day. He had a formative no wave band in the early 80s. You probably never heard of them. Theres a YouTube video of him playing the electric tin-whistle with James Chance and the Contortions in 1978. Anyways, he liked what the kids were doing although he wished that theyd use a dierent time signature from time-to-time. Four-four gets so boring. But as they say, Rillo was not the best drummer. How are you doing dude? Good. Never felt better. Well you kinda just left whatever place you were and came here pretty randomly. You okay? Yeah. Didnt have nowhere to be. Time is an ocean and Im just the shore. Woah man. Stop. Whens the next gig, Finn? Wednesday night. Im thinking about doing 2C-T-7 to change my vocals. I did it once and I think I sounded weird but good. Hey, I liked that song you wrote the other day. Are you going to sing it? Maybs. Do you want to get a Slurpee?

35 I hope they have banana. Ray and Finn made love in Hals Camaro on the way back from the Sev. It was good, but Finn was into weirder things than Ray had anticipated and Ray was a little ustered. Classic anal beads. But you know, there could be worse things. However, Ray could really appreciate the cool breeze of the beach now. Ah, how the sun sets on Santa Monica.

36

CHAPTER 8. FRESH AIR

Chapter 9

Jobs Jobs Jobs

Hi. Hi. Can you serve tea? Yes. What is the optimal steeping temperature for Gyokuro? No clue. Well, youll have a chart. Think you can read a decently formatted list of teas and temperatures? Yes. Well then I dont know. This really isnt that hard of a job to get. Are you on time? For the most part. Cool. Donnas leaving for college next friday, you can probably start then. Cool beans, ma spleen. Woooooo! Jim got a job! Time to par-tay! Jim called up Jack and Jenny and they went hard. Playing Bananagrams. Here is a list of words that are not words according to a dictionary, yet were still played: hardwich, voidoid, bammy, rickin, cooder, potatoe, classico, madick, mawang, teets, and fotaten. Jack won the most games. His cunning use of the letter J 37

38

CHAPTER 9. JOBS JOBS JOBS

is laudable. They say that only the most brilliant writers make full use of that forsaken letter. Jah man.

Chapter 10

About a Couch
The dim street lamps outside the residence hall of the Dub were dimly lit. The Huskys had just won a game the day before and now the day after was coming to a close. Jack, Ray, and Jim had a couch. Dude. what if we put the couch on the roof and then sat on it? Dude. Lets do it. So they took the couch and put it in the elevator and took it to the top oor. Then they carried it up one ight of stairs to the roof entrance. They deactivated the re alarm on the door using a hammer and a small brick. This is a two-hundred dollar ne, but no one was going to nd out and like couch sitting dude. They took the green leather coach and put it on the rainy cement roof. It wasnt raining and the city-scape was breathtaking. Gray fog. Damn. The three dudes sat on the couch. Dude, this is pretty gay. Nah man, if its outside, its not gay. Oh. nice! Do you know what would rock? Pie. 39

40

CHAPTER 10. ABOUT A COUCH

If we threw the couch over the roof into that alleyway and then sat on it there. God, I love couches. The three inspired youths then threw the couch into the dark alley bellow. There was a big ploop and the echoes were heard across the entire street. They walked down the stairs and exited the back door into the alley. The couch was upright and intact. This is because colleges buy special furniture that are supposed to be college-proof. They cost signicantly more money, but the couches do survive. However, tables are another story. One time this dude body slammed a table in the common room. And it fucking broke. What the hell? Anyways, they sat in the alley until they went back inside.

Chapter 11

A Night Piece
Man, the worst thing in the world is when youre on a date with someone and the buses are all closed down for the night and youre in the middle of downtown Portland and the girl youre with goes to Lewis and Clark and you have to call up one of your buddies for an awkward ride to drop her o. Well, thats what happened to Jack the other day. Actually, the worst thing is when people come back into your life and you feel like youve moved on, but like you still think about them man. That also happened to Jack. Lucy moved to Portland a year a ago and when she recently found out that Jack lived here, she Facebook stalked him and sent him a message. Lucy: sup. Jack: oh hey! Lucy: long time no see. Jack: yeah Lucy: I live in Portland now. Jack: weird. me too. Lucy: Do you want to catch up sometime? Jack: yeah totes ma gotes They saw some movie about people or something, but they were teenagers the last time they hung out. Luckily, they turned out to be pretty much 41

42

CHAPTER 11. A NIGHT PIECE

the same people as they were before. Lucy went to Lewis and Clark law school and was an editor for a literary magazine called The Portland Review. Her job was to read really bad poetry from angry feminists, hipsters, and Reed students. One idiot pretended he was a Palestinian woman and wrote a poem about snow falling on a pomegranate tree, in Gaza. Funny part is that three months later the poem was accepted by the New Yorker. Her name was Dallal. lols. Anyway, Lucy was pretty, although she wore a scarf that was entirely too big and had glasses that looked silly. Not in the sexy librarian way, but almost. And Jack was Jack. The re was rekindled. Poof. Buses in Portland rock but their routes end too soon. By midnight, very few buses run. Ray was nowhere to be seen, so Jack called up Jim and Jim drove over in his Range Rover. They hopped in. Thanks so much again for picking us up. Yeah, thanks. Oh yeah. No problem. How do I get to Lewis and Clark from here? No idea. Cool. Ouch! What the fuck! Oh yeah. Thats my car cactus. Be careful around it. I think we should go left. Does the cactus have a name? Yeah. His name is Paul. Pauls cute. I think he looks more like a Emma. Emma is his cousin, dashboard mold. Could we pay you for gas or something? Of course not. Homies help out homies. Always. Well, Ill give Paul something then. Lucy gave Paul a quarter and she and Jack hopped out of the car at a house near campus. Jack gave her a kiss but came back into the car.

43

No luck, champ? I dont know. Whateves. Do you mind reaching back and grabbing my jacket in the back seat? Yeah, no Ouch! Bahahhahaha. Classic Paul.

44

CHAPTER 11. A NIGHT PIECE

Chapter 12

The Bad And The Cactus

Paul the cactus walked down the dusty road to El Paso, gun on his spine. He was on a mission. A radish who did not conform to social mores, named Caddish had run o with another cactus. Paul wasnt having any of that. He couldnt stomate it. The sun was setting over the light shrubbery and the town was quiet. Too quiet. Paul walked into the taqueria and ordered a horchata. Yum. A little too yum. Right then, Jam from San Pedro jumped out of his seat and red his colt-45. The scene exploded. Tables were turning, people were running and Paul was shot in the ower. That bastard. Paul quickly drew his revolver and shot Jam dead. His stomates were open bleeding profusely and he died on the spot. Paul quietly left the bar, clenching his wounded chest. To hell with them cactus. Worms gotta eat, same as buzzards. As he spat into the spittoon, Sheri Bob arrived on his tumbleweed. Paul turned himself in. His job was done. Soon he was on an airplane to an Ikea where he would chill for two weeks next to other succulent plants and various trees and owers. Jim had to take Jenny to Vancouver to check out a motorcycle on craigslist. The bike was a little too powerful for her, and they decided to go to Ikea to buy a rug. Jim bought a nice faux-polar bear rug that really tied the room together. Anyways, on the way down to buy 45

46

CHAPTER 12. THE BAD AND THE CACTUS

some lingonberry jam, Jim saw Paul. He knew that this was an ambitious cactus. It was just what he needed.

Chapter 13

Grog and Ma Wang

Beer + rum = beer rum. Invention of a life-time. For a good week-and-ahalf the band would be drinking PBR and rum. Those were the days. In the valley, theres a thrift store called American Way and there is super dope stu there. The band needed a new look so they bought seventy-two dollars worth of plaid and annel. Hot stu. They also found an inatable moose head to put on top of a mantle. And you know what that means, moose jam! They hung the moose on top of the garage wall over the couch and the dance party commencethed. Dood, this party sucks. No it doesnt. This is awesome! No dood, this party sucks because we havent brought out the Franzia yet. Oooo! Wait are you thinking what Im thinking? ROSE! Finn and Hal got the white and red bag and Rillo put both nozzles in his mouth and slapped the bag. Oh thats hot. GAY! Nah dude, the door is open, totes not gay. 47

48

CHAPTER 13. GROG AND MA WANG

lolls. its funny because were queer. Ha! Geeeeeeey! You know what they say about the gays, right? They like dance music. Classic Europeans, amiright? Anyways, it was two in the afternoon and the band was pretty schwastey already. And it was tuesday. Finn went over to Ray and gave him a wedgie. Ray was uncomfortable and spent a minute rearranging his boxers. Hey guys, we should all go that free concert that that one dude yesterday was talking about downtown in the one club downtown. Good call Hal, you down, Finn and Ray? Always down, ma nigga. You gotta stop saying that, Finn. Whatever. Hey, you guys know that robot on FOX Monday Night Football? Well I just thought of a great nickname for a black football player. Niggatron! Hahaha! Dude, you cant say that. Whatever man, if a tree falls in a forest and no ones around, no one will be oended, right? Dude, this isnt the internet, just cant be throwing out the N-bomb all willie nillie. This isnt LOL. Niggatron! Ok, Im done. Lets get lunch. Youre drunk Hal! Go home! No, youre drunk Finn, you go home! Or right, you dont have one! Woah dude, too soon! Sorry. Nah, its cool man. Lets get lunch. Ok, but were driving. Fuck walking. Yeah, if were just a little drunk, I guess driving is okay.

49 Word. That was one scary ass drive to El Pollo Loco. Suburban curbin as the youngsters like to call it. But man did that chicken taste good. Rillo kind of wanted Churchs Chicken a little more but the ol El Po still satised. Its like the old man used to say, shit man, its chicken! Bob Dylan once said that the best songwriting happens when drugs and chicken meet. Or something like that. It might have been during the Blonde on Blonde sessions. Those demos are pretty obscure, you probably havent heard of them. After munching on the wing, Rillo took out the bag. Hey, Rillo, whats in the bag? Ma Wang! hahahahaha. What is it? Its a chinese herb that cool kids use to focus better on things. It has the compound ephedrine in it which is a sympathomimetic amine. The principal mechanism of its action relies on its indirect stimulation of the adrenergic receptor system, which is part of the sympathetic nervous system (SNS), by increasing the activity of noradrenaline at the post-synaptic alpha- and beta-receptors. Want some? Sure dude. So, you want some Ma Wang in your mouth? Oh, you know it ;) This is good. Ma Wang is a little grassy with a nice sweet aroma. Thats too much Wang for me. Its too powerful. lols. These jokes. Ma Wang worked wonders. (haha) And they wrote a few napkins of lyrics that they would bang out in the garage later that night. In particular, Hal was eshing out some ideas that were in his head and he lled up two receipts and four napkins with words. He was quiet all the ride back home and just went to the WSC zone (weed shag or contemplation designated zone there are not many private places in a three bedroom house shared

50

CHAPTER 13. GROG AND MA WANG

by 5+) when they got back. He was strumming the old strum machine till early in the morning. In the meanwhile, Rillo Ray and Finn went to that free concert in that one alley near that one dive bar. It was pretty sweet. A cute asian dressed in orange played this super chill avant-garde piano concerto accompanied by a didgeridoo played by a scruy ruan with a bad haircut. Classic asian orange. During the concert, it occurred to Ray that he hadnt had this much fun since his college days. He still felt weird just bouncing around like some sort of ball, place to place, but this was nice. Then Finn licked him in the eye and it just felt weird again.

Chapter 14

A Place to Call Home

Hi. Just one sec. Ill be with you shortly. Okay. Sorry bout the wait. What can I get cha? Um. Can I get some tea please. Sure, what kind would you like? We have several dierent kinds on our menu. Ill have green tea! What kind of green tea? Theres a dozen or so to choose from. Is Oolong a green tea? Nope. Its all in the menu. Ugh. Whateves. Ill just have an Earl Grey. Okay. Hard to blame the guy. When confronted with a million dierent teas to select from, the brain kind of just freezes up for most people. Maybe if you have a really strong personality it doesnt but most people just arent ballsy enough to choose a tea right out the get go. Still, Jim was enjoying his new job at Tea Chai Te. Located in the residential neighborhood of Sellwood, it is a hip spot to go on a date if youre in middle school. As a tea-tender there is nothing more endearing than overhearing fourteen-year-olds talk about how much they like Keshas new album or that new Blink-182 single 51

52

CHAPTER 14. A PLACE TO CALL HOME

(its actually really good). Its also great seeing all those depressed Reedies, read Thucydides or complain about the grading system for O-Chem. Reminds of the good ol days learning at the Dub. jks. Jim only really learned two things from his time at the Dub, how to punt better and that punting is a skill that is pretty much only applicable to punting. But theres a rhythm to the punt. A groove to the move. A mental rut for your foot. A simple trick for the kick. And that was a good feeling. Hi. What can I get for you? Ill have the Dragon Pearl Jasmine, please. Mug or pot? Um, small pot. Okay thatll be 3.80 for ya. Cool. Thanks, you can nd a seat and Ill nd you with the tea. Cool. Hi. What can I get for you? Serving tea has that good feeling too. Serving coee is almost there, but Jim felt like it was too intense. No one who orders tea is in a rush. Ooo I have to hurry and chug this tea or Im going to be late for my capoeira class and mantra sesh said no one ever. Jim recently found a studio too that he could now aord with this new job. He even had time to start reading Innite Jest so he could converse uently in the language of pretentious douchebag. It was near closing time and he was nishing his shift. The scent of tea surrounding, and things were looking up.

Chapter 15

Riding
There was this great concert in Portland a few years back. Lil Wayne was in town but the venue that was supposed to throw the show had bedbugs everywhere so it was canceled. So after going to that one strip club downtown and then to the taco shop that shares a bathroom with it, Weezy went to a local comedy club and watched some people tell jokes. But everyone knows who Weezy is so they cheered him onto the stage and he was all like laughing and shit and then commenced a very dope and relevant rhyme. Yo riding on the xie. Riding on the xie. Biches suck my dick because Im riding on the xie. A-ha! Man, never has anyone seen so many mustached and tattooed white people in scarves clap and cheer so hard for a black man ever. Mostly, because there are not many black people in Portland and that Portland is one of the few places where having a scarf, mustache, and multiple tattoos does not make you a weirdo. Its just kind of droll. The moral of this story is that bikes are cool. But the point of the story lies on the premise that motorbikes are even cooler. Although Jack and Jenny technically were sharing the bike, it was really Jennys. Sometimes she would dream that she were gently humping the bike in a jungle somewhere on an island and would wake up all sweaty and gross. That bike really got her going if youre 53

54 picking up whats being putting down.

CHAPTER 15. RIDING

One day, she decided that Jack was a real friend and wouldnt mind if she borrowed the bike for an extended period of time and went on an adventure. Jennys job wasnt going anywhere and this was probably a good time to think about the future. So, late one evening when she had the keys she packed a bag with a nalgene, a knife, a headlamp, a raincoat, a sleeping bag, and twenty-three Cli Bars (mostly Chocolate Mint. mmm Goddam!). The night was cold but dry and the moon was half-full over the red skies of the city. Jenny was o down I-84. Like a salmon swimming up the Columbia, she was riding alongside the Columbia in the same direction as a salmon. Soon she was in Gresham and she stopped to have an espresso. Then she was near Mt. Hood and in the blink of an eye she was on the other side. This side is the dry side. Not that riding in the rain isnt fun, but over here is ideal. Soon Junipers would replace the Doug Firs and the aroma of sagebrush would ll the air. The sky was black now and there were stars. Jenny saw the shadowy silhouettes of various plants and knew that tomorrow would be an excellent day to botanize.

Chapter 16

Sup
Jack: Hey. Lucy: Hey. Sup? Jack: Can you give me a ride to work today. A friend is borrowing my bike. Lucy: I didnt know you had a bike. Thats pretty cool. Also, I didnt know you had a job. Jack: Oh yeah. Want to hang out tonight? Lucy: I mean, if you want to let me ride your bike. I guess. Jack really hoped Jenny hadnt run far away with the bike to some distant land like Ray. Lucy and Jack played some bananagrams. It was pretty cute. Do you still write poetry, Jack? Sometimes, I guess. You should read me some of your poems sometime. I mean, Im writing a 14 part epic poem about orange. You probably wouldnt understand. Yeah, probs. Your poetry was always pretty shitty if I remember correctly. Well, yours sucked too. Remember that time that you wrote me a poem where all the words rhymed with bug ? Dude, that poem was a classic. Bug loves hugs. Slug hugs rugs. Lug, 55

56

CHAPTER 16. SUP

Doug, rubs mugs. Some people call me Ezra Pound in some circles. Ah, classic Shylocks. We should totally bring anti-semitism back. lolwut. Lets order thai food. Ill get the drunken noodles. Lucy had reservations about Jack, but she really hadnt made any friends after college and Jack hadnt either. It was nice not to be alone. Even if it was with a loser. Whats that they say, sucking at something is the rst step to becoming kind of good at something. Maybe, Lucy thought, thats true of life as well. The thai food was good although Lucy and Jack were quite gaseous in bed. Dat ass.

Chapter 17

Ma Wang (Again)
Hal smoked a cigarette next to the iPhone. He had just spent the last 14 hours writing and recording a demo of the songs oating in his head over the last couple of years. They were eventually going to be recorded. Why not now? In a sense, he felt stuck. Living with Rillo was great, but the band never went anywhere. Just a gig here and there. And the punk scene is alright, but Hal was always more comfortable with an acoustic guitar at a coee shop and some stoned yuppies. He channelled three years of ennui into seven songs and sent them to a friend in Hollywood. This friend had connections but Hal really didnt have any expectations. He just wanted to be alone and vent. Finn really liked Ma Wang (man, that joke just doesnt get old) and ordered two pounds of the ground plant online. This cost a descent amount of money and was point of contention among the bandmates. Dude, you cant buy a hundred dollars of Ma Wang! Yeah man, Ma Wang is priceless. Grow up, Finn, all you do is spend. You dont ever give back! Someone is being a little bitch today, eh? So youre a Canadian now, you little cunt. Dude, lets not drop the C-bomb now. Oh, fuck o Ray, I will poop on you when you sleep. 57

58 I need a drink.

CHAPTER 17. MA WANG (AGAIN)

Alcohol is great. People should drink more. A few drinks in and the band was together again, sitting on the couch drinking. Where have you been, Hal? Ya know. Around. Cool. Ive actually been working on a few songs. You should show us dude. Its only for a single guitar. Theres no accompaniment yet, but I think its some of my best work. We want to hear it dude, wheres the guitar? I found one. Alright. This song is called Somewhere to Roam. *cough* There is a place for us / Somewhere not far from here / I dont know where it is / Nor can I guide us there // I dont know what you wanted / Maybe it was just more than this / The sky will be rising soon / And well not know what was missed /// I want to leave this town / I need somewhere to roam / I want to leave this town / But Im just too tired to go // I cant say that I wont leave without you / But I dont think youll be surprised / If I were to pack up and leave / Would you be gone before I rise /// I want to leave this town / I need somewhere to roam / I want to leave this town / But Im just too tired to go Thats some depressing ass shit right there. Elliott. I like it. Thanks guys. Ive been feeling a little antsy lately I guess. Yeah, we heard haha. You should just do like Ray and run o somewhere and bum out with strangers. I dont think Id get as lucky to nd people as awesome as us. ha. Yeah, we kind of rock, dont we? Id say so.

59 We should drink. Agreed. Wheres the Franzia at? It was a classic moose jam that night. For a brief moment, everything was warm and that shitty suburban house in California was the most excellent place to be. Those days in all were bright times, even when Finn got the call from the funeral home that both of her estranged parents had died and that some stu was left to her.

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CHAPTER 17. MA WANG (AGAIN)

Chapter 18

Ashes
Finn was, what you call, abandoned as a child. Her parents were really into this shitty band called Phish and left her with her grandmother to tour with the band. Now this band sucks. Not only do they jam for obscene amounts of time, but they do it poorly. Like the Grateful Dead sucked too, but they had a shining moment of glory when they made short songs on Workingmans Dead and American Beauty. Phish had no such glory days. Anyways, Finn never knew her parents and when her grandmother died when she was ten she bounced around foster homes until graduating high school and attending UCLA on scholarship. During sophomore year, she was sick of anthropology Geertz can suck a cock and she took an extended leave of absence choosing to chill with one of her mentors from the Boys and Girls club, Hal. Finns parents lived in a traveling Phish commune for years before settling down somewhere in Ventura. They both died in a house re when cooking up some weed butter. It wasnt a bad idea, but they left the pot on the stove overnight and things happened and soon they were all dead. Finn went down to the funeral house with Ray, Rillo and Hal to see what was left for her. In all, Finn received two Phish tee-shirts, a used vibrator, a six pack of Rainer, a lava-lamp, and a half-pound of marijuana. Score. They smoked all the way back up to the house. It was some Blueberry. Ooowee. Maybe, it was the weed but Finn was a little bit down in the ol turd hole. 61

62

CHAPTER 18. ASHES

You okay, bud? Its just weird, ya know? Yeah. Were here for you though. Thanks. Im ne. Really. I mean, I never even knew them, but I guess now I know I never will. Are you okay with that? Yeah. I doubt I would have understood them even if I had the chance. Cunts. Yeah. Youre ne. Hey, theres an In-N-Out. Im stopping. Animal Style baby!

Chapter 19

Ma Wang (Continued)
The band played a few more gigs, but then Hal dropped the ultimate drama bomb. He was going to stop playing with the band and start playing solo gigs as a singer-songwriter folk musician. Finn played guitar so it wasnt a hammer to the sack, but it was still hurtful. Emotions erupted like a volcano on various Pacic island chains. Boom. That is the gayest fucking thing I have ever heard in my fucking life! I cant believe I sleep with you. Dude, I thought youd be supportive of me. I dont even like punk music. What? Since when? Youre the one who started this fucking punk band. Of course you like punk music. Dude, I changed. People change. We all cant be punks forever. Yeah, some of us have to be cunts. Come on guys, I dont want this to ruin our friendship. I cant believe youd douche us like this. Yeah, man we have like two gigs this month. Thats one more than all of last month. Were getting big. No. Were. Youre not. Weve gone nowhere in a year. We have to move on. 63

64 Oh fuck o.

CHAPTER 19. MA WANG (CONTINUED)

Hey, chill guys. You know what would help all of us calm down a little Ma Wang! hahaha. I will kill you. Ugh. Im out of here. No. Im out of here. This blows whale cock. Gah! It could have been worse. At least no one burned the house down. Rillo felt betrayed that Hal hadnt even talked to him about this stu and Hal felt like he was dealing with some pretty deep issues that he didnt want to share. They decided to take a break in their relationship. Probably healthy. What was the hammer to the sack however was the fact that Hal took the car and the nice guitar and drove o. It even had a full tank of gas that Finn had just paid for. Classic band break up. Hal was a quite and soft-spoken individual. He spoke so little as a child that his family thought he was retarded for awhile. But he was a sweetie on the inside. He was never bullied in high school even though he was quiet and a fag, mostly due to his gently tussled brown-golden locks and piercing green eyes that were to be respected. Mostly he would sit outside on the hot pavement during lunch or after school and read books from the library or local zines that were littered around the hang-out spots downtown. After high school he matriculated at UC San Diego and graduated with a degree in social psychology. He met Rillo at San Diego ComicCon where Hal was dressed up as Lady Rainicorn and Rillo was Jake from Adventure Time. Hot stu. They even met Mark Hamill! That guy rocks. Well, Hal had his ups and downs in life and he deserved a little more. After storming o, he parked down on the Sunset Strip and took a nap for a few hours. After night had fallen, he lit a cigarette and went down the strip with his guitar and went to a few clubs. Finally, he found what he was looking for, an open mic. The bar was packed with all sorts of drunk people. Hal had to wait about an hour to perform, but he nally made it

65 onstage. He played a few songs and his soft whispery voice pierced through the smoke and the noise. It was a pretty good performance all things considered. When he was done, he got ostage and went to the bar. A Sandy please. Whats that? A watered down Manhattan. Ha good one. Excuse me, dude. But you were pretty good out there, you got a lot of balls playing that folk stu in this poetry slam. What was your name again? Im Hal. Hal Smith. Well, my name is Tom and I work for a label downtown. Are you signed? No. I think some people would be interested in hearing your stu, Hal. Do you have a demo tape or a website I could show my friends. I do have this demo tape in my pocket if you want. Yeah, Ill give it a listen. Do you have a card? I have a napkin. Well be in touch, Hal. It was nice meeting you. Nice meeting you. The funny thing about a lifetime of empty promises is that every new spark of hope shines just as bright, if not just for a while. And moody people change moods often, so Hal was feeling optimistic for the rst time again. Maybe hed get lucky. He bummed a cigarette from a cute mulatto babe and looked deeply into the neon lights of the strip for awhile before walking back to the car and crashing for the night.

66

CHAPTER 19. MA WANG (CONTINUED)

Chapter 20

Favorite Sport
Rillo, nee Rodger Hanson III, was distraught. He lost a bandmate and a lover and he didnt know what to do. If he thought about it, Hal did love him and theyd get back together eventually and the band was better o without the tude. So he did and he felt better. Nothing a few mantras cant x. Before their horric spiral into drug addiction and destitution, that was one of the best things his parents ever did for him. He and his mom and dad were taught transcendental meditation from Guru Raj when he was eight and it was something that stuck with him his whole life. A universe can shift and shift again behind the music of the spheres. Ray and Finn went out to buy some chicken from Churchs Chicken and Rillo came out from the kitchen with some watermelon and they sat on the couch and ate for awhile. Then they took a group nap. It was a long day. I hope Hal is unconscious somewhere. Me too. Do you want to make a zine? Do people even do that anymore? Itll be just like the olden days. Vintage shit, ya dig. Whos going to read that shit? What would we even write? Not with that attitude. Im down. 67

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CHAPTER 20. FAVORITE SPORT

Word. What are we going to write about? Not with that attitude. I will fucking kill you Ray. Lets just have it be local bands promoting themselves with gig info and lyrics and art and stu. Like the internet but way more obscure. Well keep it real so people know that this is the shit. Word. I know a few bands out there that would be down to self-promote like this. Yeah. My friend Charlie still works at UCLA, we could steal their printing. Tight. Want to start this tomorrow? Yeah. Wheres the Franzia? Word. They didnt make the zine. Not even close. They did play some basketball however. A little 3-on-3 with the Hernandez bros from across the street. It was a tight game. Finn had some hops but fucking Juan fucked around and got a triple-double. That kid had a good day. His other brothers were okay, but Juan was a killer. He had this mid-range J that would make Jordan weep. Ray was the weak-link for sure. He played like your average Portlander would. Like a soccer player. Gay. But he was tallish so that helped. Rillo had some sweet moves though. He was rocking the Air Jordans and was quick on the cut. They switched up teams after that and it was another close game. After the match, Mrs. Hernandez invited everyone to have mole enchiladas back at their place. It was an excellent dinner and Ray would spend the rest of the night working on his game.

Chapter 21

Fun Atop Boom Boom Mountain

By the time she got to Montana, Jenny had only one thing on her mind. Mushrooms. Back in her youth she was the schoolyard mycologist, she and her buddies did so many shrooms in high school. It was freaking awesome. But as she matured she developed a sophisticated taste for not just liberty cap but also edible mushrooms such as chanterelles, morels, and boletes. Walking down the road, munching on some puballs, munch, munch, munch. Times were good after a nice autumn rain. It was mushroom season in Western Montana and Jenny could smell it. There was a nice forest o of I-90 called Lolo National Forest. Jenny parked her bike and took out a dry bag to ll with the fruits of the forest. The ponderosa pines of late May meant bolete. But bolete has a bud named y agaric and Jenny just happened to stumble across a few of the cute toad stools. A lot of people say that y agaric is poisonous but it isnt deadly and if you parboil it, you can have a little fun. Jenny had a thermos full of hot tea and let the mushroom soak for a while. Then she took a bite. Yum. Anyways, the quest for the king bolete was on. The forest was beautiful. The cool thing about ponderosa pine forests is that there isnt any underbrush, maybe a sagebrush here or there but thats it. Its just ground and tree for miles. It smells nice too. It had just 69

70

CHAPTER 21. FUN ATOP BOOM BOOM MOUNTAIN

rained and the soil was moist and damp. The mushroom is white. White king bolete as the scientists call it. The white in the sky is like the white of the mushroom, dierent than the other bolete species. Some people once thought that it was the same species as the European bolete, but it isnt. The forest is really big. Cool things to do I heard is to peal o the bark of the tree and chew it like the Injuns do in the south. This is so out in the country so far away from the city. Here is like Americas village green here is like the village green where the simple people are free. The sky is so blue today it could be swam in and the sounds of the bird are so sweet to sit here on this wet ground feels so weird. What was that? It could be a wolf or a hawk or a moose! If you could look back and go to the party would you be able to drink from this sweet river? Over yonder. Here. There is one. And two. And three. And four. My oh my. The Great White King Bolete. There you are my friend. You will be taken to the light and freed from your earthly chains to the mighty re and you will be one with the universe. And where is the backpack? This bag is full and it is getting dark the bike is nearby and it is prudent to get back. Running is a must when the light dropped below the house of Mars conquered the western skies and freed the stars of Uranus and through eternity. Theres the backpack and the bike is in sight and wow theres a lot of mushrooms in this bag. This is awesome this is the biggest day of life. A rest stop is nearby. Where the keys are?

Chapter 22

Petey Boy
The day Hal met Pete was a game changer. Pete was a part of the anti-folk scene and an active community organizer in the Castro District. Pete was in LA for the poetry slam the other night and he liked Hals music. Hal was on the strip the next day at a diner getting some eggs and bacon and pancakes and Pete said hello. Hey, dude. Hey. My names Pete and I have this gig at the Greek Theater but I need someone to open for me. You down? The Greek? Thats a big venue. Yeah, well theres a lot of people that want to hear music in Berkeley. Sure. Im in. Cool. Whats your name? Im Hal. Excellent. Heres my number. Me and my peeps are leaving tomorrow for San Fran. Word. Just hit me up. Hal couldnt believe that that just happened. The Greek Theater. Thats unreal. He went to the shop and bought some new strings and a new acoustic 71

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CHAPTER 22. PETEY BOY

pick up. Didnt sleep a wad that night. The next day Pete and his friends picked up Hal in a black town car and took o for the airport. Evidently Pete had gotten an excellent 10 out of 10 rating from Pitchfork last month and was riding a wave of popularity for his innovative guitar playing and distinct and poignant lyrical genius. OUT magazine championed him the champion of the cause and the queerest man alive 2013. He was a average looking hispanic with some native blood he said. But he had beautiful amber eyes. He told his story to Hal about growing up in Berkeley and a decade of shitty gigs and no employment. You just need one good review but its sure is easy to get lost. The airplane ight was the rst time Hal had ever sat rst class and they served him complimentary alcohol. God damn. He was nally living the life. The gig would be in a few hours, leaving just enough time for set up and sound check and Hal had to come up with a set list, but fuck that. Doing it live. Soon the theater would ll up with stinky hippies and college activist and other losers and the energy was all-consuming. The lights dimmed and there Hal was, alone on the stage. He ddled with his microphone awkwardly and tuned his guitar. Hello. My name is Hal Smith. Im a folk singer. Then he began his set. He started with a song that his dad taught him when he was little. Boots of Spanish Leather. Then Hal sang a few of his recent songs and he couldnt tell if the crowd was mesmerized or bored the shit out of their minds. It frightened the shit out of him. But they clapped when he was done for better or for worse and then Pete came out on stage. Learn from the masters they say. Shit, Bob Dylan can go onstage and not say a word to the audience all set, but his concerts suck. Pete told the audience stories of his youth and made jokes about being a fag and being a spic. He was a funny guy and he made the audience feel like they were in a living room. Sitting and shooting the shit, he must have only played like nine songs all concert, but those songs covered many grounds. Of love and travel and the many sorrows that only we humans can know. It was an

73 excellent show. Im a Native American he said. Of course I like alcohol! Hal did a good enough job to get in with the scene and Pete was playing a small coee shop that was owned by his high school friends and said that he should play some songs there. Hal was still caught up in the excitement of the last couple of days and left the bar to have a smoke and get his mind straight. He got ve-hundred dollars for his performance at the Greek which was more than he had ever seen in one stack. Meeting up with other musicians and the local community was pretty cool. The coee shop was poorly lit, crowded and stinky and Hal accidentally busted a crack right along the side of his old Guild D-55. He played a short set and he met a lot of engaged faces. Later that night he got a room at the local Hilton and crashed.

74

CHAPTER 22. PETEY BOY

Chapter 23

Sup pt. 2
Hey, Hal just texted me. Evidently hes some folk musicians bitch and hes playing gigs in Berkeley. Thats awesome. We should totes go see him. Ha. You said totes. Retard. He also told me where he parked the car. Road trip anyone? Yeah. Let me just let dad know that well be done. Word. Lets go! I want to embarrass him onstage. Its adventure time! The only thing better than a road trip, is a broken car. Psych! Thats totally not the case, if fact, it is the opposite. A broken car sucks. So the gang did not go to Berkeley. Instead they watched the entire rst season of the original Star Trek series on Hulu. Then they started to watch all of Twin Peaks. However, they fucked up and started watching season two rst because the way Netix is set up is dumb. That made the series completely incomprehensible. Cuddle puddle for days. Whats really fun is watching the little thing on the Dominos website when you order Dominos. Breadsticks. David Linch is a pretty strange dude. Eventually they got around to watching Rabbits and it was tedious and not very interesting even seventeen hits in. One day, Ray remembered that he hadnt seen or spoken to Jack in a long time. So he gave him a call. 75

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CHAPTER 23. SUP PT. 2

Sup. Sup, dude. Sup? Not much just wanted to say hi. Whered you go, man, we thought you joined Greenpeace or something. Nah man, Im in LA hanging with some friends. You have friends? Nope, but I made some. Theyre pretty chill. Word. Did I tell you Im dating Lucy now? Thats crazy dude. Lucy? I dont think thats a good idea. Doesnt matter had sex. Word. Well its good to know that youre doing good. You too man. Hows Jack and Jenny? Jacks great he just got a job at that gay tea place and he really likes it and Jenny stole my bike. Oh yeah, we bought a bike and we sold your car. What what? Oh, whats that? I think Im late for a train. Bye! Wut. Classic Jack. Ray didnt really mind though. Sitting on a couch in LA is the same as sitting on a couch in Portland. Doesnt matter who youre hanging out with as long as youre hanging out. Thats how you dont get lost in life. If theres two of you, you arent lost. Socrates said that.

Chapter 24

Nose Poke
The Hernandez bros went over to the Shit Rock the other day to have some chicken with the gang. They busted open the KFC and Finn opened up a Chainbreaker IPA from Deschutes Brewery. An excellent IPA that has a smooth taste that is hoppy but not overpowering, you can drink a casket of it, truly incredible. But wait theres more, the narrator wasnt even a Deschutes man before this, but this beer was like a Deschutes renaissance, it brings together beer drinkers from all the nations of re of water of air and of land for a favor extravaganza. But wait! Theres more! The Hernandez bros had a problem. Yo, whats up with your face, Ramiro? He got beat up by the cops, I got my ass kicked too. What were you doing? Aint nothing, we were just sitting around and skateboarding in a parking lot when the ve-o drove by and told us to stop. So we skated away and they followed us and there was a fence and we tried to climb it but we couldnt and they fucking beat us up. Damn. I thought you Mexicans were good at climbing fences. Shit. Yalls okay right? Yeah, but they broke my board. 77

78 What. Thats terrible. We got to do something. Yeah man, this oppression will not stand. What are you going to go guys? Whatever it is were down to help.

CHAPTER 24. NOSE POKE

Nah, we dont want you guys getting any more beat up. Yall are still in high school, this is supposed to be a fun time. Well it isnt. Leave it to us Gringos. We know our ways around the cops. Whatever you say, whitey. Ha, wanna play some basketball? Word. First, they had to x the car. That took a couple of days, but Mr. Hernandez was a mechanic and he xed the car up real good for a discount. They found out which cops beat up the bros and the gang ventured to nd Mr. Johnson and Mr. Roberts. Cop car 94913. Finn went to the Police Station and told the secretary that she was Mr. Robertss cousin from Pennsylvania and wanted to surprise him. The secretary told her that the ocer liked to frequent Andys Donuts in Huntington Park and they drove around the block until they saw the police car. They parked and got a donut. Yum. Hello, are you Mr. Roberts? Yes I am. Can I help you with something? Right then, Finn and Rillo nose raped both ocers. They formed a st and then stuck out their index and middle nger and poked the ocers right up their nose. Hello, my name is Inyournose Handago. You broke my friends skateboard, prepare to die! Then Ray, Finn, and Rillo ran out the door and the cops were stunned

79 and then just seriously pissed o. The gang didnt get far as the cops pulled out their tasers and electrocuted the shit out of them. Then they dragged their asses to jail where they would have been charged with assaulting an ocer, had not been for the grace of the Chief. The Chief was once a punk herself and when she heard Finn sing I Fought The Law in the cell she took it as repentance. She let them out with a warning but warned that further punkmanship would lead to them become a statistic. Finn gave her a hug and invited her to their next gig. Johnson and Roberts were pissed the fuck o. You know what they say, white people get lucky with the law. Mission success.

80

CHAPTER 24. NOSE POKE

Chapter 25

Hello, Cat
Lucy turned out to be a psycho bitch. But in the good way. Maybe it was law school being stressful, but one of her favorite things to do was to walk down the street and give people the shocker and shout We cant relive last night baby! Ive moved on, cunt! and then lick them. It really embarrassed Jack. The ol two in the goo one in the poo. Whats that other one she said, oh yes, minivan: two in the front, ve in the back. Classico. Jack felt like she may have been repressed as a child. Growing up in Eastern Oregon to a conservative protestant family would do that to you. People like that ock to Portland. There are many migrant weirdos from places like Minnesota and other midwest states who leave because the dont want to be persecuted for being an atheist. But they are usually pretty normal and subdued people and bring a lot of the midwest mores and vibes with them. But when a weirdo from Eastern Oregon comes to be a weirdo in Portland, they dont say sorry and are not polite. They are the fun weird and burn although they may seem to be normal on the outside. Some people just want to watch the world burn, but some people also like to burn the world. Jack was a lazy son of a bitch, but he had skills and had a bright eye. You can make a pretty nickel on Youtube by having a video go viral and letting Google run ads on the video and you get a slice of the revenue for every ad clicked. Some people even make a living from Google ads. Like if you had 20,000 subscribers and a cat that either does or does not do things, 81

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CHAPTER 25. HELLO, CAT

thats like innite money. Jack liked cats and Lucy liked cats. Then it came to them like a rocketship, they would get a cat! So they moseyed down to the Oregon Humane Society on the great quest. The ultimate journey. The sweet adventure. They met many cats there. Black cats, white cats, cats with spots, cats with green eyes, orange cats, yellow cats, angry cats, mellow cats, passive aggressive cats. Everything but a happy cat. One cat in particular was promising. His name was Blu, a Snowshoe mix breed with blue point pattern weighing 8.875 pounds and a year old. Blu is a very sweet girl that enjoys aection and attention. At times, she can be independent but when she learns she is safe she seems to be happy to return the love! Lucy went around to each cat and headbutt each one, lovingly. Blu was the only cat that head butted back and did not try to kill Lucy. What a cat. They adopted her and picked her up the next day after the vet did stu to get Blu ready for a life on the wild side. Blu liked Lucys suite where Jack was also now living as the bropartment had been axed when Jack didnt pay rent after Ray jumped bike. Blu took a nice poop in the litter box and ate the orchid on the table. Classic cat. Lucy took out a box of cheerios and had a bowl of cereal. Honey. Blu jumped on the counter where the bowl was and drank some milk, some cat this was, right at home. As Blu was slurping up the milk, Lucy took a big lick of Blus leg and Blu freaked the ip out. It jumped straight up like 5 feet and hung on the overhanging lamp then it jumped o and landed in a sink full of water and dishes. And guess what, Jack had caught it all on his Samsung Galaxy Nexus with crystal clear 1080p. This cat was a spaz. One time they put a lampshade over Blu and he jumped and tore up the shade like it was a piece of rice paper. Jack knew that it wasnt ethical to fuck with this cat all the time so they didnt except for when the timing was ideal. But cats are smart and Blu started fucking with them. Sometimes they would get intimate on the couch and wham theyd be sitting in some poop and a dead bird. Blu was truly one of them. Jack posted the video on youtube and promoted the video on his Facebook and Tumblr and Reddit and because Jack had accumulated 5 years worth of karma over the last 5 years, the post caught re and the Reddit

83 army get the cat video that extra push it needed to get indexed higher and people ate that shit up. omg its a cat yolo catswag. Soon Jacks account had 200 followers once he kept posting more videos of Blu. The original video became a gif and then a meme and it kept feeding back into the video and soon there were 200,000 views. People clicked on the ads sometimes because of boobs or something and Jack and Lucy found themselves with a couple hundred dollars in the bank. Its like Mohamet said on the mountain: The cat basically pays for itself. Meow!

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CHAPTER 25. HELLO, CAT

Chapter 26

Sisters
Jim sat on the balcony of his studio and had a nice cup of green tea. The sun was rising over the city and the hazy morning was a dark orange rising. Jim sat there and thought of all the nice things that have recently happened. He found a great little studio in Downtown for pretty cheap and got an advance on his paycheck so he could furnish it with beautiful new Ikea furniture. He loved Ikea furniture. Its like Leggos for adults and they have the cutest names. Dagstorp. More like Swagstorp. He had no intention of moving anywhere. Thats what Sundays are for. Then again his cup was empty and the pot was all the way in the kitchen, but an empty cup is not so bad sometimes. Especially when youre in a beautifully knit sweater thats pink and green and orange that was bought for ve dollars at the Red Light Exchange store on Hawthorne. A bird landed and sang the song of the morning and Jims pajamas were made of annel, gods fabric. A blackcapped chickadee. Rare in this part of town. But the stomach calls and the stomach commands and the will of Jim moved towards the idea of bread. Jim slipped on his new Croc slippers that were lined with fuzzy material and were so warm and awesome and walked down the three ights of stairs to the street. He dallied over to Pearl Bakery on NW 9th Ave and got a couple croissants and a blueberry tart. Sometimes he wished he were a blueberry, but those dreams died long ago when his coach called him a pussy for being so gay. Jim wasnt gay he just had feelings and didnt know what 85

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CHAPTER 26. SISTERS

to do with them except let them oat around in the ol mind and entertain themselves there. Dat bread. It was delicious. Got to get em early. There is nothing better in life than fresh baked bread thought Jim as he walked back to the studio. First he stopped by Sisters of the Road cafe. This is probably the coolest and best place in Portland. It represented, at least for Jim, the reason why life is beautiful. Theres a huge homeless population in Portland and Sisters provides meals for those who need it, but it also builds lasting community relationships as those unable to pay are able to give back by bartering their time volunteering. The people who work and eat there all call each other by name and it is a safe place above all else. Jim said hi to Bob and Ross, some friends he had met volunteering there, and poured himself a cup of coee and tossed in a couple dollar donation. There were a few people sitting at a table near him and he sat down and said hi. Hey guys, Im Jim. Nice to meet you Jim, Im Sarah. Im Red. Ive seen you around, you a volunteer? Not today. Today Im a customer. Well, its really great what you guys do. Just wanted to say thanks. Thanks. Its you guys too though. Yall are just as important in keeping this boat aoat. Yeah, thats just what they tell you to tell us. Its true. Whatever man. I just like being warm and inside here. Yeah, its so fucking rainy in this city. Whatever man. We got people like Jim though. You dont see nice people in other cities. Yeah dude. Well, Im done. Want to start helping clean up? I ran out of credits so I should probably clean the oors or do some dishes for an hour. Cool. Ill help out. Ill join you guys. Sweet.

87 Jim washed some dishes and then eat his second croissant. The place was busy as usual. It was a pleasant type of noise. The noise of people being fed. Well, he said bye to Sarah and Red and got back to the studio. It was a nice excursion. He took o his soft Crocs and put on some warm REI socks. Wool socks are the best. Theyre kind of like shoes but theyre not. Jim went to the bar and xed himself a gin and tonic, the perfect nightcap, and took a nap by the replace.

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CHAPTER 26. SISTERS

Chapter 27

Baby, I know
They say the rst moose is the deepest. And the most important. In old Montana lore, a girl can only become a woman after petting a moose on the nose and Jenny was still a little girl. Over in the market Jenny got enough money from the boletes to have enough cash to pay for the gas to get back home, or to the Great Lakes depending on which on-ramp calls to her with more feeling. Jenny was riding without her helmet today like a badass. When you have beautiful wavy chestnut hair owing in the wind, the gods of beauty protect you. It was like seeing a comet of face with a tail of hair y by. Voom! Thanks to the gods, she didnt crash and die, but she did get pulled over. However, the helmet law only governs Montanans seventeen and younger so she just showed the cop her license and he recommended that she wear her helmet considering it was hanging o of the seat near the pack right there. So she put on her helmet, her ears were cold and took o deeper into the glorious land of Montana. O of the side of the highway she saw the one. A great American Moose, Alces americanus, alone on the green expanse near the shadow of the purple mountains. Steam pouring out of his glaring nostrils and massive at antlers that picked up radio from Seattle 100.7 The Wolf Seattles Fresh Country. Jenny was moved. She parked her bike and summoned her spirit form from the astral plane to communicate with the beast. She approacheth. The beast stood there in the high grasses silent. Jenny 89

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CHAPTER 27. BABY, I KNOW

rustled through the wet sea of green and stood face to face with Goliath. Hello, moose. Moooooooose! What is your name, moose? Moooooooose! Well, hello there, Samson. Youre quite handsome. Nnnnnn. Can I touch your nose? Mnnnn. Thank you. She put out her hand. The land and beast were still. And she reached out and pet the giant snout. Samsons breath was warm and pierces through the cold air. She looked into his eyes and saw the loneliness of the landscape and the solitude of beauty. He looked into her eyes and saw a small nonmoose animal. And they saw each other in that moment. Jenny backed away slowly and the moose turned around and walked away. Some people nd their spirit animal early in life. Some people never nd theirs. In that moment, Jenny knew that Samson was hers and she rode quiet through the night back towards Portland and the lights and sounds of concrete expanse.

Chapter 28

Tin Angel
Finn wouldnt leave her room. Hey Finn, dont do anything dumb. Were here for you. Were all feeling the same way. Go away. I need my jacket. Go away! Ray went to the garage and got his other jacket. Rillo was on the couch with a St. Ides in his hand. Ray saw him crying. He knew he was holding back. He sat down next to him and put his arm around Rillos shoulder. Ray put his head on his breast and cried. And Ray cried too. They had lost a friend. It cannot anywhere, by any means, be anywise diminished, stayed, or changed. But for these eeting frames which it informs with spirit deathless, endless, innite, they perish. Let them perish. And Hal sat in the hotel on the bed and looked at the cityscape. It was one hed seen before many times as a child. And it hasnt changed a bit. Hal had not changed a bit. For change is nonexistent. We do not change. We cannot even change our setting for we become where we are and we are just becoming ourselves, who we are, who we will always will be. It is inescapable. Hal looked at the cityscape and 91

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CHAPTER 28. TIN ANGEL

saw that it was inescapable. You cannot even abandon yourself, you. Is it bad to want something dierent than sitting on a fucking couch or bed and wanting excitement. Where is it? Theres a bigger gig. Theres dierent music to play. Theres dierent people. They are the same motion. They are the same as before. Never the spirit was born; the spirit shall cease to be never; never was time it was not; end and beginning are dreams! Birthless and deathless and changeless remaineth the spirit forever. I feel like Ive been here forever. I want to leave, but to where? to the same bodega for another beer and bag of Fritos. I cant. I want to stand on the pedestal on the edge and look out and scream out and see that what I see I can change. For one moment to become something new Hal went to the bathroom and opened his backpack and took out a bottle of sleeping pills that he had been using to help him relieve the stress of performing and to get to sleep on time. He lined all the pills on the counter and lled a glass full of water and took all twenty-three pills one by one. He walked back to he bed and took o his shirt and laid down with his arms outstretched and closed his eyes and saw nothing but the warm glow from the ceiling light. Who knoweth it exhaustless, self-sustained, immortal, indestructible, shall such say, I have killed a man, or caused to kill? I am warm this is warm I no longer wish to move but to become death I will die and I will die where I am here unescapable and trapped I loved my father and Rillo and I will miss them and they will miss me but what will love do to cure this what will death even do for now yes and the light is brighter and throbbing and Hal turned to his side and threw up o the bed and slipped and fell on the oor and lay prostrate on the red carpet. real what is real real I knew never what real is Im really happy now I wish I could y and give those lonely buildings a hug like that time way back then when Finn came to me with tears and crying and sadness and I told her dont worry dont cry I will be here for you when your parents are not I will be here and I always was there and that city was always there and growing and burning and longing but I no longer long for but the clouds to greet me with smiling faces and warm hearts and the wind will pick me up higher and higher and higher and I will know things and see things that never have I seen and it will thrill me and I will no long be me

93 and I will other be now and carry more and happiness and I wont have to be saved anymore to where I long to be nor I nor thou nor any one of these ever was not nor ever will not be for ever and for ever afterwards all that doth live lives always I suppose. Hal died that night. Room keeping found him the next morning slumped lying in his vomit. Police reports it as a suicide. Pete had a vigil at the next gig but the tour moved on and Hal was cremated at some funeral home in San Francisco. The home called Claudes home phone and Rillo picked up the phone. And Rillo was angry and he cried and he cried and he cried. God, fucking christ! Fuck! fucking fuck! Fuck! Ah! Finn came out the bedroom. She fell down on the couch and hugged Ray. With his arms around Finn and Rillo, Ray took out his ask and drank it clean dry. The ask gently slipped out of hand and fell on the garage oor. The purple sunset fell on the cul-de-sac and they fell asleep and it was a humid and quiet that night in Los Angeles.

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CHAPTER 28. TIN ANGEL

Chapter 29

Ceiling Wax
Hey Jim. Hey Jenny. Where have you been? Ya know. around. Want to grab a coee? Im good thanks. Well, whats up? I miss you. I miss you too. Jim wasnt Samson but he was there and Jenny was done soul searching. She was a rambler though and she knew that this might not last and probably wouldnt, but for now this embrace it was nice. I miss you but we cant. Things are too good for me now. I dont want to be hurt again. Well, things arent great for me, James. I know you Jenny. Youre like a type of wild horse. You need space and this studio I have is really small and I dont like change and I want to stay in one place and not go on adventures. Our last adventure fucking sucked. I also dont like trees that much. Fuck trees. I only want your wood. 95

96 That line wont work thrice! God. You fucking suck.

CHAPTER 29. CEILING WAX

Dont be such a chode. You sound like a cry baby. Ooo my adventures and rampant wanderings left me directionless. Oooo. You used to be fun. You used to be able to beat me in bananagrams. I see where this is going. Youre on, cunt. Ill text Jack. I heard he got together with his childhood crush. Thats cute. Yeah. Theyll be over in like 15. I have some popcorn. Kettle? Yup. Well, can I at least crash here for awhile until I nd a job and get a place? Like old times? Yeah, itll be like we never divorced. That was my bad, I guess. Turned out okay for me. lols. Should we heat up that left over chinese food thats in the fridge? Im hungry. Whatever you want, babe. God, stop. Jack showed up with Lucy and they all introduced themselves and had some left over chinese food. Lucy as it turns out is a monster at bananagrams. Classic law school. They all got along swimmingly. It was pouring that night and Jim suggested that they have a movie night. They watched the Godfather Part II and felt pretty evil afterwards. Jack wanted to start a crime syndicate with his Youtube money. Blu would be his evil cat. It would be purr-fect.

Chapter 30

The Lost
Finn, come out. Stop drinking. What? Come on, lets go get some chicken. Fine. I like chicken. You coming Rillo? Yeah. Let me just get the mail. Word. Woah. What man? Hold on. Let me read this. What is it? Evidently that agent named Tom Moody that Hal met at the bar on the strip that one day before going to Berkeley had the demo EP mixed and Hal had signed with him and the EP was in production. Now that Hal killed himself there was some media buzz around his name and the record company used that to promote the EP. It worked. There was a youtube video of Hals performance caught by some poet in the bar that night and the video went viral. Pitchfork rated the EP 10/10 and pre-sales of the album looked really strong. Hals melancholy is big, pervasive and suocating- strummed chords and meekly mewed verses coated in thick layers of heartbreak, lyrics 97

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CHAPTER 30. THE LOST

hanging heavy with cold defeat, vocals seeped in doom. Even the simplicity of Hals songs can be oddly disheartening, the pretty bits always conceal grim, prickly underbellies, with Hals melodic lightness tempered by the very worst kind of self-alienation. hipsters eat that shit up. Another lost genius. Hal nally got his break. Rillo got a contract in the mail with the advance for the record deal, a check for ve-thousand dollars. Well, fuck man. At least, we get something back. God damn it, Hal. Fuck. God, fucking Pitchfork. Well, were drinking tonight I guess. Yeah, its what Hald want us to do. I know it. Yeah. The went to the liquor store and got some tequila, Hals second favorite liquor and then got some chicken. The Hernandez bros had brought over some corn that they had left over from a barbecue that day and it was sweet and salty. They all had a few shots of tequila and danced under the great moose head. It was the saddest dance party anyone had ever seen, but it felt nice to dance and sometimes you just have to dance. They knew that home would not be the same and Ray could feel it. Finn and Rillo were all ramblers too and they had the urge for going. I have a friend with a studio back up in Portland. I think we could all use a change of scene for awhile. Yeah. Id have to make sure its cool with dad rst, but Im sure hell understand. He took Hals going pretty hard too though. Its not his rst rodeo though. I gotta leave this place. I know. Lets drive up tomorrow. We can play the bros one last game before we go. I have a feeling I wont be back to LA anytime soon.

99 Yeah Ray, you fell in with us during some pretty crazy times. We werent like this before I tell ya. Rays one of us now though, well keep bugging him until he abandons us too. Ill try not to. Whatever. We all have to go sometime. You cant stop people from roaming. I think Ill roam with yall for awhile though. I like you guys. We like you too, Ray. Yeah, if only you were queer. Hey, hes kind of mine, Rillo, stop groping him. I dont mind. Hey! I like what Im hearing. Oh, shut up. Lets have another round. Yeah! Tequila! They had a few more shots and sat on the smelly couch. Later on, Ray found that enclosed in the package was a nal mix of the EP for them to listen to and they played it as the night was coming to an end. And it was sad and they all felt a deep sense of longing for Hal but also for something else. And as the warm night enclosed the sky with a grey and purple haze, the three friends sat on the couch looking out upon the street feeling lost. They knew how easy it was to get lost out there and they now understood themselves to be one of the lost as well.