IRINA SERBAN

FEAR AND EGO

Why tackling a subject that has been turned upside down in so many books, conferences, etc.? What new things can I possibly say on the matter? These were two questions that kept me from writing this, and yet, it didnt give me peaceI went to sleep, and I woke up with the same words going round and round in my head: Fear and Ego. I dont know if Im going to say something new, but Im surely going to put on paper my own thoughts and experience on the matter. A recent conversation spread a different light on the concept of Fear. I know and experienced the fact that it is the worst enemy one can ever have since it lurks in the darkness of your soul, its faceless, and loves to dismantle every initiative of growing and evolving spiritually, which one may have. It is a clever and observing enemy, and it always succeeds in finding your weak spot. Once found, it will start hammering until you go beyond the pain limit and become as inert as a statue. Is it sunny? Is it rainy? Tornados blow away your house? Who cares? Youre dead! A living dead! Fear stripped you of all your will power. Yes, I was aware of all that! Yet, it never crossed my mind that a person can start feeling unworthy because of Fear. (S)he goes through a myriad of misfortunes, rejections, mockery, people turning their backs when (s)he mostly needs them by her/his side, until one day, when a thought takes birth, first like a mere whisper, then louder and clearer: You are unworthy!, Do nothing, you have no energy left for one more heartbreak!. Resignation,

too, pays a visit to its friend, Fear, and they throw a party at your funeral, since thats the moment youre dead! Perceiving your inertia as a consciously taken decision is even worse (Im better off without investing feelings or acting in any way!). It wont keep you from being hurt again. What youre doing is punishing yourself with continuous suffering, since youll still be miserable. The only question one should ask themselves when realizing that they have a fit of resignation is: Whats the core of all those misfortunes, rejections, etc.? The answer is simple: Still Fear! It is the one, which keeps telling you whenever you start a new relationship or business that youre going to fail. And it is right! When you hold hands with Fear, you start walking on solid ground as if youre on slippery ice. Sooner or later, youll find that spot that will make you fall, and even if it isnt there, youll invent it. Youll be the one pushing away people and ignoring opportunities, and not the other way around. When people go, business fail, again youll blame it all on them, on hubris, or on who knows what ancient, vengeful god who doesnt consider you worthy as a human beingyou dont deserve love, success, sunny days, and thats why everything breaks in your house. Youre just a poor, miserable human being at the mercy of uncontrollable forces. False! Each of us goes through days or even months like living nightmares, but attitude and acknowledging where is Fear talking through you helps a lot and shifts the whole range of events. You have to ignore Fear's voice! Youll never be able to fight it to death, since it will always accompany you; ignore it, and give all of yourself to new situations and people, do your best under any circumstance, and that will do. As Steven Pressfield said in his book, The War of Art:

Resistance is like a telemarketer; if you so much as say hello, youre finished. The pro doesnt even pick up the phone. He stays at work. Its as simple as that! The hardest part is discerning its voice and not mistaking it for your own conscious choices. Inaction has never been a human choice! Its ok to rest and gather your thoughts for a while, but whenever you get up and hear that voice telling you Lie back down! thats not you, its It! Whats Ego got to do with all these? Steven Pressfield in The War of Art views Ego as such: I think angels make their home in the Self, while Resistance has its seat in the Ego. The instinct that pulls us toward art is the impulse to evolve, to learn, to heighten and elevate our consciousness. The Ego hates this. Because the more awake we become, the less we need the Ego. So, what relationship is there between Fear and Ego? The author is right: Ego hates change, hates spiritual enlightenment, because it is so caught in the materialistic life that it shuns any glimpse of awakening to our higher self. I for one see Ego as the defensive answer of Fear. They grow exponentially. The more fear you experience towards a certain course of action, the more Ego will take a hold on you. It is Fears best buddy! It comes with intentions of division, trying to separate your Self from all important ideas and impulses; it even separates you from the rest of the world. Thus, it eases Fears work. You know, the famous Divide et impera! Therefore, when Fear alone finds it hard at putting you to death, it calls

forth its deadly ally: Ego, which will start to dismantle you presently. These two together trigger all your demons: resentment, hostility, blame, selfimportance, victimization, anger, jealousy, complain, etc., and give them the necessary force to reduce you to the size of a fly in agony. Ego will make you feel superior in your misery and full-of-failure life, and vests everything in martyrdom. It will make you consider all the others as little people incapable of such elevated feelings as yours. I have no recipes on winning the battle with Fear and Ego! I think that the sooner one reacts the better. As I stated before, acknowledge its presence, discern its voice and words, ignore it! Fear is afraid, too, and knows it cannot do the job alone: it needs you and your Ego! Thats why it keeps chattering in your ear trying to brainwash you. Fight it when its alone, for if Ego kicks in, the fight will be a life and death one. Fear and Egothey are the worst enemies you can have. The former is a force living inside you, the latter is part of you literally. Its hard to fight something you dont see, and yourself. It is a constant battle, but it is worthwhile since it gives you back to yourself in your full splendour. You are worthy, you have the necessary energy to start over again, you love to give and receive love, you love change and new things, you love this journey called life! Dont let that mean voice tell you otherwise! Dont pick up the phone, when it rings! Fight it! Do it now! The most pernicious aspect of procrastination is that it can become a habit. We don't just put off our lives today; we put them off till our deathbed. (Steven Pressfield The War of Art) A.N. Thank you to the author Steven Pressfield

(http://www.stevenpressfield.com) for his generous permission to quote

from his work, The War of Art.

Copyright 2013 Irina Serban. All rights reserved