Shadows In the Dust

Samantha Fahey

Prologue
Run. Just keep running. She was losing energy quickly. Damn that cheesecake. Because of that,
her gym membership was unused. She really wished she was in shape right now.
When she neared a clearing, she glanced quickly over her shoulder. The trees were all dead, the
birds had all gone, and the animals had no where to live. The only sounds were the leaves crunching under
her feet, her heavy breathing, and her heart pounding, tearing, trying to jump on to her breast. She
slowed. Where did he go? Where could he have gone?
She reached the clearing and stopped. Maybe there was an AK-47 nearby. Dang, her throat was
dry, wanting that tantalizing feeling of the last morsel of that cheesecake running down her throat. Wait, I
shouldn’t move, she thought, he may be nearby.
She tried to tell herself that it wasn’t her fault. But she couldn’t help thinking it. If she didn’t break
her diet and ate that cheesecake, she would not be thrown into the swirling torrent of morbid obesity that
was engulfing her whole psyche.
Why couldn’t he see how much she loved it? It was an accident. She would never intentionally
break her diet.
She took a few uneasy steps.
“Rich?” her voice shook wildly. “Rich, this is crazy. Just come out so we can talk.”
He stepped out from behind a tree a few yards away. He was holding the AK-47.
“I’m through talking.” Her whole world was turned upside down when he suddenly turned that
fateful corner. How could he possibly realize that fact that she ruined that entire training plan that he had
been working on for weeks?! Rich. The personal trainer, gone bad (HE). I wonder if someone would be
stupid enough to write a book about this?

( Bah-Bah-BAAAh)

Chapter One
Three Years Earlier
There it was, the McDonalds that she would be working for, hopefully, the rest of her life. She
wondered if she was dressed appropriately. Lorelei Rose Walken was wearing an ankle-length brown dress.
She had sky blue heels and a matching jacket, bringing out the blue in her hair. Her dark brown eyes were
darkened black by the ounce of speed she had taken, as well as her Sassy Girl Mascara. She took a deep
breath and walked unsteadily into the building.
Her eardrums were immediately assaulted with voices, patties flipping, and the constant cluttered
noise of black ladies ordering a supersized Big Mac, and then coming inside the building to complain of it
being a little to super. Women in bras and dirty tank tops were running around in many different directions.
She made her way to the main desk, careful not to be run over.
“Helloe, could I supersize tha fer yeu?” the woman at the desk had a deep, low-pitched voice. She
must have been on those new lime-flavored steroids. I hear that those are the latest fad…
 “Yes, my name is Lorelei Walken and it’s my first day. Where d--” she was interrupted by the
phone.
The woman answered, “Helleu, McDrnalds.”
Lorelei waited. About three minutes later the woman hung up the phone.
“Could you tell me where I’m supposed to go?” she said quickly, so as not to be interrupted again.
After all, she didn’t want to be late on her first day. And she was bound to get lost. This building was huge,
and full of hungry customers waiting for a hot, steamy blow j--- Sorry. I meant to say meal… Nevermind…
“Wha did yer sae yor nam wa?” The morbidly obese woman said.
“Lorelei Wa--” phone again. She sighed. She thought about trying to find her way herself, but
quickly decided against it. Another several minutes later, the woman hung up the phone and leaned back
in her chair. “Lorelei Walken, it’s my first day and I need to know where to go.” Stay calm.
“Lorela wha?”
Remain calm. “Walken, you retard.”
“Ohkae, onn momen plahse. Uups!” The phone rang again. Lorelei snatched it. “Hi, McDonalds
secret servi-- I mean… Restaurant, may I take your order?” she said politely, as the woman’s face grew
red, “one moment please.” She looked at the woman behind the desk, “Tell me where I’m supposed to be.
Please.”
The woman pounded on the previous order. Usually Lorelei was quiet. She was shy and observant.
A better listener than talker. A better follower than leader, and other synonyms for comparing a superior
figure to an inferior one.
“Seventeenth flo downh. Sahe Richarh Leverhs for your dahsk placemenh.” She said as she ripped
out Lorelei’s breast implants straight from her artificially enlarged cleavage. (No inappropriateness
involved.)
“Thank you.” She smiled bitch-like, “and you better pay more, next time, because those implants
had cost at least $560, or else I’ll get promoted and fire you.”
Hmm, that was harsh. She didn’t even know if she’d be good at her job. She didn’t know if she’d
want to be good at her job. Disregarding this thought, she continued down the McDonald’s hallway, and
found a door that Read, “Mickey D’s Secret Service-please stay out”. She then caught sight of a small
elevator.
The elevator music was terrible. She was nervous. Hopefully this Richard Levers guy wasn’t big,
fat, and/or fetid. The door opened and she froze, he was sexy, not to mention fortified with a hot greased
beer-belly.
He sat upright the second I walked in, and his pantal region seemed to elevate also. (No
inappropriateness involved.)
“Agent Walken.”
“Yes, sir?”-I wasn’t quite sure that my position name was ‘Agent’
“We have your new target, my belly. Report to the main fat roll immediately.”
“Yes, sir. Glob, blub, blub. Wow you sure have a lot of water weight…”(
(No Inappropriateness involved.)
--------------------------------------
He threw on his old pair of jeans and a red t-shirt. Mirror check. Hair everywhere. He smoothed it
down as best as he could. Good enough. He slipped on his sneakers on his way out of his office.
“Hey Cal!” someone yelled when he was almost halfway down the hall. He turned to see Maria
running toward him. He smiled, opening his belly to catch her. She was tiny compared to him.
“I missed you.” She breathed, her eyes twinkling.
 “Two weeks. How will you survive when I go away on my next ‘mission’ ?” it was meant to be a
joke, but he watched as her expression turned horny.
“How long will you be away?”
“I’m going to get my “assignment” now.”
He held her closer and kissed her forehead.
“Well, hurry up. You don’t want to be late…” she said, pushing closer to him.
“Maria.” He pushed her back, “I love you.”
She smiled, “I love you, too.” She stood up on her tip-toes to kiss him. “I hope you won’t have to
leave my ‘country’.”
He knew he would.

Chapter Two
She got back on the elevator.
He was maybe 3’7”, with dark brown hair, long and greasy in the front, and had very light brown, kakka-ish
eyes. He was too attractive in his light green dress and black tie.
“Sorry, am I in your way?” he asked her.
“Oh...uhm…yessssss. thankyou!” Her mouth was very wet.
He smiled. Gosh she liked his smile. “Would you happen to be Ms. Walken?”
Her “stomach” jumped when he said her name. Why did it do that? He was attractive. Gosh he
was attractive. But so what? She didn’t come here for men, she came here for women. And to help her 17
children (she is 19). Ever since she was tried as a prostitute, her mother has been all shook up. Unable to
work. Luckily her father is retired so he can be with her. But that doesn’t bring in much money, or action
for that matter. Maybe that’s why she hit on her own grandchildren.
“Uhm. Yes.” Pull yourself together.
“You have great timing, Ms. Walken. I was just coming to search you. I see you made it through
the morning “rush” safe and sound. ”
“Yeah. Is it always like that?”
“Especially on Wednesdays.” He replied.
The elevator doors began to close. They both stuck their ….out and his brushed hers. Her heart
leaped. She could feel her “face” grow hot. Dang it.
“Come on; let’s get you out of this elevator and “on” to your new desk.” He smiled. His teeth were
perfect. Like the ones you see at the dentist, or the ones you see on the box for those racist whitening
strips.
“You’re Richard?” she remembered.
“Oh, I’m sorry. Yes. Richard Levers. But call me Rich.” (DA DA DA)!@!!
“Call me Lorelei.”
“Deal.”
-----------------------------------
“Agent Walken. Nice of you to join us.”
“Sorry, sir.”
The normally large room didn’t look so big when it was filled to capacity with a bunch of old guys.
They ranged from 50-80 years old and they all had Adolf Hitler-mustaches, as well as pocket protectors.
Cal promised himself he’d never grow a mustache. Especially after that “incident” with the can opener.
“You feeling up for a challenge?” the man who had spoken was standing farthest away from the
door, however his voice echoed off the high, empty walls, making him sound close, close like applesauce
on rye. He looked to be the youngest of all the men, his mustache short and black, like that Chinese dude
from that movie “Gia”.
“I feel great, sir.”
When he was first taught to say ‘sir’ after everything the chief said, he thought it was, well, bull.
However, he thought better of it after the fourth time being slapped off the head.
“Agent Gibler was recently sent to Djibouti, Africa to investigate the mysterious disappearance of
Agent House.” The man closest to him said. His voice was high, like he hadn’t gone through puberty yet.
Though, his looks far deceived him on that one.
Then another man spoke up, “Agent House was sent to McDonalds to savor ‘The Sacred Ancient
Turkey Relish’”.
Cal shifted uneasily on his feet.
‘The Sacred Ancient Turkey Relish’, like their name implies, is a very old gang of Turkeys that
seems to grow in number every year. They travel all around the world, committing every crime possible.
They steal from stores, rob museums and banks, and rape innocent cattle and other assorted livestock.
Not to mention the occasional wookie, and oh yeah, your mom. (WHAT NOW BIACH!?)
It took a lot to make Cal show any emotion having to do with being scared, but ‘The Ancient’
accomplished that task easily. They are made up of only male turkeys, and only if they are about 6’2” and
weighed more than 210-all muscle, of course. They are always armed, and always willing to kill anyone
and everyone not willing to lick the cheese off of their gizzard. They kill with speed, skill, and efficiency. A
well-oiled machine. Or maybe it was a much-greased piece of man…
The second man spoke again, “When Agent House didn’t check in, we sent Agent Gibler over. It’s
been three weeks and we haven’t heard anything.”
So…what? There’re going to send him over there so he could get killed, too?
“Your mission is to g--”
He was cut off by a short, plump woman barging in through the door. She ran straight into Cal and
fell backwards. He muffled a chuckle and turned around, offering out hand to help her up.
She smiled slightly as she accepted his help, but as soon as she was on her feet, she ran over to
the chief.
“He’s alive! He got hold of a phone and said that he was being held captive in a factory
somewhere outside of the plaza where the McDonalds was. Then he had to go bec--”
“Who??” four men said at once.
“Joseph House!”
“Well,” the chief started, looking thoughtful, “that changes things.”

Chapter Three
She officially loved her job. She was on her fifth assignment, and while it wasn’t drive thru board
material, but it was very interesting. And very funny. It was bringing up a lot of controversy; a man wanted
to have plastic surgery to make himself a woman, but still remain married to his wife. There was no point
really. Guess he was just tired of his--
“Hey there.”
“Hey yourself.” she smiled. Rich had become sort-of her new mentor. He met her every morning
in the front lobby. She found out that the woman at the front desks name is Alexandra. Alex for short. It
suited her. Or him. He rode in the elevator with her, he too didn’t like the music, and helped her get
“started” at her “desk”. Because of this, she had become more comfortable around him, but also more
horny. Like corn on rye. Though she still got butterflies every time she first walked through the doors of the
Burger King and saw him standing there.
“How ya doin’, Rory?” Rory. That was his nickname for her. Well, her brother called her that, too.
But it was different coming from Rich.
“Goin’ strong. I have an interview with Billy O’Connor at noon. He wants my help in deciding
between Katelyn or Elizabeth.”
“For what?”
“His new name, after he becomes a woman, like I di-- I mean, like Rosy O’Donnel did.”
They laughed. She was addicted to his laugh.
“What time will you be back?” the smile, still bright up in dis b---- like yo momma oh oh what
whaaaaaaat
“Dunno. Three-thirtyish?” she was writing in her calendar, not really paying attention to him.
Though she knew she should.
“Think I could take you to dinner afterward?”
She stopped. Did she hear him right? Did he really just ask her out? No. No way. No way! She
looked up at him. He was still smiling. How could she say no?! He was perfect.
“I suppose.”
“If you don’t want t--”
“No!” oops. She had said that too quickly. His smile grew. She laughed nervously. “I want to. And
besides, you’re kinda my boss. You could fire me if I refuse.”
“True. But I wouldn’t do that…this is going to sound really corny, but you’re my best friend. I love
having you here.”
Oh. What was she thinking? It wasn’t a date. It was two friends hanging out. Nothing more. She
should have known. How could she believe that he could ever love her? She should be happy. He was her
best friend. She was him. She forced a smile.
“That’s not corny. Ok, maybe a little.”
He laughed, and envisioned the upcoming “assignment” that she would soon receive. Oooooh
yes….
-----------------------------------
He had been sent to wait in another room while the chief discussed Cal’s new mission.
What was there to discuss? There weren’t seriously going to send him over there to get captured
as well? Or maybe, ‘The Ancient’ won’t even waste their time. They’ll probably just kill him. Or use the
Holy Hand-Grenade of Antioch.
How was Joe still alive? Was Marky Gib still alive, too? It wasn’t like ‘The Ancient’ to hold prisoners.
Maybe they wanted money. Nah, they could just go rob a bank. It was that easy for them.
“What if it’s not ‘The Ancient’?” That lightened his mood. A man with a curly white mustache
stuck his head in the door like a koala.
“Let’s go.” He said, emotionless.
“What am I, a dog?” Cal mumbled.
He got up and walked through the door to the main room. It seemed smaller than before; more
people had entered. One in particular stood out. It was a young woman, around Cal’s age. Maybe a bit
harder working. She was very attractive. He compared her to a Barbie doll.
He smiled. It seemed as though she had several different torsos, and she turned away.
“Agent Walken.”
He turned his gaze from her to give his attention to the chief.
 “You will fly to McDonalds, and right when you land you will buy me a supersized Big Mac with a
medium fry.”
Knew it, he loved his burgers. “Yes, sir.”
She knew it was a huge risk.
“Go to the white castle with the yellow shutters, it’s two blocks away from the CVS on a badly
paved road.
Weird. Cal took out his blackberry and punched in the description.
“Ask them about any restaurants in or around McDonalds. Check in. Don’t move your position!
Hold place and wait on our word for your next ‘order.”
“Yes, sir. When am I leaving?”
“You mean ‘we’ and never by the way, just kidding, lighten up, I mean come on, what the Hell-o
Kitty. You and Agent Flow will be leaving in two days at sixteen hundred.”
“Agent Flow?”
The Ken doll stepped forward, and said in a gay lisp “Hi, you look thexy in that tuxedo, man you
are what the ladies thay you are, oh you tho fine baby!”

Chapter Four
She was asleep when her cell phone rang. What time is it? She rolled over to see the glowing blue
alarm clock. 1:30? Who would be calling at 1:30 in the morning?
“Hello?”
“I’m not signing the papers.”
“…John?”
Why was he calling her? She should have asked for that restraining order…
“We’re not getting divorced. I love you more than ostrich on rye.”
“Don’t say that.” Oh no. She shouldn’t have said that.
“Where the hell are you?
“Home? I’m coming.”
She stiffened. It wasn’t always like this. When she first met him, he was sweet and sassy. After
only two months, they were engaged. For some reason, she couldn’t say no. A month later, she became
Mrs. John Bundie. she had really believed that she was in love. Then he started hitting her harder than a
twenty dollar whore.
“We already went over this. Just stay away from me, John.”
“No, I love you.”
“Stop it.”
“I love you.”
“No you don’t! You loved hurting me! I have scars and bruises from you, John! And you don’t even
care. You’d do it again, wouldn’t you?
He was silent, as though a ferret had suddenly grasped his second to smallest toe on his left
foot.(His left was sensitive.)
“Goodbye, John.” And he hung up, hoping that that was the last time she’d ever speak to him
again. Jeez he scared him. It’s like that time on the show “scarred” when a guy got his balls ripped off…
(No Inappropriateness involved.)
The room was pitch black. He looked at the clock again. 1:34. Today is going to be a long day. Just
like your dad. Long. I would know. Yes, me. The narrator.
-----------------------------------
 How long had he been lying there? It was only 4:30, right before dinner, but Agent Stevens was
snoring loudly below him.
So, he was to fly to McDonalds, find some random combo meal, and then what? Get a “supersized
shake” with his two buddies? Shouldn’t the chief know that this was a stupid move?
Shut up. Stop being so pessimistic. He could be the agent who stops all this ridiculousness with
‘The Ancient Turkey Relish’.
His cell rang.
He snatched it quick, but Bill Stevens had already jumped up and hit his head on the top bunk.
“Shit, man!”
“Sorry, Billy,” as he smacked him on the head again, blood started pouring out, “toughen up.”
Billy chuckled and left the room.
“Agent Walken.” His usual greeting.
“Hi, sweetheart.”
“Hi, Mom. Everything ok?”
“Yes. We’re just missing you, missing you ,missing you, MISSING YOU, EMPHASIS .”
She worried about him too much.
“Well, I’ll drive down there now. I want to tell you about my new ‘assignment’. It’s ridiculous.”
Chapter Five
Their date -if you could call it that- had gone well. They went for pizza, watched a little of the Red
Sox game at his place, took their clothes off and then had some fun, wet and exciting games of Tether ball.
Later, he drove her home. They laughed and joked the whole. Just friend stuff. Though, her heart would
beat faster whenever their “HANDS” would brush or he would look into her “eyes” and or cleavage that
had had implants previously ripped out of…
“Hey, Rory.” He sounded high.
She looked up. Wow. His eyes were red and puffy. He had streaks down his face. His hair was a
total mess. And even with all of that, he still looked like a God. She jumped up and walked around her desk
to take his pants off and put on a new pair, no inappropriateness involved.
“Is anything ok?” obviously so. But she couldn’t think of anything else to say to her personal
trainer that had many times told her what to do. If you know what I mean… (no inappropriateness
involved).
He paused for a moment, his eyes looking thoughtful. She reached up and smoothed down his
hair.
“My brother! my brother! They said his heart just wasn’t strong enough anymore, so I started
taking unhealthy amounts of Oxycontin!”
She could feel a lump forming in her…. She had never met him, but Rich “talked” about his
brother all the time. How smart he was. How funny he could be, no matter what the circumstances. Always
optimistic, and always loving. Daniel Levers was only 5 and Rich had loved him, in an inappropriate way.
She was on the verge of tears. But she wouldn’t cry. She had to be strong. For Rich’s sake. For her
Diet Plan. For Her very soul.
“Can I do you?” it was almost a whisper.
Tears were slowly, silently rolling down his cheeks.
“Will you at funeral?” his voice cracked.
“Of course.”
Not knowing what else to do, she gently put her arms around him. He hugged her back. She could
feel his tears soaking into her shirt. She could also feel her heart aching. Aching for his pain. Because his
pain, is her pain. Like Siamese twins. But different genders. Otherwise that would kind of stink. Like if we
were actually Siamese twins. Which we’re not. That was just a simile.
“Come on,” she said, gently wiping the tears from his face, “let’s get you home.”
He showed a weak smile, but it didn’t touch his sad eyes.
It hurt her heart even more.
-----------------------------------
He watched Maria until the jet flew out of view.
“Your boyfriend?”
He turned to look at Angela Flow.
“Yes.”
They held each other’s gaze, and then she faced forward.
“You don’t remember me, do you?”
He racked his memory, “OH, I DO!?”
She paused, still facing forward.
“I was Lorelei’s best friend.”
Oh. Oh…oh! “Angie, Angie!”
She smiled. She looked different. Older, obviously. Nose job? No. She still had that cute little
button nose.
“Did you dye your hair?”
“Yeah, the whole ‘purple-head’ thing wasn’t working for me.”
“I like it.” It wasn’t a lie. She was always an unattractive girl. But now…
“How is she?”
“Lorelei? She’s doing well. She got a job at the McDonalds, in the slums.”
She nodded.
What had happened between his sister and this woman? And how did she end up in the food
industry, not to mention on the same “mission” as him.
He looked over at her. She was looking out the window. Man, she is beautiful…
Maybe he should call Maria?
She looked over at him and smiled.
Nah, Maria can wait.

Chapter Six
He was dressed in all black. A modest, no-sleeved blouse and a skimpy jean skirt that flared at
the bottom paired with high-heeled sandals. He had her hair down with a large black headband keeping it
out of his face.
He hadn’t cried. Yet. He knew he would be soon, however.
His phone rang.
“Hello Sydney!”
“My name is Jigsaw! Would you like to play a game?” , I see your dad is outside mowing the lawn,
so I was thinking. How long has it been since we’ve talked?! Why haven’t you called, young lady?”
Scream laughed. Guess Jigsaw is feeling better.
“Hey, you have fingers, too! What’s been going on?”
“Hmm. Your brother came home the other day. He looked great. Have you seen him?”
“Unfortunately, no.”
“He’s so muscular! Seems like just the other day, he was a skinny little thing, and wanted to grow
up to be a professional baseball player!” he laughed, “And now look where he is,” his tone grew serious,
“the ‘Homicides R Us’ I can’t believe it. I’m always so scared that he’s going to get saved miraculously and
not get hurt…” his voice trailed off.
“Don’t worry, Baby. He’s really good at what he does.”
“I know. Just a Gals worry, I guess.” Jigsaw heard him chuckle softly, “Speaking of children.”
Here we go. Scream sighed, Jigsaw really wanted to be the father.
“Well, if you must know,” she smiled, “’member my friend Rich I told you about? He--”
He was interrupted by the doorbell.
“Crap, that’s him now. Gutta goes, JiggsseeWiggsly.”
“A date?” Jiggssee sounded jealous, Rich won’t be with us much longer,
“No. A funeral. Call you later, love you, ‘catch you lata grl.”
-----------------------------------
When he walked in, it was as though there were several different ferrets all scurrying up and down
my spine. I didn’t know whether to be worried or sad, or overjoyed to be seeing him again. All that I could
manage was, “How’s your news?”.

NO FERRETS OR ANCIENT BEASTLY TURKEYS WERE HARMED IN THE STORY,

(Except for the ferret that had to look at yo mamma’s face, oh he is scarred!)