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THE DISTURBING DR SHELDON by ELISABETH SCOTT CHAPTER ONE Through the long months of waiting, Alison had thought and dreamed of the moment when she would see David again. Somehow, though, in her thoughts and in her dreams, their meeting always took place in Edinburgh. Under the shadow of Castle Rock, in busy and bustling Princes Street, or at the big hospital where they had both trained. Instead, he was waiting for her at Windhoek airport, and even in that first moment she could see how much he had changed. His fair hair was sun-bleached against the unaccustomed brown of his face. But the change went deeper than that. There was a new strength, a new confidence about him. The clear brightness of the Namibian light, the strangeness of the voices around her-she could hear German, and Afrikaans, she thought, because it sounded a little like Dutch, and a variety of other languages from the black people around-all this contributed to the unreal feeling of being with David again, here, and not in the places that were familiar to both of them. "It's good to see you, Alison," he said, and he hugged her, his lips brushing her cheek. In a brotherly way, Alison thought with sudden bleakness. And yet, she reminded herself as she followed him through the rows of parked cars, that was exactly what he would have been if Cathy hadn't died. Her brother-well, brother-in-law. In the car, he looked down at her. DID YOU PURCHASE THIS BOOK WITHOUT A COVER? If you did, you should be aware it is stoleq property as it was reported unsold and destroyed by a retailer. Neither the Author nor the publisher has received any payment for this book. All the characters in this book have no existence outside the imagination of the aa thor and have no relation whatsoever to anyone bearing the same name or names. They are not even distantly inspired

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html by any individual known or an known to the author, and all the incidents are i pure invention. All rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. This edition is published by arrangement with Harlequin Enterprises II B. V. The lext of this publication or any part thereof may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, inc lading photocopying, recording, storage in an information retrieval system, or otherwise, without the written permission of the pablisher. ! This book is sold sabject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, resold, hired out or otherwise circulated without the prior consent of the publisher in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent ' purchaser. ' MILLS & BOON, the Rose Device and LOVE ON CALL are trademarks of the publisher. ! Harlequin Mills & Boon Limited, Eton House,18-24 Paradise Road, Richmond, Surrey 7W9 ISR ! This edition pqiblished by arrangement with Harleqain Enterprises B. V. (C) Elisabeth Scott 1996 ISBN 0263794989 I Set in Times 10 on 10q/ pt. by Rowland Phototypesetting Limited Bury St. Edmunds, Suffolk 03-9603-49246 Made and, printed in Great Britain Cover illustration by Andy Lloyd lones i CHAPTER ONE THRouGH the long months of waiting, Alison had thought and dreamed of the moment when she would see David again. Somehow, though, in her thoughts and in her dreams, their meeting always took place in Edinburgh. Under the shadow of Castle Rock, in busy and bustling Princes Street, or at the big hospital where they had both trained. Instead, he was waiting for her at Windhoek airport, and even in that first moment she could see how much he had changed. His fair hair was sun-bleached against the unaccustomed brown of his face. But the change went deeper than that. There was a new strength, a new confidence about him. The clear brightness of the Namibian light, the strangeness of the voices around her-she could hear German, and Afrikaans, she thought, because it sounded a little like Dutch, and a variety of other languages from the black people around-all this contributed to the unreal feeling of being with David again, here, and not in the places that were familiar to both of them. "It's good to see you, Alison," he said, and he hugged her, his lips brushing her cheek. In a brotherly way, Alison thought with sudden bleakness. And yet, she reminded herself as she followed him through the rows of parked cars, that was exactly what he would have been if Cathy hadn't died. Her brother-well, brother-in-law.

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html In the car, he looked down at her. "Look," David said. "The three castles."

"I hope you're going to like it here," he said doubtqlly'It's a very different life, you know. Whatever She had read about them, these three Germanmade you decide to apply for the post here?" looking castles, and there they were on the skyline, Oh, David; she thought, not sure whether she felt incongruous, with the heat of the African sky burning closer to laughter or to tears. David, can you really down on them. be that blind? The Alte Fest," he said then. "It's the oldest building y in Windhoek-but that's only in a manner of speaking. She couldn t, of course say, I came because of ou. I came because I thought that perhaps now, after two It was built around 1890. Used to be the military fort years , you might be read to turn to me. And, since now it's a museum, and a restaurant. We'll have a It didn't look as if ou wy ere going to come back to meal there some time." me, I've come to you. And in spite of her sensible reminder to herself to No, she couldn't say any of that. greeted her her heart accept the brotherly way he had

"I suppose it's the old Scottish sense of adventure gave a small leap of hope. she sald lightly. "New countries, new horizons, new "But you don't want a guided tour right now," he challenges. Thanks for your help with the work permit said. "You must be tired. I'll take you to the flat, and by the way I hadn't realised it might be a problem." I'll show you where the clinic is, and I'll leave you to He shrugged. get settled in."

"Red tape," he told her. "When I came here they The flat he had found for her was just off the main gave me a temporary permit-three months, like the street-the street that used to be called the Kaiserone you have. They renewed it twice, and now I have strasse, he told her, but was now Independence a year's permit. It's always possible, with special skills, Avenue. and when you phoned me I told the board that we "It's just round the corner from the clinic-you couldn't afford to miss the chance of a sister with surgi- come out here, turn left, and that's it," he said. "You cal ward training, coming from my old hospital. did say you'd like a furnished flat, for a start, and Fortunately, they agreed." when I heard about this it seemed ideal. The girl She had barely been taking in the countryside around who owns it has been transferred to Cape Town for her, but now, because she had to think of something a year." other than the matter-of-fact briskness of David's The flat was small, but pleasant and cool after the voice, she looked out, and in spite of what she had heat of the day. And all at once she was tired, she read, in spite of the photos David's mother had shown realised, after the long flight. her, the bleakness of the land shook her. "Will you be all right?" David asked a little doubtfully " " You et as he set her suitcase

Miles and miles of nothin David said.

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html down. "I have to get back to the , g, g used to it, Alison. hospital-you're not due to start work until tomorrow, And then, suddenly, they were driving between rows but, if you do feel you want to have a look, come of houses, and she could see vivid bougainvillea, round. Ask for me, and I'll take you to meet Matron." purple, pink, and red, and a bright orange creeper Once again his llps brushed her cheek, and then he covering walls and doorways. was gone. Alison looked down from the balcony-no, the stoep, David had called it-and watched his tall figure striding towards his car. For a moment she felt totally abandoned and totally alone. And, for the first time, she wondered if she had made a mistake coming here. Her mother certainly thought so. "You're going because of David," she had said flatly, and there hadn't been much point in denying that. Then, unsteadily, she had asked, "Oh, Alison, love, are you sure you should go?" There had only been one answer. "I have to Mum," Alison had said simply. She opened her suitcase and began to put her clothes in the built-in wardrobe in the small bedroom. Her uniforms were ready to wear, and somehow the sight of her badge from St. Margaret's gave her a spurt of confidence. She caught sight of herself in the mirror, and after a moment she lifted her chin defiantly. The girl in the mirror immediately looked more sure of herself. Her clear grey eyes were steady, her mouth firm in the oval face, framed by the thick, shoulder-length brown hair. From her sultcase Alison lifted her photographs, and set them on the dressing-table. Her mother and father, with the old spaniel, Mac, at their feet. Her grandmother , smiling at her. And then, her hands not quite steady, she lifted out the photograph of Cathy and herself together. Cathy, her beloved older sister. two years ago. Cathy, who had died in a car crash

In the photo Cathy's hair, a little darker than Alison's, was blowing across her face, and she had one hand lifted, brushing it away. They were both laughing, the two sisters. We often laughed together, Alison thought, remembering , and once again the pain of losing Cathy swept over her. She would think she had grown accustomed to a world without her sister, and then cuddenly, just like this, the grief would be there, hardly able to be borne. "Oh, Cathy, I miss you so much," she whispered. David had taken the photograph, soon after he and Cathy had got engaged. In those days, Alison thought, remembering, David was Cathy's, and that

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html was that. She wondered sometimes now if she had loved him right from the start, without even admitting it to herself Or had it only happened after Cathy died, when the shared loss had drawn them together? She didn't know now. All she did know was that one day, months after Cathy died, she had just known that she loved David. It had been a disturbing realisation. It had seemed almost as if she was betraying Cathy, and the guilt of that, of being here, being alive, of feeling this way about David, when Cathy was gone-none of that had been easy to come to terms with. But the loss of Cathy had still been too new, too raw, for her and for David, and she had known that there was no chance then of him turning to her. So there was nothing, she had told herself, sensibly and realistically, for her to feel guilty about. At least not yet. And so the waiting had begun. Because they worked in the same hospital, and because he was surgical registrar on the floor where Alison was sister, she saw him often. Seeing him, working with him, made her completely certain of her feelings for him. And made her become too hopeful, she had realised later. She sat down on the bed now, remembering how she had felt the day David had told her he was coming here, to the new private clinic. "Windhoek?" she'd said, taken aback. "So far away?"

He had nodded. "It seems a good idea," he'd said steadily. He'd hesitated , but only for a moment. "There are too many memories for me here at St. Margaret's, Alison." There had been deep sadness in his voice. "Cathy and I met here while we were both trainjng; we worked together here. I-I need to get away; I need to go somewhere new. ' And then, misunderstanding her silence, he'd added, "It isn't that I'll ever forget Cathy, Alison; don't think that. But she's gone, and I have to get' on with my life, and I think this is the best way to do it." She had been devastated. It was only then that she'd realised how much she had been hoping that he would turn to her as the pain of his loss eased, as time passed. And then, slowly and because she was a positive person, Alison had begun to think and to dream of how it would be when he came back. Perhaps he was right, she would tell herself. Perhaps this was the best thing, and perhaps, when he did come back, he would look at her differently. She didn't know now how long she would have gone on waiting, and hoping. But when she had seen the advertisement for the post of Surgical Sister at the clinic where he worked she had made up her mind immediately. And here I am, she thought, standing up. This is what I wanted, and

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html now I've got it. Once again she lifted her chin, unconsciously determined and defiant. And perhaps this is the right thing for both of us, to meet here, to start off afresh, away from all the memories , away from the past. There was no doubt that David was pleased to see her. Anything more than that would take time. But he had gone out of his way to find this flat for her, and to make her feel welcome. There were flowers on the small coffee-table, and there was a small posy bowl on the kitchen counter. She was touched to think of David's hands-his competent, surgeon's hands arranging these flowers for her. And he had done more than that. The fridge held milk and butter and eggs, a lettuce, some tomatoes, a cucumber, a packet of sliced ham. There were tea bags in the cupboard above the counter, and a jar of coffee, and even a few tins. All things, she reminded herself sensibly, that a , friend, or a brother, would do, and she shouldn t build too much on any of them. But... She touched the flowers again, and she thought of David doing this for her. For the first time, now, she admitted to herself how strange it had been, seeing David again. He had almost seemed like a stranger instead of the man she had loved, steadily and faithfully, through the long time of waiting. He even looked different-so brown, his hair sun-bleached. But of course he was still the same David, Alison reminded herself; she just needed time with him. As he would need time with her. It had been a long flight, and suddenly she was so tired. She kicked off her sandals and lay down on the bed, just for five minutes. Two hours later, when she opened her eyes, it took her a moment or two to realise where she was. She jumped up and hurried out onto the stoep. It was still warm, but the sun was low in the sky now, and the heat of the day had gone. She could see, on the main street, people hurrying along, obviously going home from work. It was only half past four, but David had told her that people started work early here. She made herself a cup of tea and opened one of the packets of biscuits that David had put in the cupboard for her. Was it too late, she wondered, to walk round to the clinic? Just so that she would know what she was doing in the morning. David had said to come if she wanted to. She changed into a cotton skirt and a sleeveless blouse, washed her face and brushed her hair. Then she applied an all-in-one foundation and a touch of lipstick. She hesitated, then did her eyes, telling herself that she wanted to look her best for meeting Matron and any of the other staff. It was pleasant to feel the sun still warm on her bare legs as she walked out into the street, reaching for her sunglasses even now, in the late afternoon. A little way along the main street and then turn left, David had said. There it was. Windhoek Surgical Clinic.

Alison took a deep breath and walked up the steps.

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html She wasn't sure qulte what happened next-whether her dark glasses made it difficult for her to see or whether she tripped on the last step. But the door opened, she lost her balance, and found herself in the arms of a tall man who was hurrying out. " , y Hey, look out, he said, anno ed. "I'm sorry," Alison apologised breathlessly. "I didn't see you. '

He sighed and shook his head then hurried on down the steps, his jacket slung over one shoulder, the sleeves of his blue shirt rolled up. Alison took a deep, steadying breath and pushed the big glass door open. It was pleasantly cool mside, and the reception area was pretty and welcoming, with two chintz couches, glass-topped tables with magazines , and a restful fish tank. "Can I see Dr. Reid?" she said to the receptionist.

"I think he's doing ward rounds," the red-haired young woman said doubtfully. "If you'd like to sit down, I can catch him when he finishes." Alison sat down and picked up one of the magazines, not really taking in what she was reading. "Alison-so you found your way here. Helen, this is Sister Maynard; she's come from Scotland to work here. ' David-and in his white coat he looked more reassuringly familiar than he had before. "Come and meet Matron," he said, and led the way along the polished corridor. Matron was small and brisk, and in spite of her German accent her manner was like that of so many matrons Alison had known that she found this reassuring too. "Sister Maynard, we are very glad you have come to work here with us. Come -I will show you around our little hospital." "I'll leave you to it, Matron," David said. see in my rooms." "I have some patients to

Matron, seeing Alison's surprise, explained that each of the doctors at this small private hospital had his or her own suite of rooms for seeing private patients as well as the hospital patients. "Mostly they are patients who will come here for any surgery that is required. It is for the initial consultation that our doctors see them privately. "We are only a small clinic here, but we can handle most cases," Matron said proudly. "Here, you see, we have everything" We have our theatres, we have our ICU, we have a kidney dialysis machine. Our board is hoping soon to buy equipment for doing angiograms. We have a physiotherapist on the staff, and on the top floor, beside the roof garden, we have a small swimming pool which the physiotherapist uses for treatment, and which can be used by our staff after hospital hours.

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html ' The ward Alison would be in charge of was on the floor below the roof garden. "We try to be less formal than a large hospital , Matron told her. "When our patients are recovering from surgery we like to take them up to the roof garden. ' There was a maternity ward, opened recently because of demand, and a cardiac unit. "I didn't realise you had so many facilities," Alison said, impressed. "There is the state hospital, and it is very good," the older woman told her. "There is also the Catholic hospital, and it is also very good. But this city has grown so much in the past few years, and there are so many people here from other countries, there did seem to be the need for a small private clinic such as this. ' Quite a few of the medical staff were Namibians she told Alison. ,

"And when we say "Namibians we mean both black and white Namibians," she said, again with pride. "Some of us are of German stock, some of Afrikaans , some of English. Some are Ovambos, some Hereros. But we are all Namibians." She smiled. "All that you will learn," she said. a cup of coffee before you go." "Now, come and have

Alison could see that every effort had been made to avoid the usual hospital formality. Matron's office did have a large and impressive desk, but it also had two easy chairs and a small table. Matron rang for coffee, and as she poured it into two pretty china cups she asked Alison about St. Margaret's. "I know you and David worked there together," she said. "And I know that David has a high regard for the nursing training in his old hospital-that is why he insisted we could not miss the chance of having you join us. Oh-come and meet our new sister, Jake. This is Sister Maynard, who has come from Scotland to join us. Sister Maynard-Dr. Jake Sheldon. You will be working a great deal with him." Dr. Jake Sheldon was little rumpled, as if were dark blue in the a little amused as he a tall man, with thick dark hair that was a he had just run his hands through it. His eyes brown of his face. Dark blue, and now more than held out his hand.

He was the man Alison had bumped into on the steps. "We've met," he murmured. each other." "Or perhaps you could say we've bumped into

His hand was still enclosing hers. back.

Firmly, Alison drew her own hand

"And here I was thinking that whisky was the best thing we imported from Scotland," he said, and the dark blue eyes were frankly appreciative.

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"Jake, you are to leave my nurses alone!" smiling.

Matron said, but she was

"You shouldn't have such pretty nurses, then, Matron," Dr. Sheldon said. "I'm looking forward to working with you, Sister Maynard." "I'm certainly looking forward to working here, Dr. Sheldon," Alison said formally, and she could see that he hadn't missed her slight emphasis on the word "working'. Because I am certainly not looking forward to seeing much of you, Dr. Jake Sheldon, Alison thought. I've met your kind before. You may think you're the answer to a maiden's prayer, but you're certainly not the answer to this maiden's prayer, and I know how to deal with doctors like you! She looked up at him coolly and, she hoped, dismissively But the big doctor was unperturbed as he smiled down at her. In fact, she realised, dismayed, he looked as if he was rather enjoying the prospect of a challenge. CHAPTER TWO WELL, now, Dr. Jake Sheldon thought, things are looking up.

He hadn't missed Sister Maynard's emphasis on the word "working', nor had he missed the cool appraisal in her grey eyes. More than a little on her high horse, for some reason, but that could be fun, he thought. And just at the right time, too, when red-haired Helen at Reception had just told him that what she was looking for was commitment and, since

she knew very well that Ihat wasn't his scene, they'd better call it a day. , It had been great fun, she'd said, and he didn t think he had imagined the regret in her voice, but, as he'd said right at the start, he wasn't into long-term relationships , and she thought that perhaps she was. So it was goodbye, Jake, and thanks for the memories. And she had said, too, that she would always look on him as a friend. He was glad of that, and he hoped she would find what she was looking for. Nice girl, Helen. But-Sister Maynard, now. Pretty, yes, with that heart-shaped face, the wide-set grey eyes, and the thick brown hair swinging to her shoulders. But there was

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html something a little too reserved, a little too contained, about her. The door opened and David Reid came in. " , ,

I see you've been well looked after, Alison, he said. Alison, Jake noted. Nice name-it suited her. And it would be Alison; she didn't look as if she would take kindly to any shortening of her given name. "So what do you think of our clinic?" David asked now.

"I'm most impressed," Alison replied. "I had no idea that you had such sophisticated equipment-I had a couple of months with the angiogram team just before I left, and I found it fascinatmg." "That could be very useful-but surely that's new since I left?" asked. "Who's in charge Simon Perry?" Alison shook her head, and the thick curtain of hair swung against her cheek. She has a real English complexion , Jake found himself thinking and he wondered if her skin would be as soft to touch as it looked. "No," she said. "They brought in someone from Guy's-an Englishman, but he's all right." She smiled, and David Reid smiled back. Of course, they had worked together in Edinburgh, David had said when he'd recommended her for the post here. "I'm sorry, Alison," David said now regretfully; "I had hoped to take you out for dinner tonight, but I'm afraid I'm tied up." Jake coughed. "No problem," he said airily. isn't it?" "I'll look after Sister Maynard-Alison, David

Alison Maynard's grey eyes were even cooler as she shook her head. "No, thank you, Dr. Sheldon," she returned. "Actually , I have plenty to do, getting myself settled in, and I'll be glad of an early night after that long flight," and then she said, very politely, "but thank you; it was kind of you to offer." Like a little girl at a party, Jake thought, and he wasn't sure whether he felt amused or annoyed. She should lighten up a bit, he told himself. She looks as if she's too conscious of being the prim and proper Sister Maynard. But if she did... Lips like that were made to be kissed, not to be pursed in that rather disapproving way, he thought, knowing very well that her disapproval was entirely for him. He saw that she was all too conscious of his eyes on her lips. a tide of colour rose and flooded her cheeks. Slowly,

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I didn't know there were still girls around who could blush, he thought, delighted. Alison Maynard lifted her chin, and the unconscious challenge pleased him even more. I like that, Jake Sheldon thought. I like it very much.

It was easier to think of how much she disliked the arrogant and confident Dr. Jake Sheldon than to allow herself to think about being on her own when she had thought she would be with David. He is just so sure of himself, Alison told herself as she ran her bath and laid out her uniform, ready for morning. But he'll find out he's quite wrong if he thinks I'm ready to fall into his arms. A good-looking man, there was no doubt about that, she admitted fairly. But obviously much too accustomed to success with girls. And probably particularly with nurses. What was it Matron had said to him? "Jake, you are to leave my nurses alone!" And he had said, in that smooth, arrogant way, that she shouldn't have such pretty nurses. Pretty nurses indeed, Alison thought indignantly. Which meant that he wouldn't have bothered about her if she had had a face like the bacli of a bus, never mind whether or not she was a good nurse! And that was the only thing that mattered as far as her interaction with Dr. Jake Sheldon was concerned. A professional relationship, and nothing more. For the first time then she admitted to herself that she was disappointed not to be with David on this first night in Windhoek. But she had to be realistic and sensible about this. It was obvious, from the way he had greeted her, that he still saw her as Cathy's sister. That had to change, would happen. They old building he had begin to see her as and surely here, in these new surroundings, it would meet outside the hospital, perhaps at that shown her-what was it? The Alte Fest-and he would herself, as Alison.

But it could take time, she realised that. Time, and patience. And I have enough of that, she reminded herself, thinking of the long months she had already been waiting. She put out the bedside light and turned over, suddenly too sleepy even to read the book on Windhoek that her folks had given her when she left.. For a moment, when the alarm rang, she couldn't think where she was. But only for a moment. The familiarity of her uniform, waiting to be worn, was reassuring, and although the place was different her morning routine was smooth and efficient. She looked at herself critically in the long mirror. Matron had

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html suggested, in the letter accompanying her contract, that she should bring short-sleeved uniforms, in blue, as she was a senior sister. I like the blue uniform but I'm too pale, Alison decided, thinking of the people she had met yesterday -the red-haired receptionist, with her skin a warm golden brown David, his skin brown and his hair sun bleached ; Jake Sheldon, with his eyes so dark blue in the brown of his face. Flat shoes, for comfort, and her hair pinned up neatly, moisturiser and lipstick, and she was ready. She locked her door, went downstairs into the small courtyard, and out into the main street. It wasn't even seven o'clock but already the day was hot. Not a humid heat, though. David had said that in an early letter to his mother. It was a dry heat, and somehow less trying. But she was glad that the clinic was airconditioned -glad for herself, and even more so for the comfort of the patients. The night sister, a tall woman who was probably in her mid-thirties, greeted her pleasantly. "Sister Maynard-I am Sister Biwa. We are fairly quiet today, so you will have time to get to know the patients and the routine." Efficiently, she went over the list. There were two gastric resection patients, and neither had had problems with blood pressure or respiratory rates, the appendectomy pat lent had reported a return of peristaltic sounds, the two young tonsillectomy patients would be going home that day, and Dr. Sheldon's knee replacement was now on crutches. "Dr. Sheldon will be removing the drain from his right knee this morning," Sister Biwa said. She smiled. "He is a young man and he is impatient, although he admits that his knees have been giving him trouble for a long time. You will have to remind him to use his crutches. He knows he is not supposed to walk without them, but he says he forgets." The hospital routine was reassuringly familiar, but Alison was glad of help from her staff. Since this was a clinic, and not a training hospital, the nurses were all qualified, although there were nursing aides on the staff, Matron had told her. Alison's day staff consisted of two qualified nurses, one a young German girl who had done her training at the State hospital and the other an older black woman, who had also trained there. "Which part of Germany do you come from?" they went over the charts together. The blonde nurse smiled. "I'm not German German, Sister," she explained. African German-Namibian German ELIS.4BETH SCOTT now. My grandparents came out here from Munich. There are plenty of people like us-we are Germanspeaking , we have our German culture, but we have never lived in Germany! Matron is the same, and so is Marta "I'm South-West Alison asked Heldi Muller as

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html Grellman, the physiotherapist." It was just another of the aspects of this place that she would have to get used to, Alison realised. But there was no time to dwell on that as the routine of the day speeded up, towards the doctor's round. It would be Dr. Sheldon today and not Dr. said, as Dr. Reid would be operating. Reid, the night sister had

Promptly at ten, Jake Sheldon strode into the ward, white coat flying, dark hair once again just a little untidy. "Morning, Sister-morning, Nurse," he said briskly, taking the charts Alison had ready for him. "My appendectomy patient-Mr. Ross. Glad to see there's a return of peristaltic sounds; the peritonitis is obviously subsiding, so we reduce the parenteral fluids. But no food or fluid until the temperature and pulse rate fall further, Sister. ' He handed the chart back to Alison. "We'll remove that drain now, Sister,"he said. Alison was annoyed at herself for being at a loss, but the morning routine of the ward hadn't allowed her any time to study the charts in any detail. "Is it a total knee replacement, Dr. Sheldon?" she asked. And then, because his eyebrows were raised, she said, "I'm sorry, I haven't had time to go over his chart. ' "No, I don't suppose you have," Jake Sheldon agreed quite mildly. "Yes, Sister, I did an implant procedure to replace both the tibial and femoral joints. Too much sport, this young man, and he ignored the early signals -he had advanced destruction of the joint, with marked instability and increasing restriction of movement But he's young, and the operation has been a complete success-just keep him in order with his crutches; he's inclined to be impatient. Got the picture?" "Yes, Dr. Sheldon. Thank you," Alison said.

She followed him through the ward, and drew the screens around his patient. "No need, Dr. Sheldon; these fellows are like family now," Roger Brook said cheerfully, then asked, "Does it hurt, taking this drain out?" "It isn't too pleasant, Roger," Dr. Sheldon replied. "I'll tell you what's going to happen. Sister Maynard is going to take out these two stitches that are holding the dram in place and I will remove it. It could hurt for a minute, but then it will be over. All right?" "All right," the young man agreed a little faintly. Jake Sheldon pointed to the vacuum container. "Hardly any drainage now, Sister, but the drain in the other knee needs a couple of days yet. Rightstitches out, Sister." Her hands sure and steady, Alison removed the stitches holding the catheter in place. Then, in one swift movement, Jake Sheldon took the

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html catheter out. " , ,

As I said, not pleasant, but it's over, he said to his patient. "If you talk nicely to Sister I'm sure she'll bring you a nice cup of tea after that ordeal." "I'd rather have a nice cold beer, but I suppose I'd better settle for the tea," Roger Brook said. "Anyway, I know what will happen now when the other one comes out. ' Back in the duty room, with the ward round completed , Jake Sheldon handed Roger's chart to Alison. "You'll probably have some trouble with young Roger as soon as the other drain comes out," he said. "He's already said he thinks he could be at home says he's bored, and promises he'd do his exercises. But he still needs daily physiotherapy-has Marta been in yet? No? She'll be here soon. So don't stand for any nonsense from him." "I won't," Alison assured him. Jake Sheldon looked down at her and now his dark blue eyes were amused. "No," he said thoughtfully. Maynard." "No, I'm quite sure you won't, Sister

To her annoyance, Alison felt her cheeks grow warm. Dr. Jake Sheldon, professional and competent, she could take. Dr. Jake Sheldon, the Casanova of the clinic-no, sir, she thought. It wasn't easy, but she forced herself to ignore this. "Is there anything else, Dr. formally. Sheldon?" she asked politely,

For a moment longer the blue eyes held hers. Alison told herself.

I will not look away,

"No, Sister Maynard, nothing else right now," Dr. "Be seeing you."

Sheldon murmured.

She watched him stride back down the corridor, white coat flying, dark head high. Heidi Muller, coming back from taking tea to Roger Brook, came into the duty room. "Oh," she said, obviously disappointed. already? Didn't he want coffee?" "Has Dr. Sheldon gone

"I didn't offer him any," Alison told her firmly. "Should I have?"

And then, relenting,

"Oh, yes," Heidi said. "We always give him coffee when he finishes his ward round. Dr. Reid too," she added hastily. Alison had to stifle the sudden thought that perhaps if it had been David and not Jake Sheldon she might have asked if he wanted coffee.

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html "Dr. Reid is very nice, of course," the German girl said. "But Jake is-well, he's pretty special." She looked at Alison, her dark eyes wide. "Don't you think he's very good-looking?" "I suppose he is," Alison said reluctantly. "But he does have a pretty good opinion of himself-he acts as if every girl is just waiting for him to snap his fingers at her. I don't like doctors like that-I don't like men like that." She hadn't meant to come over quite as strong, she thought, seeing the surprise on Heidi's face. "That's just his way," she said. "He doesn't mean any harm. And I'll tell you something-I can't think of any girl who's gone out with him for any length of time who doesn't stay friends with him when it's over." "Sounds as if there are quite a few of them around," Alison said. "When does the phsyiotherapist come, Nurse?" Heidi Muller accepted the change of subject away from Jake Sheldon, and said that Mrs. Grellman would reach them at about eleven. Alison was busy with David's colostomy patient from Theatre when the physiotherapist came, and she could do no more than note that Mrs. Grellman seemed quiet and pleasant, and competent. Friendly, but absorbed with her patients, Alison could see as the physiotherapist 's blonde head bent over Roger Brook's bed. There was time for no more than a quick greeting before she went back to her colostomy patient. The colostomy patient was in his mid-sixties, and from his chart Alison saw that opening up his abdomen had revealed a large tumour in the pelvis, surrounding the rectum. A little later, when David came to see his patient, she asked what he had been able to do. "The only procedure possible was to do a colostomy and take over the natural function of the rectum , David said a little tersely, and she saw that he looked very tired. "He's going to be pretty drowsy for the rest of the day, and I want him kept sedated, but tomorrow I'll come and have a talk with him, tell him what more we're going to do." He smiled at her. your feet?" "How are you doing?" he asked. "Busy day? Finding

"I'm doing fine," Alison assured him. but I like it that way."

"Yes, we've been pretty busy,

"I'm sorry about last night; I didn't mean to leave you on your own," he said then. "A bit of a crisis. How about tonight? Can I pick you up just before eight and take you out for a meal?" "Thank you, David, I'd like that," Alison replied as composedly as she could. Perhaps we do need to get to know each other again, she thought, and this is the start of it. Eight o'clock didn't give her much time when she only finished work at seven and had to hand over to the night sister, but her flat was only five minutes away, and she bathed quickly, brushed her hair, and redid

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html her face. What to wear on this, her first real date with David? It was warm, and she'd have to stop being surprised at this, for in September at home it would be autumn, whereas here winter was over, and it certainly felt like summer to her. She hesitated in choosing between the silky blue dress she'd found at Jenner's sale and the goldy topaz one with the full skirt. The blue, she decided, although it was a different blue, was in the same colour range as her blue uniform. And tonight she wanted David to forget two things: one, that she was Sister Maynard, and two, that she was Cathy's sister. It wasn't that either of them would forget Cathy, ever, but-that had to happen. That could take some time, she knew. But not the blue dress tonight. At least she wouldn't be Sister Maynard tonight. The topaz dress made her look less as if she needed to catch up with some tanning, she thought a little later. And with her hair loose she certainly didn't look like the sister he had seen in Men's Surgical a few hours ago. The small bottle of LAir du Temps had been very expensive, but worth it, she thought, especially in the duty-free shop. She'd keep it for special occasions, and surely, surely, this was a very special occasion? Promptly at eight, her doorbell rang. David looked quite different from the tired surgeon she had seen earlier. He wore an open-necked, shortsleeved shirt, and his neck and his arms were very brown. "You look very nice, Alison," he said, and just for a moment there was a shadow in his hazel eves. Alison knew, without any need for words, that he qvas thinking of Cathy. Then the shadow was gone, and he smiled. "I thought we'd go to the Alte Fest," he said. "We can sit outside, on the stoep, and look out over Windhoek. Food's good, too. All right with you?" "All right with me," Alison assured him, and her heart lifted. It was going to be all right; of course it was. It was only natural that her being here would make him think of Cathy. At first, at least. But slowly, surely, it would be her, Alison, he would see. She would hold onto that. She followed him through the courtyard, and out to where his car was waiting. And then, to her surprise, he opened the back door for her. "You've met Marta, haven't you?" he said.

The young woman sitting in the front seat turned to Alison and smiled.

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It was the phsyiotherapist from the clinic. "Yes, we've met, but only for a moment," she said. Marta held out her hand. "I am so pleased to meet you properly, Alison," she said. "David has told me so much about you. ' CHAPTER THREE PERHAPS it WaS the way Marta Grellman said David's name. Perhaps it was the way David's hand touched hers, just for a moment. But no matter what Alison told herself later, no matter how many explanations she found, in that moment she knew that there was something close, something special, between David and this girl. She wasn't conscious of returning Marta's greeting, but she must have made some adequate reply, for the German phsyiotherapist went on to say, "And your flat? Is everything all right? We didn't know what you would need, so there are just a few things until you can do some shopping." "Thank you-it was a great help," Alison said carefully , politely. "Marta says "we", but she was the one who did the shopping and got the flowers." There was warm affection in David's voice and in his eyes. The flowers. The flowers she had pictured David arranging for her, the flowers she had been so touched to see. "I have to look in at the clinic," he said as he pulled out from the kerb. "I'll only be five minutes." And the moment was gone, the moment when she thought, wildly, that she could make some excuse, say she wasn't feeling well, say she'd rather not come out that evening. When David left them, parked clinic, Marta Grellman began had total knee replacements, to find something they could thinking, stop feeling as if hard. in the parkin area at the back of the to talk about young Roger Brook, who had and Alison was grateful for that, grateful talk about that helped her to stop she'd been hit by a body-blow, very

"Of course he will still need extensive physiotherapy after he goes home," Marta was saying when David came down the steps and got into the car. He was smiling. "Jake's going to join us," he said. "He's just looking in on one of his patients then he'll follow us to the Alte Fest. I got the impression that he was delighted to have the chance, especially after you gave him something of the brush-off yesterday, Alison. I hope you don't mind ,

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html Mind?

In spite of the immediate resentment she had felt at Jake Sheldon's confident charm yesterday, in spite of her instant determination that she wanted nothing to do with him other than in a professional sense, a wave of relief swept over Alison at the realisation that she wouldn't be on her own with David and Marta. I'd welcome anyone, she thought fervently. Even Dr. Jake Sheldon.

The old fort was brightly lit, and there were tables out on the wide stoep. Below them, the panorama of Windhoek was spread out. Remembering the drive in from the airport, Alison thought how strangqe it was this bustling, sophisticated city, surrounded by what seemed to her to be virtually desert. It was easier, she knew, to keep her mind filled with thoughts of that sort, rather than to allow herself to dwell on David and Marta, sitting opposite her. Easier, but not possible to do indefinitely; she knew that too. But, just for now, anything that would help... The wine David had ordered had just arrived when Jake 9qIeldon ran up the steps from the street to the fort, and came along the stoep to join them. "My lucky day," he said as he sat down beside Alison. "Here I was facmg a lonely evening, and then I heard about this. '

His short-sleeved T-shirt was the same deep, dark blue as his eyes, and his arms were a deep gold. "I do hope you don't mind, Sister MaynardAlison ?" And Alison, all too conscious of David's arm very close to Marta's, smiled at Jake Sheldon and said demurely, "I'm glad you could join us, Dr. Sheldon." He raised his dark eyebrows and waited. "Jake," she said then, and she could feel her cheeks grow warm. Across the table, Marta Grellman smiled at Jake. "A lonely evening indeed, Jake," she said. "I don't think there can be many evenings like that in your life!" ', "Maybe not Jake returned equably, "-but this was going to be one. Tell me, how are my favounte glrls?"

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html "They're fine," Marta said. "Well, you know how it is with children-yesterday Trudy was feverish and not at all herself, and I had to stay at home with her. Today she is fine, and my mother is with them tonight." Jake turned to Alison. "Marta has two delightful little girls," he told her. "They are both blue-eyed blondes, and they look , identlcal, but Trudy, who is six, is quiet and thoughtful , and Brigitte at four is already a little actress." Of course, Alison thought, remembering. Grellman. But where was Mr. Marta Grellman with David? Grellman? It was Mrs. And if he was around, why was

But that was the. kind of thought she dared not dwell on, not now, and she was glad when Jake began to ! talk of a weekend trip he had had to the huge national park at the Etosha Pan. "We saw more game this time than I've ever seen," he said. "The first night there were elephants at the waterhole, and the next night two rhino, and four giraffes. And there were huge herds of zebra, and of wildebeest. ' He turned to Alison. "That's gnu," he explained. "Alison, you have to get to Etosha-I'll see what I can fix up. You'll love itit 's a different experience from anything in your life. Isn't that true, David?" "Wait a minute-' Alison protested, and it was impossible not to return his smile, not to respond to his enthusiasm, "-I've only just started work; I can't be thinking of trips away yet!" Jake waved his hand. "I'll fix it with Matron," he assured her. "Like Marta , she's a born and bred South-Wester-we're still getting used to calling ourselves Namibians-and she loves the chance to have people get to know the country." "Etosha really is very special, Alison," David said then. Marta. "Maybe we could all go." He turned to

"That would be lovely," Marta said warmly. "The girls would love it. And Alison, you must get to Swakopmund, too, as soon as possible." "Swakopmund?" Alison asked.

"Swakopmund," Jake said, "is a small German town between the desert and the sea. You drive for miles and for hours over the desert, and then suddenly the desert ends and there is Swakopmund, and the sea. And you'll find that after a few weeks or a few months in Windhoek you get quite desperate to see the sea." There was talk then of other places Marta and Jake thought she should

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html see. They had calamari steaks to start with, and then Wiener schnitzels, and coffee. Sometimes there would be an exchanged glance, or a brief moment when David's hand would brush Marta's , ' and Alison would feel her heart lurch, her throat tighten. She could not have got through the evening without Jake Sheldon, she knew that. And perhaps, she thought later, it was because she was so grateful for that that it didn't occur to her to make any protest when he swept her down the steps and into his car. "I'll take Alison back to her flat," he said. And somehow the next moment she was in his car and they were saying goodnight to the others. "Seat belt," Jake murmured, and without waiting for her to do up her seat belt herself he leaned across and fastened it for her. His cheek brushed hers, and for the first time Alison wondered if this was wise. She moved back a little. "Thank you," she said politely. And then, thinking quickly, she asked him about Marta Grellman. "You mentioned her little girls," she said. "Is she divorced?" Jake shook his head. "Her husband died a couple of years ago," he said. "Cancer of the colon. It was quick; that was the only blessing. It's been tough on Marta, left on her own with the kids. Maybe things are looking up for her now. She deserves it." That was the last thing Alison wanted to talk about. "Tell me more about Etosha, Jake," she said quickly "How far from Windhoek is it? Did you say about five hours drive?"

She listened without really tqking in what he was saying as he drove her back to her flat and stopped not in the main street but in the street at the back of the small courtyard. "Thank you for bringing me back," she said, but he made no move to open the door. "Any time," he murmured, and there was a sleepy warmth in his voice and in his eyes that all at once set alarm bells ringing. He was very close to her in the warm darkness of the car. "I'll just-' she said quickly. His hand closed over her arm as she reached for the doorhandle. "Goodnight, Alison," he murmured, and his hand moved from her arm to touch her cheek, very gently. Then, still gently, he turned her face towards him and his lips found hers. And the gentleness became a

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html searching demand. For a moment-an endless moment, she thought later, her cheeks burning at the memory-she could do nothing but respond to him, her lips parting under his, her arms, of their own volition, clinging to him. And then, dismayed at this reaction, she drew back. "I've already thanked you for bringing me back," she said coolly. He didn't release her, and in the darkness she was all too conscious of the uneven thudding of her heart. Or was it his? "I guess I misunderstood the signals," he murmured. "It seemed to me, over the evening, that we were getting on very nicely, you and I." Alison felt her cheeks grow warm. "I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression," she said stiffly. certainly didn't mean to." Unexpectedly, he laughed. "It's no big deal," he said easily. "Crossed signals, that's all." Lightly, his lips brushed her cheek. "Goodnight, Alison," he said. Now what was all that about? he felt annoyed or amused. Jake Sheldon wondered , not sure whether "I

Because no girl he had ever known had treated him like that. Sure, he'd had his face slapped on occasio nand deserved it, too, Jake thought fairly-but Alison Maynard hadn't done that; she had just-drawn back, retreated. And yet as Jake parked outside his town house, situated high on the hill beside the three castles he found himself remembering that moment when Alison's lips had been warm and responsive under his, when she had moved closer to him, into his arms. She's no ice-maiden, he thought. No way.

He unlocked his front door and braced himself for the onslaught of a very solid golden Labrador, ecstatic at the end of his solitude. "Down, Shandy, you dope," he told the dog, trying to sound stern. "And if you've shredded my newspaper again, boy, you're in trouble. I don't need any more grlef tonight. ' Fortunately for Shandy, the newspaper had for once escaped his attention. "All right, you're a good fellow; you deserve a walk," Jake told him. It was warm and the stars were clear in the sky as he and the dog walked towards the highest castle, and then round by the other two, before going home, Shandy sometlmes running ahead, sometlmes, with an obvious effort, walking sedately beside Jake.

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Often, when he took the dog out late at night like this, he would find himself thinking about his day, thinking about his patients, about their progress. Tonight he could not get Alison Maynard out of his mind, and eventually he gave up trying. Standoffish at first, she had been-he'd been quite amused at the cool appraisal in her grey eyes, in Matron's office. Something of a challenge there, he remembered thinking. And yet she'd been so different tonight over dinner at the Alte Fest-warm, interested in hearing about Etosha, interested, he had thought, in him. No, there hadn't been anything in what she had said or done tonight to make him think that a goodnight kiss would be unwelcome. And it hadn't been; he was certain of that. Not at first, anyway. Is she playing hard to get? Or is she one of those women-and I've been lucky, he thought; I haven't met any-other men describe as a tease? The type to lead a man on, and then turn all cool? Somehow he didn't think it was as simple as that. No, there was more to Alison Maynard; there was definitely something that intrigued him. I'm not giving up that easily, Jake thought. Over the next few days, in the clinic, there was nothing about the efficient and competent Sister Maynard that could remind him in any way of the girl he had kissed, the girl who had, briefly, kissed him back. Alison's hair was always neatly pinned up, her badges and her epaulettes perfectly in position on her short-sleeved blue uniform. She was, he realised quickly and appreciatively, an extremely good sister. "We'll have to keep an eye on young Roger," he said to her one morning when his ward round was finished. "That suction drainage on the other knee shouldn't exceed three hundred millilitres in six to eight hours. I gather from Marta that she has him on flexion exercises using the pulley and the sling. That is necessary, and will be for some time. And watch him with the crutches; he must use them all the time." " , There is one other thing, Dr. Sheldon, Alison said. "I've been noticing that he has some trouble flexing his foot. I've checked the dressing, and I'm certain there's no pressure that could be causing paralysis on the outer side of the lower leg." Jake looked at her. "I'll have another look at him, Sister," he said. "There could also be pressure at the head of the fibula. Thanks for mentioning it to me." He went back to his young patient, and found that Alison was right; there seemed to be no pressure problem. "I'll have a word with Marta," he said, looking into the duty room. "Perhaps she can adapt some of his exercises; we'll see if that

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html helps." Alison looked up from the charts she was working on. "Dr. Sheldon," she said, a little awkwardly.

Jake, on the point of turning away, stopped. "Would you like some coffee before you go?" pink. : " y , p she asked, her cheeks

Yes, I would, thanks, Sister Ma nard he're lied. She switched on the kettle and measured coffee into first one mug, and then, after some hesitation, into another. " , i Thanks, Sister, Jake said as she handed him one mug and put the other on her desk. They talked about some of the other patients, and again he was impressed by her professionalism. Not that he needed to be, he reminded himself; she wasn't the first Scottish-trained nurse he had worked with. He finished his coffee and stood up. "Thanks, Sister," he said. Alison stood up too. "Dr. Sheldon-about the other night, she said, and once again her colour was high. "I-I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression. did enjoy our evening, but..." "That was a life-saver."

She stopped, and he could see that she was at a loss as to what to say next. "But you didn't mean me to make too much of it?" Jake asked gravely, unable to resist teasing her a little. "No-yes, I suppose so," she murmured, still embarrassed' Anyway I just wanted to say that I was sorry if-if there was any misunderstanding." Jake held up one hand. "Say no more, Sister Maynard; it's water under the bridge," he assured her solemnly. "At least it is on one condition. ' Her grey eyes widened apprehensively. "That you let me take you out again, just on our own," he said. "And you can make the condition that I won't do anything you don't want me to!" He couldn't resist this chance to remind her of that moment when she had undoubtedly wanted that kiss just as much as he had. And she didn't disappoint him. Once again a tide of colour flooded into her cheeks.

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html He held out his hand. "Deal?" he said briskly.

She hesitated, and then, unexpectedly, she smiled. "Deal," she returned. Her hand was small and firm in his, and she looked quite different when she smiled. You should smile more, Alison Maynard, Jake found himself thinking. You could do with that, and you could do with just generally lightening up. He had a sudden and rather disturbing thought that this girl needed that very much-to smile, to laugh. He found himself wondering what it was in Alison Maynard's life that had made her... perhaps more serious than she should be. It was disturbing, because he knew very well that he didn't often think in that sort of way about any girl who was currently in his life. Years ago, when he was very young, there had been a girl, a girl who absorbed his every thought, his every longing. He had loved her; he had wapted nothing more than to spend the rest of his life with her. But a struggling young doctor was not for her, she had decided, and she had gone out of his life without a backward glance. It had hurt him; it had hurt him so deeply that he had vowed that no one would ever come close to him again. And no one had. He was always fair with the girls he took out; he never in any way let them think there would be anything more than here and now. But standing here, with Alison Maynard's hand in his, he had the sudden conviction that she was different from any other girl he had known. And he wasn't too sure now how he felt about this. CHAPTER FOUR ALrsorr was off duty that weekend. She cleaned her tiny flat, and then she went to do some shopping at the nearest supermarket, allowing herself to be sidetracked into walking around Post Street Mall, admiring the wooden carvings spread out on the ground, and the beautiful crochet work. There were two babies on the way back home, a first one for one of the other sisters from St. Margaret's and a second for her cousin, so she bought a small carved elephant and a giraffe for them, although neither baby was due for a few months. Perhaps, Alison thought, enjoying the sun on her face and on her bare arms, by the time I send my elephant and my giraffe I'll have been to a game park and seen real ones. There were people sitting at small pavement cafes drinking coffee and talking-most of them seemed to be talking German, she realised-and she would have liked to sit down too, but not alone.

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html She walked back to the flat then and packed away her shopping and tried not to think of how she had imagined she would be spending her free time in Windhoek. She had just finished having lunch when the phone rang. "Alison? I know you're off duty-I meant to talk to you yesterday, but I got caught up. Are you doing anything this afternoon?" David. She managed to say lightly, easily, she hoped, that no, she wasn't doing anything. "Can I pick you up in half an hour?" costume-Marta has a pool." Of course. Marta. he said. "Bring your bathmg

Foolish of me, Alison told herself, angry and disappointed , to think that Marta wasn't included. And yet, when she looked at it reasonably, David had been on his own here for well over a year; of course he had had to make friends. And since Marta was on her own, surely it was natural for them to see something of each other? And of course David couldn't just drop Marta now that Alison was here. Her heart lifted at that thought. There was, just for a moment, a sudden, stabbing memory of that evening on the way to the Alte Fest-Marta saying David's name, David's hand brushing against Marta's-and her own sense of their closeness. But she pushed that thought away. I was tired and I was disappointed and I was probably imagining things, she told herself firmly. And with that thought there was another memory of that evening-of Jake Sheldon's arms around her, his lips on hers. A wave of colour flooded her cheeks as she remembered her response to him. She hoped, without much conviction, that Jake himself had forgotten Bikini or costume for swimming? she wondered. Perhaps the one-piece, although she could do with some sunbathing. But the black and green costume looked good, and it was certainly safer for swimming in. "Nice for Marta to have a swimming pool," she said to David when he picked her up. She didn't want to seem too inquisitive, but it did seem a luxury for a young widow. "Lots of folk here have swimming pools," David said. His hands on the steering wheel were strong and brown. Hands she had seen operating, hands she had seen caring for patients, over the years she had known him. "I was surprised at first, too, but I realised it's rather like folk at home having central heating. A swimming pool certainly makes life more comfortable here in Windhoek." He hesitated. "Paul and Marta bought their house two years before Paul became ill.

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html Fortunately they had an insurance policy on it, and when Paul died it was paid off." They passed the Alte Fest, where they had been for dinner, and David swung the car away from the three castles on the hill. "Marta lives in Pioneers' Park," he said, and he smiled. "There's still something of the pioneer spirit here in Windhoek, I sometimes think, even in the names-you get the feeling of the early settlers. Behind you, where the castles are, is Luxury Hill." " , p It can t really be called that," Alison rotested, smiling, but David assured her that it was. "Jake Sheldon lives up there," he said then. He glanced at her. "You two seemed to get on pretty well the other night," he said casually. "Just don't take him too seriously, Alison-I feel kind of responsible for you, after all." Because Cathy was my sister, Alison thought, and for a moment it seemed that some of the warmth had gone from the sun. She lifted her chin. , , "I'm not in

"Don t worry, David, she said, and her voice was steady. any danger from Jake Sheldon, I can promise you."

He drew up, then, outside a white Spanish-style house with a red roof. There were sounds of laughter and of splashing as David opened a gate that led to the back of the house. The pool was big enough for a reasonable swim, and one small blonde

girl was swimming earnestly up and down with armbands on, while a smaller one was splashing Marta on the steps. It was this smaller one who was making most of the noise; Alison realised. "David-come and teach me to swim!" imperiously. this small girl called

"Give me a minute to get ready, Brigitte," David protested. Marta came out of the pool. She looked younger, Alison thought, in her white bathing costume, with her hair wet and no make-up. But very tanned, she observed enviously. "Alison, I am so glad you could come," Marta said. "Go through the

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html kitchen, and along the passage you will find the spare room, to change in. David, will you watch the girls while I get some cool drinks? Beer for you?" He nodded, and took off the shorts and T-shirt he was wearing over his swimming trunks. "First I want to watch Trudy swimming," he told the small Brigitte firmly. "Then it's your turn." The house was pleasantly cool, and Alison changed in the pretty bedroom then went back through the kitchen, seeing that Marta was already outside. It was almost, Alison thought later, as if the rest of the day went by on two different levels. She couldn't help but enjoy the sunshine, the swimming pool, lying on a lounger chair, sipping a long, cool lime drink, the company of the little girls-Trudy quiet, a little shy, Brigitte bright and bouncy. She appreciated Marta's open friendliness, too, her concern about Alison getting too much sun, her insistence on all of them putting a sunscreen on. And David was browner than she had ever seen him, swimming, sitting on the side of the pool, his beer beside him, as he asked her about her folks, about people they had both known at the hospital. All that was wonderful, and it was a lifestyle that she just knew she could really enjoy. But... The other level, the deeper, darker level, was there all the time as well. David, so much at home here, so accepted by the two blonde little girls. The easy, casual closeness between Marta and David, an occasional reference to something they had done together, the way David, without saying anything, took the sunscreen from Marta and rubbed some on her golden-brown shoulders. As if, Alison thought bleakly, it's something he has done so many times. Marta. asked her to stay on and have something to eat with them, but she refused, saying, with some truth, that she really should write some letters. "I'll take you back, then," David said, pulling on his shorts and his T-shirt. "Want me to pick anything up on the way back, Marta?" "Perhaps some Brotchen, if the bakery has any left , Marta said. "You must learn, Alison, to call rolls Brotchen-David had to learn too." She and the little girls came to the car with them, Trudy asking Alison shyly if she would come again, Brigitte in tears because she wanted Alison to stay now. "Please do come again soon, Alison," Marta said. Her blue eyes were steady and friendly. "It won't be easy for you, being so far from your family, from your home. I hope you will let us help you to settle here."

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html "Us'? David and her?

But Alison pushed away the bleakness of that thought and thanked Marta, for she could see that the German girl really meant what she was saying. On the way back she mentioned to David that she would like to get a car. "Nothing fancy, just something to get me around." He nodded. "Yes, you'll need a car; there isn't much in the way of public transport. Tell you what, I'll have a word with Jake; he has a cousin who has a second-hand car place; he found this one for me." There was something else she wanted to ask him, but somehow she could not bring herself to say the words. Did Marta know about Cathy-had he told her? Determinedly, that evening, she set out to write letters home. But her thoughts keep returning to David, back with Marta, perhaps helping to put the children to bed. And later-alone with Marta, once the little girls were asleep. She put her pen down and the memories flooded back. Cathy, her face alight with happiness, holding out her left hand with the diamond ring on it. "We're going to get married soon," she had said. "But we don't want to start a family for a while; there are so many things we'd like to do first. We want to travel a bit-perhaps work in the Sudan-buy a house. There's plenty of time for babies; we want time for ourselves first. ' Alison remembered all the dreams, all the plans, her sharing them, the two sisters so close. And now Cathy was gone, and David was She wouldn't let herself use the word committed or tied; no, surely he must see that this was so wrong for him, taking on responsibility for Marta and her children. But surely she was reading too much into what was possibly no more than a-a friendship? He had been on his own, and it was understandable that he should have been glad of Marta's company. It had thrown her, she had to admit that, and of course that was why she had this disturbing feeling when she was with David. Not, any longer, a feeling that he was a stranger, just not the way she had expected to feel. In all the time apart she had thought so often of how it would be when she was with him again: conscious of his nearness, longing for him to take her in his arms. But it wasn't like that at all, she had to admit. And with that thought came another one that was even more disturbing. That brief moment when she'd been in Jake Sheldon's arms, when she had found herself responding to his kiss-she hadn't ever felt like that

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html about David. Or anyone else. Now that, Alison told herself firmly, was a ridiculous thought. Because there just hadn't been anyone else once she'd realised how she felt about David. Oh , there had been dates, parties, but no one special. And, to bq honest and to be fair, there was undoubtedly something quite special about Jake Sheldon. And just how, she found herself wondering, do I come to be thinking about Jake Sheldon when it was David I was thinking about? Once the initial adjustments were made, Alison found that she was very much enjoying her work at the clinic. It was very different from being in a large city hospital and, because it was small and private, it was possible to spend more time with each patient. Matron had explained to her that most people belonged to medical aid societies, and their monthly contributions paid for hospitalisation and necessary operations. "Different from your National Health in Britain," she said, "but it works. And of course there is the state hospital, which gives care to people who can't afford to belong to medical aid societies and to come to places like our clinic." Young Roger Brook would be going home soon both Jake Sheldon and Alison had watched the progress he made after Alison noticed the difficulty in flexing his foot. Marta had worked out new exercises and treatment for him, and Jake was satisfied that there was no further danger of peroneal nerve palsy. The second drain had been removed, and the young man was becoming quite expert at using his crutches. "And no slipping up on that when you're back home," Alison told him. "Or on your visits to Mrs. Grellman. ' "Don't worry, Sister," Roger assured her. "I'll be so pleased to get home I won't do anything that will bring me back again ! For a moment his brown eyes were shadowed. "I suppose I just have to get used to losing out on running, and playing rugger for my country. I was almost there, you know-I had a good chance of being chosen. Now, if I ever do get back to it, it'll probably be too late." Alison and Jake had talked about this, and Alison knew there was no point in not being truthful with Roger. "No, you may not be able to do that, Roger," she agreed, her hands deft as she rebandaged his right knee. "But remember saying that by the time you had the operation you couldn't even walk for any distance without pain? Hold onto that when things get you down. And there are other sports." "I know," Roger replied. "Dr. Sheldon says I can crew for him; he says I'd enjoy sailing. And my Dad plays golf; I might give that a go."

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html Roger Brook would be all right when he left the clinic, Alison thought. He was young enough to accept the situation and to make the necessary adjustments. She was less happy about her colostomy patient, who would also be going home soon. Mr. Archer was sixty-seven and a enjoyed playing bowls, and it was dressing one day, asked if he was she saw the bleakness in his eyes widower. Until his illness he had only when Alison, changing his looking forward to playing again that before he turned away.

"I don't see myself playing bowls again, Sister," he said quietly. "Not after this. I mean-it's not very nice, an operation like this, and having to have this appliance all the time. And I know I'll be having this radiotherapy thing too-maybe I won't feel too good after that. And what if I'm ill again-really ill?" He meant what if the cancer returned, Alison realised with compassion. She put her hand over his. "It must be quite a thought, Mr. Archer," she said, "to be going home when you've been here for almost a month. I'm going to talk to Dr. Sheldon, and we'll arrange for someone who's been through the same operation to come and talk to you. As for the radiotherapy -yes, you may feel quite bad after that, but I'm sure Dr. Sheldon will prescribe something to help you. And if you should have any recurrence-well, you'll come back and we'll look after you." She turned round then to find Jake Sheldon standing there. "Oh-Dr. Sheldon, I didn't hear you," she said, her face warm.

"I'll be back in a minute, Mr. Archer," Jake said to the old man. "Sister Maynard, can you let me have Roger Brook's chart?" Alison led the way to the duty room. Jake, with Roger Brook's chart in his hand, looked at her, and for perhaps the first time there was no laughter, no teasing, in his blue eyes. "You do that sort of thing very well, Sister," he said, taking her by surprise. "He's always been a bit offhand when I've talked to him, actually told me there was no problem, he could cope with everything, but you got to his real anxieties. I was going to arrangq for someone from the stomatherapy group to go and see him at home, but I'll fix it for right away; I can see he needs that." He smiled then. "Any chance of a quick cup of coffee?" he asked her. "I'm due in Theatre in half an hour-pretty straightforward the two admissions, an appendectomy, and a young fellow who came off his motorbike, fractured femur. ' Alison handed him a mug of coffee, knowing now that he liked it black with no sugar. "We get more of your patients than we do of Dr. Reid's." she said casually. "I understood you were both surgical registrars, but David-Dr. Reid-seems to be doing more in the gynaecology line."

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"Yes, he's been working with Curt more and moreI gather he's very good, and he's finding this is perhaps the direction he wants to take. That's a good thing about working here-we have the chance to change direction. It wouldn't surprise me if David decides to speciali se ' He put his cup down on her desk. "Thanks, Sister." At the door, he turned. "While I was looking for you I happened to see the duty lists," he said, and now the warm laughter was back in his eyes. "I see you're off on Friday. I can take that day off; I'll pick you up and we'll go for a picnic-time you saw something outside Windhoek. All right?" Alison hesitated. "Remember our deal," Jake murmured. Why not? she thought. She still distrusted this man's charm, and she disliked his arrogant confidence about women-and pretty nurses in particular, she reminded herself-but-well, she had agreed to go out with him. A picnic would be fun. And, as she had said to David, she was certainly in no danger from Jake Sheldonand his charm. "Thank you, Dr. anything?" Sheldon," she said. "I'd like that. Can I bring

"You can bring some sandwiches or something; I'll bring a bottle of wine. Only one other thing, Sister Maynard," he added. "On Friday it's not Dr. Sheldon, it's Jake." And on Friday morning, when the doorbell rang, Alison hurried to the door and said, without prompting, "Good morning, Jake. What a lovely day for a picnlc." "You'll have to get used to the fact that it is always a lovely day here, Alison," Jake said. "Until the rains come, anyway. ' "That should be quite soon, shouldn't it?" She asked as they went out through the courtyard, Jake carrying the basket she had had ready. "We begin to hope for the Small Rains next month," he told her. "The Big Rains only come in January. But if the Small Rains don't come in October it can become quite oppressive-"suicide month", I've heard old South-Westers call it." He took her hand in his, lightly, and swung it. "I'm taking you out into the Khomas Hochland," he said. "Hochland, if you know any German, means highlands, so a lass from Scotland should feel at home there!" He looked down at her. "Mind, you'd be pretty chilly in your own Highlands dressed like

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html that." "I really need to get a bit more tanned," Alison said, conscious of her rather brief denim shorts. "Everyone here is so brown; I feel much too pale." "Bring your bathing costume to work," Jake suggested' If you have a couple of hours off in the afternoon, you can nip up to the pool and do some sunbathing. Quite a few of the nurses do." " , You would know, I gather, Alison returned, and she tried, without success, to free her hand from his Jake threw back his dark head and laughed. "Yes, I suppose I would," he agreed, and his hand held hers even more firmly. He pointed to a four-wheel-drive Land Rover parked just ahead of them. "Here we are." "Gosh-you have one of these?" herself. Alison said, impressed in spite of

"Great for desert trips," Jake told her. "Oh-thgre's someone coming with us I'm very keen to have you meet. ' You too, Alison thought, and knew it was absurd to feel so disappointed, so let down. Anyway, she really had no desire to spend the whole day alone with Jake Sheldon. "One of your girlfriends?" she asked, very coolly.

There was lazy laughter in Jake's blue eyes. "You do jump to conclusions, don't you?" folk a chance, Alison?" he said. "Why don't you give

They had reached the Land Rover. "Meet Shandy," Jake said. you two will get on well together."

"I hope

There was a large golden Labrador sitting on the back seat. He wagged his tail so enthusiastically that his whole golden body was wriggling. "Shandy-manners," Jake said sternly. The dog held one paw out to Alison. She took it and shook it solemnly. "Glad to meet you, Shandy," she said. And it was only because she loved dogs, she told herself, that she was so glad that this was the friend Jake wanted her to meet! CHAPTER FIVE JAKE SHELDON looked at the dog and the girl. saw. "That's one of my tests," he told Alison. "Tests?" she repeated, puzzled. He smiled, liking what he

"Meeting Shandy," he said. "Tests for what?" Alison asked.

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"To be girl of the month," he said lightly. This was something he liked to get clear from the start. Just so that there were no misunderstandings. But there was something in Alison Maynard's clear grey eyes now that made him feel just a little uncomfortable Jake realised he had probably made something of a tactical error, but he didn't know quite how to put it right. "I'm not really into entering competitions," Alison said, and her voice was cool. "Especially when the prize doesn't interest me that much." It wasn't often that Jake felt at a loss, but he did at that moment. Alison turned to Shandy and rubbed the big golden head. "How did a nice dog like you come to get mixed up with a fellow like this?" she said to the dog. Jake threw back his head and laughed. I was right, he thought, pleased. She has spirit, this girl, and she's quite something when she lightens up a bit. I like you, Alison Maynard. "It was love at first sight," he told her. "I looked at this golden butterball when he was six weeks old and I was lost." He risked, for a moment, taking his hand off the wheel and covering Alison's lightly. "And that was in spite of the competition," he said, deadpan. "Eight other pups, and all delightful. Fortunately, Shandy fell for me too." "Labradors fall for anyone who gives them a kind word;' Alison told him. But the coolness had gone from her eyes, and he was glad of that. "So tell me," he said, "how do you like Windhoek?" She thought about that. "I think I like it very much," she said at last. "I love seeing the stately Herero women, in their long Victorian dresses and these wonderful headdresses, and I love the touches of old German architecture tucked away in corners. And-I don't know quite how to explain this, but in the middle of the cosmopolitan atmosphere there still seems to be a-a sort of excitement , a breathless feeling, like you'd find in a frontier town in America last century." "There's all that and more," Jake agreed. "Remember , there are still people trying to sell illicit diamonds, and there are still big-game hunters, and just outside Windhoek there's the desert. Look-the city's only just out of sight and we're almost into scrubland here." Alison had seen something else. "A game park, Jake," she said, and she read from the notice ahead of them, stumbling a little on the Afrikaans pronunciation. ""Daan Viljoen Game Park". Is that where we're going?" Jake shook his head.

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html "The first game you're going to see," he told her firmly, "is at the Etosha Pan. This is just a small game park-we'll come here some time, but not until you've seen something better. Anyway, we couldn't take Shandy in, and I did want you two to meet." "Of course," Alison agreed demurely, and then said, "Tell me, Jake, Shandy is such a friendly dog-surely most girls pass the test?" There was a hint of warm teasing in her voice that he liked. "Yes, most do," he agreed. "You might find it hard to believe, though, but there are girls around who don't like dogs. ' A bit further on the tar ended and there was a gravel road. "Almost there," Jake said as they rounded a corner. And there it was, ahead of them. A big, ruined house, with empty windows and broken walls. A mansion , completely incongruous here in the scrubland. "Oh." Alison leaned forward, and he could see that she was fascinated. "Oh, Jake," she murmured. about it." "A huge house like that, out here. Tell me

"We used to call it the Ghost House," he told her as they drew nearer to it. "It was built by one of the German cattle barons, and a lot of the material and the furnishings were imported from Germany, and brought over the desert from Swakopmund. Give or take a bit, that's four hundred miles. Then it belonged to one of the old South-West English settler families-I've spoken to an old man who grew up here; he remembers family gatherings, the house filled with people, meals out on that big stoep." He parked the Land Rover, and opened the door. Shandy jumped out, and Jake took Alison's hands in his as she jumped down. With the dog running ahead, they walked over the dry golden grassland towards the shell of the house. Alison was silent when they went inside, and he liked that. He had always felt this slight shiver here himself. Not frightening, just-an atmosphere. They walked from room to room, and when he took her hand she didn't draw away. Most of the floorboards were broken now, and the staircase looked considerably less safe than it had last time he was here. Carefully, they climbed to the top storey, and looked out through the broken windows. "Bedrooms, and this would be the bathroom," Alison murmured, almost to herself. And when they went " back downstairs she exclaimed, Oh, Jake, this old cooker, still here in the kitchen! It must have cooked so many family meals." They walked down the imposing steps that led to the front entrance, and Alison looked back.

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html "Why did they stop living here?" she asked him.

"The old boy I spoke to said the water failed and they couldn't farm here any longer," he told her.

"The Ghost House-I like that," Alison said. She looked up at him as they walked back towards the Land Rover. "You grew up in Windhoek, Jake? Are your family still here?" He shook his head. "My Dad was a GP here. He retired five years ago. He and Mum moved to Cape Town-my sister lives there, she and her husband have three kids; my folks wanted to be closer to them." "Do you miss them?" Alison asked unexpectedly.

He looked down at her, and something about the warmth in her grey eyes stopped the easy, glib denial on his lips. "Yes, I do," he said slowly. "I miss them a lot. My folks, yes, but my sister and I have always been close; we've always been friends, and I get on well with her husband. And the kids are great; I-yes, I miss them." For a moment he thought she was going to say something , but she seemed to change her mind as they reached the car. Jake opened the door. "We're just going to drive round the corner," he told her. little dam and some trees-nice spot for a picnic." "There's a

When they were parked again, in the welcome shade of some trees, he lifted out the picnic baskets, and the rug, and set them down under the biggest tree. her voice. Does she think David should still be in " 1 q' h " mourning for her sister? he wondered, more than a How about your fami y. e asked her. Have you little taken aback. brothers and sisters?" "Alison-' he began, but she had all too clearly She had been smiling at the sight of Shandy swim- decided that this was enough. her fa e.the dam, but he saw the sudden shadow on "What about this picnic?" she said gaily. "I don't know " , , about you but I'm starving!"

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html There's only me, she said. For a moment she hesi- She unpacked the cold chicken and the hard-boiled tated. "I-had a sister, Cathy," she said carefully. "She was two years older than me, but we were friends as eggs she had brought, and Jake opened the cooler bag well as sisters. She was a nurse too. She died in a car and poured white wine for them. accident two years ago. , "Brotchen, too," Alison said. "I went to the bakery "I'm sorry, Alison," Jake said, and he had a sudden as soon as they were open. and surprismg longing to put his arms around her, to The food was good, the wine perfect, and the day hold her close. Just that. It was a strange and disturbing warm. When they had finished eating, and Alison had feeling. said she wouldn't have any more wine, Jake lay down She turned to him, her grey eyes steady. see that Alison, after on the rug. He was amused to

"She was engaged to David-David Reid," she a moment's hesitation, lay down too, but at a distance " , from him. said then. You didn t know-he hasn't told you " , , " about Cathy?" It's all right, you know, he told her lazily. We have He shook his head, and some things he had vaguely Shandy for a chaperon." wondered about fell into place. Alison laughed. " "Shandy is exhausted after his swim," she pointed He was very quiet, very reserved, when he first out. "All he wants to do is sleep." came here," he sald slowly, remembering. "If I thought " , about it at all, I just put it down to settling in a strange Me too, Jake assured her, not entirely truthfully. place, so far from home. And-look, Alison, I like But soon the warmth of the day and the effects of David, we get on well together both at work and out two glasses of pleasantly chilled white wine had their of it, but-I suppose men don't tell each other that effect, and he felt himself drifting off to sleep. sort of thing, the way women do." When he woke he saw that Alison had also fallen "I suppose not," Alison agreed, and he was glad to asleep. But as she had slept she had moved towards see that some of the shadows had left her eyes. him, qust a little, and her arm was touching his. He "I suppose that's one of the things he and Marta leaned on one elbow and looked down at her. Her have in common," Jake said then, thinking about it. face was pillowed on one hand and her arm was already "They've both lost someone they love. I was pleased for golden from the sun. Marta, but I guess meeting her has helped David too." touched her cheek. It was soft as he had Gently, he

"He must have been pretty lonely at first," Alison known it would be. And warm from the sun. Her lips agreed, and he looked at her, for there was some- would be warm, too. thing-too light, too casual, he wasn't sure what-in He kissed her, meaning it to be a light, buttertly kiss to wake her. But somehow, when he felt her mouth against his, her body warm and close, the buttertly klss changed to something else. For a moment she opened her eyes and looked up at him. And then, with

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html a small sound, she moved in his arms, and her lips were as urgent, as demanding as his. Alison woke to find Jake's lips on hers and his arms around her. Afterwards, she would tell herself that it had only been because she was half-asleep that her response had been immediate and instinctive, everything in her body responding to the warm closeness and the urgent demand of this man. Slowly, at last, she drew back from him. And just in time, she thought, bewildered. Any longer and-Jake was still very close to her, his dark blue eyes lazy, smiling. She had to say something, do something, to break this unbelievable longing to move back into his arms. Unbelievable, and ridiculous, she told herself firmly. She sat up. "I'm sorry, Jake," she said, not quite steadily. you kiss me." He raised his eyebrows. "Let me?" he murmured. "I had the impression there was rather more participation than just letting me. ' Alison could feel the warm tide of colour rise in her face. "Well-yes," she said awkwardly. "But I shouldn't have." "I shouldn't have-let

Jake leaned on one elbow. He was still disturbingly close to her, and she couldn't move any further back because of the tree they were under. "I suppose this is my cue to put my hand on my heart and say, Is there someone else?" She wanted to look away, but his hand held her chin lightly, forcing her to keep her eyes on his. "In a way," she said, after a moment. "Only in a way?" he asked. unsatisfactory. ' "That seems a bit indefinite , if not

It is, she thought, and the certainty of this thought shook her. she didn't say anything. Gently, he touched the corner of her mouth.

But

"Look, Alison= he said, and there was lazy amusement in his voice. "-there's no need to take this too seriously, you know. You're obviously not committed in any binding way to this fellow, whoever he is. He should never have let you leave him not knowing, but I guess that's his business. And yours, of course. Anyway , I'm certainly not committed to anyone, and I have no intention of being committed. So what's wronq with a kiss, when it's what we both want?"

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html He made it sound as if she was making a fuss when there was no need to. Making a big deal out of what was obviously, to him, just a kiss. "You're right, of course, it was just a kiss," she said firmly. There was laughter in his dark blue eyes. and he moved purposefully towards her. "Just a kiss," he agreed,

This time Alison was in control of herself. She returned his kiss, but there was no danger this time of a return of that surge of passion that had swept over her. Jake drew back. "You see?" he murmured. "Just a kiss. And since I like kissing you, and I think perhaps you enjoy it too, and we both know there are no strings attached-then why not?" Put that way, it sounded very reasonable. And there was no way she could say to him, Because it's David I love, and because I'm waiting for him to come to his senses, to realise that he loves me too. No, she couldn't say any of that. But it was true; of course it was.

I do love David, she thought, and knew it was ridiculous to feel a sudden doubt. Jake was waiting for her reply. "Why not?" she agreed after a moment.

Alison had to admit that Jake was nothing but professional in the clinic. Not that she had expected anything else, she reminded herself. But at the same time she had to admit that her initial impression of Dr. Jake Sheldon, the professional charmer, would have led her to think of him as a less dedicated doctor than he in fact was. A few days after their picnic, he came into the duty room to talk to her about a patient he had just admitted Although Alison was senior sister on Men's Surgical, there were four small private wards that had either male or female patients, and this patient was Mrs. Kayapua. "I want to tell you about her," Jake said, sitting on the edge of Alison's desk. "Her husband is a Member of Parliament-they're Hereros, and Mrs. Kayapua has lived a very traditional life until recently. She came to me first soon after they came to live in Windhoek, and I found she had diabetes. She's been on insulin, and she's been fairly well controlled, until a few months ago. But I've been unhappy about her circulation, and I've brought her in because there's no doubt now that she has advanced vascular disease in the large and small arteries of her right leg. "So far we've been coping with it, but she knocked her shin last week, and she didn't even realise she'd done it. When I found the bruise, during her check-up, her husband remembered it happening." "The disturbed function of the nerves," Alison said slowly. knew all too well the danger of this. "Gangrene." And she

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Jake shook his head. "Not yet," he said, "but I doubt very much if she's going to escape it. Meanwhile, I want you to keep a check on all the clinical manifestations-paleness of the lower extremities, reduced pulse volume in the arteries, blanching and exaggerated pallor after the leg is elevated for sixty seconds." He stood up. "She's a nice lady," he said quietly. "Not too happy about being in hospital-I haven't spelt out the picture for her yet, but I think she knows. Do what you can to reassure her-you're good at that." When he had gone, Alison went back to see her new patient. Mrs. Kayapua was lying back against her pillows, her eyes closed. She was a big, stately woman, with the fine and striking features Alison had noticed in the Herero men and women. "Would you like some tea or coffee, Mrs. the woman opened her eyes. " y , Kayapua?" Alison asked, and

Thank ou, Sister, she said, and she tried to smile. tea."

"I would like

Alison sent her staff nurse to make tea, and sat down beside her new patient. "I hope Dr. Sheldon will let me go home soon," the woman in the bed said. "I should be there, looking after my husband." "Any children still at home, Mrs. Kayapua?" Alison asked.

"One daughter, the youllgest; she is at training college here in Windhoek." "Then she will be able to help her father," Alison suggested. "Sometimes it's good for young folk to have responsibility like that." "I suppose she can help a little, yes," Mrs. Kayapua agreed doubtfully. But she looked a little brighter. "You are right-it could be good for her. we have spoiled her." She is the youngest; I think

Alison asked about the rest of the family, and heard about the son, who was a lawyer, and the other daughter, who was married, and about the two grandchildren And over the next few days she got to know that Mrs. Kayapua hadn't found it easy coming to live in the city, to take the part she had to because her husband was a Member of Parliament. She managed to get her patient to talk about her fears, to admit that she was worried about her leg. "I know Dr. Sheldon watches me carefully," she said one day, when Alison was checking the long delay in the return of colour to the right foot. Her brown eyes, steady on Alison's face, were anxious. "But he cannot stop this badness inside my leg, can he, Sister Maynard?" "No, I'm afraid he can't, Mrs. Kayapua," Alison replied. "But he will

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html know how to deal with it." " , Kayapua said.

He is a good doctor, I know that, Mrs.

Later that day, when her husband came to visit her, Alison let Jake know, as he had asked her to, so that he could speak to them both together. Mr. Kayapua was a tall man, with the same aesthetically pleasing features, and with a dignified bearing that made Alison feel that he must be a valued member of the government. Alison, in the duty room, saw that the door to her patient's room was closed for a long time. Eventually, Jake came out alone. "He's going to stay with his wife for a bit," he said, coming into the duty room. "When he goes, go in and see her, Alison. I've put all the cards on the table they know we'll do all we can, but they accept that if gangrene does set in we have no choice." He looked tired, Alison thought. "She's a strong lady, Jake, in every way," she said quietly. take it." "She can

It was only later that she realised that in that moment of weariness and closeness he hadn't said "Sister Maynard', he had said "Alison'. And she hadn't said "Dr. Sheldon'. Two days later, when she changed the dressing on the wound on Mrs. Kayapua's leg, she saw what she knew she had been waiting for: the first signs of darkened skin, and the increased coldness of the whole foot. She sent for Jake right away. "We're going to have to operate, Mrs. Kayapua," he said after only a moment's swift and professional assessment. He added, gently, "I'm sorry, but we have no choice. ' The woman in the bed looked up at him. "Am I going to lose my foot, Dr. Sheldon?" she asked.

"Yes, you are," Jake replied, with an honesty that Alison could see hurt him as much as it hurt his patient. And a little later, in the duty room, he said to Alison, "I'm very much afraid we're going to have to do more than the foot. A lower-limb amputation, possibly." His voice was steady, professional, but his eyes were bleak. And then, suddenly, he was angry. "All the progress medicine has made' he said, not quite steadily, "and there are still things we just aren't able to control, things we have to sit back and darned well accept!" Then, as swiftly as it had come, his anger had gone. "I'm sorry to let off steam like that," he said, and he tried to smile. "I'll let you know when we want her ready for surgery." Alison watched him go, and she thought, a little unwillingly, that she

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html had certainly underestimated Jake Sheldon when she had first met him. What was it he had said to her? "Why don't you give folk a chance?" No, she admitted, honestly. No, Dr. Sheldon. I And perhaps I

wasn't prepared to give you much of a chance in any way. was wrong in that. It was a disturbing thought. And Jake Sheldon was a disturbing man, in every way. CHAPTER SIX

WHEN Mrs. Kayapua was brought back to her room after surgery, the lower-limb amputation having been unavoidable, Jake, still in his theatre gown, came too. He waited until Alison and her staff nurse had settled their patient, with the foot of the bed raised. "Good girl," he murmured, almost to himself. "I'd said I wanted the leg elevated after surgery, but I didn't say how. ' "We were taught not to elevate on a pillow," Alison said, her voice low as well, although their patient was still deeply unconscious. "A flexion contracture of the hip could result." "Or a contracture of the next joint above the amputation ," Jake said. "And we don't want this lady to have any more problems than she already has. I'd like to discuss the post-operative treatment, Sister." Leaving one of the junior nurses to special Mrs. Kayapua, Alison and Jake went to the duty room. Without asking, Alison made a mug of coffee and handed it to Jake. She waited while he drank half of it. "Right," he said, and he put the mug down. "As you know, haemorrhage is a possible post-operative complication, so you'll be watching for any signs of bleeding. Check the suction drainage every half-hour. I want a tourniquet right there, so that if there is severe and sudden bleeding it can be applied and pulled tight while you get me. Day or night, Sister, any bleeding and I want to be called." His blue eyes darkened. ious he said quietly. "And I want to be called when she's fully cons

Alison had done enough surgical nursing and had seen enough amputation cases to know why. "Because she's likely to be in shock," she said. "And although she knew this was going to happen she could be confused, and she may not fully realise what has happened. ' Jake nodded. "Added to that' he said, and his voice was level "she knew her foot was going to be amputated, and although I said she could lose her leg below the knee as well the actuality of that could be a shock. If it's necessary, Alison-if I'm operating, and there's no way I can get here-will you tell her? I know you'll do it the right way. And it wouldn't be a good idea to have her wait until I get there."

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html "Yes, I will," Alison replied, more than a little apprehensive at the thought of doing this, but pleased more than she would have thought possible by his confidence in her. It was a few hours later that Mrs. Kayapua, who had been drifting in and out of consciousness all day, opened her eyes, looked at her husband, and said clearly that she wanted to see Dr. Sheldon. Alison, summoned by the junior nurse, sent a message , but Jake was operating. She went back to the small private room and told Mrs. Kayapua and her husband that Dr. Sheldon was unavailable, and why. And she reminded herself that Jake had been sure she could handle this. "Dr. Sheldon said my foot would be gone, Sister' the woman said, and now her voice was less steady, "But I can feel it-it hurts." Alison took Mrs. Kayapua's hands in hers.

"That happens, Mrs. Kayapua," she said quietly. "And it's going to be helpful, because when you get your prosthesis-your artificial limb-that sensation will help you to direct it, and to become used to it. Mrs. Grellman, our physiotherapist, will be talking to you about that." older woman's eyes were on her face. "You said "limb", Sister," she said. well?" "So-have I lost my leg as The

"From below the knee, yes, you have," Alison told her,. her voice steady. For a moment the woman's face was completely still, as if it had turned to stone. And then, with an effort, she smiled. "And so," she said to her husband, "you will have to let me go back to wearing our traditional dress, instead of the Western clothes you thought I should wear, because under it no one will see this thing." She closed her eyes then, and drifted back to sleep. "The pain-you will give her something, Sister?" her husband asked. Alison assured him that they would keep his wife comfortable, and that they would let him know if he was needed. He would be in a special committee, he told her, and he left a telephone number where he could be reached. When Jake came up a little later, Mrs. Kayapua was still asleep, and Alison told him about her reaction. "She's quite something, this lady, isn't she? I was pretty sure she'd handle it," Jake said. "But even so I was worried. I'll be in and out to see her, of course." Over the next few days Alison found herself humbled, as she had sometimes been before, by a patienYs positive acceptance of surgery such as this. Marta Grellman came in every day to give Mrs. Kayapua gentle exercising, and showed her exercises to do on her own. Alison found she had no need to remind her patient to do these exercises. "You're my best patient, Mrs. Kayapua," she said one day. what you're told and you never comp lam "You do

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The older woman smiled. "This is because as much as I like you, Sister, I want g , " to et home." And then her smile gone, she said, And I tell myself many times, this is not going to defeat me. We are a proud people, we Hereros; we have come through wars, we have come through massacres by the early German soldiers, the Schutztruppe, and we are still a nation. I may have lost a small piece of myself but I am still a woman, a wife and a mother!" Alison felt her eyes blur with tears. "You certainly are, Mrs. Kayapua," she agreed, not quite steadily.

Apart from Mrs. Kayapua, Jake had patients constantly coming and going on A1ison's floor, and there was never a day that he wasn't in and out a few times. But David was seldom there. Alison knew, from talking to other sisters in the cafeteria, that he was now doing gynaecology almost exclusively. But that, she reminded herself, was work. Apart from a few brief and hurried words in passing, she hadn't seen him out of work either. She had been busy on her floor, and often tired at night, and she had been out for dinner twice, once with Jake, and once with the sister from Women's Surgical and her husband But she couldn't help feeling hurt that David hadn't made some move towards seeing her. Hurt, and yet in some strange way there was a feeling of-no, it couldn't be relief. And yet there was this disturbing awareness that if she didn't see David she wouldn't have to examine her changed feelings towards him. Changed? No, that wasn't possible; she was being foolish, she told herself. It was Marta Grellman who seemed to feel that some explanation was

needed.

"

We feel so bad, David and I," she said one day when she was leaving the ward after Mrs. Kayapua's treatment. "We have neglected you badly, Alison, but Trudy has had tonsillitis. She is better now, though, and we were saying we must see how you are doing." I'm doing all right, thank you, Alison thought, trying not to be hurt by this "we', and "David and I', and the fact that Marta's daughter's tonsillitis had kept David tied up. Not that Marta was trying to hurt

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html her, she knew that. and friendly. The German physiotherapist's blue eyes were clear

I have to accept this-this friendship between David and Marta, she told herself after Marta had gone. And I have to accept, too, that we've been apart, David and I, for so long. We need time. The next day she made a point of looking out for David, catching him as he hurried away from Women's Surgical. "Hi-glad I caught you, David," she said breathlessly' You quite a stranger." "I know," David replied. "Between work and Trudy being ill I seem to have lost a couple of weeks." I am not standing here waiting for a move from him, Alison told herself firmly. "How about coming to have a meal with me?" "I'd like that, Alison," he replied. He seemed to be waiting, and she knew why. "Would Marta like to come too?" she asked him. And then, trying not to sound hopeful she added, "She may not want to leave Trudy, of course." "That's no problem now that Trudy's better," David assured her, and Alison said untruthfully that she was glad of that. They fixed a time, and David hurried off, his white coat flying. In for a penny, Alison thought, and she invited Jake to come as well, because it was as easy to cook for four as for three, she told herself. And then, honesty winning, she admitted that it would help her, having Jake there. "Good; I can invite you back without having you suspect my motives," Jake said. "Why should I suspect your motives?" Alison asked him, her eyes wide. "I know very well what your motives are ! ' He laughed. ", , she asked him brightly.

It's another of my tests, he said then, his dark blue eyes warm as he looked down at her. "Checking out if you can cook. ' "Why should that be of any interest?" Alison countered' Considering any girl of the month isn't likely to be around long enough for cooking to be a problem!" "True," Jake admitted. "But there's something reassuring about a girl being able to cook. So-thanks, I'll be glad to come." It's a funny thing, Alison thought as he left her, but I've actually grown to enjoy these little exchanges with Jake.

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html Jake arrived early, the night of the dinner party. Alison was glad to see him as she checked the vegetables ready to stirred the boeuf bourguignon, and put the new potatoes on. "I've brought some Merlot-rather nice qouth African red wine," Jake said. "Can I open it to let it breathe?" He joined her in the tiny kitchen, and when he had opened the wine he inspected the large pot, and then admired the fruit salad she had made. "Everything looks great," he said appreciatively. "Specially you."

She had put her hair up, and he tucked back a tendril that had escaped. She knew, as his hand touched her cheek, that he was going to kiss her, and he did, his lips warm on hers, his arms imprisoning her, in the small kitchen. "Nice, but you're not letting yourself go," he murmured. Alison coloured, remembering all too well just how easy it was to let herself go in Jake's arms. "Either you're thinking about the food or you're thinking about that fellow," he said. "I've been wondering , Alison-is he married? Is that why it's such an indefinite thing?" She drew back. "He isn't married," she told him. thinking about." "But anyway, it is the food I'm

And that, she knew, wasn't entirely truthful, for what she had been thinking was that this was rather pleasant-she and Jake together in the small kitchen. And that was a foolish thought. But she couldn't help feeling pleased at the success of her meal, in view of his remark about cooking being a test. The stoep was just big enough for them to sit outside to have coffee. Jake talked about plans for a long weekend visit to Etosha, and he and David worked out if it was possible for both of them to be away from the clinic at the same time. "As long as we have someone on stand by for any emergency, it should be afl right," Jake said. "We can all go in the Land Rover; it'll be more fun that way room for Brigitte to sleep if she needs to." Marta laughed. "The last thing Brigitte would admit to is needing to sleep," she said. "Isn't that so, David?" "She's a party girl in training," David agreed. Alison looked at him. And suddenly, unbearably, it hurt so much that Marta was here, with David, and Cathy was gone. She could feel her throat tighten, and she knew that she was close to tears. She thought, afterwards, that that was why she spoke as she did, without really thinking.

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html "Talking of parties, David," she said, lightly, "do you remember the one at St. Margaret's when Tom Wilson climbed up the clock tower?" "And draped Matron's unmentionables at the top? party like that?" he replied , smiling. Who could forget a

"Was that the one when the final-year medical students sent a bunny gram to Sir Martin?" Alison asked, but David shook his head and said no, that party had been a New Year one. "Oh, I can't remember if I told you, but I visited Clare and Bill and the children a couple of weeks before I left," Alison said then. "Your nephews are wild little boys, but most entertaining." "Neither Clare nor I seem to get around to much in the way of letter-writing," David admitted. "I don't even know if they decided to go ahead with building onto the house. ' Alison told him how successful the extension was, with a playroom for the children and a study for his brother-in-law. "And of course, if they do She stopped. Jake Sheldon was watching her, his dark blue eyes steady on her face, with something in these eyes that made her all at once extremely uncomfortable. "It's getting late," he said brusquely. dishes, Alison-maybe we should start." "I promised to help with the

She opened her mouth to ask what on earth he was talking about, but that something in his eyes stopped her. "We must get back anyway," Marta said. "My mother is staying over, but she doesn't go to sleep until I am home. Alison, thank you so much. I hope you will give me your recipe; the beef was wonderful." There were hurried good nights then, and David and Marta left. When they had gone, Alison turned to Jake. "What was that in aid of, Jake?" she asked him coolly.

"Come on, Alison," he said impatiently. "Don't come the innocent with me. You know darned well I was fed up with all this "Do you remember" business, and I bet Marta was too, although she has better manners than I do! Just what were you trying to do?" His hands were hard on her arms, and he looked down at her, unsmiling. Jake was very angry. He hadn't expected Alison to do anything as deliberately hurtful as that-to set out to exclude Marta in that way, by talking about the memories and the experiences she and David had shared-it was unforgivable And then, as he looked down Slowly, his anger left him, unfamiliar to him. A warm, Whatever , it was extremely at Alison, a strange thing happened. to be replaced by a feeling that was quite treacherous, tender sort of feeling? disturbing.

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He took both of Alison's hands in his. "My dear girl," he said softly, "you can't expect David to go on grieving for your sister. I know you didn't even mention her name, but all the things you were talking about-you wanted David to remember her; you wanted him to stop thinking about Marta and to think about Cathy instead. Alison, your sister is dead. David has to get on with his life and you have to let him." All the colour drained from Alison's face. "He seems to be doing a pretty good job of getting on with his life," she said, not quite steadily. Then, illogically, she added, "And I'm not your "dear girl", so don't call me that!" He refused to release her hands, although she was trying to pull away from him. "Aren't you?" meant it. he said, more than a little taken aback to find that he

"Anyway," Alison said, "you-don't understand." Now she managed to free her hands. "If you really meant that offer to help wash up, we'd better start," she said, and her voice was clear and light. There was nothing more Jake could say. They did the washing-up, fairly silently at first, but he was determined that the shadows would leave Alison's grey eyes, that the colour would return to her cheeks. After a while he began to talk about all sorts of things-medical school in Cape Town, his childhood here in Windhoek, memories of the long journey south, when the road wasn't even tarred, the floods that hit Windhoek in 1934. "And do you know," he told Alison solemnly, encouraged by the faint flush in her cheeks, by the beginnings of a smile, "there was a drought, so they had a day of prayer for rain, and the next day-the floods? I guess they overdid the prayers." "I don't believe you," Alison said, and now she was really smiling. "You're having me on." "I swear it's true," Jake assured her. He set down the last plate on the kitchen counter. "You must admit I'm pretty good in the washing-up line," he said modestly. " y g , Prett ood, Alison admitted, and he saw, with relief, that there were no more shadows in her eyes. He took her hand and drew her towards the couch. arm around her shoulder. Casually, he put his

For a long time, they sat in silence. Her hair brushed against his cheek and he could smell the perfume she was wearing. "I think we should Alison began, and she moved away from him.

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"Come here," he said lazily, and drew her back towards him. She didn't protest, but when he began to kiss her, his lips moving from her cheek to a tendril of hair that had escaped, and then, at last, to her mouth, she was very still in his arms, still holding back from him. And then, in a moment, she changed, and he could feel the release as she allowed herself to respond to him-her lips, her arms, her whole body gloriously answering hIs own urgency. It was a long time before they drew apart. "I don't know what happens to me when you kiss me," Alison murmured, her voice blurred and bewildered'I-I want you to know, Jake, I'm not usually as-as "As uninhibited?" he suggested, for the pleasure of seeing warm colour flood her cheeks. "I suppose we do have a fairly primitive reaction to each other. But you must admit it's-rather pleasant." Her head rested on his shoulder, and her hair was fragrant and soft against his cheek. There was something about this girl, something about the way she made him feel, that he had never known before, Jake found himself thinking. She had said, too, that she didn't know what happened to her when he kissed her. He wondered how she felt when this fellow she was "in a way' in love with kissed her. But he certainly wasn't going to ask her that. Not when he had managed to take the shadows from her eyes, managed to make her forget everything and everyone in the world except him while they were in each other's arms. "It's late, Jake," Alison murmured. "I'd better go," he agreed unwillingly. He looked down at her. "This time," he added.

And just to make sure that she knew what he was really saying he kissed her again. CHAPTER SEVEN SoME rIMEs Alison model patient. A never complained, the nursing staff Mrs. had often thought in her years of nursing, you got a patient who did everything he or she was told, who who was always pleasant, always grateful for anything did.

Kayapua was a patient like that.

As Alison and her staff took care of her through her recovery period, washed and powdered the wound area, changed the dressing and the stump sock she would ask what they were doing, or she would ask about families, boyfriends, holiday plans. "Anything to make our job easier," Alison said to Heidi Muller one

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html day. Marta Grellman, too, often said that she wished all her patients would co-operate as much as Mrs. Kayapua did. She was on crutches now, and learning how to cope with the three-point crutch walk, how to exert pressure on her hands, and how to keep her trunk upright. She had even, Marta said, brought up the subject of her prosthesis, and discussed, sensibly and reasonably , the temporary one she would have fitted before leaving hospital, as it would be some months before a permanent one could be fitted. Perhaps, Alison thought later, it was because she was so pleasant and so reasonable, and so positive, that she herself almost missed realising that her patient was in fact very apprehensive about leaving hospital and going home. They had been talking, while Alison changed the dressing, about the arrangements to be made for twice weekly physiotherapy sessions. "You'll manage to get someone to bring you?" older woman nodded. Alison asked, and the

"My husband or my daughter always takes me where I want to go in any case, Sister," she said. "There are not many women of my age, in our people, who drive. The younger ones are changing, and that is good, and my daughter will be pleased to do this." Deftly Alison finished putting on the new bandage. "She'll be pleased to have you home, I'm sure," she said. will certainly be very happy to be away from here ! ' "Of course, Sister," Mrs. Kayapua replied quickly. "And you

Too quickly, Alison thought. She looked at her patient. The older woman turned away to straighten one of the photographs on her bedside table-a photo of her small grandchildren. There was just the slightest tremor in her hand, the faintest tightening around her mouth that made Alison wonder. "At the same time," she said casually, "it must be quite a thought. All this time there's been someone here, someone to come if anything's wrong, someone to tell you there's nothing to worry about. It's going to be very different being on your own, isn't it?" Mrs. Kayapua nodded.

"It is foolish of me," she said apologetically, "because I want so much to be back at home with my family. But sometimes I think, What if I fall and there is no one there to help me up? What if my wound starts to bleed and I cannot stop it? What if-?" PP " She sto ed, then said, her voice low, What if the same thing happens with my other leg?"

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html Alison sat down on the bed and took both of the older woman's hands in hers. "I'm not going to say that none of that will happen, Mrs. Kayapua," she said steadily. "Some of these things are certainly possible. We'll ask Mrs. Grellman to show she was worried," Alison said. "She's always so bright, you the best way to get up if you do fall. It isn't likely but I should have looked beyond that." that your wound will bleed, but I will show you what "I think she had us all fooled," Jake agreed. "I certo do if it does. I think we should ask your husband tainly didn't realise, and I'm mighty glad you did." to get you a phone that you can carry around with He looked at his watch. "I'm supposed to be in my you-it would probably give him more peace of rooms in two minutes," he said, and he finished his mind too." " , , , 'q coffee. Thanks, Alison. Her hands tightened on her patient s. "I can t He strode off along the corridor, whistling. promise you that your other leg Is going to be all And he is another one who is always bright and nght, she said. But the signs are good. The circulation cheerful, Alison thought-surprising herself at her always was much better m your left leg, remember. y And you'll be having regular check-ups with Dr. pleasure in the realisation, and at the lack of an hostilSheldon , so he will be watching you very carefully. Ity now in her thoughts of Jake Sheldon. But if it does happen we will all be here to help you But he was anything but bright and cheerful the next day, when two of his patients were brought in after to get through it. , emergency surgery. For a long time the older woman's brown eyes "Young fools!" angrily, after he and Alison remained on her face, and then, Mrs. Kayapua had seen the two young brothers settled. "The smiled. " , one is only seventeen and the kid is thirteen. he said slowly, older Big

Thank you, my dear, she said very quietly. "Thank brother took him for a spin on his motorbike-and you for your honesty, and thank you for understanding said it didn't matter about wearing a crash helmet. ' that I needed you to tell me these things. The older boy had a fractured femur, but it was the Alison stood up. younger one who had come off worst.

"I'm going to send Nurse Muller in with a cup of tea "We won't know the damage till that swelling on the for you now, Mrs. Kayapua. brain eases," Jake said tersely. "I'm not too happy about At the door, she turned. wh I wanted Sim s g, , y , " his breathin for one thing; that s

If there is anything else that worries you, please position. I'm prescribing anti-inflammatory suppositalk to me. Will you promise that? tories to reduce the risk of further swelling, and I want " , I promise, the woman in the bed said, and Alison a drip maintained until he can take naso-gastric feeds. knew that she would keep that promise. Tomorrow we'll increase the fluid and correct the That afternoon, when Jake had done his rounds, he electrolyte balance." came into the duty room, as he always did now, and He ran his hand through his thick dark hair, already Alison, without asking him, made

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html coffee. rumpled. "Bloody fools!" he said, and he scowled.

Thanks, Sister, he said, taking the cup from her. "Take it easy, Jake," Alison said quietly. "I've just been in to see Mrs. K; she was telling me With an all too obvious effort, he calmed down. about your talk with her. You obviously helped her a "Sorry," he said, and he tried to smile. "I just blow my great deal." top wlth something like this, something that shouldn't I m just sorry it took me some time to realise that have happened." He stood up. "Oh, well, I have a fellow still pleasantly drowsy from the premed he had before this lot was rushed in-I'd better go and deal with his piles now!" At the door, he turned. "Thanks, Alison," he said quietly. ,

That da and the next, Alison couldn t help wondering if their plans to go to Etosha would have to be shelved because of this, but by the following week the younger boy was making reasonable progress, and once the swelling was reduced the fear of possible brain damage was over. And the trip to Etosha was on. Marta had already given Alison a list of provisions to take, reminded her to start a course of anti-malaria tablets, and also made some suggestions with regard to clothing. "I hope you don't mind, Alison," she'd said. "That I do it this way, I mean. There is a shop at the rest camp, but we like to take our own food, and this way we divide the work of getting it. And please don't forget a big shady hat; it can be very hot, and the sun very strong, in the middle of the day. Oh, yes, and remember to pack insect repellant-it's essential for after dark, when the malaria mosquitoes come out. "I'm grateful for your help, Marta," Alison had said, meaning it. she often did, she'd felt a little awkward with this girl. As

In other circumstances, the German physiotherapist 's quiet friendliness would have been just what she needed in this strange new life. But there was always the thought of David to make a barrier between them, Alison would often find herself thinking. At least on my side, she would have to add, with painful honesty. Jake had done as he promised and talked to Matron, and Alison found herself with a long weekend that she really didn't think she deserved at this stage. They left early on the Friday morning, and Jake came just after seven to pick Alison up. "The others are in the Land Rover," he told her. "What about Shandy?" Alison asked him as he took her duffel bag and

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html the basket of food. "The girl next door usually takes him if he can't come with me," he told her. Girl next door? For a moment Alison felt a surprising and completely

unwarranted interest in her. "She's twelve-she and her folks are old friends of mine," Jake said. Alison hoped he hadn't seen the colour rise in her cheeks, but she didn't really think he would have missed it. The journey to the Etosha Pan took just over five hours, with one or two stops on the way. "I'm sorry, Jake," Marta said, reappearing from a convenient bush with her two little girls. "This must be quite a different journey for you!" "It is," Jake agreed. He lifted Brigitte up into the Land Rover. "But for my two best girls nothing is too much trouble. Now you, Trudy." They were dear little girls, Alison found, Trudy quiet and thoughtful, Brigitte bright and bouncy. Marta was good with them, she thought, loving and patient, yet firm. And David? She wondered about that. He seemed to be very fond of the little girls, very much at ease with them. But once or twice Alison saw him glance from Marta to the children, and she thought that there was a hint of a shadow in his eyes. Other people wouldn't notice, she told herself. I do because I have known him so long, and because And there, even in her thoughts, she stopped. Somehow, the words no longer had any meaning. Because I love him, she wanted to say, wanted to think. But did she? Wasn't it true that she no longer felt the same about David? The thought, the possibility, was too much for her to dwell on, and she was very glad when they reached the national park. The rest camp they were to spend the three nights in was called Okavkvejo.

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html "We chose this one because there is a waterhole right at the edge of the camp," Marta told her while the men went to the office. "At night it is lit, and we can see the animals when they come to drink." "Don't they mind the lights?" Alison asked.

A small hand slipped into hers. "I think they like it 'cos the small ones can see when the big fierce animals come," Trudy said softly. "That does make sense," Alison agreed. Jake and David came back then. "We couldn't get one of the big cottages, I'm afraid," Jake said. "So we've got two small ones, next to each other." He turned to Alison, his dark blue eyes guileless' You and I can share one, Alison," he said. "And David and Martaand the children can have the other." Somehow, this was a situation Alison hadn't thought of, and she didn't know what to do about it. I'm a big girl, she told herself, and I can take care of myself. And of you, Jake Sheldon. "Is that all right with you, Alison?" And that decided it. David asked carefully.

Because it was obviously all right with him. "Yes, it's fine," she said, her voice clear

Alison lifted her chin. and steady.

The cottages were small, but delightful, she thought. Each had two tiny bedrooms separated by a bathroom, a small kitchen with a fridge, a small two-plate cooker and a table and chairs. And outside there was a big stoep, with a fireplace. "Lovely!" Alison exclaimed. "Are we going to have a-?"

She stopped. "Not a barbecue, a bra ai she said. "Are we?"

"Of course," Jake replied. "But let's get settled in now, and we can have a game drive before sunset." Settling in didn't take long, and there was a fair bit of coming and going between the two cottages, the little girls running in with food to be put in the fridge. Just after four they all piled into the Land Rover again, and drove out of the camp on one of the dusty white roads with the heat shimmering between the flat grassy plain and the pale blue sky. "We'll go to one of the nearest waterholes," Jake said, "and sit and wait." They drew up beside a waterhole, and Marta produced colouring books and crayons for the children. Alison, sitting in the front beside Jake, was glad she had changed mto shorts and a cool cotton top. " , You need to have lots of patience, Alison, David said. going to Edinburgh Zoo!" "It isn't like

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It was Jake who saw the first animal. "Giraffe," he said softly, and he put his arm around Alison and turned her head towards some trees. At first, Alison could see nothing. Then one of the branches of the tree moved, and she saw the giraffe. It moved towards the waterhole, slow and stately, and she found herself holding her breath. Then, at the water, it spread its front legs wide so that it could reach the water. "I didn't know they drank like that," she whispered. "Only way they can reach the water," Jake pointed out, his lips so close to her ear that his breath tickled. Soon after that some zebras appeared, the small ones jostling each other, the bigger ones keeping order. Then came a few small buck-springbok, Jake told them. They had to leave then, because all cars had to be inside the gates of the rest camp by the time the sun set. "When do we go out again?" their cottage. Alison asked when she and Jake were inside

"Tomorrow morning, early," he told her.

"You like it?"

"Oh, yes," she said. "I've never done anything like this before-there's something magical about sitting at a waterhole, everything so quiet, waiting for the animals , and then watching them." The men got the fire going for their bra ai and Marta and Alison made a salad. And that, too, was magical, Alison thought the still, warm evening, the flickering light of the fire, the glass of chilled wine. The little girls only just managed to stay awake long enough to eat, and then Marta put them to bed, Brigitte rubbing her eyes and protesting that she wasn't sleepy. "I want to stay with Alison," she insisted, for she had been sitting beside Alison while they ate. "I'm sleepy too, Brigitte," Alison told the little girl truthfully. "I'll be going to bed soon." It was the air, they decided a little later, when all four of them were yawning. And they decided, too, not to go and sit at the rest camp waterhole that night, waiting for animals to come. "You can have first shower, Alison," Jake said lightly. shout when you're clear." "Give me a

Some fifteen minutes later, when she came out onto the stoep, Alison was glad she had brought a shortie cotton dressing gown with her, for

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html her shortie pyjamas were a little flimsy. "Bathroom's clear, Jake," she said. ' "Goodnight , Marta- "night, David.

Her bed was narrow and not very long, and she wondered how Jake would manage in his. She could hear him humming in the shower, and there was something strange and a little disturbing about that. Disturbing, too, was the thought of how she would deal with him, if it was necessary, here in this small cottage. I shall just be very firm and tell him to go back to his own room, she decided. The running water stopped. "Night Alison," Jake called through the closed door. " And then, laughter in his voice, he said, Remember, lock the door from the inside when you're in here. Sleep well. ' "Goodnight," Alison called back, a little thrown by not having to put her defence plan into action. So-here she was, and there, in the cottage next door, were David and Marta. She wondered, naturally, what their sleeping arrangements were. But very strangely, as she began to fall asleep, it wasn't David and Marta she thought of-it was Jake Sheldon, in his room so near to hers. Everything was dark and completely still when she woke, with a start, to find Jake sitting on the edge of her bed, his hands on her shoulders. Instantly, she was awakq. " , p " Oh, no, she said, and she sat u. Go back to our own room, Jake. His hand covered her mouth. Listen," he whispered. Alison heard it then. realised. "What is it?" '

"Once again, you're judging too quickly.

A distant roar.

But not too distant, she

she asked, hardly daring to hope. "Get a jersey

"A lion-and I think he's at the waterhole , Jake said. or something and come on hurry

Alison was glad of the darkness as she got out of bed in her insubstantial shortie pyjamas and reached for tracksuit trousers and a top. Outside the cottage, Jake took her hand, and they hurried along the path towards the floodlit waterhole. When they reached it, there were some other people there too, standing beside the wall, looking and waitmg. "Look-there he is," Jake said.

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html Alison felt her breath catch in her throat. The lion watched, hear him was, for stood at the edge of the water, proud and regal. As they he drank, and the silence. was so complete that Alison could lapping the water. Then he lifted his head and roared, and it her, the sound of Africa.

She wasn't sure how long they stood there, watching the lion, but at last, when he turned and walked majestically back into the darkness, they went back to their cottage. "What time is it?" she whispered.

"Just after three," Jake whispered back. "Let's have some coffee and then a couple of hours' sleep before we get up." The night was warm, so Alison thought it must be the excitement of seeing the lion that made her feel a little shivery as she made them both coffee. She cupped her hands around her own hot mug as she and Jake sat at the small table. "Nice," Jake said appreciatively. "It's just instant," Alison replied. "I don't mean the coffee," Jake said lazily. "I mean you-your hair a little tousled, your tracksuit pulled on over rather attractive pyjamas." He shrugged when Alison looked at him. "Couldn't help catching a glimpse of them when I put the torch on, when you got out of bed," he said disarmingly. "More than the way you look, though, I'm glad we shared that experience, seeing the lion together. Aren't you?" he added. " , Yes, I am, Alison said after a moment, realising, as she said it, just how true it was. All at once they seemed to be on rather dangerous ground. She put her cup down on the table and said hastily that she thought she'd go off to bed. Jake's hand covered hers on the table. "Don't you think tonight has added a new dimension to our relationship?" he said, laughter in his voice and in his dark blue eyes. Alison managed to pull her hand away. She stood up.

"We don't have a-a relationship, Jake," she said. He stood up too. "Tell me, then," he said softly, "just what is it we do have?" She was very conscious of his nearness in the tiny cottage, and with the silent African night enclosing them.

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html "I suppose we have a sort of physical attraction, that's all," she replied, trying to keep her voice light and casual, and as amused as his. "A physical attraction," Jake repeated thoughtfully. "Yes, you could certainly call it that. And you don't call that a relationship, Alison?" "You're laughing at me," she said, and with some reluctancq she had to smile too. "No, Jake, I don't call that a relationship." He sighed. "Oh, well, we'll have to settle for this physical attraction ," he murmured. "But I'm still glad we saw the lion together. ' For a moment, his lips brushed hers. It was a different kiss this time, a kiss that was warm and light and tender , she found herself thinking. Perhaps Jake was right; perhaps there was a new dimension in whatever there was between them. CHAPTER EIGHT TH ExE was so much about that time at Etosha that Alison knew she would remember for all her life: getting up before sunrise, so that they could go out of the gates as soon as they were opened, and the sight of the red-streaked sky meeting the vast grassy plam. And one morning a long, slow line of elephants making their way to a waterhole, crossing the dusty white road a little way in front of the Land Rover. That was so breathtaking that Alison forgot to get out her camera. One night, at the waterhole, a family of black rhino, two big ones and a baby. Buck of all kinds. Giraffes, zebras, and smaller animals, jackals, funny little bat eared foxes, once a hyena. And every night a group of elephants, six adults and five babies, the smallest two having a wonderful mud-fight, splashing each other with mud from their trunks. Mealtimes were fun, too, with everyone helping, the men making a bra ai one night, Marta a ri sotto another night. And sharing the cottage with Jake was surprisingly free of problems. In fact, Alison realised to her surprise , that was fun too, and she became quite relaxed about seeing Jake coming out of his room with only a towel wrapped around his lean brown body. Very brown as far as the towel, she saw, and she caught herself wondering how much more of him was as tanned as that. And blushed as she thought it. But the next day, when they went swimming, she could certainly see that all of Jake that was visible was the same deep gold colour. Marta had managed to get the little girls to lie down for a rest after lunch, and she and David had stayed at the cottage with them. And that, Alison found, was less painful than being with them, seeing them together. More than once she found herself wishing that it were only the two of them, Jake and herself, here, so that the magic of this

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html wonderful place wasn't marred at all by the hurt of seeing David with Marta, with the little girls. And that, she had to admit to herself with painful honesty, was strange, when she was becoming more and more certain that somehow her feelings for David had changed. Was it because of Cathy, then, that she felt this way about David and Marta? Alison didn't know; all she did know was that it hurt. , "Your shoulders are getting burned, Alison," Jake said. sunscreen on for you." "I'll put more

His hands were big and strong as he smoothed the lotion into her shoulders. The heat had made Alison drowsy, and she didn't make any protest when Jake moved the shoulder straps of her bikini-top down over her shoulders. "You're going to have a mark on your back," he told her, and she could feel his hands close to the fastening of her bra-top. "I don't want any marks," Alison replied drowsily without lifting her head. "Can you unfasten that , please?" She thought there might be a funny remark from him, but he said nothing, just unfastened her bikini-top and smoothed sunscreen where it had been. They lay in the sun beside the swimming pool for half an hour longer, then Jake said, quite brusquely, that he thought they'd had enough sun. Without waiting to be asked, he fastened the top of Alison's bikini and stood up, leaving Alison to scramble to her feet without any help. On the way back to their cottage she said, a little miffed, "I would have liked to go on sunbathing for longer." Jake looked down at her. "You'd had long enough," he told her. African sun." "Don't ever underestimate the

He took her hand in his then, and swung it as they walked. "Anyway," he said, and his voice was warm with laughter, "I couldn't have taken much more of lying beside you in the sun with your bikini-top off." "It wasn't off," Alison told him, colouring. ' "It was only unfastened.

"It would have been off if you had moved," Jake said. I'm not made of stone, you know." "I didn't think you were," she returned demurely.

"Or if I had.

Their cottage was cool and dark, for they had closed the curtains to keep the sun out. The feel of the cool floor on bare feet was lovely,

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html Alison thought. "I suppose it's still too early to go out on a game drive?" said. she

Jake nodded. "The animals are too sensible to come out when it's as hot as this." In the cool darkness, she knew that he was looking down at her. would be wiser to move away, she knew that, or even to say something-anything. But she said nothing, and she stood still. It wasn't a conscious decision, although she was honest enough to admit to herself later that she'd known very well what staying there close to him meant. Because everything that had happened between Jake Sheldon and herself until now had been leading up to this moment. When he took her in his arms, when his lips found hers, when his hands, warm and confident, unfastened the top of her bikini, the time for any decision was gone. Every part of her body responded to the urgent demand of his. Later-much later-he looked down at her. "I don't think these beds were made for two," he murmured. She started to speak, but he put one finger on her lips. "You are not going to say this shouldn't have happened," he told her with authority. "Because it had to happen-I know that, and I think you do too. And I don't really care whether we call it a relationship or-what did you say?-a physical attraction. I wanted to make love to you, and you wanted me to. So don't say it shouldn't have happened. ' "I wasn't going to say that at all," Alison replied truthfully. Andqthen, because she had to be honest, she said, with difficulty, "But it confuses me-feeling like this-wanting this to happen." "Confuses you?" Jake repeated thoughtfully. Gently, his finger traced the outline of her cheek, and then her lips. "You mean it makes you have doubts about this fellow you already have doubts about?" he asked her. His voice was lazy, amused, but his dark blue eyes were intent on her face. "I don't have any doubts," Alison shot back, knowing all too well that that wasn't true and knowing, at the same timP, that it was difficult enough admitting this to herself, let alone to Jake, after what she had said to him before. "So he does," Jake said. She turned her head away. "I don't want to talk about it," she said. "All right, we won't," Jake returned equably. to talk.. ' "But if you don't want "He's a very foolish man, then." It

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Alison wriggled as far away as she could in the narrow bed. "I think we should be getting ready for going out in the Land Rover," she said quickly. "I hear Brigitte and Trudy outside. ' Neither David nor Marta made any comment when Jake and Alison joined them a little later. Alison thought that. David's eyes were questioning, but no more than that. Once again, their game drive was wonderful, with Jake spotting a long line of zebras in the distance, coming towards the waterhole they had chosen. And following them came a small herd of wildebeest. "They're pretending to be zebras too," Brigitte whispered , although the animals were still far away. "The zebras don't mind, anyway," her sister told her. water." "They share the

The sharing was something that intrigued Alison. Although all the animals approached any waterhole with caution, there seemed to be an unwritten rule that each must have its turn. That night, when the children were asleep, the four of them went to sit at the floodlit waterhole at the gdge of the rest camp. "Windhoek and the hospital seem part of a different Life," Alison said softly. "But tomorrow we'll be back there. ' Jake's hand covered hers on the stone bench that overlooked the waterhole. "Etosha is always here," he told her. "Like Wordsworth's daffodils, you'll be able to recall it all , and let this flash upon your inward eye and fill your heart with pleasure!"

Alison was unable to hide her surprise. "I'm not just a pretty face, you know," Jake said, and it was difficult for her not to laugh aloud. At last, reluctantly, they left the waterhole, when the nightly group of elephants were the only animals there. "I would have liked to see just one more lion," Alison said regretfully.

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"Perhaps we might, as we drive out," Marta pointed out. When they reached their adjoining cottages, they parted. Marta had their key ready, and while Jake was unlocking the other door Alison turned round to reply to Marta's whispered goodnight. But the word died on her lips. David had put his arm around Marta'sshoulder as he pushed the door open. And in the light from the open dooqway there was no mistaking the way he was looking at her. Alison stood silent, any doubts she had had about David and Marta gone. When she felt Jake's hand on her arm she turned to face him, hearing, as she did so, the door of the other cottage close. He looked down at her, and she saw slow understanding dawn on his face. "It's David," he said flatly. "David's the man you're in love with."

Alison wanted to say that no, she wasn't in love with David any longer, but it wasn't as simple as that. So she said nothing. It had never crossed Jake's mind, until that moment, that it could be David. He had assumed that Alison had left this man in Scotland, perhaps that she had come here to forget him. And all the time it had been David. He remembered, then, feeling that strange and somehow treacherous pity for her, thinking she was upset because David had forgotten her sister Cathy and turned to Marta. And I told her, he thought bleakly, that she had to let David forget Cathy and get on with his own life. He closed the door of the cottage behind them. "Why didn't you tell me?" She shrugged. he asked her. she countered. "Jake, I=

"Why should I?"

She seemed to be on the point of saying something more, then she shook her head, and there was something so bewildered, so-forlorn about her that for a moment he needed to make a conscious effort to recall that surge of anger he had felt. She was right, he realised. Why should she, indeed, when in her eyes this wasn't a relationship, only a passing physical attraction? And, of course, that was all he was looking for as well, so he shouldn't mind that. He certainly wasn't looking for anything more, for anything that held the possibility of being hurt, the way he had been hurt by Sharon. He looked down at Alison, and once he felt that same bewildering surge of-pity? Tenderness? He didn't know. "Alison, my dear," he said, and he put his arms around her, feeling her

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html slim shoulders rigid against him, "you came all this way because of David, only to find he's in love with Marta." Her shoulders were still rigid. "He thinks he's in love with Marta," she said after a moment. "And you think differently?" Once again, she shrugged. "He was lonely-Marta was there; it's understandable ," she said. Jake, it isn'tAnd once again, as she had before, she stopped. For her own sake, he had to make her face the truth. "Perhaps that's how it started," he agreed carefully, "but you must see that it's much more than that now. I know it's tough for you, but you have to accept it." Alison turned away from him. "They come from different backgrounds," she said, not quite steadily. "They don't really have much in common. And there are the children. Cathy and David didn't plan on having children for quite a while." "All that may be true," Jake agreed, "but you're leaving out one thing. It may sound strange, coming from me, but those two are in love with each other; anyone can see that. And that changes everything. Allson, David has made a new life for himself; you have to accept that. Now come on; it's late-let's go to bed." "A good idea," Alison replied, and the coolness of her voice told him all too clearly that it didn't matter what he had meant-she certainly didn't mean together. It was strange, he thought later, lying unsleeping in his narrow bed, that Alison could be so stubborn, so determined to hold onto this unreal feeling she called love for the man who had been going to marry her sister. Strange, too that that Alison was the same one as the warm and passionatq_ girl he had held in his arms in this very bed. But the next morning, when he saw the shadows under Alison's grey eyes, the hint of red that told him of tears, he couldn't feel angry with her. It was tough for her; there was no getting away from that. "Chin up," he said, and he was rewarded with a rather watery smile. It was a quieter journey back to Windhoek, with the children both sleeping for a good part of the way, Marta then falling asleep, and then Alison. Jake wondered how much sleep she had had the previous night. He dropped David and Marta and the children at Marta's house, where David's car was, and then took Alison back to her flat. "I can manage everything, thanks," she said when he stopped in the street. "I'm not coming in to overcome your scruples and throw you on the bed," "But Jake asked.

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html Jake said mildly. "I just want to help. you carry everything, and check that everything is all rlght at the flat." It was worth that, he thought, to see the colour rise in her cheeks. "Sorry, Jake," she murmured more than a little awkwardly. In the flat, she turned to him when he had carried her basket and Thermos into the kitchen. "Thank you for taking me to Etosha," she said, and he was glad to see that the sleep in the Land Rover had taken the shadows from her grey eyes and left them clear again. "It's an experience I'll never forget." It wasn't the time for levity, he knew. "I hoped it would be special to you," he said. "It certainly is to me. Dinner tomorrow night?" He kept his voice casual. "Or later in the week"?" And then , seeing the question in her eyes, he said lightly, "My dear girl, we have fun together, don't we?" He kissed her, his lipc brushing hers for only a moment. "Anyway," he said, "I plan on making you forget him ! '

And he was taken aback to realise just how much he meant that. All right, she was different, this girl, but he wasn't about to forget his own ground rules, for her or for anyone else... A few days after the Etosha weekend, Mrs. Kayapua was allowed to go home. She was beginning to walk with her temporary prosthesis , using crutches now, and in a few months her permanent prosthesis would be fitted. "I will come and see you, Sister, when I am with Mrs. Grellman for phsyiotherapy," she said when. her husband and her daughter came to take her home. "You feel you can handle being at home?" older woman nodded. Alison asked her, and the

"I can do it," she said steadily. "You helped me to bring these fears into the open, and to deal with them. Now I know I can get up again if I fall, I know what to do if my wound bleeds, and if I need help I have i this telephone that I will carry with me." She patted Alison's hand. "

I am going to dress, now, Sister," she said, "and I will come in to say goodbye." A little later, Alison looked up from the charts she was filling in when Mrs. Kayapua knocked at the door. There was an unexpected touch of mischief in her smile. "Since he became an important man in the government ," she said, "my

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html husband has wanted me to stop wearing our traditional dress. agrees that it is better for me to be dressed like this." Now he

The skirt of her Victorian dress was wide and vividly coloured, in scarlet and blue and emerald. Her deep fringed shawl was a darker blue, and her headscarf matched her dress. "I think you look wonderful, Mrs. Kayapua," Alison said sincerely. "I'm really going to miss you-you've been a star patient. , She watched as Mrs. Kayapua made her slow and dignified way along the corridor to the lift her husband on one side of her, her daughter on the other. The two young accident patients were coming on well, Jake's surgery and subsequent post-operative measures for the younger boy having avoided the brain damage they had feared. The older boy was recovering well after his fractured femur, and Alison and her staff made sure he moved as much as possible even in the bed, encouraging him to help when they turned him by grasping the bedrails for support. "The active motion decreases the possibility of so many complications," Alisonexplained to her staff ; nurse. "Thromboembolism, pneumonia, gastrointestinal problems, urinary problems-no, he's coming on well physically. But..." "But you're not entirely happy about him," Heidi Muller said. "No, I'm not," Alison admitted. "I think Richard is carrying a load of guilt about the accident which is right, because it was his fault, particularly as young Bill wasn't wearing a crash helmet. We've told Rlchard that Bill is going to be all right, but I'm not too sure he believes us." She came to a decision. "I'm going to move young Bill into the four-bed ward beside Richard," she said. "Bill doesn't need to be on his own now, and I think it with help Richard to see for himself that his brother is doing all right." She and Heidi and the nursing aide moved the beds, pushing an excited young. Bill along the corridor, and putting his bed next to hIs brother. "Qulte a bandage on your head," Richard said, trying to be casual. "Pretty good plaster you have," Bill returned. Alison checked that they were both comfortable, eased the weights on Richard's leg, and then left them. "That was a great idea, Sister," Jake said when he came in later to see both the boys. "Hasn't done Richard any harm to worry a bit about his brother, but it's time now for him to put it behind him. As long as he's learned his lesson." "I'm sure he has," Alison said. He looked at the notes on her desk. "I see you're ready for my elective varicose vein op tomorrow," he said. "He's Down's

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html syndrome." "I see that," Alison said. "He'll probably want to help around the ward-the last Down's patient I had would have given all the other patients tea every hour on the hour if I'd let her. I'll see that your pat lent has some jobs to do, Dr. Sheldon." "Thank you, Sister Maynard," Jake said gravely. on you." "I knew I could rely

When he had gone, Alison put her pen down on the desk. It was strange now, she thought, to remember her first impression of Jake Sheldon-arrogant, overconfident , just the sort of doctor she loved to hate. She'd had to change her opinion of him as a doctor pretty quickly, and she had changed her private opinion of him too, now that she had got to know him. He is a great deal more thoughtful and understanding than he would have people think, she told herself. But still, of course, not to be taken seriously. Not that she had any intention of taking him seriously , she reminded herself hastily. It was the last thing he would want, he had made that very clear. And, of course, the last thing she would want. Knowing she felt differently about David was one thing, but allowing herself to mistake a-a passing physical attraction for anything more-that was something she certainly wasn't about to do! CHAPTER NINE JAxE had said "we have fun together', and that was true. But when Alison was with him, when they went dancing, when they were close together in the darkness of the car at the end of an evening together, she had to make a very determined effort not to allow herself to be swept away by the way she knew she could so easily feel in his arms. That warm afternoon in Etosha, when they had made love, had meant more, much more than she would ever have thought possible. That she could be in his arms, and thinking of nothing and no one in the world but him, carried away on this tide of passion engulfing them both-it was foolish, with a man like Jake Sheldon, a man so openly determined to enjoy himself and yet to keep his freedom. She told herself, many times, that there was this undoubted strong physical attraction between them; she would be foolish to deny that. Add to that her own vulnerability, here in this foreign country, with the shock and the dismay of finding that David was-or thought he was-in love with someone else, and, soberly, sensibly, she realised that there was a very real danger of some rebound effect, of falling into the arms of-of someone like Jake. Perhaps it wasn't a bad thing thatqhe thought she was still in love with David. Because without even allowing herself to put the thought into words she knew that she dared not allow herself to be swept away like that again. So, when Jake kissed her goodnight, when his lips and his arms became

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html more urgent, more demanding, Alison would return his kiss, return his embrace, but somehow she would manage to hold back, to stop there. He never said anything, and eventually he would release her. And often she didn't know whether she was relieved or disappointed. But sometimes she would find his dark blue eyes resting on her, thoughtful, questioning , and she would feel uncomfortable. She told herself that since he seemed to be content to go on as they were, since he had made it very clear that he wasn't looking for anything long-term, there was no reason for her to feel this way; she should just accept things as they were. They got into the habit, she and Jake, of meeting to take Shandy for a walk when their hours off coincided. Jake had found a small second-hand estate car for her, and this made a great difference to her independence. Jake and Shandy had favourite walks, and she would meet them sometimes on the hill beyond the three castles. There were houses built high on the small hills there-the koppies, Alison was learning to call them large and beautiful houses, many of them foreign embassies. Jake and Alison, with the big golden dog walking sedately beside them, would walk up beyond the houses, beyond the foreign flags flying at the different embassies, to the open hillside above them. As soon as they had passed the last house, Shandy would look up at Jake intently. "Go, Shandy," Jake would say, and a blur of gold would run ahead of therrq. Sometimes there would be a ground-squirrel-a meerkat, here-and Shandy would have an enjoyable but unsuccessful chase. "When I was a boy," Jake said one day as they sat with their backs against a warm rock, the exhausted dog at their feet, "there were no houses here. We came here with our dogs then, but we were able to walk right down there." He put his arm round her and pointed down the hill. His arm, strong and muscular as it was, felt much nicer than the rock had, so Alison didn't move away. "There were baboons then," he said, "big troops of them, in the koppies. We used to hear them coughing and barking, and of course we kept our distance. But once, when I was quite small, I was here with my mother, and our dogs chased the baboons. We could hear the dogs, and the baboons, closer and closer to each other, and we were sure it would be the end of our dogs." "He smiled, and there was a far-away look in his , eyes, a look she hadn t seen before, which made her see, for a moment, the boy he had been. A look that brought a strange tightness to her throat, for some reason. "My mother had an old Volkswagen then, and she drove it right up that koppie there-there was nothing more than a path-hooting furiously and shouting. Our dogs came running back, and got into the car as if they had sent for a taxi. But they never chased baboons again." It was very pleasant, sitting here in the sun after their walk. Somehow, Alison realised, her head was now resting on Jake's shoulder.

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html "She must be quite a lady, your mother," she murmured. "She is," Jake replied. "You'd get on well together , you two. '

She didn't answer that because it seemed better not to. Jake lifted a strand of her hair; it blew a little in the warm wind. "I was looking at a picture of your sister the other night, in your flat," he said unexpectedly. "You're quite like her, aren't you? Especially with your hair like that, the way Cathy's was. But in the photo of the two of you together... your hair was different then; and you and Cathy didn't look as alike." Alison sat up and moved away a little. "We always were alike," she said, knowing she sounded defensive. "Everyone always knew we were sisters." That night, back in her flat, alone, she looked at herself in the mirror. The girl who looked back at her had serious grey eyes, her light brown hair falling thick and smooth to her shoulders. She turned away from the mirror and looked at the picture Jake has been talking about-the picture of Cathy. Oh, there were differences-Cathy had their mother's blue eyes, and the shape of their faces was a little different-but with her hair worn the same as Cathy's-yes, she thought, soberly, she did look like her. She couldn't remember, now, making any conscious decision to grow her hair, and she certainly had never set out to look like Cathy. To come here looking like Cathy, she amended painfully. It was a strange and disturbing thought, and she didn't know whether she felt angry with Jake for making her think it or grateful to him. But the next day she went to have her hair cut. When it was done, and she looked at the smooth shining cap, the thick fringe, she was a little taken aback. She hadn't ever had her hair quite as short, but it was too late now to have doubts. "I like it," Jake said with certainty when he came into the duty room the next day. He was seldom less than professional when they were on duty, but he leaned towards her now, laughter in his dark blue eyes, and murmured, "I did like running my hands through your hair before, I must say, but I can't help feeling that letting your hair go must be even more drastic than letting your hair down! I can't wait to find out." "You are incorrigible, Jake Sheldon," Alison retorted, but she couldn't help smiling as she said it. It was the next day before she saw David. Although he seldom had patients in her ward, most days she saw him around the clinic, but usually either he or she would be hurrying. But that day they met just outside the staff dining room. "Alison-Marta and I were just saying we've hardly seen you since our

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html Etosha trip," David said, sounding pleased to see her. your way in for lunch? It's late." "Are you on

"I know," Alison replied. "We had an unexpected admission; I wanted to see that he was comfortable." There was no queue at the counter at this time. "Was that Jake's peritonitis?" was. David asked, and Alison said that it

They chose their food-Alison opted for cold chicken and salad, David for Kasseler chops, also with salad. "I was in the theatre next door," he said as they sat down at a small table. "Hysterectomy. Total abdominal." He looked at her. "You've had your hair cut," he said, surprised, then looked more closely. "Makes you look about sixteen," he said. He smiled, but there was a shadow in his hazel eyes. "That must be just what you were when I knew you first." "It was," Alison replied. "Cathy had just started nursing -I was still at school. She brought you home soon after you met-it was her nineteenth birthday. Remember?" "I remember," David said, his voice low. He put his fork and knife down. "Alison," he said carefully, "perhaps this is something I should have said sooner than this..." Alison waited, not knowing what he was going to say. "I loved Cathy," he went on, "and I wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with her. But Cathy is dead, and He hesitated. "And now there's Marta," Alison said, and her voice was steady. she know about Cathy, David?" "Does

"Oh, yes," he replied, surprised. "I told her soon after we met." He leaned across the table. "We were friends, Marta and I, for quite a while before I knew that I loved her." He smiled. "I think she knew quite a while before I did." And while you were falling in love with Marta, Alison thought, I was back home in Scotland, waiting for you to come back to me, waiting for you to realise that if anyone in the world was to take Cathy's place it had to be me! She wasn't sure, afterwards, what made her say what she did. She hoped that it was a real concern for David, but... "David," she said slowly, "Marta's little girls are delightful, but isn't it a problem to you, taking them on? Someone else's children-children with a different background?" He looked away. "It shouldn't be a problem," he said at last. "I love Marta; I have no

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html doubts about that. But-yes, Alison, the package deal of Marta complete with the children is something I haven't completely been able to commit myself to yet." His eyes were troubled. "Marta senses that, although I haven't said it in so many words," he said. "I couldn't say it to anyone but you, I don't think-right from that first time Cathy took me home you've been like a real sister to me."

Once that would have hurt.

Now she could accept it.

She put her hand on his. "Don't do anything in a hurry, David," she said quietly. "Give yourself time you owe it to Marta, as well as to yourself. And to the children. You have to be sure about something as important as this." And that is true, she told herself when David's bleeper summoned him to see his patient in Intensive Care. I didn't say anything that wasn't completely valid. She forced herself to ignore the faint sense of unease that came with the memory of what she had said, of the troubled look in David's eyes. Jake was pleased with the progress his varicose-vein patient was making. He had done a ligatioh under general anaesthetic, and at the same time he had treated the smaller veins by injecting a chemical into the vein. "He'll have to have the elastic stocking on all the , time, he told Alison, knowing that the reminder wasn't really necessary. "Every time you change the dressing on the ligation, put a final dressing on the small veins, gauze cotton and then Velcro, to apply pressure, then the elastic stocking. And keep him walking." "No problem with that, Dr. Sheldon," Alison assured him. "Look-he's helping Staff to hand out tea to the other patients, and if he gets a chance first thing, when the ward is being cleaned, he likes to help to wash the floor. ' "It doesn't bother you, him doing that?" Jake asked cautiously, for it wouldn't be the first time a senior sister had objected to a mentally retarded patient's attitude to the usual ward regulations. "Not at all," Alison replied, and he could see that she meant it.

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html "Tommy is a dear, and I know he feels less anxious and less awkward when he's allowed to help. It makes him feel more at home here, too." Her smooth cap of hair shone in the sunlight streaming in the window, and Jake had a sudden and most unprofessional longing to reach out and touch it. A longing he hastily suppressed. "I've noticed, Sister," he said then "that you also have a fairly open attitude to visiting times." Alison coloured. "I've cleared that with Matron," she told him. "I do find it makes a difference to my patients' recovery if their families are allowed to come more freely than just in visiting hours. It's sometimes difficult for people to be free at the arbitrary hours we set, you know." Y, , , "He I m on your side; I feel the same, Jake assured her. Every new facet of their-friendship, relationship, whatever-made him realise that he hadn't, in all the girls he'd known since Sharon, come across one quite llke Alison. And that, he thought ruefully, took in quite a number of girls. Perhaps I just needed to find the right girl, and to learn to trust again, he thought one day, out of the blue, and to his astonishment the thought, instead of dismaying him, didn't seem at all unpleasant. There was, of course, the small matter of Alison being absolutely certain of two things. One, that she was in love with David Reid, and two-following on from that-that therefore anything she felt for him was physical, nothing more. "Chemistry', she had even said once. But I wasn't joking when I said I planned on making her forget him, Jake thought with certainty. One night, when he had kissed her goodnight very thoroughly, and felt her lips warm and responsive against his, but nothing like as warm and responsive " as he knew they could be, he said to her, One thing I'd like to know, Alison-when David kissed you... and that must be quite some time ago... did you feel anything like this?" A slow tide of colour suffused her cheeks and she looked away. "He hasn't kissed you," Jake said, and it wasn't a question. than a brotherly peck on the cheek. Oh, Alison." "Other

"I don't want to talk about how I feel about him , she said quickly, defensively. Jake raised his eyebrows. "I still say you need something more basic-more physical, if you

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html like-than that." He looked down at her. "Something you and I have."

And suddenly, with no warning, that strange and treacherous feeling came over him as she looked up at him, her clear grey eyes troubled. He put his arms around her gently and held her close to him. "Sorry," he murmured, against her hair. But Alison couldn't help after that, to his usual dinner, for dancing, for close, sometimes pushing set. "Let's forget it-for now. '

feeling troubled about Jake. He reverted, casual and carefree self, taking her out for walks with the dog-kissing her, holding her his luck, but accepting the limits Alison

And yet-and yet sometimes she would find him looking at her with something new in his dark blue eyes, something new and disturbing. Working with him, though, was something she could enjoy with no reservations. She knew that he was a good and caring doctor, and she knew that he valued her work and her opinion too, and that pleased her. And so she wasn't too surprised when Matron summoned her and told her that Dr. Sheldon had asked for her help on a special case. "But not in the clinic, Sister Maynard," Matron informed her. "Dr. Sheldon can tell you about it him , self-Ah, here you are, Dr. Sheldon, she said as Jake hurried in, with a quick knock on the half-open door. "You can tell Sister Maynard about this trip." "Trip?" Alison asked when Matron had gone out, leaving them alone in her office. Jake nodded. "We have an emergency call to Luderitz," he told her. "We're going to see Mrs. Barton, the wife of one of the directors of a big fishing company. They're sending a private plane for us." He looked at his watch. "You have two hours to get ready-I'll pick you up. Take enough for a couple of days." "Do I go in uniform?" Jake shook his head. "Has this Mrs. Jake hesitated. "She has a fractured femur," he told her. ritz Hospital." "A fractured femur?" She broke off. "I know," Jake agreed. "A fractured femur shouldn't need a doctor and a nurse flown from Windhoek. But Ted Barton is on our board-he matters. He wants me there, with a nurse, and what he wants he gets. There's more to it than that, though-I'll tell you on the plane. ' "It's been X-rayed at L de Barton had an accident?" she said then. Alison asked, more than a little dazed.

Alison repeated, taken aback.

"But surely-?"

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The next two hours were a whirl of activity for Alison. She handed over her ward to the relief sister then hurried back to her flat, changed into jeans and a cotton shirt, threw some clothes into an overnight bag, locked up her flat, and was waiting for Jake when he arrived. It was the small local airport they went to, not the international one Alison had arrived at, and in no time, it seemed, Jake had parked his Land Rover and was hurrying her across to the small plane that was waiting for them, the engine already revving. A very small plane, Alison thought, more than a little dismayed at the thought of flying over miles of desert in it. Jake climbed up the steps ahead of her and held out his hand. all right," he said. "I'll be right beside you. ' "It's

It was ridiculous and it was foolish, but somehow his words, and the strong warmth of his hand on hers, made all the difference in the world to her. She followed him into the plane. CHAPTER TEN Ir was impossible to talk until the small plane had taken off and was heading away from Windhoek. "It's not really the fractured femur," Jake said. "It's what led up to it. In actual fact she tripped, or lost her balance-she doesn't seem too sure what happened But over the last few weeks there have been some strange episodes. Mrs. Barton was found in the library, confused, not sure where she was. Someone took her home, and she was all right by the next day. She's been reluctant to drive, and her husband thinks she's having problems with vision. She's not a forgetful person, but she's missed turning up at a couple of meetings. ' Alison looked at him. "But she needs tests done in hospital," she said. "A scan-motor function tests. What can you and I do?" "I don't know," Jake admitted. "I'm not sure what the real problem is. I don't mean the medical problem, I mean about doing things as they ought to be done." He frowned. "It isn't like Ted. I'd have thought he would have whisked Betty to the clinic right away, or even to Cape Town." He told her that Ted Barton and his wife were old friends of his parents, and he had known them all his life. A little later, pointing to the desert below them, he told her that there, in the Sperrgebiet, the forbidden diamond territory, were the only wild desert-dwelling horses in the world. "I saw them for the first time when I was about ten years old, when we were coming to Luderitz to spend a holiday with the Bartons," he said. "We saw about twenty of them, and there are only about a hundred and fifty in total. I've seen them only twice since then, and I've been lucky-people can live here for years and never see them."

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html They landed at the small airfield outside Luderitz soon after that, and a big white-haired man came forward to greet them. He and Jake were obviously glad to see each other. "Sister Maynard-Alison, I believe. Ted Barton said, shaking her hand. you landed?" "Yes, we did," Alison replied. "Did Jake tell you what they say? Luderitz is surrounded by the desert on three sides and bombarded by the Atlantic Ocean on the fourth." He hustled them into his Land Rover and drove off towards the town, brushing aside Jake's enquiry about his wife with a brusque, "We'll talk later," and instead pointing out to Alison the big security gates leading into the diamond area, and the ghost town of Kolmanskop , the site of the first serious diamond rush in what was then South-West Africa. Alison had a swift, blurred impression of deserted houses, with the desert sand piled up against the walls, as Ted Barton turned another corner, to reveal the small town lying ahead of them. It had German-style buildings, a beautiful blue house high on the hill, and a church that was almost Gothic. Ted Barton's own house stood high on the hill, overlooking the harbour. He led them inside, rang the bell, and ordered coffee from the pleasant woman who came into the big room. Only when they were sitting down with coffee and biscuits did he suddenly seem to lose his cheerful brusqueness and look older, and very weary. "Betty's in hospital," he said abruptly. "She's All right if we skip the Sister?" "You get a good view of Luderitz as

, desperate to be allowed out, to come home, but she's in plaster and in traction, so fortunately there's no question of that at the moment." ""Fortunately", Ted?" Jake queried. The older man nodded. "I hope that we can take her straight from there to either Windhoek or Cape Town, depending on what you think's best," he said. "I know she has to have tests done-she knows it too, but she won't admit it; she says she's fine-she was just tired, or she just slipped, or she forgot." He ran his hand through his thick white hair. "All right, she can't do much about resisting. I could ask the doctor to sedate her and just have her taken there, let her wake up in Groote Schuur or somewhere else. But I can't do that to Betty, Jake. That's why I need your help to persuade her to have tests done." He put his cup down on the coffee-table and looked directly at Alison. "And I thought if that didn't work, then perhaps you could get through to her, Alison. I've heard so much about you from Jake-that's why I

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html asked if you could come too." Alison didn't think she had ever before seen Jake looked embarrassed, but he did now. "A couple of weeks ago, when I was in Windhoek, Jake and I went out for a steak, and he talked about you most of the time," Ted Barton went on. Jake stood up. "I think we should see Betty as soon as possible, Ted," he said, and Alison was amused to see that he wouldn't meet her enquiring gaze. Ted Barton nodded. "Leave your bags there," he said. "Maria will take them to your rooms. You're staying here with me, of course. ' The hospital was at the other side of the bay, and from the window of Betty Barton's room there was a lovely view of the little town, clinging to the rocky hillside, with the blue waters of the bay between. "Jake," the woman in the bed said as he bent to kiss her. "This is nonsense, bringing you all the way here. I'd be fine if they would just let me go home." "Not too easy with a contraption like this," Jake commented lightly. "Betty, this is Alison." Betty Barton held out her hand and Alison took it. "My dear," she said, "this is all ridiculous, but I'm glad to meet you." As she asked Jake about his parents, and his sister and her children, Alison looked at her carefully and unobtrusively. Betty Barton, like her husband, was in her late sixties, she thought. Her hair, too, was white, but curled softly around her face. She had blue eyes eyes that even when she was smiling were anxious. And there were lines of strain around her mouth. "Now that you have got us here," Jake said now, "tell me more about some of the things that Ted is worrying about. That day in the library, now-what do you remember about it?" The woman in the bed laughed, but all three of the others recognised the effort she had to make to do that. "For goodness' sake," she said, "it was nothing-a bit of absent-mindedness, that's all. I'd had this awful flu-I think I was a bit light-headed." "That was a fortnight before, Betty," her husband put in. Jake took both of her hands in his. "For Ted's sake, Betty," he said, quite gently, "Let's have some tests done. He's worried about you, and he won't stop worrying until you've

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html taken this further. "The tests I'd like you to have-they're not painful , and they're not invasive. Remember the bone-density test you had done a couple of years ago, when we wanted to check for osteoporosis? That didn't hurt. And this is similar-bouncing sound waves around, scanning to make sure there aren't any problems." He smiled. "What's the point of Ted having a private plane if you can't make use of it? You could be flown to Cape Town tomorrow and be back in a few days plaster and all!" Betty Barton pulled her hands away. "I won't have tests done," she said, and her voice was shaking. nothing-I was tired, that's all." She turned away from her visitor and reached for the bell. tired now; I want to rest." "It's

"And I'm

There was nothing more they could do. Ted Barton kissed his wife and said he'd come back in the evening to see her. Back at the beautiful big house on the rocky hillside they had dinner-grilled fish that Ted Barton assured them had been swimming in the bay that morning and then Ted went back to visit his wife again. Jake and Alison sat over coffee, talking about what they knew should be done. "She has to have a scan done," Jake said. His dark blue eyes were serious. "You know as well as I do the possibilities. ' Alison did. Betty Barton could have had a mild ; stroke, she could have an abscess on the brain, she could have a tumour. A tumour could be benign, or it could be malignant. In either case, it had to be removed. "There's a new machine at one of the city clinics in Cape Town," Jake told her. "It's more sophisticated than the CT scan. That's what I'd like Betty to have. And there's a very good man there; he's the one she should see. Obviously, we want to get her to agree, but if we can't I'm inclined to get Ted to sign the consent form and take her there anyway. I don't like the idea, but I have this feeling that it's urgent." ; He tried to smile. "Ever get those feelings, Alison? In spite of modern technology, sometimes you have to doctor by the seat of your pants, so my Dad says." "I know what you mean," Alison agreed. "I have had feelings like that myself. And I do agree that Mrs. Barton must have tests done, but She hesitated. "Mr. Barton suggested that perhaps I could persuade her-perhaps I could try talking to her tomorrow? Unless he comes back and says she's changed her mind, of course. '

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html But Ted came back soon after that to say that his wife refused to consider having any tests done. The next morning, Jake took Alison over to the hospital, but let her go in on her own. Mrs. Barton seemed pleased to see her, but was very guarded. "I suppose Ted's sent you to try to persuade me , she said at last abruptly. There was no point in denying that. And there was no point, either, in going over the ground they had gone over the day before. Alison took a shot in the dark. "Mrs. Barton," she said quietly, "are you afraid of what this scan will find? A tumour, perhaps, that is malignant?" She thought that the woman in the bed wasn't going to answer, that she might just turn away. But at last, with a small sigh, Betty Barton gave in. "No, I'm not afraid of a scan finding a tumour," she said, and her voice was little more than a whisper. "I could handle that, even if it was malignant. It's if they don't find anything-that's what I'm really afraid of." Alison looked at her, not understanding. "My mother died five years ago," Betty said quietly. "But for ten years before she died she didn't know me , she didn't know Ted, she didn't even know who she was. In the last few years she was incontinent; she couldn't feed herself or dress herself. She had Alzheimer's." Now Alison understood. clasped hands. She put her hand over Betty Barton's tightly

"And you're afraid that what has happened to you could be the start of that," she said, and it wasn't a question. The older woman nodded. "If it is, I-I just don't want to know," she said shakily. "If they don't find anything else, any other explanation, that's what it must be, and I can't face that." Her eyes searched Alison's face. "It's not impossible , is it?" she asked. "No, it isn't impossible," Alison replied slowly, honestly It did seem to her, from her previous experience, that a tumour or an abscess was more likely, but she knew that she didn't have the authority to say that, to raise any hopes that might be false. "But if it is there are new drugs being tested all the time that can make a difference to Alzheimer's. You owe it to yourself, and you owe it to Ted, to find out. I was looking at the photographs of your grandchildren last night. You owe it to them, perhaps, most of all. ' Betty Barton began to cry, soundlessly, tears running down her cheeks.

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html Gently, Alison dried the tears. "Tell Ted I'll have the tests done," she said at last. possible." "As soon as

Alison went back right away, knowing that Ted Barton would want to make arrangements immediately He was at his office, but Jake phoned him there, and within ten minutes he was back. Alison told him what his wife's real fears were, and he was silent for a long time before he said, quietly, that he should have realised what they were for himself. Then, obviously forcing himself to pull himself together, he stood up. He and Jake went into his study to make all the arrangements, and they were on the telephone for half an hour. When Jake finally came out, Alison came in from the stoep, where she had been sitting. "It's all arranged," Jake told her. "Ted is taking her to Cape Town this afternoon; we've got her in at the city clinic I wanted. They do have this machine at Groote Schuur too, but they couldn't take her immediately And I've talked to Adam Steyn; he's the best neurology man in Cape Town. Ted has arranged for one of the nurses from the hospital here to go with them. ' Ted Barton followed Jake out. "Later, my girl, I'll tell you just how grateful I am to you," he said gruffly. "For now, let's get things moving. I'm going over to the hospital now to tell Betty what's happening. We'll be on our way to Cape Town as soon as possible." Alison looked at Jake, and she could see that he had the same question as she did. "We have to get back to the clinic, Ted," he said. get on a commercial flight?" "Should we try to

Ted Barton shook his head. "No need," he replied. "I've just cleared it with the clinic. Tomorrow afternoon my pilot will get back here and

take you to Windhoek. So you have this afternoon and tomorrow morning to show Alison the sights of Luderitz! At the very least take her out to Kolmanskop." He left then, and they heard his Land Rover roar into life. "I hope that's all right," Alison said doubtfully. tomorrow, I mean." "Only getting back

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Jake took both of her hands in his. "If Ted has cleared it with the clinic, you can take it there's no problem," he assured her. "And now that we know Betty is going to be in the best possible hands we're going to do just what Ted suggested and go to Kolmanskop. ' There was a small four-wheel-drive Jeep left for them to use, and they headed out of the small town and into the desert. It was like a mirage, Alison found herself thinking, this desert ghost town. Deserted houses, without windows, some with broken steps leading up to the broad stoeps, some with roofs caved in. And sand sifting through all of them, blown up against the walls, " piled up on the floors inside, in one house reaching halfway up the staircase leading to the bedrooms. "But they lived well, didn't they?" she said softly, feeling somehow that she almost had to whisper, as they walked through the big building called the Casino, where the diamond seekers had come to relax, to eat meals cooked by German chefs, to see shows put on by entertainers brought in from Europe. "They had to, with the desert all around them," Jake said. "And they could afford to. The early prospectors could pick diamonds up from the sand-there are photographs in the little museum over there of men crawling about picking up diamonds. They made and lost fortunes overnight." They came out of the Casino, and Alison looked again at the modest little house, most of it submerged in sand, behind it. "I think I like the schoolteacher's house best," she said. "It's small, and you can imagine someone living there. I wonder where the children she taught are now?" Jake looked down at her. "It does that to you, doesn't it?" he agreed. "Makes the people who lived here very real. Even if they do call this a ghost town." They spent most of the afternoon in Kolmanskop, and when they left Jake told her he was taking her out for dinner. , g, p It wasn Barton, results and see t easy, Alison thou ht to kee herself from thinking about Betty wondering about the flight to Cape Town, wondering what the of the scan would be. Sometimes, too, she would glance at Jake that his blue eyes were shadowed and his face still.

But Ted Barton phoned at six and told them that the flight had gone well, Betty was safely installed in her room at the private clinic, Dr. Steyn had already been to see her, and the scan and other tests would be done the following morning. "I think she's relieved, now, that this is happening," he said. "You'll let us know what the results are, Ted?" older man assured him that he would. Jake asked, and the

All Alison had brought with her were jeans and cotton shirts, but Jake said they weren't going to a smart place and she would be fine. She

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html took a cardigan, too, for there was a chilly wind from the sea-a wind that made her glad of her short hair, which fell so easily into its smooth cap against her head. "It's actually part of the rest camp, so we'll find campers here as well as people staying in the cottages," " , Jake said. But the food is good, and it s-well, you'll see." The restaurant was built right on the beach-almost in the sea, Alison thought when they reached it. They had a window table, and they could hear the sea lapping against the rocks that the restaurant seemed to be standing on. The moon made a silver path across the dark water of the bay, and it almost looked as if the stars were reflected in the sea. "You like it?" would." Jake asked when Alison turned to him. "I thought you

"It's magic," she said softly. They had oysters, and then crayfish, both of them speciali ties of L de ritz "You know what they say about oysters, of course," Jake said, straight-faced, when they were on the way back to the big house on the hill. "An aphrodisaic." Alison laughed. "I can't see you properly, but I think you're leering, Jake Sheldon," she told him. "Of course I am," he assured her. I'd be twirling it." He parked the Jeep then turned to look at her. "Did you yawn?" he asked her suspiciously. "If I had a moustache

"I'm afraid I did," Alison said apologetically, and she yawned -again. "It must be the sea air." And, she thought, it's been something of a strain, this whole trip here. Jake sighed. "So much for the oysters," he said. gracefully." "All right, I know when to give in

He kissed her, his lips touching hers for a moment, warm, and asking nothing more of her than that. "You know something?" nice man, Jake." Alison said as he drew away from her. "You're a

And that was her last thought as she fell asleep in the pretty rose-sprigged guest bedroom high in the eaves. He really is, she mused drowsily. Nice as well as-everything else.

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html The sun was shining again the next day, and Jake assured her that they were lucky, for the little town was often lost in sea-fog. "We're going out right after breakfast," he said mysteriously' So hurry up!" He was waiting in the Jeep when she went out half an hour later, and she could see a picnic basket behind the seat. "Just coffee and biscuits," he told her airily. pretty isolated." "Where we're going is

The track, for it was little more than that, took them right out of Luderitz, with the desert on one side-with notices reminding them sternly that this was the Forbidden Territory, the Sperrgebiet-and the sea on the other. When Jake stopped they were in a small bay, with rocky islands set like jewels out in the sea and the desert behind them. Gulls wheeled in the sky, white against the clear blue. And not another soul in sight, Alison thought in wonder. "It's lovely, Jake," she said. "It's more than that," he told her. "Come and see."

He took her hand and led her down to the sand, where he bent down, muttering something, shook his head, then moved further along. Alison, amused and intrigued, followed him. " , Ah, here are some, he said, and he opened her hand and put some small stones in it. "Agates," Jake told her. "This is called Agate Beach. You do find the odd garnet or cornelian too, and they say you just might find a diamond." In a moment Alison was down on her hands and knees, sifting through the sand, muttering to herself as Jake had, comparing what she found with the small stones he had given her. "I brought a bag for you to put your stones in," he told her. Together, they moved along the beach, sometimes finding tiny agates, sometimes not as lucky. When the bag was half-full, Jake pulled her to her feet, "Time to go back and have coffee," he said firmly. He kept her hand in his as they walked back along the beach, Alison still looking down, and sometimes finding another stone. They were almost back at the Jeep when she suddenly stopped and bent down. "Look, Jake," she said breathlessly, and she held out the stone to him. "Is it a diamond?"

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He shook his head, smiling. "It's quartz," he told her. And then he wasn't smiling as he looked down at her. were dark. He murmured her name. Alison thought afterwards that perhaps she said his name as well. Perhaps, too, he took her in his arms, or perhaps she didn't wait for that. It didn't matter. The only thing that did matter was that she was there on the deserted beach with his arms around her, holding her so close to him... CHAPTER ELEVEN ALIsoN knew that her whole body was as urgent and as demanding as Jake's, but she didn't care. And then, abruptly, his lips left hers. He looked down at her, his eyes asking, Are you certain about this? A question that he must have seen there was only one answer to. Keeping her close to him, with one hand he opened the door of the Jeep and pulled out a rug. And then, quite gently, he made her sit down and sat down beside her. Still gentle, his fingers traced the outline of her mouth just before he kissed her again, slowly. Alison could feel her heart thudding unevenly. He hadn't taken her in his arms again and only their lips touched, in that slow and gentle kiss. He put his hand on her shoulder and drew her closer. She couldn't, now, do anything to stop her own arms from finding their way around his lean body. Then, as each of them recognised and responded to the urgent demand of the other, all gentleness was gone, borne away in a tide of passion. There was only a moment when Alison thought dazedly, What could be more wonderful than to be on a deserted beach, with nothing but the sand and the sea and the sky, and Jake's arms around me? And then there was no room for thinking anything. A long time later, as they lay on the rug in a pleasant tangle of arms and legs, Jake said lazily, his lips against her hair, "I did wonder whether cutting your hair meant the same as letting it down-now I know." He handed her her cotton T-shirt. "And-er-everything else." "Better put that on he told her. His blue eyes

"Same goes for you," Alison returned. Then she said demurely, "You did warn me about sunbathing, remember. ' "Oh, is that what you call it?" Jake asked. He looked at his watch.

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html "I promised you coffee, didn't I? back." Just time before we should get

They sat on the rug drinking mugs of coffee and eating biscuits, and Alison thought that there couldn't be many places in the world where they could be completely alone like this, with miles of sand and sea stretching round the bay. And it was just as well that they were alone, too! When Jake said it was time to go she suddenly thought, I wish we could stay here for ever. It was a ridiculous thought, and an extremely disturbing one, and it was only later, when they were in the small plane heading back across the desert, that it surfaced again. And for the first time she found herself wondering about her feelings for this big, dark man beside her, wondering if what she had felt today, on the beach, could really be no more than a strong physical attraction. "Chemistry', I once said to Jake, she remembered. But could chemistry make her wish that she and Jake could stay there on their beach for ever? Chemistry could perhaps account for that tide of feeling that had swept over them both, but could it account for the way she had felt afterwards, lying drowsily in his arms? Foolish, perhaps, to let herself feel so deeply for this man. somehow that didn't seem to matter any more. But

Jake had a quiet word with the pilot before they took off, and the small plane flew as low as possible over the desert. He didn't want to say anything to Alison in case there was no sign of the desert horses, but there was a much better chance from the air. Then, just when he had given up, the plane banked sharply, and the pilot pointed down to the desert below them. There, running free, were the desert horses, a small herd of them-nine or ten, Jake thought. At this slow speed the noise of the engine made it impossible to say anything, so he took Alison's hand in his and pointed to the horses. He saw rather than heard her gasp of delight, and then she clasped her hands toget5er in excitement. She looks like a little girl, Jake thought, smiling too, as the plane pulled up and turned to head for Windhoek. Neither of them said much on the rest of the journey, even when it was quieter in the cabin. They talked a little about Mrs. Barton, about the scan she would be having done in Cape Town, about possible surgical intervention and further treatment. Then, for a long time, they were silent. Sometimes Jake would find Alison looking at him, questioningly, he thought. But not in any way as if she regretted what had happened on the beach. There were questions in his own mind, too.

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How had it happened that this girl had become so special to him? Why wasn't he, by now, feeling as he always had done before-that it had been great fun, but it was just one of these things? Time to move on , he should be feeling by now. But that was the last thing he wanted. On the beach, he had had the strangest thought. He had found himself wishing that they could stay there, just the two of them. They landed at the small airport just outside Windhoek soon after that, and there was no more time for thinking as he collected his Land Rover, took Alison to her flat, and went round to the clinic to check on his patients. But that night, when he had collected Shandy from his neighbour's, and come back from the necessary late-night walk, he stood on his stoep looking out over the lights of Windhoek, thinking of Alison ten minutes away, and he found his thoughts running once again along the same lines. And slowly he began to realise that he could not any longer avoid the word that kept coming into his mind. I think I love her. He said the words aloud, wonderingly, and Shandy looked up at him. Jake said it again. And he hoped that he wasn't deceiving himself in thinking that Alison felt the same-or she would, if she stopped fighting it. She had a stubborn streak, there was no doubt about that, with her fixed idea of being in love with David Reid, when he hadn't even kissed her. But after this morning surely she would begin to see the difference between dreams and reality? Alison was supervising her staff nurse changing dressings when he reached her ward the next morning. She looked, as always, fresh and crisp and efficient in her short-sleeved blue uniform, with her hair smooth and shining. He had to dismiss a swift memory of the way she had looked the morning before, on the beach, and he was pretty sure, from the faint colour that rose in her cheeks, that she had similar thoughts. " , Right, Nurse Muller, you can finish off, she told her staff nurse. "You can do the temperature charts next." She turned to Jake. "Dr. Sheldon, I'm not too happy about Mr. Horton; he's got a cough and abdominal discomfort, more than he should have after his appendectomy. ' Jake went with her along the corridor to see his patient, and agreed that there seemed to be early indications of inflammation. "Let's do half-hourly temp and pulse-rate checks," he said to Alison once they were back in the duty room. "I'm going to do a leucocyte count too. There's always this danger of secondary infection with drainage , and we may be looking at an abscess in the pelvis or in the

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html liver. Bleep me if there's anything you feel I should know about."

They discussed his two young accident patients, and the fact that the older boy was soon to be discharged and then Jake had to hurry off to operate. "No news of Mrs. Barton yet?" Alison asked him as he made to leave.

"Nothing yet," Jake told her. "Ted will let me know." At the door, he turned back. "Shandy says are you coming for a walk with him tonight?" Alison smiled. "Tell Shandy I'd love to," she replied. late handing over tonight." "Meet you there-I might be

There was a phone call from Ted Barton just before Jake left the clinic, and he tried to find Alison, but she had already gone. As soon as they met, and she had returned Shandy's eager greeting, she turned to him. "Ted phoned from Cape Town," Jake told her. "Adam Steyn did every possible test, and there is a tumour-a small one. He's going to operate tomorrow. They should have the pathology report the next day." "I do think, whatever the outcome, Mrs. Barton will be relieved," Alison said. "She can face anything rather than the prospect of Alzheimer's." "The tumour may be benign," Jake pointed out. "But even if it's malignant it's a small one. She wouid obviously need chemotherapy or radiotherapy after surgery, but she'll have a reasonable chance." "You'll let me know anything more you hear?" promised that he would. Alison asked, and he

He had wondered if she would make any reference to what had happened between them, but she said nothing, and neither did he. Somehow, it didn't seem possible to make a light or casual mention of something that had made him, certainly, look at their relationship in a new light. He had the feeling-in fact he was almost certain-that Alison had been doing some thinking too, and he was prepared to give her time, to let her make the first move. A few days later, he happened to finish operating in one theatre just when David Reid finished in the other. They discussed the operations-Jake had done a colostomy, David a tubal ligation-and then, both of them tired, sat down to have a cup of coffee together. "Haven't seen Marta for a few days Jake said casually' How is she?" David looked away. He hesitated. "I-haven't seen much of her either," he said a little awkwardly. "Had a bit of a tiff?" Jake asked. "She's fine," he said.

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David shook his head. "No, it's just-I need to do some thinking, some sorting out." He stared into his mug of coffee "They're super kids, Trudy and Brigitte," he said slowly. "I'm very fond of them. But it's a big thing, taking on someone else's children. Not just for me but for them too. I owe it to all of us to be certain about this, not to rush into a decision." A cold and unpleasant suspicion began to grow somewhere inside Jake. "You're right, of course, but somehow I had the feeling things were working out all right for you and Marta he said carefully. "Did you just-start having second thoughts about It all?" David shook his head. "Not really second thoughts," he said. "They were there all the time. It was Alison saying that I owed it to all of us to be sure that made me realise that perhaps I wasn't; perhaps I did need to take time to think about it all." Jake put his cup down on the table. "And Marta-how does she feel about this?" David's hazel eyes were troubled. "She knows I have to be sure," he said. And then, with difficulty, he went on, "She says that, Jake, and she agreed that we shouldn't see each other for a bit out of the clinic-but I know her so well that I can see she's hurt. It's certainly something we both thought a fair bit about earlier, but Marta thought I'd got it sorted out. It was just that, talking to Alison, I saw very clearly that it wasn't fair to Marta and the children just to sort of drift along. The time has come when I have to make a decision." Jake stood up. "And thanks to Alison that's what you're working on," he said, feeling a cold anger that he could only just hold in check. But not anger at David. Only at Alison. And not only anger. her as well. He felt a bitter, searing disappointment towards he asked abruptly.

He had known and accepted her stubbornness in the way she felt-or thought she felt-about David Reid. But he had not expected this of the girl he had been close to falling in love with, the girl he had held in his arms that day on the beach. "Jake?" David said now, obviously taken aback.

With an effort, Jake managed to smile. "Sorry, David," he said. "I just don't think it's any business of Alison's at all. Sure, think it through, come to your decision-but remember it's your life, and it's Marta's life, and it's the children's lives. Alison!" It's nothing to do with

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It was a few days since Alison had seen Jake other than when he did his ward rounds, or made brief visits to his patients at other times. She had been right about the possible abscess in his appendectomy patient, and a further drainage tube had had to be inserted, but along with antiobiotics Mr. Horton was recovering nicely. They had been busy on the ward, and Jake had been busy in Theatre as well, she knew, so he had probably been working late catching up with

private patients, and also with paperwork. Which would explain why he hadn't stopped for a quick word with her, a quick arrangement for them to meet to take Shandy for a walk. One afternoon, she came back from a late lunch break to find a note from him on her desk, telling her that although Betty Barton's tumour had been found to be malignant the neurosurgeon was confident that he had managed to remove it all, and was as certain as he could be that a short course of chemotherapy , as an extra precaution, would complete the treatment. The scrawl at the end was his name, she realised, smiling a little at the brusqueness of the note. He hadn't even taken time to say, Sorry I missed you, she realised. But soon his busy time and hers would be over and they would see each other properly. She was leaving the clinic that evening, hurrying down the steps, as Jake came up, taking the steps two at a time. "Hey," she said, smiling and putting her hand on his arm, "It can't be that much of an emergency! Thanks for the note-it does sound as if Mrs. Barton is going to be all right, even if she does have a bit of an unpleasant time with chemotherapy. You haven't heard any more, have you?" He shook his head. "No, I haven't," he said.

There was something in his voice that made her look at him more closely. His lean brown face was taut, his dark brows drawn together, the blue eyes very dark. "Jake?" she said uncertainly. "Is something wrong?"

"I wouldn't say "wrong"," he replied coolly. "Perhaps I've just had my eyes opened, that's all. I hope you're satisfied now that you've

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html managed to stop David and Marta seeing each other. But I'm sure you know all about that. I bet you spend most of your time off pointing out to him what a mistake he would be making, taking on a couple of ready-made kids." That talk she and David had had in the dining room one day. She could feel the colour draining from her face and in spite of the warm evening she was suddenly cold. "I-I didn't say that," she faltered, hardly able to believe the hostility in his eyes. "He had doubts anyway. ' "Oh, I accept that," Jake agreed. "But he'd have sorted out those doubts if you hadn't interfered. As I say, I hope you're satisfied. don't suppose you stopped to think that Marta's had a pretty tough life, and you've just made it a heck of a lot tougher." Through the dismay at the way he was looking at her, the things he was saying, slow anger began to rise. She lifted her chin. "My life hasn't been a bed of roses either," she said. The cool appraisal in his eyes shook her. "I'm sorry about your sister," he said. "I agree that's tough. But you can't spend the rest of your life feeling sorry for yourself. And you can't make up your mind that because Cathy is dead David Reid is yours and to hell with anyone who gets in the way of that." "It isn't like that," Alison said shakily. Jake. ' "You don't understand,

"Oh, I understand very well," he said. He looked down at her, unsmiling. "There's only one thing I want to know," he said. "I should have the decency not to mention that day on the beach at Luderitz, but I don't, so I'd like to know-did you decide while we were making love that you were going to talk to David, or did you only decide later?" Alison started to say that she and David had talked before she'd gone to Luderitz with him, that she had hardly seen David since they got back. But Jake brushed her stumbling words aside. "Not that it really matters," he assured her. He smiled , a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "Funny how wrong you can be. That day I was pretty sure we had something special going, you and I, and I was pretty sure you would see that too once you stopped fighting it." Her small spurt of anger was gone. "I did see that," she said, her voice unsteady. "I-I've been doing a lot of thinking since we came back." His dark eyebrows rose. "Have you, now?" he asked. "Well, so have I, since I talked to David Reid. And that's what's really funny-that I could have been so wrong about the kind of girl you are. So wrong that I really don't know why we're standing here talking. I'm sorry, but I have patlents to see."

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Without even a nod, he turned and went on up the steps to the clinic, not taking them two at a time now, but walking up slowly, deliberately. "Jake-wait," Alison said, knowing she sounded desperate but beyond caring. Somehow, she had to make him understand. But the door swung closed behind him, and in spite of the people hurrying past on the pavement she had never felt so alone in all her life. CHAPTER TWELVE WHErr the door of the clinic closed behind Jake, it seemed to Alison that he was walking out of her life. She didn't know how long she stood there, hoping against hope that the door would open and he would come back. But the door remained closed, and eventually she went home. Home? The word, in her thoughts, stopped her short. For the first time since she'd arrived here she had a sudden surge of longing for Edinburgh on a grey winter's day, for the big warm kitchen at home, and her mother's arms around her. She hadn't realised it until now, but it was because of Jake that she hadn't been homesick before. Because of his friendship, the fun they had had together, the time they had spent together, the things they had done-even the walks with his dog. Impatiently she brushed away a treacherous tear. Foolish, foolish, she told herself, to be like a little girl wanting my mother, just because-just because Because it's over, Jake and me. It's over, just when I was beginning to admit to myself that he has come to mean so much to me. It's over because he thinks I tqried to come between David and Marta. She remembered, slowly and painfully now, what she had said to David that day. It had been concern for David that had made her say what she did, she told herself. But perhaps she should have kept quiet. That realisation grew in the next few days, for although she saw David only briefly, and Marta little more, as there was only one patient in Alison's ward having daily physiotherapy at the moment, she could see that neither of them was happy. Marta, when she came to see her patient, would always look into the duty room, if Alison wasn't in the ward, and say hello pleasantly. But each time Alison was all too conscious of the German girl's shadowed blue eyes, of the strain on her face. Jake himself, as always, was in regularly and conscientiously to see his patients. Alison, accompanying him on ward rounds, would find herself answering his polite questions equally politely, making a note of any mstructions he had, as if they were strangers, as if they never had been and never could be anything but two people with nothing more nor less than a purely professional relationship between them.

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html The first time he was in the ward, after their meeting outside the clinic, his bleeper summoned him to another ward just as he was finishing. But the next time, when he had patted his patient's shoulder and said that he would be removing the drainage tube the next day, as he turned to go, Alison steeled herself and said carefully, "Would you like coffee before you go, Dr. Sheldon?" The dark blue eyes met hers for a moment. "No, thank you, Sister," he said politely. There had, of course, been times when he hadn't had time to have coffee, but there had been so many times when he had sat in the duty room with her, usually discussing one of their patients, sometimes asking one of the young nurses about a current boyfriend. And always, always with warmth in his eyes, in his smile. Alison knew that her staff were all too aware of the change; knew that they talked about it. There would be sudden silences when she appeared, followed by a bright discussion of a new film, or some equally innocuous subject they knew, in the way that people always knew when a hospital grapevine flourished, that she had been seeing him, going out with him, and now they would know that she and Jake weren't seeing each other any longer. It was Heidi Muller who had the courage to ask Alison about it, one day when they were checking the drugs cupboard together. "Syringes, fifty," Heidi said. Alison ticked that on her list. There was a silence. "Analgesics," Alison said a little impatiently. The young staff nurse looked at her. "Sister Maynard," she said a little breathlessly , "what's wrong with Dr. Sheldon? He never stops for coffee, and he-and you She stopped, a tide of colour rising in her cheeks. Alison couldn't feel annoyed with the girl, for she knew it was genuine concern that had made her brave enough to ask. "Nothing's wrong," she replied, and she shrugged. "You know yourself that everyone says nothing is lasting with Dr. Sheldon-he's a short-term man. I certainly didn't expect or want more than a few evenings out and some company, and that's what we had. But it's over now, and I expect before long you'll all be trying to guess who will be the new lady in his life. ' The young staff nurse shook her head. "It's more than that," she said slowly. "I've never seen Dr. Sheldon the way he is now." She hesitated , but only for a moment. "You talk about Dr. Sheldon being a short-term man, moving to someone new. I suppose you don't know about the girl he was in love with a long time "Pethidine first."

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html ago." She had only heard the story from some of the older nurses, she said. About a girl Jake had loved-a girl who had thrown him over for someone who was older, someone whose prospects were better. "I don't know the details," Heidi said. "I don't even know her name." She shrugged. "Maybe it's unkind to say that's why she threw hIm over; maybe it isn't even true. But what I do know is that Jake Sheldon was badly hurt, and-and we all thought that at last, with you, he had found someone to change that. Onlynow he looks the way he does, and She stopped. Alison knew very well that she had been going to say how Alison herself looked. "I didn't know any of that," she said. For a moment , she wondered if it would have made any difference if she had known, if she would have behaved any differently towards Jake. But it was too late now. "You're ' g y making too much of it all, Heidi, she said as li htl as she could. "It's the weather. It's affecting all of us. Shouldn't we have some rain by now?" The Small Rains, Jake had told her. And she could believe now how the build-up of clouds and the hope of rain made people become on edge as they waited. Now, with Heidi's concerned brown eyes on her, she mao aged to smile. "I would never have thought," she said lightly, "that the time would come when I would be hoping for rain. I'm sure everyone will feel better when it does come." A few nights later, the rumble of thunder, and the zigzag of lightning across the night sky, did build up to a sudden thunderstorm. Alison stood at her open door, watching the rain on her small stoep and feeling the relief in the oppressiveness of the atmosphere. The next day the sky was clear, and everything smelled fresh and washed by the rain. And there was no doubt, Alison thought as she walked to work in the early morning, that she herself felt better than she had before the rain. Perhaps it was because of that that she took her courage in her hands that afternoon and caught Marta We could be friends, Marta and I, Alison thought. when she finished with her patient. But perhaps it's too late now. "Time for coffee, Marta?" should try to do she said. She wondered, that night, if she

Marta hesitated, and then she smiled. But there really

something-perhaps talk to David.

"Thank you, Alison," she replied. "That will help me was nothmg she could do now. In fact, what she had before I go on to my hysterectomy patient in Six. She said to him was right. If he did have doubts, he had is a very large lady, and she tells me so cheerfully that to face them. she has never done exercises in her life and sees no , But she

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html was glad that Marta didn't seem to blame reason to start now! And I tell her that for her recovery her for making these doubts of David's surface. it is necessary. Every day we have the same con ver- One evening, as she was going off duty, later than sat ion So thank you, a cup of coffee will help me to usual, she went to the car park for her car. She usually be stern with her." walked, but that night she planned on doing some Asking Marta had been an impulse, and Alison shopping on her way home, for the shops followed the wasn't sure whether she would say anything 'more, but cont mental custom of closing in the middle of the day, it was Marta herself who gave her the opening. when it was hot, and staying open late. "How are the children?" near the door to the Alison asked. Jake's Land Rover was parked

"They are all right," Marta said. She hesitated, and clinic, and as she hurried past it there was a welcoming then, her blue eyes steady, she said, "They miss David. bark and Shandy put his big golden head out of the And so do I." window. Alison could see from the way his whole body There was no point pretending that she didn't know was moving that he was wagging his tail vigorously. what Marta meant. "Hello, boy," she said, pattlng him through the open "I'm sorry about that," Alison said. And then, window. "It's so nice to see you. I've missed you." because she had to clear the air, as the rain the previous Shandy made it very plain that he had missed her g " too. Alison rubbed his ears and spoke to him softly. ni ht had done, she went on, I'm very much afraid it was something I said that caused all this." Then Shandv barked again, another welcoming Marta shook her blonde head. that Jake "Not entirely," she said. bark. She knew, before she turned round,

"David told me you had was there.

talked-but if he had had no doubts that wouldn't "I was just saying hello to Shandy," she said quickly, have mattered. No, this is something he has to be sure ) defensively. about; you are right in that. Because I will not have There was no change in the cool hostility in his eyes. my children hurt. Already they love him, and they "I'm on my way to take him out," he replied. "Just miss him. If-if things are not to work out, it's better had to look in on the little tonsillectomy girl I operated that we all know now." on today." "You look quite fierce," Alison said, surprised. Surgical, then. But even if he Marta managed to smile. wouldn't have , He'd been to Female

i had been looking into her own ward it

"I am fierce, for my children," she replied. "I am like mattered whether she was there or not. a lioness with my young!" "Bye, Shandy," she said quietly, and she walked across the car park to her own car. But as she drove away she could see that Jake was still standing outside his Land Rover.

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What would he have said, she found herself wondering , if I had suggested going with him to take Shandy for a walk? But she knew that she couldn't have done that , couldn't have given him the opportunity to refuse , coolly and politely. As she was quite sure he would have done. Their work relationship was professional, nothing more. Jake came into the duty room one day to discuss the post-operative treatment of a patient whose spleen had been removed. "We will, of course," he said, his patient's chart in his hand, "be watching for post-operative failure of lung expansion, pneumonia, and any abscess formation below the diaphragm. Please let me know immediately if there is any abdominal distension.." "Certainly, Dr. Sheldon," Alison replied, knowing very well that incomplete expansion of the lung was a very real danger after a spleen removal, and could well be followed by pneumonia. Before, he would have discussed his patient completely with her. Now, if she wanted to know anything more than she had to, she would have to ask. And I will, she thought. "This splenectomy was done because of a low blood count?" him. she asked

Jake had already put the chart down on her desk and had begun to turn away. "He developed this abnormal enlargement of the spleen," he said, "due to rheumatoid arthritis. The removal of the spleen should improve the blood count, and reduce the tendency towards infection." He nodded, and left. All right, Dr. Sheldon, Alison thought. If that's how you want it, I will keep it entirely correct and professional too. But that didn't mean failing to talk to him about anything that concerned her, beyond the particular post-operative care he had mentioned. Alison, monitoring his patient in the next day or two, could see that In spite of the analgesics Jake had prescribed Mr. Wentzel was in more dlstress than he would admit. She talked to Jake about it. "I'm certain he's in pain," she said as she accompanied him out of the ward. "But when I ask him he says he's all right. He doesn't refuse anything you've prescribed for him, but, unlike many other patients, he doesn't ask for anything more-nor does he ask if it's time for his next injection." They had reached the duty room and they both stopped. at her. "It isn't a communication problem, Sister?" home language is Afrikaans." he asked. Jake looked down

"Mr.

Wentzel's

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"I know that," Alison replied. "I've had Staff Nurse Muller ask him in Afrikaans and she gets the same answer. I'm going by facial expression, slightly heightened pulse rate-a general impression of anxiety." Jake's dark brows drew together and Alison's heart sank. Either he thinks I'm criticising his post-operative treatment, she thought, or he thinks I'm being completely unprofessional. But she wasn't prepared to retract anything she had said. She stood beside him, waiting, conscious once again of how tail he was, standing beside her. And how distant, in spite of the fact that she could have touched him. ", g y I'll buy that, Sister," he said then, takin her b surprise. "I have complete faith in your judgement on pam control. And over the time I've been treating Mr. Wentzel for rheumatoid arthritis I've had to drag any admission of pain from him. He's undoubtedly the stiff-upper-lip kind. Look, we'll go for an intravenous analgesic for a day or two; a continuous infusion will gqve him more relief than intermittent doses." He wrote his instructions on his patient's chart and handed it to Alison. "I'll be in tomorrow morning to see if you're happier about him," he said. "Otherwise, let me know if there are any problems. And thanks, Sister Maynard." Alison went into the duty room, the chart in her hand. Obviously, she thought, it's no problem to Jake working with me. Whatever he feels about me personally it doesn't affect what he feels about me professionally. In some ways it was helpful, knowing that. But she couldn't help feeling that this satisfactory professional relationship only made her more conscious of the difference there had been before, with the added warmth of their friendship. Friendship? Relationship? It doesn't matter what I call it, she thought bleakly, because whatever it is it's over. A few days after that, she was walking through the Post Street Mall, wondering whether she should buy one of the hand-crocheted blouses the Herero women were making and selling, when a child's voice exclaimed obviously pleased, "Alison-it's Alison!" She turned, to see little Brigitte, Marta's younger daughter, beside her. "Mummy-Trudy, I've found Alison!" amusement of all the passers-by. Brigitte called imperiously, to the

A little ahead, Marta, with Trudy beside her, turned and came back towards them.

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Trudy, always more shy than her little sister, lifted her face to be kissed. Then Marta rescued Alison from Brigitte's enthusiastic hug. "They are happy to see you, Alison," she said, laughing' The whole world can see that." "I'm happy to see them too," Alison replied, meaning it. Then she said to the little girls, "I haven't seen you since we were at Etosha together." "That's a long time," Brigitte said reproachfully. "It is," Alison agreed. She looked at Marta. The German girl's blue eyes were clear now, untroubled, quite different from the way they had been that day they'd talked over coffee. But before she had time to do more than take in the difference she saw Marta looking beyond her and smiling. "Here comes David," Trudy said. Marta coloured. "If you want to," she said. "You know what, Alison?" Trudy said breathlessly as David reached them. "We're getting married. Mummy and David and Brigitte and me, and-' Brigitte broke in, "And we're all going to live together, and Trudy and me are having new dresses for the wedding." Over their blonde heads Alison looked at David and Marta. smiling, put his arm around Marta's slim shoulders. "I haven't even had time to say hello to Alison," he said. are getting married-all of us!" "Congratulations," Alison said. "When?" David, "Mummy, can we tell Alison?"

"Yes, we

For a moment her eyes met Marta's.

"We haven't settled that yet," Marta told her. She looked up at David. "We only decided last night, so we haven't had time yet. And talking of time-David, I'll meet you after the girls' appointment with the dentist -coffee at Schneider's?"

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html She hurried off, a small blonde girl on each side of her. David looked at Alison. "In many ways," he said quietly, "I have you to thank, Alison. were right-I did have to be certain. And I am." You

The Saturday crowds moved around them, women in bright, colourful dresses, men in open-necked shirts, but for a moment it seemed as if they were alone. And it seemed to Alison that David was waiting for something more from her. "You know what, David?" she said, and her voice was steady. would have liked Marta." She stood on tiptoe then and kissed his cheek. "I'm happy for you both," she said as she turned and left him. And I mean that, she realised as she walked back to her flat. mean it. I do "Cathy

For a little while, that night, as she sat alone, she wept again for her beloved sister. But she knew that David would never forget Cathy, never forget that he had loved her, that she had been part of his life. As I never was, other than being Cathy's sister, she thought. thought didn't hurt, not now. And the

Jake was right, she thought with sadness. It wasn't real, what I felt for David. I was in love with a dream. And I was too blind, too stubborn to see that. Just as she had been too blind to see the truth about her feelings for Jake. She had told both him and herself that it was just chemistry. attraction, and nothing more. Physical

With a stab of pain, she remembered how she had felt in his arms that day on the deserted beach. When he'd held her, kissed her. And, even more clearly than that, she remembered how she'd felt when they'd lain together afterwards, drowsy, warm, close in every way. Would it make any difference when he heard that David and Marta were getting married? For a moment she couldn't help hoping that it would. moment. But only for a

Then she remembered the things he had said, the cool hostility in his dark blue eyes when he looked at her. No, she thought, with desolation. CHAPTER THIRTEEN JAxE heard the news from David himself, when they met in the lift going up to Women's Surgical. No, it's too late.

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"David, I'm delighted," he said. together."

"Marta and you you seem right

And then, carefully, he asked, "Does Alison know?

'

"Yes, we met her the other day-the children told her; couldn't wait to start telling folk." "How does Alison feel about it?" Jake said.

"She's happy for us," David replied. He hesitated. "I know you thought she was interfering when she said I should take my time, I had to be sure. But really, Jake, it was just concern." He smiled. "Just like my own sister would have wanted me to be sure. ' "So Alison doesn't mind?" Jake asked.

"Mind? No, she doesn't mind," David assured him. "I think perhaps at first she-maybe resented Marta, because of Cathy. You know about Cathy?" For a moment his hazel eyes were shadowed. "I didn't tell you-didn't tell anyone except Marta, but I thought that Alison must have." "Yes, she told me," Jake said evenly. They were outside the ward now, the lift doors closing behind them. "Alison knows I won't forget Cathy," David said quietly. "But she knows, too, that life has to go on. In a way, it was talking to her that made me do some real thinking, made me see that I was foolish to be holding back when I just can't imagine life without Marta and the children. It's a different life from the life I would have had with Cathy, but it's going to be a good life, and Alison knows that, and she doesn't mind any more; I'm sure of that." He doesn't know, Jake thought. him. He doesn't know how Alison feels about

He could picture the defiant tilt of Alison's chin, the determined brightness of her clear grey eyes as she made it clear to David that she was happy about him marrying Marta. He felt a momentary surge of pity for her when he considered what it must have cost her to convince David that she didn't mind. But no-he knew that he couldn't forget what she had done, trying to come between David and Marta. All right, she hadn't succeeded, but she had tried. And the thing that was hardest to forget was that she'd done it after the wonder and magic of that day on the beach. That hurt, he had to admit. And, like a sore tooth, he found his thoughts going back and back again, probing the hurt, unable to leave it alone. Some of the hospital staff organised a celebration party for David and Marta. "We'll have another party when you get married," one of the young German doctors assured David, when he protested that although they

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html hadn't set a date it certainly wouldn't be long before they got married. Jake, arriving alone, and a little late because he had had an emergency appendectomy, parked his Land Rover and walked up the steps to the Alte Fest, taken over for the evening. It was warm and still, and the freshness of the last rains, a few days ago, was still in the air. There was loud music, and people were dancing, and some of the German staff were already singing exuberant German drinking songs at one end of the long stoep. Jake found Marta and David, kissed Marta I46 THE DIS'fURBING DR SHELDON and shook David's hand, and went to find himself a drink. On the way to the bar, he saw Alison. She was standing alone, looking at the lights of the city spread below. She was wearing a silky blue dress with shoestring straps, and her slim shoulders were golden brown now. He had noticed, at the clinic, that her hair, still a smooth and shining cap, had golden glints from the sun. This can't be easy for her, he thought, but he stood , irresolute, a little longer. She turned round then and saw him. "I'm going to get a drink," Jake said, knowing he sounded brusque. "Coming?" She started to shake her head, but he took her hand and drew her with him towards the noisy group a little further along. And through the evening he made sure that she wasn't left alone, that she was always part of a group. There was dancing, but he didn't dance with her. That, he knew, would have been more than he felt like coping with-Alison in his arms, the remembered softness of her hair against his cheek, the warm golden shoulders with these rldiculous little straps. And knowing , all the time, that this girl, this girl he had held in his arms that day on the beach, had come back to Windhoek and deliberately set out to break things up between David and Marta. He left earlier than he usually left parties, having seen, a little qvhile before, that Alison was dancing with one of the young German doctors. But when he reached the road she was in her car, trying, without success, to start it. "Having problems?" She nodded. "The mechanic said he thought I might need a new condenser-it did the same thing a week ago," she said. "Sometimes if I leave it for a bit it decides not to be temperamental." "Then leave it," Jake said. morning, if you like." "I'll take you home-bring you back in the he asked, because he couldn't just walk past her.

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html "Thank you, but I can walk back, or I can ring the garage," Alison replied politely. She hesitated. He could see that she was as reluctant to accept his offer as he had been to make it, and for some reason that he preferred not to dwell on this annoyed him. "Don't be ridiculous," he said. minutes." "I'll run you home; it's only five

It was, but somehow it seemed a very long five minutes. After the things he had said to her, it seemed ridiculous to comment on the reason for tonight's party, so he didn't, and neither did she. But when he stopped in the street outside her flat she turned to him, and there was that determined tilt to her chin. "Thank you for-for what you did tonight, Jake," she said quietly. He didn't pretend to misunderstand her. "It can't have been easy for you," he said. He heard her swiftly indrawn breath and saw her eyes widen. "Jake- she began uncertainly, and then she stopped. said, her voice low. "Never mind," she

But he had seen the shadow in her eyes, the sadness of her face, and all the confused and disturbed feelings of the evening were swept away in a sudden and all consuming anger that she could look like that because she had lost David Reid. "Goodnight," he said abruptly, and he leaned across her to open the door. He had no intention of doing anything more than that, but her nearness, her arm brushing against his, a tendril of her hair-all that, and the anger he felt He took her in his arms, crushing her slim body against his, knowing his lips were bruising hers, knowing there was no tenderness, no warmth in the kiss, nothing but this tide of angry passion. Abruptly, he let her go. She didn't say anything. She turned away from him and got out of the Land Rover. He watched as she walked across to the door leading to her flat. She didn't turn round, and when she had gone he drove away. Perhaps, he thought, with bitterness, just for a few moments I made her forget him! Alison held her head high as she climbed the stairs to her flat. She heard Jake's Land Rover roar off as she unlocked her door. Once inside, she. carefully locked it behind her, and then, as she leaned against the closed door, the tears came. Slow, silent and despairing tears. How could she have told him, she thought with desolation , that it wasn't because of David and Marta that the evening had been hard for her, it was because of him, because of the way everything had changed between them? He wouldn't have believed her if she had told him that she'd been standing there, looking at the lights of the city, thinking

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html about him. No, he wouldn't have believed her. Just as he wouldn't believe, she knew, that it had been before they'd gone to L de ritz that she had talked to David, suggested to him that he should take his time, that he had to be certain. And perhaps it wouldn't make any difference even if he did know. All that mattered to him, really, was that she had done it. She had, in his eyes, tried to come between David and Marta. All right, she hadn't succeeded; in fact ironically she had probably helped David to reach his decision to make a commitment. But that wouldn't make any difference to the way Jake saw her. And the way he had kissed her, just now... Other times, other kisses, had been so different. Warm-tender. And yet even without any warmth, any tenderness, even knowing how he felt about her, there had been that immediate response of her body to his, a response she hadn't even had to fight because he had released her so abruptly. As if, she thought as the tears dried on her cheeks, he was so angry at the way his body had betrayed him that he just wanted to get away from her. She began to think, in the next few days, that perhaps the best thing for her would be to go back home. Her folks would be pleased, and she knew she could go back to her old hospital. But two things made her change her mind, at least for the moment. Her temporary work permit was renewed for another three months. She had sent in her application weeks ago and, because of all that had happened, had almost forgotten about it. The other thing was a conversation she had one day with young Heidi Muller, her staff nurse. For once, the ward was quiet. It was visiting time, and there was a faint buzz of conversation from the two four-bed wards and from the small private rooms. Heidi and Alison were in the duty room, glad to sit down for a bit and have a cup of coffee. "You know, Alison," Heidi said suddenly, "when I qualified I thought that that was all the learning I needed. But I have learned so much from you." "From me?" Alison repeated, surprised.

The young German nurse flushed. "I have seen that there is much more than just book learning and exams to being a nurse," she said. "I see that for you a patient is not just an appendectomy, or a colostomy, or a fractured femur. He is a person, a person who might be embarrassed about having other people always around him, or a person who desperately wants some privacy with his family, or a person who doesn't want to admit that he is anxious and worried about how he will manage when he is out of hospital." Alison didn't know what to say. The thought that she was responsible for this young nurse's attitude to her patients was a sobering one. "While I was in my final year," she said at last, slowly, "I had a senior sister who opened my eyes to what it really means to be a nurse. If you feel you've learned anything from me, it's Sister Cameron we both have to be grateful to. You know the classic question, of

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html course-what is the most important thing in any hospital?" "Asepsis?" Heidi asked. "Oxygen? Mechanical ventilators for resuscitation? A well-stocked pharmacy?" Each time, Alison shook her head. "The most important thing in any hospital," she said, "is the patient. Never forget that, Sister Cameron used to say to us." "I won't," Heidi assured her earnestly. She put her mug down and stood up, straightening her uniform. "Dr. Sheldon's new patient," she said, "the man from the uranium mine who was in an accident with mine machinery. Dr. Sheldon has managed to save his leg, but Steve-he's an engineer-will not be able to walk for any distance now, so he can't work directly in the mine again. ' "They're giving him a job in administration," Alison said. "His experience will be invaluable-he's not going to be out of a job, Heidi." "I know that," Heidi replied. "I thought, because he hadn't lost his leg, he would be so glad of that that nothing else would matter. But he just lies there, so silent, so-remote. I want to help him, but I don't really know why he is like that." Alison stood up too and went over to the window. She also was concerned about the engineer and had been thinking about him. Now, because of the things Heidi had said, she was remembering Sister Cameron: "There are different kinds of loss, you know, Heidi," she said, looking out at the busy street, the people all hurrying about their business. "Loss of life-loss of part of your body. These are more easily understood issues. But this man is losing what has been his way of life. His role in life will change completely. He's always been an active man, a man who got right to where the work was, where the trouble was, and sorted it out. Now he will have to sit at a desk; he will have to tell other people what to do. That's a loss too. ' She thought for a moment. "It might help if someone from the mine was to help him see how important his new job will be, how much depends on it. I'll talk to Dr. Sheldon-we can get in touch with whoever is in charge of personnel at the mine." "An excellent idea, Sister," Jake said, from the door of the duty room. Alison turned round, a tide of colour in her cheeks. "I didn't want to interrupt you," he said. He smiled at Heidi. "Thanks for keeping quiet, Staff. No, I've been worried about Steve Brown too; he hasn't been making the progress he should. Physically, he has, but I think you've put your finger on it. We were all so pleased that we'd managed to save the leg, we weren't looking further tban that. I'll see that that is put under way, Sister-thanks." Polite, professional, a good working relationship, Alison found herself thinking as he turned and walked along to the ward.

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html Not knowing she was doing it, she sighed. "Alison..." Heidi said uncertainly. There was sympathy and concern on her face, but all at once it was more than Alison could take, coming on top of the cool detachment she had just seen in Jake. "Time for us to get back to work, Staff," she said brightly. "The bell for the end of visiting time is just about to ring. Don't hurry Mr. Garden's wife away she can only get a lift here in the afternoon; let her stay a bit longer." "Certainly, Sisters," the young staff nurse said, accepting this return to formality. The next day, the personnel manager from the mine came to visit the engineer, and he brought with him a sheaf of questions about procedure, about problems they were having. Alison, watching unobtrusively, saw her patient answer reluctantly at first, without much show of interest, but by the time the visit ended he was much more animated, and as his visitor left Steve Brown called after him, "You can leave those papers, Tom; I'll see if I can come up with something-plenty of time here, you know." Jake, leaving the next day after checking his patient, met Alison at the door of the ward and followed her to the duty room. "A big change in Steve Brown, Sister," he said. "I'm grateful to you for your input on that-I'd become a bit blinkered, I'm afraid-so sure that since we'd saved his leg our problems were over." "He certainly co-operated in his phsyiotherapy today," Alison told him. "Marta had been feeling, too, that although he diq what she told him to he wasn't really motivated, but she found quite a difference today. ' Jake nodded, but he didn't turn to go as she expected him to. waited, uncomfortable. She

"I had a phone call from Ted Barton last night," he said tben. "They've just got back from Cape Town Betty 's finished her course of chemotherapy; obviously she feels much better now that it's over. He's bringing her to Windhoek next week; he says he thinks some shopping will be good for her." "I'm glad to hear that," Alison said, and she wondered why he still wasn't going. "Ted says he and Betty would like us to have dinner with them one night," Jake said abruptly. " "Us?" Alison couldn't help repeating the word. "You and me," Jake said levelly. "If you would find that-not a good idea, I can make some excuse. He smiled, but the smile didn't reach his eyes. "I can have an emergency here or you can have one of those twenty-four-hour viruses. ' Alison didn't know what he wanted her to say-or what she herself wanted to say. "How do you feel about it?" she asked him carefully.

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html He shrugged. "It wouldn't bother me," he said. are we not?" "We're civilized people, after all,

Slow anger began to rise inside Alison. "If it wouldn't bother you," she said coolly. "It certainly wouldn't bother me. As you say, we're civilized people. You'll let me know any arrangements, will you? Now, if you don't mind, Dr. Sheldon, I have to finish these charts." She bent her head over the charts and picked up her pen. For a long time, it seemed, Jake stood there, watching her. And then, abruptly, he a turned away. "Yes, I'll let you know," he said, and his voice was as cool as hers. When he had gone, Alison put her pen down. An evening with the Bartons-Jake pleasant but remote memories of how different things had been between them when they were in Luderitz because of Mrs. Barton. Perhaps it wasn't such a good idea; perhaps she shouldn't have let her anger make her say it 'f wouldn't bother her. Because it would. She wondered , q-:: now, how she would get through an evening like that. Two days later, she came into work a little later than usual and hurried up to her ward, ready to take over from Sister Biwa, the night sister. Sister Biwa was standing in the duty room, and Heidi Muller and the two nursing aides were with her. "Sorry, Sister," Alison said breathlessly. "Oh, Sister Maynard," the night sister said, not quite steadily, and Alison saw then that Heidi and the nursing aides were obviously upset about something. "What is it," she asked, more sharply than she had meant to. something wrong?" "Is

Her mind whirled through her patients. There was no one desperately ill, no one with the possibility of any real emergency, but of course unexpected thmgs could happen. "It's Dr. "Dr. Sheldon," Sister Biwa said. Alison repeated, taken aback.

Sheldon?"

It was the young staff nurse who put her hand on Alison's arm then. "There's been an accident, Sister," she said. An accident? Jake? She wanted to ask the questions, but somehow she couldn't find her voice. "A car went through a red light and hit him straight on," Heidi said. "They're operating now, but When she hesitated, Alison at last managed to speak.

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html "How bad is it?" she asked very carefully.

She saw now that there were tears in Heidi's brown eyes. "Pretty bad," she said. And then, breaking down, she cried, "Oh, Alison, they don't know if he'll make it!" CHAPTER FOURTEEN IT wns unthinkable, impossible, for Jake to die. But then it had been unthinkable and impossible for Cathy to die.

"No!" She hadn't meant to say the word aloud. I will not think that way, she told herself fiercely. With an effort that hurt, she put the thoughts and the memories of Cathy behind her. "A car accident?" Sister Biwa nodded. "Went right into him; the driver's side is shattered , she said. "What are-Dr. Sheldon's injuries?" her voice was steady. Alison asked , and she hoped that she said. "Someone came through a red light?"

"Epidural haematoma," the night sister told her. "His right arm may be broken-they're X-raying that-but it's the skull injury that is the real trouble." The words from her textbook of nursing management were before Alison's eyes as clearly as if the book were in her hand. Epidural haematoma is considered an extreme emergency , since marked neurologic deficit or even cessation of breathing may occur within minutes. Immediate surgical intervention consists of making openings through the skull (burr holes), removing the clot, and controlling the bleeding point. Once, during her theatre training, she had seen the operation done. Successfully. But she knew very well that it wasn't always successful. And so much depended on how quickly the clot could be removed. And whether any neurologic damage had been done before that. And in the meantime there was nothing anyone could do-except the

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html theatre team-but wait. "Did they manage to get Dr. Schmidt?" she asked.

Dr. Schmidt was in private practice, but he used the clinic for operating, and he was called in for any neurological surgery that was too specialised for the clinic doctors. "Yes, Dr. Schmidt is operating, and Dr. Sister Biwa said. Reid is assisting him,"

David had certainly had some neurological experience in Edinburgh. some reason, it helped to think that he was in theatre too, with Jake.

For

"Sister Biwa, you must get off; you're late," Alison said then, with an effort. She turned to her staff nurse. " Please start on the temps, Staff, and ri ht after breakfast we'll do any dressings that need to be changed." Heidi Muller had recovered enough to say "Yes, sister," as she went off. Alison sent the nursing aides off to do a bedpan round. Sister Biwa, on her way out, turned back. "Keep yourself busy too, Sister Maynard," she said gently. "There is nothing we can do but wait. Wait, and pray. I will go into my church on my way home and I will pray for our Dr. Sheldon." The compassion on the older woman's face was almost Alison's undoing. ' q y "Thank you, Sister Biwa, she said, not uite stead il Determlnedly she set about making a start to the day, glad to have demands from different patients, glad to be kept occupied. In the strange way that such things often happened in hospitals, all the patients had heard about Jake's accident and wanted to know how he was. Everyone is concerned, Alison thought; everyone is worried. And I have no special claim; I will just have to wait, like everyone else. She didn't even have any right to go the two floors down to where the theatres were, to see if there was any news. But when the patients were having breakfast Heidi suggested that she should go. " p " We can cope here, Sister," she ointed out. I know you usually have a coffee-break right here, so why not go to First Floor instead? After all, someone has to find out, for all of us, and you're the one who should do that." Alison looked at her. "Because you're a sister," the young staff nurse said hastily, colouring. First Floor, usually bustling with activity at this time, seemed to

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html Alison to be unnaturally quiet. One or two of the nurses, in their green theatre gowns, passed, and looked at her curiously. Then an older one, a woman she knew slightly, stopped. "There's no news yet, Sister Maynard," she said quietly. "They're still busy in Theatre. I'll let you know as soon as there is some news." " p " , Thank you, Sister Shaw," Alison're lied. I can t stay long, but we're on breakfast now, and my staff nurse is in charge. We-we all wanted to know; that's why I came down." "Of course," the theatre sister replied. But when she had gone Alison thought, I don't care whether everyone in the world sees me here, waiting for news of Jake. It doesn't matter that I have no more right, no more claim, than anyone else. I'm staying here until I hear how he is. So often she had seen relatives sitting as she was now, waiting for news. And as she was there the memories of Cathy's accident came flooding back. They had waited, she and her mother and father and David. But Cathy had died before they could operate. The surgeon had told them that there had been severe spinal injuries, and if she had lived she would have been a paraplegic. And Cathy wouldn't have wanted to live like that. Neither would Jake. The thought was there, harsh and bleak. For even without spinal injuries the neurologic damage and the inter cranial pressure could have caused nerve damage. Even if the surgeon managed to remove the clot, they wouldn't know for some time. "Alison?" It was David, in his green theatre gown. up, and he came over to her. He looked weary. She stood

"He's come through," he said quietly. "Hans Schmidt did a superb job; he removed the clot and eased the pressure." He didn't say any more, knowing that she knew as well as he did that Jake wasn't by any means out of the woods yet. "Intensive Care?" He nodded. "He's there now-Hans didn't even want him kept in the recovery room. We'll keep him there for a couple of days-Hans wants a complete neurologic observation record kept." "Can I see him a little later?" Alison asked, relief that the operation had been successful making her voice a little unsteady. He didn't seem to be surprised. she asked.

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"I'll tell them in ICU that you'll be up. though; he's pretty deeply under."

Give it a couple of hours,

Alison went back to her ward to report to the other nurses and the patients. And to try to keep herself from thinking of Jake in the intensive care unit, to try to keep away any negative thoughts of possible complications that might arise after surgery of this sort. It was Heidi who voiced the same concerns when she came back from an early lunch. "It's like a big black cloud hanging over the diningroom , over the whole clinic," she said quietly. "Everyone is talking about Dr. Sheldon; everyone is is wondering how things will go." Her anxious dark eyes met Alison's. "I heard Matron talking to Sister Venter from Women's Surgical. She was talking about pneumonia , epilepsy, cerebral swelling, infection, vascular complications. And-and even if he gets through that she said there could be emotional instability, posttraumatic neuroses "Stop it, Nurse Muller," Alison said sharply. "You should never have been listening to what Matron was saying. ' And I could wring Matron's neck, she thought, for saying any of those things in a public place, with girls like Heidi around! But they were all very real possibilities; she knew that. The ward was busy, and she was glad of that. Just as she was wondering when she could spare ten minutes to go a floor up, to the intensive care unit, David Reid came hurrying in. "Sister, can I have a word with you?" he said.

Alison could feel all the colour drain from her face. Forgetting all formality, then, David put his hand on her arm. "I'm sorry, Alison. Jake is no worse; in fact he's beginning to come out of the anaesthetic. But he's very restless, very agitated. I wondered if you could manage to get through to him, get him to calm down a bit. I had a word with Matron-she'll send a staff nurse from Women's Surgical to give Nurse Muller a hand." Alison told Heidi Muller where she was going, and then, suddenly wordless, she followed David up the stairs. But at the double door leading to the intensive care unit she stopped. "David," she said, troubled, "I-I want to see Jake, but I don't know if it will do him any good. Seeing me, I mean." David looked down at her. "Because you've quarrelled?" he asked gently.

Alison nodded, not even wondering how he knew that. "Alison, my dear, I saw how things were between Jake and you at Etosha," he said. "You may have quarrelled since then, but both Marta and I could see that you had something pretty special going for you. I'm counting on that to get through to Jake now."

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You and Marta saw more than I did way back then, Alison thought. She took a deep breath. "I hope you're right," she said doubtfully. She had worked in Intensive Care at her Edinburgh hospital and knew what to expect. But that didn't lessen the shock of seeing the still figure on the bed, the drip set up, the tubes, the shaved and bandaged head, the big brown hands lying so passively. And then Jake moved, muttering restlessly. The nurse beside him kept him still, for although he obviously couldn't move much he was disturbing the tubes. Her eyes went to the monitor at the side of the bed and Jake's disturbance was echoed there. Alison sat on the chair and took one of his hands in hers. "Jake, it's Alison," she said quietly. to be fine." "Lie still-everything 's going

She thought that he tried to say her name, but his eyes were still closed. Once again he murmured something , and this time she thought she knew what he was trying to say. She leaned closer to him. "Shandy?" she said. "You're worried about Shandy? Don't worry, Jake-I'll look after

It's all right, I'll see to him. him."

There was no doubt then that she was right. relaxed.

Jake gave a small sigh and

Gently, Alison put his hand back on the white cover. "Good girl," David murmured. "I didn't think of the dog. '

On the way back down to her own ward he said, carefully, that he thought it was a good sign that Jake had been worried about Shandy. "I thought so too," Alison replied. too much on that, can we?" "No, we can't," David agreed. manage to see to Shandy?" "But-but of course we can't build

"But it's still a good sign.

Will you

"The neighbours usually look after him if Jake is away," Alison said. "I'll go up as soon as I'm off duty and-tell them what's happened." "You'd better have Jake's keys," David suggested. pocket-I'll have them sent up to you. ' "They were in his

The town house next to Jake's wa sing darkness when Alison arrived that evening. So was Jake's own house, but she could hear Shandy barking as soon as she parked outside. She let herself in, bracing herself for the big dog's welcome.

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html "It's all right, boy, it's all right," she said, knowing all too well that it was anything but all right. "Let's give you some food first." Fortunately, she had been here once or twice when Jake had fed Shandy, so she knew where to find his food. When the dog was out in the back yard with his bowl, Alison saw a key and a note on the kitchen counter. "Key to Number Six-water plants on stoep and in lounge. So the people next door were away. She took Shandy for a short walk around the block while she thought about this. But there was only one thing to do. She went back to her own flat, collected fresh uniforms, any other clothes she might need in the next few days, whatever food was in her fridge, and then she went back to Jake's house. "You and I," she told Shandy firmly, "are going to keep each other company for-for a bit. Until your master is better." There was a small spare bedroom, but there were all sorts of things occupying the room as well as the bed-an ironing table, an exercise bike, a small computer -and it seemed a better idea to take her things into Jake's room. It was when she was getting into bed that she saw the photograph lying face down on the bedside table. She picked it up. It was one he had taken of her, one day when they had met to take Shandy for a walk. Her hair, short as it was, was blowing in the wind, and she had one hand raised up to it. She was laughing-at him, at the camera. He had kept it, but he had put it face down. Slowly, she put it back the way it had been. Then, she just sat there, on the side of Jake's bed, and for the first time in that endless day the tears came. Tears for the man she loved. She knew that now, with complete certainty. How could she have been so blind for so long? And now now , when she knew that she loved him, he was lying there in the clinic, in Intensive Care. And even if he recovered-and he had to recover, she thought passionately, fiercely; he had to-there was still the bitter distance between them, as was evident in lying the photograph face down beside his bed. But even that didn't matter, she thought, the tears still falling slowly, silently. All that really mattered was that he should get through this. She got up earlier than usual the next morning and took Shandy out for a short walk. Then she sat in Jake's kitchen and had cereal and toast and coffee. ; The big golden dog seemed to sense that this was no time for his usual exuberance, and while she was sitting there he came and sat beside her, his big head on her knee, his topaz eyes fixed on her face. '

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html That was almost too much for Alison. She bent and put her face against him. "It's all right, boy," she murmured. "We'll get him back home to you." There was little change in Jake's condition that day or the next. The X-ray had established that his arm wasn't broken, but that, Alison knew, would have been straightforward to deal with. The real danger, the ; real concern, was the extent of the neurologic damage done before the clot had been removed. And the possible complications that could arise during the recovery time. She knew that in Intensive Care the team of nurses and doctors was continually monitoring his respiratory functions, his responsiveness and orientation, his inter cranial state. They would also, in what she had been taught to call anticipatory nursing, be observing possI ible early signs of complications-gastrointestinal disturbances, electrolyte abnormalities, and other bodily disfunctions. By the end of the second day Dr. Schmidt was saying cautlously that the prognosis was better than he had expected, but he would be happier if there was some sign of awareness, of response, from Jake. Whenever ' she could spare ten minutes Alison went to the intensive care unit, each time hoping there would be even a slight change-a flicker of the closed eyelids or a movement in the big, inert hands. She went back to Jake's house after that second long day, took Shandy out, fed him, and then came back to the hospital, as she had done the previous night. She had changed into a cotton dress-she knew it was foolish, because Jake hadn't opened his eyes yet, but he had been surrounded by people in uniform since the accident and she wanted to make it clear-to herself , to him if there was any responsiveness now-that she was there as herself, not as Sister Maynard. She sat beside his bed and talked to him. "Shandy and I had a good walk," she told him. "Remember the place where he once almost caught a meerkat? He had a good sniff around it again tonight, then he gave up. Oh, and your calendar said he had to have his shots today, so I phoned the vet and said I'd be along tomorrow." For a while, then, she sat quietly, both of his hands held in hers. But talking to him just might help-they all thought that-so she went on, telling him things that had happened on the ward, about the thunderstorm the night before, about how good his small garden looked after that. "I did tell you yesterday," she said then, "but you were pretty dozy, so you may not remember, but with your neighbours away I've moved in with Shandy. It seemed the best thing to do-I couldn't really take him to my flat, and he's used to being left at home with the door to the yard open. "He does give me a funny look each time I go back; I'm sure he looks past me, hoping you're just coming, but he's getting used to it. "I'll stay with him just as long as necessary, Jake, so don't worry about that. Tomorrow is my day off, so we'll have a good long walk; I might take him up to the water-tower."

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It had been difficult not to keep checking on the monitor at the side of his bed, but she had been determined not to, for she believed firmly that you could never gauge the level of consciousness of any patient, and she dldn't want Jake to see how worried she was. And, of course, the monitor was linked to another screen in the duty room, where there was always a highly trained sister keeping a check. But it was late now, and she. allowed herself a swift, reassuring glance at the screen. Then she leaned forward and kissed Jake's cheek, which was rough because he hadn't been shaved. "I'm going now, Jake," she said softly. "I'll be back tomorrow. '

It was as she was placing his hands back on the white bed-cover that it happened. A fractional movement, but she knew she hadn't imagined that his hand tried to tighten on hers. His lips moved. "Don't go," he murmured. Her breath caught in her throat. "I won't go," she promised unsteadily. want me to." CHAPTER FIFTEEN JAxE hadn't opened his eyes, but it didn't matter. He knew she was there, and he didn't want her to go away. He was coming out of the comatose state he had been in since the accident and the operation. Alison sat beside him, holding his hands in hers, listening to his breathing. Surely it was deeper, more natural breathing, she thought-and as she thought it she realised that she could keep no professional detachment with Jake. If it had been any other patient she could have assessed his breathing pattern, his responses, and felt fairly confident of any judgement she made. But this was Jake, and all her professional detachment was suspended. Through the night she half dozed as she sat there beside him, conscious of the night sister coming in, checking on her patient, bringing Alison a welcome cup of coffee. But any time she tried to ease her hands from his his fingers tightened on hers. Some time towards dawn she fell asleep more heavily, her head down on her arms, so tired that the uncomfortable position couldn't keep her awake any longer. She woke, suddenly, as a shaft of early morning sunlight shone on her face, and she lifted her head. Jake's eyes were open, and he was looking at her. "What are you doing here?" he said, more than a little aggressively. "I'll stay just as long as you

"You asked me to stay," Alison told him.

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html "Oh," he said, taken aback. The dark blue eyes opened wider. look pretty awful," he said. "Your hair's all tousled." "You

He tried to lift one hand, as if to smooth her hair, but he didn't manage to. "You don't look too good yourself," Alison told him truthfully, noting that the rough, dark stubble on his face and the bandage on his head gave him a slightly rakish look. "Then we must be quite a pair," Jake murmured. He closed his eyes, and she thought he had fallen asleep, but then, without opening his eyes, he said, "Yes, I remember I didn't want you to go. Thanks for staying, Alison. And thanks for looking after Shandy. You'd better go now-get some real sleep." Was that a smile on his lips? Alison's heart lifted.

"You look as if you could do with it," he added. She stood up, her hands free now. Then she hesitated While he had been unconscious she had kissed his cheek each time she left him. But he had opened his eyes again now, and he was looking at her. She could feel colour rising in her cheeks, but she bent. him, her lips brushing the roughness of his face. "Alison..." he said, and his eyes were troubled. head slightly, as if he had changed his mind. "Don't worry, Jake," Alison said gently. wait." "You'll come back?" he asked her. "I'll come back." and kissed

Then he shook his

"Whatever it is it can

"Yes," she said, her voice steady.

She went into the duty room on her way out to report the improvement in Jake's condition to the sister in charge. Then she went home to Shandy. "He's going to be all right," she told the big golden dog as she sat on

the kitchen doorstep, hugging him. right."

"Oh, Shandy, he's going to be all

The tears she had been holding back all last night could be held back

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html no longer, tears of relief, as the tension of the past few days eased. She knew all too well that there could still be problems, post-operative complications, but when she thought of Jake telling her she looked awful, when she remembered the way he had smiled-somehow, she was certain that the worst was over, that he was on the way to becoming the old Jake again. And the best thing, she thought, drying her tears, was that for the first time in so long there had been no coolness, no hostility in his eyes, in his voice. That could change, of course, as he recovered. She knew that. held the warm comfort of it close to her, for now. But she

When Jake woke up again he knew, even before he opened his eyes, that Alison wasn't there. But she had said she would come back, and he knew that she would. He wasn't sure now what he had wanted to say just before she had left. Something troubled him, about Alison and himself, but the effort of working out what it was made his head ache, and she had said it could wait. He felt himself drifting off to sleep, and it seemed a good idea, so he gave in to it. When he woke, David Reid was standing beside the bed. "So you've decided to rejoin us, have you?" Jake looked at him. "Was there some doubt about that?" David shrugged. "Perhaps a little," he admitted. "What do you remember, Jake?" He sat down on the edge of the bed. he asked. he said.

"I remember the white car coming through the lights like a bat out of hell," Jake said. He frowned. "After that-just snatches. Alison has been here, I know that, and I knew, somehow, that she was looking after Shandy. I think I remember Hans Schmidt being around-did he operate?" David nodded. "What did he do?" Jake asked with interest.

"Well, he had no choice but to clear the epidural swelling," David told him. "Burrholes, to remove the clot, and then we had to wait for the swelling to reduce. ' Cautiously, Jake put his hand up to his bandaged head. "Still feels like one hell of a hangover," he said. Then he thought of something. "My folks, David. Do they know about this? It won't do my mother's heart problem any good." "Hans Schmidt phoned your sister-apparently she's friendly with his

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html daughter-and your folks had gone off with their caravan, heading for the Wild Coast. We could have sent out a police message, but in fact the immediate danger was over before your sister even heard. Hans sent a fax to your brother-in-law's office this morning, when we could report an improvement. He seemed to think your sister-Jill? Yes, I thought so-would let your folks know now, and they'd probably come up." His bleeper went then and he stood up, but at the door he turned back. "You'll be glad to know you're being moved out of Intensive Care," he said. That afternoon, Jake was moved to Alison's ward. She was in his room when the young staff nurse from ICU pushed the trolley in and between them, they managed to ease him from the trolley into bed. "This is ridiculous," Jake protested. "I could get up and climb into bed instead of two lightweights like you heaving me around. ' The young staff nurse looked at Alison for guidance, but Alison merely adjusted the sheet over him and tucked it in. "I'm sure you could, Dr. Sheldon," she said serenely. going to. There-are you comfortable ?" "But you're not

"Yes, thanks," Jake replied, untruthfully and rather more shortly than he had meant to, for the truth was that he actually felt decidedly uncomfortable at the thought of being nursed by Alison. Not the physical part-I'd be a pretty funny kind of doctor if I let that bother me, Jake told himself-but because earlier that day his memory had finally returned and he knew now why he had felt troubled about her being with him. The things he had said to her-the things he had thought about her-and yet she had unquestioningly gone to live in his house and look after Shandy; she had come here hour after hour to sit with him. There was all that, and yet there was still the knowledge that she had come back from that unforgettable day on the beach at Luderitz with no thought for anything but to do what she could to come between David and Marta. And he still felt that the fact that she hadn't succeeded was less relevant than the fact that she had tried. Remembering this, thinking of it, made him, he knew, ill at ease with Alison. Sometimes, when she had finished doing the evaluation chart that Hans Schmidt still wanted, or when she had changed the dressing on his head, he would find her clear grey eyes resting on him, questioning. Questions that he didn't know the answers to, and so he would speak quickly of something-anything. "No vascular complications or cerebral swelling, Sister? instability or irritability?, No emotional

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html "None that I can see, Dr. Sheldon," Alison would reply.

After a few days he asked her, awkwardly, if it was difficult for her, staying on at his house. "Shandy could go into kennels until either I'm home or the neighbours get back." Alison's eyes widened. "Shandy would hate that," she told him. Jake." "Really, it's no trouble,

They were formal only when other hospital staff were around, because anything else would have been absurd, when Alison had spent all those hours at his bedside, when she was staying in his house. And yet and yet Jake knew all too well that the lack of formality didn't bridge the distance that he knew was between them again. It was David Reid who unwittingly changed that, a week later, on one of his visits to check on Jake. "I hope you're going to be out in time for our wedding -we're thinking of just after Christmas. It's going to be a quiet wedding, but Marta and I would like you to be our best man." "I'd like that, David," Jake said, meaning it. Since his accident he had come to know the quiet Scots doctor much better, and he appreciated being asked to do this. He touched his head. "You think my hair will have grown again by then?" "It's growing already, and when the bandages come off in a couple of days you shouldn't be quite as much of a Kojak," David replied. "You mean with luck I'll have a crew cut where most of the crew have baled out?" Jake suggested. He hesitated, and then asked, easually, if Alison would be coming to the wedding. "Of course," David said. "I don't know how long it would have taken me to get myself sorted out if Alison hadn't spoken to me, told me I needed to be very sure. It only took me a few days to be just that, but by then you two were in Luderitz, and " , Wait a minute, Jake said, startled. And then, carefully, he asked, "You mean it was before we went to L de ritz that Alison said that to you?" "Oh, yes," David replied. Smiling, he added, "Not that it matters when she said it; the important thing is that she did." Perhaps it doesn't matter to you, Jake thought when he was alone, but it certainly does to me. Because it did make a difference; there was no getting away from that. Perhaps it was foolish to feel that it mattered, but the fact remained that it did. And somehow he was going to have to let Alison know that. Which

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html wouldn't be easy. The next morning Alison came into his room soon after she came on duty. "Sleep well, Dr. Sheldon?" she asked him, her chart in her hand.

"I would have slept better," he told her, "if Sister Biwa hadn't felt she had to keep checking on me to make sure I was sleeping! She kept coming in with her torch, doing her modern-day Lady with the Lamp." He looked up at Alison. "My pulse rate normal?" he asked her. "It is? I'm surprised."

She coloured. "Quite normal," she told him firmly. "And your temperature too." She smiled, and because he knew her so well he could see that she sensed the change in him. "Sister Biwa is just doing her job." "I know," Jake agreed. "I must tell her the story about Florence Nightingale and the wounded soldier. He got so fed up with her nightly visits that he said to her, "For heaven's sake, Flo, put that darned lamp away and let us all get some sleep!" ' Alison laughed. "Yes, it's a story that's a favourite with most nurses , but maybe Sister Biwa hasn't heard it. Anyway, Dr. Sheldon, don't you dare criticise the nursing staff; remember you're at our mercy!" "Sister Maynard, I wouldn't dream of it," Jake assured her. His heart lifted. Maybe now was as good a time as any. "Alison..." he began, not sure quite what he was going to say. But before he could say anything at all the telephone in the duty room rang, and a moment later the young staff nurse came in. "Sister Maynard, Matron wants to speak to you," she said. Alison followed her from the room. "Damn!" Jake said, loudly and forcibly.

Alison didn't know how it had happened, but somehow the awkward feeling between Jake and her had gone. She had told herself, sensibly, that she couldn't expect the closeness there had been in the first days after the operation to go on the days when she had sat with him, when she had known, although he was barely conscious, that he wanted her to be there. But in spite of that it had been distressing to find a return to-no, not the cool hostility, certainly not that, but-a distance. And now that distance had... not quite gone, but almost. Jake was once again almost the old Jake, teasing her, amused when he managed to make her blush-and he was good at that, she had to admit and undoubtedly pleased to see her when she came on duty each day.

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html Nevertheless Alison knew that things wouldn't be right between them until they had talked, and cleared the air. She was surprised, a few nights later, to get a phone call at Jake's house from her mother. "How did you know where to find me, Mum?" she asked. "I got his number from Are you house-sitting or

"Phoned David," her mother told her briskly. his folks, and he told me where to find you. something, Alison?" "Something like that," Alison said.

"Mum, is anything wrong?"

They had agreed, she and her mother, after the first phone call Alison made, that they would stick to letters , for they both found the cut-off after a phone call too distressing, making them all too conscious of the vast distance between them. "Nothing wrong at this end," her mother assured her. "But we were getting a bit worried. You've always written so regularly, and it's been a few weeks now since we've had a letter." "Oh, Mum, I'm sorry," Alison said, contrite. hectic; I hadn't realised it was so long." "Things have been a bit

"As long as you're all right, lass," her mother said. Then, carefully, she said, "Mary Reid told me that David is getting married to this Marta." "Yes, they're getting married quite soon," Alison replied. "Oh, Alison, you went all that way, and now-I thought it was a mistake, but you would go." Her mother's voice was unsteady now, and Alison felt dreadful that she had let her folks worry about her. "It's all right, Mum, it really is," she said. "It wasn't that at all that kept me from writing. I've been so worried about Jake-I'm staying in his house, looking after his dog." "Jake-Dr. him?" Sheldon?" her mother said. "Why were you worried about

Alison told her about the accident, and Jake's time in the ICU, and how he was doing now. "I'm glad of that," her mother said. "You did mention him quite a lot for a bit, but not in the last few letters. Anyway, I'm glad to know he's recovering." They said goodbye soon after that, both of them, Alison knew, all too conscious of the cost of this very long-distance call, and Alison promised that she would write regularly. When she put the phone down the sudden cutting off and the consciousness of the distance brought unexpected tears to her eyes, and as she brushed them away Shandy put his big golden head on her knee and looked at her anxiously.

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"Don't worry, boy, it's all right," she told him a little shakily. "We'll go for our walk now." A few days after that the neurosurgeon said cautiously that he thought Jake could go home any time now, for he had been allowed to get out of bed and move around, and there had been no regression in his progress. "Good," Jake said briskly. "It's about time I was back in my proper place in this clinic. Not that Sister Maynard and her girls haven't looked after me, but enough is enough." "I didn't say anything about getting back to work," the older man said. "We'll talk about that later. You still need to take things easy for a bit-these head injuries are no joke." "I know that," Jake agreed. Alison walked to the lift with Dr. to the duty room Jake's bell rang. He smiled engagingly. Schmidt and as she was going back She went to the door of his room.

"I'll send in Staff Nurse Muller if you need anything," Alison told him. "I don't want Staff Nurse Muller. Alison." I want you," he said. "Sit down,

"I'm on duty," Alison protested, but she knew very well that Jake was aware how quiet the surgical floor was. "Please," Jake said, and now he wasn't smiling. you, Alison." "I need to talk to

She sat down, very conscious that she felt consider ably unprofessional, with Jake's dark blue eyes holding her own. "Alison, this isn't easy, but I have to say it," Jake said then awkwardly. "The things I said to you-about you coming back from Luderitz and setting out to come between David and Marta-I know now that that isn't the way it was." "I-tried to tell you, once," Alison murmured. "I know," Jake replied. "And I wouldn't listen."

Alison took a deep breath. "But so many of the things you said were still right , she said, with difficulty. Jake didn't deny that. "I "I so so once told you you were too quick to judge people , he reminded her. was the same, with this. And then that night of the party you were sad, and it was just more than I could take. Which is why I behaved badly."

Colour rose in Alison's cheeks at the thought of the way he had kissed

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html her-a kiss with no warmth, no tenderness. "I wasn't sad because of David," she told him truthfully'I was sad because of the way things had changed between you and me." He took both of her hands in his. "We've been foolish, haven't we, love?" Her heart turned over. he said.

He had never called her that before.

"Yes, we have" she agreed unsteadily. He drew her towards him and his lips touched hers, gently, warmly. then "Damn it," he said "I can't kiss you properly like this!" Purposefully' he got out of bed. "I don't think you should-' Alison protested, and she stood up and backed towards the door. "Probably not," Jake agreed cheerfully. "And I'm still on duty," she reminded him. "So you are," he agreed. He closed the door, and took her in his arms. "This is a check on how complete my recovery is," he murmured. He kissed her, his lips still gentle at first, and then urgent, demanding, his arms imprisoning her. Alison, her heart thudding unevenly, could do nothing but cling to him, her whole body responding to his. Slowly, he released her. "Well, Sister Maynard," he murmured, his lips very close to hers, "how would you rate my recovery?" "Pretty much complete, Dr. his lips met hers again. CHAPTER SIXTEEN TH ExE was nothing and no one in the whole world for Alison but Jake, and the wonderful certainty that at last, at long last, all the distance, all the doubts had gone, and she was in his arms. At last, slowly, reluctantly, she freed herself. "Jake," she said breathlessly, "I have to go; I have patients out there who might be needing me." "Not as much as this patient right here needs you," Jake told her with assurance. "All right, I'll let you go-for now. ' He looked at her as she straightened her uniform, which was unaccountably twisted and more than a little crushed. Sheldon," Alison managed to reply before And

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"Your hair is rather mussed, Sister," he said, and there was laughter in his dark blue eyes. "Can't say the same for yours, Doctor," Alison returned. Ruefully, he ran his hand over his head. "What's your Scottish song? "The Campbells are Coming"? my hair; it just needs a little more time !" She had just opened the door when he called her back. "Only one thing, Alison-should we have the ring with agates instead of diamonds?" "The ring?" she asked weakly. Well, so is

And suddenly he was uncertain, vulnerable, the laughter gone from his eyes as they searched her face. "You are going to marry me?" he said.

She went back to him, wordless for an endless time, until at last she managed to murmur, not quite steadily, "Yes-oh, yes, Jake." Two days after that Jake was discharged from the clinic: Matron, who happened to have just finished a round on Alison's ward, accompanied Alison and Dr. Schmidt to Jake's room. "I want to see you in my rooms in a week, Jake," the neurosurgeon told him. "I hear your folks are coming up for a few days around then-in the meantime , are you going to manage?" "Hans, you know yourself that I'm fine," Jake said impatiently. "Anyway, I'll be all right-my fiancee will be staying with me; she'll keep me in order." Three pairs of eyes opened wide-Alison's, she thought later, perhaps the widest of all. "Your fiancee?" Jake nodded. "Sister Maynard," he said, and she wasn't sure whether he sounded proud or just smug-whichever, he was obviously enjoying the small sensation he had caused. "I always knew you just had to meet your match," Matron said, and Alison was relieved to see the real warmth in her smile. "Naturally, I knew that you and Sister Maynard were-quite close, especially after your accident, but-well, congratulations to you both. I'm delighted. ' When she and the neurosurgeon had gone, Alison turned to Jake. "You might have warned me you were going to do that," she said. "I wanted everyone to know," Jake said. "I want the whole world to Matron said, recovering.

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html know!" The whole world, as it turned out, did know within a few hours. Certainly the world of the clinic, anyway. And anyone who might have missed out would have seen, a few days later, the diamond ring on Alison's left hand, for buying that had been one of the first things Jake had insisted on doing when he was out of hospital. There was so much to be said, so many things they hadn't been able to say until now. Jake told her about the girl he had loved long ago, the girl who had hurt him so badly. Then he wanted to know when Alison had known that her feelings for David had changed.

"I think I began to realise it quite soon after I got here," she said slowly. "But I didn't want to admit it to myself, at first. I had loved him for so long, you see. Or I thought I had. And then She hesitated. Jake waited, his eyes on her face. , "And then, she said, "it was something of a defence against you. "You needed that defence," Jake said, and it wasn't a question. Alison smiled, remembering how she had fought against what she'd seen as Jake's arrogant confidence, his girl-of-the-month attitude. "I know," Jake agreed soberly when she said this. "I haven't really much excuse for that, except-well, once bitten, from then on very, very determined not to risk being bitten again. And-Alison, I never let any girl think I was into anything long-term. Which I wasn't, until I met you." "And I certainly wasn't about to let you think I wanted anything long-term from you," Alison said. Jake smiled, the slow, warm smile that could make her heart turn over. "We were a couple of fools, weren't we?" his arms. he said, and he took her in '

Alison stayed on at Jake's house until his mother and father arrived.

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html "Just to look after you," she told him firmly. "Of course," he replied. By the time she moved back to her own flat she did feel that she could relax about him. After the trauma of these first few days, his recovery had been swift and without any of the complications that could have arisen. Hans Schmidt expressed himself satisfied when Jake kept his appointment at his rooms, and agreed, with some reluctance, that Jake could go back to work in another week. Alison was more than a little anxious about meeting his parents, but, as Jake had once said to her would be the case, she and his mother got on well right from the start. His father was an older version of Jake, and he accepted and welcomed Alison immediately. "If I could have gone out and chosen a girl for Jake it would have been you. I liked the sound of you from the first time Jake mentioned you. And, of course, your being Scottish just made everything perfect-Jake will have told you that my grandmother was a Cameron from Lochearn," Meg Sheldon said to Alison. "To tell the truth, I was beginning to give up on my son." "Give up on the prospect of more grandchildren? Not you," her husband said. "As soon as you phoned to tell us, Jake, she was wondering whether the first one would be a girl or a boy." "Give us time, Mum; we're not even married yet," Jake protested, laughing. "I'll give you time," his mother agreed serenely, "but not too long. You know, Alison, he's actually very good with chlldren; you should see him with Jill's two." Alison was laughing too. "I'll believe it," she replied. girls, anyway." "I've seen him with Marta's little

The day before Jim and Meg Sheldon left, Ted Barton and his wife came to Windhoek and took the Sheldons, and Jake and Alison, to one of the old German hotels for dinner. "Best Wiener schnitzels in Windhoek," Ted Barton said, and Alison thought he was probably right. She was glad to see Betty Barton-a little thinner, and still a little pale after her chemotherapy, but undoubtedly recovering. "You must be glad to have finished the chemotherapy ," Alison said to her at the end of the evening. "I certainly am," the older woman said. "I felt pretty awful at times after treatment. But I knew I could get through it; I was just so relieved there was a definite cause, and it wasn't Alzheimer's." Jake's parents left the next day, with Meg Sheldon trying again to persuade Jake to bring Alison to them in Cape Town for Christmas. "No, Mum," Jake said. "Maybe next year. But I've been away from the

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html clinic too long; I don't want to take any more time off." "But you'll be on your own, the two of you," his mother pointed out. For a moment, Jake's eyes met Alison's. "That's right, Mum," he agreed. "We'll be on our own. '

It would be a rather strange Christmas, Alison found herself thinking as the hot, dry December days wore on. She had agreed to work on Christmas Day because there were nurses with families and Jake said he would be on call too. There was no elective surgery in the few days before Christmas, but Jake had an emergency appendectomy, and one of his gastric resection patients had to be readmitted, with further surgical drainage necessary. This patient was still having naso gastric suction on Christmas Day, and Alison, checking the adjustment of the suction tube, commiserated with him. "Not a pleasant way to spend Christmas Day, Mr. "Does that feel more comfortable now?" Mr. Bauer nodded. Bauer," she said.

"But I can't even say I will make up for this when I get out," he said. "Not that I mind that I have had to change my way of eating; my wife says she likes i much better this new slimmer husband!" Jake looked in once or twice, but he was covering for David, and for two of the other doctors as well, so he had his day fully accounted for. He did manage to meet Alison in the staff dining room, where there was a festive atmosphere, with Christmas decorations, at lunchtime, although there were as few of the clinic staff as possible there. " "We few, we happy few, we band of brothers " , Jake said, looking around at the almost empty dining room. sisters," Alison pointed out, waving to Sister Mtota from Women's Medical. "And sisters," Jake agreed. His bleeper went and he rose to go, giving Alison a quick kiss, to the obvious delight of the kitchen staff. They were both off duty at seven, although Jake would still be on call, and after taking Shandy for a walk they had a cold Christmas dinner, out on Jake's stoep, Alison having agreed, a little reluctantly, that cold Black Forest ham with salad was a better idea on this hot December evening than a traditional Christmas turkey. She had got her mother to send a cashmere sweater for Jake, in the same dark blue as his eyes, and he insisted on trying it on, in spite of the heat. "Perfect fit," Alison told him. ruffled now!" "And there's enough of your hair to be "And

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She smoothed the thick dark hair and he caught her hand in his, turning it so that he could kiss the palm. "Close your eyes," he told her, and he put a small parcel into her hands. She opened it, enjoying the anticipation. she thought as she opened the long box. It was a necklace, of heavy silver, with agates set into the silver. "Oh, Jake, it's beautiful," she said unsteadily. "One of the German jewellers made it," he told her. "He can't swear that the agates come from our beach , mind, but I like to think they do." He clasped the necklace around her neck, his hands lingering on her shoulders. "Happy Christmas, my love," he said softly. The threatening clouds that built up day after day, at this time of year, disappeared completely on David and Marta's wedding day, and the sky was clear and blue. They were married in the German church just beside the Alte Fest, and although it was a quiet wedding Jake was glad to see that quite a few of the couple's friends were there. He stood beside David, waiting, and when Marta came down the aisle on her father's arm they both turned round. Marta wore a simple short dress of cream silk, and she carried cream and gold rosebuds. Behind her, their small faces pink with excitement, walked Trudy and Brigitte, Trudy aware of the solemnity of the occasion, Brigitte glancing around to make sure she didn't miss anything. Jake saw her wave to Alison, and Alison smile back. For a moment her eyes met his, and he knew that they were sharing the thought that soon it would be them getting married. When the ceremony was over, the wedding party and the guests walked across the road to the wide stoep of the Alte Fest for a wedding breakfast. There was champagne, and the toasts were drunk, the speeches made-more in German than in English, Jake observed, but David didn't seem to mind. Then it was time for David and Marta to leave, and the guests lined up to wish them well. Jake, talking to Marta's mother, saw David pause for a moment beside Alison. For a moment, they looked at each other steadily, the fair-haired Scots doctor and the girl with the short, gleaming cap of hair. Alison's clear grey eyes looked into David's hazel eyes, and then she smiled and hugged him. Over his shoulders she saw Jake watching and her smile was for him too. A little later, when Jake managed to reach her, he said to her, "Are you all right?" Jewellery,

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"Yes, I'm all right. She hesitated.

David and I-just for a moment, we

"You were thinking about Cathy," Jake said, and it wasn't a question. "It would be a mighty strange thing if David didn't spare a thought for her today. Marta wouldn't mind that." "I know," Alison replied. "I've sometimes thought that Cathy would have liked Marta, and-that's a good thought, isn't it?" "It is, love," Jake agreed. There was no need then, and no time, to say any more, for Alison had to bend down to comfort a tearful Brigitte, who was crying with such force that it was impossible to make sense of the sobbed words. "What's wrong with her?" Jake asked Trudy as the smaller girl's sobs began tu die down, Brigitte allowing herself to be quietened in Alison's arms. "She wanted to go on the honeymoon with Mummy and David," Trudy explained. "We all told her people don't go on honeymoons with other people-she's known that all the time-but she thought they would change their minds." There was a final theatrical sigh from Brigitte as Alison took the hanky Jake handed her and dried her small face. "You girls are going off with your grandparents to the farm for a few days, aren't you?" Jake said. "I know you like it there. ' Two fair heads nodded. "I did tell Brigitte that," Trudy said. , "But she just wanted to cry."

"Yes, I can see that, Alison agreed, and there was no doubt, Jake could see, that now that the tears were over Brigitte seemed to be quite cheerful. Alison straightened up. "Do you know what ladies do when they've been crying?" she said to the two little girls. "They go off to the powder room and they splash cold water on their faces, and then they powder their noses. Want to come with me to do that?" "Real powder?" Brigitte asked. "From your handbag?"

"Real powder," Alison assured her. She held out a hand to each of the children and the three of them went off. Jake, watching them, had the sudden and heart-stopping thought that in a few years it could be their own children holding Alison's hands, just like that. He had always been amused at his mother thinking of her future grandchildren. Now, all at once, he found it was a thought he rather

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html liked. A thought he very much looked forward to sharing with Alison.

The Big Rains came in earnest at the end of 3anuary, and Alison, used to soft and steady Scottish rain, could hardly believe it when the thunder and lightning would be followed by the heavens opening. The dry riverbeds filled, and the dips people normally drove through became raging torrents. A few unwary visitors had their cars swept against the side of the road and had to abandon them. Once Alison and Jake, out with Shandy, misjudged the approaching clouds, and although they ran for the car they were all soaked. Alison couldn't believe at first, as the rain fell in a torrent, that the next day would dawn clear and bright and very hot. But gradually she got used to it, and even welcomed the rain when it came. "I would never have believed I would think rain was a good thing," she said to Jake one day, when they drove out into the Khomas Hochland for a breakfast picnic-it had to be a breakfast one, Alison knew, because the rest of the day would be too hot. "But look at the veld; it's green now." "And the dams are almost full," Jake said. "And I promise you, when it's winter, and we have months of completely dry weather, you'll be glad again that we had such good rains." He stopped the car, once again close to the Ghost House, and they got out, Shandy bounding ahead of them. Jake took Alison's hand and swung it lightly in his. "And what are we doing talking about the weather, you and I?" laughter in his blue eyes. He took her in his arms and kissed her, his lips warm on hers. "We'd better have our breakfast picnic now," he murmured after a long and satisfactory time, "before things get too hot. And I'm not referring to the weather!" Alison unpacked the Brotchen, hard-boiled eggs and cold sausage, and poured coffee. Shandy had his biscuits , and Iay down in the shade that was already welcome. "Can you believe that next week we'll be married?" wonderingly. Alison said he said,

"You bet I can," Jake returned, also lying down, and putting his arm qround Alison to draw her down beside him. He turned his head to look at her. "Sure you don't want to change your mind about the arrangements? We could fly to Edinburgh, get married there, and have a honeymoon in Scotland." Alison laughed. "Jake, darling, Scotland in February isn't the most ideal place to have a honeymoon. No, we'll get married quietly here, and we'll have our week in Swakopmund in Ted Barton's holiday flat, then we'll go to

ABC Amber Text Converter Trial version, http://www.processtext.com/abctxt.html Scotland in June, when we have a sporting chance of good weather. My mother is having great fun planning a wedding party for then-remember, I have warned you about the number of relatives I have. You'll meet uncles and aunts, and cousins, and second cousins, and His lips on hers stopped her. "And I'll one elbow "Windhoek that make enjoy every bit of it," he assured her. Then he leaned on and looked down at her. "Alison," he said, serious now, is so different from Scotland. Going back to Edinburgh-will it difficult for you to come back here?" " ,

It was something Alison had thought about, many times.

I'll always miss Scotland, Jake, she said honestly. "And I do miss my folks. But they've promised to come g out here on holiday, and we'll o back, and She broke off and looked at him, this man who was all the world to her. Most of the time he was confident and sure of himself, sure of his place in the world. But she knew now that a great deal of his confidence and his certainty was rooted in her, in their love for each other. It showed, just occasionally, in a moment of uncertainty like this. "And most of all," she said steadily, "whether we're in Windhoek or in Timbuktu, wherever we are together, that's my home." She took his face between her hands and kissed him, and she knew that their kiss held the promise of all the tomorrows they would share.