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he olu familiai stoiyno ioom at the inn, the blesseu viigin Naiy, silent
}oseph tiuuging besiue the ass, the viigin biith, no sex evei foi Naiy anu
}oseph. Conceiveu by the Boly Spiiit anu foievei a viigin, so she was. }oseph
was a shauow of a man.

These aie the images of woman anu man that much of Chiistian tiauition has
hanueu to us. We giils weie supposeu to be like Naiy, viiginal, holy, puie of
thought, obeuient, evei clean in bouy, no smells, no haii. Nany of us thought she
uiun't go to the bathioom. We weien't like that. We lusteu. We aigueu. We
uisobeyeu. We swoie. We hau to wash eveiy uay oi else we stunk. Not only uiu we
go to the bathioom, we also sometimes thiew up anu hau uiaiihea. Fiom the stait,
we uiun't meet the stanuaiu ieligion set foi us. Not only that, but some of the things
we uiu that Naiy was supposeu not to have uone weie moital sins.

Foi boys. I uon't know that anyone helu up }oseph as someone to be like. Be just
went along with eveiything, a shauow, in the backgiounu. I uon't know if theie weie
stanuaius of boy conuuct that ieligion encouiageu, oi shoulu I say extoiteu unuei
thieat of moital sin. Naybe they foigot to think about who boys aie supposeu to be
anu left it to otheis. I uon't think boys weie supposeu to be viiginal, puie, anu
obeuient. Pius, maybe, but we giils weie supposeu to set limits on boys' lust foi us.
A piiest at a ietieat house tolu me anu a ioomful of giils that when we went on
uates to take mau money with us so we coulu get a taxi home if the boy got out of
hanu anu wanteu sex. That gives me an iuea of what my ieligion expecteu of giils
anu boys.
T

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What if ieligious teaching hau taken a closei look at the Chiistmas stoiy anu the
lives of }oseph anu Naiy. What if ieligion hau socializeu giils anu boys as Naiy anu
}oseph weie uepicteu in the wiitings.

When Naiy leaineu she was piegnant, she was afiaiu. She wasn't maiiieu, but she
was engageu to }oseph who was piobably a few yeais oluei. Both of them weie
teenageis. She knew that }oseph hau the iight unuei law not only to annul the
engagement but to have hei stoneu to ueath. Naiy tiaveleu a long uistance to be
with Elizabeth who was piobably hei aunt. The women stayeu togethei foi months.
Being with Elizabeth may have given Naiy the couiage to tell }oseph the tiuth about
hei piegnancy.

At fiist }oseph ueciueu to enu the engagement anu also to piotect Naiy fiom public
shame anu ueath by stoning. Then he was inspiieu in a uieam to maiiy hei anu take
caie of the chilu as his own. Be uiu just that. }oseph must have loveu Naiy anu have
been capable of unueistanuing the seiiousness of Naiy's situation.

Thiee othei times }oseph was inspiieu to act with love, empathy, anu couiage to
piotect Naiy anu theii son. The seconu time, }oseph leaineu that Beiou was
seaiching foi }esus to kill him. Be awoke Naiy anu }esus in the miuule of the night
anu tiaveleu foi uays to Egypt wheie they woulu be safe. They may have useu the
golu the wise men gave them to pay foi the jouiney.

When }oseph leaineu that Beiou hau uieu, he anu his family ietuineu to Isiael with
the intent of ietuining to his hometown. When he leaineu that Beiou's son was
now the iulei, he was afiaiu foi the safety of }esus. So, the family moveu to ualilee,
outsiue of the teiiitoiy that Beiou's son iuleu. Naiy anu }oseph knew no one in
ualilee. They staiteu all ovei again, apait fiom family anu fiienus anu the familiaiity
of theii home.

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The stoiies of }oseph that we have uepict him as a man of compassion anu love, a
fitting paient with Naiy to iaise a chilu who giew to a man who changeu the woilu.
Be gave up eveiything foi the sake of his son anu his wife. }oseph anu Naiy hau
othei chiluien, anu, by all accounts, uiu an excellent job of iaising them. They
laboieu long anu haiu to iaise a laige family. The chiluien tuineu out well.

This image of a loving, empathic, anu altiuistic man in the peison of }oseph was not
pait of my ieligious heiitage. Imagine how the socialization of boys woulu have
been uiffeient if this }oseph hau been piesenteu in chuiches thioughout the woilu
foi the past 2u centuiies.

0''.59 2%&'3- .5 :,-'( 4'5

I uiscusseu this }oseph with a gioup of people befoie I seiveu wine at a seivice on
the seconu Sunuay aftei Chiistmas, two uays ago. Each man to whom I hanueu the
cup hau a ieveient look on his face. I wonueieu, if this man }oseph. Bow about him.
Be looks like a kinu anu loving man. So uoes he, anu him anu him. Suuuenly, I saw
}oseph in eveiy man I helu the cup foi, oi at least I wonueieu if }oseph weie in them.
It seemeu to me that he was.

As I thought about seeing }oseph in othei men foi the fiist time, I iealizeu I was not
iaiseu with this image of men. I uiu have fiienus who weie boys anu men, anu they
actually weie like this }oseph, but I uon't think I hau the woius anu images to name
them as men like }oseph. Each of them was himself. Who they weie seemeu to have
been unique. I uon't think I hau a geneial image of men as kinu, gentle, loving,
compassionate, piotective, anu self-saciificing. What a shame.

I ceitainly hau othei images, such as men as objects of lust, men as emblems of my
acceptability as a woman, men as companions who weie goou to be with, men as
iapists, chilu molesteis, wife beateis, alpha males as gieeuy heaus of coipoiations
oi lions of Wall Stieet, men who police women's bouies anu tell us we aie whoies.
We have enuless images of men as cieatuies to feai anu avoiu as well as objects who
make us women look goou. Raie it is that we have images of men who love anu give
as much as }oseph uiu.

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It's time to ie-stoiy men. It's time to iestoie men to the fullness of who they aie anu
who they can be. Like women, men aie subject to all kinus of iueas anu images that
tell them who they aie. It's time we tolu men they aie loving, empathic, anu
altiuistic, willing to give up eveiything foi the people they love anu want to piotect.

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In the Chiistmas stoiies, }oseph appeaieu to have maue uecisions on his own about
wheie Naiy anu }esus weie to live. I uoubt that's how it happeneu. }oseph anu Naiy
piobably ueciueu togethei what to uo to piotect }esus.

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}oseph is a gift hiuing in plain sight. The woilu woulu have been uiffeient hau
ieligion piesenteu }oseph as loving, compassionate, anu altiuistic in his caie foi his
chilu anu wife.