Always Sunny Spec

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Speculative Episode
"The Gang Makes Moonshine"
Written by Sam Kapust
Story by Sam Kapust
Contact: Samuel Kapust (631) 655-3572 spkapust@gmail.com
IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHLA Speculative Episode The Gang Makes Moonshine
1.
! COLD OPEN TITLE: 2:00 pm TITLE: On a Wednesday TITLE: Philadelphia, PA OVER TITLES, WE HEAR: MAC (V.O.) So what? So Ive never had a wet dream before INT. PADDYS PUB DAY We find Mac, Dennis, and Charlie at the customer end of the bar. Mac is standing while the other two sit. Their faces are to us. Charlie proceeds to do a horrible impression of Mac. CHARLIE Hey Dennis! Who am I? Im Mac and Ive never had a wet dream. DENNIS Hmm, I dont know. Mac, Charlie? Yeah. CHARLIE
Charlie giggles at his intelligent display of satire. MAC So you have wet dreams all the time then Charlie? CHARLIE Yeah like every other day. Both days on the weekends. Im like a wet dream machine. DENNIS Thats disgusting.
2.
! MAC Yeah its gross. But very cool nickname. Where did you come up with that? CHARLIE Glad you appreciate it Mac. I actually--Frank walks into the scene holding a newspaper. FRANK Guys, listen to this bullshit I just read. DENNIS God Frank, you must be the only person left in the US reading the newspaper. CHARLIE I read it sometimes, its actually very informative. MAC Charlie you read on a third grade level. CHARLIE Not true at all! Try me. MAC What does b-e-e-r spell? Mac waves a beer in front of Charlie trying to help him out, but Charlie still doesnt get the hint. CHARLIE Cmon Mac. You had to give me a trick one, didnt you? DENNIS Its not a trick one, its easy. It spells beer.
3.
! CHARLIE Well it had two hard letters in a row and I dont like Bs and- DENNIS How could you even try to say you read the newspaper? FRANK Would you all just shut up and listen? Dalton Rhodes, who makes the best moonshine in all of Philly, was just arrested. Some bastard informant ratted him out! DENNIS Oh no! Mac, Dennis, and Charlie begin to all scream oh no! sarcastically. FRANK You guys dont understand! Dalton made the BEST moonshine in all of Philly. Without his shine, I dont know what the hell Im going to do. DENNIS Um, get over it? MAC We could Mac does some of his infamous karate moves. MAC .break him out. DENNIS Thats a terrible idea. MAC I could do a solo mission if that would make you more comfortable.
4.
! CHARLIE Why dont we make our own moonshine? What? MAC
DENNIS Thats actually pretty smart Charlie. We could really start grabbing that niche market. Just got to make sure we keep everything on the down low. FRANK Yeah with Dalton out of business, this city could use a new big dog. Frank looks off to the sky, his eyes as big as his unrealistic aspirations. CUT TO: MAIN TITLES Title: The Gang Makes Moonshine Title: Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia
5.
! FADE IN: INT. PADDYS PUB LATER D/1 We see Mac and Charlie carrying moonshine equipment into the bar. Mac is carrying way more than he can handle. CHARLIE Mac, I told you we could make more than one trip. Its not worth damaging any of this. MAC No I got it. Im just a little sore from yesterdays work out is all. CHARLIE Well finish that up, Ill be in the office taking care of some logistics. As Charlie leaves the scene, Dee walks into the bar, unsure of what is going on. DEE Whats all this? Mac puts everything down, beaming with excitement to inform Dee about the latest development. MAC Were moonshiners now Dee. Ooh, fun! of this? DEE So whats my part in all
MAC Youre going to have to talk to Charlie hes head of operations on all this. DEE Charlie?
6.
! MAC Yeah, he knows more than anyone else about all this. DEE I have no clue how that is possible but I dont really care. Where is he? In the office? Dee begins to walk towards the office but Mac is quick to block her path. MAC Uh bu bu bu. Stay put right here and Ill get him for you. Mac walks into the office to find Charlie sitting at the desk, playing with a stapler pretending that its eating something. MAC Hasnt Frank told you to stop playing with the office supplies? Charlie tosses the stapler aside out of shock/embarassment, knocking down mugs of pens and pencils and other things. CHARLIE Whats up? Mac just rolls his eyes. MAC So Dee wants to be part of operation moonshine. CHARLIE And you told her no right? MAC Nope, but I will right now. CHARLIE Thats my right hand man right there! 7.
Mac walks out of the office to Dee, who is still standing where he left her with her arms crossed.
! MAC Yeah the answer is no. DEE What?! Thats ridiculous! Get out of my way Im going to talk to him right now. Dee shoves Mac out of the way and walks into the office to find Charlie playing with the stapler again. Now he has it open and is stapling an apple on the desk. DEE Charlie! Why cant I be part of the moonshine crew? CHARLIE You just have nothing to offer Dee. Were trying to run a very legitimate business here, and we cant be dealing with any dead weight. Mac and Dennis enter the office. MAC She giving you any problems Charlie? CHARLIE No Ive got it taken care of guys. DEE (outraged) Yall never let me participate in gang stuff! Charlie adopts a southern accent. CHARLIE Now Deandra, that was the most forced yall Ive ever heard in my life. MAC See Dee, Charlie does it right.
8.
! DENNIS Yeah, you could never pass for a southern belle. Your southern accent is all off. And lets not kid ourselves about the belle part. DEE You know what? Fuck all of you. This isnt a good idea anyway. If anything we should be up scaling this bar. The last thing we need is more degenerates loafing around here. DENNIS Well well leave project upscale to you then. The boys get project moonshine. High fives all around between Mac, Dennis, and Charlie as they yell yeah! Boys! DEE Fine, Ill be happy to add some class to this place. CUT TO: INT. PADDYS PUB BASEMENT - LATER Charlie is fiddling with the moonshine equipment as Dennis looks on and Mac, off screen at the moment, is once again carrying more than he should. DENNIS So how exactly did you learn how to do all this Charlie CHARLIE I read it in a newspaper. MAC (O.S.) Charlie! You dont read the newspaper! CHARLIE Well thats how I learned all this so..
9.
! DENNIS How to make moonshine would never be in a newspaper and Jesus Christ Mac! Would you just take it easy, youre walking down stairs for Gods sakes. MAC Dont worry. This is nothing really. Mac drops everything down the stairs. He rushes down the immediately afterwards, entering the scene. CHARLIE God Dammit! MAC It should be fine. ten stairs or so. It only went down
DENNIS Thats the entire staircase. MAC Whatever! Lets just check to make sure its all good. The gang gathers around the equipment. Everything looks okay except one item has a piece broken. Charlie picks it up. CHARLIE Were fine, this just needs some repair. Ive been meaning to tell Frank to go on a glue run anyway. MAC That gives me a great idea. Charlie, how can we set apart our moonshine from the rest? CUT TO: INT. PADDYS PUB BASEMENT HOURS LATER Mac and Charlie are pouring cement glue into the finished product as Dennis looks on.
10.
! DENNIS I will not be drinking any of that. CHARLIE Oh cmon, a little glue never hurt anyone. DENNIS That was a pretty hefty dose of cement glue. MAC Dude theres wayyyy more shine than glue; its just to add a little kick. DENNIS You do know that ingesting glue will not get you high right? CHARLIE Ehhh, youre wrong there buddy, whatever gets it into your system. MAC Yeah whatever gets it in the system. DENNIS Well Ill sell it, Im just not drinking it. Frank comes down the stairs and enters the scene. FRANK You boys got everything taken care of? CHARLIE Frank! Be the first to give Charlies signature moonshine a try. MAC Charlies? CHARLIE I did basically everything, you just poured glue.
11.
! FRANK Id be honored. Frank tries the stuff and does some if his disgusting gag coughing. DENNIS God, Frank. FRANK (Through coughs) Its good Charlie, its real good. But its not like Dalton Rhodes stuff. Id do anything to figure out that mans recipe. CHARLIE Well I appreciate your honesty Frank, but I think we got a pretty good thing going on here. Just got let it age for a day and were good to go. So what now? MAC
CHARLIE We advertise. EXT. SWANN MEMORIAL FOUNTAIN NEXT DAY CUT TO:
Dee and Artemis are trying to promote Paddys to the upper class but to no avail. Dee is trying to hand a flyer to every well dressed person walking by and Artemis is just shouting. DEE Hey sir come to Paddys. Maam would you like to go somewhere classy tonight? Well be having plenty of drink specials. Dammit!
12.
! ARTEMIS Come to Paddys, itll be a real good time. Ill be there, and wearing something much hotter than this. DEE (at ARTEMIS) I appreciate you coming here to help me, but cant you be just a little less brash and a little more elegant. Were trying to attract a certain crowd remember? ARTEMIS Dee my darling. Elegant people, dont go for dingy bar flyers sluts hand them in the streets. DEE Im not a slu--ARTEMIS No! They get their kicks off of hordeuvres, and wine, and fine art. And full. Frontal. Nudity. DEE Well we can do all that. I just need a way of getting them to come in the first place. ARTEMIS Well flyers arent the way to do it sugar. DEE Well then what do you suggest? ARTEMIS A television ad, written and directed by moi. You can star in it Dee if you clean yourself up a bit. DEE Thats a little expensive, but I like the track your on.
13.
! Dees face lights up with an idea. CUT TO: EXT. TRAILER PARK SAME DAY Mac, Dennis, Charlie, and Frank are walking through a shoddy trailer park. MAC Wouldnt it have been easier if we just split up and did this. We could hit all the trailer parks in Philly way faster. DENNIS It would be, however you have no clue what these redneck people are capable of. Its best that we stick together. FRANK Yeah, I agree with Dennis. They are dangerous. Thats why I brought along this bad boy. Frank quickly and carelessly whips out his gun. MAC God dammit Frank! trigger happy. Just dont be
DENNIS As if thats possible for him. CHARLIE Alright well here this looks like a good first car. Or house. Or whatever. I elect Mac to go first. MAC Why me? I feel like Im more suited for second. I just still dont know the shpeel that well and--
14.
! CHARLIE Cmon Mac, are you nervous? We Practiced this all last night. Just tell them about how we have the stuff at Paddys. Thats all there is to it. MAC (Reluctantly) Ok, fine Ill do it. Mac goes up to the mobile home door, does some stretching and rehearsing to prepare himself. He is visibly nervous. MAC (To Himself) You got this. You got this. You Like moonshine? Well come on over to Paddys Pub. Mac is still visibly nervous but finally knocks on the door hard and once. MAC Oh well, nobodys there, lets get the next one. Just as Mac turns around to walk away, a big, scary, silent redneck opens the door. A few small rodents run out. Mac awkwardly looks back and forth between the guy and the gang. The gang shoo him forward to do his job. MAC Hey sir, uh, mind..mind if I come in. The man stares at Mac blankly. The other members of the gang smack their foreheads. Asking to come in was clearly never part of the shpeel. FRANK Well hes shitting the bed. take care of this. DENNIS Frank wait. Frank walks up to the man, not realizing the gun is still in his hand from earlier. Ill
15.
! FRANK Hello there, my business associates and I--The redneck pulls a shotgun from a shelf besides him and does the lock and load. Everyone in the gang makes cries of woah, woah, easy there. FRANK Look Im sorry I intimidated you. Im going to put this away right here. See? Frank puts his gun in his pocket and pats it. He smiles fearfully at the redneck who is still pointing the shotgun at him. DENNIS Frank he clearly still wants to kill you and I dont blame him. Why dont we just let Charlie handle this. CHARLIE (in an angry whisper to DENNIS) Me?! You want me to approach this guy?! Why dont you Dennis? DENNIS Youre the better salesman. Charlie is ready to argue then stops himself. CHARLIE You really think so? Dennis starts to give Charlie a light shoulder rub. DENNIS Actually let me rephrase that. Youre the best salesman Charlie. Now go get him. Charlie walks up to the man. He is still fearful, but Dennis words have empowered him.
16.
! CHARLIE (in a nervous southern accent) Do you like moonshine? The man puts down his gun. CHARLIE Good, good. I can tell you do. Well if you ever need to get your fixin come on down to Paddys Pub okay? The man continues to stare ominously at Charlie. CHARLIE That is all. The man nods with approval, goes back into his home, and closes his door. DENNIS Well with the exception of Frank almost dying Id say that went well enough. CHARLIE I think we sold him. MAC Were done for the day though, right? CHARLIE Yeah I think that was enough. Hell probably spread the word. FRANK We shouldve just done flyers. DENNIS Flyers are classless. CUT TO: INT. PADDYS PUB - LATER
17.
! All the guys are present in the bar, discussing the recent events of the day. MAC So long as I was there, you were never really in any danger Frank. Dee enters the bar. MAC So Dee whats the status on project up-scale? DENNIS Did you give up on that like you have on everything else in life? Especially your hygiene. MAC (to DENNIS) Yeah her teeth have gotten really yellow. I noticed that. DENNIS (to MAC) Its like a corn cob mouth. CHARLIE I dont even brush my teeth really and mine still look better than hers. Charlie smiles showing off his teeth. FRANK Dennis stop giving your sister a hard Time and Deandra Im sorry but you could use some grooming. DEE None of you pigs have a right to talk and Ill have you all know that both my hygiene and project up-scale are going along excellently. I actually just--
18.
! Dee is interrupted by the surprise of the McPoyle triplets entering the bar. The gang makes cries of woah! and oh no! DENNIS What the hell do you freaks want? CHARLIE Yeah I thought we were even. LIAM McPOYLE Dont think for a second we dont know what you degenerates are up to. MAC Us?! Degenerates?! DENNIS What are you talking about? LIAM Dont play dumb with me Dennis. We both know youre almost as smart as you are good looking. Liam reaches out his hand and touches Dennis face affectionately. DENNIS Ew, disgusting. Dont touch me. Dennis proceeds to wash his face at the bar sink. LIAM McPOYLE We got Dalton Rhodes out of our way and we can do the same with you. The moonshine business is for the McPoyle family now. You have one day to get this whole operation under capoots or there will be consequences. RYAN McPOYLE Consequences. LIAM McPOYLE Yes Ryan, consequences.
19.
! CHARLIE Well good luck trying to bribeDENNIS Blackmail. CHARLIE Trying to blackmail us, because its not going to work LIAM McPOYLE Well good luck Paddys, you cant say we didnt warn you. (to his brother and sister) Lets go. Liam smacks both his siblings asses and they walk out the door in a very tight knit single file line. The sister takes the back and walks backwards, making weird faces and shit. CHARLIE Are you sure that was the right word? DENNIS No thats what you were looking for. FRANKS Those bastards are the ones who put Dalton in jail!? Jesus Christ! I didnt think I could hate them more. MAC Well shit, the last thing I want is to deal with those losers again. DENNIS Hey lets look at the silver lining in this. DEE Theres nothing good about being involved with the McPoyle family. CHARLIE Im going to have to side with Dee on this one.
20.
! DENNIS No. Dont you see? The fact that they even knew about us means that that guy spread the word. We should be in business with a bunch of shine thirsty hicks tonight. CUT TO: INT. PADDYS PUB NIGHT Hicks are all over the place and bluegrass music is playing. Dennis has hives on his face from where Liam touched him earlier. Him, Mac, and Dee are behind the bar. DENNIS See! What did I tell you? MAC Yeah man, this is great business. Im actually really liking this whole moonshine deal. Whats up with your face by the way? DENNIS What do you mean? MAC Look in a mirror. Dennis looks in a mirror behind the bar DENNIS Jesus! I must have had a bad reaction to Liam McPoyles greasy touch. MAC Yeah I would take care of that. Pan over to Charlie and Frank sitting on barstools in a corner of the bar.
21.
! CHARLIE Isnt this awesome Frank, theyre loving it! Im the new big dog in town! Charlie makes dog noises. FRANK Charlie, I think your stuff is great, but Im telling you no one could do it like Dalton Rhodes. Im thinking now that I know the McPoyles were the informants I can use it as leverage to get his secret recipe out of him. Frank does a laugh as seedy as his intentions. CHARLIE Well no hard feelings Frank. I cant be mad right now. Im living life on top. FRANK Just dont let it get to your head. Pan back over to Dennis and Mac who have now been joined by Dee. DEE What are they talking about? MAC Probably whos been hogging the sheets. Dee notices Dennis face. DEE What happened to your face? DENNIS Its nothing. DEE Well Ive got some good news for you.
22.
! DENNIS You know how to fix this? DEE Nope, but our bar is moving up in the world. Paddys is hosting its very first wine tasting slash art show tomorrow. MAC Psh good luck with that, our moonshine patrons are going to scare your uppity suit and tie pricks right out of here. DEE Well see, I bet you wont even break even tonight. CUT TO: INT. PADDYS PUB NEXT DAY Charlie, Dennis, and Mac are counting money in the bar register the next morning. MAC And $918! Alright! Dee can suck it.
DENNIS Im surprised those people are able to pay us. Wouldnt they have better homes if they had this kind of money. CHARLIE Nah they spend money on the good things in life like guns, house pets, and MOONSHINE!!!! Gang begins to cheer and give high fives. enter the bar, flashing badges. Two men in suits
23.
! AGENT 1 Hello, were with the Bureau of Liquor Control Enforcement and weve been informed your bar is making and distributing moonshine. Were sure its just nonsense but mind if we take a look around? MAC No way, you cant just barge in here with your suits and cool badges. DENNIS Yeah! Adios, get a warrant. CHARLIE Oh dont listen to them. We dont mind at all. Come right in! DENNIS Would you give us a second? The guys huddle up. MAC The McPoyles put the popo out on us. DENNIS Yeah Charlie, what the hell are you doing? CHARLIE Trust me I got this. DENNIS Why should we trust you? CHARLIE Am I not the mastermind who just made this bar $900, basically a fortune. MAC Hes got a point Dennis. Alright, well if you need anything, just say my attack word.
! DENNIS You have an attack word? MAC Of course. What is it? Call the-DENNIS CHARLIE
MAC No dont say it! Or Ill have to go off! Its to protect the sanctity of the word. Ill tell it to you some other time Dennis. DENNIS So are we good here? CHARLIE I got this. Charlie leads the men into the basement. look on anxiously. CHARLIE Right this way boys. CUT TO: INT. PADDYS PUB 30 MINS LATER Charlie is leaving the basement with the BLCE agents. got them laughing hysterically. CHARLIE So I told him, you can lead a horse to water, but you could never make it eat this awful stuff on my plate. AGENT 2 Youre a funny man Mr. Kelly, sorry to bother you. Have a great day! Hes Mac and Dennis
25.
! The agents walk out and Charlie closes the door behind them. DENNIS So how the hell did you do that? CHARLIE I just showed them how we make our stuff, minus the glue part. MAC Yeah but its illegal. CHARLIE Nope. Moonshine is illegal. Not mixing everclear and old beer in a vat of grain. MAC So we were never making real shine? CHARLIE No way! Way too much science and effort. DENNIS What about all that $2000 worth of equipment you had us set up? CHARLIE Yeah I didnt use any of that, it just adds to the image, you know? DENNIS Well I dont care because number one, that was Franks money and number two you saved our asses so thanks dude we owe you one. MAC Atta boy Charlie. And speaking of Frank, whats he up to? CUT TO: INT. VISITATION AREA OF PRISON - DAY
26.
26.
! Frank is in the visitation area of a prison. Officers bring a black man over to him. FRANK Haha very funny guys. bring me him. Correctional
Come on now,
The correctional officers just ignore him. FRANK You still have it out for me!? Jesus Christ! The black man stares on at Frank with a stolid face. FRANK (at man) Could you deliver a message to Dalton Rhodes for me? DALTON I am Dalton Rhodes. Frank is shocked and appalled. FRANK Youre Dalton Rhodes? The moonshine king!? I dont think so. Now listen. Ill get you whatever you want, just ask Dalton how he makes his shine. I am him. DALTON
FRANK Now quit playing hardball with me, tell him that if he tells me his recipe, Ill let him know who ratted him out. Daltons eyes light up. DALTON You know who ratted me out?
27.
! FRANK (nervously) Alright buddy stop with the shpeel. DALTON (desperately) You gotta tell me, you gotta. Ill tell you my recipe. Ill tell you all the steps. Just help me out. FRANK Jesus Christ! You are Dalton Rhodes! Youre no true moonshiner though. Youre a fraud! Im getting outta here. Frank leaves and Dalton slams his fists on the table they were sitting at. CUT TO: INT. PADDYs PUB - NIGHT The bar is segregated between classy people who arent too thrilled, and backwoods hicks. The camera is on Frank and Charlie who are sitting in bar stools in their corner of the bar. Charlie is only half listening to Frank. He is too busy staring out proudly at the business he has brought to the bar. FRANK So Im expecting a backwoods hick, but instead hes this black man with no beard or straw hat or nothing. Can you believe it Charlie? Completely unauthentic this whole time. CHARLIE Its unbelievable. Really, it makes me sick. FRANK Looks like youre the best now Charlie. CHARLIE Yup and Im one hundred percent authentic. No bullshit from this guy.
28.
! Pan over to Dennis (who still has hives) at the bartending and sweet talking a hot cowgirl chick. Dennis is displaying to her a generous photo of himself. DENNIS Arent you a little desert rose. This is what I normally look like by the way. Mac walks over to Dennis. MAC Dennis, we have a problem. DENNIS Whats up? MAC (slightly frantic) Dee needs to get her people out of here. I overheard something about it being citiot season and all these people have guns. DENNIS All of them? MAC Except the citiots. DENNIS Dee, get over here. DEE What is it? DENNIS Dee this is just too awkward and these people are going to get hurt. Just make them leave.
! DEE They havent even gotten to try all the hor deuvres or wine yet. Nothing can make these people leave until theyve at least had some of the box wine Im saying has been aged 300 years.
29.
The entire McPoyle family suddenly enters the bar. While walking in they knock down the wine glasses of the fancy people and scare them all off. Screams and cries of Im out of here are heard. DEE No come back! I never got to serve you all the pigs in a blanket. No! CHARLIE We can not have this! MAC What!? CHARLIE Call the Sheriff! MAC Why? CHARLIE Your attack word! MAC Oh yeah. Mac starts doing his karate moves in place against the McPoyle triplets. Ryan McPoyle grabs a beer bottle and smashes it on his head. The bottle doesnt even break. Mac retreats to a seat at the bar. MAC Ow! Shit! Im going to finish up with you freaks, but I need to recuperate from that cheap shot first. Dennis can I have a beer? Mac!
30.
! Dennis, the good friend he is, gets Mac a beer. DENNIS Look, we dealt with your little police agents, so its over. We won. Were the top dogs in Philly now. LIAM McPOYLE Thats right you won. Paddys Pub now makes the best moonshine in all of Philadelphia. DENNIS Yeah, thats exactly what I just said. Now get yourself and your family of closet dwellers out of here. RYAN McPOYLE No can do. If we cant make the best we should at least get to enjoy it. Looks like Paddys is the new McPoyle family hang out. The gang gets dead silent LIAM McPOYLE So how about a milk and moonshine? Skip the rocks. The McPoyles look gang look at each what the hell do tongue out of her on at the gang, while the members of the other with faces that ask the question we do? The sister keeps sticking her lips really quick. CUT TO:
EXT. PADDYS PUB ALLEYWAY NEXT DAY The gang is in the alley throwing all the moonshine equipment into the dumpster. CHARLIE And thats the last of it.
31.
! MAC Thank God! Its a shame but Id much rather give all this up then have those freaks hanging around here all the time. DEE I cant believe they ruined my project upscale. DENNIS No Dee that was a lost cause to begin with. You didnt even include art in the supposed art show, which I wouldve been more than happy to give you some of my work for. CHARLIE Yeah how did you even get those people here in the first place? DEE Well Charlie, as you should know, I put a full page ad for a rare wine tasting in the newspaper. DENNIS Oooh Charlie, did you just not read the paper that day? CHARLIE (downcast) I just forgot to grab it. MAC Youre such a liar, I bet youre lying about the wet dreams too. CHARLIE Alright Mac, lets not make a molehill mountain over here. MAC I just dont see how you could be having that many Charlie.
32.
! CHARLIE Well, I am. MAC Im more hormonally fueled than you. With all the weightlifting I do. I might as well be made of testosterone. CHARLIE Sorry Mac, youre just not a machine like I am. MAC Frank! Isnt it hard to believe that Charlie has at least 4 wet dreams a week. FRANK Whats he talking about? Im the one having those dreams. Theyre always about summer 87. My glory days. CHARLIE Come on Frank, tell him your joking. You dont have any wet dreams. FRANK No I have them all time, its actually a problem. I used to see a doctor about it, but I stopped because the meds were making me lose my hair. CHARLIE Thats disgusting! Youre kidding me! FRANK I offer to wash the sheets every single day and you consistently tell me not to. DENNIS You two not only sleep in the same bed but never wash the sheets?
33.
! CHARLIE Well I didnt realize I was basking in Frank filth every night! MAC But you were willing to bask in your own filth Charlie? Jesus Christ. DEE I cant listen to anymore of this, I might throw up. Dee walks into the bar, leaving the scene. MAC And to add to Charlies recent slew of lies, did you know Frank that Charlie wasnt even making real moonshine? FRANK No thats impossible. He has all the equipment and everything. CHARLIE (nervously) Um, well I didnt really use, um, well, any of that FRANK Then why the hell would you buy it? You said it was a miniature fortune for all that shit. DENNIS He didnt buy it Frank, you did. FRANK Jesus Christ! One blow to the chest after another! You steal my money and you use it to make fake moonshine Charlie?! I cant even look at you right now. Frank walks away from the scene, Charlie following after him.
34.
! CHARLIE Frank come on. You know I was just trying to help the business. Charlie and Frank are now out of the scene, leaving Mac and Dennis alone in silence. MAC So, uh, wanna kill the rest of that everclear? DENNIS Done deal. THE END

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It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

"The Gang Makes Moonshine"

Written by Sam Kapust

Story by Sam Kapust

Contact: Samuel Kapust (631) 655-3572 spkapust@gmail.com

! CHARLIE Why dont we make our own moonshine? What? MAC

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