HOW TO MAKE THE U.S.

CONSTITUTION UNCONSTITUTIONAL (BREEZY HALF-A-DOZEN AMENDMENTS VERSION) By Moe

Amendment 1 - Freedom of Religion. Ratified 12/15/1791. Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof HOW TO MAKE IT UNCONSTITUTIONAL: Invent a new religion with its sole form of exercise being to get Congress to make laws respecting its establishment. Boom. Done.

Amendment 2 - Right to Bear Arms. Ratified 12/15/1791. A well-regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed. HOW TO MAKE IT UNCONSTITUTIONAL: Render all forms of militia unnecessary to the sense of security of a free state by making a state full of neurotic free people who are constantly worried that their militia is too well-regulated. There you go. Thats another one. Oh, also, buy all weapon manufacturers and limit production to one kind of weapon that only works when its concealed and untouched, and can only be used once, but never really does the harm its supposed to do anyway. That way you infringe upon the whole lot.

Amendment 4 - Search and Seizure. Ratified 12/15/1791. The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause HOW TO MAKE IT UNCONSTITUTIONAL: Go to the police and say that you have been having visions of becoming a terrorist planning an imminent attack on the US. At any minute, you can slip into that split personality and carry out the attack in real life, and that the terrorist personality only decides against going through with the attack when it feels that the US government is close by and thoroughly investigating. Remember to add that if the personality is confident that nobodys watching, it goes right back to carrying out the attack. That way, you establish probable cause that you will commit the act youre accused of unless youre searched 24/7 in an unreasonable manner in order to remain feeling insecure. Easy-peezy.

Amendment 8 - Cruel and Unusual Punishment. Ratified 12/15/1791. Nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted. HOW TO MAKE IT UNCONSTITUTIONAL: When you eventually end up in a sentence hearing, tell the judge you are one of those delightful individuals who enjoys getting spanked with a traffic cone wrapped in barbed wire on a daily basis as punishment for being a naughty boy. To someone who has lived a pleasurable life built around that fetish, a cruel and unusual punishment would be to get locked up with no means of being spanked with such a contraption. The only two choices at the judges disposal will be to let you go free and continue getting that spanking, or to send you to jail and provide your cell buddy with the cone and barbed wire. Either way, it would be a cruel and unusual punishment that will inevitably be inflicted. So there.

Amendment 16 - Status of Income Tax Clarified. Ratified 2/3/1913. The Congress shall have power to lay and collect taxes on incomes, from whatever source derived, without apportionment among the several States, and without regard to any census or enumeration. HOW TO MAKE IT UNCONSTITUTIONAL: This Sopranos amendment might seem a bit tricky at first, but you can still navigate your way through the abundant financial fascism to make it unconstitutional. All you have to do is revisit the 1st amendment and establish a religion with its sole form of exercise being not to pay taxes. It might sound extremely bizarre to use that excuse, particularly since showing any kind of legal preference towards a religious establishment clearly contradicts the very first line of the very first amendment, but Im sure that the US government will not tax your religious organization, as opposed to what they are doing now, of course.

Amendment 19 - Women's Suffrage. Ratified 8/18/1920. The right of citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of sex. HOW TO MAKE IT UNCONSTITUTIONAL: Call their bluff. Have a threesome with a minor and a horse in full public view inside a polling place and see if they will ever let you near a voting booth again.