Finding Solace Amidst Chaos: Depression Treatment Through Individuality

The year I turned nineteen was one of the most difficult times in my life. My plan was to take one year off of school and continue my education thereafter. My intentions were far removed from reality. In August of that year, my boyfriend of five years and I were no longer together, a seemingly menial event, but a deeply scarring tragedy for myself. A month later, in my dismal state, I was car-jacked and beaten, left on the side of the road. I had photos taken of my injuries, including half nude photos of my torso just adding to my humiliation and defeat. Two weeks went by; I was driving home from a friends late one night, in my mothers car this time. The axle connecting the front tires snapped while I drove down the freeway. Luckily, I was able to pull to the side of the road before anything horrific happened. I was safe, but I shouldnt have been. A week later, driving home from dropping my dad off at work, a high school student attempted to make a left-hand turn into the school parking lot they didnt see me. The car stopped within an inch of my door. Within two months I was completely devoid of any emotion. My mom told me to be grateful, someone was watching over me; it was not my time to die. My emotional roller coaster of those two months took me to a place that I will probably never understand. I have struggled with depression for years. I know how it feels, the tearing of the soul, the dark pit, the physical ailments associated with it. You feel thin and broken, fragile. The wind blows and you feel as though youll tear in two. Depression and I are no strangers. I have reached significantly low points in my life, for which I was proud to claim as my own, for I had

survived them and in turn, they made me stronger for the upcoming defeat that would inevitably ensue. For years I argued pointlessly with my mother, I do not have depression. These experiences brought me to an about face with my illness. The realization of my depression was brought on by the severity of these incidents. No, I was not depressed about them. On the contrary, I felt nothing, absolutely nothing. In this, my realization became the recognition that my life meant nothing to me. I had undergone multiple near death experiences, within a short span of time, and still, nothing; I didnt bat an eye. In fact, the only thing I could even remotely feel was a slight twinge of disappointment. My mother was right; it was not my time to die, and that was depressing. In this state of mind, I realized that the meaningless position I held against life was indeed depression. As life has continued, I have dabbled in the treatment of my illness The years of denial, and watching my own mothers depression rise and fall steadily, I was already defeated. I have found that looking for treatment options is overwhelming, exhausting, and confusing. In my moms treatment, she has struggled through psychiatrists, psychologists, medications, diet, exercise, what seems to be everything under the sun. Only in more recent years has she discovered what medication and therapies work for her. Unfortunately for myself, and for others, these treatments dont necessarily have the same effect. The questions surround ing treatment continue to boggle my mind: What options do I have? What will help me attain a level of normality, and more importantly, sanity with the least amount of physical or mental taxation?

My initial thought process behind treatment is: no medication. Again, my moms depression had a huge impact on me as a child. I rarely saw her happy. She spent a majority of the time in bed, due to chronic migraines as well as crippling depression. She constantly changed medications, which meant that we could never tell how she would wake up in the morning. It wasnt easy to witness as child. However, at least she did something she tried, and she was stubborn about it. Obviously, the negative impact has created a strong notion against medicinal treatment. However, this initial, emotional response to medication is why, in later years, I have so deeply contemplated its validity in depression treatment. In my research of treatment I came across an article in The Huffington Post regarding Pastor Perry Noble. Noble struggled through depression and managed to stave off prescription drug usage through his first bout of mental illness. In the years following, he had recommended to his followers that relying on medication showed a considerable lack of faith in God s ability to heal. However, years later, Nobles depression returned. In this case, he reconsidered and opted to utilize medication. Since then, he has repented to his followers and now advocates, Its ok to not be ok, but its not ok to stay that way, (qtd. in Hafiz 1). What I find most intriguing from his story is his response. If you need help, that is fine, but you also need to be brave enough to ask for it. The idea of admitting to hypocrisy, especially as a pastor, is quite something in itself. The criticism within and surrounding any faith is overwhelming; openly accepting his own shortcomings and misguidance is incredibly poignant as well. Others may negate this response due to their own experiences surrounding ineffective use of medication, such as my mothers case. As a child, too young to fully grasp the concep t of

depression and the emotional battle my mother underwent on a daily basis, I resented her for her choice of treatment. Nothing seemed to make any impact, great or small. In my own uses of prescription drugs, although minimal, yet still relevant, I found them to confine my mind. Last year I was prescribed Fluoxetine, the generic for Prozac. I will admit, I was quite skeptical; I did not want to be on the drugs, but hoped it might improve my demeanor. A few weeks in, I didnt notice a real change in my mood. I was still just as defeated, only now I found it difficult to write and paint. It felt as though my brain had lost its creativity. I am so accustomed to the overwhelming chaos of thoughts constantly spinning in my mind. This medication tightened the reins on these thoughts. In turn, I felt bound by the medication, as opposed to the freedom I was seeking. In short, medication was not my thing at least not the one I was on. Furthermore, research of medication led to my interest in the pharmaceutical companies involved. Adam Winstock, founder of the Global Drug Survey, writes a fascinating article on the prescription drug epidemic, as he so succinctly quantifies it. In his studies, along with the Global Drug Survey, they have found that pharmaceutical companies, or Big Pharma, have more aptly targeted their marketing directly to the consumer, in which case, Winstock finds to be abhorrent. The mass media is aiding in the miseducation of American consumers. In marketing on television and online ads, they are implanting the preconceived notion of illness, while simultaneously offering their cure (Winstock 1). I find this to be a double-edged sword. By making the population aware of these illnesses, we increase the likelihood of these patients seeking help and healing. However, this also determines that we have hypochondriac patients seeking help for what is more likely a symptom and not the ailment itself.

Let us momentarily set aside depression itself, and consider the wider range of prescription drug usage, for example: the common cold. We as humans cannot stand pain or discomfort. Therefore, we seek refuge and almost bank on the fact that our doctors will readily aid us by offering a prescription. In doing so, our bodies have not assumed their natural role in combating outside forces. Instead, we have adapted to the idea that we are in need of prescription treatment to cure our ailments. Furthermore, we are on the defense against the common cold, with the use of hand-sanitizer. We sanitize everything from our dishes to shopping carts to baby bottles, the constant fumes of alcohol singeing our nostrils. (Rubinstein 1). It makes me curious of previous generations. I am assumed to think: How did they survive!? However, my actual thought becomes: They survived; why cant we? Now we replace these ideas and switch gears back to depression. Are we genuinely considering the outcomes? How will this affect our own bodies and our future children? Most importantly the theory of evolution, prescription medication can deteriorate our natural ability to cope with these illnesses. In turn, through evolutionary processes and heredity, we are giving these hindrances to our children. With these new ideas in consideration, I reconsider my original position against medicinal treatment. Although I am clearly not inclined to participate in such courses of action, I do find that for others they may be suitable. Dr. Elisha Goldstein, psychologist, writes his theories in his article, Depression: Medicate, Meditate, or Both? Goldstein delves into the functional reality of medication. Medication should be utilized as a form of stability. In gaining mental stability, we are given the opportunity to discover the root causes of depression. In such a way, we are enabled to learn the tools necessary to maintain a healthy lifestyle (Goldstein 1).

More succinctly, I find this Garden State quote applicable, yeah, those drugs may help you as a means to an end, but sooner or later, if youre not in some kind of therapy, whatevers going on in your mind will find a way to peek its little head out of the water, (Garden State). Thus, I am led to alternative therapies in the treatment of this mental illness. Now from my own story, I have found one of the most important tools is finding an outlet, and a healthy one. For me this would include yoga, painting, and writing. Yoga allows me to de-stress my body, while also meditating and freeing my mind, even if only momentarily. Allowing myself a creative outlet, I can paint my emotion. I have dark, sinister paintings from those awful low points. Yet, I have comical and bright drawings representative of the happier times. Similarly, my writing follows suit. Whatever it happens to be, whether you love sports, dancing, writing, singing even in the shower, do it. It is so important that you make the time for it. Seek a balance in life and in your mind. Furthermore, I have also utilized herbal supplements such as Valerian Root and St. Johns Wort. Valerian has been most helpful in aiding with a night of rest. As I also have severe anxiety; it has helped alleviate the panic attacks that have also ensued. St . Johns Wort can help create an overall better demeanor. However, I have found that its use is so subtle, that I hardly notice any difference at all. Although they may not work wonders on me, they are still a notable contribution to positive treatment outcomes. Healthline.com also offers more natural treatments varying from herbal supplements to music therapy and also yoga (Beating Depression Naturally 1). Unfortunately, I can tell you from a personal level of certainty these

options will not make your depression disappear. However, it can help to maintain a level of functionality. Overall, I have concluded that although medication may not be suitable for everyone, a combination of traditional Western medicine as well as alternative therapies and healthy outlets are the likely course of action for effective treatment of depression. David Blistein, novelist and essayist, as well as a Treatment-Resistant Depression patient, has claimed his treatment, a successful cocktail that includes Lamictal, Cymbalta, regular workouts, a couple of IPAs a night, and the occasional nibble of Klonopin before bed as a nightcap, is the answer he has searched for (Blistein 1). What I have found most common among depression sufferers and those involved in depression treatments is that everyone is different. I find this to be the single most significant use of information. The problem with depression is that every human being reacts differently, feels differently, and comprehends differently. Thus, there cannot be one exact cure for the masses. An individual is comprised of his or her own personal thoughts, and therefore, mental illness should be treated with the utmost regard to individuality, such as my personal decision to forego medication. However, my decision is irrelevant to the overall consideration of treatment. I simply offer my own perspective, as my mom has offered her perspective to me, and Noble and Blistein offered theirs to the world. As an individual with depression, I recognize its incapacitating effects and its cyclical nature. We find ourselves lost in our thoughts of negativity and darkness. We have previously been raised in a society that shunned this type of conversation. No one wants to discuss pain, humiliation, and defeat, especially those that suffer. However, this attitude is further trapping

the minds of these individuals. We must continue to open the door to these conversations (Rottenberg 1). A depressive is trapped alone in their world of black, struggling to escape; but with the help of others, standing together and striving for an open conversation, a supporting hand, a pinprick of light at the end of the tunnel, we can learn so much more of ourselves. We can further delve into our emotional abyss, seeking and learning to comprehend our emotional state of mind. Now my story, as well as many others, may not have a happy ending, but a struggling continuation. In that, I can find solace. We will struggle daily. We will battle our own minds, our negative self-talk. However, there is hope and there is unity, even in our darkest hours. Each day brings a new life, a new purpose, a new path, a new opportunity to conquer our emotions. My life is my own and yours is your own; we must choose to live it.

Annotated Bibliography
In recent years, depression has become a dominating mental illness within American society. With the onslaught of overwhelming diagnoses, also comes a wide array of treatments offered, ranging from traditional western medicine to alternative healing. Depression has run rampant through my family for quite some time. In studying my mothers case, as well as my own, I have found that deciphering these two opposing treatments can be overwhelming, exhausting, and confusing. Although, in doing so, my overall consideration is: which method of treatment can be most effective, and least taxing, in combating this epidemic? "Beating Depression Naturally." Beating Depression Naturally. N.p., n.d. Web. 22 Apr. 2014. Blistein, David. "Treatment-Resistant Depression, Part One." The Huffington Post. TheHuffingtonPost.com, 08 Sept. 2013. Web. 01 Apr. 2014. David Blistein, novelist and essayist, writes of his very personal relationship with depression. He shares his experiences of being put through the ringer, delving into multiple medications, alternative medicine, what have you. His particular writings center around Treatment-Resistant Depression; in essence, he has fought for years and years, through several arduous treatment plans, seemingly impossible to find a cure. Blistein invites the reader to continue by saying, I certainly won't tell you that something will eventually work... but, I can explain why there's reason to hope that eventually something might. He continues on with brief explanations involving both western and alternative medicine, possibly spontaneous cures. He suggests that

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treatments will vary from one person to another and even the timing can make a difference. Blistein signs off with a pat on the back, a boost of encouragement to just keep going. Blistein opens his essay with an immediate connection to the reader. He cites himself as a patient of depression, specifically Treatment-Resistant Depression. In this statement, he unifies himself to the reader of similar disposition. He relies heavily on this intimate relationship. Even more so, he relies on his own personal expertise to persuade the reader that there is, in fact, help or at least there might be. We find this evidence as credible, focusing on the similarities between ourselves and the author. We seek the mentality of, Even though we feel alone, we are together in our loneliness. For those suffering from depression, that may be one of, if not the strongest argument someone can make, simply that feeling of understanding. The personal reflection in this piece holds true for me; I can understand this mans viewpoint. It is interesting to find that as we progress within society, topics such as this were once considered taboo. Now, we find ourselves having casual conversations about depression; there is something to be said about uniting against a common enemy. It is important for societys growth and acceptance, as well as aiding in the relief of sufferers. Similarly, Ph. D. Elisha Goldsteins article also brings to question the cohesive practice of both traditional and alternative medicine. Garden State. Dir. Zach Braff. Fox Searchlight, 2004. DVD. Goldstein, Ph.D. Elisha. "Depression: Medicate, Meditate or Both?" The Huffington Post.

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TheHuffingtonPost.com, 11 Dec. 2012. Web. 01 Apr. 2014. Dr. Goldstein begins his article with a definition of clinically diagnosed depression. He states that these symptoms are often coupled with other issues. Goldstein calls to question how best to alleviate such struggles. He references the three phases of medication: acute, continuation, and maintenance. However, he also recognizes that although medication can be helpful, after a certain point, where do we draw the line? Medication can be seen as a means to maintaining stability, but inevitably, not a cure. As humans we find pain abhorrent, and, therefore, continually hate our dispositions. Though, he states this as being cyclical, feeding our own negativity with our own bad energy. Instead, he offers that tending to our emotional issues can aid in alleviating the root cause of depression. With enough practice, it will become automatic. By focusing on the issue and tending to it with support and understanding we can regain control of our bodies and minds. Thus, finding inner peace and acceptance of depression, we can find the key to maintaining stability. Dr. Goldstein is a psychologist and author of The Now Effect. He writes to a general audience with understanding, but from an outside perspective. He also welcomes an engaged audience by asking for feedback. In doing so he encourages others to voice their opinions and aid in his research, as well as others. Goldstein persuades by making a logical claim for depression treatment; he even states, Mindfulness is a practical approach. He simplifies the conversation and does so in a way that the end result is attainable.

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In this article, we find that Goldsteins evidence is supported by both Blisteins essay and Pastor Perry Nobles story, even though both accounts tell of differing ideas. Interestingly, he takes both sides of the pharmaceutical and supplemental debate. For many who have struggled with depression over the years, a practical approach is what most frequently comes to mind: just be happy. However, in his article, Goldstein makes this vision realistic. He realizes that these decisions must be made outside of a depressive state, and says so. Although a seemingly simple answer, sometimes offering uncomplicated solutions can be vital in taking a step in the right direction. Hafiz, Yasmine. "Pastor Perry Noble's Brave Antidepressant Christian Blog Challenges The Church's Role In Mental Health." The Huffington Post. TheHuffingtonPost.com, 26 Feb. 2014. Web. 01 Apr. 2014. Yasmine Hafiz recounts Pastor Perry Nobles struggle with depression and his own ethical battle in taking prescription anti-depressants. In 2008, Noble believes to have overcome a bout of depression through his steadfastness in faith. Years later a follower began to struggle with similar issues, to which the pastor offered, In a completely illiterate and uneducated manner I told them that people with weak faith are the ones that needed such meds. However, as time progressed, Noble found himself caught in a depressive state yet again. This time around, he found it unbearable, enough to concede to anti-depressants. Noble has since rectified his previous statements and advocates for his own, and his churchs stance to offer support to those taking medication for emotional illnesses.

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Yasmine Hafiz, the author of this article, is the Associate Editor of the Huffington Posts Religious Section. Pastor Perry Noble is the founding and senior pastor at NewSpring Church in South Carolina. He has suffered from depression for many years, similar to David Blistein. Through Hafiz, as well as excerpts from his own blog, Noble helps convince the reader and his followers that traditional medicine is okay. This personal account allows us to assimilate to Noble. Again, we are given an intimate conversation to interact with; we understand. He offers his story to exemplify how medication has helped influence his life positively. Pastor Nobles story is similar to my mothers. I have struggled for years to understand the decision to take prescription medication, especially for an emotional illness. Though, I have learned that I must take myself out of the equation, to view it as an outsider. In this I realize that regardless of what form of treatment we choose, we can conceptualize the importance of considering all treatment options. Even more so, in some cases, this is the only option.

Rottenberg, Jonathan. "It's Time to Bring Depression Out of the Dark." The Huffington Post. TheHuffingtonPost.com, 21 Mar. 2014. Web. 22 Apr. 2014. Rubinstein, Mark. "Medication Nation." The Huffington Post. TheHuffingtonPost.com, 03 May 2013. Web. 01 Apr. 2014. Medication Nation takes a very differing view than the previous accounts. This article calls into question the outpouring of pharmaceutical medication into the hands

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of patients, seemingly disregarding illness. Mark Rubinstein takes a simplistic approach, introducing his stance with the overuse of hand sanitizer. This overuse has led to the mutation of common bacteria, creating harder illnesses for our bodies to combat. He finds that doctors have been prescribing drugs that are not actually needed in curing a patients ailments. However, in doing so, our bodies have failed to adapt and fight these viruses on our own. Not only does he consider antibiotics and the like, but also psychiatric medication. Rubinstein states, It's as though we've become a nation where the "answer" to every life problem is to swallow a pill. He continues with a fight against pharmaceutical companies right to market directly to consumers. In doing so, he finds that patients are asking doctors for specific medications. Rubinstein concludes with his observation that dealing with our issues has become a thing of the past; we want a pill for every ailment. Mark Rubinstein, author of Mad Dog House: A Novel and psychiatrist, utilizes his own credentials and the Center for Disease Control and Prevention to boost his articles credibility. However, he most heavily relies on logic to convince his audience that medication is overtaking our society. He does so aptly and succinctly with his very matter-of-fact language. Rubinstein cuts to the chase and doesnt meander on meaningless information. He is passionate about this topic, and somewhat unsettles the reader in doing so. However, this article still maintains a level head, but just enough to get you itching with questions. I found this article particularly intriguing because it solidifies what I have struggled with in understanding prescription medication. The overuse of certain medications has

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disabled our bodys natural ability to perform effectively against attacking ailments. We are a nation that has continued in the direction of the Pill Age, and like Rubinstein said, Its worrisome. Particularly, I consider a pill for any ailment. Are we really becoming a society that cannot cope with our issues? Yes, we are. However, if medicinal support is needed, where do we draw the line? These questions led to further research, which I found in Adam Winstocks Why America Has a Prescription Drug Epidemic: To Regulate or Educate? No Question You Do Both. Winstock, Adam. "Why America Has a Prescription Drug Epidemic: To Regulate Or Educate? No Question -- You Do Both." The Huffington Post. TheHuffingtonPost.com, 20 Dec. 2013. Web. 01 Apr. 2014. Adam Winstocks article allows us to delve further into questions surrounding pharmaceutical companies. He pinpoints the beginning of this epidemic to the early 1990s and the opening of the rave scene. He has found that conti nual use of these drugs, not only for medicinal purposes, but mind-altering intentions, have been found in employed and educated people, entirely opposite to what they had originally believed. In this continuation of usage, the intentional effects of these medications have been rendered ineffective. In these cases, medication dosage is either increased or medication is swapped out for something else entirely. Winstock seeks to blame pharmaceutical companies, or Big Pharma. He argues that marketing to cons umers is not educating them about what the medication fully entails. He aims to rectify these issues by asking to regulate doctors and pharmaceutical companies, educate patients,

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offer free quality drug treatment services, and addressing other addiction issues, such as poverty, abuse, inequality, etc. This article, similar to Rubinsteins brings about more questions of pharmaceutical companies role in society. Winstock is the founder of Global Drug Survey, a Consultant Psychiatrist and Addiction Medicine Specialist. He is logical in his argument, using facts and statistics from the Global Drug Survey. The tone of his writing is somewhat casual, for a general audience. However, he does not mince words. Winstock states his opinion clearly and with precision. He allows us to consider tighter regulation on pharmaceutical companies. Like Rubinsteins article, it is passionate but not so overtly that we dismiss the conversation at hand. In my considerations, I must also analyze the pharmaceutical companies effect on psychiatric treatment. The marketing of pharmaceutical companies towards the consumer directly, calls to question the state of mind or body the consumer is in. Simply the questioning of ourselves allows the flood gates of hypochondriac behavior to open. In these cases, we become self-diagnosing. Even more so, as Rubinstein points out, we are then asking our doctors about these medications, with preconceived notions that we are indeed, ill. Similarly, in the works of Chuck Palahniuk, he comments on the abuse of prescription medication in his fiction novels. These are novels that are widely read among young adults, issuing an even further idealization of prescription drugs. In short, we must be wary of these marketing ploys, we must educate ourselves on the true purpose and intent of these drugs; our mental health depends on it. In conclusion, I find that a combination of both traditional medicine and alternative

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medicine is the best possible approach in combating depression. However, traditional medicine must be taken with far more consideration. We must be mindful of the consequences of prescription medication. Such as my mothers case, she has tried multiple medications over time. In doing so, she has finally found the ones that will work for her. However, she continually must increase her dosages. As the years progress, her body has become accustomed to the intake of these doses. We must remember that medication should be utilized as a tool to help alleviate symptoms. In most cases, there is an underlying issue that must be addressed. Once we have found enough strength to wane ourselves from the symptom-relieving medication, we should continue in fighting the root cause of our issues. We must not allow the marketing of pharmaceuticals, the taboo of depression within conversation, nor the notions of others to influence our own treatment. It is imperative to analyze and decipher this information by individual means; what may work for one person may not work for another. In any case, our mental health is of utmost import to every individual and must be tended to with such realization in place.