AMAZINGLY BROKEN

By Jordin Williams
Copyright 2013
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Chapter 1
I surveyed my travel weary face in the
mirror of the airport bathroom. Running my
hands through my hair, I pulled it to the side
to expose my neck.
Oh my, dear, that looks terrible, said
someones grandmother.
Its nothing. Luggage casualty.
Luckily, my phone vibrated to life and
interrupted her. Hey, Tiff. Im here. Just
getting cleaned up before I lug my bags to
the curb.
Are you sure you dont want us to
pick you up?
Ill be fine. Stop worrying. Im impos-
ing enough by crashing on your couch. I still
cant believe the registrar screwed things up
so badly.
Mi casa es su casa, as we learned in
Sophomore Spanish, she giggled. The sound
made me feel at home immediately.
You know Ill pay you some rent as
soon as I find a job. And Ill be out of there as
soon as the university finds the dorm room
they promised me.
Dont you dare try to pay me back. Id
rather have you owe me one anyway. Ill text
you the address. Call if you have any
trouble.
I couldn't afford a place of my own,
obviously. My father was filthy rich, so rich
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that he could easily afford to put me up in a
nice place. Even a bad place, but neither was
an option. Not by a long shot. My father was
too busy getting drunk and the more I
thought about him not helping me, the
wheezier I felt. He was supposed to be my
father. He was supposed to be a positive role
model. But instead of guidance, I got abuse
and I struggled to find some sense of nor-
malcy in my life. After all, that was the real-
ity that all my friends enjoyed. And it was
something I yearned for so badly.
Tiffany thought I needed someone to
go with me to Florida. She moved early to
take summer classes and that's when she met
Lance, her boyfriend. I didn't know much
about him, but she loved him. After just two
months, typical Tiffany.
Will do. Love you.
Love you, too.
I rested the phone on the counter and
looked under the stalls for any more hidden
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grannies. I dug my concealer out of my
purse, pulled my hair back, and dabbed the
moldy thumbprint bruise on my neck. This
should be the last one, I told my reflection.
I tried to freshen up more. I didnt
want to look like an exhausted traveler on
my first day in Florida. It was already clear
that I wasnt from around here. My pale skin
was a dead giveaway. I quickly brushed some
mascara on to bring out my eyes. I had in-
herited my mothers big brown eyes, and
they saved me in times like this. Actually, I
inherited all of her features, but I always
thought they looked better on her somehow.
Her mouth was this perfect ruby pout that
would break and reveal an amazing smile.
Her eyes looked like jewels, and her hair was
so soft and beautiful that it often caused
people to ask if it was real.
Everyone said we looked exactly alike,
but I always felt like a knock-off. My father
used to tell me that I looked just like her, but
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he stopped saying things like that a long time
ago.
For the past five years, my life had
been anything but normal. I woke up every
morning knowing a monster was lurking in
the house. He looked like my father, but he
smelled like whiskey and anger. He was
short and stocky with the strength of a pit
bull and when he had enough to drink, the
temperament of a grizzly. By senior year it
was clear that I had to get out of there.
When I was younger, I never ima-
gined that I would leave Iowa. I thought Id
marry my high school sweetheart (even be-
fore I had one), live down the street from my
mom and dad with two kids and a dog, and
live my version of their life. Nothing seemed
better. Now, I was halfway across the coun-
try, dragging what I packed from my past
through a strange airport in two over-stuffed
suitcases.
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After making the trip to Florida by
plane, I called a taxi to take me to the
Tiffany's apartment. When the taxi drove in-
to the University Street Apartments, I
glanced out the window where a group of
kids stood. The taxi came to a halt and I paid
the cab driver before getting out of the back
with my bags in hands.
Here goes nothing.
When I found apartment number 205,
I knew it was the right place because
Tiffany's laughing could be heard pouring
out of the open windows. She had a way of
charming everyone she met and her laughter
was a big part of that. She had more zest for
life in one smile than I could usually convey
with my entire body. I had missed her all
summer and couldnt wait to see her. I
knocked and she yelled, Come in!
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I gave the door a gentle push, but it
went flying open as she pulled from the
inside.
Welcome to the Sunshine State, she
said, wrapping me in a hug so tight that I
could barely breathe. Get in here. Lance,
can you get her bags.
Oh, I can
No, he can. Youve been traveling all
day. Sit down and tell me everything that Ive
missed.
Tiff, we talk every day.
Well, let me look at you. She stood
back and twirled her arm in the air, indicat-
ing that I should spin around. Of course, I
did. New haircut, very nice. Your brown
curly locks are gorgeous and go so much bet-
ter with your brown eyes. Im so happy you
arent straightening your hair anymore. And
that nice firm butt and long golden legs.
Youve been working out! The guys here are
going to love you.
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I smiled. Thanks Tiff, but I dont
need to attract any guys.
I know Elana. Im loving the outfit.
She was saying girly-girl things, but I
could tell she was looking at every inch of
available skin. Her eyes settled on my neck.
Fucking bastard. Is that it?
Its the last one. Ever. I nodded in
Lances direction. Lets not talk about that
right now.
Ok, ok. So, whats new?
Oh, I went to Florida for the summer
to take a few classes and met a boy. We fell in
love, and we moved in together. Oh wait,
that wasnt me.
She giggled and put her arms around
Lance as he put my suitcases down next to
the couch. Youre right, that was me! This is
Lance. You might know him as the bellhop at
our fine hotel. Weve reserved a lovely living
room suite for you. She slowly uncoiled her
right arm from her body and directed me
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toward the sofa. Continental breakfast is
available at the donut shop two blocks
away.
Nice to meet you, finally. She talks
about you all the time, said Lance, leaning
down to kiss Tiffany and stuck his hand out,
grabbing mine. He was much taller than
Tiffany and I. He had short black hair, pale
skin, long arms and legs, small button nose,
and dark brown eyes.
You too Lance. She doesnt shut up
about you.
She pushed blonde locks away from
her face and smiled sweetly. She was more
beautiful than I remembered. She had eyes
the color of a summer sky, skin the color of
fresh cream, a slender figure holding full,
lush breasts, a slim flat tummy, wide hips
and long slim legs atop tiny feet. There was
some new spark in her eyes.
Warmth?
Love?
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I really cant thank you both enough.
I need to do something to pitch in. Is there
any place around here where a girl can sell a
kidney?
Dont worry about it. My dads foot-
ing the bill for school, including room and
board, Lance grinned.
Sos mine, said Tiffany. Of course
their idea of room and board arent nearly as
grand as mine, but we make do. Well always
have a couch for you, my dear.
A free couch in Florida beats the hell
out of Iowa any day.
Were gonna have a blast, she said.
The next few days were uneventful.
College parties were raging all over campus,
but I didnt know anyone other than Tiffany
and Lance. Technically, I didnt need to be
invited to go to a party, but Ive never been
outgoing enough to show up alone. Im more
likely to show up with a group and hide in a
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dark corner, checking my phone to determ-
ine how long I have to stay at the party be-
fore I was able to go home.
Considering how little I knew about
Lance, it was pushing it to list him in my
circle of friends. I knew he was from north
Florida, had the hots for my best friend, had
a great sense of humor, and could carry lug-
gage at least twenty feet. Normally, Tiffany
would be the social trailblazer and I could
follow behind her. With Lance taking up
most of her free time, I had to fend for my-
self more than usual.
It was exciting, but it was a bit un-
nerving. I needed to expand my circle of
friends and find a place to live.
Chapter 2
Tiffany and Lance's alarm clock
screamed at me through the wall. I rolled,
still half asleep, and fell to the floor. It was
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kind of them to let me stay rent free, but the
arrangement was killing my sleep schedule
and my back.
I wiped my sleepy eyes and then
pulled myself off the floor and hobbled to the
bathroom only to find the door closed. I
knocked three times without an answer.
Hello! I shouted.
I'm in here taking a shower! Lance
yelled.
My bladder is screaming. I really
need to go. How long?
The doors unlocked. Cmon in. Just
dont pull back the curtain.
No thanks, I said, crossing my legs.
I walked back into the living room,
opened my suitcase, and searched for
something that didnt have that fresh-from-
a-suitcase look. I chose a fitted tank top, as-
suming the wrinkles would disappear when
the stretchy fabric pulled across my skin, and
a pair of shorts. I only had forty-five minutes
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until my first college class started, and I des-
perately needed a bathroom. I could adjust
to the couch, but three students and one
bathroom was not working.
I packed up my books and headed for
Myter Hall. On my way to class the birds
chirped as students walked down the side-
walk. It was a relief knowing that before and
after class I wouldnt have to see my father
like high school. It was really a new
beginning.
I finally reached Myter Hall after a
quarter of an hour. It was a large building on
the south-west side of campus. Walking
through the heavy front doors, I examined
the entire building, from the high walls to
the shallow hallways. I scrambled to find
room 65E in time, hoping to stumble across
a bathroom on the way. When I did, I
checked myself in the mirror - clothes min-
imally wrinkled, hair acceptable, bruise
mostly concealed. Okay for my first day.
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When I finished up in the bathroom I
hurried down the hall and gently opened the
door to room 65E, knowing I was late. The
room was already full of students and the
professor was calling everyones name,
checking them off on a sheet of paper. I tried
to slip unnoticed into a seat near the back
but tripped and fell, scattering my books and
drawing every eye in the room.
Are you okay? a guy asked from be-
hind me.
Yeah, I grunted, embarrassing my-
self in my first class. He reached down and
took hold of my arm, helping me off the
floor. I kept my head down, my hair covering
most of my face, not looking at him or any
other student in the room. I was sure my
cheeks were rosy red by now. I gathered my
books and phone, taking my seat just as the
professor called my name.
Elana Swanson? he called next.
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Here, I said, waving my hand at
him.
Everyone was still staring at me.
Jaxon Culver? the professor asked.
Here, said the helpful guy behind
me.
After the professor was finished
checking off absent students, he moved on to
the lecture. I started jotting down the notes
from the blackboard as he spoke. I heard the
tapping of a pen and turned around. It was
the muscular guy that helped me off the
floor. As I was staring he suddenly jerked his
head to move his hair; it caught the light
showing his brown messy hair. Each thread
fell perfectly, weaving together framing his
tanned face. He tapped his pen quietly on the
desk. I watched his hand which revealed his
fingers that were long but strong looking, his
fingernails pink and smooth, with half-
moons near the cuticles. My eyes wandered
up his tattooed covered arms from his wrist,
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to his strong forearm disappearing into the
sleeve of his fitted, white V-neck T-shirt. The
fabric pulled taught around his biceps, chest,
and abs. I watched his hand as it moved up
to rub some unknown irritant from his eye.
His nose was straight and aquiline, his lips
(his lips!) perfectly formed, parted slightly,
his breath, I imagined, moving in and out in
steady streams of air. Suddenly, he looked up
and I caught a flash of his emerald eyes
framed by tangled lashes before ducking my
head and pretending to take notes. He didnt
look like the typical Iowa boys that I was
used to. Florida was made of gorgeous tattoo
looking models. Well, at least one.
Models are actually real people.
I couldve used his muscles against my
dad when he hit me.
He was causing my thoughts to be
sporadic.
You okay? he asked, snapping me
back to reality.
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Yeah, thanks.
I havent seen you before. You just
starting school?
Yeah, I said, turning back to face the
professor.
Quiet down, everyone! Professor
Jones snapped.
Youre the one yelling, Professor,
Jaxon replied.
Jones narrowed his eyes, Very funny.
Anyone else have something to say?
I slouched in my seat, humiliated by
everyone staring at us. Jones continued his
lecture. When he finished I looked up and
thankfully no one was looking at me
anymore.
Were working in teams on this one.
Choose your partners wisely, he explained
as his class assistant passed the assignment
requirements down each row.
Great, I didn't know anyone in class. I
asked Tiffany to take the class with me, but
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she said she couldn't draw. I clenched the
paper in my hands and scanned the room for
someone else that looked lost and alone. A
hand touched my shoulder. I had a gut feel-
ing it was Jaxon by the strong grip and large
hand.
I turned around, trying to avoid star-
ing at him, Yes?
Want to be my partner? he smiled
suggestively. My art partner, I mean.
I know what you meant.
Great then, how about we setup a
date to get working on this?
Um, I dont know.
Come on, who else are you going to
partner with?
I looked around. Everyone seemed to
have found a partner but him and I. I turned
around again and his eyes were still locked
on me as if they hadnt moved.
Um, I have time on Sunday after-
noon, I said.
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Its a date.
I rolled my eyes before spinning
around, but he kept popping in and out of
my thoughts. Jaxon didnt look like the guys
in Iowa. Back home, that many tattoos on a
body like that would be a sign of real trouble.
But here, on him, it was like looking at a
marble statue with a mural painted on it. Of
course, none of that mattered.
Coming to Florida was my chance to
start over. I had promised myself that I
wouldnt fall into the college traps of boy-
friends, drama and partying. At home, there
had been enough drama and drinking to last
a lifetime and this was no time for me to
think about a boyfriend.
Right before moving, my high school
boyfriend, Cole, broke up with me. He wasnt
interested in a long distance relationship. It
was heartbreaking at first, but it got easier
every day. Regardless, everybody knows that
rebounds never work. It was time to keep
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myself focused on school, not guys. If I got
good grades I would have a chance at a
scholarship which I needed more than ever.
Hey Jax, a girl squealed behind me.
How's it going? You could hear sex drip-
ping off every syllable.
It's going good, Amber. Im trying to
listen, he responded, sounding annoyed.
You never called me, Amber said.
Seriously, Amber, he said under his
breath.
Out of the corner of my eye, I caught
sight of her dyed blonde hair, short jean
shorts, and a tank top so small it could barely
contain one of her breasts, never mind both
of them. She screamed desperate. She
reached out to caress his arm.
Jax, please, she begged.
Nothing the professor was saying was
as interesting as trying to figure out who she
was and how annoyed it was causing Jaxon
to get. Was it his girlfriend? An ex? A one
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night stand? More importantly, why was I
even interested? Concentrate on school.
Thats it for today, the professor
said, dismissing us.
Thank goodness.
I hurried out of my seat, grabbing my
things and shoving them in my backpack.
Maybe if nobody saw me in that seat, they
would forget that I was the one who made
the crashing entrance.
Where you headed? Jaxon called.
Things to do. Places to go, I replied,
without looking back at him.
See you Sunday.
I looked over my shoulder. Yeah,
Sunday.
The blonde glared at me and leaned
toward him, Have a new girlfriend Jax?
Before I could hear his response I
opened the door and it shut behind me.
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I rushed through the hallway, hearing
the echo of my shoe squeak against the floor.
I was hurrying to my next class. When I
opened the building door a gust of wind blew
in my face. I wiped the threads of hair from
my forehead still walking as fast as possible.
I cut down a dirt path, trying to avoid any
drama between the hot guy and the desper-
ate girl that were snapping at each other be-
hind me. I should never have agreed to be his
partner. Dirt crunched on the path behind
me and I picked up my pace. It got louder
and louder until a familiar hand tapped my
shoulder.
Not again.
I looked over holding my book tightly
against my chest. Just Jaxon and no Amber,
yes! You shouldnt sneak up on a woman
like that, I said with a smile.
No boys, no drama.
I repeated it to myself like a mantra.
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What? Were you thinking about pep-
per spraying me? he asked, grinning back at
me.
I laughed in a way that was even an-
noying to me, embarrassing. You never
know.
Youre the dangerous kind.
Sure Jaxon, but Ive really gotta
hurry or Ill be late for my next class. I was
relieved to see his eyes hidden behind dark
sunglasses.
Arent you forgetting something? he
asked.
I dont think so.
Your number. He pulled up his
sunglasses, revealing eyes as rich as velvet.
Something in my heart stalled before kicking
into high gear. For Sunday. The art project,
he said.
Oh, right. Let me find something to
write it on. I dug through my purse and
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tried to avoid looking at him. I did not want
to be THAT girl. No woman ever does.
Do you want to go to a party with me
on Friday? he asked.
I almost forgot my phone number as
the question ran through my head. I paused
to collect myself and then finished writing
mine down. I placed my pen back in my
purse and folded the paper.
Um, no. I cant, I said, handing him
my number. We better stick to art.
Come on, he urged, holding my
hand for longer than it takes to grab a piece
of paper. Its what college is all about.
I really cant.
Can and will. You know you want to.
He smiled like a guy who was used to getting
his way.
No, really, I cant.
I started walking again and hoped he
wouldnt follow but he did.
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Cmon. You need to meet some
people anyway. What if you need a partner in
a class and Im not there? You know Im
right.
Fine, if youll let me go to class right
now, Ill go to the party, I sighed.
On the inside, I was thrilled to be
asked - too thrilled. I couldnt help but think
he was probably looking for a one-night
stand. I had heard stories about college guys
especially the good looking ones. If Amber
was any indication, he enjoyed more than a
few.
I'll be looking forward to it, he said
in a low voice, running his hand down my
back as he walked away. Ill text you the dir-
ections. Hopefully Tiffany and Lance were
up to going to a party.
Chapter 3
26/447
When I reached the apartment park-
ing lot my phone buzzed. Realizing it was a
new text message I walked into the apart-
ment and Tiffany and Lance were sprawled
out on the flower print couch.
Taking over my bed I see.
Do you need a nap? she asked
jokingly.
No, but I do need someone to go a
party with me, I said smiling.
Elana wants to go to a party?
Someone get my phone. Ive gotta record this
day in my calendar, Tiffany teased.
What brought on this sudden need
for fun? Is it a boy? she asked, nuzzling
Lances neck.
They were like the overly happy
couples from ads for dating websites. I
couldnt decide if I felt sick or jealous. A guy
mentioned it to me, but I realized its time to
make some friends. Enjoy a little bit of col-
lege life.
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Thats Elana-code for I met a hot
guy, Tiffany smiled.
Shut up!
You know its true!
Ugh, do you two want to go or not?
Otherwise, Im going to message him that I
cant go.
I hoped they would say no.
Of course well go. Right Tiff? Lance
asked.
Right, but well have to skip the
mansion.
Thats fine.
Great.
Whats the mansion?
A rich guy who has kick ass parties!
The beer was free, an easy way to attract stu-
dents. Do you know where the party is at?
Well this is my first party.
Dont worry about that. Well be
there for you. Thats the kind of friends we
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are. Well party with you through thick and
thin, Lance said, kissing Tiff.
We walked down University Avenue
toward the party and all I could think about
was Jaxon. The muscles, the tattoos, and the
warm feeling that washed over me when he
touched my back. I needed a distraction.
How many people go to these
parties? I asked, feeling uneasy at the
thought of being around a bunch of people I
didn't know. Parties were never really my
thing. Alcohol and crowds were not my idea
of a good time. It was probably why I never
hung out with the cool kids in high school. I
never thought twice about it because I had
bigger issues.
Hundreds or even a thousand,
Lance said, wrapping his arm around
Tiffany.
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My palms began to sweat. Does
everyone get trashed?
Elana, don't worry about it. We'll be
with you, so you don't get carried off by some
random dude, Tiffany laughed.
You know I'm not that kind of girl.
Well, keep it that way. This isnt the
kind of place to find Mr. Right or even Mr.
Right-now, Lance smirked.
Im not looking for Mr. Anything, but
it would be nice to meet some new people.
You know, so I could have some friends that
didnt think every day was Valentines Day.
If we cant be the annoying couple in
your life, what good are we, Tiffany joked.
Seriously, be careful. Dont drink anything
anyone hands you. Maybe dont drink any-
thing at all. Its always fun, but you cant be
too cautious at an event like this.
Thats the worse endorsement for a
party Ive ever heard.
Well be there, Lance added.
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I guess that makes up for it.
My phone started buzzing with text
alerts.
Is that your hot party date? Tiffany
teased.
No, its Cole again. Ill have to deal
with it later. Why hes so interested all of the
sudden is beyond me.
And Cole is? Lance asked.
High school boyfriend. Very cute.
Very stable. Very Iowa, Tiffany responded.
He broke up with me right before I
left, but he seems to be having a change of
heart. He suddenly wants to talk to me. I
shoved the phone in my pocket, putting it
out of my mind.
Youre not going to call him Elana?
Come on! Dont hold grudges.
I just dont want to deal with it now.
We walked in silence the rest of the
way. When we reached the road that ran in
31/447
front of the mansions gated yard, there was a
man taking five dollars from everyone that
entered.
"Five dollars please," the cash collect-
or said. He was a short and skinny African
American man, who held his arms out from
his body, tough guy.
After he took our money, he stamped
the letters URL on our hands. Making our
way through the gate, I looked down the
driveway and saw a gorgeous three-story
mansion. Lights attached to the outside lit up
every inch of the building and the grounds.
Students gathered in clusters all over the
lawn.
What's that URL stand for? I asked,
looking down at my hand, tracing the letters
with my finger.
Tiffany and Lance both looked at each
other.
You don't know? she said.
Uh, no. How would I know?
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Im sorry, Elana. I thought you
knew.
Uh, knew what? I replied,
nervously.
Underground Racing League, the
whole party centers around the race, Lance
said, clearing his throat. They go on at col-
leges around Florida, and the winners meet
here to race each other. The guy that owns
this place runs the league. Hes a former
champion driver. The guy who invited you
didnt mention this?
I stopped in my tracks. Before my
mom got sick, my father raced all the time.
My mom and I would spend the day outside,
watching my dad, cheering for him. After he
won, hed rush over to my mother and pick
her up, spinning her around and kissing her.
It was as if he did the whole thing for an ex-
cuse to triumphantly embrace her. She
would beam at him, her green eyes sparkling,
and chestnut hair flying through the air.
33/447
When I was younger, hed carry me on his
shoulder when he went to get his trophy. It
was perfect. Perfect enough that it hurt to be
reminded of it.
What's wrong? Tiffany asked, rub-
bing my shoulder.
I don't think I want to go, I said.
You don't have to watch the race,
Elana. There's a pool, music, dancing, and
everything else you could want, she said.
Theres no reason to be scared. This
guys been running the league for years now.
Nobody ever gets hurt, Lance said. Its
fun.
I really dont like racing. Its a waste
of fossil fuel. I muttered, trying to come up
with any reason to avoid it.
Well, if you dont want to watch the
race, we can go inside. Theres usually a great
local band. I bet theyd love to loan you a
microphone.
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Whats this? Our little couch surfer is
a secret band chick? Lance said.
No, its not like that. I used to sing
with my mom sometimes. She was the real
singer. I was like back-up. Torn between
singing and watching a race was not how I
envisioned my get-me-away-from-my-past
college experience. Lets watch the race. Itll
be fine, I said still trying to convince myself.
I didn't want to be a party pooper as
Tiffany had called me so many times. It was
an inner battle that I fought too many times.
In high school I couldn't even watch races,
which was one of the most popular things to
do on the weekends in Iowa. People lived
and breathed racing but I couldn't have any
part of it. Too many memories that made me
think of my mom.
Are you sure, Elana?
She said she wants to. Lets get going.
It starts in less than five minutes, Lance
35/447
shouted, pulling Tiffany through the crowd
and me with her.
Other kids ran by us in a hurry, shout-
ing to each other over the noise. I heard Jax-
ons name floating through the crowd and
when I looked to see where he was I couldnt
find him anywhere. It must have been
someone else.
You coming? Tiffany shouted, tug-
ging my wrist.
When we reached the mansion a
group of college students were standing in a
huge circle, shouting and hollering. By the
sound of the names being yelled back and
forth, and arms flailing about I knew the
races were about to start.
Lance let go of her arm and pushed to
the front of the crowd. She let go of my wrist
to follow after him, so I picked up the pace.
We managed to get a good view of the start-
ing line. So close that we could feel the
36/447
vibrations as the drivers revved their power-
ful engines.
There was still time to walk away, but
something made me stay. I couldnt start a
new phase of my life by running away from
anything that reminded me of the past. If
this was college life, I needed to embrace it.
The sharp bleating sound cut through
the humid air. In the middle of a swarm of
kids stood an older guy holding a bull horn
in one hand and an air horn in the other.
Everyone ready for the quarterfi-
nals? he shouted, blowing the air horn.
Hollering roared from the crowd as he swung
his arms through the air. These are gonna
be the best races you see all fucking year! I'm
Jim Davis and I run this show! If you've been
here before, you know the rules! If not, then
listen up. Stay outside the chalk outlined
track. Don't touch the drivers or cars. That
includes you too, girls!
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I looked down at the white line where
the two muscle cars sat, nervously gripping
Tiffany's arm as she took hold of Lance. We
were surrounded by a herd of girls who
looked like they belonged in a Victorias
Secret catalog, not at a race. They were
screaming one name over and over: Jaxon.
What the hell?
My thoughts were immediately halted
by the buzzer. But upon closer inspection,
there was absolutely no question. Jaxon was
behind the wheel of one of the cars. I could
see his art covered arms gripping the wheel.
He's the only undefeated driver; let's
hear it for Jaaaaxon! Jim yelled.
Jaxon raced muscle cars? If this was a
sign from the universe, it was clearly telling
me to avoid him.
Inviting me to a party to watch him
race was a cheap way to show off. Florida
was turning out to be more like Iowa all the
time. In high school, guys showed off with
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their cars and the sports they played, even if
they weren't good. Apparently guys didnt
change because the location changed. Unfor-
tunately for Jaxon, he didnt impress me at
all.
His opponent is none other than the
beast from the big east, Dallas! Jim
shouted. When I blow this horn twice, the
race starts. Are you fucking ready?
The crowd of kids hollered over the
engines.
Then the guys revved their engines
again and the crowd roared even louder. I
squeezed Tiffanys arm, wondering why I
agreed to watch.
The horn blared twice.
Car tires squealed and spun, flinging
dirt into the air, hiding the cars behind a
cloud of dust. It was easier to listen to the
race than see it. The engine noise became
quieter as they got farther away from us. As
the smoke dissipated, we could see break
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lights on both cars and it looked like they
were only inches apart. The crowd went wild
at the finish line, but it was impossible to
hear which name they were shouting.
Who won? I shouted.
I dont know! Well find out when
they get back! Tiffany yelled back.
The cars turned around and moments
later the drivers made their way back to the
starting line. The engines echoed against the
buildings that were surrounding us. They
parked and the engines went silent. Both
guys were yelling as they pulled themselves
through there open windows. They both
looked angry as they took off their helmets
and got out of their cars. There were
scratches going down the side of each car
and you could tell that they traded paint.
Wow.
Jaxon stood, looking at his car; Dallas
charged over to him shouting, You fucking
cheated!
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He brought his fist up and swung at
Jaxon. He avoided the blow and pushed Dal-
las back. Being better than you isnt cheat-
ing, asshole.
I hid my face behind Tiffany. Violence
wasnt fun or exciting to me. But it was al-
most impossible not to watch Jaxon. Every
muscle in his arms appeared to be flexed. I
could hear him breathing from thirty feet
away, like a bull facing off with a toreador.
Dallas came at him again. Jaxon used
his left hand to block the punch and gave
him a right hook to the jaw. Dallas stumbled
back, but it was clear that Jaxon wasnt back-
ing down. He rammed his knee into Dallas'
side, knocking him to the ground. Dallas
clutched his ribs while Jaxon lit into his face.
Blood started to stream down Dallas' face
falling to his knees. Jaxon didn't stop as his
knee made contact with Dallas' face over and
over. Dallas fell back with his legs under-
neath him.
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"Come on you fucking puss!" Jaxon
shouted, banging his bloody hand to his
chest before raising it in the air. The volume
exploded even higher. The winner of the
race, Jim said, pausing to look down at Dal-
las, and fight is none other than Jaaaaxon!
How many times do you need to lose
to me in one night? Jaxon shouted. Turning
to the crowd, he raised his fists in the air in a
show of victory.
Chapter 4
Lance walked over to Jaxons car and
seemed to be examining it. Is that safe, Tiff?
One of those guys just gave the other a seri-
ous beating.
What? Lance? Yeah, hes
Interrupting her, I said, I really want
to get out of here and can find my way back
to the apartment. You two stay and have
fun.
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You know thats not gonna happen.
Whats wrong?
What do you think Tiff? Fighting.
Racing.
So it did make you uncomfortable?
Wait here Elana.
She ran over to Lance and said
something before kissing him, prompting a
round of whistles and catcalls from the
crowd. She whispered in his ear before she
came back over to me, taking my arm and
walking away from the party.
Hell be home later. We need some
girl time anyway.
Are you sure?
Yeah, weve spent enough time to-
gether. Lets go, she said, wrapping her arm
around me.
I didnt say much on the walk home,
and Tiffany knew enough to give me quiet
time. Jaxon was tall and built like a model.
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He didnt look anything like my stocky fath-
er, but I saw my father get out of the car after
the race. I saw my mother run over to him
wearing a white eyelet sundress, her dark
ponytail swaying with each step. I saw my
father reach down and pick me up. He car-
ried a younger me resting on his hip with one
arm and the other arm around my mothers
waist. The sun was so bright and the sky so
blue that it looked like a cartoon. They
walked past me into their perfect Saturday
afternoon and I could smell my mothers
perfume on the breeze. When the fighting
started, the whole scene disappeared in an
instant.
You okay? She kept her arm around
my shoulders and gave me a hug.
Ill be fine. Its just been a busy
week.
Thinking about your dad?
My mom and dad. Remember how
they were?
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They were the best. The absolute best
Elana.
I leaned into her as we went up the
stairs and let tears fall down my face. It was
the first time since leaving home I had cried,
and it was overdue.
Tiffany and I watched television until
Lance got home an hour later. I fell asleep
after a quick shower on the living room
couch. It was my bed for now and secretly
wished a dorm room opened up as soon as
possible.
About two hours later, a loud knock-
ing on the other side of the wall woke me up
- Tiffany and Lance did not grasp the concept
of sound traveling through walls very well. I
sat up on the couch waiting for the noises to
stop. They didnt. The bed crashed against
the wall even louder and it was followed by a
loud knocking at the front door. I turned on
the light and wiped some dried tears from
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under my eyes, trying to figure out what to
do. Should I interrupt the love birds or risk
answering the door alone in the middle of
the night?
What the hell, Lance rushed out of
the bedroom wrapped in a sheet. I shrugged.
Lance! Let me in, buddy. Time to
celebrate.
He opened the door and Jaxon
stumbled into the apartment. Did ya see
that, man? Crushed it. That Dallas is a fuck-
ing asshole. I owned that sonofabitch!
I know, brother. You nailed it.
After Jaxon finally made it to the cen-
ter of the living room, his eyes went wide
when he looked over at me on the couch.
Tiffany emerged from the bedroom, hair
tousled, wearing an oversized t-shirt.
Whoa, Lance, check out your harem,
Jaxon said, smirking.
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Very funny, Jax, Tiffany chided.
You realize some people sleep at night,
right?
Sorry, babe, adrenaline does crazy
things to me. Besides, I had to come find my
date. He nodded at me and Tiffany shot me
a confused look.
What is he talking about, Elana?
Please, please tell me this is not who you
were meeting at the party. She crossed her
arms and started to tap her foot. Since we
were little kids, she did that when she wasnt
pleased with me.
Well, yes, in a way. I mean, he in-
vited me to a party, but I didnt realize it was
so I could be his cheerleader for the night. I
glared at him. He was still sexy as hell, but I
wasnt drawn to him for any other reason at
that moment. I wanted to push him out the
door and right off the balcony but that
wouldve brought me down to his level.
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Whoa, hold on there, art girl. I was
just trying to introduce you to some people.
No reason to get so uppity.
You know her? Lance asked.
Yeah, she was supposed to be my
date tonight.
Anything but, I responded, getting
up from the couch and stomping into the kit-
chen. I'm just his art partner! There havent
been and there will be no dates. I swear!
I leaned over and pressed my face
onto my hands that were resting on the
counter. I could hear chatter between the
three of them coming from the living room.
A couple of minutes later, a hand was rub-
bing the middle of my back in a circular
motion.
You okay? Tiffany asked.
I looked up at her. Thank god it's just
you, I sighed. Whats he doing here?
Hes been Lances best friend since
they were young, just like you and me.
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I groaned. Great. Just great. Is he
leaving any time soon?
I barely got the question out when
Jaxon trudged into the kitchen. So, you
stood me up, and now youre mad at me.
Youve got some set of balls on you. He
laughed and reached out a hand, Lets try
again. Friends?
I stood up, turned towards him, and
took a moment in my mind to question if he
was sincere or not. I was too tired and emo-
tionally drained from the racing and fight to
argue. I stuck my hand out and shook his.
Friends, but nothing else. I wont be show-
ing up to be part of your cheer squad
anymore.
Who could mistake you for the mem-
ber of that squad? Im sorry. Really.
Hes not nearly as awful as he
seems, Lance said. Ive known him forever
and I only hate him a little.
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They all laughed. Ive only known
him for a few months, so Ill keep my mouth
shut, Tiffany added. She tossed me a side-
ways look that said, stay away from this one.
I seriously had no idea you were the
couch surfing friend Lance mentioned. I
would have offered you a bed much sooner.
No one responded. As we walked back
into the living room I tried to think of a
comeback and pushed my blanket aside so
people could sit.
I think your bed has all the occupants
it can handle, I said grinning.
Bam! Notch one up for me.
Probably not, Lance said. He never
uses his own bed.
Thanks for the help, bro. Ill remem-
ber that. He looked around the room, eyeing
my suitcases shoved in a corner. Seriously, I
have a lot of space compared to this. Im
barely ever home so you can stay there if you
want.
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Im sure university housing will find
me a dorm room soon. Its their mistake so
they can fix it.
Do you seriously want to listen to
those two bump uglies. Tiffany glared at
him. Ive been on that couch at night before
Elana. Those sounds arent pleasant. Until
they do, youre the one paying for it.
I laughed. Shut up! Tiffany said
loudly.
Actually, Im not paying for it. Im a
freeloader. If youre looking for extra cash,
Im not your girl.
He laughed. Well played, but I dont
need any cash. Im trying to be nice. I am
capable of that you know; Lance knows.
Nicest guy Ive ever met, Lance
replied. Tiffany kept quiet.
Regardless, Im fine here unless the
innkeepers are kicking me out, I said, glan-
cing over at Tiffany.
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Not a chance, said Tiffany, shaking
her head side to side.
They may not be kicking you out, but
I bet youd like your own bed and a closet for
those clothes. Oh, and Ive lived with Lance. I
dont envy you fighting him for bathroom
time. And did I mention the sounds at
night?
You did Bathroom time has been a
bit of a hassle, I sighed. Still, I dont even
know you Jaxon.
Well, I promise not to try anything if
that helps. Lance will vouch for me.
I looked at Tiff and Lance. They would
never say it, but it was probably just as hard
for them to share one bathroom with me as it
was for me to share it with them. The couch
wasnt even close to comfortable. And the
constant sounds of two college students in
love were uncomfortably distracting. Jaxon
was right about that.
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Shes considering it, Jaxon prodded.
Look, youre practically my sister-in-law or
something with the way these two have been
going. Ill be on my best behavior. Scouts
fucking honor, he said, raising his hand,
and Im just down the block. You can call
these two any time you need to be rescued.
Just leave her alone, Jaxon! Tiffany
scolded. You're a total player. Lance knows
it; I know it. I don't need you trying to pollin-
ate my innocent Iowan flower.
She tried to smile, but you could see
the mama bear protectiveness in her eyes.
Jaxon needed to hear it. I needed to hear it.
My desire to push him off the balcony was
wearing off and I started to think about
pushing him onto the couch instead. Why
was it so easy to be attracted to the smooth
talking and cocky bad boys? Maybe it was
because he was giving me attention. So-
mething I had never received from any guy
so hot.
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I hated watching him - or anyone -
race, let alone fight, but behind the disgust, I
could feel lust stirring. It was annoying.
First, I was the fawning coed, and now I was
the girl turned on by the bad boy. This night
was one clich after another.
He threw his hands in the air. I'm not
going to try anything, Tiffany, geez. If I mess
with her, youll be seriously pissed at me. If
youre pissed at me, you wont let Lance
come out to play. I know how relationships
work; Ive seen them on TV. He laughed and
Lance couldnt help but chuckle, too.
Its Elanas choice, guys. But I trust
Jaxon. He wouldnt hurt anyone that I care
about, Lance said. Looking directly at Jax-
on, he added, And I care about anyone
Tiffany cares about, got it?
Maybe it wouldnt be so bad. I could
give you back your privacy and get some real
sleep.
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Tiffany stood up and pulled me after
her, Kitchen. Now.
As I followed Tiffany into the kitchen I
looked over my shoulder at Jaxon. He raised
his eyebrows. When I turned my head to-
wards Tiffany she was leaning against the
counter and crossing her arms.
Look, youve been through a lot, she
said. I dont think you need this kind of
drama. Hes just a huge player
I'm on my guard Tiff. After seeing
him race I have no intention of letting any-
thing happen. Ive seen the type of girls he
hooks up with. Besides, Im taking school
seriously. This is my Get Out of Hell Free
card after the last five years. Im not going to
get mixed up with some tattooed, bad boy,
sex addict. But that doesnt mean that I cant
take advantage of his barely used apartment
for a few days. I really need some sleep to
keep up with schoolwork and find a job.
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Tiffany looked skeptical. Her eye-
brows were raised and her eyes were intense.
Dont you think at least some of those girls
tried to resist him? Its like hes genetically
engineered to make you take off your
panties. Hell, I love Lance more than your
average rom-com character, but even I get a
little flustered around Jaxon. And I KNOW
better!
Ive had to survive worse things than
a strong libido.
We laughed. I know you have. Im
sorry. I just want to protect you.
Thats fine. You can still protect me
when Im staying there.
Yeah, from everything but him.
Jaxon stepped into the doorway with
his hands in his pockets. So, whats the de-
cision, ladies? he asked.
You promise not to try anything?
Tiffany said.
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Of course, cross my heart, whats left
of it, he grinned at me.
Some of his lame lines made it a little
easier to resist his other charming qualities.
And you promise I wont catch any-
thing from your high traffic bed? I asked,
voicing one of my major concerns.
I told you, I rarely use it. When I do,
Im always alone. Think of it as my Fortress
of Solitude.
Alright, Ill grab my stuff so we can
go.
Tiffany was still staring at him.
Elana, text me when you get there. I want to
know that you are safe and sound before I go
to sleep. Jaxon, dont do anything. Im warn-
ing you.
Tiff, its college. Theres a whole lotta
ass that doesnt come with an angry momma
bear attached. Ill leave your cub alone.
Nice to know Jax.
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After I grabbed my bags I strode to
the open door behind Jaxon. Before I could
step outside Tiffany grabbed my shoulder.
"Just remember he has issues," she
sighed.
"Tiffany, I have plenty of issues my-
self. Maybe we can relate to each other and
can help each other through our issues. To-
gether. You don't have to worry about me
with him."
"But I do. I worry about you with any
guy."
"I know you do and that's why you're
my best friend. I'll make sure to check in
with you so you know nothing is wrong."
"Okay, but if I don't hear from you I
will march over there and find you. Deal?"
she said loudly.
"It's a deal"
Chapter 5
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Looks like a nice place, I said as we
pulled into the parking lot of a brand-new
building. We were only about a block away
from Tiffany and Lances apartment, but
everything looked different. The sign said
University Beach apartments, but the beach
was almost an hour away.
Jaxon carried my bags. After a week
of uncomfortable, unsatisfying sleep, I had
no energy to mount a protest. My body was
too tired to even drag the wheeled suitcase
and it was the least he could do after inviting
me to cheer for him at the party.
Thanks, I could afford better, but I'd
have to move all my crap. I'm not in the
mood for that, he said, dragging my bag
onto the elevator.
Anything with an actual bed sounds
great to me.
I had no idea what to expect from a
single guys apartment but imagined the
scene of some college comedy, beer bottles
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on the floor, old pizza boxes stacked in a
corner. I was almost afraid to look, let alone
smell. Stepping inside, I was overwhelmed
by how neat and fresh it seemed. His apart-
ment had the building version of new-car
smell.
I loved it.
This place is a lot better than Lance
and Tiffany's, I said, dropping my purse on
the floor next to the leather couch.
The living room was a rectangle and
the leather couch was up against the wall
right in the middle. In front of it was a flat
screen television mounted to the wall. Where
a dining table might go, he had a desk and
chair forming a makeshift office. There was a
low coffee table in front of the couch and
leather and iron bar stools at the kitchen
counter. There was a lot of unused space,
and he didnt have a single picture on the
walls. It wasnt the dirty frat house of my
imagination, but it wasnt cozy.
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I tried to get them to get a two bed-
room apartment and room with me, but they
wanted to live alone, he said. They wanted
privacy more than comfort. Thats part of
why I offered to let you stay here. Those two
can barely keep their hands off each other
long enough to eat dinner. Im sure it wasnt
all that comfortable for you living with them
or for them to have you on the other side of
their bedroom wall.
Their place isnt bad, but that bed-
room wall must be made out of empty cereal
boxes or something.
Welcome to the high life, he said,
flashing his annoyingly sexy grin.
I rolled my eyes at him and walked in-
to the kitchen. It had marble countertops,
stainless steel appliances, dark wood floors,
and a television in the corner above the
toaster. It was a lot more polished than I ex-
pected. Between the tattoos and the
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desperate girls, I expected something tackier
- with beer signs and swimsuit calendars.
Help yourself to anything in the
fridge or my pants.
What? I shouted.
My heart sped up.
Im kidding about my pants Toots,
he said smiling. But anything you can find
to eat or drink is yours. Do you want
something?
Not right now, thanks.
He was just joking.
He was just joking.
He was just joking
My heart slowed.
And Toots? Whered that come
from?
Well, youre my Toots now that
youre living with me.
Seriously?
Damn right, he said pausing, but
when I didnt say anything he continued,
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The sheets and comforter on the bed are all
clean. I haven't slept in it since I washed
them, he said, leaning against the wood
trim on the kitchen doorway.
Okay, I replied, wondering how long
it had been.
I'm usually not here at night but if I
am, he raised his eyebrows twice and
winked at me.
Subtlety was not his strong suit, and
two come-ons in two minutes wasnt a great
start.
You'll be sleeping on the couch be-
cause we're just roommates, I said. We had
that all worked out before we hauled my stuff
over here.
Admit it; youd be sad if I didnt even
try. Looking off in the distance, he said, All
joking aside, I can sleep here every night if
you need me to.
Was he seriously concerned about
me?
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I didn't know.
But it was nice to have someone other
than Tiffany act like they cared about my
well-being, even if he was coming on to me.
It doesn't matter, I lied. Part of me
wished he would curl up every night on the
couch like a faithful dog. I hated to be home
alone. There were times after my dad started
to drink when being alone was safer, but it
still made me uneasy.
Most nights, I got my homework done
early, so I could sprint to my bed, pretending
to be asleep when I heard the garage door.
He usually passed out in his chair with my
moms picture on the table beside him. On
bad nights, hed sit there, staring at the wall,
listening to a tape of her covering sappy love
songs. Listening to her sing made me sad
and depressed, but it made him sad and
angry. Those were the nights when alone was
safer than together.
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Until that moment, I hadnt thought
about how safe it felt being on that old couch
with Tiffany and Lance in the next room. It
made me feel uneasy. I hoped this choice
didnt come back to bite me.
How about I make sure you're okay
for the first week. Wouldn't want anything to
happen to you, he said, yanking his shirt
over his head and chucking it in the hallway
hamper.
Thats the moment when I learned
how many muscles make up the torso. It
would be impressive in a magazine, but in
real life, it was positively magnificent. He
had full sleeve tattoos on both of his arms
that merged into a large tribal tattoo on his
back and chest. Every muscle was perfectly
sculpted; an artist could not have created
anything more beautiful.
I tried to stop myself from looking.
I couldn't.
I stared.
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He had the body of an Adonis and the
ink only enhanced it. I always had a secret
attraction to tattoos, but most of the tattooed
guys I met in Iowa had beer bellies and
chewed tobacco. On their best days, they
werent even a fraction as hot. I did not want
to be attracted to him. He was an egotistical
womanizer according to Tiffany, but my
mind wasnt in full control of my libido.
I melted.
You okay? he asked, cocking an eye-
brow. Im still waiting for an answer.
No. No, it's fine, I muttered. Its all I
could say because of distraction that stood in
front of me.
Okay, youre on your own, Toots. If
you change your mind, let me know. I'm go-
ing out for a drink, he said, pulling his jeans
to his ankles and kicking them into the
hamper. Dont wait up, unless you want
more than a peek.
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I stared at him only in his boxers. I
wanted to look away and knew I should. It
wasnt possible. Didn't you drink earlier at
the party? I asked, concerned.
Lifes a party, Toots. he dropped his
boxers to the floor and strode to the
bathroom.
Bare assBare ass
The door slammed shut.
I collapsed onto the couch and stared
at the blank TV screen, thinking about what I
just saw. Obviously, modesty was not an is-
sue for him. Then again, if I looked that
good, Id probably be naked every second of
every day. Before he closed the door, I had a
perfect view of his backside.
And what an ass it was.
If he had turned around and given me
a full view, I might have forgotten all about
my no boys, no drama rule. It was difficult
not to picture him in the showernaked,
with warm water streaming over every inch
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of his skin, muscles flexing as he rubbed
soap across his chest. I thought about knock-
ing on the door and asking if he needed a
hand washing his back.
The sound of the shower turning off
put an end to my daydream. I heard the
bathroom door open and thumps down the
hall that stopped when he was in the bed-
room. He reappeared in the living room mo-
ments later wearing a fitted white V-neck,
well-worn boot cut jeans, and brown work
boots that matched his belt. Seeing that he
looked as good in clothes as he did naked did
not strengthen my resolve.
I started to judge those one-night
stand girls a little less harshly.
He came over and wrapped his arm
around me.
It's going to be great having you here,
Toots.
A mixture of cologne, body wash,
shampoo, and deodorant filled my nostrils,
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and I couldn't help pushing my face into his
shoulder, inhaling deeply. His scent was in-
toxicating and guys who smell great are one
of my weaknessesright up there with sculp-
ted biceps and body art.
I had too many weaknesses.
You know we're not going to hook
up, I said, pushing away. I was telling my-
self as much as I was reminding him.
Friends and nothing more.
Jaxon nodded with a grin, Friends,
gotcha. That's the plan. No need to keep re-
minding me.
By the look on his face, I knew the
wheels in his brain were turning. He knew a
lot more ways to seduce me than I did to re-
ject him. He had the advantage of experi-
ence, but he seemed to push those thoughts
aside.
Youve got nothing to worry about.
Its college, Toots. The streets are filled with
coeds eager for sex, and I am not one to
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disappoint. Anyway, you dont strike me as
the type to enjoy casual sex, and Im not the
type to enjoy commitment. We are a perfect
match as roommates, but wed be a mess as
anything else. He kissed me on the forehead
like you kiss a little kid or a puppy. Ill re-
spect your boundaries . . . mostly.
The statement snapped me out of my
cologne stupor and brought me back to real-
ity. The negative things Id heard about him
and had seenfighting, drinking, and sleep-
ing with everything in a skirtcame back to
me. I vowed not to indulge the fantasy. It
was one thing to admire his body; it was an-
other thing to get caught up in his nonsense.
I want none of that, I said, looking
up. The sex, I mean.
Jaxon seemed unfazed by my declara-
tion. You say that now, but down the road
you may have a completely different an-
swer, he said, without a hint of coyness.
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People say the heart wants what it wants,
but the libido wants what it wants, too.
I glared at him.
This was going to be a long semester.
Chapter 6
After Jaxon left, I wandered into the
kitchen, looking for a late-night snack, so at
least one of my appetites could be satisfied.
There was a recycling bin in the corner filled
with beer bottles. Jaxon obviously drank a
lot. It was possible that he didnt empty it
very often, but it was also possible that he
drank every night. If that was the case, I was
worried about him.
Tiffany was right to warn me not to
fall for him. The last thing I needed to add to
my college experience was a guy who loved
to drink and knew how to throw a punch.
I needed my own place.
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If the university couldnt find me a
dorm room, then I needed to find a job and
earn rent money.
In my hometown, I worked as a wait-
ress at a diner. It wasnt fun, but my dad
wouldnt give me money. The more he drank,
the less I tried to interact with him. If I
wanted clothes, lunch money, a car, gas, or
anything else, I paid for it. The best money I
spent was for my plane ticket to Florida.
Tiffany told me to make him pay for the tick-
et and school, but that wasnt an option. He
wouldve never agreed. It felt good to take
care of myself though. In the long run I knew
I would be able to take care of myself. Even if
he wouldve offered to pay I wouldnt accept.
He wielded enough control after my mom
died; I wasnt looking to give him any more.
Granted, this wasnt an ideal living
situation, but I had a free place to stay with a
bed until I found something else. It was time
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to get settled in and catch-up on a weeks
worth of sleep.
I lugged my bags into his bedroom He
had two dressers, one tall and one short. The
shorter one had a large attached mirror that
faced the bed. There was nothing on either
dresserno pictures, no loose change, noth-
ing. The room was spotless, not even a stray
dirty sock on the floor, and the bedside table
only had a lamp on it. Since the rest of his
place was cleaner than an empty hotel room,
I had expected some signs of life in here.
Looking for a place to put my clothes
was a valid excuse to do a little snooping. I
opened the drawers of the tall dresser, find-
ing them packed with perfectly folded
clothes. The shorter dresser was empty, so I
put my stuff in there. I hung a few dresses in
the closet on spare hangers and noticed that
his shirts and pants were arranged by color
and type. None of this was what I imagined
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after meeting him. Only his nightstand con-
tents met my expectations. The drawer was
filled with condoms.
Typical.
Making sure everything looked undis-
turbed; I grabbed shorts and a tank top and
headed to the bathroom. As I undressed my
phone chirped with a text message alert from
Cole.
Hope everythings going well. Miss U.
Call soon.
Sighing, I turned the phone to vibrate
and started the shower. When the water was
warm enough I stepped in.
Ever since I was old enough to take
them, I had loved showers. Everything about
them is comfortingthe warm water, the
privacy, the white noise blocking out the
world.
My parents were the same way. In my
house, nobody knocked on bathroom doors.
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Once you shut the door, you might as well
have left the house. As soon as I was old
enough to clean myself, my mother let me
be. It was my first step toward being a
grown-up and it was glorious. Id stay in
there so long the whole room would fill with
steam, dew covering the counter and tiles
long after I finished. Later, even on my fath-
ers worst days, he didnt bother me in the
bathroom. Not one cuss word or banging fist
breached that sanctuary.
I could deal with the lumpy sofa at
Tiffanys, but having no privacy in the bath-
room was like being tortured to me. Jaxons
bathroom was an oasis of fluffy towels and
perfect water pressure. It was the first time
since arriving in FL that I had a real shower,
covering myself in soapy bubbles, standing
still with my eyes closed as the water poured
down on me. I wanted college to feel like a
new beginning, but this was the first time it
did.
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Almost an hour later, I climbed out,
grabbing a huge towel, wrapping myself in
softness. My clothes were luggage-wrinkle
free from the steam, and I felt relaxed
enough to sleep for a month. I sprawled out
on my bed, nestling my head into the dense,
down pillow. The song of distant crickets
played outside the window as I turned out
the light and drifted off to sleep.
Chapter 7
Jaxon was never home to distract me.
He even missed our appointment to work on
the art project Sunday afternoon. It didnt
bother me. I relished the peace and quiet and
assumed hed show up eventually.
I developed a routine that first week.
When I got in, I sat at his desk and did all of
my homework. I needed excellent grades to
apply for a scholarship that would offset the
cost of tuition. I took loans to cover the first
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semester. Tiffany's mom agreed to sign with
me to keep my father out of it. Getting the
scholarship was essential if I wanted to finish
my degree.
I buried my face in books, but
thoughts were constantly interrupted. If it
wasn't Tiffany stopping by or calling me, it
was my neighbor blaring his music. Hip hop
was the genre of choice, and he was con-
stantly playing it. The music was so loud that
thinking was near impossible. Luckily I was
able to block it out by listening to my own
music but it was still hard to study taking me
twice as long.
When my homework was finished, I
turned to TV. I usually watched sappy chick
flicks. I was always into them because there
was always a happily ever after. Which life
didnt seem to have. One night, I decided to
change it up and found an old comedy on
cable, where the father was a complete mess
leading up to his daughters wedding. He
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couldnt handle her not being his little girl
any longer and wild antics ensued. It made
me sad enough that I had hard time falling
asleep that night. It was wonderful to have
some space to myself, but theres something
to be said for interruptions. Its not always
good to be left alone with your thoughts.
A part-time job was definitely in my
future.
I needed cash and distractions.
On Friday, I decided to call Cole. It
seemed cruel to continue ignoring him, and
it hadnt stopped his calls and texts. I sat
anxiously as the phone rang in my ear. We
hadnt talked since he broke up with me. It
was his choice at first but by the time he star-
ted texting me to talk, I didnt want to any-
more. He hadnt given up though and so I
decided this was his chance.
The ringing stopped. So, hows the
beach life? he instantly asked.
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He mustve been awaiting my call.
I wish I knew. Im at least an hour
from the beach. Its good, though. Im
adjusting.
I wanted to say, well, Im sorry. I
shouldnt have
Its water under the bridge Cole. You
did what you needed to do, and it made
sense. Iowa to Florida is too much distance
in a relationship, so dont worry about it.
I wasnt trying to persuade just him,
but myself.
I just think. He stopped, but I could
hear him breathing half a continent away.
Its, well, I didnt mean it, Elana. Im sorry I
did it.
It was so much easier when we were a
couple. He didnt exactly make my heart beat
faster, but he made it beat consistently and
comfortably. Im here, youre there. It made
sense.
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He drew in his breath, about to speak
again.
So you dont hate me?
No, I dont hate you Cole. I under-
stand, really.
I did understand him breaking up
with me, sort of, just not when he ignored
me for two months. I was pretty much over it
but hearing Coles voice made it hard over
again.
Great Elana.
Listen, Cole, Ive gotta go. I have a
huge test tomorrow and loads of studying to
do. Talk soon, ok?
Yeah, sure. Thanks for calling. Good
night.
I hung up the phone and rolled over,
hugging one of the pillows. I was happy to
get that phone call out of the way. I knew it
was best since he constantly called or texted
me since I had arrived in Florida. I finally
thought I moved on but talking to him
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brought all the emotions back. I drifted to
sleep on top of the covers, phone next to me,
clothes still on, cuddling a sack of feathers. I
was exhausted.
After a week of not seeing Jaxon, I
started to worry. He could be anywhere,
drunk in a ditch, trapped in a burning car,
bloodied in an alley, locked in a prison cell.
He hadnt even been in art class, and we
needed to finish our first drawing. I decided
to check with Tiffany before someone
showed up to evict me. I grabbed my phone
and dialed Tiffanys number
After a few seconds she answered.
Hey, Elana, I started to think you left the
country.
Not without you. Ive been getting
settled, adjusting to college life. You know
the drill.
I understand, and I know you like
time to yourself. Everything okay?
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Perfect, I sighed.
Have you ever noticed when
someone says perfect they almost never
mean it?
No really, Tiff, Im good. Lets do
something this week. Lunch or whatever. I
need talk to someone before I am officially
declared a hermit.
Unlikely with that roommate wan-
dering around. Has he tried anything yet?
I havent seen him since the night I
got here. I can tell that hes been home a few
times for clothes and stuff, but thats it.
Huh, thats good, right?
Of course, I dont need him standing
around half-naked, making thinly-veiled
sexual advances. I forced a chuckle. So,
um, have you guys seen him?
Jaxon? Not me, but hes been out
with Lance a couple of times to work on the
car and stuff. I had a big paper due yester-
day, so I havent been paying too much
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attention. Who the heck assigns a paper this
early in the semester? College was much
cooler on TV.
I laughed. Youre telling me.
Are you worried about him Elana?
No, I said, doing my best to hide
that I was.
Youre lying!
No Im not! Just wanted to know
where he disappeared to is all, I swear.
Whatever you say.
I better get back to it Tiff. Love you.
Okay, love you, too. Text me with a
plan.
The next night, standing in the
shower with hot water washing over my
body, I couldnt stop thinking about Jaxon. I
saw him smiling at me, his arm reaching out
to me, his abs flexing as he bent toward me. I
conjured his smell and felt the warmth of his
skin after his shower that first night.
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Luckily, the front door interrupted the
fantasy. It was not a good use of my time. I
heard giggling coming from the living room
and remembered the bathroom didn't have a
lock. I quickly rinsed, dried off, and slipped
on my shorts and a tank-top. Pressing my ear
against the door, I could hear Jaxon talking
to a girl.
Want something to drink? he asked.
Noooo, she replied. But I know
something I do want. Youuu!
How original.
Do you? I could hear his grin.
The leather couch squeaked and the
sounds of two people making out came from
the living room.
Seriously? When I'm in the
apartment?
In a matter of minutes, I had gone
from worrying about him and desiring him
to wanting to kick him. How the hell was I
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going to get out of the bathroom without
calling attention to myself?
Take your pants off, she whined.
Slow down. Weve got all night.
They were probably so drunk that
they didn't even hear the shower running. Or
he forgot he had a roommate. I opened the
door and slammed it, attempting to make my
presence obvious. I decided that calling at-
tention to myself was smart. Maybe they
wouldnt go all the way.
I heard her giggling.
Stop kissing me there, she laughed.
I could hear her squirm.
I hurried to the bedroom, closing the
door behind me. Unfortunately, I could still
hear every lip smack and whisper. It was
1:30 in the morning, and I had to be up in six
hours. The door slamming shut didnt even
faze them. I laid down in bed and tried to
sleep but kept straining to hear.
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The giggles quickly turned into full on
moans and groans and then they stopped.
The door to the bedroom opened and
I laid there trying not to make a noise. Is he
really bringing her into the bedroom where I
was?
I barely open my eyes, enough to see
but my back was towards the door. Then he
came around the bed and over to the bedside
table. He opened the drawer and wrestled
around until I heard crumpling plastic.
There was a slight tear and when his hand
reappeared from the drawer I saw the square
condom wrapper. His eyes darted towards
me and I squeezed mine shut. A few seconds
later I heard the door close.
Pulling the sheets up around my neck,
the girl began moaning and groaning as if it
was half painful and half pleasurable. The
couch screeched as it scooted across the
wooden floor. Before long it was banging
against the wall on the other side of the
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room. The moans got louder and louder. I
pulled a pillow over my ears to dampen the
sounds.
Jeez.
The next two nights were more of the
same, and it sounded like a different girl
each time. The fourth night was different
though, I ignored my desire to scream at him
for being an inconsiderate ass and used some
ear plugs to muffle the sounds. I had the type
of sleep insomniacs dream aboutdeep, sat-
isfying and utterly peaceful. However, a
couple of hours later, music started to drift
through the ear plugs and something made
me sit up and listen. I ripped the ear plugs
out.
This wasnt just any music; this was
the CD of my mom singing, the one she
made for me before she got too sick to sing.
My blood started to boil. It was my fault for
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leaving it in his stereo the other night, but
that didnt make me any less angry.
I was sick of not being able to sleep
that past four nights. This was the type of
trouble I didn't want to get myself into.
Tiffany warned me. I laid my eyes on the bad
boy, the one that would make me spin out of
control, the one who would capture my
heart, throw it on the floor, and walk away. I
didn't know how my attraction quickly
turned into lust and I started to feel like a
middle school girl.
Then over the sound of the music a
distinctly female voice was calling out Jax-
ons name. I glanced at the clock which said
2:30 am. The last time I looked it was 11 pm.
Jaxon was still having sex, but while my
mothers CD played.
I stomped down the hall to the bath-
room and turned the sink faucet on full blast.
I stared at my reflection, gripping the edge of
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the sink and digging my fingers into the
marble countertop.
Shit.
This could not happen. He was not
going to screw some random girl with my
mother providing background music. I
splashed water on my face wanting to be
wide awake when I confronted him. After a
couple of minutes of cold water flooding my
face I was ready.
I blasted through the bathroom door
and stormed into the living room. I shouted,
How dare you! You insensitive, inconsider-
ate pig!
I frantically pushed buttons on the
stereo, looking for the eject button. The light
came on and Jaxon stood next to the table,
shirtless and speechless. The girls hair was a
mess, and she was clutching her shirt in an
attempt to cover her bare breasts. He was
wearing pants but she wasnt. A thong was
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the only piece of clothing that didnt make
her completely naked. It was clear they wer-
ent having a late night chat.
Oh, its you, I said, recognizing Am-
ber from art class.
What are you doing here? Jaxon?
She looked at him, apparently unaware that
he had a roommate.
Have you ladies met? Amber, this is
Elana. Elana, this is my friend Amber. You
may remember her from art class.
I resisted the urge to hurl the CD at
his face.
Are we disturbing you? he asked.
Yes, Jaxon, some people like to sleep
at night. Some people have to go to class. I
thought you understood the importance of
those things when you offered to let me stay
here. Youve been freaking loud every night.
And this, I shook the CD at him. This WILL
NOT happen.
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Amber stared at Jaxon with her
mouth agape. She turned to me and seemed
to regain her some composure. You can join
us, if you'd like, she said flatly.
Thanks, but hes had enough women
this week.
What is she talking about, Jaxon?
She pulled her shirt over her head and stood
up. Jaxon?
He looked at her without saying a
word and shrugged. She grabbed her purse
and ran out without putting her pants on,
holding them in one hand as she slammed
the door with the other.
After a few minutes of silence, he said,
Toots, Im sorry. I didnt know we were that
loud. No reason to throw a fit.
Whatever, Ill be out of here as soon
as I can find a place. Im going to university
housing again tomorrow.
He got up from the floor. You dont
have to do that. I had no idea it would bother
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you if a friend and I have a little fun in the
living room. It wont happen again.
Dont start with me. Im not even
slightly in the mood for your bullshit.
Whoa, language. What happened to
the proper little student I met in art class?
Not spending my nights writhing on
some strange guys couch doesnt make me a
proper little student.
No, but doing all your homework
every day before you have any fun and
spending half your afternoons in the library
does.
How do you know where I spend my
afternoons?
Ive seen you around. He grinned
and was obviously pleased with himself for
knowing how I spent my days.
Not in class, thats for sure. And not
in the library. Do you even know where it
is? Every word was a sharp little tack that I
hurled at him. There was no reason to be this
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angry, but something was driving beyond ir-
ritation into outright rage.
You might want to take your nose out
of your books and look around once in a
while, Toots. Life is passing you by.
I dont need any advice from you. I
stormed toward the bedroom with the CD in
my hand.
Hey, wait, Im sorry. Really, he said
to my back. It wont happen again. Im not
trying to make things harder for you, but Im
not used to house guests. Cut a guy some
slack. I just wasnt thinking.
I turned and said, You were thinking
about the only thing you ever think about.
Cmon, Elana, Im sorry. Lets start
over and make a plan to work on that draw-
ing project.
Talk to me tomorrow. You can check
your calendar for a break in your busy sched-
ule of sex with randoms and partying. I
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slammed the bedroom door and flopped
onto the bed. He was an unbelievable ass.
For the rest of the week, I had peace
and quiet every night. My fantasies of Jaxon
subsided with my anger. He was home more,
but I went to bed early to avoid him. He
didnt try to talk to me so it made it much
easier.
Quiet.
Beautiful.
Solitude.
Chapter 8
A week passed and again something
woke me out of a sound sleep. Sounds were
coming from the living room again and I
woke up ready to muzzle him and his ran-
dom guest. Rolling over, I notice the clock
said 7:00 AM.
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I climbed out of bed and made my
way to the living room. The smell of eggs
greeted me in the hallway. Jaxon leaned over
the counter, holding a spatula, smiling at me.
How do you like your eggs, hard
boiled, scrambled, or over easy? he asked.
Never mind, I know the answerover easy.
It wasnt possible to think about how
he knew my egg preference, because he was
wearing basketball shorts but no shirt. I was
too busy staring at the muscles in his back as
he flipped the eggs. I started wishing our art
class was sculpture instead of drawing. It
would be nice to have an excuse to run my
hands over every inch of his body.
What do you want with your eggs,
Toots?
Everything looked and smelled
delicious.
Everything.
Even the food.
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I wasnt much of a chef and tended to
eat salads and sandwiches on the go. My
mouth watered at the sight of fresh bacon.
I sat down on the stool that was next
to the counter bar. I rested on my elbows
while he continued to cook.
So how's school? Jaxon asked.
What? It was tough to hear him over
my heartbeat. It's going okay. I finally fin-
ished my history paper and had time to read
an entire book for fun.
He handed me a hot cup of coffee.
How's, uh, whatever you do going, I asked,
staring at his defined back and legs.
Racing? Its been great, he said. He
flipped my egg with a flick of his wrist. It was
clear that he was one of those annoying
people that do many things well. Lance and
I have been into it since high school. I love to
drive and he loves to work on cars, so were a
perfect match. It's a great sport, don't ya
think?
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If you like that sort of thing, I said,
turning to grab a piece of bacon from the
plate in front of me.
I didnt want to hear about his con-
quests or his partying and couldnt think
clearly to come up with other topics.
This is nice, really nice, I said, nib-
bling on my bacon.
You got that right. Nothing says
breakfast like eggs, grease and a lifeless piece
of meat, he said holding a piece of raw ba-
con at one end.
He turned back to the stove, tossing it
in the pan, and said, It's kind of like having
sex. It's messy and greasy during the act, but
you're full and satisfied by the time you
finish.
I couldn't help but laugh. You never
give up, do you? Dont you get bored with it
after a while?
Sex? Toots, if youre getting bored
with it, youre not doing it right.
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Sex with random girls you pick up.
Not sex in general.
These girls come on to me. I dont
lure them back here with promises of happily
ever after. Im a guy. We are biologically en-
gineered not to turn away free sex. You cant
expect me to fight nature, can you? He was
a pig, but he was kind of charming anyway.
Ah, the nature made me do it excuse?
Seems a little uninspired if you ask me.
There you go again. Im worried
about you, Toots. It hurts me to know that
you think sex is boring and uninspired. I feel
like I should help you out. We could have
this breakfast in bed.
I smiled but shook my head to say no.
It's a joke!
Yeah, after I turn you down its a
joke. Im not that interested in someone
elses leftovers Jax, I said, wrapping a finger
around a lock of hair.
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He was about to say something, which
would likely have been a come on, when
Tiffany and Lance walked through the front
door without knocking. Looks like we're just
in time, Lance said as he grabbed some
bacon.
Whoa, hands off my meat, buddy,
Jaxon said. Looking at me, he added Leave
some for other people. Give me a minute,
and you'll want more sausage," He stuffed a
log of sausage into his mouth. He then took
it out and pretended to smoke it like a cigar.
"Can't you see I'm smoking hot, Toots?"
Jaxon, please. I'm eating, I said,
looking down to hide my smile.
Dont get full before you try my saus-
age, Jaxon said, pushing the sausages off
the skillet and onto the plate with a spatula.
Man, you never give up, Lance
laughed.
Do these lines work on girls? I
asked, cocking an eyebrow.
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They do and I don't know how,
Lance said.
Pathetic, huh, Tiffany added. I have
no idea what they see in him.
No idea? Jaxon asked, flexing his
left arm and strutting around the kitchen.
Im surprised they can see past the
ego to notice anything else, Tiffany joked.
This is nice. Its very unlike you, Jax.
I dont remember you cooking us breakfast
before. Trying to impress someone? Tiffany
asked.
The statement made me blush. I put
my head down to conceal my red cheeks and
poked at my breakfast. What had gotten into
him since the night Amber left? He slept
alone in the apartment almost every night
that week. The recycling bin wasnt sprouting
more bottles either. I wondered how long the
New Improved Jaxon would last. Tiffany
looked at me as I continued to eat. "Enjoying
that sausage, Elana?" she asked. "Nothing
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better than morning wood!" Tiffany grinned,
eyeing Lance with a smirk.
"Oh, ha ha, Tiff. " I smirked. "You're
all sick, you know that."
I couldn't believe this was happening.
Jaxon slung himself lazily back into his chair
and put his feet on the table. Thunder rolled
and a final clap gave way to pounding rains.
The loft on the apartment was pounded with
rain and the palm trees swayed in the wind
surrendering to the storm. The winds
seemed to pick up by the minute until rain
was pounding the window like sheets. All I
could see was a blur. The storm grew more
violent and Jaxon got up to look out the win-
dow. I turned and looked out at the rain. The
wind was whipping.
"It's just rain Toots, nothing to worry
about," Jaxon said, walking behind me and
cupping my shoulders.
I turned and smiled. "I know. We have
it in Iowa too.
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I know but you looked scared.
Im not. By the way, thanks a lot for
not bringing a bunch of drunk girls to the
apartment the past few nights," I said.
Jaxons dead silence alerted me that
there was another side to the story. My
brown eyes turned suddenly fierce.
"Oh my god, are you kidding me?" I
raged. "I should have known. I swear I
should have known."
He looked at me as if to put me in my
place. "Why does it matter? You do remem-
ber that you said we were just friends, don't
you? You said to be quiet next time so I was,"
he said, crossing his arms. He sat and
slouched in the wooden chair.
The statement made me pause. My
face went stone cold. "Well, yes. But"
There was always a "but" in my con-
versations. I had an uncanny way of chan-
ging my opinions at the flick of a switch.
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"First, you want nothing to do with
me. Then, you are angry that I was sleeping
with other girls. Then, wasn't happy to not
hear from me at all," he said. "You're fucking
messing with me."
I looked at Tiffany and Lance who
were sitting in silence and exchanging wor-
ried looks.
"The only way you could be mad at me
is if you liked me," Jaxon said. "Unless
you" A smile curved my lips. He pointed a
finger toward me and grinned. "You do like
me. You're just too chicken shit to tell me. I
know your game."
"Hey, don't you ever liken me to
poultry?" I said, feeling suddenly scared that
the truth was out.
It was official.
I liked him.
I really liked him.
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And now he thought he knew it. I
didnt want him to know. I didnt need a dis-
traction from school.
"Some things just aren't meant to stay
under wraps," he smiled at me. "There comes
a point when you have to stop playing
games."
"Look who's talking!" I exclaimed,
poking a finger in the air. "Mr. I'm awesome
and Mr. Knock him out is giving me a
speech."
"You like me, Toots."
"No, I don't," I chuckled.
"Then, why is this making you laugh?"
He did have a point there, but I wasn't
about to admit my affections. My eyes
floated over his tattoos, his bulging muscles,
and his entire body. I liked a man who could
cook, and he totally fit the bill in that depart-
ment. If there was any question left in my
mind, it was whether or not he liked me. He
was a distraction.
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I tried to convince myself of this
anyway.
I wasn't attracted to him.
His tattoos are disgusting.
His arms just look lumpy.
I tried desperately in vain to convince
myself that I was not interested. Was I really
that gullible? Why was I falling into the same
trap that so many other girls had over and
over again?
"Maybe we should leave you two love-
birds alone," Lance said, patting Jaxon's
back.
Tiffany laughed. "Seriously? Just be
friends," she said, her finger bouncing from
Jaxon to me back and forth.
"Dont say that! It's only going to
make him want her more," Lance responded.
"You can't stop the inevitable," Jaxon
whispered.
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I rolled my eyes. "I'm going to class," I
said, grabbing my bag from the living room
floor and heading out in the light rain.
I had a lot of studying to do and
headed to the library with my books and my
headphones. It took a while to get there be-
cause I waited under the bus stop overhang
until the light rain turned to sprinkles. When
I finally got to the library I found a quiet
corner and pulled out my laptop. My hair
smelled faintly of bacon when it fell across
my face. It triggered images of my shirtless
chef.
He was like a tattooed model.
It took longer than usual to get my
mind on my homework. My morning had
been so pleasant. The four of us were like a
family, laughing, chatting and sharing a
meal.
My mom used to make big Sunday
breakfasts. Tiffany would come over, and my
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mom and dad would spend half the day sit-
ting on the couch, sharing the newspaper,
her head resting on his chest, and his feet on
the coffee table. It was one of the traditions I
missed the most after she died. Jaxons
breakfast was the first time it seemed pos-
sible to find something like that again.
I put my head down and tried to un-
derstand my chemistry notes. After an hour,
I wasnt any closer to absorbing the informa-
tion. I was too distracted and the wind
throwing rain against the windows made me
crave a hot shower and a long nap. I grabbed
my history notes, hoping they would be easi-
er to digest.
After a few chapters, I felt a hand on
my shoulder and a drop of water fell on my
notebook. I tugged my headphones off and
looked up to see Jaxon smiling down at me.
He was wearing a fitted gray, V-neck T-shirt,
soaked with rain water, plastering the fabric
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to his ripped body. The image was not help-
ing my concentration.
Hows the studying, Toots? Figure
out the meaning of life yet?
Id settle for the meaning of my
chemistry homework. I closed my book and
put it on the desk. My hair was a mess from
the rain, wind, and my headphones, so I
tried to smooth it with my hand. Whatre
you doing here?
I have a paper due in poli-sci this
week. No pain, no gain. He looked at my
notes. Id be happy to give you some help
with chemistry. Im practically an expert.
Its not that kind of chemistry Jax.
And howd you know where to find the lib-
rary anyway, I teased.
I told ya, Toots. Look up once in a
while. Youre not the only one that studies,
you know.
I assumed he didnt do much school
work since he was gone so often and never in
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class. However, I didnt really know his
studying habits. Maybe I jumped to the
wrong conclusions about him.
Weve still gotta work on that art pro-
ject, he said.
Yeah, right. Whenevers good for you.
We only have a couple weeks until its due, I
replied.
Well, Ive got to work on this paper,
but maybe later this week. Are you all right,
youre looking at me funny?
No, yeah. I mean, me too. I have
work, too. So, whenever.
Are you blushing?
Of course not, I blurted. Several
people turned to shush me. Lowering my
voice, I said, Youre imagining things. Its
probably an allergic reaction to your cologne
or something.
He leaned down and whispered in my
ear, Im not wearing any. See you at home,
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Toots. He gave me a peck on the cheek and
walked away, smiling to himself.
Why was I such an idiot? It wasnt
that hard to avoid staring like a fool.
No boys, no drama.
No boys, no drama.
I could handle this. I just needed to
stay focused.
Chapter 9
The next week Jaxon was at the apart-
ment every day when I left and when I re-
turned. We were pleasant to each other and
said hello, but didnt have any real conversa-
tions. It was my fault. Every time I saw him,
I hurried to the bedroom and shut the door,
muttering about homework. I felt like a
middle school girl, but he had that impact on
me.
His eyes made me nervous.
His voice made me nervous.
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His scent made me ravenous.
I didnt trust myself to have a conver-
sation with him after making a fool of myself
in the library. Plus, Jaxon teasing me about
liking him was still fresh in my mind as I got
up a week later to go to school.
I took a quick shower, got dressed,
and opened the door to let some of the heat
out. I grabbed my makeup bag and then
wiped off the steamed over mirror.
Hey Toots! Jaxon shouted, peeking
around the bathroom door. Youve had a
busy week.
I powdered my face and searched
through my makeup bag for eyeliner. Hey,
I said softly.
He didn't say anything, but I could
feel his eyes on me. I did my best to pretend
it didnt faze me and continued to get ready.
It made me self-conscious to have him
watching.
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Going for the raccoon look I see, he
laughed.
I looked at him in the mirror with
glaring eyes. Does this look like a raccoon?
I asked, pointing at my eye.
I was just joking, Toots, he said, try-
ing to hide his smirk.
Ha, ha.
Somebody has her panties in a twist,
he said, smiling. If youre wearing panties,
that is.
I was.
I hate that saying.
What do you want, Jaxon, I sighed,
throwing my hair up in a bun.
Breakfast, you want any?
No time. Im late.
He disappeared into the hallway, and
then popped his head back into the bath-
room. By the way, you're fucking beautiful
without makeup, he said, seriousness in his
voice and eyes.
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Whatever, I replied, applying lip
gloss. Ive heard enough of your lines to
know better.
Im serious. I watch you every morn-
ing when you walk into the kitchen and get a
glass of water before you get ready. You're
gorgeous without even trying.
My finger stopped moving, pressing
the gloss into my lip. His words sent chills
through my body. He disappeared again, and
I stood still, staring into the mirror. I was
beyond flattered.
Cole used to say I was beautiful some-
times, but it never felt like this. Jaxon usu-
ally hinted at sex, but not this time. He didnt
stick around to laugh and joke after it. I took
a few deep breaths and then continued to ap-
ply my makeup. After a few minutes of fin-
ishing my makeup and reciting Jaxons flat-
tering words, I finally made my way to the
kitchen.
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Tiffany and Lance were cuddling on
the couch while Jaxon cooked oatmeal. Al-
though I was happy for my long time best
friend, I couldn't help but feel a twinge of
jealousy every time I saw her and Lance
together.
They were inseparable.
Sickeningly inseparable.
The more I saw them together, the
more I thought about being that way with
Jaxon. It was an easy fantasy to have when
he was in the kitchen acting like a domestic
god. I had no time for daydreaming that
morning; I was running late for class.
Morning, Tiffany chirped, coming
over to hug me. It's supposed to be sunny
today, absolutely beautiful.
Morning Tiff, itll be nice to have
sunshine after all that rain for the past
week, I said, picking up my backpack from
the floor.
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Not staying for breakfast? Lance
asked.
Jaxon looked over at me from the kit-
chen. I glanced at Tiffany and Lance, trying
not to meet his eyes with mine. His words
were still drifting around my mind, causing
unnecessary distractions. Maybe he really
thought I was gorgeous.
The sun cast soft rays into my eyes
through the blinds, reminding me that I had
to hurry. I had four classes that day and had
read and reread over pages of notes for days,
preparing myself for tests that would de-
termine a lot of my semester grades. The
volume of information was incredible. I read
the chapters multiple times, but the informa-
tion fused into one giant blob. I couldn't pos-
sibly remember it all, especially with Jaxon
intruding on my thoughts. I needed to stay
disciplined.
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No, I think I am going to get to the
library and get some reading done before my
first class. Catch up with you guys at lunch?
Sure, Tiffany said. I could tell that
she was wondering if something was going
on by her scrunched face, but she didn't ask.
See you then.
After morning classes I sat down next
to Tiffany with my tray of food. Lance was
directly across from her and they were talk-
ing about movies. I sat there quietly, half
listening and absentmindedly picking at my
salad, thinking of Jaxon.
The same way I had all morning.
A tray of food appeared on the table in
front of me, drawing my attention. I knew
who it was by the strong hands holding it. I
was afraid to look up at him. Since he ap-
peared while I was daydreaming about him it
felt like I was caught in the act. I was certain
hed be able to tell if he saw my eyes.
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He leaned over the table and rested on
his elbows.
Mouth just inches away.
My eyes moved up and then shot back
down to my salad. His hand clutched my
forearm, sending goose bumps up my skin.
Closing my eyes I took another bite of my
salad and slowly chewed.
Please walk away. Please walk away.
Are you okay? Jaxon asked, gently
squeezing my forearm.
He didn't walk away.
I didn't respond.
Elana, Tiffany said, nudging my
shoulder with her elbow.
What, I sighed.
Jaxons hand didn't move. I wanted to
disappear. Oh, how I wished I could. Tiffany
nudged my shoulder again.
Whats wrong with you?
My eyes moved to Jaxon and back to
Tiffany.
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Its nothing, I said, pulling my arm
away and picking up a napkin as an excuse.
It doesnt look like nothing, Lance
said. Is something going on between you
two?
Dont look at me. Ive been nothing
but nice for weeks.
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No, nothings going on. Im just dis-
tracted by exams and stuff.
Tiffany looked at me out of the corner
of her eye. You sure, Elana? she said suspi-
ciously. You didnt fall into his trap, did
you? Like he was right about you liking him
the other morning?
Hey, I make you guys breakfast and
give her a free room, and Im the bad guy?
I was about to say something when his
phone rang. He looked at it and started to
stand up, Whatever, I dont have time for
this. Ill see you guys later. He got up from
the table and jogged out the door.
What was that all about? Lance said.
Nothing, theres nothing going on, I
said, blushing.
There may be nothing going on yet,
but your cheeks say you want something to
start, Tiffany said. Just remember who
youre dealing with. He isnt some happy
little high school boy like Cole was. Hes a
complicated mess of a man.
Nothing is happening.
Nothing.
Unfortunately.
Luckily.
I gotta run to my next class. See you
guys later. Stop worrying, Tiff. I know
better.
On my way to class, I texted Jaxon.
Me: Sorry about that. Worried about
test.
Jaxon: K. No prob.
Me: Thx for understanding
Jaxon: Art project 2nte?
Me: K. Home @ 6, I typed with more
excitement than a class project warranted.
I would have to look at him.
Get it together.
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Chapter 10
Jaxon's knock on the bedroom door
was light. But I was so nervous that I
jumped. Even though we needed to get the
drawings done, I thought about ditching. I
was worried he'd make a pass when we were
alone, and I didn't know if I could resist.
I thought about suggesting we work in
the living room because a boy and girl in a
bedroom would normally lead to kissing and
Jaxon wasn't the sort of guy who usually
stopped at kissing, but I never got the words
out. Instead, I forced myself to think of all
those girls writhing on the couch with him,
the anger he showed after the race, and the
empty beer bottles. I could not fall for him. It
wasnt the right time or the right guy.
Plenty of girls saw college as a wild ex-
perimental period, and lots of them were
happy to experiment with Jaxon. But I dated
Cole for three years before he broke up with
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me, and I had never been with anyone else. I
wasnt experienced enough to get tangled up
with him.
He knocked again.
Taking a cleansing breath, I stopped
thinking and opened the door. His black
hoodie stretched across his muscular frame.
His worn, boot cut jeans were fitted but re-
laxed. He hunched his shoulders, hands in
his front pockets and sketchpad under one
arm. For a moment, he almost looked
humble. The butterflies in my stomach made
me feel like it was a first date.
It wasn't though.
It was just an art project.
Can I come in?
I stepped back into the room, holding
the door wide. He stepped past me and sat
down at the edge of bed. Jaxon and I were
alone in a bedroom. This was a true test of
my resolve.
The butterflies kept fluttering.
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Honestly, I didn't want to be his latest
score. If I thought about the trail of broken
hearts, he was slightly easier to resist. He
tossed his sketchpad on the floor and
glanced at my laptop. As he scanned my
computer, I stared at his square jaw, parted
lips, and dark eyelashes.
No boys, no drama.
When he drew the hoodie over his
head, his black t-shirt pulled up a bit with it
and I got another peek at the tattoos cover-
ing his exquisite abs. I still wasn't able to
make out the script, too small to read, that
went from his right to left side. My eyes fo-
cused on it, but when the hoodie joined his
sketchbook on the floor, the t-shirt fell back
into place. He turned to me and smiled. His
white teeth were perfect. He ran both hands
through his flattened hair and shook it out,
resulting in a bed-head look.
Good god.
I took a deep breath.
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So, do you want to go first or me? I
asked, rubbing my bare foot on the carpet.
You can, Toots, he said, stretching
across the bed. I forgot how comfortable my
bed was.
I placed my easel on the floor at the
end of the bed and put my sketchpad on it.
The assignment was to draw a black-and-
white portrait of another person in the class.
Jaxon wouldnt be difficult since I had
already studied his features.
Multiple times.
Want me to take my shirt off? he
asked, trying to look innocent.
No, no, I responded.
Are you sure?
Yes. Positive.
My heart was racing and thinking
about him without his shirt made me dizzy.
Concentrating, I took the charcoal pencil
from my skirt pocket and began to draw. At
first, it was hard to move the pencil on the
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paper, but then I got lost in the work. As the
minutes passed, it became easier and easier.
His lush hair came into being one
stroke at a time. His eyes looked at me from
the page, as dark and deep as they were in
reality. I used my finger tip to blend the
shading around his cheekbones and ima-
gined myself touching his skin. The strong
jaw was the perfect balance for his soft lips
and I worked my finger gently to recreate the
smooth, kissable texture. As my hand
worked the pencil faster, remembering how
to render life in lead, the pace of my breath-
ing increased. It was as if my hands were ac-
tually touching his skin.
Shaking off a chill, I put the charcoal
down and said, Thats it.
You're done already? he asked.
I nodded. Pretty much, I said. I'll
apply some finishing touches later.
My turn, he said, jumping up from
the bed.
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Where do you want me? I asked
with a hint of flirtation. It was like one of his
cheesy lines, and he smiled.
On the bed.
Oh god.
Moving my easel to the side, I perched
myself on the edge of the mattress, as he
glanced around my room for a good place to
sit. He closed the door and sat with his back
against it, knees up, pad on his thighs. My
heart was thundering, waiting.
He peered at me, head angled to the
side. Take all your clothes off and lie on
your side. Prop your head up with your
hand.
I considered it for a second before
saying no.
He stuck the pencil over his ear, look-
ing unconvinced. Are you sure? It looked
great when they did it in Titanic.
Well, if theres a risk the apartment
will sink, dragging you into icy waters, Ill
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consider it. Otherwise, clothes on. This
wasnt so bad. I wasnt dumbstruck and
mumbling like I was in the library. I might
make it through the experience without be-
coming a total fool.
You decide then. How do you want to
pose? Whatll be comfortable for you?
I couldn't say the answers that popped
into my head, but the wildfire flush that
spread across my face gave me away. He
caught his lower lip in his teeth, and I was
sure it was to contain a laugh.
Most comfortable position?
What about with my head stuck under
a pillow?
I don't know, I said, combing my
hair back out of my face.
How about the Titanic pose without
being nude?
I laughed. Youre a little obsessed
with that movie.
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I appreciate a good nude scene. Can
you blame me? Lie on your side and prop
your head up with your hand.
I did as he told me. Like this?
He nodded, eyeing me as if absorbing
details or searching for flaws. Coming onto
his knees, he came over to fan his fingers
through my hair, letting it fall over my
shoulder.
Perfect, he murmured, scooting
back to his position against the wall.
I stared at him as he sketched, his
eyes moving back and forth from my face to
the pad. At some point, his gaze began to
move over the rest of me. I closed my eyes.
Falling asleep? he said softly, his
voice closer than I expected.
I opened my eyes to find him squat-
ting next to me at eye level. My heart picked
up its pace again.
No, Im awake.
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He dropped the pad and pencil on the
floor behind him.
Are you done? I asked.
He shook his head slightly. No. I just
need you to change your position for me. He
swept his eyes over my body, Move your
hand by your side for me.
I was afraid he'd be able to see my
heart hammering through my thin shirt. He
grabbed the pad and pencil from the floor
and leaned back against the door. I felt vul-
nerable. It was as if he was running his
hands across my skin instead of a pencil
across paper. He paused again.
I'm going to arrange you again, if
that's okay?
I swallowed. Yeah, I guess. Having a
difficult time capturing the right pose?
Sort of, theyre all so damn perfect.
Its hard to choose.
My throat tightened.
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Every muscle in my body was tense
with anticipation.
His fingers encircled the wrist nearest
him and he brought my arm over my head,
bent as though it had been thrown back. Tak-
ing the opposite hand, he splayed my fingers
over my abdomen. He sat back, stared at me
a moment, and then moved it, too, over my
head, crossing my wrists, as though I was
bound. I tried to breathe normally, but it was
impossible.
I'm going to move your leg, he said,
his eyes on mine, waiting for my nod.
His hands on my knee, he angled it
out, leaving it flush against the mattress. He
picked up the pad and his pencil moved
again. I felt a flood of warmth in my thighs.
Sweet heavens.
Tilt your face toward me a bitchin
downthat's good. And shut your eyes.
I tried to remain relaxed; knowing
that as long as I heard the scratch of his
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pencil across the page, he wasn't going to
touch me. I stayed very still, eyes closed,
listening to the rasp of lead on paper, broken
by the soft brush of his finger, smearing a
line or a shadow.
My phone buzzed next to me and my
eyes flashed open. Without thinking, I rose
to my elbows and looked at the message. It
was from Tiffany.
Hungry. Pizza?
Jaxon watched me closely. Is it
important?
Not really. One second.
I replied, Studying.
I returned to my position without
closing my eyes, and he didn't ask me to.
He continued sketching, concentrat-
ing on my hands, and then my face. He
stared into my eyes, back and forth between
that intense examination and his drawing.
When he stared at my mouthdrawing, star-
ing, drawing, staringI wanted to reach
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down, grab his t-shirt, and pull him up to
me. My hands clenched involuntarily.
He put the pencil and pad down and
stood over me. Looking down at me, he said,
Elana?
Yes?
You look so fucking beautiful right
now. His jaw was rigid.
I do? I asked, wide-eyed. I wasnt
sure if I should move or not.
Yeah, you are. And its not only looks.
Theres something about you.
I didn't know where he was going with
this. He got on the bed next to me, propping
himself on his elbows. He ran a finger over
my jaw, down my throat, between my
breasts, and down my thigh.
I stared into his dark eyes, my heart
racing, my breath shallow and fast. Leaning
over, he brought his lips to mine. I felt his
tongue slowly push into my waiting mouth.
Feeling him on top of me, tasting him, was
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like floating on calm ocean water. Gravity
didnt exist. Nothing existed outside of that
kiss.
My eyes didn't close.
Neither did his.
I inhaled through my nose and his in-
toxicating scent filled me. I was dizzy from it.
The force of my own desire frightened me. It
was like nothing Id ever experienced.
Electrical.
Exhilarating.
Loud knocking at the front door
shattered the moment.
Pizza delivery, yelled Tiffany and
Lance.
Chapter 11
A few days had passed since Lance
and Tiffany's passion-killing pizza delivery. I
was confused about my feelings and Jaxons
motivation. I tried to suppress my lust and I
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fought it longer than I thought possible.
Tiffany and Lance saved me from myself and
bought me some time. I might not have
stopped on my own. She still had no idea
what they interrupted, and I wasnt sure how
or what to tell her.
I decided the easiest way was to meet
with her and just spill it. I grabbed my phone
and located Tiffanys number. I texted her.
Me: Meet me at the coffee shop!
Tiffany: Ok, c u in 30
Me: Great
I walked to the coffee shop and when I
made it inside Tiffany was already sitting at
the booth. She smiled at me as I walked over
and slipped into the seat across from her. I
sat silent, not even saying hi, trying to think
how to tell her.
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Well, what dyou want to tell me?
she asked. I get this frantic text and now
youre practically mute.
I want to tell you, but I dont think
youll be happy about it, I said, looking
down.
Oh my god! You had sex with him!
she shouted.
What?! No. Absolutely not. I shook
my head no.
She twirled the silver ring on her right
index finger. Shed done some version of that
gesture whenever she was deep in thought
since third grade.
What then?
It was just a kiss.
Only a kiss?
Yes, I swear.
Ok, so whats got you all wrapped in
knots then? Theres still time to take a step
back.
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It was just a kiss, but Im not sure
what would have happened if you hadnt in-
terrupted us with that pizza.
Thats when you kissed him? She
started to laugh, throwing her head back.
And there I was worried you were studying
too much.
We were. We were working on our
art project, but then
He slipped and his tongue fell in your
mouth?
No, it was slow and romantic. It felt
like my first kiss.
Wait, that wasnt your first kiss?
I mean my first kiss ever. It was that
amazing. The entire world came to a halt.
The only things that existed at that moment
were his lips and mine.
Oh geez, youve got it bad.
But I cant. I mean, hes all wrong for
me. Hes wrong for all women. You know
that.
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Yeah, Im not normally a fan, but
sometimes you have to let go and enjoy the
moment. Lance wasnt exactly winning any
awards for being the nice boy next-door
when I met him.
Was he as bad as Jaxon?
Nobody comes close to Jax, at least
nobody that exists outside of soap operas
and reality shows.
I let my head fall forward and brought
my hand up to support my forehead. I
know. This is not part of my plan.
You know I love you, but you need to
understand that you cant plan your way out
of hurt. Things are going to happen. Theyll
never be as bad as what happened in the
past, but bad things will happen. Lance could
break my heart tomorrow. Id still rather en-
joy today than be safe and numb.
I looked up, hoping the tears wouldnt
start. I know, but I could use a little safety.
Just for a while. Besides, hes a total player...
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A different girl four nights in a row. Im sure
there were plenty before them too. I paused.
The kiss probably didnt even mean any-
thing to him
Youll never know unless you ask
Elana.
If only I could find the guts.
Can you help me with my Chemistry
homework really quick?
Sure.
After getting help from Tiffany on my
Chemistry homework, I headed home. On
my way, I realized she was right, but I still
wasnt ready to talk to him. If only the damn
university would figure out my housing. It
was terribly inconvenient to have a huge
crush on your roommate and no place else to
live.
My thoughts were interrupted by a
text message from Cole. I thumbed the okay
button and looked at the message.
Call when u can. Hope all is well.
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Not again. My phone call to him the
first time obviously wasnt enough to stop
him from contacting me. I had the attention
of two guys.
Never thought this would happen to
me.
I didnt want it to.
At times like this, I missed my mother
more than usual. Tiffany was everything any-
one could want in a best friend, but my mom
would have guidance or answers that
someone my own age didnt. Rudderless and
exhausted, I didnt have the time or energy
to deal with Cole or Jaxon. I needed to write
another history paper, find dinner, and treat
myself to a long shower.
Two more days passed without any
discussion of the kiss. Jaxon hadnt been
around at all, so he either didnt care about it
or didnt know what to say. I crawled into
bed for a nap, hoping sleep would keep me
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from obsessing about his lips and his motiva-
tions. My brain needed to disengage.
As usual, thoughts of him polluted my
brain, denying me any rest. While I was
fighting them off, my phone buzzed. I
grabbed it and looked at the caller ID. It was
Tiffany. I thumbed the talk button.
Yes, Tiff?
Hey! How's it been going over there
the past couple of days? Anymore kissy-
kissy? she asked, making a lip-smacking
sound.
Shut up, I sighed.
You're bummed, aren't you?
Yes, no. I dont know. Im just in
limbo. I sighed.
As your official emotional support
system, I recommend a night out. You need
to let loose.
I don't know. I'll probably just do
some homework. I'm behind in chemistry.
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Are you sure? There're loads of
people from school and you could make
some new friends or reconnect with old
ones, she said pausing. You never know
who you might run into.
Who? Jaxon? Dont do that to me, I
said, a little too loudly.
Nothing to worry about. Lance said
hes out of town for a couple of days. Family
stuff or something.
I wasn't interested in becoming a
party animal, but one night out might be
nice. On the other hand, I was behind in
chemistry even after Tiffanys help and
needed perfect grades to compete for that
scholarship. I didn't have the luxury of
screwing up.
I dont know.
Just come out. If you want to go
home early, we can, she said. I think you
need to take a break from everything.
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If this is a trap to make me see
someone, I wont be happy, I said. Its not
my father, is it? I know you love talk shows,
but not all family reunions are a good idea.
I promise you that it isn't your father.
As a matter of fact, if he shows up here, Ill
probably try to kill him with my bare hands.
Waiting for me to respond, she added,
Come out with us. Im worried about you.
Fine, but I need to get ready. Can you
guys come get me? Im not in the mood to
walk alone, I said, getting up from the couch
and running to the bedroom. Sure thing.
Love you girl.
Love you, too.
I located my standard casual night-
out outfit: not-too-short denim skirt, red
tank top, and red push-up bra. Deciding on
shoes was the hardest part. I put on a pair of
heels but walking in heels everywhere would
be more pain than it was worth. I decided on
red low-top Converse sneakers that matched
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my shirt. I looked in the mirror pressing my
breasts together and took a deep breath. It
was cute, but not over-the-top. At least I
didnt look like those walking advertisements
for sex that fawned over Jaxon at the party.
Why did I care?
I grabbed a twenty dollar bill and
slipped it into my back pocket with my cell
phone. I finished combing my hair and
touching-up my face in the bathroom as
Tiffany and Lance knocked on the door.
I could do this.
I could have fun.
Chapter 12
When we got to the club, people were
lined-up outside. Lance walked up to the
bouncer and gave him one of those one-
armed man hugs. They were laughing when
Lance called us over. The bouncer stamped
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the top of each of our hands with the letters
URL.
Does the same person who created
Underground Racing League own this club?
I asked, noticing that the letters were
identical to the ones from the party.
Yeah, Lance said, nodding, The
club is called University Street Club. Theyre
really creative.
Too cheap to buy a stamp with the
right letters?
Yeah, but I guess they figure nobody
will notice if it says URL and not USC after a
few drinks.
How is it allowed to be so close to the
university? I thought you couldnt serve alco-
hol near school property.
You cant, but the zoning changes in
the middle of the street. Anyplace on this
side can serve liquor. That's why there are so
many bars down here, Jaxon said, inter-
rupting us.
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Jaxon! What are you doing here,
man? I thought you went home for a few
days? Lance said.
Dude, this is my home now. Thats
just a place I go when I have no other
choice, he explained. I thought I might find
you guys here, since my apartment and yours
were both empty.
He was wearing different cologne, but
the new smell was just as enticing as the last.
He wrapped his arm around my waist and
gave me a squeeze. I suddenly understood
the meaning of swoon.
Are we going to have fun tonight,
Toots? he asked.
Um, sure, I said, glaring at Tiffany.
She told me he wasnt coming. She looked
back at me mouthing, I didnt know, and
shrugging.
Well, if you arent interested, Toots,
Im sure someone in there will be.
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All I could do was grin and roll my
eyes at his abundant confidence. Nothing
had changed between us and maybe that was
for the best. Lance and Tiffany laughed at
him too.
She whispered, Be careful, but Jax-
on heard her.
Oh, I'll be gentle, he said, smiling at
Tiffany.
That was advice for Elana.
Yeah, be careful of that player. He
might be my best friend but I always warn
women about him. He might be okay to live
with but date, thats a different story, Lance
said, walking onto the dance floor.
Don't listen to them, Jaxon said.
They dont understand me when it comes to
girls.
I raised an eyebrow. Neither do I.
Oh Toots, hopefully someday you
will.
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Tiffany jogged out to Lance on the
floor and flung their hands up in the air as
they danced. The music was mostly hip-hop
and I wasnt in the mood to jump into the
crowd. Jaxon picked up on my hesitation
and guided me to a circular booth in the
corner. He was wearing a dark brown V-neck
shirt. The indentation of each cut muscle was
easy to discern under the thin fabric.
I was mesmerized.
I hadn't ever been around many guys
that actually knew how to dress well, took
care of their bodies, and seemed interested
in me. I had the same boyfriend through
most of high school, so my experience was
limited. I had girlfriends who dated a lot, but
I never gave those guys a second thought.
For the first time, I felt drawn to a guy, and
he was drawn to me.
I only hoped that it was for the right
reasons.
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Jaxon slid next to me and asked
Wanna dance?
Not yet. I want to get used to the at-
mosphere and people watch, I shouted over
the blaring music.
What about a drink? he asked.
Ill have a ginger ale. I dont really
drink.
Of course you dont, he smiled.
As he walked to the bar, a girl ran up
and threw her arms around him. I watched
as they chatted for a minute, noticing how
she giggled and tossed her hair. There was
no art to her flirtation.
I glanced over at Tiffany and Lance
who were lost in each other on the dance
floor. Despite being surrounded by a crowd,
they only noticed each other. Watching them
felt like witnessing the sweetest of love stor-
ies unfold. I could imagine being at their for-
tieth anniversary when we were old and gray.
I sat back to take in the hectic, loud scene.
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Hey there, a guy said, sliding in to
the seat Jaxon vacated. I turned and found
Cole sitting next to me. I was completely
speechless.
Is this seat taken?
Wow, w-what are you? How did
you? I stammered.
Surprised? he asked, raising his
eyebrows.
To say the least.
He was so close that I could feel his
body heat. He was dressed in his normal
preppy way, wearing a red Abercrombie and
Fitch polo, worn Abercrombie and Fitch
jeans, steel fossil watch, and brown designer
shoes. His light brown hair was gelled into
an intentionally messy look. He was clean
shaven and his ice blue eyes sparkled in the
dance lights. I caught the scent of his co-
logne. It immediately brought me back to the
couch in his parents basement. I would in-
hale that smell, dreaming of our future,
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wishing I could stay there and never go
home. Of course, that was when I thought we
had a future.
He was everything that I wanted for
so long.
He was home - the good parts of it.
How've you been? he asked, hugging
me.
My skin erupted in goose bumps at
his familiar touch. Half of me wanted to
shove him out of the booth for wasting what
we had. The other half wanted to curl into
his arms and go home. He was never excit-
ing, but he was always comfortable.
Pretty good, I yelled over the loud
music. I inched back to put some distance
between us.
I looked over at the bar, but Jaxon
had disappeared in the crowd. In all likeli-
hood, he was behind the wall of half-naked
college girls at the far corner. I couldn't see
Lance and Tiffany on the dance floor
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anymore, but I caught a glimpse of her red
heels through the forest of feet. I wanted to
strangle her for not telling me Cole was com-
ing. I now knew thats who she had been
talking about being at the club.
He moved closer and leaned to my
ear. Im really sorry about how I ended
things. I never should have done that to
you, he whispered, reaching his hand under
my hair and pulling me closer to his lips.
Kissing my neck, he worked his way up to my
face and found my lips. The bass from the
music was vibrating through the whole club,
and his familiar kiss reverberated through
my body.
His touch brought back a lifetime of
memories, not all of them good. I cried for
hours when he dumped me, and my dad
slammed his fists against my locked bed-
room door, screaming at me to shut up. I al-
ways hoped Cole would save me from him
after high school. When he broke up with
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me, it reminded me that there were no hand-
some princes to whisk damsels away from
fire-breathing dragons. It was up to each of
us to make our own way and I was proud of
myself for pushing forward.
I pulled away. I looked over at him
and felt the pull of temptation. His leg
pressed against mine under the table. He
was right there, offering to return something
Id lost, offering a safe haven away from col-
lege and Jaxon. This was as seductive as Jax-
ons body, but for the opposite reason.
I finally saw Tiffany on the dance floor
and tried in vain to make eye contact. It was
impossible to imagine that she knew about
this and thought it would make me happy.
Was this some sort of plan Tiffany had to get
us back together?
She wasnt a fan of Jaxon, but she
didnt like Cole after he broke my heart. She
was too busy dancing to notice me, so I gave
up and turned back to Cole. I still didnt say
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anything. What was I supposed to say? You
cant undo the past.
Cole , I started, looking down and
away from him.
Dont say anything yet. I know youre
upset with me and shocked to see me. But I
couldnt keep texting and calling with no an-
swer, he said. Lets just dance and have fun
tonight. Tomorrow well worry about the
rest.
Fine, I sighed.
Taking my hand, he pulled me toward
the dance floor. There was no sign of Jaxon
and Tiffany and Lance disappeared back into
the dancing horde. I was in a state of shock
and in no condition to resist.
He pulled me close to him on the
dance floor. The music was thumping and
everyone was grinding and hopping around,
but he held me, swaying slowly like two kids
at a homecoming dance. He put his hand on
the small of my back, pressing our bodies
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together, my face against his chest. Through
the music and voices, I could hear his heart
beating. He kissed my cheek.
What the fuck are you doing,
growled Jaxons deep, raspy voice.
Slightly startled, I pushed Cole's arms
away. Before I could say anything, Jaxons
arm shot forward and shoved Cole. He
stumbled back but avoided falling.
I asked what the fuck you were do-
ing, Jaxon shouted, his brown eyes flushed
black with anger.
I was shocked. I couldn't even speak.
What was he doing?
I haven't seen you around here be-
fore. You think you can show up and touch
any girl you want? Because Im here to tell
you thats not gonna fucking happen! he
yelled, thumping Coles chest with his index
finger.
People around us stopped dancing
and started to form a circle. Cole looked at
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me, confused. I stepped between them and
glared at Jaxon. The veins in his arms were
bulging and looked ready to rip out of his
skin.
Stop it! I know him, I said, resting a
hand on his heaving chest.
What dyou mean you know him?
From where?
Hes my boyfriend. Well, ex-boy-
friend, I said. His breath smelled of liquor.
That might explain the temper and his pro-
longed absence from our table.
His eyes didnt meet mine; they were
staring straight at Cole, burning with hatred.
They looked the same way they did the night
of the race when he hit his opponent. Getting
in between him and Cole was not a good
idea.
Elana, who is this guy? Cole asked.
Are you with him?
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No, were friends. Thats it, I replied.
Jaxon looked at me and something in his
face shifted.
She sleeps in my bed, but its none of
your business, Jaxon growled.
Stop, Jaxon! I shouted, glaring at
him.
What had gotten into him? I thought
everything between us was friendly, but he
was behaving like an overprotective boy-
friend. He had some nerve, considering the
fan club that followed him around.
Maybe the kiss between us did mean
something.
Maybe I should just go, Elana, Cole
said, looking askance at Jaxon. Ill call you
later.
He hugged me for a long time and
whispered, I still love you Elana.
I couldnt get myself to respond so I
just smiled. Cole smiled back and then trot-
ted out the door while Jaxon stared Cole
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down, refusing to back down completely un-
til he was out of the club. The crowd dissip-
ated as the threat of violence subsided.
Tiffany and Lance appeared as Jaxons fists
finally relaxed.
What happened, she said.
Cole is what happened. How could
you not tell me?
I thought it would be a great sur-
prise, Tiffany explained.
It didnt turn out. Tell me next time.
Trust me, I will.
Jaxon was still fuming, and Lance
looked nervously at Tiffany. Lets go. I think
weve all had enough for tonight.
Really? I think Elana was just getting
started, Jaxon sneered.
Were leaving, Lance said, pushing
him to the door. I followed, trying to figure
out how everything had gotten so crazy.
When we were finally outside the
club, Jaxon was surprisingly quiet. We
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watched him, waiting for an explanation. He
shrugged like the whole thing was a non-
event. Whether he admitted it or not, it was
obvious to me that he confronted Cole be-
cause he saw him touching me and kissing
me.
I took a deep breath before speaking.
You can't do that Jaxon. You have no right
to push someone off me like that.
You don't know how these guys work
around here, Toots. Theyll take advantage of
you if you give them half a chance. How was
I supposed to kn
These guys? Like its some anonym-
ous group that you arent part of, I
interrupted.
No, these guys go after girls like prey.
Girls come after me. They know what they're
getting themselves into and they volunteer
for it.
Thats a lovely opinion of women.
Were all just dying to hop into bed and
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become your morning cast-offs. You are so
goddamn arrogant!
Youre twisting it around and you
know it. And what about you? Why would
you let that asshole touch you after he broke
your heart? he shouted. He hit a nerve. I
was angry with myself for letting him affect
me.
That's none of your business.
Youre my business, Toots. I look out
for you. At least, I try to, he said, looking
defeated as he said it.
Like you looked out for me the last
few days by kissing me and taking off? I can
live without that kind of protection, thanks.
Calm down, guys, Tiffany said. You
dont want to do this herenot like this.
Jaxon looked at Lance for some kind
of help, but Lance shrugged his shoulders
and shook his head.
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Fine, Im sorry, Elana. Youre right!
He tried to look contrite, but anger was still
pulsing through his body.
We all stood there, held captive by an
awkward silence. There wasnt much left to
say. I was tired and ready for the evening to
be over. I didnt need to hear that he was
sorry.
Tiff and I are gonna grab some ice
cream. Do you guys want to come with?
Lance offered.
No, I'm just going to walk home,
Jaxon said. I wouldnt mind some company
though.
He winked at me. Ill go. He's obvi-
ously had more than enough to drink and I
don't want him to pass out on the way
home.
Are you sure? Tiffany looked at me,
worried.
Yeah, I'm sure. It would be nice to
get some fresh air. And it would probably be
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good for Captain Rage over here too, I said,
pointing my thumb at him.
Ill look out for her, he said, wrap-
ping his arm around my neck.
Its you Im worried about Jax. I
dont want her stuck taking care of you, so
behave your drunk self, Tiffany responded.
I will! Dont worry about it, he said,
walking away.
I ran after him and looked back at
Tiffany and Lance. Call me later, she
mouthed, making the telephone sign with
her hand.
Chapter 13
It took us a good half an hour to get
back to the apartment. Jaxon leaned on me
most the way home, stumbling. The adren-
aline provided a temporary, false sobriety. As
he calmed down, his level of intoxication was
unmistakable. He didn't say anything and
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neither did I. Having a conversation with a
drunk person is like talking to a petulant
child; they can't understand you and throw
tantrums at the smallest provocation.
I unlocked the apartment door and
pushed it open with my foot. Jaxon lurched
inside and fell on the floor. He groaned as I
kicked the door closed and flipped on the
lights. I knelt down next to him and rubbed
his back. He put his arm under his face like a
makeshift pillow.
Are you going to be okay? I asked
concerned.
How could you fall for that preppy
loser? Jaxon said. He looks like a jackass.
You don't even know him Jax, I
whispered.
I continued rubbing his back. Com-
forting him while he was drunk reminded me
of my father, but Jaxon wasn't throwing
punches at me. He was calm, almost too
calm.
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He broke your heart, Toots. He
doesn't deserve you.
But people deserve second chances,
right?
Not all people.
Jaxon crawled to the coffee table and
pulled himself up. He stumbled a few steps
before falling on the couch, drunk and ex-
hausted. He was far from logical at the time,
but his words made sense. Some people did
things so bad they didnt deserve second
chances. If they were physically abusing
someone they definitely didnt. My father
was the exception to that thought process.
Its always harder to do than say. Neverthe-
less, it was my life and he wasnt allowed to
bully people out of it. If I wanted to give him
another shot, Jaxon should respect that.
I'm sorry, Toots. Can we just cuddle
and call it a night? he asked, opening his
arms.
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Even though he was gorgeous, he
looked rough, like any other drunken oaf.
His eyes were rimmed in red, like he hadnt
slept in days or had been drinking for days.
You need to get some sleep. Well
talk tomorrow.
Come on. Whats cuddling going to
hurt?
Jax, I have to shower and then get
some sleep. Lets talk when youre a little less
drunk.
Well, I could use a shower too. Prob-
ably help me out of the shitty shape Im in.
You can take one when Im done
Jax, I said as I walked to the bathroom.
He closed his eyes this time.
I shut the bathroom door behind me
and stripped naked. I never cared about my
appearance until now. I looked in the mirror
thinking to myself why he would want to see
me bare. What did he like about me?
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I slipped the shower curtain back and turned
the faucet on. After I waited a few minutes
for the water to get warm, I stepped in. I re-
played the nights events. So much had
happened and none of it made much sense to
me. The water washed away the tension and
a few stray tears. I grabbed my towel and
stepped out when my fingers started to
prune. I looked for my toothbrush and found
it underneath a plush blue robe on the
counter with a card on top. I opened it and it
said, Enjoy, Toots!
I had no idea why he got me a gift.
Out of everything he could have got me a
robe was a strange choice. I opened it up try-
ing to see if it would fit. When I decided it
did, I slipped the robe on and it was a perfect
fit. It almost made getting out of the shower
worth it. I hugged myself and rubbed the soft
fabric on my arms. After I brushed my teeth,
I left it on, went to the bedroom, and got into
bed. I was exhausted but not sleepy yet, so I
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grabbed my book from the bedside table,
hoping it would lull me to sleep.
I didnt want to feel like a zombie the
next day.
The couch creaked and then I heard
footsteps coming in my direction. Jaxon
strode into the hall and stopped at the
hamper. He pulled down his pants and
kicked them off before slipping his shirt up
over his head. Then he threw them in the
hamper and walked in the bedroom.
Reading a sappy romance book?
Jaxon asked, eyeing me as he grabbed a
clean t-shirt and boxers out of the dresser. I
didnt think you were the type, Toots. Oh,
and you might want to dry your hair. I'm not
sleeping in any wet stuff tonight, he said
with a grin.
How he managed to sober up enough
to walk on his own was a mystery. Why he
thought he was going to sleep in the same
bed as me was an even bigger mystery.
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You dont have to worry about it, be-
cause youll be on couch tonight, like nor-
mal, I said, looking down at my book to
avoid staring at his half naked body.
Damn, he said, strutting by me and
down the hall to the bathroom.
Moments later, I heard the shower
and went back to reading. Before I knew it,
the shower was shut off and Jaxon made his
way back. He walked in the room with the
towel tied around his waist, drawing my eyes
to his broad chest. Grabbed the wrong T-
shirt, he said, dropping the towel to his feet.
Lord, grant me strength.
I couldn't look away. It was a crime
not to look at something that beautiful, that
structurally perfect. He had to of known
what he was doing to me and that I would
look. I wish I could fight looking, but I
couldnt. He grabbed boxers and pulled them
on, skipping the t-shirt altogether. He came
over and stretched out across the foot of the
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bed. I sat with my back against the head-
board, legs stretched in front of me, my pink
toes almost brushing his chiseled, inked
chest.
What are you doing? I asked, trying
to stifle a smile.
Relaxing while you read that book.
Try not to distract me, okay?
I wont Elana, try, he said, grinning.
I crossed my feet, rubbing them to-
gether. I loved to read romance books. Using
my imagination to picture the scenes was a
great escape and usually the closest I got to
sex on any given day. However, I couldn't
read with Jaxon half-naked at my feet, be-
cause my imagination was too busy picturing
him all the way naked. I noticed him facing
me, trying to see up my robe, or so I thought.
I closed the book and watched him, not
blinking an eye.
What, Jaxon?
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Nothing, he said, rotating his head
and looking at the ceiling. Nice robe. Thats
all.
Oh, thanks. I found it in the bath-
room. It wasnt necessary to get me
anything.
Gifts usually arent.
Why a robe of all things?
Because Ive realized how much you
like showers. Youre so much happier when
you come out. I thought the robe would
make it even better.
Thanks, Jaxon, I said, happy of his
thoughtfulness.
Anything for you, Toots. I know that
sounds cheesy but its the truth.
I smiled and opened my book, strug-
gling to focus on something other than his
body. After another half an hour, I put my
book down and looked at him with his hands
locked together on his bare stomach. His
thumbs moved in a circle around each other.
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My dark hair was loose and flowing in
the breeze blowing through the open win-
dow. The same breeze carried his body wash
and shampoo scent to me, enhancing my de-
sire by stimulating another of my senses. I
thought of questions to ask him to distract
my eyes.
What causes you to get so mad that
you want to fight? I asked, intrigued by
what he might say.
He cleared his throat. I dont know. I
get sick of all the things that go wrong in life.
It becomes too much sometimes, he said,
fidgeting with his waist band. He acted like
he wanted to say more, but stopped himself.
What made you move to Florida if
you had some big romance back home? he
asked, changing the subject.
It was a lot of things. Kinda painful,
you know? There were some problems at
home, I said softly. You learn to deal with
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things as best you can, but sometimes the
best way to deal is to leave.
He nodded. This time, Jaxon was
really listening. He wasn't distracted or
angling for sex. It was just the two of
ustalking.
In the bedroom.
His eyes softened. He lifted his left
hand and placed it gently on my lower leg. I
picked up the book and started to read again,
but kept thinking about Cole and Jaxon. I
felt bad that Jaxon went after Cole like that,
but I was angry at Cole for showing up unan-
nounced like he could erase dumping me.
Jaxon was growing on me. I was start-
ing to enjoy his company as much as I en-
joyed looking at him. The kiss between us
felt meaningful, but so did Coles kiss.
Looking down at Jaxon, I noticed his
breathing was heavy and steady and hed
closed his eyes.
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Are you awake? I whispered.
I wanted to ask him about the kiss,
but he didn't respond. Leaning over care-
fully, I placed my book on the bedside table
and turned off the lamp. I slipped under the
sheets without disturbing Jaxon and went to
sleep.
Chapter 14
I awoke to the smell of eggs and the
sound of clinking pans. I rolled out of bed
and stretched my arms to the ceiling as I
stood up. I yawned and walked into the kit-
chen where Jaxon was standing in front of
the stove in his boxers, spatula in hand. Hed
cooked breakfast several times, but this was
the first since we kissed.
Morning, Toots. I see somebody had
a nice sleep.
I gave him a sleepy smile and rubbed
sleep from my eyes.
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Hey, a smile, I haven't seen one of
those for a while.
You havent seen one because you
havent been here. You disappeared without
a trace, only to show up at the club.
Only for a few days. I had some
things to do back home, but you slipped out
every morning before that without even a
hello.
I looked away rather than explain my-
self. Before that comment, I wasnt even sure
hed noticed.
How about I give you a ride to school
after breakfast? We can catch-up.
Last night was enough catching up.
No thanks, I said, sitting down on a
stool. I like the walk to campus. It's the per-
fect weather for it.
He walked over and stood on the oth-
er side of the counter from where I was sit-
ting. Come on, Toots, he said, leaning on
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the counter. Youve never even seen my
car.
I rolled my eyes. Do you think it
makes you cool or something?
I dont think I need any help in that
department, but it is pretty spectacular.
I laughed. Your lines are getting
cheesier. Are you running out of material?
I have plenty more and Ill keep say-
ing them until they work. Especially if theyll
get you in my car.
Please, dont!
He smirked. How about this, if you
ride with me I wont say anymore?
Deal! But only this once, so youll
shut up and I kind of want to see this
pathetic pick-up mobile. Ill probably laugh.
You disappoint me. I thought girls
loved muscle cars.
My eyes went wide. He had my atten-
tion. What kind of muscle car?
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I have a seventy-one Ford Torino Co-
bra SS, he said.
I used to love muscle cars, but for nos-
talgias sake, not sex appeal. Before my mom
got sick, my dad would rebuild them. When I
was younger, he let me help him on the
weekends. Wed listen to old rock music and
stay in the garage until Mom made us come
in for dinner. It was the only tomboy thing I
did and the father and daughter time was
worth it.
It sounds nice.
Nice? Seriously? Its tough and sexy,
not nice. Like me. He laughed at his own
joke, but I gave him an eye roll.
You said you would stop! They are
getting cheesier.
I cant help it. So Im guessing you
dont want to go anymore? he asked, pa-
tiently waiting my answer.
I want to go still, just one time. Now
lets hurry so I make it to school on time.
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Awesome, he said, grinning.
I ate quickly, eager to see the car and get to
class. I was surprised that it escaped my at-
tention this long. They usually made so
much noise that they were impossible to
miss. I should have known since his drag
race car was a Ford Torino.
When we finished eating and reached the
parking lot, I realized why I hadnt noticed it
before. It was parked at the back in an isol-
ated, shady spot. It was red with a black
stripe that went from the trunk to the hood.
The door handles were missing, and the body
was completely smooth where the door
crease should have been.
You welded the doors closed on your
personal car? I asked surprised.
Yup, it was my first race car and nev-
er took the time to make the doors open
again. So it was a great day to wear a dress,
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Toots, he said, laughing. Let me climb in
first, so I can get a little peek.
I raised my eyebrow. Stay put Jaxon.
Youre not getting a free show.
Are you sure? I wont tell anyone.
I grinned. Positive.
It was a gorgeous, warm day, so I was
wearing a loose sundress with a short, flow-
ing skirt. I grabbed the roof of the car and
slid feet first through the passenger's side
window. My dress rode up, revealing most of
my thighs and a hint of underwear.
He smiled down at me.
My face went crimson.
I quickly adjusted my dress and sat
for a few moments, making note of the modi-
fications hed made. Anything to distract me
from the stupid grin he had on his face. I
hadnt been in a muscle car in almost four
years. My dad sold his last one about a year
after my mom passed away.
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The low, hard leather seat seemed for-
eign to me and my feet were almost straight
out, resting on the floor. Jaxon slid into the
driver's seat and belted himself in and I fol-
lowed suit. When I was little, my dad always
told me to wear pants if we went to a show
with his drag race car. He didnt want me
climbing in and out, giving the world a view
of my backside. However, Jaxon didnt both-
er to mention the need to climb in and out of
his car when I left the apartment with him.
Well played.
Ever been in a muscle car? he asked,
pushing the key in the ignition.
Yes, I said, crossing my legs. My
dad had a blue and black seventy-one
Torino.
Are you serious? he asked, shocked.
Uh, yeah, I responded, looking out
the corner of my eye. What's so crazy about
that?
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He smiled. Most guys go for the
Camaro, Mustang, or Chevelle, not the
Torino. Your dad must be one cool fucking
guy!
He had no idea.
Let's just go. I don't want to be late.
Okay, okay. Lets get this badass ma-
chine rolling then.
He turned the key and the engine
coughed then caught. The side muffler emit-
ted a steady, meaty beat that rattled the oth-
er cars in the parking lot. He dipped the
clutch, put the manual shifter into reverse,
and we shot backwards before stopping and
going forward. The car fishtailed, its rear
wheels spinning, when we turned onto the
road. He barely lifted his foot off the gas ped-
al, when the tires squealed a tortured protest
going around the curve. The car roared along
the university streets.
Even though he slowed down, riding
in the car still felt good. I looked out the
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window and noticed students glancing at us
as we rumbled by them. The wind blew
through my hair, making me feel freea feel-
ing I hadnt had in a long time. I started tap-
ping a beat on my knee with my free hand.
My fingers moved faster and faster as he
wheeled the car by the main campus
building.
You okay? You seem fidgety, he
said, touching my tapping hand.
I looked at him and smiled, Yup, fine
and dandy.
And it was. His strong hand on mine
only made it better. His touch, my hair blow-
ing in the wind, and the roar of the engine
made me feel euphoric. As usual, my phone
brought my attention back to the surface; I
thumbed the talk button.
Hey Tiff! I shouted over the car's
engine.
Are you in a loud car? she asked.
Yeah, Jaxons driving me to class.
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So, everythings all right? Nothing
bad happened after you got home last night?
Not even something that might have felt
good, but could end up being very bad?
I laughed and so did she. No, nothing
bad happenednot even the good kind of
bad, I said, sensing Jaxon's eyes on me.
Did you need something?
Nothing special, but lets plan to get
together tomorrow and study. We havent
had enough girl time lately.
That sounds great. Ill talk to you
later.
Love you, girl.
Love you.
I pressed end and slipped my phone
into my purse.
Jaxon smiled at me, Its sweet to see
two girls in love.
Dont be an ass Jax. It is sweet. We
always say that when we hang up. She
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started when my mom . . . She started a
while ago.
Picturing you two in love is sweet for
me, he said, winking.
You really are an ass, I said and
laughed as he pulled onto the campus drive.
He parked and flipped the car off. I
suddenly felt conspicuous. There wasnt a
subtle way to climb out of a car in a sun-
dress, and there were people everywhere at
that hour. There was a group a few cars
away, standing around, chatting and
smoking. They watched us arrive and kept
their eyes on us as we walked away.
One of the guys shouted, New flavor
of the week, Jaxon?
His herd chuckled on cue. One girl
turned around angrily and started toward us.
Are you fucking kidding me Jax?
Jaxon turned to her, shaking his head.
Amber, weve been over this. There is
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nothing between us anymore. You need to let
it go.
The guy that started it walked up be-
hind her. Is that any way to treat a woman?
Theres no need to be rude just because you
found a new piece of ass man.
Amber crossed her arms and looked
past Jaxon to me. You arent special, you
know. He does this with everyone. Dont
think youve got some advantage because you
live together. Everyone around us was
listening and watching.
Man, youve gotta learn how to treat
a lady, the guy said, walking toward me.
Im Bobby, he said, putting his hand
out for me to shake.
I backed up, looking for a way out of
the whole mess. Bobby stepped forward and
said, Ive heard about you, Iowa. You let me
know if he gives you any trouble. Weve got a
support group for the girls he ditches. I could
rehabilitate you. He touched my arm, but I
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pulled back. Before I could do anything else,
Jaxon was in front of me, towering over
Bobby.
You touch her again and you fucking
die. Got it? He was utterly calm and com-
pletely terrifying as he said it.
Cmon, Jax, you know youre going to
get sick of her. I just want her to know she
has options.
Someones got to clean up your
messes, Jaxon, Amber snapped.
He turned to Amber with a look bor-
dering on cruelty and said, You pursued me.
Lets not pretend it was any other way. My
patience is gone. Ive tried to let you go
nicely but you just dont get it. Get back to
that posse of idiots and leave my fucking
friend alone. Its not her fault that you make
bad choices, got it?
Again, his voice was steady and quiet,
but the rage wasnt hidden. She scrunched
her eyes and started to open her mouth, but
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caught herself and headed back to her
friends.
Not nice, Jacky. Your new ladys
gonna think youre a bit of a bastard, Bobby
said. He turned to me to say something else.
In a flash, he was on the ground. Jaxon
loomed over him, fists at the ready.
Whoa, Jacky, calm down. Were just
having a friendly conversation, he said,
shielding his face with his hands.
Hes not worth it, I said to Jaxon,
placing my hand on his chest. Lets get out
of here.
His arm twitched with the urge to
throw a punch, but he stood up and relaxed
his fists. Im sorry about that, Toots. No one
should ever treat you that way, no one, he
said to me.
He put his hand on my back, guiding
me away from the drama. His hand was
warm with power, and it covered the small of
my back like the paw of some massive
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creature. I never really had anyone rush to
my defense other than Tiffany. Cole wasnt
that kind of guy. It was impressive, but
intimidating.
Adding up the fight after the race, last
nights confrontation with Cole, and this
mornings events, made it seem like Jaxon
had serious anger management issues. I
began to wonder how much control he really
had over his temper. For the first time, his
Herculean build didnt seem as appealing.
Chapter 15
My morning was strange and class
was grueling. I was happy to have a break at
lunch to sort things out in my head. Trying to
listen to my professors lecture while Jaxon
popped in and out of my head, was overly
difficult. I found a quiet spot under a tree
and took out a book but kept thinking about
Jaxon.
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Was he sexy because he seemed
dangerous?
Was I that girl?
I heard the tinkling sound of too many
bracelets approaching from behind and
turned, expecting Tiffany. I got Amber. She
sat down without saying a word.
Ive got a lot to do, so I dont have
time for this drama. Jaxon and I are just
friends, I said.
Whatever. We both know thats bull-
shit. Even if its technically true, you look like
a lovesick puppy whenever hes around.
Think whatever you need to, but
leave me out of it, I said, not taking the time
to look at her.
Trust me, I dont plan to hang out
with you. Were not going to get a cup of
fucking coffee or anything. But you need to
listen to me.
Why would I do that? Youre mad at
him. It has nothing to do with me.
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Youre damn right Im mad at him,
she shouted. Thats the whole point. And I
hate your whole Im-a-little-angel-from-Iowa
act. But I hate him more. Hes an asshole.
Okay, are we done? I asked, gather-
ing my things.
No. The thing is that youre not spe-
cial. You might think youre special, but hes
already got, like, some big deal girlfriend
back home. Thats why all he ever does
around here is screw and leave.
Its none of my business, I said, rip-
ping blades of grass out of the ground. And
its none of yours. I think he made his feel-
ings perfectly clear this morning. Why do
you want him if he has a girlfriend anyway?
Because okay. Now listen to me, be-
cause thats the only way Im gonna leave.
And I can be a real pain in the ass. Just ask
Jaxon.
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Say what you need to say, so I can get
back to work. I really dont have time for this
Amber.
You know he disappears, right? Like
for days at a time? You must have noticed.
I dont keep track of his schedule.
He was gone a lot, but I wasnt sharing that
with her. He obviously didnt want her to be
a part of his life. It should have been per-
fectly clear to her.
Hes got some secret girlfriend. I
think hes even got some kid with her.
What? I asked, surprised by the
accusation.
I saw his phone a few times Elana.
You saw it, or you went snooping
through it?
She glared at me. The point is that he
has all of these textslike dozens of them.
Its some chick named Maggie. Shes always
asking when hes coming to visit again and if
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he misses Katie. Shes constantly saying that
she loves him at, like, all hours of the night.
Is that your whole story? A single guy
in college gets late-night texts from a girl?
Are you going to tell me the sky is blue next,
or should I just figure that out for myself?
Youre a real bitch. Im just trying to
help you out. Theres no reason we should all
have to suffer because of that bastard.
Well, thank you for your altruism
Amber. Have a nice day.
Whatever.
She snatched up her things and
stomped away. I resisted the urge to hurl a
clump of dirt at her head. Jaxon was lucky to
get away from her, unless she was actually
right.
Maybe Id be lucky to get away from
him.
I met Tiffany at the cafe after my last
afternoon class. I needed some pleasant
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conversation, hot coffee, and fresh pie. I fin-
ished up homework while I waited for her.
The bell rang that was attached to the main
door causing me to look up, it was Tiffany.
She strode over and asked, So, whats
new? She slid into the booth on the opposite
side of me.
Nothin much. Classes. Tests. You
know the drill.
Uh-huh. So, youre eating pie with
two scoops of ice cream before dinner be-
cause of classes?
People eat pie all the time. Nobody
needs a reason to eat pie.
If I had a pie chart showing why you
eat pie, there would be one little sliver of pie
is good and the rest of it would be having a
bad day.
Ha ha. Pie chart for pie eating. Youre
hilarious.
Just spill it before they run out of
pie, she laughed. It was gratifying to have
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someone know me so well, but it was im-
possible to hide anything from her.
What do you know about Jaxon?
Ah, so its one of those
conversations.
No, its just that I heard some things.
I live in his apartment, so Im allowed to be
curious, right?
Ill be honest with you; I know what
you know. Lance is his oldest friend, but we
dont talk about him. I know something big
happened before they came to school, but
Ive never asked for details. Theyre guys.
They probably dont even talk about it in
front of each other.
Well, does he I stumbled over the
words. Does he have anydoes he or could
he, maybe, have a kid or something?
She started laughing so hard that she
choked on her coffee. Jaxon? Jaxon?!?
I waited for the laughter to stop.
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No. No, Jaxon does not have a kid.
Where did you get an idea like that?
You know, people talk.
Which people?
Amber.
Not exactly a reliable source.
No, but a convincing source, I poin-
ted out.
Listen, I dont know his whole deal,
but I know you. He may be more than you
can handle. Youre kind of innocent.
I am not. Im as mature as you are.
I dont mean it as an insult. You
dated Cole through all of high school, so your
guy experience is a little limited. You just
graduated and moved across the country.
Youve been through a lot. Ill support any-
thing you want to do, but do you really want
to deal with something like this right now?
No boys, no drama.
He was making me forget my prom-
ises to myself.
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No, not really.
Elana, youre gorgeous. Hot guys are
a dime a dozen. Have fun. Have all the fun
you can, but be careful.
Are you gonna order? I recommend
the cherry, I said, changing the subject.
Ok, girl. You wanna eat pie; well eat
pie.
I watched her place her order. The
waitress smiled like she was talking to an old
friend. Tiffany had that affect on people. I
was lucky she actually was my old friend. She
was right about Jaxon. I had so many plans
for myself and I didnt have time to renovate
some mess of a guy, even a guy that hot.
When I got home, nobody was there. I
walked from room to room, turning on the
lights. I had this need to check the rooms
when I was alone. Even if I knew nobody was
home, I wanted to see for myself.
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I dragged my backpack to his desk
and sat down to do some homework, but I
wasnt motivated. My stomach was filled
with pie, and my thoughts were filled with
Jaxon. There probably wasnt a kid, but there
was definitely someone. He disappeared for
two or three days every couple of weeks. It
wasnt for racing because Lance always went
on those trips. There was something else.
Looking for an extra pen, I pulled
open the top drawer of his desk. There
wasnt much in the drawersa couple of
pens, loose change, a movie ticket stub. I
grabbed a pen but realized I needed a high-
lighter, so I had to keep looking. The bottom
drawer on the left was filled with paper files.
The top drawer on the right was practically
empty.
The center drawer on the right had a
framed portrait in it. The girl was beautiful.
She had long brown hair and dark eyes.
There was something familiar about her, but
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I couldnt place her. I tried to remember if
she was one of the girls from his fan club at
the party.
I noticed another picture at the back
of the drawer, unframed. It was Jaxon and
the same girl at the beach. He had his arm
around her and she was resting her head on
his shoulder. They both squinted in the sun-
light with huge, toothpaste smiles on their
faces. After staring at the pictures for a mo-
ment, I put both back and closed the drawer.
Who was she? Was it his girlfriend
back home that he doesnt tell anyone about?
Maybe it was his baby mama. Amber might
be right. I didnt want her to be. Otherwise,
he was cheating on some girl who likely
didnt have a clue. Plus, I never liked guys
who were taken.
I opened my books and started on my
homework, but I couldnt stop thinking
about the picture of the girl. Whyd I have to
find it. I wasnt going to dare confront him
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about her because I wouldnt want him to if I
was in his position. There wasnt any other
way to find out though.
Once, when I was looking for hidden
Christmas presents in our basement, my
mother caught me. She told me nobody ever
found happiness by snooping.
Boy was she right.
Chapter 16
I still had the apartment to myself the
next night, so I settled onto the couch with
my homework. I pulled my drawing pad onto
my lap and stared at the sketch of Jaxon.
With the charcoal in my hand, I gently
rubbed the outlines of each muscle and his
lips, working on the shading. It was im-
possible to add the full detail to his tattoos,
but I filled in what I could remember and fit.
His left arm had a car of some sort,
some barbwire, chains, and an instrument,
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like a violin. The right had blue that looked
like water and some kind of angel or maybe a
pinup girl. His damn body was so distracting
that I could barely recall the details of his
ink. Tribal tattoos were mixed in to fill each
sleeve and also merged onto his chest and
upper back. If only I could draw his scent, I
had that memorized for life.
Taking a break, I tossed the pad on
the table and turned on the TV. Although
people rarely find anything good, snooping
was extremely addicting. I wanted to look at
the photo again. I wanted to pull everything
out of the closet and hire a forensics team.
Living in his apartment made it impossible
to put him out of my mind, but I hadnt
pushed the university to find me a dorm
room in a while.
My phone rang, waking me up. I man-
aged to sleep all night on the couch, and now
I was late for class.
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Hello?
Hey, babe, its me.
Cole.
So, we said wed get together. How
about dinner, tonight?
Um, tonight? Jaxons drawing was
staring at me from the table.
Yeah, dinner and whatever?
Sure. Yeah, thats great. Dinner, I
said yawning and wiping my eyes.
Hows eight?
Perfect. Great.
Text me the address, and Ill pick you
up.
The address. Yeah, sure.
Are you okay? You sound kind of
strange.
Yeah, no, Im fine. I was up late
studying and overslept. Good thing you
called and woke me up.
Im glad I could help! Ill let you get
back to doing what you were doing, he said.
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Thanks.
See you later.
Okay, bye.
My heart was racing from the sudden
wake-up call and my impending tardiness. I
rushed down the hall to change for class,
leaving my books sprawled across the table
and sofa. As I struggled to find something
clean, I heard the front door open.
Honey, Im home, Jaxon called.
Shit.
Hey, Im just getting dressed. Im
really late.
I pulled a cotton dress over my head
and tried to slip my shoes on as I shuffled
down the hall. Jaxon was in the living room
with my sketch in his hand.
Whos this sexy beast?
Cut it out. Its not done yet. I couldnt
remember all the tattoos, I said, grabbing
the notepad from him.
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It looks great. That professor wont
remember what my ink looks like any more
than you do. He walked toward the hallway
with his duffel bag, stopping to kiss the top
of my head.
What was that for? I tried to ignore it.
Everything okay while I was gone?
Totally. I tried to busy myself organ-
izing my bag, but he was still standing there,
watching me.
Whatre you doing later? Wanna get
dinner or something? Catch-up?
I have plans for dinner.
Ooh, does someone have a hot date?
Not really, its just dinner.
Is your date a secret?
No.
He stared at me. Then who is it?
Its just Cole. Hes still in town for
some reason.
Oh, he said, letting the bag drop. He
rolled his neck from side to side and cracked
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his knuckles. How long is that guy sticking
around?
Im not sure. He left for a few days to
go to some business meeting in Miami, but
he came back.
Lucky us. I wish hed just leave
already. Hes only causing problems.
What problems?
Problems for you.
Me? I think youre the one having
problems with him being around.
Whatever! I could care less about
him.
Okay. I smiled. Well, anyway, class.
Ive gotta I picked up my bag and jerked
my head toward the door. Have a good day,
well catch-up soon.
Sure, soon.
I hurried out the door. Halfway down
the stairs, I realized that I hadnt even
brushed my teeth. It was going to be a long
day.
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Chapter 17
After class, I went home and took a
long, steamy shower and finally brushed my
teeth. The shower was the best part of my
day. I hated to rush out in the morning
without one, but the delay always made me
appreciate the warmth and seclusion even
more. I closed my eyes and pushed the pres-
sures of class, my pointless attraction to Jax-
on, my ambivalence toward Cole, and
everything else out of my head. I knew all of
those things were waiting outside the
shower, but I needed a break from thinking
about them.
Back in my room, I pulled everything
out of my drawers, searching for the right
outfit for my date. I wasnt sure what was go-
ing on between us, but I wanted him to re-
gret breaking up with me. Thankfully Tiffany
had agreed to help me out. As I waited for
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her, I searched for the right outfit but didnt
have a clue what to wear. I went through
both my suitcases of clothes trying to find
the perfect outfit. By the time I was finished,
clothes were scattered all over the bedroom.
I stared at the floor of clothes hoping an idea
would come to me.
"What are you doing?" Tiffany asked,
walking into the bedroom.
I jumped back startled, holding my
hand to my chest. "I should be asking what
you are doing. I could've thought you were
an intruder by not knocking. How did you
get in here without a key?"
"Uh, Jaxon let me in," she said.
"Jax is here?" I asked astonished.
"Well he was walking in as soon as I
got here. He picked something up and then
left."
"Do you know what it was?"
"I didn't really pay attention. It
doesn't matter does it?"
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"No, I guess not," I said.
"You have a huge mess in here," she
said, tiptoeing through the clothes that were
sprinkled on the floor.
"I know," I sighed. "I just don't know
what to wear tonight"
"Why don't you just go as yourself?
The jean skirt, tank top, and converse shoes
always works for you. You already look like
the girl next door, and that attire is the
cherry on top."
"That is what Cole is used to though. I
want to open up his eyes in amazement," I
said, nervously messing with the thread that
was sticking out of my shirt.
"So you want him to realize what he
can't have?"
"Kind of " I answered, continuing to
play with the thread on my shirt.
"Well you better figure it out fast, be-
cause you are going on a date tonight with
Cole. And who knows what he'll try on you."
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I know, but I can say no to Cole.
But not Jaxon? she asked, raising
her eyebrows.
I dont know. Its not the same. She
laughed. Whats so funny?
Just how confused you are.
Thanks Tiff.
Tiffany's phone started to buzz in her
pocket. She slipped it out and looked at the
caller ID before she pressed the talk button.
"Hey baby," she said, pausing and
listening to who I assumed was Lance on the
other end. "Yeah, but I'm going to help Elana
pick something out to wear tonight then I'll
be home."
She looked at me and smiled. I re-
turned a half grin, thankful that she was go-
ing to help me although she would probably
pick out the sluttiest outfit. It was her style,
not mine. She hung up the phone and started
and quickly started sorting through the
clothes on the floor.
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"So Lance said to not do anything I
wouldn't do," she said, nudging her elbow in-
to my shoulder.
"Well, that would mean a short skirt,
revealing tank top, and no bra or panties," I
said laughing.
"Shut up" she sighed. "I'm not that
easy anymore. I got my craziness out in high
school. I don't need to be that girl with
Lance. He's very content like you were in
high school. Its great because I don't have to
put on an act."
She was right. I had noticed that her
personality around Lance was the same as
when we hung out together. She always put
on a different face hanging out with guys be-
cause she thought it is the way they wanted a
girl to act, she was right. Guys liked to be
around her, however, it could've been be-
cause she was known as slutty too. I was
happy to have seen that changed.
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"Let's get going. I've got to take a
shower and get ready. What should I wear?"
What look are you aiming for?
Casual vixen, I said. If thats a
thing.
Oh, its a thing, but one that usually
requires about three weeks of planning. She
laughed, digging through my clothes. I
thought you werent interested in him? You
seemed quite upset when he showed up.
Im not really interested, but I would
like him to regret dumping me. Its very mild
revenge.
And what about Jaxon?
What dyou mean?
I thought your heart was skipping a
beat at the mere mention of his name. How
does he feel about this date? Or are you hop-
ing to inspire a little jealousy?
Not at all. Im not sure he has enough
control over his temper to handle jealousy.
Were friends. I think its one of those things
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where we are attracted to each other, but we
both know better. I think.
Youre implying that he also knows
better.
Hey, Im the country bumpkin from
Iowa and hes the race car driving stud from
the Sunshine State. Im fairly certain he
knows the score better than I do.
You know what my mom used to tell
us assume meant, right?
I know, I know. It makes an ass out
of u and me. But I never even know where he
is. I think he has some secret lover stowed in
another city. I came across a few pictures of
some girl. They were smiling and standing
on the beach together in one of them. They
seemed really close.
Really? she asked surprised. I
could ask Lance.
I dont know Tiff. I just wonder who
could be important enough that he keeps
pictures of her hidden in his desk. From
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everything you told me, he doesnt seem
close to any girls.
Well, Lance and Jaxon havent men-
tioned anyone around me so I dont know
who it is. Like I said, I could ask.
Dont worry about it. Im just going
to try and let it go because I need to focus on
school. He seems really dedicated to drink-
ing, skipping class, racing cars, and sleeping
with girls. Why ruin his fun?
Yeah, here, try this, she said, hand-
ing me a fitted, black jersey dress.
Ive never even worn that. Didnt you
buy it for me?
I did. You cant wear a denim skirt
and sneakers or a sundress everywhere.
I pulled the dress over my head and
looked in the mirror. From the front, it was
perfect. It hugged every curve but it covered
everything, too. It came to my mid-thigh, so
the length was just right. The problem was
the back.
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Theres no back.
Its backless. By definition it has no
back, Tiffany mocked.
How would I wear a bra?
Youre eighteen freaking years old
Elana. Those breasts havent even met grav-
ity yet. If they were these beasts it would be
different she said as she lifted her breasts,
one in each palm. If you had these melons,
youd need something military grade. Those
perfect peaches are fine.
Why are you such a pig?
I believe in equality. If men are pigs,
we need a few female pigs to balance things.
We both laughed, but I wasnt con-
vinced. I kept staring in the mirror, turning
slightly to see my back. It would certainly get
Coles attention.
Maybe its going too far. I want to
make an impression not send him an
invitation.
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Think of it as an inviting impression.
Its just a dress. Youre actions are your
own.
In the mirror, I saw Jaxon appear in
the doorway.
Wow, Toots, thats some kinda dress.
Are you sure you put all of it on?
Dont encourage her pilgrim-like
modesty, Tiffany scolded.
Its too much, right? I asked.
Was I seriously asking for his
opinion?
Its more like its not enough, he
said.
I knew it. Tiffany, I cant.
You can and you will. It looks amaz-
ing, right Jaxon? I could see her measuring
his expression, looking for signs of interest.
Amazing is one word for it. He stood
there, staring at me, eyes unblinking. The si-
lence expanded to fill the space between us.
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So, thats a yes on the dress? Tiffany
asked.
Sure.
Jaxon folded his arms and leaned
against the door frame. Well, Toots, should
I clear out of here for the night?
If you want to, why?
He wants to know if youre going to
have any overnight guests. Tiffany clarified.
No, I wont. Its your apartment
anyway.
I wont really be around, he said.
Ive got a date of my own.
Well, well, well, Tiffany chimed. I
thought you just took girls to bed, not
dinner.
A guys gotta eat, he winked at me.
My blood ran cold. I walked to the
other side of the room and grabbed the door
knob, yanking the door halfway closed. If
you dont mind, I need to change.
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I dont mind at all. As a matter of
fact, Id love to see. He flashed a grin, and I
had to restrain myself from slamming the
door in his face.
I mind. Get out. Please.
Sure thing, Toots. And have fun with
that jerk tonight.
I shut the door. Can you believe
him? I asked in a loud whisper. Who the
hell does he think he is?
Tiffany looked at me, smiling. Well,
clearly he knows who you are. Im almost im-
pressed. I always assumed he barely knew
himself, let alone anyone else.
What are you talking about? I paced
around the room, picking up the discarded
outfits and tossing them in a pile.
It took him about thirty-seconds to
make you insanely jealous.
Jealous? I am not jealous. Im
There was definitely a word to describe how I
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felt that had nothing to do with jealousy.
Im, Im modest.
Modest?
Yes, modest. Hes a guy, and Im in
here getting dressed. Its not appropriate.
Uh-huh. Makes sense to me. Why
just last week a boy almost saw my ankles
and I about fainted, she said in a fake south-
ern belle accent.
Youre hilarious, really. Id laugh, but
I dont want to fall out the back of this
dress.
Why did she have to be right all the
time? It was her most annoying trait.
Listen, you look fabulous. Go on your
date with Cole and forget about Jaxon. You
already said it would never work with you
two. You cant expect him to sit around pin-
ing for you.
I cant expect it, but it would be
nice.
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It was true. I had no right to be jeal-
ous of Jaxons date. We were just friends and
roommates. It was time to get him out of my
head for good. Its easier said than done.
I know what you mean. But dont
make him a backup plan to Cole. You
wouldnt want to be led along.
Youre right. Well Im going to go
shower Tiff. Thanks, I said, hugging her.
No problem.
Chapter 18
I quickly took a shower, tugged the
dress over my head, and slipped on my bra
and panties. I sat on the couch crossing my
legs showing plenty off, more than I ever did.
I rubbed my hands up and down my legs try-
ing to get rid of my clammy palms that built
up from nervousness. Last time I had been
nervous seeing Cole before a date was our
first time going out together.
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Tiffany had set us up for the
Valentine's dance because neither one of us
had someone to go with. At the time her boy-
friend hung out with Cole so it seemed right
to go together, even though we had only
spoken a couple words to one another.
I remembered shaking and feeling
clammy all over, very similar to the situation
I found myself in waiting for Cole to pick me
up. The doorbell rang and I got up from the
couch while straightening out my dress. I
slowly strode to the door because I didn't
want him to know that I had been waiting for
him and was anxious to get going.
I opened the door and Cole reached
his arm out. I smiled and took a hold. He
walked me down the sidewalk into the park-
ing lot. We stopped at what looked like a
brand-new black BMW SUV. He looked at
me and laughed at whatever facial
expression.
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"Are you okay?" Cole asked with con-
cern in his voice.
"Yeah, yeah. Let's just get going," I
said with nervousness
Cole opened the passenger side door
for me.
How chivalrous.
I just wanted to get a look at you and
it was worth it. He smiled and it was filled
with the warmth of every summer we spent
in Iowa.
You look great too. He was wearing
a crisp blue shirt and freshly pressed khakis.
I had forgotten how preppy his clothes were.
He didnt have Jaxons edge, but you always
knew what to expect with Cole.
I slid into the seat and buckled in. He
hopped in the drivers seat and when I
looked over at him my eyes instantly locked
on Jaxons car that was in the parking lot. I
bent forward to get a better look and could
see two shadows in the car. I sat back trying
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to relax my nerves. Were going to Casa
Italia. I know Italian isnt your favorite, but
there arent that many good restaurants in
town. I guess college students are mainly a
burgers and pizza crowd.
Italian is fine Cole.
The car was a gorgeous new BMW. It
was like riding on a cloud to the restaurant.
It was the polar opposite of the loud muscle
car Jaxon drove. Cole reached over and took
hold of my hand, squeezing it lightly before
letting go. We stayed quiet for the short drive
to the restaurant.
Uncomfortable silence.
I was happy when we reached the res-
taurant. He made reservations, so we were
seated immediately sitting at a noiseless
table by the window. There was a single calla
lily in a vase on our table.
Ive never seen a restaurant put calla
lilies on the tables, I said.
They dont.
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I looked around; noticing the other
tables all had a single rose.
I had them put your favorite flower
on our table.
You didnt have to do that, Cole.
What was he doing? This was sup-
posed to be a casual dinner to catch-up with
an old friend from home, but he was being
more romantic than the entire time we
dated. I wanted him to regret breaking up
with me, but I wasnt prepared for this.
Have you eaten here before?
No, not yet. My budget isnt very res-
taurant friendly.
Cole never really understood that
money was a limited resource. His father
paid for everything when we were growing
up and Cole went to work for the family busi-
ness after we graduated. He never under-
stood why I had to work in a diner when my
father had the money to support me. Since
his parents were sitcom-perfect, he couldnt
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imagine wanting freedom from parents, fin-
ancial or otherwise.
To be fair, I never explained it to Cole.
He knew my father drank and had a temper,
but I would blame any bruises on clumsiness
or keep my shirt on when we fooled around.
Even as I fantasized about being rescued, I
didnt want anyone to know how much I
needed rescuing. It was embarrassing. If
Tiffany hadnt been there, I might not have
told anyone. How could I? How do you tell
someone with a life like Coles that your life
is a nightmare?
Elana?
Sorry, what?
I asked what youre going to order.
Im not sure, maybe the Fettuccine
Alfredo? Do you think theyd add broccoli if I
asked?
I wouldnt want to ask, but you know
me and broccoli. Theyd probably have no
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problem with it. He laughed nervously. I
might go with the risotto.
He reached his hand across the table
and took hold of mine. Elana, Im really
happy to be here with you.
Me too.
I hope we get to see a lot more of
each other.
I had no idea what he meant. Was he
planning to move to Florida? My throat was
suddenly dry, but I couldnt grab my water
with him holding my hand.
Should we get the bruschetta? he
asked.
That sounds great. I coughed, so he
would let go of my hand. I took a huge sip of
water to calm my nerves. So, how long are
you in town?
He looked down at the menu and back
up at me. Well, thats what I wanted to talk
to you about. My father wants me to take
some management classes. He said I can
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work in the Miami office a few days a month
and take classes here or online.
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Here?
So we can be closer. Elana, I
shouldnt have broken up with you because
of something stupid like distance. Im hoping
you can forgive me.
Cole, I I dont know what to say. I
had no idea. Weve hardly even talked since I
got here.
I try to call, but youre always busy.
With classes and everything, I never
seem to have any free time.
Listen, I know this is sudden. We
dont have to decide everything tonight. Lets
enjoy dinner and catch-up.
How I was supposed to forget that my
high school boyfriend wanted to move to
Florida and start dating again was beyond
me. I was crushed when we broke-up, but
that was a lifetime ago. Now, I had a new life
far from Iowa. Things were different. Tiffany
would know how to handle this, but I was
totally lost.
This restaurant is really nice, I said,
desperate for a new topic.
Yeah, my salads delicious. Hows
yours? He kept fidgeting. I had never seen
him nervous before.
Its good, I sighed.
We ate in silence for a few minutes. It
was like he took everything I used to want,
wrapped it in a bow, and delivered it to me.
How could I turn him away? It was possible
to enjoy college, get an education, and have a
boyfriend. Millions of people did it. Tiffany
was doing it. So, why didnt this feel like
good news?
So hows business? I asked, break-
ing the awkward silence.
We sat and talked in between eating
our food. It mostly consisted of him talking
about the business he was taking over from
his father. It was a refrigerating company
that sold refrigeration units to grocery
stores. It had started off as a small business
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in just Iowa, then the United States, and
then internationally. His father created the
company with his two brothers and decided
to buy both of them out when they wanted to
start a new financing company with each
other.
Now his father was preparing him to
take over the company. He had gone through
some management training when he was in
high school and decided that it was what he
wanted to do. He didn't want to go to college
and thought the business would be his life-
time job. It was a very successful business
bringing in millions of dollars every year
which would make him a very wealthy man.
Money wasn't everything to me, otherwise I
would've made myself be with him.
I wasnt a gold digger.
He wanted me to move out of my
house after high school and be with him but I
didn't feel right about it. I knew he was con-
cerned about me. I wanted him to ask me to
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move in because he loved me and I was never
sure of that. He said he loved me, however
he broke up with me when I told him I was
going to college in Florida.
"So why are you here? Fun or for
work?" I asked.
"I was coming here to just see you and
have a little vacation before work picks up.
In a couple months we have a couple com-
panies that we need to install refrigerating
units for. It's a new company in Europe that
has over 100 stores. So I'll be over there get-
ting that situated. Then the Good Food gro-
cery store chain down here had problems
with a couple of their units. So I've stopped
by some of those places and figured out what
parts need to be ordered."
"So that's why I haven't seen you? I
thought it was because of Jaxon getting in
your face at the dance club," I said, taking a
bite of garlic bread.
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"Well, it is kind of both. I could tell he
had a real thing for you and thought that you
two might have been in a relationship."
"If I was in a relationship with him
you know I wouldn't have allowed you to kiss
me. I don't know what he has for me and it
doesn't matter. He has plenty of girls. They
all like him around here."
"Why's that?" he asked, picking his
pasta.
"Do you really want to talk about him?
It's really okay if we don't."
"No, it's fine. I'm interested," he said,
leaning forward while crossing his arms on
the table.
I took a second to finish my garlic
bread before responding. He placed his plate
on top of mine and pushed them to the
middle of the table.
"Well, there's underground racing
league here. Mostly what I know about it
comes from Tiffany and Lance. He never
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really brings it up and I haven't asked him
about it. I figure he does it for money," I ex-
plained, mirroring Cole's posture by leaning
forward, crossing my arms, and placing them
on the table.
"What's that have to do with girls lik-
ing him. They think a guy that races is cool
or something?" he asked, moving his lips to
the side.
"He not only races, he's never lost.
That's forty three straight wins. Plus they
think he is good-looking with his muscles
and tattoos."
"I see," he said, rubbing his hands
together.
"All the girls know who he is. The best
parties at the University take place at the
same mansion where the races happen. They
travel to other areas also. It's only for people
25 years and younger though."
"So a whole bunch of young guys
race?"
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Pretty much.
"I still don't see what's so great about
him. He seems like a controlling jerk but I
guess if girls are into that kind of thing," he
said, raising his eyebrows.
I didn't respond at first. Yeah, maybe
he really did come off as controlling but he
seemed to care about me. He made sure I
had a place to stay and even let me have his
bedroom to myself. The refrigerator was
stocked with food so if I didn't eat at the
cafeteria there was plenty there to eat. He
also gave me attention that I never received
from any other guy, even Cole, and he made
sure to join my class just to be around me.
Then he volunteered to be my class partner
for our project and set up times during the
week for us to put all our attention towards
the project. After he kissed me the first day
we worked on the project together I knew it
wasn't just to get a good grade but to be
around me.
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They are, I sighed.
Hey, I thought after dinner we could
go out and have some fun. This is a working
vacation, but so far Ive only managed to
work, Cole said.
Sure, I think Tiffany and Lance are
going out. Maybe we can meet up with
them.
Whos them?
Like I said, Tiffany and her boyfriend
Lance.
Not that roommate of yours?
No, hes on a date. You dont have to
worry about him.
I heard the sound of an empty-headed
girl giggling behind me and felt a strong
hand on my shoulder. Coles eyes grew wide.
Talking about me, Toots? Jaxon
said.
I looked over and he was standing
next to me with an impossibly thin blonde on
his arm. She didnt look familiar, but she
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didnt look unfamiliar. She had the same
generic attractiveness as all his groupies.
Where did you come from? I asked,
trying not to look shocked.
We just finished dinner. If Id seen
you, you couldve joined us. He looked at
me and held my gaze. His voice was cheery
but his eyes were still and black. This is
Shannon.
Of course it is.
What? she giggled.
Nothing. How was your dinner? I
asked, forcing myself to be nice.
Really good, he said. He wasnt
smiling, but he didnt seem upset. Cole,
right?
Yeah, we met, Cole said, shaking
Jaxons hand. The other night at that club.
Sorry about that, man. I get a little
protective of our girl here. You know how
guys can be, right?
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Yeah, I know all too well, Cole re-
sponded. He looked at Jaxon with a level of
distrust typically reserved for politicians and
salesmen.
I didnt know who you were, and I
didnt want guys climbing all over our girl.
Yeah, our girl doesnt need that.
Coles voice was getting darker. They were
having a conversation that wasnt meant to
include Shannon or me.
Well, glad we worked that out. Ive
gotta run, Shannons getting tired.
Yeah, Im ready for bed early to-
night. She ran her tongue over her lips and
her hand down the front of his shirt.
He seemed to have picked up another
Amber. He appeared to attract easy and se-
ductive girls. I however, didnt want to be
part of that clan.
See ya, I said, forcing myself not to
look in his eyes.
Later, Toots.
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He walked off with his arm around
her waist. I turned around and watched him
hold the door open as they left the restaur-
ant. When the hell did Jaxon get so chival-
rous? I thought he wouldnt even pull back
the sheets, let alone hold the door open.
Are you okay? Cole asked.
I turned back towards him. Sure,
yeah, why?
Your napkin. You only do that when
youre upset or nervous.
I had twisted my napkin into a tight
little ball. Smoothing it out, I smiled and
said, Im fine. Hes been driving me crazy
lately.
How?
How? The dishes. Hes always leav-
ing dirty dishes in the sink. Were gonna get
rats, though we already had a rat, as far as I
was concerned.
Well, that doesnt have to be your
problem.
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What dyou mean? I asked, twirling
fettuccine onto my fork. The night might not
be perfect, but at least the food was good.
If I move to Florida for school, we
can, you know, share a place.
Live together? I sighed. Cole, I
I shouldnt have brought it up. Were
just having fun tonight.
He mustve noticed the shocked look
on my face. I put my fork down and stared at
the table. When did we start talking about
living together? We werent even a couple
any more.
Im going to the restroom. Can you
have the waiter box mine if he comes by?
Sure thing.
In the ladies room, I stared at my re-
flection, turning to see my exposed back. I
had gotten what I wanted. He certainly re-
gretted dumping me. When I was younger,
my mother would run cold water over my
wrists on hot days. She said it would cool me
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off. Im not sure if it did or not, but it calmed
me down. I dried my hands and fumbled
through my purse to find my cell phone. I
quickly dialed Tiffanys number hoping shed
pick up.
Arent you supposed to be on a
date? Tiffany asked.
Arent you supposed to say hello
first?
Whats wrong?
Its Cole. He wants us to live
together.
Wait, what? Did I miss something?
No, its that sudden. I feel like I
missed something, too. Can you meet us?
Were headed out in a few. Were go-
ing to the club. You wanna meet us there?
Yes! Youre not meeting Jaxon and
his bimbo of the night, are you?
Not that I know of.
Shes awful. Ive met smarter
walnuts.
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She laughed. When did you meet
her?
They were here. Did you tell him
where I was going?
No way. He was already gone when I
left your place.
Okay, well I dont know how he
ended up at the same restaurant as us. Any-
way, keep your phone on so I can find you at
the club.
No problem, love you.
You too.
Cole was signing the check when I got
back to the table. I remembered the first
time he took me out to dinner. We went to
Applebees. The food was awful, but we were
only fourteen and didnt know any better. My
mom was sick, but she was still around. Be-
fore the date, she combed my hair and told
me about the birds and the bees. I kept inter-
rupting her to tell her I already knew
everything, but she told me that official
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sources were always better than word of
mouth. She never told me that I was a silly
kid; she always took the time to explain
things.
I continued to think how much I could
have used her advice with Cole.
And Jaxon.
Boys were flooding my mind.
We decided to walk toward the club so
we didnt have to deal with traffic. He put his
arm around me as we walked down the side-
walk. He wanted to be close, but it was tough
to walk together like that. It felt like being
forced to participate in one of those awful
three-legged races at my dads office picnics;
except nobody was giving me a plastic trophy
at the end. It was only a couple blocks from
the restaurant but felt like forever.
I missed you, he said, pulling me
closer.
Yeah, me too.
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In some ways I did. In other ways I
didnt.
As we got closer to the club, we no-
ticed some kind of fight. The bouncer was
dragging a guy out, pinning his arms behind
his back.
You gotta calm down, Jaxon, he
said, pushing him toward the street. Get out
of here and calm the hell down. I dont want
to see you again tonight.
Jaxon stumbled forward before spin-
ning back toward the door to yell, You tell
Bobby if I see him anywhere, hes dead.
Fucking dead!
Jaxon? Whats going on? His T-shirt
was torn down the front, revealing his tat-
tooed chest, muscles bulging from the burst
of action. His knuckles were bleeding and he
kept working his jaw from side to side.
Dont worry about it. Enjoy your
date.
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He stormed down the street, stopping
to kick the door of a black muscle car. The
alarm blared as he cut down an alley. Tiffany
and Lance came rushing out after him. She
saw me and raised her eyebrows as she
rushed to follow Lance down as he followed
Jaxon.
I wonder what that was about, I said
to Cole.
That guy has serious issues. Are you
sure youre safe staying with him?
I dont think hed ever hurt me.
I dont like having to think about it at
all. Why dont you come to the hotel with me
tonight?
I dont know.
I wont try anything. Its not like that.
I just want to know youre safe.
Before I could answer, more people
came out of the club, including Shannon. I
walked toward her and said, What
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happened in there? Why did Jaxon get
kicked out?
Hes fucking crazy. He saw Bobby
and he went nuts. Jaxon started yelling at
him and threw him into the bar. She pulled
out a compact and reapplied her lipstick,
snapping it shut when she was done. I
thought he was going to kill him. Dont get
me wrong, Jaxons hot and all, but hes
crazy.
Yeah, he isnt worth the effort. Am-
ber was right, added her identical friend.
They walked off, and I stood there try-
ing to piece together the information. I
thought about the fight at the race, the al-
most fight in the school parking lot, the al-
most fight with Cole, and the apparent fight
Jaxon had tonight. Maybe I was naive to
think he was safe to be around.
Ill stay with you if youre sure its
okay.
Absolutely.
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Lets go. I dont feel like going to the
club now.
Because of Jaxon?
I dont know. I just dont feel like it
anymore.
It was Jaxon, but he didnt need to
know that.
He put his arm around me, and we
headed back to his car. It was still an awk-
ward way to walk, but it felt safe and that
counted for something.
This motel is amazing! I shouted as
we walked into Coles room.
I know right. Are you ready for bed?
he asked, shutting the door.
Definitely, I responded, setting my
purse on the desk. Uh, theres only one
bed.
Is that a problem? I thought wed be
okay. Its not like we havent before.
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I guess. Clothes on though, I said,
pointing at him.
Elana, thats fine. I didnt bring you
here to have sex. I thought you would be safe
here, away from Jaxon.
Well, thanks Cole.
Of course. Lets go to bed.
We slipped under the covers. At first
we were apart but he tugged at my arm so I
slid next to him and wrapped my arm
around his midsection. Cole held me as he
fell asleep not making another move. Once,
when my mother was at the hospital and my
father stayed with her, I slept at Coles
house. His parents put me in the guest bed-
room on the other side of the house from
their own. The bed was hugeking sizeand
the room was completely dark and utterly
quiet. I waited most of the night for Cole to
tiptoe down the hall. It was cliche and thats
why I expected it. His parents werent strict
and hadnt issued any warnings, but he
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stayed away. I told myself that he wanted to
crawl into bed with me but fell asleep before
he could.
In the hotel room, I thought of all the
time spent waiting for Cole to rescue
mewhen my father was in a blind rage,
when my mother took her last breath, when I
waited alone at the airport to leave Iowa. It
was always a silly Cinderella fantasy. Life
wasnt a fairytale, and I had no reason to ex-
pect a Prince Charming. If womens studies
class was teaching me anything, it was to be
my own Prince Charming. Maybe thats why
his offer wasnt as appealing as it would have
been a few months ago.
As he slept, I watched him, his breath-
ing even and his features angelic. I thought
of the life we could have together. The house
in Iowa, where I could rebuild the life that
had fallen apart. His steady personality that
didnt allow him to risk sneaking into his
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high school girlfriends bed. The stability of
his budding career at his fathers company.
Leaning in, I put my face near his to
kiss his cheek. Inhaling deeply, I noticed
something peculiar. He had no discernible
scent. He was like fresh laundry washed and
dried with unscented products. My heart
didnt flutter and my mind didnt race, but I
was peaceful and comfortable. I drifted to
sleep with my face inches from his.
Chapter 19
The next day we drove in silence back
to Jaxon's apartment like we had made a
huge mistake the night before. It was weird
because nothing happened but cuddling.
When he stopped in the parking lot he faced
me.
"We should do this again sometime,"
he said, placing his hand on mine.
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I looked over at him and smiled. I
threaded my fingers through his and grabbed
hold. I looked down and our hands en-
tangling each others reminded me of the
couple years we were together. It was a
simple and sweet romance that didnt consist
of much messing around. We had sex mul-
tiple times and it was hard to forget since he
was my one and only.
I smiled before he reached across the
center console and planted a kiss on me. His
tongue slid into my mouth and met mine.
His hand then moved to my knee and slowly
trailed up my leg stopping at the end of my
dress. His right hand let go of mine and next
I felt it slide between my head and the head-
rest of my seat. His hands moved through
my hair and pushed my tongue deeper into
his mouth. His hand went back down to my
leg, to my knee, and then back up. He re-
leased me smiling.
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So maybe again sometime? Cole
asked.
Sure.
I got out of the car and walked across
the parking lot to the sidewalk that led to the
apartment door. I stopped in front of the
door to the apartment and prepared myself
for Jaxon.
I had hoped he wasnt home watching
out the window at us, but when walked
across the parking lot his car was parked at
the back. Maybe he was asleep on the couch.
Half the time I had no idea where he was and
now that I wanted him gone, he was right
under my nose. I took a deep breath, pushed
the door open and stepped inside. You cant
sneak past me, Toots. I see youre doing the
walk of shame. He was trying to be a smart
ass, but he wasnt grinning. He kept staring
down at his hands, avoiding my eyes. So did
you guys . . . ?
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No, okay! We didnt do anything. Are
you happy? But you know its none of your
business if we did or didnt, I said, defens-
ive. Wheres your little girlfriend?
There were enough empty beer bottles
on the floor for five people. Then again,
Tiffany and Lance went after him last night,
so maybe they helped create the mess. I
stood staring at the mess.
Theyre mostly mine, he said.
What?
Youre looking at all the empties.
Tiffany and Lance came over, but Ill take
credit for most of them.
You do what youve gotta do.
So, did you guys get it on Iowa-
style? he asked again. He was still trying to
make a joke, but his voice had an acid edge.
Do you even listen? Jeez Jax. I
already told you no even though its none of
your business! I never ask you where you
spent the night.
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You can see that I spent the night
right here. He kicked the table and it fell
forward, tipping more bottles onto the floor.
I jumped instinctively. The evidence
that he had a violent temper was mounting.
It was the last thing I needed to be around.
Im going to take a shower.
Wait, he called. Come here.
I didnt walk away, but I didnt walk
any closer to him.
What dya see in that preppy fuck,
Toots?
Lovely language. I cant imagine why
I dont want to stand here and have a chat
with you.
Im sorry. I had a bad night.
Not as bad as Bobbys from what I
hear.
You dont know the whole story, he
said loudly.
I know that I dont want to be
shouted at by some hung-over ape that kicks
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over tables. I walked down the hall and
slammed the bedroom door shut.
I heard him get up from the couch and
slowly walk down the hallway. The sound of
his footsteps stopped at the door.
Toots, he said, knocking lightly.
Cmon. Im sorry.
Go away.
I want to talk to you. Ive got
something to ask you.
I brushed a few stray tears from my
eyes and after a couple minutes of silence, I
opened the door a crack.
No boys, no drama.
Things were not going as planned.
I didnt mean to upset you. But I
don't get what you see in that guy. He waited
until you left Iowa and now he suddenly
wants you again? Sounds pretty fucked up to
me.
Its complicated. I opened the door
all the way since he seemed calmer.
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Whatever, youre right. Its not my
business, but I care about you.
Jaxon, if youre trying to get in my
pants, now is not the time.
Are you saying that I dont care about
you? He stepped toward me. His scent
washed over me. Even after a night of drunk-
en brawling and sleeping on the couch, he
smelled delicious. I took half a step back and
looked up at him.
I dont know what you feel. Im not in
your head.
He looked into my eyes and reached
forward, gently bringing me closer. His
mouth found mine and his breath became
my breath. His hands pressed my back and
pulled me forward, my soft breasts meeting
the hard wall of his muscular chest. My body
flushed with warmth as I sank into his em-
brace. He worked his mouth against mine
passionately, but softly. His tongue reached
out and it wasnt like any kiss Id ever had. It
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was more. It was even more than the first
kiss we shared.
He pulled back but kept his arms
wound around me. I had just enough room
to look into his eyes. Toots, by now you
should realize that I care about you.
What was I doing? Why didnt I stop
him? After everything I had seen him do. I
lusted for him.
Jaxon, I
I want a date. If that cornhusk gets a
date, I want one.
What about Shannon?
Who? He flashed his gorgeous
smile.
He looked and smelled amazing for
having a long night of drinking. His arms felt
tailor-made for my body. I wanted to stay
there, but it was not a good idea. I broke the
embrace and turned away.
I cant, Jaxon.
I felt the room get colder.
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Last night you were kicked out of a
bar for fighting. You were surrounded by
beer bottles when I got home today. I
turned to look at him. He narrowed his eyes
and gave me a cold stare. I have promises to
keep. I cant spend my entire time at college
drinking, screwing, and skipping class. I
wouldnt want to anyway.
So thats what you think of me?
What do you want me to say? Do you
want me to say that youre the hottest guy
Ive ever met? Do you want me say that I
dream about you, and I can hardly get
through a day without thinking about your
lips, your eyes, your body? Ill say it, but it
doesnt matter.
I think youve said all you need to
say, Elana. He walked out of the room and
down the hall to the living room.
I sat on the bed, trying to put
everything out of my mind, tapping my feet,
and biting my nails. That wasnt how I
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wanted that to go. I wanted us to be friends,
but anything more was impossible. I walked
to the living room.
He was lying on the couch with his
arm flung over his eyes. Jaxon, were really
good at being friends. I care about you, but I

Elana, he roared, sitting up. I dont
need this shit from you, okay? Im not one of
those guys who wants the fucking friends
speech. I thought there was something.
There isnt. Lets move the fuck on. You think
Im trash; I get it.
Youre overreacting. I never said
trash.
You basically called me a bar fight-
ing, alcoholic slut, he shouted.
I didnt. We just have different ideas
of what college should be. Im paying for this
myself. I dont have the luxury of screwing
around.
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Who the fuck do you think pays for
my shit? Do you think I have a fucking fairy
godmother? He was off the couch and his
muscular frame seemed to expand to fill the
room. I took a step back, estimating the dis-
tance between me and the bedroom door.
I dont know, Jaxon. Its not like you
sit around telling me about your life and
your feelings. I know what I see and I know
what Ive heard.
What youve heard? What the fuck
are you even talking about?
I dont think we need to keep yelling
and swearing.
Really? Because I think yelling and
swearing fits this bullshit conversation quite
well.
Youre right. I dont know your busi-
ness, but you dont share it either. Regard-
less of your situation, mine is this: I have to
pay my own way through school. I have to
succeed. I have nobody to help me.
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Well, Im sure Tiffany would be
thrilled to hear you have no help. Probably as
thrilled as I am. Because if someone gave me
a free damn apartment and gave up his fuck-
ing bed for me, Id feel like that was help.
Youre twisting my words.
No, Elana, Im telling you what
youre saying to me. You just dont like hear-
ing it, because it makes you sound like an
ungrateful bitch. And, you know what, you
kind of are right now.
Im trying to talk to you while youre
here. Its kind of hard when you disappear
every other day. We shared that first kiss and
then I never saw you. What was I supposed
to think? Thats not really a sign that were
headed for some great romance or have
some deep connection.
That couldnt be helped, he said in a
calmer tone.
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Yeah, Ive heard all about her. Amber
read your text messages. She told me all
about your girlfriend back home.
She what?! The yelling was back.
She had no fucking right! And you! Why be-
lieve her?! He grabbed his keys and wallet.
Where are you going? Were in the
middle of a conversation.
No, Elana, were not. Youre in the
middle of hurling accusations and Im in the
middle of leaving.
Big surprise.
Fuck you.
The door shut and I heard his loud
footsteps going down the stairs. I ran to the
bedroom and buried my face in the pillows
and tears streamed down my face. I cried un-
til my eyes burned and my throat ached.
Everything was a mess. I was exhausted, and
didnt understand how everything got so
messed up. I wished we could have redid the
entire conversation and not yell. Be
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reasonable and explain things. His temper
didnt allow that and it was wishful thinking
that it could have gone differently. After lay-
ing and thinking about what had gone down
I drifted asleep on the damp pillows.
Hours later, my phone buzzed and
pulled me out of a deep sleep. My eyes were
swollen from crying, but I could see through
the blur that it was Cole calling.
Hello?
Hey, babe. Its Cole.
Hi. I cleared my throat and tried to
sound awake.
Do you want to go out tonight? I have
an idea for something fun.
Im not sure, Cole. Im kinda wiped
out from last night.
Trust me, itll be worth it. Tiffany and
Lance are already planning to meet us.
Id have to get cleaned up. Im a
mess.
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Im sure youre not but take as much
time as you need. Were not going until a few
hours so text me when you want me come
pick you up.
Ok. See you soon.
I slammed my face on my pillow. I
hoped that the three of them could get me
out of my Jaxon funk. The good thing was,
my day couldnt get much worse.
Chapter 20
I was too upset to care about my out-
fit, so it didnt take me long to get ready. I
pulled on a loose, gray cotton tank dress and
a pair of sandals. I didnt have time for a long
shower, so I hopped in and rinsed off
without washing my hair. Pulling it into a
low ponytail, I went to meet Cole in the park-
ing lot.
He kissed me on the cheek as I got in
the car. You look great.
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Well, not as great as last night.
Even better. You look like you to-
night, comfortable.
Are you going to tell me where were
going?
Youll see. Sit back and relax. Well
be there in a few minutes. It isnt far.
We drove down the street toward the
club, but we turned before reaching it. We
pulled up in front of a place called OReillys
Irish Pub.
Whats this? I asked.
Its a place. Youll see.
Just tell me.
Nope, lets go, he said, getting out. I got out
and followed him across the road. When we
went inside Tiffany and Lance were already
there. The lighting was very dim, making it
hard to get a feel for the place. Round tables
surrounded by chairs filled the main room.
There were some booths towards the back,
but almost everyone was sitting at the tables.
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Their chairs were positioned so they faced a
small stage where a man was setting up a
karaoke machine.
You hate karaoke, I said to Cole.
But you love it, he replied, kissing
me softly.
Tiffany ran over and dragged me to
the table. Are you excited? We havent had
time to come since you got here.
I havent been singing much since I
got here. I dont know if I can hit a note at
this point.
Elana, the only voice Ive ever heard
that could compete with yours was your
mothers.
She meant to make me feel better, but
the words fell into the sinkhole where my
heart used to be. My mother and I always
sang together. My dad would take us both to
karaoke night at a local restaurant every
Wednesday until she was too sick to go. She
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could sing anything and make it sound
beautiful.
Well, I guess theres nothing to lose,
I said.
She turned and seemed to notice my
face for the first time. Boys, were doing a
girls trip to the ladies room. Try not to get
into any trouble while were gone. She took
hold of my elbow and guided me to the back,
past the booths, into the restroom. She
locked the door and looked me up and down.
You cant hide tear stains from me,
Elana. Whats wrong?
Its nothing. Im having a great time
with Cole. Great.
But?
Jaxon and I had a fight.
A fight? Did he hurt you? Ill kill
him!
No, not a physical fight. He asked me
out and then things went downhill.
Do you want to talk about it?
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Later? Lets just enjoy ourselves. Im
too tired to go into it tonight.
Okay, she said, hugging me.
We walked back to the table and
found Cole and Lance discussing cars. Cole
had ordered me a ginger ale, and he had the
karaoke song list ready for me.
You guys are really going to make me
do this?
I understand. This is a democracy, so
lets all vote. Who here wants to hear Elana
sing? Tiffany asked. All three of them raised
their hands.
Okay, okay. I get it. Im singing. Let
me pick something.
The list had all kinds of pop favorites,
but I wanted something special that wasnt
on it. I walked over to talk to the man run-
ning the karaoke machine.
Sir?
Its Tom.
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Hi Tom, Im Elana. I want to sing,
but Im looking for something that isnt on
the list. Its old, but its got sentimental
value.
Well, Miss Elana, Ill do what I can to
help. But you dont look old enough for an
old sentimental song. He smiled. He looked
like he was in his fifties and had a well-
trimmed, white beard. He reminded me of
an old friend of the family that would come
over to work on the car with my dad.
Im looking for Dannys Song by
Anne Murray.
Even though we aint got money, Im
so in love with you honey, he sang. Ive got
that one, Miss Elana. Ill put it in the cue for
you.
Thanks, Tom.
While other people performed, we
laughed about old times, filling Lance in on
the details. He was a good sport about it. He
sat back slightly and watched Tiffany
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laughing. That was enough for him. He
didnt care if he knew the stories or not. He
seemed to enjoy anything that made her
happy. Cole was enjoying himself, too. He
kept putting his arm on the back of my chair,
reaching out to touch me every so often.
I tried to focus on the fun, but I was
nervous about performing. It was karaoke at
some little bar off campus, but I hadnt tried
to sing anywhere other than the shower in
months. Everyone clapped when the last guy
before me got off stage. He was ter-
riblemissing half the words and never hit-
ting a notebut they cheered his effort.
On stage, I leaned toward the micro-
phone and started my song. Tiffany, Lance
and Cole were silent and, after the first verse,
the rest of the people were just as quiet. I
closed my eyes slightly. My mother sang this
song all the time to my father. She would
sing it in the kitchen while she made dinner,
in the car on our way to a race, in their
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bedroom as he drifted off to sleep. It was
their song, but it always felt like mine, too. I
could almost see her singing it to him after a
race, smiling, wearing a summery dress.
Only the sun could ever hope to be as bright
as her smile.
I finished the song and came back to
reality. Everyone was clapping and whistling.
Id forgotten how satisfying it was to be good
at something. For months, my goal had been
to get out of Iowa and survive freshman year.
It was still early in the semester, but for the
first time, I felt like I might be able to thrive
here.
Whatd I tell you? Tiffany said to
Lance. Beautiful, right?
Gorgeous, babe, Cole said as he
hugged me.
Impressive, Elana, Lance added. I
had no idea.
Thanks, guys. Its been a while.
Nobody could tell.
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Whats your next number? Cole
asked.
Let me ease back into it. Im not
ready to just sing all night.
That is fine Elana, Tiffany said,
smiling.
I think I need a minute.
Are you okay? Need to talk?
No, Ill be fine Tiff.
I went to the ladies room and
splashed cold water on my face. The joy of
success faded slightly when I saw my reflec-
tion. Sometimes it was a great comfort to see
my mothers face looking back at me, but
sometimes my reflection made me miss her
more. I know that it never helped my father.
He could see her when he looked at me.
There were some differences, but not many.
As time went on, I seemed to develop her
mannerisms too, as if how she held her fork
or brush her hair out of her eyes was genetic.
I could feel it as I wiped my face with one of
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the rough, newspaper towels in the bath-
room. Id watched her remove her makeup
and get ready so many times that every ges-
ture was indelibly imprinted in my memory.
I could feel her hands on my face.
Taking a deep breath and opening my
eyes wide, I stifled some rogue tears. This
was a good night. There was no reason to cry.
Im a freaking crybaby.
On my way back to the table, Tom ap-
proached me. He was smiling and reached
out to shake my hand.
Well, well, Miss Elana, you didnt
mention that you were a certifiable
superstar.
Hardly, Tom, more like a lucky bar
patron.
You go to school at the university?
Yes, I started in September.
Find yourself a job yet? Or is daddy
paying for everything? He smiled at his own
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joke, but he stopped when he saw my reac-
tion. Hey, Im sorry. I didnt mean it.
No, really, its nothing and no, no job
yet. Everyone around here seems to have all
the staff they need.
Well, I dont.
Dont what?
Have all the staff I need. I could sure
use some help on nights like this, keeping
people entertained and all.
What did you have in mind?
A couple of things, but for starters it
would be great if someone else could host
this karaoke night. The place is always
packed, but nobody wants to watch an old
guy with a gray beard running the show. I
could use someone that could sing a song or
two during any lulls and knows how to run
the machine. You think you could handle
that?
Are you serious? Yes! Yes, I can
handle that.
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Well, theres more, but youve got
your friends here. Why dont you come by
one afternoon when youre done with
classes? We can talk about it. Settle the
details.
Oh my god, thank you! You wont re-
gret it.
You might, he joked. I could be a
terrible boss.
Even that would be better than no
job, I said.
Ok, go have fun. Ill see you soon.
I made my way back to the table and
when I sat down, they barely noticed I was
gone. They were all laughing about some
new thing. I thought about telling them what
Tom said, but I decided to keep it for myself
for a little while.
Am I the only one getting hungry? I
asked.
Nope, Im starved, Lance said.
Pizza all around? Cole offered.
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Yeah, but not here. Its awful. Lets
head over to Marios, Tiffany said. She al-
ways knew the best place to get a slice. It was
one of her many talents and one of the many
reasons I was so lucky to have her as my best
friend.
I was exhausted from a long, eventful
day. When we were done eating, I asked Cole
if we could go home. He understood and
asked me to go back to the hotel with him. I
wasnt looking forward to going back to Jax-
ons after our fight, so I quickly accepted.
As always, Cole was a gentleman. He
kissed me as we sat on the couch in the hotel
room, but he didnt push things. He felt like
home, but something was different in the
kiss. When Jaxon kissed me, the universe
shifted. When Cole kissed me, we stayed
rooted to a motionless couch. It was like go-
ing home.
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Everything back home was awful
though.
While he slept, I watched him again.
My mother always told me to push myself.
Dont get so comfortable that you forget to
take risks, she would say. It was odd advice
from a woman that married her high school
sweetheart. I know she loved my father like
fish love the sea, but she worried that shed
missed out on things.
During one of our last conversations
in the hospital, she made me promise that I
would go to college and try everything life
had to offer, except, she said, no boys, no
drama. It wasnt that I should avoid boys al-
together. She was never like that. She knew
kids grew up and had sex and went to
parties. But she wanted me to focus on
things beyond what was right in front of me.
She died right before I started high
school. She knew that meant boys and drama
and rebellion and all of those things were
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right around the corner, but she wouldnt be
there to guide me. She tried to distill all of
her advice into one small mantra.
No boys, no drama.
It didnt always work. There was Cole,
and Tiffany and I had our share of high
school girl drama with our group of friends.
But I never got lost in it. Because my mom
warned me about it, I always had this sense
that there was something on the other side.
That if I could just get through it without get-
ting bogged down by it, better things would
be waiting.
She had no way to know what I would
face with dad. Nobody would ever have
guessed that he had the capacity to be so
drunk and so mean. Until she died, I barely
ever saw him with a drink that wasnt water
or coffee.
And here was Cole, sleeping next to
me without a care in the world. It was a fork
in the road. I could choose the side with Cole
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and comfort and security, or I could choose
the side where everything was unknown and
failure was possible.
I struggled to choose.
In the morning, Cole woke me up with
room service.
Belgian waffle with strawberries,
right?
You remembered.
I could never forget you, he said,
kissing me on the forehead. Howd you
sleep?
Okay.
Im heading to Miami for a few days,
but Ill be back. I thought we might look at
some places before I head home next week.
Putting my fork down, I looked at the
perfectly arranged breakfast tray. There was
even a flower in miniature vase next to the
miniature bottle of ketchup and the little
packages orange marmalade and grape jelly.
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Everything was laid out in front of me in per-
fect order.
Cole, we need to talk.
Never a good conversation starter.
Listen, I love you; I do. Ive loved you
for as long as I can remember. Youre part of
my . . . I cant think of the right word.
History? He suggested.
That was the right word, but it was too
hard to say.
Youre part of me. When you broke
up with me, I was devastated. I wanted to do
something to fix it, but I knew I had to come
to Florida. I had to let go of my home and
you and my whole childhood to find my
way.
Elana, you dont have to explain.
Im so sorry, Cole. Maybe when Ive
had time to do more and see more.
Its okay. He sipped a cup of room
service coffee and winced. He always thought
coffee was bitter and I hoped that was the
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cause of his expression. I couldnt stand the
thought of hurting him. Tell me one thing.
It doesnt have anything to do with that
guythe one you live with.
Jaxon? No, not at all. Were just
roommates. This is about me. The breakup
still eats at me. You didnt talk to me for
months afterwards. I just need to move for-
ward with my life Cole.
I wont pretend it doesnt hurt, but
you know that. I did it to you.
I could see the tears in his eyes, but he
turned and walked to the window before they
fell.
What can I do? I asked.
Ill be fine, but I need some time to
myself. Can I drive you back? he asked
choked up.
No, its not necessary. I could use the
walk.
I kissed him and we held each other
like two people gripping a life preserver.
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Other than Tiffany, he was all I had left of
my life before. He let his arms go and pushed
back a bit to look at me.
You ever need anything, you call. Im
here.
I know, Cole. I know.
Chapter 21
The sun felt harsh when I stepped out
of the hotel lobby. Clouds would have been
more appropriate; I wasnt in the mood for
blue skies. It wasnt far from the hotel to the
apartment, but I still couldnt face Jaxon. I
called Tiffany, trying to hide the tears from
my voice, to ask if she would meet for coffee.
As usual, she noticed the tears and told me
she would be there right away.
Can I get an extra-large iced mocha
with whip? I asked the barista.
From behind me, Tiffany said, So its
that kind of morning? Make that two,
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please. She gave me a very big and much
needed hug. Go sit down. Im buying and
serving.
I found a table in the corner and sat
with my back to everyone else. This wasnt
my area of expertise. My dating experience
consisted of Cole and a couple of flirtations
with boys that never amounted to anything. I
grew up in a small town and everyone knew
we were a couple in high school. Even
without Cole, I wasnt at the top of anyones
hot list. The girl whose mother died was a
tragic figure in high school. Mostly, people
left me alone, as if they thought having a
dead parent was contagious.
Since coming to college, my only sig-
nificant male interactions were with Lance
and Jaxon. Lance as a friend and Jaxon as a
very complicated roommate. This was prob-
ably why my mother told me to avoid boys
and drama. She failed to point out that they
were the same thing.
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So, are you going to tell me
everything? Tiffany asked as she placed a
huge coffee drink in front of me.
I looked down at my twiddling
thumbs. Well Jax and I got into it about that
girlfriend he has back home. All he did was
yell at me and just stormed off.
He was mad you found out?
I dont really know. He didnt even
try to explain anything.
So are you going to get back with
Cole then? she asked, raising her eyebrows.
Umm, I told him that I didnt want to
get back together.
Seriously?
Yeah. He reminds me of my life back
in Iowa. Maybe it could be different if he
hadnt broke up with me. He did though and
I would have a tough time being emotionally
involved with someone like that.
Plenty of girls do.
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Yeah, but nine times out of ten they
end up with a broken heart again.
True.
We sat in silence and all I could think
about was Jaxon. Nothing else. Not even
telling Cole I didnt want to get back together
with him. I sighed.
I just dont get Jax sometimes. One
minute things are good and the next hes
pissed off.
Well, you can stay with us, Elana.
You know that.
I know.
But . . .
But Ill never get any sleep on the
lumpy couch that shares a wall with the
thumpy headboard?
Thats true... She laughed.
Still, Ive gotta find a new place. I
cant stay with him anymore.
Youve got some things wrong about
Jaxon. I found out so much that I never
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knew when Lance and I followed him out of
the club the other night.
He got kicked out for fighting, and it
wasnt his first fight.
Yes, but it wasnt some kind of male
ego, ass-kicking nonsense. He was really up-
set about some things and Bobby was push-
ing his buttons. I dont know all the details
about that fight, but I know there is some
serious bad blood between him and Bobby.
What did you find out? It must be
big. Youre not usually this supportive of
Jaxon.
To be fair, I barely know Jaxon, just
him and his girls. Lance is a personal in-
formation vault. He doesnt gossip about
people at all.
Im not sure any of it matters, Tiff.
This is about me more than Cole or Jaxon. I
promised my mom that Id work hard in col-
lege and life.
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I grew up with your mom. She didnt
want you holed up in the library like some
kind of scholarly monk. She just didnt want
you dragged down by nonsense. Working
hard doesnt have to mean separating your-
self from people.
I sighed. Outside the windows of the
cafe, I could see peopleyoung couples, old
couples, families, studentswandering
around in the Sunday sunshine. She was
right. Id barely bothered with people since
arriving in Florida. I tried to leave home, but
I brought a lot of baggage with me.
I know youre right. I cant wall my-
self off and spend all my time studying, but I
dont think messing around with a beer-
soaked, bar brawler is the best way to branch
out.
Ill never think anyones good enough
for you. But you need to talk to him. Youre
obviously drawn to each other and the argu-
ment obviously upset you. You two havent
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even talked about the kiss. You need to talk
without fighting before you decide anything.
I brought the kiss up during our fight
but he was too pissed off by then.
Just talk to him again Elana,
Give me one reason, something to
make me forget that he told me to fuck off.
How about the fact that you were
totally wrong? He doesnt have a secret girl-
friend back home. He has a mom that relies
on him for everything. I dont know where he
goes all the time, but I know that some of it
is spent taking care of her and most of the
rest of it is spent going to races and running
races for Jim. Thats how he makes money to
pay for school and take care of his mom.
Taking a huge sip of my coffee, I tried
to absorb what she was saying. Tiffany was
telling me that Jaxon was not a drunken
slacker that skipped all of his classes. In-
stead, he was the kind of guy that held down
a demanding job while attending school.
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Im sure he isnt interested in talking
to me anyway.
Well, youre assumptions have gotten
you this far, she said, raising her glass to me
in a sarcastic toast. Did you ever consider
that drama and men are part of the world?
Can we talk about something else?
Nope, we cant. Im leaving to go find
lunch. Youre leaving to go find Jaxon.
Some friend you are, I sulked.
Yeah, well today Im not the greatest
friend. Today, Im a momma bird pushing
you out of the nest. If you fall on your
feathered ass, Ill come get you. She stood
up and rubbed the top of my head. I never
figured out how Tiffany always managed to
seem like the older sister despite only being
one week older than me.
You know Elana, Jaxon is working on
his car with Lance today at a place called
Joes Garage. Its a perfect day to walk a few
blocks to the garage.
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Is that a hint for something?
Just go talk to him.
Ill think about it.
I was surprised she didnt take hold of
my hand and drag me there. After a small
hug and a kiss on the cheek, she left the cafe.
Chapter 22
I texted and called him to talk but
never got a response. Swallowing my pride, I
headed to Joes Garage with directions
Tiffany gave me. When I got there I could see
Jaxons red Ford Torino, up on jacks with
the front raised and the wheels off. Jaxon
walked out of the garage with a surprised
look on his face. He wiped his greasy hands
on a towel, tossing it on the ground, watch-
ing me. His chest expanded with a deep
breath before he walked toward me.
What are you doing here? he asked
angrily.
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I dont know. I thought we should
talk. Is that okay?
It doesn't matter to me, he said, ly-
ing on the creeper and pulling himself under
the car.
He obviously wasn't happy with me.
Years of avoiding my father made me better
at hiding from problems than confronting
them.
Are you seriously going to be this
way? I asked, frustrated.
He pushed himself out from under the
car and snapped, Are you kidding me? If
this is your attempt at an apology, its fuck-
ing awful.
He stood up, looking around for his
towel. It was on the ground close to my feet,
so I picked it up, handing it to him.
He looked directly into my eyes; I
could see his pain. Id been a colossal ass.
Im sorry, I said. I shouldnt have
said those things or listened to Amber.
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He sighed again. Looking into the dis-
tance, squinting from the bright sun, he
stayed quiet for a long time. I looked at the
ground, trying to wait him out. Decades
passed in moments. It was clear that he
wasnt the forgiving type. I turned to walk
away and felt his hand wrap around my
wrist.
Dont go.
What do you want me to do?
I dont know, but I dont want you to
go.
I really am sorry, I said as tears
began to form in my eyes.
Dammit, dont cry, he said, wrap-
ping me in his arms.
I shouldve talked to you first Jax.
Im so stupid.
No you arent. Ive done stupider shit
than that.
Thats true. We laughed.
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We stood in the parking lot, holding
each other tightly. He smelled like car grease
and perspiration, but in the best way pos-
sible. When we finally let go, he kissed me on
the forehead.
You know so many things wrong
about me, Toots.
You havent given me much to go on
Jax. You need to open up more.
How about I make you dinner to-
night? Well talk and see where it goes, his
smart-ass grin returned.
Ill take the dinner, but nothing else,
I said with a smile.
Well see about that, he said,
smiling.
Shut up, I laughed.
Lance walked out from the garage.
You two love birds finally over your prob-
lems? Because bitchy Jax is annoying, he
said, wiping the sweat from his forehead.
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Were fine now, Jaxon responded,
winking at me.
"So how did you two get into racing?"
I asked interested.
"I don't know, I guess I always loved
cars since I was a little kid. I would carry
those little Matchbox cars around and then I
became obsessed with car shows. My father
was also interested in cars so that helped.
Then when I was a freshman in high school I
took shop class. As a class we rebuilt a 1970
Dodge Charger. That's when I knew that I
had a real love for cars and that I wanted to
rebuild some of my own. I did the dishes for
a local country club. I was able to save up
enough money to get an old 1971 Ford Torino
Cobra at the end of my senior year. Lance
and I then made the move to Florida for col-
lege. He came with me just like Tiffany de-
cided to go to college here with you. We both
have really good friends."
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"And then you suddenly started
racing?"
"No, it was after Lance and I were in-
vited to a party to watch the races at the
mansion. Lance and I both thought it would
be awesome to try and beat some of the guys
that were racing. Lance too was interested in
cars. We took shop class every year through
high school together. So we completely re-
built the engine, got a good carburetor with
money we didn't have, and everything else."
"How did you afford it?"
"We borrowed money from Lance's
dad for the entry fee and everything else we
used to rebuild everything underneath the
hood of the car. Then after we won the first
race we used the money and bought better
equipment and parts. Race after race after
race we won and I haven't lost since I star-
ted. We were able to pay back his dad real
quick and now we make really good money
together racing all the time. Even though I'm
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the one racing he decides what we put under
the hood of the car."
"Beginners luck?"
"No, I'm just that good," he said
laughing.
I laughed. "Then how did you get the
second Torino?"
"I bought it with the money we made
from the races. I didn't want to use the race
car to drive around town. So I got another
muscle car and rebuilt it."
Amazing.
Simply amazing.
Thats amazing guys.
But hey, Lance and I have got more
work to do here. Lets say seven for dinner at
home?
Seven it is, I said.
Its a date.
Yeah, I guess it is.
Chapter 23
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On my way home, I kept turning that
phrase over in my mind: at home. It never
occurred to me that Florida was home now
and Jaxons place had become part of my
home. It was my home, temporary or not. I
hadnt gone to the university housing office
in almost three weeks to harass them about a
dorm room. Somehow, Id forgotten that
there was any place else for me to be.
After my afternoon class ended at five,
I rushed back to the apartment and
showered, dressing in a pair of jeans that fit
me just right and a low cut shirt showing just
enough cleavage. I could see the swell of my
breasts as I examined myself in the mirror
and a flush spreads along my cheeks.
I dabbed on perfume as I stood in
front of the mirror. "God, you're ridiculous,"
I said to myself. "You're not a slut. It's just
one date, one date. It's nothing else."
Maybe it was.
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The events of the last few days ex-
hausted me so I laid down in bed to rest
while I waited for Jaxon to get home. I fell
asleep thinking about him, napping until the
sounds of cooking woke me hours later. I
made my way to the kitchen, pretending to
be calm. I gasped when I saw him.
He was freshly showered and wearing
jeans and a black fitted t-shirt. He displayed
his muscles the way some girls showed off
their cleavage. Even when you knew he was
doing it, you couldnt look away.
Wow.
I felt underdressed and bedhead
couldnt have looked good.
Hi, I said softly.
He looked over his shoulder and re-
sponded, Hello, sleeping beauty.
I shook my head side to side, rolling
my eyes. I know. Serious attack of laziness.
Im going to go fix my hair before we eat.
You dont need to.
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Im kind of a mess Jax.
Are you kidding, Toots? There are
women that spend all day trying to look like
that. Stay and chat. Its boring to cook
alone.
I was blushing again. Thanks.
I sat at the counter, bouncing my knee
up and down. I watched him from behind as
his biceps flexed with each stir of the whisk
and shake of a pan. The sound of a knife sli-
cing through broccoli and clicking on the
cutting board added rhythm to the scene. His
feet were bare, tapping a consistent beat on
the wooden floor. Everything in the room
seemed to tingle with his energy, including
my entire body.
I'm putting broccoli in the Chicken
Alfredo. Is that okay? he asked, turning his
head just enough to see me in the corner of
his eye.
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Sure, they always say to eat your
broccoli, I replied, squinting my face at the
ridiculous words coming out of my mouth.
I was nervous around him for the first
time in a while. We had lived together, made
out, drawn each other, argued, and slept in
the same bed, but we had not been on a date.
We were in the same apartment in the same
kitchen, where we had breakfast many times,
but this was all new. He was different.
He laughed. Good, it drives me crazy
that most restaurants don't put broccoli in
their Chicken Alfredo. Its so bland without
it. People dont know whats good for them.
Exactly.
After eating his breakfast foods over
the past month, I knew he could cook. It had
been a long time since I had a homemade
meal that wasnt breakfast. When my mom
was alive, she cooked dinner almost every
night. My dad worked long hours as an en-
gineer, and when he came home around
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seven o'clock each night, she made sure that
we sat down to eat as a family.
My mother taught third grade, so she
always got home first. There were nights
when I found her in her home office working
after dad went to sleep. It wasnt that she
didnt have plenty of her own work, but it
was important to her that we have dinner as
a family. After her death, my dad didn't even
try to cook. I tried a few times in the first
weeks, but he never showed up.
I missed it.
Jaxons phone bounced around the
counter, vibrating near the edge. He rolled
his eyes as he answered it.
Hello! he commanded. I cant talk
now. He turned his back toward me and
stood by the sink, shifting his weight back
and forth. I told you we could talk about
this when you get out.
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He looked at me and mouthed, Im
sorry, Ill be a minute.
He walked into the bedroom, so I took
over broccoli chopping duty. Even as a kid, I
loved tasks like this. There are so many
things that take hours or days to complete;
its satisfying to have some discrete chore
that can be accomplished quickly.
Down the hall, there was a loud bang,
as if someone punched a wall. Jaxon
shouted, Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
I paused to listen but could only hear
muffled sounds. I decided to do something to
get my mind off of who Jax might be talking
to. I started chopping the salad ingredients,
reminding myself not to assume anything.
When I heard footsteps coming down the
hall, my back stiffened. It was a reflex de-
veloped over the years. As his hand touched
my back, I jumped and cut my finger.
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Ouch! Blood poured onto the
lettuce, and I grabbed my finger with my
other hand.
Im sorry. I thought you heard me. I
didnt mean to startle you.
I did hear you; thats what put me on
edge.
Come here, he said, turning on the
faucet. Let the water run to clean it out. Ill
go find a Band-Aid.
Crimson drops hit the sink and wound
down the drain. I turned off the faucet and
grabbed a paper towel to dry my hand. He
reappeared with antibiotic ointment and a
Band-Aid.
Here, let me.
Thanks, I said.
He dabbed the cut with the paper tow-
el, carefully applying the ointment. I had no
idea it was possible to be sexy while applying
ointment, but he was. He wrapped the Band-
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Aid around my finger and I looked up at him
with confusion.
Whats this?
Its bacon.
Bacon? Why do you have Band-Aids
made to look like bacon?
They were a gift and itd be wasteful
to toss them. Besides, who doesnt like
bacon?
Are you sure its safe to put bacon on
a wound?
Absolutely, now get out of my kit-
chen before you hurt yourself more Toots.
He smiled.
I smiled back.
His eyes didnt blink.
Neither did mine.
After a minute I finally sat back down
on the stool.
He cleaned up the cutting board and
discarded the ruined lettuce leaves. He
brought the veggies and board over to the
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counter below the bar, so we were facing
each other. You spook easily, Toots.
Well, you sounded angry when you
walked down the hall. I guess it just made
me anxious.
Sorry about that. Bill collectors.
He wasnt the least bit convincing.
Jaxon?
Yeah?
Are you okay?
Yup. Are you?
I mean the call. Was it . . . Was it
your mom?
He put the knife down and tension
gripped his shoulders. He took a deep
breath, What do you know?
Tiffany mentioned that you have to
help your mom out back home. Thats it. She
was trying to point out what a jerk I was for
listening to Amber.
He stood in silence, looking at the cut-
ting board. He picked the knife up again and
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started talking to me without looking at me.
It was my mom. Shes at a hospital.
Sorry, Jaxon. I shouldnt pry. I let
the silence take over, realizing that it was
time to be open if I wanted openness. I
dont really talk about it, but my mom was in
the hospital for a long time. She died about
five years ago from cancer. I know how hard
it is when
God Elana, why didnt you say any-
thing? I had no idea. He came over and
wrapped his arms around me.
Im okay. It was a long time ago, I
said. One of the reasons I never told people
was the look they gave me once they knew.
They wanted to provide comfort, but it
looked and felt like pity. Jaxons look was
different. There was no pity in his eyes. It
was more like respect.
Im sorry, Elana. I know what it is
like to lose someone. He went back to
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chopping. My moms not that sick, but I lost
my sister a couple of years ago.
Immediately, I remembered the pic-
ture in his desk drawer. That wasnt some
girlfriend; it was his sister. Thats why she
looked familiar; she looked like him.
How had I been so stupid and cold?
Im sorry..
Its okay, Toots. Life happens. He
put the pasta in boiling water.
Can I ask what happened?
It was a car accident. She had her
learners permit, so she was always after me
to take her driving. My parents were going
out and I told her Id take her if she prom-
ised to leave me alone for the night after
that. I wanted to watch some stupid movie or
something.
The pain in his voice was clear. You
dont have to tell me. I shouldnt have
asked.
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No, its okay. Im just not use to
telling anyone. He took a deep breath and
rubbed his face. I took her to this empty
road. The only things out there were cows
and hay. I didnt want to deal with other
cars. We went down this stretch of road on a
clear day with nobody else in sight. She was
doing really well. She wanted to go faster,
but I told her to stick to the speed limit. Its
already high on those roads, like fifty.
Everything was so normal, so perfect.
And then, out of nowhere, there was this
loud noise and she lost control. The car went
flying off the road, through part of a field and
into this pond or drainage ditch or whatever
it was.
We went in nose first and the water
was filling the car. I was disoriented, trying
to figure out what happened. She was passed
out. Her head was just kind of hanging for-
ward, but she was breathing. He stopped
and cleared his throat.
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My window was open because it was
a beautiful evening, perfect temperature. I
managed to get free of the seat belt, but the
water filled the car by then. It was harder
and harder to see and I couldnt breathe. I
surfaced for air and dove down again. Her
hair was floating around her head as the car
settled onto the bottom. It wasnt even that
fucking deep.
I kept pulling at her seat belt, but I
couldnt get it undone. I tried to pull her out
of it. I remembered an old knife in the glove
box and tried to get in there. I had to go back
up for air. By the time I got the knife and cut
her out of the seat belt, it was too late. I tried
CPR and mouth-to-mouth, but I couldnt do
anything. My cell phone was in the car and
we were so far from everyone.
I got him a glass of water and rubbed
his back. Im so sorry.
Life happens, you know. Shit hap-
pens. He took a sip. I made it back to the
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road, carrying her in my arms. Luckily, a guy
was driving by and stopped. He had a phone,
but it was too fucking late. Just too fucking
late.
My mom was devastated. My dad
just shut down. He would barely look at me.
He blamed me for taking her driving, for not
saving her, for being alive. I didnt blame
him. I blamed me too.
He paused to stir the pasta and add
some butter to a saucepan. It was amazing
that he could focus on cooking while telling
me this story.
He left about a year later. He packed
some stuff one day and didnt come back.
Mom was a mess. She was either crying or
drinking or both. On his way out, he told me
to take care of my mother. It was my senior
year and he said I wasnt a kid anymore.
What happened after that just got worse. My
two brothers blamed me for our dad leaving
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and our mom spiraling out of control. They
still dont talk to me.
The story was horrible and I felt hor-
rible for making all the wrong assumptions.
He probably worked twenty times harder
than I did. I rubbed his back through his
shirt but didnt say anything.
So, Toots, thats my big secret. Not
nearly as exciting as a secret girlfriend or
whatever Amber thought.
Crediting Amber with thought is ex-
tremely generous.
That brought a smile to his face. Lets
get back to dinner. No use dwelling on the
past, he said.
I could relate to losing a love one.
It was hard.
He was quiet while he finished cook-
ing. I let him be. Sometimes quiet is the best
thing you can give a person. Besides, watch-
ing Jaxon cook was, in a word, hot. He was
really at home in a kitchen. He had me taste
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a little of his homemade dressing before
tossing the salad. It was simple, but deli-
cious. He seemed to be good at everything he
did. I could hardly remember why I ever had
any reservations about him.
A few minutes later, he served the
Chicken Alfredo on two plates, putting them
on the living room table. He grabbed two
salad bowls, lit a candle, and grabbed forks
and napkins. He pulled two big pillows off
the couch and put them on the floor on
either side of the table.
Sorry, Toots, but, as you can see, the
dining room is an office.
It looks lovely. Are you going to be
comfortable? Youre a little tall for this table.
We can eat at the bar.
It doesnt work.
The bar doesnt work?
Nope, wed have to eat side by side.
How would I look at you?
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Blushing, I sat on the pillow. It looks
and smells delicious.
I prefer he, not it. His mischievous
grin made me my heart race.
I meant the food.
Oh well, thank you. Lets eat.
As we ate, we talked about school and
the classes that I liked and disliked. He even
gave his opinions, which surprised me be-
cause I never saw him around campus dur-
ing classes.
Hed cooked me the most scrumptious
meal Id ever eaten. It was completely differ-
ent from my moms down-home style of
cooking but equally gratifying. He was a
great cook and a great date, insisting that I
sit, drink a glass of wine, and relax rather
than help. I could hear him tending to the
dishes, and as much as I probably should
have gone to help him, I couldn't remove
myself from the couch. I was full of good
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food and good feelings. It was the comfort I
hoped to find when I left home.
When he was done cleaning the dishes
he collapsed on the couch next to me. His
warmth welcomed me, and I pushed myself
closer to him. His scent drew me in like it al-
ways did.
Wasnt there something about pher-
omones? Maybe he gave off a scent specific-
ally designed to attract me.
Either way, it worked.
He wrapped his arm around me and
pulled me to his chest.
Can I ask you something? I said.
No, I wont sleep with you tonight.
Laughing, I shoved him. Thats not
my question.
Go for it, Toots.
Why me? You certainly dont have
any shortage of girls chasing you down.
Well, youre different. You're more
grounded and down to earth.
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You never slept with a girl whos
grounded and down to earth?
Maybe I did. I really never stuck
around long enough to find out. Its tough to
see someone as grounded when her shirt is
practically lingerie and shes grabbing your
junk in the club.
I laughed, That's a good point.
Plus, you never really take any shit.
You care about school. You dont go out
every night. Youre not, like, frivolous. You
know? He kissed my forehead again. The
more I learn about you, the more I like you.
My mom told me to avoid boys and
drama. She knew she wouldnt be around for
college and high school, so she tried to distill
everything.
It seems kind of impossible to avoid
boys and drama.
Ive done all right. Not perfect.
What about Cole?
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I shifted and looked away. We grew
up together. She loved Cole and Tiffany, but
Cole and I didnt start dating until after she
died. She would have approved, I think. As
long as I didnt let dating him stop me from
going to college or anything.
Well, I guess you didnt let that
happen.
No, but it was hard. Theres
something comfortable about your high
school boyfriend. My mom and dad were
high school sweethearts and they got mar-
ried. Who knows how we would have ended
up if she didnt die. I took a deep breath to
stave off any tears.
Im sorry, Toots. Im sure she is
proud of you. I am proud of you. Youre go-
ing to college and trying to do something
with your life.
Can I ask you something? I asked
nervously.
Of course.
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Why so many girls?
What do you mean?
Like why just go around having sex
with random girls but never committing to
any of them?
Because Ive lost everything and I
didnt want to have something to lose again.
My sister died, my dad left, my two brothers
wont talk to me, and my mother is com-
pletely different person. And I dont know
many single guys who would turn down cas-
ual sex with hot girls.
But youre willing to commit to me?
I already have.
My face went to shock. What?
Im done with other girls. I have been
since I realized you were interested in me.
Remember that morning?
You went on a date with Shannon
though.
To make you jealous. When I found
out about your date with Cole it drove me
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crazy. I wanted to be the one taking you out.
We didnt do anything, I swear.
I rubbed his chest, flattered by his
words. You know some things arent per-
manent and I might not be around forever,
right?
I know and I tried to fight it but Ive
never felt this way.
I felt his heart beat at a rapid pace. Is
your anger rout from the same thing?
Yeah, I dont have time to mess
around with bullshit, especially when people
hurt others. Ive had enough in my family
that I dont need anymore. Ive been doing
way better since I met you.
I know how to calm the beast, I said,
smiling.
We sat quietly for a little while, but
then he reached down and tilted my chin up.
He closed his eyes and kissed me. Every time
he kissed me, it was more powerful than the
last. He pulled the recline lever, lifting his
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feet in the air. He pulled me over, so I was ly-
ing on top of himour bodies pressed into
each other. We kept kissing, our hearts syn-
chronizing for a while. I grabbed his shirt
never wanting to let go. Eventually, the kiss-
ing slowed and I put my head on his
shoulder. At some point he reached out to
turn the light off and we basked in the dark
silence. Before I knew it, my eyes were
closed.
The next morning I woke up in bed,
alone. I was under the covers but still wear-
ing my outfit from the night before. I slowly
opened my eyes and rubbed them, so I could
see around the room better. Jaxon was
nowhere. He must have carried me to bed
after I fell asleep on him.
I climbed out of bed and stretched,
twisting my back and pulling on my arms. I
walked to the kitchen, half expecting to find
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him cooking breakfast. All I found was a
note.
Toots,
I had an early class and then I'm off to
work out. It was a great time last night. I
really enjoyed it. We should do it again.
Jaxon
I smiled and folded the paper before
sliding it into my pocket. It was seven-thirty
on a Monday and I had to get ready for my
first class. It felt like the start of more than a
new week.
Chapter 24
After my morning classes, I went to
the dining hall and found Tiffany and Lance.
They were laughing together about who
knows what. I started eating and listening to
their conversation, but I drifted into a
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daydream about Jaxon. It was a bad habit
that needed to stop.
I never thought about a guy like this
before. As much as I had tried to stay away
from him, I couldn't. It was even harder now
that I knew he was more than some racing,
drinking, cocky, hothead. He was smart and
caring and responsible. He had some
demons, but so did I.
Earth to Elana, Tiffany said, waving
her hands in front of my face. Are you in
there?
What?
What are you thinking about?
History class.
What are you studying? Lance
asked.
Ill give you a hint about what shes
studying, but its more like anatomy than
history.
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Shut it, Tiffany, I laughed. Nodding
toward Lance, I tried to let her know this
wasnt the time.
I told you, girl, hes a vault, an abso-
lute vault. Tell him anything. Tell him your
email passwords. Nobody would ever get it
out of him.
Shes right, he said. Im like a priest
in a confessional. You say it to me and it
stays with me.
You werent like a priest this morn-
ing, Tiffany teased.
Oh geez. I dont need any details.
They both smiled. So spill it. Whats
got your head in the clouds?
I had a really great dinner last night.
Thats all.
I daydream about dinner all the
time, Lance smirked. Hmm, tacos.
Where did you have dinner last
night, Elana? Did you go to a fancy
restaurant?
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Jaxon cooked for me. For us.
Lance mimed cleaning out his ears,
Did you say Jaxon, that guy I know from
forever ago, cooked you dinner? Not break-
fast. Dinner?
Sure, whats the big deal.
That sounds like a date. Was it a
date? he asked.
Kinda. Well, mostly. Yeah, it was a
date.
My heart raced.
It was a date.
He grabbed Tiffanys arm, Weve got
to go. Hurry! Theres no time to waste.
She was laughing at him.
Whats he doing? I asked.
Why Elana, the end is near! This is
the first sign of the apocalypse. In a fake
news announcer voice, he declared, Jaxon
cooked for a girl. The end is coming.
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Come on, guys. Hes been out with
plenty of girls. I saw him on a date when I
went out with Cole.
Revenge dates dont count, do they,
dear? Tiffany asked Lance.
Hmmm, according to the rulebook,
revenge dates do not count.
He must have gone out with girls in
the past.
True, he has. But he never took the
time to cook for them, Lance said. And
heres the million dollar question: did he
sleep with you after dinner?
I bet he didnt, Tiffany said, smiling.
No, he did not. Didnt even try.
Oh my god! Thats it. Were
doomed, Lance said in mock horror.
You two are ridiculous. Its nothing.
Were roommates and we both had to eat.
Tiffany looked at me with skepticism
and said, Even you dont believe that. You
even said it was a date.
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I dont know, Tiff. Well see. I cant
spend all my time reading into it.
Whens the wedding? Should I pre-
pare my best man speech?
Cut it out, you two. It was awesome,
really. But there are still some things. We
know each other better, but weve each got
an airport full of baggage between us.
Without baggage, wed all be naked.
That, ladies and gentlemen, is wis-
dom. Tiffany laughed and kissed Lance.
I wont say that Im not interested. I
am, I said.
But? Tiffany prodded.
But we need to get to know each oth-
er better. Its a proceed-with-caution kind of
thing. Theres school and work and life.
Tiffany finished my thought, And the
fighting?
Yeah, theres that.
Lance looked at me, biting his lower
lip. You mean with Bobby?
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Yeah, with Bobby and the one after
the race, I said.
The one after the race was mostly
self-defense. That guy was coming after him
first. I know his reaction was a little fierce,
but the adrenaline pumping through you
after a race is intense. Id have a tough time
keeping myself in check too.
And Bobby?
Im a vault, Elana. If you need more
explanations, youll have to go to the source.
Ill only say that his actions are understand-
able if you know the context.
Tiffany put her arm around him and
kissed his cheek. Hes the sexiest vault Ive
ever seen.
You two are sickening, you know
that, right?
I wanted what they had.
We spent the rest of lunch talking
about classes, movies, and assorted non-
sense. Lance also complimented my karaoke
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performance. It reminded me that I needed
to go back and see Tom about the job ASAP.
I needed it.
Chapter 25
I made my way to OReillys, hoping
Tom would be around. Since it was between
lunch and dinner, the place was empty ex-
cept for one old guy at the bar. Looking
around, I spotted Tom near the stage fid-
dling with some speakers.
Well, Miss Elana, I wondered when
youd be back.
He stepped off the stage and shook
my hand. I wouldve come back yesterday,
but it was a hectic day.
The important thing is that youre
here now. So, lets talk. Follow me.
We went to the other side of the res-
taurant and up a staircase. We were in a dark
hallway with two doors, one at each end.
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Tom took out a set of keys and opened the
nearest door to a room that was part office,
part arcade and part living room. The walls
were covered with overflowing bookshelves.
In front of the window, he had a desk hidden
under a mountain of papers. The far side of
the room was occupied by a pool table and
an old pinball machine.
I own the building. These used to be
apartments, but I needed more space for my
office. Well, as you can guess, its half office
and half whatever suits me. The other ones
still an apartment, but I save that for visiting
relatives. He chuckled at the thought. Bet-
ter than having em at my house.
Im sure.
There was something so welcoming
about Tom. If he let his relatives stay in his
house, I bet theyd never leave.
You want anything? Ive got tea.
Uh, sure. Tea would be great.
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There was a kitchen across from the
pool table. With so many other things in the
apartment, I hardly noticed it.
So, Miss Elana, what dya think about
taking a job with me?
Well, whats the job?
Like I said, I want someone to host
the karaoke nights. Maybe sing a song or two
if the crowd is shy. Keep things moving
along. The pays fifteen an hour, plus tips.
We do karaoke on Wednesday and Thursday
nights.
That sounds amazing. What do I
need to do?
Its yours if you want it.
Ill take it. I was nervous about the
idea of getting on a stage every week, even a
small stage, but I needed a job. Plus, I prom-
ised my mother Id try new things. This was
certainly new to me.
Theres more, he said, handing me
my tea.
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Ive got this band with some friends.
Its no big deal. We mostly do covers. Occa-
sionally, we play here or some other bar out
at the beaches, and we play weddings when
we feel like it. Our singer moved to Chicago,
and so we sure could use your voice until we
find someone new.
Are you serious? You want me?
Its clear you know some older songs.
Im betting you know plenty of newer songs
too. Ive already heard you sing. So, what
dya say?
Id love to, but I havent really done
anything like that before.
Dont worry about it. Well have you
out to practice and well do a couple of per-
formances here before we go anywhere.
Theyre cover songs, so it isnt all that diffi-
cult. Itll give us some time to find a good
fulltime replacement.
Tom, its like your Santa Claus.
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Finally, an excuse for this white
hair, he laughed. Can you come in tomor-
row night for a practice session with the
band? The place is always dead on Tuesdays,
so we can get away with it. Well plan to start
your new karaoke gig next Thursday. Thatll
give you some time to plan for the new
schedule.
Tom, I dont know you that well, but
I already think youre the greatest.
Thanks Elana.
When I left, I wanted to call Tiffany,
but something stopped me. It almost felt too
good to be true. If I called her, maybe Id find
myself waking up from a dream. Or maybe if
I heard myself say it out loud, it would sound
crazy. For the first time since my mom died,
I was doing something totally spontaneous
and I needed some time to adjust to the idea.
Chapter 26
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I headed home, hoping Jaxon would
be back. I couldnt get him out of my mind
and the soft night breeze wasnt helping. It
made me think of his breath on my neck. I
almost fell off the curb, thinking of him in-
stead of paying attention to where I was
going.
The way his body looked.
What his scent smelled like.
His bad boy tattoos.
His wild brown hair.
His sense of humor.
His sexy car.
His lips on mine.
When I opened the door to the apart-
ment, I heard the shower running. I hurried
into my room to check my makeup and
clothes. I was reapplying lip gloss when the
shower turned off. Grabbing a book, I col-
lapsed on the bed trying to look nonchalant.
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A few minutes later, Jaxon stuck his
head in the door. Hey, Toots.
Hi, when did you get back?
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Only about fifteen minutes ago. Its
been a long day. Im glad to be home. He
came closer and looked at my book.
Chemistry?
Yeah, not my favorite.
You have a lot to do tonight?
Not too much, why?
I need to get out of here and blow off
some steam. I already called Lance and
Tiffany and theyre coming. You in?
I dont know Jax. I think I might just
stay in tonight and read, I said, shaking my
book in the air.
Theres plenty of time for that later
and Ill bring you home if youre not having
fun. I swear.
Fine, I sighed, getting up from the
bed, Let me find something to wear.
I went through my clothes. I wanted
to look good but not obvious. I found a yel-
low sundress that fit my body just right. My
breasts werent largeespecially when I was
standing next to Tiffanybut the sweetheart
neckline on the dress made them look fuller.
I pulled my hair into a low ponytail
and brushed some powder on my face. On
more than one occasion, Jaxon said he liked
how I looked without lots of makeup and
fussing. That worked for me since I hated
makeup and fussing. I smoothed the dress
with my hands, grabbed a pair of sandals and
headed to the living room.
Jaxon looked up when he heard me
and said, Wow, Toots. It took you no time
and you look like a million bucks.
I laughed under my breath.
He got up and put his arms around
me. The feel of his hands on the bare skin of
my shoulders made me want to take his
clothes off and have him on the floor. It was
a good thing that we were going out, because
Id have trouble taking things slowly if we
stayed home.
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Are you sure you should be going out
again? You missed all your classes today. We
can stay in and study. Im fine with that. I
offered.
He walked over and opened his bot-
tom desk drawer. He rustled through papers
until he found what he was looking for.
Three point seven, he announced, showing
me the paper.
How? When? I stammered.
I have fun, but I get my work done.
When I miss class, I let the professor know.
Im wild not stupid.
I smiled and stared at the paper
shocked. My assumptions continued to be
wrong. Lets go then, I said, looking up
from the paper.
One more thing, he said, leaning
down and taking me in his arms. He gave me
a deep, long kiss. I relaxed into his embrace
and felt the energy pulsing through every
muscle of his body. Now we can go.
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Youre assuming I still want to, I
smiled.
We can stay in if you want.
No, lets go. You already called
Tiffany and Lance. We should be good.
Im always good, he smirked.
Okay, okay. Dont get ahead of your-
self. I grabbed my cell phone and purse.
Are we eating?
Yeah, well eat and then head to the
club. We shouldnt drink without eating.
I shouldnt drink at all. Have you no-
ticed Im underage?
Have you noticed that I know every-
one in there? If you want a drink, youll have
one.
So youre trying to get me drunk? I
said, turning off the lights.
I was just joking. If I'm going to get
you, it's going to be the right way, he said
placing a hand on my back and opening the
door to the apartment to let me out first.
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That would only make me more
nervous.
However, real.
Chapter 27
We had a quick bite to eat at Marios
before meeting Tiffany and Lance at the club.
I was a little nervous when he suggested we
walk. I wasnt interested in being too drunk
to drive, or drunk at all. But I was trying to
let myself have some regular college fun for a
change.
The club was crowded for a Monday
night. I couldnt see through the thicket of
people surrounding the dance floor, so I had
no idea if Tiffany and Lance were there or
somewhere else.
Howre you doing, man? the bar-
tender asked, clasping Jaxons shoulder.
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Doing pretty good, Dave, Jaxon
shouted. Ill take my usual and whatever the
lady wants.
Jaxon pointed at me and I said, Oh,
I'll just have a margarita.
I hardly ever had anything to drink.
Id have some wine if it was offered, but I
typically avoided liquor. I assumed the mar-
garita would be sweet enough to mask the
taste.
Just give me a second, guys, the bar-
tender said.
He walked away and started pouring
Jaxons drink then started on my margarita.
I looked behind me and watched the dance
floor, hoping to see Tiffany. People were
bumping and grinding with each other, mak-
ing it impossible to see clearly.
Jaxon tapped me on the shoulder and
handed me my drink. Within seconds, he
downed his whiskey and was ready for
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another. If he went through drinks that fast,
this night would be over very quickly.
How about you slow down tonight?
I said, holding his forearm. I looked into his
eyes and I could tell that he was processing
what I said.
Want another, Jaxon? the bartender
asked him.
He looked at me. Nah, I'm good
Dave. I think I'm only going to have one or
two tonight.
Really? You feeling okay?
Yeah, Im just trying to stay in peak
operating condition.
Gotcha.
What was that all about? I asked.
Sorry, Toots, you wouldnt want a
guy to ruin his reputation, would you?
No, but dont ruin mine to protect
yours, I said.
Hey, Im sorry. I was just kidding.
I raised an eyebrow. You better be.
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I am, he said kissing my forehead.
I looked over at the bartender who
looked surprised by the kiss. Obviously Jax-
on didnt normally do this. Bringing a girl to
the bar was probably shocking for him to see
since Jaxon usually didnt come with girls
just left. I couldnt see him kissing a girl on
the forehead either normally.
When I finished my margarita, Jaxon
took my arm and pulled me onto the dance
floor. My sundress opened up when I spun
slightly and I could see his eyes widen. I had
his attention and I was enjoying it.
He wrapped his arm around me, pla-
cing his hand on my lower back. He pulled
me towards him squeezing our bodies to-
gether. I could feel him tighten in his pants
as he ground against me. His hand moved
down, stopping on my butt. He playfully
grabbed my ass.
His face moved to my neck, and I
could feel his warm cheek resting against it.
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His head turned and his lips were on me. I
wasnt a fan of public displays of affection,
but everyone else ceased to exist for me. I
wrapped my arms around him as we contin-
ued to grind and he kissed down my neck
and shoulders. I felt small shocks go through
me as his hands moved over my body.
I pushed myself against him even
more. I felt his hardness pressing into the
thin fabric of my dress. I pushed into him
and he pushed back. He combed his fingers
through my hair and moved it to the left side
exposing one side of my neck. His kisses
went from the middle of my neck, down to
my right shoulder, and then stopped at the
top of my right shoulder blade. He brought
his hands down to my hips and caressed my
ass. I didn't want to let go of him and I didn't
want his hands to leave my body. He began
to nibble on my ear and I felt myself moan.
You're the sexiest woman ever, he
whispered slowly in my ear.
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The throbbing of the music and the
pulse of his body almost brought me to a cli-
max on the dance floor.
Really.
I felt a hand on my shoulder and
heard Tiffany say, Look whos come out of
her shell.
Reluctantly, Jaxon and I let each oth-
er go.
She eyed Jaxon up and down and
said, Are you corrupting my baby sister?
He smiled and replied, I thought you
two were the same age.
Age doesnt matter, she said with a
smile. Behave. Im watching you.
You got it, momma bear. I wont let
anything happen to her.
It was nice to hear. Lance seemed sur-
prised by it, too. We all made our way to a
table, and Jaxon and Lance went to get
drinks.
All good?
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All is good, Tiff.
I was beginning to think you guys
would never get here.
We stopped to eat at
Shouting from the bar interrupted our
conversation. There was some kind of scuffle
and a guy was on the ground. My face went
blank as I heard Jaxs name being shouted
and the world stop. We instantly ran over to
check out the scene and found Jaxon loom-
ing over Bobby. Two bouncers rushed in and
took Bobby out the side door and Jaxon out
the front. Tiffany, Lance and I followed.
Dude, you know I didnt start that
shit. That little fucker is always causing
trouble, Jaxon ranted to the bouncer. He
was pacing in a tight circle, flexing his hands
into fists. That asshole!
Tiffany and Lance walked over to talk
to him, but I headed down a side street. It
was too much to handle. Less than ten
minutes before, we were all over each other
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on the dance floor. He was whispering in my
ear. Now he was throwing some guy on the
ground and screaming. I had to get out of
there.
He wasnt going to change.
I ran back home, ignoring my ringing
cell phone. I should have gone somewhere
else, but I wasnt thinking clearly. I ran all
the way home and into the bedroom. I closed
the door, sliding onto the floor in front of it.
Shit.
What was that?
Elana, Elana, are you here?
Jaxon came rushing into the apart-
ment, but I didnt respond. He made his way
to the bedroom door and knocked. Elana,
please, I can explain.
I dont know if I can listen, I
shouted. How could you do that?
I had my reasons.
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Really, did you find them at the bot-
tom of a glass?
No, thats not it. You dont under-
stand. He said, exasperated, Seriously!
I heard his footsteps retreat down the
hall and the creak of the couch as he sat
down. Pulling my knees into my chest, I tried
to replay the nights events. It didnt add up.
I needed to understand how he went from
romance to violence so quickly. I owed it to
him and myself.
I slowly got up from the floor, opened
the door, and walked into the living room.
Dont get up, I said as he looked at me.
You scared me tonight. Im willing to listen,
but I want you to stay over there.
Elana, I would never hurt you.
Ill be the judge of that. He looked
contrite, but it was clear that his emotions
had a hair pin trigger.
Bobby, hes a bad guy. Everybody
knows it.
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So, this is vigilante justice?
No, not really.
Well, what is it?
I dont know how to start. He sighed
and pushed his head back, staring at the ceil-
ing. Remember that call the other night?
From your mom at the hospital?
Yeah, well, its not a regular hospital.
Its a rehab facility.
Oh, Jaxon, I sat on the edge of the
couch.
She had trouble after my sisters acci-
dent. And when my dad left, she totally lost
it. In the beginning, it was too much wine or
a little pot. Nothing serious. When I left for
school it got worse. She started taking pills.
Fucking pills!
He rubbed his hands over his face un-
til his skin was red. Well, Lance and I come
from a town up north in Florida. Bobbys
from there too. He always had reputation as
a real asshole, but we never paid much
342/447
attention to him. We started racing cars in
high school. Lances dad helped us get star-
ted by paying for our first car. We kept
ourselves real busy working on that thing. I
think his dad was happy to help because we
didnt have time to get into trouble like
Bobby and his friends.
Bobby did drugs?
Bobby sells drugs. Nothing big time.
He isnt like a crime boss or anything, but
hes a shitty little dealer all the same. He sold
to my mom. When she ran out of money, he
came to me. I paid him off the first time, but
it didnt make any fucking sense. What deal-
er gives drugs to an addict without payment?
Its like he wanted something to hold over
me. I never did anything to him. Hes just on
some kind of power trip. So, the last time, I
told my mom I wasnt paying. I told her the
only thing Id pay for is rehab.
Im sorry, Jaxon. Im so sorry.
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You couldnt know. Its all too fuck-
ing stupid for anyone to guess. Its like a bad
TV movie. He went into the kitchen for
some water and stood still, staring at the
blank TV screen.
Shes in rehab now, but the bills add
up. Ive got some of it covered and I have a
partial scholarship for school, but shes been
bleeding me dry over time. I told Bobby to
leave her the hell alone and forget the
money. At first he said fine, but he keeps
making jokes about it. He cant stand to keep
his damn mouth shut.
Jaxon, Im sorry. I shouldnt have
overreacted. Its just hard for me to see viol-
ence like that.
I know, Toots. I shouldnt act that
way but the prick deserved it. Like I told you
about my anger, I dont have time for
bullshit.
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I walked over and gave him a hug.
There was nothing sexual about it, but it felt
solid and safe.
Do you want to sleep in the bed with
me? Just sleep, I said.
Thanks Toots, but I think Im just
gonna turn on the TV and sit here for a bit.
I paused for a second, surprised he
turned down the offer. I understand, I
sighed.
I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him
goodnight.
Chapter 28
The start of the week had been busy,
and I was already exhausted by Wednesday
afternoon. I had a long day of studying,
classes and band practice at Toms on Tues-
day. Everything was going well. I aced sever-
al tests and the guys in Toms cover band
welcomed me with open arms. We hit it off
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musically and personally. It was like finding
a group of long lost uncles. They played all
the music my mom used to love and it felt
good to think about her, for a change.
The only downside was not seeing
Jaxon. He left Tuesday afternoon for a race
and he hadnt been home since. He texted
me in the morning to let me know where he
was last night, and told me to have a good
day. My thoughts kept drifting to him in
spurts, but I had better control now. It was
beginning to seem possible to imagine my-
self pulling off the whole thingcollege, a
job, and a boyfriend.
The calendar has a way of complicat-
ing things. At home alone after class, I
looked at the calendar and instantly realized
the date for the first time. Time had flown by
since I moved to Florida. Between Jaxon and
school my mind had been occupied. It was
five years ago that my mom died. We took
her home and a hospice nurse visited every
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day. She kept getting thinner and her skin
seemed almost translucent. Sometimes I
wondered if she would die at all or if she
would disappear one night while we were
asleep. When she died, so many things went
with her.
This was the first time that my father
and I werent together for the anniversary.
Usually, he drank himself into a stupor by
early evening, but with the time difference, I
had a chance to catch him sober. I got my
phone and went to the bedroom. Jaxon
wasnt home, but I wanted more privacy than
the living room afforded. Plus, I never knew
when Jaxon would come crashing through
the door.
Staring at his number for a long time,
I had trouble pressing the call button. Then,
I thought about how everything was getting
better lately. Maybe he was too.
It was all just wishful thinking.
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Taking a deep breath, I finally pressed
it.
Hello? he slurred.
Hearing his voice again was a shock.
He was already drunk. I was speechless.
I said hello!
Dad, its Elana.
What dya wan? He stumbled over
his words, struggling to use his whisky-
soaked mouth for anything other than drink-
ing. You left me. The leasht you cn do is
leave me alone.
Dad, I had to go to school; you know
that. I had no choice but to leave. My body
and mind took too much of a beating around
him, but leaving didnt erase the past, espe-
cially not the good things about the family
we used to be. I guess I thought if I called,
my old dadthe good onemight answer.
Whatever you shay. You got it all fig-
urd out. Cept how to use the damned phone.
Whyre you callin if got nothin to shay?
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Its the anniversary of Moms death,
I sighed. I wanted to see how you're doing
dad
Well thats jusht fuckin great. You
think I need you callin here to remind me of
thish shit? Get over it. Put it outta your
mind. Thats what I did.
I could envision the spit flying out of
his mouth with each slurred sentence. I sat
down and tried to find something to say that
would make things better or easier or just
different. I thought of all the times I caught
him sitting in the living room, in total dark-
ness, holding a picture of my mom in one
hand and a beer in the other. I worried about
him being alone, with no one to roll him on
his stomach and keep him from choking
when he passed out. I wanted to comfort
him, but I couldnt. Nothing ever comforted
him. Once his grief became unending rage, I
had to stop trying to help him and save
myself.
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Okay, Dad. I just wanted to check on
you.
Youre a real pain in my asshcallin
me to talk about your mother. You never call
to talk about me. I haven't even heard from
you shince you left. He paused, and I could
hear him taking a big swig and swallowing
hard. You left me just like she did. You al-
ways were mommy's little girl. Always pes-
terin her and needin things from her. I'm
shtarting to think it wasn't the cancer that
killed herit wasss you!
His words tore through my heart.
Despite all of the awful things he did, he nev-
er blamed her death on me. I wasnt pre-
pared for a phone call to hurt this much.
It wasnt my fault, dad. I cried. You
know it wasnt.
Whatever. You fuckin streshed her
out so she couldnt fight. You were the can-
cer. Youre a fuckin disease! he screamed,
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I wont let you kill me. You jusht leave me
lone.
The phone went silent. My body was
tense and I couldn't relax. I knew that I
should have never called him. Even thou-
sands of miles away he could still hurt me. I
couldn't stop the tears from streaming down
my face. Did I have something to do with the
cancer? They say stress doesnt help, but did
she really have to worry about me? I was al-
ways a good kid, never drank, never did
drugs, and was an A-student. Still, maybe
she worried anyway.
Jaxon came running into the bed-
room. I hadnt even heard him come home. I
tried to stretch my eyes open to hold the
tears back. It was too typical to end up crying
on his shoulder.
Are you okay? he asked.
Do I look okay to you? I said, rub-
bing my closed fists on my eyes. The tears
started to flow despite my best efforts.
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No, but that's what you're supposed
to ask when someone is upset.
It's okay. Ill be fine. Ive been
through worse. I wanted to believe that, but
I couldn't stop sobbing.
He walked over, sat on the bed next to
me, wrapping his arm around me, pulling me
against his warm skin. The mingled smells of
body wash, cologne, and him were like aro-
matherapy. Being close to him made me feel
peaceful. My tears stopped as he rubbed his
hand up and down my arm, soothing me. I
pressed my body against his, trying to get
closer, and he gave me a soft kiss on the fore-
head. His did it a second time, his lips linger-
ing against my skin.
What happened, he whispered.
I called my dad because today is the
day when, I stopped, overcome by sobs
again. Pulling it together, I said, My mom
died five years ago today. I wanted to . . . I
dont know what I wanted.
352/447
We can talk about it or not, Elana.
You dont have to tell me.
For some reason, I wanted to tell him.
I took a few deep breaths to calm myself.
When she died, he changed into this thing.
He replaced her with alcohol and hes never
been the same, I said, sniffling.
Is that why you wanted to leave? he
asked, squeezing me tighter.
Yes, he started drinking every day
when he got home from work. When the al-
cohol didnt make him feel better, he started
to take it out on me. At first it was just
wordscalling me ugly or stupid or
cheapbut it got worse over time. About a
year before I left, he shoved me to the
ground while he was screaming at me. I
thought if I sat very still and let him get it out
of his system, he would stop. He didnt. It
only got worse after that.
Hes lucky you didnt know me then.
If he ever lays another hand on you, I will
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beat the fucking shit out of him. I don't care
if they throw me in jail.
His words were angry, but it felt good
to hear them. I never had the energy to get
angry or put up a fight with my dad; eventu-
ally, hed get tired and give up. Some days, it
would take an hour, others less. I learned to
protect my face so people wouldnt ask ques-
tions and he wouldnt be dragged off to jail.
It was easier than fighting back.
You know I would do anything for
you Elana, he said.
He lay back against the bed and I
melted into him, resting my hand on his abs.
I traced my finger across each tattoo. He felt
so solid. I almost believed him.
What can I do? How can I make it
better? he asked, combing his fingers
through my hair.
Just hold me.
I opened my eyes to find him staring
deep into me. Sure he was cocky, full of
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tattoos, drove a muscle car, and had girls
flocking to him but he was so much more.
Chapter 29
My hand rested on his neck while my
thumb traced his chin. I backed away and
looked up into his eyes. The human was
showing in him, not the beast.
Do you want to go take a shower and
then hit the bed? he asked.
Will you be in there to cuddle with
me? I asked, secretly hoping that he would
agree.
If you want me to, he said, looking
surprised.
I do, I sighed, kissing his lips again.
I jumped up from the couch and as I
strode to the bathroom I looked back at him
with a grin. He smirked but I was almost
positive that mine was better. I never saw
myself with someone like him before I
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moved to Florida, but now it was real. I
wiped the last tear from my eye and closed
the bathroom door.
The hot water ran down my body as I
soaked in my body wash and rubbed sham-
poo in my hair. Even though I wanted him,
my nerves were running through my body
like a wildfire. Ive always been scared of
what guys would think if they saw me naked.
He told me I was beautiful and I thought that
it was just a way to get me in bed but the way
he was acting tonight made it real. I wanted
to live up to his expectations.
After rinsing the soap off, I turned the
water off and grabbed a towel. When I was
dry, I slipped my underwear on, cotton pink
shorts, and white tank top. I shook my hair
out of the towel letting my long brown long
locks fall down my back. Looking in the mir-
ror I pressed my braless breasts together and
up while giving myself a pep talk.
You can do this. You can do this.
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I walked back to the bedroom and
opened the door. Jaxon was lying on the
comforter in just his boxers like the night he
fell asleep drunk at the end of the bed. He
looked over at me and gave me a wide smile.
I smiled back before pulling down the com-
forter and sheets and sliding in bed.
You know you can get under the
comforter and sheets, right?" I asked
nervously.
I didn't know if you wanted me in
your bed.
It's your bed Jaxon, I said, burrow-
ing my head into the pillow.
I decided long ago that you were
staying here from now on and I was giving
you the bedroom Toots. I don't mind sleep-
ing on the couch.
Doesnt it remind you of all the girls
you've been with?
No, he said before pausing. I never
slept with them on the couch or in this bed.
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If I did bring a girl home everything
happened on the floor.
Really?
Really, he insisted. Those girls
didnt deserve my couch where I sit every
day or my bed where I sleep.
I lay quietly on my back and recited
his words in my head over. They didnt de-
serve my couch where I sit every day or my
bed where I sleep. I was in his bed though.
Not having sex exactly, but I was sleeping in
his bed and sitting on his couch.
Jaxon stood up and pulled the com-
forter and sheets down before sitting on the
edge of the bed. He looked out the open win-
dow and pressed his hands into the mattress.
I could hear his calm and steady breaths go-
ing in and out.
I sat up and crawled over to him,
wrapping my arms across him. My hands
trailed across to his chest and down to his
abs before stopping at his boxers waist
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band. His hands grabbed each of my arms
and moved from my shoulders to my elbows
then to my wrists. I kissed his neck while his
right hand let go of my wrist and wrapped to
the back of my head and softly grabbed my
hair. He combed his fingers through my half
dried hair. Silence filled the room and his
chest rose and fell under my hand.
The muscles in his chest tightened un-
der my fingertips which felt magnificent. I
traced my finger around the indentation
between his pecks and each chiseled ab
muscle before moving my hand back up to
his shoulders and down his muscular tat-
tooed arms.
We fell back against the bed and
stayed like that for a long time. He was on
his back and I was on my side, half-wrapping
his body with mine. He rubbed my back
slowly and let me relax completely. The sun
set and the room was lit by the blue light of
early evening. The window was open, a soft
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breeze blowing through the curtains. It
brushed my cheek and arms, awakening
something deep inside of me.
I was suddenly aware of how his body
felt against mine. Sliding up to his face, I
rubbed myself against him. He turned and
his lips kissed my forehead, my nose, and
then my upper lip. They were moist and I
could taste a hint of his chapstick. His lower
lip slid between mine, softly massaging the
opening. My eyes closed as his left hand res-
ted on my cheek and his thumb wiped away
my tears. His lips released and I opened my
eyes to find him looking at me. There was a
connection unlike anything Id ever felt be-
fore. Everything that Id worried about with
my first impressions of him vanished, and I
saw him as he was.
Kind.
Smart.
Caring.
Loving.
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Sexy, beyond abs and tattoos.
Elana, he whispered.
Yeah, Jax.
You know you're not a cancer or a
disease. Youre a cure. Youre curing me
every day, he whispered.
The words were so perfect that it sur-
prised me. I never imagined how sweet and
romantic he could be. Id lusted after him
without thinking about the heart and mind
inside that body.
Youre curing me, too, I whispered,
my lips brushing his with each word.
I didn't want the moment to end. It
was everything I wanted. Everything I
thought I would never find. Our lips stayed
together, exploring each other slowly. I slid
my hand up his abs to his chest, grabbing
hold of his muscle, kneading it. I backed
away and looked up into his eyes. The hu-
man was showing in him, not the beast from
earlier.
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My heart pounded as I touched his
neck with my lips and tasted his flesh in a
slow, tender kiss. He looked down with sur-
prise, and then his eyes softened with the
realization of what I wanted.
He wrapped his arms around me and
gently turned us. He was on top of me now.
He leaned down, pressing his lips against
mine with a delicate sweetness. The heat
from his lips traveled all the way to my toes
and I pulled him closer to me.
I parted my lips, letting his tongue
find its way to mine. I want you, I said.
Suddenly, the kiss slowed, and he
tried to pull away. Determined to finish what
I had started, my mouth worked against his
more feverishly. In reaction, Jaxon backed
away until he was on his knees. I rose with
him, keeping our mouths melded together.
He gripped my shoulders to hold me
at bay. Wait a sec, he whispered with an
amused smile, breathing hard. You dont
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have to do this. This isnt something we have
to do tonight. Youve been through enough.
He was holding back, but I could see it
in his eyes that his self-control wouldnt last
long. I leaned in again, his arms giving way
enough for me to brush my lips against his.
I want you, I whispered against his
mouth.
With those three words, his reserva-
tions vanished. He kissed me, hard and
eager. My fingers ran down the length of his
back and settled on the waist of his boxers. I
brought my fingers around to the front,
frantically trying to push them down. His
lips grew impatient, and I fell back against
the mattress, our bodies moving together as
eagerly as our mouths. His tongue found its
way to mine again and I gained the courage
to slide my hand between his skin and boxers
and he groaned.
Jaxon yanked my tank top over my
head and then his hand impatiently traveled
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down my side, gripping my cotton shorts and
slipping it down my legs with one hand. I
was under him, wearing only panties. I ex-
pected him to pull them down, but he left his
hand on top of them, lingering, heat spread-
ing from his palm into my core. His mouth
returned to mine as his hand slid over to my
thigh. As he did, he kissed down my neck
and chest, between my exposed breasts, and
down my stomach. He put his mouth over
the thin fabric and kissed me with warm lips
and steaming breath. Gently, he started to
pull my underwear down. I shuddered from
the force of my desire. He pulled back, look-
ing at me, watching my face as his hand fi-
nally pulled my panties all the way off.
He kept his eyes on me as he removed
his own clothes. In the dim light, I could still
see each muscle flex as he pulled his boxers
down and kicked them aside. I let out a long,
faltering breath when I saw him completely
naked, leaning over me. His mouth found
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mine again and his fingers wandered until
they were inside of me. My knees arched and
twitched with each movement. His mouth
and hand worked synchronously. I dug my
fingers into his flesh as he positioned himself
above me.
Elana, he said, panting, are you
sure?
I reached for the top drawer of his
night stand, pulling it open, grabbing a con-
dom. Feeling the plastic between my fingers,
I touched the corner to my mouth, tearing
the package open with my teeth. The package
crackled in his fingertips and after a few mo-
ments, I felt him between my thighs. I closed
my eyes.
Look at me, Elana.
I gazed up at him, his eyes intent, but
soft. He tilted his head, leaning down to kiss
me tenderly, and his body tensed, pushing
himself inside of me in a small, slow move-
ment. I bit my lip with slight discomfort as
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my body tried to take all of him at once. He
filled me completely. When he rocked into
me again, I clenched my eyes shut with a
sensuous pain. As he continued to push, my
body relaxed and opened to receive all of
him. My thighs wrapped around his hips,
and he kissed me again.
Look at me, he whispered.
The motion of his body against mine
became more rhythmic. The nervousness I
felt in the beginning disappeared and Jaxon
grabbed at my flesh as if he couldnt get
enough. I pulled him into me and he
moaned.
Ive wanted you for so long, Elana.
Youre all I want, he breathed against my
ear.
He grabbed my thigh with one hand
and propped himself up with his elbow, just
inches above me. A thin sheen of sweat
began to bead on my skin and I arched my
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back as his lips traced my jaw, following a
single line down my neck.
Jaxon, I moaned.
When I said his name, he pressed his
cheek against mine and his movements be-
came more rigid. The noises from his throat
grew louder and he pressed inside me one
last time, groaning and quivering above me.
Every fiber of my body tingled with pleasure,
starting from my belly and expanding out-
ward. My toes even curled as I rode out the
sensation.
After a few moments, he relaxed, and
let his breathing slow.
As my breath slowed in time with his,
I said, I thought the first time with someone
new was supposed to be awkward. But I, uh,
Im just awed.
Smiling, he kissed me and said, I
hope its the first of many. I love you.
I was too shocked to reply, so I kissed
him again. He collapsed beside me on his
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stomach, stretching one arm across my
middle, and resting his forehead against my
cheek. I ran my fingers along the bare skin of
his back until I heard his breathing even out.
We laid motionless, our bodies
breathing against each other. After a few
minutes, Jaxon drifted off to sleep. Id never
felt such passion or desire and it had come
on the heels of such sadness. I thought of his
words and what they meant.
Id never said those words to anyone
other than my mom and Tiffany, not even
Cole. We had never been the kind of lovey-
dovey couple that Tiffany and Lance were.
We were like best friends that had sex. We
loved each other but with comfort more than
intense passion. I tried to process everything,
but sleep had other plans for me. I drifted off
with my naked flesh pressed against Jaxons,
hoping I wouldnt wake to find it all a dream.
Chapter 30
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The first golden rays of morning light
peeked through the window, waking me. I
was still naked, but we had changed posi-
tions over night. Jaxon was behind me with
his arms wrapped around me.
Jaxon, I said softly.
Yeah, he murmured into my neck.
His body stretched slightly and he
turned his head toward the window. Morn-
ing, he said, kissing my neck.
I felt him stiffen and press into my
back. I turned to look at him, still inside the
circle of his arms. I brought my mouth to his
and softly kissed him. He returned the kiss
and pushed his tongue into my mouth.
Warmth flooded my body and I pressed my-
self against him.
Morning, I moaned. So, it wasnt a
dream.
If it was, Im never waking up, he
said, pulling me closer.
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His hand moved down my back and
stopped at the top of my thigh. He pulled my
leg up and over his hip, his fingers lightly
brushing against the soft skin between my
legs. Reflexively, I shuddered and pressed
my mouth into his more. Grinding my hips
into him, I pushed him over slightly, so I was
on top of him. I moved down his neck and
ran my tongue across his painted chest. He
pulled his hands back, letting them fall to the
mattress. I kissed every inch of his torso,
making my way down to his waist. I could
feel him throbbing against me. His right
hand finally wandered over to the night
stand, grabbing a condom. As he slid it on, I
slid onto him. He kept his eyes open, watch-
ing my hair fall across my face as my body
swayed, anchored by his. He put his hands
on my hips and guided my motion, still
watching my movements. I tried to go faster,
but he pulled me closer to him, slowing my
rhythm and pressing my flesh onto his. He
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bent his face toward mine and ran his tongue
along my ear.
Youre so fucking beautiful, he
whispered. The hot touch of his breath and
the echo of his words enhanced my pleasure.
I was moving faster and his breath
was quicker against my ear. His mouth
moved to form words, but I could barely hear
him over my own soft moans.
I love you, Elana, he said again.
His movement was deeper now. His
hips moving in concert with mine, creating a
see-saw motion that provided constant stim-
ulation. I arched my back as I felt him shake
beneath me. I tried to slow down, but my
body kept contracting with waves of
pleasure.
I smiled and sighed, exhaustion set-
ting in. Jaxon pulled me next to him, situat-
ing the covers over us. I rested my cheek
against his chest, and he kissed my forehead.
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I kissed his chest. His heart was ra-
cing and made my head move up and down
with his breath. Every few minutes he would
sigh, and I could tell something was bother-
ing him. I kissed his chest again and tapped
my finger on his collarbone. I looked out at
the rising sun, but I could feel his eyes locked
on me.
Jaxon? Are you okay? I asked.
There was a long pause before he fi-
nally spoke. Im fine.
I pressed my forehead against his
neck, and he squeezed me tighter. I dont
think you are, I said. Whats wrong?
He took a deep breath. I dont want
to lose you.
I turned my head, resting my chin on
his chest. Youre not going to.
You know thats not true.
Why? I asked surprised.
Because I fuck everything up, he
said.
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No, you dont Jaxon, I said, kissing
his neck.
He didnt say anymore. We stayed to-
gether, listening to the birds chirping and the
wind blowing the trees outside. After a while,
Jaxons breathing turned into a soft snoring.
I knew how he felt. Everything between us
was so powerful that it seemed almost un-
sustainable. Falling for each other wasnt go-
ing to erase the pain of the past, but it might
be worth the risk.
He was amazing.
Broken.
So was I.
We managed to peel ourselves off the
bed and go to class, but I had even less focus
than I did on Monday. I tried to discretely
text Tiffany from chemistry.
Me: Where R U?
Tiffany: Physics Lab. U OK?
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Me: Yea. Lunch?
Tiffany: Its 1030.
Me: Brunch?
Tiffany: Meet me in 15.
I quietly gathered my things and
stepped out the back door of the class room.
Even in a huge lecture hall, I felt like the pro-
fessor was going to stop the class and ask
where I was going. I was used to the high
school rules. At college, half my professors
didnt care about attendance. They figured it
was your job to do the work and pass. If you
chose not to show up and fell behind, that
was your problem.
I enjoyed the freedom and tried not to
take advantage of it. But on a day like this, I
had no choice.
I hurried to the cafe to meet Tiffany. It
wasnt easy after the workout I had the night
before and that morning. Part of me wanted
to find a shady spot and curl up for a nap.
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When I walked in, Tiffany was already
sitting at a table. I put my things down and
started to slide into the booth. She squinted,
watching me.
Oh my god. You had sex with Jaxon,
she said in a loud whisper.
What?
You cant hide anything from me.
You look happy, exhausted and slightly con-
fused. You had sex with him.
She sat back, smiling at herself. She
loved that she knew me so well. For a while
in high school, it annoyed me, but I appreci-
ated it more as we got older. It was like gain-
ing a sister to make up for the family Id lost.
I grinned. Shhh, we dont need to
make a public announcement.
Tell me everything. Well, the PG ver-
sion. There are children here, she joked.
Well my dad blamed my moms
death on me which he has never done before.
That is the short version of the phone call.
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What? That bastard! Youre the per-
fect child. I would have killed my mother be-
fore you, if that was the case.
Thanks Tiff.
She reached her hand out, taking
mine and said, Im sorry hes like that. All
youve done is try to make things good for
him and he treats you like shit. Forget about
him.
Hes my dad though.
Your dad left you when your mom
died Elana. This version of him physically
and emotionally abuses you. Let him go.
Ill try. I know theres a good person
inside him though On a better note Jaxon
and I had sex. Twice. Once this morning and
once last night, I said, quickly changing the
topic so we didnt have to dwell on my father.
I sat back to wait for her reaction. She
said nothing but stared at me. I didnt know
what she was thinking. Good. Bad. It was
amazingly great to me. To break the silence I
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decided to tell her what he said to me
afterwards.
And he said
What Elana? What did he say? she
asked, leaning forward.
That he loves me.
He said that he loves you?
Twice.
Wow, Im actually speechless. She
twirled her coffee mug on the table and
looked up at me. What did you say?
We were kind of busy. I didnt re-
spond to that specifically.
What will you say?
I dont know. I turned to watch the
people walking by outside. I definitely have
really strong feelings for him, but so much
has happened. Everythings suddenly hurt-
ling forward. College, work, Jaxon.
Hold on. Back up. Did you get a job?
Kind of.
How did I miss this?
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I didnt tell anyone. Between Cole
and Jaxon and moving and classes, I guess I
wanted a little corner that was all mine.
Well, can I see the corner yet?
It happened when we were all out at
karaoke. The guy that owns that place, Tom,
asked me if I wanted to host his karaoke
nights. I tried to look nonchalant, but it was
impossible. I was beaming.
Holy shit, Elana. How fun is that?
Your mom would be so proud of you for
branching out.
She would, wouldnt she?
She would and I am. Are you
nervous?
Completely and totally. But it feels
good to be nervous about something positive
for a change. And Toms so sweet. He has a
band that does weddings and stuff. They play
older songs like my parents listened to. I
practiced with them the other night.
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So you got a job and joined some old
guy band? How the hell did you keep this
from me?
It wasnt easy. Im not exactly joining
the band though. Just helping out.
Thats awesome Elana. She picked
at her eggs. Does Jaxon know?
No, not at all. Weve got enough go-
ing on between us.
Ill say, she laughed. Between the
sheets.
We gossiped about our hometown and
classes, laughing and sharing a giant plate of
fries. It was like old times but better. I had a
lot of things to figure out, but there was time
for that later. We needed a good, old-fash-
ioned girls day.
We left the cafe and headed to a cloth-
ing store down the street. I wanted a new
dress for my first night of work and only had
a week to find one. Tiffany picked out all
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sorts of crazy, sexy things, and I went with
my usual styles.
In the dressing room, she went back
to Jaxon, So, are you two a couple now?
We didnt really talk about it.
Maybe?
I would say probably,. Ive never
heard Jaxon say the word love unless he was
talking about his car.
Stepping out to look in the mirror, I
twirled around in an emerald green dress.
That looks amazing! Tiffany said.
You think? I dont really have any-
thing in this color.
You should have everything in that
color. Striking a pose she said, What about
this?
Eh. Its a little too something.
Agreed. Back to the drawing board.
She pulled her curtain shut, and I
said, Do you think its all going too fast?
This thing with Jaxon. I mean, Cole just left.
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You and Cole broke up months ago.
He came to visit and you sent him on his
way. Its not like you just broke up.
Thats true, I sighed. Still, I dont
know about those three words.
Opening the curtain to reveal a stun-
ning little black dress, she said, Dont rush
yourself. If you arent ready to say it, dont
say it. Spinning on her heel, she asked, Yes
or no?
I should say no just to avoid being
seen with you while youre in it. You look ri-
diculously gorgeous.
We each found a dress. Thats not
bad for an unplanned shopping trip.
Lets pay and go. I should do some
school work today.
Im sure youll be doing something,
she giggled and nudged me with her elbow.
Or someone.
Stop it, I laughed.
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We went our separate ways outside
the store. I walked up and down several
streets, zigzagging my way home. I wanted to
see Jaxon, but I didnt want to desire him
quite as much as I did. I tried to delay my
gratification and build a tolerance for not
seeing him. But even as I took the long way
home, I noticed myself speed-walking to get
there as quickly as possible. When I closed in
on the last block, my phone buzzed to life
with a text message from him.
Jaxon: Miss U. Race away 2NTE. Back
2MOR.
Me: Miss U 2, I wrote.
Jaxon: Party 2MOR? Race here.
Me: K
It was more time away than I wanted,
but I had work to do. I needed to focus and
stop thinking about Jaxon.
Not possible.
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Chapter 31
Jaxon called to say he was running
late and to meet him at the mansion. I asked
Tiffany and Lance to come by so we could
walk together. I was nervous. Racing still
brought back some uncomfortable memories
for me and Jaxons fan club was sure to be
out in full force.
Youve got nothing to worry about,
Elana, Lance said as we walked. He doesnt
care about those girls. Theyre too frivolous.
Im more worried about them with
me, than him. Amber didnt even like it when
we were just roommates. I dont want to deal
with pointless drama.
No boys, no drama, Tiffany mocked.
Looks like those things arent as easy to
avoid in Florida.
Tell me about it.
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We hurried to get there in time. As we
arrived at the gate, we could already hear the
engines revving. I lost track of time getting
ready, so I had nobody to blame but myself.
Since we were walking to a party at a dirt
race track, I opted for a red cotton dress and
my converse sneakers. It was comfortable
but still cute. I left my hair loose around my
shoulders and barely applied any makeup. If
nothing else, I would stand out compared to
the made-up groupies drooling over Jaxon
after the race.
We ran down to the starting line just
as the flag went down. The cars screamed
down the track, but Jaxon was clearly in the
lead. It was over before it began. The cars
turned around in the distance and headed
back to the crowd. When they reached us
they both parked in the grass next to the
raceway and got out of their cars.
Jaxons competitor was more polite
this time. He shook his hand. Jim Davis was
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using his megaphone to tell the partiers that
Jaxon was undefeated for the season while
he grabbed Jaxons arm and held it high in
the air. Jaxon played to the crowd a bit. Rais-
ing his arms up again and letting out a loud
roar in triumph. People kept walking over to
shake his hand and pat him on the back. I
stayed with Tiffany and Lance, watching him
from a distance.
You should go up there, Elana,
Lance said.
Me? Youre part of the team. You
should go.
I like to stay behind the scenes. Its a
little easier.
Ill let him enjoy the moment. I dont
want to seem clingy.
I barely finished the sentence when
Jaxon walked over, picking me up, spinning
me around, kissing me passionately in front
of the crowd. There was a loud, collective
awwww from most people. When he put me
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down, I got more than a few angry glares
from his faithful female fans. I shrugged at
them as he pulled me to his side.
Jim walked over and said, So this is
the girl thats got you rushing home from out
of town races?
He reached out to shake my hand.
Hi, Im Elana, I said.
Have we met, Elana? You look famil-
iar to me.
You look kind of familiar to me too,
but Ive only been here once before and we
didnt meet.
Huh, they say everyone has a
double. He turned to Jaxon and started
talking about some business details as the
crowd headed toward the house for the
party. He kept looking at me out of the
corner of his eye, trying to place me. I had
the same feeling about him, but assumed it
was just because Id been here before.
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Tiffany turned to say something to
me, but a loud voice cut her off.
Ive got it! Youre Baby Girl, Jim
called out. Baby Girl all grown up. How cool
is that?
Jaxon looked at me quizzically as Jim
explained it to him, Her dad was one hell of
a racer back in the day. After she was born,
he went nuts for her. Talked about his baby
girl all the time. Had Baby Girl painted down
the side of his car in the biggest letters youve
ever seen. He stood back smiling, proud of
himself. Whats he up to these days?
Um, he, I had no idea what to say.
He retired, Tiffany jumped in. His
vision started to go, so he had no choice.
She looked at me. Yeah, was all I
could add.
Thats a damn shame, Jim said.
Jaxon was completely confused.
You never said anything. I had no
idea. He was caught between awe and
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frustration. Ive heard about him and always
wondered what had happened to that guy,
but I had no idea.
Jim said, Well, if he ever comes to
visit, Id love to meet him.
Dont count on it, Jim, Jaxon
snapped. He doesnt travel.
Too bad. Well, Jaxon, see you up at
the party. He walked off smiling and shak-
ing his head. You too, Baby Girl.
I winced. Nobody called me that any-
more, and I hated to hear it again.
So youre Baby Girl? Jaxon asked.
Your dad was one of the best off-road drag
race drivers around. I cant believe you never
said anything.
I dont talk about him that often. You
know that Jax. Can we just go have some fun
and forget he even mentioned it?
Whatever you want, Toots.
Are you okay? Tiffany asked as we
walked.
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I'll be fine, Tiff, I sighed. Let's just
forget about it. It's in my past and that's
where I want to leave it.
Okay, she said hugging me.
Lets have some fun!
We all took advantage of the party at-
mosphere. It was the first time since arriving
that I really partied. I had more drinks that
night than my entire life up to that point. I
couldnt walk well by the time we left. Jaxon
carried me to his car, but I kept insisting I
could walk.
You take care of her, Tiffany said.
You sure you can drive?
I didnt have a drop, Jaxon said.
Ive got precious cargo tonight.
Good! she shouted. Make sure she
sleeps on her stomach Jax. I dont want a
phone call in the morning.
I know Tiff!
He slipped me through the passen-
gers side window and belted me in. As soon
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as he pulled out of the driveway, I passed
out. I woke up the next morning tucked into
bed, wearing a long T-shirt. Jaxon had car-
ried me into bed and tucked me in without
trying anything.
On Saturday morning I sat on the
couch drinking a hot cup of coffee and
watching the weather. It was much warmer
in Florida during the fall than in Iowa. I was
going to really enjoy winter for once, no be-
low zero temperatures and no snow. As soon
as I flipped the television off Jaxon came
through the door and kicked it shut.
Hey Toots, want to go out this after-
noon? he asked, walking to the kitchen to
rinse his hands.
Where are we going? I asked, think-
ing of all the possibilities.
Its a secret! he shouted.
Why?
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Okay, its more of surprise. What do
you say? I promise itll be fun, he said, walk-
ing back in the living room.
I guess... What do I need to bring for
this surprise?
Just your jean shorts and tank top
will do. Its already one though so we need to
go now if we are going.
Well lets go then, I said, getting up
and wrapping my arms around his neck,
kissing him.
We left the apartment, hopped in the
car, and drove out of the parking lot. We
drove for about ten minutes and then Jaxon
drove off the main road. I didnt recognize
the path or anything around us. Even as the
Torino rutted along the dirt road, I knew that
it had been some time before civilization last
paid a visit. Weeds were sticking up out of
the dirt. After another ten minutes we
reached a clearing and in front of us was the
ocean, where he parked the car in the foliage
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nearby. He had taken me to a small stretch
of seashore!
Jaxon, I sighed.
Do you like it? he asked, grinning.
Yes! But I dont have my swimsuit
with me, I said bummed.
I brought it with me, he explained,
reaching behind the seat. When his arm re-
turned he was holding my workout bag, um-
brella, and sand chair. Here you go.
You went through my stuff? I asked,
grabbing the bag.
No, Tiffany did. I asked her to help
me so she did. I think shes starting to like
me, he said grinning.
I smiled. Good, I dont want you go-
ing through my stuff
Well, I didnt Elana Now lets get
changed, he said, leaning over and kissing
me on the cheek.
We got out and took turns changing
into our swimwear behind the car. He tried
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to sneak a peek of me naked but I quickly
moved away and was able to get covered.
Just because we had sex didnt mean I was
comfortable being seen naked. I slipped my
shorts and tank top on over top of my swim-
suit. When he stepped out from behind the
car he looked intoxicating in his yellow and
black board shorts that stopped just below
the knee. His wild brown hair was blowing in
the wind as he gripped my hand.
We walked down the sandy trail as the
sun beat on us overhead. Every once in a
while I would look over at his inked upper
half just to make sure I wasnt dreaming. I
wasnt. Its funny I wanted time to stop be-
cause I never had before, especially the past
few years.
When we reached the beach it was se-
cluded, and very calm and quiet. It was well-
hidden from the vast ocean, and the only ac-
cessible route was by land. I was glad that we
were not at a commercial and overcrowded
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beach. It was only Jaxon and me. I squeezed
his hand tight.
I stopped in the beach sand far
enough away from the ocean that the water
wouldnt reach me when the tide came in.
We both sat our bags down and Jaxon took
the blanket from my bag and spread it out on
the sand. Then he opened the beach um-
brella and chair and stuck them in the
ground.
Its all yours, he said, patting the
seat with his hand.
Thanks, I said, sitting down in the
chair.
So howd you know?
Know what? he asked, smiling.
That I wanted to see the ocean?
Tiffany and Lance were going to the
beach one day and she mentioned you had
never seen the ocean.
Howd you know I like it?
Who doesnt like the ocean?
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Youre right, who doesnt I sighed,
taking a gander at the mass of water.
I continued staring out at the ocean, a
calm expanse of blue water. Jaxon moved
closer to me and I felt him lean against my
chair. He threw one hand in my lap without
looking at me, we enjoyed the moment of be-
ing with each other. He rubbed the palm of
my hand with his thumb and when I looked
over at him he was staring out at the ocean.
I think Im going to lay in the sun for
a bit, need anything?
Nope, I responded as he moved in
the sunlight.
I searched through my bag and found
my romance book that usually laid on the
bedside table. He really was paying attention
to me and knew what I liked to do. I leaned
back in my chair and opened my book, be-
ginning to read.
Jaxon laid on the blanket stretched
out on his back with a water bottle nearby. I
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looked up from my book once in a while to
watch the seagulls down the beach. As the
waves came in, it washed out a lump of sand.
I went back to my reading but continued to
look so Id never forget the view. The most
beautiful place ever.
After a couple hours, the sunlight fall-
ing on my book was blocked by a shadow. I
looked up to see the outline of Jaxon stand-
ing there. I hadnt even heard him get up. I
sat straighter up and lifted my hand above
my eyes to block out the sun, giving me a
better view of him.
Want to go take a dip with me? he
asked, reaching his hand out.
Is it cold? I asked, shivering at
thought.
No, its the perfect temperature for
this hot sun.
Okay, but dont push me under, I
demanded, closing my book.
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I reached my hand out and Jaxon
pulled me up. I undressed, finally revealing
my body in a tiny white bikini. It was perfect
to show off my butt and legs, but the best
part was that it pushed my handful size
boobs up and together. They looked magnifi-
cent and by the way Jaxon was staring at
them, he thought so too.
Holy hell, he said, removing his
sunglasses.
What? I asked, even though it was
obvious.
Your body, he sighed.
My face warmed. I had to be bright
red. And yours, I sighed back as I walked
up to him and placed one hand on his chest
and the other on his rock hard abs. He bent
down and kissed me on the forehead, then
nose, and finally my lips.
Lets go.
He yanked my arm and ran for the
ocean. I tugged to try and slow him down but
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it was no hope. He was too strong. The water
splashed up around us as we slammed our
feet on the ocean floor.
The water was cold against my warm
skin. Jaxon didnt let go of my hand as we
waded out into the surf, the water continued
splashing against our legs. When the water
was up to our chests, Jaxon pulled me into
his arms, kissing me passionately. Finally,
we broke off the kiss, gasping for breath. He
took my hand and kissed it.
Im so damn happy you showed up in
Florida, he said, his mouth only inches away
from mine.
And Im happy you were here to save
me, I breathed.
My heart was racing.
It was from Jaxon and not from
running.
Goosebumps spread across my skin.
It was from Jaxon and not from the
cold water.
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I thought the water was going to be
warm, I teased.
I thought we could have a Notebook
moment.
So the bad boy loves chick flicks.
First Titanic and now The Notebook.
Every bad boy has secrets, he said,
grinning.
Well, I guess Ill keep this one Now
lets get out already. Im freezing.
He swung his arm underneath my legs
and picked me up as I wrapped my left arm
around his neck. He carried me out of the
water. He tipped his head down and planted
a kiss on me. When we got back to our stuff,
he let my feet go allowing me to stand again.
Jaxon handed me my clothes and
helped me dress, holding my sandals for me
while I slipped my feet into them, buttoning
my shirt for me over my tank top, and zip-
ping my shorts. I quickly ran my brush thru
my hair and put it in a ponytail, and then he
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took my hand, grabbed the umbrella and
chair. We started walking down the beach,
the soft breeze blowing my hair all around
me. Minutes later, we stopped in front of a
cabin-style house, just off the beach trail. I
looked around. The house was small, but had
a large porch. At one end of the porch was a
hot tub surrounded almost completely by tall
potted plants, creating a private area.
Why are we stopping here? Is this
yours?
Sort of, it was my mom and dads but
after he left and my mother became an ad-
dict Ive had to do all the upkeep. Do you
want to see inside?
Sure, I said.
He led me up the steps to the door,
opening it for me to walk inside. He took my
bag and put it on the chair by the door with
the umbrella and beach chair.
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"Make yourself at home, Toots. I'll get
us something to drink," he said, walking into
the kitchen.
I walked over to the large picture win-
dow and saw the beach peeking through the
trees and bushes of the forest. Next to the
window there was a fireplace, a table and a
pair of chairs by the window, a beige colored
sofa against the wall across from the fire-
place, a staircase going upstairs by the door-
way that led to the kitchen, and several pic-
tures, paintings and photographs spread
around the room on the walls, mantle and
tables. One picture had a couple with three
boys and a girl standing on the beach in front
of the ocean. It must have been a family por-
trait and I couldnt help but laugh at the
shirtless Jaxon without tattoos and bulging
muscles. His body had now became a mix-
ture of a sculpture and ink drawings com-
pared to the picture. I stood by the window
and waited for Jaxon. Minutes later, he came
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from the kitchen carrying a tray with two
glasses of ice, and a pitcher of ice cold lem-
onade on it. We sat on the floor where Jaxon
laid the blanket.
You must come here often if you have
fresh lemonade.
Yeah, I stop here once a week to clear
my head.
Really? All by yourself?
Yeah, I never ask anyone to come
with because theyll ask a bunch of
questions.
Kind of like I am, I sighed.
I wouldnt have brought you here if I
didnt want you to know everything about
me, Toots.
Thanks Jax.
For opening up. I dont have just
Tiffany now. I have you too. He grinned. I
saw the picture with your parents, brothers,
and sister in front of ocean. How long ago
was it taken?
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It was my sisters last vacation here
before she died. Before my dad left. Before
my brothers blamed me. Before my mom be-
came addicted to drugs.
Well, we can make new memories
Jax, I said, holding his hand.
We already are.
So when did you get the muscles and
tattoos? I asked, grabbing my arms.
Freshman year in college.
Why?
Well, the muscles were to kick
Bobbys ass and the tattoos were to make me
feel like a new man. I didnt want to live in
the past because there wasnt anything I
could do to make it right. So I went in to the
tattoo parlor and over a three month period
got all this done, he said, pointing at his
arms, abs, and chest.
Wow, and did it work?
I think it did. It made me feel good.
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Well, it did make you look
magnificent.
Are you calling me hot? Never
thought Id hear you say it even though I
knew you did.
Oh, did you?
Yes I Did
He pulled me close and kissed me
gently, his tongue caressing my lips, tempt-
ing them to part and allowing him access to
my mouth. My lips slowly parted, and his
tongue slipped inside caressing my tongue.
He slid his hand up my back to the back of
my head.
Ready to go? he asked, kissing me
again.
Sure, I breathed against his lips.
I broke the embrace and got up from
the floor. Jaxon gave me a playful swat on
my butt as I picked up my bag. He took the
glasses to the kitchen and returned holding
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one pink rose. I stared at it spinning around
in his fingers.
This is for you, Toots, he said, grin-
ning and handing me the rose.
Ive actually only received one rose in
my life. It was a red one from my mother so
this is my first pink one, I said, standing on
my tippy toes and kissing him. Thanks, I
whispered.
You are welcome.
He folded up the blanket and stuffed
it in his overflowing bag. I opened the front
door and stepped outside. He followed be-
hind me, locking and closing the door. I
made my way down the stairs and stopped at
the bottom. I placed my hands on either side
of the stairwell, looked over my shoulder at
Jaxon and gave him a saucy little smile as I
shook my butt at him, then ran onto the
beach as I heard him growl.
Im going to get you, he shouted as
he ran down the stairs.
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I screamed with joy and started run-
ning. When I looked back and realized he
was quickly catching me I stopped and faced
him, placing my hands on my knees. He
stopped and stood in sunlight that was able
to make it through the trees. I could see
every indentation of every tattooed muscle
that was bare of clothing I couldnt resist him
and ran and jumped on him, wrapping my
legs around him tight. He fell back, landing
on the sand with me straddling him. I
grabbed his face and kissed him hard on the
lips.
I got you first, I said, pulling back.
Thats fine with me. I think aggress-
ive Elana is pretty fucking awesome and
hot, he said, cupping my butt.
I think aggressive Jaxon is awesome
and hot too, I said, kissing him.
We got up and grabbed our bags. The
time had gone so fast that the sun had
already started to set behind the trees. They
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casted a shadow over the calm ocean water.
We walked hand in hand across the sand to
the opening in the trees where Jaxon had
parked. I swung our arms back and forth
with every step we took. I enjoyed walking
barefoot through the sand and looking at the
scenery, the trees, animals, and not being
able to see where the ocean ended. Enjoying
it with Jaxon made it super romantic which I
never imagined he had in him.
As we started up the trail, I held his
hand with one of mine and with the other I
grabbed a hold of his arm. When we reached
the clearing he yanked me forward, starting
to jog. It was hard to get any grip in the sand
so my feet kept slipping underneath me. He
almost was dragging me.
Why are we running? I shouted, be-
ginning to pant.
Dont you see the swampy area to
left, Toots? he asked, looking back. Allig-
ators have been seen roaming around there.
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I looked over and the water moved in
all directions. Lets get going then! I
screamed, releasing his hand and sprinting
ahead. I could hear him right behind me and
I didnt stop until I reached the car. We
threw our bags in the back and pulled
ourselves in, fastening our seatbelts as I took
a last look at the ocean.
Wow Jax, that was one of the best
times Ive had since mother died, I said,
leaning over the center console and kissing
him on the cheek. Thanks.
Youre welcome, he said, grabbing
hold of my hand.
Now lets get back to our home.
Our?
Elana, its both of ours now, he said,
smiling.
I smiled and kissed him again, grip-
ping his hand tighter. I never wanted to let
go.
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Chapter 32
The next day when I woke up I re-
ceived a text message from Jaxon.
Jaxon: Had 2 run an errand. Back
soon. Surprise 4 U.
Jaxon and Lance told Tiffany they had
a huge surprise for me and that they'd be
gone most of the day. I was anxious because
I didn't have any clue what it could be.
Tiffany didnt have any idea either. We were
left trying to study while we waited.
Eventually, we gave up and spent the
afternoon watching bad TV and old movies.
We started to get hungry and realized it was
almost seven. I wandered into the kitchen,
but there wasnt much for snacks. We
grabbed our purses to head out for pizza, but
I heard the sound of a muscle car outside. I
ran out to the balcony, and my heart
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dropped. The noise wasn't just Jaxon's car.
There was another one; I could tell from the
bright blue color that it was Baby Girl.
What had he done?
Oh my God, I said aloud.
What? Tiffany said, stopping next to
me. Oh my God.
I sprinted down the stairs to the park-
ing lot with Tiffany following. Jaxon and
Lance stood next to Baby Girl in the parking
lot, smiling like fools. They leaned against it
with their arms and feet crossed, proud of
what they had done.
Jaxon looked at me and said,
Surprise!
Why the hell did you bring this thing
here?
Wait, what? He looked at Tiffany for
help. I thought you would like it. Jim
bought it at an auction a while ago and had it
stored at his house in Ocala. He was
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planning to restore it, but I offered to buy it
from him last night at the party.
Seriously? It's the last thing I want,
Jaxon! I can't believe this, I said shaking my
head.
Elana, were sorry. Tiff? Lance said,
looking for help.
Lance, Tiffany said, shaking her
head. You should have told me.
The three of them stood in silence
while I walked around the car. I kicked the
drivers side door so hard it hurt my foot.
Memories of watching my father when he
drove Baby Girl came flooding back. They
quickly switched to memories of him calling
through the house, drunk and slurring. He
did that sometimes. Hed call me baby girl
and try to sit down and apologize. He was a
drunken mess, but Id fall for it. Hed talk
about missing my mom. The more he went
on, the angrier he became. It always ended
with him chasing me through the house,
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throwing things, swearing at me for not be-
ing her. He sold the car about a year after she
died.
He only lost one race his entire career.
If my mother was alive, he would have kept
racing, but the drinking took a toll. After he
lost that first race, he only drank more. It
was so much that he couldnt even work on
his car anymore. He would sit in his chair
and drink when he wasn't at work. The car
was rotting in the garage like he rotted in
that chair. I was happy to see it go.
Jaxon walked over to me tried to get
me to look at him. I'm sorry, I didn't know,
he said kissing my forehead.
It didnt matter that he was sorry. The
car was there, reminding me of what was and
what everything became. It was one of the
worst surprises in the history of surprises. It
brought everything I was trying to run away
from to the surface. I felt the past tighten its
grip on the present. It seemed I could never
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escape it. Like my father would always be
waiting to chase me down when I least ex-
pected it.
I wanted to start over and leave my
past in the past.
I just need to think, Jaxon, I said,
pushing him away from me. Please, don't
leave that thing in the parking lot.
Come on Toots! he shouted, throw-
ing his arms in the air.
Then he walked towards me and when
he was close enough wrapped his arms
around me. I tried to shake lose but his grip
was too strong.
Dont Jaxon! I yelled, finally
squirming out of his death hold. I crossed my
arms and glared at him.
Im sorry! I fucked up! I didnt realize
it would bother you!
Well it does bother me! I dont want
memories of that car or my dad! I turned
and walked away. Tiffany tried to follow me.
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Tiff, I just need to be alone.
Are you sure? We dont have to talk.
I stopped and Tiffany stepped into my
view. Im positive. Ill talk to you soon Tiff. I
promise.
She shook her head. I turned away
and started walking again. I had no plan, but
I had to get out of there.
I had no cell phone and no cash. I
kept walking and walking until my feet had
blisters and my anger subsided. I knew it
wasnt Jaxons fault. He was who he was and
I knew that from the start. He was a bad
choice if I wanted to leave racing, drinking,
and drama in my past. Sure, he loved me, but
history and literature are filled with stories
of passion destroying people.
No boys, no drama.
My mother had been right.
As it got darker, I found myself mak-
ing my way to OReillys. There was nowhere
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else for me to go. When I walked inside, the
place was packed with a robust Saturday
night crowd. Searching for Tom, I pressed
through the patrons, finding him at the back
near the stage. There was a band setting up
and he was checking the sound system.
Tom, I said, tapping him on the
shoulder.
Miss Elana, I didnt expect to see you
here.
My eyes filled with the tears Id spent
all day avoiding. It was humiliating. I turned
to walk out, but he grabbed my elbow.
Go on upstairs. Ill be there in a
minute.
I found my way to the staircase and
climbed the stairs. My legs ached from wan-
dering around all day. Finding the door
locked, I sank to the floor in front of his of-
fice. I let myself cry. Nobody could hear me
over music and noise from the bar.
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Tom came up the stairs carrying a
tray. I brought you a sandwich. Its turkey.
Thanks, I said, trying to stifle my
tears again.
Come on, lets get you inside.
He helped me up and walked down
the hall to the other door. He unlocked it and
I found myself inside a lovely apartment. It
was clear that a woman had decorated it, but
it wasnt excessively feminine.
Its really beautiful, I stammered.
My wife did this before she died. She
told me we couldnt put our guests up here
unless it felt homey. He put the tray down
on the coffee table. Sit down and take a
minute to collect yourself. Ill make tea.
You dont have to, Tom. Im sorry. I
shouldnt be here. I just had nowhere to go.
Nonsense. Youre welcome here any
time. The bathrooms around that corner if
you want to freshen up.
That would be great, I sighed.
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I quickly entered and locked the bath-
room door. I splashed cool water on my face
and took a deep breath. I might be overreact-
ing, but there was too much going on to
make sense of things. I needed to rest and
reevaluate. I had to. Life choices lead to
many different things and I wanted to pick
the right one. Evaluating the situation
seemed much smarter than making a quick
decision.
After calming myself down I patted
my face dry and left the bathroom. In the liv-
ing room, Tom was putting the teacups on
the table.
You want to talk about it? he asked,
looking up at me.
Nah, I dont really do that.
Never helps to keep things bottled
up, Elana. But you decide.
I took a small bite of the sandwich
and sat back on the sofa. Tom was sitting in a
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leather chair to the left of the sofa, stirring
his tea.
When my wife died, I thought things
would never be the same. They arent, but
theyre still good. Life is like that. You lose
things, but you still have yourself and your
memories.
Id like a few less memories, I tried
to joke.
Were all allowed to choose what we
keep, Miss Elana.
I guess so.
No?
Well, some things are hard to just
forget Especially when theyre bad.
Trust me, over time the bad will be
erased and the good will live on.
Sounds like a bad country song.
Well, its the truth.
I smiled. Youre too nice, Tom. I
really appreciate it.
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Theres no such thing as too nice.
He grinned and took a sip.
There was a lamp on the side table
that gave the room a warm glow. I finished
the sandwich and found myself talking to
Tom. I told him everything about my mom,
why I left home, Jaxon, and Baby Girl. It was
a great release. Tiffany knew me, but she was
so close to me. Laying everything out for
Tom was different. He listened carefully and
told me about his wifes battle with cancer
which was similar to my moms.
Its a terrible beast, he said.
How did you do it? Move on after she
died.
Oh, you know, I had no choice. What
kind of person would I be if I sat around in a
puddle of my own tears? She would hate
that. She wanted me to go out and live. She
said if I didnt, she could never rest. Im not
sure what I believe in for an afterlife, but I
couldnt imagine making her sad. I had no
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choice but to push forward. Its like learning
to walk all over again. Youre unsteady at
first, but eventually you get the hang of
things.
I wish my dad looked at things that
way.
Wishes dont always come true, my
dear. But his choice isnt your choice. He got
up to put the teacups in the kitchen. While
he washed them, he said, Why dont you
stay here for a few days. You can clear your
head and figure out the rest later. Nobody
uses the place anyway.
Are you sure? I dont want to
impose.
You wont be. It makes me happy
when someone uses it. He turned to walk
out, closing the door quietly.
I had no clothes, books or phone, but
I could figure that out tomorrow. Tonight
was for rest and quiet. I didnt even notice
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the dull thump of music from the bar below.
I fell asleep when my head hit the pillow.
Chapter 33
When I was sure everyone would be at
class on Monday, I went back to the apart-
ment to get some things. I needed more time
to sort things out. I skipped class and stayed
in the apartment above OReillys all day. I
took a bath because the shower had no pres-
sure and read an entire romance novel in the
tub. Late that afternoon, I texted Tiffany.
Me: At a friends. All OK. Talk soon, I
wrote.
Tiffany: Glad U R OK. Call Jaxon?
Me: No. Will U tell him?
Tiffany: Yes XO
Me: XO
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Tuesday and Wednesday were normal
days. I went to class, did my homework, read
a book, and went to bed early. It was starting
to become routine, but Thursday was my
first night to host karaoke. I was starting to
miss Jaxon, so I appreciated the distraction.
Thursday night, I put on the green
dress and pulled my hair up in a messy bun.
I applied red lipstick to make my lips
standout more when I sang. The pub had
dim lighting, so more dramatic makeup was
necessary.
At eight, I went downstairs to find
Tom. He was behind the bar talking to an at-
tractive young girl in a tight, blue dress. I
smiled, watching him flirt in his harmless
way. I walked over to the bar and the girl
turned. It was Tiffany.
How did you know?
Well, I listen and I can read.
I looked confused, so Tom handed me
a flier. OReillys Karaoke Night Featuring
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Elana Swanson, was printed in thick black
letters across the top.
I hope its okay, he said. Publicity
always helps.
Maybe not tonight. People arent go-
ing to know who I am.
They wont when they get here, but
theyll know for sure when they leave. He
gave me a big smile and walked off to check
the equipment.
Sorry to disappear, I said to Tiffany.
I understand.
Hows Jaxon?
I havent seen him in a few days. I
texted to tell him you were okay, but didnt
get a response.
I looked down at the bar and tugged
at my dress hem. This look okay?
It looks fabulous. Dont get all pouty
though. That ruins it. She smiled at me.
Im trying.
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Youll be great, she said giving me a
hug.
The place was already filling up. Tom
went on stage to introduce me and I tried not
to blush.
Hey, everyone, I hope youre all
ready to sing tonight.
People clapped but continued talking
among themselves. From the back, someone
shouted, Sing us something!
I peered into the dark and saw Lance
and Tiffany grinning at me.
Ill get us started, but I expect to see
that list filled with names.
I switched on a song my mom used to
sing me and closed my eyes, swaying to the
beat. I noticed that the room was silent ex-
cept for my voice and the music. I was too
afraid to look, but I could sense the change.
When the song was done, people stood up to
clap. I took a little bow before grabbing the
list of names that would be doing karaoke.
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I looked down at the list and smiled.
Its a duet with Tiffany and Lance! Give
them a round of applause!
I stepped off the stage as they
bounded on. As soon as they reached the mi-
crophone they got right into an old song
from Sonny & Cher. It was campy and fun so
you didnt need to know it to enjoy it. While I
cheered them on, I felt a hand on my
shoulder. I turned and found Jaxon.
That was incredible, Toots. He gave
me a tight hug which felt uncomfortable but
also good. Can we talk?
Im kind of working Jax.
It wont take long.
Fine, I sighed.
I looked around for Tom and when
my eyes found him he looked over at me. I
pointed at Jaxon and he nodded his head to-
ward the door.
Lets go outside, I said, motioning
towards the door.
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As we walked towards the door,
Tiffany and Lance finished their song and
Tom stepped on stage.
You can see were making some
changes around here. This was just a little
taste, but there will be more coming. But
anyway, next up is Aaron McMahon.
Outside, Jaxon started to speak, but I
interrupted him. You dont have to say any-
thing. I know you meant well.
I do have to say it. Im sorry, Elana. I
got so excited that we had racing in common
that I forgot what it meant for you. I told you
Id fuck things up. I always do.
You didnt. I just needed some space,
Jax. I wanted to move past it right when I
saw it. Talking about it wouldve only made it
worse.
He shook his head agreeing. I got
something for you.
My heart was racing. The last surprise
didnt work out so well. He handed me a
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little wooden box. Inside it was lined with a
deep green velvet. It held a key and a picture.
The picture was some kind of metal cube
that I couldnt see in the dim light. Stepping
out of the doorway, I held it up under a
streetlamp. It was a crushed car. I looked at
Jaxon for an explanation.
I knew somebody that could help me,
so I took the car to a place.
That was enough to know what he did.
The car had obviously been demolished. I
smiled. He was really one of the best guys Id
ever met.
He took my hands and stepped within
inches of my body. I knew you were mad
and needed some space. I understand, but I
hope you can forgive me. Everything I do is
just to try to make you happy. I love you,
Elana. I know I'll screw up every now and
then, everyone does, but everything I do will
be for you. Only good intentions, always.
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He spoke the three words again. I
love you.
Jaxon, you didnt have to do that. It
must have been expensive.
Worth every penny.
Its part of my past that I want to
keep as a memory, but I dont want it follow-
ing me around like a ghost. I tried to ex-
plain, but I came up short.
I get it. I have memories of my family
from before, but everything after, I had to let
that go. It all died with my sister.
Yeah, thats what it is. I lost more
than my mom when she died. Seeing that car
brought too many things back.
Well, youre never seeing it again.
Remember it anyway you want, but youll
never have to look at it again.
He made me feel understood. The
nervousness and fear were gone but the but-
terflies were still there. I reached up to put
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my arms around his neck and pulled his face
to mine. Lets get out of here.
What about your big night? he
asked.
Tom understands. The fliers all have
next Wednesdays date. This was only a trial
run.
He picked me up and squeezed me.
Then lets get out of here.
He drove the few blocks home as
quickly as he could. We ran up the stairs,
giddy about our reunion. He was still trying
to get the key in the door when I started to
kiss him. We stumbled inside, wrapped
around each other.
He started to undress me, but I
stopped him.
Theres something I want to do.
Me too, he grinned.
No, something different. Take your
clothes off and meet me in the bathroom.
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I lit some candles and placed them on
the counter, so we wouldnt have to use the
overhead lights. I turned the shower on, let-
ting the steam fill the room, and took my
clothes off. Stepping under the hot water, I
called Jaxon.
Elana, are you sure? Isnt this your
sanctuary?
How did you know that?
I can tell. You always seem so much
happier when you leave the shower. Relaxed
and warm. Thats why I got you the robe.
Knowing that he noticed my shower
ritual made me want him more. I pulled him
into the shower and watched the water
splash off his toned body. I kissed him, let-
ting the warmth rush over us. He pulled me
closer and put his face down, taking my
breast in his mouth. The water kept flowing
and he shut his eyes. His mouth moved
slowly, pulling gently and licking the water
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off my skin. I pulled his chin toward me and
tasted his mouth again.
His hand moved down and reached
between my legs. My body quivered at his
touch and I let out a loud moan. He pulled
me toward him with his other hand, his
mouth on mine, hot water streaming down
my body, his fingers reaching places I didnt
know existed. It felt good and his hands
grabbing what he wanted only made me de-
sire him more. He nearly panted as my lips
shifted to his neck. Jaxon closed his eyes and
let his head drop back.
I pushed him against the wall, grind-
ing my hips into his and yanking his head
back down to mine. I wanted him so bad that
it didnt even bother me that we were in a
tiny shower. I moaned in his mouth, panting
with need as his tongue brushed mine. He
cupped my bottom, pulling me tighter into
his fully ready body. Breaths and hearts ra-
cing, our mouths attacked each others.
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His mouth broke away from mine,
locking around my nipple, his tongue swirl-
ing around the rigid peak. Groaning, I held
his head to me and ground my hips into his,
needing to feel that wonderful hardness. My
amped-up body responded instantly to
everywhere he touched me. I was on fire as
his fingers traveled around my sensitive skin.
I slipped my right hand between us.
Grasping the thickness I wanted more than
anything, I squeezed the base. He
whimpered and pushed me against the
shower wall. My head thudded as I lightly
bumped into it. It didnt stop me and I slid
my hand up and down the hard length of
him.
He stepped back pushing my hand
away. I leaned against the wall, watching him
standing before me, wondering what he was
doing. Then he dropped to his knees in front
of me. Suddenly, he grabbed my leg and
pulled it up over his shoulder. He brought
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his mouth right to my aching core,
something that I never had done to me
before.
Crying out, I slammed the palms of
my hands against the wall. It felt incredible,
and as he sucked, swirled and stroked the
most sensitive part of me, I made noises that
I didnt know were possible.
Just as I was groaning his name, rock-
ing my hips against him, he separated from
me. Stumbling back a step, he brought his
mouth back up to mine and shoved his
tongue inside. I tangled my fingers in his
hair, pulling him flush to my body. I needed
him so bad. Groaning, I grabbed his throb-
bing mass and tried leading him to where I
needed him.
I want you inside me, I breathed in-
to his ear, wrapping my leg around him and
pulling myself against his hand. He kissed
down my neck, down my collar bone, and
down to my breasts again. I swiveled against
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his hips, desperate for more. I was nearly
ready to climax from the anticipation alone.
He put one hand on each side of my ass and
pulled me up. I wrapped the other leg
around his waist as he lowered me down,
lifting me slightly, lowering me again. Clos-
ing his eyes, he sucked in a quick breath
through his teeth and dropped his head back
His biceps pulsed against my arms as he sup-
ported my entire weight. The water pooled at
our feet, and the steam filled the room.
Oh my god, Elana. Oh my
I moved my hips, rocking against him
while he lifted me up and down. The feel of
him in me was the most fulfilling thing I had
ever felt. He pulled my hips into his body in a
faster rhythm than I was going and I
matched him. I bucked against him, thrash-
ing my body into his. He was moaning just as
hard as I was as I felt the buildup approach-
ing. I lost control of any rational thought as
my body rocked with pleasure. I screamed in
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intense pleasure. I grabbed him and put my
arms around his back, hugging him as if my
life depended on it.
As my breathing returned to normal,
he continued to slide me up and down, stop-
ping suddenly. He groaned low and intense
as his body shook and he pulled out of me.
We stood there, holding each other, panting
against each other, as the water cascaded
over us. He kissed me tenderly.
I love you, Jaxon. I heard myself
say.
I love you, too.
That was the best shower ever, I
smiled at him. Youre welcome in here any
time.
I hope so, he said kissing me again.
Epilogue
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That dress still looks beautiful,
Tiffany said as I twirled in front of the
mirror.
Everything you wear should be that
color. Youre so gorgeous.
It seemed appropriate. I wore it to
my first night hosting karaoke, and now Ill
wear it on my last. I sighed and twirled in
the mirror again, trying to extract more
sweetness from the bittersweet moment.
That feels like it was a lifetime ago,
she said, wiping a tear away. How were we
ever freshmen?
I walked over and gave her a huge
hug. Don't do that. You'll make me start,
Tiff.
I'm going to miss you. Every day.
Promise you're going to email and post pho-
tos of everything.
I will. You know nothing feels real
until I tell you all about it, I said.
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It would be hard to be away from her.
She'd been with me since we were six years
old and wed only ever been apart for less
than a summer. I tried to convince her to
join me, but she was starting a graduate
nursing program in the fall. It would hurt to
be without her, but it was time to have an ad-
venture. I was taking a year off before grad
school to travel through Europe and Asia.
My father left me everything when he
died and it seemed like a sign to go do all of
the things my mother wanted me to do. It
was hard when he died. Even though I
mourned him since freshmen year, I thought
he'd always be out there somewhere, and
maybe, somehow, things would get better.
He was lost to me, but he could still be
found.
After he died, Tiffany went back to
Iowa with me. The police said it was an acci-
dent; that he lost control speeding around a
curve. His car rolled down an embankment,
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but he wasnt wearing a seatbelt. There was
no note, but I will never believe he lost con-
trol. He could handle a speeding car better
than anyone Id ever seeneven Jaxon. The
accident report said there was no alcohol in
his system which made it obvious it was sui-
cide. I blamed myself since it happened after
I left. Tiffany and Jaxon made me realize it
wasnt my fault because the problems started
way before I left. The drinking was obviously
a problem and that should have of a hint he
wasnt okay. I knew that but I didnt think
hed ever kill himself.
When I got to our old house
everything was packed in moving boxes.
He'd closed the sale a week prior and was
getting ready to move. Everything was care-
fully labeled. The only room that wasn't
touched was mine. Everything was exactly
the way it was when I left. The only change
was a small vase on my desk that held three
calla lilies.
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The accident happened exactly two
weeks after my last class of junior year.
Everything they ever had was left to me and
the lawyer handed me a note written in my
father's meticulous writing: See the world.
Be great.
He was awful for years. Ill never for-
get it, but I chose to let that man die in a
rolling car. My father died too, but much
earlier, with my mother.
When I got back to Florida after the
trip, I moved out of Jaxon's place and into
Tom's spare apartment over O'Reilly's. I
needed some time to be on my own and pro-
cess everything. I thought Jaxon would be
angry, but he understood. It was important
to spend some time in my own place. We still
saw each other most days, but it was nice to
have my own place for a little while.
Tiffany looked at me and said, Im so
proud of you. Your mom would be too. She
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swallowed a few more tears. Did Jax say
anything about going with you?
No, but I dont expect him to. I leave
in two weeks, so there isnt much time for
him to suddenly decide to come. I had cried
every time I thought about being in separate
countries. Separate apartments were one
thing, but we were in the same town. We
both knew I couldnt stay in Florida forever.
He said that he understood. We hadnt
talked about it yet, and I was worried he
would want to break-up like Cole did. I
couldnt expect him to sit around waiting for
me to return.
I'd asked him to go with me, but he
said he didnt know because he had so much
tying him to Florida. His mom was better,
but still needed help. During his senior year,
he became business partners with Jim; the
racing league was legit now and it was bring-
ing in real money. As if that wasnt enough,
Jaxon and Lance opened a custom shop
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when they graduated last year. Lance man-
aged it since Jaxon traveled around the state
for the racing league, but they met every
week to go over business matters and
strategize.
I knew it was impossible for him to
leave, but I couldnt help being sad about it.
In some ways, it felt like I was in the same
place after graduating college that I was after
graduating high school. I had to leave be-
hind so many things that Id loved to push
myself forward.
Every time I thought about staying, I
heard my mother making me promise to see
the world and try things. I saw the note from
my father telling me to be great. It was a lot
of pressure, but so it would be pressure to
stay put. If things didnt work out, Id always
regret not trying to do more.
I paused to look in the mirror again. If
I kept smiling, nobody would know how hard
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it was to say goodbye. I looped my arm
through Tiffanys and said, Are you ready?
Nows as good a time as any.
Tom was on stage when we got there
and he turned off the music when he saw me.
He stepped onto the stage and told the
packed bar, Our guest of honor has arrived.
There was some applause as he gestured for
me to come on stage. Elana came into this
dump almost four years ago and brought
some class and more than a little talent with
her. She was a little scared and a little lost
when we met, but so was I. It's been a priv-
ilege to watch her grow these last four years.
He coughed to cover the threat of a
sob. Looking at me, he said, Elana, I'm
gonna miss you every day. Miriam and I nev-
er had any kids, but I feel like you're my own
daughter. We expect details of all your ad-
ventures and some damn good singing to-
night. With that he threw his arms around
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me and everyone clapped again. Tom wasn't
usually sentimental, so I was a little shocked.
But I thought of him the same way. He'd be-
come like an adoptive parent and one of my
best friends, all rolled into one. He was al-
ways there when I didnt know where else to
go. He was always there even when I did.
Well, that's a tough act to follow,
Tom, I said, taking the microphone. Thank
you guys so much for coming out tonight. It's
been wonderful to spend time with you every
week, watching you sing and laugh, being
part of so many celebrations. I can't thank
Tom enough for the opportunity or all of you
enough for making work so much fun.
I paused to gather myself. I really
didn't want to cry in front of all these people.
I scanned the crowd for Jaxon and found
him standing at the back with Lance. He
looked oddly nervous. Shifting his weight
from side to side.
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Let's get started with our first victim.
Who's got the list?
Tiffany walked up and handed me the
list of singers and it was completely full. It
usually took a little encouragement to get
people on stage but not tonight. Alright, the
first victim is. I stopped and looked at the
list in shock. In four years, we never con-
vinced Jaxon to sing anything. He never sang
so much as a happy birthday. Well, this is a
surprise, I said as he stepped on stage.
I've still got a few left, Toots. He
kissed me on the cheek, and I stepped into
the crowd to stand with Tiffany and Lance.
Jaxon cleared his throat and said,
Hey everybody, I've never done this before
so don't be too hard on me. He smiled and
half the women melted. He could have made
armpit noises and they would have cheered.
Tom, would you? he said.
The music started and I recognized it
as one of the oldies that my parents loved.
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Now, I'm singing this to you Elana. You still
have to decide if it's true. He cleared his
throat again and began, I'm leaving on a jet
plane
I turned to look at Tiffany to see if she
knew what was happening. She nodded her
head at me and my eyes started to fill with
tears.
From the stage, Jaxon said, Well,
Elana? What d'ya say? Want a travel
companion?
I couldn't even speak. All I could do
was shake my head yes and run into his
arms.
Holding me and swinging me around
he whispered in my ear, It's all set. I worked
it out with Lance and Jim. I'm yours, Toots.
I love you, I said.
And I love you.
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