Stress in Children

By Claire Marketos
www.inspiredparenting.co.za
ADD, ADHD, OCD, Bipolar Disorder, and other behavioural disorders are being diag
nosed in our children more frequently today than ever before. Interestingly, a c
ommon underlying symptom of all these disorders is stress, and combined with a h
ectic lifestyle, trauma, and the demands from parents and teachers to achieve, o
ur children are having to deal with pressure very early on in life. Unless we ma
nage the amount of tension our children are living with, stress could very well
reach epidemic proportions with the risk of youngsters growing into depressed, h
yper anxious adults with a distorted perception of reality.
Identifying, that a young child is stressed is not easy for parents and teachers
to do, as often stressed children are seen as defiant and naughty and the more ad
ults try to control the unwanted behaviour the more resistant the child becomes.
Recognising, that when your child is acting out they could be responding to str
ess is crucial in understanding what your child needs and how to go about meetin
g those needs. Because stress is a perception and everyone perceives an event di
fferently, what is stressful for your child might not be something you consider
stressful. Try to put yourself in your childs shoes and consider what they are fe
eling. Always take your childs feelings seriously, and acknowledge their feelings
, helping them find the words they need to express themselves.
Signs that your child may be stressed are: Difficulty following instructions and
concentrating. Angry, aggressive, disobedient, clingy and impulsive behaviour.
A stressed brain releases adrenaline and cortisol to help the child cope. These
chemicals create a heightened state of tension or the fight- flight response as it
is called, and limits the brain to surviving rather than thinking. A constant r
elease of these chemicals will over time alter the wiring of the brain reducing
a childs IQ. Stressed children are highly sensitised to the environment, fearful,
lack confidence, and experience difficulties problem solving, and thinking crea
tively.
Life provides many challenges that our children have to overcome and we cannot p
rotect them against all the stressors out there, but as parents there is a lot w
e can do to manage our own anxiety and consciously eliminate the tension we crea
te for our children.
Looking after yourself and finding ways to release stress is vital to easing anx
iety in your children. Children are very perceptive and will mirror your feeling
s. Gentle exercise, deep breathing, meditation, yoga, and speaking to someone yo
u trust about your feelings are excellent ways to manage your own stress and als
o help your children manage their stress. Also, take time to do something you en
joy which gives you passion and refuels you. Create a peaceful, quiet home by lo
wering the tone of your voice and slowing down the pace of life. Pledge to stop
fighting in front of your children, as well as threatening them with punitive di
scipline and withholding love, all unnecessary ways you may subconsciously be ca
using your child constant worry. Children tend to blame themselves if there is t
ension in the home.
Be vigilant of what you say in front of your children especially when describing
a situation. Using dramatic words such as horrible, awful, horrendous, can create
unnecessary anxiety for your children. Avoid discussing family finances and tra
umatic events in front of your children and shield them from violence on the new
s, and age restricted movies.
Role model appropriate ways of dealing with stressful situations. People who hav
e been successful in life tend to have the ability to overcome difficulty and ke
ep moving forward. Frame a traumatic or stressful event for your child and then
focus on ways of surmounting the problem. At times it may also be necessary to p
rovide professional help in the form of play therapy for your child.
Limit your expectations of your child. Rather encourage them to find their own t
alents and passions, than fulfilling your dreams. Childrens self esteem is develo
ped when they feel accepted for who they are and are able to obtain mastery over
things, so give them a rich environment to explore and encourage free play. Spe
nding time in nature helps calm the soul. Promote free expression through art, m
usic, dance and sport, all ways of releasing endorphins, or feel good hormones. Th
e parent should be a safe, soft place a child can come to for support when the o
utside world becomes too stressful. Release oxytocin in your children by hugging
them daily and letting them know they are loved by you. A deep connection with
others is known to buffer humans against stress, so consciously focus on keeping
the connection with your children strong and loving.
Provide a healthy diet rich in proteins, magnesium, essential fatty acids, vitam
in C, fresh fruit and vegetables, whole grains and water, and ensure your little
one is getting between 8 and 10 hours sleep, depending on age to provide the br
ain with everything it needs to combat stress.
Be sensitive to times of great change such as when a sibling is born or they beg
in nursery school. These can be very traumatic events for youngsters, and they c
an respond to the stress by being clingy, regressing or displaying separation an
xiety. Being compassionate, patient and supportive during this time will help yo
ur child to feel safe and secure.
As South Africans we also need to consider how we can assist the many children l
iving under tremendous daily stress. Poverty, ill or dying parents, emotional an
d physical abuse are all taking its toll on our children and the future societie
s of our country. By involving our children in community work, offering support
and assistance where we can, we can play a significant role in creating a more p
eaceful society for all.
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