Match Report Tipton St John v CCC

Report submitted by Buzby

slow slo, adj. not swift: late: behind in time: not hasty: like that wicket
at Tipton St John.
Im no amateur detective, but I deduced that there had been some recent
rain at Tipton St John. It was time for our annual visit to the ground on
the banks of the river Otter, almost a home game for me and as I arrived
the TSJ chaps were just finishing rolling the wicket, a course of action that
can sometimes do more harm than good on a soft wicket as it tends to
bring dampness to the surface. It was a dull windless day that promised
little in the way of drying and it looked like the gang-mower had been
confined to barracks because of the weather as the outfield was long and
lush and my initial assessment was that if boundaries were to be scored,
they would most likely have to travel the aerial route. Tim went out to win
the toss and stick them in, lost the toss and told us we were batting. At
the risk of prosecution from the RSPCOC (Royal Society for the Prevention
of Cruelty to Old Codgers) he asked Greg and me to open so we padded
up and hobbled out to the square with one good hip between us. My
guess that it would be slow was just about the most accurate prediction I
have ever made; Ive played on a lot of different wickets but Ive never
batted on one as soft and slow as this one. Timing was difficult, the ball
holding in the pitch for what seemed an age and even when balls were hit
well the outfield acted as a twelfth fielder, slowing the ball so shots that
should have been worth four usually resulted in just one run. I have a
question for you: What goes whack yes creak creak grunt creak groan
creak ouch creak phew? Answer: Buzz and Greg running a single. And
boy, did we run some singles. After ten overs we were 30 0 with just a
solitary boundary but we were pretty pleased with ourselves. The bowling
was slow and accurate with no width and short balls that would normally
have been despatched took so long to arrive we had invariably played too
early and missed out. Several times Greg went straight and aerial whilst I
tended to go back and punch through the covers. We took the score into
the forties when Greg decided his body had had enough and Retired Old
bringing Bradders to the crease. When even a batsman of the calibre of
Bradders struggles to time it you know its a difficult pitch and not many
teams drop Bradders three times and get away with letting him score only
twenty. I tried an over-ambitious drive and was out LBW for 27, Bradders
later remarking that I had actually completed my follow-through and was
bringing my bat back when the ball struck me such was the lack of pace
in the pitch. Andrew and Martin put together a useful stand, even finding
the boundary ropes occasionally but trying to increase the run-rate as our
innings entered its last quarter resulted in Martin getting run-out for a
very handy 18. Suddenly the runs dried up and we lost a succession of
wickets to Tom Birchs diddly-doddlies who ended with figures of 4 for 9
from four overs, including the prize wicket of Andrew who was bowled
(playing early, surprise surprise) scoring 20 singles in his 36. James, Tim,
AJ, Sam Clark and John Keighley all tried their very best to be positive
without too much success but it has to be said that the TSJ boys knew
how to bowl on their wicket straight and slow. All our dismissed
batsmen, with the exception of Martin who was run out were either
bowled or LBW, testament to the virtues of accuracy. We finished on 133
for 8, which seasonally adjusted would have been worth 180 to 190, a
total of some merit given the circumstances.
The TSJ tea is always of the highest standard and we munched away,
plotting the downfall of our opponents. Well, most of us did. The two
Sams were somewhat distracted by a couple of teenage girls practicing
handstands by the scorebox.
Exactly mirroring the start of our innings Tipton opened with a left-hander
who looked like he could play a bit and a grumpy right-hander (only
joking Greg, I thoroughly enjoyed batting with you, it was like old times.
Dont forget we are still owed a fiver by the SOA bloke who bet us we
couldnt run a three at Chulmleigh). Tom Keighley started for us and
bowled really well, giving the batsmen nothing and even getting a bit of
bounce despite the pitch being just about as unhelpful to his style of
bowling as you could get. In tandem with AJ he ensured Tipton were
under pressure from the start and AJ picked up the wicket of Walker the
leftie when he tried to cut a ball that held in the pitch and hit it directly to
Buckets Heimann. The odd wide sent Martin sprawling a few times but
pressure was applied by our bowlers with support from some fine
outfielding by Tom in the deep and Sam Campling patrolling square leg,
and after ten overs Tipton were 24 3 with Tim taking one wicket and AJ
two. An attempted drive skewed off the outside edge and looped to me at
point. Hurriedly making ground (well, hurriedly for me, its all relative) I
got my hands to the ball but it spun out and ended up nestling in the
crook of my elbow as I lay on the ground. It wasnt one of my most
stylish catches but they all count except this one didnt. The batsman
was heading for the pavilion when the non-striker (the grumpy right-
hander who incidentally must have had X-Ray vision) claimed the ball had
hit the ground and bounced up again. The likelihood of a ball bouncing
back up off a soft verdant outfield which was probably being eyed up by
neighbouring farmers for a silage crop was less than John Merrick the
Elephant Man being crowned Miss UK but enough doubt had been sown in
the umpires minds and the batsman was recalled. We accepted the
decision with good grace (benefit of the doubt and all that) and only two
balls later AJ pinned him front with a quicker ball and he headed for the
pavilion again, this time on a one-way journey. Like an otter slipping
effortlessly into the Otter Tim had slipped effortlessly into captaincy
mode, shuffling his bowlers well and keeping fielders slightly deeper than
normal to counter the increasingly desperate bottom-handed drives that
Tipton were having to attempt. Bradders and James took over bowling
duties after AJ had claimed his fourth, dismissing four more batsmen
between them with a second catch for Buckets and one for Martin. When
Golden Arm Sam Clark bowled the last man with his fourth ball the game
was over, TSJ only amassing 59 and our superiority in all three disciplines
of the game was underlined.
Did I mention the wicket was slow?
CCC 133-8, Buzz 27, Andrew 36, T Birch 4 for 9
TSJ 59 AJ 4 for 16, Tim 1 for 8, Brad 3 for 7, James 1 for 13, Sam 1 for 1