www.Hot100ChristmasToys.

Com
Presents Christmas Cracker Jokes to make you
Chuckle and Groan!

At Hot100ChristmasToys.com we have taken over 100 of the top toys for

Christmas and organized them by age, sex and brands to make shopping a little
easier this Christmas.

You can find Hot Christmas Toys at up to 50% off retail with us and most of
our Christmas toys ideas are under $50.

We hope you have a very merry Christmas and don’t forget, once the
shopping is done, the Christmas decorations are up and the xmas cards sent –
make a little time for yourself and settle down with a nice bottle of Christmas
cheer!

MERRY CHRISTMAS
 Christmas Cracker Jokes

It is claimed that Tom Smith, a baker of wedding cakes from London, invented the Christmas
cracker probably in the 1840’s. On a visit to Paris he saw some sugar almonds [bon-bons]
wrapped in twisted paper. On his return to England Tom designed a cracker shape; also
inspired by the sound of logs crackling in a fire, and founded a cracker manufacturers in
1847, which still exists today – possibly the largest manufacturer in the world.

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Q: What's grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey,
yellow?
A: An elephant rolling down a hill with a daisy in its mouth.

Did you hear about the two ships that collided at sea? One was carrying red
paint and the other was carrying blue paint. All the sailors ended up being
marooned.

Q: What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?

A: Dam!

Q: What athlete is warmest in winter?

A: long jumper.

Q: Why are chocolate buttons rude?

A: Because they are Smarties in the nude.

Q: How does Bob Marley like his doughnuts?

A: Wi' Jammin
Q: What does Bob Marley say to his friends when he buys doughnuts?
A: Hope you like Jammin too.

Q: What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?
A: Nothing. It just let out a little wine.

Q: Why did the man get the sack from the orange juice factory?
A: Because he couldn't concentrate.

Q: What did the inflatable teacher at the inflatable school say to the
inflatable child caught holding a pin?
A: You let me down, you let your friends down, you let your school down but
most of all... you let yourself down.

Q: What's ET short for?

A: Because he's only got little legs.

Q: What is Santa's favourite pizza?

A: One that's deep pan, crisp and even.

Q: What do you call a short sighted dinosaur?

A: A do-you-think-he-saw-us!

Q: Why would you invite a mushroom to a Christmas party?

A: He's a fun guy to be with.

Q: Why was Santa's little helper feeling depressed?

A: He had low elf-esteem.

Q: Why should husbands make the early morning tea for their wives?
A: Because the Bible says He Brews

Q: What's the longest word in the English language?

A: Smiles, because there is a "mile" between the first and the last letters.

Q: On which side do chickens have the most feathers?

A: The outside.

Q: What kind of paper likes music?

A: (W)rapping paper.

Q: What's white and goes up?

A: A confused snowflake.

Q: What do you call a woman who stands between two goal posts?
A: Annette.

Q: Did you hear about the man who bought a paper shop?
A: It blew away.

Q: How do snowmen get around?

A: They ride an icicle.

Q: Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?

A: A mince spy.
Q: What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?
A: Lost.

Q: What did the stamp say to the letter?

A: Stick with me and we'll go places

Q: What do you call a three legged donkey?

A: A wonkey

A Bhuddist went to the dentist and refused novocaine for his treatment. He
wanted to transcend dental medication!

Q: Why are pirates great?

A: They just aaaaaaarrrrr.

Q: What's green, has six legs and would kill you if it fell on you out of a
tree?
A: A snooker table.

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Bar tender?"

Q: What sort of entertainment do vampires prefer?

A: Something in the jugular vein.

Q: What has one hundred feet and two teeth?

A: The front row of a Kenny Chesney concert

Q: What do you call cheese that is not yours?

A: Nacho cheese

Two peanuts walked into a bar. One was a salted.

Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A: A Fsh.

Q: What's pink and hairy and sticks out of your pyjamas?

A: Your head

Q: Which Christmas song did they sing as they were digging the Panama
Canal?
A: "I'm dreaming of a wide isthmus."

Q: How do you start a milk pudding race?

A: Sago!
Q: What kind of lights did 7oah have on the Ark?
A: Floodlights!

Q: What lies on the bottom of the sea telling rude jokes?

A: Crude oil!

Dad, mom and baby tomatoes were walking down the street. The baby tomatoe
was falling behind, so the dad turned around and stepped on the baby tomatoe
and said, "Catch-up."

a Catholic died and went to the pearly gates where St Peter told him he could
pass into heaven and go to hall 185. But please be quiet when you pass hall 102,
St Peter added. A Jewish man died and went to the pearly gates where St Peter
told him he could pass and that he should go to hall 175 but please be quiet
when you past hall 102 An agnostic man died and went to the pearly gates
where he met St. Peter. St Peter told the man that even though he was not from
an organized religion that the man had led a good life and he could enter and go
to hall 199 but be quiet when you pass hall 102. The Agnostic man turned
around and asked St. Peter why he had to be quiet when he passed hall 102. St.
Peter replied, "That is where the American Southern Baptists are and they think
they are the only ones here!

Q: what's the correct term for Santa's elves ?

A: Subordinate Claus

Q: why was the scarecrow awarded the nobel prize?

A: he was outstanding in his field

Q: Why does Santa Claus have no children?

A: Because he comes only once a year and it's down a chimney.

An Englishman goes into a French restaurant and asks the waiter: Do you have
frog’s legs ? The waiter replies: Oui Monsieur ! There’s a good chap, says the
Englishman, Hopalong to the kitchen and fix me a ham sandwich.

Q: How many Mexicans does it take to put in a light bulb?

A:Juan

A ham and cheese sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and
says, "Hey! We don't serve food here!"

Q: What do you call a swimmer, with no arms or legs?

A: Bob
Q: Why did the Eskimo wash his clothed in Tide?
A: Because it is too cold out tide.

A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, "We have a drink named
after you", to which the grasshopper says, "You have a drink named Bob?"

Q: What has a bottom at the top?

A: A leg!

A white horse walks into a bar and the barman say "hey, we have a whisky
named after you!" and the horse says "what, Eric?"

Q: Why did the dyslexic man cross the road?

A: The other side to get to...

Q: What did the Spanish fireman call his two sons?

A: Hose A and Hose B.

Q: Why do Marxists only drink herbal tea?

A: Because proper tea is theft.

Q: What do you call a man with a car on his head?

A: Jack!

Q: What do you call a man with a spade on his head?

A: Doug!

Q: How do you make a hormone?

A: Don't pay her!

Q: What lies at the bottom of the sea and shakes?

A: A nervous wreck!

Q: What did the people say after watching a burglar speed away after
stealing from the Louvre?
A: Look at his Van Gough!

Heard the one about the dyslexic pimp? He bought a warehouse!

A horse walks into a bar, the barman asks "why the long face"

Two polar bears are eating a clown. One bear turns to the other and says, "Does
this taste funny to you?"
Q: Why was the sand wet?
A: The sea weed

Q: What goes ''99 bonk''?

A: A centipede with a wooden leg!

Q: How do you start a teddy bear race?

A: Ready teddy go!

Q: What did one plate say to the other plate?

A: Lunch is on me!

Q: What does a Buddhist ask for when he orders a pizza?

A: Make me one with everything

Q: Why was the photograph of the ghost underexposed ?

A: Because the spirit was willing but the flash was weak .

Heard about the quiche that ran a marathon? It was egghausted.

Q: What's brown and sticky?

A: A stick.

Q: Why do baby ducks walk softly

A: Because they can't walk hardly

Q: what do you do with a dog with no legs?

A: take it for a drag

Q: what do snowmen eat for breakfast?

A: frosties

Q: why did the dinosaur want to cross the road?

A: cos chickens weren't invented

Q: Why is the beach a good place to eat?

A: Because of all the sand which is there.

Q: Where did 7apoleon keep his armies?

A: In his sleevies.

Old Timer 1: You know what I miss?

Old Timer 2: And what might that be?
Old Timer 1: Really small targets that are miles away.
Q: What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?
A: A stick.

A 3 legged dog walked into a bar and said "I'm looking for the man who shot
my pa"

The Ooh Aah bird is so called because it lays square eggs!

“That's a small amphibian you have there.” “Yes, it’s my newt”.

Q: why do lions wear fur coats?

A: because they would look rediculous in plastic macs.

Q: What do a tomato and an elephant have in common?

A: Neither of them can ride a bike.

Q: What goes ho ho ho plop!

A: Santa Claus laughing his head off

Q: What's brown and sounds like a bell?

A: dung

Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other: "Can you smell
carrots?"

Q: What would you do if you saw a spaceman?

A: Park in it man

Q: What's the difference between a Scotsman and a cartoonist?

A: One wears a kilt and the other disney.

Q: What's orange and sounds like a parrot ?

A: A carrot.

Q: Where are the Andes?

A: On the end of the wristies.

Q: Why didn't the ghost go to the dance?

A: Because he had no body to go with.

Q: What is very warlike but whispers?

A: Conan the Librarian

Q: Why was Mrs. Stone angry with Mr. Stone?

A: He took her for granite
Q: Why do Bill Gates' pizza taste so bad?
A: He doesn't need the dough.

Q: why did the cat in the desert think it was Christmas?

A: He saw sandy claws

Q: What disease can you catch from putting up too many Christmas
decorations?
A: Tinsilitis.

Q:What has fur legs and goes "Boo"?

A:A cow with a cold.

Q: What does "D7A" stand for?

A: National Dyslexic Association"

Q: Why do Giraffes have long necks?

A: Because their feet smell.

The four stages of life for males- You believe in Santa Claus- You don't believe
in Santa Claus- You become Santa Claus- You begin to look like Santa Claus.

Q: Where do sheep get their hair cut?

A: At the baa baa shop.

Q: What's grey and has a trunk?

A: A mouse going on holiday
Q: What's brown and has a trunk?
A: A mouse coming back from holiday

Q: How do monkeys make toast?

A: They put bread under a gorilla

Q: Whats called Bambi and can't see?

A: no idea.
Q: Whats called Bambi and has no legs and can't see?
A: Still no idea.

Q: What did baby corn say to mummy corn?

A: Where's popcorn?

Q: How do witches tell the time?

A: With a witch-watch!
Q: What do you get if you cross a cowboy with an octopus?
A: Billy the squid!

Q: Why did the golfer wear an extra pair of trousers?

A: In case he got a hole in one

Q: What do you call just married spiders?

A: Newly-webs

Q: Why did the tightrope walker visit his bank?

A: To check his balance

Q: What do snowmen where on their heads?

A: Ice caps!

Q: What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?

A: Lost.

Q: How do you make an idiot laugh on Boxing Day?

A: Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve

Q: What do snowmen eat for lunch?

A: Icebergers

Q: What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games
in a hotel lobby?
A: Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer

Q: What do angry mice send each other at Christmas?

A: Cross mouse cards

Well that’s all for this year folks! Make sure you have a very happy and.....

MERRY CHRISTMAS
Hot Christmas Toys