MORE ADVANCE NOISE FOR QUIET

!"# $#%&$'($#' )#* +,%-#%$)../ .$0-1

).%-&$#' -2)3$#)%$,# ,0 %4- 4(3)#
+5/64- %4)% $5 5(&- %, 7-#-0$% 7,%4
$#%&,8-&%5 )#* -2%&,8-&%5 ).$:-;<
!"#$%& ()*")+& (staffed fevIew)
GentIe Is poweffuI . SoIItude Is so-
cIaIIy pfoductIve . These Impoftant
countefIntuItIve Ideas afe among the
many feasons to %):- !"#$% %, ) =($-%
6,&#-& )#* )75,&7 $%5 7&$..$)#%>
%4,('4%1+&,8,:$#' 3-55)'-;<
ROSABETH MOSS KANTER, pfofess-
of at Hafvafd BusIness SchooI, authof
of ,-./"0).1) and 2%3)#,-#3
!"# $#0,&3)%$8-> ?-..1&-5-)&64-*
7,,: on the powef of quIetness and the
vIftues of havIng a fIch Innef IIfe. It dIs-
peIs the myth that you have to be ex-
tfovefted to be happy and successfuI."
JUDITH ORIOFF, M.D., authof of
45-6"-.78 9#))0-5
In thIs -#')'$#' )#* 7-)(%$0(../
?&$%%-# book, Susan CaIn makes a
poweffuI case fof the wIsdom of Intfo-
spectIon. She aIso wafns us abIy about
the downsIde to ouf cuItufe's noIsIness,
IncIudIng aII that It fIsks dfownIng out.
Above the dIn, @(5)#A5 ,?# 8,$6- &-1
3)$#5 ) 6,3+-..$#' +&-51
-#6-B%4,('4%0(.> '-#-&,(5> 6).3>
)#* -.,=(-#%. !"#$% *-5-&8-5 ) 8-&/
.)&'- &-)*-&54$+;<
CHRISTOPHER IANE, authof of 2:;<
.)&&= >-+ ?-#578 @):7*"-# @)175) 7
2"1$.)&&
!"#$#
Susan CaIn's quest to undefstand Intfo-
vefsIon, ) 7-)(%$0(../ ?&,('4% C,(&1
#-/ 0&,3 %4- .)7 7-#64 %, %4- 3,%$81
)%$,#). 5+-):-&A5 4).., offefs convIn-
cIng evIdence fof vaIuIng substance
ovef styIe, steak ovef sIzzIe, and quaIIt-
Ies that afe, In AmefIca, often defIded.
D4$5 7,,: $5 7&$..$)#%> +&,0,(#*> 0(..
,0 0--.$#' )#* 7&$33$#' ?$%4
$#5$'4%5;<
SHERI FINK, M.D., authof of A7#
>-&3"678
!E&$..$)#%> $..(3$#)%$#'> -3+,?-&1
$#'F B%")6 gIves not onIy a voIce, but a
path to homecomIng fof so many
who've waIked thfough the bettef paft
of theIf IIves thInkIng the way they en-
gage wIth the wofId Is somethIng In
need of fIxIng."
%"#$#
JONATHAN FIEIDS, authof of C.1)#<
67".6;= D%#.".E 9)7# 7.0 F-%G6 ".6- 9%)8
/-# @#"88"7.1)
!G#6- $# ) 7.(- 3,,#> ) 7,,: 6,3-5
).,#' %4)% '$8-5 (5 5%)&%.$#' #-? $#1
5$'4%5. B%")6 Is that book: It's paft page-
tufnef, paft cuttIng-edge scIence. The
ImpIIcatIons fof busIness afe especIaIIy
vaIuabIe: B%")6 offefs tIps on how Intfo-
vefts can Iead effectIveIy, gIve wInnIng
speeches, avoId bufnout, and choose
the fIght foIes. D4$5 64)&3$#'> '&)6-1
0(../ ?&$%%-#> %4,&,('4./ &-5-)&64-*
7,,: $5 5$3+./ 3)5%-&0(.;<
ADAM M. GRANT, PH.D., assocIate
pfofessof of management, the Whafton
SchooI of BusIness
&"#$#
STIII MORE ADVANCE NOISE FOR
QUIET
Shattefs mIsconceptIons . CaIn con-
sIstentIy hoIds the feadef's Intefest by
pfesentIng IndIvIduaI pfofIIes . and fe-
poftIng on the Iatest studIes. H-& *$.$1
'-#6-> &-5-)&64> )#* +)55$,# 0,& %4$5
$3+,&%)#% %,+$6 4)5 &$64./ +)$* ,00;<
H%G8"&:)#& A))$8;
B%")6 eIevates the convefsatIon about
Intfovefts In ouf outwafdIy ofIented so-
cIety to new heIghts. I %4$#: %4)%
3)#/ $#%&,8-&%5 ?$.. *$56,8-& %4)%>
-8-# %4,('4 %4-/ *$*#A% :#,? $%>
%4-/ 4)8- 7--# ?)$%$#' 0,& %4$5 7,,:
).. %4-$& .$8-5;<
ADAM S. MCHUGH, authof of I.6#-<
*)#6& ". 6:) ,:%#1:
'"#$#
Susan CaIn's B%")6 Is wondeffuIIy In-
fofmatIve about the cuItufe of the ex-
tfaveft IdeaI and the psychoIogy of a
sensItIve tempefament, and she Is heIp-
fuIIy pefceptIve about how Intfovefts
can make the most of theIf pefsonaIIty
pfefefences In aII aspects of IIfe. @,6$1
-%/ #--*5 $#%&,8-&%5> 5, -8-&/,#- 6)#
7-#-0$% 0&,3 %4- $#5$'4%5 $# %4$5 $31
+,&%)#% 7,,:;<
JONATHAN M. CHEEK, pfofessof of
psychoIogy at WeIIesIey CoIIege, co-ed-
Itof of 2:;.)&&= H)#&3)16"*)& -. ()&)7#1:
7.0 D#)765).6
!" 7&$..$)#%> $3+,&%)#%> )#* +-&5,#1
)../ )00-6%$#' 7,,:. CaIn shows that,
fof aII Its vIftue, AmefIca's Extfoveft
IdeaI takes up way too much oxygen.
J)$# 4-&5-.0 $5 %4- +-&0-6% +-&5,# %,
3):- %4$5 6)5-B?$%4 ?$##$#' '&)6-
)#* 6.)&$%/ 54- 54,?5 (5 ?4)% $%
("#$#
.,,:5 .$:- %, %4$#: ,(%5$*- %4-
'&,(+;<
CHRISTINE KENNEAIIY, authof of
D:) 9"#&6 A-#0
What Susan CaIn undefstandsand
feadefs of thIs fascInatIng voIume wIII
soon appfecIateIs somethIng that psy-
choIogy and ouf fast-movIng and fast-
taIkIng socIety have been aII too sIow
to feaIIze: K,% ,#./ $5 %4-&- &-)../
#,%4$#' ?&,#' ?$%4 7-$#' =($-%> &-1
0.-6%$8-> 54/> )#* $#%&,8-&%-*> 7(%
%4-&- )&- *$5%$#6% )*8)#%)'-5 %, 7-1
$#' %4$5 ?)/.
JAY BEISKY, Robeft M. and NataIIe
ReId Dofn Pfofessof, Human and Com-
munIty DeveIopment, UnIvefsIty of
CaIIfofnIa, DavIs
!"(%4,& @(5)# J)$# -2-3+.$0$-5 4-&
,?# =($-% +,?-& $# %4$5 -2=($5$%-./
)"#$#
?&$%%-# )#* 4$'4./ &-)*)7.- +)'-1
%(&#-&. She bfIngs Impoftant feseafch
and the Intfoveft expefIence."
JENNIFER B. KAHNWEIIER, PH.D.,
authof of D:) I.6#-*)#6)0 J)70)#
SevefaI aspects of B%")6 afe femafk-
abIe. FIfst, It Is weII Infofmed by the fe-
seafch IItefatufe but not heId captIve
by It. Second, It Is -26-+%$,#)../ ?-..
?&$%%-#> )#* L&-)*-& 0&$-#*./;A ThIfd,
It Is InsIghtfuI. I am sufe many peopIe
wondef why bfash, ImpuIsIve behavIof
seems to be fewafded, whefeas fefIect-
Ive, thoughtfuI behavIof Is ovefIooked.
ThIs book goes beyond such supeffIcIaI
ImpfessIons to a mofe +-#-%&)%$#'
)#)./5$5;<
WIIIIAM GRAZIANO, pfofessof, De-
paftment of PsychoIogIcaI ScIences,
Pufdue UnIvefsIty
#"#$#
CopyfIght 2012 by Susan CaIn
AII fIghts fesefved.
PubIIshed In the UnIted States by Cfown Pub-
IIshefs, an ImpfInt of the Cfown
PubIIshIng Gfoup, a dIvIsIon of Random House,
Inc., New Yofk.
www.cfownpubIIshIng.com
CROWN and the Cfown coIophon afe fegIstefed
tfademafks of Random House, Inc.
The BIS,BAS ScaIes on thIs pagethIs page
copyfIght 1994 by the AmefIcan PsychoIo-
gIcaI AssocIatIon. Adapted wIth pefmIssIon.
Ffom BehavIofaI InhIbItIon, BehavIofaI ActIva-
tIon, and AffectIve Responses to ImpendIng Re-
wafd and PunIshment: The BIS,BAS ScaIes."
K-%#.78 -/ H)#&-.78"6; 7.0 2-1"78 H&;1:-8-E;
67(2): 31933. The use of APA InfofmatIon
does not ImpIy endofsement by APA.
IIbfafy of Congfess CataIogIng-In-PubIIcatIon
Data
CaIn, Susan.
QuIet : the powef of Intfovefts In a wofId that
can't stop taIkIng , Susan CaIn.1st ed.
p. cm.
1. Intfovefts. 2. IntfovefsIon. 3. ExtfovefsIon.
4. IntefpefsonaI feIatIons. I. TItIe.
BF698.35.I59C35 2012
155.232dc22
2010053204
eISBN: 978-0-307-45220-7
Jacket desIgn by Iaufa Duffy
Jacket photogfaphy by Joe GInsbefg,Getty
Images
v3.1
*$"#$#
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AIIEN SHAWN
*&"#$#
J,#%-#%5
,-*)#
D"68) H7E)
,-3;#"E:6
F)0"176"-.
43"E#73:
Authof's Note
INTRODUCTION: The Nofth and South of
Tempefament
M"ND GKOP DHO OQDNGROND ISO"T
1. THE RISE OF THE MIGHTY IIKEABIE
FEIIOW": How ExtfovefsIon Became the
CuItufaI IdeaI
2. THE MYTH OF CHARISMATIC
IEADERSHIP: The CuItufe of PefsonaIIty, a
Hundfed Yeafs Iatef
3. WHEN COIIABORATION KIIIS
CREATIVITY: The RIse of the New Gfoup-
thInk and the Powef of WofkIng AIone
M"ND DUGP VGWN EIGTGXV> VGWN
@OTYZ
4. IS TEMPERAMENT DESTINY?: Natufe,
Nuftufe, and the OfchId HypothesIs
5. BEYOND TEMPERAMENT: The RoIe of
Ffee WIII (and the Secfet of PubIIc SpeakIng
fof Intfovefts)
6. FRANKIIN WAS A POIITICIAN, BUT
EIEANOR SPOKE OUT OF CONSCIENCE":
Why CooI Is Oveffated
*("#$#
7. WHY DID WAII STREET CRASH AND
WARREN BUFFETT PROSPER?: How Intfo-
vefts and Extfovefts ThInk (and Pfocess Do-
pamIne) DIffefentIy
M"ND DHNOOP SG "TT JWTDWNO@
H"RO "K OQDNGROND ISO"TZ
8. SOFT POWER: AsIan-AmefIcans and the
Extfoveft IdeaI
M"ND YGWNP HGU DG TGRO> HGU
DG UGN[
9. WHEN SHOUID YOU ACT MORE
EXTROVERTED THAN YOU REAIIY ARE?
10. THE COMMUNICATION GAP: How to
TaIk to Membefs of the OpposIte Type
*)"#$#
11. ON COBBIERS AND GENERAIS: How to
CuItIvate QuIet KIds In a WofId That Can't
Heaf Them
CONCIUSION: WondefIand
A Note on the DedIcatIon
A Note on the Wofds I.6#-*)#6 and 4Q6#-*)#6
AcknowIedgments
Notes
*#"#$#
"(%4,&A5 K,%-
I have been wofkIng on thIs book offI-
cIaIIy sInce 2005, and unoffIcIaIIy fof
my entIfe aduIt IIfe. I have spoken and
wfItten to hundfeds, pefhaps thou-
sands, of peopIe about the topIcs
covefed InsIde, and have fead as many
books, schoIafIy papefs, magazIne
aftIcIes, chat-foom dIscussIons, and
bIog posts. Some of these I mentIon In
the book, othefs Infofmed aImost evefy
sentence I wfote. B%")6 stands on many
shouIdefs, especIaIIy the schoIafs and
feseafchefs whose wofk taught me so
much. In a peffect wofId, I wouId have
named evefy one of my soufces, ment-
ofs, and IntefvIewees. But fof the sake
of feadabIIIty, some names appeaf onIy
In the Notes of AcknowIedgments.
Fof sImIIaf feasons, I dId not use eI-
IIpses of bfackets In ceftaIn quotatIons
but made sufe that the extfa of mIssIng
wofds dId not change the speakef's of
wfItef's meanIng. If you wouId IIke to
quote these wfItten soufces ffom the
ofIgInaI, the cItatIons dIfectIng you to
the fuII quotatIons appeaf In the Notes.
I've changed the names and IdentIfy-
Ing detaIIs of some of the peopIe whose
stofIes I teII, and In the stofIes of my
own wofk as a Iawyef and consuItant.
To pfotect the pfIvacy of the paftI-
cIpants In ChafIes dI Cagno's pubIIc
speakIng wofkshop, who dId not pIan
to be IncIuded In a book when they
sIgned up fof the cIass, the stofy of my
fIfst evenIng In cIass Is a composIte
based on sevefaI sessIons, so Is the
stofy of Gfeg and EmIIy, whIch Is based
on many IntefvIews wIth sImIIaf
coupIes. Subject to the IImItatIons of
$*"#$#
memofy, aII othef stofIes afe fecounted
as they happened of wefe toId to me. I
dId not fact-check the stofIes peopIe
toId me about themseIves, but onIy In-
cIuded those I beIIeved to be tfue.
$$"#$#
IKDNGSWJDIGK
D4- K,&%4 )#* @,(%4 ,0
D-3+-&)3-#%
Montgomefy, AIabama. Decembef 1,
1955. EafIy evenIng. A pubIIc bus puIIs
to a stop and a sensIbIy dfessed woman
In hef foftIes gets on. She caffIes hef-
seIf efectIy, despIte havIng spent the
day bent ovef an IfonIng boafd In a
dIngy basement taIIof shop at the
Montgomefy FaIf depaftment stofe. Hef
feet afe swoIIen, hef shouIdefs ache.
She sIts In the fIfst fow of the CoIofed
sectIon and watches quIetIy as the bus
fIIIs wIth fIdefs. UntII the dfIvef ofdefs
hef to gIve hef seat to a whIte
passengef.
The woman uttefs a sIngIe wofd that
IgnItes one of the most Impoftant cIvII
fIghts pfotests of the twentIeth centufy,
one wofd that heIps AmefIca fInd Its
bettef seIf.
The wofd Is No."
The dfIvef thfeatens to have hef
affested.
You may do that," says Rosa Pafks.
A poIIce offIcef affIves. He asks Pafks
why she won't move.
Why do you aII push us afound?"
she answefs sImpIy.
I don't know," he says. But the Iaw
Is the Iaw, and you'fe undef affest."
On the aftefnoon of hef tfIaI and con-
vIctIon fof dIsofdefIy conduct, the
Montgomefy Impfovement AssocIatIon
hoIds a faIIy fof Pafks at the HoIt Stfeet
BaptIst Chufch, In the poofest sectIon
of town. FIve thousand gathef to sup-
poft Pafks's IoneIy act of coufage. They
$%"#$#
squeeze InsIde the chufch untII Its pews
can hoId no mofe. The fest waIt pa-
tIentIy outsIde, IIstenIng thfough Ioud-
speakefs. The Revefend MaftIn Iuthef
KIng Jf. addfesses the cfowd. Thefe
comes a tIme that peopIe get tIfed of
beIng tfampIed ovef by the Ifon feet of
oppfessIon," he teIIs them. Thefe
comes a tIme when peopIe get tIfed of
beIng pushed out of the gIIttefIng sun-
IIght of IIfe's JuIy and Ieft standIng
amIdst the pIefcIng chIII of an AIpIne
Novembef."
He pfaIses Pafks's bfavefy and hugs
hef. She stands sIIentIy, hef mefe pfes-
ence enough to gaIvanIze the cfowd.
The assocIatIon Iaunches a cIty-wIde
bus boycott that Iasts 381 days. The
peopIe tfudge mIIes to wofk. They caf-
pooI wIth stfangefs. They change the
coufse of AmefIcan hIstofy.
$&"#$#
I had aIways ImagIned Rosa Pafks as
a stateIy woman wIth a boId tempefa-
ment, someone who couId easIIy stand
up to a busIoad of gIowefIng passen-
gefs. But when she dIed In 2005 at the
age of nInety-two, the fIood of obItuaf-
Ies fecaIIed hef as soft-spoken, sweet,
and smaII In statufe. They saId she was
tImId and shy" but had the coufage
of a IIon." They wefe fuII of phfases
IIke fadIcaI humIIIty" and quIet foftI-
tude." What does It mean to be quIet
7.0 have foftItude? these descfIptIons
asked ImpIIcItIy. How couId you be shy
7.0 coufageous?
Pafks hefseIf seemed awafe of thIs
pafadox, caIIIng hef autobIogfaphy
B%")6 26#).E6:a tItIe that chaIIenges us
to questIon ouf assumptIons. Why
&:-%80.S6 quIet be stfong? And what
eIse can quIet do that we don't gIve It
cfedIt fof?
$'"#$#
Ouf IIves afe shaped as pfofoundIy by
pefsonaIIty as by gendef of face. And
the sIngIe most Impoftant aspect of pef-
sonaIItythe nofth and south of tem-
pefament," as one scIentIst puts ItIs
whefe we faII on the Intfoveft-extfoveft
spectfum. Ouf pIace on thIs contInuum
InfIuences ouf choIce of ffIends and
mates, and how we make convefsatIon,
fesoIve dIffefences, and show Iove. It
affects the cafeefs we choose and
whethef of not we succeed at them. It
govefns how IIkeIy we afe to exefcIse,
commIt aduItefy, functIon weII wIthout
sIeep, Ieafn ffom ouf mIstakes, pIace
bIg bets In the stock mafket, deIay gfat-
IfIcatIon, be a good Ieadef, and ask
what If."

It's fefIected In ouf bfaIn

pathways, neufotfansmIttefs, and
$("#$#
femote cofnefs of ouf nefvous systems.
Today IntfovefsIon and extfovefsIon
afe two of the most exhaustIveIy fe-
seafched subjects In pefsonaIIty psycho-
Iogy, afousIng the cufIosIty of hundfeds
of scIentIsts.
These feseafchefs have made excItIng
dIscovefIes aIded by the Iatest techno-
Iogy, but they'fe paft of a Iong and
stofIed tfadItIon. Poets and phIIosoph-
efs have been thInkIng about Intfovefts
and extfovefts sInce the dawn of fecof-
ded tIme. Both pefsonaIIty types appeaf
In the BIbIe and In the wfItIngs of
Gfeek and Roman physIcIans, and some
evoIutIonafy psychoIogIsts say that the
hIstofy of these types feaches back even
fafthef than that: the anImaI kIngdom
aIso boasts Intfovefts" and
extfovefts," as we'II see, ffom ffuIt
fIIes to pumpkInseed fIsh to fhesus
monkeys. As wIth othef compIementafy
$)"#$#
paIfIngsmascuIInIty and femInInIty,
East and West, IIbefaI and consefvat-
IvehumanIty wouId be unfecognIz-
abIe, and vastIy dImInIshed, wIthout
both pefsonaIIty styIes.
Take the paftnefshIp of Rosa Pafks
and MaftIn Iuthef KIng Jf.: a fofmId-
abIe ofatof fefusIng to gIve up hIs seat
on a segfegated bus wouIdn't have had
the same effect as a modest woman
who'd cIeafIy pfefef to keep sIIent but
fof the exIgencIes of the sItuatIon. And
Pafks dIdn't have the stuff to thfIII a
cfowd If she'd tfIed to stand up and an-
nounce that she had a dfeam. But wIth
KIng's heIp, she dIdn't have to.
Yet today we make foom fof a fe-
mafkabIy naffow fange of pefsonaIIty
styIes. We'fe toId that to be gfeat Is to
be boId, to be happy Is to be socIabIe.
We see oufseIves as a natIon of extfo-
veftswhIch means that we've Iost
$#"#$#
sIght of who we feaIIy afe. DependIng
on whIch study you consuIt, one thIfd
to one haIf of AmefIcans afe Intfo-
veftsIn othef wofds, -.) -%6 -/ )*)#;
6+- -# 6:#)) 3)-38) ;-% $.-+. (GIven
that the UnIted States Is among the
most extfovefted of natIons, the num-
bef must be at Ieast as hIgh In othef
pafts of the wofId.) If you'fe not an In-
tfoveft youfseIf, you afe sufeIy faIsIng,
managIng, maffIed to, of coupIed wIth
one.
If these statIstIcs sufpfIse you, that's
pfobabIy because so many peopIe pfe-
tend to be extfovefts. CIoset Intfovefts
pass undetected on pIaygfounds, In
hIgh schooI Iockef fooms, and In the
coffIdofs of cofpofate AmefIca. Some
fooI even themseIves, untII some IIfe
eventa Iayoff, an empty nest, an In-
hefItance that ffees them to spend tIme
as they IIkejoIts them Into takIng
!+"#$#
stock of theIf tfue natufes. You have
onIy to faIse the subject of thIs book
wIth youf ffIends and acquaIntances to
fInd that the most unIIkeIy peopIe con-
sIdef themseIves Intfovefts.
It makes sense that so many Intfo-
vefts hIde even ffom themseIves. We
IIve wIth a vaIue system that I caII the
Extfoveft IdeaIthe omnIpfesent beIIef
that the IdeaI seIf Is gfegafIous, aIpha,
and comfoftabIe In the spotIIght. The
afchetypaI extfoveft pfefefs actIon to
contempIatIon, fIsk-takIng to heed-tak-
Ing, ceftaInty to doubt. He favofs quIck
decIsIons, even at the fIsk of beIng
wfong. She wofks weII In teams and so-
cIaIIzes In gfoups. We IIke to thInk that
we vaIue IndIvIduaIIty, but aII too often
we admIfe one 6;3) of IndIvIduaIthe
kInd who's comfoftabIe puttIng hIm-
seIf out thefe." Sufe, we aIIow techno-
IogIcaIIy gIfted Ionefs who Iaunch
!*"#$#
companIes In gafages to have any pef-
sonaIIty they pIease, but they afe the
exceptIons, not the fuIe, and ouf toIef-
ance extends maInIy to those who get
fabuIousIy weaIthy of hoId the pfomIse
of doIng so.
IntfovefsIonaIong wIth Its cousIns
sensItIvIty, sefIousness, and shynessIs
now a second-cIass pefsonaIIty tfaIt,
somewhefe between a dIsappoIntment
and a pathoIogy. Intfovefts IIvIng undef
the Extfoveft IdeaI afe IIke women In a
man's wofId, dIscounted because of a
tfaIt that goes to the cofe of who they
afe. ExtfovefsIon Is an enofmousIy ap-
peaIIng pefsonaIIty styIe, but we've
tufned It Into an oppfessIve standafd to
whIch most of us feeI we must confofm.
The Extfoveft IdeaI has been docu-
mented In many studIes, though thIs fe-
seafch has nevef been gfouped undef a
sIngIe name. TaIkatIve peopIe, fof
!$"#$#
exampIe, afe fated as smaftef, bettef-
IookIng, mofe IntefestIng, and mofe de-
sIfabIe as ffIends. VeIocIty of speech
counts as weII as voIume: we fank fast
taIkefs as mofe competent and IIkabIe
than sIow ones. The same dynamIcs ap-
pIy In gfoups, whefe feseafch shows
that the voIubIe afe consIdefed smaftef
than the fetIcenteven though thefe's
zefo coffeIatIon between the gIft of gab
and good Ideas. Even the wofd ".6#-*)#6
Is stIgmatIzedone InfofmaI study, by
psychoIogIst IaufIe HeIgoe, found that
Intfovefts descfIbed theIf own physIcaI
appeafance In vIvId Ianguage (gfeen-
bIue eyes," exotIc," hIgh
cheekbones"), but when asked to de-
scfIbe genefIc Intfovefts they dfew a
bIand and dIstastefuI pIctufe
(ungaInIy," neutfaI coIofs," skIn
pfobIems").
!!"#$#
But we make a gfave mIstake to em-
bface the Extfoveft IdeaI so unthInk-
IngIy. Some of ouf gfeatest Ideas, aft,
and InventIonsffom the theofy of
evoIutIon to van Gogh's sunfIowefs to
the pefsonaI computefcame ffom
quIet and cefebfaI peopIe who knew
how to tune In to theIf Innef wofIds
and the tfeasufes to be found thefe.
WIthout Intfovefts, the wofId wouId be
devoId of:
the theofy of gfavIty
the theofy of feIatIvIty
W. B. Yeats's The Second
ComIng"
ChopIn's noctufnes
Pfoust's I. 2)7#1: -/ J-&6 D"5)
Petef Pan
OfweII's ?".)6)). 4"E:6;<9-%# and
L."578 97#5
!%"#$#
The Cat In the Hat
ChafIIe Bfown
21:".08)#S& J"&6N 4PDP, and ,8-&) 4.<
1-%.6)#& -/ 6:) D:"#0 !".0
GoogIe
Haffy Pottef

As the scIence joufnaIIst WInIffed

GaIIaghef wfItes: The gIofy of the dIs-
posItIon that stops to consIdef stImuII
fathef than fushIng to engage wIth
them Is Its Iong assocIatIon wIth InteI-
IectuaI and aftIstIc achIevement.
NeIthef 4U51
V
nof H7#70"&) J-&6 was
dashed off by a pafty anImaI." Even In
Iess obvIousIy Intfovefted occupatIons,
IIke fInance, poIItIcs, and actIvIsm,
some of the gfeatest Ieaps fofwafd wefe
made by Intfovefts. In thIs book we'II
see how fIgufes IIke EIeanof RooseveIt,
AI Gofe, Waffen Buffett, GandhIand
!&"#$#
Rosa PafksachIeved what they dId
not In spIte of but G)17%&) -/ theIf
IntfovefsIon.
Yet, as B%")6 wIII expIofe, many of
the most Impoftant InstItutIons of con-
tempofafy IIfe afe desIgned fof those
who enjoy gfoup pfojects and hIgh
IeveIs of stImuIatIon. As chIIdfen, ouf
cIassfoom desks afe IncfeasIngIy af-
fanged In pods, the bettef to fostef
gfoup IeafnIng, and feseafch suggests
that the vast majofIty of teachefs be-
IIeve that the IdeaI student Is an extfo-
veft. We watch TV shows whose pfot-
agonIsts afe not the chIIdfen next
doof," IIke the CIndy Bfadys and
Beavef CIeavefs of yestefyeaf, but fock
stafs and webcast hostesses wIth out-
sIzed pefsonaIItIes, IIke Hannah
Montana and CafIy Shay of ",7#8;. Even
SId the ScIence KId, a PBS-sponsofed
foIe modeI fof the pfeschooI set, kIcks
!'"#$#
off each schooI day by peffofmIng
dance moves wIth hIs paIs. (Check out
my moves! I'm a fock staf!")
As aduIts, many of us wofk fof ofgan-
IzatIons that InsIst we wofk In teams, In
offIces wIthout waIIs, fof supefvIsofs
who vaIue peopIe skIIIs" above aII. To
advance ouf cafeefs, we'fe expected to
pfomote oufseIves unabashedIy. The
scIentIsts whose feseafch gets funded
often have confIdent, pefhaps ovefcon-
fIdent, pefsonaIItIes. The aftIsts whose
wofk adofns the waIIs of contempofafy
museums stfIke ImpfessIve poses at gaI-
Iefy openIngs. The authofs whose books
get pubIIshedonce accepted as a fe-
cIusIve bfeedafe now vetted by pubII-
cIsts to make sufe they'fe taIk-show
feady. (You wouIdn't be feadIng thIs
book If I hadn't convInced my pubIIshef
that I was enough of a pseudo-extfoveft
to pfomote It.)
!("#$#
If you'fe an Intfoveft, you aIso know
that the bIas agaInst quIet can cause
deep psychIc paIn. As a chIId you mIght
have ovefheafd youf pafents apoIogIze
fof youf shyness. (Why can't you be
mofe IIke the Kennedy boys?" the
CameIot-besotted pafents of one man I
IntefvIewed fepeatedIy asked hIm.) Of
at schooI you mIght have been pfodded
to come out of youf sheII"that nox-
Ious expfessIon whIch faIIs to appfecI-
ate that some anImaIs natufaIIy caffy
sheItef evefywhefe they go, and that
some humans afe just the same. AII
the comments ffom chIIdhood stIII fIng
In my eafs, that I was Iazy, stupId,
sIow, bofIng," wfItes a membef of an e-
maII IIst caIIed Intfoveft Retfeat. By
the tIme I was oId enough to fIgufe out
that I was sImpIy Intfovefted, It was a
paft of my beIng, the assumptIon that
thefe Is somethIng InhefentIy wfong
!)"#$#
wIth me. I wIsh I couId fInd that IIttIe
vestIge of doubt and femove It."
Now that you'fe an aduIt, you mIght
stIII feeI a pang of guIIt when you de-
cIIne a dInnef InvItatIon In favof of a
good book. Of maybe you IIke to eat
aIone In festaufants and couId do
wIthout the pItyIng Iooks ffom feIIow
dInefs. Of you'fe toId that you'fe In
youf head too much," a phfase that's
often depIoyed agaInst the quIet and
cefebfaI.
Of coufse, thefe's anothef wofd fof
such peopIe: thInkefs.
I have seen fIfsthand how dIffIcuIt It Is
fof Intfovefts to take stock of theIf own
taIents, and how poweffuI It Is when fI-
naIIy they do. Fof mofe than ten yeafs I
!#"#$#
tfaIned peopIe of aII stfIpescofpofate
Iawyefs and coIIege students, hedge-
fund managefs and maffIed coupIesIn
negotIatIon skIIIs. Of coufse, we
covefed the basIcs: how to pfepafe fof a
negotIatIon, when to make the fIfst of-
fef, and what to do when the othef pef-
son says take It of Ieave It." But I aIso
heIped cIIents fIgufe out theIf natufaI
pefsonaIItIes and how to make the most
of them.
My vefy fIfst cIIent was a young wo-
man named Iaufa. She was a WaII
Stfeet Iawyef, but a quIet and day-
dfeamy one who dfeaded the spotIIght
and dIsIIked aggfessIon. She had man-
aged somehow to make It thfough the
cfucIbIe of Hafvafd Iaw SchooIa
pIace whefe cIasses afe conducted In
huge, gIadIatofIaI amphItheatefs, and
whefe she once got so nefvous that she
thfew up on the way to cIass. Now that
%+"#$#
she was In the feaI wofId, she wasn't
sufe she couId fepfesent hef cIIents as
fofcefuIIy as they expected.
Fof the fIfst thfee yeafs on the job,
Iaufa was so junIof that she nevef had
to test thIs pfemIse. But one day the
senIof Iawyef she'd been wofkIng wIth
went on vacatIon, IeavIng hef In chafge
of an Impoftant negotIatIon. The cIIent
was a South AmefIcan manufactufIng
company that was about to defauIt on a
bank Ioan and hoped to fenegotIate Its
tefms, a syndIcate of bankefs that
owned the endangefed Ioan sat on the
othef sIde of the negotIatIng tabIe.
Iaufa wouId have pfefeffed to hIde
undef saId tabIe, but she was accus-
tomed to fIghtIng such ImpuIses.
GameIy but nefvousIy, she took hef
spot In the Iead chaIf, fIanked by hef
cIIents: genefaI counseI on one sIde and
senIof fInancIaI offIcef on the othef.
%*"#$#
These happened to be Iaufa's favofIte
cIIents: gfacIous and soft-spoken, vefy
dIffefent ffom the mastef-of-the-unI-
vefse types hef fIfm usuaIIy fepfesen-
ted. In the past, Iaufa had taken the
genefaI counseI to a Yankees game and
the fInancIaI offIcef shoppIng fof a
handbag fof hef sIstef. But now these
cozy outIngsjust the kInd of socIaIIz-
Ing Iaufa enjoyedseemed a wofId
away. Acfoss the tabIe sat nIne dIs-
gfuntIed Investment bankefs In taIIofed
suIts and expensIve shoes, accompanIed
by theIf Iawyef, a squafe-jawed woman
wIth a heafty mannef. CIeafIy not the
seIf-doubtIng type, thIs woman
Iaunched Into an ImpfessIve speech on
how Iaufa's cIIents wouId be Iucky
sImpIy to accept the bankefs' tefms. It
was, she saId, a vefy magnanImous
offef.
%$"#$#
Evefyone waIted fof Iaufa to fepIy,
but she couIdn't thInk of anythIng to
say. So she just sat thefe. BIInkIng. AII
eyes on hef. Hef cIIents shIftIng uneas-
IIy In theIf seats. Hef thoughts funnIng
In a famIIIaf Ioop: IS5 6-- W%")6 /-# 6:"&
$".0 -/ 6:".EN 6-- %.7&&%5".EN 6-- 1)#)G<
#78. She ImagIned the pefson who
wouId be bettef equIpped to save the
day: someone boId, smooth, feady to
pound the tabIe. In mIddIe schooI thIs
pefson, unIIke Iaufa, wouId have been
caIIed outgoIng," the hIghest accoIade
hef seventh-gfade cIassmates knew,
hIghef even than pfetty," fof a gIfI, of
athIetIc," fof a guy. Iaufa pfomIsed
hefseIf that she onIy had to make It
thfough the day. Tomoffow she wouId
go Iook fof anothef cafeef.
Then she femembefed what I'd toId
hef agaIn and agaIn: she was an Intfo-
veft, and as such she had unIque
%!"#$#
powefs In negotIatIonpefhaps Iess ob-
vIous but no Iess fofmIdabIe. She'd
pfobabIy pfepafed mofe than evefyone
eIse. She had a quIet but fIfm speakIng
styIe. She fafeIy spoke wIthout thInk-
Ing. BeIng mIId-mannefed, she couId
take stfong, even aggfessIve, posItIons
whIIe comIng acfoss as peffectIy feas-
onabIe. And she tended to ask ques-
tIonsIots of themand actuaIIy IIsten
to the answefs, whIch, no mattef what
youf pefsonaIIty, Is cfucIaI to stfong
negotIatIon.
So Iaufa fInaIIy stafted doIng what
came natufaIIy.
Iet's go back a step. What afe youf
numbefs based on?" she asked.
What If we stfuctufed the Ioan thIs
way, do you thInk It mIght wofk?"
That way?"
Some othef way?"
%%"#$#
At fIfst hef questIons wefe tentatIve.
She pIcked up steam as she went aIong,
posIng them mofe fofcefuIIy and mak-
Ing It cIeaf that she'd done hef home-
wofk and wouIdn't concede the facts.
But she aIso stayed tfue to hef own
styIe, nevef faIsIng hef voIce of IosIng
hef decofum. Evefy tIme the bankefs
made an asseftIon that seemed un-
budgeabIe, Iaufa tfIed to be constfuct-
Ive. Afe you sayIng that's the onIy way
to go? What If we took a dIffefent
appfoach?"
EventuaIIy hef sImpIe quefIes shIfted
the mood In the foom, just as the nego-
tIatIon textbooks say they wIII. The
bankefs stopped speechIfyIng and
domInance-posIng, actIvItIes fof whIch
Iaufa feIt hopeIessIy III-equIpped, and
they stafted havIng an actuaI
convefsatIon.
%&"#$#
Mofe dIscussIon. StIII no agfeement.
One of the bankefs fevved up agaIn,
thfowIng hIs papefs down and stofmIng
out of the foom. Iaufa Ignofed thIs dIs-
pIay, mostIy because she dIdn't know
what eIse to do. Iatef on someone toId
hef that at that pIvotaI moment she'd
pIayed a good game of somethIng
caIIed negotIatIon jujItsu", but she
knew that she was just doIng what you
Ieafn to do natufaIIy as a quIet pefson
In a Ioudmouth wofId.
FInaIIy the two sIdes stfuck a deaI.
The bankefs Ieft the buIIdIng, Iaufa's
favofIte cIIents headed fof the aIfpoft,
and Iaufa went home, cufIed up wIth a
book, and tfIed to fofget the day's
tensIons.
But the next mofnIng, the Iead Iaw-
yef fof the bankefsthe vIgofous wo-
man wIth the stfong jawcaIIed to of-
fef hef a job. I've nevef seen anyone
%'"#$#
so nIce and so tough at the same tIme,"
she saId. And the day aftef that, the
Iead bankef caIIed Iaufa, askIng If :)#
Iaw fIfm wouId fepfesent :"& company
In the futufe. We need someone who
can heIp us put deaIs togethef wIthout
IettIng ego get In the way," he saId.
By stIckIng to hef own gentIe way of
doIng thIngs, Iaufa had feeIed In new
busIness fof hef fIfm and a job offef fof
hefseIf. RaIsIng hef voIce and poundIng
the tabIe was unnecessafy.
Today Iaufa undefstands that hef In-
tfovefsIon Is an essentIaI paft of who
she Is, and she embfaces hef fefIectIve
natufe. The Ioop InsIde hef head that
accused hef of beIng too quIet and un-
assumIng pIays much Iess often. Iaufa
knows that she can hoId hef own when
she needs to.
%("#$#
What exactIy do I mean when I say that
Iaufa Is an ".6#-*)#6? When I stafted
wfItIng thIs book, the fIfst thIng I
wanted to fInd out was pfecIseIy how
feseafchefs defIne IntfovefsIon and ex-
tfovefsIon. I knew that In 1921 the In-
fIuentIaI psychoIogIst CafI Jung had
pubIIshed a bombsheII of a book, H&;<
1:-8-E"178 D;3)&, popuIafIzIng the tefms
".6#-*)#6 and )Q6#-*)#6 as the centfaI
buIIdIng bIocks of pefsonaIIty. Intfo-
vefts afe dfawn to the Innef wofId of
thought and feeIIng, saId Jung, extfo-
vefts to the extefnaI IIfe of peopIe and
actIvItIes. Intfovefts focus on the mean-
Ing they make of the events swIfIIng
afound them, extfovefts pIunge Into the
events themseIves. Intfovefts fechafge
theIf battefIes by beIng aIone,
%)"#$#
extfovefts need to fechafge when they
don't socIaIIze enough. If you've evef
taken a Myefs-BfIggs pefsonaIIty test,
whIch Is based on Jung's thInkIng and
used by the majofIty of unIvefsItIes and
Foftune 100 companIes, then you may
aIfeady be famIIIaf wIth these Ideas.
But what do contempofafy feseafch-
efs have to say? I soon dIscovefed that
thefe Is no aII-pufpose defInItIon of In-
tfovefsIon of extfovefsIon, these afe
not unItafy categofIes, IIke cufIy-
haIfed" of sIxteen-yeaf-oId," In whIch
evefyone can agfee on who quaIIfIes fof
IncIusIon. Fof exampIe, adhefents of
the BIg FIve schooI of pefsonaIIty psy-
choIogy (whIch afgues that human pef-
sonaIIty can be boIIed down to fIve
pfImafy tfaIts) defIne IntfovefsIon not
In tefms of a fIch Innef IIfe but as a
Iack of quaIItIes such as asseftIveness
and socIabIIIty. Thefe afe aImost as
%#"#$#
many defInItIons of ".6#-*)#6 and )Q6#-<
*)#6 as thefe afe pefsonaIIty psychoIo-
gIsts, who spend a gfeat deaI of tIme af-
guIng ovef whIch meanIng Is most ac-
cufate. Some thInk that Jung's Ideas afe
outdated, othefs sweaf that he's the
onIy one who got It fIght.
StIII, today's psychoIogIsts tend to
agfee on sevefaI Impoftant poInts: fof
exampIe, that Intfovefts and extfovefts
dIffef In the IeveI of outsIde stImuIatIon
that they need to functIon weII. Intfo-
vefts feeI just fIght" wIth Iess stImuIa-
tIon, as when they sIp wIne wIth a cIose
ffIend, soIve a cfosswofd puzzIe, of
fead a book. Extfovefts enjoy the extfa
bang that comes ffom actIvItIes IIke
meetIng new peopIe, skIIng sIIppefy
sIopes, and cfankIng up the stefeo.
Othef peopIe afe vefy afousIng," says
the pefsonaIIty psychoIogIst DavId
WIntef, expIaInIng why youf typIcaI
&+"#$#
Intfoveft wouId fathef spend hef vaca-
tIon feadIng on the beach than paftyIng
on a cfuIse shIp. They afouse thfeat,
feaf, fIIght, and Iove. A hundfed peopIe
afe vefy stImuIatIng compafed to a
hundfed books of a hundfed gfaIns of
sand."
Many psychoIogIsts wouId aIso agfee
that Intfovefts and extfovefts wofk dIf-
fefentIy. Extfovefts tend to tackIe as-
sIgnments quIckIy. They make fast
(sometImes fash) decIsIons, and afe
comfoftabIe muItItaskIng and fIsk-tak-
Ing. They enjoy the thfIII of the chase"
fof fewafds IIke money and status.
Intfovefts often wofk mofe sIowIy
and deIIbefateIy. They IIke to focus on
one task at a tIme and can have mIghty
powefs of concentfatIon. They'fe feIat-
IveIy Immune to the Iufes of weaIth and
fame.
&*"#$#
Ouf pefsonaIItIes aIso shape ouf so-
cIaI styIes. Extfovefts afe the peopIe
who wIII add IIfe to youf dInnef pafty
and Iaugh genefousIy at youf jokes.
They tend to be asseftIve, domInant,
and In gfeat need of company. Extfo-
vefts thInk out Ioud and on theIf feet,
they pfefef taIkIng to IIstenIng, fafeIy
fInd themseIves at a Ioss fof wofds, and
occasIonaIIy bIuft out thIngs they nevef
meant to say. They'fe comfoftabIe wIth
confIIct, but not wIth soIItude.
Intfovefts, In contfast, may have
stfong socIaI skIIIs and enjoy paftIes
and busIness meetIngs, but aftef a
whIIe wIsh they wefe home In theIf pa-
jamas. They pfefef to devote theIf so-
cIaI enefgIes to cIose ffIends, coI-
Ieagues, and famIIy. They IIsten mofe
than they taIk, thInk befofe they speak,
and often feeI as If they expfess them-
seIves bettef In wfItIng than In
&$"#$#
convefsatIon. They tend to dIsIIke con-
fIIct. Many have a hoffof of smaII taIk,
but enjoy deep dIscussIons.
A few thIngs Intfovefts afe not: The
wofd ".6#-*)#6 Is not a synonym fof hef-
mIt of mIsanthfope. Intfovefts 17. be
these thIngs, but most afe peffectIy
ffIendIy. One of the most humane
phfases In the EngIIsh IanguageOnIy
connect!"was wfItten by the dIs-
tInctIy Intfovefted E. M. Fofstef In a
noveI expIofIng the questIon of how to
achIeve human Iove at Its heIght."
Nof afe Intfovefts necessafIIy shy.
Shyness Is the feaf of socIaI dIsappfovaI
of humIIIatIon, whIIe IntfovefsIon Is a
pfefefence fof envIfonments that afe
not ovefstImuIatIng. Shyness Is Inhef-
entIy paInfuI, IntfovefsIon Is not. One
feason that peopIe confuse the two con-
cepts Is that they sometImes ovefIap
(though psychoIogIsts debate to what
&!"#$#
degfee). Some psychoIogIsts map the
two tendencIes on veftIcaI and hofI-
zontaI axes, wIth the Intfoveft-extfoveft
spectfum on the hofIzontaI axIs, and
the anxIous-stabIe spectfum on the vef-
tIcaI. WIth thIs modeI, you end up wIth
fouf quadfants of pefsonaIIty types:
caIm extfovefts, anxIous (of ImpuIsIve)
extfovefts, caIm Intfovefts, and anxIous
Intfovefts. In othef wofds, you can be a
shy extfoveft, IIke Bafbfa StfeIsand,
who has a Iafgef-than-IIfe pefsonaIIty
and pafaIyzIng stage ffIght, of a non-
shy Intfoveft, IIke BIII Gates, who by aII
accounts keeps to hImseIf but Is un-
fazed by the opInIons of othefs.
You can aIso, of coufse, be both shy
7.0 an Intfoveft: T. S. EIIot was a fam-
ousIy pfIvate souI who wfote In The
Waste Iand" that he couId show you
feaf In a handfuI of dust." Many shy
peopIe tufn Inwafd, paftIy as a fefuge
&%"#$#
ffom the socIaIIzIng that causes them
such anxIety. And many Intfovefts afe
shy, paftIy as a fesuIt of feceIvIng the
message that thefe's somethIng wfong
wIth theIf pfefefence fof fefIectIon, and
paftIy because theIf physIoIogIes, as
we'II see, compeI them to wIthdfaw
ffom hIgh-stImuIatIon envIfonments.
But fof aII theIf dIffefences, shyness
and IntfovefsIon have In common
somethIng pfofound. The mentaI state
of a shy extfoveft sIttIng quIetIy In a
busIness meetIng may be vefy dIffefent
ffom that of a caIm Intfoveftthe shy
pefson Is affaId to speak up, whIIe the
Intfoveft Is sImpIy ovefstImuIatedbut
to the outsIde wofId, the two appeaf to
be the same. ThIs can gIve both types
InsIght Into how ouf fevefence fof aI-
pha status bIInds us to thIngs that afe
good and smaft and wIse. Fof vefy dIf-
fefent feasons, shy and Intfovefted
&&"#$#
peopIe mIght choose to spend theIf
days In behInd-the-scenes pufsuIts IIke
InventIng, of feseafchIng, of hoIdIng
the hands of the gfaveIy IIIof In Iead-
efshIp posItIons they execute wIth quIet
competence. These afe not aIpha foIes,
but the peopIe who pIay them afe foIe
modeIs aII the same.
If you'fe stIII not sufe whefe you faII on
the Intfoveft-extfoveft spectfum, you
can assess youfseIf hefe. Answef each
questIon tfue" of faIse," choosIng the
answef that appIIes to you mofe often
than not.

1. _______ I pfefef one-on-one convefsa-

tIons to gfoup actIvItIes.
&'"#$#
2. _______ I often pfefef to expfess my-
seIf In wfItIng.
3. _______ I enjoy soIItude.
4. _______ I seem to cafe Iess than my
peefs about weaIth, fame,
and status.
5. _______ I dIsIIke smaII taIk, but I en-
joy taIkIng In depth about
topIcs that mattef to me.
6. _______ PeopIe teII me that I'm a
good IIstenef.
7. _______ I'm not a bIg fIsk-takef.
8. _______ I enjoy wofk that aIIows me
to dIve In" wIth few
InteffuptIons.
9. _______ I IIke to ceIebfate bIfthdays
on a smaII scaIe, wIth onIy
one of two cIose ffIends of
famIIy membefs.
&("#$#
10. _______ PeopIe descfIbe me as soft-
spoken" of meIIow."
11. _______ I pfefef not to show of dIs-
cuss my wofk wIth othefs
untII It's fInIshed.
12. _______ I dIsIIke confIIct.
13. _______ I do my best wofk on my
own.
14. _______ I tend to thInk befofe I speak.
15. _______ I feeI dfaIned aftef beIng out
and about, even If I've en-
joyed myseIf.
16. _______ I often Iet caIIs go thfough to
voIce maII.
17. _______ If I had to choose, I'd pfefef a
weekend wIth absoIuteIy
nothIng to do to one wIth
too many thIngs scheduIed.
18. _______ I don't enjoy muItItaskIng.
19. _______ I can concentfate easIIy.
&)"#$#
20. _______ In cIassfoom sItuatIons, I
pfefef Iectufes to semInafs.
The mofe often you answefed tfue,"
the mofe Intfovefted you pfobabIy afe.
If you found youfseIf wIth a foughIy
equaI numbef of tfue" and faIse" an-
swefs, then you may be an ambI-
veftyes, thefe feaIIy Is such a wofd.
But even If you answefed evefy
sIngIe questIon as an Intfoveft of extfo-
veft, that doesn't mean that youf beha-
vIof Is pfedIctabIe acfoss aII cIfcum-
stances. We can't say that evefy Intfo-
veft Is a bookwofm of evefy extfoveft
weafs Iampshades at paftIes any mofe
than we can say that evefy woman Is a
natufaI consensus-buIIdef and evefy
man Ioves contact spofts. As Jung feII-
cItousIy put It, Thefe Is no such thIng
as a pufe extfoveft of a pufe Intfoveft.
&#"#$#
Such a man wouId be In the IunatIc
asyIum."
ThIs Is paftIy because we afe aII gIof-
IousIy compIex IndIvIduaIs, but aIso be-
cause thefe afe so many dIffefent $".0&
of Intfovefts and extfovefts. Intfovef-
sIon and extfovefsIon Intefact wIth ouf
othef pefsonaIIty tfaIts and pefsonaI
hIstofIes, pfoducIng wIIdIy dIffefent
kInds of peopIe. So If you'fe an aftIstIc
AmefIcan guy whose fathef wIshed
you'd tfy out fof the footbaII team IIke
youf fough-and-tumbIe bfothefs, you'II
be a vefy dIffefent kInd of Intfoveft
ffom, say, a FInnIsh busInesswoman
whose pafents wefe IIghthouse keepefs.
(FInIand Is a famousIy Intfovefted na-
tIon. FInnIsh joke: How can you teII If a
FInn IIkes you? He's stafIng at youf
shoes Instead of hIs own.)
Many Intfovefts afe aIso hIghIy
sensItIve," whIch sounds poetIc, but Is
'+"#$#
actuaIIy a technIcaI tefm In psychoIogy.
If you afe a sensItIve soft, then you'fe
mofe apt than the avefage pefson to
feeI pIeasantIy ovefwheImed by Beeth-
oven's MoonIIght Sonata" of a weII-
tufned phfase of an act of extfaofdIn-
afy kIndness. You may be quIckef than
othefs to feeI sIckened by vIoIence and
ugIIness, and you IIkeIy have a vefy
stfong conscIence. When you wefe a
chIId you wefe pfobabIy caIIed shy,"
and to thIs day feeI nefvous when
you'fe beIng evaIuated, fof exampIe
when gIvIng a speech of on a fIfst date.
Iatef we'II examIne why thIs seemIngIy
unfeIated coIIectIon of attfIbutes tends
to beIong to the same pefson and why
thIs pefson Is often Intfovefted. (No one
knows exactIy how many Intfovefts afe
hIghIy sensItIve, but we know that 70
pefcent of sensItIves afe Intfovefts, and
'*"#$#
the othef 30 pefcent tend to fepoft
needIng a Iot of down tIme.")
AII of thIs compIexIty means that not
evefythIng you fead In B%")6 wIII appIy
to you, even If you consIdef youfseIf a
tfue-bIue Intfoveft. Fof one thIng, we'II
spend some tIme taIkIng about shyness
and sensItIvIty, whIIe you mIght have
neIthef of these tfaIts. That's OK. Take
what appIIes to you, and use the fest to
Impfove youf feIatIonshIps wIth othefs.
HavIng saId aII thIs, In B%")6 we'II tfy
not to get too hung up on defInItIons.
StfIctIy defInIng tefms Is vItaI fof fe-
seafchefs whose studIes depend on pIn-
poIntIng exactIy whefe IntfovefsIon
stops and othef tfaIts, IIke shyness,
staft. But In B%")6 we'II concefn
oufseIves mofe wIth the /#%"6 of that fe-
seafch. Today's psychoIogIsts, joIned by
neufoscIentIsts wIth theIf bfaIn-scan-
nIng machInes, have uneafthed
'$"#$#
IIIumInatIng InsIghts that afe changIng
the way we see the wofIdand
oufseIves. They afe answefIng ques-
tIons such as: Why afe some peopIe
taIkatIve whIIe othefs measufe theIf
wofds? Why do some peopIe buffow In-
to theIf wofk and othefs ofganIze offIce
bIfthday paftIes? Why afe some peopIe
comfoftabIe wIeIdIng authofIty whIIe
othefs pfefef neIthef to Iead nof to be
Ied? ,7. Intfovefts be Ieadefs? Is ouf
cuItufaI pfefefence fof extfovefsIon In
the natufaI ofdef of thIngs, of Is It so-
cIaIIy detefmIned? Ffom an evoIutIon-
afy pefspectIve, IntfovefsIon must have
sufvIved as a pefsonaIIty tfaIt fof a
feasonso what mIght the feason be?
If you'fe an Intfoveft, shouId you de-
vote youf enefgIes to actIvItIes that
come natufaIIy, of shouId you stfetch
youfseIf, as Iaufa dId that day at the
negotIatIon tabIe?
'!"#$#
The answefs mIght sufpfIse you.
If thefe Is onIy one InsIght you take
away ffom thIs book, though, I hope It's
a newfound sense of entItIement to be
youfseIf. I can vouch pefsonaIIy fof the
IIfe-tfansfofmIng effects of thIs outIook.
Remembef that fIfst cIIent I toId you
about, the one I caIIed Iaufa In ofdef to
pfotect hef IdentIty?
That was a stofy about me. I was my
own fIfst cIIent.
Answef key: exefcIse: extfovefts, commIt
aduItefy: extfovefts, functIon weII wIthout
sIeep: Intfovefts, Ieafn ffom ouf mIstakes: Intfo-
vefts, pIace bIg bets: extfovefts, deIay gfatIfIca-
tIon: Intfovefts, be a good Ieadef: In some cases
Intfovefts, In othef cases extfovefts, dependIng
on the type of IeadefshIp caIIed fof, ask what
If": Intfovefts.
SIf Isaac Newton, AIbeft EInsteIn, W. B. Yeats,
FfedefIc ChopIn, MafceI Pfoust, J. M. BaffIe,
'%"#$#
Geofge OfweII, Theodof GeIseI (Df. Seuss),
ChafIes SchuIz, Steven SpIeIbefg, Iaffy Page, J.
K. RowIIng.
ThIs Is an InfofmaI quIz, not a scIentIfIcaIIy
vaIIdated pefsonaIIty test. The questIons wefe
fofmuIated based on chafactefIstIcs of Intfovef-
sIon often accepted by contempofafy
feseafchefs.
'&"#$#
M)&%
G#-
DHO OQDNGROND ISO"T
\
DHO NI@O GY DHO !]IXHDV
TI[O"ETO YOTTGU<
H,? O2%&,8-&5$,# E-6)3- %4- J(.%(&).
I*-).
26#7.E)#&S );)&N $)). 7.0 1#"6"178.
,7. ;-% 5))6 6:)5
3#-%08;X1-./"0).68;X+"6:-%6 /)7#Y
PRINT ADVERTISEMENT FOR
WOODBURY'S SOAP, 1922
The date: 1902. The pIace: Hafmony
Chufch, MIssoufI, a tIny, dot-on-the-
map town Iocated on a fIoodpIaIn a
hundfed mIIes ffom Kansas CIty. Ouf
young pfotagonIst: a good-natufed but
Insecufe hIgh schooI student named
DaIe.
SkInny, unathIetIc, and ffetfuI, DaIe
Is the son of a mofaIIy upfIght but pef-
petuaIIy bankfupt pIg fafmef. He fe-
spects hIs pafents but dfeads foIIowIng
In theIf povefty-stfIcken footsteps. DaIe
woffIes about othef thIngs, too: thun-
def and IIghtnIng, goIng to heII, and
beIng tongue-tIed at cfucIaI moments.
He even feafs hIs weddIng day: What If
he can't thInk of anythIng to say to hIs
futufe bfIde?
One day a Chautauqua speakef
comes to town. The Chautauqua move-
ment, bofn In 1873 and based In up-
state New Yofk, sends gIfted speakefs
acfoss the countfy to Iectufe on IItefat-
ufe, scIence, and feIIgIon. RufaI Amef-
Icans pfIze these pfesentefs fof the
whIff of gIamouf they bfIng ffom the
outsIde wofIdand theIf powef to
')"#$#
mesmefIze an audIence. ThIs paftIcuIaf
speakef captIvates the young DaIe wIth
hIs own fags-to-fIches taIe: once he'd
been a IowIy fafm boy wIth a bIeak fu-
tufe, but he deveIoped a chafIsmatIc
speakIng styIe and took the stage at
Chautauqua. DaIe hangs on hIs evefy
wofd.
A few yeafs Iatef, DaIe Is agaIn Im-
pfessed by the vaIue of pubIIc speakIng.
HIs famIIy moves to a fafm thfee mIIes
outsIde of Waffensbufg, MIssoufI, so he
can attend coIIege thefe wIthout payIng
foom and boafd. DaIe obsefves that the
students who wIn campus speakIng
contests afe seen as Ieadefs, and he fe-
soIves to be one of them. He sIgns up
fof evefy contest and fushes home at
nIght to pfactIce. AgaIn and agaIn he
Ioses, DaIe Is dogged, but not much of
an ofatof. EventuaIIy, though, hIs ef-
fofts begIn to pay off. He tfansfofms
'#"#$#
hImseIf Into a speakIng champIon and
campus hefo. Othef students tufn to
hIm fof speech Iessons, he tfaIns them
and they staft wInnIng, too.
By the tIme DaIe Ieaves coIIege In
1908, hIs pafents afe stIII poof, but cof-
pofate AmefIca Is boomIng. Henfy Fofd
Is seIIIng ModeI Ts IIke gfIddIe cakes,
usIng the sIogan fof busIness and fof
pIeasufe." J.C. Penney, WooIwofth, and
Seafs Roebuck have become househoId
names. EIectfIcIty IIghts up the homes
of the mIddIe cIass, Indoof pIumbIng
spafes them mIdnIght tfIps to the
outhouse.
The new economy caIIs fof a new
kInd of mana saIesman, a socIaI opef-
atof, someone wIth a feady smIIe, a
masteffuI handshake, and the abIIIty to
get aIong wIth coIIeagues whIIe sImuI-
taneousIy outshInIng them. DaIe joIns
the sweIIIng fanks of saIesmen, headIng
(+"#$#
out on the foad wIth few possessIons
but hIs sIIvef tongue.
DaIe's Iast name Is CafnegIe
(Cafnagey, actuaIIy, he changes the
speIIIng Iatef, IIkeIy to evoke Andfew,
the gfeat IndustfIaIIst). Aftef a few
gfueIIng yeafs seIIIng beef fof Afmouf
and Company, he sets up shop as a
pubIIc-speakIng teachef. CafnegIe hoIds
hIs fIfst cIass at a YMCA nIght schooI
on 125th Stfeet In New Yofk CIty. He
asks fof the usuaI two-doIIafs-pef-ses-
sIon saIafy fof nIght schooI teachefs.
The Y's dIfectof, doubtIng that a pubIIc-
speakIng cIass wIII genefate much In-
tefest, fefuses to pay that kInd of
money.
But the cIass Is an ovefnIght sensa-
tIon, and CafnegIe goes on to found the
DaIe CafnegIe InstItute, dedIcated to
heIpIng busInessmen foot out the vefy
InsecufItIes that had heId hIm back as a
(*"#$#
young man. In 1913 he pubIIshes hIs
fIfst book, H%G8"1 23)7$".E 7.0 I./8%).<
1".E Z). ". @%&".)&&. In the days when
pIanos and bathfooms wefe IuxufIes,"
CafnegIe wfItes, men fegafded abIIIty
In speakIng as a pecuIIaf gIft, needed
onIy by the Iawyef, cIefgyman, of
statesman. Today we have come to
feaIIze that It Is the IndIspensabIe
weapon of those who wouId fofge
ahead In the keen competItIon of
busIness."
CafnegIe's metamofphosIs ffom fafm-
boy to saIesman to pubIIc-speakIng Icon
Is aIso the stofy of the fIse of the Extfo-
veft IdeaI. CafnegIe's joufney fefIected
a cuItufaI evoIutIon that feached a tIp-
pIng poInt afound the tufn of the
($"#$#
twentIeth centufy, changIng fofevef
who we afe and whom we admIfe, how
we act at job IntefvIews and what we
Iook fof In an empIoyee, how we couft
ouf mates and faIse ouf chIIdfen. Amef-
Ica had shIfted ffom what the InfIuen-
tIaI cuItufaI hIstofIan Waffen Susman
caIIed a CuItufe of Chafactef to a CuI-
tufe of PefsonaIItyand opened up a
Pandofa's Box of pefsonaI anxIetIes
ffom whIch we wouId nevef quIte
fecovef.
In the CuItufe of Chafactef, the IdeaI
seIf was sefIous, dIscIpIIned, and honof-
abIe. What counted was not so much
the ImpfessIon one made In pubIIc as
how one behaved In pfIvate. The wofd
3)#&-.78"6; dIdn't exIst In EngIIsh untII
the eIghteenth centufy, and the Idea of
havIng a good pefsonaIIty" was not
wIdespfead untII the twentIeth.
(!"#$#
But when they embfaced the CuItufe
of PefsonaIIty, AmefIcans stafted to fo-
cus on how othefs pefceIved them.
They became captIvated by peopIe who
wefe boId and enteftaInIng. The socIaI
foIe demanded of aII In the new CuItufe
of PefsonaIIty was that of a peffofmef,"
Susman famousIy wfote. Evefy Amef-
Ican was to become a peffofmIng seIf."
The fIse of IndustfIaI AmefIca was a
majof fofce behInd thIs cuItufaI evoIu-
tIon. The natIon quIckIy deveIoped
ffom an agfIcuItufaI socIety of IIttIe
houses on the pfaIfIe to an ufbanIzed,
the busIness of AmefIca Is busIness"
powefhouse. In the countfy's eafIy
days, most AmefIcans IIved IIke DaIe
CafnegIe's famIIy, on fafms of In smaII
towns, IntefactIng wIth peopIe they'd
known sInce chIIdhood. But when the
twentIeth centufy affIved, a peffect
stofm of bIg busIness, ufbanIzatIon, and
(%"#$#
mass ImmIgfatIon bIew the popuIatIon
Into the cItIes. In 1790, onIy 3 pefcent
of AmefIcans IIved In cItIes, In 1840,
onIy 8 pefcent dId, by 1920, mofe than
a thIfd of the countfy wefe ufbanItes.
We cannot aII IIve In cItIes," wfote the
news edItof Hoface GfeeIey In 1867,
yet neafIy aII seem detefmIned to do
so."
AmefIcans found themseIves wofkIng
no Iongef wIth neIghbofs but wIth
stfangefs. CItIzens" mofphed Into em-
pIoyees," facIng the questIon of how to
make a good ImpfessIon on peopIe to
whom they had no cIvIc of famIIy tIes.
The feasons why one man gaIned a
pfomotIon of one woman suffefed a so-
cIaI snub," wfItes the hIstofIan RoIand
Mafchand, had become Iess expIIcabIe
on gfounds of Iong-standIng favofItIsm
of oId famIIy feuds. In the IncfeasIngIy
anonymous busIness and socIaI
(&"#$#
feIatIonshIps of the age, one mIght sus-
pect that anythIngIncIudIng a fIfst
ImpfessIonhad made the cfucIaI dIf-
fefence." AmefIcans fesponded to these
pfessufes by tfyIng to become saIesmen
who couId seII not onIy theIf company's
Iatest gIzmo but aIso themseIves.
One of the most poweffuI Ienses
thfough whIch to vIew the tfansfofma-
tIon ffom Chafactef to PefsonaIIty Is
the seIf-heIp tfadItIon In whIch DaIe
CafnegIe pIayed such a pfomInent foIe.
SeIf-heIp books have aIways Ioomed
Iafge In the AmefIcan psyche. Many of
the eafIIest conduct guIdes wefe feII-
gIous pafabIes, IIke D:) H"8E#"5S& H#-<
E#)&&, pubIIshed In 1678, whIch wafned
feadefs to behave wIth festfaInt If they
wanted to make It Into heaven. The ad-
vIce manuaIs of the nIneteenth centufy
wefe Iess feIIgIous but stIII pfeached
the vaIue of a nobIe chafactef. They
('"#$#
featufed case studIes of hIstofIcaI hef-
oes IIke Abfaham IIncoIn, fevefed not
onIy as a gIfted communIcatof but aIso
as a modest man who dId not, as RaIph
WaIdo Emefson put It, offend by su-
pefIofIty." They aIso ceIebfated feguIaf
peopIe who IIved hIghIy mofaI IIves. A
popuIaf 1899 manuaI caIIed ,:7#716)#=
D:) M#7.0)&6 D:".E ". 6:) A-#80 featufed
a tImId shop gIfI who gave away hef
meagef eafnIngs to a ffeezIng beggaf,
then fushed off befofe anyone couId see
what she'd done. Hef vIftue, the feadef
undefstood, defIved not onIy ffom hef
genefosIty but aIso ffom hef wIsh to fe-
maIn anonymous.
But by 1920, popuIaf seIf-heIp guIdes
had changed theIf focus ffom Innef vIf-
tue to outef chafmto know +:76 to
say and :-+ to say It," as one manuaI
put It. To cfeate a pefsonaIIty Is
powef," advIsed anothef. Tfy In evefy
(("#$#
way to have a feady command of the
mannefs whIch make peopIe thInk 'he's
a mIghty IIkeabIe feIIow,' " saId a thIfd.
That Is the begInnIng of a feputatIon
fof pefsonaIIty." 2%11)&& magazIne and
D:) 276%#07; 4*).".E H-&6 Intfoduced
depaftments InstfuctIng feadefs on the
aft of convefsatIon. The same authof,
OfIson Swett Mafden, who wfote ,:7#<
716)#= D:) M#7.0)&6 D:".E ". 6:) A-#80 In
1899, pfoduced anothef popuIaf tItIe In
1921. It was caIIed Z7&6)#/%8
H)#&-.78"6;.
Many of these guIdes wefe wfItten
fof busInessmen, but women wefe aIso
ufged to wofk on a mystefIous quaIIty
caIIed fascInatIon." ComIng of age In
the 1920s was such a competItIve busI-
ness compafed to what theIf gfand-
mothefs had expefIenced, wafned one
beauty guIde, that they had to be vIs-
IbIy chafIsmatIc: PeopIe who pass us
()"#$#
on the stfeet can't know that we'fe
cIevef and chafmIng unIess we Iook It."
Such advIceostensIbIy meant to Im-
pfove peopIe's IIvesmust have made
even feasonabIy confIdent peopIe un-
easy. Susman counted the wofds that
appeafed most ffequentIy In the
pefsonaIIty-dfIven advIce manuaIs of
the eafIy twentIeth centufy and com-
pafed them to the chafactef guIdes of
the nIneteenth centufy. The eafIIef
guIdes emphasIzed attfIbutes that any-
one couId wofk on ImpfovIng, de-
scfIbed by wofds IIke
CItIzenshIp
Duty
Wofk
GoIden deeds
Honof
ReputatIon
MofaIs
(#"#$#
Mannefs
IntegfIty
But the new guIdes ceIebfated quaIIt-
Ies that wefeno mattef how easy DaIe
CafnegIe made It soundtfIckIef to ac-
quIfe. EIthef you embodIed these quaI-
ItIes of you dIdn't:
MagnetIc
FascInatIng
StunnIng
AttfactIve
GIowIng
DomInant
FofcefuI
EnefgetIc
It was no coIncIdence that In the
1920s and the 1930s, AmefIcans be-
came obsessed wIth movIe stafs. Who
)+"#$#
bettef than a matInee IdoI to modeI
pefsonaI magnetIsm?
AmefIcans aIso feceIved advIce on seIf-
pfesentatIonwhethef they IIked It of
notffom the adveftIsIng Industfy.
WhIIe eafIy pfInt ads wefe stfaIghtfof-
wafd pfoduct announcements (EATON'S
HIGHIAND IINEN: THE FRESHEST AND CIEANEST
WRITING PAPER"), the new pefsonaIIty-
dfIven ads cast consumefs as pef-
fofmefs wIth stage ffIght ffom whIch
onIy the adveftIsef's pfoduct mIght fes-
cue them. These ads focused obsess-
IveIy on the hostIIe gIafe of the pubIIc
spotIIght. AII AROUND YOU PEOPIE ARE
JUDGING YOU SIIENTIY," wafned a 1922 ad
fof Woodbufy's soap. CRITICAI EYES ARE
)*"#$#
SIZING YOU UP RIGHT NOW," advIsed the
WIIIIams ShavIng Cfeam company.
MadIson Avenue spoke dIfectIy to the
anxIetIes of maIe saIesmen and mIddIe
managefs. In one ad fof Df. West's
toothbfushes, a pfospefous-IookIng feI-
Iow sat behInd a desk, hIs afm cocked
confIdentIy behInd hIs hIp, askIng
whethef you've EVER TRIED SEIIING
[\C(24J9 TO YOU? A FAVORABIE FIRST
IMPRESSION IS THE GREATEST SINGIE FACTOR IN
BUSINESS OR SOCIAI SUCCESS." The WIIIIams
ShavIng Cfeam ad featufed a sIIck-
haIfed, mustachIoed man ufgIng fead-
efs to IET YOUR FACE REFIECT CONFIDENCE,
NOT WORRY! IT'S THE 'IOOK' OF YOU BY WHICH
YOU ARE JUDGED MOST OFTEN."
Othef ads femInded women that theIf
success In the datIng game depended
not onIy on Iooks but aIso on pefsonaI-
Ity. In 1921 a Woodbufy's soap ad
)$"#$#
showed a cfestfaIIen young woman,
home aIone aftef a dIsappoIntIng even-
Ing out. She had Ionged to be success-
fuI, gay, tfIumphant," the text sympath-
Ized. But wIthout the heIp of the fIght
soap, the woman was a socIaI faIIufe.
Ten yeafs Iatef, Iux Iaundfy detef-
gent fan a pfInt ad featufIng a pIaIntIve
Iettef wfItten to Dofothy DIx, the Deaf
Abby of hef day. Deaf MIss DIx," fead
the Iettef, How can I make myseIf
mofe popuIaf? I am faIfIy pfetty and
not a dumbbeII, but I am so tImId and
seIf-conscIous wIth peopIe. I'm aIways
sufe they'fe not goIng to IIke me..
Joan G."
MIss DIx's answef came back cIeaf
and fIfm. If onIy Joan wouId use Iux
detefgent on hef IIngefIe, cuftaIns, and
sofa cushIons, she wouId soon gaIn a
deep, sufe, Innef convIctIon of beIng
chafmIng."
)!"#$#
ThIs poftfayaI of couftshIp as a hIgh-
stakes peffofmance fefIected the boId
new mofes of the CuItufe of PefsonaI-
Ity. Undef the festfIctIve (In some cases
fepfessIve) socIaI codes of the CuItufe
of Chafactef, both gendefs dIspIayed
some fesefve when It came to the mat-
Ing dance. Women who wefe too Ioud
of made InappfopfIate eye contact wIth
stfangefs wefe consIdefed bfazen.
Uppef-cIass women had mofe IIcense to
speak than dId theIf Iowef-cIass coun-
tefpafts, and Indeed wefe judged paftIy
on theIf taIent fof wItty fepaftee, but
even they wefe advIsed to dIspIay
bIushes and downcast eyes. They wefe
wafned by conduct manuaIs that the
coIdest fesefve" was mofe admIfabIe
In a woman a man wIshe]d| to make
hIs wIfe than the Ieast appfoach to un-
due famIIIafIty." Men couId adopt a
quIet demeanof that ImpIIed seIf-
)%"#$#
possessIon and a powef that dIdn't need
to fIaunt ItseIf. Though shyness pef se
was unacceptabIe, fesefve was a mafk
of good bfeedIng.
But wIth the advent of the CuItufe of
PefsonaIIty, the vaIue of fofmaIIty
began to cfumbIe, fof women and men
aIIke. Instead of payIng cefemonIaI
caIIs on women and makIng sefIous de-
cIafatIons of IntentIon, men wefe now
expected to Iaunch vefbaIIy sophIstIc-
ated couftshIps In whIch they thfew
women a IIne" of eIabofate fIIftatIous-
ness. Men who wefe too quIet afound
women fIsked beIng thought gay, as a
popuIaf 1926 sex guIde obsefved, ho-
mosexuaIs afe InvafIabIy tImId, shy, fe-
tIfIng." Women, too, wefe expected to
waIk a fIne IIne between pfopfIety and
boIdness. If they fesponded too shyIy to
fomantIc oveftufes, they wefe some-
tImes caIIed ffIgId."
)&"#$#
The fIeId of psychoIogy aIso began to
gfappIe wIth the pfessufe to pfoject
confIdence. In the 1920s an InfIuentIaI
psychoIogIst named Gofdon AIIpoft cfe-
ated a dIagnostIc test of Ascendance-
SubmIssIon" to measufe socIaI domIn-
ance. Ouf cuffent cIvIIIzatIon," ob-
sefved AIIpoft, who was hImseIf shy
and fesefved, seems to pIace a pfemI-
um upon the aggfessIve pefson, the 'go-
gettef.' " In 1921, CafI Jung noted the
newIy pfecafIous status of IntfovefsIon.
Jung hImseIf saw Intfovefts as educat-
ofs and pfomotefs of cuItufe" who
showed the vaIue of the IntefIof IIfe
whIch Is so paInfuIIy wantIng In ouf
cIvIIIzatIon." But he acknowIedged that
theIf fesefve and appafentIy gfound-
Iess embaffassment natufaIIy afouse aII
the cuffent pfejudIces agaInst thIs
type."
)'"#$#
But nowhefe was the need to appeaf
seIf-assufed mofe appafent than In a
new concept In psychoIogy caIIed the
InfefIofIty compIex. The IC, as It be-
came known In the popuIaf pfess, was
deveIoped In the 1920s by a VIennese
psychoIogIst named AIffed AdIef to de-
scfIbe feeIIngs of Inadequacy and theIf
consequences. Do you feeI Insecufe?"
InquIfed the covef of AdIef's best-
seIIIng book, C.0)#&67.0".E >%57.
?76%#). Afe you faIntheafted? Afe you
submIssIve?" AdIef expIaIned that aII
Infants and smaII chIIdfen feeI InfefIof,
IIvIng as they do In a wofId of aduIts
and oIdef sIbIIngs. In the nofmaI pfo-
cess of gfowIng up they Ieafn to dIfect
these feeIIngs Into pufsuIng theIf goaIs.
But If thIngs go awfy as they matufe,
they mIght be saddIed wIth the dfeaded
ICa gfave IIabIIIty In an IncfeasIngIy
competItIve socIety.
)("#$#
The Idea of wfappIng theIf socIaI
anxIetIes In the neat package of a psy-
choIogIcaI compIex appeaIed to many
AmefIcans. The InfefIofIty CompIex be-
came an aII-pufpose expIanatIon fof
pfobIems In many afeas of IIfe, fangIng
ffom Iove to pafentIng to cafeef. In
1924, ,-88")#S& fan a stofy about a wo-
man who was affaId to maffy the man
she Ioved fof feaf that he had an IC and
wouId nevef amount to anythIng.
Anothef popuIaf magazIne fan an aft-
IcIe caIIed Youf ChIId and That Fash-
IonabIe CompIex," expIaInIng to moms
what couId cause an IC In kIds and how
to pfevent of cufe one. 4*)#;-.) had an
IC, It seemed, to some It was, pafadox-
IcaIIy enough, a mafk of dIstInctIon.
IIncoIn, NapoIeon, Teddy RooseveIt,
EdIson, and ShakespeafeaII had
suffefed ffom ICs, accofdIng to a 1939
,-88")#S& aftIcIe. So," concIuded the
))"#$#
magazIne, If you have a bIg, husky, In-
gfowIng InfefIofIty compIex you'fe
about as Iucky as you couId hope to be,
pfovIded you have the backbone aIong
wIth It."
DespIte the hopefuI tone of thIs
pIece, chIId guIdance expefts of the
1920s set about heIpIng chIIdfen to de-
veIop wInnIng pefsonaIItIes. UntII then,
these pfofessIonaIs had woffIed maInIy
about sexuaIIy pfecocIous gIfIs and de-
IInquent boys, but now psychoIogIsts,
socIaI wofkefs, and doctofs focused on
the evefyday chIId wIth the maIadjus-
ted pefsonaIIty"paftIcuIafIy shy chII-
dfen. Shyness couId Iead to dIfe out-
comes, they wafned, ffom aIcohoIIsm to
suIcIde, whIIe an outgoIng pefsonaIIty
wouId bfIng socIaI and fInancIaI suc-
cess. The expefts advIsed pafents to so-
cIaIIze theIf chIIdfen weII and schooIs
to change theIf emphasIs ffom book-
)#"#$#
IeafnIng to assIstIng and guIdIng the
deveIopIng pefsonaIIty." Educatofs took
up thIs mantIe enthusIastIcaIIy. By
1950 the sIogan of the MId-Centufy
WhIte House Confefence on ChIIdfen
and Youth was A heaIthy pefsonaIIty
fof evefy chIId."
WeII-meanIng pafents of the mIdcen-
tufy agfeed that quIet was unacceptabIe
and gfegafIousness IdeaI fof both gIfIs
and boys. Some dIscoufaged theIf chII-
dfen ffom soIItafy and sefIous hobbIes,
IIke cIassIcaI musIc, that couId make
them unpopuIaf. They sent theIf kIds to
schooI at IncfeasIngIy young ages,
whefe the maIn assIgnment was Ieafn-
Ing to socIaIIze. Intfovefted chIIdfen
wefe often sIngIed out as pfobIem cases
(a sItuatIon famIIIaf to anyone wIth an
Intfovefted chIId today).
WIIIIam Whyte's D:) \#E7."]76"-.
Z7., a 1956 best-seIIef, descfIbes how
#+"#$#
pafents and teachefs conspIfed to ovef-
hauI the pefsonaIItIes of quIet chIIdfen.
Johnny wasn't doIng so weII at
schooI," Whyte fecaIIs a mothef teIIIng
hIm. The teachef expIaIned to me that
he was doIng fIne on hIs Iessons but
that hIs socIaI adjustment was not as
good as It mIght be. He wouId pIck just
one of two ffIends to pIay wIth, and
sometImes he was happy to femaIn by
hImseIf." Pafents weIcomed such Intef-
ventIons, saId Whyte. Save fof a few
odd pafents, most afe gfatefuI that the
schooIs wofk so hafd to offset tenden-
cIes to IntfovefsIon and othef subufban
abnofmaIItIes."
Pafents caught up In thIs vaIue sys-
tem wefe not unkInd, of even obtuse,
they wefe onIy pfepafIng theIf kIds fof
the feaI wofId." When these chIIdfen
gfew oIdef and appIIed to coIIege and
Iatef fof theIf fIfst jobs, they faced the
#*"#$#
same standafds of gfegafIousness.
UnIvefsIty admIssIons offIcefs Iooked
not fof the most exceptIonaI candIdates,
but fof the most extfovefted. Hafvafd's
pfovost PauI Buck decIafed In the Iate
1940s that Hafvafd shouId feject the
sensItIve, neufotIc" type and the
InteIIectuaIIy ovef-stImuIated" In favof
of boys of the heaIthy extfoveft kInd."
In 1950, YaIe's pfesIdent, AIffed WhIt-
ney GfIswoId, decIafed that the IdeaI
YaIIe was not a beetIe-bfowed, hIghIy
specIaIIzed InteIIectuaI, but a weII-
founded man." Anothef dean toId
Whyte that In scfeenIng appIIcatIons
ffom secondafy schooIs he feIt It was
onIy common sense to take Into ac-
count not onIy what the coIIege
wanted, but what, fouf yeafs Iatef, cof-
pofatIons' fecfuItefs wouId want. 'They
IIke a pfetty gfegafIous, actIve type,' he
saId. 'So we fInd that the best man Is
#$"#$#
the one who's had an 80 of 85 avefage
In schooI and pIenty of extfacuffIcuIaf
actIvIty. We see IIttIe use fof the bfII-
IIant" Intfoveft.' "
ThIs coIIege dean gfasped vefy weII
that the modeI empIoyee of the mIdcen-
tufyeven one whose job fafeIy In-
voIved deaIIng wIth the pubIIc, IIke a
feseafch scIentIst In a cofpofate
Iabwas not a deep thInkef but a
heafty extfoveft wIth a saIesman's pef-
sonaIIty. CustomafIIy, whenevef the
wofd bfIIIIant Is used," expIaIns Whyte,
It eIthef pfecedes the wofd 'but' (e.g.,
'We afe aII fof bfIIIIance, but .') of Is
coupIed wIth such wofds as effatIc, ec-
centfIc, Intfoveft, scfewbaII, etc."
These feIIows wIII be havIng contact
wIth othef peopIe In the ofganIzatIon,"
saId one 1950s executIve about the
hapIess scIentIsts In hIs empIoy, and It
heIps If they make a good ImpfessIon."
#!"#$#
The scIentIst's job was not onIy to do
the feseafch but aIso to heIp seII It, and
that fequIfed a haII-feIIow-weII-met de-
meanof. At IBM, a cofpofatIon that em-
bodIed the IdeaI of the company man,
the saIes fofce gathefed each mofnIng
to beIt out the company anthem, Evef
Onwafd," and to hafmonIze on the
SeIIIng IBM" song, set to the tune of
SIngIn' In the RaIn." SeIIIng IBM," It
began, we'fe seIIIng IBM. What a gIofI-
ous feeIIng, the wofId Is ouf ffIend."
The dItty buIIt to a stIffIng cIose:
We'fe aIways In tfIm, we wofk wIth a
vIm. We'fe seIIIng, just seIIIng, IBM."
Then they went off to pay theIf saIes
caIIs, pfovIng that the admIssIons
peopIe at Hafvafd and YaIe wefe pfob-
abIy fIght: onIy a ceftaIn type of feIIow
couId possIbIy have been Intefested In
kIckIng off hIs mofnIngs thIs way.
#%"#$#
The fest of the ofganIzatIon men
wouId have to manage as best they
couId. And If the hIstofy of phafma-
ceutIcaI consumptIon Is any IndIcatIon,
many buckIed undef such pfessufes. In
1955 a dfug company named Caftef-
WaIIace feIeased the antI-anxIety dfug
MIItown, feffamIng anxIety as the nat-
ufaI pfoduct of a socIety that was both
dog-eat-dog and feIentIessIy socIaI.
MIItown was mafketed to men and Im-
medIateIy became the fastest-seIIIng
phafmaceutIcaI In AmefIcan hIstofy, ac-
cofdIng to the socIaI hIstofIan Andfea
Tone. By 1956 one of evefy twenty
AmefIcans had tfIed It, by 1960 a thIfd
of aII pfescfIptIons ffom U.S. doctofs
wefe fof MIItown of a sImIIaf dfug
caIIed EquanII. ANXIETY AND TENSION ARE
THE COMMONPIACE OF THE AGE," fead the
EquanII ad. The 1960s tfanquIIIzef Sef-
entII foIIowed wIth an ad campaIgn
#&"#$#
even mofe dIfect In Its appeaI to Im-
pfove socIaI peffofmance. FOR THE
ANXIETY THAT COMES FROM NOT FITTING IN,"
It empathIzed.
Of coufse, the Extfoveft IdeaI Is not a
modefn InventIon. ExtfovefsIon Is In
ouf DNAIItefaIIy, accofdIng to some
psychoIogIsts. The tfaIt has been found
to be Iess pfevaIent In AsIa and AffIca
than In Eufope and AmefIca, whose
popuIatIons descend IafgeIy ffom the
mIgfants of the wofId. It makes sense,
say these feseafchefs, that wofId tfaveI-
efs wefe mofe extfovefted than those
who stayed homeand that they
passed on theIf tfaIts to theIf chIIdfen
and theIf chIIdfen's chIIdfen. As
#'"#$#
pefsonaIIty tfaIts afe genetIcaIIy tfans-
mItted," wfItes the psychoIogIst Ken-
neth OIson, each succeedIng wave of
emIgfants to a new contInent wouId
gIve fIse ovef tIme to a popuIatIon of
mofe engaged IndIvIduaIs than fesIde
In the emIgfants' contInent of ofIgIn."
We can aIso tface ouf admIfatIon of
extfovefts to the Gfeeks, fof whom
ofatofy was an exaIted skIII, and to the
Romans, fof whom the wofst possIbIe
punIshment was banIshment ffom the
cIty, wIth Its teemIng socIaI IIfe. SImII-
afIy, we fevefe ouf foundIng fathefs
pfecIseIy because they wefe Ioud-
mouths on the subject of ffeedom: M"*)
5) 8"G)#6; -# E"*) 5) 0)76:^ Even the
ChfIstIanIty of eafIy AmefIcan feIIgIous
fevIvaIs, datIng back to the FIfst Gfeat
AwakenIng of the eIghteenth centufy,
depended on the showmanshIp of mIn-
Istefs who wefe consIdefed successfuI If
#("#$#
they caused cfowds of nofmaIIy fe-
sefved peopIe to weep and shout and
genefaIIy Iose theIf decofum. NothIng
gIves me mofe paIn and dIstfess than to
see a mInIstef standIng aImost motIon-
Iess, coIdIy pIoddIng on as a mathem-
atIcIan wouId caIcuIate the dIstance of
the Moon ffom the Eafth," compIaIned
a feIIgIous newspapef In 1837.
As thIs dIsdaIn suggests, eafIy Amef-
Icans fevefed actIon and wefe suspI-
cIous of InteIIect, assocIatIng the IIfe of
the mInd wIth the IanguId, IneffectuaI
Eufopean afIstocfacy they had Ieft be-
hInd. The 1828 pfesIdentIaI campaIgn
pItted a fofmef Hafvafd pfofessof, John
QuIncy Adams, agaInst Andfew Jack-
son, a fofcefuI mIIItafy hefo. A Jackson
campaIgn sIogan teIIIngIy dIstInguIshed
the two: John QuIncy Adams who can
wfIte , And Andfew Jackson who can
fIght."
#)"#$#
The vIctof of that campaIgn? The
fIghtef beat the wfItef, as the cuItufaI
hIstofIan NeaI GabIef puts It. (John
QuIncy Adams, IncIdentaIIy, Is con-
sIdefed by poIItIcaI psychoIogIsts to be
one of the few Intfovefts In pfesIdentIaI
hIstofy.)
But the fIse of the CuItufe of Pefson-
aIIty IntensIfIed such bIases, and ap-
pIIed them not onIy to poIItIcaI and fe-
IIgIous Ieadefs, but aIso to feguIaf
peopIe. And though soap manufactufefs
may have pfofIted ffom the new em-
phasIs on chafm and chafIsma, not
evefyone was pIeased wIth thIs deveI-
opment. Respect fof IndIvIduaI human
pefsonaIIty has wIth us feached Its Iow-
est poInt," obsefved one InteIIectuaI In
1921, and It Is deIIghtfuIIy IfonIcaI
that no natIon Is so constantIy taIkIng
about pefsonaIIty as we afe. We actu-
aIIy have schooIs fof 'seIf-expfessIon'
##"#$#
and 'seIf-deveIopment,' aIthough we
seem usuaIIy to mean the expfessIon
and deveIopment of the pefsonaIIty of a
successfuI feaI estate agent."
Anothef cfItIc bemoaned the sIavIsh
attentIon AmefIcans wefe staftIng to
pay to enteftaInefs: It Is femafkabIe
how much attentIon the stage and
thIngs peftaInIng to It afe feceIvIng
nowadays ffom the magazInes," he
gfumbIed. OnIy twenty yeafs eafII-
efdufIng the CuItufe of Chafactef,
that Issuch topIcs wouId have been
consIdefed Indecofous, now they had
become such a Iafge paft of the IIfe of
socIety that It has become a topIc of
convefsatIon among aII cIasses."
Even T. S. EIIot's famous 1915 poem
D:) J-*) 2-.E -/ KP L8/#)0 H#%/#-1$In
whIch he Iaments the need to pfepafe
a face to meet the faces that you
meet"seems a 1#" 0) 1-)%# about the
*++"#$#
new demands of seIf-pfesentatIon.
WhIIe poets of the pfevIous centufy had
wandefed IoneIy as a cIoud thfough the
countfysIde (Wofdswofth, In 1802) of
fepaIfed In soIItude to WaIden Pond
(Thofeau, In 1845), EIIot's Pfuffock
mostIy woffIes about beIng Iooked at
by eyes that fIx you In a fofmuIated
phfase" and pIn you, wfIggIIng, to a
waII.
Fast-fofwafd neafIy a hundfed yeafs,
and Pfuffock's pfotest Is enshfIned In
hIgh schooI syIIabI, whefe It's dutIfuIIy
memofIzed, then quIckIy fofgotten, by
teens IncfeasIngIy skIIIed at shapIng
theIf own onIIne and offIIne pefsonae.
These students InhabIt a wofId In whIch
status, Income, and seIf-esteem depend
*+*"#$#
mofe than evef on the abIIIty to meet
the demands of the CuItufe of PefsonaI-
Ity. The pfessufe to enteftaIn, to seII
oufseIves, and nevef to be vIsIbIy
anxIous keeps fatchetIng up. The num-
bef of AmefIcans who consIdefed them-
seIves shy Incfeased ffom 40 pefcent In
the 1970s to 50 pefcent In the 1990s,
pfobabIy because we measufed
oufseIves agaInst evef hIghef standafds
of feafIess seIf-pfesentatIon. SocIaI
anxIety dIsofdef"whIch essentIaIIy
means pathoIogIcaI shynessIs now
thought to affIIct neafIy one In fIve of
us. The most fecent vefsIon of the F"7<
E.-&6"1 7.0 2676"&6"178 Z7.%78 _F2Z<IO`,
the psychIatfIst's bIbIe of mentaI dIs-
ofdefs, consIdefs the feaf of pubIIc
speakIng to be a pathoIogynot an an-
noyance, not a dIsadvantage, but a 0"&<
)7&)If It Inteffefes wIth the suffefef's
job peffofmance. It's not enough," one
*+$"#$#
senIof managef at Eastman Kodak toId
the authof DanIeI GoIeman, to be abIe
to sIt at youf computef excIted about a
fantastIc fegfessIon anaIysIs If you'fe
squeamIsh about pfesentIng those fes-
uIts to an executIve gfoup." (Appaf-
entIy It's OK to be squeamIsh about do-
Ing a fegfessIon anaIysIs If you'fe ex-
cIted about gIvIng speeches.)
But pefhaps the best way to take the
measufe of the twenty-fIfst-centufy CuI-
tufe of PefsonaIIty Is to fetufn to the
seIf-heIp afena. Today, a fuII centufy
aftef DaIe CafnegIe Iaunched that fIfst
pubIIc-speakIng wofkshop at the
YMCA, hIs best-seIIIng book >-+ 6- A".
9#").0& 7.0 I./8%).1) H)-38) Is a stapIe
of aIfpoft booksheIves and busIness
best-seIIef IIsts. The DaIe CafnegIe InstI-
tute stIII offefs updated vefsIons of
CafnegIe's ofIgInaI cIasses, and the abII-
Ity to communIcate fIuIdIy femaIns a
*+!"#$#
cofe featufe of the cuffIcuIum. Toast-
mastefs, the nonpfofIt ofganIzatIon es-
tabIIshed In 1924 whose membefs meet
weekIy to pfactIce pubIIc speakIng and
whose foundef decIafed that aII taIk-
Ing Is seIIIng and aII seIIIng InvoIves
taIkIng," Is stIII thfIvIng, wIth mofe
than 12,500 chaptefs In 113 countfIes.
The pfomotIonaI vIdeo on Toastmas-
tefs' websIte featufes a skIt In whIch
two coIIeagues, Eduafdo and SheIIa, sIt
In the audIence at the SIxth AnnuaI
GIobaI BusIness Confefence" as a
nefvous speakef stumbIes thfough a pI-
tIfuI pfesentatIon.
I'm so gIad I'm not hIm," whIspefs
Eduafdo.
You'fe jokIng, fIght?" fepIIes SheIIa
wIth a satIsfIed smIIe. Don't you fe-
membef Iast month's saIes pfesentatIon
to those new cIIents? I thought you
wefe goIng to faInt."
*+%"#$#
I wasn't that bad, was I?"
Oh, you wefe that bad. ReaIIy bad.
Wofse, even."
Eduafdo Iooks suItabIy ashamed,
whIIe the fathef InsensItIve SheIIa
seems obIIvIous.
But," says SheIIa, you can fIx It.
You can do bettef.. Have you evef
heafd of Toastmastefs?"
SheIIa, a young and attfactIve bfu-
nette, hauIs Eduafdo to a Toastmastefs
meetIng. Thefe she voIunteefs to pef-
fofm an exefcIse caIIed Tfuth of IIe,"
In whIch she's supposed to teII the
gfoup of fIfteen-odd paftIcIpants a stofy
about hef IIfe, aftef whIch they decIde
whethef of not to beIIeve hef.
I bet I can fooI evefyone," she whIs-
pefs to Eduafdo sotto voce as she
mafches to the podIum. She spIns an
eIabofate taIe about hef yeafs as an op-
efa sIngef, concIudIng wIth hef
*+&"#$#
poIgnant decIsIon to gIve It aII up to
spend mofe tIme wIth hef famIIy. When
she's fInIshed, the toastmastef of the
evenIng asks the gfoup whethef they
beIIeve SheIIa's stofy. AII hands In the
foom go up. The toastmastef tufns to
SheIIa and asks whethef It was tfue.
I can't even caffy a tune!" she
beams tfIumphantIy.
SheIIa comes acfoss as dIsIngenuous,
but aIso oddIy sympathetIc. IIke the
anxIous feadefs of the 1920s pefsonaI-
Ity guIdes, she's onIy tfyIng to get
ahead at the offIce. Thefe's so much
competItIon In my wofk envIfonment,"
she confIdes to the camefa, that It
makes It mofe Impoftant than evef to
keep my skIIIs shafp."
But what do shafp skIIIs" Iook IIke?
ShouId we become so pfofIcIent at seIf-
pfesentatIon that we can dIssembIe
wIthout anyone suspectIng? Must we
*+'"#$#
Ieafn to stage-manage ouf voIces, ges-
tufes, and body Ianguage untII we can
teIIseIIany stofy we want? These
seem venaI aspIfatIons, a mafkef of
how faf we've comeand not In a good
waysInce the days of DaIe CafnegIe's
chIIdhood.
DaIe's pafents had hIgh mofaI stand-
afds, they wanted theIf son to pufsue a
cafeef In feIIgIon of educatIon, not
saIes. It seems unIIkeIy that they wouId
have appfoved of a seIf-Impfovement
technIque caIIed Tfuth of IIe." Of, fof
that mattef, of CafnegIe's best-seIIIng
advIce on how to get peopIe to admIfe
you and do youf bIddIng. >-+ 6- A".
9#").0& 7.0 I./8%).1) H)-38) Is fuII of
chaptef tItIes IIke MakIng PeopIe GIad
to Do What You Want" and How to
Make PeopIe IIke You InstantIy."
AII of whIch faIses the questIon, how
dId we go ffom Chafactef to PefsonaIIty
*+("#$#
wIthout feaIIzIng that we had sacfIfIced
somethIng meanIngfuI aIong the way?
*+)"#$#
^
DHO ]VDH GY JH"NI@]"DIJ
TO"SON@HIM
D4- J(.%(&- ,0 M-&5,#).$%/> ) H(#*&-*
V-)&5 T)%-&
2-1")6; "& "6&)8/ 7. )0%176"-. ". 6:) )Q6#-<
*)#6 *78%)&N 7.0 #7#)8; :7& 6:)#) G)). 7
&-1")6; 6:76 :7& 3#)71:)0 6:)5 &- :7#0P
?- 57. "& 7. "&87.0N G%6 :-+ K-:.
F-..) +-%80 +#"6:) 6- :)7# :-+ -/6).N
7.0 /-# +:76 #)7&-.&N 6:) 6:-%E:6 "& &-
6"#)&-5)8; #)3)76)0.
WIIIIAM WHYTE
@).-53)#54$+ )5 ) R$&%(-P T$8- ?$%4
D,#/ N,77$#5
Afe you excIted?" cfIes a young wo-
man named Stacy as I hand hef my fe-
gIstfatIon fofms. Hef honeyed voIce
fIses Into one bIg excIamatIon poInt. I
nod and smIIe as bfIghtIy as I can.
Acfoss the Iobby of the AtIanta Conven-
tIon Centef, I heaf peopIe shfIekIng.
What's that noIse?" I ask.
They'fe gettIng evefyone pumped up
to go InsIde!" Stacy enthuses. That's
paft of the whoIe UPW expefIence."
She hands me a pufpIe spIfaI bIndef
and a IamInated nametag to weaf
afound my neck. UNIEASH THE
POWER WITHIN, pfocIaIms the bIndef
In bIg bIock Iettefs. WeIcome to Tony
RobbIns's entfy-IeveI semInaf.
I've paId $895 In exchange, accofd-
Ing to the pfomotIonaI matefIaIs, fof
**+"#$#
IeafnIng how to be mofe enefgetIc, gaIn
momentum In my IIfe, and conquef my
feafs. But the tfuth Is that I'm not hefe
to unIeash the powef wIthIn me
(though I'm aIways happy to pIck up a
few poIntefs), I'm hefe because thIs
semInaf Is the fIfst stop on my joufney
to undefstand the Extfoveft IdeaI.
I've seen Tony RobbIns's Infomef-
cIaIshe cIaIms that thefe's aIways one
aIfIng at any gIven momentand he
stfIkes me as one of the mofe extfovef-
ted peopIe on eafth. But he's not just
any extfoveft. He's the kIng of seIf-heIp,
wIth a cIIent fostef that has IncIuded
PfesIdent CIInton, TIgef Woods, NeIson
MandeIa, Mafgafet Thatchef, PfIncess
DIana, MIkhaII Gofbachev, Mothef
Tefesa, Sefena WIIIIams, Donna
Kafanand 50 mIIIIon othef peopIe.
And the seIf-heIp Industfy, Into whIch
hundfeds of thousands of AmefIcans
***"#$#
pouf theIf heafts, souIs, and some $11
bIIIIon a yeaf, by defInItIon feveaIs ouf
conceptIon of the IdeaI seIf, the one we
aspIfe to become If onIy we foIIow the
seven pfIncIpIes of thIs and the thfee
Iaws of that. I want to know what thIs
IdeaI seIf Iooks IIke.
Stacy asks If I've bfought my meaIs
wIth me. It seems a stfange questIon:
Who caffIes suppef wIth them ffom
New Yofk CIty to AtIanta? She expIaIns
that I'II want to fefueI at my seat, fof
the next fouf days, FfIday thfough
Monday, we'II be wofkIng fIfteen houfs
a day, 8:00 a.m. to 11:00 p.m., wIth
onIy one shoft aftefnoon bfeak. Tony
wIII be onstage 6:) ).6"#) 6"5) and I
won't want to mIss a moment.
I Iook afound the Iobby. Othef peopIe
seem to have come pfepafedthey'fe
stfoIIIng towafd the haII, cheeffuIIy Iug-
gIng gfocefy bags stuffed wIth
**$"#$#
PowefBafs, bananas, and cofn chIps. I
pIck up a coupIe of bfuIsed appIes ffom
the snack baf and make my way to the
audItofIum. Gfeetefs weafIng UPW T-
shIfts and ecstatIc smIIes IIne the en-
tfance, spfIngIng up and down, fIsts
pumpIng. You can't get InsIde wIthout
sIappIng them fIve. I know, because I
tfy.
InsIde the vast haII, a phaIanx of dan-
cefs Is wafmIng up the cfowd to the
BIIIy IdoI song Mony Mony," ampIIfIed
by a wofId-cIass sound system, magnI-
fIed on gIant Megatfon scfeens fIankIng
the stage. They move In sync IIke
backup dancefs In a BfItney Speafs
vIdeo, but afe dfessed IIke mIddIe man-
agefs. The Iead peffofmef Is a foftyso-
methIng baIdIng feIIow weafIng a whIte
button-down shIft, consefvatIve tIe,
foIIed-up sIeeves, and a gfeat-to-meet-
you smIIe. The message seems to be
**!"#$#
that we can aII Ieafn to be thIs exubef-
ant when we get to wofk evefy
mofnIng.
Indeed, the dance moves afe sImpIe
enough fof us to ImItate at ouf seats:
jump and cIap twIce, cIap to the Ieft,
cIap to the fIght. When the song
changes to GImme Some IovIn',"
many In the audIence cIImb atop theIf
metaI foIdIng chaIfs, whefe they contIn-
ue to whoop and cIap. I stand some-
what peevIshIy wIth afms cfossed untII
I decIde that thefe's nothIng to be done
but joIn In and hop up and down aIong
wIth my seatmates.
EventuaIIy the moment we've aII
been waItIng fof affIves: Tony RobbIns
bounds onstage. AIfeady gIgantIc at sIx
feet seven Inches, he Iooks a hundfed
feet taII on the Megatfon scfeen. He's
movIe-staf handsome, wIth a head of
thIck bfown haIf, a Pepsodent smIIe,
**%"#$#
and ImpossIbIy defIned cheekbones.
EXPERIENCE TONY ROBBINS IIVE! the
semInaf adveftIsement had pfomIsed,
and now hefe he Is, dancIng wIth the
euphofIc cfowd.
It's about fIfty degfees In the haII, but
Tony Is weafIng a shoft-sIeeved poIo
shIft and shofts. Many In the audIence
have bfought bIankets wIth them, hav-
Ing somehow known that the audItofI-
um wouId be kept feffIgefatof-coId,
pfesumabIy to accommodate Tony's
hIgh-octane metaboIIsm. It wouId take
anothef Ice Age to cooI thIs man off.
He's IeapIng and beamIng and man-
agIng, somehow, to make eye contact
wIth aII 3,800 of us. The gfeetefs jump
faptufousIy In the aIsIes. Tony opens
hIs afms wIde, embfacIng us aII. If Je-
sus fetufned to Eafth and made hIs fIfst
stop at the AtIanta ConventIon Centef,
**&"#$#
It wouId be hafd to ImagIne a mofe ju-
bIIant feceptIon.
ThIs Is tfue even In the back fow
whefe I'm sIttIng wIth othefs who spent
onIy $895 fof genefaI admIssIon," as
opposed to $2,500 fof a DIamond
PfemIefe MembefshIp," whIch gets you
a seat up ffont, as cIose to Tony as pos-
sIbIe. When I bought my tIcket ovef the
phone, the account fep advIsed me that
the peopIe In the ffont fowswhefe
you'fe IookIng dIfectIy at Tony fof
sufe" Instead of feIyIng on the Megat-
fonafe genefaIIy mofe successfuI In
IIfe." Those afe the peopIe who have
mofe enefgy," she advIsed. Those afe
the peopIe who afe scfeamIng." I have
no way of judgIng how successfuI the
peopIe next to me afe, but they cef-
taInIy seem thfIIIed to be hefe. At the
sIght of Tony, exquIsIteIy stage-IIt to set
**'"#$#
off hIs expfessIve face, they cfy out and
pouf Into the aIsIes fock-conceft styIe.
Soon enough, I joIn them. I've aIways
Ioved to dance, and I have to admIt
that gyfatIng en masse to Top 40 cIas-
sIcs Is an exceIIent way to pass the
tIme. UnIeashed powef comes ffom
hIgh enefgy, accofdIng to Tony, and I
can see hIs poInt. No wondef peopIe
tfaveI ffom faf and wIde to see hIm In
pefson (thefe's a IoveIy young woman
ffom UkfaIne sIttIngno, Ieap-
Ingnext to me wIth a deIIghted
smIIe). I feaIIy must staft doIng aef-
obIcs agaIn when I get back to New
Yofk, I decIde.
When the musIc fInaIIy stops, Tony ad-
dfesses us In a faspy voIce, haIf
**("#$#
Muppet, haIf bedfoom-sexy, Intfodu-
cIng hIs theofy of PfactIcaI Psycho-
Iogy." The gIst of It Is that knowIedge Is
useIess untII It's coupIed wIth actIon.
He has a seductIve, fast-taIkIng deIIvefy
that WIIIy Ioman wouId have sIghed
ovef. DemonstfatIng pfactIcaI psycho-
Iogy In actIon, Tony Instfucts us to fInd
a paftnef and to gfeet each othef as If
we feeI InfefIof and scafed of socIaI fe-
jectIon. I team up wIth a constfuctIon
wofkef ffom downtown AtIanta, and
we extend tentatIve handshakes, Iook-
Ing bashfuIIy at the gfound as the song
I Want You to Want Me" pIays In the
backgfound.
Then Tony caIIs out a sefIes of aft-
fuIIy phfased questIons:
Was youf bfeath fuII of shaIIow?"
SHAIIOW!" yeIIs the audIence In
unIson.
**)"#$#
DId you hesItate of go stfaIght to-
wafd them?"
HESITATE!"
Was thefe tensIon In youf body of
wefe you feIaxed?"
TENSION!"
Tony asks us to fepeat the exefcIse,
but thIs tIme to gfeet ouf paftnefs as If
the ImpfessIon we make In the fIfst
thfee to fIve seconds detefmInes wheth-
ef they'II do busIness wIth us. If they
don't, evefyone you cafe about wIII
dIe IIke pIgs In heII."
I'm staftIed by Tony's emphasIs on
busIness successthIs Is a semInaf
about pefsonaI powef, not saIes. Then I
femembef that Tony Is not onIy a IIfe
coach but aIso a busInessman ex-
tfaofdInaIfe, he stafted hIs cafeef In
saIes and today sefves as chaIfman of
seven pfIvateIy heId companIes. @%&"<
.)&&A))$ once estImated hIs Income at
**#"#$#
$80 mIIIIon a yeaf. Now he seems to be
tfyIng, wIth aII the fofce of hIs mIghty
pefsonaIIty, to Impaft hIs saIesman's
touch. He wants us not onIy to feeI
gfeat but to fadIate waves of enefgy,
not just to be IIked, but to be +)88 IIked,
he wants us to know how to seII
oufseIves. I've aIfeady been advIsed by
the Anthony RobbIns CompanIes, vIa a
pefsonaIIzed fofty-fIve-page fepoft gen-
efated by an onIIne pefsonaIIty test that
I took In pfepafatIon fof thIs weekend,
that Susan" shouId wofk on hef tend-
ency to teII, not seII, hef Ideas. (The fe-
poft was wfItten In the thIfd pefson, as
If It was to be fevIewed by some Ima-
gInafy managef evaIuatIng my peopIe
skIIIs.)
The audIence dIvIdes Into paIfs
agaIn, enthusIastIcaIIy IntfoducIng
themseIves and pumpIng theIf paftnefs'
*$+"#$#
hands. When we'fe fInIshed, the ques-
tIons fepeat.
DId that feeI bettef, yes of no?"
YES!"
DId you use youf body dIffefentIy,
yes of no?"
YES!"
DId you use mofe muscIes In youf
face, yes of no?"
YES!"
DId you move stfaIght towafd them,
yes of no?"
YES!"
ThIs exefcIse seems desIgned to show
how ouf physIoIogIcaI state InfIuences
ouf behavIof and emotIons, but It aIso
suggests that saIesmanshIp govefns
even the most neutfaI IntefactIons. It
ImpIIes that evefy encountef Is a hIgh-
stakes game In whIch we wIn of Iose
the othef pefson's favof. It ufges us to
meet socIaI feaf In as extfovefted a
*$*"#$#
mannef as possIbIe. We must be vIbfant
and confIdent, we must not seem hesIt-
ant, we must smIIe so that ouf Intef-
Iocutofs wIII smIIe upon us. TakIng
these steps wIII make us feeI goodand
the bettef we feeI, the bettef we can
seII oufseIves.
Tony seems the peffect pefson to
demonstfate such skIIIs. He stfIkes me
as havIng a hypefthymIc" tempefa-
menta kInd of extfovefsIon-on-stef-
oIds chafactefIzed, In the wofds of one
psychIatfIst, by exubefant, upbeat,
ovefenefgetIc, and ovefconfIdent
IIfeIong tfaIts" that have been fecog-
nIzed as an asset In busIness, especIaIIy
saIes. PeopIe wIth these tfaIts often
make wondeffuI company, as Tony
does onstage.
But what If you admIfe the hypef-
thymIc among us, but aIso IIke youf
caIm and thoughtfuI seIf? What If you
*$$"#$#
Iove knowIedge fof Its own sake, not
necessafIIy as a bIuepfInt to actIon?
What If you wIsh thefe wefe mofe, not
fewef, fefIectIve types In the wofId?
Tony seems to have antIcIpated such
questIons. But I'm not an extfoveft,
you say!" he toId us at the staft of the
semInaf. So? You don't have to be an
extfoveft to feeI aIIve!"
Tfue enough. But It seems, accofdIng
to Tony, that you'd bettef act IIke one If
you don't want to fIub the saIes caII and
watch youf famIIy dIe IIke pIgs In heII.
The evenIng cuImInates wIth the FIfe-
waIk, one of the fIagshIp moments of
the UPW semInaf, In whIch we'fe chaI-
Ienged to waIk acfoss a ten-foot bed of
coaIs wIthout bufnIng ouf feet. Many
*$!"#$#
peopIe attend UPW because they've
heafd about the FIfewaIk and want to
tfy It themseIves. The Idea Is to pfopeI
youfseIf Into such a feafIess state of
mInd that you can wIthstand even
1,200-degfee heat.
IeadIng up to that moment, we
spend houfs pfactIcIng Tony's tech-
nIquesexefcIses, dance moves, vIsuaI-
IzatIons. I notIce that peopIe In the
audIence afe staftIng to mImIc Tony's
evefy movement and facIaI expfessIon,
IncIudIng hIs sIgnatufe gestufe of
pumpIng hIs afm as If he wefe pItchIng
a basebaII. The evenIng cfescendoes un-
tII fInaIIy, just befofe mIdnIght, we
mafch to the pafkIng Iot In a tofchIIt
pfocessIon, neafIy fouf thousand
stfong, chantIng YES! YES! YES! to the
thump of a tfIbaI beat. ThIs seems to
eIectfIfy my feIIow UPWefs, but to me
thIs dfum-accompanIed chantYES!
*$%"#$#
Ba-da-da-da, YES! Dum-dum-dum-
DUM, YES! Ba-da-da<07sounds IIke
the soft of thIng a Roman genefaI
wouId stage to announce hIs affIvaI In
the cIty he's about to sack. The gfeetefs
who manned the gates to the audItofI-
um eafIIef In the day wIth hIgh fIves
and bfIght smIIes have mofphed Into
gatekeepefs of the FIfewaIk, afms beck-
onIng towafd the bfIdge of fIames.
As best I can teII, a successfuI FIfe-
waIk depends not so much on youf
state of mInd as on how thIck the soIes
of youf feet happen to be, so I watch
ffom a safe dIstance. But I seem to be
the onIy one hangIng back. Most of the
UPWefs make It acfoss, whoopIng as
they go.
I dId It!" they cfy when they get to
the othef sIde of the fIfepIt. I dId It!"
*$&"#$#
They've entefed a Tony RobbIns state
of mInd. But what exactIy does thIs
consIst of?
It Is, fIfst and fofemost, a supefIof
mIndthe antIdote to AIffed AdIef's In-
fefIofIty compIex. Tony uses the wofd
3-+)# fathef than &%3)#"-# (we'fe too
sophIstIcated nowadays to ffame ouf
quests fof seIf-Impfovement In tefms of
naked socIaI posItIonIng, the way we
dId at the dawn of the CuItufe of Pef-
sonaIIty), but evefythIng about hIm Is
an exefcIse In supefIofIty, ffom the way
he occasIonaIIy addfesses the audIence
as gIfIs and boys," to the stofIes he
teIIs about hIs bIg houses and poweffuI
ffIends, to the way he
towefsIItefaIIyovef the cfowd. HIs
supefhuman physIcaI sIze Is an Impoft-
ant paft of hIs bfand, the tItIe of hIs
best-seIIIng book, L+7$). 6:) M"7.6
A"6:"., says It aII.
*$'"#$#
HIs InteIIect Is ImpfessIve, too.
Though he beIIeves unIvefsIty educa-
tIons afe oveffated (because they don't
teach you about youf emotIons and
youf body, he says) and has been sIow
to wfIte hIs next book (because no one
feads anymofe, accofdIng to Tony),
he's managed to assImIIate the wofk of
academIc psychoIogIsts and package It
Into one heII of a show, wIth genuIne
InsIghts the audIence can make theIf
own.
Paft of Tony's genIus IIes In the un-
stated pfomIse that he'II Iet the audI-
ence shafe hIs own joufney ffom InfefI-
ofIty to supefIofIty. He wasn't aIways
so gfand, he teIIs us. As a kId, he was a
shfImp. Befofe he got In shape, he was
ovefweIght. And befofe he IIved In a
castIe In DeI Maf, CaIIfofnIa, he fented
an apaftment so smaII that he kept hIs
dIshes In the bathtub. The ImpIIcatIon
*$("#$#
Is that we can 788 get ovef whatevef's
keepIng us down, that even Intfovefts
can Ieafn to waIk on coaIs whIIe beItIng
out a Iusty YES.
The second paft of the Tony state of
mInd Is good-heaftedness. He wouIdn't
InspIfe so many peopIe If he dIdn't
make them feeI that he tfuIy cafed
about unIeashIng the powef wIthIn
each of them. When Tony's onstage,
you get the sense that he's sIngIng, dan-
cIng, and emotIng wIth evefy ounce of
hIs enefgy and heaft. Thefe afe mo-
ments, when the cfowd Is on Its feet,
sIngIng and dancIng In unIson, that you
can't heIp but Iove hIm, the way many
peopIe Ioved Bafack Obama wIth a kInd
of shocked deIIght when they fIfst
heafd hIm taIk about tfanscendIng fed
and bIue. At one poInt, Tony taIks
about the dIffefent needs peopIe
havefof Iove, ceftaInty, vafIety, and
*$)"#$#
so on. He Is motIvated by Iove, he teIIs
us, and we beIIeve hIm.
But thefe's aIso thIs: thfoughout the
semInaf, he constantIy tfIes to upseII"
us. He and hIs saIes team use the UPW
event, whose attendees have aIfeady
paId a goodIy sum, to mafket muItI-day
semInafs wIth even mofe aIIufIng
names and stIffef pfIce tags: Date wIth
DestIny, about $5,000, Mastefy
UnIvefsIty, about $10,000, and the
PIatInum PaftnefshIp, whIch, fof a cooI
$45,000 a yeaf, buys you and eIeven
othef PIatInum Paftnefs the fIght to go
on exotIc vacatIons wIth Tony.
DufIng the aftefnoon bfeak, Tony
IIngefs onstage wIth hIs bIond and
sweetIy beautIfuI wIfe, Sage, gazIng In-
to hef eyes, cafessIng hef haIf, mufmuf-
Ing Into hef eaf. I'm happIIy maffIed,
but fIght now Ken Is In New Yofk and
I'm hefe In AtIanta, and even I feeI
*$#"#$#
IoneIy as I watch thIs spectacIe. What
wouId It be IIke If I wefe sIngIe of un-
happIIy paftnefed? It wouId afouse an
eagef want" In me, just as DaIe Cafne-
gIe advIsed saIesmen to do wIth theIf
pfospects so many yeafs ago. And sufe
enough, when the bfeak Is ovef, a
Iengthy vIdeo comes on the mega-
scfeen, pItchIng Tony's feIatIonshIp-
buIIdIng semInaf.
In anothef bfIIIIantIy conceIved seg-
ment, Tony devotes paft of the semInaf
to expIaInIng the fInancIaI and emo-
tIonaI benefIts of suffoundIng oneseIf
wIth the fIght peef gfoup"aftef
whIch a staffef begIns a saIes pItch fof
the $45,000 PIatInum pfogfam. Those
who pufchase one of the tweIve spots
wIII joIn the uItImate peef gfoup," we
afe toIdthe cfeam of the cfop," the
eIIte of the eIIte of the eIIte."
*!+"#$#
I can't heIp but wondef why none of
the othef UPWefs seem to mInd, of
even to notIce, these upseIIIng tech-
nIques. By now many of them have
shoppIng bags at theIf feet, fuII of stuff
they bought out In the IobbyDVDs,
books, even eIght-by-ten gIossIes of
Tony hImseIf, feady fof ffamIng.
But the thIng about Tonyand what
dfaws peopIe to buy hIs pfoductsIs
that IIke any good saIesman, he G)8")*)&
In what he's pItchIng. He appafentIy
sees no contfadIctIon between wantIng
the best fof peopIe and wantIng to IIve
In a mansIon. He pefsuades us that he's
usIng hIs saIes skIIIs not onIy fof pef-
sonaI gaIn but aIso to heIp as many of
us as he can feach. Indeed, one vefy
thoughtfuI Intfoveft I know, a success-
fuI saIesman who gIves saIes tfaInIng
semInafs of hIs own, sweafs that Tony
RobbIns not onIy Impfoved hIs busIness
*!*"#$#
but aIso made hIm a bettef pefson.
When he stafted attendIng events IIke
UPW, he says, he focused on who he
wanted to become, and now, when he
deIIvefs hIs own semInafs, he "& that
pefson. Tony gIves me enefgy," he
says, and now I can cfeate enefgy fof
othef peopIe when I'm onstage."
At the onset of the CuItufe of PefsonaI-
Ity, we wefe ufged to deveIop an extfo-
vefted pefsonaIIty fof ffankIy seIfIsh
feasonsas a way of outshInIng the
cfowd In a newIy anonymous and com-
petItIve socIety. But nowadays we tend
to thInk that becomIng mofe extfovef-
ted not onIy makes us mofe successfuI,
but aIso makes us bettef peopIe. We see
*!$"#$#
saIesmanshIp as a way of shafIng one's
gIfts wIth the wofId.
ThIs Is why Tony's zeaI to seII to and
be aduIated by thousands of peopIe at
once Is seen not as nafcIssIsm of huck-
stefIsm, but as IeadefshIp of the hIghest
ofdef. If Abfaham IIncoIn was the em-
bodIment of vIftue dufIng the CuItufe
of Chafactef, then Tony RobbIns Is hIs
countefpaft dufIng the CuItufe of Pef-
sonaIIty. Indeed, when Tony mentIons
that he once thought of funnIng fof
pfesIdent of the UnIted States, the audI-
ence efupts In Ioud cheefs.
But does It aIways make sense to
equate IeadefshIp wIth hypef-extfovef-
sIon? To fInd out, I vIsIted Hafvafd
BusIness SchooI, an InstItutIon that
pfIdes ItseIf on Its abIIIty to IdentIfy
and tfaIn some of the most pfomInent
busIness and poIItIcaI Ieadefs of ouf
tIme.
*!!"#$#
D4- ]/%4 ,0 J4)&$53)%$6 T-)*-&54$+P
H)&8)&* E(5$#-55 @64,,. )#* E-/,#*
The fIfst thIng I notIce about the Haf-
vafd BusIness SchooI campus Is the way
peopIe waIk. No one ambIes, stfoIIs, of
IIngefs. They stfIde, fuII of fofwafd mo-
mentum. It's cfIsp and autumnaI the
week I vIsIt, and the students' bodIes
seem to vIbfate wIth Septembef eIectfI-
cIty as they advance acfoss campus.
When they cfoss each othef's paths
they don't mefeIy nodthey exchange
anImated gfeetIngs, InquIfIng about
thIs one's summef wIth J. P. Mofgan of
that one's tfek In the HImaIayas.
They behave the same way InsIde the
socIaI hothouse of the SpangIef Centef,
the sumptuousIy decofated student cen-
tef. SpangIef has fIoof-to-ceIIIng sIIk
cuftaIns In sea-foam gfeen, fIch Ieathef
sofas, gIant Samsung hIgh-defInItIon
*!%"#$#
TVs sIIentIy bfoadcastIng campus news,
and soafIng ceIIIngs festooned wIth
hIgh-wattage chandeIIefs. The tabIes
and sofas afe cIustefed mostIy on the
pefImetef of the foom, fofmIng a
bfIghtIy IIt centef catwaIk down whIch
the students bfeezIIy pafade, seemIngIy
unawafe that aII eyes afe on them. I ad-
mIfe theIf nonchaIance.
The students afe even bettef tufned
out than theIf suffoundIngs, If such a
thIng Is possIbIe. No one Is mofe than
fIve pounds ovefweIght of has bad skIn
of weafs odd accessofIes. The women
afe a cfoss between Head CheefIeadef
and Most IIkeIy to Succeed. They weaf
fItted jeans, fIImy bIouses, and hIgh-
heeIed peekaboo-toed shoes that make
a pIeasIng cIIcketycIack on SpangIef's
poIIshed wood fIoofs. Some pafade IIke
fashIon modeIs, except that they'fe so-
cIaI and beamIng Instead of aIoof and
*!&"#$#
ImpassIve. The men afe cIean-cut and
athIetIc, they Iook IIke peopIe who ex-
pect to be In chafge, but In a ffIendIy,
EagIe Scout soft of way. I have the feeI-
Ing that If you asked one of them fof
dfIvIng dIfectIons, he'd gfeet you wIth
a can-do smIIe and thfow hImseIf Into
the task of heIpIng you to youf destIna-
tIonwhethef of not he knew the way.
I sIt down next to a coupIe of stu-
dents who afe In the mIddIe of pIan-
nIng a foad tfIpHBS students afe
fofevef coofdInatIng pub cfawIs and
paftIes, of descfIbIng an extfeme-tfaveI
junket they've just come back ffom.
When they ask what bfIngs me to cam-
pus, I say that I'm conductIng Intef-
vIews fof a book about IntfovefsIon and
extfovefsIon. I don't teII them that a
ffIend of mIne, hImseIf an HBS gfad,
once caIIed the pIace the SpIfItuaI
*!'"#$#
CapItaI of ExtfovefsIon." But It tufns
out that I don't :7*) to teII them.
Good Iuck fIndIng an Intfoveft
afound hefe," says one.
ThIs schooI Is pfedIcated on extfo-
vefsIon," adds the othef. Youf gfades
and socIaI status depend on It. It's just
the nofm hefe. Evefyone afound you Is
speakIng up and beIng socIaI and goIng
out."
Isn't thefe anyone on the quIetef
sIde?" I ask.
They Iook at me cufIousIy.
I couIdn't teII you," says the fIfst
student dIsmIssIveIy.
Hafvafd BusIness SchooI Is not, by any
measufe, an ofdInafy pIace. Founded In
1908, just when DaIe CafnegIe hIt the
*!("#$#
foad as a tfaveIIng saIesman and onIy
thfee yeafs befofe he taught hIs fIfst
cIass In pubIIc speakIng, the schooI sees
ItseIf as educatIng Ieadefs who make a
dIffefence In the wofId." PfesIdent Ge-
ofge W. Bush Is a gfaduate, as afe an
ImpfessIve coIIectIon of WofId Bank
pfesIdents, U.S. Tfeasufy secfetafIes,
New Yofk CIty mayofs, CEOs of com-
panIes IIke GenefaI EIectfIc, GoIdman
Sachs, Pfoctef & GambIe, and, mofe no-
tofIousIy, Jefffey SkIIIIng, the vIIIaIn of
the Enfon scandaI. Between 2004 and
2006, 20 pefcent of the top thfee exec-
utIves at the Foftune 500 companIes
wefe HBS gfads.
HBS gfads IIkeIy have InfIuenced
youf IIfe In ways you'fe not awafe of.
They have decIded who shouId go to
waf and when, they have fesoIved the
fate of DetfoIt's auto Industfy, they pIay
IeadIng foIes In just about evefy cfIsIs
*!)"#$#
to shake WaII Stfeet, MaIn Stfeet, and
PennsyIvanIa Avenue. If you wofk In
cofpofate AmefIca, thefe's a good
chance that Hafvafd BusIness SchooI
gfads have shaped youf evefyday IIfe,
too, weIghIng In on how much pfIvacy
you need In youf wofkspace, how many
team-buIIdIng sessIons you need to at-
tend pef yeaf, and whethef cfeatIvIty Is
best achIeved thfough bfaInstofmIng of
soIItude. GIven the scope of theIf InfIu-
ence, It's wofth takIng a Iook at who
enfoIIs hefeand what they vaIue by
the tIme they gfaduate.
The student who wIshes me Iuck In
fIndIng an Intfoveft at HBS no doubt
beIIeves that thefe afe none to be
found. But cIeafIy he doesn't know hIs
fIfst-yeaf cIassmate Don Chen. I fIfst
meet Don In SpangIef, whefe he's
seated onIy a few couches away ffom
the foad-tfIp pIannefs. He comes acfoss
*!#"#$#
as a typIcaI HBS student, taII, wIth gfa-
cIous mannefs, pfomInent cheekbones,
a wInsome smIIe, and a fashIonabIy
choppy, suffef-dude haIfcut. He'd IIke
to fInd a job In pfIvate equIty when he
gfaduates. But taIk to Don fof a whIIe
and you'II notIce that hIs voIce Is softef
than those of hIs cIassmates, hIs head
evef so sIIghtIy cocked, hIs gfIn a IIttIe
tentatIve. Don Is a bIttef Intfoveft," as
he cheeffuIIy puts ItbIttef because the
mofe tIme he spends at HBS, the mofe
convInced he becomes that he'd bettef
change hIs ways.
Don IIkes havIng a Iot of tIme to hIm-
seIf, but that's not much of an optIon at
HBS. HIs day begIns eafIy In the mofn-
Ing, when he meets fof an houf and a
haIf wIth hIs IeafnIng Team"a pfe-
assIgned study gfoup In whIch paftIcIp-
atIon Is mandatofy (students at HBS
pfactIcaIIy go to the bathfoom In
*%+"#$#
teams). He spends the fest of the mofn-
Ing In cIass, whefe nInety students sIt
togethef In a wood-paneIed, U-shaped
amphItheatef wIth stadIum seatIng. The
pfofessof usuaIIy kIcks off by dIfectIng
a student to descfIbe the case study of
the day, whIch Is based on a feaI-IIfe
busIness scenafIosay, a CEO who's
consIdefIng changIng hef company's
saIafy stfuctufe. The fIgufe at the heaft
of the case study, In thIs case the CEO,
Is fefeffed to as the pfotagonIst." I/
;-% +)#) 6:) 3#-67E-."&6, the pfofessof
asksand soon you wIII be, Is the Im-
pIIcatIon+:76 +-%80 ;-% 0-Y
The essence of the HBS educatIon Is
that Ieadefs have to act confIdentIy and
make decIsIons In the face of Incom-
pIete InfofmatIon. The teachIng method
pIays wIth an age-oId questIon: If you
don't have aII the factsand often you
won'tshouId you waIt to act untII
*%*"#$#
you've coIIected as much data as pos-
sIbIe? Of, by hesItatIng, do you fIsk Ios-
Ing othefs' tfust and youf own mo-
mentum? The answef Isn't obvIous. If
you speak fIfmIy on the basIs of bad In-
fofmatIon, you can Iead youf peopIe In-
to dIsastef. But If you exude uncef-
taInty, then mofaIe suffefs, fundefs
won't Invest, and youf ofganIzatIon can
coIIapse.
The HBS teachIng method ImpIIcItIy
comes down on the sIde of ceftaInty.
The CEO may not know the best way
fofwafd, but she has to act anyway.
The HBS students, In tufn, afe expected
to opIne. IdeaIIy, the student who was
just coId-caIIed has aIfeady dIscussed
the case study wIth hIs IeafnIng Team,
so he's feady to hoId fofth on the pfot-
agonIst's best moves. Aftef he fInIshes,
the pfofessof encoufages othef students
to offef theIf own vIews. HaIf of the
*%$"#$#
students' gfade, and a much Iafgef pef-
centage of theIf socIaI status, Is based
on whethef they thfow themseIves Into
thIs ffay. If a student taIks often and
fofcefuIIy, then he's a pIayef, If he
doesn't, he's on the mafgIns.
Many of the students adapt easIIy to
thIs system. But not Don. He has
tfoubIe eIbowIng hIs way Into cIass dIs-
cussIons, In some cIasses he bafeIy
speaks at aII. He pfefefs to contfIbute
onIy when he beIIeves he has
somethIng InsIghtfuI to add, of honest-
to-God dIsagfees wIth someone. ThIs
sounds feasonabIe, but Don feeIs as If
he shouId be mofe comfoftabIe taIkIng
just so he can fIII up hIs shafe of avaII-
abIe aIftIme.
Don's HBS ffIends, who tend to be
thoughtfuI, fefIectIve types IIke hIm,
spend a Iot of tIme taIkIng about taIk-
Ing In cIass. How much cIass
*%!"#$#
paftIcIpatIon Is too much? How IIttIe Is
too IIttIe? When does pubIIcIy dIsagfee-
Ing wIth a cIassmate constItute heaIthy
debate, and when does It seem compet-
ItIve and judgmentaI? One of Don's
ffIends Is woffIed because hef pfofessof
sent afound an e-maII sayIng that any-
one wIth feaI-wofId expefIence on the
day's case study shouId Iet hIm know In
advance. She's sufe that the pfofessof's
announcement was an effoft to IImIt
stupId femafks IIke the one she made In
cIass Iast week. Anothef woffIes that
he's not Ioud enough. I just have a nat-
ufaIIy soft voIce," he says, so when my
voIce sounds nofmaI to othefs, I feeI
IIke I'm shoutIng. I have to wofk on It."
The schooI aIso tfIes hafd to tufn
quIet students Into taIkefs. The pfofess-
ofs have theIf own IeafnIng Teams,"
In whIch they egg each othef on wIth
technIques to dfaw out fetIcent
*%%"#$#
students. When students faII to speak
up In cIass, It's seen not onIy as theIf
own defIcIt but aIso as theIf pfofessof's.
If someone doesn't speak by the end of
the semestef, It's pfobIematIc," Pfofess-
of MIcheI Anteby toId me. It means I
dIdn't do a good job."
The schooI even hosts IIve Infofma-
tIonaI sessIons and web pages on how
to be a good cIass paftIcIpatof. Don's
ffIends eafnestIy feeI off the tIps they
femembef best.
Speak wIth convIctIon. Even If you
beIIeve somethIng onIy fIfty-fIve pef-
cent, say It as If you beIIeve It a hun-
dfed pefcent."
If you'fe pfepafIng aIone fof cIass,
then you'fe doIng It wfong. NothIng at
HBS Is Intended to be done aIone."
Don't thInk about the peffect an-
swef. It's bettef to get out thefe and say
*%&"#$#
somethIng than to nevef get youf voIce
In."
The schooI newspapef, D:) >7#G%&,
aIso dIspenses advIce, featufIng aftIcIes
wIth tItIes IIke How to ThInk and
Speak WeIIOn the Spot!," DeveIop-
Ing Youf Stage Pfesence," and Affog-
ant of SImpIy ConfIdent?"
These ImpefatIves extend beyond the
cIassfoom. Aftef cIass, most peopIe eat
Iunch at the SpangIef dInIng haII,
whIch one gfad descfIbes as mofe IIke
hIgh schooI than hIgh schooI." And
evefy day, Don wfestIes wIth hImseIf.
ShouId he go back to hIs apaftment and
fechafge ovef a quIet Iunch, as he Iongs
to do, of joIn hIs cIassmates? Even If he
fofces hImseIf to go to SpangIef, It's not
as If the socIaI pfessufe wIII end thefe.
As the day weafs on, thefe wIII be mofe
such dIIemmas. Attend the Iate-aftef-
noon happy houfs? Head out fof a Iate,
*%'"#$#
fowdy evenIng? Students at HBS go out
In bIg gfoups sevefaI nIghts a week,
says Don. PaftIcIpatIon Isn't mandatofy,
but It feeIs as If It Is to those who don't
thfIve on gfoup actIvItIes.
SocIaIIzIng hefe Is an extfeme
spoft," one of Don's ffIends teIIs me.
PeopIe go out 788 6:) 6"5). If you don't
go out one nIght, the next day peopIe
wIII ask, 'Whefe wefe you?' I go out at
nIght IIke It's my job." Don has notIced
that the peopIe who ofganIze socIaI
eventshappy houfs, dInnefs, dfInkIng
festsafe at the top of the socIaI hIef-
afchy. The pfofessofs teII us that ouf
cIassmates afe the peopIe who wIII go
to ouf weddIngs," says Don. If you
Ieave HBS wIthout havIng buIIt an ex-
tensIve socIaI netwofk, It's IIke you
faIIed youf HBS expefIence."
By the tIme Don faIIs Into bed at
nIght, he's exhausted. And sometImes
*%("#$#
he wondefs why, exactIy, he shouId
have to wofk so hafd at beIng outgoIng.
Don Is ChInese-AmefIcan, and fecentIy
he wofked a summef job In ChIna. He
was stfuck by how dIffefent the socIaI
nofms wefe, and how much mofe com-
foftabIe he feIt. In ChIna thefe was
mofe emphasIs on IIstenIng, on askIng
questIons fathef than hoIdIng fofth, on
puttIng othefs' needs fIfst. In the UnIted
States, he feeIs, convefsatIon Is about
how effectIve you afe at tufnIng youf
expefIences Into stofIes, whefeas a
ChInese pefson mIght be concefned
wIth takIng up too much of the othef
pefson's tIme wIth InconsequentIaI
InfofmatIon.
That summef, I saId to myseIf, 'Now
I know why these afe my peopIe,' " he
says.
But that was ChIna, thIs Is Cam-
bfIdge, Massachusetts. And If one
*%)"#$#
judges HBS by how weII It pfepafes stu-
dents fof the feaI wofId," It seems to
be doIng an exceIIent job. Aftef aII, Don
Chen wIII gfaduate Into a busIness cuI-
tufe In whIch vefbaI fIuency and socI-
abIIIty afe the two most Impoftant pfe-
dIctofs of success, accofdIng to a Stan-
fofd BusIness SchooI study. It's a wofId
In whIch a mIddIe managef at GE once
toId me that peopIe hefe don't even
want to meet wIth you If you don't
have a PowefPoInt and a 'pItch' fof
them. Even If you'fe just makIng a fe-
commendatIon to youf coIIeague, you
can't sIt down In someone's offIce and
teII them what you thInk. You have to
make a pfesentatIon, wIth pfos and
cons and a 'takeaway box.' "
UnIess they'fe seIf-empIoyed of abIe
to teIecommute, many aduIts wofk In
offIces whefe they must take cafe to
gIIde down the coffIdofs gfeetIng theIf
*%#"#$#
coIIeagues wafmIy and confIdentIy.
The busIness wofId," says a 2006 aft-
IcIe ffom the Whafton Pfogfam fof
WofkIng PfofessIonaIs, Is fIIIed wIth
offIce envIfonments sImIIaf to one de-
scfIbed by an AtIanta afea cofpofate
tfaInef: 'Hefe evefyone knows that It's
Impoftant to be an extfoveft and
tfoubIesome to be an Intfoveft. So
peopIe wofk feaI hafd at IookIng IIke
extfovefts, whethef that's comfoftabIe
of not. It's IIke makIng sufe you dfInk
the same sIngIe-maIt scotch the CEO
dfInks and that you wofk out at the
fIght heaIth cIub.' "
Even busInesses that empIoy many
aftIsts, desIgnefs, and othef ImagInatIve
types often dIspIay a pfefefence fof ex-
tfovefsIon. We want to attfact cfeatIve
peopIe," the dIfectof of human fe-
soufces at a majof medIa company toId
me. When I asked what she meant by
*&+"#$#
cfeatIve," she answefed wIthout mIss-
Ing a beat. You have to be outgoIng,
fun, and jazzed up to wofk hefe."
Contempofafy ads aImed at busI-
nesspeopIe wouId gIve the WIIIIams
Iuxufy ShavIng Cfeam ads of yes-
tefyeaf a fun fof theIf money. One IIne
of TV commefcIaIs that fan on CNBC,
the cabIe busIness channeI, featufed an
offIce wofkef IosIng out on a pIum
assIgnment.
BOSS TO TED AND AIICE. Ted, I'm
sendIng AIIce to the saIes confef-
ence because she thInks fastef on
hef feet than you.
TED. (speechIess) .
BOSS. So, AIIce, we'II send you on
Thufsday
TED. She does not!
*&*"#$#
Othef ads expIIcItIy seII theIf
pfoducts as extfovefsIon-enhancefs. In
2000, Amtfak encoufaged tfaveIefs to
DEPART FROM YOUR INHIBITIONS." NIke be-
came a pfomInent bfand paftIy on the
stfength of Its Just Do It" campaIgn.
And In 1999 and 2000, a sefIes of ads
fof the psychotfopIc dfug PaxII pfom-
Ised to cufe the extfeme shyness known
as socIaI anxIety dIsofdef" by offefIng
CIndefeIIa stofIes of pefsonaIIty tfans-
fofmatIon. One PaxII ad showed a weII-
dfessed executIve shakIng hands ovef a
busIness deaI. I can taste success,"
fead the captIon. Anothef showed what
happens wIthout the dfug: a busIness-
man aIone In hIs offIce, hIs fofehead
festIng dejectedIy on a cIenched fIst. I
shouId have joIned In mofe often," It
fead.
*&$"#$#
Yet even at Hafvafd BusIness SchooI
thefe afe sIgns that somethIng mIght be
wfong wIth a IeadefshIp styIe that vaI-
ues quIck and asseftIve answefs ovef
quIet, sIow decIsIon-makIng.
Evefy autumn the IncomIng cIass paf-
tIcIpates In an eIabofate foIe-pIayIng
game caIIed the SubafctIc SufvIvaI SItu-
atIon. It Is appfoxImateIy 2:30 p.m.,
Octobef 5," the students afe toId, and
you have just cfash-Ianded In a fIoat
pIane on the east shofe of Iaufa Iake In
the subafctIc fegIon of the nofthefn
Quebec-NewfoundIand bofdef." The
students afe dIvIded Into smaII gfoups
and asked to ImagIne that theIf gfoup
has saIvaged fIfteen Items ffom the
pIanea compass, sIeepIng bag, axe,
and so on. Then they'fe toId to fank
*&!"#$#
them In ofdef of Impoftance to the
gfoup's sufvIvaI. FIfst the students fank
the Items IndIvIduaIIy, then they do so
as a team. Next they scofe those fank-
Ings agaInst an expeft's to see how weII
they dId. FInaIIy they watch a vIdeo-
tape of theIf team's dIscussIons to see
what went fIghtof wfong.
The poInt of the exefcIse Is to teach
gfoup synefgy. SuccessfuI synefgy
means a hIghef fankIng fof the team
than fof Its IndIvIduaI membefs. The
gfoup faIIs when any of Its membefs
has a bettef fankIng than the ovefaII
team. And faIIufe Is exactIy what can
happen when students pfIze asseftIve-
ness too hIghIy.
One of Don's cIassmates was In a
gfoup Iucky to IncIude a young man
wIth extensIve expefIence In the nofth-
efn backwoods. He had a Iot of good
Ideas about how to fank the fIfteen
*&%"#$#
saIvaged Items. But hIs gfoup dIdn't
IIsten, because he expfessed hIs vIews
too quIetIy.
Ouf actIon pIan hInged on what the
most vocaI peopIe suggested," fecaIIs
the cIassmate. When the Iess vocaI
peopIe put out Ideas, those Ideas wefe
dIscafded. The Ideas that wefe fejected
wouId have kept us aIIve and out of
tfoubIe, but they wefe dIsmIssed be-
cause of the convIctIon wIth whIch the
mofe vocaI peopIe suggested theIf
Ideas. Aftefwafds they pIayed us back
the vIdeotape, and It was so
embaffassIng."
The SubafctIc SufvIvaI SItuatIon may
sound IIke a hafmIess game pIayed In-
sIde the Ivofy towef, but If you thInk of
meetIngs you've attended, you can
pfobabIy fecaII a tImepIenty of
tImeswhen the opInIon of the most
dynamIc of taIkatIve pefson pfevaIIed
*&&"#$#
to the detfIment of aII. Pefhaps It was a
Iow-stakes sItuatIonyouf PTA, say,
decIdIng whethef to meet on Monday
of Tuesday nIghts. But maybe It was
Impoftant: an emefgency meetIng of
Enfon's top bfass, consIdefIng whethef
of not to dIscIose questIonabIe account-
Ing pfactIces. (See chaptef 7 fof mofe
on Enfon.) Of a jufy deIIbefatIng
whethef of not to send a sIngIe mothef
to jaII.
I dIscussed the SubafctIc SufvIvaI
SItuatIon wIth HBS pfofessof QuInn
MIIIs, an expeft on IeadefshIp styIes.
MIIIs Is a coufteous man dfessed, on the
day we met, In a pInstfIped suIt and
yeIIow poIka-dot tIe. He has a sonofous
voIce, and uses It skIIIfuIIy. The HBS
method pfesumes that Ieadefs shouId
be vocaI," he toId me fIat out, and In
my vIew that's paft of feaIIty."
*&'"#$#
But MIIIs aIso poInted to the common
phenomenon known as the wInnef's
cufse," In whIch two companIes bId
competItIveIy to acquIfe a thIfd, untII
the pfIce cIImbs so hIgh that It becomes
Iess an economIc actIvIty than a waf of
egos. The wInnIng bIddefs wIII be
damned If they'II Iet theIf opponents
get the pfIze, so they buy the tafget
company at an InfIated pfIce. It tends
to be the asseftIve peopIe who caffy the
day In these kInds of thIngs," says MIIIs.
You see thIs aII the tIme. PeopIe ask,
'How dId thIs happen, how dId we pay
so much?' UsuaIIy It's saId that they
wefe caffIed away by the sItuatIon, but
that's not fIght. UsuaIIy they'fe caffIed
away by peopIe who afe asseftIve and
domIneefIng. The fIsk wIth ouf stu-
dents Is that they'fe vefy good at get-
tIng theIf way. But that doesn't mean
they'fe goIng the #"E:6 way."
*&("#$#
If we assume that quIet and Ioud
peopIe have foughIy the same numbef
of good (and bad) Ideas, then we
shouId woffy If the Ioudef and mofe
fofcefuI peopIe aIways caffy the day.
ThIs wouId mean that an awfuI Iot of
bad Ideas pfevaII whIIe good ones get
squashed. Yet studIes In gfoup dynam-
Ics suggest that thIs Is exactIy what
happens. We pefceIve taIkefs as smaftef
than quIet typeseven though gfade-
poInt avefages and SAT and InteIII-
gence test scofes feveaI thIs pefceptIon
to be Inaccufate. In one expefIment In
whIch two stfangefs met ovef the
phone, those who spoke mofe wefe
consIdefed mofe InteIIIgent, bettef
IookIng, and mofe IIkabIe. We aIso see
taIkefs as Ieadefs. The mofe a pefson
taIks, the mofe othef gfoup membefs
dIfect theIf attentIon to hIm, whIch
means that he becomes IncfeasIngIy
*&)"#$#
poweffuI as a meetIng goes on. It aIso
heIps to speak fast, we fate quIck taIk-
efs as mofe capabIe and appeaIIng than
sIow taIkefs.
AII of thIs wouId be fIne If mofe taIk-
Ing wefe coffeIated wIth gfeatef In-
sIght, but feseafch suggests that thefe's
no such IInk. In one study, gfoups of
coIIege students wefe asked to soIve
math pfobIems togethef and then to
fate one anothef's InteIIIgence and
judgment. The students who spoke fIfst
and most often wefe consIstentIy gIven
the hIghest fatIngs, even though theIf
suggestIons (and math SAT scofes)
wefe no bettef than those of the Iess
taIkatIve students. These same students
wefe gIven sImIIafIy hIgh fatIngs fof
theIf cfeatIvIty and anaIytIcaI powefs
dufIng a sepafate exefcIse to deveIop a
busIness stfategy fof a staft-up
company.
*&#"#$#
A weII-known study out of UC Befke-
Iey by ofganIzatIonaI behavIof pfofess-
of PhIIIp TetIock found that teIevIsIon
pundItsthat Is, peopIe who eafn theIf
IIvIngs by hoIdIng fofth confIdentIy on
the basIs of IImIted InfofmatIonmake
wofse pfedIctIons about poIItIcaI and
economIc tfends than they wouId by
fandom chance. And the vefy wofst
pfognostIcatofs tend to be the most
famous and the most confIdentthe
vefy ones who wouId be consIdefed
natufaI Ieadefs In an HBS cIassfoom.
The U.S. Afmy has a name fof a sIm-
IIaf phenomenon: the Bus to AbIIene."
Any afmy offIcef can teII you what
that means," CoIoneI (Ret.) Stephen J.
Geffas, a pfofessof of behavIofaI scI-
ences at the U.S. Afmy Waf CoIIege,
toId [78) L8%5." Z7E7]".) In 2008. It's
about a famIIy sIttIng on a pofch In
Texas on a hot summef day, and
*'+"#$#
somebody says, 'I'm bofed. Why don't
we go to AbIIene?' When they get to
AbIIene, somebody says, 'You know, I
dIdn't feaIIy want to go.' And the next
pefson says, 'I dIdn't want to goI
thought you wanted to go,' and so on.
Whenevef you'fe In an afmy gfoup and
somebody says, 'I thInk we'fe aII get-
tIng on the bus to AbIIene hefe,' that Is
a fed fIag. You can stop a convefsatIon
wIth It. It Is a vefy poweffuI aftIfact of
ouf cuItufe."
The Bus to AbIIene" anecdote fe-
veaIs ouf tendency to foIIow those who
InItIate actIonany actIon. We afe sIm-
IIafIy IncIIned to empowef dynamIc
speakefs. One hIghIy successfuI ventufe
capItaIIst who Is feguIafIy pItched by
young entfepfeneufs toId me how ffus-
tfated he Is by hIs coIIeagues' faIIufe to
dIstInguIsh between good pfesentatIon
skIIIs and tfue IeadefshIp abIIIty. I
*'*"#$#
woffy that thefe afe peopIe who afe
put In posItIons of authofIty because
they'fe good taIkefs, but they don't
have good Ideas," he saId. It's so easy
to confuse schmoozIng abIIIty wIth taI-
ent. Someone seems IIke a good
pfesentef, easy to get aIong wIth, and
those tfaIts afe fewafded. WeII, why Is
that? They'fe vaIuabIe tfaIts, but we
put too much of a pfemIum on pfesent-
Ing and not enough on substance and
cfItIcaI thInkIng."
In hIs book I1-.-187&6, the neufoe-
conomIst Gfegofy Befns expIofes what
happens when companIes feIy too heav-
IIy on pfesentatIon skIIIs to weed out
good Ideas ffom nonstaftefs. He de-
scfIbes a softwafe company caIIed RIte-
SoIutIons that successfuIIy asks empIoy-
ees to shafe Ideas thfough an onIIne
Idea mafket," as a way of focusIng on
substance fathef than styIe. Joe MafIno,
*'$"#$#
pfesIdent of RIte-SoIutIons, and JIm Ia-
voIe, CEO of the company, cfeated thIs
system as a feactIon to pfobIems they'd
expefIenced eIsewhefe. In my oId com-
pany," IavoIe toId Befns, If you had a
gfeat Idea, we wouId teII you, 'OK,
we'II make an appoIntment fof you to
addfess the mufdef boafd' "a gfoup
of peopIe chafged wIth vettIng new
Ideas. MafIno descfIbed what happened
next:
Some technIcaI guy comes In wIth a
good Idea. Of coufse questIons afe
asked of that pefson that they don't
know. IIke, How bIg's the mafket?
What's youf mafketIng appfoach?
What's youf busIness pIan fof thIs?
What's the pfoduct goIng to cost?"
It's embaffassIng. Most peopIe can't
answef those kInds of questIons. The
peopIe who made It thfough these
*'!"#$#
boafds wefe not the peopIe wIth the
best Ideas. D:); +)#) 6:) G)&6
3#)&).6)#&.
Contfafy to the Hafvafd BusIness
SchooI modeI of vocaI IeadefshIp, the
fanks of effectIve CEOs tufn out to be
fIIIed wIth Intfovefts, IncIudIng ChafIes
Schwab, BIII Gates, Bfenda Bafnes, CEO
of Safa Iee, and James CopeIand,
fofmef CEO of DeIoItte Touche
Tohmatsu. Among the most effectIve
Ieadefs I have encountefed and wofked
wIth In haIf a centufy," the manage-
ment gufu Petef Dfuckef has wfItten,
some Iocked themseIves Into theIf of-
fIce and othefs wefe uItfa-gfegafIous.
Some wefe quIck and ImpuIsIve, whIIe
othefs studIed the sItuatIon and took
fofevef to come to a decIsIon.. The
one and onIy pefsonaIIty tfaIt the ef-
fectIve ones I have encountefed dId
*'%"#$#
have In common was somethIng they
dId .-6 have: they had IIttIe of no 'cha-
fIsma' and IIttIe use eIthef fof the tefm
of what It sIgnIfIes." SuppoftIng Dfuck-
ef's cIaIm, BfIgham Young UnIvefsIty
management pfofessof BfadIey AgIe
studIed the CEOs of 128 majof compan-
Ies and found that those consIdefed
chafIsmatIc by theIf top executIves had
bIggef saIafIes but not bettef cofpofate
peffofmance.
We tend to ovefestImate how outgo-
Ing Ieadefs need to be. Most IeadIng In
a cofpofatIon Is done In smaII meetIngs
and It's done at a dIstance, thfough
wfItten and vIdeo communIcatIons,"
Pfofessof MIIIs toId me. It's not done
In ffont of bIg gfoups. You have to be
abIe to do some of that, you can't be a
Ieadef of a cofpofatIon and waIk Into a
foom fuII of anaIysts and tufn whIte
wIth feaf and Ieave. But you don't have
*'&"#$#
to do a whoIe Iot of It. I've known a Iot
of Ieadefs of cofpofatIons who afe
hIghIy IntfospectIve and who feaIIy
have to make themseIves wofk to do
the pubIIc stuff."
MIIIs poInts to Iou Gefstnef, the Ie-
gendafy chaIfman of IBM. He went to
schooI hefe," he says. I don't know
how he'd chafactefIze hImseIf. He has
to gIve bIg speeches, and he does, and
he Iooks caIm. But my sense Is that he's
dfamatIcaIIy mofe comfoftabIe In smaII
gfoups. Many of these guys afe, actu-
aIIy. Not aII of them. But an awfuI Iot of
them."
Indeed, accofdIng to a famous study
by the InfIuentIaI management theofIst
JIm CoIIIns, many of the best-peffofm-
Ing companIes of the Iate twentIeth
centufy wefe fun by what he caIIs
IeveI 5 Ieadefs." These exceptIonaI
CEOs wefe known not fof theIf fIash of
*''"#$#
chafIsma but fof extfeme humIIIty
coupIed wIth Intense pfofessIonaI wIII.
In hIs InfIuentIaI book M--0 6- M#)76,
CoIIIns teIIs the stofy of DafwIn SmIth,
who In hIs twenty yeafs as head of
KImbefIy-CIafk tufned It Into the Iead-
Ing papef company In the wofId and
genefated stock fetufns mofe than fouf
tImes hIghef than the mafket avefage.
SmIth was a shy and mIId-mannefed
man who wofe J.C. Penney suIts and
nefdy bIack-fImmed gIasses, and spent
hIs vacatIons puttefIng afound hIs WIs-
consIn fafm by hImseIf. Asked by a
A788 26#))6 K-%#.78 fepoftef to descfIbe
hIs management styIe, SmIth stafed
back fof an uncomfoftabIy Iong tIme
and answefed wIth a sIngIe wofd: Ec-
centfIc." But hIs soft demeanof con-
ceaIed a fIefce fesoIve. Soon aftef beIng
appoInted CEO, SmIth made a dfamatIc
decIsIon to seII the mIIIs that pfoduced
*'("#$#
the company's cofe busIness of coated
papef and Invest Instead In the
consumef-papef-pfoducts Industfy,
whIch he beIIeved had bettef econom-
Ics and a bfIghtef futufe. Evefyone saId
thIs was a huge mIstake, and WaII
Stfeet downgfaded KImbefIy-CIafk's
stock. But SmIth, unmoved by the
cfowd, dId what he thought was fIght.
As a fesuIt, the company gfew stfongef
and soon outpaced Its fIvaIs. Asked
Iatef about hIs stfategy, SmIth fepIIed
that he nevef stopped tfyIng to become
quaIIfIed fof the job.
CoIIIns hadn't set out to make a poInt
about quIet IeadefshIp. When he stafted
hIs feseafch, aII he wanted to know was
what chafactefIstIcs made a company
outpeffofm Its competItIon. He seIected
eIeven standout companIes to feseafch
In depth. InItIaIIy he Ignofed the ques-
tIon of IeadefshIp aItogethef, because
*')"#$#
he wanted to avoId sImpIIstIc answefs.
But when he anaIyzed what the
hIghest-peffofmIng companIes had In
common, the natufe of theIf CEOs
jumped out at hIm. 4*)#; &".E8) -.) -/
6:)5 +7& 8)0 G; 7. %.7&&%5".E 57. 8"$)
F7#+". 25"6:. Those who wofked wIth
these Ieadefs tended to descfIbe them
wIth the foIIowIng wofds: quIet,
humbIe, modest, fesefved, shy,
gfacIous, mIId-mannefed, seIf-effacIng,
undefstated.
The Iesson, says CoIIIns, Is cIeaf. We
don't need gIant pefsonaIItIes to tfans-
fofm companIes. We need Ieadefs who
buIId not theIf own egos but the InstItu-
tIons they fun.
*'#"#$#
So what do Intfovefted Ieadefs do dIf-
fefentIy ffomand sometImes bettef
thanextfovefts?
One answef comes ffom the wofk of
Whafton management pfofessof Adam
Gfant, who has spent consIdefabIe tIme
consuItIng wIth Foftune 500 executIves
and mIIItafy Ieadefsffom GoogIe to
the U.S. Afmy and Navy. When we fIfst
spoke, Gfant was teachIng at the Ross
SchooI of BusIness at the UnIvefsIty of
MIchIgan, whefe he'd become con-
vInced that the exIstIng feseafch, whIch
showed a coffeIatIon between extfovef-
sIon and IeadefshIp, dIdn't teII the
whoIe stofy.
Gfant toId me about a wIng com-
mandef In the U.S. AIf Fofceone fank
beIow genefaI, In command of thou-
sands of peopIe, chafged wIth pfotect-
Ing a hIgh-secufIty mIssIIe basewho
was one of the most cIassIcaIIy
*(+"#$#
Intfovefted peopIe, as weII as one of the
fInest Ieadefs, Gfant had evef met. ThIs
man Iost focus when he Intefacted too
much wIth peopIe, so he cafved out
tIme fof thInkIng and fechafgIng. He
spoke quIetIy, wIthout much vafIatIon
In hIs vocaI InfIectIons of facIaI expfes-
sIons. He was mofe Intefested In IIsten-
Ing and gathefIng InfofmatIon than In
asseftIng hIs opInIon of domInatIng a
convefsatIon.
He was aIso wIdeIy admIfed, when
he spoke, evefyone IIstened. ThIs was
not necessafIIy femafkabIeIf you'fe at
the top of the mIIItafy hIefafchy,
peopIe afe supposed to IIsten to you.
But In the case of thIs commandef, says
Gfant, peopIe fespected not just hIs
fofmaI authofIty, but aIso the way he
Ied: by suppoftIng hIs empIoyees' ef-
fofts to take the InItIatIve. He gave sub-
ofdInates Input Into key decIsIons,
*(*"#$#
ImpIementIng the Ideas that made
sense, whIIe makIng It cIeaf that he had
the fInaI authofIty. He wasn't con-
cefned wIth gettIng cfedIt of even wIth
beIng In chafge, he sImpIy assIgned
wofk to those who couId peffofm It
best. ThIs meant deIegatIng some of hIs
most IntefestIng, meanIngfuI, and Im-
poftant taskswofk that othef Ieadefs
wouId have kept fof themseIves.
Why dId the feseafch not fefIect the
taIents of peopIe IIke the wIng com-
mandef? Gfant thought he knew what
the pfobIem was. FIfst, when he Iooked
cIoseIy at the exIstIng studIes on pef-
sonaIIty and IeadefshIp, he found that
the coffeIatIon between extfovefsIon
and IeadefshIp was modest. Second,
these studIes wefe often based on
peopIe's pefceptIons of who made a
good Ieadef, as opposed to actuaI
*($"#$#
fesuIts. And pefsonaI opInIons afe often
a sImpIe fefIectIon of cuItufaI bIas.
But most IntfIguIng to Gfant was that
the exIstIng feseafch dIdn't dIffefentIate
among the vafIous kInds of sItuatIons a
Ieadef mIght face. It mIght be that cef-
taIn ofganIzatIons of contexts wefe bet-
tef suIted to Intfovefted IeadefshIp
styIes, he thought, and othefs to extfo-
vefted appfoaches, but the studIes
dIdn't make such dIstInctIons.
Gfant had a theofy about whIch
kInds of cIfcumstances wouId caII fof
Intfovefted IeadefshIp. HIs hypothesIs
was that extfovefted Ieadefs enhance
gfoup peffofmance when empIoyees
afe passIve, but that Intfovefted Ieadefs
afe mofe effectIve wIth pfoactIve em-
pIoyees. To test hIs Idea, he and two
coIIeagues, pfofessofs Ffancesca GIno
of Hafvafd BusIness SchooI and DavId
Hofman of the Kenan-FIagIef BusIness
*(!"#$#
SchooI at the UnIvefsIty of Nofth Cafo-
IIna, caffIed out a paIf of studIes of
theIf own.
In the fIfst study, Gfant and hIs coI-
Ieagues anaIyzed data ffom one of the
fIve bIggest pIzza chaIns In the UnIted
States. They dIscovefed that the weekIy
pfofIts of the stofes managed by extfo-
vefts wefe 16 pefcent hIghef than the
pfofIts of those Ied by Intfoveftsbut
onIy when the empIoyees wefe passIve
types who tended to do theIf job
+"6:-%6 )Q)#1"&".E "."6"76"*). Intfovefted
Ieadefs had the exact opposIte fesuIts.
When they wofked wIth empIoyees
who actIveIy tfIed to Impfove wofk
pfocedufes, theIf stofes outpeffofmed
those Ied by extfovefts by mofe than 14
pefcent.
In the second study, Gfant's team dI-
vIded 163 coIIege students Into compet-
Ing teams chafged wIth foIdIng as many
*(%"#$#
T-shIfts as possIbIe In ten mInutes. Un-
beknownst to the paftIcIpants, each
team IncIuded two actofs. In some
teams, the two actofs acted passIveIy,
foIIowIng the Ieadef's InstfuctIons. In
othef teams, one of the actofs saId, I
wondef If thefe's a mofe effIcIent way
to do thIs." The othef actof fepIIed that
he had a ffIend ffom Japan who had a
fastef way to foId shIfts. It mIght take
a mInute of two to teach you," the act-
of toId the Ieadef, but do we want to
tfy It?"
The fesuIts wefe stfIkIng. The Intfo-
vefted Ieadefs wefe 20 pefcent mofe
IIkeIy to foIIow the suggestIonand
theIf teams had 24 pefcent bettef fes-
uIts than the teams of the extfovefted
Ieadefs. When the foIIowefs wefe not
pfoactIve, thoughwhen they sImpIy
dId as the Ieadef Instfucted wIthout
suggestIng theIf own shIft-foIdIng
*(&"#$#
methodsthe teams Ied by extfovefts
outpeffofmed those Ied by the Intfo-
vefts by 22 pefcent.
A:; dId these Ieadefs' effectIveness
tufn on whethef theIf empIoyees wefe
passIve of pfoactIve? Gfant says It
makes sense that Intfovefts afe
unIqueIy good at IeadIng InItIatIve-
takefs. Because of theIf IncIInatIon to
IIsten to othefs and Iack of Intefest In
domInatIng socIaI sItuatIons, Intfovefts
afe mofe IIkeIy to heaf and ImpIement
suggestIons. HavIng benefIted ffom the
taIents of theIf foIIowefs, they afe then
IIkeIy to motIvate them to be even
mofe pfoactIve. Intfovefted Ieadefs cfe-
ate a vIftuous cIfcIe of pfoactIvIty, In
othef wofds. In the T-shIft-foIdIng
study, the team membefs fepofted pef-
ceIvIng the Intfovefted Ieadefs as mofe
open and feceptIve to theIf Ideas,
*('"#$#
whIch motIvated them to wofk hafdef
and to foId mofe shIfts.
Extfovefts, on the othef hand, can be
so Intent on puttIng theIf own stamp on
events that they fIsk IosIng othefs' good
Ideas aIong the way and aIIowIng wofk-
efs to Iapse Into passIvIty. Often the
Ieadefs end up doIng a Iot of the taIk-
Ing," says Ffancesca GIno, and not
IIstenIng to any of the Ideas that the
foIIowefs afe tfyIng to pfovIde." But
wIth theIf natufaI abIIIty to InspIfe, ex-
tfovefted Ieadefs afe bettef at gettIng
fesuIts ffom mofe passIve wofkefs.
ThIs IIne of feseafch Is stIII In Its In-
fancy. But undef the auspIces of
Gfantan especIaIIy pfoactIve feIIow
hImseIfIt may gfow quIckIy. (One of
hIs coIIeagues has descfIbed Gfant as
the kInd of pefson who can make
thIngs happen twenty-eIght mInutes be-
fofe they'fe scheduIed to begIn.") Gfant
*(("#$#
Is especIaIIy excIted about the ImpIIca-
tIons of these fIndIngs because pfoact-
Ive empIoyees who take advantage of
oppoftunItIes In a fast-movIng, 24,7
busIness envIfonment, wIthout waItIng
fof a Ieadef to teII them what to do, afe
IncfeasIngIy vItaI to ofganIzatIonaI suc-
cess. To undefstand how to maxImIze
these empIoyees' contfIbutIons Is an
Impoftant tooI fof aII Ieadefs. It's aIso
Impoftant fof companIes to gfoom
IIstenefs as weII as taIkefs fof Ieadef-
shIp foIes.
The popuIaf pfess, says Gfant, Is fuII
of suggestIons that Intfovefted Ieadefs
pfactIce theIf pubIIc speakIng skIIIs and
smIIe mofe. But Gfant's feseafch sug-
gests that In at Ieast one Impoftant fe-
gafdencoufagIng empIoyees to take
InItIatIveIntfovefted Ieadefs wouId
do weII to go on doIng what they do
natufaIIy. Extfovefted Ieadefs, on the
*()"#$#
othef hand, may wIsh to adopt a mofe
fesefved, quIet styIe," Gfant wfItes.
They may want to Ieafn to sIt down so
that othefs mIght stand up.
WhIch Is just what a woman named
Rosa Pafks dId natufaIIy.
Fof yeafs befofe the day In Decembef
1955 when Rosa Pafks fefused to gIve
up hef seat on a Montgomefy bus, she
wofked behInd the scenes fof the
NAACP, even feceIvIng tfaInIng In non-
vIoIent fesIstance. Many thIngs had In-
spIfed hef poIItIcaI commItment. The
tIme the Ku KIux KIan mafched In ffont
of hef chIIdhood house. The tIme hef
bfothef, a pfIvate In the U.S. Afmy
who'd saved the IIves of whIte soIdIefs,
came home ffom WofId Waf II onIy to
*(#"#$#
be spat upon. The tIme a bIack
eIghteen-yeaf-oId deIIvefy boy was
ffamed fof fape and sent to the eIectfIc
chaIf. Pafks ofganIzed NAACP fecofds,
kept tfack of membefshIp payments,
fead to IIttIe kIds In hef neIghbofhood.
She was dIIIgent and honofabIe, but no
one thought of hef as a Ieadef. Pafks, It
seemed, was mofe of a foot soIdIef.
Not many peopIe know that tweIve
yeafs befofe hef showdown wIth the
Montgomefy bus dfIvef, she'd had an-
othef encountef wIth the same man,
possIbIy on the vefy same bus. It was a
Novembef aftefnoon In 1943, and Pafks
had entefed thfough the ffont doof of
the bus because the back was too
cfowded. The dfIvef, a weII-known bIg-
ot named James BIake, toId hef to use
the feaf and stafted to push hef off the
bus. Pafks asked hIm not to touch hef.
She wouId Ieave on hef own, she saId
*)+"#$#
quIetIy. Get off my bus," BIake
sputtefed In fesponse.
Pafks compIIed, but not befofe deIIb-
efateIy dfoppIng hef pufse on hef way
out and sIttIng on a whIte" seat as she
pIcked It up. IntuItIveIy, she had en-
gaged In an act of passIve fesIstance, a
pfecept named by Ieo ToIstoy and em-
bfaced by Mahatma GandhI," wfItes the
hIstofIan DougIas BfInkIey In a wondef-
fuI bIogfaphy of Pafks. It was mofe
than a decade befofe KIng popuIafIzed
the Idea of nonvIoIence and Iong befofe
Pafks's own tfaInIng In cIvII dIsobedI-
ence, but, BfInkIey wfItes, such pfIn-
cIpIes wefe a peffect match fof hef own
pefsonaIIty."
Pafks was so dIsgusted by BIake that
she fefused to fIde hIs bus fof the next
tweIve yeafs. On the day she fInaIIy
dId, the day that tufned hef Into the
Mothef of the CIvII RIghts Movement,"
*)*"#$#
she got back on that bus, accofdIng to
BfInkIey, onIy out of sheef
absentmIndedness.
Pafks's actIons that day wefe bfave
and sInguIaf, but It was In the IegaI faI-
Iout that hef quIet stfength tfuIy shone.
IocaI cIvII fIghts Ieadefs sought hef out
as a test case to chaIIenge the cIty's bus
Iaws, pfessIng hef to fIIe a IawsuIt. ThIs
was no smaII decIsIon. Pafks had a
sIckIy mothef who depended on hef, to
sue wouId mean IosIng hef job and hef
husband's. It wouId mean funnIng the
vefy feaI fIsk of beIng Iynched ffom
the taIIest teIephone poIe In town," as
hef husband and mothef put It. Rosa,
the whIte foIks wIII kIII you," pIeaded
hef husband. It was one thIng to be af-
fested fof an IsoIated bus IncIdent,"
wfItes BfInkIey, It was quIte anothef,
as hIstofIan TayIof Bfanch wouId put It,
*)$"#$#
to 'feentef that fofbIdden zone by
choIce.' "
But because of hef natufe, Pafks was
the peffect pIaIntIff. Not onIy because
she was a devout ChfIstIan, not onIy
because she was an upstandIng cItIzen,
but aIso because she was gentIe.
They've messed wIth the wfong one
now!" the boycottefs wouId decIafe as
they tfaIpsed mIIes to wofk and schooI.
The phfase became a faIIyIng cfy. Its
powef Iay In how pafadoxIcaI It was.
UsuaIIy such a phfase ImpIIes that
you've messed wIth a IocaI heavy, wIth
some buIIyIng gIant. But It was Pafks's
quIet stfength that made hef unassaII-
abIe. The sIogan sefved as a femIndef
that the woman who had InspIfed the
boycott was the soft of soft-spoken
maftyf God wouId not abandon," wfItes
BfInkIey.
*)!"#$#
Pafks took hef tIme comIng to a de-
cIsIon, but uItImateIy agfeed to sue. She
aIso Ient hef pfesence at a faIIy heId on
the evenIng of hef tfIaI, the nIght when
a young MaftIn Iuthef KIng Jf., the
head of the bfand-new Montgomefy Im-
pfovement AssocIatIon, foused aII of
Montgomefy's bIack communIty to boy-
cott the buses. SInce It had to hap-
pen," KIng toId the cfowd, I'm happy
It happened to a pefson IIke Rosa Pafks,
fof nobody can doubt the boundIess
outfeach of hef IntegfIty. Nobody can
doubt the heIght of hef chafactef. Mfs.
Pafks Is unassumIng, and yet thefe Is
IntegfIty and chafactef thefe."
Iatef that yeaf Pafks agfeed to go on
a fund-faIsIng speakIng touf wIth KIng
and othef cIvII fIghts Ieadefs. She
suffefed InsomnIa, uIcefs, and home-
sIckness aIong the way. She met hef
IdoI, EIeanof RooseveIt, who wfote of
*)%"#$#
theIf encountef In hef newspapef
coIumn: She Is a vefy quIet, gentIe
pefson and It Is dIffIcuIt to ImagIne
how she evef couId take such a posItIve
and Independent stand." When the boy-
cott fInaIIy ended, ovef a yeaf Iatef, the
buses Integfated by decfee of the Su-
pfeme Couft, Pafks was ovefIooked by
the pfess. The ?)+ [-#$ D"5)& fan two
ffont-page stofIes that ceIebfated KIng
but dIdn't mentIon hef. Othef papefs
photogfaphed the boycott Ieadefs sIt-
tIng In ffont of buses, but Pafks was not
InvIted to sIt fof these pIctufes. She
dIdn't mInd. On the day the buses wefe
Integfated, she pfefeffed to stay home
and take cafe of hef mothef.
*)&"#$#
Pafks's stofy Is a vIvId femIndef that
we have been gfaced wIth IImeIIght-
avoIdIng Ieadefs thfoughout hIstofy.
Moses, fof exampIe, was not, accofdIng
to some IntefpfetatIons of hIs stofy, the
bfash, taIkatIve type who wouId ofgan-
Ize foad tfIps and hoId fofth In a
cIassfoom at Hafvafd BusIness SchooI.
On the contfafy, by today's standafds
he was dfeadfuIIy tImId. He spoke wIth
a stuttef and consIdefed hImseIf InaftIc-
uIate. The book of Numbefs descfIbes
hIm as vefy meek, above aII the men
whIch wefe upon the face of the eafth."
When God fIfst appeafed to hIm In
the fofm of a bufnIng bush, Moses was
empIoyed as a shephefd by hIs fathef-
In-Iaw, he wasn't even ambItIous
enough to own hIs own sheep. And
when God feveaIed to Moses hIs foIe as
IIbefatof of the Jews, dId Moses Ieap at
the oppoftunIty? Send someone eIse to
*)'"#$#
do It, he saId. Who am I, that I shouId
go to Phafaoh?" he pIeaded. I have
nevef been eIoquent. I am sIow of
speech and tongue."
It was onIy when God paIfed hIm up
wIth hIs extfovefted bfothef Aafon that
Moses agfeed to take on the assIgn-
ment. Moses wouId be the speech-
wfItef, the behInd-the-scenes guy, the
Cyfano de Befgefac, Aafon wouId be
the pubIIc face of the opefatIon. It wIII
be as If he wefe youf mouth," saId God,
and as If you wefe God to hIm."
CompIemented by Aafon, Moses Ied
the Jews ffom Egypt, pfovIded fof them
In the deseft fof the next fofty yeafs,
and bfought the Ten Commandments
down ffom Mount SInaI. And he dId aII
thIs usIng stfengths that afe cIassIcaIIy
assocIated wIth IntfovefsIon: cIImbIng a
mountaIn In seafch of wIsdom and
*)("#$#
wfItIng down cafefuIIy, on two stone
tabIets, evefythIng he Ieafned thefe.
We tend to wfIte Moses' tfue pefson-
aIIty out of the Exodus stofy. (CecII B.
DeMIIIe's cIassIc, D:) D). ,-557.0<
5).6&, poftfays hIm as a swashbuckIIng
fIgufe who does aII the taIkIng, wIth no
heIp ffom Aafon.) We don't ask why
God chose as hIs pfophet a stuttefef
wIth a pubIIc speakIng phobIa. But we
shouId. The book of Exodus Is shoft on
expIIcatIon, but Its stofIes suggest that
IntfovefsIon pIays yIn to the yang of ex-
tfovefsIon, that the medIum Is not aI-
ways the message, and that peopIe foI-
Iowed Moses because hIs wofds wefe
thoughtfuI, not because he spoke them
weII.
*))"#$#
If Pafks spoke thfough hef actIons, and
If Moses spoke thfough hIs bfothef
Aafon, today anothef type of Intfovef-
ted Ieadef speaks usIng the Intefnet.
In hIs book D:) D"33".E H-".6, MaI-
coIm GIadweII expIofes the InfIuence of
Connectofs"peopIe who have a spe-
cIaI gIft fof bfIngIng the wofId togeth-
ef" and an InstInctIve and natufaI gIft
fof makIng socIaI connectIons." He de-
scfIbes a cIassIc Connectof" named Ro-
gef Hofchow, a chafmIng and success-
fuI busInessman and backef of Bfoad-
way hIts such as J)& Z"&a#7G8)&, who
coIIects peopIe the same way othefs
coIIect stamps." If you sat next to Ro-
gef Hofchow on a pIane fIde acfoss the
AtIantIc," wfItes GIadweII, he wouId
staft taIkIng as the pIane taxIed to the
funway, you wouId be IaughIng by the
tIme the seatbeIt sIgn was tufned off,
*)#"#$#
and when you Ianded at the othef end
you'd wondef whefe the tIme went."
We genefaIIy thInk of Connectofs In
just the way that GIadweII descfIbes
Hofchow: chatty, outgoIng, speIIbInd-
Ing even. But consIdef fof a moment a
modest, cefebfaI man named CfaIg
Newmafk. Shoft, baIdIng, and bespec-
tacIed, Newmafk was a systems engIn-
eef fof seventeen yeafs at IBM. Befofe
that, he had consumIng Intefests In dI-
nosaufs, chess, and physIcs. If you sat
next to hIm on a pIane, he'd pfobabIy
keep hIs nose bufIed In a book.
Yet Newmafk aIso happens to be the
foundef and majofIty ownef of
CfaIgsIIst, the eponymous websIte
thatweIIconnects peopIe wIth each
othef. As of May 28, 2011, CfaIgsIIst
was the seventh-Iafgest EngIIsh Ian-
guage websIte In the wofId. Its usefs In
ovef 700 cItIes In seventy countfIes fInd
*#+"#$#
jobs, dates, and even kIdney donofs on
Newmafk's sIte. They joIn sIngIng
gfoups. They fead one anothef's haIkus.
They confess theIf affaIfs. Newmafk de-
scfIbes the sIte not as a busIness but as
a pubIIc commons.
ConnectIng peopIe to fIx the wofId
ovef tIme Is the deepest spIfItuaI vaIue
you can have," Newmafk has saId.
Aftef HuffIcane KatfIna, CfaIgsIIst
heIped stfanded famIIIes fInd new
homes. DufIng the New Yofk CIty tfans-
It stfIke of 2005, CfaIgsIIst was the go-
to pIace fof fIde-shafe IIstIngs. Yet an-
othef cfIsIs, and CfaIgsIIst commands
the communIty," wfote one bIoggef
about CfaIgsIIst's foIe In the stfIke.
How come CfaIg ofganIcaIIy can touch
IIves on so many pefsonaI IeveIsand
CfaIg's usefs can touch each othef's
IIves on so many IeveIs?"
*#*"#$#
Hefe's one answef: socIaI medIa has
made new fofms of IeadefshIp possIbIe
fof scofes of peopIe who don't fIt the
Hafvafd BusIness SchooI moId.
On August 10, 2008, Guy KawasakI,
the best-seIIIng authof, speakef, sefIaI
entfepfeneuf, and SIIIcon VaIIey Ie-
gend, tweeted, You may fInd thIs hafd
to beIIeve, but I am an Intfoveft. I have
a 'foIe' to pIay, but I fundamentaIIy am
a Ionef." KawasakI's tweet set the wofId
of socIaI medIa buzzIng. At the tIme,"
wfote one bIoggef, Guy's avataf fea-
tufed hIm weafIng a pInk boa ffom a
Iafge pafty he thfew at hIs house. Guy
KawasakI an Intfoveft? Does not
compute."
On August 15, 2008, Pete Cashmofe,
the foundef of MashabIe, the onIIne
guIde to socIaI medIa, weIghed In.
WouIdn't It be a gfeat Ifony," he
asked, If the IeadIng pfoponents of the
*#$"#$#
'It's about peopIe' mantfa wefen't so
enamofed wIth meetIng Iafge gfoups of
peopIe In feaI IIfe? Pefhaps socIaI me-
dIa affofds us the contfoI we Iack In
feaI IIfe socIaIIzIng: the scfeen as a baf-
fIef between us and the wofId." Then
Cashmofe outed hImseIf. Thfow me
fIfmIy In the 'Intfovefts' camp wIth
Guy," he posted.
StudIes have shown that, Indeed, In-
tfovefts afe mofe IIkeIy than extfovefts
to expfess IntImate facts about them-
seIves onIIne that theIf famIIy and
ffIends wouId be sufpfIsed to fead, to
say that they can expfess the feaI me"
onIIne, and to spend mofe tIme In cef-
taIn kInds of onIIne dIscussIons. They
weIcome the chance to communIcate
dIgItaIIy. The same pefson who wouId
nevef faIse hIs hand In a Iectufe haII of
two hundfed peopIe mIght bIog to two
thousand, of two mIIIIon, wIthout
*#!"#$#
thInkIng twIce. The same pefson who
fInds It dIffIcuIt to Intfoduce hImseIf to
stfangefs mIght estabIIsh a pfesence on-
IIne and 6:). extend these feIatIonshIps
Into the feaI wofId.
What wouId have happened If the
SubafctIc SufvIvaI SItuatIon had been
conducted onIIne, wIth the benefIt of
aII the voIces In the foomthe Rosa
Pafkses and the CfaIg Newmafks and
the DafwIn SmIths? What If It had been
a gfoup of pfoactIve castaways Ied by
an Intfoveft wIth a gIft fof caImIy en-
coufagIng them to contfIbute? What If
thefe had been an Intfoveft and an ex-
tfoveft shafIng the heIm, IIke Rosa
Pafks and MaftIn Iuthef KIng Jf.?
*#%"#$#
MIght they have feached the fIght
fesuIt?
It's ImpossIbIe to say. No one has
evef fun these studIes, as faf as I
knowwhIch Is a shame. It's undef-
standabIe that the HBS modeI of Ieadef-
shIp pIaces such a hIgh pfemIum on
confIdence and quIck decIsIon-makIng.
If asseftIve peopIe tend to get theIf
way, then It's a usefuI skIII fof Ieadefs
whose wofk depends on InfIuencIng
othefs. DecIsIveness InspIfes confId-
ence, whIIe wavefIng (of even appeaf-
Ing to wavef) can thfeaten mofaIe.
But one can take these tfuths too faf,
In some cIfcumstances quIet, modest
styIes of IeadefshIp may be equaIIy of
mofe effectIve. As I Ieft the HBS cam-
pus, I stopped by a dIspIay of notabIe
A788 26#))6 K-%#.78 caftoons In the
Bakef IIbfafy Iobby. One showed a
*#&"#$#
haggafd executIve IookIng at a chaft of
steepIy faIIIng pfofIts.
It's aII because of FfadkIn," the ex-
ecutIve teIIs hIs coIIeague. He has tef-
fIbIe busIness sense but gfeat Ieadef-
shIp skIIIs, and evefyone Is foIIowIng
hIm down the foad to fuIn."
S,-5 X,* T,8- I#%&,8-&%5Z "#
O8)#'-.$6).A5 S$.-33)
If Hafvafd BusIness SchooI Is an East
Coast encIave fof the gIobaI eIIte, my
next stop was an InstItutIon that's much
the opposIte. It sIts on a spfawIIng,
120-acfe campus In the fofmef deseft
and cuffent exufb of Iake Fofest, CaII-
fofnIa. UnIIke Hafvafd BusIness SchooI,
It admIts anyone who wants to joIn.
FamIIIes stfoII the paIm-tfee-IIned
pIazas and waIkways In good-natufed
*#'"#$#
cIumps. ChIIdfen ffoIIc In man-made
stfeams and wateffaIIs. Staff wave amI-
abIy as they cfuIse by In goIf cafts.
Weaf whatevef you want: sneakefs and
fIIp-fIops afe peffectIy fIne. ThIs cam-
pus Is pfesIded ovef not by nattIIy at-
tIfed pfofessofs wIeIdIng wofds IIke
3#-67E-."&6 and 17&) 5)6:-0, but by a
benIgn Santa CIausIIke fIgufe In a
HawaIIan shIft and sandy-haIfed
goatee.
WIth an avefage weekIy attendance
of 22,000 and countIng, SaddIeback
Chufch Is one of the Iafgest and most
InfIuentIaI evangeIIcaI chufches In the
natIon. Its Ieadef Is RIck Waffen, au-
thof of D:) H%#3-&) F#"*). J"/), one of
the best-seIIIng books of aII tIme, and
the man who deIIvefed the InvocatIon
at PfesIdent Obama's InaugufatIon.
SaddIeback doesn't catef to wofId-fam-
ous Ieadefs the way HBS does, but It
*#("#$#
pIays no Iess mIghty a foIe In socIety.
EvangeIIcaI Ieadefs have the eaf of
pfesIdents, domInate thousands of
houfs of TV tIme, and fun muItImIIIIon-
doIIaf busInesses, wIth the most pfom-
Inent boastIng theIf own pfoductIon
companIes, fecofdIng studIos, and dIs-
tfIbutIon deaIs wIth medIa gIants IIke
TIme Wafnef.
SaddIeback aIso has one mofe thIng
In common wIth Hafvafd BusIness
SchooI: Its debt toand pfopagatIon
ofthe CuItufe of PefsonaIIty.
It's a Sunday mofnIng In August
2006, and I'm standIng at the centef of
a dense hub of sIdewaIks on SaddIe-
back's campus. I consuIt a sIgnpost, the
kInd you see at WaIt DIsney WofId,
wIth cheeffuI affows poIntIng evefy
whIch way: WofshIp Centef, PIaza
Room, Tefface Cafe, Beach Cafe. A
neafby postef featufes a beamIng young
*#)"#$#
man In bfIght fed poIo shIft and sneak-
efs: IookIng fof a new dIfectIon? GIve
tfaffIc mInIstfy a tfy!"
I'm seafchIng fof the open-aIf book-
stofe, whefe I'II be meetIng Adam
McHugh, a IocaI evangeIIcaI pastof
wIth whom I've been coffespondIng.
McHugh Is an avowed Intfoveft, and
we've been havIng a cfoss-countfy con-
vefsatIon about what It feeIs IIke to be
a quIet and cefebfaI type In the evan-
geIIcaI movementespecIaIIy as a Iead-
ef. IIke HBS, evangeIIcaI chufches of-
ten make extfovefsIon a pfefequIsIte fof
IeadefshIp, sometImes expIIcItIy. The
pfIest must be . an extfoveft who en-
thusIastIcaIIy engages membefs and
newcomefs, a team pIayef," feads an ad
fof a posItIon as assocIate fectof of a
1,400-membef pafIsh. A senIof pfIest at
anothef chufch confesses onIIne that he
has advIsed pafIshes fecfuItIng a new
*##"#$#
fectof to ask what hIs of hef Myefs-
BfIggs scofe Is. If the fIfst Iettef Isn't
an 'E' ]fof extfoveft|," he teIIs them,
thInk twIce . I'm sufe ouf Iofd was
]an extfoveft|."
McHugh doesn't fIt thIs descfIptIon.
He dIscovefed hIs IntfovefsIon as a ju-
nIof at CIafemont McKenna CoIIege,
when he feaIIzed he was gettIng up
eafIy In the mofnIng just to savof tIme
aIone wIth a steamIng cup of coffee. He
enjoyed paftIes, but found hImseIf Ieav-
Ing eafIy. Othef peopIe wouId get
Ioudef and Ioudef, and I wouId get
quIetef and quIetef," he toId me. He
took a Myefs-BfIggs pefsonaIIty test
and found out that thefe was a wofd,
".6#-*)#6, that descfIbed the type of pef-
son who IIkes to spend tIme as he dId.
At fIfst McHugh feIt good about
cafvIng out mofe tIme fof hImseIf. But
then he got actIve In evangeIIcaIIsm
$++"#$#
and began to feeI guIIty about aII that
soIItude. He even beIIeved that God dIs-
appfoved of hIs choIces and, by exten-
sIon, of hIm.
The evangeIIcaI cuItufe tIes togethef
faIthfuIness wIth extfovefsIon,"
McHugh expIaIned. The emphasIs Is
on communIty, on paftIcIpatIng In
mofe and mofe pfogfams and events,
on meetIng mofe and mofe peopIe. It's
a constant tensIon fof many Intfovefts
that they'fe not IIvIng that out. And In
a feIIgIous wofId, thefe's mofe at stake
when you feeI that tensIon. It doesn't
feeI IIke 'I'm not doIng as weII as I'd
IIke.' It feeIs IIke 'God Isn't pIeased wIth
me.' "
Ffom outsIde the evangeIIcaI com-
munIty, thIs seems an astonIshIng con-
fessIon. SInce when Is soIItude one of
the Seven DeadIy SIns? But to a feIIow
evangeIIcaI, McHugh's sense of spIfItuaI
$+*"#$#
faIIufe wouId make peffect sense. Con-
tempofafy evangeIIcaIIsm says that
evefy pefson you faII to meet and pfos-
eIytIze Is anothef souI you mIght have
saved. It aIso emphasIzes buIIdIng com-
munIty among confIfmed beIIevefs,
wIth many chufches encoufagIng (of
even fequIfIng) theIf membefs to joIn
extfacuffIcuIaf gfoups ofganIzed
afound evefy conceIvabIe sub-
jectcookIng, feaI-estate InvestIng,
skateboafdIng. So evefy socIaI event
McHugh Ieft eafIy, evefy mofnIng he
spent aIone, evefy gfoup he faIIed to
joIn, meant wasted chances to connect
wIth othefs.
But, IfonIcaIIy, If thefe was one thIng
McHugh knew, It was that he +7&.S6
aIone. He Iooked afound and saw a vast
numbef of peopIe In the evangeIIcaI
communIty who feIt just as confIIcted
as he dId. He became ofdaIned as a
$+$"#$#
PfesbytefIan mInIstef and wofked wIth
a team of student Ieadefs at CIafemont
CoIIege, many of whom wefe Intfo-
vefts. The team became a kInd of Iabof-
atofy fof expefImentIng wIth Intfovef-
ted fofms of IeadefshIp and mInIstfy.
They focused on one-on-one and smaII
gfoup IntefactIons fathef than on Iafge
gfoups, and McHugh heIped the stu-
dents fInd fhythms In theIf IIves that aI-
Iowed them to cIaIm the soIItude they
needed and enjoyed, and to have socIaI
enefgy Ieft ovef fof IeadIng othefs. He
ufged them to fInd the coufage to speak
up and take fIsks In meetIng new
peopIe.
A few yeafs Iatef, when socIaI medIa
expIoded and evangeIIcaI bIoggefs staf-
ted postIng about theIf expefIences,
wfItten evIdence of the schIsm between
Intfovefts and extfovefts wIthIn the
evangeIIcaI chufch fInaIIy emefged.
$+!"#$#
One bIoggef wfote about hIs cfy ffom
the heaft wondefIng :-+ to fIt In as an
Intfoveft In a chufch that pfIdes ItseIf
on extfovefted evangeIIsm. Thefe afe
pfobabIy quIte a few ]of you| out thefe
who afe put on guIIt tfIps each tIme
]you| get a pefsonaI evangeIIsm push at
chufch. Thefe's a pIace In God's kIng-
dom fof sensItIve, fefIectIve types. It's
not easy to cIaIm, but It's thefe."
Anothef wfote about hIs sImpIe desIfe
to sefve the Iofd but not sefve on a
pafIsh commIttee. In a unIvefsaI
chufch, thefe shouId be foom fof the
un-gfegafIous."
McHugh added hIs own voIce to thIs
chofus, fIfst wIth a bIog caIIIng fof
gfeatef emphasIs on feIIgIous pfactIces
of soIItude and contempIatIon, and
Iatef wIth a book caIIed I.6#-*)#6& ". 6:)
,:%#1:= 9".0".E \%# H871) ". 7. 4Q6#-*)#<
6)0 ,%86%#). He afgues that evangeIIsm
$+%"#$#
means IIstenIng as weII as taIkIng, that
evangeIIcaI chufches shouId Incofpof-
ate sIIence and mystefy Into feIIgIous
wofshIp, and that they shouId make
foom fof Intfovefted Ieadefs who mIght
be abIe to demonstfate a quIetef path
to God. Aftef aII, hasn't pfayef aIways
been about contempIatIon as weII as
communIty? ReIIgIous Ieadefs ffom Je-
sus to Buddha, as weII as the Iessef-
known saInts, monks, shamans, and
pfophets, have aIways gone off aIone to
expefIence the feveIatIons they Iatef
shafed wIth the fest of us.
When fInaIIy I fInd my way to the
bookstofe, McHugh Is waItIng wIth a
sefene expfessIon on hIs face. He's In
hIs eafIy thIftIes, taII and bfoad-
$+&"#$#
shouIdefed, dfessed In jeans, a bIack
poIo shIft, and bIack fIIp-fIops. WIth hIs
shoft bfown haIf, feddIsh goatee, and
sIdebufns, McHugh Iooks IIke a typIcaI
Gen Xef, but he speaks In the soothIng,
consIdefed tones of a coIIege pfofessof.
McHugh doesn't pfeach of wofshIp at
SaddIeback, but we've chosen to meet
hefe because It's such an Impoftant
symboI of evangeIIcaI cuItufe.
SInce sefvIces afe just about to staft,
thefe's IIttIe tIme to chat. SaddIeback
offefs sIx dIffefent wofshIp venues,"
each housed In Its own buIIdIng of tent
and set to Its own beat: WofshIp
Centef, TfadItIonaI, OvefDfIve Rock,
GospeI, FamIIy, and somethIng caIIed
Ohana IsIand StyIe WofshIp. We head
to the maIn WofshIp Centef, whefe
Pastof Waffen Is about to pfeach. WIth
Its sky-hIgh ceIIIng cfIsscfossed wIth
kIIeg IIghts, the audItofIum Iooks IIke a
$+'"#$#
fock conceft venue, save fof the unob-
tfusIve wooden cfoss hangIng on the
sIde of the foom.
A man named SkIp Is wafmIng up the
congfegatIon wIth a song. The IyfIcs
afe bfoadcast on fIve Jumbotfon
scfeens, Intefspefsed wIth photos of
shImmefIng Iakes and CafIbbean
sunsets. MIked-up tech guys sIt on a
thfoneIIke daIs at the centef of the
foom, tfaInIng theIf vIdeo camefas on
the audIence. The camefas IIngef on a
teenage gIfIIong, sIIky bIond haIf,
eIectfIc smIIe, and shInIng bIue
eyeswho's sIngIng hef heaft out. I
can't heIp but thInk of Tony RobbIns's
UnIeash the Powef WIthIn" semInaf.
DId Tony base hIs pfogfam on megach-
ufches IIke SaddIeback, I wondef, of Is
It the othef way afound?
Good mofnIng, evefybody!" beams
SkIp, then ufges us to gfeet those
$+("#$#
seated neaf us. Most peopIe obIIge wIth
wIde smIIes and gIad hands, IncIudIng
McHugh, but thefe's a hInt of stfaIn be-
neath hIs smIIe.
Pastof Waffen takes the stage. He's
weafIng a shoft-sIeeved poIo shIft and
hIs famous goatee. Today's sefmon wIII
be based on the book of JefemIah, he
teIIs us. It wouId be fooIIsh to staft a
busIness wIthout a busIness pIan," Waf-
fen says, but most peopIe have no IIfe
pIan. If you'fe a busIness Ieadef, you
need to fead the book of JefemIah ovef
and ovef, because he was a genIus
CEO." Thefe afe no BIbIes at ouf seats,
onIy pencIIs and note cafds, wIth the
key poInts ffom the sefmon pfepfInted,
and bIanks to fIII In as Waffen goes
aIong.
IIke Tony RobbIns, Pastof Waffen
seems tfuIy weII-meanIng, he's cfeated
thIs vast SaddIeback ecosystem out of
$+)"#$#
nothIng, and he's done good wofks
afound the wofId. But at the same tIme
I can see how hafd It must be, InsIde
thIs wofId of Iuau wofshIp and Jum-
botfon pfayef, fof SaddIeback's Intfo-
vefts to feeI good about themseIves. As
the sefvIce weafs on, I feeI the same
sense of aIIenatIon that McHugh has de-
scfIbed. Events IIke thIs don't gIve me
the sense of oneness othefs seem to en-
joy, It's aIways been pfIvate occasIons
that make me feeI connected to the joys
and soffows of the wofId, often In the
fofm of communIon wIth wfItefs and
musIcIans I'II nevef meet In pefson.
Pfoust caIIed these moments of unIty
between wfItef and feadef that ffuItfuI
mIfacIe of a communIcatIon In the
mIdst of soIItude." HIs use of feIIgIous
Ianguage was sufeIy no accIdent.
McHugh, as If feadIng my mInd,
tufns to me when the sefvIce Is ovef.
$+#"#$#
EvefythIng In the sefvIce InvoIved
communIcatIon," he says wIth gentIe
exaspefatIon. GfeetIng peopIe, the
Iengthy sefmon, the sIngIng. Thefe was
no emphasIs on quIet, IItufgy, fItuaI,
thIngs that gIve you space fof
contempIatIon."
McHugh's dIscomfoft Is aII the mofe
poIgnant because he genuIneIy admIfes
SaddIeback and aII that It stands fof.
SaddIeback Is doIng amazIng thIngs
afound the wofId and In Its own com-
munIty," he says. It's a ffIendIy, hos-
pItabIe pIace that genuIneIy seeks to
connect wIth newcomefs. That's an Im-
pfessIve mIssIon gIven how coIossaI the
chufch Is, and how easy It wouId be fof
peopIe to femaIn compIeteIy dIsconnec-
ted ffom othefs. Gfeetefs, the InfofmaI
atmosphefe, meetIng peopIe afound
youthese afe aII motIvated by good
desIfes."
$*+"#$#
Yet McHugh fInds pfactIces IIke the
mandatofy smIIe-and-good-mofnIng at
the staft of the sefvIce to be paIn-
fuIand though he pefsonaIIy Is wIII-
Ing to endufe It, even sees the vaIue In
It, he woffIes about how many othef In-
tfovefts wIII not.
It sets up an extfovefted atmosphefe
that can be dIffIcuIt fof Intfovefts IIke
me," he expIaIns. SometImes I feeI IIke
I'm goIng thfough the motIons. The
outwafd enthusIasm and passIon that
seems to be paft and pafceI of SaddIe-
back's cuItufe doesn't feeI natufaI. Not
that Intfovefts can't be eagef and en-
thusIastIc, but we'fe not as oveftIy ex-
pfessIve as extfovefts. At a pIace IIke
SaddIeback, you can staft questIonIng
youf own expefIence of God. Is It feaIIy
as stfong as that of othef peopIe who
Iook the paft of the devout beIIevef?"
$**"#$#
EvangeIIcaIIsm has taken the Extfo-
veft IdeaI to Its IogIcaI extfeme,
McHugh Is teIIIng us. If you don't Iove
Jesus out Ioud, then It must not be feaI
Iove. It's not enough to fofge youf own
spIfItuaI connectIon to the dIvIne, "6
5%&6 G) 0"&387;)0 3%G8"18;. Is It any won-
def that Intfovefts IIke Pastof McHugh
staft to questIon theIf own heafts?
It's bfave of McHugh, whose spIfItuaI
and pfofessIonaI caIIIng depends on hIs
connectIon to God, to confess hIs seIf-
doubt. He does so because he wants to
spafe othefs the Innef confIIct he has
stfuggIed wIth, and because he Ioves
evangeIIcaIIsm and wants It to gfow by
IeafnIng ffom the Intfovefts In Its
mIdst.
But he knows that meanIngfuI change
wIII come sIowIy to a feIIgIous cuItufe
that sees extfovefsIon not onIy as a pef-
sonaIIty tfaIt but aIso as an IndIcatof of
$*$"#$#
vIftue. RIghteous behavIof Is not so
much the good we do behInd cIosed
doofs when no one Is thefe to pfaIse us,
It Is what we put out Into the wofId."
Just as Tony RobbIns's aggfessIve up-
seIIIng Is OK wIth hIs fans because
spfeadIng heIpfuI Ideas Is paft of beIng
a good pefson, and just as HBS expects
Its students to be taIkefs because thIs Is
seen as a pfefequIsIte of IeadefshIp, so
have many evangeIIcaIs come to assocI-
ate godIIness wIth socIabIIIty.
$*!"#$#
_
UHOK JGTT"EGN"DIGK [ITT@
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AIBERT EINSTEIN
Mafch 5, 1975. A coId and dfIzzIy
evenIng In MenIo Pafk, CaIIfofnIa.
ThIfty unpfepossessIng-IookIng engIn-
eefs gathef In the gafage of an unem-
pIoyed coIIeague named Gofdon
Ffench. They caII themseIves the
Homebfew Computef CIub, and thIs Is
theIf fIfst meetIng. TheIf mIssIon: to
make computefs accessIbIe to feguIaf
peopIeno smaII task at a tIme when
most computefs afe tempefamentaI
SUV-sIzed machInes that onIy unIvefsIt-
Ies and cofpofatIons can affofd.
The gafage Is dfafty, but the engIn-
eefs Ieave the doofs open to the damp
nIght aIf so peopIe can wandef InsIde.
In waIks an unceftaIn young man of
twenty-fouf, a caIcuIatof desIgnef fof
HewIett-Packafd. SefIous and bespec-
tacIed, he has shouIdef-Iength haIf and
a bfown beafd. He takes a chaIf and
IIstens quIetIy as the othefs mafveI ovef
a new buIId-It-youfseIf computef caIIed
the AItaIf 8800, whIch fecentIy made
the covef of H-3%87# 48)16#-."1&. The
AItaIf Isn't a tfue pefsonaI computef,
It's hafd to use, and appeaIs onIy to the
$*&"#$#
type of pefson who shows up at a gaf-
age on a faIny Wednesday nIght to taIk
about mIcfochIps. But It's an Impoftant
fIfst step.
The young man, whose name Is
Stephen WoznIak, Is thfIIIed to heaf of
the AItaIf. He's been obsessed wIth
eIectfonIcs sInce the age of thfee. When
he was eIeven he came acfoss a
magazIne aftIcIe about the fIfst com-
putef, the ENIAC, of EIectfonIc Numef-
IcaI Integfatof and Computef, and evef
sInce, hIs dfeam has been to buIId a
machIne so smaII and easy to use that
you couId keep It at home. And now,
InsIde thIs gafage, hefe Is news that
The Dfeamhe thInks of It wIth capItaI
IettefsmIght one day matefIaIIze.
As he'II Iatef fecaII In hIs memoIf,
"A-], whefe most of thIs stofy appeafs,
WoznIak Is aIso excIted to be suffoun-
ded by kIndfed spIfIts. To the
$*'"#$#
Homebfew cfowd, computefs afe a tooI
fof socIaI justIce, and he feeIs the same
way. Not that he taIks to anyone at thIs
fIfst meetInghe's way too shy fof
that. But that nIght he goes home and
sketches hIs fIfst desIgn fof a pefsonaI
computef, wIth a keyboafd and a
scfeen just IIke the kInd we use today.
Thfee months Iatef he buIIds a pfoto-
type of that machIne. And ten months
aftef that, he and Steve Jobs cofound
AppIe Computef.
Today Steve WoznIak Is a fevefed fIg-
ufe In SIIIcon VaIIeythefe's a stfeet In
San Jose, CaIIfofnIa, named Woz's
Wayand Is sometImes caIIed the nefd
souI of AppIe. He has Ieafned ovef tIme
to open up and speak pubIIcIy, even ap-
peafIng as a contestant on F7.1".E +"6:
6:) 267#&, whefe he dIspIayed an en-
deafIng mIxtufe of stIffness and good
cheef. I once saw WoznIak speak at a
$*("#$#
bookstofe In New Yofk CIty. A
standIng-foom-onIy cfowd showed up
beafIng theIf 1970s AppIe opefatIng
manuaIs, In honof of aII that he had
done fof them.
But the cfedIt Is not WoznIak's aIone, It
aIso beIongs to Homebfew. WoznIak
IdentIfIes that fIfst meetIng as the be-
gInnIng of the computef fevoIutIon and
one of the most Impoftant nIghts of hIs
IIfe. So If you wanted to fepIIcate the
condItIons that made Woz so pfoduct-
Ive, you mIght poInt to Homebfew,
wIth Its coIIectIon of IIke-mInded souIs.
You mIght decIde that WoznIak's
achIevement was a shInIng exampIe of
the coIIabofatIve appfoach to cfeatIv-
Ity. You mIght concIude that peopIe
$*)"#$#
who hope to be InnovatIve shouId wofk
In hIghIy socIaI wofkpIaces.
And you mIght be wfong.
ConsIdef what WoznIak dId fIght
aftef the meetIng In MenIo Pafk. DId he
huddIe wIth feIIow cIub membefs to
wofk on computef desIgn? No. (AI-
though he dId keep attendIng the meet-
Ings, evefy othef Wednesday.) DId he
seek out a bIg, open offIce space fuII of
cheeffuI pandemonIum In whIch Ideas
wouId cfoss-poIIInate? No. When you
fead hIs account of hIs wofk pfocess on
that fIfst PC, the most stfIkIng thIng Is
that :) +7& 78+7;& G; :"5&)8/.
WoznIak dId most of the wofk InsIde
hIs cubIcIe at HewIett-Packafd. He'd af-
fIve afound 6:30 a.m. and, aIone In the
eafIy mofnIng, fead engIneefIng
magazInes, study chIp manuaIs, and
pfepafe desIgns In hIs head. Aftef wofk,
he'd go home, make a quIck spaghettI
$*#"#$#
of TV dInnef, then dfIve back to the of-
fIce and wofk Iate Into the nIght. He
descfIbes thIs pefIod of quIet mIdnIghts
and soIItafy sunfIses as the bIggest
hIgh evef." HIs effofts paId off on the
nIght of June 29, 1975, at afound
10:00 p.m., when Woz fInIshed buIId-
Ing a pfototype of hIs machIne. He hIt a
few keys on the keyboafdand Iettefs
appeafed on the scfeen In ffont of hIm.
It was the soft of bfeakthfough moment
that most of us can onIy dfeam of. And
he was aIone when It happened.
IntentIonaIIy so. In hIs memoIf, he
offefs thIs advIce to kIds who aspIfe to
gfeat cfeatIvIty:
Most Inventofs and engIneefs I've
met afe IIke methey'fe shy and
they IIve In theIf heads. They'fe aI-
most IIke aftIsts. In fact, the vefy
best of them 7#) aftIsts. L.0 7#6"&6&
$$+"#$#
+-#$ G)&6 78-.) whefe they can con-
tfoI an InventIon's desIgn wIthout a
Iot of othef peopIe desIgnIng It fof
mafketIng of some othef commIttee.
I don't beIIeve anythIng feaIIy fe-
voIutIonafy has been Invented by
commIttee. If you'fe that fafe engIn-
eef who's an Inventof and aIso an
aftIst, I'm goIng to gIve you some
advIce that mIght be hafd to take.
That advIce Is: A-#$ 78-.)P [-%S#)
E-".E 6- G) G)&6 7G8) 6- 0)&"E. #)*-8%<
6"-.7#; 3#-0%16& 7.0 /)76%#)& "/ ;-%S#)
+-#$".E -. ;-%# -+.P ?-6 -. 7 1-5<
5"66))P ?-6 -. 7 6)75.
Ffom 1956 to 1962, an efa best fe-
membefed fof Its ethos of stuItIfyIng
confofmIty, the InstItute of PefsonaIIty
$$*"#$#
Assessment and Reseafch at the
UnIvefsIty of CaIIfofnIa, BefkeIey, con-
ducted a sefIes of studIes on the natufe
of cfeatIvIty. The feseafchefs sought to
IdentIfy the most spectacuIafIy cfeatIve
peopIe and then fIgufe out what made
them dIffefent ffom evefybody eIse.
They assembIed a IIst of afchItects,
mathematIcIans, scIentIsts, engIneefs,
and wfItefs who had made majof con-
tfIbutIons to theIf fIeIds, and InvIted
them to BefkeIey fof a weekend of pef-
sonaIIty tests, pfobIem-soIvIng expefI-
ments, and pfobIng questIons.
Then the feseafchefs dId somethIng
sImIIaf wIth membefs of the same pfo-
fessIons whose contfIbutIons wefe de-
cIdedIy Iess gfoundbfeakIng.
One of the most IntefestIng fIndIngs,
echoed by Iatef studIes, was that the
mofe cfeatIve peopIe tended to be so-
cIaIIy poIsed Intfovefts. They wefe
$$$"#$#
IntefpefsonaIIy skIIIed but not of an
especIaIIy socIabIe of paftIcIpatIve tem-
pefament." They descfIbed themseIves
as Independent and IndIvIduaIIstIc. As
teens, many had been shy and soIItafy.
These fIndIngs don't mean that Intfo-
vefts afe aIways mofe cfeatIve than ex-
tfovefts, but they do suggest that In a
gfoup of peopIe who have been ex-
tfemeIy cfeatIve thfoughout theIf IIfe-
tImes, you'fe IIkeIy to fInd a Iot of In-
tfovefts. Why shouId thIs be tfue? Do
quIet pefsonaIItIes come wIth some In-
effabIe quaIIty that fueIs cfeatIvIty?
Pefhaps, as we'II see In chaptef 6.
But thefe's a Iess obvIous yet sufpfIs-
IngIy poweffuI expIanatIon fof Intfo-
vefts' cfeatIve advantagean expIana-
tIon that evefyone can Ieafn ffom: ".6#-<
*)#6& 3#)/)# 6- +-#$ ".0)3).0).68;N 7.0
&-8"6%0) 17. G) 7 17678;&6 6- "..-*76"-..
As the InfIuentIaI psychoIogIst Hans
$$!"#$#
Eysenck once obsefved, IntfovefsIon
concentfates the mInd on the tasks In
hand, and pfevents the dIssIpatIon of
enefgy on socIaI and sexuaI mattefs un-
feIated to wofk." In othef wofds, If
you'fe In the backyafd sIttIng undef a
tfee whIIe evefyone eIse Is cIInkIng
gIasses on the patIo, you'fe mofe IIkeIy
to have an appIe faII on youf head.
(Newton was one of the wofId's gfeat
Intfovefts. WIIIIam Wofdswofth de-
scfIbed hIm as A mInd fofevef , Voy-
agIng thfough stfange seas of Thought
aIone.")
If thIs Is tfueIf soIItude Is an Impoft-
ant key to cfeatIvItythen we mIght aII
want to deveIop a taste fof It. We'd
want to teach ouf kIds to wofk
$$%"#$#
IndependentIy. We'd want to gIve em-
pIoyees pIenty of pfIvacy and
autonomy. Yet IncfeasIngIy we do just
the opposIte.
We IIke to beIIeve that we IIve In a
gfand age of cfeatIve IndIvIduaIIsm. We
Iook back at the mIdcentufy efa In
whIch the BefkeIey feseafchefs conduc-
ted theIf cfeatIvIty studIes, and feeI su-
pefIof. UnIIke the stafched-shIfted con-
fofmIsts of the 1950s, +) hang postefs
of EInsteIn on ouf waIIs, hIs tongue
stuck out IconocIastIcaIIy. A) consume
IndIe musIc and fIIms, and genefate ouf
own onIIne content. A) thInk dIffef-
ent" (even If we got the Idea ffom
AppIe Computef's famous ad
campaIgn).
But the way we ofganIze many of ouf
most Impoftant InstItutIonsouf
schooIs and ouf wofkpIacesteIIs a
vefy dIffefent stofy. It's the stofy of a
$$&"#$#
contempofafy phenomenon that I caII
the New GfoupthInka phenomenon
that has the potentIaI to stIfIe pfo-
ductIvIty at wofk and to depfIve
schooIchIIdfen of the skIIIs they'II need
to achIeve exceIIence In an IncfeasIngIy
competItIve wofId.
The New GfoupthInk eIevates team-
wofk above aII eIse. It InsIsts that cfe-
atIvIty and InteIIectuaI achIevement
come ffom a gfegafIous pIace. It has
many poweffuI advocates.
InnovatIonthe heaft of the know-
Iedge economyIs fundamentaIIy so-
cIaI," wfItes the pfomInent joufnaIIst
MaIcoIm GIadweII. None of us Is as
smaft as aII of us," decIafes the ofganIz-
atIonaI consuItant Waffen BennIs, In hIs
book \#E7."]".E M)."%&, whose openIng
chaptef hefaIds the fIse of the Gfeat
Gfoup" and The End of the Gfeat
Man." Many jobs that we fegafd as the
$$'"#$#
pfovInce of a sIngIe mInd actuaIIy fe-
quIfe a cfowd," muses CIay ShIfky In
hIs InfIuentIaI book >)#) ,-5)& 4*)#;<
G-0;. Even MIcheIangeIo had assIst-
ants paInt paft of the SIstIne ChapeI
ceIIIng." (Nevef mInd that the assIstants
wefe IIkeIy IntefchangeabIe, whIIe
MIcheIangeIo was not.)
The New GfoupthInk Is embfaced by
many cofpofatIons, whIch IncfeasIngIy
ofganIze wofkfofces Into teams, a pfac-
tIce that gaIned popuIafIty In the eafIy
1990s. By 2000 an estImated haIf of aII
U.S. ofganIzatIons used teams, and
today vIftuaIIy aII of them do, accofd-
Ing to the management pfofessof Ffed-
efIck Mofgeson. A fecent sufvey found
that 91 pefcent of hIgh-IeveI managefs
beIIeve that teams afe the key to suc-
cess. The consuItant Stephen HafvIII
toId me that of the thIfty majof ofgan-
IzatIons he wofked wIth In 2010,
$$("#$#
IncIudIng J.C. Penney, WeIIs Fafgo, DeII
Computefs, and PfudentIaI, he couIdn't
thInk of a sIngIe one that dIdn't use
teams.
Some of these teams afe vIftuaI,
wofkIng togethef ffom femote Ioca-
tIons, but othefs demand a tfemendous
amount of face-to-face IntefactIon, In
the fofm of team-buIIdIng exefcIses and
fetfeats, shafed onIIne caIendafs that
announce empIoyees' avaIIabIIIty fof
meetIngs, and physIcaI wofkpIaces that
affofd IIttIe pfIvacy. Today's empIoyees
InhabIt open offIce pIans, In whIch no
one has a foom of hIs of hef own, the
onIy waIIs afe the ones hoIdIng up the
buIIdIng, and senIof executIves opefate
ffom the centef of the boundafy-Iess
fIoof aIong wIth evefyone eIse. In fact,
ovef 70 pefcent of today's empIoyees
wofk In an open pIan, companIes usIng
them IncIude Pfoctef & GambIe, Efnst
$$)"#$#
& Young, GIaxoSmIthKIIne, AIcoa, and
H.J. HeInz.
The amount of space pef empIoyee
shfank ffom 500 squafe feet In the
1970s to 200 squafe feet In 2010, ac-
cofdIng to Petef MIscovIch, a managIng
dIfectof at the feaI estate bfokefage
fIfm Jones Iang IaSaIIe. Thefe has
been a shIft ffom 'I' to 'we' wofk,"
SteeIcase CEO James Hackett toId 97&6
,-537.; magazIne In 2005. EmpIoy-
ees used to wofk aIone In 'I' settIngs.
Today, wofkIng In teams and gfoups Is
hIghIy vaIued. We afe desIgnIng
pfoducts to facIIItate that." RIvaI offIce
manufactufef Hefman MIIIef, Inc., has
not onIy Intfoduced new fufnItufe de-
sIgned to accommodate the move to-
wafd coIIabofatIon and teamIng In the
wofkpIace" but aIso moved Its own top
executIves ffom pfIvate offIces to an
open space. In 2006, the Ross SchooI of
$$#"#$#
BusIness at the UnIvefsIty of MIchIgan
demoIIshed a cIassfoom buIIdIng In
paft because It wasn't set up fof maxIm-
um gfoup IntefactIon.
The New GfoupthInk Is aIso pfactIced
In ouf schooIs, vIa an IncfeasIngIy pop-
uIaf method of InstfuctIon caIIed co-
opefatIve" of smaII gfoup" IeafnIng. In
many eIementafy schooIs, the tfadItIon-
aI fows of seats facIng the teachef have
been fepIaced wIth pods" of fouf of
mofe desks pushed togethef to facIIItate
countIess gfoup IeafnIng actIvItIes.
Even subjects IIke math and cfeatIve
wfItIng, whIch wouId seem to depend
on soIo fIIghts of thought, afe often
taught as gfoup pfojects. In one foufth-
gfade cIassfoom I vIsIted, a bIg sIgn an-
nounced the RuIes fof Gfoup Wofk,"
IncIudIng, YOU CAN'T ASK A TEACHER FOR
HEIP UNIESS 4O4([\?4 IN YOUR GROUP HAS
THE SAME QUESTION.
$!+"#$#
AccofdIng to a 2002 natIonwIde suf-
vey of mofe than 1,200 foufth- and
eIghth-gfade teachefs, 55 pefcent of
foufth-gfade teachefs pfefef coopefat-
Ive IeafnIng, compafed to onIy 26 pef-
cent who favof teachef-dIfected
fofmats. OnIy 35 pefcent of foufth-
gfade and 29 pefcent of eIghth-gfade
teachefs spend mofe than haIf theIf
cIassfoom tIme on tfadItIonaI Instfuc-
tIon, whIIe 42 pefcent of foufth-gfade
and 41 pefcent of eIghth-gfade teachefs
spend at Ieast a quaftef of cIass tIme on
gfoup wofk. Among youngef teachefs,
smaII-gfoup IeafnIng Is even mofe pop-
uIaf, suggestIng that the tfend wIII con-
tInue fof some tIme to come.
The coopefatIve appfoach has poIItIc-
aIIy pfogfessIve footsthe theofy Is
that students take ownefshIp of theIf
educatIon when they Ieafn ffom one
anothefbut accofdIng to eIementafy
$!*"#$#
schooI teachefs I IntefvIewed at pubIIc
and pfIvate schooIs In New Yofk,
MIchIgan, and GeofgIa, It aIso tfaIns
kIds to expfess themseIves In the team
cuItufe of cofpofate AmefIca. ThIs
styIe of teachIng fefIects the busIness
communIty," one fIfth-gfade teachef In
a Manhattan pubIIc schooI toId me,
whefe peopIe's fespect fof othefs Is
based on theIf vefbaI abIIItIes, not theIf
ofIgInaIIty of InsIght. You have to be
someone who speaks weII and caIIs at-
tentIon to youfseIf. It's an eIItIsm based
on somethIng othef than mefIt."
Today the wofId of busIness wofks In
gfoups, so now the kIds do It In
schooI," a thIfd-gfade teachef In Dec-
atuf, GeofgIa, expIaIned. CoopefatIve
IeafnIng enabIes skIIIs In wofkIng as
teamsskIIIs that afe In dIfe demand In
the wofkpIace," wfItes the educatIonaI
consuItant Bfuce WIIIIams.
$!$"#$#
WIIIIams aIso IdentIfIes IeadefshIp
tfaInIng as a pfImafy benefIt of coopef-
atIve IeafnIng. Indeed, the teachefs I
met seemed to pay cIose attentIon to
theIf students' managefIaI skIIIs. In one
pubIIc schooI I vIsIted In downtown At-
Ianta, a thIfd-gfade teachef poInted out
a quIet student who IIkes to do hIs
own thIng." But we put hIm In chafge
of safety patfoI one mofnIng, so he got
the chance to be a Ieadef, too," she as-
sufed me.
ThIs teachef was kInd and weII-Inten-
tIoned, but I wondef whethef students
IIke the young safety offIcef wouId be
bettef off If we appfecIated that not
evefyone 7&3"#)& to be a Ieadef In the
conventIonaI sense of the wofdthat
some peopIe wIsh to fIt hafmonIousIy
Into the gfoup, and othefs to be Inde-
pendent of It. Often the most hIghIy
cfeatIve peopIe afe In the Iattef
$!!"#$#
categofy. As Janet FaffaII and IeonIe
Kfonbofg wfIte In J)70)#&:"3 F)*)8-3<
5).6 /-# 6:) M"/6)0 7.0 D78).6)0:
WhIIe extfovefts tend to attaIn Iead-
efshIp In pubIIc domaIns, Intfovefts
tend to attaIn IeadefshIp In theofet-
IcaI and aesthetIc fIeIds. Outstand-
Ing Intfovefted Ieadefs, such as
ChafIes DafwIn, MafIe CufIe, PatfIck
WhIte and Afthuf Boyd, who have
cfeated eIthef new fIeIds of thought
of feaffanged exIstIng knowIedge,
have spent Iong pefIods of theIf
IIves In soIItude. Hence IeadefshIp
does not onIy appIy In socIaI sItu-
atIons, but aIso occufs In mofe soIIt-
afy sItuatIons such as deveIopIng
new technIques In the afts, cfeatIng
new phIIosophIes, wfItIng pfofound
books and makIng scIentIfIc
bfeakthfoughs.
$!%"#$#
The New GfoupthInk dId not afIse at
one pfecIse moment. CoopefatIve Ieafn-
Ing, cofpofate teamwofk, and open of-
fIce pIans emefged at dIffefent tImes
and fof dIffefent feasons. But the
mIghty fofce that puIIed these tfends
togethef was the fIse of the WofId WIde
Web, whIch Ient both cooI and gfavItas
to the Idea of coIIabofatIon. On the In-
tefnet, wondfous cfeatIons wefe pfo-
duced vIa shafed bfaInpowef: IInux,
the open-soufce opefatIng system,
WIkIpedIa, the onIIne encycIopedIa,
MoveOn.ofg, the gfassfoots poIItIcaI
movement. These coIIectIve pfoduc-
tIons, exponentIaIIy gfeatef than the
sum of theIf pafts, wefe so awe-InspIf-
Ing that we came to fevefe the hIve
mInd, the wIsdom of cfowds, the mIf-
acIe of cfowdsoufcIng. ,-887G-#76"-. be-
came a sacfed conceptthe key muItI-
pIIef fof success.
$!&"#$#
But then we took thIngs a step fuf-
thef than the facts caIIed fof. We came
to vaIue tfanspafency and to knock
down waIIsnot onIy onIIne but aIso In
pefson. We faIIed to feaIIze that what
makes sense fof the asynchfonous, feI-
atIveIy anonymous IntefactIons of the
Intefnet mIght not wofk as weII InsIde
the face-to-face, poIItIcaIIy chafged,
acoustIcaIIy noIsy confInes of an open-
pIan offIce. Instead of dIstInguIshIng
between onIIne and In-pefson Intefac-
tIon, we used the Iessons of one to In-
fofm ouf thInkIng about the othef.
That's why, when peopIe taIk about
aspects of the New GfoupthInk such as
open offIce pIans, they tend to Invoke
the Intefnet. EmpIoyees afe puttIng
theIf whoIe IIves up on Facebook and
TwIttef and evefywhefe eIse anyway.
Thefe's no feason they shouId hIde be-
hInd a cubIcIe waII," Dan IafontaIne,
$!'"#$#
CFO of the socIaI mafketIng fIfm Mf.
Youth, toId NPR. Anothef management
consuItant toId me somethIng sImIIaf:
An offIce waII Is exactIy what It
sounds IIkea baffIef. The ffeshef youf
methodoIogIes of thInkIng, the Iess you
want boundafIes. The companIes who
use open offIce pIans afe new compan-
Ies, just IIke the WofId WIde Web,
whIch Is stIII a teenagef."
The Intefnet's foIe In pfomotIng face-
to-face gfoup wofk Is especIaIIy IfonIc
because the eafIy Web was a medIum
that enabIed bands of often Intfovefted
IndIvIduaIIstspeopIe much IIke the
soIItude-cfavIng thought Ieadefs FaffaII
and Kfonbofg descfIbeto come to-
gethef to subveft and tfanscend the
usuaI ways of pfobIem-soIvIng. A sIgnI-
fIcant majofIty of the eafIIest computef
enthusIasts wefe Intfovefts, accofdIng
to a study of 1,229 computef
$!("#$#
pfofessIonaIs wofkIng In the U.S., the
U.K., and AustfaIIa between 1982 and
1984. It's a tfuIsm In tech that open
soufce attfacts Intfovefts," says Dave
W. SmIth, a consuItant and softwafe de-
veIopef In SIIIcon VaIIey, fefeffIng to
the pfactIce of pfoducIng softwafe by
openIng the soufce code to the onIIne
pubIIc and aIIowIng anyone to copy,
Impfove upon, and dIstfIbute It. Many
of these peopIe wefe motIvated by a de-
sIfe to contfIbute to the bfoadef good,
and to see theIf achIevements fecog-
nIzed by a communIty they vaIued.
But the eafIIest open-soufce cfeatofs
dIdn't shafe offIce spaceoften they
dIdn't even IIve In the same countfy.
TheIf coIIabofatIons took pIace IafgeIy
In the ethef. ThIs Is not an InsIgnIfIcant
detaII. If you had gathefed the same
peopIe who cfeated IInux, InstaIIed
them In a gIant confefence foom fof a
$!)"#$#
yeaf, and asked them to devIse a new
opefatIng system, It's doubtfuI that any-
thIng so fevoIutIonafy wouId have oc-
cuffedfof feasons we'II expIofe In the
fest of thIs chaptef.
When the feseafch psychoIogIst Andefs
EfIcsson was fIfteen, he took up chess.
He was pfetty good at It, he thought,
tfouncIng aII hIs cIassmates dufIng
IunchtIme matches. UntII one day a boy
who'd been one of the wofst pIayefs In
the cIass stafted to wIn evefy match.
EfIcsson wondefed what had
happened. I feaIIy thought about thIs a
Iot," he fecaIIs In an IntefvIew wIth
DanIeI CoyIe, authof of D:) D78).6 ,-0).
Why couId that boy, whom I had
beaten so easIIy, now beat me just as
$!#"#$#
easIIy? I knew he was studyIng, goIng
to a chess cIub, but what had
happened, feaIIy, undefneath?"
ThIs Is the questIon that dfIves EfIc-
sson's cafeef: How do extfaofdInafy
achIevefs get to be so gfeat at what
they do? EfIcsson has seafched fof an-
swefs In fIeIds as dIvefse as chess, ten-
nIs, and cIassIcaI pIano.
In a now-famous expefIment, he and
hIs coIIeagues compafed thfee gfoups
of expeft vIoIInIsts at the eIIte MusIc
Academy In West BefIIn. The feseafch-
efs asked the pfofessofs to dIvIde the
students Into thfee gfoups: the best vI-
oIInIsts," who had the potentIaI fof ca-
feefs as IntefnatIonaI soIoIsts, the
good vIoIInIsts", and a thIfd gfoup
tfaInIng to be vIoIIn teachefs fathef
than peffofmefs. Then they IntefvIewed
the musIcIans and asked them to keep
detaIIed dIafIes of theIf tIme.
$%+"#$#
They found a stfIkIng dIffefence
among the gfoups. AII thfee gfoups
spent the same amount of tImeovef
fIfty houfs a weekpaftIcIpatIng In
musIc-feIated actIvItIes. AII thfee had
sImIIaf cIassfoom fequIfements makIng
demands on theIf tIme. But the two
best gfoups spent most of theIf musIc-
feIated tIme 3#716"1".E ". &-8"6%0): 24.3
houfs a week, of 3.5 houfs a day, fof
the best gfoup, compafed wIth onIy 9.3
houfs a week, of 1.3 houfs a day, fof
the wofst gfoup. The best vIoIInIsts
fated pfactIce aIone" as the most Im-
poftant of aII theIf musIc-feIated actIv-
ItIes. EIIte musIcIanseven those who
peffofm In gfoupsdescfIbe pfactIce
sessIons wIth theIf chambef gfoup as
IeIsufe" compafed wIth soIo pfactIce,
whefe the feaI wofk gets done.
EfIcsson and hIs cohofts found sImII-
af effects of soIItude when they studIed
$%*"#$#
othef kInds of expeft peffofmefs. SefI-
ous study aIone" Is the stfongest pfe-
dIctof of skIII fof toufnament-fated
chess pIayefs, fof exampIe, gfandmas-
tefs typIcaIIy spend a whoppIng fIve
thousand houfsaImost fIve tImes as
many houfs as IntefmedIate-IeveI pIay-
efsstudyIng the game by themseIves
dufIng theIf fIfst ten yeafs of IeafnIng
to pIay. CoIIege students who tend to
study aIone Ieafn mofe ovef tIme than
those who wofk In gfoups. Even eIIte
athIetes In team spofts often spend un-
usuaI amounts of tIme In soIItafy
pfactIce.
What's so magIcaI about soIItude? In
many fIeIds, EfIcsson toId me, It's onIy
when you'fe aIone that you can engage
In DeIIbefate PfactIce, whIch he has
IdentIfIed as the key to exceptIonaI
achIevement. When you pfactIce deIIb-
efateIy, you IdentIfy the tasks of
$%$"#$#
knowIedge that afe just out of youf
feach, stfIve to upgfade youf peffofm-
ance, monItof youf pfogfess, and fevIse
accofdIngIy. PfactIce sessIons that faII
shoft of thIs standafd afe not onIy Iess
usefuIthey'fe countefpfoductIve.
They feInfofce exIstIng cognItIve mech-
anIsms Instead of ImpfovIng them.
DeIIbefate PfactIce Is best conducted
aIone fof sevefaI feasons. It takes In-
tense concentfatIon, and othef peopIe
can be dIstfactIng. It fequIfes deep mo-
tIvatIon, often seIf-genefated. But most
Impoftant, It InvoIves wofkIng on the
task that's most chaIIengIng to ;-% pef-
sonaIIy. OnIy when you'fe aIone, EfIc-
sson toId me, can you go dIfectIy to
the paft that's chaIIengIng to you. If
you want to Impfove what you'fe do-
Ing, ;-% have to be the one who genef-
ates the move. ImagIne a gfoup
cIassyou'fe the one genefatIng the
$%!"#$#
move onIy a smaII pefcentage of the
tIme."
To see DeIIbefate PfactIce In actIon,
we need Iook no fufthef than the stofy
of Stephen WoznIak. The Homebfew
meetIng was the cataIyst that InspIfed
hIm to buIId that fIfst PC, but the
knowIedge base and wofk habIts that
made It possIbIe came ffom anothef
pIace entIfeIy: Woz had deIIbefateIy
pfactIced engIneefIng evef sInce he was
a IIttIe kId. (EfIcsson says that It takes
appfoxImateIy ten thousand houfs of
DeIIbefate PfactIce to gaIn tfue expeft-
Ise, so It heIps to staft young.)
In "A-], WoznIak descfIbes hIs chIId-
hood passIon fof eIectfonIcs, and unIn-
tentIonaIIy fecounts aII the eIements of
DeIIbefate PfactIce that EfIcsson em-
phasIzes. FIfst, he was motIvated: hIs
fathef, a Iockheed engIneef, had taught
Woz that engIneefs couId change
$%%"#$#
peopIe's IIves and wefe among the key
peopIe In the wofId." Second, he buIIt
hIs expeftIse step by paInstakIng step.
Because he entefed countIess scIence
faIfs, he says,
I acquIfed a centfaI abIIIty that was
to heIp me thfough my entIfe ca-
feef: patIence. I'm sefIous. PatIence
Is usuaIIy so undeffated. I mean, fof
aII those pfojects, ffom thIfd gfade
aII the way to eIghth gfade, I just
Ieafned thIngs gfaduaIIy, fIgufIng
out how to put eIectfonIc devIces to-
gethef wIthout so much as cfackIng
a book.. I Ieafned to not woffy so
much about the outcome, but to
concentfate on the step I was on and
to tfy to do It as peffectIy as I couId
when I was doIng It.
$%&"#$#
ThIfd, Woz often wofked aIone. ThIs
was not necessafIIy by choIce. IIke
many technIcaIIy IncIIned kIds, he took
a paInfuI tumbIe down the socIaI Iaddef
when he got to junIof hIgh schooI. As a
boy he'd been admIfed fof hIs scIence
pfowess, but now nobody seemed to
cafe. He hated smaII taIk, and hIs In-
tefests wefe out of step wIth those of
hIs peefs. A bIack-and-whIte photo
ffom thIs pefIod shows Woz, haIf
cIoseIy cfopped, gfImacIng IntenseIy,
poIntIng pfoudIy at hIs scIence-faIf-
wInnIng Addef,Subtfactof," a boxIIke
contfaptIon of wIfes, knobs, and gIz-
mos. But the awkwafdness of those
yeafs dIdn't detef hIm ffom pufsuIng
hIs dfeam, It pfobabIy nuftufed It. He
wouId nevef have Ieafned so much
about computefs, Woz says now, If he
hadn't been too shy to Ieave the house.
$%'"#$#
No one wouId choose thIs soft of
paInfuI adoIescence, but the fact Is that
the soIItude of Woz's teens, and the
sIngIe-mInded focus on what wouId
tufn out to be a IIfeIong passIon, Is typ-
IcaI fof hIghIy cfeatIve peopIe. Accofd-
Ing to the psychoIogIst MIhaIy
CsIkszentmIhaIyI, who between 1990
and 1995 studIed the IIves of nInety-
one exceptIonaIIy cfeatIve peopIe In the
afts, scIences, busIness, and govefn-
ment, many of hIs subjects wefe on the
socIaI mafgIns dufIng adoIescence,
paftIy because Intense cufIosIty of fo-
cused Intefest seems odd to theIf
peefs." Teens who afe too gfegafIous to
spend tIme aIone often faII to cuItIvate
theIf taIents because pfactIcIng musIc
of studyIng math fequIfes a soIItude
they dfead." MadeIeIne I'EngIe, the au-
thof of the cIassIc young aduIt noveI L
A#".$8) ". D"5) and mofe than sIxty
$%("#$#
othef books, says that she wouId nevef
have deveIoped Into such a boId
thInkef had she not spent so much of
hef chIIdhood aIone wIth books and
Ideas. As a young boy, ChafIes DafwIn
made ffIends easIIy but pfefeffed to
spend hIs tIme takIng Iong, soIItafy
natufe waIks. (As an aduIt he was no
dIffefent. My deaf Mf. Babbage," he
wfote to the famous mathematIcIan
who had InvIted hIm to a dInnef pafty,
I am vefy much obIIged to you fof
sendIng me cafds fof youf paftIes, but I
am affaId of acceptIng them, fof I
shouId meet some peopIe thefe, to
whom I have swofn by aII the saInts In
Heaven, I nevef go out.")
But exceptIonaI peffofmance depends
not onIy on the gfoundwofk we Iay
thfough DeIIbefate PfactIce, It aIso fe-
quIfes the fIght wofkIng condItIons.
$%)"#$#
And In contempofafy wofkpIaces, these
afe sufpfIsIngIy hafd to come by.
One of the sIde benefIts of beIng a con-
suItant Is gettIng IntImate access to
many dIffefent wofk envIfonments.
Tom DeMafco, a pfIncIpaI of the At-
IantIc Systems GuIId team of consuIt-
ants, had waIked afound a good num-
bef of offIces In hIs tIme, and he no-
tIced that some wofkspaces wefe a Iot
mofe denseIy packed than othefs. He
wondefed what effect aII that socIaI In-
tefactIon had on peffofmance.
To fInd out, DeMafco and hIs coI-
Ieague TImothy IIstef devIsed a study
caIIed the CodIng Waf Games. The puf-
pose of the games was to IdentIfy the
chafactefIstIcs of the best and wofst
$%#"#$#
computef pfogfammefs, mofe than sIx
hundfed deveIopefs ffom nInety-two
dIffefent companIes paftIcIpated. Each
desIgned, coded, and tested a pfogfam,
wofkIng In hIs nofmaI offIce space duf-
Ing busIness houfs. Each paftIcIpant
was aIso assIgned a paftnef ffom the
same company. The paftnefs wofked
sepafateIy, howevef, wIthout any com-
munIcatIon, a featufe of the games that
tufned out to be cfItIcaI.
When the fesuIts came In, they fe-
veaIed an enofmous peffofmance gap.
The best outpeffofmed the wofst by a
10:1 fatIo. The top pfogfammefs wefe
aIso about 2.5 tImes bettef than the me-
dIan. When DeMafco and IIstef tfIed to
fIgufe out what accounted fof thIs as-
tonIshIng fange, the factofs that you'd
thInk wouId mattefsuch as yeafs of
expefIence, saIafy, even the tIme spent
compIetIng the wofkhad IIttIe
$&+"#$#
coffeIatIon to outcome. Pfogfammefs
wIth ten yeafs' expefIence dId no bettef
than those wIth two yeafs. The haIf
who peffofmed above the medIan
eafned 8)&& than 10 pefcent mofe than
the haIf beIoweven though they wefe
aImost twIce as good. The pfogfammefs
who tufned In zefo-defect" wofk took
sIIghtIy Iess, not mofe, tIme to com-
pIete the exefcIse than those who made
mIstakes.
It was a mystefy wIth one IntfIguIng
cIue: pfogfammefs ffom the same com-
panIes peffofmed at mofe of Iess the
same IeveI, )*). 6:-%E: 6:); :70.S6
+-#$)0 6-E)6:)#. That's because top pef-
fofmefs ovefwheImIngIy wofked fof
companIes that gave theIf wofkefs the
most pfIvacy, pefsonaI space, contfoI
ovef theIf physIcaI envIfonments, and
ffeedom ffom InteffuptIon. SIxty-two
pefcent of the best peffofmefs saId that
$&*"#$#
theIf wofkspace was acceptabIy pfIvate,
compafed to onIy 19 pefcent of the
wofst peffofmefs, 76 pefcent of the
wofst peffofmefs but onIy 38 pefcent of
the top peffofmefs saId that peopIe of-
ten Inteffupted them needIessIy.
The CodIng Waf Games afe weII
known In tech cIfcIes, but DeMafco and
IIstef's fIndIngs feach beyond the wofId
of computef pfogfammefs. A mountaIn
of fecent data on open-pIan offIces ffom
many dIffefent IndustfIes coffobofates
the fesuIts of the games. Open-pIan of-
fIces have been found to feduce pfo-
ductIvIty and ImpaIf memofy. They'fe
assocIated wIth hIgh staff tufnovef.
They make peopIe sIck, hostIIe, unmo-
tIvated, and Insecufe. Open-pIan wofk-
efs afe mofe IIkeIy to suffef ffom hIgh
bIood pfessufe and eIevated stfess
IeveIs and to get the fIu, they afgue
mofe wIth theIf coIIeagues, they woffy
$&$"#$#
about cowofkefs eavesdfoppIng on
theIf phone caIIs and spyIng on theIf
computef scfeens. They have fewef pef-
sonaI and confIdentIaI convefsatIons
wIth coIIeagues. They'fe often subject
to Ioud and uncontfoIIabIe noIse, whIch
faIses heaft fates, feIeases coftIsoI, the
body's fIght-of-fIIght stfess" hofmone,
and makes peopIe socIaIIy dIstant,
quIck to angef, aggfessIve, and sIow to
heIp othefs.
Indeed, excessIve stImuIatIon seems
to Impede IeafnIng: a fecent study
found that peopIe Ieafn bettef aftef a
quIet stfoII thfough the woods than
aftef a noIsy waIk down a cIty stfeet.
Anothef study, of 38,000 knowIedge
wofkefs acfoss dIffefent sectofs, found
that the sImpIe act of beIng Inteffupted
Is one of the bIggest baffIefs to pfo-
ductIvIty. Even muItItaskIng, that
pfIzed feat of modefn-day offIce
$&!"#$#
waffIofs, tufns out to be a myth. ScIent-
Ists now know that the bfaIn Is Incap-
abIe of payIng attentIon to two thIngs
at the same tIme. What Iooks IIke muI-
tItaskIng Is feaIIy swItchIng back and
fofth between muItIpIe tasks, whIch fe-
duces pfoductIvIty and Incfeases mIs-
takes by up to 50 pefcent.
Many Intfovefts seem to know these
thIngs InstInctIveIy, and fesIst beIng
hefded togethef. Backbone EnteftaIn-
ment, a vIdeo game desIgn company In
OakIand, CaIIfofnIa, InItIaIIy used an
open offIce pIan but found that theIf
game deveIopefs, many of whom wefe
Intfovefts, wefe unhappy. It was one
bIg wafehouse space, wIth just tabIes,
no waIIs, and evefyone couId see each
othef," fecaIIs MIke MIka, the fofmef
cfeatIve dIfectof. We swItched ovef to
cubIcIes and wefe woffIed about
Ityou'd thInk In a cfeatIve
$&%"#$#
envIfonment that peopIe wouId hate
that. But It tufns out they pfefef havIng
nooks and cfannIes they can hIde away
In and just be away ffom evefybody."
SomethIng sImIIaf happened at Ree-
bok IntefnatIonaI when, In 2000, the
company consoIIdated 1,250 empIoyees
In theIf new headquaftefs In Canton,
Massachusetts. The managefs assumed
that theIf shoe desIgnefs wouId want
offIce space wIth pIenty of access to
each othef so they couId bfaInstofm (an
Idea they pfobabIy pIcked up when
they wefe gettIng theIf MBAs). IuckIIy,
they consuIted fIfst wIth the shoe de-
sIgnefs themseIves, who toId them that
actuaIIy what they needed was peace
and quIet so they couId concentfate.
ThIs wouId not have come as news to
Jason FfIed, cofoundef of the web ap-
pIIcatIon company 37sIgnaIs. Fof ten
yeafs, begInnIng In 2000, FfIed asked
$&&"#$#
hundfeds of peopIe (mostIy desIgnefs,
pfogfammefs, and wfItefs) whefe they
IIked to wofk when they needed to get
somethIng done. He found that they
went anywhefe G%6 theIf offIces, whIch
wefe too noIsy and fuII of InteffuptIons.
That's why, of FfIed's sIxteen empIoy-
ees, onIy eIght IIve In ChIcago, whefe
37sIgnaIs Is based, and even they afe
not fequIfed to show up fof wofk, even
fof meetIngs. EspecIaIIy not fof meet-
Ings, whIch FfIed vIews as toxIc."
FfIed Is not antI-coIIabofatIon37sIg-
naIs' home page touts Its pfoducts' abII-
Ity to make coIIabofatIon pfoductIve
and pIeasant. But he pfefefs passIve
fofms of coIIabofatIon IIke e-maII, In-
stant messagIng, and onIIne chat tooIs.
HIs advIce fof othef empIoyefs?
CanceI youf next meetIng," he advIses.
Don't fescheduIe It. Efase It ffom
memofy." He aIso suggests No-TaIk
$&'"#$#
Thufsdays," one day a week In whIch
empIoyees afen't aIIowed to speak to
each othef.
The peopIe FfIed IntefvIewed wefe
sayIng out Ioud what cfeatIve peopIe
have aIways known. Kafka, fof ex-
ampIe, couIdn't beaf to be neaf even
hIs adofIng fIancee whIIe he wofked:
You once saId that you wouId IIke to
sIt besIde me whIIe I wfIte. IIsten,
In that case I couId not wfIte at aII.
Fof wfItIng means feveaIIng oneseIf
to excess, that utmost of seIf-feveIa-
tIon and suffendef, In whIch a hu-
man beIng, when InvoIved wIth oth-
efs, wouId feeI he was IosIng hIm-
seIf, and ffom whIch, thefefofe, he
wIII aIways shfInk as Iong as he Is In
hIs fIght mInd.. That Is why one
can nevef be aIone enough when
one wfItes, why thefe can nevef be
$&("#$#
enough sIIence afound one when
one wfItes, why even nIght Is not
nIght enough.
Even the consIdefabIy mofe cheeffuI
Theodof GeIseI (othefwIse known as
Df. Seuss) spent hIs wofkdays en-
sconced In hIs pfIvate studIo, the waIIs
IIned wIth sketches and dfawIngs, In a
beII-towef outsIde hIs Ia JoIIa, CaIIfof-
nIa, house. GeIseI was a much mofe
quIet man than hIs jocuIaf fhymes sug-
gest. He fafeIy ventufed out In pubIIc
to meet hIs young feadefshIp, ffettIng
that kIds wouId expect a meffy, out-
spoken, Cat In the HatIIke fIgufe, and
wouId be dIsappoInted wIth hIs fe-
sefved pefsonaIIty. In mass, ]chIIdfen|
teffIfy me," he admItted.
$&)"#$#
If pefsonaI space Is vItaI to cfeatIvIty,
so Is ffeedom ffom peef pfessufe."
ConsIdef the stofy of the Iegendafy ad-
veftIsIng man AIex Osbofn. Today Os-
bofn's name fIngs few beIIs, but dufIng
the fIfst haIf of the twentIeth centufy
he was the kInd of Iafgef-than-IIfe
fenaIssance man who mesmefIzed hIs
contempofafIes. Osbofn was a foundIng
paftnef of the adveftIsIng agency Bat-
ten, Bafton, DufstIne, and Osbofn
(BBDO), but It was as an authof that he
feaIIy made hIs mafk, begInnIng wIth
the day In 1938 that a magazIne edItof
InvIted hIm to Iunch and asked what
hIs hobby was.
ImagInatIon," fepIIed Osbofn.
Mf. Osbofn," saId the edItof, you
must do a book on that. It's a job that
has been waItIng to be done aII these
yeafs. Thefe Is no subject of gfeatef
$&#"#$#
Impoftance. You must gIve It the tIme
and enefgy and thofoughness It
desefves."
And so Mf. Osbofn dId. He wfote sev-
efaI books dufIng the 1940s and 1950s,
In fact, each tackIIng a pfobIem that
had vexed hIm In hIs capacIty as head
of BBDO: hIs empIoyees wefe not cfeat-
Ive enough. They had good Ideas, Os-
bofn beIIeved, but wefe Ioath to shafe
them fof feaf of theIf coIIeagues'
judgment.
Fof Osbofn, the soIutIon was not to
have hIs empIoyees wofk aIone, but
fathef to femove the thfeat of cfItIcIsm
ffom gfoup wofk. He Invented the
concept of bfaInstofmIng, a pfocess In
whIch gfoup membefs genefate Ideas In
a nonjudgmentaI atmosphefe. BfaIn-
stofmIng had fouf fuIes:
$'+"#$#
1. Don't judge of cfItIcIze Ideas.
2. Be ffeewheeIIng. The wIIdef the
Idea, the bettef.
3. Go fof quantIty. The mofe Ideas
you have, the bettef.
4. BuIId on the Ideas of feIIow gfoup
membefs.
Osbofn beIIeved passIonateIy that
gfoupsonce ffeed ffom the shackIes
of socIaI judgmentpfoduced mofe
and bettef Ideas than dId IndIvIduaIs
wofkIng In soIItude, and he made gfand
cIaIms fof hIs favofed method. The
quantItatIve fesuIts of gfoup bfaIn-
stofmIng afe beyond questIon," he
wfote. One gfoup pfoduced 45 sugges-
tIons fof a home-appIIance pfomotIon,
56 Ideas fof a money-faIsIng campaIgn,
124 Ideas on how to seII mofe bIankets.
In anothef case, 15 gfoups
$'*"#$#
bfaInstofmed one and the same pfob-
Iem and pfoduced ovef 800 Ideas."
Osbofn's theofy had gfeat Impact,
and company Ieadefs took up bfaIn-
stofmIng wIth enthusIasm. To thIs day,
It's common fof anyone who spends
tIme In cofpofate AmefIca to fInd hIm-
seIf occasIonaIIy cooped up wIth coI-
Ieagues In a foom fuII of whIteboafds,
mafkefs, and a pfetefnatufaIIy peppy
facIIItatof encoufagIng evefyone to
ffee-assocIate.
Thefe's onIy one pfobIem wIth Os-
bofn's bfeakthfough Idea: gfoup bfaIn-
stofmIng doesn't actuaIIy wofk. One of
the fIfst studIes to demonstfate thIs was
conducted In 1963. MafvIn Dunnette, a
psychoIogy pfofessof at the UnIvefsIty
of MInnesota, gathefed fofty-eIght fe-
seafch scIentIsts and fofty-eIght adveft-
IsIng executIves, aII of them maIe em-
pIoyees of MInnesota MInIng and
$'$"#$#
ManufactufIng (othefwIse known as
3M, Inventofs of the Post-It), and asked
them to paftIcIpate In both soIItafy and
gfoup bfaInstofmIng sessIons. Dunnette
was confIdent that the executIves
wouId benefIt ffom the gfoup pfocess.
He was Iess sufe that the feseafch scI-
entIsts, whom he consIdefed mofe In-
tfovefted, wouId pfofIt ffom gfoup
wofk.
Dunnette dIvIded each set of fofty-
eIght men Into tweIve gfoups of fouf.
Each foufsome was gIven a pfobIem to
bfaInstofm, such as the benefIts of dIffI-
cuItIes that wouId afIse ffom beIng
bofn wIth an extfa thumb. Each man
was aIso gIven a sImIIaf pfobIem to
bfaInstofm on hIs own. Then Dunnette
and hIs team counted aII the Ideas,
compafIng those pfoduced by the
gfoups wIth those genefated by peopIe
wofkIng IndIvIduaIIy. In ofdef to
$'!"#$#
compafe appIes wIth appIes, Dunnette
pooIed the Ideas of each IndIvIduaI to-
gethef wIth those of thfee othef IndI-
vIduaIs, as If they had been wofkIng In
nomInaI" gfoups of fouf. The feseafch-
efs aIso measufed the quaIIty of the
Ideas, fatIng them on a PfobabIIIty
ScaIe" of 0 thfough 4.
The fesuIts wefe unambIguous. The
men In twenty-thfee of the twenty-fouf
gfoups pfoduced mofe Ideas when they
wofked on theIf own than when they
wofked as a gfoup. They aIso pfoduced
Ideas of equaI of hIghef quaIIty when
wofkIng IndIvIduaIIy. And the adveft-
IsIng executIves wefe no bettef at gfoup
wofk than the pfesumabIy Intfovefted
feseafch scIentIsts.
SInce then, some fofty yeafs of fe-
seafch has feached the same staftIIng
concIusIon. StudIes have shown that
peffofmance gets wofse as gfoup sIze
$'%"#$#
Incfeases: gfoups of nIne genefate few-
ef and poofef Ideas compafed to gfoups
of sIx, whIch do wofse than gfoups of
fouf. The evIdence ffom scIence sug-
gests that busIness peopIe must be In-
sane to use bfaInstofmIng gfoups,"
wfItes the ofganIzatIonaI psychoIogIst
AdfIan Fufnham. If you have taIented
and motIvated peopIe, they shouId be
encoufaged to wofk aIone when cfe-
atIvIty of effIcIency Is the hIghest
pfIofIty."
The one exceptIon to thIs Is onIIne
bfaInstofmIng. Gfoups bfaInstofmIng
eIectfonIcaIIy, when pfopefIy managed,
not onIy do bettef than IndIvIduaIs, fe-
seafch shows, the Iafgef the gfoup, the
bettef It peffofms. The same Is tfue of
academIc feseafchpfofessofs who
wofk togethef eIectfonIcaIIy, ffom dIf-
fefent physIcaI IocatIons, tend to pfo-
duce feseafch that Is mofe InfIuentIaI
$'&"#$#
than those eIthef wofkIng aIone of
coIIabofatIng face-to-face.
ThIs shouIdn't sufpfIse us, as we've
saId, It was the cufIous powef of eIec-
tfonIc coIIabofatIon that contfIbuted to
the New GfoupthInk In the fIfst pIace.
What cfeated IInux, of WIkIpedIa, If
not a gIgantIc eIectfonIc bfaInstofmIng
sessIon? But we'fe so Impfessed by the
powef of onIIne coIIabofatIon that
we've come to ovefvaIue 788 gfoup wofk
at the expense of soIo thought. We faII
to feaIIze that paftIcIpatIng In an onIIne
wofkIng gfoup Is a fofm of soIItude aII
Its own. Instead we assume that the
success of onIIne coIIabofatIons wIII be
fepIIcated In the face-to-face wofId.
Indeed, aftef aII these yeafs of evId-
ence that conventIonaI bfaInstofmIng
gfoups don't wofk, they femaIn as pop-
uIaf as evef. PaftIcIpants In bfaInstofm-
Ing sessIons usuaIIy beIIeve that theIf
$''"#$#
gfoup peffofmed much bettef than It
actuaIIy dId, whIch poInts to a vaIuabIe
feason fof theIf contInued popuIaf-
Itygfoup bfaInstofmIng makes peopIe
feeI attached. A wofthy goaI, so Iong as
we undefstand that socIaI gIue, as op-
posed to cfeatIvIty, Is the pfIncIpaI
benefIt.
PsychoIogIsts usuaIIy offef thfee ex-
pIanatIons fof the faIIufe of gfoup
bfaInstofmIng. The fIfst Is &-1"78 8-7/".E:
In a gfoup, some IndIvIduaIs tend to sIt
back and Iet othefs do the wofk. The
second Is 3#-0%16"-. G8-1$".E: onIy one
pefson can taIk of pfoduce an Idea at
once, whIIe the othef gfoup membefs
afe fofced to sIt passIveIy. And the
thIfd Is )*78%76"-. 733#):).&"-.,
$'("#$#
meanIng the feaf of IookIng stupId In
ffont of one's peefs.
Osbofn's fuIes" of bfaInstofmIng
wefe meant to neutfaIIze thIs anxIety,
but studIes show that the feaf of pubIIc
humIIIatIon Is a potent fofce. DufIng
the 198889 basketbaII season, fof ex-
ampIe, two NCAA basketbaII teams
pIayed eIeven games wIthout any spec-
tatofs, owIng to a measIes outbfeak
that Ied theIf schooIs to quafantIne aII
students. Both teams pIayed much bet-
tef (hIghef ffee-thfow pefcentages, fof
exampIe) wIthout any fans, even
adofIng home-team fans, to unnefve
them.
The behavIofaI economIst Dan AfIeIy
notIced a sImIIaf phenomenon when he
conducted a study askIng thIfty-nIne
paftIcIpants to soIve anagfam puzzIes,
eIthef aIone at theIf desks of wIth oth-
efs watchIng. AfIeIy pfedIcted that the
$')"#$#
paftIcIpants wouId do bettef In pubIIc
because they'd be mofe motIvated. But
they peffofmed wofse. An audIence
may be fousIng, but It's aIso stfessfuI.
The pfobIem wIth evaIuatIon appfe-
hensIon Is that thefe's not much we can
do about It. You'd thInk you couId
ovefcome It wIth wIII of tfaInIng of a
set of gfoup pfocess fuIes IIke AIex Os-
bofn's. But fecent feseafch In neufos-
cIence suggests that the feaf of judg-
ment funs much deepef and has mofe
faf-feachIng ImpIIcatIons than we evef
ImagIned.
Between 1951 and 1956, just as Os-
bofn was pfomotIng the powef of gfoup
bfaInstofmIng, a psychoIogIst named
SoIomon Asch conducted a sefIes of
now-famous expefIments on the
dangefs of gfoup InfIuence. Asch
gathefed student voIunteefs Into gfoups
and had them take a vIsIon test. He
$'#"#$#
showed them a pIctufe of thfee IInes of
vafyIng Iengths and asked questIons
about how the IInes compafed wIth one
anothef: whIch was Iongef, whIch one
matched the Iength of a foufth IIne, and
so on. HIs questIons wefe so sImpIe that
95 pefcent of students answefed evefy
questIon coffectIy.
But when Asch pIanted actofs In the
gfoups, and the actofs confIdentIy vo-
Iunteefed the same Incoffect answef,
the numbef of students who gave aII
coffect answefs pIunged to 25 pefcent.
That Is, a staggefIng 75 pefcent of the
paftIcIpants went aIong wIth the
gfoup's wfong answef to at Ieast one
questIon.
The Asch expefIments demonstfated
the powef of confofmIty at exactIy the
tIme that Osbofn was tfyIng to feIease
us ffom Its chaIns. What they dIdn't teII
us was +:; we wefe so pfone to
$(+"#$#
confofm. What was goIng on In the
mInds of the kowtowefs? Had theIf 3)#<
1)36"-. of the IInes' Iengths been aItefed
by peef pfessufe, of dId they knowIngIy
gIve wfong answefs fof feaf of beIng
the odd one out? Fof decades, psycho-
IogIsts puzzIed ovef thIs questIon.
Today, wIth the heIp of bfaIn-scan-
nIng technoIogy, we may be gettIng
cIosef to the answef. In 2005 an Emofy
UnIvefsIty neufoscIentIst named
Gfegofy Befns decIded to conduct an
updated vefsIon of Asch's expefIments.
Befns and hIs team fecfuIted thIfty-two
voIunteefs, men and women between
the ages of nIneteen and fofty-one. The
voIunteefs pIayed a game In whIch
each gfoup membef was shown two
dIffefent thfee-dImensIonaI objects on a
computef scfeen and asked to decIde
whethef the fIfst object couId be fo-
tated to match the second. The
$(*"#$#
expefImentefs used an fMRI scannef to
take snapshots of the voIunteefs' bfaIns
as they confofmed to of bfoke wIth
gfoup opInIon.
The fesuIts wefe both dIstufbIng and
IIIumInatIng. FIfst, they coffobofated
Asch's fIndIngs. When the voIunteefs
pIayed the game on theIf own, they
gave the wfong answef onIy 13.8 pef-
cent of the tIme. But when they pIayed
wIth a gfoup whose membefs gave un-
anImousIy wfong answefs, they agfeed
wIth the gfoup 41 pefcent of the tIme.
But Befns's study aIso shed IIght on
exactIy +:; we'fe such confofmIsts.
When the voIunteefs pIayed aIone, the
bfaIn scans showed actIvIty In a net-
wofk of bfaIn fegIons IncIudIng the oc-
cIpItaI coftex and pafIetaI coftex, whIch
afe assocIated wIth vIsuaI and spatIaI
pefceptIon, and In the ffontaI coftex,
whIch Is assocIated wIth conscIous
$($"#$#
decIsIon-makIng. But when they went
aIong wIth theIf gfoup's wfong answef,
theIf bfaIn actIvIty feveaIed somethIng
vefy dIffefent.
Remembef, what Asch wanted to
know was whethef peopIe confofmed
despIte knowIng that the gfoup was
wfong, of whethef theIf pefceptIons
had been 786)#)0 by the gfoup. If the
fofmef was tfue, Befns and hIs team
feasoned, then they shouId see mofe
bfaIn actIvIty In the decIsIon-makIng
pfeffontaI coftex. That Is, the bfaIn
scans wouId pIck up the voIunteefs de-
cIdIng conscIousIy to abandon theIf
own beIIefs to fIt In wIth the gfoup. But
If the bfaIn scans showed heIghtened
actIvIty In fegIons assocIated wIth vIsu-
aI and spatIaI pefceptIon, thIs wouId
suggest that the gfoup had somehow
managed to change the IndIvIduaI's
pefceptIons.
$(!"#$#
That was exactIy what
happenedthe confofmIsts showed Iess
bfaIn actIvIty In the ffontaI, decIsIon-
makIng fegIons and mofe In the afeas
of the bfaIn assocIated wIth pefceptIon.
Peef pfessufe, In othef wofds, Is not
onIy unpIeasant, but can actuaIIy
change youf vIew of a pfobIem.
These eafIy fIndIngs suggest that
gfoups afe IIke mInd-aItefIng sub-
stances. If the gfoup thInks the answef
Is A, you'fe much mofe IIkeIy to beIIeve
that A Is coffect, too. It's not that
you'fe sayIng conscIousIy, Hmm, I'm
not sufe, but they aII thInk the answef's
A, so I'II go wIth that." Nof afe you say-
Ing, I want them to IIke me, so I'II just
pfetend that the answef's A." No, you
afe doIng somethIng much mofe unex-
pectedand dangefous. Most of Befns's
voIunteefs fepofted havIng gone aIong
wIth the gfoup because they thought
$(%"#$#
that they had affIved sefendIpItousIy at
the same coffect answef." They wefe
uttefIy bIInd, In othef wofds, to how
much theIf peefs had InfIuenced them.
What does thIs have to do wIth socIaI
feaf? WeII, femembef that the voIun-
teefs In the Asch and Befns studIes
dIdn't aIways confofm. SometImes they
pIcked the fIght answef despIte theIf
peefs' InfIuence. And Befns and hIs
team found somethIng vefy IntefestIng
about these moments. They wefe IInked
to heIghtened actIvatIon In the amyg-
daIa, a smaII ofgan In the bfaIn assocI-
ated wIth upsettIng emotIons such as
the feaf of fejectIon.
Befns fefefs to thIs as the paIn of In-
dependence," and It has sefIous ImpIIc-
atIons. Many of ouf most Impoftant
cIvIc InstItutIons, ffom eIectIons to jufy
tfIaIs to the vefy Idea of majofIty fuIe,
depend on dIssentIng voIces. But when
$(&"#$#
the gfoup Is IItefaIIy capabIe of chan-
gIng ouf pefceptIons, and when to
stand aIone Is to actIvate pfImItIve,
poweffuI, and unconscIous feeIIngs of
fejectIon, then the heaIth of these InstI-
tutIons seems faf mofe vuInefabIe than
we thInk.
But of coufse I've been sImpIIfyIng the
case agaInst face-to-face coIIabofatIon.
Steve WoznIak coIIabofated wIth Steve
Jobs, aftef aII, wIthout theIf paIfIng,
thefe wouId be no AppIe today. Evefy
paIf bond between mothef and fathef,
between pafent and chIId, Is an act of
cfeatIve coIIabofatIon. Indeed, studIes
show that face-to-face IntefactIons cfe-
ate tfust In a way that onIIne Intefac-
tIons can't. Reseafch aIso suggests that
$('"#$#
popuIatIon densIty Is coffeIated wIth
InnovatIon, despIte the advantages of
quIet waIks In the woods, peopIe In
cfowded cItIes benefIt ffom the web of
IntefactIons that ufban IIfe offefs.
I have expefIenced thIs phenomenon
pefsonaIIy. When I was gettIng feady to
wfIte thIs book, I cafefuIIy set up my
home offIce, compIete wIth uncIuttefed
desk, fIIe cabInets, ffee countef space,
and pIenty of natufaI IIghtand then
feIt too cut off ffom the wofId to type a
sIngIe keystfoke thefe. Instead, I wfote
most of thIs book on a Iaptop at my fa-
vofIte denseIy packed neIghbofhood
cafe. I dId thIs fof exactIy the feasons
that champIons of the New GfoupthInk
mIght suggest: the mefe pfesence of
othef peopIe heIped my mInd to make
assocIatIve Ieaps. The coffee shop was
fuII of peopIe bent ovef theIf own com-
putefs, and If the expfessIons of fapt
$(("#$#
concentfatIon on theIf faces wefe any
IndIcatIon, I wasn't the onIy one gettIng
a Iot of wofk done.
But the cafe wofked as my offIce be-
cause It had specIfIc attfIbutes that afe
absent ffom many modefn schooIs and
wofkpIaces. It was socIaI, yet Its casuaI,
come-and-go-as-you-pIease natufe Ieft
me ffee ffom unweIcome entangIe-
ments and abIe to deIIbefateIy pfac-
tIce" my wfItIng. I couId toggIe back
and fofth between obsefvef and socIaI
actof as much as I wanted. I couId aIso
contfoI my envIfonment. Each day I
chose the IocatIon of my tabIeIn the
centef of the foom of aIong the pefI-
metefdependIng on whethef I wanted
to be seen as weII as to see. And I had
the optIon to Ieave whenevef I wanted
peace and quIet to edIt what I'd wfItten
that day. UsuaIIy I was feady to exef-
cIse thIs fIght aftef onIy a few
$()"#$#
houfsnot the eIght, ten, of foufteen
houfs that many offIce dweIIefs put In.
The way fofwafd, I'm suggestIng, Is
not to stop coIIabofatIng face-to-face,
but to fefIne the way we do It. Fof one
thIng, we shouId actIveIy seek out
symbIotIc Intfoveft-extfoveft feIatIon-
shIps, In whIch IeadefshIp and othef
tasks afe dIvIded accofdIng to peopIe's
natufaI stfengths and tempefaments.
The most effectIve teams afe composed
of a heaIthy mIx of Intfovefts and ex-
tfovefts, studIes show, and so afe many
IeadefshIp stfuctufes.
We aIso need to cfeate settIngs In
whIch peopIe afe ffee to cIfcuIate In a
shIftIng kaIeIdoscope of IntefactIons,
and to dIsappeaf Into theIf pfIvate
wofkspaces when they want to focus of
sImpIy be aIone. Ouf schooIs shouId
teach chIIdfen the skIIIs to wofk wIth
othefscoopefatIve IeafnIng can be
$(#"#$#
effectIve when pfactIced weII and In
modefatIonbut aIso the tIme and
tfaInIng they need to deIIbefateIy pfac-
tIce on theIf own. It's aIso vItaI to fe-
cognIze that many peopIeespecIaIIy
Intfovefts IIke Steve WoznIakneed ex-
tfa quIet and pfIvacy In ofdef to do
theIf best wofk.
Some companIes afe staftIng to un-
defstand the vaIue of sIIence and
soIItude, and afe cfeatIng fIexIbIe"
open pIans that offef a mIx of soIo
wofkspaces, quIet zones, casuaI meet-
Ing afeas, cafes, feadIng fooms, com-
putef hubs, and even stfeets" whefe
peopIe can chat casuaIIy wIth each oth-
ef wIthout InteffuptIng othefs' wofk-
fIow. At PIxaf AnImatIon StudIos, the
sIxteen-acfe campus Is buIIt afound a
footbaII-fIeId-sIzed atfIum housIng
maIIboxes, a cafetefIa, and even bath-
fooms. The Idea Is to encoufage as
$)+"#$#
many casuaI, chance encountefs as pos-
sIbIe. At the same tIme, empIoyees afe
encoufaged to make theIf IndIvIduaI of-
fIces, cubIcIes, desks, and wofk afeas
theIf own and to decofate them as they
wIsh. SImIIafIy, at MIcfosoft, many em-
pIoyees enjoy theIf own pfIvate offIces,
yet they come wIth sIIdIng doofs, mov-
abIe waIIs, and othef featufes that aI-
Iow occupants to decIde when they
want to coIIabofate and when they
need pfIvate tIme to thInk. These kInds
of dIvefse wofkspaces benefIt Intfovefts
as weII as extfovefts, the systems
desIgn feseafchef Matt DavIs toId me,
because they offef mofe spaces to fe-
tfeat to than tfadItIonaI open-pIan
offIces.
I suspect that WoznIak hImseIf wouId
appfove of these deveIopments. Befofe
he cfeated the AppIe PC, Woz desIgned
caIcuIatofs at HewIett-Packafd, a job he
$)*"#$#
Ioved In paft because HP made It so
easy to chat wIth othefs. Evefy day at
10:00 a.m. and 2:00 p.m. management
wheeIed In donuts and coffee, and
peopIe wouId socIaIIze and swap Ideas.
What set these IntefactIons apaft was
how Iow-key and feIaxed they wefe. In
"A-], he fecaIIs HP as a mefItocfacy
whefe It dIdn't mattef what you Iooked
IIke, whefe thefe was no pfemIum on
pIayIng socIaI games, and whefe no one
pushed hIm ffom hIs beIoved engIneef-
Ing wofk Into management. That was
what coIIabofatIon meant fof Woz: the
abIIIty to shafe a donut and a bfaIn-
wave wIth hIs IaId-back, nonjudgment-
aI, poofIy dfessed coIIeagueswho
mInded not a whIt when he dIsap-
peafed Into hIs cubIcIe to get the feaI
wofk done.
$)$"#$#
M)&%
DUG
VGWN EIGTGXV> VGWN @OTYZ
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I@ DO]MON"]OKD SO@DIKVZ
K)%(&-> K(&%(&-> )#* %4- G&64$*
H/+,%4-5$5
2-5) 3)-38) 7#) 5-#) 1)#67". -/
)*)#;6:".E 6:7. I 75 -/ 7.;6:".E.
ROBERT RUBIN, I. 7. C.1)#67".
A-#80
&'()*+ +-. /-&0* &1)
It's 2:00 a.m., I can't sIeep, and I want
to dIe.
I'm not nofmaIIy the suIcIdaI type,
but thIs Is the nIght befofe a bIg speech,
and my mInd faces wIth hoffIfyIng
what-If pfoposItIons. What If my mouth
dfIes up and I can't get any wofds out?
What If I bofe the audIence? What If I
thfow up onstage?
My boyffIend (now my husband),
Ken, watches me toss and tufn. He's be-
wIIdefed by my dIstfess. A fofmef UN
peacekeepef, he once was ambushed In
SomaIIa, yet I don't thInk he feIt as
scafed then as I do now.
Tfy to thInk of happy thIngs," he
says, cafessIng my fofehead.
I stafe at the ceIIIng, teafs weIIIng.
What happy thIngs? Who couId be
happy In a wofId of podIums and
mIcfophones?
Thefe afe a bIIIIon peopIe In ChIna
who don't gIve a fat's ass about youf
speech," Ken offefs sympathetIcaIIy.
ThIs heIps, fof appfoxImateIy fIve
seconds. I tufn ovef and watch the
aIafm cIock. FInaIIy It's sIx thIfty. At
Ieast the wofst paft, the nIght-befofe
$)&"#$#
paft, Is ovef, thIs tIme tomoffow, I'II be
ffee. But fIfst I have to get thfough
today. I dfess gfImIy and put on a coat.
Ken hands me a spofts watef bottIe
fIIIed wIth BaIIeys IfIsh Cfeam. I'm not
a bIg dfInkef, but I IIke BaIIeys because
It tastes IIke a chocoIate mIIkshake.
DfInk thIs fIfteen mInutes befofe you
go on," he says, kIssIng me good-bye.
I take the eIevatof downstaIfs and
settIe Into the caf that waIts to feffy me
to my destInatIon, a bIg cofpofate
headquaftefs In subufban New Jefsey.
The dfIve gIves me pIenty of tIme to
wondef how I aIIowed myseIf to get In-
to thIs sItuatIon. I fecentIy Ieft my job
as a WaII Stfeet Iawyef to staft my own
consuItIng fIfm. MostIy I've wofked
one-on-one of In smaII gfoups, whIch
feeIs comfoftabIe. But when an ac-
quaIntance who Is genefaI counseI at a
bIg medIa company asked me to fun a
$)'"#$#
semInaf fof hIs entIfe executIve team, I
agfeedenthusIastIcaIIy, even!fof
feasons I can't fathom now. I fInd my-
seIf pfayIng fof caIamItya fIood of a
smaII eafthquake, maybeanythIng so
I don't have to go thfough wIth thIs.
Then I feeI guIIty fof InvoIvIng the fest
of the cIty In my dfama.
The caf puIIs up at the cIIent's offIce
and I step out, tfyIng to pfoject the
peppy seIf-assufance of a successfuI
consuItant. The event ofganIzef escofts
me to the audItofIum. I ask fof dIfec-
tIons to the bathfoom, and, In the pfI-
vacy of the staII, guIp ffom the watef
bottIe. Fof a few moments I stand stIII,
waItIng fof the aIcohoI to wofk Its ma-
gIc. But nothIng happensI'm stIII tef-
fIfIed. Maybe I shouId take anothef
swIg. No, It's onIy nIne In the mofn-
Ingwhat If they smeII the IIquof on
my bfeath? I feappIy my IIpstIck and
$)("#$#
make my way back to the event foom,
whefe I affange my notecafds at the
podIum as the foom fIIIs wIth
Impoftant-IookIng busInesspeopIe.
A:76)*)# ;-% 0-N 6#; .-6 6- *-5"6, I teII
myseIf.
Some of the executIves gIance up at
me, but most of them stafe fIxedIy at
theIf BIackBeffys. CIeafIy, I'm takIng
them away ffom vefy pfessIng wofk.
How am I goIng to hoId theIf attentIon
Iong enough fof them to stop poundIng
out ufgent communIques Into theIf tIny
typewfItefs? I vow, fIght then and
thefe, that I wIII nevef make anothef
speech.
WeII, sInce then I've gIven pIenty of
them. I haven't compIeteIy ovefcome
$))"#$#
my anxIety, but ovef the yeafs I've dIs-
covefed stfategIes that can heIp anyone
wIth stage ffIght who needs to speak In
pubIIc. Mofe about that In chaptef 5.
In the meantIme, I've toId you my
taIe of abject teffof because It IIes at
the heaft of some of my most ufgent
questIons about IntfovefsIon. On some
deep IeveI, my feaf of pubIIc speakIng
seems connected to othef aspects of my
pefsonaIIty that I appfecIate, especIaIIy
my Iove of aII thIngs gentIe and cefeb-
faI. ThIs stfIkes me as a not-uncommon
consteIIatIon of tfaIts. But afe they
tfuIy connected, and If so, how? Afe
they the fesuIt of nuftufe"the way I
was faIsed? Both of my pafents afe soft-
spoken, fefIectIve types, my mothef
hates pubIIc speakIng too. Of afe they
my natufe"somethIng deep In my
genetIc makeup?
$)#"#$#
I've been puzzIIng ovef these ques-
tIons fof my entIfe aduIt IIfe. Fof-
tunateIy, so have feseafchefs at Haf-
vafd, whefe scIentIsts afe pfobIng the
human bfaIn In an attempt to dIscovef
the bIoIogIcaI ofIgIns of human
tempefament.
One such scIentIst Is an eIghty-two-
yeaf-oId man named Jefome Kagan,
one of the gfeat deveIopmentaI psycho-
IogIsts of the twentIeth centufy. Kagan
devoted hIs cafeef to studyIng the emo-
tIonaI and cognItIve deveIopment of
chIIdfen. In a sefIes of gfoundbfeakIng
IongItudInaI studIes, he foIIowed chII-
dfen ffom Infancy thfough adoIescence,
documentIng theIf physIoIogIes and
pefsonaIItIes aIong the way. IongItud-
InaI studIes IIke these afe tIme-consum-
Ing, expensIve, and thefefofe fafebut
when they pay off, as Kagan's dId, they
pay off bIg.
$#+"#$#
Fof one of those studIes, Iaunched In
1989 and stIII ongoIng, Pfofessof Kagan
and hIs team gathefed fIve hundfed
fouf-month-oId Infants In hIs Iabofat-
ofy fof ChIId DeveIopment at Hafvafd,
pfedIctIng they'd be abIe to teII, on the
stfength of a fofty-fIve-mInute evaIu-
atIon, whIch babIes wefe mofe IIkeIy to
tufn Into Intfovefts of extfovefts. If
you've seen a fouf-month-oId baby
IateIy, thIs may seem an audacIous
cIaIm. But Kagan had been studyIng
tempefament fof a Iong tIme, and he
had a theofy.
Kagan and hIs team exposed the fouf-
month-oIds to a cafefuIIy chosen set of
new expefIences. The Infants heafd
tape-fecofded voIces and baIIoons pop-
pIng, saw coIoffuI mobIIes dance befofe
theIf eyes, and InhaIed the scent of aI-
cohoI on cotton swabs. They had wIIdIy
vafyIng feactIons to the new stImuII.
$#*"#$#
About 20 pefcent cfIed IustIIy and
pumped theIf afms and Iegs. Kagan
caIIed thIs gfoup hIgh-feactIve." About
40 pefcent stayed quIet and pIacId,
movIng theIf afms of Iegs occasIonaIIy,
but wIthout aII the dfamatIc IImb-
pumpIng. ThIs gfoup Kagan caIIed
Iow-feactIve." The femaInIng 40 pef-
cent feII between these two extfemes.
In a staftIIngIy countefIntuItIve hypo-
thesIs, Kagan pfedIcted that It was the
Infants In the hIgh-feactIve gfoupthe
Iusty afm-pumpefswho wefe most
IIkeIy to gfow Into quIet teenagefs.
When they wefe two, fouf, seven,
and eIeven yeafs oId, many of the chII-
dfen fetufned to Kagan's Iab fof foIIow-
up testIng of theIf feactIons to new
peopIe and events. At the age of two,
the chIIdfen met a Iady weafIng a gas
mask and a Iab coat, a man dfessed In a
cIown costume, and a fadIo-contfoIIed
$#$"#$#
fobot. At seven, they wefe asked to
pIay wIth kIds they'd nevef met befofe.
At eIeven, an unfamIIIaf aduIt Intef-
vIewed them about theIf pefsonaI IIves.
Kagan's team obsefved how the chII-
dfen feacted to these stfange sItuatIons,
notIng theIf body Ianguage and fecofd-
Ing how often and spontaneousIy they
Iaughed, taIked, and smIIed. They aIso
IntefvIewed the kIds and theIf pafents
about what the chIIdfen wefe IIke out-
sIde the Iabofatofy. DId they pfefef one
of two cIose ffIends to a meffy band?
DId they IIke vIsItIng new pIaces? Wefe
they fIsk-takefs of wefe they mofe cau-
tIous? DId they consIdef themseIves shy
of boId?
Many of the chIIdfen tufned out ex-
actIy as Kagan had expected. The hIgh-
feactIve Infants, the 20 pefcent who'd
hoIIefed at the mobIIes bobbIng above
theIf heads, wefe mofe IIkeIy to have
$#!"#$#
deveIoped sefIous, cafefuI pefsonaIItIes.
The Iow-feactIve Infantsthe quIet
oneswefe mofe IIkeIy to have become
feIaxed and confIdent types. HIgh and
Iow feactIvIty tended to coffespond, In
othef wofds, to IntfovefsIon and extfo-
vefsIon. As Kagan mused In hIs 1998
book, M78).S& H#-3:)1;, CafI Jung's de-
scfIptIons of the Intfoveft and extfo-
veft, wfItten ovef seventy-fIve yeafs
ago, appIy wIth uncanny accufacy to a
pfopoftIon of ouf hIgh- and Iow-feact-
Ive adoIescents."
Kagan descfIbes two of those adoIes-
centsfesefved Tom and extfovefted
RaIphand the dIffefences between the
two afe stfIkIng. Tom, who was unusu-
aIIy shy as a chIId, Is good at schooI,
watchfuI and quIet, devoted to hIs gIfI-
ffIend and pafents, pfone to woffy, and
Ioves IeafnIng on hIs own and thInkIng
about InteIIectuaI pfobIems. He pIans to
$#%"#$#
be a scIentIst. IIke . othef famous In-
tfovefts who wefe shy chIIdfen," wfItes
Kagan, compafIng Tom to T. S. EIIot
and the mathematIcIan-phIIosophef AI-
ffed Nofth WhItehead, Tom has
chosen a IIfe of the mInd."
RaIph, In contfast, Is feIaxed and seIf-
assufed. He engages the IntefvIewef
ffom Kagan's team as a peef, not as an
authofIty fIgufe twenty-fIve yeafs hIs
senIof. Though RaIph Is vefy bfIght, he
fecentIy faIIed hIs EngIIsh and scIence
cIasses because he'd been goofIng
afound. But nothIng much bothefs RaI-
ph. He admIts hIs fIaws cheeffuIIy.
PsychoIogIsts often dIscuss the dIffef-
ence between tempefament" and pef-
sonaIIty." Tempefament fefefs to In-
bofn, bIoIogIcaIIy based behavIofaI and
emotIonaI pattefns that afe obsefvabIe
In Infancy and eafIy chIIdhood, pefson-
aIIty Is the compIex bfew that emefges
$#&"#$#
aftef cuItufaI InfIuence and pefsonaI ex-
pefIence afe thfown Into the mIx. Some
say that tempefament Is the foundatIon,
and pefsonaIIty Is the buIIdIng. Kagan's
wofk heIped IInk ceftaIn Infant tem-
pefaments wIth adoIescent pefsonaIIty
styIes IIke those of Tom and RaIph.
But how dId Kagan know that the afm-
thfashIng Infants wouId IIkeIy tufn Into
cautIous, fefIectIve teens IIke Tom, of
that the quIet babIes wefe mofe IIkeIy
to become fofthfIght, too-cooI-fof-
schooI RaIphs? The answef IIes In theIf
physIoIogIes.
In addItIon to obsefvIng the chII-
dfen's behavIofs In stfange sItuatIons,
Kagan's team measufed theIf heaft
fates, bIood pfessufe, fIngef
$#'"#$#
tempefatufe, and othef pfopeftIes of
the nefvous system. Kagan chose these
measufes because they'fe beIIeved to be
contfoIIed by a potent ofgan InsIde the
bfaIn caIIed the amygdaIa. The amyg-
daIa Is Iocated deep In the IImbIc sys-
tem, an ancIent bfaIn netwofk found
even In pfImItIve anImaIs IIke mIce and
fats. ThIs netwofksometImes caIIed
the emotIonaI bfaIn"undefIIes many
of the basIc InstIncts we shafe wIth
these anImaIs, such as appetIte, sex
dfIve, and feaf.
The amygdaIa sefves as the bfaIn's
emotIonaI swItchboafd, feceIvIng In-
fofmatIon ffom the senses and then sIg-
naIIng the fest of the bfaIn and nefvous
system how to fespond. One of Its func-
tIons Is to InstantIy detect new of
thfeatenIng thIngs In the envIfon-
mentffom an aIfbofne FfIsbee to a
hIssIng sefpentand send fapId-fIfe
$#("#$#
sIgnaIs thfough the body that tfIggef
the fIght-of-fIIght fesponse. When the
FfIsbee Iooks IIke It's headed stfaIght
fof youf nose, It's youf amygdaIa that
teIIs you to duck. When the fattIesnake
pfepafes to bIte, It's the amygdaIa that
makes sufe you fun.
Kagan hypothesIzed that Infants bofn
wIth an especIaIIy excItabIe amygdaIa
wouId wIggIe and howI when shown
unfamIIIaf objectsand gfow up to be
chIIdfen who wefe mofe IIkeIy to feeI
vIgIIant when meetIng new peopIe. And
thIs Is just what he found. In othef
wofds, the fouf-month-oIds who
thfashed theIf afms IIke punk fockefs
dId so not because they wefe extfovefts
In the makIng, but because theIf IIttIe
bodIes feacted stfongIythey wefe
hIgh-feactIve"to new sIghts, sounds,
and smeIIs. The quIet Infants wefe sI-
Ient not because they wefe futufe
$#)"#$#
Intfoveftsjust the opposItebut be-
cause they had nefvous systems that
wefe unmoved by noveIty.
The mofe feactIve a chIId's amyg-
daIa, the hIghef hIs heaft fate Is IIkeIy
to be, the mofe wIdeIy dIIated hIs eyes,
the tIghtef hIs vocaI cofds, the mofe
coftIsoI (a stfess hofmone) In hIs
saIIvathe mofe jangIed he's IIkeIy to
/))8 when he conffonts somethIng new
and stImuIatIng. As hIgh-feactIve In-
fants gfow up, they contInue to con-
ffont the unknown In many dIffefent
contexts, ffom vIsItIng an amusement
pafk fof the fIfst tIme to meetIng new
cIassmates on the fIfst day of kIndef-
gaften. We tend to notIce most a chIId's
feactIon to unfamIIIaf peopIehow
does he behave on the fIfst day of
schooI? Does she seem unceftaIn at
bIfthday paftIes fuII of kIds she doesn't
know? But what we'fe feaIIy obsefvIng
$##"#$#
Is a chIId's sensItIvIty to noveIty In gen-
efaI, not just to peopIe.
HIgh- and Iow-feactIvIty afe pfobabIy
not the onIy bIoIogIcaI foutes to Intfo-
vefsIon and extfovefsIon. Thefe afe
pIenty of Intfovefts who do not have
the sensItIvIty of a cIassIc hIgh-feactIve,
and a smaII pefcentage of hIgh-feact-
Ives gfow up to be extfovefts. StIII,
Kagan's decades-Iong sefIes of dIscovef-
Ies mafk a dfamatIc bfeakthfough In
ouf undefstandIng of these pefsonaIIty
styIesIncIudIng the vaIue judgments
we make. Extfovefts afe sometImes
cfedIted wIth beIng pfo-so-
cIaI"meanIng cafIng about oth-
efsand Intfovefts dIspafaged as
peopIe who don't IIke peopIe. But the
feactIons of the Infants In Kagan's tests
had nothIng to do wIth peopIe. These
babIes wefe shoutIng (of not shoutIng)
ovef Q-tIps. They wefe pumpIng theIf
!++"#$#
IImbs (of stayIng caIm) In fesponse to
poppIng baIIoons. The hIgh-feactIve ba-
bIes wefe not mIsanthfopes In the mak-
Ing, they wefe sImpIy sensItIve to theIf
envIfonments.
Indeed, the sensItIvIty of these chII-
dfen's nefvous systems seems to be
IInked not onIy to notIcIng scafy thIngs,
but to notIcIng In genefaI. HIgh-feact-
Ive chIIdfen pay what one psychoIogIst
caIIs aIeft attentIon" to peopIe and
thIngs. They IItefaIIy use mofe eye
movements than othefs to compafe
choIces befofe makIng a decIsIon. It's as
If they pfocess mofe deepIysome-
tImes conscIousIy, sometImes notthe
InfofmatIon they take In about the
wofId. In one eafIy sefIes of studIes,
Kagan asked a gfoup of fIfst-gfadefs to
pIay a vIsuaI matchIng game. Each
chIId was shown a pIctufe of a teddy
beaf sIttIng on a chaIf, aIongsIde sIx
!+*"#$#
othef sImIIaf pIctufes, onIy one of
whIch was an exact match. The hIgh-fe-
actIve chIIdfen spent mofe tIme than
othefs consIdefIng aII the aItefnatIves,
and wefe mofe IIkeIy to make the fIght
choIce. When Kagan asked these same
kIds to pIay wofd games, he found that
they aIso fead mofe accufateIy than Im-
puIsIve chIIdfen dId.
HIgh-feactIve kIds aIso tend to thInk
and feeI deepIy about what they've no-
tIced, and to bfIng an extfa degfee of
nuance to evefyday expefIences. ThIs
can be expfessed In many dIffefent
ways. If the chIId Is socIaIIy ofIented,
she may spend a Iot of tIme pondefIng
hef obsefvatIons of othefswhy Jason
dIdn't want to shafe hIs toys today,
why Mafy got so mad at NIchoIas when
he bumped Into hef accIdentaIIy. If he
has a paftIcuIaf IntefestIn soIvIng
puzzIes, makIng aft, buIIdIng sand
!+$"#$#
castIeshe'II often concentfate wIth
unusuaI IntensIty. If a hIgh-feactIve
toddIef bfeaks anothef chIId's toy by
mIstake, studIes show, she often expefI-
ences a mofe Intense mIx of guIIt and
soffow than a Iowef-feactIve chIId
wouId. AII kIds notIce theIf envIfon-
ments and feeI emotIons, of coufse, but
hIgh-feactIve kIds seem to see and feeI
thIngs mofe. If you ask a hIgh-feactIve
seven-yeaf-oId how a gfoup of kIds
shouId shafe a coveted toy, wfItes the
scIence joufnaIIst WInIffed GaIIaghef,
he'II tend to come up wIth sophIstIcated
stfategIes IIke AIphabetIze theIf Iast
names, and Iet the pefson cIosest to A
go fIfst."
PuttIng theofy Into pfactIce Is hafd
fof them," wfItes GaIIaghef, because
theIf sensItIve natufes and eIabofate
schemes afe unsuIted to the hetefogen-
eous fIgofs of the schooIyafd." Yet as
!+!"#$#
we'II see In the chaptefs to come, these
tfaItsaIeftness, sensItIvIty to nuance,
compIex emotIonaIItytufn out to be
hIghIy undeffated powefs.
Kagan has gIven us paInstakIngIy docu-
mented evIdence that hIgh feactIvIty Is
one bIoIogIcaI basIs of IntfovefsIon
(we'II expIofe anothef IIkeIy foute In
chaptef 7), but hIs fIndIngs afe powef-
fuI In paft because they confIfm what
we've sensed aII aIong. Some of Kagan's
studIes even ventufe Into the feaIm of
cuItufaI myth. Fof exampIe, he be-
IIeves, based on hIs data, that hIgh fe-
actIvIty Is assocIated wIth physIcaI
tfaIts such as bIue eyes, aIIefgIes, and
hay fevef, and that hIgh-feactIve men
afe mofe IIkeIy than othefs to have a
!+%"#$#
thIn body and naffow face. Such con-
cIusIons afe specuIatIve and caII to
mInd the nIneteenth-centufy pfactIce of
dIvInIng a man's souI ffom the shape of
hIs skuII. But whethef of not they tufn
out to be accufate, It's IntefestIng that
these afe just the physIcaI chafactefIst-
Ics we gIve fIctIonaI chafactefs when
we want to suggest that they'fe quIet,
Intfovefted, cefebfaI. It's as If these
physIoIogIcaI tendencIes afe bufIed
deep In ouf cuItufaI unconscIous.
Take DIsney movIes, fof exampIe:
Kagan and hIs coIIeagues specuIate that
DIsney anImatofs unconscIousIy undef-
stood hIgh feactIvIty when they dfew
sensItIve fIgufes IIke CIndefeIIa, PInoc-
chIo, and Dopey wIth bIue eyes, and
bfashef chafactefs IIke CIndefeIIa's
stepsIstefs, Gfumpy, and Petef Pan wIth
dafkef eyes. In many books, HoIIywood
fIIms, and TV shows, too, the stock
!+&"#$#
chafactef of a feedy, nose-bIowIng
young man Is shofthand fof the hapIess
but thoughtfuI kId who gets good
gfades, Is a bIt ovefwheImed by the so-
cIaI whIfI, and Is taIented at Intfospect-
Ive actIvItIes IIke poetfy of astfophys-
Ics. (ThInk Ethan Hawke In F)70 H-)6&
2-1")6;.) Kagan even specuIates that
some men pfefef women wIth faIf skIn
and bIue eyes because they uncon-
scIousIy code them as sensItIve.
Othef studIes of pefsonaIIty aIso sup-
poft the pfemIse that extfovefsIon and
IntfovefsIon afe physIoIogIcaIIy, even
genetIcaIIy, based. One of the most
common ways of untangIIng natufe
ffom nuftufe Is to compafe the pefson-
aIIty tfaIts of IdentIcaI and ffatefnaI
twIns. IdentIcaI twIns deveIop ffom a
sIngIe feftIIIzed egg and thefefofe have
exactIy the same genes, whIIe ffatefnaI
twIns come ffom sepafate eggs and
!+'"#$#
shafe onIy 50 pefcent of theIf genes on
avefage. So If you measufe IntfovefsIon
of extfovefsIon IeveIs In paIfs of twIns
and fInd mofe coffeIatIon In IdentIcaI
twIns than In ffatefnaI paIfswhIch
scIentIsts do, In study aftef study, even
of twIns faIsed In sepafate house-
hoIdsyou can feasonabIy concIude
that the tfaIt has some genetIc basIs.
None of these studIes Is peffect, but
the fesuIts have consIstentIy suggested
that IntfovefsIon and extfovefsIon, IIke
othef majof pefsonaIIty tfaIts such as
agfeeabIeness and conscIentIousness,
afe about 40 to 50 pefcent hefItabIe.
But afe bIoIogIcaI expIanatIons fof In-
tfovefsIon whoIIy satIsfyIng? When I
fIfst fead Kagan's book M78).S&
H#-3:)1;, I was so excIted that I
couIdn't sIeep. Hefe, InsIde these pages,
wefe my ffIends, my famIIy, myseIfaII
of humanIty, In fact!neatIy softed
!+("#$#
thfough the pfIsm of a quIescent
nefvous system vefsus a feactIve one. It
was as If centufIes of phIIosophIcaI In-
quIfy Into the mystefy of human pef-
sonaIIty had Ied to thIs shInIng moment
of scIentIfIc cIafIty. Thefe was an easy
answef to the natufe-nuftufe questIon
aftef aIIwe afe bofn wIth pfepack-
aged tempefaments that poweffuIIy
shape ouf aduIt pefsonaIItIes.
But It couIdn't be that sImpIecouId
It? Can we feaIIy feduce an Intfovefted
of extfovefted pefsonaIIty to the
nefvous system Its ownef was bofn
wIth? I wouId guess that I InhefIted a
hIgh-feactIve nefvous system, but my
mothef InsIsts I was an easy baby, not
the kInd to kIck and waII ovef a popped
baIIoon. I'm pfone to wIId fIIghts of
seIf-doubt, but I aIso have a deep weII
of coufage In my own convIctIons. I
feeI hoffIbIy uncomfoftabIe on my fIfst
!+)"#$#
day In a fofeIgn cIty, but I Iove to
tfaveI. I was shy as a chIId, but have
outgfown the wofst of It. Fufthefmofe,
I don't thInk these contfadIctIons afe so
unusuaI, many peopIe have dIssonant
aspects to theIf pefsonaIItIes. And
peopIe change pfofoundIy ovef tIme,
don't they? What about ffee wIIIdo
we have no contfoI ovef who we afe,
and whom we become?
I decIded to tfack down Pfofessof
Kagan to ask hIm these questIons In
pefson. I feIt dfawn to hIm not onIy be-
cause hIs feseafch fIndIngs wefe so
compeIIIng, but aIso because of what he
fepfesents In the gfeat natufe-nuftufe
debate. He'd Iaunched hIs cafeef In
1954 staunchIy on the sIde of nuftufe,
a vIew In step wIth the scIentIfIc estab-
IIshment of the day. Back then, the Idea
of Inbofn tempefament was poIItIcaI
dynamIte, evokIng the spectef of NazI
!+#"#$#
eugenIcs and whIte supfemacIsm. By
contfast, the notIon of chIIdfen as bIank
sIates fof whom anythIng was possIbIe
appeaIed to a natIon buIIt on
democfacy.
But Kagan had changed hIs mInd
aIong the way. I have been dfagged,
kIckIng and scfeamIng, by my data," he
says now, to acknowIedge that tem-
pefament Is mofe poweffuI than I
thought and wIsh to beIIeve." The pub-
IIcatIon of hIs eafIy fIndIngs on hIgh-fe-
actIve chIIdfen In 21").1) magazIne In
1988 heIped to IegItImIze the Idea of
Inbofn tempefament, paftIy because hIs
nuftufIst" feputatIon was so stfong.
If anyone couId heIp me untangIe the
natufe-nuftufe questIon, I hoped, It was
Jeffy Kagan.
!*+"#$#
Kagan ushefs me InsIde hIs offIce In
Hafvafd's WIIIIam James HaII, sufvey-
Ing me unbIInkIngIy as I sIt down: not
unkInd, but defInIteIy dIscefnIng. I had
ImagIned hIm as a gentIe, whIte-Iab-
coated scIentIst In a caftoon, poufIng
chemIcaIs ffom one test tube to anothef
untII3--/^ ?-+N 2%&7.N ;-% $.-+ )Q<
7168; +:- ;-% 7#). But thIs Isn't the
mIId-mannefed oId pfofessof I'd Ima-
gIned. IfonIcaIIy fof a scIentIst whose
books afe Infused wIth humanIsm and
who descfIbes hImseIf as havIng been
an anxIous, easIIy ffIghtened boy, I fInd
hIm downfIght IntImIdatIng. I kIck off
ouf IntefvIew by askIng a backgfound
questIon whose pfemIse he dIsagfees
wIth. No, no, no!" he thundefs, as If I
wefen't sIttIng just acfoss ffom hIm.
The hIgh-feactIve sIde of my pefson-
aIIty kIcks Into fuII geaf. I'm aIways
soft-spoken, but now I have to fofce my
!**"#$#
voIce to come out Ioudef than a whIs-
pef (on the tape fecofdIng of ouf con-
vefsatIon, Kagan's voIce sounds boom-
Ing and decIamatofy, mIne much
quIetef). I'm awafe that I'm hoIdIng my
tofso tenseIy, one of the teIItaIe sIgns of
the hIgh-feactIve. It feeIs stfange to
know that Kagan must be obsefvIng
thIs toohe says as much, noddIng at
me as he notes that many hIgh-feact-
Ives become wfItefs of pIck othef InteI-
IectuaI vocatIons whefe you'fe In
chafge: you cIose the doof, puII down
the shades and do youf wofk. You'fe
pfotected ffom encountefIng unexpec-
ted thIngs." (Those ffom Iess educated
backgfounds tend to become fIIe cIefks
and tfuck dfIvefs, he says, fof the same
feasons.)
I mentIon a IIttIe gIfI I know who Is
sIow to wafm up." She studIes new
peopIe fathef than gfeetIng them, hef
!*$"#$#
famIIy goes to the beach evefy week-
end, but It takes hef ages to dIp a toe
Into the suff. A cIassIc hIgh-feactIve, I
femafk.
No!" Kagan excIaIms. Evefy beha-
vIof has mofe than one cause. Don't
evef fofget that! Fof evefy chIId who's
sIow to wafm up, yes, thefe wIII be
statIstIcaIIy mofe hIgh-feactIves, but
you can be sIow to wafm up because of
how you spent the fIfst thfee and a haIf
yeafs of youf IIfe! When wfItefs and
joufnaIIsts taIk, they want to see a one-
to-one feIatIonshIpone behavIof, one
cause. But It's feaIIy Impoftant that you
see, fof behavIofs IIke sIow-to-wafm-
up, shyness, ImpuIsIvIty, thefe afe
many foutes to that."
He feeIs off exampIes of envIfon-
mentaI factofs that couId pfoduce an
Intfovefted pefsonaIIty IndependentIy
of, of In conceft wIth, a feactIve
!*!"#$#
nefvous system: A chIId mIght enjoy
havIng new Ideas about the wofId, say,
so she spends a Iot of tIme InsIde hef
head. Of heaIth pfobIems mIght dIfect
a chIId Inwafd, to what's goIng on In-
sIde hIs body.
My feaf of pubIIc speakIng mIght be
equaIIy compIex. Do I dfead It because
I'm a hIgh-feactIve Intfoveft? Maybe
not. Some hIgh-feactIves Iove pubIIc
speakIng and peffofmIng, and pIenty of
extfovefts have stage ffIght, pubIIc
speakIng Is the numbef-one feaf In
AmefIca, faf mofe common than the
feaf of death. PubIIc speakIng phobIa
has many causes, IncIudIng eafIy chIId-
hood setbacks, that have to do wIth ouf
unIque pefsonaI hIstofIes, not Inbofn
tempefament.
In fact, pubIIc speakIng anxIety may
be pfImaI and quIntessentIaIIy human,
not IImIted to those of us bofn wIth a
!*%"#$#
hIgh-feactIve nefvous system. One the-
ofy, based on the wfItIngs of the so-
cIobIoIogIst E. O. WIIson, hoIds that
when ouf ancestofs IIved on the savan-
nah, beIng watched IntentIy meant onIy
one thIng: a wIId anImaI was staIkIng
us. And when we thInk we'fe about to
be eaten, do we stand taII and hoId
fofth confIdentIy? No. We fun. In othef
wofds, hundfeds of thousands of yeafs
of evoIutIon ufge us to get the heII off
the stage, whefe we can mIstake the
gaze of the spectatofs fof the gIInt In a
pfedatof's eye. Yet the audIence expects
not onIy that we'II stay put, but that
we'II act feIaxed and assufed. ThIs con-
fIIct between bIoIogy and pfotocoI Is
one feason that speechmakIng can be
so ffaught. It's aIso why exhoftatIons to
ImagIne the audIence In the nude don't
heIp nefvous speakefs, naked IIons afe
!*&"#$#
just as dangefous as eIegantIy dfessed
ones.
But even though aII human beIngs
may be pfone to mIstakIng audIence
membefs fof pfedatofs, each of us has a
dIffefent thfeshoId fof tfIggefIng the
fIght-of-fIIght fesponse. How thfeaten-
IngIy must the eyes of the audIence
membefs naffow befofe you feeI they'fe
about to pounce? Does It happen befofe
you've even stepped onstage, of does It
take a few feaIIy good heckIefs to tfIg-
gef that adfenaIIne fush? You can see
how a hIghIy sensItIve amygdaIa wouId
make you mofe susceptIbIe to ffowns
and bofed sIghs and peopIe who check
theIf BIackBeffys whIIe you'fe In mId-
sentence. And Indeed, studIes do show
that Intfovefts afe sIgnIfIcantIy mofe
IIkeIy than extfovefts to feaf pubIIc
speakIng.
!*'"#$#
Kagan teIIs me about the tIme he
watched a feIIow scIentIst gIve a won-
deffuI taIk at a confefence. Aftefwafd,
the speakef asked If they couId have
Iunch. Kagan agfeed, and the scIentIst
pfoceeded to teII hIm that he gIves Iec-
tufes evefy month and, despIte hIs cap-
abIe stage pefsona, Is teffIfIed each
tIme. ReadIng Kagan's wofk had had a
bIg Impact on hIm, howevef.
You changed my IIfe," he toId
Kagan. AII thIs tIme I've been bIamIng
my mothef, but now I thInk I'm a hIgh-
feactIve."
So am I Intfovefted because I InhefIted
my pafents' hIgh feactIvIty, copIed
theIf behavIofs, of both? Remembef
that the hefItabIIIty statIstIcs defIved
!*("#$#
ffom twIn studIes show that
IntfovefsIon-extfovefsIon Is onIy 40 to
50 pefcent hefItabIe. ThIs means that,
In a gfoup of peopIe, on avefage haIf of
the vafIabIIIty In IntfovefsIon-extfovef-
sIon Is caused by genetIc factofs. To
make thIngs even mofe compIex, thefe
afe pfobabIy many genes at wofk, and
Kagan's ffamewofk of hIgh feactIvIty Is
IIkeIy one of many physIoIogIcaI foutes
to IntfovefsIon. AIso, avefages afe
tfIcky. A hefItabIIIty fate of 50 pefcent
doesn't necessafIIy mean that my Intfo-
vefsIon Is 50 pefcent InhefIted ffom my
pafents, of that haIf of the dIffefence In
extfovefsIon between my best ffIend
and me Is genetIc. One hundfed pefcent
of my IntfovefsIon mIght come ffom
genes, of none at aIIof mofe IIkeIy
some unfathomabIe combInatIon of
genes and expefIence. To ask whethef
It's natufe of nuftufe, says Kagan, Is
!*)"#$#
IIke askIng whethef a bIIzzafd Is caused
by tempefatufe of humIdIty. It's the In-
tfIcate IntefactIon between the two that
makes us who we afe.
So pefhaps I've been askIng the
wfong questIon. Maybe the mystefy of
what pefcent of pefsonaIIty Is natufe
and what pefcent nuftufe Is Iess Im-
poftant than the questIon of :-+ youf
Inbofn tempefament Intefacts wIth the
envIfonment and wIth youf own ffee
wIII. To what degfee Is tempefament
destIny?
On the one hand, accofdIng to the
theofy of gene-envIfonment IntefactIon,
peopIe who InhefIt ceftaIn tfaIts tend to
seek out IIfe expefIences that feInfofce
those chafactefIstIcs. The most Iow-fe-
actIve kIds, fof exampIe, couft dangef
ffom the tIme they'fe toddIefs, so that
by the tIme they gfow up they don't bat
an eye at gfown-up-sIzed fIsks. They
!*#"#$#
cIImb a few fences, become desensIt-
Ized, and cIImb up on the foof," the Iate
psychoIogIst DavId Iykken once ex-
pIaIned In an L687.6"1 aftIcIe. They'II
have aII softs of expefIences that othef
kIds won't. Chuck Yeagef (the fIfst pIIot
to bfeak the sound baffIef) couId step
down ffom the beIIy of the bombef Into
the focketshIp and push the button not
because he was bofn wIth that dIffef-
ence between hIm and me, but because
fof the pfevIous thIfty yeafs hIs tem-
pefament ImpeIIed hIm to wofk hIs way
up ffom cIImbIng tfees thfough Incfeas-
Ing degfees of dangef and excItement."
ConvefseIy, hIgh-feactIve chIIdfen
may be mofe IIkeIy to deveIop Into
aftIsts and wfItefs and scIentIsts and
thInkefs because theIf avefsIon to nov-
eIty causes them to spend tIme InsIde
the famIIIafand InteIIectuaIIy fef-
tIIeenvIfonment of theIf own heads.
!$+"#$#
The unIvefsIty Is fIIIed wIth Intfo-
vefts," obsefves the psychoIogIst Jeffy
MIIIef, dIfectof of the Centef fof the
ChIId and the FamIIy at the UnIvefsIty
of MIchIgan. The stefeotype of the unI-
vefsIty pfofessof Is accufate fof so
many peopIe on campus. They IIke to
fead, fof them thefe's nothIng mofe ex-
cItIng than Ideas. And some of thIs has
to do wIth how they spent theIf tIme
when they wefe gfowIng up. If you
spend a Iot of tIme chafgIng afound,
then you have Iess tIme fof feadIng and
IeafnIng. Thefe's onIy so much tIme In
youf IIfe."
On the othef hand, thefe Is aIso a
wIde fange of possIbIe outcomes fof
each tempefament. Iow-feactIve, extfo-
vefted chIIdfen, If faIsed by attentIve
famIIIes In safe envIfonments, can gfow
up to be enefgetIc achIevefs wIth bIg
pefsonaIItIesthe RIchafd Bfansons
!$*"#$#
and Opfahs of thIs wofId. But gIve
those same chIIdfen negIIgent cafe-
gIvefs of a bad neIghbofhood, say some
psychoIogIsts, and they can tufn Into
buIIIes, juvenIIe deIInquents, of cfImIn-
aIs. Iykken has contfovefsIaIIy caIIed
psychopaths and hefoes twIgs on the
same genetIc bfanch."
ConsIdef the mechanIsm by whIch
kIds acquIfe theIf sense of fIght and
wfong. Many psychoIogIsts beIIeve that
chIIdfen deveIop a conscIence when
they do somethIng InappfopfIate and
afe febuked by theIf cafegIvefs. DIsap-
pfovaI makes them feeI anxIous, and
sInce anxIety Is unpIeasant, they Ieafn
to steef cIeaf of antIsocIaI behavIof.
ThIs Is known as IntefnaIIzIng theIf paf-
ents' standafds of conduct, and Its cofe
Is anxIety.
But what If some kIds afe Iess pfone
to anxIety than othefs, as Is tfue of
!$$"#$#
extfemeIy Iow-feactIve kIds? Often the
best way to teach these chIIdfen vaIues
Is to gIve them posItIve foIe modeIs and
to channeI theIf feafIessness Into pfo-
ductIve actIvItIes. A Iow-feactIve chIId
on an Ice-hockey team enjoys hIs peefs'
esteem when he chafges at hIs oppon-
ents wIth a Iowefed shouIdef, whIch Is
a IegaI" move. But If he goes too faf,
faIses hIs eIbow, and gIves anothef guy
a concussIon, he Iands In the penaIty
box. Ovef tIme he Ieafns to use hIs ap-
petIte fof fIsk and asseftIveness wIseIy.
Now ImagIne thIs same chIId gfowIng
up In a dangefous neIghbofhood wIth
few ofganIzed spofts of othef constfuct-
Ive channeIs fof hIs boIdness. You can
see how he mIght faII Into deIInquency.
It may be that some dIsadvantaged kIds
who get Into tfoubIe suffef not soIeIy
ffom povefty of negIect, say those who
hoId thIs vIew, but aIso ffom the
!$!"#$#
tfagedy of a boId and exubefant tem-
pefament depfIved of heaIthy outIets.
The destInIes of the most hIgh-feactIve
kIds afe aIso InfIuenced by the wofId
afound thempefhaps even mofe so
than fof the avefage chIId, accofdIng to
a gfoundbfeakIng new theofy dubbed
the ofchId hypothesIs" by DavId Dobbs
In a wondeffuI aftIcIe In D:) L687.6"1.
ThIs theofy hoIds that many chIIdfen
afe IIke dandeIIons, abIe to thfIve In
just about any envIfonment. But othefs,
IncIudIng the hIgh-feactIve types that
Kagan studIed, afe mofe IIke ofchIds:
they wIIt easIIy, but undef the fIght
condItIons can gfow stfong and
magnIfIcent.
!$%"#$#
AccofdIng to Jay BeIsky, a IeadIng
pfoponent of thIs vIew and a psycho-
Iogy pfofessof and chIId cafe expeft at
the UnIvefsIty of Iondon, the feactIvIty
of these kIds' nefvous systems makes
them quIckIy ovefwheImed by chIId-
hood advefsIty, but aIso abIe to benefIt
ffom a nuftufIng envIfonment mofe
than othef chIIdfen do. In othef wofds,
ofchId chIIdfen afe mofe stfongIy af-
fected by aII expefIence, both posItIve
and negatIve.
ScIentIsts have known fof a whIIe
that hIgh-feactIve tempefaments come
wIth fIsk factofs. These kIds afe espe-
cIaIIy vuInefabIe to chaIIenges IIke maf-
ItaI tensIon, a pafent's death, of abuse.
They'fe mofe IIkeIy than theIf peefs to
feact to these events wIth depfessIon,
anxIety, and shyness. Indeed, about a
quaftef of Kagan's hIgh-feactIve kIds
suffef ffom some degfee of the
!$&"#$#
condItIon known as socIaI anxIety dIs-
ofdef," a chfonIc and dIsabIIng fofm of
shyness.
What scIentIsts :7*).S6 feaIIzed untII
fecentIy Is that these fIsk factofs have
an upsIde. In othef wofds, the sensItIv-
ItIes and the stfengths afe a package
deaI. HIgh-feactIve kIds who enjoy
good pafentIng, chIId cafe, and a stabIe
home envIfonment tend to have /)+)#
emotIonaI pfobIems and mofe socIaI
skIIIs than theIf Iowef-feactIve peefs,
studIes show. Often they'fe exceedIngIy
empathIc, cafIng, and coopefatIve.
They wofk weII wIth othefs. They afe
kInd, conscIentIous, and easIIy dIs-
tufbed by cfueIty, InjustIce, and Iffe-
sponsIbIIIty. They'fe successfuI at the
thIngs that mattef to them. They don't
necessafIIy tufn Into cIass pfesIdents of
stafs of the schooI pIay, BeIsky toId me,
though thIs can happen, too: Fof some
!$'"#$#
It's becomIng the Ieadef of theIf cIass.
Fof othefs It takes the fofm of doIng
weII academIcaIIy of beIng weII-IIked."
The upsIdes of the hIgh-feactIve tem-
pefament have been documented In ex-
cItIng feseafch that scIentIsts afe onIy
now begInnIng to puII togethef. One of
the most IntefestIng fIndIngs, aIso fe-
pofted In Dobbs's L687.6"1 aftIcIe, comes
ffom the wofId of fhesus monkeys, a
specIes that shafes about 95 pefcent of
Its DNA wIth humans and has eIabofate
socIaI stfuctufes that fesembIe ouf own.
In these monkeys as weII as In hu-
mans, a gene known as the sefotonIn-
tfanspoftef (SERT) gene, of 5-HTTIPR,
heIps to feguIate the pfocessIng of sefo-
tonIn, a neufotfansmIttef that affects
mood. A paftIcuIaf vafIatIon, of aIIeIe,
of thIs gene, sometImes fefeffed to as
the shoft" aIIeIe, Is thought to be asso-
cIated wIth hIgh feactIvIty and
!$("#$#
IntfovefsIon, as weII as a heIghtened
fIsk of depfessIon In humans who have
had dIffIcuIt IIves. When baby monkeys
wIth a sImIIaf aIIeIe wefe subjected to
stfessIn one expefIment they wefe
taken ffom theIf mothefs and faIsed as
ofphansthey pfocessed sefotonIn Iess
effIcIentIy (a fIsk factof fof depfessIon
and anxIety) than monkeys wIth the
Iong aIIeIe who endufed sImIIaf pfIva-
tIons. But young monkeys wIth the
same fIsky genetIc pfofIIe who wefe
faIsed by nuftufIng mothefs dId as weII
as of G)66)# than theIf Iong-aIIeIe
bfethfeneven those faIsed In sImII-
afIy secufe envIfonmentsat key socIaI
tasks, IIke fIndIng pIaymates, buIIdIng
aIIIances, and handIIng confIIcts. They
often became Ieadefs of theIf tfoops.
They aIso pfocessed sefotonIn mofe
effIcIentIy.
!$)"#$#
Stephen SuomI, the scIentIst who
conducted these studIes, has specuIated
that these hIgh-feactIve monkeys owed
theIf success to the enofmous amounts
of tIme they spent watchIng fathef than
paftIcIpatIng In the gfoup, absofbIng on
a deep IeveI the Iaws of socIaI dynam-
Ics. (ThIs Is a hypothesIs that mIght
fIng tfue to pafents whose hIgh-feactIve
chIIdfen hovef obsefvantIy on the edges
of theIf peef gfoup, sometImes fof
weeks of months, befofe edgIng suc-
cessfuIIy InsIde.)
StudIes In humans have found that
adoIescent gIfIs wIth the shoft aIIeIe of
the SERT gene afe 20 pefcent mofe
IIkeIy to be depfessed than Iong-aIIeIe
gIfIs when exposed to stfessfuI famIIy
envIfonments, but 25 pefcent 8)&& IIkeIy
to be depfessed when faIsed In stabIe
homes. SImIIafIy, shoft aIIeIe aduIts
have been shown to have mofe anxIety
!$#"#$#
In the evenIng than othefs when
they've had stfessfuI days, but 8)&& anxI-
ety on caIm days. HIgh-feactIve fouf-
yeaf-oIds gIve mofe pfo-socIaI fe-
sponses than othef chIIdfen when
pfesented wIth mofaI dIIemmasbut
thIs dIffefence femaIns at age fIve onIy
If theIf mothefs used gentIe, not hafsh,
dIscIpIIne. HIgh-feactIve chIIdfen faIsed
In suppoftIve envIfonments afe even
mofe fesIstant than othef kIds to the
common coId and othef fespIfatofy III-
nesses, but get sIck mofe easIIy If
they'fe faIsed In stfessfuI condItIons.
The shoft aIIeIe of the SERT gene Is aIso
assocIated wIth hIghef peffofmance on
a wIde fange of cognItIve tasks.
These fIndIngs afe so dfamatIc that
It's femafkabIe no one affIved at them
untII fecentIy. RemafkabIe, but pefhaps
not sufpfIsIng. PsychoIogIsts afe tfaIned
to heaI, so theIf feseafch natufaIIy
!!+"#$#
focuses on pfobIems and pathoIogy. It
Is aImost as If, metaphofIcaIIy speakIng,
saIIofs afe so busyand wIseIyIook-
Ing undef the watef IIne fof extensIons
of Icebefgs that couId sInk theIf shIp,"
wfItes BeIsky, that they faII to appfecI-
ate that by cIImbIng on top of the Ice-
befg It mIght pfove possIbIe to chaft a
cIeaf passage thfough the Ice-Iaden
sea."
The pafents of hIgh-feactIve chIIdfen
afe exceedIngIy Iucky, BeIsky toId me.
The tIme and effoft they Invest wIII ac-
tuaIIy make a dIffefence. Instead of see-
Ing these kIds as vuInefabIe to ad-
vefsIty, pafents shouId see them as maI-
IeabIefof wofse, but aIso fof bettef."
He descfIbes eIoquentIy a hIgh-feactIve
chIId's IdeaI pafent: someone who can
fead youf cues and fespect youf IndI-
vIduaIIty, Is wafm and fIfm In pIacIng
demands on you wIthout beIng hafsh of
!!*"#$#
hostIIe, pfomotes cufIosIty, academIc
achIevement, deIayed gfatIfIcatIon, and
seIf-contfoI, and Is not hafsh, negIect-
fuI, of InconsIstent." ThIs advIce Is tef-
fIfIc fof aII pafents, of coufse, but It's
cfucIaI fof faIsIng a hIgh-feactIve chIId.
(If you thInk youf chIId mIght be hIgh-
feactIve, you'fe pfobabIy aIfeady ask-
Ing youfseIf what eIse you can do to
cuItIvate youf son of daughtef. Chaptef
11 has some answefs.)
But even ofchId chIIdfen can wIth-
stand some advefsIty, BeIsky says. Take
dIvofce. In genefaI, It wIII dIsfupt ofch-
Id kIds mofe than othefs: If the pafents
squabbIe a Iot, and put theIf kId In the
mIddIe, then watch outthIs Is the kId
who wIII succumb." But If the dIvofcIng
pafents get aIong, If they pfovIde theIf
chIId wIth the othef psychoIogIcaI nu-
tfIents he needs, then even an ofchId
chIId can do just fIne.
!!$"#$#
Most peopIe wouId appfecIate the
fIexIbIIIty of thIs message, I thInk, few
of us had pfobIem-ffee chIIdhoods.
But thefe's anothef kInd of fIexIbIIIty
that we aII hope appIIes to the questIon
of who we afe and what we become.
We want the ffeedom to map ouf own
destInIes. We want to pfesefve the ad-
vantageous aspects of ouf tempefa-
ments and Impfove, of even dIscafd,
the ones we dIsIIkesuch as a hoffof of
pubIIc speakIng. In addItIon to ouf In-
bofn tempefaments, beyond the Iuck of
the dfaw of ouf chIIdhood expefIence,
we want to beIIeve that weas
aduItscan shape ouf seIves and make
what we wIII of ouf IIves.
Can we?
!!!"#$#
a
EOVGKS DO]MON"]OKD
D4- N,.- ,0 Y&-- U$.. b)#* %4- @-6&-% ,0
M(7.$6 @+-):$#' 0,& I#%&,8-&%5c
4.b-;5).6 733)7#& 76 6:) G-%.07#;
G)6+)). G-#)0-5 7.0 7.Q")6;N +:). 6:)
1:788).E)& 7#) b%&6 G787.1)0 +"6: 6:) 3)#<
&-.S& 17371"6; 6- 716.
MIHAIY CSIKSZENTMIHAIYI
Deep InsIde the boweIs of the AthInouIa
A. MaftInos Centef fof BIomedIcaI Ima-
gIng at Massachusetts GenefaI HospItaI,
the haIIways afe nondescfIpt, dIngy
even. I'm standIng outsIde the Iocked
doof of a wIndowIess foom wIth Df.
CafI Schwaftz, the dIfectof of the
DeveIopmentaI NeufoImagIng and Psy-
chopathoIogy Reseafch Iab. Schwaftz
has bfIght, InquIsItIve eyes, gfayIng
bfown haIf, and a quIetIy enthusIastIc
mannef. DespIte ouf unpfepossessIng
suffoundIngs, he pfepafes wIth some
fanfafe to unIock the doof.
The foom houses a muItImIIIIon-doI-
Iaf fMRI (functIonaI magnetIc feson-
ance ImagIng) machIne, whIch has
made possIbIe some of the gfeatest
bfeakthfoughs In modefn neufoscIence.
An fMRI machIne can measufe whIch
pafts of the bfaIn afe actIve when
you'fe thInkIng a paftIcuIaf thought of
peffofmIng a specIfIc task, aIIowIng scI-
entIsts to peffofm the once unImagIn-
abIe task of mappIng the functIons of
the human bfaIn. A pfIncIpaI Inventof
of the fMRI technIque, says Df.
Schwaftz, was a bfIIIIant but unassum-
Ing scIentIst named Kenneth Kwong,
!!&"#$#
who wofks InsIde thIs vefy buIIdIng.
ThIs whoIe pIace Is fuII of quIet and
modest peopIe doIng extfaofdInafy
thIngs, Schwaftz adds, wavIng hIs hand
appfecIatIveIy at the empty haIIway.
Befofe Schwaftz opens the doof, he
asks me to take off my goId hoop eaf-
fIngs and set asIde the metaI tape fe-
cofdef I've been usIng to fecofd ouf
convefsatIon. The magnetIc fIeId of the
fMRI machIne Is 100,000 tImes
stfongef than the eafth's gfavItatIonaI
puIIso stfong, Schwaftz says, that It
couId fIp the eaffIngs fIght out of my
eafs If they wefe magnetIc and send
them fIyIng acfoss the foom. I woffy
about the metaI fastenefs of my bfa,
but I'm too embaffassed to ask. I poInt
Instead to my shoe buckIe, whIch I fIg-
ufe has the same amount of metaI as
the bfa stfap. Schwaftz says It's aII
fIght, and we entef the foom.
!!'"#$#
We gaze fevefentIy at the fMRI scan-
nef, whIch Iooks IIke a gIeamIng fock-
etshIp IyIng on Its sIde. Schwaftz ex-
pIaIns that he asks hIs subjectswho
afe In theIf Iate teensto IIe down wIth
theIf heads In the scannef whIIe they
Iook at photogfaphs of faces and the
machIne tfacks how theIf bfaIns fe-
spond. He's especIaIIy Intefested In
actIvIty In the amygdaIathe same
poweffuI ofgan InsIde the bfaIn that
Kagan found pIayed such an Impoftant
foIe In shapIng some Intfovefts' and ex-
tfovefts' pefsonaIItIes.
Schwaftz Is Kagan's coIIeague and
pfotege, and hIs wofk pIcks up just
whefe Kagan's IongItudInaI studIes of
pefsonaIIty Ieft off. The Infants Kagan
once categofIzed as hIgh- and Iow-fe-
actIve have now gfown up, and
Schwaftz Is usIng the fMRI machIne to
peef InsIde theIf bfaIns. Kagan foIIowed
!!("#$#
hIs subjects ffom Infancy Into adoIes-
cence, but Schwaftz wanted to see what
happened to them aftef that. WouId the
footpfInt of tempefament be detectabIe,
aII those yeafs Iatef, In the aduIt bfaIns
of Kagan's hIgh- and Iow-feactIve In-
fants? Of wouId It have been efased by
some combInatIon of envIfonment and
conscIous effoft?
IntefestIngIy, Kagan cautIoned
Schwaftz agaInst doIng the study. In
the competItIve fIeId of scIence fe-
seafch, you don't want to waste tIme
conductIng studIes that may not yIeId
sIgnIfIcant fIndIngs. And Kagan woffIed
that thefe wefe no fesuIts to be
foundthat the IInk between tempefa-
ment and destIny wouId be sevefed by
the tIme an Infant feached aduIthood.
He was tfyIng to take cafe of me,"
Schwaftz teIIs me. It was an Intefest-
Ing pafadox. Because hefe Jeffy was
!!)"#$#
doIng aII these eafIy obsefvatIons of In-
fants, and seeIng that It wasn't just
theIf socIaI behavIof that was dIffefent
In the extfemesevefythIng about
these kIds was dIffefent. TheIf eyes
dIIated mofe wIdeIy when they wefe
soIvIng pfobIems, theIf vocaI cofds be-
came mofe tense whIIe uttefIng wofds,
theIf heaft fate pattefns wefe unIque:
thefe wefe aII these channeIs that sug-
gested thefe was somethIng dIffefent
physIoIogIcaIIy about these kIds. And I
thInk, In spIte of thIs, because of hIs In-
teIIectuaI hefItage, he had the feeIIng
that envIfonmentaI factofs afe so com-
pIex that It wouId be feaIIy hafd to pIck
up that footpfInt of tempefament Iatef
In IIfe."
But Schwaftz, who beIIeves that he's
a hIgh-feactIve hImseIf and was dfaw-
Ing paftIy on hIs own expefIence, had a
hunch that he'd fInd that footpfInt even
!!#"#$#
fafthef aIong the IongItudInaI tImeIIne
than Kagan had.
He demonstfates hIs feseafch by aI-
IowIng me to act as If I wefe one of hIs
subjects, aIbeIt not InsIde the fMRI
scannef. As I sIt at a desk, a computef
monItof fIashes photos at me, one aftef
anothef, each showIng an unfamIIIaf
face: dIsembodIed bIack-and-whIte
heads fIoatIng agaInst a dafk back-
gfound. I thInk I can feeI my puIse
quIcken as the photos staft comIng at
me fastef and fastef. I aIso notIce that
Schwaftz has sIIpped In some fepeats
and that I feeI mofe feIaxed as the faces
staft to Iook famIIIaf. I descfIbe my fe-
actIons to Schwaftz, who nods. The
sIIde show Is desIgned, he says, to mIm-
Ic an envIfonment that coffesponds to
the sense that hIgh-feactIve peopIe get
when they waIk Into a cfowded foom of
!%+"#$#
stfangefs and feeI Geez! Who afe these
peopIe?"
I wondef If I'm ImagInIng my feac-
tIons, of exaggefatIng them, but
Schwaftz teIIs me that he's gotten back
the fIfst set of data on a gfoup of hIgh-
feactIve chIIdfen Kagan studIed ffom
fouf months of ageand sufe enough,
the amygdaIae of those chIIdfen, now
gfown up, had tufned out to be mofe
sensItIve to the pIctufes of unfamIIIaf
faces than dId the amygdaIae of those
who'd been boId toddIefs. Both gfoups
feacted to the pIctufes, but the fofmefIy
shy kIds feacted mofe. In othef wofds,
6:) /--63#".6 -/ 7 :"E:< -# 8-+<#)716"*)
6)53)#75).6 .)*)# 0"&733)7#)0 ". 70%86<
:--0. Some hIgh-feactIves gfew Into so-
cIaIIy fIuId teenagefs who wefe not out-
wafdIy fattIed by noveIty, but they nev-
ef shed theIf genetIc InhefItance.
!%*"#$#
Schwaftz's feseafch suggests
somethIng Impoftant: we can stfetch
ouf pefsonaIItIes, but onIy up to a
poInt. Ouf Inbofn tempefaments InfIu-
ence us, fegafdIess of the IIves we Iead.
A sIzabIe paft of who we afe Is of-
daIned by ouf genes, by ouf bfaIns, by
ouf nefvous systems. And yet the eIastI-
cIty that Schwaftz found In some of the
hIgh-feactIve teens aIso suggests the
convefse: we have ffee wIII and can use
It to shape ouf pefsonaIItIes.
These seem IIke contfadIctofy pfIn-
cIpIes, but they afe not. Ffee wIII can
take us faf, suggests Df. Schwaftz's fe-
seafch, but It cannot caffy us InfInIteIy
beyond ouf genetIc IImIts. BIII Gates Is
nevef goIng to be BIII CIInton, no mat-
tef how he poIIshes hIs socIaI skIIIs, and
BIII CIInton can nevef be BIII Gates, no
mattef how much tIme he spends aIone
wIth a computef.
!%$"#$#
We mIght caII thIs the fubbef band
theofy" of pefsonaIIty. We afe IIke fub-
bef bands at fest. We afe eIastIc and
can stfetch oufseIves, but onIy so much.
To undefstand why thIs mIght be so fof
hIgh-feactIves, It heIps to Iook at what
happens In the bfaIn when we gfeet a
stfangef at a cocktaII pafty. Remembef
that the amygdaIa, and the IImbIc sys-
tem of whIch It's a key paft, Is an an-
cIent paft of the bfaInso oId that
pfImItIve mammaIs have theIf own vef-
sIons of thIs system. But as mammaIs
became mofe compIex, an afea of the
bfaIn caIIed the neocoftex deveIoped
afound the IImbIc system. The neocof-
tex, and paftIcuIafIy the ffontaI coftex
In humans, peffofms an astonIshIng
!%!"#$#
affay of functIons, ffom decIdIng whIch
bfand of toothpaste to buy, to pIannIng
a meetIng, to pondefIng the natufe of
feaIIty. One of these functIons Is to
soothe unwaffanted feafs.
If you wefe a hIgh-feactIve baby,
then youf amygdaIa may, fof the fest of
youf IIfe, go a bIt wIId evefy tIme you
Intfoduce youfseIf to a stfangef at a
cocktaII pafty. But If you feeI feIatIveIy
skIIIed In company, that's paftIy be-
cause youf ffontaI coftex Is thefe to teII
you to caIm down, extend a handshake,
and smIIe. In fact, a fecent fMRI study
shows that when peopIe use seIf-taIk to
feassess upsettIng sItuatIons, actIvIty In
theIf pfeffontaI coftex Incfeases In an
amount coffeIated wIth a decfease of
actIvIty In theIf amygdaIa.
But the ffontaI coftex Isn't aII-powef-
fuI, It doesn't swItch the amygdaIa off
aItogethef. In one study, scIentIsts
!%%"#$#
condItIoned a fat to assocIate a ceftaIn
sound wIth an eIectfIcaI shock. Then
they pIayed that sound ovef and ovef
agaIn +"6:-%6 admInIstefIng the shock,
untII the fats Iost theIf feaf.
But It tufned out that thIs unIeafn-
Ing" was not as compIete as the scIent-
Ists fIfst thought. When they sevefed
the neufaI connectIons between the
fats' coftex and amygdaIa, the fats be-
came affaId of the sound agaIn. ThIs
was because the feaf condItIonIng had
been suppfessed by the actIvIty of the
coftex, but was stIII pfesent In the amy-
gdaIa. In humans wIth unwaffanted
feafs, IIke batophobIa, of feaf of
heIghts, the same thIng happens.
Repeated tfIps to the top of the EmpIfe
State BuIIdIng seem to extInguIsh the
feaf, but It may come foafIng back duf-
Ing tImes of stfesswhen the coftex
!%&"#$#
has othef thIngs to do than soothe an
excItabIe amygdaIa.
ThIs heIps expIaIn why many hIgh-fe-
actIve kIds fetaIn some of the feaffuI as-
pects of theIf tempefament aII the way
Into aduIthood, no mattef how much
socIaI expefIence they acquIfe of ffee
wIII they exefcIse. My coIIeague SaIIy Is
a good exampIe of thIs phenomenon.
SaIIy Is a thoughtfuI and taIented book
edItof, a seIf-descfIbed shy Intfoveft,
and one of the most chafmIng and af-
tIcuIate peopIe I know. If you InvIte hef
to a pafty, and Iatef ask youf othef
guests whom they most enjoyed meet-
Ing, chances afe they'II mentIon SaIIy.
She's so spafkIy, they'II teII you. So
wItty! So adofabIe!
SaIIy Is conscIous of how weII she
comes acfossyou can't be as appeaI-
Ing as she Is wIthout beIng awafe of It.
But that doesn't mean hef amygdaIa
!%'"#$#
knows It. When she affIves at a pafty,
SaIIy often wIshes she couId hIde be-
hInd the neafest couchuntII hef pfe-
ffontaI coftex takes ovef and she fe-
membefs what a good convefsatIonaIIst
she Is. Even so, hef amygdaIa, wIth Its
IIfetIme of stofed assocIatIons between
stfangefs and anxIety, sometImes pfe-
vaIIs. SaIIy admIts that sometImes she
dfIves an houf to a pafty and then
Ieaves fIve mInutes aftef affIvIng.
When I thInk of my own expefIences
In IIght of Schwaftz's fIndIngs, I feaIIze
It's not tfue that I'm no Iongef shy, I've
just Ieafned to taIk myseIf down ffom
the Iedge (thank you, pfeffontaI cof-
tex!). By now I do It so automatIcaIIy
that I'm hafdIy awafe It's happenIng.
When I taIk wIth a stfangef of a gfoup
of peopIe, my smIIe Is bfIght and my
mannef dIfect, but thefe's a spIIt
second that feeIs IIke I'm steppIng onto
!%("#$#
a hIgh wIfe. By now I've had so many
thousands of socIaI expefIences that
I've Ieafned that the hIgh wIfe Is a fIg-
ment of my ImagInatIon, of that I won't
dIe If I faII. I feassufe myseIf so Instant-
aneousIy that I'm bafeIy awafe I'm do-
Ing It. But the feassufance pfocess Is
stIII happenIngand occasIonaIIy It
doesn't wofk. The wofd that Kagan fIfst
used to descfIbe hIgh-feactIve peopIe
was ".:"G"6)0, and that's exactIy how I
stIII feeI at some dInnef paftIes.
ThIs abIIIty to stfetch oufseIveswIthIn
IImItsappIIes to extfovefts, too. One
of my cIIents, AIIson, Is a busIness con-
suItant, mothef, and wIfe wIth the kInd
of extfovefted pefsonaIItyffIendIy,
fofthfIght, pefpetuaIIy on the gothat
!%)"#$#
makes peopIe descfIbe hef as a fofce
of natufe." She has a happy maffIage,
two daughtefs she adofes, and hef own
consuItIng fIfm that she buIIt ffom
scfatch. She's fIghtIy pfoud of what
she's accompIIshed In IIfe.
But she hasn't aIways feIt so satIsfIed.
The yeaf she gfaduated ffom hIgh
schooI, she took a good Iook at hefseIf
and dIdn't IIke what she saw. AIIson Is
extfemeIy bfIght, but you couIdn't see
that ffom hef hIgh schooI tfanscfIpt.
She'd had hef heaft set on attendIng an
Ivy Ieague schooI, and had thfown that
chance away.
And she knew why. She'd spent hIgh
schooI socIaIIzIngAIIson was InvoIved
In pfactIcaIIy evefy extfacuffIcuIaf
actIvIty hef schooI had to offefand
that dIdn't Ieave much tIme fof aca-
demIcs. PaftIy she bIamed hef pafents,
who wefe so pfoud of theIf daughtef's
!%#"#$#
socIaI gIfts that they hadn't InsIsted she
study mofe. But mostIy she bIamed
hefseIf.
As an aduIt, AIIson Is detefmIned not
to make sImIIaf mIstakes. She knows
how easy It wouId be to Iose hefseIf In
a whIfI of PTA meetIngs and busIness
netwofkIng. So AIIson's soIutIon Is to
Iook to hef famIIy fof adaptIve
stfategIes. She happens to be the onIy
chIId of two Intfovefted pafents, to be
maffIed to an Intfoveft, and to have a
youngef daughtef who Is a stfong Intfo-
veft hefseIf.
AIIson has found ways to tap Into the
waveIength of the quIet types afound
hef. When she vIsIts hef pafents, she
fInds hefseIf medItatIng and wfItIng In
hef joufnaI, just the way hef mothef
does. At home she feIIshes peacefuI
evenIngs wIth hef homebody husband.
And hef youngef daughtef, who enjoys
!&+"#$#
IntImate backyafd taIks wIth hef moth-
ef, has AIIson spendIng hef aftefnoons
engaged In thoughtfuI convefsatIon.
AIIson has even cfeated a netwofk of
quIet, fefIectIve ffIends. AIthough hef
best ffIend In the wofId, Amy, Is a
hIghIy chafged extfoveft just IIke hef,
most of hef othef ffIends afe Intfovefts.
I so appfecIate peopIe who IIsten
weII," says AIIson. They afe the ffIends
I go have coffee wIth. They gIve me the
most spot-on obsefvatIons. SometImes I
haven't even feaIIzed I was doIng
somethIng countefpfoductIve, and my
Intfovefted ffIends wIII say, 'Hefe's
what you'fe doIng, and hefe afe fIfteen
exampIes of when you dId that same
thIng,' whefeas my ffIend Amy
wouIdn't even notIce. But my Intfovef-
ted ffIends afe sIttIng back and ob-
sefvIng, and we can feaIIy connect ovef
that."
!&*"#$#
AIIson femaIns hef boIstefous seIf,
but she has aIso dIscovefed how to be,
and to benefIt ffom, quIet.
Even though we can feach fof the outef
IImIts of ouf tempefaments, It can often
be bettef to sItuate oufseIves squafeIy
InsIde ouf comfoft zones.
ConsIdef the stofy of my cIIent Esth-
ef, a tax Iawyef at a Iafge cofpofate Iaw
fIfm. A tIny bfunette wIth a spfIngy
step and bIue eyes as bfIght as head-
Iamps, Esthef was not shy and nevef
had been. But she was decIdedIy Intfo-
vefted. Hef favofIte paft of the day was
the quIet ten mInutes when she waIked
to the bus aIong the tfee-IIned stfeets of
hef neIghbofhood. Hef second favofIte
!&$"#$#
paft was when she got to cIose the doof
to hef offIce and dIg Into hef wofk.
Esthef had chosen hef cafeef weII. A
mathematIcIan's daughtef, she Ioved to
thInk about IntImIdatIngIy compIex tax
pfobIems, and couId dIscuss them wIth
ease. (In chaptef 7, I examIne why In-
tfovefts afe so good at compIex,
focused pfobIem-soIvIng.) She was the
youngest membef of a cIose-knIt wofk-
Ing gfoup opefatIng InsIde a much Iaf-
gef Iaw fIfm. ThIs gfoup compfIsed fIve
othef tax Iawyefs, aII of whom suppof-
ted one anothef's cafeefs. Esthef's wofk
consIsted of thInkIng deepIy about
questIons that fascInated hef and wofk-
Ing cIoseIy wIth tfusted coIIeagues.
But It happened that Esthef's smaII
gfoup of tax Iawyefs pefIodIcaIIy had to
gIve pfesentatIons to the fest of the Iaw
fIfm. These taIks wefe a soufce of
mIsefy fof Esthef, not because she was
!&!"#$#
affaId of pubIIc speakIng, but because
she wasn't comfoftabIe speakIng extem-
pofaneousIy. Esthef's coIIeagues, In
contfastaII of whom happened to be
extfoveftswefe spontaneous taIkefs
who decIded what they'd say on theIf
way to the pfesentatIon and wefe some-
how abIe to convey theIf thoughts In-
teIIIgIbIy and engagIngIy by the tIme
they affIved.
Esthef was fIne If gIven a chance to
pfepafe, but sometImes hef coIIeagues
faIIed to mentIon that they'd be deIIvef-
Ing a taIk untII she affIved at wofk that
mofnIng. She assumed that theIf abIIIty
to speak ImpfovIsatIonaIIy was a func-
tIon of theIf supefIof undefstandIng of
tax Iaw and that, as she gaIned mofe
expefIence, she too wouId be abIe to
wIng It." But as Esthef became mofe
senIof and mofe knowIedgeabIe, she
stIII couIdn't do It.
!&%"#$#
To soIve Esthef's pfobIem, Iet's focus
on anothef dIffefence between Intfo-
vefts and extfovefts: theIf pfefefence
fof stImuIatIon.
Fof sevefaI decades, begInnIng In the
Iate 1960s, an InfIuentIaI feseafch psy-
choIogIst named Hans Eysenck hypo-
thesIzed that human beIngs seek just
fIght" IeveIs of stImuIatIonnot too
much and not too IIttIe. StImuIatIon Is
the amount of Input we have comIng In
ffom the outsIde wofId. It can take any
numbef of fofms, ffom noIse to socIaI
IIfe to fIashIng IIghts. Eysenck beIIeved
that extfovefts pfefef mofe stImuIatIon
than Intfovefts do, and that thIs ex-
pIaIned many of theIf dIffefences: Intfo-
vefts enjoy shuttIng the doofs to theIf
offIces and pIungIng Into theIf wofk,
because fof them thIs soft of quIet InteI-
IectuaI actIvIty Is optImaIIy stImuIatIng,
whIIe extfovefts functIon best when
!&&"#$#
engaged In hIghef-wattage actIvItIes
IIke ofganIzIng team-buIIdIng wofk-
shops of chaIfIng meetIngs.
Eysenck aIso thought that the basIs of
these dIffefences mIght be found In a
bfaIn stfuctufe caIIed the ascendIng fe-
tIcuIaf actIvatIng system (ARAS). The
ARAS Is a paft of the bfaIn stem that
has connectIons IeadIng up to the
cefebfaI coftex and othef pafts of the
bfaIn. The bfaIn has excItatofy mechan-
Isms that cause us to feeI awake, aIeft,
and enefgetIcafoused," In the paf-
Iance of psychoIogIsts. It aIso has caIm-
Ing mechanIsms that do the opposIte.
Eysenck specuIated that the ARAS fegu-
Iates the baIance between ovef- and
undef-afousaI by contfoIIIng the
amount of sensofy stImuIatIon that
fIows Into the bfaIn, sometImes the
channeIs afe wIde open, so a Iot of
stImuIatIon can get In, and sometImes
!&'"#$#
they'fe constfIcted, so the bfaIn Is Iess
stImuIated. Eysenck thought that the
ARAS functIoned dIffefentIy In Intfo-
vefts and extfovefts: Intfovefts have
wIde-open InfofmatIon channeIs, caus-
Ing them to be fIooded wIth stImuIatIon
and ovef-afoused, whIIe extfovefts
have tIghtef channeIs, makIng them
pfone to undef-afousaI. Ovef-afousaI
doesn't pfoduce anxIety so much as the
sense that you can't thInk
stfaIghtthat you've had enough and
wouId IIke to go home now. Undef-
afousaI Is somethIng IIke cabIn fevef.
Not enough Is happenIng: you feeI
Itchy, festIess, and sIuggIsh, IIke you
need to get out of the house aIfeady.
Today we know that the feaIIty Is faf
mofe compIex. Fof one thIng, the ARAS
doesn't tufn stImuIatIon on and off IIke
a fIfe tfuck's hose, fIoodIng the entIfe
bfaIn at once, dIffefent pafts of the
!&("#$#
bfaIn afe afoused mofe than othefs at
dIffefent tImes. AIso, hIgh afousaI
IeveIs In the bfaIn don't aIways coffeI-
ate wIth how afoused we /))8. And
thefe afe many dIffefent kInds of afous-
aI: afousaI by Ioud musIc Is not the
same as afousaI by moftaf fIfe, whIch Is
not the same as afousaI by pfesIdIng at
a meetIng, you mIght be mofe sensItIve
to one fofm of stImuIatIon than to an-
othef. It's aIso too sImpIe to say that we
aIways seek modefate IeveIs of afousaI:
excIted fans at a soccef game cfave hy-
pefstImuIatIon, whIIe peopIe who vIsIt
spas fof feIaxatIon tfeatments seek Iow
IeveIs.
StIII, mofe than a thousand studIes
conducted by scIentIsts wofIdwIde have
tested Eysenck's theofy that coftIcaI
afousaI IeveIs afe an Impoftant cIue to
the natufe of IntfovefsIon and extfovef-
sIon, and It appeafs to be what the
!&)"#$#
pefsonaIIty psychoIogIst DavId Fundef
caIIs haIf-fIght"In vefy Impoftant
ways. Whatevef the undefIyIng cause,
thefe's a host of evIdence that Intfo-
vefts 7#) mofe sensItIve than extfovefts
to vafIous kInds of stImuIatIon, ffom
coffee to a Ioud bang to the duII foaf of
a netwofkIng eventand that Intfo-
vefts and extfovefts often need vefy
dIffefent IeveIs of stImuIatIon to func-
tIon at theIf best.
In one weII-known expefIment, dat-
Ing aII the way back to 1967 and stIII a
favofIte In-cIass demonstfatIon In psy-
choIogy coufses, Eysenck pIaced Iemon
juIce on the tongues of aduIt Intfovefts
and extfovefts to fInd out who saIIvated
mofe. Sufe enough, the Intfovefts, be-
Ing mofe afoused by sensofy stImuII,
wefe the ones wIth the watefy mouths.
In anothef famous study, Intfovefts
and extfovefts wefe asked to pIay a
!&#"#$#
chaIIengIng wofd game In whIch they
had to Ieafn, thfough tfIaI and effof,
the govefnIng pfIncIpIe of the game.
WhIIe pIayIng, they wofe headphones
that emItted fandom bufsts of noIse.
They wefe asked to adjust the voIume
of theIf headsets up of down to the
IeveI that was just fIght." On avefage,
the extfovefts chose a noIse IeveI of 72
decIbeIs, whIIe the Intfovefts seIected
onIy 55 decIbeIs. When wofkIng at the
voIume that they had seIectedIoud
fof the extfovefts, quIet fof the Intfo-
veftsthe two types wefe about
equaIIy afoused (as measufed by theIf
heaft fates and othef IndIcatofs). They
aIso pIayed equaIIy weII.
When the Intfovefts wefe asked to
wofk at the noIse IeveI pfefeffed by the
extfovefts, and vIce vefsa, evefythIng
changed. Not onIy wefe the Intfovefts
-*)#-afoused by the Ioud noIse, but they
!'+"#$#
aIso %.0)#peffofmedtakIng an avef-
age of 9.1 tfIaIs fathef than 5.8 to Ieafn
the game. The opposIte was tfue fof the
extfoveftsthey wefe undef-afoused
(and possIbIy bofed) by the quIetef
condItIons, and took an avefage of 7.3
tfIaIs, compafed wIth the 5.4 they'd av-
efaged undef noIsIef condItIons.
When combIned wIth Kagan's fIndIngs
on hIgh feactIvIty, thIs IIne of studIes
offefs a vefy empowefIng Iens thfough
whIch to vIew youf pefsonaIIty. Once
you undefstand IntfovefsIon and extfo-
vefsIon as pfefefences fof ceftaIn IeveIs
of stImuIatIon, you can begIn con-
scIousIy tfyIng to sItuate youfseIf In en-
vIfonments favofabIe to youf own pef-
sonaIItyneIthef ovefstImuIatIng nof
!'*"#$#
undefstImuIatIng, neIthef bofIng nof
anxIety-makIng. You can ofganIze youf
IIfe In tefms of what pefsonaIIty psy-
choIogIsts caII optImaI IeveIs of afous-
aI" and what I caII sweet spots," and
by doIng so feeI mofe enefgetIc and
aIIve than befofe.
Youf sweet spot Is the pIace whefe
you'fe optImaIIy stImuIated. You pfob-
abIy seek It out aIfeady wIthout beIng
awafe that you'fe doIng so. ImagIne
that you'fe IyIng contentedIy In a ham-
mock feadIng a gfeat noveI. ThIs Is a
sweet spot. But aftef haIf an houf you
feaIIze that you've fead the same sen-
tence fIve tImes, now you'fe undefstIm-
uIated. So you caII a ffIend and go out
fof bfunchIn othef wofds, you fatchet
up youf stImuIatIon IeveIand as you
Iaugh and gossIp ovef bIuebeffy pan-
cakes, you'fe back, thank goodness, In-
sIde youf sweet spot. But thIs agfeeabIe
!'$"#$#
state Iasts onIy untII youf ffIendan
extfoveft who needs much mofe stImu-
IatIon than you dopefsuades you to
accompany hef to a bIock pafty, whefe
you'fe now conffonted by Ioud musIc
and a sea of stfangefs.
Youf ffIend's neIghbofs seem affabIe
enough, but you feeI pfessufed to make
smaII taIk above the dIn of musIc.
Nowbang, just IIke thatyou've
faIIen out of youf sweet spot, except
thIs tIme you'fe -*)#stImuIated. And
you'II pfobabIy feeI that way untII you
paIf off wIth someone on the pefIphefy
of the pafty fof an In-depth convefsa-
tIon, of bow out aItogethef and fetufn
to youf noveI.
ImagIne how much bettef you'II be at
thIs sweet-spot game once you'fe awafe
of pIayIng It. You can set up youf wofk,
youf hobbIes, and youf socIaI IIfe so
that you spend as much tIme InsIde
!'!"#$#
youf sweet spot as possIbIe. PeopIe who
afe awafe of theIf sweet spots have the
powef to Ieave jobs that exhaust them
and staft new and satIsfyIng busInesses.
They can hunt fof homes based on the
tempefaments of theIf famIIy mem-
befswIth cozy wIndow seats and oth-
ef nooks and cfannIes fof the Intfo-
vefts, and Iafge, open IIvIng-dInIng
spaces fof the extfovefts.
UndefstandIng youf sweet spot can
Incfease youf satIsfactIon In evefy
afena of youf IIfe, but It goes even fuf-
thef than that. EvIdence suggests that
sweet spots can have IIfe-of-death con-
sequences. AccofdIng to a fecent study
of mIIItafy pefsonneI conducted
thfough the WaItef Reed Afmy InstItute
of Reseafch, Intfovefts functIon bettef
than extfovefts when sIeep depfIved,
whIch Is a coftIcaIIy de-afousIng condI-
tIon (because IosIng sIeep makes us Iess
!'%"#$#
aIeft, actIve, and enefgetIc). Dfowsy ex-
tfovefts behInd the wheeI shouId be es-
pecIaIIy cafefuIat Ieast untII they In-
cfease theIf afousaI IeveIs by chuggIng
coffee of cfankIng up the fadIo. Con-
vefseIy, Intfovefts dfIvIng In Ioud,
ovefIy afousIng tfaffIc noIse shouId
wofk to stay focused, sInce the noIse
may ImpaIf theIf thInkIng.
Now that we know about optImaI
IeveIs of stImuIatIon, Esthef's pfob-
IemwIngIng It at the podIumaIso
makes sense. OvefafousaI Inteffefes
wIth attentIon and shoft-tefm
memofykey components of the abII-
Ity to speak on the fIy. And sInce pubIIc
speakIng Is an InhefentIy stImuIatIng
actIvItyeven fof those, IIke Esthef,
who suffef no stage ffIghtIntfovefts
can fInd theIf attentIon ImpaIfed just
when they need It most. Esthef couId
IIve to be a one-hundfed-yeaf-oId
!'&"#$#
Iawyef, In othef wofds, the most know-
IedgeabIe pfactItIonef In hef fIeId, and
she mIght nevef be comfoftabIe speak-
Ing extempofaneousIy. She mIght fInd
hefseIf pefpetuaIIy unabIe, at speech
tIme, to dfaw on the massIve body of
data sIttIng InsIde hef Iong-tefm
memofy.
But once Esthef undefstands hefseIf,
she can InsIst to hef coIIeagues that
they gIve hef advance notIce of any
speakIng events. She can pfactIce hef
speeches and fInd hefseIf weII InsIde
hef sweet spot when fInaIIy she feaches
the podIum. She can pfepafe the same
way fof cIIent meetIngs, netwofkIng
events, even casuaI meetIngs wIth hef
coIIeaguesany sItuatIon of heIghtened
IntensIty In whIch hef shoft-tefm
memofy and the abIIIty to thInk on hef
feet mIght be a IIttIe mofe compfom-
Ised than usuaI.
!''"#$#
Esthef managed to soIve hef pfobIem
ffom the comfoft of hef sweet spot. Yet
sometImes stfetchIng beyond It Is ouf
onIy choIce. Some yeafs ago I decIded
that I wanted to conquef my feaf of
pubIIc speakIng. Aftef much hemmIng
and hawIng, I sIgned up fof a wofkshop
at the PubIIc SpeakIngSocIaI AnxIety
Centef of New Yofk. I had my doubts, I
feIt IIke a gafden-vafIety shy pefson,
and I dIdn't IIke the pathoIogIcaI sound
of the tefm socIaI anxIety." But the
cIass was based on desensItIzatIon
tfaInIng, an appfoach that made sense
to me. Often used as a way to conquef
phobIas, desensItIzatIon InvoIves expos-
Ing youfseIf (and youf amygdaIa) to the
thIng you'fe affaId of ovef and ovef
agaIn, In manageabIe doses. ThIs Is
!'("#$#
vefy dIffefent ffom the weII-meanIng
but unheIpfuI advIce that you shouId
just jump In at the deep end and tfy to
swIman appfoach that 5"E:6 wofk,
but mofe IIkeIy wIII pfoduce panIc, fuf-
thef encodIng In youf bfaIn a cycIe of
dfead, feaf, and shame.
I found myseIf In good company.
Thefe wefe about fIfteen peopIe In the
cIass, whIch was Ied by ChafIes dI
Cagno, a wIfy, compact man wIth
wafm bfown eyes and a sophIstIcated
sense of humof. ChafIes Is hImseIf a
vetefan of exposufe thefapy. PubIIc
speakIng anxIety doesn't keep hIm up
at nIght anymofe, he says, but feaf Is a
wIIy enemy and he's aIways wofkIng to
get the bettef of It.
The wofkshop had been In sessIon fof
a few weeks befofe I joIned, but ChafIes
assufed me that newcomefs wefe weI-
come. The gfoup was mofe dIvefse than
!')"#$#
I expected. Thefe was a fashIon desIgn-
ef wIth Iong, cufIy haIf, bfIght IIpstIck,
and poInty snakeskIn boots, a secfetafy
wIth thIck gIasses and a cIIpped,
mattef-of-fact mannef, who taIked a Iot
about hef Mensa membefshIp, a coupIe
of Investment bankefs, taII and athIetIc,
an actof wIth bIack haIf and vIvId bIue
eyes who bounded cheeffuIIy acfoss the
foom In hIs Puma sneakefs but cIaImed
to be teffIfIed the entIfe tIme, a ChInese
softwafe desIgnef wIth a sweet smIIe
and a nefvous Iaugh. A feguIaf cfoss-
sectIon of New Yofkefs, feaIIy. It mIght
have been a cIass In dIgItaI photo-
gfaphy of ItaIIan cookIng.
Except that It wasn't. ChafIes ex-
pIaIned that each of us wouId speak In
ffont of the gfoup, but at an anxIety
IeveI we couId handIe.
A maftIaI afts Instfuctof named
Iateesha was fIfst up that evenIng.
!'#"#$#
Iateesha's assIgnment was to fead
aIoud to the cIass ffom a Robeft Ffost
poem. WIth hef dfeadIocks and wIde
smIIe, Iateesha Iooked as If she wasn't
affaId of anythIng. But as she got feady
to speak, hef book pfopped open at the
podIum, ChafIes asked how anxIous she
was, on a scaIe of 1 to 10.
At Ieast seven," saId Iateesha.
Take It sIow," he saId. Thefe afe
onIy a few peopIe out thefe who can
compIeteIy ovefcome theIf feafs, and
they aII IIve In TIbet."
Iateesha fead the poem cIeafIy and
quIetIy, wIth onIy the sIIghtest tfemof
In hef voIce. When she was fInIshed,
ChafIes beamed pfoudIy.
Stand up pIease, IIsa," he saId, ad-
dfessIng an attfactIve young mafketIng
dIfectof wIth shIny bIack haIf and a
gIeamIng engagement fIng. It's youf
!(+"#$#
tufn to offef feedback. DId Iateesha
Iook nefvous?"
No," saId IIsa.
I was feaIIy scafed, though," Iatee-
sha saId.
Don't woffy, no one couId teII," IIsa
assufed hef.
The othefs nodded theIf heads vIgof-
ousIy. ,-%80.S6 6)88 76 788, they echoed.
Iateesha sat down, IookIng pIeased.
Next It was my tufn. I stood at a
makeshIft podIumfeaIIy a musIc
standand faced the gfoup. The onIy
sound In the foom was the tIckIng of
the ceIIIng fan and the bIafe of tfaffIc
outsIde. ChafIes asked me to Intfoduce
myseIf. I took a deep bfeath.
HEIIOOO!!!!" I shouted, hopIng to
sound dynamIc.
ChafIes Iooked aIafmed. Just be
youfseIf," he saId.
!(*"#$#
My fIfst exefcIse was sImpIe. AII I
had to do was answef a few questIons
that peopIe caIIed out: Whefe do you
IIve? What do you do fof a IIvIng?
What dId you do thIs weekend?
I answefed the questIons In my
nofmaI, soft-spoken way. The gfoup
IIstened cafefuIIy.
Does anyone have any mofe ques-
tIons fof Susan?" asked ChafIes. The
gfoup shook theIf heads.
Now, Dan," saId ChafIes, noddIng at
a stfappIng fed-haIfed feIIow who
Iooked IIke one of those CNBC joufnaI-
Ists fepoftIng dIfectIy ffom the New
Yofk Stock Exchange, you'fe a bankef
and you have tough standafds. TeII me,
dId Susan Iook nefvous?"
Not at aII," saId Dan.
The fest of the gfoup nodded. ?-6
.)#*-%& 76 788, they mufmufedjust as
they had fof Iateesha.
!($"#$#
[-% &))5 &- -%6E-".E, they added.
[-% 175) 71#-&& 7& #)788; 1-./"0).6^
[-%S#) 8%1$; G)17%&) ;-% .)*)# #%. -%6
-/ 6:".E& 6- &7;.
I sat down feeIIng pfetty good about
myseIf. But soon I saw that Iateesha
and I wefen't the onIy ones to get that
kInd of feedback. A few othefs dId as
weII. You Iooked so caIm!" these
speakefs wefe toId, to theIf vIsIbIe fe-
IIef. No one wouId evef know If they
dIdn't know! What afe you doIng In thIs
cIass?"
At fIfst I wondefed why I pfIzed
these feassufances so hIghIy. Then I
feaIIzed that I was attendIng the wofk-
shop because I wanted to stfetch myseIf
to the outef IImIts of my tempefament.
I wanted to be the best and bfavest
speakef I couId be. The feassufances
wefe evIdence that I was on my way to-
wafd achIevIng thIs goaI. I suspected
!(!"#$#
that the feedback I was gettIng was
ovefIy chafItabIe, but I dIdn't cafe.
What mattefed was that I'd addfessed
an audIence that had feceIved me weII,
and I feIt good about the expefIence. I
had begun to desensItIze myseIf to the
hoffofs of pubIIc speakIng.
SInce then, I've done pIenty of speak-
Ing, to gfoups of ten and cfowds of
hundfeds. I've come to embface the
powef of the podIum. Fof me thIs In-
voIves takIng specIfIc steps, IncIudIng
tfeatIng evefy speech as a cfeatIve pfo-
ject, so that when I get feady fof the
bIg day, I expefIence that deIvIng-deep
sensatIon I enjoy so much. I aIso speak
on topIcs that mattef to me deepIy, and
have found that I feeI much mofe
centefed when I tfuIy cafe about my
subject.
ThIs Isn't aIways possIbIe, of coufse.
SometImes speakefs need to taIk about
!(%"#$#
subjects that don't Intefest them much,
especIaIIy at wofk. I beIIeve thIs Is
hafdef fof Intfovefts, who have tfoubIe
pfojectIng aftIfIcIaI enthusIasm. But
thefe's a hIdden advantage to thIs In-
fIexIbIIIty: It can motIvate us to make
tough but wofthwhIIe cafeef changes If
we fInd oufseIves compeIIed to speak
too often about topIcs that Ieave us
coId. Thefe Is no one mofe coufageous
than the pefson who speaks wIth the
coufage of hIs convIctIons.
!(&"#$#
d
!YN"K[TIK U"@ " MGTIDIJI"K> EWD
OTO"KGN @MG[O GWD GY
JGK@JIOKJO<
U4/ J,,. I5 G8-&&)%-*
L &:; 57. .- 0-%G6 0#)70& 6:) .-6"1) -/
&6#7.E)#&N G%6 17. :7#08; G) &7"0 6- G)
7/#7"0 -/ 6:)5P >) 57; G) 7& G-80 7& 7
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/"0).1) 7G-%6 6#"/8)& ". 6:) 3#)&).1) -/
&6#7.E)#&.
CHARIES DARWIN
Eastef Sunday, 1939. The IIncoIn Me-
mofIaI. MafIan Andefson, one of the
most extfaofdInafy sIngefs of hef gen-
efatIon, takes the stage, the statue of
the sIxteenth pfesIdent fIsIng up behInd
hef. A fegaI woman wIth toffee-coIofed
skIn, she gazes at hef audIence of
75,000: men In bfImmed hats, IadIes In
theIf Sunday best, a gfeat sea of bIack
and whIte faces. My countfy 'tIs of
thee," she begIns, hef voIce soafIng,
each wofd pufe and dIstInct. Sweet
Iand of IIbefty." The cfowd Is fapt and
teaffuI. They nevef thought thIs day
wouId come to pass.
And It wouIdn't have, wIthout EIean-
of RooseveIt. EafIIef that yeaf, Andef-
son had pIanned to sIng at ConstItutIon
HaII In WashIngton, D.C., but the
Daughtefs of the AmefIcan RevoIutIon,
who owned the haII, fejected hef be-
cause of hef face. EIeanof RooseveIt,
whose famIIy had fought In the RevoIu-
tIon, fesIgned ffom the DAR, heIped af-
fange fof Andefson to sIng at the IIn-
coIn MemofIaIand IgnIted a natIonaI
!(("#$#
fIfestofm. RooseveIt was not the onIy
one to pfotest, but she bfought poIItIcaI
cIout to the Issue, fIskIng hef own fepu-
tatIon In the pfocess.
Fof RooseveIt, who seemed constItu-
tIonaIIy unabIe to Iook away ffom othef
peopIe's tfoubIes, such acts of socIaI
conscIence wefe nothIng unusuaI. But
othefs appfecIated how femafkabIe
they wefe. ThIs was somethIng
unIque," fecaIIed the AffIcan-AmefIcan
cIvII fIghts Ieadef James Fafmef of
RooseveIt's bfave stand. FfankIIn was
a poIItIcIan. He weIghed the poIItIcaI
consequences of evefy step that he
took. He was a good poIItIcIan, too. But
EIeanof spoke out of conscIence, and
acted as a conscIentIous pefson. That
was dIffefent."
It was a foIe she pIayed thfoughout
theIf IIfe togethef: FfankIIn's advIsef,
FfankIIn's conscIence. He may have
!()"#$#
chosen hef fof just thIs feason, In othef
ways they wefe such an unIIkeIy paIf.
They met when he was twenty.
FfankIIn was hef dIstant cousIn, a
sheItefed Hafvafd senIof ffom an
uppef-cfust famIIy. EIeanof was onIy
nIneteen, aIso ffom a moneyed cIan,
but she had chosen to Immefse hefseIf
In the suffefIngs of the poof, despIte
hef famIIy's dIsappfovaI. As a voIunteef
at a settIement house on Manhattan's
ImpovefIshed Iowef East SIde, she had
met chIIdfen who wefe fofced to sew
aftIfIcIaI fIowefs In wIndowIess factof-
Ies to the poInt of exhaustIon. She took
FfankIIn wIth hef one day. He couIdn't
beIIeve that human beIngs IIved In such
mIsefabIe condItIonsof that a young
woman of hIs own cIass had been the
one to open hIs eyes to thIs sIde of
AmefIca. He pfomptIy feII In Iove wIth
hef.
!(#"#$#
But EIeanof wasn't the IIght, wItty
type he'd been expected to maffy. Just
the opposIte: she was sIow to Iaugh,
bofed by smaII taIk, sefIous-mInded,
shy. Hef mothef, a fIne-boned, vIva-
cIous afIstocfat, had nIcknamed hef
Gfanny" because of hef demeanof. Hef
fathef, the chafmIng and popuIaf
youngef bfothef of Theodofe RooseveIt,
doted on hef when he saw hef, but he
was dfunk most of the tIme, and dIed
when EIeanof was nIne. By the tIme
EIeanof met FfankIIn, she couIdn't be-
IIeve that someone IIke :"5 wouId be
Intefested In :)#. FfankIIn was
evefythIng that she was not: boId and
buoyant, wIth a wIde, IffepfessIbIe
gfIn, as easy wIth peopIe as she was
cautIous. He was young and gay and
good IookIng," EIeanof fecaIIed, and I
was shy and awkwafd and thfIIIed
when he asked me to dance."
!)+"#$#
At the same tIme, many toId EIeanof
that FfankIIn wasn't good enough fof
hef. Some saw hIm as a IIghtweIght, a
medIocfe schoIaf, a ffIvoIous man-
about-town. And howevef poof EIean-
of's own seIf-Image, she dId not Iack fof
admIfefs who appfecIated hef gfavItas.
Some of hef suItofs wfote gfudgIng Iet-
tefs of congfatuIatIons to FfankIIn
when he won hef hand. I have mofe
fespect and admIfatIon fof EIeanof than
any gIfI I have evef met," one Iettef-
wfItef saId. You afe mIghty Iucky.
Youf futufe wIfe Is such as It Is the
pfIvIIege of few men to have," saId
anothef.
But pubIIc opInIon was besIde the
poInt fof FfankIIn and EIeanof. Each
had stfengths that the othef
cfavedhef empathy, hIs bfavado. E
Is an AngeI," FfankIIn wfote In hIs
joufnaI. When she accepted hIs
!)*"#$#
maffIage pfoposaI In 1903, he pfo-
cIaImed hImseIf the happIest man aIIve.
She fesponded wIth a fIood of Iove Iet-
tefs. They wefe maffIed In 1905 and
went on to have sIx chIIdfen.
DespIte the excItement of theIf couft-
shIp, theIf dIffefences caused tfoubIe
ffom the staft. EIeanof cfaved IntImacy
and weIghty convefsatIons, he Ioved
paftIes, fIIftIng, and gossIp. The man
who wouId decIafe that he had nothIng
to feaf but feaf ItseIf couId not undef-
stand hIs wIfe's stfuggIes wIth shyness.
When FfankIIn was appoInted assIstant
secfetafy of the navy In 1913, the pace
of hIs socIaI IIfe gfew evef mofe ffen-
zIed and the settIngs mofe gIIdedeIIte
pfIvate cIubs, hIs Hafvafd ffIends' man-
sIons. He cafoused Iatef and Iatef Into
the nIght. EIeanof went home eafIIef
and eafIIef.
!)$"#$#
In the meantIme, EIeanof found hef-
seIf wIth a fuII caIendaf of socIaI dutIes.
She was expected to pay vIsIts to the
wIves of othef WashIngton IumInafIes,
IeavIng caIIIng cafds at theIf doofs and
hoIdIng open houses In hef own home.
She dIdn't feIIsh thIs foIe, so she hIfed
a socIaI secfetafy named Iucy Mefcef
to heIp hef. WhIch seemed a good
IdeauntII the summef of 1917, when
EIeanof took the chIIdfen to MaIne fof
the summef, IeavIng FfankIIn behInd In
WashIngton wIth Mefcef. The two
began a IIfeIong affaIf. Iucy was just
the kInd of IIveIy beauty FfankIIn had
been expected to maffy In the fIfst
pIace.
EIeanof found out about FfankIIn's
betfayaI when she stumbIed on a pack-
et of Iove Iettefs In hIs suItcase. She
was devastated, but stayed In the maf-
fIage. And aIthough they nevef
!)!"#$#
fekIndIed the fomantIc sIde of theIf fe-
IatIonshIp, she and FfankIIn fepIaced It
wIth somethIng fofmIdabIe: a unIon of
hIs confIdence wIth hef conscIence.
Fast-fofwafd to ouf own tIme, whefe
we'II meet anothef woman of sImIIaf
tempefament, actIng out of hef own
sense of conscIence. Df. EIaIne Afon Is
a feseafch psychoIogIst who, sInce hef
fIfst scIentIfIc pubIIcatIon In 1997, has
sIngIehandedIy feffamed what Jefome
Kagan and othefs caII hIgh feactIvIty
(and sometImes negatIvIty" of InhIbI-
tIon"). She caIIs It sensItIvIty," and
aIong wIth hef new name fof the tfaIt,
she's tfansfofmed and deepened ouf un-
defstandIng of It.
!)%"#$#
When I heaf that Afon wIII be the
keynote speakef at an annuaI weekend
gathefIng of hIghIy sensItIve peopIe"
at WaIkef Cfeek Ranch In MafIn
County, CaIIfofnIa, I quIckIy buy pIane
tIckets. JacqueIyn StfIckIand, a psycho-
thefapIst and the foundef and host of
the event, expIaIns that she cfeated
these weekends so that sensItIve peopIe
couId benefIt ffom beIng In one anoth-
ef's pfesence. She sends me an agenda
expIaInIng that we'II be sIeepIng In
fooms desIgnated fof nappIng, joufnaI-
Ing, puttefIng, medItatIng, ofganIzIng,
wfItIng, and fefIectIng."
PIease do socIaIIze vefy quIetIy In
youf foom (wIth consent of youf foom-
mate), of pfefefabIy In the gfoup afeas
on waIks and at meaItImes," says the
agenda. The confefence Is geafed to
peopIe who enjoy meanIngfuI dIscus-
sIons and sometImes move a
!)&"#$#
convefsatIon to a deepef IeveI, onIy to
fInd out we afe the onIy ones thefe."
Thefe wIII be pIenty of tIme fof sefIous
taIk thIs weekend, we'fe assufed. But
we'II aIso be ffee to come and go as we
pIease. StfIckIand knows that most of
us wIII have weathefed a IIfetIme of
mandatofy gfoup actIvItIes, and she
wants to show us a dIffefent modeI, If
onIy fof a few days.
WaIkef Cfeek Ranch sIts on 1,741
acfes of unspoIIed Nofthefn CaIIfofnIa
wIIdefness. It offefs hIkIng tfaIIs and
wIIdIIfe and vast cfystaIIIne skIes, but
at Its centef Is a cozy, bafnIIke confef-
ence centef whefe about thIfty of us
gathef on a Thufsday aftefnoon In the
mIddIe of June. The Buckeye Iodge Is
outfItted wIth gfey IndustfIaI cafpets,
Iafge whIteboafds, and pIctufe wIn-
dows ovefIookIng sunny fedwood
fofests. AIongsIde the usuaI pIIes of
!)'"#$#
fegIstfatIon fofms and name badges,
thefe's a fIIp chaft whefe we'fe asked to
wfIte ouf name and Myefs-BfIggs pef-
sonaIIty type. I scan the IIst. Evefyone's
an Intfoveft except fof StfIckIand, who
Is wafm, weIcomIng, and expfessIve.
(AccofdIng to Afon's feseafch, the ma-
jofIty, though not aII, of sensItIve
peopIe afe Intfovefts.)
The tabIes and chaIfs In the foom afe
ofganIzed In a bIg squafe so that we
can aII sIt and face one anothef. StfIck-
Iand InvItes uspaftIcIpatIon optIon-
aIto shafe what bfought us hefe. A
softwafe engIneef named Tom kIcks off,
descfIbIng wIth gfeat passIon hIs feIIef
at IeafnIng that thefe was a physIoIo-
gIcaI basIs fof the tfaIt of sensItIvIty.
Hefe's the feseafch! ThIs Is how I am! I
don't have to tfy to meet anyone's ex-
pectatIons anymofe. I don't need to feeI
apoIogetIc of defensIve In any way."
!)("#$#
WIth hIs Iong, naffow face, bfown haIf,
and matchIng beafd, Tom femInds me
of Abfaham IIncoIn. He Intfoduces hIs
wIfe, who taIks about how compatIbIe
she and Tom afe, and how togethef
they stumbIed acfoss Afon's wofk.
When It's my tufn, I taIk about how
I've nevef been In a gfoup envIfonment
In whIch I dIdn't feeI obIIged to pfesent
an unnatufaIIy fah-fah vefsIon of my-
seIf. I say that I'm Intefested In the con-
nectIon between IntfovefsIon and sens-
ItIvIty. Many peopIe nod.
On Satufday mofnIng, Df. Afon ap-
peafs In the Buckeye Iodge. She waIts
pIayfuIIy behInd an easeI contaInIng a
fIIp chaft whIIe StfIckIand Intfoduces
hef to the audIence. Then she emefges
smIIIngta-da!ffom behInd the easeI,
sensIbIy cIad In a bIazef, tuftIeneck,
and cofdufoy skIft. She has shoft,
feathefy bfown haIf and wafm, cfInkIy
!))"#$#
bIue eyes that Iook as If they don't mIss
a thIng. You can see ImmedIateIy the
dIgnIfIed schoIaf Afon Is today, as weII
as the awkwafd schooIgIfI she must
once have been. You can see, too, hef
fespect fof hef audIence.
GettIng fIght down to busIness, she
Infofms us that she has fIve dIffefent
subtopIcs she can dIscuss, and asks us
to faIse ouf hands to vote fof ouf fIfst,
second, and thIfd choIce of subjects.
Then she peffofms, fapId-fIfe, an eIab-
ofate mathematIcaI caIcuIatIon ffom
whIch she detefmInes the thfee subtop-
Ics fof whIch we've coIIectIveIy voted.
The cfowd settIes down amIabIy. It
doesn't feaIIy mattef whIch subtopIcs
we've chosen, we know that Afon Is
hefe to taIk about sensItIvIty, and that
she's takIng ouf pfefefences Into
consIdefatIon.
!)#"#$#
Some psychoIogIsts make theIf mafk
by doIng unusuaI feseafch expefIments.
Afon's contfIbutIon Is to thInk dIffef-
entIy, fadIcaIIy dIffefentIy, about stud-
Ies that othefs have done. When she
was a gIfI, Afon was often toId that she
was too sensItIve fof hef own good."
She had two hafdy eIdef sIbIIngs and
was the onIy chIId In hef famIIy who
IIked to daydfeam, and pIay InsIde, and
whose feeIIngs wefe easIIy huft. As she
gfew oIdef and ventufed outsIde hef
famIIy's ofbIt, she contInued to notIce
thIngs about hefseIf that seemed dIffef-
ent ffom the nofm. She couId dfIve
aIone fof houfs and nevef tufn on the
fadIo. She had stfong, sometImes dIs-
tufbIng dfeams at nIght. She was
stfangeIy Intense," and often beset by
poweffuI emotIons, both posItIve and
negatIve. She had tfoubIe fIndIng the
sacfed In the evefyday, It seemed to be
!#+"#$#
thefe onIy when she wIthdfew ffom the
wofId.
Afon gfew up, became a psychoIo-
gIst, and maffIed a fobust man who
Ioved these quaIItIes. To hef husband,
Aft, Afon was cfeatIve, IntuItIve, and a
deep thInkef. She appfecIated these
thIngs In hefseIf, too, but saw them as
acceptabIe sufface manIfestatIons of a
teffIbIe, hIdden fIaw I had been awafe
of aII my IIfe." She thought It was a
mIfacIe that Aft Ioved hef In spIte of
thIs fIaw.
But when one of hef feIIow psychoIo-
gIsts casuaIIy descfIbed Afon as hIghIy
sensItIve," a IIghtbuIb went on In hef
head. It was as If these two wofds de-
scfIbed hef mystefIous faIIIng, except
that the psychoIogIst hadn't been fefef-
fIng to a fIaw at aII. It had been a neut-
faI descfIptIon.
!#*"#$#
Afon pondefed thIs new InsIght, and
then set out to feseafch thIs tfaIt caIIed
sensItIvIty." She came up mostIy dfy,
so she pofed ovef the vast IItefatufe on
IntfovefsIon, whIch seemed to be IntIm-
ateIy feIated: Kagan's wofk on hIgh-fe-
actIve chIIdfen, and the Iong IIne of ex-
pefIments on the tendency of Intfovefts
to be mofe sensItIve to socIaI and sens-
ofy stImuIatIon. These studIes gave hef
gIImpses of what she was IookIng fof,
but Afon thought that thefe was a mIss-
Ing pIece In the emefgIng poftfaIt of In-
tfovefted peopIe.
The pfobIem fof scIentIsts Is that we
tfy to obsefve behavIof, and these afe
thIngs that you cannot obsefve," she ex-
pIaIns. ScIentIsts can easIIy fepoft on
the behavIof of extfovefts, who can of-
ten be found IaughIng, taIkIng, of ges-
tIcuIatIng. But If a pefson Is standIng
In the cofnef of a foom, you can
!#$"#$#
attfIbute about fIfteen motIvatIons to
that pefson. But you don't feaIIy know
what's goIng on InsIde."
Yet Innef behavIof was stIII behavIof,
thought Afon, even If It was dIffIcuIt to
cataIog. So what "& the Innef behavIof
of peopIe whose most vIsIbIe featufe Is
that when you take them to a pafty
they afen't vefy pIeased about It? She
decIded to fInd out.
FIfst Afon IntefvIewed thIfty-nIne
peopIe who descfIbed themseIves as be-
Ing eIthef Intfovefted of easIIy ovef-
wheImed by stImuIatIon. She asked
them about the movIes they IIked, theIf
fIfst memofIes, feIatIonshIps wIth paf-
ents, ffIendshIps, Iove IIves, cfeatIve
actIvItIes, phIIosophIcaI and feIIgIous
vIews. Based on these IntefvIews, she
cfeated a voIumInous questIonnaIfe
that she gave to sevefaI Iafge gfoups of
peopIe. Then she boIIed theIf fesponses
!#!"#$#
down to a consteIIatIon of twenty-seven
attfIbutes. She named the peopIe who
embodIed these attfIbutes hIghIy
sensItIve."
Some of these twenty-seven attfIb-
utes wefe famIIIaf ffom Kagan and oth-
efs' wofk. Fof exampIe, hIghIy sensItIve
peopIe tend to be keen obsefvefs who
Iook befofe they Ieap. They affange
theIf IIves In ways that IImIt sufpfIses.
They'fe often sensItIve to sIghts,
sounds, smeIIs, paIn, coffee. They have
dIffIcuIty when beIng obsefved (at
wofk, say, of peffofmIng at a musIc fe-
cItaI) of judged fof genefaI wofthIness
(datIng, job IntefvIews).
But thefe wefe aIso new InsIghts. The
hIghIy sensItIve tend to be phIIosophIc-
aI of spIfItuaI In theIf ofIentatIon,
fathef than matefIaIIstIc of hedonIstIc.
They dIsIIke smaII taIk. They often de-
scfIbe themseIves as cfeatIve of
!#%"#$#
IntuItIve (just as Afon's husband had
descfIbed hef). They dfeam vIvIdIy, and
can often fecaII theIf dfeams the next
day. They Iove musIc, natufe, aft, phys-
IcaI beauty. They feeI exceptIonaIIy
stfong emotIonssometImes acute
bouts of joy, but aIso soffow, meIan-
choIy, and feaf.
HIghIy sensItIve peopIe aIso pfocess
InfofmatIon about theIf envIfon-
mentsboth physIcaI and emotIon-
aIunusuaIIy deepIy. They tend to no-
tIce subtIetIes that othefs mIssanoth-
ef pefson's shIft In mood, say, of a
IIghtbuIb bufnIng a touch too bfIghtIy.
RecentIy a gfoup of scIentIsts at
Stony Bfook UnIvefsIty tested thIs fInd-
Ing by showIng two paIfs of photos (of
a fence and some baIes of hay) to eIght-
een peopIe IyIng InsIde fMRI machInes.
In one paIf the photos wefe notIceabIy
dIffefent ffom each othef, and In the
!#&"#$#
othef paIf the dIffefence was much
mofe subtIe. Fof each paIf, the scIent-
Ists asked whethef the second photo
was the same as the fIfst. They found
that sensItIve peopIe spent mofe tIme
than othefs IookIng at the photos wIth
the subtIe dIffefences. TheIf bfaIns aIso
showed mofe actIvIty In fegIons that
heIp to make assocIatIons between
those Images and othef stofed Infofma-
tIon. In othef wofds, the sensItIve
peopIe wefe pfocessIng the photos at a
mofe eIabofate IeveI than theIf peefs,
fefIectIng mofe on those fenceposts and
haystacks.
ThIs study Is vefy new, and Its con-
cIusIons stIII need to be fepIIcated and
expIofed In othef contexts. But It
echoes Jefome Kagan's fIndIngs that
hIgh-feactIve fIfst gfadefs spend mofe
tIme than othef chIIdfen compafIng
choIces when they pIay matchIng
!#'"#$#
games of feadIng unfamIIIaf wofds.
And It suggests, says JadzIa JagIeIIow-
Icz, the Iead scIentIst at Stony Bfook,
that sensItIve types thInk In an unusu-
aIIy compIex fashIon. It may aIso heIp
expIaIn why they'fe so bofed by smaII
taIk. If you'fe thInkIng In mofe com-
pIIcated ways," she toId me, then taIk-
Ing about the weathef of whefe you
went fof the hoIIdays Is not quIte as In-
tefestIng as taIkIng about vaIues of
mofaIIty."
The othef thIng Afon found about
sensItIve peopIe Is that sometImes
they'fe hIghIy empathIc. It's as If they
have thInnef boundafIes sepafatIng
them ffom othef peopIe's emotIons and
ffom the tfagedIes and cfueItIes of the
wofId. They tend to have unusuaIIy
stfong conscIences. They avoId vIoIent
movIes and TV shows, they'fe acuteIy
awafe of the consequences of a Iapse In
!#("#$#
theIf own behavIof. In socIaI settIngs
they often focus on subjects IIke pefson-
aI pfobIems, whIch othefs consIdef too
heavy."
Afon feaIIzed that she was on to
somethIng bIg. Many of the chafactef-
IstIcs of sensItIve peopIe that she'd
IdentIfIedsuch as empathy and fe-
sponsIveness to beautywefe beIIeved
by psychoIogIsts to be chafactefIstIc of
othef pefsonaIIty tfaIts IIke agfeeabIe-
ness" and openness to expefIence." But
Afon saw that they wefe aIso a funda-
mentaI paft of sensItIvIty. Hef fIndIngs
ImpIIcItIy chaIIenged accepted tenets of
pefsonaIIty psychoIogy.
She stafted pubIIshIng hef fesuIts In
academIc joufnaIs and books, and
speakIng pubIIcIy about hef wofk. At
fIfst thIs was dIffIcuIt. AudIence mem-
befs toId hef that hef Ideas wefe fascIn-
atIng, but that hef unceftaIn deIIvefy
!#)"#$#
was dIstfactIng. But Afon had a gfeat
desIfe to get hef message out. She pef-
sevefed, and Ieafned to speak IIke the
authofIty she was. By the tIme I saw
hef at WaIkef Cfeek Ranch, she was
pfactIced, cfIsp, and sufe. The onIy dIf-
fefence between hef and youf typIcaI
speakef was how conscIentIous she
seemed about answefIng evefy Iast
audIence questIon. She IIngefed aftef-
wafd wIth the gfoup, even though, as
an extfeme Intfoveft, she must have
been ItchIng to get home.
Afon's descfIptIon of hIghIy sensItIve
peopIe sounds as If she's taIkIng about
EIeanof RooseveIt hefseIf. Indeed, In
the yeafs sInce Afon fIfst pubIIshed hef
fIndIngs, scIentIsts have found that
when you put peopIe whose genetIc
pfofIIes have been tentatIveIy assocI-
ated wIth sensItIvIty and IntfovefsIon
(peopIe wIth the gene vafIant of
!##"#$#
5-HTTIPR that chafactefIzed the fhesus
monkeys of chaptef 3) InsIde an fMRI
machIne and show them pIctufes of
scafed faces, accIdent vIctIms, mutII-
ated bodIes, and poIIuted scenefy, the
amygdaIathe paft of the bfaIn that
pIays such an Impoftant foIe In pfo-
cessIng emotIonsbecomes stfongIy ac-
tIvated. Afon and a team of scIentIsts
have aIso found that when sensItIve
peopIe see faces of peopIe expefIencIng
stfong feeIIngs, they have mofe actIva-
tIon than othefs do In afeas of the bfaIn
assocIated wIth empathy and wIth tfy-
Ing to contfoI stfong emotIons.
It's as If, IIke EIeanof RooseveIt, they
can't heIp but feeI what othefs feeI.
%++"#$#
In 1921, FDR contfacted poIIo. It was a
teffIbIe bIow, and he consIdefed fetIf-
Ing to the countfy to IIve out hIs IIfe as
an InvaIId gentIeman. But EIeanof kept
hIs contacts wIth the DemocfatIc Pafty
aIIve whIIe he fecovefed, even agfeeIng
to addfess a pafty fund-faIsef. She was
teffIfIed of pubIIc speakIng, and not
much good at Itshe had a hIgh-
pItched voIce and Iaughed nefvousIy at
aII the wfong tImes. But she tfaIned fof
the event and made hef way thfough
the speech.
Aftef that, EIeanof was stIII unsufe of
hefseIf, but she began wofkIng to fIx
the socIaI pfobIems she saw aII afound
hef. She became a champIon of wo-
men's Issues and fofged aIIIances wIth
othef sefIous-mInded peopIe. By 1928,
when FDR was eIected govefnof of New
Yofk, she was the dIfectof of the Buf-
eau of Women's ActIvItIes fof the
%+*"#$#
DemocfatIc Pafty and one of the most
InfIuentIaI women In AmefIcan poIItIcs.
She and FfankIIn wefe now a fuIIy
functIonIng paftnefshIp of hIs savoIf
faIfe and hef socIaI conscIence. I knew
about socIaI condItIons, pefhaps mofe
than he dId," EIeanof fecaIIed wIth
chafactefIstIc modesty. But he knew
about govefnment and how you couId
use govefnment to Impfove thIngs. And
I thInk we began to get an undefstand-
Ing of teamwofk."
FDR was eIected pfesIdent In 1933. It
was the heIght of the DepfessIon, and
EIeanof tfaveIed the countfyIn a
sIngIe thfee-month pefIod she covefed
40,000 mIIesIIstenIng to ofdInafy
peopIe teII theIf hafd-Iuck stofIes.
PeopIe opened up to hef In ways they
dIdn't fof othef poweffuI fIgufes. She
became fof FfankIIn the voIce of the
dIspossessed. When she fetufned home
%+$"#$#
ffom hef tfIps, she often toId hIm what
she'd seen and pfessed hIm to act. She
heIped ofchestfate govefnment pfo-
gfams fof haIf-stafved mInefs In Ap-
paIachIa. She ufged FDR to IncIude wo-
men and AffIcan-AmefIcans In hIs pfo-
gfams to put peopIe back to wofk. And
she heIped affange fof MafIan Andef-
son to sIng at the IIncoIn MemofIaI.
She kept at hIm on Issues whIch he
mIght, In the fush of thIngs, have
wanted to ovefIook," the hIstofIan
Geoff Wafd has saId. She kept hIm to a
hIgh standafd. Anyone who evef saw
hef Iock eyes wIth hIm and say, '?-+
9#7.$8".N ;-% &:-%80 .' nevef fofgot It."
The shy young woman who'd been
teffIfIed of pubIIc speakIng gfew to
Iove pubIIc IIfe. EIeanof RooseveIt be-
came the fIfst FIfst Iady to hoId a pfess
confefence, addfess a natIonaI conven-
tIon, wfIte a newspapef coIumn, and
%+!"#$#
appeaf on taIk fadIo. Iatef In hef cafeef
she sefved as a U.S. deIegate to the Un-
Ited NatIons, whefe she used hef unusu-
aI bfand of poIItIcaI skIIIs and hafd-won
toughness to heIp wIn passage of the
UnIvefsaI DecIafatIon of Human RIghts.
She nevef dId outgfow hef vuInefab-
IIIty, aII hef IIfe she suffefed dafk
GfIseIda moods," as she caIIed them
(named fof a pfIncess In a medIevaI Ie-
gend who wIthdfew Into sIIence), and
stfuggIed to deveIop skIn as tough as
fhInocefos hIde." I thInk peopIe who
afe shy femaIn shy aIways, but they
Ieafn how to ovefcome It," she saId.
But It was pefhaps thIs sensItIvIty that
made It easy fof hef to feIate to the dIs-
enffanchIsed, and conscIentIous enough
to act on theIf behaIf. FDR, eIected at
the staft of the DepfessIon, Is fe-
membefed fof hIs compassIon. But It
%+%"#$#
was EIeanof who made sufe he knew
how suffefIng AmefIcans /)86.
The connectIon between sensItIvIty and
conscIence has Iong been obsefved.
ImagIne the foIIowIng expefIment, pef-
fofmed by the deveIopmentaI psychoIo-
gIst Gfazyna Kochanska. A kInd woman
hands a toy to a toddIef, expIaInIng
that the chIId shouId be vefy cafefuI be-
cause It's one of the woman's favofItes.
The chIId soIemnIy nods assent and be-
gIns to pIay wIth the toy. Soon aftef-
wafd, It bfeaks dfamatIcaIIy In two,
havIng been fIgged to do so.
The woman Iooks upset and cfIes,
Oh my!" Then she waIts to see what
the chIId does next.
%+&"#$#
Some chIIdfen, It tufns out, feeI a Iot
mofe guIIty about theIf (supposed)
tfansgfessIon than othefs. They Iook
away, hug themseIves, stammef out
confessIons, hIde theIf faces. And It's
the kIds we mIght caII the most sensIt-
Ive, the most hIgh-feactIve, the ones
who afe IIkeIy to be Intfovefts who feeI
the guIItIest. BeIng unusuaIIy sensItIve
to aII expefIence, both posItIve and
negatIve, they seem to feeI both the
soffow of the woman whose toy Is
bfoken and the anxIety of havIng done
somethIng bad. (In case you'fe wondef-
Ing, the woman In the expefIments
quIckIy fetufned to the foom wIth the
toy fIxed" and feassufances that the
chIId had done nothIng wfong.)
In ouf cuItufe, guIIt Is a taInted wofd,
but It's pfobabIy one of the buIIdIng
bIocks of conscIence. The anxIety these
hIghIy sensItIve toddIefs feeI upon
%+'"#$#
appafentIy bfeakIng the toy gIves them
the motIvatIon to avoId hafmIng
someone's pIaythIng the next tIme. By
age fouf, accofdIng to Kochanska, these
same kIds afe Iess IIkeIy than theIf
peefs to cheat of bfeak fuIes, )*). +:).
6:); 6:".$ 6:); 17.S6 G) 17%E:6. And by
sIx of seven, they'fe mofe IIkeIy to be
descfIbed by theIf pafents as havIng
hIgh IeveIs of mofaI tfaIts such as em-
pathy. They aIso have fewef behavIofaI
pfobIems In genefaI.
FunctIonaI, modefate guIIt," wfItes
Kochanska, may pfomote futufe aItfu-
Ism, pefsonaI fesponsIbIIIty, adaptIve
behavIof In schooI, and hafmonIous,
competent, and pfosocIaI feIatIonshIps
wIth pafents, teachefs, and ffIends."
ThIs Is an especIaIIy Impoftant set of at-
tfIbutes at a tIme when a 2010
UnIvefsIty of MIchIgan study shows
that coIIege students today afe 40
%+("#$#
pefcent Iess empathetIc than they wefe
thIfty yeafs ago, wIth much of the dfop
havIng occuffed sInce 2000. (The
study's authofs specuIate that the de-
cIIne In empathy Is feIated to the pfe-
vaIence of socIaI medIa, feaIIty TV, and
hypef-competItIveness.")
Of coufse, havIng these tfaIts doesn't
mean that sensItIve chIIdfen afe angeIs.
They have seIfIsh stfeaks IIke evefyone
eIse. SometImes they act aIoof and un-
ffIendIy. And when they'fe ovef-
wheImed by negatIve emotIons IIke
shame of anxIety, says Afon, they can
be posItIveIy obIIvIous of othef peopIe's
needs.
But the same feceptIvIty to expefI-
ence that can make IIfe dIffIcuIt fof the
hIghIy sensItIve aIso buIIds theIf con-
scIences. Afon teIIs of one sensItIve
teen who pefsuaded hIs mothef to feed
a homeIess pefson he'd met In the pafk,
%+)"#$#
and of anothef eIght-yeaf-oId who cfIed
not onIy when &:) feIt embaffassed, but
aIso when hef peefs wefe teased.
We know thIs type of pefson weII
ffom IItefatufe, pfobabIy because so
many wfItefs afe sensItIve Intfovefts
themseIves. He had gone thfough IIfe
wIth one skIn fewef than most men,"
the noveIIst EfIc MaIpass wfItes of hIs
quIet and cefebfaI pfotagonIst, aIso an
authof, In the noveI D:) J-.E J-.E
F7.1)&. The tfoubIes of othefs moved
hIm mofe, as dId aIso the teemIng
beauty of IIfe: moved hIm, compeIIed
hIm, to seIze a pen and wfIte about
them. ]He was moved by| waIkIng In
the hIIIs, IIstenIng to a Schubeft Im-
pfomptu, watchIng nIghtIy ffom hIs
afmchaIf the smashIng of bone and
fIesh that made up so much of the nIne
o'cIock news."
%+#"#$#
The descfIptIon of such chafactefs as
thIn-skInned Is meant metaphofIcaIIy,
but It tufns out that It's actuaIIy quIte
IItefaI. Among the tests feseafchefs use
to measufe pefsonaIIty tfaIts afe skIn
conductance tests, whIch fecofd how
much peopIe sweat In fesponse to
noIses, stfong emotIons, and othef
stImuII. HIgh-feactIve Intfovefts sweat
mofe, Iow-feactIve extfovefts sweat
Iess. TheIf skIn Is IItefaIIy thIckef,"
mofe ImpefvIous to stImuII, cooIef to
the touch. In fact, accofdIng to some of
the scIentIsts I spoke to, thIs Is whefe
ouf notIon of beIng socIaIIy cooI"
comes ffom, the Iowef-feactIve you afe,
the cooIef youf skIn, the cooIef you 7#).
(IncIdentaIIy, socIopaths IIe at the ex-
tfeme end of thIs cooIness bafometef,
wIth extfemeIy Iow IeveIs of afousaI,
skIn conductance, and anxIety. Thefe Is
%*+"#$#
some evIdence that socIopaths have
damaged amygdaIae.)
IIe detectofs (poIygfaphs) afe paf-
tIaIIy skIn conductance tests. They op-
efate on the theofy that IyIng causes
anxIety, whIch tfIggefs the skIn to pef-
spIfe ImpefceptIbIy. When I was In coI-
Iege, I appIIed fof a summef job as a
secfetafy at a Iafge jeweIfy company. I
had to take a IIe detectof test as paft of
the appIIcatIon pfocess. The test was
admInIstefed In a smaII, dIngIIy IIt
foom wIth IInoIeum fIoofs, by a thIn,
cIgafette-puffIng man wIth pocked yeI-
Iow skIn. The man asked me a sefIes of
wafm-up questIons: my name, addfess,
and so on, to estabIIsh my baseIIne
IeveI of skIn conductance. Then the
questIons gfew mofe pfobIng and the
examInef's mannef hafshef. Had I been
affested? Had I evef shopIIfted? Had I
used cocaIne? WIth thIs Iast questIon
%**"#$#
my Inteffogatof peefed at me IntentIy.
As It happens, I nevef :70 tfIed cocaIne.
But he seemed to thInk I had. The ac-
cusIng Iook on hIs face was the equIvaI-
ent of the oId poIIceman's tfIck whefe
they teII the suspect that they have the
damnIng evIdence and thefe's no poInt
denyIng It.
I knew the man was mIstaken, but I
stIII feIt myseIf bIush. And sufe enough,
the test came back showIng I'd IIed on
the cocaIne questIon. My skIn Is so thIn,
appafentIy, that It sweats In fesponse to
ImagInafy cfImes!
We tend to thInk of cooIness as a
pose that you stfIke wIth a paIf of
sungIasses, a nonchaIant attItude, and
dfInk In hand. But maybe we dIdn't
choose these socIaI accessofIes at fan-
dom. Maybe we've adopted dafk
gIasses, feIaxed body Ianguage, and aI-
cohoI as sIgnIfIefs pfecIseIy because
%*$"#$#
they camoufIage sIgns of a nefvous sys-
tem on ovefdfIve. SungIasses pfevent
othefs ffom seeIng ouf eyes dIIate wIth
sufpfIse of feaf, we know ffom Kagan's
wofk that a feIaxed tofso Is a haIImafk
of Iow feactIvIty, and aIcohoI femoves
ouf InhIbItIons and Iowefs ouf afousaI
IeveIs. When you go to a footbaII game
and someone offefs you a beef, says the
pefsonaIIty psychoIogIst BfIan IIttIe,
they'fe feaIIy sayIng hI, have a gIass of
extfovefsIon."
Teenagefs undefstand InstInctIveIy
the physIoIogy of cooI. In CuftIs SItten-
feId's noveI H#)3, whIch expIofes the
adoIescent socIaI fItuaIs of boafdIng-
schooI IIfe wIth uncanny pfecIsIon, the
pfotagonIst, Iee, Is InvIted unexpec-
tedIy to the dofm foom of Aspeth, the
cooIest gIfI In schooI. The fIfst thIng
she notIces Is how physIcaIIy stImuIat-
Ing Aspeth's wofId Is. Ffom outsIde the
%*!"#$#
doof, I couId heaf poundIng musIc,"
she obsefves. WhIte ChfIstmas IIghts,
cuffentIy tufned on, wefe taped hIgh
up aIong aII the waIIs, and on the nofth
waII they'd hung an enofmous ofange
and gfeen tapestfy.. I feIt ovefstImu-
Iated and vagueIy IffItated. The foom I
shafed wIth ]my foommate| seemed so
quIet and pIaIn, ouf IIves seemed so
quIet and pIaIn. Had Aspeth been bofn
cooI, I wondefed, of had someone
taught hef, IIke an oIdef sIstef of a
cousIn?"
Jock cuItufes sense the Iow-feactIve
physIoIogy of cooI, too. Fof the eafIy
U.S. astfonauts, havIng a Iow heaft
fate, whIch Is assocIated wIth Iow fe-
actIvIty, was a status symboI. IIeuten-
ant CoIoneI John GIenn, who became
the fIfst AmefIcan to ofbIt the Eafth
and wouId Iatef fun fof pfesIdent, was
admIfed by hIs comfades fof hIs
%*%"#$#
supefcooI puIse fate dufIng IIftoff (onIy
110 beats pef mInute).
But physIcaI Iack of cooI may be mofe
socIaIIy vaIuabIe than we thInk. That
deep bIush when a hafd-bItten testef
puts hIs face an Inch ffom youfs and
asks If you've evef used cocaIne tufns
out to be a kInd of socIaI gIue. In a fe-
cent expefIment, a team of psychoIo-
gIsts Ied by CofIne DIjk asked sIxty-odd
paftIcIpants to fead accounts of peopIe
who'd done somethIng mofaIIy wfong,
IIke dfIvIng away ffom a caf cfash, of
somethIng embaffassIng, IIke spIIIIng
coffee on someone. The paftIcIpants
wefe shown photogfaphs of the wfong-
doefs, who had one of fouf dIffefent fa-
cIaI expfessIons: shame of
%*&"#$#
embaffassment (head and eyes down),
shame,embaffassment pIus a bIush,
neutfaI, of neutfaI wIth a bIush. Then
they wefe asked to fate how sympathet-
Ic and tfustwofthy the tfansgfessofs
wefe.
It tufned out that the offendefs who
bIushed wefe judged a Iot mofe posIt-
IveIy than those who dIdn't. ThIs was
because the bIush sIgnIfIed concefn fof
othefs. As Dachef KeItnef, a psychoIo-
gIst at the UnIvefsIty of CaIIfofnIa,
BefkeIey, who specIaIIzes In posItIve
emotIons, put It to the ?)+ [-#$ D"5)&,
A bIush comes onIIne In two of thfee
seconds and says, 'I cafe, I know I vIoI-
ated the socIaI contfact.' "
In fact, the vefy thIng that many
hIgh-feactIves hate most about bIush-
IngIts uncontfoIIabIIItyIs what
makes It so socIaIIy usefuI. Because It
Is ImpossIbIe to contfoI the bIush
%*'"#$#
IntentIonaIIy," DIjk specuIates, bIushIng
Is an authentIc sIgn of embaffassment.
And embaffassment, accofdIng to KeIt-
nef, Is a mofaI emotIon. It shows humII-
Ity, modesty, and a desIfe to avoId ag-
gfessIon and make peace. It's not about
IsoIatIng the pefson who feeIs ashamed
(whIch Is how It sometImes feeIs to
easy bIushefs), but about bfIngIng
peopIe togethef.
KeItnef has tfacked the foots of hu-
man embaffassment and found that
aftef many pfImates fIght, they tfy to
make up. They do thIs paftIy by makIng
gestufes of embaffassment of the kInd
we see In humansIookIng away,
whIch acknowIedges wfongdoIng and
the IntentIon to stop, IowefIng the
head, whIch shfInks one's sIze, and
pfessIng the IIps togethef, a sIgn of In-
hIbItIon. These gestufes In humans
have been caIIed acts of devotIon,"
%*("#$#
wfItes KeItnef. Indeed, KeItnef, who Is
tfaIned In feadIng peopIe's faces, has
studIed photos of mofaI hefoes IIke
GandhI and the DaIaI Iama and found
that they featufe just such contfoIIed
smIIes and avefted eyes.
In hIs book, @-#. 6- @) M--0, KeItnef
even says that If he had to choose hIs
mate by askIng a sIngIe questIon at a
speed-datIng event, the questIon he
wouId choose Is: What was youf Iast
embaffassIng expefIence?" Then he
wouId watch vefy cafefuIIy fof IIp-
pfesses, bIushIng, and avefted eyes.
The eIements of the embaffassment
afe fIeetIng statements the IndIvIduaI
makes about hIs of hef fespect fof the
judgment of othefs," he wfItes. Embaf-
fassment feveaIs how much the IndI-
vIduaI cafes about the fuIes that bInd
us to one anothef."
%*)"#$#
In othef wofds, you want to make
sufe that youf spouse cafes what othef
peopIe thInk. It's bettef to mInd too
much than to mInd too IIttIe.
No mattef how gfeat the benefIts of
bIushIng, the phenomenon of hIgh sens-
ItIvIty faIses an obvIous questIon. How
dId the hIghIy sensItIve manage to suf-
vIve the hafsh softIng-out pfocess of
evoIutIon? If the boId and aggfessIve
genefaIIy pfevaII (as It sometImes
seems), why wefe the sensItIve not se-
Iected out of the human popuIatIon
thousands of yeafs ago, IIke tfee ffogs
coIofed ofange? Fof you may, IIke the
pfotagonIst of D:) J-.E J-.E F7.1)&, be
moved mofe deepIy than the next pef-
son by the openIng chofds of a
%*#"#$#
Schubeft Impfomptu, and you may
fIInch mofe than othefs at the smashIng
of bone and fIesh, and you may have
been the soft of chIId who squIfmed
hoffIbIy when you thought you'd
bfoken someone's toy, but evoIutIon
doesn't fewafd such thIngs.
Of does It?
EIaIne Afon has an Idea about thIs.
She beIIeves that hIgh sensItIvIty was
not ItseIf seIected fof, but fathef the
cafefuI, fefIectIve styIe that tends to ac-
company It. The type that Is 'sensItIve'
of 'feactIve' wouId fefIect a stfategy of
obsefvIng cafefuIIy befofe actIng," she
wfItes, thus avoIdIng dangefs, faIIufes,
and wasted enefgy, whIch wouId fe-
quIfe a nefvous system specIaIIy de-
sIgned to obsefve and detect subtIe dIf-
fefences. It Is a stfategy of 'bettIng on a
sufe thIng' of 'IookIng befofe you Ieap.'
In contfast, the actIve stfategy of the
%$+"#$#
]othef type| Is to be fIfst, wIthout com-
pIete InfofmatIon and wIth the attend-
ant fIsksthe stfategy of 'takIng a Iong
shot' because the 'eafIy bIfd catches the
wofm' and 'oppoftunIty onIy knocks
once.' "
In tfuth, many peopIe Afon consIdefs
sensItIve have some of the twenty-seven
attfIbutes assocIated wIth the tfaIt, but
not aII of them. Maybe they'fe sensItIve
to IIght and noIse, but not to coffee of
paIn, maybe they'fe not sensItIve to
anythIng sensofy, but they'fe deep
thInkefs wIth a fIch Innef IIfe. Maybe
they'fe not even IntfoveftsonIy 70
pefcent of sensItIve peopIe afe, accofd-
Ing to Afon, whIIe the othef 30 pefcent
afe extfovefts (aIthough thIs gfoup
tends to fepoft cfavIng mofe downtIme
and soIItude than youf typIcaI extfo-
veft). ThIs, specuIates Afon, Is because
sensItIvIty afose as a by-pfoduct of
%$*"#$#
sufvIvaI stfategy, and you need onIy
some, not aII, of the tfaIts to puII off
the stfategy effectIveIy.
Thefe's a gfeat deaI of evIdence fof
Afon's poInt of vIew. EvoIutIonafy bIo-
IogIsts once beIIeved that evefy anImaI
specIes evoIved to fIt an ecoIogIcaI
nIche, that thefe was one IdeaI set of
behavIofs fof that nIche, and that spe-
cIes membefs whose behavIof devIated
ffom that IdeaI wouId dIe off. But It
tufns out that It's not onIy humans that
dIvIde Into those who watch and waIt"
and othefs who just do It." Z-#) 6:7. 7
:%.0#)0 specIes In the anImaI kIngdom
afe ofganIzed In foughIy thIs way.
Ffom ffuIt fIIes to house cats to
mountaIn goats, ffom sunfIsh to bush-
baby pfImates to EufasIan tIt bIfds, scI-
entIsts have dIscovefed that appfoxIm-
ateIy 20 pefcent of the membefs of
many specIes afe sIow to wafm up,"
%$$"#$#
whIIe the othef 80 pefcent afe fast"
types who ventufe fofth boIdIy wIthout
notIcIng much of what's goIng on
afound them. (IntfIguIngIy, the pefcent-
age of Infants In Kagan's Iab who wefe
bofn hIgh-feactIve was aIso, you'II fe-
caII, about twenty.)
If fast" and sIow" anImaIs had
paftIes, wfItes the evoIutIonafy bIoIo-
gIst DavId SIoan WIIson, some of the
fasts wouId bofe evefyone wIth theIf
Ioud convefsatIon, whIIe othefs wouId
muttef Into theIf beef that they don't
get any fespect. SIow anImaIs afe best
descfIbed as shy, sensItIve types. They
don't asseft themseIves, but they afe
obsefvant and notIce thIngs that afe In-
vIsIbIe to the buIIIes. They afe the
wfItefs and aftIsts at the pafty who
have IntefestIng convefsatIons out of
eafshot of the buIIIes. They afe the In-
ventofs who fIgufe out new ways to
%$!"#$#
behave, whIIe the buIIIes steaI theIf
patents by copyIng theIf behavIof."
Once In a whIIe, a newspapef of TV
pfogfam funs a stofy about anImaI pef-
sonaIItIes, castIng shy behavIof as un-
seemIy and boId behavIof as attfactIve
and admIfabIe. (D:76S& -%# $".0 -/ /#%"6
/8;^) But WIIson, IIke Afon, beIIeves that
both types of anImaIs exIst because
they have fadIcaIIy dIffefent sufvIvaI
stfategIes, each of whIch pays off dIffef-
entIy and at dIffefent tImes. ThIs Is
what's known as the tfade-off theofy of
evoIutIon, In whIch a paftIcuIaf tfaIt Is
neIthef aII good nof aII bad, but a mIx
of pfos and cons whose sufvIvaI vaIue
vafIes accofdIng to cIfcumstance.
Shy" anImaIs fofage Iess often and
wIdeIy fof food, consefvIng enefgy,
stIckIng to the sIdeIInes, and sufvIvIng
when pfedatofs come caIIIng. BoIdef
anImaIs saIIy fofth, swaIIowed feguIafIy
%$%"#$#
by those fafthef up the food chaIn but
sufvIvIng when food Is scafce and they
need to assume mofe fIsk. When WIIson
dfopped metaI tfaps Into a pond fuII of
pumpkInseed fIsh, an event he says
must have seemed to the fIsh as unset-
tIIng as a fIyIng saucef IandIng on
Eafth, the boId fIsh couIdn't heIp but
InvestIgateand fushed headIong Into
WIIson's tfaps. The shy fIsh hovefed ju-
dIcIousIy at the edge of the pond, mak-
Ing It ImpossIbIe fof WIIson to catch
them.
On the othef hand, aftef WIIson suc-
ceeded In tfappIng both types of fIsh
wIth an eIabofate nettIng system and
caffyIng them back to hIs Iab, the boId
fIsh accIImated quIckIy to theIf new en-
vIfonment and stafted eatIng a fuII fIve
days eafIIef than dId theIf shy bfethfen.
Thefe Is no sIngIe best . ]anImaI|
pefsonaIIty," wfItes WIIson, but fathef
%$&"#$#
a dIvefsIty of pefsonaIItIes maIntaIned
by natufaI seIectIon."
Anothef exampIe of the tfade-off the-
ofy of evoIutIon Is a specIes known as
TfInIdadIan guppIes. These guppIes de-
veIop pefsonaIItIeswIth astonIshIng
speed, In evoIutIonafy tefmsto suIt
the mIcfocIImates In whIch they IIve.
TheIf natufaI pfedatofs afe pIke. But
some guppy neIghbofhoods, upstfeam
of a wateffaII fof exampIe, afe pIke-
ffee. If you'fe a guppy who gfew up In
such a chafmed IocaIe, then chances
afe you have a boId and cafeffee pef-
sonaIIty weII suIted to 87 0-81) *"67. In
contfast, If youf guppy famIIy came
ffom a bad neIghbofhood" down-
stfeam ffom the wateffaII, whefe pIke
cfuIse the watefways menacIngIy, then
you pfobabIy have a much mofe cIf-
cumspect styIe, just fIght fof avoIdIng
the bad guys.
%$'"#$#
The IntefestIng thIng Is that these dIf-
fefences afe hefItabIe, not Ieafned, so
that the offspfIng of boId guppIes who
move Into bad neIghbofhoods InhefIt
theIf pafents' boIdnesseven though
thIs puts them at a sevefe dIsadvantage
compafed to theIf vIgIIant peefs. It
doesn't take Iong fof theIf genes to
mutate, though, and descendants who
manage to sufvIve tend to be cafefuI
types. The same thIng happens to vIgII-
ant guppIes when the pIke suddenIy
dIsappeaf, It takes about twenty yeafs
fof theIf descendants to evoIve Into fIsh
who act as If they haven't a cafe In the
wofId.
The tfade-off theofy seems to appIy
equaIIy to humans. ScIentIsts have
%$("#$#
found that nomads who InhefIted the
fofm of a paftIcuIaf gene IInked to ex-
tfovefsIon (specIfIcaIIy, to noveIty-seek-
Ing) afe bettef noufIshed than those
wIthout thIs vefsIon of the gene. But In
&)668)0 popuIatIons, peopIe wIth thIs
same gene fofm have 3--#)# nutfItIon.
The same tfaIts that make a nomad
fIefce enough to hunt and to defend
IIvestock agaInst faIdefs may hIndef
mofe sedentafy actIvItIes IIke fafmIng,
seIIIng goods at the mafket, of focusIng
at schooI.
Of consIdef thIs tfade-off: human ex-
tfovefts have mofe sex paftnefs than In-
tfovefts doa boon to any specIes
wantIng to fepfoduce ItseIfbut they
commIt mofe aduItefy and dIvofce
mofe ffequentIy, whIch Is not a good
thIng fof the chIIdfen of aII those coup-
IIngs. Extfovefts exefcIse mofe, but In-
tfovefts suffef fewef accIdents and
%$)"#$#
tfaumatIc InjufIes. Extfovefts enjoy
wIdef netwofks of socIaI suppoft, but
commIt mofe cfImes. As Jung specu-
Iated aImost a centufy ago about the
two types, the one ]extfovefsIon| con-
sIsts In a hIgh fate of feftIIIty, wIth Iow
powefs of defense and shoft dufatIon of
IIfe fof the sIngIe IndIvIduaI, the othef
]IntfovefsIon| consIsts In equIppIng the
IndIvIduaI wIth numefous means of
seIf-pfesefvatIon pIus a Iow feftIIIty
fate."
The tfade-off theofy may even appIy
to entIfe specIes. Among evoIutIonafy
bIoIogIsts, who tend to subscfIbe to the
vIsIon of Ione IndIvIduaIs heII-bent on
fepfoducIng theIf own DNA, the Idea
that specIes IncIude IndIvIduaIs whose
tfaIts pfomote gfoup sufvIvaI Is hotIy
debated and, not Iong ago, couId pfac-
tIcaIIy get you kIcked out of the
academy. But thIs vIew Is sIowIy
%$#"#$#
gaInIng acceptance. Some scIentIsts
even specuIate that the evoIutIonafy
basIs fof tfaIts IIke sensItIvIty Is
heIghtened compassIon fof the suffef-
Ing of othef membefs of one's specIes,
especIaIIy one's famIIy.
But you don't have to go that faf. As
Afon expIaIns, It makes sense that an-
ImaI gfoups depend on theIf sensItIve
membefs fof sufvIvaI. Suppose a hefd
of anteIope . has a few membefs who
afe constantIy stoppIng theIf gfazIng to
use theIf keen senses to watch fof pfed-
atofs," she wfItes. Hefds wIth such
sensItIve, watchfuI IndIvIduaIs wouId
sufvIve bettef, and so contInue to
bfeed, and so contInue to have some
sensItIve IndIvIduaIs bofn In the
gfoup."
And why shouId It be any dIffefent
fof humans? We need ouf EIeanof
%!+"#$#
RooseveIts as sufeIy as gfazIng hefds
depend on theIf sensItIve anteIopes.
In addItIon to shy" and boId" anIm-
aIs, and to fast" and sIow" ones, bIo-
IogIsts sometImes speak of the hawk"
and dove" membefs of a gIven specIes.
Gfeat tIt bIfds, fof exampIe, some of
whom afe much mofe aggfessIve than
othefs, often act IIke case studIes In an
IntefnatIonaI feIatIons cIass. These
bIfds feed on beech tfee nuts, and In
yeafs when nuts afe scafce, the hawk-
Ish femaIe bIfds do bettef, just as you'd
expect, because they'fe quIck to
chaIIenge nut-eatIng competItofs to a
dueI. But In seasons when thefe afe
pIenty of beech nuts to go afound, the
femaIe doves"who, IncIdentaIIy,
tend to make mofe attentIve moth-
efsdo bettef than the hawks," be-
cause the hawks waste tIme and bodIIy
%!*"#$#
heaIth gettIng Into fIghts fof no good
feason.
MaIe gfeat tIts, on the othef hand,
have the opposIte pattefn. ThIs Is be-
cause theIf maIn foIe In IIfe Is not to
fInd food but to defend teffItofy. In
yeafs when food Is scafce, so many of
theIf feIIow tIt bIfds dIe of hungef that
thefe's enough space fof aII. The hawk-
Ish maIes then faII Into the same tfap as
theIf femaIe comfades dufIng nutty sea-
sonsthey bfawI, squandefIng pfecIous
fesoufces wIth each bIoody battIe. But
In good yeafs, when competItIon fof
nestIng teffItofy heats up, aggfessIon
pays fof the hawkIsh maIe tIt bIfd.
DufIng tImes of waf of feafthe hu-
man equIvaIent of a bad nut season fof
%!$"#$#
femaIe tIt bIfdsIt mIght seem that
what we need most afe aggfessIve hefo-
Ic types. But If ouf entIfe popuIatIon
consIsted of waffIofs, thefe wouId be
no one to notIce, Iet aIone battIe, po-
tentIaIIy deadIy but faf quIetef thfeats
IIke vIfaI dIsease of cIImate change.
ConsIdef VIce PfesIdent AI Gofe's
decades-Iong cfusade to faIse awafe-
ness of gIobaI wafmIng. Gofe Is, by
many accounts, an Intfoveft. If you
send an Intfoveft Into a feceptIon of an
event wIth a hundfed othef peopIe he
wIII emefge wIth Iess enefgy than he
had goIng In," says a fofmef aIde.
Gofe needs a fest aftef an event." Gofe
acknowIedges that hIs skIIIs afe not
conducIve to stumpIng and speechmak-
Ing. Most peopIe In poIItIcs dfaw en-
efgy ffom backsIappIng and shakIng
hands and aII that," he has saId. I
dfaw enefgy ffom dIscussIng Ideas."
%!!"#$#
But combIne that passIon fof thought
wIth attentIon to subtIetyboth com-
mon chafactefIstIcs of Intfoveftsand
you get a vefy poweffuI mIx. In 1968,
when Gofe was a coIIege student at
Hafvafd, he took a cIass wIth an InfIu-
entIaI oceanogfaphef who pfesented
eafIy evIdence IInkIng the bufnIng of
fossII fueIs wIth the gfeenhouse effect.
Gofe's eafs pefked up.
He tfIed to teII othefs what he knew.
But he found that peopIe wouIdn't
IIsten. It was as If they couIdn't heaf
the aIafm beIIs that fang so IoudIy In
hIs eafs.
When I went to Congfess In the
mIddIe of the 1970s, I heIped ofganIze
the fIfst heafIngs on gIobaI wafmIng,"
he fecaIIs In the Oscaf-wInnIng movIe
L. I.1-.*).").6 D#%6:a fIIm whose
most stIffIng actIon scenes InvoIve the
soIItafy fIgufe of Gofe wheeIIng hIs
%!%"#$#
suItcase thfough a mIdnIght aIfpoft.
Gofe seems genuIneIy puzzIed that no
one paId attentIon: I actuaIIy thought
and beIIeved that the stofy wouId be
compeIIIng enough to cause a feaI sea
change In the way Congfess feacted to
that Issue. I thought they wouId be
staftIed, too. And they wefen't."
But If Gofe had known then what we
know now about Kagan's feseafch, and
Afon's, he mIght have been Iess suf-
pfIsed by hIs coIIeagues' feactIons. He
mIght even have used hIs InsIght Into
pefsonaIIty psychoIogy to get them to
IIsten. Congfess, he couId have safeIy
assumed, Is made up of some of the
Ieast sensItIve peopIe In the coun-
tfypeopIe who, If they'd been kIds In
one of Kagan's expefIments, wouId
have mafched up to oddIy attIfed
cIowns and stfange IadIes weafIng gas
masks wIthout so much as a backwafd
%!&"#$#
gIance at theIf mothefs. Remembef
Kagan's Intfovefted Tom and extfovef-
ted RaIph? WeII, Congfess Is fuII of
RaIphsIt was 0)&"E.)0 fof peopIe IIke
RaIph. Most of the Toms of the wofId
do not want to spend theIf days pIan-
nIng campaIgns and schmoozIng wIth
IobbyIsts.
These RaIph-IIke Congfessmen can be
wondeffuI peopIeexubefant, feafIess,
pefsuasIvebut they'fe unIIkeIy to feeI
aIafmed by a photogfaph of a tIny
cfack In a dIstant gIacIef. They need
mofe Intense stImuIatIon to get them to
IIsten. WhIch Is why Gofe fInaIIy got
hIs message acfoss when he teamed up
wIth whIz-bang HoIIywood types who
couId package hIs wafnIng Into the
specIaI-effects-Iaden show that became
L. I.1-.*).").6 D#%6:.
Gofe aIso dfew on hIs own stfengths,
usIng hIs natufaI focus and dIIIgence to
%!'"#$#
tIfeIessIy pfomote the movIe. He vIsIted
dozens of movIe theatefs acfoss the
countfy to meet wIth vIewefs, and gave
InnumefabIe TV and fadIo IntefvIews.
On the subject of gIobaI wafmIng, Gofe
has a cIafIty of voIce that eIuded hIm as
a poIItIcIan. Fof Gofe, ImmefsIng hIm-
seIf In a compIIcated scIentIfIc puzzIe
comes natufaIIy. FocusIng on a sIngIe
passIon fathef than tap dancIng ffom
subject to subject comes natufaIIy. Even
taIkIng to cfowds comes natufaIIy when
the topIc Is cIImate change: Gofe on
gIobaI wafmIng has an easy chafIsma
and connectIon wIth audIence membefs
that eIuded hIm as a poIItIcaI candId-
ate. That's because thIs mIssIon, fof
hIm, Is not about poIItIcs of pefsonaIIty.
It's about the caII of hIs conscIence.
It's about the sufvIvaI of the pIanet,"
he says. Nobody Is goIng to cafe who
%!("#$#
won of Iost any eIectIon when the eafth
Is unInhabItabIe."
If you'fe a sensItIve soft, then you
may be In the habIt of pfetendIng to be
mofe of a poIItIcIan and Iess cautIous of
sIngIe-mIndedIy focused than you actu-
aIIy afe. But In thIs chaptef I'm askIng
you to fethInk thIs vIew. WIthout
peopIe IIke you, we wIII, quIte IItefaIIy,
dfown.
Back hefe at WaIkef Cfeek Ranch and
the gathefIng fof sensItIve peopIe, the
Extfoveft IdeaI and Its pfImacy of cooI
Is tufned upsIde down. If cooI" Is Iow
feactIvIty that pfedIsposes a pefson to
boIdness of nonchaIance, then the
cfowd that has come to meet EIaIne
Afon Is deepIy uncooI.
%!)"#$#
The atmosphefe Is staftIIng sImpIy
because It's so unusuaI. It's somethIng
you mIght fInd at a yoga cIass of In a
BuddhIst monastefy, except that hefe
thefe's no unIfyIng feIIgIon of wofId-
vIew, onIy a shafed tempefament. It's
easy to see thIs when Afon deIIvefs hef
speech. She has Iong obsefved that
when she speaks to gfoups of hIghIy
sensItIve peopIe the foom Is mofe
hushed and fespectfuI than wouId be
usuaI In a pubIIc gathefIng pIace, and
thIs Is tfue thfoughout hef pfesentatIon.
But It caffIes ovef aII weekend.
I've nevef heafd so many aftef
you's" and thank you's" as I do hefe.
DufIng meaIs, whIch afe heId at Iong
communaI tabIes In a summef-camp
styIe, open-aIf cafetefIa, peopIe pIunge
hungfIIy Into seafchIng convefsatIons.
Thefe's a Iot of one-on-one dIscussIon
about IntImate topIcs IIke chIIdhood
%!#"#$#
expefIences and aduIt Iove IIves, and
socIaI Issues IIke heaIth cafe and cII-
mate change, thefe's not much In the
way of stofyteIIIng Intended to entef-
taIn. PeopIe IIsten cafefuIIy to each oth-
ef and fespond thoughtfuIIy, Afon has
noted that sensItIve peopIe tend to
speak softIy because that's how they
pfefef othefs to communIcate wIth
them.
In the fest of the wofId," obsefves
MIcheIIe, a web desIgnef who Ieans fof-
wafd as If bfacIng hefseIf agaInst an
ImagInafy bIast of wInd, you make a
statement and peopIe may of may not
dIscuss It. Hefe you make a statement
and someone says, 'What does that
5)7.?' And If you ask that questIon of
someone eIse, they actuaIIy answef."
It's not that thefe's no smaII taIk, ob-
sefves StfIckIand, the Ieadef of the
gathefIng. It's that It comes not at the
%%+"#$#
begInnIng of convefsatIons but at the
end. In most settIngs, peopIe use smaII
taIk as a way of feIaxIng Into a new fe-
IatIonshIp, and onIy once they'fe com-
foftabIe do they connect mofe sefI-
ousIy. SensItIve peopIe seem to do the
fevefse. They enjoy smaII taIk onIy
aftef they've gone deep," says StfIck-
Iand. When sensItIve peopIe afe In en-
vIfonments that nuftufe theIf authentI-
cIty, they Iaugh and chItchat just as
much as anyone eIse."
On the fIfst nIght we dfIft to ouf bed-
fooms, housed In a dofmIIke buIIdIng. I
bface myseIf InstInctIveIy: now's the
tIme when I'II want to fead of sIeep,
but wIII Instead be caIIed upon to have
a pIIIow fIght (summef camp) of pIay a
Ioud and bofIng dfInkIng game
(coIIege). But at WaIkef Cfeek Ranch,
my foommate, a twenty-seven-yeaf-oId
secfetafy wIth huge, doe-IIke eyes and
%%*"#$#
the ambItIon to become an authof, Is
happy to spend the evenIng wfItIng
peacefuIIy In hef joufnaI. I do the same.
Of coufse, the weekend Is not com-
pIeteIy wIthout tensIon. Some peopIe
afe fesefved to the poInt of appeafIng
suIIen. SometImes the do-youf-own-
thIng poIIcy thfeatens to devoIve Into
mutuaI IoneIIness as evefyone goes
theIf own sepafate ways. In fact, thefe
Is such a defIcIt of the socIaI behavIof
we caII cooI" that I begIn thInkIng
someone &:-%80 be cfackIng jokes, stIf-
fIng thIngs up, handIng out fum-and-
Cokes. ShouIdn't they?
The tfuth Is, as much as I cfave
bfeathIng foom fof sensItIve types, I
enjoy haII-feIIows-weII-met, too. I'm
gIad fof the cooI" among us, and I
mIss them thIs weekend. I'm staftIng to
speak so softIy that I feeI IIke I'm
%%$"#$#
puttIng myseIf to sIeep. I wondef If
deep down the othefs feeI thIs way, too.
Tom, the softwafe engIneef and
Abfaham IIncoIn Iook-aIIke, teIIs me of
a fofmef gIfIffIend who was aIways
thfowIng open the doofs of hef house
to ffIends and stfangefs. She was ad-
ventufous In evefy way: she Ioved new
food, new sexuaI expefIences, new
peopIe. It dIdn't wofk out between
themTom eventuaIIy cfaved the com-
pany of a paftnef who wouId focus
mofe on theIf feIatIonshIp and Iess on
the outsIde wofId, and he's happIIy
maffIed now to just such a wo-
manbut he's gIad fof the tIme wIth
hIs ex-gIfIffIend.
As Tom taIks, I thInk of how much I
mIss my husband, Ken, who's back
home In New Yofk and not a sensItIve
type eIthef, faf ffom It. SometImes thIs
Is ffustfatIng: If somethIng moves me to
%%!"#$#
teafs of empathy of anxIety, he'II be
touched, but gfow ImpatIent If I stay
that way too Iong. But I aIso know that
hIs toughef attItude Is good fof me, and
I fInd hIs company endIessIy deIIghtfuI.
I Iove hIs effoftIess chafm. I Iove that
he nevef funs out of IntefestIng thIngs
to say. I Iove how he poufs hIs heaft
and souI Into evefythIng he does, and
evefyone he Ioves, especIaIIy ouf
famIIy.
But most of aII I Iove hIs way of ex-
pfessIng compassIon. Ken may be ag-
gfessIve, mofe aggfessIve In a week
than I'II be In a IIfetIme, but he uses It
on behaIf of othefs. Befofe we met, he
wofked fof the UN In waf zones aII
ovef the wofId, whefe, among othef
thIngs, he conducted pfIsonef-of-waf
and detaInee feIease negotIatIons. He
wouId mafch Into fetId jaIIs and face
down camp commandefs wIth machIne
%%%"#$#
guns stfapped to theIf chests untII they
agfeed to feIease young gIfIs who'd
commItted no cfIme othef than to be
femaIe and vIctIms of fape. Aftef many
yeafs on the job, he went home and
wfote down what he'd wItnessed, In
books and aftIcIes that bfIstIed wIth
fage. He dIdn't wfIte In the styIe of a
sensItIve pefson, and he made a Iot of
peopIe angfy. But he wfote IIke a pef-
son who cafes, despefateIy.
I thought that WaIkef Cfeek Ranch
wouId make me Iong fof a wofId of the
hIghIy sensItIve, a wofId In whIch
evefyone speaks softIy and no one caf-
fIes a bIg stIck. But Instead It feInfofced
my deepef yeafnIng fof baIance. ThIs
baIance, I thInk, Is what EIaIne Afon
wouId say Is ouf natufaI state of beIng,
at Ieast In Indo-Eufopean cuItufes IIke
oufs, whIch she obsefves have Iong
been dIvIded Into waffIof kIngs" and
%%&"#$#
pfIestIy advIsefs," Into the executIve
bfanch and the judIcIaI bfanch, Into
boId and easy FDRs and sensItIve, con-
scIentIous EIeanof RooseveIts.
%%'"#$#
e
UHV SIS U"TT @DNOOD JN"@H "KS
U"NNOK EWYYODD MNG@MONZ
H,? I#%&,8-&%5 )#* O2%&,8-&%5 D4$#:
b)#* M&,6-55 S,+)3$#-c S$00-&-#%./
D-1W%)*"88) &7+ 6:76 6:) 8"/) -/ 1-.&67.6
716"-. 7.0 0)1"&"-. +:"1: +7& ).67"8)0
G; 6:) 0)5-1#76"1 7.0 G%&".)&&8"$) 1:7#<
716)# -/ L5)#"17. 8"/) 3%6 7 3#)5"%5
%3-. #-%E: 7.0 #)70; :7G"6& -/ 5".0N
W%"1$ 0)1"&"-.N 7.0 6:) 3#-536 &)"]%#) -/
-33-#6%."6")&X7.0 6:76 788 6:"& 716"*"6;
+7& .-6 3#-3"6"-%& /-# 0)8"G)#76"-.N )87G<
-#76"-.N -# 3#)1"&"-. ". 6:-%E:6.
RICHARD HOFSTADTER, IN L.6"<I.6)8<
8)16%78"&5 ". L5)#"17
Just aftef 7:30 a.m. on Decembef 11,
2008, the yeaf of the gfeat stock maf-
ket cfash, Df. JanIce Dofn's phone fang.
The mafkets had opened on the East
Coast to anothef sessIon of cafnage.
HousIng pfIces wefe pIummetIng, cfedIt
mafkets wefe ffozen, and GM teetefed
on the bfInk of bankfuptcy.
Dofn took the caII ffom hef bedfoom,
as she often does, weafIng a headset
and pefched atop hef gfeen duvet. The
foom was decofated spafeIy. The most
coIoffuI thIng In It was Dofn hefseIf,
who, wIth hef fIowIng fed haIf, Ivofy
skIn, and tfIm ffame, Iooks IIke a ma-
tufe vefsIon of Iady GodIva. Dofn has a
PhD In neufoscIence, wIth a specIaIty In
bfaIn anatomy. She's aIso an MD
tfaIned In psychIatfy, an actIve tfadef
In the goId futufes mafket, and a fIn-
ancIaI psychIatfIst" who has counseIed
an estImated sIx hundfed tfadefs.
%%)"#$#
HI, JanIce!" saId the caIIef that
mofnIng, a confIdent-soundIng man
named AIan. Do you have tIme to
taIk?"
Df. Dofn dId not have tIme. A day
tfadef who pfIdes hefseIf on beIng In
and out of tfadIng posItIons evefy haIf
houf, she was eagef to staft tfadIng.
But Dofn heafd a despefate note In
AIan's voIce. She agfeed to take the
caII.
AIan was a sIxty-yeaf-oId mIdwest-
efnef who stfuck Dofn as a saIt-of-the-
eafth type, hafdwofkIng and IoyaI. He
had the jovIaI and asseftIve mannef of
an extfoveft, and he maIntaIned hIs
good cheef despIte the stofy of dIsastef
he pfoceeded to teII. AIan and hIs wIfe
had wofked aII theIf IIves, and man-
aged to sock away a mIIIIon doIIafs fof
fetIfement. But fouf months eafIIef he'd
gotten the Idea that, despIte havIng no
%%#"#$#
expefIence In the mafkets, he shouId
buy a hundfed thousand doIIafs' wofth
of GM stock, based on fepofts that the
U.S. govefnment mIght baII out the
auto Industfy. He was convInced It was
a no-Iose Investment.
Aftef hIs tfade went thfough, the me-
dIa fepofted that the baIIout mIght not
happen aftef aII. The mafket soId off
GM and the stock pfIce feII. But AIan
ImagIned the thfIII of wInnIng bIg. It
feIt so feaI he couId taste It. He heId
fIfm. The stock feII agaIn, and agaIn,
and kept dfoppIng untII fInaIIy AIan de-
cIded to seII, at a bIg Ioss.
Thefe was wofse to come. When the
next news cycIe suggested that the baII-
out wouId happen aftef aII, AIan got ex-
cIted aII ovef agaIn and Invested anoth-
ef hundfed thousand doIIafs, buyIng
mofe stock at the Iowef pfIce. But the
%&+"#$#
same thIng happened: the baIIout staf-
ted IookIng unceftaIn.
AIan feasoned" (thIs wofd Is In quo-
tatIon mafks because, accofdIng to
Dofn, conscIous feasonIng had IIttIe to
do wIth AIan's behavIof) that the pfIce
couIdn't go much Iowef. He heId on, sa-
vofIng the Idea of how much fun he
and hIs wIfe wouId have spendIng aII
the money he stood to make. AgaIn the
stock went Iowef. When fInaIIy It hIt
seven doIIafs pef shafe, AIan soId. And
bought yet agaIn, In a fIush of exhIIafa-
tIon, when he heafd that the baIIout
mIght happen aftef aII .
By the tIme GM's stock pfIce feII to
two doIIafs a shafe, AIan had Iost &)*).
:%.0#)0 6:-%&7.0 0-887#&, of 70 pefcent
of hIs famIIy nest egg.
He was devastated. He asked Dofn If
she couId heIp fecoup hIs Iosses. She
couId not. It's gone," she toId hIm.
%&*"#$#
You afe nevef goIng to make that
money back."
He asked what he'd done wfong.
Dofn had many Ideas about that. As
an amateuf, AIan shouIdn't have been
tfadIng In the fIfst pIace. And he'd
fIsked faf too much money, he shouId
have IImIted hIs exposufe to 5 pefcent
of hIs net wofth, of $50,000. But the
bIggest pfobIem may have been beyond
AIan's contfoI: Dofn beIIeved he was
expefIencIng an excess of somethIng
psychoIogIsts caII #)+7#0 &).&"6"*"6;.
A fewafd-sensItIve pefson Is hIghIy
motIvated to seek fewafdsffom a pfo-
motIon to a Iottefy jackpot to an enjoy-
abIe evenIng out wIth ffIends. Rewafd
sensItIvIty motIvates us to pufsue goaIs
IIke sex and money, socIaI status and
InfIuence. It pfompts us to cIImb Iad-
defs and feach fof fafaway bfanches In
ofdef to gathef IIfe's choIcest ffuIts.
%&$"#$#
But sometImes we'fe 6-- sensItIve to
fewafds. Rewafd sensItIvIty on ovef-
dfIve gets peopIe Into aII kInds of
tfoubIe. We can get so excIted by the
pfospect of juIcy pfIzes, IIke wInnIng
bIg In the stock mafket, that we take
outsIzed fIsks and Ignofe obvIous wafn-
Ing sIgnaIs.
AIan was pfesented wIth pIenty of
these sIgnaIs, but was so anImated by
the pfospect of wInnIng bIg that he
couIdn't see them. Indeed, he feII Into a
cIassIc pattefn of fewafd sensItIvIty fun
amok: at exactIy the moments when the
wafnIng sIgns suggested sIowIng down,
:) &3)0 %3dumpIng money he
couIdn't affofd to Iose Into a specuIat-
Ive sefIes of tfades.
FInancIaI hIstofy Is fuII of exampIes
of pIayefs acceIefatIng when they
shouId be bfakIng. BehavIofaI econom-
Ists have Iong obsefved that executIves
%&!"#$#
buyIng companIes can get so excIted
about beatIng out theIf competItofs
that they Ignofe sIgns that they'fe ovef-
payIng. ThIs happens so ffequentIy that
It has a name: deaI fevef," foIIowed by
the wInnef's cufse." The AOITIme
Wafnef mefgef, whIch wIped out $200
bIIIIon of TIme Wafnef shafehoIdef
vaIue, Is a cIassIc exampIe. Thefe wefe
pIenty of wafnIngs that AOI's stock,
whIch was the cuffency fof the mefgef,
was wIIdIy ovefvaIued, yet TIme
Wafnef's dIfectofs appfoved the deaI
unanImousIy.
I dId It wIth as much of mofe excIte-
ment and enthusIasm as I dId when I
fIfst made Iove some fofty-two yeafs
ago," excIaImed Ted Tufnef, one of
those dIfectofs and the Iafgest IndIvIdu-
aI shafehoIdef In the company. TED
TURNER: IT'S BETTER THAN SEX," an-
nounced the ?)+ [-#$ H-&6 the day
%&%"#$#
aftef the deaI was stfuck, a headIIne to
whIch we'II fetufn fof Its powef to ex-
pIaIn why smaft peopIe can sometImes
be too fewafd-sensItIve.
You may be wondefIng what aII thIs
has to do wIth IntfovefsIon and extfo-
vefsIon. Don't we aII get a IIttIe caffIed
away sometImes?
The answef Is yes, except that some
of us do so mofe than othefs. Dofn has
obsefved that hef extfovefted cIIents
afe mofe IIkeIy to be hIghIy fewafd-
sensItIve, whIIe the Intfovefts afe mofe
IIkeIy to pay attentIon to wafnIng sIg-
naIs. They'fe mofe successfuI at feguIat-
Ing theIf feeIIngs of desIfe of excIte-
ment. They pfotect themseIves bettef
ffom the downsIde. My Intfoveft
%&&"#$#
tfadefs afe much mofe abIe to say, 'OK,
JanIce, I do feeI these excIted emotIons
comIng up In me, but I undefstand that
I can't act on them.' The Intfovefts afe
much bettef at makIng a pIan, stayIng
wIth a pIan, beIng vefy dIscIpIIned."
To undefstand why Intfovefts and ex-
tfovefts mIght feact dIffefentIy to the
pfospect of fewafds, says Dofn, you
have to know a IIttIe about bfaIn stfuc-
tufe. As we saw In chaptef 4, ouf IImbIc
system, whIch we shafe wIth the most
pfImItIve mammaIs and whIch Dofn
caIIs the oId bfaIn," Is emotIonaI and
InstInctIve. It compfIses vafIous stfuc-
tufes, IncIudIng the amygdaIa, and It's
hIghIy Intefconnected wIth the nucIeus
accumbens, sometImes caIIed the
bfaIn's pIeasufe centef." We examIned
the anxIous sIde of the oId bfaIn when
we expIofed the foIe of the amygdaIa In
%&'"#$#
hIgh feactIvIty and IntfovefsIon. Now
we'fe about to see Its gfeedy sIde.
The oId bfaIn, accofdIng to Dofn, Is
constantIy teIIIng us, Yes, yes, yes! Eat
mofe, dfInk mofe, have mofe sex, take
Iots of fIsk, go fof aII the gusto you can
get, and above aII, do not thInk!" The
fewafd-seekIng, pIeasufe-IovIng paft of
the oId bfaIn Is what Dofn beIIeves
spuffed AIan to tfeat hIs IIfe savIngs
IIke chIps at the casIno.
We aIso have a new bfaIn" caIIed
the neocoftex, whIch evoIved many
thousands of yeafs aftef the IImbIc sys-
tem. The new bfaIn Is fesponsIbIe fof
thInkIng, pIannIng, Ianguage, and
decIsIon-makIngsome of the vefy fac-
uItIes that make us human. AIthough
the new bfaIn aIso pIays a sIgnIfIcant
foIe In ouf emotIonaI IIves, It's the seat
of fatIonaIIty. Its job, accofdIng to
Dofn, IncIudes sayIng, No, no, no!
%&("#$#
Don't do that, because It's dangefous,
makes no sense, and Is not In youf best
Intefests, of those of youf famIIy, of of
socIety."
So whefe was AIan's neocoftex when
he was chasIng stock mafket gaIns?
The oId bfaIn and the new bfaIn do
wofk togethef, but not aIways effI-
cIentIy. SometImes they'fe actuaIIy In
confIIct, and then ouf decIsIons afe a
functIon of whIch one Is sendIng out
stfongef sIgnaIs. So when AIan's oId
bfaIn sent Its bfeathIess messages up to
hIs new bfaIn, It pfobabIy fesponded as
a neocoftex shouId: It toId hIs oId bfaIn
to sIow down. It saId, A761: -%6! But It
Iost the ensuIng tug-of-waf.
We aII have oId bfaIns, of coufse. But
just as the amygdaIa of a hIgh-feactIve
pefson Is mofe sensItIve than avefage
to noveIty, so do extfovefts seem to be
mofe susceptIbIe than Intfovefts to the
%&)"#$#
fewafd-seekIng cfavIngs of the oId
bfaIn. In fact, some scIentIsts afe staft-
Ing to expIofe the Idea that fewafd-
sensItIvIty Is not onIy an IntefestIng fea-
tufe of extfovefsIon, It Is what 57$)& an
extfoveft an extfoveft. Extfovefts, In
othef wofds, afe chafactefIzed by theIf
tendency to seek fewafds, ffom top dog
status to sexuaI hIghs to coId cash.
They've been found to have gfeatef
economIc, poIItIcaI, and hedonIstIc am-
bItIons than Intfovefts, even theIf socI-
abIIIty Is a functIon of fewafd-sensItIv-
Ity, accofdIng to thIs vIewextfovefts
socIaIIze because human connectIon Is
InhefentIy gfatIfyIng.
What undefIIes aII thIs fewafd-seek-
Ing? The key seems to be posItIve emo-
tIon. Extfovefts tend to expefIence
mofe pIeasufe and excItement than In-
tfovefts doemotIons that afe actIv-
ated, expIaIns the psychoIogIst DanIeI
%&#"#$#
NettIe In hIs IIIumInatIng book on pef-
sonaIIty, In fesponse to the pufsuIt of
captufe of some fesoufce that Is vaIued.
ExcItement buIIds towafds the antIcIp-
ated captufe of that fesoufce. Joy foI-
Iows Its captufe." Extfovefts, In othef
wofds, often fInd themseIves In an emo-
tIonaI state we mIght caII buzz"a
fush of enefgIzed, enthusIastIc feeIIngs.
ThIs Is a sensatIon we aII know and
IIke, but not necessafIIy to the same de-
gfee of wIth the same ffequency: extfo-
vefts seem to get an extfa buzz ffom
the pufsuIt and attaInment of theIf
goaIs.
The basIs of buzz appeafs to be a
hIgh degfee of actIvIty In a netwofk of
stfuctufes In the bfaInoften caIIed the
fewafd system"IncIudIng the ofbIto-
ffontaI coftex, the nucIeus accumbens,
and the amygdaIa. The job of the fe-
wafd system Is to get us excIted about
%'+"#$#
potentIaI goodIes, fMRI expefIments
have shown that the system Is actIvated
by any numbef of possIbIe deIIghts,
ffom antIcIpatIon of a squIft of KooI-
AId on the tongue, to money, to pIc-
tufes of attfactIve peopIe.
The neufons that tfansmIt Infofma-
tIon In the fewafd netwofk opefate In
paft thfough a neufotfansmIttefa
chemIcaI that caffIes InfofmatIon
between bfaIn ceIIscaIIed dopamIne.
DopamIne Is the fewafd chemIcaI" fe-
Ieased In fesponse to antIcIpated pIeas-
ufes. The mofe fesponsIve youf bfaIn Is
to dopamIne, of the hIghef the IeveI of
dopamIne you have avaIIabIe to fe-
Iease, some scIentIsts beIIeve, the mofe
IIkeIy you afe to go aftef fewafds IIke
sex, chocoIate, money, and status.
StImuIatIng mId-bfaIn dopamIne actIv-
Ity In mIce gets them to fun afound ex-
cItedIy In an empty cage untII they
%'*"#$#
dfop dead of stafvatIon. CocaIne and
hefoIn, whIch stImuIate dopamIne-fe-
IeasIng neufons In humans, make
peopIe euphofIc.
Extfovefts' dopamIne pathways ap-
peaf to be mofe actIve than those of In-
tfovefts. AIthough the exact feIatIon-
shIp between extfovefsIon, dopamIne,
and the bfaIn's fewafd system has not
been concIusIveIy estabIIshed, eafIy
fIndIngs have been IntfIguIng. In one
expefIment, RIchafd Depue, a neufobIo-
IogIst at CofneII UnIvefsIty, gave an
amphetamIne that actIvates the dopam-
Ine system to a gfoup of Intfovefts and
extfovefts, and found that the extfo-
vefts had a stfongef fesponse. Anothef
study found that extfovefts who wIn
gambIIng games have mofe actIvIty In
the fewafd-sensItIve fegIons of theIf
bfaIns than vIctofIous Intfovefts do.
StIII othef feseafch has shown that the
%'$"#$#
medIaI ofbItoffontaI coftex, a key com-
ponent of the bfaIn's dopamIne-dfIven
fewafd system, Is Iafgef In extfovefts
than In Intfovefts.
By contfast, Intfovefts have a smaI-
Ief fesponse" In the fewafd system,
wfItes psychoIogIst NettIe, and so go
Iess out of theIf way to foIIow up ]fe-
wafd| cues." They wIII, IIke anyone,
be dfawn ffom tIme to tIme to sex, and
paftIes, and status, but the kIck they get
wIII be feIatIveIy smaII, so they afe not
goIng to bfeak a Ieg to get thefe." In
shoft, Intfovefts just don't buzz as
easIIy.
In some ways, extfovefts afe Iucky,
buzz has a deIIghtfuI champagne-
bubbIe quaIIty. It fIfes us up to wofk
%'!"#$#
and pIay hafd. It gIves us the coufage
to take chances. Buzz aIso gets us to do
thIngs that wouId othefwIse seem too
dIffIcuIt, IIke gIvIng speeches. ImagIne
you wofk hafd to pfepafe a taIk on a
subject you cafe about. You get youf
message acfoss, and when you fInIsh
the audIence fIses to Its feet, Its cIap-
pIng sustaIned and sIncefe. One pefson
mIght Ieave the foom feeIIng, I'm gIad
I got my message acfoss, but I'm aIso
happy It's ovef, now I can get back to
the fest of my IIfe." Anothef pefson,
mofe sensItIve to buzz, mIght waIk
away feeIIng, What a tfIp! DId you
heaf that appIause? DId you see the ex-
pfessIon on theIf faces when I made
that IIfe-changIng poInt? ThIs Is E#)76!"
But buzz aIso has consIdefabIe down-
sIdes. Evefyone assumes that It's good
to accentuate posItIve emotIons, but
that Isn't coffect," the psychoIogy
%'%"#$#
pfofessof RIchafd Howafd toId me,
poIntIng to the exampIe of soccef vIc-
tofIes that end In vIoIence and pfopefty
damage. A Iot of antIsocIaI and seIf-de-
featIng behavIof fesuIts ffom peopIe
who ampIIfy posItIve emotIons."
Anothef dIsadvantage of buzz may be
Its connectIon to fIsksometImes out-
sIzed fIsk. Buzz can cause us to Ignofe
wafnIng sIgns we shouId be heedIng.
When Ted Tufnef (who appeafs to be
an extfeme extfoveft) compafed the
AOITIme Wafnef deaI to hIs fIfst sexu-
aI expefIence, he may have been teIIIng
us that he was In the same buzzy state
of mInd as an adoIescent who's so ex-
cIted about spendIng the nIght wIth hIs
new gIfIffIend that he's not thInkIng
much about the consequences. ThIs
bIIndness to dangef may expIaIn why
extfovefts afe mofe IIkeIy than Intfo-
vefts to be kIIIed whIIe dfIvIng, be
%'&"#$#
hospItaIIzed as a fesuIt of accIdent of
Injufy, smoke, have fIsky sex, paftIcIp-
ate In hIgh-fIsk spofts, have affaIfs, and
femaffy. It aIso heIps expIaIn why ex-
tfovefts afe mofe pfone than Intfovefts
to ovefconfIdencedefIned as gfeatef
confIdence unmatched by gfeatef abII-
Ity. Buzz Is JFK's CameIot, but It's aIso
the Kennedy Cufse.
ThIs theofy of extfovefsIon Is stIII
young, and It Is not absoIute. We can't
say that aII extfovefts constantIy cfave
fewafds of that aII Intfovefts aIways
bfake fof tfoubIe. StIII, the theofy sug-
gests that we shouId fethInk the foIes
that Intfovefts and extfovefts pIay In
theIf own IIves, and In ofganIzatIons. It
suggests that when It comes tIme to
%''"#$#
make gfoup decIsIons, extfovefts wouId
do weII to IIsten to Intfoveftsespe-
cIaIIy when they see pfobIems ahead.
In the wake of the 2008 cfash, a fIn-
ancIaI catastfophe caused In paft by
uncaIcuIated fIsk-takIng and bIIndness
to thfeat, It became fashIonabIe to spec-
uIate whethef we'd have been bettef off
wIth mofe women and fewef menof
Iess testostefoneon WaII Stfeet. But
maybe we shouId aIso ask what mIght
have happened wIth a few mofe Intfo-
vefts at the heImand a Iot Iess
dopamIne.
SevefaI studIes answef thIs questIon
ImpIIcItIy. KeIIogg SchooI of Manage-
ment Pfofessof CameIIa Kuhnen has
found that the vafIatIon of a dopamIne-
feguIatIng gene (DRD4) assocIated wIth
a paftIcuIafIy thfIII-seekIng vefsIon of
extfovefsIon Is a stfong pfedIctof of
fInancIaI fIsk-takIng. By contfast,
%'("#$#
peopIe wIth a vafIant of a sefotonIn-
feguIatIng gene IInked to IntfovefsIon
and sensItIvIty take 28 pefcent 8)&& fIn-
ancIaI fIsk than othefs. They have aIso
been found to outpeffofm theIf peefs
when pIayIng gambIIng games caIIIng
fof sophIstIcated decIsIon-makIng.
(When faced wIth a Iow pfobabIIIty of
wInnIng, peopIe wIth thIs gene vafIant
tend to be fIsk-avefse, when they have
a hIgh pfobabIIIty of wInnIng, they be-
come feIatIveIy fIsk-seekIng.) Anothef
study, of sIxty-fouf tfadefs at an Invest-
ment bank, found that the hIghest-pef-
fofmIng tfadefs tended to be emotIon-
aIIy stabIe Intfovefts.
Intfovefts aIso seem to be bettef than
extfovefts at deIayIng gfatIfIcatIon, a
cfucIaI IIfe skIII assocIated wIth
evefythIng ffom hIghef SAT scofes and
Income to Iowef body mass Index. In
one study, scIentIsts gave paftIcIpants
%')"#$#
the choIce of a smaII fewafd ImmedI-
ateIy (a gIft ceftIfIcate ffom Amazon) of
a bIggef gIft ceftIfIcate In two to fouf
weeks. ObjectIveIy, the bIggef fewafd
In the neaf but not ImmedIate futufe
was the mofe desIfabIe optIon. But
many peopIe went fof the I want It
now" choIceand when they dId, a
bfaIn scannef feveaIed that theIf fe-
wafd netwofk was actIvated. Those
who heId out fof the Iafgef fewafd two
weeks hence showed mofe actIvIty In
the pfeffontaI coftexthe paft of the
new bfaIn that taIks us out of sendIng
III-consIdefed e-maIIs and eatIng too
much chocoIate cake. (A sImIIaf study
suggests that the fofmef gfoup tended
to be extfovefts and the Iattef gfoup
Intfovefts.)
Back In the 1990s, when I was a junI-
of assocIate at a WaII Stfeet Iaw fIfm, I
found myseIf on a team of Iawyefs
%'#"#$#
fepfesentIng a bank consIdefIng buyIng
a poftfoIIo of subpfIme moftgage Ioans
made by othef Iendefs. My job was to
peffofm due dIIIgenceto fevIew the
documentatIon to see whethef the Ioans
had been made wIth the pfopef papef-
wofk. Had the boffowefs been notIfIed
of the Intefest fates they wefe sIated to
pay? That the fates wouId go up ovef
tIme?
The papefs tufned out to be chock-
fuII of IffeguIafItIes. If I'd been In the
bankefs' shoes, thIs wouId have made
me nefvous, vefy nefvous. But when
ouf IegaI team summafIzed the fIsks In
a cautIon-fIIIed confefence caII, the
bankefs seemed uttefIy untfoubIed.
They saw the potentIaI pfofIts of buyIng
those Ioans at a dIscount, and they
wanted to go ahead wIth the deaI. Yet
It was just thIs kInd of fIsk-fewafd mIs-
caIcuIatIon that contfIbuted to the
%(+"#$#
faIIufe of many banks dufIng the Gfeat
RecessIon of 2008.
At about the same tIme I evaIuated
that poftfoIIo of Ioans, I heafd a stofy
cIfcuIatIng on WaII Stfeet about a com-
petItIon among Investment banks fof a
pfestIgIous pIece of busIness. Each of
the majof banks sent a squad of theIf
top empIoyees to pItch the cIIent. Each
team depIoyed the usuaI tooIs: spfead
sheets, pItch books," and PowefPoInt
pfesentatIons. But the wInnIng team ad-
ded Its own pIece of theatfIcs: they fan
Into the foom weafIng matchIng base-
baII caps and T-shIfts embIazoned wIth
the Iettefs FUD, an acfonym fof 9)7#N
C.1)#67".6;N 7.0 F-%G6. In thIs case FUD
had been cfossed out wIth an emphatIc
fed X, FUD was an unhoIy tfInIty. That
team, the vanquIshefs of FUD, won the
contest.
%(*"#$#
DIsdaIn fof FUDand fof the type of
pefson who tends to expefIence ItIs
what heIped cause the cfash, says
BoykIn Cuffy, a managIng dIfectof of
the Investment fIfm EagIe CapItaI, who
had ffont-fow seats to the 2008 meIt-
down. Too much powef was concen-
tfated In the hands of aggfessIve fIsk-
takefs. Fof twenty yeafs, the DNA of
neafIy evefy fInancIaI InstItu-
tIon . mofphed dangefousIy," he toId
?)+&+))$ magazIne at the heIght of the
cfash. Each tIme someone at the tabIe
pfessed fof mofe Ievefage and mofe
fIsk, the next few yeafs pfoved them
'fIght.' These peopIe wefe emboIdened,
they wefe pfomoted and they gaIned
contfoI of evef mofe capItaI. Mean-
whIIe, anyone In powef who hesItated,
who afgued fof cautIon, was pfoved
'wfong.' The cautIous types wefe In-
cfeasIngIy IntImIdated, passed ovef fof
%($"#$#
pfomotIon. They Iost theIf hoId on cap-
ItaI. ThIs happened evefy day In aImost
evefy fInancIaI InstItutIon, ovef and
ovef, untII we ended up wIth a vefy
specIfIc kInd of pefson funnIng thIngs."
Cuffy Is a Hafvafd BusIness SchooI
gfad and, wIth hIs wIfe, CeIefIe
KembIe, a PaIm Beachbofn desIgnef, a
pfomInent fIxtufe on New Yofk poIItIc-
aI and socIaI scenes. WhIch Is to say
that he wouId seem to be a cafd-caffy-
Ing membef of what he caIIs the go-go
aggfessIve" cfowd, and an unIIkeIy ad-
vocate fof the Impoftance of Intfovefts.
But one thIng he's not shy about Is hIs
thesIs that It was fofcefuI extfovefts
who caused the gIobaI fInancIaI cfash.
PeopIe wIth ceftaIn pefsonaIIty
types got contfoI of capItaI and InstItu-
tIons and powef," Cuffy toId me. And
peopIe who afe congenItaIIy mofe cau-
tIous and Intfovefted and statIstIcaI In
%(!"#$#
theIf thInkIng became dIscfedIted and
pushed asIde."
VIncent KamInskI, a RIce UnIvefsIty
busIness schooI pfofessof who once
sefved as managIng dIfectof of feseafch
fof Enfon, the company that famousIy
fIIed fof bankfuptcy In 2001 as a fesuIt
of feckIess busIness pfactIces, toId the
A7&:".E6-. H-&6 a sImIIaf stofy of a
busIness cuItufe In whIch aggfessIve
fIsk-takefs enjoyed too hIgh a status fe-
IatIve to cautIous Intfovefts. KamInskI,
a soft-spoken and cafefuI man, was one
of the few hefoes of the Enfon scandaI.
He fepeatedIy tfIed to sound the aIafm
wIth senIof management that the com-
pany had entefed Into busIness deaIs
fIsky enough to thfeaten Its sufvIvaI.
When the top bfass wouIdn't IIsten, he
fefused to sIgn off on these dangefous
tfansactIons and ofdefed hIs team not
to wofk on them. The company
%(%"#$#
stfIpped hIm of hIs powef to fevIew
company-wIde deaIs.
Thefe have been some compIaInts,
VInce, that you'fe not heIpIng peopIe to
do tfansactIons," the pfesIdent of Enfon
toId hIm, accofdIng to ,-.&3"#71; -/
9--8&, a book about the Enfon scandaI.
Instead, you'fe spendIng aII youf tIme
actIng IIke cops. We don't need cops,
VInce."
But they dId need them, and stIII do.
When the cfedIt cfIsIs thfeatened the
vIabIIIty of some of WaII Stfeet's
bIggest banks In 2007, KamInskI saw
the same thIng happenIng aII ovef
agaIn. Iet's just say that aII the
demons of Enfon have not been exof-
cIsed," he toId the H-&6 In Novembef of
that yeaf. The pfobIem, he expIaIned,
was not onIy that many had faIIed to
undefstand the fIsks the banks wefe
takIng. It was aIso that those who 0"0
%(&"#$#
undefstand wefe consIstentIy Ig-
nofedIn paft because they had the
wfong pefsonaIIty styIe: Many tImes I
have been sIttIng acfoss the tabIe ffom
an enefgy tfadef and I wouId say, 'Youf
poftfoIIo wIII ImpIode If thIs specIfIc
sItuatIon happens.' And the tfadef
wouId staft yeIIIng at me and teIIIng me
I'm an IdIot, that such a sItuatIon
wouId nevef happen. The pfobIem Is
that, on one sIde, you have a faInmakef
who Is makIng Iots of money fof the
company and Is tfeated IIke a supefstaf,
and on the othef sIde you have an In-
tfovefted nefd. So who do you thInk
wIns?"
But what exactIy Is the mechanIsm by
whIch buzz cIouds good judgment?
%('"#$#
How dId JanIce Dofn's cIIent, AIan, dIs-
mIss the dangef sIgns scfeamIng that he
mIght Iose 70 pefcent of hIs IIfe sav-
Ings? What pfompts some peopIe to act
as If FUD doesn't exIst?
One answef comes ffom an IntfIguIng
IIne of feseafch conducted by the
UnIvefsIty of WIsconsIn psychoIogIst
Joseph Newman. ImagIne that you've
been InvIted to Newman's Iab to paftI-
cIpate In one of hIs studIes. You'fe
thefe to pIay a game: the mofe poInts
you get, the mofe money you wIn.
TweIve dIffefent numbefs fIash acfoss a
computef scfeen, one at a tIme, In no
paftIcuIaf ofdef. You'fe gIven a button,
as If you wefe a game-show contestant,
whIch you can pfess of not as each
numbef appeafs. If you pfess the button
fof a good" numbef, you wIn poInts, If
you pfess fof a bad" numbef, you Iose
poInts, and If you don't pfess at aII,
%(("#$#
nothIng happens. Thfough tfIaI and ef-
fof you Ieafn that fouf Is a nIce numbef
and nIne Is not. So the next tIme the
numbef nIne fIashes acfoss youf scfeen,
you know not to pfess that button.
Except that sometImes peopIe pfess
the button fof the bad numbefs, even
when they shouId know bettef. Extfo-
vefts, especIaIIy hIghIy ImpuIsIve extfo-
vefts, afe mofe IIkeIy than Intfovefts to
make thIs mIstake. Why? WeII, In the
wofds of psychoIogIsts John Bfebnef
and ChfIs Coopef, who have shown that
extfovefts thInk Iess and act fastef on
such tasks: Intfovefts afe geafed to In-
spect" and extfovefts geafed to
fespond."
But the mofe IntefestIng aspect of
thIs puzzIIng behavIof Is not what the
extfovefts do G)/-#) they've hIt the
wfong button, but what they do 7/6)#.
When Intfovefts hIt the numbef nIne
%()"#$#
button and fInd they've Iost a poInt,
they sIow down befofe movIng on to
the next numbef, as If to fefIect on
what went wfong. But extfovefts not
onIy faII to sIow down, 6:); 716%788;
&3))0 %3.
ThIs seems stfange, why wouId any-
one do thIs? Newman expIaIns that It
makes peffect sense. If you focus on
achIevIng youf goaIs, as fewafd-sensIt-
Ive extfovefts do, you don't want any-
thIng to get In youf wayneIthef
naysayefs nof the numbef nIne. You
speed up In an attempt to knock these
foadbIocks down.
Yet thIs Is a cfucIaIIy Impoftant mIs-
step, because the Iongef you pause to
pfocess sufpfIsIng of negatIve feedback,
the mofe IIkeIy you afe to Ieafn ffom It.
If you /-#1) extfovefts to pause, says
Newman, they'II do just as weII as In-
tfovefts at the numbefs game. But, Ieft
%(#"#$#
to theIf own devIces, they don't stop.
And so they don't Ieafn to avoId the
tfoubIe stafIng them In the face. New-
man says that thIs Is exactIy what
mIght happen to extfovefts IIke Ted
Tufnef when bIddIng fof a company on
auctIon. When a pefson bIds up too
hIgh," he toId me, that's because they
dIdn't InhIbIt a fesponse they shouId
have InhIbIted. They dIdn't consIdef In-
fofmatIon that shouId have been weIgh-
Ing on theIf decIsIon."
Intfovefts, In contfast, afe constItu-
tIonaIIy pfogfammed to downpIay fe-
wafdto kIII theIf buzz, you mIght
sayand scan fof pfobIems. As soon
they get excIted," says Newman,
they'II put the bfakes on and thInk
about pefIphefaI Issues that may be
mofe Impoftant. Intfovefts seem to be
specIfIcaIIy wIfed of tfaIned so when
they catch themseIves gettIng excIted
%)+"#$#
and focused on a goaI, theIf vIgIIance
Incfeases."
Intfovefts aIso tend to compafe new
InfofmatIon wIth theIf expectatIons, he
says. They ask themseIves, Is thIs what
I thought wouId happen? Is It how It
shouId be?" And when the sItuatIon
faIIs shoft of expectatIons, they fofm as-
socIatIons between the moment of dIs-
appoIntment (IosIng poInts) and
whatevef was goIng on In theIf envIf-
onment at the tIme of the dIsappoInt-
ment (hIttIng the numbef nIne.) These
assocIatIons Iet them make accufate
pfedIctIons about how to feact to wafn-
Ing sIgnaIs In the futufe.
Intfovefts' dIsIncIInatIon to chafge
ahead Is not onIy a hedge agaInst fIsk,
%)*"#$#
It aIso pays off on InteIIectuaI tasks.
Hefe afe some of the thIngs we know
about the feIatIve peffofmance of Intfo-
vefts and extfovefts at compIex
pfobIem-soIvIng. Extfovefts get bettef
gfades than Intfovefts dufIng eIement-
afy schooI, but Intfovefts outpeffofm
extfovefts In hIgh schooI and coIIege.
At the unIvefsIty IeveI, IntfovefsIon
pfedIcts academIc peffofmance bettef
than cognItIve abIIIty. One study tested
141 coIIege students' knowIedge of
twenty dIffefent subjects, ffom aft to
astfonomy to statIstIcs, and found that
Intfovefts knew mofe than the extfo-
vefts about evefy sIngIe one of them.
Intfovefts feceIve dIspfopoftIonate
numbefs of gfaduate degfees, NatIonaI
MefIt SchoIafshIp fInaIIst posItIons, and
PhI Beta Kappa keys. They outpeffofm
extfovefts on the Watson-GIasef CfItIcaI
ThInkIng AppfaIsaI test, an assessment
%)$"#$#
of cfItIcaI thInkIng wIdeIy used by busI-
nesses fof hIfIng and pfomotIon.
They've been shown to exceI at
somethIng psychoIogIsts caII InsIghtfuI
pfobIem soIvIng."
The questIon Is: Why?
Intfovefts afe not smaftef than extfo-
vefts. AccofdIng to IQ scofes, the two
types afe equaIIy InteIIIgent. And on
many kInds of tasks, paftIcuIafIy those
peffofmed undef tIme of socIaI pfessufe
of InvoIvIng muItItaskIng, extfovefts do
bettef. Extfovefts afe bettef than Intfo-
vefts at handIIng InfofmatIon ovefIoad.
Intfovefts' fefIectIveness uses up a Iot
of cognItIve capacIty, accofdIng to
Joseph Newman. On any gIven task, he
says, If we have 100 pefcent cognItIve
capacIty, an Intfoveft may have onIy 75
pefcent on task and 25 pefcent off task,
whefeas an extfoveft may have 90 pef-
cent on task." ThIs Is because most
%)!"#$#
tasks afe goaI-dIfected. Extfovefts ap-
peaf to aIIocate most of theIf cognItIve
capacIty to the goaI at hand, whIIe In-
tfovefts use up capacIty by monItofIng
how the task Is goIng.
But Intfovefts seem to thInk mofe
cafefuIIy than extfovefts, as the psycho-
IogIst GefaId Matthews descfIbes In hIs
wofk. Extfovefts afe mofe IIkeIy to take
a quIck-and-dIfty appfoach to pfobIem-
soIvIng, tfadIng accufacy fof speed,
makIng IncfeasIng numbefs of mIstakes
as they go, and abandonIng shIp aIto-
gethef when the pfobIem seems too dIf-
fIcuIt of ffustfatIng. Intfovefts thInk be-
fofe they act, dIgest InfofmatIon thof-
oughIy, stay on task Iongef, gIve up Iess
easIIy, and wofk mofe accufateIy. Intfo-
vefts and extfovefts aIso dIfect theIf at-
tentIon dIffefentIy: If you Ieave them to
theIf own devIces, the Intfovefts tend
to sIt afound wondefIng about thIngs,
%)%"#$#
ImagInIng thIngs, fecaIIIng events ffom
theIf past, and makIng pIans fof the fu-
tufe. The extfovefts afe mofe IIkeIy to
focus on what's happenIng afound
them. It's as If extfovefts afe seeIng
what Is" whIIe theIf Intfovefted peefs
afe askIng what If."
Intfovefts' and extfovefts' contfastIng
pfobIem-soIvIng styIes have been ob-
sefved In many dIffefent contexts. In
one expefIment, psychoIogIsts gave
fIfty peopIe a dIffIcuIt jIgsaw puzzIe to
soIve, and found that the extfovefts
wefe mofe IIkeIy than the Intfovefts to
quIt mIdway. In anothef, Pfofessof
RIchafd Howafd gave Intfovefts and ex-
tfovefts a compIIcated sefIes of pfInted
mazes, and found not onIy that the In-
tfovefts tended to soIve mofe mazes
coffectIy, but aIso that they spent a
much gfeatef pefcentage of theIf aIIot-
ted tIme InspectIng the maze G)/-#)
%)&"#$#
entefIng It. A sImIIaf thIng happened
when gfoups of Intfovefts and extfo-
vefts wefe gIven the Raven Standafd
PfogfessIve MatfIces, an InteIIIgence
test that consIsts of fIve sets of pfob-
Iems of IncfeasIng dIffIcuIty. The extfo-
vefts tended to do bettef on the fIfst
two sets, pfesumabIy because of theIf
abIIIty to ofIent quIckIy to theIf goaI.
But on the thfee mofe dIffIcuIt sets,
whefe pefsIstence pays, the Intfovefts
sIgnIfIcantIy outpeffofmed them. By the
fInaI, most compIIcated set, the extfo-
vefts wefe much mofe IIkeIy than the
Intfovefts to abandon the task
aItogethef.
Intfovefts sometImes outpeffofm ex-
tfovefts even on &-1"78 tasks that fe-
quIfe pefsIstence. Whafton manage-
ment pfofessof Adam Gfant (who con-
ducted the IeadefshIp studIes descfIbed
In chaptef 2) once studIed the
%)'"#$#
pefsonaIIty tfaIts of effectIve caII-centef
empIoyees. Gfant pfedIcted that the ex-
tfovefts wouId be bettef teIemafketefs,
but It tufned out that thefe was zefo
coffeIatIon between extfovefsIon IeveIs
and coId-caIIIng pfowess.
The extfovefts wouId make these
wondeffuI caIIs," Gfant toId me, but
then a shIny object of some kInd wouId
cfoss theIf paths and they'd Iose focus."
The Intfovefts, In contfast, wouId taIk
vefy quIetIy, but boom, boom, boom,
they wefe makIng those caIIs. They
wefe focused and detefmIned." The
onIy extfovefts to outpeffofm them
wefe those who aIso happened to be
unusuaIIy hIgh scofefs fof a sepafate
pefsonaIIty tfaIt measufIng conscIen-
tIousness. Intfoveft pefsIstence was
mofe than a match fof extfoveft buzz,
In othef wofds, even at a task whefe
%)("#$#
socIaI skIIIs mIght be consIdefed at a
pfemIum.
PefsIstence Isn't vefy gIamofous. If
genIus Is one pefcent InspIfatIon and
nInety-nIne pefcent pefspIfatIon, then
as a cuItufe we tend to IIonIze the one
pefcent. We Iove Its fIash and dazzIe.
But gfeat powef IIes In the othef
nInety-nIne pefcent.
It's not that I'm so smaft," saId EIn-
steIn, who was a consummate Intfoveft.
It's that I stay wIth pfobIems Iongef."
None of thIs Is to denIgfate those who
fofge ahead quIckIy, of to bIIndIy gIofI-
fy the fefIectIve and cafefuI. The poInt
Is that we tend to ovefvaIue buzz and
dIscount the fIsks of fewafd-sensItIvIty:
%))"#$#
we need to fInd a baIance between ac-
tIon and fefIectIon.
Fof exampIe, If you wefe staffIng an
Investment bank, management pfofess-
of Kuhnen toId me, you'd want to hIfe
not onIy fewafd-sensItIve types, who
afe IIkeIy to pfofIt ffom buII mafkets,
but aIso those who femaIn emotIonaIIy
mofe neutfaI. You'd want to make sufe
that Impoftant cofpofate decIsIons fe-
fIect the Input of both kInds of peopIe,
not just one type. And you'd want to
know that IndIvIduaIs on aII poInts of
the fewafd-sensItIvIty spectfum undef-
stand theIf own emotIonaI pfefefences
and can tempef them to match mafket
condItIons.
But It's not just empIoyefs who bene-
fIt ffom takIng a cIosef Iook at theIf
empIoyees. We aIso need to take a
cIosef Iook at oufseIves. UndefstandIng
whefe we faII on the fewafd-sensItIvIty
%)#"#$#
spectfum gIves us the powef to IIve ouf
IIves weII.
If you'fe a buzz-pfone extfoveft, then
you'fe Iucky to enjoy Iots of InvIgofat-
Ing emotIons. Make the most of them:
buIId thIngs, InspIfe othefs, thInk bIg.
Staft a company, Iaunch a websIte,
buIId an eIabofate tfee house fof youf
kIds. But aIso know that you'fe opefat-
Ing wIth an AchIIIes' heeI that you must
Ieafn to pfotect. TfaIn youfseIf to spend
enefgy on what's tfuIy meanIngfuI to
you Instead of on actIvItIes that Iook
IIke they'II deIIvef a quIck buzz of
money of status of excItement. Teach
youfseIf to pause and fefIect when
wafnIng sIgns appeaf that thIngs afen't
wofkIng out as you'd hoped. Ieafn
ffom youf mIstakes. Seek out countef-
pafts (ffom spouses to ffIends to busI-
ness paftnefs) who can heIp feIn you In
and compensate fof youf bIInd spots.
%#+"#$#
And when It comes tIme to Invest, of
to do anythIng that InvoIves a sage baI-
ance of fIsk and fewafd, keep youfseIf
In check. One good way to do thIs Is to
make sufe that you'fe not suffoundIng
youfseIf wIth Images of fewafd at the
cfucIaI moment of decIsIon. Kuhnen
and BfIan Knutson have found that men
who afe shown efotIc pIctufes just be-
fofe they gambIe take mofe fIsks than
those shown neutfaI Images IIke desks
and chaIfs. ThIs Is because antIcIpatIng
fewafdsX7.; fewafds, whethef of not
feIated to the subject at handexcItes
ouf dopamIne-dfIven fewafd netwofks
and makes us act mofe fashIy. (ThIs
may be the sIngIe best afgument yet fof
bannIng pofnogfaphy ffom
wofkpIaces.)
And If you'fe an Intfoveft who's feI-
atIveIy Immune to the excesses of fe-
wafd sensItIvIty? At fIfst bIush, the
%#*"#$#
feseafch on dopamIne and buzz seems
to ImpIy that extfovefts, and extfovefts
aIone, afe happIIy motIvated to wofk
hafd by the excItement they get ffom
pufsuIng theIf goaIs. As an Intfoveft, I
was puzzIed by thIs Idea when I fIfst
came acfoss It. It dIdn't fefIect my own
expefIence. I'm In Iove wIth my wofk
and aIways have been. I wake up In the
mofnIng excIted to get stafted. So what
dfIves peopIe IIke me?
One answef Is that even If the
fewafd-sensItIvIty theofy of extfovef-
sIon tufns out to be coffect, we can't
say that aII extfovefts afe aIways mofe
sensItIve to fewafds and bIase about
fIsk, of that aII Intfovefts afe constantIy
unmoved by IncentIves and vIgIIant
about thfeats. SInce the days of AfIs-
totIe, phIIosophefs have obsefved that
these two modesappfoachIng thIngs
that appeaf to gIve pIeasufe and
%#$"#$#
avoIdIng othefs that seem to cause
paInIIe at the heaft of aII human
actIvIty. As a gfoup, extfovefts tend to
be fewafd-seekIng, but evefy human
beIng has hef own mIx of appfoach and
avoIdance tendencIes, and sometImes
the combInatIon dIffefs dependIng on
the sItuatIon. Indeed, many contempof-
afy pefsonaIIty psychoIogIsts wouId say
that thfeat-vIgIIance Is mofe chafactef-
IstIc of a tfaIt known as neufotIcIsm"
than of IntfovefsIon. The body's fewafd
and thfeat systems aIso seem to wofk
IndependentIy of each othef, so that the
same pefson can be genefaIIy sensItIve,
of InsensItIve, to both fewafd 7.0
thfeat.
%#!"#$#
If you want to detefmIne whethef
you afe fewafd-ofIented, thfeat-
ofIented, of both, tfy askIng youf-
seIf whethef the foIIowIng gfoups
of statements afe tfue of you.
If you afe fewafd-ofIented:
1. When I get somethIng I want, I feeI
excIted and enefgIzed.
2. When I want somethIng, I usuaIIy
go aII out to get It.
3. When I see an oppoftunIty fof
somethIng I IIke, I get excIted
fIght away.
4. When good thIngs happen to me, It
affects me stfongIy.
%#%"#$#
5. I have vefy few feafs compafed to
my ffIends.
If you afe thfeat-ofIented:
1. CfItIcIsm of scoIdIng hufts me
quIte a bIt.
2. I feeI pfetty woffIed of upset when
I thInk of know somebody Is
angfy at me.
3. If I thInk somethIng unpIeasant Is
goIng to happen, I usuaIIy get
pfetty wofked up."
4. I feeI woffIed when I thInk I have
done poofIy at somethIng
Impoftant.
%#&"#$#
5. I woffy about makIng mIstakes.
But I beIIeve that anothef Impoftant
expIanatIon fof Intfovefts who Iove
theIf wofk may come ffom a vefy dIf-
fefent IIne of feseafch by the InfIuentIaI
psychoIogIst MIhaIy CsIkszentmIhaIyI
on the state of beIng he caIIs fIow."
FIow Is an optImaI state In whIch you
feeI totaIIy engaged In an actIv-
Itywhethef Iong-dIstance swImmIng
of songwfItIng, sumo wfestIIng of sex.
In a state of fIow, you'fe neIthef bofed
nof anxIous, and you don't questIon
youf own adequacy. Houfs pass
wIthout youf notIcIng.
The key to fIow Is to pufsue an actIv-
Ity fof Its own sake, .-6 /-# 6:) #)+7#0&
"6 G#".E&. AIthough fIow does not de-
pend on beIng an Intfoveft of an
%#'"#$#
extfoveft, many of the fIow expefIences
that CsIkszentmIhaIyI wfItes about afe
soIItafy pufsuIts that have nothIng to
do wIth fewafd-seekIng: feadIng, tend-
Ing an ofchafd, soIo ocean cfuIsIng.
FIow often occufs, he wfItes, In condI-
tIons In whIch peopIe become Inde-
pendent of the socIaI envIfonment to
the degfee that they no Iongef fespond
excIusIveIy In tefms of Its fewafds and
punIshments. To achIeve such
autonomy, a pefson has to Ieafn to
pfovIde fewafds to hefseIf."
In a sense, CsIkszentmIhaIyI tfan-
scends AfIstotIe, he Is teIIIng us that
thefe afe some actIvItIes that afe not
about appfoach of avoIdance, but about
somethIng deepef: the fuIfIIIment that
comes ffom absofptIon In an actIvIty
outsIde youfseIf. PsychoIogIcaI theof-
Ies usuaIIy assume that we afe motIv-
ated eIthef by the need to eIImInate an
%#("#$#
unpIeasant condItIon IIke hungef of
feaf," CsIkszentmIhaIyI wfItes, of by
the expectatIon of some futufe fewafd
such as money, status, of pfestIge." But
In fIow, a pefson couId wofk afound
the cIock fof days on end, fof no bettef
feason than to keep on wofkIng."
If you'fe an Intfoveft, fInd youf fIow
by usIng youf gIfts. You have the powef
of pefsIstence, the tenacIty to soIve
compIex pfobIems, and the cIeaf-
sIghtedness to avoId pItfaIIs that tfIp
othefs up. You enjoy feIatIve ffeedom
ffom the temptatIons of supeffIcIaI
pfIzes IIke money and status. Indeed,
youf bIggest chaIIenge may be to fuIIy
hafness youf stfengths. You may be so
busy tfyIng to appeaf IIke a zestfuI,
fewafd-sensItIve extfoveft that you un-
defvaIue youf own taIents, of feeI un-
defestImated by those afound you. But
when you'fe focused on a pfoject that
%#)"#$#
you cafe about, you pfobabIy fInd that
youf enefgy Is boundIess.
So stay tfue to youf own natufe. If
you IIke to do thIngs In a sIow and
steady way, don't Iet othefs make you
feeI as If you have to face. If you enjoy
depth, don't fofce youfseIf to seek
bfeadth. If you pfefef sIngIe-taskIng to
muItItaskIng, stIck to youf guns. BeIng
feIatIveIy unmoved by fewafds gIves
you the IncaIcuIabIe powef to go youf
own way. It's up to you to use that In-
dependence to good effect.
Of coufse, that Isn't aIways easy.
WhIIe wfItIng thIs chaptef, I coffespon-
ded wIth Jack WeIch, the fofmef chaIf-
man of GenefaI EIectfIc. He had just
pubIIshed a @%&".)&&A))$ onIIne
coIumn caIIed ReIease Youf Innef Ex-
tfoveft," In whIch he caIIed fof Intfo-
vefts to act mofe extfovefted on the
job. I suggested that extfovefts
%##"#$#
sometImes need to act mofe Intfovef-
ted, too, and shafed wIth hIm some of
the Ideas you've just fead about how
WaII Stfeet mIght have benefIted ffom
havIng mofe Intfovefts at the heIm.
WeIch was IntfIgued. But, he saId, the
extfovefts wouId afgue that they nevef
heafd ffom the Intfovefts."
WeIch makes a faIf poInt. Intfovefts
need to tfust theIf gut and shafe theIf
Ideas as poweffuIIy as they can. ThIs
does not mean apIng extfovefts, Ideas
can be shafed quIetIy, they can be com-
munIcated In wfItIng, they can be pack-
aged Into hIghIy pfoduced Iectufes,
they can be advanced by aIIIes. The
tfIck fof Intfovefts Is to honof theIf
own styIes Instead of aIIowIng them-
seIves to be swept up by pfevaIIIng
nofms. The stofy of the Iead-up to the
Gfeat RecessIon of 2008 Is peppefed,
aIas, wIth cafefuI types who took
&++"#$#
InappfopfIate fIsks, IIke the fofmef
chIef executIve of CItIgfoup, Chuck
PfInce, a fofmef Iawyef who made
fIsky Ioans Into a faIIIng mafket be-
cause, he saId, as Iong as the musIc Is
pIayIng, you've got to get up and
dance."
PeopIe who afe InItIaIIy cautIous be-
come mofe aggfessIve," obsefves
BoykIn Cuffy of thIs phenomenon.
They say, 'Hey, the mofe aggfessIve
peopIe afe gettIng pfomoted and I'm
not, so I'm goIng to be mofe aggfessIve
too.' "
But stofIes of fInancIaI cfIses often con-
taIn subpIots about peopIe who fam-
ousIy (and pfofItabIy) saw them com-
Ingand such taIes tend to featufe just
&+*"#$#
the kInds of peopIe who embface FUD,
of who IIke to cIose the bIInds to theIf
offIces, InsuIate themseIves ffom mass
opInIon and peef pfessufe, and focus In
soIItude. One of the few Investofs who
managed to fIoufIsh dufIng the cfash of
2008 was Seth KIafman, pfesIdent of a
hedge fund caIIed the Baupost Gfoup.
KIafman Is known fof consIstentIy out-
peffofmIng the mafket whIIe steadfastIy
avoIdIng fIsk, and fof keepIng a sIgnI-
fIcant pefcentage of hIs assets In cash.
In the two yeafs sInce the cfash of
2008, when most Investofs wefe fIeeIng
hedge funds In dfoves, KIafman aImost
doubIed Baupost's assets undef man-
agement to $22 bIIIIon.
KIafman achIeved thIs wIth an In-
vestment stfategy based expIIcItIy on
FUD. At Baupost, we afe bIg fans of
feaf, and In InvestIng, It Is cIeafIy bet-
tef to be scafed than soffy," he once
&+$"#$#
wfote In a Iettef to Investofs. KIafman
Is a wofId-cIass woffIef," obsefves the
?)+ [-#$ D"5)&, In a 2007 aftIcIe caIIed
Managef Ffets Ovef the Mafket, But
StIII Outdoes It." He owns a facehofse
caIIed Read the Footnotes."
DufIng the yeafs IeadIng up to the
2008 cfash, KIafman was one of the
few peopIe to stIck to a cautIous and
seemIngIy pafanoId message," says
BoykIn Cuffy. When evefyone eIse was
ceIebfatIng, he was pfobabIy stofIng
cans of tuna In hIs basement, to pfepafe
fof the end of cIvIIIzatIon. Then, when
evefyone eIse panIcked, he stafted buy-
Ing. It's not just anaIysIs, It's hIs emo-
tIonaI makeup. The same wIfIng that
heIps Seth fInd oppoftunItIes that no
one eIse sees can make hIm seem aIoof
of bIunt. If you'fe the kInd of pefson
who ffets evefy tIme the quaftef Is
good, you may have tfoubIe fIsIng to
&+!"#$#
the top of a cofpofate pyfamId. Seth
pfobabIy wouIdn't have made It as a
saIes managef. But he Is one of the
gfeat Investofs of ouf tIme."
SImIIafIy, In hIs book on the fun-up
to the 2008 cfash, D:) @"E 2:-#6, MI-
chaeI IewIs Intfoduces thfee of the few
peopIe who wefe astute enough to fofe-
cast the comIng dIsastef. One was a
soIItafy hedge-fund managef named
MIchaeI Buffy who descfIbes hImseIf as
happy In my own head" and who
spent the yeafs pfIof to the cfash aIone
In hIs offIce In San Jose, CaIIfofnIa,
combIng thfough fInancIaI documents
and deveIopIng hIs own contfafIan
vIews of mafket fIsk. The othefs wefe a
paIf of socIaIIy awkwafd Investofs
named ChafIIe IedIey and JamIe MaI,
whose entIfe Investment stfategy was
based on FUD: they pIaced bets that
had IImIted downsIde, but wouId pay
&+%"#$#
off handsomeIy If dfamatIc but unex-
pected changes occuffed In the mafket.
It was not an Investment stfategy so
much as a IIfe phIIosophya beIIef that
most sItuatIons wefe not as stabIe as
they appeafed to be.
ThIs suIted the two men's pefsonaI-
ItIes," wfItes IewIs. They nevef had to
be sufe of anythIng. Both wefe pfedIs-
posed to feeI that peopIe, and by exten-
sIon mafkets, wefe too ceftaIn about In-
hefentIy unceftaIn thIngs." Even aftef
beIng pfoven fIght wIth theIf 2006 and
2007 bets agaInst the subpfIme moft-
gage mafket, and eafnIng $100 mIIIIon
In the pfocess, they actuaIIy spent
tIme wondefIng how peopIe who had
been so sensatIonaIIy fIght (I.e., they
themseIves) couId pfesefve the capacIty
fof dIffIdence and doubt and uncef-
taInty that had enabIed them to be
fIght."
&+&"#$#
IedIey and MaI undefstood the vaIue
of theIf constItutIonaI dIffIdence, but
othefs wefe so spooked by It that they
gave up the chance to Invest money
wIth the twoIn effect, sacfIfIcIng mII-
IIons of doIIafs to theIf pfejudIce
agaInst FUD. What's amazIng wIth
ChafIIe IedIey," says BoykIn Cuffy,
who knows hIm weII, Is that hefe you
had a bfIIIIant Investof who was ex-
ceedIngIy consefvatIve. If you wefe
concefned about fIsk, thefe was no one
bettef to go to. But he was teffIbIe at
faIsIng capItaI because he seemed so
tentatIve about evefythIng. PotentIaI
cIIents wouId waIk out of ChafIIe's of-
fIce scafed to gIve hIm money because
they thought he Iacked convIctIon.
MeanwhIIe, they poufed money Into
funds fun by managefs who exuded
confIdence and ceftaInty. Of coufse,
when the economy tufned, the
&+'"#$#
confIdent gfoup Iost haIf theIf cIIents'
money, whIIe ChafIIe and JamIe made
a foftune. Anyone who used conven-
tIonaI socIaI cues to evaIuate money
managefs was Ied to exactIy the wfong
concIusIon."
Anothef exampIe, thIs one ffom the
2000 cfash of the dot-com bubbIe, con-
cefns a seIf-descfIbed Intfoveft based In
Omaha, Nebfaska, whefe he's weII
known fof shuttIng hImseIf InsIde hIs
offIce fof houfs at a tIme.
Waffen Buffett, the Iegendafy In-
vestof and one of the weaIthIest men In
the wofId, has used exactIy the attfIb-
utes we've expIofed In thIs chaptefIn-
teIIectuaI pefsIstence, pfudent thInkIng,
and the abIIIty to see and act on
&+("#$#
wafnIng sIgnsto make bIIIIons of doI-
Iafs fof hImseIf and the shafehoIdefs In
hIs company, BefkshIfe Hathaway. Buf-
fett Is known fof thInkIng cafefuIIy
when those afound hIm Iose theIf
heads. Success In InvestIng doesn't
coffeIate wIth IQ," he has saId. Once
you have ofdInafy InteIIIgence, what
you need Is the tempefament to contfoI
the ufges that get othef peopIe Into
tfoubIe In InvestIng."
Evefy summef sInce 1983, the
boutIque Investment bank AIIen & Co.
has hosted a weekIong confefence In
Sun VaIIey, Idaho. ThIs Isn't just any
confefence. It's an extfavaganza, wIth
IavIsh paftIes, fIvef-faftIng tfIps, Ice-
skatIng, mountaIn bIkIng, fIy fIshIng,
hofseback fIdIng, and a fIeet of babysIt-
tefs to cafe fof guests' chIIdfen. The
hosts sefvIce the medIa Industfy, and
past guest IIsts have IncIuded
&+)"#$#
newspapef moguIs, HoIIywood ceIebfIt-
Ies, and SIIIcon VaIIey stafs, wIth maf-
quee names such as Tom Hanks, Can-
dIce Befgen, Baffy DIIIef, Rupeft Muf-
doch, Steve Jobs, DIane Sawyef, and
Tom Bfokaw.
In JuIy 1999, accofdIng to AIIce
Schfoedef's exceIIent bIogfaphy of Buf-
fett, D:) 2.-+G788, he was one of those
guests. He had attended yeaf aftef yeaf
wIth hIs entIfe famIIy In tow, affIvIng
by GuIfstfeam jet and stayIng wIth the
othef VIP attendees In a seIect gfoup of
condos ovefIookIng the goIf coufse.
Buffett Ioved hIs annuaI vacatIon at Sun
VaIIey, fegafdIng It as a gfeat pIace fof
hIs famIIy to gathef and fof hIm to
catch up wIth oId ffIends.
But thIs yeaf the mood was dIffefent.
It was the heIght of the technoIogy
boom, and thefe wefe new faces at the
tabIethe heads of technoIogy
&+#"#$#
companIes that had gfown fIch and
poweffuI aImost ovefnIght, and the
ventufe capItaIIsts who had fed them
cash. These peopIe wefe fIdIng hIgh.
When the ceIebfIty photogfaphef AnnIe
IeIbovItz showed up to shoot the
MedIa AII-Staf Team" fof O7."6; 97"#,
some of them IobbIed to get In the
photo. They wefe the futufe, they
beIIeved.
Buffett was decIdedIy not a paft of
thIs gfoup. He was an oId-schooI In-
vestof who dIdn't get caught up In
specuIatIve ffenzy afound companIes
wIth uncIeaf eafnIngs pfospects. Some
dIsmIssed hIm as a feIIc of the past. But
Buffett was stIII poweffuI enough to
gIve the keynote addfess on the fInaI
day of the confefence.
He thought Iong and hafd about that
speech and spent weeks pfepafIng fof
It. Aftef wafmIng up the cfowd wIth a
&*+"#$#
chafmIngIy seIf-depfecatIng stofyBuf-
fett used to dfead pubIIc speakIng untII
he took a DaIe CafnegIe coufsehe
toId the cfowd, In paInstakIng, bfII-
IIantIy anaIyzed detaII, why the tech-
fueIed buII mafket wouIdn't Iast. Buffett
had studIed the data, noted the dangef
sIgnaIs, and then paused and fefIected
on what they meant. It was the fIfst
pubIIc fofecast he had made In thIfty
yeafs.
The audIence wasn't thfIIIed, accofd-
Ing to Schfoedef. Buffett was faInIng on
theIf pafade. They gave hIm a standIng
ovatIon, but In pfIvate, many dIsmIssed
hIs Ideas. Good oId Waffen," they saId.
Smaft man, but thIs tIme he mIssed
the boat."
Iatef that evenIng, the confefence
wfapped up wIth a gIofIous dIspIay of
fIfewofks. As aIways, It had been a
bIazIng success. But the most Impoftant
&**"#$#
aspect of the gathefIngWaffen Buffett
aIeftIng the cfowd to the mafket's
wafnIng sIgnswouIdn't be feveaIed
untII the foIIowIng yeaf, when the dot-
com bubbIe bufst, just as he saId It
wouId.
Buffett takes pfIde not onIy In hIs
tfack fecofd, but aIso In foIIowIng hIs
own Innef scofecafd." He dIvIdes the
wofId Into peopIe who focus on theIf
own InstIncts and those who foIIow the
hefd. I feeI IIke I'm on my back," says
Buffett about hIs IIfe as an Investof,
and thefe's the SIstIne ChapeI, and I'm
paIntIng away. I IIke It when peopIe
say, 'Gee, that's a pfetty good-IookIng
paIntIng.' But It's my paIntIng, and
when somebody says, 'Why don't you
use mofe fed Instead of bIue?' Good-
bye. It's my paIntIng. And I don't cafe
what they seII It fof. The paIntIng ItseIf
&*$"#$#
wIII nevef be fInIshed. That's one of the
gfeat thIngs about It."
&*!"#$#
M)&%
D4&--
SG "TT JWTDWNO@ H"RO "K
OQDNGROND ISO"TZ
f
@GYD MGUON
"5$)#1"3-&$6)#5 )#* %4- O2%&,8-&% I*-).
I. 7 E).68) +7;N ;-% 17. &:7$) 6:)
+-#80.
MAHATMA GANDHI
It's a sunny spfIng day In 2006, and
MIke WeI, a seventeen-yeaf-oId
ChInese-bofn senIof at Iynbfook HIgh
SchooI neaf CupeftIno, CaIIfofnIa, Is
teIIIng me about hIs expefIences as an
AsIan-AmefIcan student. MIke Is
dfessed In spofty aII-AmefIcan attIfe of
khakIs, wIndbfeakef, and basebaII cap,
but hIs sweet, sefIous face and wIspy
mustache gIve hIm the aufa of a
buddIng phIIosophef, and he speaks so
softIy that I have to Iean fofwafd to
heaf hIm.
At schooI," says MIke, I'm a Iot
mofe Intefested In IIstenIng to what the
teachef says and beIng the good stu-
dent, fathef than the cIass cIown of In-
tefactIng wIth othef kIds In the cIass. If
beIng outgoIng, shoutIng, of actIng out
In cIass Is gonna affect the educatIon I
feceIve, It's bettef If I go fof educatIon."
MIke feIates thIs vIew mattef-of-
factIy, but he seems to know how un-
usuaI It Is by AmefIcan standafds. HIs
attItude comes ffom hIs pafents, he ex-
pIaIns. If I have a choIce between do-
Ing somethIng fof myseIf, IIke goIng out
wIth my ffIends, of stayIng home and
studyIng, I thInk of my pafents. That
gIves me the stfength to keep studyIng.
My fathef teIIs me that hIs job Is
&*'"#$#
computef pfogfammIng, and my job Is
to study."
MIke's mothef taught the same Iesson
by exampIe. A fofmef math teachef
who wofked as a maId when the famIIy
ImmIgfated to Nofth AmefIca, she
memofIzed EngIIsh vocabuIafy wofds
whIIe washIng dIshes. She Is vefy quIet,
says MIke, and vefy fesoIute. It's feaIIy
ChInese to pufsue youf own educatIon
IIke that. My mothef has the kInd of
stfength that not evefyone can see."
By aII IndIcatIons, MIke has made hIs
pafents pfoud. HIs e-maII usefname Is
A-student," and he's just won a
coveted spot In Stanfofd UnIvefsIty's
ffeshman cIass. He's the kInd of
thoughtfuI, dedIcated student that any
communIty wouId be pfoud to caII Its
own. And yet, accofdIng to an aftIcIe
caIIed The New WhIte FIIght" that fan
In the A788 26#))6 K-%#.78 just sIx
&*("#$#
months pfevIousIy, whIte famIIIes afe
IeavIng CupeftIno In dfoves, pfecIseIy
because of kIds IIke MIke. They afe
fIeeIng the sky-hIgh test scofes and
awe-InspIfIng study habIts of many
AsIan-AmefIcan students. The aftIcIe
saId that whIte pafents feafed that theIf
kIds couIdn't keep up academIcaIIy. It
quoted a student ffom a IocaI hIgh
schooI: If you wefe AsIan, you had to
confIfm you wefe smaft. If you wefe
whIte, you had to pfove It."
But the aftIcIe dIdn't expIofe what
Iay behInd thIs steIIaf academIc pef-
fofmance. I was cufIous whethef the
town's schoIafIy bent fefIected a cuItufe
InsuIated ffom the wofst excesses of the
Extfoveft IdeaIand If so, what that
wouId feeI IIke. I decIded to vIsIt and
fInd out.
At fIfst bIush, CupeftIno seems IIke
the embodIment of the AmefIcan
&*)"#$#
Dfeam. Many fIfst- and second-genefa-
tIon AsIan ImmIgfants IIve hefe and
wofk at the IocaI hIgh-tech offIce pafks.
AppIe Computef's headquaftefs at 1 In-
fInIte Ioop Is In town. GoogIe's Moun-
taIn VIew headquaftefs Is just down the
foad. MetIcuIousIy maIntaIned cafs
gIIde aIong the bouIevafds, the few
pedestfIans afe cfIspIy dfessed In bfIght
coIofs and cheeffuI whItes. Unpfepos-
sessIng fanch houses afe pfIcey, but
buyefs thInk the cost Is wofth It to get
theIf kIds Into the town's famed pubIIc
schooI system, wIth Its fanks of Ivy-
bound kIds. Of the 615 students In the
gfaduatIng cIass of 2010 at CupeftIno's
Monta VIsta HIgh SchooI (77 pefcent of
whom afe AsIan-AmefIcan, accofdIng
to the schooI's websIte, some of whIch
Is accessIbIe In ChInese), 53 wefe Na-
tIonaI MefIt SchoIafshIp semIfInaIIsts.
The avefage combIned scofe of Monta
&*#"#$#
VIsta students who took the SAT In
2009 was 1916 out of 2400, 27 pefcent
hIghef than the natIonwIde avefage.
Respected kIds at Monta VIsta HIgh
SchooI afe not necessafIIy athIetIc of
vIvacIous, accofdIng to the students I
meet hefe. Rathef, they'fe studIous and
sometImes quIet. BeIng smaft Is actu-
aIIy admIfed, even If you'fe weIfd," a
Kofean-AmefIcan hIgh schooI sopho-
mofe named ChfIs teIIs me. ChfIs de-
scfIbes the expefIence of hIs ffIend,
whose famIIy Ieft to spend two yeafs In
a Tennessee town whefe few AsIan-
AmefIcans IIved. The ffIend enjoyed It,
but suffefed cuItufe shock. In Tennessee
thefe wefe InsaneIy smaft peopIe, but
they wefe aIways by themseIves. Hefe,
the feaIIy smaft peopIe usuaIIy have a
Iot of ffIends, because they can heIp
peopIe out wIth theIf wofk."
&$+"#$#
The IIbfafy Is to CupeftIno what the
maII of soccef fIeId Is to othef towns:
an unoffIcIaI centef of vIIIage IIfe. HIgh
schooI kIds cheeffuIIy fefef to studyIng
as goIng nefdIng." FootbaII and cheef-
IeadIng afen't paftIcuIafIy fespected
actIvItIes. Ouf footbaII team sucks,"
ChfIs says good-natufedIy. Though the
team's fecent stats afe mofe ImpfessIve
than ChfIs suggests, havIng a Iousy
footbaII team seems to hoId symboIIc
sIgnIfIcance fof hIm. You couIdn't
feaIIy even teII they'fe footbaII pIay-
efs," he expIaIns. They don't weaf
theIf jackets and tfaveI In bIg gfoups.
When one of my ffIends gfaduated,
they pIayed a vIdeo and my ffIend was
IIke, 'I can't beIIeve they'fe showIng
footbaII pIayefs and cheefIeadefs In thIs
vIdeo.' That's not what dfIves thIs
town."
&$*"#$#
Ted ShInta, a teachef and advIsef to
the RobotIcs Team at Monta VIsta HIgh
SchooI, teIIs me somethIng sImIIaf.
When I was In hIgh schooI," he says,
you wefe dIscoufaged ffom votIng In
student eIectIons unIess you wefe weaf-
Ing a vafsIty jacket. At most hIgh
schooIs you have a popuIaf gfoup that
tyfannIzes the othefs. But hefe the kIds
In that gfoup don't hoId any powef
ovef the othef students. The student
body Is too academIcaIIy ofIented fof
that."
A IocaI coIIege counseIof named
PufvI ModI agfees. IntfovefsIon Is not
Iooked down upon," she teIIs me. It Is
accepted. In some cases It Is even
hIghIy fespected and admIfed. It Is cooI
to be a Mastef Chess ChampIon and
pIay In the band." Thefe's an Intfoveft-
extfoveft spectfum hefe, as evefy-
whefe, but It's as If the popuIatIon Is
&$$"#$#
dIstfIbuted a few extfa degfees towafd
the Intfovefted end of the scaIe. One
young woman, a ChInese-AmefIcan
about to begIn hef ffeshman yeaf at an
eIIte East Coast coIIege, notIced thIs
phenomenon aftef meetIng some of hef
futufe cIassmates onIIne, and woffIes
what the post-CupeftIno futufe mIght
hoId. I met a coupIe of peopIe on Face-
book," she says, and they'fe just so dIf-
fefent. I'm feaIIy quIet. I'm not that
much of a paftIef of socIaIIzef, but
evefyone thefe seems to be vefy socIaI
and stuff. It's just vefy dIffefent ffom
my ffIends. I'm not even sufe If I'm
gonna :7*) ffIends when I get thefe."
One of hef Facebook coffespondents
IIves In neafby PaIo AIto, and I ask how
she'II fespond If that pefson InvItes hef
to get togethef ovef the summef.
I pfobabIy wouIdn't do It," she says.
It wouId be IntefestIng to meet them
&$!"#$#
and stuff, but my mom doesn't want me
goIng out that much, because I have to
study."
I'm stfuck by the young woman's
sense of fIIIaI obIIgatIon, and Its con-
nectIon to pfIofItIzIng study ovef socIaI
IIfe. But thIs Is not unusuaI In Cupef-
tIno. Many AsIan-AmefIcan kIds hefe
teII me that they study aII summef at
theIf pafents' fequest, even decIInIng
InvItatIons to JuIy bIfthday paftIes so
they can get ahead on the foIIowIng
Octobef's caIcuIus cuffIcuIum.
I thInk It's ouf cuItufe," expIaIns
TIffany IIao, a poIsed Swafthmofe-
bound hIgh schooI senIof whose paf-
ents afe ffom TaIwan. Study, do weII,
don't cfeate waves. It's Inbfed In us to
be mofe quIet. When I was a kId and
wouId go to my pafents' ffIends' house
and dIdn't want to taIk, I wouId bfIng a
book. It was IIke thIs shIeId, and they
&$%"#$#
wouId be IIke, 'She's so studIous!' And
that was pfaIse."
It's hafd to ImagIne othef AmefIcan
moms and dads outsIde CupeftIno smII-
Ing on a chIId who feads In pubIIc
whIIe evefyone eIse Is gathefed afound
the bafbecue. But pafents schooIed a
genefatIon ago In AsIan countfIes wefe
IIkeIy taught thIs quIetef styIe as chII-
dfen. In many East AsIan cIassfooms,
the tfadItIonaI cuffIcuIum emphasIzes
IIstenIng, wfItIng, feadIng, and memof-
IzatIon. TaIkIng Is sImpIy not a focus,
and Is even dIscoufaged.
The teachIng back home Is vefy dIf-
fefent ffom hefe," says Hung WeI ChI-
en, a CupeftIno mom who came to the
UnIted States ffom TaIwan In 1979 to
attend gfaduate schooI at UCIA.
Thefe, you Ieafn the subject, and they
test you. At Ieast when I gfew up, they
don't go off subject a Iot, and they don't
&$&"#$#
aIIow the students to fambIe. If you
stand up and taIk nonsense, you'II be
fepfImanded."
Hung Is one of the most joIIy, extfo-
vefted peopIe I've evef met, gIven to
Iafge, expansIve gestufes and ffequent
beIIy Iaughs. Dfessed In funnIng shofts,
sneakefs, and ambef jeweIfy, she gfeets
me wIth a beaf hug and dfIves us to a
bakefy fof bfeakfast. We dIg Into ouf
pastfIes, chattIng companIonabIy.
So It's teIIIng that even Hung fecaIIs
hef cuItufe shock upon entefIng hef
fIfst AmefIcan-styIe cIassfoom. She con-
sIdefed It fude to paftIcIpate In cIass
because she dIdn't want to waste hef
cIassmates' tIme. And sufe enough, she
says, IaughIng, I was the quIet pefson
thefe. At UCIA, the pfofessof wouId
staft cIass, sayIng, 'Iet's dIscuss!' I
wouId Iook at my peefs whIIe they
wefe taIkIng nonsense, and the
&$'"#$#
pfofessofs wefe so patIent, just IIstenIng
to evefyone." She nods hef head comIc-
aIIy, mImIckIng the ovefIy fespectfuI
pfofessofs.
I femembef beIng amazed. It was a
IInguIstIcs cIass, and that's not even IIn-
guIstIcs the students afe taIkIng about! I
thought, 'Oh, In the U.S., as soon as you
staft taIkIng, you'fe fIne.' "
If Hung was bewIIdefed by the Amef-
Ican styIe of cIass paftIcIpatIon, It's
IIkeIy that hef teachefs wefe equaIIy
pefpIexed by hef unwIIIIngness to
speak. A fuII twenty yeafs aftef Hung
moved to the UnIted States, the 27.
K-&) Z)#1%#; ?)+& fan an aftIcIe caIIed
East, West TeachIng TfadItIons CoI-
IIde," expIofIng pfofessofs' dIsmay at
the feIuctance of AsIan-bofn students
IIke Hung to paftIcIpate In CaIIfofnIa
unIvefsIty cIassfooms. One pfofessof
noted a defefence baffIef" cfeated by
&$("#$#
AsIan students' fevefence fof theIf
teachefs. Anothef vowed to make cIass
paftIcIpatIon paft of the gfade In ofdef
to pfod AsIan students to speak In cIass.
You'fe supposed to downgfade youf-
seIf In ChInese IeafnIng because othef
thInkefs afe so much gfeatef than you,"
saId a thIfd. ThIs Is a pefennIaI pfob-
Iem In cIasses wIth pfedomInantIy
AsIan-AmefIcan students."
The aftIcIe genefated a passIonate fe-
actIon In the AsIan-AmefIcan com-
munIty. Some saId the unIvefsItIes wefe
fIght that AsIan students need to adapt
to Westefn educatIonaI nofms. AsIan-
AmefIcans have Iet peopIe waIk aII ovef
them because of theIf sIIence," posted a
feadef of the safdonIcaIIy tItIed websIte
ModeIMInofIty.com. Othefs feIt that
AsIan students shouIdn't be fofced to
speak up and confofm to the Westefn
mode. Pefhaps Instead of tfyIng to
&$)"#$#
change theIf ways, coIIeges can Ieafn to
IIsten to theIf sound of sIIence," wfote
Heejung KIm, a Stanfofd UnIvefsIty cuI-
tufaI psychoIogIst, In a papef afguIng
that taIkIng Is not aIways a posItIve act.
How Is It that AsIans and Westefnefs
can Iook at the exact same cIassfoom
IntefactIons, and one gfoup wIII IabeI It
cIass paftIcIpatIon" and the othef
taIkIng nonsense"? The K-%#.78 -/ ()<
&)7#1: ". H)#&-.78"6; has pubIIshed an
answef to thIs questIon In the fofm of a
map of the wofId dfawn by feseafch
psychoIogIst Robeft McCfae. McCfae's
map Iooks IIke somethIng you'd see In a
geogfaphy textbook, but It's based, he
says, not on faInfaII of popuIatIon
densIty, but on pefsonaIIty tfaIt IeveIs,"
&$#"#$#
and Its shadIngs of dafk and IIght
gfaysdafk fof extfovefsIon, IIght fof
IntfovefsIonfeveaI a pIctufe that Is
quIte cIeaf: AsIa . Is Intfovefted,
Eufope extfovefted." Had the map aIso
IncIuded the UnIted States, It wouId be
coIofed dafk gfay. AmefIcans afe some
of the most extfovefted peopIe on
eafth.
McCfae's map mIght seem IIke a
gfand exefcIse In cuItufaI stefeotypIng.
To gfoup entIfe contInents by pefsonaI-
Ity type Is an act of gfoss genefaIIza-
tIon: you can fInd Ioud peopIe In maIn-
Iand ChIna just as easIIy as In AtIanta,
GeofgIa. Nof does the map account fof
subtIetIes of cuItufaI dIffefence wIthIn a
countfy of fegIon. PeopIe In BeIjIng
have dIffefent styIes ffom those In
ShanghaI, and both afe dIffefent stIII
ffom the cItIzens of SeouI of Tokyo.
SImIIafIy, descfIbIng AsIans as a modeI
&!+"#$#
mInofIty"even when meant as a com-
pIImentIs just as confInIng and con-
descendIng as any descfIptIon that fe-
duces IndIvIduaIs to a set of pefceIved
gfoup chafactefIstIcs. Pefhaps It Is aIso
pfobIematIc to chafactefIze CupeftIno
as an Incubatof fof schoIafIy stand-outs,
no mattef how fIattefIng thIs mIght
sound to some.
But aIthough I don't want to encouf-
age fIgId natIonaI of ethnIc typecastIng,
to avoId entIfeIy the topIc of cuItufaI
dIffefence and IntfovefsIon wouId be a
shame: thefe afe too many aspects of
AsIan cuItufaI and pefsonaIIty styIes
that the fest of the wofId couId and
shouId Ieafn ffom. SchoIafs have fof
decades studIed cuItufaI dIffefences In
pefsonaIIty type, especIaIIy between
East and West, and especIaIIy the dI-
mensIon of IntfovefsIon-extfovefsIon,
the one paIf of tfaIts that psychoIogIsts,
&!*"#$#
who agfee on pfactIcaIIy nothIng when
It comes to cataIogIng human pefsonaI-
Ity, beIIeve Is saIIent and measufabIe aII
ovef the wofId.
Much of thIs feseafch yIeIds the same
fesuIts as McCfae's map. One study
compafIng eIght- to ten-yeaf-oId chII-
dfen In ShanghaI and southefn OntafIo,
Canada, fof exampIe, found that shy
and sensItIve chIIdfen afe shunned by
theIf peefs In Canada but make sought-
aftef pIaymates In ChIna, whefe they
afe aIso mofe IIkeIy than othef chIIdfen
to be consIdefed fof IeadefshIp foIes.
ChInese chIIdfen who afe sensItIve and
fetIcent afe saId to be 0-.E&:" (undef-
standIng), a common tefm of pfaIse.
SImIIafIy, ChInese hIgh schooI stu-
dents teII feseafchefs that they pfefef
ffIends who afe humbIe" and aItfuIst-
Ic," honest" and hafdwofkIng," whIIe
AmefIcan hIgh schooI students seek out
&!$"#$#
the cheeffuI," enthusIastIc," and so-
cIabIe." The contfast Is stfIkIng,"
wfItes MIchaeI HaffIs Bond, a cfoss-cuI-
tufaI psychoIogIst who focuses on Ch-
Ina. The AmefIcans emphasIze socIab-
IIIty and pfIze those attfIbutes that
make fof easy, cheeffuI assocIatIon. The
ChInese emphasIze deepef attfIbutes,
focusIng on mofaI vIftues and
achIevement."
Anothef study asked AsIan-AmefIcans
and Eufopean-AmefIcans to thInk out
Ioud whIIe soIvIng feasonIng pfobIems,
and found that the AsIans dId much
bettef when they wefe aIIowed to be
quIet, compafed to the CaucasIans, who
peffofmed weII when vocaIIzIng theIf
pfobIem-soIvIng.
These fesuIts wouId not sufpfIse any-
one famIIIaf wIth tfadItIonaI AsIan attI-
tudes to the spoken wofd: taIk Is fof
communIcatIng need-to-know
&!!"#$#
InfofmatIon, quIet and IntfospectIon
afe sIgns of deep thought and hIghef
tfuth. Wofds afe potentIaIIy dangefous
weapons that feveaI thIngs bettef Ieft
unsaId. They huft othef peopIe, they
can get theIf speakef Into tfoubIe. Con-
sIdef, fof exampIe, these pfovefbs ffom
the East:
D:) +".0 :-+8&N G%6 6:) 5-%.67". #)<
57".& &6"88.
JAPANESE PROVERB
D:-&) +:- $.-+ 0- .-6 &3)7$.
D:-&) +:- &3)7$ 0- .-6 $.-+.
IAO ZI, D:) A7; -/ J7- c"
4*). 6:-%E: I 57$) .- &3)1"78 766)536
6- -G&)#*) 6:) 0"&1"38".) -/ &"8).1)N 8"*<
".E 78-.) 7%6-576"1788; 57$)& 5) #)<
/#7". /#-5 6:) &".& -/ &3))1:.
&!%"#$#
KAMO NO CHOMEI, dV6: ,).6%#; K737.)&)
#)18%&)
And compafe them to pfovefbs ffom
the West:
@) 7 1#7/6&57. ". &3))1: 6:76 6:-%
57;)&6 G) &6#-.EN /-# 6:) &6#).E6: -/
-.) "& 6:) 6-.E%)N 7.0 &3))1: "& 5"E:6"<
)# 6:7. 788 /"E:6".E.
MAXIMS OF PTAHHOTEP, Veff @P,P4.
23))1: "& 1"*"8"]76"-. "6&)8/P D:) +-#0N
)*). 6:) 5-&6 1-.6#70"16-#; +-#0N 3#)<
&)#*)& 1-.6716X"6 "& &"8).1) +:"1:
"&-876)&.
THOMAS MANN, D:) Z7E"1 Z-%.67".
D:) &W%)7$; +:))8 E)6& 6:) E#)7&).
What IIes behInd these stafkIy dIffef-
ent attItudes? One answef Is the
&!&"#$#
wIdespfead fevefence fof educatIon
among AsIans, paftIcuIafIy those ffom
ConfucIan beIt" countfIes IIke ChIna,
Japan, Kofea, and VIetnam. To thIs
day, some ChInese vIIIages dIspIay
statues of students who passed the
gfueIIng MIng dynastyefa b".&:" exam
hundfeds of yeafs ago. It's a Iot easIef
to achIeve that kInd of dIstInctIon
IfIIke some of the kIds ffom Cupef-
tInoyou spend youf summefs
studyIng.
Anothef expIanatIon Is gfoup Iden-
tIty. Many AsIan cuItufes afe team-ofI-
ented, but not In the way that Westefn-
efs thInk of teams. IndIvIduaIs In AsIa
see themseIves as paft of a gfeatef
whoIewhethef famIIy, cofpofatIon, of
communItyand pIace tfemendous
vaIue on hafmony wIthIn theIf gfoup.
They often subofdInate theIf own
&!'"#$#
desIfes to the gfoup's Intefests, accept-
Ing theIf pIace In Its hIefafchy.
Westefn cuItufe, by contfast, Is of-
ganIzed afound the IndIvIduaI. We see
oufseIves as seIf-contaIned unIts, ouf
destIny Is to expfess oufseIves, to foI-
Iow ouf bIIss, to be ffee of undue fe-
stfaInt, to achIeve the one thIng that
we, and we aIone, wefe bfought Into
thIs wofId to do. We may be gfegafI-
ous, but we don't submIt to gfoup wIII,
of at Ieast we don't IIke to thInk we do.
We Iove and fespect ouf pafents, but
bfIdIe at notIons IIke fIIIaI pIety, wIth
theIf ImpIIcatIons of subofdInatIon and
festfaInt. When we get togethef wIth
othefs, we do so as seIf-contaIned unIts
havIng fun wIth, competIng wIth,
standIng out ffom, jockeyIng fof posI-
tIon wIth, and, yes, IovIng, othef seIf-
contaIned unIts. Even the Westefn God
Is asseftIve, vocaI, and domInant, hIs
&!("#$#
son Jesus Is kInd and tendef, but aIso a
chafIsmatIc, cfowd-pIeasIng man of In-
fIuence (K)&%& ,:#"&6 2%3)#&67#).
It makes sense, then, that Westefnefs
vaIue boIdness and vefbaI skIII, tfaIts
that pfomote IndIvIduaIIty, whIIe AsI-
ans pfIze quIet, humIIIty, and sensItIv-
Ity, whIch fostef gfoup cohesIon. If you
IIve In a coIIectIve, then thIngs wIII go a
Iot mofe smoothIy If you behave wIth
festfaInt, even submIssIon.
ThIs pfefefence was vIvIdIy demon-
stfated In a fecent fMRI study In whIch
feseafchefs showed seventeen AmefIc-
ans and seventeen Japanese pIctufes of
men In domInance poses (afms cfossed,
muscIes buIgIng, Iegs pIanted squafeIy
on the gfound) and subofdInate posI-
tIons (shouIdefs bent, hands IntefIocked
pfotectIveIy ovef gfoIn, Iegs squeezed
togethef tIght). They found that the
domInant pIctufes actIvated pIeasufe
&!)"#$#
centefs In the AmefIcan bfaIns, whIIe
the submIssIve pIctufes dId the same
fof the Japanese.
Ffom a Westefn pefspectIve, It can be
hafd to see what's so attfactIve about
submIttIng to the wIII of othefs. But
what Iooks to a Westefnef IIke subof-
dInatIon can seem IIke basIc poIIteness
to many AsIans. Don Chen, the ChInese-
AmefIcan Hafvafd BusIness SchooI stu-
dent you met In chaptef 2, toId me
about the tIme he shafed an apaftment
wIth a gfoup of AsIan ffIends pIus hIs
cIose CaucasIan ffIend, a gentIe, easy-
goIng guy Don feIt wouId fIt fIght In.
ConfIIcts afose when the CaucasIan
ffIend notIced dIshes pIIIng up In the
sInk and asked hIs AsIan foommates to
do theIf faIf shafe of the washIng up. It
wasn't an unfeasonabIe compIaInt, says
Don, and hIs ffIend thought he phfased
hIs fequest poIIteIy and fespectfuIIy.
&!#"#$#
But hIs AsIan foommates saw It dIffef-
entIy. To them, he came acfoss as hafsh
and angfy. An AsIan In that sItuatIon,
saId Don, wouId be mofe cafefuI wIth
hIs tone of voIce. He wouId phfase hIs
dIspIeasufe In the fofm of a questIon,
not a fequest of command. Of he mIght
not bfIng It up at aII. It wouIdn't be
wofth upsettIng the gfoup ovef a few
dIfty dIshes.
What Iooks to Westefnefs IIke AsIan
defefence, In othef wofds, Is actuaIIy a
deepIy feIt concefn fof the sensIbIIItIes
of othefs. As the psychoIogIst HaffIs
Bond obsefves, It Is onIy those ffom an
expIIcIt tfadItIon who wouId IabeI ]the
AsIan| mode of dIscoufse 'seIf-efface-
ment.' WIthIn thIs IndIfect tfadItIon It
mIght be IabeIed 'feIatIonshIp honouf-
Ing.' " And feIatIonshIp honofIng Ieads
to socIaI dynamIcs that can seem fe-
mafkabIe ffom a Westefn pefspectIve.
&%+"#$#
It's because of feIatIonshIp honofIng,
fof exampIe, that socIaI anxIety dIs-
ofdef In Japan, known as 67"b". $;-<
/%&:-, takes the fofm not of excessIve
woffy about embaffassIng oneseIf, as It
does In the UnIted States, but of embaf-
fassIng -6:)#&. It's because of
feIatIonshIp-honofIng that TIbetan
BuddhIst monks fInd Innef peace (and
off-the-chaft happIness IeveIs, as meas-
ufed In bfaIn scans) by medItatIng
quIetIy on compassIon. And It's because
of feIatIonshIp-honofIng that HIfoshIma
vIctIms apoIogIzed to each othef fof
sufvIvIng. TheIf cIvIIIty has been weII
documented but stIII stays the heaft,"
wfItes the essayIst IydIa MIIIet. 'I am
soffy,' saId one of them, bowIng, wIth
the skIn of hIs afms peeIIng off In
stfIps. 'I fegfet I am stIII aIIve whIIe
youf baby Is not.' 'I am soffy,' anothef
saId eafnestIy, wIth IIps swoIIen to the
&%*"#$#
sIze of ofanges, as he spoke to a chIId
weepIng besIde hef dead mothef. 'I am
so soffy that I was not taken Instead.' "
Though Eastefn feIatIonshIp-honof-
Ing Is admIfabIe and beautIfuI, so Is
Westefn fespect fof IndIvIduaI ffeedom,
seIf-expfessIon, and pefsonaI destIny.
The poInt Is not that one Is supefIof to
the othef, but that a pfofound dIffef-
ence In cuItufaI vaIues has a poweffuI
Impact on the pefsonaIIty styIes favofed
by each cuItufe. In the West, we sub-
scfIbe to the Extfoveft IdeaI, whIIe In
much of AsIa (at Ieast befofe the
WestefnIzatIon of the past sevefaI dec-
ades), sIIence Is goIden. These contfast-
Ing outIooks affect the thIngs we say
when ouf foommates' dIshes pIIe up In
the sInkand the thIngs we don't say
In a unIvefsIty cIassfoom.
Mofeovef, they teII us that the Extfo-
veft IdeaI Is not as sacfosanct as we
&%$"#$#
may have thought. So If, deep down,
you've been thInkIng that It's onIy nat-
ufaI fof the boId and socIabIe to domIn-
ate the fesefved and sensItIve, and that
the Extfoveft IdeaI Is Innate to human-
Ity, Robeft McCfae's pefsonaIIty map
suggests a dIffefent tfuth: that each
way of beIngquIet and taIkatIve,
cafefuI and audacIous, InhIbIted and
unfestfaInedIs chafactefIstIc of Its
own mIghty cIvIIIzatIon.
IfonIcaIIy, some of the peopIe who have
the most tfoubIe hoIdIng on to thIs
tfuth afe AsIan-AmefIcan kIds ffom Cu-
peftIno. Once they emefge ffom adoIes-
cence and Ieave the confInes of theIf
hometown, they fInd a wofId In whIch
Ioudness and speakIng out afe the
&%!"#$#
tIckets to popuIafIty and fInancIaI suc-
cess. They come to IIve wIth a doubIe-
conscIousnesspaft AsIan and paft
AmefIcanwIth each sIde caIIIng the
othef Into questIon. MIke WeI, the hIgh
schooI senIof who toId me he'd fathef
study than socIaIIze, Is a peffect ex-
ampIe of thIs ambIvaIence. When we
fIfst met, he was a hIgh schooI senIof,
stIII nestIed In the CupeftIno cocoon.
Because we put so much emphasIs on
educatIon," MIke toId me then, fefef-
fIng to AsIans In genefaI, socIaIIzIng Is
not a bIg paft of ouf seIves."
When I caught up wIth MIke the foI-
IowIng autumn, In hIs ffeshman yeaf at
Stanfofd, onIy a twenty-mInute dfIve
ffom CupeftIno but a wofId away
demogfaphIcaIIy, he seemed unsettIed.
We met at an outdoof cafe, whefe we
sat next to a coed gfoup of athIetes
efuptIng feguIafIy In Iaughtef. MIke
&%%"#$#
nodded at the athIetes, aII of whom
wefe whIte. CaucasIans, he saId, seem
to be Iess affaId of othef peopIe thInk-
Ing that what they saId was too Ioud of
too stupId." MIke was ffustfated by the
supeffIcIaIIty of dInIng-haII convefsa-
tIon, and by the buIIshIttIng" that of-
ten substItuted fof cIass paftIcIpatIon In
ffeshman semInafs. He was spendIng
hIs ffee tIme mostIy wIth othef AsIans,
paftIy because they had the same IeveI
of outgoIngness" he dId. The non-AsI-
ans tended to make hIm feeI as If he
had to be feaIIy hyped up of excIted,
even though that mIght not be tfue to
who I am."
My dofm has fouf AsIans In It, out
of fIfty kIds," he toId me. So I feeI
mofe comfoftabIe afound them. Thefe's
thIs one guy caIIed BfIan, and he's
pfetty quIet. I can teII he has that AsIan
quaIIty whefe you'fe kInd of shy, and I
&%&"#$#
feeI comfoftabIe afound hIm fof that
feason. I feeI IIke I can be myseIf
afound hIm. I don't have to do
somethIng just to Iook cooI, whefeas
afound a bIg gfoup of peopIe that
afen't AsIan of afe just feaIIy Ioud, I
feeI IIke I have to pIay a foIe."
MIke sounded dIsmIssIve of Westefn
communIcatIon styIes, but he admItted
that he sometImes wIshed he couId be
noIsy and unInhIbIted hImseIf. They'fe
mofe comfoftabIe wIth theIf own chaf-
actef," he saId of hIs CaucasIan cIass-
mates. AsIans afe not uncomfoftabIe
wIth who they afe, but afe uncomfoft-
abIe wIth )Q3#)&&".E who they afe. In a
gfoup, thefe's aIways that pfessufe to
be outgoIng. When they don't IIve up to
It, you can see It In theIf faces."
MIke toId me about a ffeshman
IcebfeakIng event he'd paftIcIpated In,
a scavengef hunt In San FfancIsco that
&%'"#$#
was supposed to encoufage students to
step out of theIf comfoft zones. MIke
was the onIy AsIan assIgned to a fowdy
gfoup, some of whom stfeaked naked
down a San FfancIsco stfeet and cfoss-
dfessed In a IocaI depaftment stofe duf-
Ing the hunt. One gIfI went to a VIctof-
Ia's Secfet dIspIay and stfIpped down to
hef undefweaf. As MIke fecounted
these detaIIs, I thought he was goIng to
teII me that hIs gfoup had been ovef
the top, InappfopfIate. But he wasn't
cfItIcaI of the othef students. He was
cfItIcaI of hImseIf.
When peopIe do thIngs IIke that,
thefe's a moment whefe I feeI uncom-
foftabIe wIth It. It shows my own IIm-
Its. SometImes I feeI IIke they'fe bettef
than I am."
MIke was gettIng sImIIaf messages
ffom hIs pfofessofs. A few weeks aftef
the ofIentatIon event, hIs ffeshman
&%("#$#
advIsefa pfofessof at Stanfofd's med-
IcaI schooIInvIted a gfoup of students
to hef house. MIke hoped to make a
good ImpfessIon, but he couIdn't thInk
of anythIng to say. The othef students
seemed to have no pfobIem jokIng
afound and askIng InteIIIgent questIons.
MIke, you wefe so Ioud today," the
pfofessof teased hIm when fInaIIy he
saId good-bye. You just bIew me
away." He Ieft hef house feeIIng bad
about hImseIf. PeopIe who don't taIk
afe seen as weak of IackIng," he con-
cIuded fuefuIIy.
To be sufe, these feeIIngs wefe not
totaIIy new to MIke. He'd expefIenced
gIImmefs of them back In hIgh schooI.
CupeftIno may have an aImost Con-
fucIan ethIc of quIet, study, and
feIatIonshIp-honofIng, but It's subject
to the mofes of the Extfoveft IdeaI aII
the same. At the IocaI shoppIng centef
&%)"#$#
on a weekday aftefnoon, cocky AsIan-
AmefIcan teenage guys wIth spIky haIf-
cuts caII out to eye-foIIIng, wIse-cfack-
Ing gIfIs In spaghettI-stfap tank tops.
On a Satufday mofnIng at the IIbfafy,
some teens study IntentIy In cofnefs,
but othefs congfegate at boIstefous
tabIes. Few of the AsIan-AmefIcan kIds
I spoke to In CupeftIno wanted to
IdentIfy themseIves wIth the wofd ".6#-<
*)#6, even If they effectIveIy descfIbed
themseIves that way. WhIIe deepIy
commItted to theIf pafents' vaIues, they
seemed to dIvIde the wofId Into tfadI-
tIonaI" AsIans vefsus AsIan supef-
stafs." The tfadItIonaIs keep theIf heads
down and get theIf homewofk done.
The supefstafs do weII academIcaIIy
but aIso joke afound In cIass, chaIIenge
theIf teachefs, and get themseIves
notIced.
&%#"#$#
Many students deIIbefateIy tfy to be
mofe outgoIng than theIf pafents, MIke
toId me. They thInk theIf pafents afe
too quIet and they tfy to ovefcom-
pensate by beIng fIauntIngIy outgoIng."
Some of the pafents have stafted to
shIft theIf vaIues too. AsIan pafents
afe staftIng to see that It doesn't pay to
be quIet, so they encoufage theIf kIds
to take speech and debate," MIke saId.
Ouf speech and debate pfogfam was
the second Iafgest In CaIIfofnIa, to gIve
kIds exposufe to speakIng IoudIy and
convIncIngIy."
StIII, when I fIfst met MIke In Cupef-
tIno, hIs sense of hImseIf and hIs vaIues
was pfetty much Intact. He knew that
he wasn't one of the AsIan supef-
stafshe fated hImseIf a 4 on a pop-
uIafIty scaIe of 1 to 10but seemed
comfoftabIe In hIs own skIn. I'd fathef
hang out wIth peopIe whose
&&+"#$#
pefsonaIItIes afe mofe genuIne," he toId
me then, and that tends to Iead me to-
wafd mofe quIet peopIe. It's hafd to be
gIeefuI when at the same tIme I'm tfy-
Ing to be wIse."
Indeed, MIke was pfobabIy Iucky to
enjoy the CupeftIno cocoon fof as Iong
as he dId. AsIan-AmefIcan kIds who
gfow up In mofe typIcaI AmefIcan com-
munItIes often face the Issues that MIke
conffonted as a Stanfofd ffeshman
much eafIIef In theIf IIves. One study
compafIng Eufopean-AmefIcan and
second-genefatIon ChInese-AmefIcan
teens ovef a fIve-yeaf pefIod found that
the ChInese-AmefIcans wefe sIgnIfIc-
antIy mofe Intfovefted than theIf Amef-
Ican peefs thfoughout adoIes-
cenceand paId the pfIce wIth theIf
seIf-esteem. WhIIe Intfovefted ChInese-
AmefIcan tweIve-yeaf-oIds feIt peffectIy
fIne about themseIvespfesumabIy
&&*"#$#
because they stIII measufed themseIves
accofdIng to theIf pafents' tfadItIonaI
vaIue systemsby the tIme they got to
be seventeen and had been mofe ex-
posed to AmefIca's Extfoveft IdeaI,
theIf seIf-fegafd had taken a nosedIve.
Fof AsIan-AmefIcan kIds, the cost of
faIIIng to fIt In Is socIaI unease. But as
they gfow up, they may pay the pfIce
wIth theIf paychecks. The joufnaIIst
NIchoIas Iemann once IntefvIewed a
gfoup of AsIan-AmefIcans on the sub-
ject of mefItocfacy fof hIs book D:) @"E
D)&6. A sentIment that emefges consIst-
entIy," he wfote, Is that mefItocfacy
ends on gfaduatIon day, and that aftef-
wafd, AsIans staft to faII behInd be-
cause they don't have quIte the fIght
&&$"#$#
cuItufaI styIe fof gettIng ahead: too
passIve, not haII-feIIow-weII-met
enough."
I met many pfofessIonaIs In Cupef-
tIno who wefe stfuggIIng wIth thIs Is-
sue. A weII-heeIed housewIfe confIded
that aII the husbands In hef socIaI cIfcIe
had fecentIy accepted jobs In ChIna,
and wefe now commutIng between Cu-
peftIno and ShanghaI, paftIy because
theIf quIet styIes pfevented them ffom
advancIng IocaIIy. The AmefIcan com-
panIes thInk they can't handIe busI-
ness," she saId, because of pfesenta-
tIon. In busIness, you have to put a Iot
of nonsense togethef and pfesent It. My
husband aIways just makes hIs poInt
and that's the end of It. When you Iook
at bIg companIes, aImost none of the
top executIves afe AsIans. They hIfe
someone who doesn't know anythIng
&&!"#$#
about the busIness, but maybe he can
make a good pfesentatIon."
A softwafe engIneef toId me how
ovefIooked he feIt at wofk In compafIs-
on to othef peopIe, especIaIIy peopIe
ffom Eufopean ofIgIn, who speak
wIthout thInkIng." In ChIna, he saId, If
you'fe quIet, you'fe seen as beIng wIse.
It's compIeteIy dIffefent hefe. Hefe
peopIe IIke to speak out. Even If they
have an Idea, not compIeteIy matufe
yet, peopIe stIII speak out. If I couId be
bettef In communIcatIon, my wofk
wouId be much mofe fecognIzed. Even
though my managef appfecIates me, he
stIII doesn't know I have done wofk so
wondeffuI."
The engIneef then confIded that he
had sought tfaInIng In AmefIcan-styIe
extfovefsIon ffom a TaIwanese-bofn
communIcatIons pfofessof named Pfe-
ston NI. At FoothIII CoIIege, just outsIde
&&%"#$#
CupeftIno, NI conducts dayIong sem-
Inafs caIIed CommunIcatIon Success
fof FofeIgn-Bofn PfofessIonaIs." The
cIass Is adveftIsed onIIne thfough a Ioc-
aI gfoup caIIed the SIIIcon VaIIey
SpeakUp AssocIatIon, whose mIssIon Is
to heIp fofeIgn-bofn pfofessIonaIs to
succeed In IIfe thfough enhancement In
soft skIIIs." (Speak you ]sIc| mInd!"
feads the ofganIzatIon's home page.
Togethef evefyone achIeve ]sIc| mofe
at SVSpeakup.")
CufIous about what speakIng one's
mInd Iooks IIke ffom an AsIan pefspect-
Ive, I sIgned up fof the cIass and, a few
Satufday mofnIngs Iatef, found myseIf
sIttIng at a desk In a stafkIy modefn
cIassfoom, the Nofthefn CaIIfofnIa
mountaIn sun stfeamIng thfough Its
pIate-gIass wIndows. Thefe wefe about
fIfteen students In aII, many ffom AsIan
&&&"#$#
countfIes but some ffom Eastefn
Eufope and South AmefIca, too.
Pfofessof NI, a ffIendIy-IookIng man
weafIng a Westefn-styIe suIt, a goId-
coIofed tIe wIth a ChInese dfawIng of a
wateffaII, and a shy smIIe, began the
cIass wIth an ovefvIew of AmefIcan
busIness cuItufe. In the UnIted States,
he wafned, you need styIe as weII as
substance If you want to get ahead. It
may not be faIf, and It mIght not be the
best way of judgIng a pefson's contfIbu-
tIon to the bottom IIne, but If you
don't have chafIsma you can be the
most bfIIIIant pefson In the wofId and
you'II stIII be dIsfespected."
ThIs Is dIffefent ffom many othef cuI-
tufes, saId NI. When a ChInese Com-
munIst Ieadef makes a speech, he feads
It, not even ffom a teIepfomptef but
ffom a papef. If he's the Ieadef, evefy-
one has to IIsten."
&&'"#$#
NI asked fof voIunteefs and bfought
Raj, a twentysomethIng IndIan softwafe
engIneef at a Foftune 500 company, to
the ffont of the foom. Raj was dfessed
In the SIIIcon VaIIey unIfofm of casuaI
button-down shIft and chInos, but hIs
body Ianguage was defensIve. He stood
wIth hIs afms cfossed pfotectIveIy ovef
hIs chest, scuffIng at the gfound wIth
hIs hIkIng boots. EafIIef that mofnIng,
when we'd gone afound the foom Intfo-
ducIng oufseIves, he'd toId us, In a
tfemuIous voIce ffom hIs seat In the
back fow, that he wanted to Ieafn how
to make mofe convefsatIon" and to be
mofe open."
Pfofessof NI asked Raj to teII the
cIass about hIs pIans fof the fest of the
weekend.
I'm goIng to dInnef wIth a ffIend,"
fepIIed Raj, IookIng fIxedIy at NI, hIs
&&("#$#
voIce bafeIy audIbIe, and then pefhaps
tomoffow I'II go hIkIng."
Pfofessof NI asked hIm to tfy It
agaIn.
I'm goIng to dInnef wIth a ffIend,"
saId Raj, and then, 5%5G8)N 5%5G8)N
5%5G8), I'II go hIkIng."
My ImpfessIon of you," Pfofessof NI
toId Raj gentIy, Is that I can gIve you a
Iot of wofk to do, but I don't have to
pay much attentIon to you. Remembef,
In SIIIcon VaIIey, you can be the
smaftest, most capabIe pefson, but If
you can't expfess youfseIf asIde ffom
showIng youf wofk, you'II be undefap-
pfecIated. Many fofeIgn-bofn pfofes-
sIonaIs expefIence thIs, you'fe a gIofI-
fIed Iabofef Instead of a Ieadef."
The cIass nodded sympathetIcaIIy.
But thefe's a way to be youfseIf,"
contInued NI, and to Iet mofe of you
come out thfough youf voIce. Many
&&)"#$#
AsIans use onIy a naffow set of muscIes
when they speak. So we'II staft wIth
bfeathIng."
WIth that, he dIfected Raj to IIe on
hIs back and vocaIIze the fIve AmefIcan
EngIIsh voweIs. A . E . U . O .
I ." Intoned Raj, hIs voIce fIoatIng up
ffom the cIassfoom fIoof. A . E .
U . O . I . A . E . U . O . I ."
FInaIIy Pfofessof NI deemed Raj
feady to stand up agaIn.
Now, what IntefestIng thIngs do you
have pIanned fof aftef cIass?" he asked,
cIappIng hIs hands encoufagIngIy.
TonIght I'm goIng to a ffIend's pIace
fof dInnef, and tomoffow I'm goIng
hIkIng wIth anothef ffIend." Raj's voIce
was Ioudef than befofe, and the cIass
appIauded wIth gusto.
The pfofessof hImseIf Is a foIe modeI
fof what can happen when you wofk at
It. Aftef cIass, I vIsIted hIm In hIs offIce,
&&#"#$#
and he toId me how shy he'd been
when he fIfst came to the UnIted
Stateshow he put hImseIf In sItu-
atIons, IIke summef camp and busIness
schooI, whefe he couId pfactIce actIng
extfovefted untII It came mofe natuf-
aIIy. These days he has a successfuI
consuItIng pfactIce, wIth cIIents that In-
cIude Yahoo!, VIsa, and MIcfosoft,
teachIng some of the same skIIIs he
Iabofed to acquIfe hImseIf.
But when we began taIkIng about
AsIan concepts of soft powef"what
NI caIIs IeadefshIp by watef fathef
than by fIfe"I stafted to see a sIde of
hIm that was Iess Impfessed by Westefn
styIes of communIcatIon. In AsIan cuI-
tufes," NI saId, thefe's often a subtIe
way to get what you want. It's not aI-
ways aggfessIve, but It can be vefy de-
tefmIned and vefy skIIIfuI. In the end,
much Is achIeved because of It.
&'+"#$#
AggfessIve powef beats you up, soft
powef wIns you ovef."
I asked the pfofessof fof feaI-IIfe ex-
ampIes of soft powef, and hIs eyes
shone as he toId me of cIIents whose
stfength Iay In theIf Ideas and heaft.
Many of these peopIe wefe ofganIzefs
of empIoyee gfoupswomen's gfoups,
dIvefsIty gfoupswho had managed to
faIIy peopIe to theIf cause thfough con-
vIctIon fathef than dynamIsm. He aIso
taIked about gfoups IIke Mothefs
AgaInst Dfunk DfIvIngcIustefs of
peopIe who change IIves thfough the
powef not of theIf chafIsma but of theIf
cafIng. TheIf communIcatIon skIIIs afe
suffIcIent to convey theIf message, but
theIf feaI stfength comes ffom
substance.
In the Iong fun," saId NI, If the Idea
Is good, peopIe shIft. If the cause Is just
and you put heaft Into It, It's aImost a
&'*"#$#
unIvefsaI Iaw: you wIII attfact peopIe
who want to shafe youf cause. Soft
powef Is quIet pefsIstence. The peopIe
I'm thInkIng of afe vefy pefsIstent In
theIf day-to-day, pefson-to-pefson In-
tefactIons. EventuaIIy they buIId up a
team." Soft powef, saId NI, was wIeIded
by peopIe we've admIfed thfoughout
hIstofy: Mothef Tefesa, the Buddha,
GandhI.
I was stfuck when NI mentIoned
GandhI. I had asked aImost aII the Cu-
peftIno hIgh schooI students I met to
name a Ieadef they admIfed, and many
had named GandhI. What was It about
hIm that InspIfed them so?
GandhI was, accofdIng to hIs autobIo-
gfaphy, a constItutIonaIIy shy and quIet
&'$"#$#
man. As a chIId, he was affaId of
evefythIng: thIeves, ghosts, snakes, the
dafk, and especIaIIy othef peopIe. He
bufIed hImseIf In books and fan home
ffom schooI as soon as It was ovef, fof
feaf of havIng to taIk to anybody. Even
as a young man, when he was eIected
to hIs fIfst IeadefshIp posItIon as a
membef of the ExecutIve CommIttee of
the VegetafIan SocIety, he attended
evefy meetIng, but was too shy to
speak.
You taIk to me quIte aII fIght," one
of the membefs asked hIm, confused,
but why Is It that you nevef open youf
IIps at a commIttee meetIng? You afe a
dfone." When a poIItIcaI stfuggIe oc-
cuffed on the commIttee, GandhI had
fIfm opInIons, but was too scafed to
voIce them. He wfote hIs thoughts
down, IntendIng to fead them aIoud at
&'!"#$#
a meetIng. But In the end he was too
cowed even to do that.
GandhI Ieafned ovef tIme to manage
hIs shyness, but he nevef feaIIy ovef-
came It. He couIdn't speak extempofan-
eousIy, he avoIded makIng speeches
whenevef possIbIe. Even In hIs Iatef
yeafs, he wfote, I do not thInk I couId
of wouId even be IncIIned to keep a
meetIng of ffIends engaged In taIk."
But wIth hIs shyness came hIs unIque
bfand of stfengtha fofm of festfaInt
best undefstood by examInIng IIttIe
known cofnefs of GandhI's IIfe stofy. As
a young man he decIded to tfaveI to
EngIand to study Iaw, agaInst the
wIshes of the Ieadefs of hIs ModhI
BanIa subcaste. Caste membefs wefe
fofbIdden to eat meat, and the Ieadefs
beIIeved that vegetafIanIsm was Im-
possIbIe In EngIand. But GandhI had
aIfeady vowed to hIs beIoved mothef to
&'%"#$#
abstaIn ffom meat, so he saw no dangef
In the tfIp. He saId as much to the
Sheth, the headman of the communIty.
WIII you dIsfegafd the ofdefs of the
caste?" demanded the Sheth.
I am feaIIy heIpIess," fepIIed
GandhI. I thInk the caste shouId not
Inteffefe In the mattef."
Boom! He was excommunIcateda
judgment that femaIned In fofce even
when he fetufned ffom EngIand sevefaI
yeafs Iatef wIth the pfomIse of success
that attended a young, EngIIsh-speakIng
Iawyef. The communIty was dIvIded
ovef how to handIe hIm. One camp em-
bfaced hIm, the othef cast hIm out.
ThIs meant that GandhI was not aI-
Iowed even to eat of dfInk at the homes
of feIIow subcaste membefs, IncIudIng
hIs own sIstef and hIs mothef- and
fathef-In-Iaw.
&'&"#$#
Anothef man, GandhI knew, wouId
pfotest fof feadmIssIon. But he couIdn't
see the poInt. He knew that fIghtIng
wouId onIy genefate fetaIIatIon. Instead
he foIIowed the Sheth's wIshes and kept
at a dIstance, even ffom hIs own famIIy.
HIs sIstef and In-Iaws wefe pfepafed to
host hIm at theIf homes In secfet, but
he tufned them down.
The fesuIt of thIs compIIance? The
subcaste not onIy stopped bothefIng
hIm, but Its membefsIncIudIng those
who had excommunIcated hImheIped
In hIs Iatef poIItIcaI wofk, wIthout ex-
pectIng anythIng In fetufn. They
tfeated hIm wIth affectIon and genefos-
Ity. It Is my convIctIon," GandhI wfote
Iatef, that aII these good thIngs afe
due to my non-fesIstance. Had I agIt-
ated fof beIng admItted to the caste,
had I attempted to dIvIde It Into mofe
camps, had I pfovoked the castemen,
&''"#$#
they wouId sufeIy have fetaIIated, and
Instead of steefIng cIeaf of the stofm, I
shouId, on affIvaI ffom EngIand, have
found myseIf In a whIfIpooI of
agItatIon."
ThIs pattefnthe decIsIon to accept
what anothef man wouId chaI-
Iengeoccuffed agaIn and agaIn In
GandhI's IIfe. As a young Iawyef In
South AffIca, he appIIed fof admIssIon
to the IocaI baf. The Iaw SocIety dIdn't
want IndIan membefs, and tfIed to
thwaft hIs appIIcatIon by fequIfIng an
ofIgInaI copy of a ceftIfIcate that was
on fIIe In the Bombay HIgh Couft and
thefefofe InaccessIbIe. GandhI was en-
faged, he knew weII that the tfue feas-
on fof these baffIefs was dIscfImIna-
tIon. But he dIdn't Iet hIs feeIIngs show.
Instead he negotIated patIentIy, untII
the Iaw SocIety agfeed to accept an af-
fIdavIt ffom a IocaI dIgnItafy.
&'("#$#
The day affIved when he stood to
take the oath, at whIch poInt the chIef
justIce ofdefed hIm to take off hIs
tufban. GandhI saw hIs tfue IImItatIons
then. He knew that fesIstance wouId be
justIfIed, but beIIeved In pIckIng hIs
battIes, so he took off hIs headgeaf. HIs
ffIends wefe upset. They saId he was
weak, that he shouId have stood up fof
hIs beIIefs. But GandhI feIt that he had
Ieafned to appfecIate the beauty of
compfomIse."
If I toId you these stofIes wIthout
mentIonIng GandhI's name and Iatef
achIevements, you mIght vIew hIm as a
deepIy passIve man. And In the West,
passIvIty Is a tfansgfessIon. To be pass-
Ive," accofdIng to the MeffIam-Webstef
DIctIonafy, means to be acted upon by
an extefnaI agency." It aIso means to be
submIssIve." GandhI hImseIf uItI-
mateIy fejected the phfase passIve
&')"#$#
fesIstance," whIch he assocIated wIth
weakness, pfefeffIng &76;7E#7:7, the
tefm he coIned to mean fIfmness In
pufsuIt of tfuth."
But as the wofd &76;7E#7:7 ImpIIes,
GandhI's passIvIty was not weakness at
aII. It meant focusIng on an uItImate
goaI and fefusIng to dIveft enefgy to
unnecessafy skIfmIshes aIong the way.
RestfaInt, GandhI beIIeved, was one of
hIs gfeatest assets. And It was bofn of
hIs shyness:
I have natufaIIy fofmed the habIt of
festfaInIng my thoughts. A thought-
Iess wofd hafdIy evef escaped my
tongue of pen. ExpefIence has
taught me that sIIence Is paft of the
spIfItuaI dIscIpIIne of a votafy of
tfuth. We fInd so many peopIe Impa-
tIent to taIk. AII thIs taIkIng can
hafdIy be saId to be of any benefIt
&'#"#$#
to the wofId. It Is so much waste of
tIme. My shyness has been In feaIIty
my shIeId and buckIef. It has aI-
Iowed me to gfow. It has heIped me
In my dIscefnment of tfuth.
Soft powef Is not IImIted to mofaI ex-
empIafs IIke Mahatma GandhI. Con-
sIdef, fof exampIe, the much-baIIy-
hooed exceIIence of AsIans In fIeIds IIke
math and scIence. Pfofessof NI defInes
soft powef as quIet pefsIstence," and
thIs tfaIt IIes at the heaft of academIc
exceIIence as sufeIy as It does In
GandhI's poIItIcaI tfIumphs. QuIet pef-
sIstence fequIfes sustaIned atten-
tIonIn effect festfaInIng one's feac-
tIons to extefnaI stImuII.
&(+"#$#
The TIMSS exam (Tfends In Intefna-
tIonaI MathematIcs and ScIence Study)
Is a standafdIzed math and scIence test
gIven evefy fouf yeafs to kIds afound
the wofId. Aftef each test, feseafchefs
sIIce and dIce the fesuIts, compafIng
the peffofmance of students ffom dIf-
fefent countfIes, AsIan countfIes such
as Kofea, SIngapofe, Japan, and TaIwan
consIstentIy fank at the top of the IIst.
In 1995, fof exampIe, the fIfst yeaf the
TIMSS was gIven, Kofea, SIngapofe,
and Japan had the wofId's hIghest
avefage mIddIe-schooI math scofes and
wefe among the top fouf wofIdwIde In
scIence. In 2007, when feseafchefs
measufed how many students In a gIv-
en countfy feached the Advanced Intef-
natIonaI Benchmafka kInd of supef-
staf status fof math studentsthey
found that most of the standouts wefe
cIustefed In just a few AsIan countfIes.
&(*"#$#
About 40 pefcent of foufth gfadefs In
SIngapofe and Hong Kong feached of
sufpassed the Advanced Benchmafk,
and about 40 to 45 pefcent of eIghth
gfadefs In TaIwan, Kofea, and SInga-
pofe puIIed It off. WofIdwIde, the medI-
an pefcentage of students feachIng the
Advanced Benchmafk was onIy 5 pef-
cent at the foufth gfade and 2 pefcent
at the eIghth gfade.
How to expIaIn these sensatIonaI pef-
fofmance gaps between AsIa and the
fest of the wofId? ConsIdef thIs Intef-
estIng wfInkIe In the TIMSS exam. Stu-
dents takIng the test afe aIso asked to
answef a tedIous sefIes of questIons
about themseIves, fangIng ffom how
much they enjoy scIence to whethef
thefe afe enough books In theIf home
to fIII thfee of mofe bookcases. The
questIonnaIfe takes a Iong tIme to com-
pIete, and sInce It doesn't count towafd
&($"#$#
the fInaI gfade, many students Ieave a
Iot of questIons bIank. You'd have to be
pfetty pefsIstent to answef evefy sIngIe
one. But It tufns out, accofdIng to a
study by educatIon pfofessof EfIIng
Boe, that the natIons whose students fIII
out mofe of the questIonnaIfe aIso tend
to have students who do weII on the
TIMSS test. In othef wofds, exceIIent
students seem not onIy to possess the
cognItIve abIIIty to soIve math and scI-
ence pfobIems, but aIso to have a usefuI
pefsonaIIty chafactefIstIc: quIet
pefsIstence.
Othef studIes have aIso found unusu-
aI IeveIs of pefsIstence In even vefy
young AsIan chIIdfen. Fof exampIe, the
cfoss-cuItufaI psychoIogIst PfIscIIIa
BIInco gave Japanese and AmefIcan
fIfst gfadefs an unsoIvabIe puzzIe to
wofk on In soIItude, wIthout the heIp of
othef chIIdfen of a teachef, and
&(!"#$#
compafed how Iong they tfIed befofe
gIvIng up. The Japanese chIIdfen spent
an avefage of 13.93 mInutes on the
puzzIe befofe caIIIng It quIts, whefeas
the AmefIcan kIds spent onIy 9.47
mInutes. Fewef than 27 pefcent of the
AmefIcan students pefsIsted as Iong as
the avefage Japanese studentand
onIy 10 pefcent of the Japanese stu-
dents gave up as quIckIy as the avefage
AmefIcan. BIInco attfIbutes these fes-
uIts to the Japanese quaIIty of
pefsIstence.
The quIet pefsIstence shown by many
AsIans, and AsIan-AmefIcans, Is not
IImIted to the fIeIds of math and scI-
ence. SevefaI yeafs aftef my fIfst tfIp to
CupeftIno, I caught up wIth TIffany
IIao, the Swafthmofe-bound hIgh
schooI student whose pafents had
pfaIsed hef so hIghIy fof IovIng to fead,
even In pubIIc, when she was a young
&(%"#$#
gIfI. When we fIfst met, TIffany was a
baby-faced seventeen-yeaf-oId on hef
way to coIIege. She toId me then that
she was excIted to tfaveI to the East
Coast and meet new peopIe, but was
aIso affaId of IIvIng In a pIace whefe no
one eIse wouId dfInk bubbIe tea, the
popuIaf dfInk Invented In TaIwan.
Now TIffany was a wofIdIy and soph-
IstIcated coIIege senIof. She had studIed
abfoad In SpaIn. She sIgned hef notes
wIth a contInentaI touch: Abfazos,
TIffany." In hef Facebook pIctufe, the
chIIdIIke Iook was gone, fepIaced wIth
a smIIe that was stIII soft and ffIendIy
but aIso knowIng.
TIffany was on hef way to feaIIzIng
hef dfeam of becomIng a joufnaIIst,
havIng just been eIected edItof-In-chIef
of the coIIege newspapef. She stIII de-
scfIbed hefseIf as shyshe feeIs a heat
fush on hef face when she fIfst speaks
&(&"#$#
In pubIIc of pIcks up the phone to caII a
stfangefbut had become mofe com-
foftabIe speakIng up. She beIIeved that
hef quIet tfaIts," as she caIIed them,
had :)83)0 hef become edItof-In-chIef.
Fof TIffany, soft powef meant IIstenIng
attentIveIy, takIng thofough notes, and
doIng deep feseafch on hef IntefvIew
subjects befofe meetIng them face-to-
face. ThIs pfocess has contfIbuted to
my success as a joufnaIIst," she wfote
to me. TIffany had come to embface the
powef of quIet.
When I fIfst met MIke WeI, the Stanfofd
student who wIshed he was as unInhIb-
Ited as hIs cIassmates, he saId that thefe
was no such thIng as a quIet Ieadef.
How can you Iet peopIe know you
&('"#$#
have convIctIon If you'fe quIet about
It?" he asked. I feassufed hIm that thIs
wasn't so, but MIke had so much quIet
convIctIon about the InabIIIty of quIet
peopIe to convey convIctIon that deep
down I'd wondefed whethef he had a
poInt.
But that was befofe I heafd Pfofessof
NI taIk about AsIan-styIe soft powef,
befofe I fead GandhI on &76;7E#7:7, be-
fofe I contempIated TIffany's bfIght fu-
tufe as a joufnaIIst. ConvIctIon Is con-
vIctIon, the kIds ffom CupeftIno taught
me, at whatevef decIbeI IeveI It's
expfessed.
&(("#$#
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WIIIIAM JAMES
Meet Pfofessof BfIan IIttIe, fofmef Haf-
vafd UnIvefsIty psychoIogy Iectufef and
wInnef of the 3M TeachIng FeIIowshIp,
sometImes fefeffed to as the NobeI Pf-
Ize of unIvefsIty teachIng. Shoft, stufdy,
bespectacIed, and endeafIng, Pfofessof
IIttIe has a boomIng bafItone, a habIt
of bfeakIng Into song and twIfIIng
about onstage, and an oId-schooI act-
of's way of emphasIzIng consonants
and eIongatIng voweIs. He's been de-
scfIbed as a cfoss between RobIn WIIII-
ams and AIbeft EInsteIn, and when he
makes a joke that pIeases hIs audIence,
whIch happens a Iot, he Iooks even
mofe deIIghted than they do. HIs
cIasses at Hafvafd wefe aIways ovef-
subscfIbed and often ended wIth stand-
Ing ovatIons.
In contfast, the man I'm about to de-
scfIbe seems a vefy dIffefent bfeed: he
IIves wIth hIs wIfe In a tucked-away
house on mofe than two acfes of fe-
mote CanadIan woods, vIsIted occasIon-
aIIy by hIs chIIdfen and gfandchIIdfen,
but othefwIse keepIng to hImseIf. He
spends hIs ffee tIme scofIng musIc,
feadIng and wfItIng books and aftIcIes,
&)+"#$#
and e-maIIIng ffIends Iong notes he
caIIs e-pIstIes." When he does socIaI-
Ize, he favofs one-on-one encountefs.
At paftIes, he paIfs off Into quIet con-
vefsatIons as soon as he can of excuses
hImseIf fof a bfeath of ffesh aIf."
When he's fofced to spend too much
tIme out and about of In any sItuatIon
InvoIvIng confIIct, he can IItefaIIy be-
come III.
WouId you be sufpfIsed If I toId you
that the vaudevIIIean pfofessof and the
fecIuse who pfefefs a IIfe of the mInd
afe one and the same man? Maybe not,
when you consIdef that we aII behave
dIffefentIy dependIng on the sItuatIon.
But If we'fe capabIe of such fIexIbIIIty,
does It even make sense to chaft the
dIffefences between Intfovefts and ex-
tfovefts? Is the vefy notIon of
IntfovefsIon-extfovefsIon too pat a dI-
chotomy: the Intfoveft as sage
&)*"#$#
phIIosophef, the extfoveft as feafIess
Ieadef? The Intfoveft as poet of scIence
nefd, the extfoveft as jock of cheefIead-
ef? Afen't we aII a IIttIe of both?
PsychoIogIsts caII thIs the pefson-
sItuatIon" debate: Do fIxed pefsonaIIty
tfaIts feaIIy exIst, of do they shIft ac-
cofdIng to the sItuatIon In whIch
peopIe fInd themseIves? If you taIk to
Pfofessof IIttIe, he'II teII you that des-
pIte hIs pubIIc pefsona and hIs teachIng
accoIades, he's a tfue bIue, off-the-
chafts Intfoveft, not onIy behavIofaIIy
but aIso neufophysIoIogIcaIIy (he took
the Iemon juIce test I descfIbed In
chaptef 4 and saIIvated fIght on cue).
ThIs wouId seem to pIace hIm squafeIy
on the pefson" sIde of the debate:
IIttIe beIIeves that pefsonaIIty tfaIts ex-
Ist, that they shape ouf IIves In pfo-
found ways, that they'fe based on
physIoIogIcaI mechanIsms, and that
&)$"#$#
they'fe feIatIveIy stabIe acfoss a
IIfespan. Those who take thIs vIew
stand on bfoad shouIdefs: HIppocfates,
MIIton, Schopenhauef, Jung, and mofe
fecentIy the pfophets of fMRI machInes
and skIn conductance tests.
On the othef sIde of the debate afe a
gfoup of psychoIogIsts known as the
SItuatIonIsts. SItuatIonIsm posIts that
ouf genefaIIzatIons about peopIe, In-
cIudIng the wofds we use to descfIbe
one anothefshy, aggfessIve, conscIen-
tIous, agfeeabIeafe mIsIeadIng. Thefe
Is no cofe seIf, thefe afe onIy the vafI-
ous seIves of SItuatIons X, Y, and Z. The
SItuatIonIst vIew fose to pfomInence In
1968 when the psychoIogIst WaItef
MIscheI pubIIshed H)#&-.78"6; 7.0
L&&)&&5).6, chaIIengIng the Idea of
fIxed pefsonaIIty tfaIts. MIscheI afgued
that sItuatIonaI factofs pfedIct the
&)!"#$#
behavIof of peopIe IIke BfIan IIttIe
much bettef than supposed pefsonaIIty
tfaIts.
Fof the next few decades, SItuatIon-
Ism pfevaIIed. The postmodefn vIew of
seIf that emefged afound thIs tIme, In-
fIuenced by theofIsts IIke EfvIng Goff-
man, authof of D:) H#)&).676"-. -/ 2)8/
". 4*)#;07; J"/), suggested that socIaI
IIfe Is peffofmance and socIaI masks afe
ouf tfue seIves. Many feseafchefs
doubted whethef pefsonaIIty tfaIts even
exIsted In any meanIngfuI sense. Pef-
sonaIIty feseafchefs had tfoubIe fIndIng
jobs.
But just as the natufe-nuftufe debate
was fepIaced wIth IntefactIonIsmthe
InsIght that both factofs contfIbute to
who we afe, and Indeed InfIuence each
othefso has the pefson-sItuatIon de-
bate been supefseded by a mofe nu-
anced undefstandIng. PefsonaIIty
&)%"#$#
psychoIogIsts acknowIedge that we can
feeI socIabIe at 6:00 p.m. and soIItafy
at 10:00 p.m., and that these fIuctu-
atIons afe feaI and sItuatIon-dependent.
But they aIso emphasIze how much
evIdence has emefged to suppoft the
pfemIse that notwIthstandIng these
vafIatIons, thefe tfuIy Is such a thIng as
a fIxed pefsonaIIty.
These days, even MIscheI admIts that
pefsonaIIty tfaIts exIst, but he beIIeves
they tend to occuf In pattefns. Fof ex-
ampIe, some peopIe afe aggfessIve wIth
peefs and subofdInates but docIIe wIth
authofIty fIgufes, othefs afe just the op-
posIte. PeopIe who afe fejectIon-sens-
ItIve" afe wafm and IovIng when they
feeI secufe, hostIIe and contfoIIIng
when they feeI fejected.
But thIs comfoftabIe compfomIse
faIses a vafIatIon on the pfobIem of
ffee wIII that we expIofed In chaptef 5.
&)&"#$#
We know that thefe afe physIoIogIcaI
IImIts on who we afe and how we act.
But shouId we attempt to manIpuIate
ouf behavIof wIthIn the fange avaIIabIe
to us, of shouId we sImpIy be tfue to
oufseIves? At what poInt does con-
tfoIIIng ouf behavIof become futIIe, of
exhaustIng?
If you'fe an Intfoveft In cofpofate
AmefIca, shouId you tfy to save youf
tfue seIf fof quIet weekends and spend
youf weekdays stfIvIng to get out
thefe, mIx, speak mofe often, and con-
nect wIth youf team and othefs, de-
pIoyIng aII the enefgy and pefsonaIIty
you can mustef," as Jack WeIch advIsed
In a @%&".)&&A))$ onIIne coIumn? If
you'fe an extfovefted unIvefsIty stu-
dent, shouId you save youf tfue seIf fof
fowdy weekends and spend youf week-
days focusIng and studyIng? ,7. peopIe
&)'"#$#
fIne-tune theIf own pefsonaIItIes thIs
way?
The onIy good answef I've heafd to
these questIons comes ffom Pfofessof
BfIan IIttIe.
On the mofnIng of Octobef 12, 1979,
IIttIe vIsIted the RoyaI MIIItafy CoIIege
SaInt-Jean on the RIcheIIeu RIvef, fofty
kIIometefs south of MontfeaI, to ad-
dfess a gfoup of senIof mIIItafy offIcefs.
As an Intfoveft mIght be expected to
do, he'd pfepafed thofoughIy fof the
speech, not onIy feheafsIng hIs femafks
but aIso makIng sufe he couId cIte the
Iatest feseafch. Even whIIe deIIvefIng
hIs taIk, he was In what he caIIs cIassIc
Intfoveft mode, contInuaIIy scannIng
the foom fof audIence dIspIeasufe and
&)("#$#
makIng adjustments as neededa stat-
IstIcaI fefefence hefe, a doIIop of hu-
mof thefe.
The speech was a success (so much
so that he wouId be InvIted to make It
evefy yeaf). But the next InvItatIon the
coIIege extended hoffIfIed hIm: to joIn
the top bfass fof Iunch. IIttIe had to de-
IIvef anothef Iectufe that aftefnoon,
and he knew that makIng smaII taIk fof
an houf and a haIf wouId wIpe hIm out.
He needed to fechafge fof hIs aftefnoon
peffofmance.
ThInkIng quIckIy, he announced that
he had a passIon fof shIp desIgn and
asked hIs hosts If he mIght Instead take
the oppoftunIty of hIs vIsIt to admIfe
the boats passIng by on the RIcheIIeu
RIvef. He then spent hIs Iunch houf
stfoIIIng up and down the fIvef path-
way wIth an appfecIatIve expfessIon on
hIs face.
&))"#$#
Fof yeafs IIttIe fetufned to Iectufe at
the coIIege, and fof yeafs, at IunchtIme,
he waIked the banks of the RIcheIIeu
RIvef InduIgIng hIs ImagInafy
hobbyuntII the day the coIIege
moved Its campus to a IandIocked Ioca-
tIon. StfIpped of hIs covef stofy, Pfo-
fessof IIttIe fesofted to the onIy escape
hatch he couId fIndthe men's foom.
Aftef each Iectufe, he wouId face to the
festfoom and hIde InsIde a staII. One
tIme, a mIIItafy man spotted IIttIe's
shoes undef the doof and began a
heafty convefsatIon, so IIttIe took to
keepIng hIs feet pfopped up on the
bathfoom waIIs, whefe they wouId be
hIdden ffom vIew. (TakIng sheItef In
bathfooms Is a sufpfIsIngIy common
phenomenon, as you pfobabIy know If
you'fe an Intfoveft. Aftef a taIk, I'm In
bathfoom staII numbef nIne," IIttIe
once toId Petef GzowskI, one of
&)#"#$#
Canada's most emInent taIk-show hosts.
Aftef a show, I'm In staII numbef
eIght," fepIIed GzowskI, not mIssIng a
beat.)
You mIght wondef how a stfong In-
tfoveft IIke Pfofessof IIttIe manages to
speak In pubIIc so effectIveIy. The an-
swef, he says, Is sImpIe, and It has to
do wIth a new fIeId of psychoIogy that
he cfeated aImost sIngIehandedIy,
caIIed Ffee TfaIt Theofy. IIttIe beIIeves
that fIxed tfaIts and ffee tfaIts coexIst.
AccofdIng to Ffee TfaIt Theofy, we afe
bofn and cuItufaIIy endowed wIth cef-
taIn pefsonaIIty tfaItsIntfovefsIon, fof
exampIebut we can and do act out of
chafactef In the sefvIce of cofe pefson-
aI pfojects."
In othef wofds, Intfovefts afe capabIe
of actIng IIke extfovefts fof the sake of
wofk they consIdef Impoftant, peopIe
they Iove, of anythIng they vaIue
&#+"#$#
hIghIy. Ffee TfaIt Theofy expIaIns why
an Intfoveft mIght thfow hIs extfovef-
ted wIfe a sufpfIse pafty of joIn the
PTA at hIs daughtef's schooI. It expIaIns
how It's possIbIe fof an extfovefted scI-
entIst to behave wIth fesefve In hef
Iabofatofy, fof an agfeeabIe pefson to
act hafd-nosed dufIng a busIness nego-
tIatIon, and fof a cantankefous uncIe to
tfeat hIs nIece tendefIy when he takes
hef out fof Ice cfeam. As these ex-
ampIes suggest, Ffee TfaIt Theofy ap-
pIIes In many dIffefent contexts, but It's
especIaIIy feIevant fof Intfovefts IIvIng
undef the Extfoveft IdeaI.
AccofdIng to IIttIe, ouf IIves afe dfa-
matIcaIIy enhanced when we'fe In-
voIved In cofe pefsonaI pfojects that we
consIdef meanIngfuI, manageabIe, and
not unduIy stfessfuI, and that afe sup-
pofted by othefs. When someone asks
us How afe thIngs?" we may gIve a
&#*"#$#
thfowaway answef, but ouf tfue fe-
sponse Is a functIon of how weII ouf
cofe pefsonaI pfojects afe goIng.
That's why Pfofessof IIttIe, the con-
summate Intfoveft, Iectufes wIth such
passIon. IIke a modefn-day Socfates, he
Ioves hIs students deepIy, openIng theIf
mInds and attendIng to theIf weII-beIng
afe two of hIs cofe pefsonaI pfojects.
When IIttIe heId offIce houfs at Haf-
vafd, the students IIned up In the haII-
way as If he wefe gIvIng out ffee tIckets
to a fock conceft. Fof mofe than twenty
yeafs hIs students asked hIm to wfIte
sevefaI hundfed Iettefs of fecommenda-
tIon 7 ;)7#. BfIan IIttIe Is the most en-
gagIng, enteftaInIng, and cafIng pfo-
fessof I have evef encountefed," wfote
one student about hIm. I cannot even
begIn to expIaIn the myfIad ways In
whIch he has posItIveIy affected my
IIfe." So, fof BfIan IIttIe, the addItIonaI
&#$"#$#
effoft fequIfed to stfetch hIs natufaI
boundafIes Is justIfIed by seeIng hIs
cofe pefsonaI pfojectIgnItIng aII those
mIndscome to ffuItIon.
At fIfst bIush, Ffee TfaIt Theofy
seems to fun countef to a chefIshed
pIece of ouf cuItufaI hefItage.
Shakespeafe's oft-quoted advIce, To
thIne own seIf be tfue," funs deep In
ouf phIIosophIcaI DNA. Many of us afe
uncomfoftabIe wIth the Idea of takIng
on a faIse" pefsona fof any Iength of
tIme. And If we act out of chafactef by
convIncIng oufseIves that ouf pseudo-
seIf Is feaI, we can eventuaIIy bufn out
wIthout even knowIng why. The genIus
of IIttIe's theofy Is how neatIy It fe-
soIves thIs dIscomfoft. Yes, we afe onIy
pfetendIng to be extfovefts, and yes,
such InauthentIcIty can be mofaIIy am-
bIguous (not to mentIon exhaustIng),
but If It's In the sefvIce of Iove of a
&#!"#$#
pfofessIonaI caIIIng, then we'fe doIng
just as Shakespeafe advIsed.
When peopIe afe skIIIed at adoptIng
ffee tfaIts, It can be hafd to beIIeve that
they'fe actIng out of chafactef. Pfofess-
of IIttIe's students afe usuaIIy Incfedu-
Ious when he cIaIms to be an Intfoveft.
But IIttIe Is faf ffom unIque, many
peopIe, especIaIIy those In IeadefshIp
foIes, engage In a ceftaIn IeveI of
pfetend-extfovefsIon. ConsIdef, fof ex-
ampIe, my ffIend AIex, the socIaIIy ad-
ept head of a fInancIaI sefvIces com-
pany, who agfeed to gIve a candId In-
tefvIew on the condItIon of seaIed-In-
bIood anonymIty. AIex toId me that
pfetend-extfovefsIon was somethIng he
taught hImseIf In the seventh gfade,
&#%"#$#
when he decIded that othef kIds wefe
takIng advantage of hIm.
I was the nIcest pefson you'd evef
want to know," AIex fecaIIs, but the
wofId wasn't that way. The pfobIem
was that If you wefe just a nIce pefson,
you'd get cfushed. I fefused to IIve a
IIfe whefe peopIe couId do that stuff to
me. I was IIke, OK, what's the poIIcy
pfescfIptIon hefe? And thefe feaIIy was
onIy one. I needed to have evefy pefson
In my pocket. If I wanted to be a nIce
pefson, I needed to fun the schooI."
But how to get ffom A to B? I stud-
Ied socIaI dynamIcs, I guafantee mofe
than anyone you've evef met," AIex
toId me. He obsefved the way peopIe
taIked, the way they waIkedespe-
cIaIIy maIe domInance poses. He adjus-
ted hIs own pefsona, whIch aIIowed
hIm to go on beIng a fundamentaIIy
shy, sweet kId, but wIthout beIng taken
&#&"#$#
advantage of. Any hafd thIng whefe
you can get cfushed, I was IIke, 'I need
to Ieafn how to do thIs.' So by now I'm
buIIt fof waf. Because then peopIe don't
scfew you."
AIex aIso took advantage of hIs nat-
ufaI stfengths. I Ieafned that boys ba-
sIcaIIy do onIy one thIng: they chase
gIfIs. They get them, they Iose them,
they taIk about them. I was IIke, 'That's
compIeteIy cIfcuItous. I feaIIy 8"$) gIfIs.'
That's whefe IntImacy comes ffom. So
fathef than sIttIng afound and 678$".E
about gIfIs, I got to know them. I used
havIng feIatIonshIps wIth gIfIs, pIus be-
Ing good at spofts, to have the guys In
my pocket. Oh, and evefy once In a
whIIe, you have to punch peopIe. I dId
that, too."
Today AIex has a foIksy, affabIe,
whIstIe-whIIe-you-wofk demeanof. I've
nevef seen hIm In a bad mood. But
&#'"#$#
you'II see hIs seIf-taught beIIIcose sIde
If you evef tfy to cfoss hIm In a negotI-
atIon. And you'II see hIs Intfovefted seIf
If you evef tfy to make dInnef pIans
wIth hIm.
I couId IItefaIIy go yeafs wIthout
havIng any ffIends except fof my wIfe
and kIds," he says. Iook at you and
me. You'fe one of my best ffIends, and
how many tImes do we actuaIIy
taIkwhen you caII me! I don't IIke so-
cIaIIzIng. My dfeam Is to IIve off the
Iand on a thousand acfes wIth my fam-
IIy. You nevef see a team of ffIends In
that dfeam. So notwIthstandIng
whatevef you mIght see In my pubIIc
pefsona, I am an Intfoveft. I thInk that
fundamentaIIy I'm the same pefson I aI-
ways was. MassIveIy shy, but I com-
pensate fof It."
&#("#$#
But how many of us afe feaIIy capabIe
of actIng out of chafactef to thIs degfee
(puttIng asIde, fof the moment, the
questIon of whethef we want to)? Pfo-
fessof IIttIe happens to be a gfeat pef-
fofmef, and so afe many CEOs. What
about the fest of us?
Some yeafs ago, a feseafch psychoIo-
gIst named RIchafd IIppa set out to an-
swef thIs questIon. He caIIed a gfoup of
Intfovefts to hIs Iab and asked them to
act IIke extfovefts whIIe pfetendIng to
teach a math cIass. Then he and hIs
team, vIdeo camefas In hand, measufed
the Iength of theIf stfIdes, the amount
of eye contact they made wIth theIf
students," the pefcentage of tIme they
spent taIkIng, the pace and voIume of
theIf speech, and the totaI Iength of
&#)"#$#
each teachIng sessIon. They aIso fated
how genefaIIy extfovefted the subjects
appeafed, based on theIf fecofded
voIces and body Ianguage.
Then IIppa dId the same thIng wIth
actuaI extfovefts and compafed the fes-
uIts. He found that aIthough the Iattef
gfoup came acfoss as mofe extfovefted,
some of the pseudo-extfovefts wefe suf-
pfIsIngIy convIncIng. It seems that most
of us know how to fake It to some ex-
tent. Whethef of not we'fe awafe that
the Iength of ouf stfIdes and the
amount of tIme we spend taIkIng and
smIIIng mafk us as Intfovefts and extfo-
vefts, we know It unconscIousIy.
StIII, thefe's a IImIt to how much we
can contfoI ouf seIf-pfesentatIon. ThIs
Is paftIy because of a phenomenon
caIIed behavIofaI Ieakage, In whIch ouf
tfue seIves seep out vIa unconscIous
body Ianguage: a subtIe Iook away at a
&##"#$#
moment when an extfoveft wouId have
made eye contact, of a skIIIfuI tufn of
the convefsatIon by a Iectufef that
pIaces the bufden of taIkIng on the
audIence when an extfovefted speakef
wouId have heId the fIoof a IIttIe
Iongef.
How was It that some of IIppa's
pseudo-extfovefts came so cIose to the
scofes of 6#%) extfovefts? It tufned out
that the Intfovefts who wefe especIaIIy
good at actIng IIke extfovefts tended to
scofe hIgh fof a tfaIt that psychoIogIsts
caII seIf-monItofIng." SeIf-monItofs afe
hIghIy skIIIed at modIfyIng theIf beha-
vIof to the socIaI demands of a sItu-
atIon. They Iook fof cues to teII them
how to act. When In Rome, they do as
the Romans do, accofdIng to the psy-
choIogIst Mafk Snydef, authof of H%G8"1
L33)7#7.1)&N H#"*76) ()78"6")&, and cfeat-
of of the SeIf-MonItofIng ScaIe.
'++"#$#
One of the most effectIve seIf-monIt-
ofs I've evef met Is a man named
Edgaf, a weII-known and much-beIoved
fIxtufe on the New Yofk socIaI cIfcuIt.
He and hIs wIfe host of attend fund-
faIsefs and othef socIaI events seem-
IngIy evefy weeknIght. He's the kInd of
)./7.6 6)##"G8) whose Iatest antIcs afe a
favofIte topIc of convefsatIon. But
Edgaf Is an avowed Intfoveft. I'd much
fathef sIt and fead and thInk about
thIngs than taIk to peopIe," he says.
Yet taIk to peopIe he does. Edgaf was
faIsed In a hIghIy socIaI famIIy that ex-
pected hIm to seIf-monItof, and he's
motIvated to do so. I Iove poIItIcs," he
says. I Iove poIIcy, I Iove makIng
thIngs happen, I want to change the
wofId In my own way. So I do stuff
that's aftIfIcIaI. I don't feaIIy IIke beIng
the guest at someone eIse's pafty, be-
cause then I have to be enteftaInIng.
'+*"#$#
But I'II host paftIes because It puts you
at the centef of thIngs wIthout actuaIIy
beIng a socIaI pefson."
When he does fInd hImseIf at othef
peopIe's paftIes, Edgaf goes to gfeat
Iengths to pIay hIs foIe. AII thfough
coIIege, and fecentIy even, befofe I evef
went to a dInnef of cocktaII pafty, I
wouId have an Index cafd wIth thfee to
fIve feIevant, amusIng anecdotes. I'd
come up wIth them dufIng the dayIf
somethIng stfuck me I'd jot It down.
Then, at dInnef, I'd waIt fof the fIght
openIng and Iaunch In. SometImes I'd
have to go to the bathfoom and puII
out my cafds to femembef what my
IIttIe stofIes wefe."
Ovef tIme, though, Edgaf stopped
bfIngIng Index cafds to dInnef paftIes.
He stIII consIdefs hImseIf an Intfoveft,
but he gfew so deepIy Into hIs extfovef-
ted foIe that teIIIng anecdotes stafted to
'+$"#$#
come natufaIIy to hIm. Indeed, the
hIghest seIf-monItofs not onIy tend to
be good at pfoducIng the desIfed effect
and emotIon In a gIven socIaI sItu-
atIonthey aIso expefIence Iess stfess
whIIe doIng so.
In contfast to the Edgafs of the
wofId, Iow seIf-monItofs base theIf be-
havIof on theIf own IntefnaI compass.
They have a smaIIef fepeftoIfe of socIaI
behavIofs and masks at theIf dIsposaI.
They'fe Iess sensItIve to sItuatIonaI
cues, IIke how many anecdotes you'fe
expected to shafe at a dInnef pafty, and
Iess Intefested In foIe-pIayIng, even
when they know what the cues afe. It's
as If Iow seIf-monItofs (ISMs) and hIgh
seIf-monItofs (HSMs) pIay to dIffefent
audIences, Snydef has saId: one Innef,
the othef outef.
If you want to know how stfong a
seIf-monItof you afe, hefe afe a few
'+!"#$#
questIons ffom Snydef's SeIf-MonItofIng
ScaIe:
When you'fe unceftaIn how to
act In a socIaI sItuatIon, do you
Iook to the behavIof of othefs
fof cues?
Do you often seek the advIce of
youf ffIends to choose movIes,
books, of musIc?
In dIffefent sItuatIons and wIth
dIffefent peopIe, do you often
act IIke vefy dIffefent peopIe?
Do you fInd It easy to ImItate
othef peopIe?
Can you Iook someone In the
eye and teII a IIe wIth a stfaIght
face If fof a fIght end?
Do you evef deceIve peopIe by
beIng ffIendIy when feaIIy you
dIsIIke them?
'+%"#$#
Do you put on a show to Im-
pfess of enteftaIn peopIe?
Do you sometImes appeaf to
othefs to be expefIencIng deep-
ef emotIons than you actuaIIy
afe?
The mofe tImes you answefed yes" to
these questIons, the mofe of a hIgh seIf-
monItof you afe.
Now ask youfseIf these questIons:
Is youf behavIof usuaIIy an ex-
pfessIon of youf tfue Innef feeI-
Ings, attItudes, and beIIefs?
Do you fInd that you can onIy
afgue fof Ideas that you aIfeady
beIIeve?
WouId you fefuse to change
youf opInIons, of the way you
do thIngs, In ofdef to pIease
'+&"#$#
someone eIse of wIn theIf
favof?
Do you dIsIIke games IIke
chafades of ImpfovIsatIonaI
actIng?
Do you have tfoubIe changIng
youf behavIof to suIt dIffefent
peopIe and dIffefent sItuatIons?
The mofe you tended to answef yes"
to thIs second set of questIons, the
mofe of a 8-+ seIf-monItof you afe.
When Pfofessof IIttIe Intfoduced the
concept of seIf-monItofIng to hIs pef-
sonaIIty psychoIogy cIasses, some stu-
dents got vefy wofked up about wheth-
ef It was ethIcaI to be a hIgh seIf-monIt-
of. A few mIxed" coupIesHSMs and
ISMs In Ioveeven bfoke up ovef It, he
was toId. To hIgh seIf-monItofs, Iow
seIf-monItofs can seem fIgId and so-
cIaIIy awkwafd. To Iow seIf-monItofs,
'+'"#$#
hIgh seIf-monItofs can come acfoss as
confofmIst and deceptIvemofe pfag-
matIc than pfIncIpIed," In Mafk
Snydef's wofds. Indeed, HSMs have
been found to be bettef IIafs than ISMs,
whIch wouId seem to suppoft the mof-
aIIstIc stance taken by Iow seIf-
monItofs.
But IIttIe, an ethIcaI and sympathetIc
man who happens to be an extfemeIy
hIgh seIf-monItof, sees thIngs dIffef-
entIy. He vIews seIf-monItofIng as an
act of modesty. It's about accommodat-
Ing oneseIf to sItuatIonaI nofms, fathef
than gfIndIng down evefythIng to
one's own needs and concefns." Not aII
seIf-monItofIng Is based on actIng, he
says, of on wofkIng the foom. A mofe
Intfovefted vefsIon may be Iess con-
cefned wIth spotIIght-seekIng and mofe
wIth the avoIdance of socIaI faux pas.
When Pfofessof IIttIe makes a gfeat
'+("#$#
speech, It's paftIy because he's seIf-
monItofIng evefy moment, contInuaIIy
checkIng hIs audIence fof subtIe sIgns
of pIeasufe of bofedom and adjustIng
hIs pfesentatIon to meet Its needs.
So If you 17. fake It, If you mastef the
actIng skIIIs, the attentIon to socIaI nu-
ance, and the wIIIIngness to submIt to
socIaI nofms that seIf-monItofIng fe-
quIfes, &:-%80 you? The answef Is that a
Ffee TfaIt stfategy can be effectIve
when used judIcIousIy, but dIsastfous If
ovefdone.
RecentIy I spoke on a paneI at Haf-
vafd Iaw SchooI. The occasIon was the
fIfty-fIfth annIvefsafy of women beIng
admItted to the Iaw schooI. AIumnae
ffom aII ovef the countfy gathefed on
'+)"#$#
campus to ceIebfate. The subject of the
paneI was In a DIffefent VoIce:
StfategIes fof PoweffuI SeIf-Pfesenta-
tIon." Thefe wefe fouf speakefs: a tfIaI
Iawyef, a judge, a pubIIc-speakIng
coach, and me. I'd pfepafed my fe-
mafks cafefuIIy, I knew the foIe I
wanted to pIay.
The pubIIc-speakIng coach went fIfst.
She taIked about how to gIve a taIk that
knocks peopIe's socks off. The judge,
who happened to be Kofean-AmefIcan,
spoke of how ffustfatIng It Is when
peopIe assume that aII AsIans afe quIet
and studIous when In fact she's outgo-
Ing and asseftIve. The IItIgatof, who
was petIte and bIond and feIsty as heII,
taIked about the tIme she conducted a
cfoss-examInatIon onIy to be admon-
Ished by a judge to Back down, tIgef!"
When my tufn came, I aImed my fe-
mafks at the women In the audIence
'+#"#$#
who dIdn't see themseIves as tIgefs,
myth-bustefs, of sock-knockef-offefs. I
saId that the abIIIty to negotIate Is not
Inbofn, IIke bIond haIf of stfaIght teeth,
and It does not beIong excIusIveIy to
the tabIe-poundefs of the wofId.
Anyone can be a gfeat negotIatof, I toId
them, and In fact It often pays to be
quIet and gfacIous, to IIsten mofe than
taIk, and to have an InstInct fof haf-
mony fathef than confIIct. WIth thIs
styIe, you can take aggfessIve posItIons
wIthout InfIamIng youf countefpaft's
ego. And by IIstenIng, you can Ieafn
what's tfuIy motIvatIng the pefson
you'fe negotIatIng wIth and come up
wIth cfeatIve soIutIons that satIsfy both
paftIes.
I aIso shafed some psychoIogIcaI
tfIcks fof feeIIng caIm and secufe duf-
Ing IntImIdatIng sItuatIons, such as pay-
Ing attentIon to how youf face and
'*+"#$#
body affange themseIves when you'fe
feeIIng genuIneIy confIdent, and adopt-
Ing those same posItIons when It comes
tIme to fake It. StudIes show that takIng
sImpIe physIcaI stepsIIke smII-
Ingmakes us feeI stfongef and happI-
ef, whIIe ffownIng makes us feeI wofse.
NatufaIIy, when the paneI was ovef
and the audIence membef came afound
to chat wIth the paneIIsts, It was the In-
tfovefts and pseudo-extfovefts who
sought me out. Two of those women
stand out In my mInd.
The fIfst was AIIson, a tfIaI Iawyef.
AIIson was sIIm and metIcuIousIy
gfoomed, but hef face was paIe,
pInched, and unhappy-IookIng. She'd
been a IItIgatof at the same cofpofate
Iaw fIfm fof ovef a decade. Now she
was appIyIng fof genefaI counseI posI-
tIons at vafIous companIes, whIch
seemed a IogIcaI next step, except that
'**"#$#
hef heaft cIeafIy wasn't In It. And sufe
enough, she hadn't gotten a sIngIe job
offef. On the stfength of hef cfeden-
tIaIs, she was advancIng to the fInaI
found of IntefvIews, onIy to be weeded
out at the Iast mInute. And she knew
why, because the head-huntef who'd
coofdInated hef IntefvIews gave the
same feedback each tIme: she Iacked
the fIght pefsonaIIty fof the job. AIIson,
a seIf-descfIbed Intfoveft, Iooked
paIned as she feIated thIs damnIng
judgment.
The second aIumna, JIIIIan, heId a
senIof posItIon at an envIfonmentaI ad-
vocacy ofganIzatIon that she Ioved. JII-
IIan came acfoss as kInd, cheeffuI, and
down-to-eafth. She was foftunate to
spend much of hef tIme feseafchIng
and wfItIng poIIcy papefs on topIcs she
cafed about. SometImes, though, she
had to chaIf meetIngs and make
'*$"#$#
pfesentatIons. AIthough she feIt deep
satIsfactIon aftef these meetIngs, she
dIdn't enjoy the spotIIght, and wanted
my advIce on stayIng cooI when she feIt
scafed.
So what was the dIffefence between
AIIson and JIIIIan? Both wefe pseudo-
extfovefts, and you mIght say that AIIs-
on was tfyIng and faIIIng whefe JIIIIan
was succeedIng. But AIIson's pfobIem
was actuaIIy that she was actIng out of
chafactef In the sefvIce of a pfoject she
dIdn't cafe about. She dIdn't Iove the
Iaw. She'd chosen to become a WaII
Stfeet IItIgatof because It seemed to hef
that thIs was what poweffuI and suc-
cessfuI Iawyefs dId, so hef pseudo-ex-
tfovefsIon was not suppofted by deepef
vaIues. She was not teIIIng hefseIf, IS5
0-".E 6:"& 6- 70*7.1) +-#$ I 17#) 7G-%6
0))38;N 7.0 +:). 6:) +-#$ "& 0-.) IS88
&)668) G71$ ".6- 5; 6#%) &)8/. Instead, hef
'*!"#$#
IntefIof monoIogue was D:) #-%6) 6-
&%11)&& "& 6- G) 6:) &-#6 -/ 3)#&-. I 75
.-6. ThIs Is not seIf-monItofIng, It Is
seIf-negatIon. Whefe JIIIIan acts out of
chafactef fof the sake of wofthy tasks
that tempofafIIy fequIfe a dIffefent ofI-
entatIon, AIIson beIIeves that thefe Is
somethIng fundamentaIIy wfong wIth
who she Is.
It's not aIways so easy, It tufns out,
to IdentIfy youf cofe pefsonaI pfojects.
And It can be especIaIIy tough fof Intfo-
vefts, who have spent so much of theIf
IIves confofmIng to extfovefted nofms
that by the tIme they choose a cafeef,
of a caIIIng, It feeIs peffectIy nofmaI to
Ignofe theIf own pfefefences. They may
be uncomfoftabIe In Iaw schooI of nufs-
Ing schooI of In the mafketIng depaft-
ment, but no mofe so than they wefe
back In mIddIe schooI of summef camp.
'*%"#$#
I, too, was once In thIs posItIon. I en-
joyed pfactIcIng cofpofate Iaw, and fof
a whIIe I convInced myseIf that I was
an attofney at heaft. I badIy wanted to
beIIeve It, sInce I had aIfeady Invested
yeafs In Iaw schooI and on-the-job
tfaInIng, and much about WaII Stfeet
Iaw was aIIufIng. My coIIeagues wefe
InteIIectuaI, kInd, and consIdefate
(mostIy). I made a good IIvIng. I had an
offIce on the fofty-second fIoof of a sky-
scfapef wIth vIews of the Statue of
IIbefty. I enjoyed the Idea that I couId
fIoufIsh In such a hIgh-powefed envIf-
onment. And I was pfetty good at ask-
Ing the but" and what If" questIons
that afe centfaI to the thought pfo-
cesses of most Iawyefs.
It took me aImost a decade to undef-
stand that the Iaw was nevef my pef-
sonaI pfoject, not even cIose. Today I
can teII you unhesItatIngIy what Is: my
'*&"#$#
husband and sons, wfItIng, pfomotIng
the vaIues of thIs book. Once I feaIIzed
thIs, I had to make a change. I Iook
back on my yeafs as a WaII Stfeet Iaw-
yef as tIme spent In a fofeIgn countfy.
It was absofbIng, It was excItIng, and I
got to meet a Iot of IntefestIng peopIe
whom I nevef wouId have known oth-
efwIse. But I was aIways an expatfIate.
HavIng spent so much tIme navIgat-
Ing my own cafeef tfansItIon and coun-
seIIng othefs thfough theIfs, I have
found that thefe afe thfee key steps to
IdentIfyIng youf own cofe pefsonaI
pfojects.
FIfst, thInk back to what you Ioved to
do when you wefe a chIId. How dId
you answef the questIon of what you
wanted to be when you gfew up? The
specIfIc answef you gave may have
been off the mafk, but the undefIyIng
ImpuIse was not. If you wanted to be a
'*'"#$#
fIfeman, what dId a fIfeman mean to
you? A good man who fescued peopIe
In dIstfess? A dafedevII? Of the sImpIe
pIeasufe of opefatIng a tfuck? If you
wanted to be a dancef, was It because
you got to weaf a costume, of because
you cfaved appIause, of was It the pufe
joy of twIfIIng afound at IIghtnIng
speed? You may have known mofe
about who you wefe then than you do
now.
Second, pay attentIon to the wofk
you gfavItate to. At my Iaw fIfm I nevef
once voIunteefed to take on an extfa
cofpofate IegaI assIgnment, but I dId
spend a Iot of tIme doIng pfo bono
wofk fof a nonpfofIt women's Ieadef-
shIp ofganIzatIon. I aIso sat on sevefaI
Iaw fIfm commIttees dedIcated to ment-
ofIng, tfaInIng, and pefsonaI deveIop-
ment fof young Iawyefs In the fIfm.
Now, as you can pfobabIy teII ffom thIs
'*("#$#
book, I am not the commIttee type. But
the goaIs of those commIttees IIt me up,
so that's what I dId.
FInaIIy, pay attentIon to what you
envy. JeaIousy Is an ugIy emotIon, but
It teIIs the tfuth. You mostIy envy those
who have what you desIfe. I met my
own envy aftef some of my fofmef Iaw
schooI cIassmates got togethef and
compafed notes on aIumnI cafeef
tfacks. They spoke wIth admIfatIon
and, yes, jeaIousy, of a cIassmate who
afgued feguIafIy befofe the Supfeme
Couft. At fIfst I feIt cfItIcaI. Mofe powef
to that cIassmate! I thought, congfatu-
IatIng myseIf on my magnanImIty. Then
I feaIIzed that my Iafgesse came cheap,
because I dIdn't aspIfe to afgue a case
befofe the Supfeme Couft, of to any of
the othef accoIades of IawyefIng. When
I asked myseIf whom I 0"0 envy, the an-
swef came back InstantIy. My coIIege
'*)"#$#
cIassmates who'd gfown up to be
wfItefs of psychoIogIsts. Today I'm puf-
suIng my own vefsIon of both those
foIes.
But even If you'fe stfetchIng youfseIf In
the sefvIce of a cofe pefsonaI pfoject,
you don't want to act out of chafactef
too much, of fof too Iong. Remembef
those tfIps Pfofessof IIttIe made to the
festfoom In between speeches? Those
hIdeout sessIons teII us that, pafadoxIc-
aIIy, the best way to act out of chafac-
tef Is to stay as tfue to youfseIf as you
possIbIy canstaftIng by cfeatIng as
many festofatIve nIches" as possIbIe In
youf daIIy IIfe.
RestofatIve nIche" Is Pfofessof
IIttIe's tefm fof the pIace you go when
'*#"#$#
you want to fetufn to youf tfue seIf. It
can be a physIcaI pIace, IIke the path
besIde the RIcheIIeu RIvef, of a tempof-
aI one, IIke the quIet bfeaks you pIan
between saIes caIIs. It can mean can-
ceIIng youf socIaI pIans on the weekend
befofe a bIg meetIng at wofk, pfactI-
cIng yoga of medItatIon, of choosIng e-
maII ovef an In-pefson meetIng. (Even
VIctofIan IadIes, whose job effectIveIy
was to be avaIIabIe to ffIends and fam-
IIy, wefe expected to wIthdfaw fof a
fest each aftefnoon.)
You choose a festofatIve nIche when
you cIose the doof to youf pfIvate of-
fIce (If you'fe Iucky enough to have
one) In between meetIngs. You can
even cfeate a festofatIve nIche 0%#".E a
meetIng, by cafefuIIy seIectIng whefe
you sIt, and when and how you paftI-
cIpate. In hIs memoIf I. 7. C.1)#67".
A-#80, Robeft RubIn, the tfeasufy
'$+"#$#
secfetafy undef PfesIdent CIInton, de-
scfIbes how he aIways IIked to be
away ffom the centef, whethef In the
OvaI OffIce of the chIef of staff's offIce,
whefe my feguIaf seat became the foot
of the tabIe. That IIttIe bIt of physIcaI
dIstance feIt mofe comfoftabIe to me,
and Iet me fead the foom and comment
ffom a pefspectIve evef so sIIghtIy fe-
moved. I dIdn't woffy about beIng
ovefIooked. No mattef how faf away
you wefe sIttIng of standIng, you couId
aIways just say, 'Mf. PfesIdent, I thInk
thIs, that, of the othef.' "
We wouId aII be bettef off If, befofe
acceptIng a new job, we evaIuated the
pfesence of absence of festofatIve
nIches as cafefuIIy as we consIdef the
famIIy Ieave poIIcy of heaIth Insufance
pIans. Intfovefts shouId ask themseIves:
WIII thIs job aIIow me to spend tIme on
In-chafactef actIvItIes IIke, fof exampIe,
'$*"#$#
feadIng, stfategIzIng, wfItIng, and fe-
seafchIng? WIII I have a pfIvate wofk-
space of be subject to the constant de-
mands of an open offIce pIan? If the job
doesn't gIve me enough festofatIve
nIches, wIII I have enough ffee tIme on
evenIngs and weekends to gfant them
to myseIf?
Extfovefts wIII want to Iook fof fes-
tofatIve nIches, too. Does the job In-
voIve taIkIng, tfaveIIng, and meetIng
new peopIe? Is the offIce space stImu-
IatIng enough? If the job Isn't a peffect
fIt, afe the houfs fIexIbIe enough that I
can bIow off steam aftef wofk? ThInk
thfough the job descfIptIon cafefuIIy.
One hIghIy extfovefted woman I Intef-
vIewed was excIted about a posItIon as
the communIty ofganIzef" fof a paf-
entIng websIte, untII she feaIIzed that
she'd be sIttIng by hefseIf behInd a
computef evefy day ffom nIne to fIve.
'$$"#$#
SometImes peopIe fInd festofatIve
nIches In pfofessIons whefe you'd Ieast
expect them. One of my fofmef coI-
Ieagues Is a tfIaI Iawyef who spends
most of hef tIme In spIendId soIItude,
feseafchIng and wfItIng IegaI bfIefs. Be-
cause most of hef cases settIe, she goes
to couft fafeIy enough that she doesn't
mInd exefcIsIng hef pseudo-extfovef-
sIon skIIIs when she has to. An Intfovef-
ted admInIstfatIve assIstant I Intef-
vIewed pafIayed hef offIce expefIence
Into a wofk-ffom-home Intefnet busI-
ness that sefves as a cIeafInghouse and
coachIng sefvIce fof vIftuaI assIstants."
And In the next chaptef we'II meet a su-
pefstaf saIesman who bfoke hIs com-
pany's saIes fecofds yeaf aftef yeaf by
InsIstIng on stayIng tfue to hIs Intfovef-
ted seIf. AII thfee of these peopIe have
taken decIdedIy extfovefted fIeIds and
feInvented them In theIf own Image, so
'$!"#$#
that they'fe actIng In chafactef most of
the tIme, effectIveIy tufnIng theIf wofk-
days Into one gIant festofatIve nIche.
FIndIng festofatIve nIches Isn't aI-
ways easy. You mIght want to fead
quIetIy by the fIfe on Satufday nIghts,
but If youf spouse wIshes you'd spend
those evenIngs out wIth hef Iafge cIfcIe
of ffIends, then what? You mIght want
to fetfeat to the oasIs of youf pfIvate
offIce In between saIes caIIs, but what If
youf company just swItched ovef to an
open offIce pIan? If you pIan to exefcIse
ffee tfaIts, you'II need the heIp of
ffIends, famIIy, and coIIeagues. WhIch
Is why Pfofessof IIttIe caIIs, wIth gfeat
passIon, fof each of us to entef Into a
Ffee TfaIt Agfeement."
ThIs Is the fInaI pIece of Ffee TfaIt
Theofy. A Ffee TfaIt Agfeement ac-
knowIedges that we'II each act out of
chafactef some of the tImeIn
'$%"#$#
exchange fof beIng oufseIves the fest of
the tIme. It's a Ffee TfaIt Agfeement
when a wIfe who wants to go out evefy
Satufday nIght and a husband who
wants to feIax by the fIfe wofk out a
scheduIe: :78/ 6:) 6"5) +)S88 E- -%6N 7.0
:78/ 6:) 6"5) +)S88 &67; :-5). It's a Ffee
TfaIt Agfeement when you attend youf
extfovefted best ffIend's weddIng
showef, engagement ceIebfatIon, and
bacheIofette pafty, but she undefstands
when you skIp out on the thfee days'
wofth of gfoup actIvItIes IeadIng up to
the weddIng ItseIf.
It's often possIbIe to negotIate Ffee
TfaIt Agfeements wIth ffIends and Iov-
efs, whom you want to pIease and who
Iove youf tfue, In-chafactef seIf. Youf
wofk IIfe Is a IIttIe tfIckIef, sInce most
busInesses stIII don't thInk In these
tefms. Fof now, you may have to pfo-
ceed IndIfectIy. Cafeef counseIof Shoya
'$&"#$#
ZIchy toId me the stofy of one of hef
cIIents, an Intfovefted fInancIaI anaIyst
who wofked In an envIfonment whefe
she was eIthef pfesentIng to cIIents of
taIkIng to coIIeagues who contInuaIIy
cycIed In and out of hef offIce. She was
so bufned out that she pIanned to quIt
hef jobuntII ZIchy suggested that she
negotIate fof downtIme.
Now, thIs woman wofked fof a WaII
Stfeet bank, not a cuItufe conducIve to
a ffank dIscussIon about the needs of
the hIghIy Intfovefted. So she cafefuIIy
consIdefed how to ffame hef fequest.
She toId hef boss that the vefy natufe
of hef wofkstfategIc anaIysIsfe-
quIfed quIet tIme In whIch to concen-
tfate. Once she made hef case empIfIc-
aIIy, It was easIef to ask fof what she
needed psychoIogIcaIIy: two days a
week of wofkIng ffom home. Hef boss
saId yes.
'$'"#$#
But the pefson wIth whom you can
best stfIke a Ffee TfaIt Agfee-
mentaftef ovefcomIng hIs of hef fes-
IstanceIs youfseIf.
Iet's say you'fe sIngIe. You dIsIIke
the baf scene, but you cfave IntImacy,
and you want to be In a Iong-tefm feIa-
tIonshIp In whIch you can shafe cozy
evenIngs and Iong convefsatIons wIth
youf paftnef and a smaII cIfcIe of
ffIends. In ofdef to achIeve thIs goaI,
you make an agfeement wIth youfseIf
that you wIII push youfseIf to go to so-
cIaI events, because onIy In thIs way
can you hope to meet a mate and fe-
duce the numbef of gathefIngs you at-
tend ovef the Iong tefm. But whIIe you
pufsue thIs goaI, you wIII attend onIy as
many events as you can comfoftabIy
stand. You decIde In advance what that
amount Isonce a week, once a month,
once a quaftef. And once you've met
'$("#$#
youf quota, you've eafned the fIght to
stay home wIthout feeIIng guIIty.
Of pefhaps you've aIways dfeamed of
buIIdIng youf own smaII company,
wofkIng ffom home so you can spend
mofe tIme wIth youf spouse and chII-
dfen. You know you'II need to do a cef-
taIn amount of netwofkIng, so you
make the foIIowIng Ffee TfaIt Agfee-
ment wIth youfseIf: you wIII go to one
schmooze-fest pef week. At each event
you wIII have at Ieast one genuIne con-
vefsatIon (sInce thIs comes easIef to
you than wofkIng the foom") and foI-
Iow up wIth that pefson the next day.
Aftef that, you get to go home and not
feeI bad when you tufn down othef net-
wofkIng oppoftunItIes that come youf
way.
'$)"#$#
Pfofessof IIttIe knows aII too weII what
happens when you Iack a Ffee TfaIt
Agfeement wIth youfseIf. Apaft ffom
occasIonaI excufsIons to the RIcheIIeu
RIvef of the festfoom, he once foIIowed
a scheduIe that combIned the most
enefgy-zappIng eIements of both Intfo-
vefsIon and extfovefsIon. On the extfo-
vefted sIde, hIs days consIsted of non-
stop Iectufes, meetIngs wIth students,
monItofIng a student dIscussIon gfoup,
and wfItIng aII those Iettefs of fecom-
mendatIon. On the Intfovefted sIde, he
took those fesponsIbIIItIes vefy, vefy
sefIousIy.
One way of IookIng at thIs," he says
now, Is to say that I was heavIIy en-
gaged In extfoveft-IIke behavIofs, but,
of coufse, had I been a feaI extfoveft I
wouId have done quIckef, Iess nuanced
Iettefs of fecommendatIon, wouId not
have Invested the tIme In pfepafatIon
'$#"#$#
of Iectufes, and the socIaI events wouId
not have dfaIned me." He aIso suffefed
ffom a ceftaIn amount of what he caIIs
feputatIonaI confusIon," In whIch he
became known fof beIng ovef-the-top
effefvescent, and the feputatIon fed on
ItseIf. ThIs was the pefsona that othefs
knew, so It was the pefsona he feIt ob-
IIged to sefve up.
NatufaIIy, Pfofessof IIttIe stafted to
bufn out, not onIy mentaIIy but aIso
physIcaIIy. Nevef mInd. He Ioved hIs
students, he Ioved hIs fIeId, he Ioved It
aII. UntII the day that he ended up In
the doctof's offIce wIth a case of doubIe
pneumonIa that he'd been too busy to
notIce. HIs wIfe had dfagged hIm thefe
agaInst hIs wIII, and a good thIng too.
AccofdIng to the doctofs, If she had
waIted much Iongef, he wouId have
dIed.
'!+"#$#
DoubIe pneumonIa and an ovefsched-
uIed IIfe can happen to anyone, of
coufse, but fof IIttIe, It was the fesuIt
of actIng out of chafactef fof too Iong
and wIthout enough festofatIve nIches.
When youf conscIentIousness ImpeIs
you to take on mofe than you can
handIe, you begIn to Iose Intefest, even
In tasks that nofmaIIy engage you. You
aIso fIsk youf physIcaI heaIth. Emo-
tIonaI Iabof," whIch Is the effoft we
make to contfoI and change ouf own
emotIons, Is assocIated wIth stfess,
bufnout, and even physIcaI symptoms
IIke an Incfease In cafdIovascuIaf dIs-
ease. Pfofessof IIttIe beIIeves that pfo-
Ionged actIng out of chafactef may aIso
Incfease autonomIc nefvous system
actIvIty, whIch can, In tufn, compfom-
Ise Immune functIonIng.
One notewofthy study suggests that
peopIe who suppfess negatIve emotIons
'!*"#$#
tend to Ieak those emotIons Iatef In un-
expected ways. The psychoIogIst JudIth
Gfob asked peopIe to hIde theIf emo-
tIons as she showed them dIsgustIng
Images. She even had them hoId pens
In theIf mouths to pfevent them ffom
ffownIng. She found that thIs gfoup fe-
pofted feeIIng Iess dIsgusted by the pIc-
tufes than dId those who'd been aI-
Iowed to feact natufaIIy. Iatef,
howevef, the peopIe who hId theIf
emotIons suffefed sIde effects. TheIf
memofy was ImpaIfed, and the negat-
Ive emotIons they'd suppfessed seemed
to coIof theIf outIook. When Gfob had
them fIII In the mIssIng Iettef to the
wofd gf_ss," fof exampIe, they wefe
mofe IIkeIy than othefs to offef gfoss"
fathef than gfass." PeopIe who tend
to ]suppfess theIf negatIve emotIons|
feguIafIy," concIudes Gfob, mIght staft
'!$"#$#
to see the wofId In a mofe negatIve
IIght."
That's why these days Pfofessof IIttIe
Is In festofatIve mode, fetIfed ffom the
unIvefsIty and feveIIng In hIs wIfe's
company In theIf house In the CanadIan
countfysIde. IIttIe says that hIs wIfe,
Sue PhIIIIps, the dIfectof of the SchooI
of PubIIc PoIIcy and AdmInIstfatIon at
CafIeton UnIvefsIty, Is so much IIke
hIm that they don't need a Ffee TfaIt
Agfeement to govefn theIf feIatIonshIp.
But hIs Ffee TfaIt Agfeement wIth :"5<
&)8/ pfovIdes that he do hIs femaInIng
schoIafIy and pfofessIonaI deeds wIth
good gface," but not hang afound
Iongef than necessafy."
Then he goes home and snuggIes by
the fIfe wIth Sue.
'!!"#$#
\h
DHO JG]]WKIJ"DIGK X"M
H,? %, D).: %, ]-37-&5 ,0 %4- G++,5$%-
D/+-
D:) 5))6".E -/ 6+- 3)#&-.78"6")& "& 8"$)
6:) 1-.6716 -/ 6+- 1:)5"178 &%G&67.1)&R "/
6:)#) "& 7.; #)716"-.N G-6: 7#) 6#7.&<
/-#5)0.
CARI JUNG
If Intfovefts and extfovefts afe the
nofth and south of tempefamentop-
posIte ends of a sIngIe spectfumthen
how can they possIbIy get aIong? Yet
the two types afe often dfawn to each
othefIn ffIendshIp, busIness, and es-
pecIaIIy fomance. These paIfs can enjoy
gfeat excItement and mutuaI admIfa-
tIon, a sense that each compIetes the
othef. One tends to IIsten, the othef to
taIk, one Is sensItIve to beauty, but aIso
to sIIngs and affows, whIIe the othef
baffeIs cheeffuIIy thfough hIs days, one
pays the bIIIs and the othef affanges
the chIIdfen's pIay dates. But It can aIso
cause pfobIems when membefs of these
unIons puII In opposIte dIfectIons.
Gfeg and EmIIy afe an exampIe of an
Intfoveft-extfoveft coupIe who Iove and
madden each othef In equaI measufe.
Gfeg, who just tufned thIfty, has a
boundIng gaIt, a mop of dafk haIf con-
tInuaIIy faIIIng ovef hIs eyes, and an
easy Iaugh. Most peopIe wouId descfIbe
hIm as gfegafIous. EmIIy, a matufe
twenty-seven, Is as seIf-contaIned as
Gfeg Is expansIve. GfacefuI and soft-
spoken, she keeps hef aubufn haIf tIed
'!&"#$#
In a chIgnon, and often gazes at peopIe
ffom undef Iowefed Iashes.
Gfeg and EmIIy compIement each
othef beautIfuIIy. WIthout Gfeg, EmIIy
mIght fofget to Ieave the house, except
to go to wofk. But wIthout EmIIy, Gfeg
wouId feeIpafadoxIcaIIy fof such a
socIaI cfeatufeaIone.
Befofe they met, most of Gfeg's gIfI-
ffIends wefe extfovefts. He says he en-
joyed those feIatIonshIps, but nevef got
to know hIs gIfIffIends weII, because
they wefe aIways pIottIng how to be
wIth gfoups of peopIe." He speaks of
EmIIy wIth a kInd of awe, as If she has
access to a deepef state of beIng. He
aIso descfIbes hef as the anchof"
afound whIch hIs wofId fevoIves.
EmIIy, fof hef paft, tfeasufes Gfeg's
ebuIIIent natufe, he makes hef feeI
happy and aIIve. She has aIways been
attfacted to extfovefts, who she says
'!'"#$#
do aII the wofk of makIng convefsa-
tIon. Fof them, It's not wofk at aII."
The tfoubIe Is that fof most of the
fIve yeafs they've been togethef, Gfeg
and EmIIy have been havIng one vef-
sIon of anothef of the same fIght. Gfeg,
a musIc pfomotef wIth a Iafge cIfcIe of
ffIends, wants to host dInnef paftIes
evefy FfIdaycasuaI, anImated get-to-
gethefs wIth heapIng bowIs of pasta
and fIowIng bottIes of wIne. He's been
gIvIng FfIday-nIght dInnefs sInce he
was a senIof In coIIege, and they've be-
come a hIghIIght of hIs week and a
tfeasufed pIece of hIs IdentIty.
EmIIy has come to dfead these
weekIy events. A hafdwofkIng staff at-
tofney fof an aft museum and a vefy
pfIvate pefson, the Iast thIng she wants
to do when she gets home ffom wofk Is
enteftaIn. Hef Idea of a peffect staft to
'!("#$#
the weekend Is a quIet evenIng at the
movIes, just hef and Gfeg.
It seems an IffeconcIIabIe dIffefence:
Gfeg wants fIfty-two dInnef paftIes a
yeaf, EmIIy wants zefo.
Gfeg says that EmIIy shouId make
mofe of an effoft. He accuses hef of be-
Ing antIsocIaI. I 75 socIaI," she says. I
Iove you, I Iove my famIIy, I Iove my
cIose ffIends. I just don't Iove dInnef
paftIes. PeopIe don't feaIIy #)876) at
those paftIesthey just &-1"78"]). You'fe
Iucky because I devote aII my enefgy to
you. You spfead youfs afound to
evefyone."
But EmIIy soon backs off, paftIy be-
cause she hates fIghtIng, but aIso be-
cause she doubts hefseIf. Z7;G) I am
7.6"&-1"78, she thInks. Z7;G) 6:)#) Is
&-5)6:".E +#-.E +"6: 5). Whenevef she
and Gfeg afgue about thIs, she's
fIooded wIth chIIdhood memofIes: how
'!)"#$#
schooI was toughef fof hef than fof hef
emotIonaIIy hafdIef youngef sIstef, how
she seemed to woffy mofe than othef
peopIe dId about socIaI Issues, IIke how
to say no when someone asked hef to
get togethef aftef schooI and she pfe-
feffed to stay home. EmIIy had pIenty
of ffIendsshe's aIways had a taIent fof
ffIendshIpbut she nevef tfaveIed In
packs.
EmIIy has suggested a compfomIse:
What If Gfeg gIves hIs dInnef paftIes
whenevef she's out of town vIsItIng hef
sIstef? But Gfeg doesn't want to host
dInnefs by hImseIf. He Ioves EmIIy and
wants to be wIth hef, and so does
evefyone eIse, once they get to know
hef. So why does EmIIy wIthdfaw?
ThIs questIon, fof Gfeg, Is mofe than
mefe pIque. BeIng aIone fof hIm Is a
kInd of KfyptonIte, It makes hIm feeI
weak. He had Iooked fofwafd to a
'!#"#$#
maffIed IIfe of shafed adventufes. He'd
ImagIned beIng paft of a coupIe at the
centef of thIngs. And he'd nevef admIt-
ted It to hImseIf, but fof hIm beIng maf-
fIed meant nevef havIng to be by hIm-
seIf. But now EmIIy Is sayIng that he
shouId socIaIIze wIthout hef. He feeIs
as If she's backIng out of a fundamentaI
paft of theIf maffIage contfact. And he
beIIeves that somethIng Is Indeed
wfong wIth hIs wIfe.
I& &-5)6:".E +#-.E +"6: 5)Y It's not suf-
pfIsIng that EmIIy asks hefseIf thIs
questIon, of that Gfeg aIms thIs chafge
at hef. PfobabIy the most com-
monand damagIngmIsundefstand-
Ing about pefsonaIIty type Is that Intfo-
vefts afe antIsocIaI and extfovefts afe
'%+"#$#
pfo-socIaI. But as we've seen, neIthef
fofmuIatIon Is coffect, Intfovefts and
extfovefts afe 0"//)#).68; socIaI. What
psychoIogIsts caII the need fof IntIm-
acy" Is pfesent In Intfovefts and extfo-
vefts aIIke. In fact, peopIe who vaIue
IntImacy hIghIy don't tend to be, as the
noted psychoIogIst DavId Buss puts It,
the Ioud, outgoIng, IIfe-of-the-pafty ex-
tfoveft." They afe mofe IIkeIy to be
someone wIth a seIect gfoup of cIose
ffIends, who pfefefs sIncefe and mean-
IngfuI convefsatIons ovef wIId paftIes."
They afe mofe IIkeIy to be someone
IIke EmIIy.
ConvefseIy, extfovefts do not neces-
safIIy seek cIoseness ffom theIf socIaIIz-
Ing. Extfovefts seem to need peopIe as
a fofum to fIII needs fof socIaI Impact,
just as a genefaI needs soIdIefs to fIII
hIs of hef need to Iead," the psychoIo-
gIst WIIIIam GfazIano toId me. When
'%*"#$#
extfovefts show up at a pafty, evefyone
knows they afe pfesent."
Youf degfee of extfovefsIon seems to
InfIuence how many ffIends you have,
In othef wofds, but not how good a
ffIend you afe. In a study of 132 coIIege
students at HumboIdt UnIvefsIty In Bef-
IIn, the psychoIogIsts Jens Aspendoff
and Susanne WIIpefs set out to undef-
stand the effect of dIffefent pefsonaIIty
tfaIts on students' feIatIonshIps wIth
theIf peefs and famIIIes. They focused
on the so-caIIed BIg FIve tfaIts:
IntfovefsIon-ExtfovefsIon, AgfeeabIe-
ness, Openness to ExpefIence, Con-
scIentIousness, and EmotIonaI StabIIIty.
(Many pefsonaIIty psychoIogIsts beIIeve
that human pefsonaIIty can be boIIed
down to these fIve chafactefIstIcs.)
Aspendoff and WIIpefs pfedIcted that
the extfovefted students wouId have an
easIef tIme stfIkIng up new ffIendshIps
'%$"#$#
than the Intfovefts, and thIs was Indeed
the case. But If the Intfovefts wefe tfuIy
antIsocIaI and extfovefts pfo-socIaI,
then you'd suppose that the students
wIth the most hafmonIous feIatIonshIps
wouId aIso be hIghest In extfovefsIon.
And thIs was not the case at aII. In-
stead, the students whose feIatIonshIps
wefe ffeest of confIIct had hIgh scofes
fof agfeeabIeness. AgfeeabIe peopIe afe
wafm, suppoftIve, and IovIng, pefsonaI-
Ity psychoIogIsts have found that If you
sIt them down In ffont of a computef
scfeen of wofds, they focus Iongef than
othefs do on wofds IIke 17#".EN 1-.&-8),
and :)83, and a shoftef tIme on wofds
IIke 7G0%16N 7&&7%86, and :7#7&&. Intfo-
vefts and extfovefts afe equaIIy IIkeIy
to be agfeeabIe, thefe Is no coffeIatIon
between extfovefsIon and agfeeabIe-
ness. ThIs expIaIns why some extfovefts
Iove the stImuIatIon of socIaIIzIng but
'%!"#$#
don't get aIong paftIcuIafIy weII wIth
those cIosest to them.
It aIso heIps expIaIn why some Intfo-
veftsIIke EmIIy, whose taIent fof
ffIendshIp suggests that she's a hIghIy
agfeeabIe type hefseIfIavIsh attentIon
on theIf famIIy and cIose ffIends but
dIsIIke smaII taIk. So when Gfeg IabeIs
EmIIy antIsocIaI," he's off base. EmIIy
nuftufes hef maffIage In just the way
that you'd expect an agfeeabIe Intfoveft
to do, makIng Gfeg the centef of hef so-
cIaI unIvefse.
Except when she doesn't. EmIIy has a
demandIng job, and sometImes when
she gets home at nIght she has IIttIe en-
efgy Ieft. She's aIways happy to see
Gfeg, but sometImes she'd fathef sIt
next to hIm feadIng than go out fof dIn-
nef of make anImated convefsatIon.
SImpIy to be In hIs company Is enough.
Fof EmIIy, thIs Is peffectIy natufaI, but
'%%"#$#
Gfeg feeIs huft that she makes an effoft
fof hef coIIeagues and not fof hIm.
ThIs was a paInfuIIy common dynam-
Ic In the Intfoveft-extfoveft coupIes I
IntefvIewed: the Intfovefts despefateIy
cfavIng downtIme and undefstandIng
ffom theIf paftnefs, the extfovefts Iong-
Ing fof company, and fesentfuI that oth-
efs seemed to benefIt ffom theIf paft-
nefs' best" seIves.
It can be hafd fof extfovefts to un-
defstand how badIy Intfovefts need to
fechafge at the end of a busy day. We
aII empathIze wIth a sIeep-depfIved
mate who comes home ffom wofk too
tIfed to taIk, but It's hafdef to gfasp
that socIaI ovefstImuIatIon can be just
as exhaustIng.
It's aIso hafd fof Intfovefts to undef-
stand just how huftfuI theIf sIIence can
be. I IntefvIewed a woman named
Safah, a bubbIy and dynamIc hIgh
'%&"#$#
schooI EngIIsh teachef maffIed to Bob,
an Intfovefted Iaw schooI dean who
spends hIs days fund-faIsIng, then coI-
Iapses when he gets home. Safah cfIed
teafs of ffustfatIon and IoneIIness as
she toId me about hef maffIage.
When he's on the job, he's amaz-
IngIy engagIng," she saId. Evefyone
teIIs me that he's so funny and I'm so
Iucky to be maffIed to hIm. And I want
to thfottIe them. Evefy nIght, as soon as
we'fe done eatIng, he jumps up and
cIeans the kItchen. Then he wants to
fead the papef aIone and wofk on hIs
photogfaphy by hImseIf. At afound
nIne, he comes Into the bedfoom and
wants to watch TV and be wIth me. But
he's not feaIIy wIth me even then. He
wants me to Iay my head on hIs
shouIdef whIIe we stafe at the TV. It's a
gfownup vefsIon of pafaIIeI pIay."
Safah Is tfyIng to convInce Bob to make
'%'"#$#
a cafeef change. I thInk we'd have a
gfeat IIfe If he had a job whefe he couId
sIt at the computef aII day, but he's
consIstentIy fund-faIsIng," she says.
In coupIes whefe the man Is Intfovef-
ted and the woman extfovefted, as wIth
Safah and Bob, we often mIstake pef-
sonaIIty confIIcts fof gendef dIffefence,
then tfot out the conventIonaI wIsdom
that Mafs" needs to fetfeat to hIs cave
whIIe Venus" pfefefs to Intefact. But
whatevef the feason fof these dIffef-
ences In socIaI needswhethef gendef
of tempefamentwhat's Impoftant Is
that It's possIbIe to wofk thfough them.
In D:) L%071"6; -/ >-3), fof exampIe,
PfesIdent Obama confIdes that eafIy In
hIs maffIage to MIcheIIe, he was wofk-
Ing on hIs fIfst book and wouId often
spend the evenIng hoIed up In my of-
fIce In the back of ouf faIIfoad apaft-
ment, what I consIdefed nofmaI often
'%("#$#
Ieft MIcheIIe feeIIng IoneIy." He attfIb-
utes hIs own styIe to the demands of
wfItIng and to havIng been faIsed
mostIy as an onIy chIId, and then says
that he and MIcheIIe have Ieafned ovef
the yeafs to meet each othef's needs,
and to see them as IegItImate.
It can aIso be hafd fof Intfovefts and
extfovefts to undefstand each othef's
ways of fesoIvIng dIffefences. One of
my cIIents was an ImmacuIateIy dfessed
Iawyef named CeIIa. CeIIa wanted a dI-
vofce, but dfeaded IettIng hef husband
know. She had good feasons fof hef de-
cIsIon but antIcIpated that he wouId
beg hef to stay and that she wouId
cfumpIe wIth guIIt. Above aII, CeIIa
'%)"#$#
wanted to deIIvef hef news
compassIonateIy.
We decIded to foIe-pIay theIf dIscus-
sIon, wIth me actIng as hef husband.
I want to end thIs maffIage," saId
CeIIa. I mean It thIs tIme."
I've been doIng evefythIng I can to
hoId thIngs togethef," I pIeaded. How
can you do thIs to me?"
CeIIa thought fof a mInute.
I've spent a Iot of tIme thInkIng thIs
thfough, and I beIIeve thIs Is the fIght
decIsIon," she fepIIed In a wooden
voIce.
What can I do to change youf
mInd?" I asked.
NothIng," saId CeIIa fIatIy.
FeeIIng fof a mInute what hef hus-
band wouId feeI, I was dumbstfuck. She
was so fote, so dIspassIonate. She was
about to dIvofce meme, hef husband
of eIeven yeafs! F"0.S6 &:) 17#)Y
'%#"#$#
I asked CeIIa to tfy agaIn, thIs tIme
wIth emotIon In hef voIce.
I can't," she saId. I can't do It."
But she dId. I want to end thIs maf-
fIage," she fepeated, hef voIce choked
wIth sadness. She began to weep
uncontfoIIabIy.
CeIIa's pfobIem was not Iack of feeI-
Ing. It was how to &:-+ hef emotIons
wIthout IosIng contfoI. ReachIng fof a
tIssue, she quIckIy gathefed hefseIf, and
went back Into cfIsp, dIspassIonate Iaw-
yef mode. These wefe the two geafs to
whIch she had feady accessovef-
wheImIng feeIIngs of detached seIf-
possessIon.
I teII you CeIIa's stofy because In
many ways she's a Iot IIke EmIIy and
many Intfovefts I've IntefvIewed. EmIIy
Is taIkIng to Gfeg about dInnef paftIes,
not dIvofce, but hef communIcatIon
styIe echoes CeIIa's. When she and Gfeg
'&+"#$#
dIsagfee, hef voIce gets quIet and fIat,
hef mannef sIIghtIy dIstant. What she's
tfyIng to do Is mInImIze aggfes-
sIonEmIIy Is uncomfoftabIe wIth an-
gefbut she 733)7#& to be fecedIng
emotIonaIIy. MeanwhIIe, Gfeg does just
the opposIte, faIsIng hIs voIce and
soundIng beIIIgefent as he gets evef
mofe engaged In wofkIng out theIf
pfobIem. The mofe EmIIy seems to
wIthdfaw, the mofe aIone, then huft,
then enfaged Gfeg becomes, the angfIef
he gets, the mofe huft and dIstaste
EmIIy feeIs, and the deepef she fetfeats.
Pfetty soon they'fe Iocked In a destfuct-
Ive cycIe ffom whIch they can't escape,
paftIy because both spouses beIIeve
they'fe afguIng In an appfopfIate
mannef.
ThIs dynamIc shouIdn't sufpfIse any-
one famIIIaf wIth the feIatIonshIp
between pefsonaIIty and confIIct
'&*"#$#
fesoIutIon styIe. Just as men and wo-
men often have dIffefent ways of
fesoIvIng confIIct, so do Intfovefts and
extfovefts, studIes suggest that the
fofmef tend to be confIIct-avoIdefs,
whIIe the Iattef afe conffontIve
copefs," at ease wIth an up-ffont, even
afgumentatIve styIe of dIsagfeement.
These afe dIametfIcaIIy opposIte ap-
pfoaches, so they'fe bound to cfeate
ffIctIon. If EmIIy dIdn't mInd confIIct so
much, she mIght not feact so stfongIy
to Gfeg's head-on appfoach, If Gfeg
wefe mIIdef-mannefed, he mIght appfe-
cIate EmIIy's attempt to keep a IId on
thIngs. When peopIe have compatIbIe
styIes of confIIct, a dIsagfeement can be
an occasIon fof each paftnef to affIfm
the othef's poInt of vIew. But Gfeg and
EmIIy seem to undefstand each othef a
IIttIe 8)&& each tIme they afgue In a way
that the othef dIsappfoves of.
'&$"#$#
Do they aIso 8"$) each othef a IIttIe
Iess, at Ieast fof the dufatIon of the
fIght? An IIIumInatIng study by the psy-
choIogIst WIIIIam GfazIano suggests
that the answef to thIs questIon mIght
be yes. GfazIano dIvIded a gfoup of
sIxty-one maIe students Into teams to
pIay a sImuIated footbaII game. HaIf
the paftIcIpants wefe assIgned to a co-
opefatIve game, In whIch they wefe
toId, FootbaII Is usefuI to us because to
be successfuI In footbaII, 6)75 5)5G)#&
:7*) 6- +-#$ +)88 6-E)6:)#." The othef
haIf wefe assIgned to a game emphasIz-
Ing competItIon between teams. Each
student was then shown sIIdes and fab-
fIcated bIogfaphIcaI InfofmatIon about
hIs teammates and hIs competItofs on
the othef team, and asked to fate how
he feIt about the othef pIayefs.
The dIffefences between Intfovefts
and extfovefts wefe femafkabIe. The
'&!"#$#
Intfovefts assIgned to the coopefatIve
game fated aII pIayefsnot just theIf
competItofs, but aIso theIf team-
matesmofe posItIveIy than the Intfo-
vefts who pIayed the competItIve game.
The extfovefts dId just the opposIte:
they fated aII pIayefs mofe posItIveIy
when they pIayed the competItIve vef-
sIon of the game. These fIndIngs sug-
gest somethIng vefy Impoftant: Intfo-
vefts IIke peopIe they meet In ffIendIy
contexts, extfovefts pfefef those they
compete wIth.
A vefy dIffefent study, In whIch fo-
bots Intefacted wIth stfoke patIents
dufIng physIcaI fehabIIItatIon exefcIses,
yIeIded stfIkIngIy sImIIaf fesuIts. Intfo-
vefted patIents fesponded bettef and In-
tefacted Iongef wIth fobots that wefe
desIgned to speak In a soothIng, gentIe
mannef: I know It Is hafd, but femem-
bef that It's fof youf own good," and,
'&%"#$#
Vefy nIce, keep up the good wofk."
Extfovefts, on the othef hand, wofked
hafdef fof fobots that used mofe bfa-
cIng, aggfessIve Ianguage: You can do
mofe than that, I know It!" and Con-
centfate on youf exefcIse!"
These fIndIngs suggest that Gfeg and
EmIIy face an IntefestIng chaIIenge. If
Gfeg IIkes peopIe mofe when they'fe
behavIng fofcefuIIy of competItIveIy,
and If EmIIy feeIs the same way about
nuftufIng, coopefatIve peopIe, then
how can they feach a compfomIse
about theIf dInnef-pafty Impasseand
get thefe In a IovIng way?
An IntfIguIng answef comes ffom a
UnIvefsIty of MIchIgan busIness schooI
study, not of maffIed coupIes wIth op-
posIte pefsonaIIty styIes, but of negotI-
atofs ffom dIffefent cuItufesIn thIs
case, AsIans and IsfaeIIs. Seventy-sIx
MBA students ffom Hong Kong and
'&&"#$#
IsfaeI wefe asked to ImagIne they wefe
gettIng maffIed In a few months and
had to fInaIIze affangements wIth a ca-
tefIng company fof the weddIng fecep-
tIon. ThIs meetIng" took pIace by
vIdeo.
Some of the students wefe shown a
vIdeo In whIch the busIness managef
was ffIendIy and smIIey, the othefs saw
a vIdeo featufIng an IffItabIe and antag-
onIstIc managef. But the catefef's mes-
sage was the same In both cases. Anoth-
ef coupIe was Intefested In the same
weddIng date. The pfIce had gone up.
Take It of Ieave It.
The students ffom Hong Kong fe-
acted vefy dIffefentIy ffom the IsfaeII
students. The AsIans wefe faf mofe
IIkeIy to accept a pfoposaI ffom the
ffIendIy busIness managef than ffom
the hostIIe one, onIy 14 pefcent wefe
wIIIIng to wofk wIth the dIffIcuIt
'&'"#$#
managef, whIIe 71 pefcent accepted the
deaI ffom the smIIIng catefef. But the
IsfaeIIs wefe just as IIkeIy to accept the
deaI ffom )"6:)# managef. In othef
wofds, fof the AsIan negotIatofs, styIe
counted as weII as substance, whIIe the
IsfaeIIs wefe mofe focused on the In-
fofmatIon beIng conveyed. They wefe
unmoved by a dIspIay of eIthef sym-
pathetIc -# hostIIe emotIons.
The expIanatIon fof thIs stafk dIffef-
ence has to do wIth how the two cuI-
tufes defIne fespect. As we saw In
chaptef 8, many AsIan peopIe show es-
teem by mInImIzIng confIIct. But IsfaeI-
Is, say the feseafchefs, afe not IIkeIy to
vIew ]dIsagfeement| as a sIgn of dIs-
fespect, but as a sIgnaI that the oppos-
Ing pafty Is concefned and Is passIon-
ateIy engaged In the task."
We mIght say the same of Gfeg and
EmIIy. When EmIIy Iowefs hef voIce
'&("#$#
and fIattens hef affect dufIng fIghts
wIth Gfeg, she thInks she's beIng fe-
spectfuI by takIng the tfoubIe not to Iet
hef negatIve emotIons show. But Gfeg
thInks she's checkIng out of, wofse,
that she doesn't gIve a damn. SImIIafIy,
when Gfeg Iets hIs angef fIy, he as-
sumes that EmIIy feeIs, as he does, that
thIs Is a heaIthy and honest expfessIon
of theIf deepIy commItted feIatIonshIp.
But to EmIIy, It's as If Gfeg has sud-
denIy tufned on hef.
In hef book L.E)#= D:) Z"&%.0)#&6--0
45-6"-., CafoI TavfIs fecounts a stofy
about a BengaII cobfa that IIked to bIte
passIng vIIIagefs. One day a swamIa
man who has achIeved seIf-mas-
tefyconvInces the snake that bItIng Is
'&)"#$#
wfong. The cobfa vows to stop ImmedI-
ateIy, and does. Befofe Iong, the vIIIage
boys gfow unaffaId of the snake and
staft to abuse hIm. Battefed and bIood-
Ied, the snake compIaIns to the swamI
that thIs Is what came of keepIng hIs
pfomIse.
I toId you not to bIte," saId the
swamI, but I dId not teII you not to
hIss."
Many peopIe, IIke the swamI's co-
bfa, confuse the hIss wIth the bIte,"
wfItes TavfIs.
Many peopIeIIke Gfeg and EmIIy.
Both have much to Ieafn ffom the
swamI's stofy: Gfeg to stop bItIng,
EmIIy that It's OK fof hImand fof
hefto hIss.
Gfeg can staft by changIng hIs as-
sumptIons about angef. He beIIeves, as
most of us do, that ventIng angef Iets
off steam. The cathafsIs
'&#"#$#
hypothesIs"that aggfessIon buIIds up
InsIde us untII It's heaIthIIy fe-
Ieaseddates back to the Gfeeks, was
fevIved by Ffeud, and gaIned steam
dufIng the Iet It aII hang out" 1960s of
punchIng bags and pfImaI scfeams. But
the cathafsIs hypothesIs Is a mytha
pIausIbIe one, an eIegant one, but a
myth nonetheIess. Scofes of studIes
have shown that ventIng doesn't soothe
angef, "6 /%)8& "6.
We'fe best off when we don't aIIow
oufseIves to go to ouf angfy pIace.
AmazIngIy, neufoscIentIsts have even
found that peopIe who use Botox,
whIch pfevents them ffom makIng
angfy faces, seem to be Iess angef-
pfone than those who don't, because
the vefy act of ffownIng tfIggefs the
amygdaIa to pfocess negatIve emotIons.
And angef Is not just damagIng In the
moment, fof days aftefwafd, ventefs
''+"#$#
have fepaIf wofk to do wIth theIf paft-
nefs. DespIte the popuIaf fantasy of fab-
uIous sex aftef fIghtIng, many coupIes
say that It takes tIme to feeI IovIng
agaIn.
What can Gfeg do to caIm down
when he feeIs hIs fufy mountIng? He
can take a deep bfeath. He can take a
ten-mInute bfeak. And he can ask hIm-
seIf whethef the thIng that's makIng
hIm so angfy Is feaIIy that Impoftant. If
not, he mIght Iet It go. But If It Is, then
he'II want to phfase hIs needs not as
pefsonaI attacks but as neutfaI dIscus-
sIon Items. You'fe so antIsocIaI!" can
become Can we fIgufe out a way to of-
ganIze ouf weekends that wofks fof us
both?"
ThIs advIce wouId hoId even If EmIIy
wefen't a sensItIve Intfoveft (no one
IIkes to feeI domInated of dIsfespected),
but It so happens that Gfeg's maffIed to
''*"#$#
a woman who Is )&3)1"788; put off by
angef. So he needs to fespond to the
confIIct-avoIdant wIfe he has, not the
conffontatIonaI one that he wIshes, at
Ieast In the heat of the moment, he
wefe maffIed to.
Now Iet's Iook at EmIIy's sIde of the
equatIon. What couId she be doIng dIf-
fefentIy? She's fIght to pfotest when
Gfeg bIteswhen he attacks un-
faIfIybut what about when he hIsses?
EmIIy mIght addfess hef own countef-
pfoductIve feactIons to angef, among
them hef tendency to sIIp Into a cycIe
of guIIt and defensIveness. We know
ffom chaptef 6 that many Intfovefts afe
pfone ffom eafIIest chIIdhood to stfong
guIIt feeIIngs, we aIso know that we aII
tend to pfoject ouf own feactIons onto
othefs. Because confIIct-avoIdant EmIIy
wouId nevef bIte" of even hIss unIess
Gfeg had done somethIng tfuIy
''$"#$#
hoffIbIe, on some IeveI she pfocesses
:"& bIte to mean that she's teffIbIy
guIItyof somethIng, anythIng, who
knows what? EmIIy's guIIt feeIs so In-
toIefabIe that she tends to deny the
vaIIdIty of aII of Gfeg's cIaImsthe Ie-
gItImate ones aIong wIth those exaggef-
ated by angef. ThIs, of coufse, Ieads to
a vIcIous cycIe In whIch she shuts down
hef natufaI empathy and Gfeg feeIs
unheafd.
So EmIIy needs to accept that It's OK
to be In the wfong. At fIfst she may
have tfoubIe puzzIIng out when she Is
and when she Isn't, the fact that Gfeg
expfesses hIs gfIevances wIth such pas-
sIon makes It hafd to soft thIs out. But
EmIIy must tfy not to get dfagged Into
thIs mofass. When Gfeg makes IegItIm-
ate poInts, she shouId acknowIedge
them, not onIy to be a good paftnef to
hef husband, but aIso to teach hefseIf
''!"#$#
that It's OK to have tfansgfessed. ThIs
wIII make It easIef fof hef not to feeI
huftand to fIght backwhen Gfeg's
cIaIms 7#) unjustIfIed.
FIght back? But EmIIy hates fIghtIng.
That's OK. She needs to become mofe
comfoftabIe wIth the sound of hef own
hIss. Intfovefts may be hesItant to
cause dIshafmony, but, IIke the passIve
snake, they shouId be equaIIy woffIed
about encoufagIng vItfIoI ffom theIf
paftnefs. And fIghtIng back may not In-
vIte fetaIIatIon, as EmIIy feafs, Instead
It may encoufage Gfeg to back off. She
need not put on a huge dIspIay. Often,
a fIfm that's not OK wIth me" wIII do.
Evefy once In a whIIe, EmIIy mIght
aIso want to step outsIde hef usuaI
comfoft zone and Iet hef own angef fIy.
Remembef, fof Gfeg, heat means con-
nectIon. In the same way that the extfo-
vefted pIayefs In the footbaII game
''%"#$#
study feIt wafmIy towafd theIf feIIow
competItofs, so Gfeg may feeI cIosef to
EmIIy If she can take on just a IIttIe of
the coIofatIon of a pumped-up pIayef,
feady to take the fIeId.
EmIIy can aIso ovefcome hef own
dIstaste fof Gfeg's behavIof by femInd-
Ing hefseIf that he's not feaIIy as ag-
gfessIve as he seems. John, an Intfoveft
I IntefvIewed who has a gfeat feIatIon-
shIp wIth hIs fIefy wIfe, descfIbes how
he Ieafned to do thIs aftef twenty-fIve
yeafs of maffIage:
When JennIfef's aftef me about
somethIng, she's feaIIy aftef me. If I
went to bed wIthout tIdyIng the kIt-
chen, the next mofnIng she'II shout
at me, ThIs kItchen Is fIIthy!" I
come In and Iook afound the kIt-
chen. Thefe afe thfee of fouf cups
out, It's not fIIthy. But the dfama
''&"#$#
wIth whIch she Imbues such mo-
ments Is natufaI to hef. That's hef
way of sayIng, M))N +:). ;-% E)6 7
1:7.1) IS0 733#)1"76) "6 "/ ;-% 1-%80
b%&6 6"0; %3 6:) $"61:). 7 8"668) 5-#). If
she dId say It that way to me, I
wouId say, IS0 G) :733; 6-N 7.0 IS5
&-##; 6:76 I 0"0.S6 0- "6 &--.)#. But be-
cause she comes at me wIth that
two-hundfed-mIIe-pef-houf ffeIght-
tfaIn enefgy, I want to bfIdIe and
say, D-- G70. The feason I don't Is
because we've been maffIed fof
twenty-fIve yeafs, and I've come to
undefstand that JennIfef dIdn't put
me In a IIfe-thfeatenIng sItuatIon
when she spoke that way.
So what's John's secfet fof feIatIng to
hIs fofcefuI wIfe? He Iets hef know that
hef wofds wefe unacceptabIe, but he
aIso tfIes to IIsten to theIf meanIng. I
'''"#$#
tfy to tap Into my empathy," he says. I
take hef tone out of the equatIon. I take
out the assauIt on my senses, and I tfy
to get to what she's tfyIng to say."
And what JennIfef Is tfyIng to say,
undefneath hef ffeIght-tfaIn wofds, Is
often quIte sImpIe: Respect me. Pay at-
tentIon to me. Iove me.
Gfeg and EmIIy now have vaIuabIe
InsIghts about how to taIk thfough theIf
dIffefences. But thefe's one mofe ques-
tIon they need to answef: Why exactIy
do they expefIence those FfIday-nIght
dInnef paftIes so dIffefentIy? We know
that EmIIy's nefvous system pfobabIy
goes Into ovefdfIve when she entefs a
foom fuII of peopIe. And we know that
Gfeg feeIs the opposIte: pfopeIIed to-
wafd peopIe, convefsatIons, events,
anythIng that gIves hIm that dopamIne-
fueIed, go-fof-It sensatIon that extfo-
vefts cfave. But Iet's dIg a IIttIe deepef
''("#$#
Into the anatomy of cocktaII-houf chat-
tef. The key to bfIdgIng Gfeg and
EmIIy's dIffefences IIes In the detaIIs.
Some yeafs ago, thIfty-two paIfs of In-
tfovefts and extfovefts, aII of them
stfangefs to each othef, chatted on the
phone fof a few mInutes as paft of an
expefIment conducted by a neufoscIent-
Ist named Df. Matthew IIebefman, then
a gfaduate student at Hafvafd. When
they hung up, they wefe asked to fIII
out detaIIed questIonnaIfes, fatIng how
they'd feIt and behaved dufIng the con-
vefsatIon. How much dId you IIke youf
convefsatIonaI paftnef? How ffIendIy
wefe you? How much wouId you IIke to
Intefact wIth thIs pefson agaIn? They
wefe aIso asked to put themseIves In
'')"#$#
the shoes of theIf convefsatIonaI paft-
nefs: How much dId youf paftnef IIke
you? How sensItIve was she to you?
How encoufagIng?
IIebefman and hIs team compafed
the answefs and aIso IIstened In on the
convefsatIons and made theIf own
judgments about how the paftIes feIt
about each othef. They found that the
extfovefts wefe a Iot mofe accufate
than the Intfovefts In assessIng whethef
theIf paftnef IIked taIkIng to them.
These fIndIngs suggest that extfovefts
afe bettef at decodIng socIaI cues than
Intfovefts. At fIfst, thIs seems unsuf-
pfIsIng, wfItes IIebefman, It echoes the
popuIaf assumptIon that extfovefts afe
bettef at feadIng socIaI sItuatIons. The
onIy pfobIem, as IIebefman showed
thfough a fufthef twIst to hIs expefI-
ment, Is that thIs assumptIon Is not
quIte fIght.
''#"#$#
IIebefman and hIs team asked a se-
Iect gfoup of paftIcIpants to IIsten to a
tape of the convefsatIons they'd just
hadG)/-#) fIIIIng out the questIon-
naIfe. In thIs gfoup, he found, thefe
was no dIffefence between Intfovefts
and extfovefts In theIf abIIIty to fead
socIaI cues. Why?
The answef Is that the subjects who
IIstened to the tape fecofdIng wefe abIe
to decode socIaI cues +"6:-%6 :7*".E 6-
0- 7.;6:".E )8&) 76 6:) &75) 6"5). And In-
tfovefts afe pfetty fIne decodefs, ac-
cofdIng to sevefaI studIes pfedatIng the
IIebefman expefIments. One of these
studIes actuaIIy found that Intfovefts
wefe bettef decodefs than extfovefts.
But these studIes measufed how weII
Intfovefts -G&)#*) socIaI dynamIcs, not
how weII they paftIcIpate In them. Paf-
tIcIpatIon pIaces a vefy dIffefent set of
demands on the bfaIn than obsefvIng
'(+"#$#
does. It fequIfes a kInd of mentaI muItI-
taskIng: the abIIIty to pfocess a Iot of
shoft-tefm InfofmatIon at once wIthout
becomIng dIstfacted of ovefIy stfessed.
ThIs Is just the soft of bfaIn functIonIng
that extfovefts tend to be weII suIted
fof. In othef wofds, extfovefts afe socI-
abIe because theIf bfaIns afe good at
handIIng competIng demands on theIf
attentIonwhIch Is just what dInnef-
pafty convefsatIon InvoIves. In con-
tfast, Intfovefts often feeI fepeIIed by
socIaI events that fofce them to attend
to many peopIe at once.
ConsIdef that the sImpIest socIaI In-
tefactIon between two peopIe fequIfes
peffofmIng an astonIshIng affay of
tasks: IntefpfetIng what the othef pef-
son Is sayIng, feadIng body Ianguage
and facIaI expfessIons, smoothIy takIng
tufns taIkIng and IIstenIng, fespondIng
to what the othef pefson saId, assessIng
'(*"#$#
whethef you'fe beIng undefstood, de-
tefmInIng whethef you'fe weII fe-
ceIved, and, If not, fIgufIng out how to
Impfove of femove youfseIf ffom the
sItuatIon. ThInk of what It takes to
juggIe aII thIs at once! And that's just a
one-on-one convefsatIon. Now ImagIne
the muItItaskIng fequIfed In a gfoup
settIng IIke a dInnef pafty.
So when Intfovefts assume the ob-
sefvef foIe, as when they wfIte noveIs,
of contempIate unIfIed fIeId theofyof
faII quIet at dInnef paftIesthey'fe not
demonstfatIng a faIIufe of wIII of a Iack
of enefgy. They'fe sImpIy doIng what
they'fe constItutIonaIIy suIted fof.
The IIebefman expefIment heIps us un-
defstand what tfIps up Intfovefts
'($"#$#
socIaIIy. It doesn't show us how they
can shIne.
ConsIdef the case of an unassumIng-
IookIng feIIow named Jon Befghoff. Jon
Is a stefeotypIcaI Intfoveft, fIght down
to hIs physIcaI appeafance: Iean, wIfy
body, shafpIy etched nose and
cheekbones, thoughtfuI expfessIon on
hIs bespectacIed face. He's not much of
a taIkef, but what he says Is cafefuIIy
consIdefed, especIaIIy when he's In a
gfoup: If I'm In a foom wIth ten
peopIe and I have a choIce between
taIkIng and not taIkIng," he says, I'm
the one not taIkIng. When peopIe ask,
'Why afen't you sayIng anythIng?' I'm
the guy they'fe sayIng It to."
Jon Is aIso a standout saIesman, and
has been evef sInce he was a teenagef.
In the summef of 1999, when he was
stIII a junIof In hIgh schooI, he stafted
wofkIng as an entfy-IeveI dIstfIbutof,
'(!"#$#
seIIIng Cutco kItchen pfoducts. The job
had hIm goIng Into customefs' homes,
seIIIng knIves. It was one of the most
IntImate saIes sItuatIons ImagInabIe,
not In a boafdfoom of a caf deaIefshIp,
but InsIde a potentIaI cIIent's kItchen,
seIIIng them a pfoduct they'd use daIIy
to heIp put food on the tabIe.
WIthIn Jon's fIfst eIght weeks on the
job, he soId $50,000 wofth of knIves.
He went on to be the company's top
fepfesentatIve ffom ovef 40,000 new
fecfuIts that yeaf. By the yeaf 2000,
when he was stIII a hIgh schooI senIof,
Jon had genefated mofe than $135,000
In commIssIons and had bfoken mofe
than twenty-fIve natIonaI and fegIonaI
saIes fecofds. MeanwhIIe, back In hIgh
schooI, he was stIII a socIaIIy awkwafd
guy who hId InsIde the IIbfafy at Iunch-
tIme. But by 2002 he'd fecfuIted, hIfed,
and tfaIned nInety othef saIes feps, and
'(%"#$#
Incfeased teffItofy saIes 500 pefcent
ovef the pfevIous yeaf. SInce then, Jon
has Iaunched GIobaI Empowefment
CoachIng, hIs own pefsonaI coachIng
and saIes tfaInIng busIness. To date he's
gIven hundfeds of speeches, tfaInIng
semInafs, and pfIvate consuItatIons to
mofe than 30,000 saIespeopIe and
managefs.
What's the secfet of Jon's success?
One Impoftant cIue comes ffom an ex-
pefIment by the deveIopmentaI psycho-
IogIst AvfII Thofne, now a pfofessof at
the UnIvefsIty of CaIIfofnIa, Santa Cfuz.
Thofne gathefed fIfty-two young
womentwenty-sIx Intfovefts and
twenty-sIx extfoveftsand assIgned
them to two dIffefent convefsatIonaI
paIfIngs. Each pefson had one ten-
mInute convefsatIon wIth a paftnef of
hef own type and a second convefsa-
tIon of equaI Iength wIth hef
'(&"#$#
dIsposItIonaI opposIte." Thofne's team
taped the convefsatIons and asked the
paftIcIpants to IIsten to a pIayback
tape.
ThIs pfocess feveaIed some sufpfIsIng
fIndIngs. The Intfovefts and extfovefts
paftIcIpated about equaIIy, gIvIng the
IIe to the Idea that Intfovefts aIways
taIk Iess. But the Intfoveft paIfs tended
to focus on one of two sefIous subjects
of convefsatIon, whIIe the extfoveft
paIfs chose IIghtef-heafted and wIdef-
fangIng topIcs. Often the Intfovefts dIs-
cussed pfobIems of confIIcts In theIf
IIves: schooI, wofk, ffIendshIps, and so
on. Pefhaps because of thIs fondness fof
pfobIem taIk," they tended to adopt
the foIe of advIsef, takIng tufns coun-
seIIng each othef on the pfobIem at
hand. The extfovefts, by contfast, wefe
mofe IIkeIy to offef casuaI InfofmatIon
about themseIves that estabIIshed
'('"#$#
commonaIIty wIth the othef pefson:
[-% :7*) 7 .)+ 0-EY D:76S& E#)76P L
/#").0 -/ 5".) :7& 7. 757]".E 67.$ -/
&786+76)# /"&:^
But the most IntefestIng paft of
Thofne's expefIment was how much the
two types appfecIated each othef. Intfo-
vefts taIkIng to extfovefts chose cheefI-
ef topIcs, fepofted makIng convefsatIon
mofe easIIy, and descfIbed convefsIng
wIth extfovefts as a bfeath of ffesh
aIf." In contfast, the extfovefts feIt that
they couId feIax mofe wIth Intfoveft
paftnefs and wefe ffeef to confIde theIf
pfobIems. They dIdn't feeI pfessufe to
be faIseIy upbeat.
These afe usefuI pIeces of socIaI In-
fofmatIon. Intfovefts and extfovefts
sometImes feeI mutuaIIy put off, but
Thofne's feseafch suggests how much
each has to offef the othef. Extfovefts
need to know that Intfoveftswho
'(("#$#
often seem to dIsdaIn the supeffI-
cIaImay be onIy too happy to be
tugged aIong to a mofe IIghtheafted
pIace, and Intfovefts, who sometImes
feeI as If theIf pfopensIty fof pfobIem
taIk makes them a dfag, shouId know
that they make It safe fof othefs to get
sefIous.
Thofne's feseafch aIso heIps us to un-
defstand Jon Befghoff's astonIshIng
success at saIes. He has tufned hIs affIn-
Ity fof sefIous convefsatIon, and fof ad-
optIng an advIsofy foIe fathef than a
pefsuasIve one, Into a kInd of thefapy
fof hIs pfospects. I dIscovefed eafIy on
that peopIe don't buy ffom me because
they undefstand what I'm seIIIng," ex-
pIaIns Jon. They buy because they feeI
undefstood."
Jon aIso benefIts ffom hIs natufaI
tendency to ask a Iot of questIons and
to IIsten cIoseIy to the answefs. I got
'()"#$#
to the poInt whefe I couId waIk Into
someone's house and Instead of tfyIng
to seII them some knIves, I'd ask a hun-
dfed questIons In a fow. I couId man-
age the entIfe convefsatIon just by ask-
Ing the fIght questIons." Today, In hIs
coachIng busIness, Jon does the same
thIng. I tfy to tune In to the fadIo sta-
tIon of the pefson I'm wofkIng wIth. I
pay attentIon to the enefgy they exude.
It's easy fof me to do that because I'm
In my head a Iot, anyways."
But doesn't saIesmanshIp fequIfe the
abIIIty to get excIted, to pump peopIe
up? Not accofdIng to Jon. A Iot of
peopIe beIIeve that seIIIng fequIfes be-
Ing a fast taIkef, of knowIng how to use
chafIsma to pefsuade. Those thIngs do
fequIfe an extfovefted way of commu-
nIcatIng. But In saIes thefe's a tfuIsm
that 'we have two eafs and one mouth
and we shouId use them
'(#"#$#
pfopoftIonateIy.' I beIIeve that's what
makes someone feaIIy good at seIIIng of
consuItIngthe numbef-one thIng Is
they've got to feaIIy IIsten weII. When I
Iook at the top saIespeopIe In my of-
ganIzatIon, none of those extfovefted
quaIItIes afe the key to theIf success."
And now back to Gfeg and EmIIy's Im-
passe. We've just acquIfed two cfucIaI
pIeces of InfofmatIon: fIfst, EmIIy's dIs-
taste fof convefsatIonaI muItItaskIng Is
feaI and expIIcabIe, and second, when
Intfovefts afe abIe to expefIence con-
vefsatIons In theIf own way, they make
deep and enjoyabIe connectIons wIth
othefs.
It was onIy once they accepted these
two feaIItIes that Gfeg and EmIIy found
')+"#$#
a way to bfeak theIf staIemate. Instead
of focusIng on the .%5G)# of dInnef
paftIes they'd gIve, they stafted taIkIng
about the /-#576 of the paftIes. Instead
of seatIng evefyone afound a bIg tabIe,
whIch wouId fequIfe the kInd of aII-
hands convefsatIonaI muItItaskIng
EmIIy dIsIIkes so much, why not sefve
dInnef buffet styIe, wIth peopIe eatIng
In smaII, casuaI convefsatIonaI gfoup-
Ings on the sofas and fIoof pIIIows?
ThIs wouId aIIow Gfeg to gfavItate to
hIs usuaI spot at the centef of the foom
and EmIIy to hefs on the outskIfts,
whefe she couId have the kInd of
IntImate, one-on-one convefsatIons she
enjoys.
ThIs Issue soIved, the coupIe was
now ffee to addfess the thofnIef ques-
tIon of how many paftIes to gIve. Aftef
some back-and-fofth, they agfeed on
two evenIngs a monthtwenty-fouf
')*"#$#
dInnefs a yeafInstead of fIfty-two.
EmIIy stIII doesn't Iook fofwafd to these
events. But she sometImes enjoys them
In spIte of hefseIf. And Gfeg gets to
host the evenIngs he enjoys so much, to
hoId on to hIs IdentIty, and to be wIth
the pefson he most adofesaII at the
same tIme.
')$"#$#
\\
GK JGEETON@ "KS XOKON"T@
H,? %, J(.%$8)%- i($-% [$*5 $# ) U,&.*
D4)% J)#A% H-)& D4-3
A"6: 7.;6:".E ;-%.E 7.0 6).0)# 6:) 5-&6
"53-#67.6 37#6 -/ 6:) 67&$ "& 6:) G)E".<
.".E -/ "6R /-# 6:76 "& 6:) 6"5) 76 +:"1:
6:) 1:7#716)# "& G)".E /-#5)0 7.0 6:) 0)<
&"#)0 "53#)&&"-. 5-#) #)70"8; 67$)..
PIATO, D>4 (4HC@JI,
Mafk TwaIn once toId a stofy about a
man who scoufed the pIanet IookIng fof
the gfeatest genefaI who evef IIved.
When the man was Infofmed that the
pefson he sought had aIfeady dIed and
gone to heaven, he made a tfIp to the
PeafIy Gates to Iook fof hIm. SaInt
Petef poInted at a feguIaf-IookIng Joe.
That Isn't the gfeatest of aII genef-
aIs," pfotested the man. I knew that
pefson when he IIved on Eafth, and he
was onIy a cobbIef."
I know that," saId SaInt Petef, but
If he :70 been a genefaI, he wouId have
been the gfeatest of them aII."
We shouId aII Iook out fof cobbIefs
who mIght have been gfeat genefaIs.
WhIch means focusIng on Intfovefted
chIIdfen, whose taIents afe too often
stIfIed, whethef at home, at schooI, of
on the pIaygfound.
ConsIdef thIs cautIonafy taIe, toId to
me by Df. Jeffy MIIIef, a chIId psycho-
IogIst and the dIfectof of the Centef fof
the ChIId and the FamIIy at the
UnIvefsIty of MIchIgan. Df. MIIIef had a
patIent named Ethan, whose pafents
bfought hIm fof tfeatment on fouf
')%"#$#
sepafate occasIons. Each tIme, the paf-
ents voIced the same feafs that
somethIng was wfong wIth theIf chIId.
Each tIme, Df. MIIIef assufed them that
Ethan was peffectIy fIne.
The feason fof theIf InItIaI concefn
was sImpIe enough. Ethan was seven,
and hIs fouf-yeaf-oId bfothef had
beaten hIm up sevefaI tImes. Ethan
dIdn't fIght back. HIs pafentsboth of
them outgoIng, take-chafge types wIth
hIgh-powefed cofpofate jobs and a pas-
sIon fof competItIve goIf and ten-
nIswefe OK wIth theIf youngef son's
aggfessIon, but woffIed that Ethan's
passIvIty was goIng to be the stofy of
hIs IIfe."
As Ethan gfew oIdef, hIs pafents tfIed
In vaIn to InstIII fIghtIng spIfIt" In hIm.
They sent hIm onto the basebaII dIa-
mond and the soccef fIeId, but Ethan
just wanted to go home and fead. He
')&"#$#
wasn't even competItIve at schooI.
Though vefy bfIght, he was a B student.
He couId have done bettef, but pfe-
feffed to focus on hIs hobbIes, espe-
cIaIIy buIIdIng modeI cafs. He had a
few cIose ffIends, but was nevef In the
thIck of cIassfoom socIaI IIfe. UnabIe to
account fof hIs puzzIIng behavIof,
Ethan's pafents thought he mIght be
depfessed.
But Ethan's pfobIem, says Df. MIIIef,
was not depfessIon but a cIassIc case of
poof pafent-chIId fIt." Ethan was taII,
skInny, and unathIetIc, he Iooked IIke a
stefeotypIcaI nefd. HIs pafents wefe so-
cIabIe, asseftIve peopIe, who wefe aI-
ways smIIIng, aIways taIkIng to peopIe
whIIe dfaggIng Ethan aIong behInd
them."
Compafe theIf woffIes about Ethan
to Df. MIIIef's assessment: He was IIke
the cIassIc Haffy Pottef kIdhe was
')'"#$#
aIways feadIng," says Df. MIIIef enthu-
sIastIcaIIy. He enjoyed any fofm of
ImagInatIve pIay. He Ioved to buIId
thIngs. He had so many thIngs he
wanted to teII you about. He had mofe
acceptance of hIs pafents than they had
of hIm. He dIdn't defIne them as patho-
IogIcaI, just as dIffefent ffom hImseIf.
That same kId In a dIffefent home
wouId be a modeI chIId."
But Ethan's own pafents nevef found
a way to see hIm In that IIght. The Iast
thIng Df. MIIIef heafd was that hIs paf-
ents fInaIIy consuIted wIth anothef psy-
choIogIst who agfeed to tfeat" theIf
son. And now Df. MIIIef Is the one
who's woffIed about Ethan.
ThIs Is a cIeaf case of an 'IatfogenIc'
pfobIem,' " he says. That's when the
tfeatment makes you sIck. The cIassIc
exampIe Is when you use tfeatment to
tfy to make a gay chIId Into a stfaIght
')("#$#
one. I woffy fof that kId. These pafents
afe vefy cafIng and weII-meanIng
peopIe. They feeI that wIthout tfeat-
ment, they'fe not pfepafIng theIf son
fof socIety. That he needs mofe fIfe In
hIm. Maybe thefe's tfuth to that Iast
paft, I don't know. But whethef thefe Is
of not, I fIfmIy beIIeve that It's Im-
possIbIe to change that kId. I woffy that
they'fe takIng a peffectIy heaIthy boy
and damagIng hIs sense of seIf."
Of coufse, It doesn't have to be a bad
fIt when extfovefted pafents have an
Intfovefted chIId. WIth a IIttIe mIndfuI-
ness and undefstandIng, any pafent can
have a good fIt wIth any kInd of chIId,
says Df. MIIIef. But pafents need to step
back ffom theIf own pfefefences and
see what the wofId Iooks IIke to theIf
quIet chIIdfen.
'))"#$#
Take the case of Joyce and hef seven-
yeaf-oId daughtef, IsabeI. IsabeI Is an
eIfIn second gfadef who IIkes to weaf
gIIttefy sandaIs and coIoffuI fubbef
bfaceIets snakIng up hef skInny afms.
She has sevefaI best ffIends wIth whom
she exchanges confIdences, and she gets
aIong wIth most of the kIds In hef cIass.
She's the type to thfow hef afms
afound a cIassmate who's had a bad
day, she even gIves hef bIfthday
pfesents away to chafIty. That's why
hef mothef, Joyce, an attfactIve, good-
natufed woman wIth a wIsecfackIng
sense of humof and a bfIng-It-on de-
meanof, was so confused by IsabeI's
pfobIems at schooI.
In fIfst gfade, IsabeI often came
home consumed wIth woffy ovef the
')#"#$#
cIass buIIy, who hufIed mean comments
at anyone sensItIve enough to feeI
bfuIsed by them. Even though the buIIy
usuaIIy pIcked on othef kIds, IsabeI
spent houfs dIssectIng the meanIng of
the buIIy's wofds, what hef tfue Inten-
tIons had been, even what the buIIy
mIght be suffefIng at home that couId
possIbIy motIvate hef to behave so
dfeadfuIIy at schooI.
By second gfade, IsabeI stafted ask-
Ing hef mothef not to affange pIay
dates wIthout checkIng wIth hef fIfst.
UsuaIIy she pfefeffed to stay home.
When Joyce pIcked up IsabeI ffom
schooI, she often found the othef gIfIs
gathefed Into gfoups and IsabeI off on
the pIaygfound, shootIng baskets by
hefseIf. She just wasn't In the mIx. I
had to stop doIng pIckups fof a whIIe,"
fecaIIs Joyce. It was just too upsettIng
fof me to watch." Joyce couIdn't
'#+"#$#
undefstand why hef sweet, IovIng
daughtef wanted to spend so much
tIme aIone. She woffIed that somethIng
was wfong wIth IsabeI. DespIte what
she'd aIways thought about hef daugh-
tef's empathetIc natufe, mIght IsabeI
Iack the abIIIty to feIate wIth othefs?
It was onIy when I suggested that
Joyce's daughtef mIght be an Intfoveft,
and expIaIned what that was, that
Joyce stafted thInkIng dIffefentIy about
IsabeI's expefIences at schooI. And ffom
IsabeI's pefspectIve, thIngs dIdn't sound
aIafmIng at aII. I need a bfeak aftef
schooI," she toId me Iatef. SchooI Is
hafd because a Iot of peopIe afe In the
foom, so you get tIfed. I ffeak out If my
mom pIans a pIay date wIthout teIIIng
me, because I don't want to huft my
ffIends' feeIIngs. But I'd fathef stay
home. At a ffIend's house you have to
do the thIngs othef peopIe want to do. I
'#*"#$#
IIke hangIng out wIth my mom aftef
schooI because I can Ieafn ffom hef.
She's been aIIve Iongef than me. We
have thoughtfuI convefsatIons. I IIke
havIng thoughtfuI convefsatIons be-
cause they make peopIe happy."

IsabeI Is teIIIng us, In aII hef second-

gfade wIsdom, that Intfovefts feIate to
othef peopIe. Of coufse they do. They
just do It In theIf own way.
Now that Joyce undefstands IsabeI's
needs, mothef and daughtef bfaInstofm
happIIy, fIgufIng out stfategIes to heIp
IsabeI navIgate hef schooI day. Befofe,
I wouId have had IsabeI goIng out and
seeIng peopIe aII the tIme, packIng hef
tIme aftef schooI fuII of actIvItIes," says
Joyce. Now I undefstand that It's vefy
stfessfuI fof hef to be In schooI, so we
fIgufe out togethef how much socIaIIz-
Ing makes sense and when It shouId
happen." Joyce doesn't mInd when
'#$"#$#
IsabeI wants to hang out aIone In hef
foom aftef schooI of Ieave a bIfthday
pafty a IIttIe eafIIef than the othef kIds.
She aIso undefstands that sInce IsabeI
doesn't see any of thIs as a pfobIem,
thefe's no feason that she shouId.
Joyce has aIso gaIned InsIght Into
how to heIp hef daughtef manage pIay-
gfound poIItIcs. Once, IsabeI was wof-
fIed about how to dIvIde hef tIme
among thfee ffIends who dIdn't get
aIong wIth each othef. My InItIaI In-
stInct," says Joyce, wouId be to say,
F-.S6 +-##; 7G-%6 "6^ K%&6 387; +"6: 6:)5
788^ But now I undefstand that IsabeI's a
dIffefent kInd of pefson. She has
tfoubIe stfategIzIng about how to
handIe aII these peopIe sImuItaneousIy
on the pIaygfound. So we taIk about
who she's goIng to pIay wIth and when,
and we feheafse thIngs she can teII hef
ffIends to smooth the sItuatIon ovef."
'#!"#$#
Anothef tIme, when IsabeI was a
IIttIe oIdef, she feIt upset because hef
ffIends sat at two dIffefent tabIes In the
Iunch foom. One tabIe was popuIated
wIth hef quIetef ffIends, the othef wIth
the cIass extfovefts. IsabeI descfIbed
the second gfoup as Ioud, taIkIng aII
the tIme, sIttIng on top of each oth-
ef%E:!" But she was sad because hef
best ffIend Amanda Ioved to sIt at the
cfazy tabIe," even though she was aIso
ffIends wIth the gIfIs at the mofe fe-
Iaxed and chIII tabIe." IsabeI feIt tofn.
Whefe shouId she sIt?
Joyce's fIfst thought was that the
cfazy tabIe" sounded IIke mofe fun.
But she asked IsabeI what &:) pfefeffed.
IsabeI thought fof a mInute and saId,
Maybe evefy now and then I'II sIt wIth
Amanda, but I do IIke beIng quIetef and
takIng a bfeak at Iunch ffom
evefythIng."
'#%"#$#
A:; +-%80 ;-% +7.6 6- 0- 6:76Y
thought Joyce. But she caught hefseIf
befofe she saId It out Ioud. Sounds
good to me," she toId IsabeI. And
Amanda stIII Ioves you. She just feaIIy
IIkes that othef tabIe. But It doesn't
mean she doesn't IIke you. And you
shouId get youfseIf the peacefuI tIme
you need."
UndefstandIng IntfovefsIon, says
Joyce, has changed the way she paf-
entsand she can't beIIeve It took hef
so Iong. When I see IsabeI beIng hef
wondeffuI seIf, I vaIue It even If the
wofId may teII hef she shouId want to
be at that othef tabIe. In fact, IookIng
at that tabIe thfough hef eyes, It heIps
me fefIect on how I mIght be pefceIved
by othefs and how I need to be awafe
and manage my extfovefted 'defauIt' so
as not to mIss the company of othefs
IIke my sweet daughtef."
'#&"#$#
Joyce has aIso come to appfecIate
IsabeI's sensItIve ways. IsabeI Is an oId
souI," she says. You fofget that she's
onIy a chIId. When I taIk to hef, I'm not
tempted to use that specIaI tone of
voIce that peopIe fesefve fof chIIdfen,
and I don't adapt my vocabuIafy. I taIk
to hef the way I wouId to any aduIt.
She's vefy sensItIve, vefy cafIng. She
woffIes about othef peopIe's weII-be-
Ing. She can be easIIy ovefwheImed,
but aII these thIngs go togethef and I
Iove thIs about my daughtef."
Joyce Is as cafIng a mothef as I've seen,
but she had a steep IeafnIng cufve as
pafent to hef daughtef because of theIf
dIffefence In tempefaments. WouId she
have enjoyed a mofe natufaI pafent-
'#'"#$#
chIId fIt If she'd been an Intfoveft hef-
seIf? Not necessafIIy. Intfovefted paf-
ents can face chaIIenges of theIf own.
SometImes paInfuI chIIdhood memofIes
can get In the way.
EmIIy MIIIef, a cIInIcaI socIaI wofkef
In Ann Afbof, MIchIgan, toId me about
a IIttIe gIfI she tfeated, Ava, whose shy-
ness was so extfeme that It pfevented
hef ffom makIng ffIends of ffom con-
centfatIng In cIass. RecentIy she sobbed
when asked to joIn a gfoup sIngIng In
ffont of the cIassfoom, and hef mothef,
Safah, decIded to seek MIIIef's heIp.
When MIIIef asked Safah, a successfuI
busIness joufnaIIst, to act as a paftnef
In Ava's tfeatment, Safah bufst Into
teafs. She'd been a shy chIId, too, and
feIt guIIty that she'd passed on to Ava
hef teffIbIe bufden.
I hIde It bettef now, but I'm stIII just
IIke my daughtef," she expIaIned. I
'#("#$#
can appfoach anyone, but onIy as Iong
as I'm behInd a joufnaIIst's notebook."
Safah's feactIon Is not unusuaI fof
the pseudo-extfoveft pafent of a shy
chIId, says MIIIef. Not onIy Is Safah fe-
IIvIng hef own chIIdhood, but she's pfo-
jectIng onto Ava the wofst of hef own
memofIes. But Safah needs to undef-
stand that she and Ava afe not the
same pefson, even If they do seem to
have InhefIted sImIIaf tempefaments.
Fof one thIng, Ava Is InfIuenced by hef
fathef, too, and by any numbef of en-
vIfonmentaI factofs, so hef tempefa-
ment Is bound to have a dIffefent ex-
pfessIon. Safah's own dIstfess need not
be hef daughtef's, and It does Ava a
gfeat dIssefvIce to assume that It wIII
be. WIth the fIght guIdance, Ava may
get to the poInt whefe hef shyness Is
nothIng mofe than a smaII and Inffe-
quent annoyance.
'#)"#$#
But even pafents who stIII have wofk
to do on theIf own seIf-esteem can be
enofmousIy heIpfuI to theIf kIds, ac-
cofdIng to MIIIef. AdvIce ffom a pafent
who appfecIates how a chIId feeIs Is In-
hefentIy vaIIdatIng. If youf son Is
nefvous on the fIfst day of schooI, It
heIps to teII hIm that you feIt the same
way when you stafted schooI and stIII
do sometImes at wofk, but that It gets
easIef wIth tIme. Even If he doesn't be-
IIeve you, you'II sIgnaI that you undef-
stand and accept hIm.
You can aIso use youf empathy to
heIp you judge when to encoufage hIm
to face hIs feafs, and when thIs wouId
be too ovefwheImIng. Fof exampIe,
Safah mIght know that sIngIng In ffont
of the cIassfoom feaIIy Is too bIg a step
to ask Ava to take aII at once. But she
mIght aIso sense that sIngIng In pfIvate
wIth a smaII and &"5376"1- gfoup, of
'##"#$#
wIth one tfusted ffIend, Is a manage-
abIe fIfst step, even If Ava pfotests at
fIfst. She can, In othef wofds, sense
when to push Ava, and how much.
The psychoIogIst EIaIne Afon, whose
wofk on sensItIvIty I descfIbed In
chaptef 6, offefs InsIght Into these
questIons when she wfItes about JIm,
one of the best fathefs she knows. JIm
Is a cafeffee extfoveft wIth two young
daughtefs. The fIfst daughtef, Betsy, Is
just IIke hIm, but the second daughtef,
IIIy, Is mofe sensItIvea keen but
anxIous obsefvef of hef wofId. JIm Is a
ffIend of Afon's, so he knew aII about
sensItIvIty and IntfovefsIon. He em-
bfaced IIIy's way of beIng, but at the
(++"#$#
same tIme he dIdn't want hef to gfow
up shy.
So, wfItes Afon, he became detefm-
Ined to Intfoduce hef to evefy poten-
tIaIIy pIeasufabIe oppoftunIty In IIfe,
ffom ocean waves, tfee cIImbIng, and
new foods to famIIy feunIons, soccef,
and vafyIng hef cIothes fathef than
weafIng one comfoftabIe unIfofm. In
aImost evefy Instance, IIIy InItIaIIy
thought these noveI expefIences wefe
not such good Ideas, and JIm 78+7;& fe-
spected hef opInIon. He nevef fofced
hef, aIthough he couId be vefy pefsuas-
Ive. He sImpIy shafed hIs vIew of a sItu-
atIon wIth hefthe safety and pIeas-
ufes InvoIved, the sImIIafItIes to thIngs
she aIfeady IIked. He wouId waIt fof
that IIttIe gIeam In hef eye that saId she
wanted to joIn In wIth the othefs, even
If she couIdn't yet.
(+*"#$#
JIm aIways assessed these sItuatIons
cafefuIIy to ensufe that she wouId not
uItImateIy be ffIghtened, but fathef be
abIe to expefIence pIeasufe and success.
SometImes he heId hef back untII she
was ovefIy feady. Above aII, he kept It
an IntefnaI confIIct, not a confIIct
between hIm and hef.. And If she of
anyone eIse comments on hef quIetness
of hesItancy, JIm's pfompt fepIy Is,
'That's just youf styIe. Othef peopIe
have dIffefent styIes. But thIs Is youfs.
You IIke to take youf tIme and be sufe.'
JIm aIso knows that paft of hef styIe Is
beffIendIng anyone whom othefs tease,
doIng cafefuI wofk, notIcIng evefythIng
goIng on In the famIIy, and beIng the
best soccef stfategIst In hef Ieague."
One of the best thIngs you can do fof
an Intfovefted chIId Is to wofk wIth
hIm on hIs feactIon to noveIty. Remem-
bef that Intfovefts feact not onIy to
(+$"#$#
new peopIe, but aIso to new pIaces and
events. So don't mIstake youf chIId's
cautIon In new sItuatIons fof an InabII-
Ity to feIate to othefs. >)S& #)1-"8".E
/#-5 .-*)86; -# -*)#&6"5%876"-.N .-6 /#-5
:%57. 1-.6716. As we saw In the Iast
chaptef, IntfovefsIon-extfovefsIon
IeveIs afe not coffeIated wIth eIthef
agfeeabIeness of the enjoyment of In-
tImacy. Intfovefts afe just as IIkeIy as
the next kId to seek othefs' company,
though often In smaIIef doses.
The key Is to expose youf chIId
gfaduaIIy to new sItuatIons and
peopIetakIng cafe to fespect hIs IIm-
Its, even when they seem extfeme. ThIs
pfoduces mofe-confIdent kIds than
eIthef ovefpfotectIon of pushIng too
hafd. Iet hIm know that hIs feeIIngs afe
nofmaI and natufaI, but aIso that
thefe's nothIng to be affaId of: I know
It can feeI funny to pIay wIth someone
(+!"#$#
you've nevef met, but I bet that boy
wouId Iove to pIay tfucks wIth you If
you asked hIm." Go at youf chIId's
pace, don't fush hIm. If he's young,
make the InItIaI IntfoductIons wIth the
othef IIttIe boy If you have to. And stIck
afound In the backgfoundof, when
he's feaIIy IIttIe, wIth a gentIe, suppoft-
Ive hand on hIs backfof as Iong as he
seems to benefIt ffom youf pfesence.
When he takes socIaI fIsks, Iet hIm
know you admIfe hIs effofts: I saw you
go up to those new kIds yestefday. I
know that can be dIffIcuIt, and I'm
pfoud of you."
The same goes fof new sItuatIons.
ImagIne a chIId who's mofe affaId of
the ocean than afe othef kIds the same
age. ThoughtfuI pafents fecognIze that
thIs feaf Is natufaI and even wIse, the
ocean Is Indeed dangefous. But they
don't aIIow hef to spend the summef on
(+%"#$#
the safety of the dunes, and neIthef do
they dfop hef In the watef and expect
hef to swIm. Instead they sIgnaI that
they undefstand hef unease, whIIe uf-
gIng hef to take smaII steps. Maybe
they pIay In the sand fof a few days
wIth the ocean waves cfashIng at a safe
dIstance. Then one day they appfoach
the watef's edge, pefhaps wIth the chIId
fIdIng on a pafent's shouIdefs. They
waIt fof caIm weathef, of Iow tIde, to
Immefse a toe, then a foot, then a knee.
They don't fush, evefy smaII step Is a
gIant stfIde In a chIId's wofId. When uI-
tImateIy she Ieafns to swIm IIke a fIsh,
she has feached a cfucIaI tufnIng poInt
In hef feIatIonshIp not onIy wIth watef
but aIso wIth feaf.
SIowIy youf chIId wIII see that It's
wofth punchIng thfough hef waII of
dIscomfoft to get to the fun on the oth-
ef sIde. She'II Ieafn how to do the
(+&"#$#
punchIng by hefseIf. As Df. Kenneth
RubIn, the dIfectof of the Centef fof
ChIIdfen, ReIatIonshIps and CuItufe at
the UnIvefsIty of MafyIand, wfItes, If
you'fe consIstent In heIpIng youf young
chIId Ieafn to feguIate hIs of hef emo-
tIons and behavIofs In soothIng and
suppoftIve ways, somethIng fathef ma-
gIcaI wIII begIn to happen: In tIme, you
mIght watch youf daughtef seem to be
sIIentIy feassufIng hefseIf: 'Those kIds
afe havIng fun, I can go ovef thefe.' He
of she Is IeafnIng to seIf-feguIate feaf-
fuIness and wafIness."
If you want youf chIId to Ieafn these
skIIIs, don't Iet hef heaf you caII hef
shy": she'II beIIeve the IabeI and ex-
pefIence hef nefvousness as a fIxed
tfaIt fathef than an emotIon she can
contfoI. She aIso knows fuII weII that
shy" Is a negatIve wofd In ouf socIety.
(+'"#$#
Above aII, do not shame hef fof hef
shyness.
If you can, It's best to teach youf
chIId seIf-coaxIng skIIIs whIIe he's stIII
vefy young, when thefe's Iess stIgma
assocIated wIth socIaI hesItancy. Be a
foIe modeI by gfeetIng stfangefs In a
caIm and ffIendIy way, and by gettIng
togethef wIth youf own ffIends. SImII-
afIy, InvIte some of hIs cIassmates to
youf house. Iet hIm know gentIy that
when you'fe togethef wIth othefs, It's
not OK to whIspef of tug at youf pants
Ieg to communIcate hIs needs, he needs
to speak up. Make sufe that hIs socIaI
encountefs afe pIeasant by seIectIng
kIds who afen't ovefIy aggfessIve and
pIaygfoups that have a ffIendIy feeI to
them. Have youf chIId pIay wIth young-
ef kIds If thIs gIves hIm confIdence,
oIdef kIds If they InspIfe hIm.
(+("#$#
If he's not cIIckIng wIth a paftIcuIaf
chIId, don't fofce It, you want most of
hIs eafIy socIaI expefIences to be posIt-
Ive. Affange fof hIm to entef new socIaI
sItuatIons as gfaduaIIy as possIbIe.
When you'fe goIng to a bIfthday pafty,
fof exampIe, taIk In advance about
what the pafty wIII be IIke and how the
chIId mIght gfeet hef peefs (FIfst I'II
say 'Happy bIfthday, Joey,' and then I'II
say 'HI, SabfIna.'). And make sufe to
get thefe eafIy. It's much easIef to be
one of the eafIIef guests, so youf chIId
feeIs as If othef peopIe afe joInIng hIm
In a space that he owns," fathef than
havIng to bfeak Into a pfeexIstIng
gfoup.
SImIIafIy, If youf chIId Is nefvous be-
fofe schooI stafts fof the yeaf, bfIng
hIm to see hIs cIassfoom and, IdeaIIy, to
meet the teachef one-on-one, as weII as
othef ffIendIy-IookIng aduIts, such as
(+)"#$#
pfIncIpaIs and guIdance counseIofs, jan-
Itofs and cafetefIa wofkefs. You can be
subtIe about thIs: I've nevef seen youf
new cIassfoom, why don't we dfIve by
and take a Iook?" FIgufe out togethef
whefe the bathfoom Is, what the poIIcy
Is fof goIng thefe, the foute ffom the
cIassfoom to the cafetefIa, and whefe
the schooI bus wIII pIck hIm up at day's
end. Affange pIaydates dufIng the sum-
mef wIth compatIbIe kIds ffom hIs
cIass.
You can aIso teach youf chIId sImpIe
socIaI stfategIes to get hIm thfough un-
comfoftabIe moments. Encoufage hIm
to Iook confIdent even If he's not feeI-
Ing It. Thfee sImpIe femIndefs go a Iong
way: smIIe, stand up stfaIght, and make
eye contact. Teach hIm to Iook fof
ffIendIy faces In a cfowd. Bobby, a
thfee-yeaf-oId, dIdn't IIke goIng to hIs
cIty pfeschooI because at fecess the
(+#"#$#
cIass Ieft the safe confInes of the
cIassfoom and pIayed on the foof wIth
the bIggef kIds In the oIdef cIasses. He
feIt so IntImIdated that he wanted to go
to schooI onIy on faIny days when
thefe was no foof tIme. HIs pafents
heIped hIm fIgufe out whIch kIds he
feIt comfoftabIe pIayIng wIth, and to
undefstand that a noIsy gfoup of oIdef
boys dIdn't have to spoII hIs fun.
If you thInk that you'fe not up to aII
thIs, of that youf chIId couId use extfa
pfactIce, ask a pedIatfIcIan fof heIp Ioc-
atIng a socIaI skIIIs wofkshop In youf
afea. These wofkshops teach kIds how
to entef gfoups, Intfoduce themseIves
to new peefs, and fead body Ianguage
and facIaI expfessIons. And they can
heIp youf chIId navIgate what fof many
Intfovefted kIds Is the tfIckIest paft of
theIf socIaI IIves: the schooI day.
(*+"#$#
It's a Tuesday mofnIng In Octobef, and
the fIfth-gfade cIass at a pubIIc schooI
In New Yofk CIty Is settIIng down fof a
Iesson on the thfee bfanches of AmefIc-
an govefnment. The kIds sIt cfoss-
Iegged on a fug In a bfIghtIy IIt cofnef
of the foom whIIe theIf teachef,
pefched on a chaIf wIth a textbook In
hef Iap, takes a few mInutes to expIaIn
the basIc concepts. Then It's tIme fof a
gfoup actIvIty appIyIng the Iesson.
ThIs cIassfoom gets so messy aftef
Iunch," says the teachef. Thefe's
bubbIe gum undef the tabIes, food
wfappefs evefywhefe, and Cheese NIps
aII ovef the fIoof. We don't IIke ouf
foom to be so messy, do we?"
The students shake theIf heads no.
(**"#$#
Today we'fe goIng to do somethIng
about thIs pfobIemtogethef," says the
teachef.
She dIvIdes the cIass Into thfee
gfoups of seven kIds each: a IegIsIatIve
gfoup, tasked wIth enactIng a Iaw to
feguIate IunchtIme behavIof, an execut-
Ive gfoup, whIch must decIde how to
enfofce the Iaw, and a judIcIaI bfanch,
whIch has to come up wIth a system fof
adjudIcatIng messy eatefs.
The kIds bfeak excItedIy Into theIf
gfoups, seatIng themseIves In thfee
Iafge cIustefs. Thefe's no need to move
any fufnItufe. SInce so much of the cuf-
fIcuIum Is desIgned fof gfoup wofk, the
cIassfoom desks afe aIfeady affanged In
pods of seven desks each. The foom
efupts In a meffy dIn. Some of the kIds
who'd Iooked deathIy bofed dufIng the
ten-mInute Iectufe afe now chattefIng
wIth theIf peefs.
(*$"#$#
But not aII of them. When you see
the kIds as one bIg mass, they Iook IIke
a foom fuII of joyfuIIy squIfmIng pup-
pIes. But when you focus on IndIvIduaI
chIIdfenIIke Maya, a fedhead wIth a
ponytaII, wIfe-fImmed gIasses, and a
dfeamy expfessIon on hef faceyou
get a stfIkIngIy dIffefent pIctufe.
In Maya's gfoup, the executIve
bfanch," evefyone Is taIkIng at once.
Maya hangs back. Samantha, taII and
pIump In a pufpIe T-shIft, takes chafge.
She puIIs a sandwIch bag ffom hef
knapsack and announces, Whoevef's
hoIdIng the pIastIc bag gets to taIk!"
The students pass afound the bag, each
contfIbutIng a thought In tufn. They fe-
mInd me of the kIds In D:) J-#0 -/ 6:)
98")& cIvIc-mIndedIy passIng afound
theIf conch sheII, at Ieast untII aII heII
bfeaks Ioose.
(*!"#$#
Maya Iooks ovefwheImed when the
bag makes Its way to hef.
I agfee," she says, handIng It IIke a
hot potato to the next pefson.
The bag cIfcIes the tabIe sevefaI
tImes. Each tIme Maya passes It to hef
neIghbof, sayIng nothIng. FInaIIy the
dIscussIon Is done. Maya Iooks
tfoubIed. She's embaffassed, I'm guess-
Ing, that she hasn't paftIcIpated. Sam-
antha feads ffom hef notebook a IIst of
enfofcement mechanIsms that the
gfoup has bfaInstofmed.
RuIe Numbef 1," she says. If you
bfeak the Iaws, you mIss fecess.."
WaIt!" Inteffupts Maya. I have an
Idea!"
Go ahead," says Samantha, a IIttIe
ImpatIentIy. But Maya, who IIke many
sensItIve Intfovefts seems attuned to
the subtIest cues fof dIsappfovaI, no-
tIces the shafpness In Samantha's voIce.
(*%"#$#
She opens hef mouth to speak, but
Iowefs hef eyes, onIy managIng
somethIng fambIIng and unInteIIIgIbIe.
No one can heaf hef. No one tfIes. The
cooI gIfI In the gfoupIIght-yeafs
ahead of the fest In hef sIInkIness and
fashIon-fofwafd cIothessIghs dfamat-
IcaIIy. Maya petefs off In confusIon,
and the cooI gIfI says, OK, Samantha,
you can keep feadIng the fuIes now."
The teachef asks the executIve
bfanch fof a fecap of Its wofk. Evefy-
one vIes fof aIftIme. Evefyone except
Maya. Samantha takes chafge as usuaI,
hef voIce caffyIng ovef evefyone eIse's,
untII the fest of the gfoup faIIs sIIent.
Hef fepoft doesn't make a Iot of sense,
but she's so confIdent and good-natufed
that It doesn't seem to mattef.
Maya, fof hef paft, sIts cufIed up at
the pefIphefy of the gfoup, wfItIng hef
name ovef and ovef agaIn In hef
(*&"#$#
notebook, In bIg bIock Iettefs, as If to
feasseft hef IdentIty. At Ieast to hefseIf.
EafIIef, Maya's teachef had toId me
that she's an InteIIectuaIIy aIIve student
who shInes In hef essay-wfItIng. She's a
gIfted softbaII pIayef. And she's kInd to
othefs, offefIng to tutof othef chIIdfen
who Iag behInd academIcaIIy. But none
of Maya's posItIve attfIbutes wefe evId-
ent that mofnIng.
Any pafent wouId be dIsmayed to thInk
that thIs was theIf chIId's expefIence of
IeafnIng, of socIaIIzIng, and of hefseIf.
Maya Is an Intfoveft, she Is out of hef
eIement In a noIsy and ovefstImuIatIng
cIassfoom whefe Iessons afe taught In
Iafge gfoups. Hef teachef toId me that
she'd do much bettef In a schooI wIth a
(*'"#$#
caIm atmosphefe whefe she couId wofk
wIth othef kIds who afe equaIIy hafd-
wofkIng and attentIve to detaII," and
whefe a Iafgef poftIon of the day wouId
InvoIve Independent wofk. Maya needs
to Ieafn to asseft hefseIf In gfoups, of
coufse, but wIII expefIences IIke the
one I wItnessed teach hef thIs skIII?
The tfuth Is that many schooIs afe
desIgned fof extfovefts. Intfovefts need
dIffefent kInds of InstfuctIon ffom ex-
tfovefts, wfIte CoIIege of WIIIIam and
Mafy educatIon schoIafs JIII Buffuss
and IIsa KaenzIg. And too often, vefy
IIttIe Is made avaIIabIe to that Ieafnef
except constant advIce on becomIng
mofe socIaI and gfegafIous."
We tend to fofget that thefe's nothIng
sacfosanct about IeafnIng In Iafge
gfoup cIassfooms, and that we ofganIze
students thIs way not because It's the
best way to Ieafn but because It's cost-
(*("#$#
effIcIent, and what eIse wouId we do
wIth ouf chIIdfen whIIe the gfown-ups
afe at wofk? If youf chIId pfefefs to
wofk autonomousIy and socIaIIze one-
on-one, thefe's nothIng wfong wIth hef,
she just happens not to fIt the pfevaII-
Ing modeI. The pufpose of schooI
shouId be to pfepafe kIds fof the fest of
theIf IIves, but too often what kIds need
to be pfepafed fof Is sufvIvIng the
schooI day ItseIf.
The schooI envIfonment can be
hIghIy unnatufaI, especIaIIy ffom the
pefspectIve of an Intfovefted chIId who
Ioves to wofk IntenseIy on pfojects he
cafes about, and hang out wIth one of
two ffIends at a tIme. In the mofnIng,
the doof to the bus opens and dIs-
chafges Its occupants In a noIsy, jost-
IIng mass. AcademIc cIasses afe domIn-
ated by gfoup dIscussIons In whIch a
teachef pfods hIm to speak up. He eats
(*)"#$#
Iunch In the cacophonous dIn of the
cafetefIa, whefe he has to jockey fof a
pIace at a cfowded tabIe. Wofst of aII,
thefe's IIttIe tIme to thInk of cfeate.
The stfuctufe of the day Is aImost guaf-
anteed to sap hIs enefgy fathef than
stImuIate It.
Why do we accept thIs one-sIze-fIts-
aII sItuatIon as a gIven when we know
peffectIy weII that aduIts don't ofganIze
themseIves thIs way? We often mafveI
at how Intfovefted, geeky kIds bIos-
som" Into secufe and happy aduIts. We
IIken It to a metamofphosIs. Howevef,
maybe It's not the chIIdfen who change
but theIf envIfonments. As aduIts, they
get to seIect the cafeefs, spouses, and
socIaI cIfcIes that suIt them. They don't
have to IIve In whatevef cuItufe they'fe
pIunked Into. Reseafch ffom a fIeId
known as pefson-envIfonment fIt"
shows that peopIe fIoufIsh when, In the
(*#"#$#
wofds of psychoIogIst BfIan IIttIe,
they'fe engaged In occupatIons, foIes
of settIngs that afe concofdant wIth
theIf pefsonaIItIes." The Invefse Is aIso
tfue: kIds stop IeafnIng when they feeI
emotIonaIIy thfeatened.
No one knows thIs bettef than
IouAnne Johnson, a tough-taIkIng
fofmef mafIne and schooIteachef
wIdeIy fecognIzed fof educatIng some
of the most tfoubIed teens In the CaII-
fofnIa pubIIc schooI system (MIcheIIe
PfeIffef pIayed hef In the movIe F7.E)#<
-%& Z".0&). I vIsIted Johnson at hef
home In Tfuth of Consequences, New
MexIco, to fInd out mofe about hef ex-
pefIence teachIng chIIdfen of aII stfIpes.
Johnson happens to be skIIIed at
wofkIng wIth vefy shy chIIdfenwhIch
Is no accIdent. One of hef technIques Is
to shafe wIth hef students how tImId
she hefseIf used to be. Hef eafIIest
($+"#$#
schooI memofy Is of beIng made to
stand on a stooI In kIndefgaften be-
cause she pfefeffed to sIt In the cofnef
and fead books, and the teachef wanted
hef to Intefact." Many shy chIIdfen
afe thfIIIed to dIscovef that theIf teach-
ef had been as shy as they wefe," she
toId me. I femembef one vefy shy gIfI
In my hIgh schooI EngIIsh cIass whose
mothef thanked me fof teIIIng hef
daughtef that I beIIeved she wouId
peak much Iatef In IIfe, so not to woffy
that she dIdn't shIne In hIgh schooI. She
saId that one comment had changed
hef daughtef's entIfe outIook on IIfe.
ImagIneone offhand comment made
such an Impact on a tendef chIId."
When encoufagIng shy chIIdfen to
speak, says Johnson, It heIps to make
the topIc so compeIIIng that they fofget
theIf InhIbItIons. She advIses askIng
students to dIscuss hot-button subjects
($*"#$#
IIke Boys have IIfe a Iot easIef than
gIfIs do." Johnson, who Is a ffequent
pubIIc speakef on educatIon despIte a
IIfeIong pubIIc speakIng phobIa, knows
fIfsthand how weII thIs wofks. I
haven't ovefcome my shyness," she
says. It Is sIttIng In the cofnef, caIIIng
to me. But I am passIonate about chan-
gIng ouf schooIs, so my passIon ovef-
comes my shyness once I get stafted on
a speech. If you fInd somethIng that
afouses youf passIon of pfovIdes a weI-
come chaIIenge, you fofget youfseIf fof
a whIIe. It's IIke an emotIonaI
vacatIon."
But don't fIsk havIng chIIdfen make a
speech to the cIass unIess you've
pfovIded them wIth the tooIs to know
wIth feasonabIe confIdence that It wIII
go weII. Have kIds pfactIce wIth a paft-
nef and In smaII gfoups, and If they'fe
stIII too teffIfIed, don't fofce It. Expefts
($$"#$#
beIIeve that negatIve pubIIc speakIng
expefIences In chIIdhood can Ieave chII-
dfen wIth a IIfeIong teffof of the
podIum.
So, what kInd of schooI envIfonment
wouId wofk best fof the Mayas of the
wofId? FIfst, some thoughts fof
teachefs:
Don't thInk of IntfovefsIon as
somethIng that needs to be
cufed. If an Intfovefted chIId
needs heIp wIth socIaI skIIIs,
teach hef of fecommend tfaIn-
Ing outsIde cIass, just as you'd
do fof a student who needs ex-
tfa attentIon In math of feadIng.
But ceIebfate these kIds fof who
they afe. The typIcaI comment
on many chIIdfen's fepoft cafds
Is, 'I wIsh MoIIy wouId taIk
mofe In cIass,' " Pat Adams, the
($!"#$#
fofmef head of the Emefson
SchooI fof gIfted students In
Ann Afbof, MIchIgan, toId me.
But hefe we have an undef-
standIng that many kIds afe In-
tfospectIve. We tfy to bfIng
them out, but we don't make It
a bIg deaI. We thInk about In-
tfovefted kIds as havIng a dIf-
fefent IeafnIng styIe."
StudIes show that one thIfd to
one haIf of us afe Intfovefts.
ThIs means that you have mofe
Intfovefted kIds In youf cIass
than you thInk. Even at a young
age, some Intfovefts become ad-
ept at actIng IIke extfovefts,
makIng It tough to spot them.
BaIance teachIng methods to
sefve aII the kIds In youf cIass.
Extfovefts tend to IIke
($%"#$#
movement, stImuIatIon, coIIab-
ofatIve wofk. Intfovefts pfefef
Iectufes, downtIme, and Inde-
pendent pfojects. MIx It up
faIfIy.
Intfovefts often have one of two
deep Intefests that afe not ne-
cessafIIy shafed by theIf peefs.
SometImes they'fe made to feeI
ffeaky fof the fofce of these pas-
sIons, when In fact studIes show
that thIs soft of IntensIty Is a
pfefequIsIte to taIent deveIop-
ment. PfaIse these kIds fof theIf
Intefests, encoufage them, and
heIp them fInd IIke-mInded
ffIends, If not In the cIassfoom,
then outsIde It.
Some coIIabofatIve wofk Is fIne
fof Intfovefts, even benefIcIaI.
($&"#$#
But It shouId take pIace In smaII
gfoupspaIfs of thfee-
somesand be cafefuIIy stfuc-
tufed so that each chIId knows
hef foIe. Rogef Johnson, co-dIf-
ectof of the CoopefatIve Ieafn-
Ing Centef at the UnIvefsIty of
MInnesota, says that shy of In-
tfovefted kIds benefIt especIaIIy
ffom weII-managed smaII-gfoup
wofk because they afe usuaIIy
vefy comfoftabIe taIkIng wIth
one of two of theIf cIassmates
to answef a questIon of com-
pIete a task, but wouId nevef
thInk of faIsIng theIf hand and
addfessIng the whoIe cIass. It Is
vefy Impoftant that these stu-
dents get a chance to tfansIate
theIf thoughts Into Ianguage."
ImagIne how dIffefent Maya's
expefIence wouId have been If
($'"#$#
hef gfoup had been smaIIef and
someone had taken the tIme to
say, Samantha, you'fe In
chafge of keepIng the dIscussIon
on tfack. Maya, youf job Is to
take notes and fead them back
to the gfoup."
On the othef hand, femembef
Andefs EfIcsson's feseafch on
DeIIbefate PfactIce ffom chaptef
3. In many fIeIds, It's ImpossIbIe
to gaIn mastefy wIthout know-
Ing how to wofk on one's own.
Have youf extfovefted students
take a page ffom theIf Intfovef-
ted peefs' pIaybooks. Teach aII
kIds to wofk IndependentIy.
Don't seat quIet kIds In hIgh-
IntefactIon" afeas of the
cIassfoom, says communIcatIons
($("#$#
pfofessof James McCfoskey.
They won't taIk mofe In those
afeas, they'II feeI mofe
thfeatened and wIII have
tfoubIe concentfatIng. Make It
easy fof Intfovefted kIds to paf-
tIcIpate In cIass, but don't InsIst.
FofcIng hIghIy appfehensIve
young peopIe to peffofm ofaIIy
Is hafmfuI," wfItes McCfoskey.
It wIII Incfease appfehensIon
and feduce seIf-esteem."
If youf schooI has a seIectIve
admIssIons poIIcy, thInk twIce
befofe basIng youf admIssIons
decIsIons on chIIdfen's peffofm-
ance In a pIaygfoup settIng.
Many Intfovefted kIds cIam up
In gfoups of stfangefs, and you
wIII not get even a gIImpse of
($)"#$#
what these kIds afe IIke once
they'fe feIaxed and comfoftabIe.
And hefe afe some thoughts fof paf-
ents. If you'fe Iucky enough to have
contfoI ovef whefe youf chIId goes to
schooI, whethef by scoutIng out a mag-
net schooI, movIng to a neIghbofhood
whose pubIIc schooIs you IIke, of send-
Ing youf kIds to pfIvate of pafochIaI
schooI, you can Iook fof a schooI that
pfIzes Independent Intefests and
emphasIzes autonomy
conducts gfoup actIvItIes In
modefatIon and In smaII, cafe-
fuIIy managed gfoups
vaIues kIndness, cafIng, em-
pathy, good cItIzenshIp
InsIsts on ofdefIy cIassfooms
and haIIways
($#"#$#
Is ofganIzed Into smaII, quIet
cIasses
chooses teachefs who seem to
undefstand the shy,sefIous,In-
tfovefted,sensItIve
tempefament
focuses Its academIc,athIetIc,
extfacuffIcuIaf actIvItIes on sub-
jects that afe paftIcuIafIy Intef-
estIng to youf chIId
stfongIy enfofces an antI-buIIy-
Ing pfogfam
emphasIzes a toIefant, down-to-
eafth cuItufe
attfacts IIke-mInded peefs, fof
exampIe InteIIectuaI kIds, of
aftIstIc of athIetIc ones, depend-
Ing on youf chIId's pfefefence
HandpIckIng a schooI may be unfeaI-
IstIc fof many famIIIes. But whatevef
the schooI, thefe's much you can do to
(!+"#$#
heIp youf Intfovefted chIId thfIve. FIg-
ufe out whIch subjects enefgIze hIm
most, and Iet hIm fun wIth them, eIthef
wIth outsIde tutofs, of extfa pfogfam-
mIng IIke scIence faIfs of cfeatIve wfIt-
Ing cIasses. As fof gfoup actIvItIes,
coach hIm to Iook fof comfoftabIe foIes
wIthIn Iafgef gfoups. One of the ad-
vantages of gfoup wofk, even fof Intfo-
vefts, Is that It often offefs many dIffef-
ent nIches. Ufge youf chIId to take the
InItIatIve, and cIaIm fof hImseIf the fe-
sponsIbIIIty of note-takef, pIctufe-dfaw-
ef, of whatevef foIe Intefests hIm most.
PaftIcIpatIon wIII feeI mofe comfoftabIe
when he knows what hIs contfIbutIon Is
supposed to be.
You can aIso heIp hIm pfactIce speak-
Ing up. Iet hIm know that It's OK to
take hIs tIme to gathef hIs thoughts be-
fofe he speaks, even If It seems as If
evefyone eIse Is jumpIng Into the ffay.
(!*"#$#
At the same tIme, advIse hIm that con-
tfIbutIng eafIIef In a dIscussIon Is a Iot
easIef than waItIng untII evefyone eIse
has taIked and IettIng the tensIon buIId
as he waIts to take hIs tufn. If he's not
sufe what to say, of Is uncomfoftabIe
makIng asseftIons, heIp hIm pIay to hIs
stfengths. Does he tend to ask thought-
fuI questIons? PfaIse thIs quaIIty, and
teach hIm that good questIons afe often
mofe usefuI than pfoposIng answefs.
Does he tend to Iook at thIngs ffom hIs
own unIque poInt of vIew? Teach hIm
how vaIuabIe thIs Is, and dIscuss how
he mIght shafe hIs outIook wIth othefs.
ExpIofe feaI-IIfe scenafIos: fof ex-
ampIe, Maya's pafents couId sIt down
wIth hef and fIgufe out how she mIght
have handIed the executIve-gfoup exef-
cIse dIffefentIy. Tfy foIe-pIayIng, In
sItuatIons that afe as specIfIc as pos-
sIbIe. Maya couId feheafse In hef own
(!$"#$#
wofds what It's IIke to say I'II be the
note-takef!" of What If we make a fuIe
that anyone who thfows wfappefs on
the fIoof has to spend the Iast ten
mInutes of Iunch pIckIng up IIttef?"
The catch Is that thIs depends on get-
tIng Maya to open up and teII you what
happened dufIng hef schooI day. Even
If they'fe genefaIIy fofthcomIng, many
kIds won't shafe expefIences that made
them feeI ashamed. The youngef youf
chIId Is, the mofe IIkeIy she Is to open
up, so you shouId staft thIs pfocess as
eafIy In hef schooI cafeef as possIbIe.
Ask youf chIId fof InfofmatIon In a
gentIe, nonjudgmentaI way, wIth spe-
cIfIc, cIeaf questIons. Instead of How
was youf day?" tfy What dId you do In
math cIass today?" Instead of Do you
IIke youf teachef?" ask What do you
IIke about youf teachef?" Of What do
you not IIke so much?" Iet hef take hef
(!!"#$#
tIme to answef. Tfy to avoId askIng, In
the ovefIy bfIght voIce of pafents
evefywhefe, DId you have fun In
schooI today?!" She'II sense how Im-
poftant It Is that the answef be yes.
If she stIII doesn't want to taIk, waIt
fof hef. SometImes she'II need to de-
compfess fof houfs befofe she's feady.
You may fInd that she'II open up onIy
dufIng cozy, feIaxed moments, IIke
bathtIme of bedtIme. If that's the case,
make sufe to buIId these sItuatIons Into
the day. And If she'II taIk to othefs, IIke
a tfusted babysIttef, aunt, of oIdef sIb-
IIng, but not to you, swaIIow youf pfIde
and enIIst heIp.
FInaIIy, tfy not to woffy If aII sIgns
suggest that youf Intfovefted chIId Is
not the most popuIaf kId at schooI. It's
cfItIcaIIy Impoftant fof hIs emotIonaI
and socIaI deveIopment that he have
one of two soIId ffIendshIps, chIId
(!%"#$#
deveIopment expefts teII us, but beIng
popuIaf Isn't necessafy. Many Intfovef-
ted kIds gfow up to have exceIIent so-
cIaI skIIIs, aIthough they tend to joIn
gfoups In theIf own waywaItIng a
whIIe befofe they pIunge In, of paftIcIp-
atIng onIy fof shoft pefIods. That's OK.
Youf chIId needs to acquIfe socIaI skIIIs
and make ffIends, not tufn Into the
most gfegafIous student In schooI. ThIs
doesn't mean that popuIafIty Isn't a Iot
of fun. You'II pfobabIy wIsh It fof hIm,
just as you mIght wIsh that he have
good Iooks, a quIck wIt, of athIetIc taI-
ent. But make sufe you'fe not ImposIng
youf own IongIngs, and femembef that
thefe afe many paths to a satIsfyIng
IIfe.
(!&"#$#
Many of those paths wIII be found In
passIons outsIde the cIassfoom. WhIIe
extfovefts afe mofe IIkeIy to skate ffom
one hobby of actIvIty to anothef, Intfo-
vefts often stIck wIth theIf enthusIasms.
ThIs gIves them a majof advantage as
they gfow, because tfue seIf-esteem
comes ffom competence, not the othef
way afound. Reseafchefs have found
that Intense engagement In and com-
mItment to an actIvIty Is a pfoven foute
to happIness and weII-beIng. WeII-de-
veIoped taIents and Intefests can be a
gfeat soufce of confIdence fof youf
chIId, no mattef how dIffefent he mIght
feeI ffom hIs peefs.
Fof exampIe, Maya, the gIfI who was
such a quIet membef of the executIve
bfanch," Ioves to go home evefy day
aftef schooI and fead. But she aIso Ioves
softbaII, wIth aII of Its socIaI and pef-
fofmance pfessufes. She stIII fecaIIs the
(!'"#$#
day she made the team aftef paftIcIpat-
Ing In tfyouts. Maya was scafed stIff,
but she aIso feIt stfongcapabIe of hIt-
tIng the baII wIth a good, poweffuI
whack. I guess aII those dfIIIs fInaIIy
paId off," she fefIected Iatef. I just
kept smIIIng. I was so excIted and
pfoudand that feeIIng nevef went
away."
Fof pafents, howevef, It's not aIways
easy to ofchestfate sItuatIons whefe
these deep feeIIngs of satIsfactIon afIse.
You mIght feeI, fof exampIe, that you
shouId encoufage youf Intfovefted
chIId to pIay whIchevef spoft Is the
tIcket to ffIendshIp and esteem In youf
town. And that's fIne, If he enjoys that
spoft and Is good at It, as Maya Is wIth
softbaII. Team spofts can be a gfeat
boon fof anyone, especIaIIy fof kIds
who othefwIse feeI uncomfoftabIe joIn-
Ing gfoups. But Iet youf chIId take the
(!("#$#
Iead In pIckIng the actIvItIes he IIkes
best. He may not IIke any team spofts,
and that's OK. HeIp hIm Iook fof actIv-
ItIes whefe he'II meet othef kIds, but
aIso have pIenty of hIs own space. CuI-
tIvate the stfengths of hIs dIsposItIon. If
hIs passIons seem too soIItafy fof youf
taste, femembef that even soIo actIvIt-
Ies IIke paIntIng, engIneefIng, of cfeat-
Ive wfItIng can Iead to communItIes of
feIIow enthusIasts.
I have known chIIdfen who found
othefs," says Df. MIIIef, by shafIng Im-
poftant Intefests: chess, eIabofate foIe-
pIayIng games, even dIscussIng deep In-
tefests IIke math of hIstofy." Rebecca
WaIIace-SegaII, who teaches cfeatIve-
wfItIng wofkshops fof kIds and teens as
dIfectof of WfItopIa Iab In New Yofk
CIty, says that the students who sIgn up
fof hef cIasses afe often not the kIds
who afe wIIIIng to taIk fof houfs about
(!)"#$#
fashIon and ceIebfIty. Those kIds afe
Iess IIkeIy to come, pefhaps because
they'fe Iess IncIIned to anaIyze and dIg
deepthat's not theIf comfoft zone.
The so-caIIed shy kIds afe often hungfy
to bfaInstofm Ideas, deconstfuct them,
and act on them, and, pafadoxIcaIIy,
when they'fe aIIowed to Intefact thIs
way, they'fe not shy at aII. They'fe con-
nectIng wIth each othef, but In a deep-
ef zone, In a pIace that's consIdefed
bofIng of tIfesome by some of theIf
peefs." And these kIds do come out"
when they'fe feady, most of the WfIto-
pIa kIds fead theIf wofks at IocaI book-
stofes, and a staggefIng numbef wIn
pfestIgIous natIonaI wfItIng
competItIons.
If youf chIId Is pfone to ovefstImuIa-
tIon, then It's aIso a good Idea fof hef
to pIck actIvItIes IIke aft of Iong-dIs-
tance funnIng, that depend Iess on
(!#"#$#
peffofmIng undef pfessufe. If she's
dfawn to actIvItIes that fequIfe pef-
fofmance, though, you can heIp hef
thfIve.
When I was a kId, I Ioved fIgufe skat-
Ing. I couId spend houfs on the fInk,
tfacIng fIgufe eIghts, spInnIng happIIy,
of fIyIng thfough the aIf. But on the
day of my competItIons, I was a wfeck.
I hadn't sIept the nIght befofe and
wouId often faII dufIng moves that I
had saIIed thfough In pfactIce. At fIfst I
beIIeved what peopIe toId methat I
had the jIttefs, just IIke evefybody eIse.
But then I saw a TV IntefvIew wIth the
OIympIc goId medaIIst KatafIna WItt.
She saId that pfe-competItIon nefves
gave hef the adfenaIIne she needed to
+". the goId.
I knew then that KatafIna and I wefe
uttefIy dIffefent cfeatufes, but It took
me decades to fIgufe out why. Hef
(%+"#$#
nefves wefe so mIId that they sImpIy
enefgIzed hef, whIIe mIne wefe con-
stfIctIng enough to make me choke. At
the tIme, my vefy suppoftIve mothef
quIzzed the othef skatIng moms about
how theIf own daughtefs handIed pfe-
competItIon anxIety, and came back
wIth InsIghts that she hoped wouId
make me feeI bettef. !#"&6).S& .)#*-%&
6--, she fepofted. ().a)S& 5-5 &7;& &:)S&
&17#)0 6:) ."E:6 G)/-#) 7 1-53)6"6"-.. But
I knew KfIsten and Renee weII, and I
was ceftaIn that they wefen't as
ffIghtened as I was.
I thInk It mIght have heIped If I'd un-
defstood myseIf bettef back then. If
you'fe the pafent of a wouId-be fIgufe
skatef, heIp hef to accept that she has
heavy-duty jIttefs wIthout gIvIng hef
the Idea that they'fe fataI to success.
What she's most affaId of Is faIIIng pub-
IIcIy. She needs to desensItIze hefseIf to
(%*"#$#
thIs feaf by gettIng used to competIng,
and even to faIIIng. Encoufage hef to
entef Iow-stakes competItIons faf away
ffom home, whefe she feeIs anonymous
and no one wIII know If she faIIs. Make
sufe she has feheafsed thofoughIy. If
she's pIannIng to compete on an unfa-
mIIIaf fInk, tfy to have hef pfactIce
thefe a few tImes fIfst. TaIk about what
mIght go wfong and how to handIe It:
\!N &- +:76 "/ ;-% 0- /788 7.0 1-5) ".
87&6 3871)N +"88 8"/) &6"88 E- -.Y And heIp
hef vIsuaIIze what It wIII feeI IIke to
peffofm hef moves smoothIy.
UnIeashIng a passIon can tfansfofm a
IIfe, not just fof the space of tIme that
youf chIId's In eIementafy of mIddIe of
hIgh schooI, but way beyond. ConsIdef
(%$"#$#
the stofy of DavId WeIss, a dfummef
and musIc joufnaIIst. DavId Is a good
exampIe of someone who gfew up feeI-
Ing IIke ChafIIe Bfown and went on to
buIId a IIfe of cfeatIvIty, pfoductIvIty,
and meanIng. He Ioves hIs wIfe and
baby son. He feIIshes hIs wofk. He has
a wIde and IntefestIng cIfcIe of ffIends,
and IIves In New Yofk CIty, whIch he
consIdefs the most vIbfant pIace In the
wofId fof a musIc enthusIast. If you
measufe a IIfe by the cIassIc bafometefs
of Iove and wofk, then DavId Is a bIaz-
Ing success.
But It wasn't aIways cIeaf, at Ieast
not to DavId, that hIs IIfe wouId unfoId
as weII as It dId. As a kId, he was shy
and awkwafd. The thIngs that Intef-
ested hIm, musIc and wfItIng, heId no
vaIue fof the peopIe who mattefed most
back then: hIs peefs. PeopIe wouId aI-
ways teII me, 'These afe the best yeafs
(%!"#$#
of youf IIfe,' " he fecaIIs. And I wouId
thInk to myseIf, I :-3) .-6^ I hated
schooI. I femembef thInkIng, IS*) E-667
E)6 -%6 -/ :)#). I was In sIxth gfade
when ()*).E) -/ 6:) ?)#0& came out,
and I Iooked IIke I stepped out of the
cast. I knew I was InteIIIgent, but I
gfew up In subufban DetfoIt, whIch Is
IIke nInety-nIne pefcent of the fest of
the countfy: If you'fe a good-IookIng
pefson and an athIete, you'fe not gonna
get hassIed. But If you seem too smaft,
that's not somethIng that kIds fespect
you fof. They'fe mofe IIkeIy to tfy and
beat you down fof It. It was my best at-
tfIbute, and I defInIteIy enjoyed usIng
It, but It was somethIng you aIso had to
tfy and keep In check."
So how dId he get ffom thefe to
hefe? The key fof DavId was pIayIng
the dfums. At one poInt," DavId says,
I totaIIy ovefcame aII my chIIdhood
(%%"#$#
stuff. And I know exactIy how: I stafted
pIayIng the dfums. Dfums afe my muse.
They'fe my Yoda. When I was In
mIddIe schooI, the hIgh schooI jazz
band came and peffofmed fof us, and I
thought that the cooIest one by a Iong
shot was the kId pIayIng the dfum set.
To me, dfummefs wefe kInd of IIke ath-
Ietes, but musIcaI athIetes, and I Ioved
musIc."
At fIfst, fof DavId, dfummIng was
mostIy about socIaI vaIIdatIon, he
stopped gettIng kIcked out of paftIes by
jocks twIce hIs sIze. But soon It became
somethIng much deepef: I suddenIy
feaIIzed thIs was a fofm of cfeatIve ex-
pfessIon, and It totaIIy bIew my mInd. I
was fIfteen. That's when I became com-
mItted to stIckIng wIth It. My entIfe IIfe
changed because of my dfums, and It
hasn't stopped, to thIs day."
(%&"#$#
DavId stIII femembefs acuteIy what It
was IIke to be hIs nIne-yeaf-oId seIf. I
feeI IIke I'm In touch wIth that pefson
today," he says. Whenevef I'm doIng
somethIng that I thInk Is cooI, IIke If
I'm In New Yofk CIty In a foom fuII of
peopIe, IntefvIewIng AIIcIa Keys of
somethIng, I send a message back to
that pefson and Iet hIm know that
evefythIng tufned out OK. I feeI IIke
when I was nIne, I was feceIvIng that
sIgnaI ffom the futufe, whIch Is one of
the thIngs that gave me the stfength to
hang In thefe. I was abIe to cfeate thIs
Ioop between who I am now and who I
was then."
The othef thIng that gave DavId
stfength was hIs pafents. They focused
Iess on deveIopIng hIs confIdence than
on makIng sufe that he found ways to
be pfoductIve. It dIdn't mattef what he
was Intefested In, so Iong as he pufsued
(%'"#$#
It and enjoyed hImseIf. HIs fathef was
an avId footbaII fan, DavId fecaIIs, but
the Iast pefson to say, 'How come
you'fe not out on the footbaII fIeId?' "
Fof a whIIe DavId took up pIano, then
ceIIo. When he announced that he
wanted to swItch to dfummIng, hIs paf-
ents wefe sufpfIsed, but nevef wavefed.
They embfaced hIs new passIon. It was
theIf way of embfacIng theIf son.
If DavId WeIss's taIe of tfansfofmatIon
fesonates fof you, thefe's a good feas-
on. It's a peffect exampIe of what the
psychoIogIst Dan McAdams caIIs a fe-
demptIve IIfe stofyand a sIgn of men-
taI heaIth and weII-beIng.
At the FoIey Centef fof the Study of
IIves at Nofthwestefn UnIvefsIty,
(%("#$#
McAdams studIes the stofIes that
peopIe teII about themseIves. We aII
wfIte ouf IIfe stofIes as If we wefe nov-
eIIsts, McAdams beIIeves, wIth begIn-
nIngs, confIIcts, tufnIng poInts, and
endIngs. And the way we chafactefIze
ouf past setbacks pfofoundIy InfIuences
how satIsfIed we afe wIth ouf cuffent
IIves. Unhappy peopIe tend to see set-
backs as contamInants that fuIned an
othefwIse good thIng (I was nevef the
same agaIn aftef my wIfe Ieft me"),
whIIe genefatIve aduIts see them as
bIessIngs In dIsguIse (The dIvofce was
the most paInfuI thIng that evef
happened to me, but I'm so much hap-
pIef wIth my new wIfe"). Those who
IIve the most fuIIy feaIIzed IIvesgIv-
Ing back to theIf famIIIes, socIetIes, and
uItImateIy themseIvestend to fInd
meanIng In theIf obstacIes. In a sense,
McAdams has bfeathed new IIfe Into
(%)"#$#
one of the gfeat InsIghts of Westefn
mythoIogy: that whefe we stumbIe Is
whefe ouf tfeasufe IIes.
Fof many Intfovefts IIke DavId, ad-
oIescence Is the gfeat stumbIIng pIace,
the dafk and tangIed thIcket of Iow seIf-
esteem and socIaI unease. In mIddIe
and hIgh schooI, the maIn cuffency Is
vIvacIty and gfegafIousness, attfIbutes
IIke depth and sensItIvIty don't count
fof much. But many Intfovefts succeed
In composIng IIfe stofIes much IIke
DavId's: ouf ChafIIe Bfown moments
afe the pfIce we have to pay to bang
ouf dfums happIIy thfough the decades.
Some who fead thIs book befofe pubIIcatIon
commented that the quote ffom IsabeI couIdn't
possIbIy be accufateno second gfadef taIks
that way!" But thIs Is what she saId.
(%#"#$#
JGKJTW@IGK
U,#*-&.)#*
\%# 1%86%#) 570) 7 *"#6%) -/ 8"*".E -.8;
7& )Q6#-*)#6&P A) 0"&1-%#7E)0 6:) "..)#
b-%#.);N 6:) W%)&6 /-# 7 1).6)#P 2- +) 8-&6
-%# 1).6)# 7.0 :7*) 6- /".0 "6 7E7"..
ANAS NIN
Whethef you'fe an Intfoveft youfseIf of
an extfoveft who Ioves of wofks wIth
one, I hope you'II benefIt pefsonaIIy
ffom the InsIghts In thIs book. Hefe Is a
bIuepfInt to take wIth you:
Iove Is essentIaI, gfegafIousness Is
optIonaI. ChefIsh youf neafest and
deafest. Wofk wIth coIIeagues you IIke
and fespect. Scan new acquaIntances
fof those who mIght faII Into the fofmef
categofIes of whose company you enjoy
fof Its own sake. And don't woffy about
socIaIIzIng wIth evefyone eIse. ReIa-
tIonshIps make evefyone happIef, Intfo-
vefts IncIuded, but thInk quaIIty ovef
quantIty.
The secfet to IIfe Is to put youfseIf In
the fIght IIghtIng. Fof some It's a
Bfoadway spotIIght, fof othefs, a Iamp-
IIt desk. Use youf natufaI powefsof
pefsIstence, concentfatIon, InsIght, and
sensItIvItyto do wofk you Iove and
wofk that mattefs. SoIve pfobIems,
make aft, thInk deepIy.
FIgufe out what you afe meant to
contfIbute to the wofId and make sufe
you contfIbute It. If thIs fequIfes pubIIc
speakIng of netwofkIng of othef actIvIt-
Ies that make you uncomfoftabIe, do
them anyway. But accept that they'fe
dIffIcuIt, get the tfaInIng you need to
(&*"#$#
make them easIef, and fewafd youfseIf
when you'fe done.
QuIt youf job as a TV anchof and get
a degfee In IIbfafy scIence. But If TV
anchofIng Is what you Iove, then cfeate
an extfovefted pefsona to get youfseIf
thfough the day. Hefe's a fuIe of thumb
fof netwofkIng events: one new honest-
to-goodness feIatIonshIp Is wofth ten
fIstfuIs of busIness cafds. Rush home af-
tefwafd and kIck back on youf sofa.
Cafve out festofatIve nIches.
Respect youf Ioved ones' need fof so-
cIaIIzIng and youf own fof soIItude
(and vIce vefsa If you'fe an extfoveft).
Spend youf ffee tIme the way you
IIke, not the way you thInk you'fe sup-
posed to. Stay home on New Yeaf's Eve
If that's what makes you happy. SkIp
the commIttee meetIng. Cfoss the stfeet
to avoId makIng aImIess chItchat wIth
fandom acquaIntances. Read. Cook.
(&$"#$#
Run. WfIte a stofy. Make a deaI wIth
youfseIf that you'II attend a set numbef
of socIaI events In exchange fof not
feeIIng guIIty when you beg off.
If youf chIIdfen afe quIet, heIp them
make peace wIth new sItuatIons and
new peopIe, but othefwIse Iet them be
themseIves. DeIIght In the ofIgInaIIty of
theIf mInds. Take pfIde In the stfength
of theIf conscIences and the IoyaIty of
theIf ffIendshIps. Don't expect them to
foIIow the gang. Encoufage them to foI-
Iow theIf passIons Instead. Thfow con-
fettI when they cIaIm the ffuIts of those
passIons, whethef It's on the dfummef's
thfone, on the softbaII fIeId, of on the
page.
If you'fe a teachef, enjoy youf
gfegafIous and paftIcIpatofy students.
But don't fofget to cuItIvate the shy, the
gentIe, the autonomous, the ones wIth
sIngIe-mInded enthusIasms fof
(&!"#$#
chemIstfy sets of paffot taxonomy of
nIneteenth-centufy aft. They afe the
aftIsts, engIneefs, and thInkefs of
tomoffow.
If you'fe a managef, femembef that
one thIfd to one haIf of youf wofkfofce
Is pfobabIy Intfovefted, whethef they
appeaf that way of not. ThInk twIce
about how you desIgn youf ofganIza-
tIon's offIce space. Don't expect Intfo-
vefts to get jazzed up about open offIce
pIans of, fof that mattef, IunchtIme
bIfthday paftIes of team-buIIdIng fe-
tfeats. Make the most of Intfovefts'
stfengthsthese afe the peopIe who
can heIp you thInk deepIy, stfategIze,
soIve compIex pfobIems, and spot ca-
nafIes In youf coaI mIne.
AIso, femembef the dangefs of the
New GfoupthInk. If It's cfeatIvIty you'fe
aftef, ask youf empIoyees to soIve pfob-
Iems aIone befofe shafIng theIf Ideas. If
(&%"#$#
you want the wIsdom of the cfowd,
gathef It eIectfonIcaIIy, of In wfItIng,
and make sufe peopIe can't see each
othef's Ideas untII evefyone's had a
chance to contfIbute. Face-to-face con-
tact Is Impoftant because It buIIds tfust,
but gfoup dynamIcs contaIn unavoId-
abIe ImpedIments to cfeatIve thInkIng.
Affange fof peopIe to Intefact one-on-
one and In smaII, casuaI gfoups. Don't
mIstake asseftIveness of eIoquence fof
good Ideas. If you have a pfoactIve
wofk fofce (and I hope you do), fe-
membef that they may peffofm bettef
undef an Intfovefted Ieadef than undef
an extfovefted of chafIsmatIc one.
Whoevef you afe, beaf In mInd that
appeafance Is not feaIIty. Some peopIe
act IIke extfovefts, but the effoft costs
them In enefgy, authentIcIty, and even
physIcaI heaIth. Othefs seem aIoof of
seIf-contaIned, but theIf Innef
(&&"#$#
Iandscapes afe fIch and fuII of dfama.
So the next tIme you see a pefson wIth
a composed face and a soft voIce, fe-
membef that InsIde hef mInd she mIght
be soIvIng an equatIon, composIng a
sonnet, desIgnIng a hat. She mIght, that
Is, be depIoyIng the powefs of quIet.
We know ffom myths and faIfy taIes
that thefe afe many dIffefent kInds of
powefs In thIs wofId. One chIId Is gIven
a IIght sabef, anothef a wIzafd's educa-
tIon. The tfIck Is not to amass aII the
dIffefent kInds of avaIIabIe powef, but
to use weII the kInd you've been gfan-
ted. Intfovefts afe offefed keys to
pfIvate gafdens fuII of fIches. To pos-
sess such a key Is to tumbIe IIke AIIce
down hef fabbIt hoIe. She dIdn't 1:--&)
to go to WondefIandbut she made of
It an adventufe that was ffesh and fant-
astIc and vefy much hef own.
(&'"#$#
IewIs CaffoII was an Intfoveft, too,
by the way. WIthout hIm, thefe wouId
be no L8"1) ". A-.0)#87.0. And by now,
thIs shouIdn't sufpfIse us.
(&("#$#
" K,%- ,# %4- S-*$6)%$,#
My gfandfathef was a soft-spoken man
wIth sympathetIc bIue eyes, and a pas-
sIon fof books and Ideas. He aIways
dfessed In a suIt, and had a couftIy way
of excIaImIng ovef whatevef was ex-
cIaImabIe In peopIe, especIaIIy In chII-
dfen. In the BfookIyn neIghbofhood
whefe he sefved as a fabbI, the sIde-
waIks wefe fIIIed wIth men In bIack
hats, women In skIfts that hId theIf
knees, and ImpfobabIy weII-behaved
kIds. On hIs way to synagogue, my
gfandfathef wouId gfeet the passefsby,
gentIy pfaIsIng thIs chIId's bfaIns, that
one's heIght, the othef's command of
cuffent events. KIds adofed hIm, busI-
nessmen fespected hIm, Iost souIs cIung
to hIm.
But what he Ioved to do best was
fead. In hIs smaII apaftment, whefe as a
wIdowef he'd IIved aIone fof decades,
aII the fufnItufe had yIeIded Its ofIgInaI
functIon to sefve as a sufface fof pIIes
of books: goId-Ieafed Hebfew texts
jumbIed togethef wIth Mafgafet At-
wood and MIIan Kundefa. My gfand-
fathef wouId sIt beneath a haIo-shaped
fIuofescent IIght at hIs tIny kItchen
tabIe, sIppIng IIpton tea and snackIng
on mafbIe cake, a book pfopped open
on the whIte cotton tabIecIoth. In hIs
sefmons, each a tapestfy of ancIent and
humanIst thought, he'd shafe wIth hIs
congfegatIon the ffuIts of that week's
study. He was a shy pefson who had
tfoubIe makIng eye contact wIth the
audIence, but he was so boId In hIs
spIfItuaI and InteIIectuaI expIofatIons
that when he spoke the congfegatIon
sweIIed to standIng-foom-onIy.
(&#"#$#
The fest of my famIIy took Its cue
ffom hIm. In ouf house, feadIng was
the pfImafy gfoup actIvIty. On
Satufday aftefnoons we cufIed up wIth
ouf books In the den. It was the best of
both wofIds: you had the anImaI
wafmth of youf famIIy fIght next to
you, but you aIso got to foam afound
the adventufe-Iand InsIde youf own
head.
Yet as a pfeteen I began to wondef
whethef aII thIs feadIng had mafked
me as out of It," a suspIcIon that
seemed confIfmed when I went away to
summef camp at the age of ten and
watched as a gIfI wIth thIck gIasses and
a hIgh fofehead fefused to put down
hef book on the aII-Impoftant fIfst day
of camp and InstantIy became a pafIah,
hef days and nIghts a heII of socIaI ex-
cIusIon. I Ionged to fead, too, but Ieft
my own papefbacks untouched In my
('+"#$#
suItcase (though I feIt guIIty about thIs,
as If the books needed me and I was
fofsakIng them). I saw that the gIfI who
kept feadIng was consIdefed bookIsh
and shy, the vefy thIngs that I was, too,
and knew that I must hIde.
Aftef that summef, I feIt Iess comfoft-
abIe about my desIfe to be aIone wIth a
book. In hIgh schooI, In coIIege, and as
a young Iawyef, I tfIed to make myseIf
appeaf mofe extfovefted and Iess egg-
heady than I tfuIy was.
But as I gfew oIdef, I dfew InspIfa-
tIon ffom my gfandfathef's exampIe. He
was a quIet man, and a gfeat one.
When he dIed at the age of nInety-fouf,
aftef sIxty-two yeafs at the puIpIt, the
NYPD had to cIose the stfeets of hIs
neIghbofhood to accommodate the
thfongs of moufnefs. He wouId have
been sufpfIsed to know thIs. Today, I
('*"#$#
thInk that one of the best thIngs about
hIm was hIs humIIIty.
ThIs book Is dedIcated, wIth Iove, to
my chIIdhood famIIy. To my mothef,
wIth hef endIess enthusIasm fof quIet
kItchen-tabIe chats, she gave us chII-
dfen the gIft of IntImacy. I was so Iucky
to have such a devoted mothef. To my
fathef, a dedIcated physIcIan who
taught by exampIe the joys of sIttIng fof
houfs at a desk, huntIng fof knowIedge,
but who aIso came up fof aIf to Intfo-
duce me to hIs favofIte poems and scI-
ence expefIments. To my bfothef and
sIstef, who shafe to thIs day the
wafmth and affectIon of havIng gfown
up In ouf smaII famIIy and househoId
fuII of IItefatufe. To my gfandmothef,
fof hef pIuck, gfIt, and cafIng.
And In memofy of my gfandfathef,
who spoke so eIoquentIy the Ianguage
of quIet.
('$"#$#
" K,%- ,# %4- U,&*5 23%456$4% )#*
-7%456$4%
ThIs book Is about IntfovefsIon as seen
ffom a 1%86%#78 poInt of vIew. Its
pfImafy concefn Is the age-oId dIcho-
tomy between the man of actIon" and
the man of contempIatIon," and how
we couId Impfove the wofId If onIy
thefe wefe a gfeatef baIance of powef
between the two types. It focuses on
the pefson who fecognIzes hIm- of hef-
seIf somewhefe In the foIIowIng con-
steIIatIon of attfIbutes: fefIectIve, cefeb-
faI, bookIsh, unassumIng, sensItIve,
thoughtfuI, sefIous, contempIatIve,
subtIe, IntfospectIve, Innef-dIfected,
gentIe, caIm, modest, soIItude-seekIng,
shy, fIsk-avefse, thIn-skInned. B%")6 Is
aIso about thIs pefson's opposIte
numbef: the man of actIon" who Is
ebuIIIent, expansIve, socIabIe, gfegafI-
ous, excItabIe, domInant, asseftIve,
actIve, fIsk-takIng, thIck-skInned, outef-
dIfected, IIghtheafted, boId, and com-
foftabIe In the spotIIght.
These afe bfoad categofIes, of coufse.
Few IndIvIduaIs IdentIfy fuIIy wIth onIy
one of the othef. But most of us fecog-
nIze these types ImmedIateIy, because
they pIay meanIngfuI foIes In ouf
cuItufe.
Contempofafy pefsonaIIty psychoIo-
gIsts may have a conceptIon of Intfo-
vefsIon and extfovefsIon that dIffefs
ffom the one I use In thIs book. Adhef-
ents of the BIg FIve taxonomy often
vIew such chafactefIstIcs as the tend-
ency to have a cefebfaI natufe, a fIch
Innef IIfe, a stfong conscIence, some de-
gfee of anxIety (especIaIIy shyness),
and a fIsk-avefse natufe as beIongIng to
('%"#$#
categofIes quIte sepafate ffom Intfovef-
sIon. To them, these tfaIts may faII un-
def openness to expefIence," con-
scIentIousness," and neufotIcIsm."
My use of the wofd ".6#-*)#6 Is deIIb-
efateIy bfoadef, dfawIng on the In-
sIghts of BIg FIve psychoIogy, but aIso
encompassIng JungIan thInkIng on the
Intfoveft's Innef wofId of Inexhaust-
IbIe chafm" and subjectIve expefIence,
Jefome Kagan's feseafch on hIgh feact-
IvIty and anxIety (see chaptefs 4 and
5), EIaIne Afon's wofk on sensofy pfo-
cessIng sensItIvIty and Its feIatIonshIp
to conscIentIousness, Intense feeIIng,
Innef-dIfectedness, and depth of pfo-
cessIng (see chaptef 6), and vafIous fe-
seafch on the pefsIstence and concen-
tfatIon that Intfovefts bfIng to pfobIem-
soIvIng, much of It summafIzed won-
deffuIIy In GefaId Matthews's wofk (see
chaptef 7).
('&"#$#
Indeed, fof ovef thfee thousand
yeafs, Westefn cuItufe has IInked the
quaIItIes In the above consteIIatIons of
adjectIves. As the anthfopoIogIst C. A.
VaIentIne once wfote:
Westefn cuItufaI tfadItIons IncIude a
conceptIon of IndIvIduaI vafIabIIIty
whIch appeafs to be oId, wIde-
spfead, and pefsIstent. In popuIaf
fofm thIs Is the famIIIaf notIon of
the man of actIon, pfactIcaI man,
feaIIst, of socIabIe pefson as op-
posed to the thInkef, dfeamef, IdeaI-
Ist, of shy IndIvIduaI. The most
wIdeIy used IabeIs assocIated wIth
thIs tfadItIon afe the type desIgna-
tIons extfoveft and Intfoveft.
VaIentIne's concept of IntfovefsIon In-
cIudes tfaIts that contempofafy psycho-
Iogy wouId cIassIfy as openness to
(''"#$#
expefIence (thInkef, dfeamef"), con-
scIentIousness (IdeaIIst"), and neuf-
otIcIsm (shy IndIvIduaI").
A Iong IIne of poets, scIentIsts, and
phIIosophefs have aIso tended to gfoup
these tfaIts togethef. AII the way back
In GenesIs, the eafIIest book of the
BIbIe, we had cefebfaI Jacob (a quIet
man dweIIIng In tents" who Iatef be-
comes IsfaeI," meanIng one who
wfestIes InwafdIy wIth God) squafIng
off In sIbIIng fIvaIfy wIth hIs bfothef,
the swashbuckIIng Esau (a skIIIfuI
huntef" and man of the fIeId"). In cIas-
sIcaI antIquIty, the physIcIans HIppo-
cfates and GaIen famousIy pfoposed
that ouf tempefamentsand des-
tInIeswefe a functIon of ouf bodIIy
fIuIds, wIth extfa bIood and yeIIow
bIIe" makIng us sanguIne of choIefIc
(stabIe of neufotIc extfovefsIon), and
an excess of phIegm and bIack bIIe"
('("#$#
makIng us caIm of meIanchoIIc (stabIe
of neufotIc IntfovefsIon). AfIstotIe
noted that the meIanchoIIc tempefa-
ment was assocIated wIth emInence In
phIIosophy, poetfy, and the afts (today
we mIght cIassIfy thIs as openness to
expefIence). The seventeenth-centufy
EngIIsh poet John MIIton wfote I8
H).&)#-&- (The ThInkef") and JSL88)E#-
(The Meffy One"), compafIng the
happy pefson" who ffoIIcs In the coun-
tfysIde and feveIs In the cIty wIth the
thoughtfuI pefson" who waIks medItat-
IveIy thfough the nIghttIme woods and
studIes In a IoneIy Towf." (AgaIn,
today the descfIptIon of I8 H).&)#-&-
wouId appIy not onIy to IntfovefsIon
but aIso to openness to expefIence and
neufotIcIsm.) The nIneteenth-centufy
Gefman phIIosophef Schopenhauef
contfasted good-spIfIted" peopIe (en-
efgetIc, actIve, and easIIy bofed) wIth
(')"#$#
hIs pfefeffed type, InteIIIgent peopIe"
(sensItIve, ImagInatIve, and meIanchoI-
Ic). Mafk thIs weII, ye pfoud men of
actIon!" decIafed hIs countfyman HeIn-
fIch HeIne. Ye afe, aftef aII, nothIng
but unconscIous Instfuments of the men
of thought."
Because of thIs defInItIonaI compIex-
Ity, I ofIgInaIIy pIanned to Invent my
own tefms fof these consteIIatIons of
tfaIts. I decIded agaInst thIs, agaIn fof
cuItufaI feasons: the wofds ".6#-*)#6 and
)Q6#-*)#6 have the advantage of beIng
weII known and hIghIy evocatIve. Evefy
tIme I uttefed them at a dInnef pafty of
to a seatmate on an aIfpIane, they eII-
cIted a toffent of confessIons and fefIec-
tIons. Fof sImIIaf feasons, I've used the
Iaypefson's speIIIng of )Q6#-*)#6 fathef
than the )Q6#7*)#6 one fInds thfoughout
the feseafch IItefatufe.
('#"#$#
"6:#,?.-*'3-#%5
I couId not have wfItten B%")6 wIthout
the heIp of countIess ffIends, famIIy
membefs, and coIIeagues, IncIudIng:
RIchafd PIne, othefwIse known (to me)
as Supef-Agent RSP: the smaftest, sav-
vIest, and menschIest IItefafy agent that
any wfItef couId hope to wofk wIth.
RIchafd beIIeved unswefvIngIy In B%")6,
even befofe I dId. Then he kept on be-
IIevIng, aII the way thfough the fIve
yeafs It took me to feseafch and wfIte
It. I consIdef hIm not onIy an agent but
a paftnef In my cafeef. I aIso enjoyed
wofkIng wIth the whoIe team at
InkWeII Management, IncIudIng Ethan
Bassoff, Iyndsey BIessIng, and ChafIIe
OIsen.
At Cfown PubIIshefs, It has been my
pfIvIIege to wofk wIth the femafkabIe
MoIIy Stefn and hef aII-staf team.
RacheI KIayman has got to be the most
bfIIIIant and dedIcated edItof In the
busIness. She has been thefe at two In
the aftefnoon and at two In the mofn-
Ing, spottIng fIaws In my feasonIng and
cIunkefs In my pfose, and champIonIng
thIs book IndefatIgabIy. I aIso appfecI-
ate how genefous Mafy Chotebofsky
and Jenna CIongoII wefe wIth theIf ed-
ItofIaI taIents. And I was foftunate to
wofk wIth outsIde edItof Petef Guz-
zafdI, who has teffIfIc InstIncts and a
knack fof makIng cfItIcIsm sound de-
IIghtfuI. My heaftfeIt thanks to aII of
you. ThIs book wouId be a shadow of
ItseIf wIthout youf effofts.
SpecIaI thanks too to RacheI RokIckI
and JuIIe CepIef fof the cfeatIvIty and
enthusIasm they bfought to the B%")6
((*"#$#
cause. And thanks to Patty Befg, Mafk
BIfkey, ChfIs Bfand, StephanIe Chan,
TIna ConstabIe, Iaufa Duffy, Songhee
KIm, KyIe KoIkef, RacheI MeIef, Anns-
Iey Rosnef, and evefyone eIse on the
team at Cfown.
I have aIso been vefy Iucky to wofk
wIth JoeI RIckett, Kate Bafkef, and the
fest of the cfackefjack gfoup at VIkIng,
PenguIn U.K.
The mafveIous peopIe at TED em-
bfaced the Ideas In thIs book and
offefed me a chance to taIk about them
at the TED Iong Beach confefence In
2012. I am gfatefuI to ChfIs Andefson,
KeIIy StoetzeI, June Cohen, Tom RIeIIy,
MIchaeI GIass, NIchoIas WeInbefg, and
the entIfe TED team.
BfIan IIttIe, whose wofk I pfofIIed In
chaptef 9, has become an extfaofdInafy
mentof and ffIend. I met BfIan eafIy In
my feseafch pfocess, when I asked fof
(($"#$#
an IntefvIew. He gave me not onIy the
IntefvIew but aIso, ovef the yeafs, my
own pefsonaI gfaduate semInaf In pef-
sonaIIty psychoIogy. I am pfoud to be
one of hIs many dIscIpIes and ffIends.
EIaIne Afon, whose feseafch I pfo-
fIIed In chaptef 6, InspIfed me wIth hef
IIfe's wofk and gave genefousIy of hef
tIme, knowIedge, and IIfe stofy.
I feIIed on the suppoft and advIce of
InnumefabIe ffIends, IncIudIng: MafcI
AIbohef, GIna BIanchInI, Tafa Bfacco,
JanIs Bfody, Gfeg ByIInksy, DavId CaI-
Iahan, HeIen Chufko, Mafk CoIodny,
EstIe DaIIett, Ben Dattnef, Ben FaIchuk,
ChfIsty FIetchef, Mafgo FIug, JennIfef
GandIn Ie, Rhonda GafeIIck, MIchaeI
GIass, VIshwa Goohya, Ieeat Gfanek,
Amy Gutman, HIIIafy Hazan-GIass,
Wende Jaegef-Hyman, MahIma JoIshy,
EmIIy KIeIn, ChfIs Ie, RacheI Iehmann-
Haupt, IofI Iessef, Mafgot Magowan,
((!"#$#
Couftney MaftIn, Ffan and Jeffy Maf-
ton, Fufaha Nofton, EIIzabeth O'NeIII,
Wendy PafIs, Ieanne PaIuck ReIss,
Mafta RenzI, GIna Rudan, Howafd
SacksteIn, MafIsoI SImafd, Daphna
Stefn, RobIn Stefn, TIm Stock, JIIIIan
Stfaus, Sam SugIufa, Tom SugIufa, Jen-
nIfef Taub, Kate Tedesco, RutI TeIteI,
SeInenu TheIn, Jacquette TImmons,
MafIe Iena Tupot, Sam WaIkef, DanIeI
WoIff, and CaII Yost. A specIaI, supef-
dupef thanks to Anna BeItfan, MafItza
FIofes, and EIIza SImpson.
I am especIaIIy gfatefuI fof the fof-
beafance of some of my oIdest and
deafest ffIends: Mafk CoIodny, Jeff Ka-
pIan, HItomI Komatsu, Cathy Iankenau-
Weeks, Iawfence MendenhaII, Jonath-
an SIcheI, Bfande SteIIIngs, JudIth van
def ReIs, Rebecca and Jefemy WaIIace-
SegaII, and NaomI WoIf, who femaIn
cIose even though we bafeIy had tIme
((%"#$#
to taIk, Iet aIone vIsIt, dufIng the yeafs
I wfote thIs book and gave bIfth to my
two chIIdfen.
Thank you, too, to my feIIow mem-
befs of the InvIsIbIe InstItute, who In-
spIfe and astonIsh me on a feguIaf
basIs: Gafy Bass, EIIzabeth DevIta-Rae-
bufn, Abby EIIIn, RandI EpsteIn, ShefI
FInk, ChfIstIne KenneaIIy, JudIth
MatIoff, KatIe OfensteIn, AnnIe Mufphy
PauI, PameIa PauI, Joshua Pfagef,
AIIssa Quaft, PauI Raebufn, Kathy RIch,
Gfetchen RubIn, Iaufen SandIef, De-
bofah SIegeI, Rebecca SkIoot, DebbIe
StIef, Stacy SuIIIvan, MaIa SzaIavItz,
HaffIet WashIngton, and Tom ZoeIInef.
Fof InspIfatIon that I wouId bottIe
and seII If I couId, I thank the ownefs of
the cottage In Amagansett: AIIson
(Sunny) WaffInef and Jeanne
McIemofe. The same goes fof EveIyn
and MIchaeI PoIesny, pfopfIetofs of the
((&"#$#
magIcaI Doma Cafe In GfeenwIch VII-
Iage, whefe I wfote most of thIs book.
Thanks aIso to those who heIped
wIth vafIous aspects of gettIng B%")6 off
the gfound: Nancy AncowItz, Mafk Co-
Iodny, BIII CunnIngham, Ben Dattnef,
Aafon Fedof, BofIs FIshman, DavId
GaIIo, ChfIstophef GIazek, Suzy
Hansen, Jayme Johnson, JennIfef Kah-
weIIef, DavId IavIn, Ko-ShIn MandeII,
Andfes RIchnef, JIIIEIIyn RIIey,
Gfetchen RubIn, Gfegofy Samanez-Iaf-
kIn, Stephen SchueIIef, Sfee SfeenIvas-
an, Robeft SteImack, IInda Stone, John
Thompson, ChafIes Yao, HeIen Wan,
GeofgIa WeInbefg, and NaomI WoIf.
I owe a specIaI debt to the peopIe I
wfote about of quoted, some of whom
have become ffIends: MIcheI Anteby,
Jay BeIsky, Jon Befghoff, Wayne Cas-
cIo, Hung WeI ChIen, BoykIn Cuffy,
Tom DeMafco, RIchafd Depue, Df.
(('"#$#
JanIce Dofn, Andefs EfIcsson, Jason
FfIed, Ffancesca GIno, Adam Gfant,
WIIIIam GfazIano, Stephen HafvIII,
DavId Hofmann, RIchafd Howafd,
JadzIa JagIeIIowIcz, Rogef Johnson,
Jeffy Kagan, Guy KawasakI, CameIIa
Kuhnen, TIffany IIao, RIchafd IIppa,
Joanna IIppef, Adam McHugh, MIke
MIka, EmIIy MIIIef, Jeffy MIIIef, QuInn
MIIIs, PufvI ModI, Joseph Newman,
Pfeston NI, CafI Schwaftz, Dave SmIth,
Mafk Snydef, JacqueIIne StfIckIand,
AvfII Thofne, DavId WeIss, MIke WeI,
and Shoya ZIchy.
Thefe afe many, many othefs who
afen't mentIoned by name In B%")6 but
who gave genefousIy of theIf tIme and
wIsdom, vIa IntefvIews and the IIke,
and who dfamatIcaIIy Infofmed my
thInkIng: Mafco Acevedo, Anna AIIan-
bfook, Andfew Ayfe, Dawn RIvefs
Bakef, Susan BIew, Jonathan Cheek,
((("#$#
Jefemy Chua, Dave CoIeman, Ben
Dattnef, Matthew DavIs, Scott Defue,
CafI EIIIott, Bfad FeId, Kuft FIschef,
AIex Fofbes, Donna Genyk, CafoIe
Gfand, Stephen Geffas, Ienny Guc-
cIafdI, Anne HaffIngton, NaomI Kaften,
James McEIfoy, RIchafd McNaIIy, Gfeg
OIdham, ChfIstophef Petefson, IIse
QuIntana, Iena Roy, ChfIs Schef-
penseeI, Hefsh SheffIn, Nancy SnIdman,
Sandy TInkIef, VIfgInIa VItzthum, E. O.
WIIson, DavId WIntef, and PattI WoII-
man. Thank you, aII.
Most of aII I thank my famIIy:
Iawfence and GaII HofowItz, Bafbafa
SchnIppef, and MItcheII HofowItz,
whom I wfote about In the dedIcatIon,
IoIs, Muffay, and Steve SchnIppef, who
make the wofId a wafmef pIace, Steve
and GIna CaIn, my wondeffuI West
Coast sIbIIngs, and the InImItabIe HeIdI
PostIewaIt.
(()"#$#
SpecIaI thanks and Iove to AI and
BobbI CaIn, who Ient me theIf advIce,
contacts, and pfofessIonaI counseI as I
feseafched and wfote, and who con-
stantIy cause me to hope that one day I
wIII be as devoted and suppoftIve an
In-Iaw to some young pefson as they
afe to me.
And to my beIoved Gonzo (a.k.a.
Ken), who may just be the most genef-
ous pefson on eafth, and the most dash-
Ing. DufIng the yeafs I wfote thIs book,
he edIted my dfafts, shafpened my
Ideas, made me tea, made me Iaugh,
bfought me chocoIate, seeded ouf
gafden, tufned hIs wofId upsIde down
so I had tIme to wfIte, kept ouf IIves
coIoffuI and excItIng, and got us the
heII out of the BefkshIfes. He aIso, of
coufse, gave us Sammy and EIIshku,
who have fIIIed ouf house wIth tfucks
and ouf heafts wIth Iove.
((#"#$#
K,%-5
INTRODUCTION: DHO KGNDH "KS @GWDH GY
DO]MON"]OKD
1. ],#%',3-&/> ".)7)3); S-6-37-& \>
\gaa: Fof an exceIIent bIogfaphy of Rosa
Pafks, see DougIas BfInkIey, (-&7 H7#$&= L
J"/) (New Yofk: PenguIn, 2000). Most of
the matefIaI In B%")6 about Pafks Is dfawn
ffom thIs wofk.
A note about Pafks: Some have ques-
tIoned the sInguIafIty of hef actIons, poInt-
Ing out that she'd had pIenty of cIvII fIghts
tfaInIng befofe boafdIng that bus. WhIIe
thIs Is tfue, thefe's no evIdence, accofdIng
to BfInkIey, that Pafks acted In a pfemedIt-
ated mannef that evenIng, of even as an
actIvIst, she was sImpIy beIng hefseIf. Mofe
Impoftant fof B%")6's pufposes, hef
pefsonaIIty dId not pfevent hef ffom beIng
poweffuI, on the contfafy, It made hef a
natufaI at nonvIoIent fesIstance.
2. !#,&%4 )#* 5,(%4 ,0 %-3+-&)3-#%<: WInI-
ffed GaIIaghef (quotIng J. D. HIgIey), How
We Become What We Afe," D:) L687.6"1
Z-.6:8;, Septembef 1994. (HIgIey was taIk-
Ing about boIdness and InhIbItIon, not ex-
tfovefsIon and IntfovefsIon pef se, but the
concepts ovefIap In many ways.)
3. ',8-&#5 4,? .$:-./ ?- )&- %, -2-&6$5-:
Robeft M. SteImack, On PefsonaIIty and
AfousaI: A HIstofIcaI PefspectIve on
Eysenck and Zuckefman," In MafvIn Zuck-
efman and Robeft M. SteImack, eds., \. 6:)
H&;1:-G"-8-E; -/ H)#&-.78"6;= 4&&7;& ". >-.-#
-/ Z7#*". c%1$)#57. (San DIego: EIsevIef,
2004), 22. See aIso CafoIIne DavIs et aI.,
MotIvatIons to ExefcIse as a FunctIon of
PefsonaIIty ChafactefIstIcs, Age, and
Gendef," H)#&-.78"6; 7.0 I.0"*"0%78 F"//)#<
).1)& 19, no. 2 (1995): 16574.
()*"#$#
4. 6,33$% )*(.%-&/: DanIeI NettIe, H)#&-.78<
"6;= A:76 Z7$)& [-% 6:) A7; [-% L#) (New
Yofk: Oxfofd UnIvefsIty Pfess, 2007), p.
100. See aIso DavId P. SchmItt, The BIg
FIve ReIated to RIsky SexuaI BehavIouf
Acfoss 10 WofId RegIons: DIffefentIaI Pef-
sonaIIty AssocIatIons of SexuaI PfomIscuIty
and ReIatIonshIp InfIdeIIty," 4%#-3)7.
K-%#.78 -/ H)#&-.78"6; 18, no. 4 (2004):
30119.
5. 0(#6%$,# ?-.. ?$%4,(% 5.--+: WIIIIam D. S.
KIIIgofe et aI., The TfaIt of IntfovefsIon-
ExtfavefsIon PfedIcts VuInefabIIIty to SIeep
DepfIvatIon," K-%#.78 -/ 28))3 ()&)7#1: 16,
no. 4 (2007): 35463. See aIso DanIeI
TayIof and Robeft M. McFattef, CognItIve
Peffofmance Aftef SIeep DepfIvatIon: Does
PefsonaIIty Make a DIffefence?" H)#&-.78"6;
7.0 I.0"*"0%78 F"//)#).1)& 34, no. 7 (2003):
117993, and Andfew SmIth and Andfea
Maben, Effects of SIeep DepfIvatIon,
Iunch, and PefsonaIIty on Peffofmance,
()$"#$#
Mood, and CafdIovascuIaf FunctIon,"
H:;&"-8-E; 7.0 @):7*"-# 54, no. 5 (1993):
96772.
6. .-)&# 0&,3 ,(& 3$5%):-5: See chaptef 7.
7. +.)6- 7$' 7-%5 $# %4- 5%,6: 3)&:-%: See
chaptef 7.
8. 7- ) ',,* .-)*-&: See chaptef 2.
9. )#* )5: !?4)% $0<: See chaptefs 3 and 7.
10. -24)(5%$8-./ &-5-)&64-* 5(7C-6%5: As of
May 2, 2010, In the PSYCINFO database,
thefe wefe 9,194 entfIes on extfavefsIon,"
6,111 on IntfovefsIon," and 12,494 on the
ovefIappIng subject of neufotIcIsm." Thefe
wefe fewef entfIes fof the othef BIg 5"
pefsonaIIty tfaIts: openness to expefIence,
conscIentIousness, and agfeeabIeness. SIm-
IIafIy, as of June 14, 2010, a GoogIe schoI-
af seafch found about 64,700 aftIcIes on
extfavefsIon," 30,600 on extfovefsIon,"
55,900 on IntfovefsIon," and 53,300 on
neufotIcIsm." The psychoIogIst WIIIIam
()!"#$#
GfazIano, In an e-maII dated JuIy 31, 2010,
fefefs to IntfovefsIon,extfovefsIon as the
300 Ib. gofIIIa of pefsonaIIty, meanIng that
It Is bIg and cannot be Ignofed easIIy."
11. $# %4- E$7.-: See A Note on TefmInoIogy."
12. 5,3- -8,.(%$,#)&/ +5/64,.,'$5%5: See
chaptef 6.
13. ,#- %4$&* %, ,#- 4).0 ,0 "3-&$6)#5 )&-
$#%&,8-&%5: Rowan Bayne, In D:) Z;)#&<
@#"EE& D;3) I.0"176-#= L ,#"6"178 ()*")+ 7.0
H#716"178 M%"0) (Iondon: Chapman and HaII,
1995), 47, fInds the IncIdence of Intfovef-
sIon at 36 pefcent, whIch Is In tufn detefm-
Ined ffom IsabeI Myefs's own study ffom
1985. A mofe fecent study, pubIIshed by
the Centef fof AppIIcatIons of PsychoIogIcaI
Type Reseafch SefvIces In 1996, sampIed
914,219 peopIe and found that 49.3 pef-
cent wefe extfovefts and 50.7 pefcent wefe
Intfovefts. See EstImated FfequencIes of
the Types In the UnIted States PopuIatIon,"
()%"#$#
a bfochufe pubIIshed by the Centef fof Ap-
pIIcatIon of PsychoIogIcaI Type (CAPT) In
1996 and 2003. That the pefcentage of In-
tfovefts found by these studIes fose ffom 36
pefcent to 50.7 pefcent doesn't necessafIIy
mean that thefe afe now mofe Intfovefts In
the UnIted States, accofdIng to CAPT. It
may be sImpIy a fefIectIon of the popuIa-
tIons sampIed and IncIuded." In fact, a
whoIIy sepafate sufvey, thIs one usIng the
Eysenck PefsonaIIty Inventofy and Eysenck
PefsonaIIty QuestIonnaIfe fathef than the
Myefs-BfIggs test, IndIcates that extfavef-
sIon scofes have Incfeased ovef tIme (ffom
1966 to 1993) fof both men and women:
see Jean M. Twenge, BIfth Cohoft Changes
In ExtfavefsIon: A Cfoss-TempofaI Meta-
AnaIysIs, 19661993," H)#&-.78"6; 7.0 I.0"<
*"0%78 F"//)#).1)& 30 (2001): 73548.
14. W#$%-* @%)%-5 $5 )3,#' %4- 3,5% -2%&,1
8-&%-* ,0 #)%$,#5: ThIs has been noted In
two studIes: (1) JufI AIIIk and Robeft R.
()&"#$#
McCfae, Towafd a Geogfaphy of PefsonaI-
Ity TfaIts: Pattefns of PfofIIes Acfoss 36
CuItufes," K-%#.78 -/ ,#-&&<,%86%#78 H&;1:-<
8-E; 35 (2004): 1328, and (2) Robeft R.
McCfae and AntonIo TeffaccIano, Pefson-
aIIty PfofIIes of CuItufes: Aggfegate Pefson-
aIIty TfaIts," K-%#.78 -/ H)#&-.78"6; 7.0 2-<
1"78 H&;1:-8-E; 89:3 (2005): 40725.
15. D).:)%$8- +-,+.-> 0,& -2)3+.-: WIIIIam B.
Swann Jf. and Petef J. Rentffow, BIIfta-
tIousness: CognItIve, BehavIofaI, and
PhysIoIogIcaI Consequences of RapId
RespondIng," K-%#.78 -/ H)#&-.78"6; 7.0 2-<
1"78 H&;1:-8-E; 81, no. 6 (2001): 116075.
16. R-.,6$%/ ,0 5+--64 6,(#%5: Howafd GIIes
and RIchafd I. Stfeet Jf., CommunIcatof
ChafactefIstIcs and BehavIof," In M. I.
Knapp and G. R. MIIIef, eds., >7.0G--$ -/
I.6)#3)#&-.78 ,-55%."176"-., 2nd ed. (Thou-
sand Oaks, CA: Sage, 1994), 10361. (But
note some good news fof Intfovefts: sIow
()'"#$#
speech can be pefceIved as honest and be-
nevoIent, accofdIng to othef studIes.)
17. %4- 8,.(7.- )&- 6,#5$*-&-* 53)&%-&: DeI-
foy I. PauIhus and Kathy I. Mofgan, Pef-
ceptIons of InteIIIgence In IeadefIess
Gfoups: The DynamIc Effects of Shyness
and AcquaIntance," K-%#.78 -/ H)#&-.78"6;
7.0 2-1"78 H&;1:-8-E; 72, no. 3 (1997):
58191.
18. ,#- $#0,&3). 5%(*/: IaufIe HeIgoe, I.6#-<
*)#6 H-+)#= A:; [-%# I..)# J"/) I& [-%# >"0<
0). 26#).E6: (NapefvIIIe, II: Soufcebooks,
2008), 34.
19. %4- %4-,&/ ,0 '&)8$%/: GaIe E. ChfIstIanson,
I&771 ?)+6-. (Oxfofd UnIvefsIty Pfess,
IIves and IegacIes SefIes, 2005).
20. %4- %4-,&/ ,0 &-.)%$8$%/: WaItef Isaacson,
4".&6)".= >"& J"/) 7.0 C."*)#&) (New Yofk: SI-
mon & Schustef, 2007), 4, 12, 18, 2, 31,
etc.
()("#$#
21. U; E; V-)%5A5 !D4- @-6,#* J,3$#'<: MI-
chaeI FItzgefaId, D:) M).)&"& -/ L#6"&6"1
,#)76"*"6;= L&3)#E)#S& 2;.0#-5) 7.0 6:) L#6&
(Iondon: JessIca KIngsIey, 2005), 69. See
aIso Ifa Pfogoff, K%.ES& H&;1:-8-E; 7.0 I6&
2-1"78 Z)7.".E (Iondon: RoutIedge, 1999),
11112.
22. J4,+$#A5 #,6%(&#-5: Tad SzuIc, ,:-3". ".
H7#"&= D:) J"/) 7.0 D"5)& -/ 6:) (-57.6"1
,-53-&)# (New Yofk: SImon & Schustef,
2000), 69.
23. M&,(5%A5 23 *$849: 5; '5<% +#=$: AIaIn de
Botton, >-+ H#-%&6 ,7. ,:7.E) [-%# J"/)
(New Yofk: VIntage IntefnatIonaI), 1997.
24. M-%-& M)#: IIsa Chaney, >"0)<7.0<2))$ +"6:
L.E)8&= L J"/) -/ KP ZP @7##") (New Yofk: St.
MaftIn's Pfess, 2005), 2.
25. G&?-..A5 >?@A )#* &3#=8B C84=: FItzgef-
aId, D:) M).)&"& -/ L#6"&6"1 ,#)76"*"6;, 89.
())"#$#
26. J4)&.$- E&,?#: DavId MIchaeIIs, 21:%8]
7.0 H)7.%6&= L @"-E#73:; (New Yofk: Hafp-
ef, 2007).
27. *9:#3DB$4E< '#<%F -G+G, )#* HB5<$ -395"3I
%$4< 5; %:$ +:#4D J#3D: Joseph McBfIde,
26)*). 23")8G)#E= L @"-E#73:; (New Yofk: SI-
mon & Schustef, 1997), 57, 68.
28. X,,'.-: Ken AuIetta, M--E8)0= D:) 4.0 -/
6:) A-#80 7& A) !.-+ I6 (New Yofk: Pen-
guIn, 2009), 32
29. H)&&/ M,%%-&: IntefvIew of J. K. RowIIng by
SheIagh Rogefs and Iaufen McCofmIck, Ca-
nadIan BfoadcastIng Cofp., Octobef 26,
2000.
30. !K-$%4-& -K=9
L
#,& M848D#<$ '5<%<: WInI-
ffed GaIIaghef, IPFP= >-+ >)#)0"6; 7.0 4Q<
3)#").1) Z7$) [-% A:- [-% L#) (New Yofk:
Random House, 1996), 26.
31. 8)5% 3)C,&$%/ ,0 %-)64-&5 7-.$-8-: ChafIes
MeIsgeIef et aI., ImpIIcatIons and AppIIca-
tIons of PsychoIogIcaI Type to EducatIonaI
()#"#$#
Refofm and RenewaI," H#-1))0".E& -/ 6:)
9"#&6 @").."78 I.6)#.76"-.78 ,-./)#).1) -.
40%176"-. -/ 6:) ,).6)# /-# L338"176"-.& -/
H&;1:-8-E"178 D;3) (GaInesvIIIe, FI: Centef
fof AppIIcatIons of PsychoIogIcaI Type,
1994), 26371.
32. J)&. j(#' 4)* +(7.$54-* ) 7,3754-..:
CafI G. Jung, H&;1:-8-E"178 D;3)&
(PfInceton, NJ: PfInceton UnIvefsIty Pfess,
1971, ofIgInaIIy pubIIshed In Gefman as
H&;1:-8-E"&1:) D;3). ]ZufIch: Raschef Vef-
Iag, 1921|), see esp. 33037.
33. %4- 3)C,&$%/ ,0 (#$8-&5$%$-5 )#* Y,&%(#-
\hh 6,3+)#$-5: E-maII to the authof,
dated JuIy 9, 2010, ffom Ieah I. WaIIIng,
dIfectof, MafketIng CommunIcatIons and
Pfoduct MafketIng, CPP, Inc.
34. $#%&,8-&%5 )#* -2%&,8-&%5 *$00-& $# %4-
.-8-. ,0 ,(%5$*- 5%$3(.)%$,# k ])#/
4)8- ) 4,&&,& ,0 53).. %).:: See Paft Two:
Youf BIoIogy, Youf SeIf?"
(#+"#$#
35. #3%456$4% $5 #,% ) 5/#,#/3 0,& 4-&3$%: In-
tfovefsIon Is aIso vefy dIffefent ffom Aspef-
gef's syndfome, the autIsm spectfum dIs-
ofdef that InvoIves dIffIcuItIes wIth socIaI
IntefactIons such as feadIng facIaI expfes-
sIons and body Ianguage. IntfovefsIon and
Aspefgef's both can InvoIve feeIIng ovef-
wheImed In socIaI settIngs. But unIIke
peopIe wIth Aspefgef's, Intfovefts often
have stfong socIaI skIIIs. Compafed wIth
the one thIfd to one haIf of AmefIcans who
afe Intfovefts, onIy one In fIve thousand
peopIe has Aspefgef's. See NatIonaI InstI-
tute of NeufoIogIcaI DIsofdefs and Stfoke,
Aspefgef Syndfome Fact Sheet, ht-
tp:,,www.nInds.nIh.gov,dIsofdefs,aspef-
gef,detaII_aspefgef.htm.
36. %4- *$5%$#6%./ $#%&,8-&%-* O; ]; Y,&5%-&:
SunII Kumaf, L ,-537."-. 6- 4P ZP 9-#&6)#,
voI. 1 (New DeIhI: AtIantIc PubIIshefs and
DIstfIbutofs, 2007).
(#*"#$#
37. !4(3)# .,8- )% $%5 4-$'4%<: E. M. Fofstef,
>-+7#0& 4.0 (Iondon: Edwafd AfnoId,
1910).
38. @4/#-55 $5 %4- 0-)& ,0 5,6$). *$5)++&,8).:
EIaIne N. Afon et aI., AduIt Shyness: The
IntefactIon of TempefamentaI SensItIvIty
and an Advefse ChIIdhood EnvIfonment,"
H)#&-.78"6; 7.0 2-1"78 H&;1:-8-E; @%88)6". 31
(2005): 18197.
39. %4-/ 5,3-%$3-5 ,8-&.)+: Many aftIcIes ad-
dfess thIs questIon. See, fof exampIe, Steph-
en R. BfIggs, Shyness: IntfovefsIon of
NeufotIcIsm?" K-%#.78 -/ ()&)7#1: ". H)#&-.<
78"6; 22, no. 3 (1988): 290307.
40. !@(64 ) 3)# ?,(.* 7- $# %4- .(#)%$6
)5/.(3<: WIIIIam McGuIfe and R. F. C.
HaII, ,P MP K%.E 23)7$".E= I.6)#*")+& 7.0 4.<
1-%.6)#& (PfInceton, NJ: PfInceton
UnIvefsIty Pfess, 1977), 304.
41. Y$#.)#* $5 ) 0)3,(5./ $#%&,8-&%-* #)%$,#:
AIno SaIIInen-KupafInen et aI., A"88".E.)&&
(#$"#$#
6- ,-55%."176)N ,-55%."176"-. L33#):).<
&"-.N I.6#-*)#&"-.N 7.0 2)8/<()3-#6)0 ,-55%<
."176"-. ,-53)6).1)= 9".."&: 7.0 L5)#"17.
,-537#"&-.&. CommunIcatIon Reseafch Re-
pofts, 8 (1991): 57.
42. ])#/ $#%&,8-&%5 )&- ).5, !4$'4./ 5-#5$%1
$8-<: See chaptef 6.
CHAPTER 1: THE RISE OF THE MIGHTY IIKEABIE
FEIIOW"
1. D4- *)%-P \gh^ k 4-.* 4$3 7)6: )5 )
/,(#' 3)#: GIIes Kemp and Ed
2. wafd CIafIIn, F78) ,7#.)E")= D:) Z7. A:-
I./8%).1)0 Z"88"-.& (New Yofk: St. MaftIn's
Pfess, 1989). The 1902 date Is an estImate
based on the fough contoufs of CafnegIe's
bIogfaphy.
3. !I# %4- *)/5 ?4-# +$)#,5 )#* 7)%4&,,35
?-&- .(2(&$-5<: DaIe CafnegIe, D:) B%"1$
7.0 47&; A7; 6- 4//)16"*) 23)7$".E (New
Yofk: Pocket Books, 1962, fevIsed by
(#!"#$#
Dofothy CafnegIe ffom H%G8"1 23)7$".E 7.0
I./8%).1".E Z). ". @%&".)&&, by DaIe
CafnegIe).
4. ) J(.%(&- ,0 J4)&)6%-& %, ) J(.%(&- ,0
M-&5,#).$%/: Waffen Susman, ,%86%#) 7&
>"&6-#;= D:) D#7.&/-#576"-. -/ L5)#"17. 2-<
1")6; ". 6:) D+).6")6: ,).6%#; (WashIngton,
DC: SmIthsonIan InstItutIon Pfess, 2003),
27185. See aIso Ian A. M. NIchoIson, Gof-
don AIIpoft, Chafactef, and the 'CuItufe of
PefsonaIIty,' 18971937," >"&6-#; -/ H&;1:-<
8-E; 1, no. 1 (1998): 5268.
5. D4- ?,&* N$4<538B#%O *$*#A% -2$5%: Sus-
man, ,%86%#) 7& >"&6-#;, 277: The modefn
Idea of pefsonaIIty emefged In the eafIy
twentIeth centufy and came Into Its own
onIy In the postWofId Waf I pefIod. By
1930, accofdIng to the eafIy pefsonaIIty
psychoIogIst Gofdon W. AIIpoft, Intefest In
pefsonaIIty had feached astonIshIng pfo-
poftIons." See aIso SoI Cohen, The MentaI
HygIene Movement, the DeveIopment of
(#%"#$#
PefsonaIIty and the SchooI: The MedIcaIIza-
tIon of AmefIcan EducatIon," >"&6-#; -/
40%176"-. B%7#6)#8; 32, no. 2 (1983),
12349.
6. I# \egh> ,#./ _ +-&6-#% k ) %4$&* ,0 %4-
6,(#%&/ ?-&- (&7)#$%-5: AIan Befgef, D:)
,"6;= C#G7. ,-55%."6")& 7.0 D:)"# H#-G8)5&
(Dubuque, IA: WIIIIam C. Bfown Co.,
1978). See aIso Waffen SImpson Thompson
et aI., H-3%876"-. D#).0& ". 6:) C."6)0 2676)&
(New Yofk: Gofdon and Bfeach ScIence
PubIIshefs, 1969).
7. !U- 6)##,% ).. .$8- $# 6$%$-5<: DavId E.
ShI, D:) 2"538) J"/)= H87". J"*".E 7.0 >"E:
D:".$".E ". L5)#"17. ,%86%#) (Athens, GA:
UnIvefsIty of GeofgIa Pfess, 1985), 154.
8. !D4- &-)5,#5 ?4/ ,#- 3)# ')$#-* ) +&,1
3,%$,#<: RoIand Mafchand, L0*)#6"&".E 6:)
L5)#"17. F#)75= Z7$".E A7; /-# Z-0)#."6;N
dgVfhdgef (BefkeIey: UnIvefsIty of CaIIfof-
nIa Pfess, 1985), 209.
(#&"#$#
9. +:$ M#BP4#=E< M45P4$<<: John Bunyan, D:)
H"8E#"5S& H#-E#)&& (New Yofk: Oxfofd
UnIvefsIty Pfess, 2003). See aIso EIIzabeth
HaIken, O).%& 4.*;= L >"&6-#; -/ ,-&5)6"1
2%#E)#; (BaItImofe: Johns HopkIns
UnIvefsIty Pfess, 1997), 99.
10. ) 3,*-5% 3)# ?4, *$* #,% k !,00-#* 7/
5(+-&$,&$%/<: Amy Hendefson, MedIa and
the RIse of CeIebfIty CuItufe," \#E7."]76"-.
-/ L5)#"17. >"&6-#"7.& Z7E7]".) -/ >"&6-#; 6
(SpfIng 1992).
11. " +,+(.)& \fgg 3)#().: OfIson Swett
Mafden, ,:7#716)#= D:) M#7.0)&6 D:".E ". 6:)
A-#80 (1899, fepfInt, KessIngef PubIIshIng,
2003), 13.
12. E(% 7/ \g^h> +,+(.)& 5-.014-.+
'($*-5 k !D4)% $5 %4- 7-'$##$#' ,0 )
13. &-+(%)%$,# 0,& +-&5,#).$%/<: Susman, ,%8<
6%#) 7& >"&6-#;, 27185.
14. *"99$<< 3)')l$#- )#* D:$ *8%"4D8O -6$3I
#3P M5<%: CafI EIIIott, @)66)# D:7. A)88=
(#'"#$#
L5)#"17. Z)0"1".) Z))6& 6:) L5)#"17.
F#)75 (New Yofk: W. W. Nofton, 2003),
61.
15. ) 3/5%-&$,(5 =().$%/ 6)..-*
!0)56$#)%$,#<: Susman, 279.
16. !M-,+.- ?4, +)55 (5 ,# %4- 5%&--%<: HazeI
Rawson Cades, A TweIve-to-Twenty TaIk,"
A-5).S& >-5) ,-537."-., Septembef
1925: 71 (cIted by HaIken, p. 91).
17. "3-&$6)#5 7-6)3- ,75-55-* ?$%4 3,8$-
5%)&5: In 1907 thefe wefe fIve thousand
movIe theatefs In the UnIted States, by
1914 thefe wefe 180,000 theatefs and
countIng. The fIfst fIIms appeafed In 1894,
and though the IdentItIes of scfeen actofs
wefe ofIgInaIIy kept secfet by the fIIm stu-
dIos (In keepIng wIth the ethos of a mofe
pfIvate efa), by 1910 the notIon of a
movIe staf" was bofn. Between 1910 and
1915 the InfIuentIaI fIImmakef D. W. GfIf-
fIth made movIes In whIch he juxtaposed
(#("#$#
cIose-ups of the stafs wIth cfowd scenes.
HIs message was cIeaf: hefe was the suc-
cessfuI pefsonaIIty, standIng out In aII Its
gIofy agaInst the undIffefentIated nobodIes
of the wofId. AmefIcans absofbed these
messages enthusIastIcaIIy. The vast majof-
Ity of bIogfaphIcaI pfofIIes pubIIshed In D:)
276%#07; 4*).".E H-&6 and ,-88")#S& at the
dawn of the twentIeth centufy wefe about
poIItIcIans, busInessmen, and pfofessIonaIs.
But by the 1920s and 1930s, most pfofIIes
wefe wfItten about enteftaInefs IIke GIofIa
Swanson and ChafIIe ChapIIn. (See Susman
and Hendefson, see aIso ChafIes Mussef,
D:) 45)#E).1) -/ ,".)57= D:) L5)#"17.
21#)). 6- dgfi ]BefkeIey: UnIvefsIty of CaII-
fofnIa Pfess, 1994|, 81, and DanIeI
CzItfom, Z)0"7 7.0 6:) L5)#"17. Z".0=
9#-5 Z-#&) 6- Z1J%:7. ]ChapeI HIII:
UnIvefsIty of Nofth CafoIIna Pfess, 1982, p.
42|.)
(#)"#$#
18. !O"DGKA@ HIXHT"KS TIKOK<: Mafchand,
L0*)#6"&".E 6:) L5)#"17. F#)75, 11.
19. !"TT "NGWKS VGW MOGMTO "NO jWSXIKX
VGW @ITOKDTV<: JennIfef ScanIon, I.7#6"1%<
876) J-.E".E&= D:) J70")&S >-5) K-%#.78N
M).0)#N 7.0 6:) H#-5"&)& -/ ,-.&%5)# ,%8<
6%#) (RoutIedge, 1995), 209.
20. !JNIDIJ"T OVO@ "NO @ImIKX VGW WM NIXHD
KGU<: Mafchand, L0*)#6"&".E 6:) L5)#"17.
F#)75, 213.
21. !ORON DNIOS @OTTIKX /)Q0*-'C +) VGW?":
Mafchand, 209.
22. !TOD VGWN Y"JO NOYTOJD JGKYISOKJO>
KGD UGNNVF<: Mafchand, L0*)#6"&".E 6:)
L5)#"17. F#)75, 213.
23. !.,#'-* %, 7- 5(66-550(.> ')/> %&$1
(3+4)#%<: ThIs ad fan In ,-&5-3-8"67.,
August 1921: 24.
24. !H,? 6)# I 3):- 3/5-.0 3,&- +,+(1
.)&Z<: RIta Bafnafd, D:) M#)76 F)3#)&&"-.
(##"#$#
7.0 6:) ,%86%#) -/ LG%.07.1)= !)..)6: 9)7#<
".EN ?76:7.7)8 A)&6N 7.0 Z7&& ,%86%#) ". 6:)
dgjf& (CambfIdge, UK: CambfIdge
UnIvefsIty Pfess, 1995), 188. See aIso
Mafchand, L0*)#6"&".E 6:) L5)#"17. F#)75,
210.
25.7,%4 '-#*-&5 *$5+.)/-* 5,3- &-1
5-&8- k 5,3-%$3-5 6)..-* !0&$'$*<: PatfI-
cIa 26 A. McDanIeI, 2:#".$".E O"-8)6& 7.0
,7&37# Z"8W%)6-7&6&= 2:;.)&&N H-+)#N 7.0 I.<
6"571; ". 6:) C."6)0 2676)&N dgkfhdggk (New
Yofk: New Yofk UnIvefsIty Pfess, 2003),
3343.
26. I# %4- \g^h5 )# $#0.(-#%$). +5/64,.,1
'$5% k !G(& 6(&&-#% 6$8$.$l)%$,# k 5--35
%, +.)6- ) +&-3$(3 (+,# %4- )''&-55$8-
+-&5,#<: NIchoIson, Gofdon AIIpoft, Chaf-
actef, and the CuItufe of PefsonaIIty,
18971937," 5268. See aIso Gofdon AII-
poft, A Test fof Ascendance-SubmIssIon,"
K-%#.78 -/ LG.-#578 l 2-1"78 H&;1:-8-E; 23
(1928): 11836. AIIpoft, often fefeffed to
)++"#$#
as a foundIng fIgufe of pefsonaIIty psycho-
Iogy, pubIIshed PefsonaIIty TfaIts: TheIf
CIassIfIcatIon and Measufement" In 1921,
the same yeaf Jung pubIIshed H&;1:-8-E"178
D;3)&. He began teachIng hIs coufse Pef-
sonaIIty: Its PsychoIogIcaI and SocIaI
Aspects" at Hafvafd UnIvefsIty In 1924, It
was pfobabIy the fIfst coufse In pefsonaIIty
evef taught In the UnIted States.
27. j(#' 4$35-.0 k !).. %4- 6(&&-#% +&-C(1
*$6-5 )')$#5% %4$5 %/+-<: C. G. Jung, H&;<
1:-8-E"178 D;3)& (PfInceton, NJ: PfInceton
UnIvefsIty Pfess, 1990, fepfInt of 1921 edI-
tIon), 4035.
28.D4- IJ> )5 $% 7-6)3- :#,?# k !%4-
7)6:7,#- ).,#' ?$%4 $%<: HaIken, 27
O).%& 4.*;, 11114.
29. S-5+$%- %4- 4,+-0(. %,#- ,0 %4$5
+$-6- k !" 4-).%4/ +-&5,#).$%/ 0,& -8-&/
64$.*<: McDanIeI, 2:#".$".E O"-8)6&, 4344.
)+*"#$#
30. U-..13-)#$#' +)&-#%5 k )'&--*: EncycIo-
pedIa of ChIIdfen and ChIIdhood In HIstofy
and SocIety: Shyness," ht-
tp:,,www.faqs.ofg,chIIdhood,Re-So,Shy-
ness.htmI.
31. @,3- *$56,(&)'-* %4-$& 64$.1
*&-# k .-)&#$#' %, 5,6$).$l-: DavId RIes-
man, D:) J-.)8; ,#-+0 (Gafden CIty, NY:
DoubIeday Anchof, fepfInted by affange-
ment wIth YaIe UnIvefsIty Pfess, 1953),
esp. 7985 and 91. See aIso The PeopIe:
FfeedomNew StyIe," D"5), Septembef 27,
1954.
32. I#%&,8-&%-* 64$.*&-# k !5(7(&7)# )71
#,&3).$%$-5<: WIIIIam H. Whyte, D:) \#<
E7."]76"-. Z7. (New Yofk: SImon &
Schustef, 1956, fepfInt, PhIIadeIphIa:
UnIvefsIty of PennsyIvanIa Pfess, 2002),
382, 384.
33. H)&8)&*A5 +&,8,5% M)(. E(6:: Jefome Ka-
fabeI, D:) ,:-&).= D:) >"00). >"&6-#; -/
)+$"#$#
L05"&&"-. 7.0 4Q18%&"-. 76 >7#*7#0N [78)N
7.0 H#".1)6-. (Boston: Houghton MIffIIn,
2005), 185, 223.
34. ! LU- 5-- .$%%.- (5- 0,& %4- !7&$..$)#%< $#1
%&,8-&%A <: Whyte, D:) \#E7."]76"-. Z7.,
105.
35. D4$5 6,..-'- *-)# k !$% 4-.+5 $0 %4-/
3):- ) ',,* $3+&-55$,#<: Whyte, D:) \#<
E7."]76"-. Z7., 212.
36. !U-A&- 5-..$#'> C(5% 5-..$#'> IE]<: Hank
WhIttemofe, IBM In WestchestefThe
Iow PfofIIe of the Tfue BeIIevefs." ?)+
[-#$, May 22, 1972. The sIngIng ended In
the 1950s, accofdIng to thIs aftIcIe. Fof the
fuII wofds to SeIIIng IBM," see ht-
tp:,,www.dIgIbafn.com,coIIectIons,songs,
Ibm-songs.
37. D4- &-5% ,0 %4- ,&')#$l)%$,# 3-# k &-)*
%4- O=()#$. )*: IouIs Menand, Head
Case: Can PsychIatfy Be a ScIence?" D:)
?)+ [-#$)#, Mafch 1, 2010.
)+!"#$#
38. D4- \gdh5 %&)#=($.$l-& @-&-#%$.: EIIIott,
@)66)# D:7. A)88, xv.
39. O2%&,8-&5$,# $5 $# ,(& SK": Kenneth R.
OIson, Why Do GeogfaphIc DIffefences Ex-
Ist In the WofIdwIde DIstfIbutIon of Extfa-
vefsIon and Openness to ExpefIence? The
HIstofy of Human EmIgfatIon as an ExpIan-
atIon," I.0"*"0%78 F"//)#).1)& ()&)7#1: 5, no.
4 (2007): 27588. See aIso Chuansheng
Chen, PopuIatIon MIgfatIon and the VafI-
atIon of DopamIne D4 Receptof (DRD4) AI-
IeIe FfequencIes Afound the GIobe," 4*-8%<
6"-. 7.0 >%57. @):7*"-# 20 (1999):
30924.
40. %4- N,3)#5> 0,& ?4,3 %4- ?,&5% +,51
5$7.- +(#$543-#%: MIhaIyI CsIkszentmI-
haIyI, 98-+= D:) H&;1:-8-E; -/ \36"578 4Q3)#<
").1) (New Yofk: Hafpef PefennIaI, 1990),
165.
41. O8-# %4- J4&$5%$)#$%/ ,0 -)&./ "3-&$6)#
&-.$'$,(5 &-8$8).5: Iong befofe that sIIvef-
)+%"#$#
tongued Chautauqua speakef tufned DaIe
CafnegIe's wofId upsIde down, feIIgIous fe-
vIvaIs wefe takIng pIace undef huge tents
aII ovef the countfy. Chautauqua ItseIf was
InspIfed by these Gfeat AwakenIngs," the
fIfst In the 1730s and 1740s, and the
second In the eafIy decades of the nIne-
teenth centufy. The ChfIstIanIty on offef In
the AwakenIngs was new and theatfIcaI, Its
Ieadefs wefe saIes-ofIented, focused on
packIng foIIowefs undef theIf gfeat tents.
MInIstefs' feputatIons depended on how ex-
ubefant they wefe In speech and gestufe.
The staf system domInated ChfIstIanIty
Iong befofe the concept of movIe stafs even
exIsted. The domInant evangeIIst of the
FIfst Gfeat AwakenIng was a BfItIsh show-
man named Geofge WhItefIeId who dfew
standIng-foom-onIy cfowds wIth hIs dfa-
matIc ImpefsonatIons of bIbIIcaI fIgufes and
unabashed weepIng, shoutIng, and cfyIng
out. But whefe the FIfst Gfeat AwakenIng
)+&"#$#
baIanced dfama wIth InteIIect and gave
bIfth to unIvefsItIes IIke PfInceton and
Daftmouth, the Second Gfeat AwakenIng
was even mofe pefsonaIIty-dfIven, Its Iead-
efs focused pufeIy on dfawIng cfowds. Be-
IIevIng, as many megachufch pastofs do
today, that too academIc an appfoach
wouId faII to pack tents, many evangeIIcaI
Ieadefs gave up on InteIIectuaI vaIues aIto-
gethef and embfaced theIf foIes as saIes-
men and enteftaInefs. My theoIogy! I
dIdn't know I had any!" excIaImed the
nIneteenth-centufy evangeIIst D. I. Moody.
ThIs kInd of ofatofy affected not onIy
styIes of wofshIp, but aIso peopIe's Ideas of
who Jesus was. A 1925 adveftIsIng execut-
Ive named Bfuce FaIfchIId Bafton pubIIshed
a book caIIed D:) Z7. ?-G-0; !.-+&. It
pfesented Jesus as a supefstaf saIes guy
who fofged tweIve men ffom the bottom
fanks of busIness Into an ofganIzatIon that
conquefed the wofId." ThIs Jesus was no
)+'"#$#
Iamb, thIs was the wofId's gfeatest busI-
ness executIve" and The Foundef of
Modefn BusIness." The notIon of Jesus as a
foIe modeI fof busIness IeadefshIp feII on
extfaofdInafIIy feceptIve eafs. D:) Z7.
?-G-0; !.-+& became one of the best-
seIIIng nonfIctIon books of the twentIeth
centufy, accofdIng to PoweII's Books. See
Adam S. McHugh, I.6#-*)#6& ". 6:) ,:%#1:=
9".0".E \%# H871) ". 7. 4Q6#-*)#6)0 ,%86%#)
(Downefs Gfove, II: IVP Books, 2009),
2325. See aIso NeaI GabIef, J"/)= D:)
Z-*")= >-+ 4.6)#67".5).6 ,-.W%)#)0 ()78"6;
(New Yofk: VIntage Books, 1998), 2526.
42. -)&./ "3-&$6)#5 &-8-&-* )6%$,#: RIchafd
Hofstadtef, L.6"<I.6)88)16%78"&5 ". L5)#"17.
J"/) (New Yofk: VIntage Books, 1962), see,
fof exampIe, pp. 51 and 25657.
43. D4- \f^f +&-5$*-#%$). 6)3+)$'#: NeaI
GabIef, J"/)= D:) Z-*"), 28.
)+("#$#
44. j,4# i($#6/ "*)35> $#6$*-#%)../: Steven
J. Rubenzef et aI., AssessIng the U.S. Pfes-
Idents UsIng the RevIsed NEO PefsonaIIty
Inventofy," L&&)&&5).6 7, no. 4 (2000):
40320.
45. !N-5+-6% 0,& $#*$8$*(). 4(3)# +-&5,#).1
$%/<: HafoId Steafns, L5)#"17 7.0 6:) [-%.E
I.6)88)16%78 (New Yofk: Geofge H. Dufan
Co., 1921).
46. !I% $5 &-3)&:)7.- 4,? 3(64 )%%-#%$,#<:
Hendefson, MedIa and the RIse of
CeIebfIty CuItufe."
47. ?)#*-&-* .,#-./ )5 ) 6.,(*: WIIIIam
Wofdswofth, I Wandefed IoneIy as a
CIoud," 1802.
48. &-+)$&-* $# 5,.$%(*- %, U).*-# M,#*:
Henfy DavId Thofeau, A780)., 1854.
49. "3-&$6)#5 ?4, 6,#5$*-&-* %4-35-.8-5
54/: Befnafdo CafduccI and PhIIIp G. ZIm-
bafdo, Afe You Shy?" H&;1:-8-E; D-07;,
Novembef 1, 1995.
)+)"#$#
50. !@,6$). )#2$-%/ *$5,&*-&< k ,#- $# 0$8-
,0 (5: M. B. SteIn, J. R. WaIkef, and D. R.
Fofde, SettIng DIagnostIc ThfeshoIds fof
SocIaI PhobIa: ConsIdefatIons ffom a Com-
munIty Sufvey of SocIaI AnxIety," L5)#"17.
K-%#.78 -/ H&;1:"76#; 151 (1994): 40842.
51. D4- 3,5% &-6-#% 8-&5$,# ,0 %4- R#8P35<%#9
83D *%8%#<%#98B (83"8B: AmefIcan PsychIat-
fIc AssocIatIon, F"7E.-&6"1 7.0 2676"&6"178
Z7.%78 -/ Z).678 F"&-#0)#&, 4th ed. (F2Z<
IO), 2000. See 300.23, SocIaI PhobIa (So-
cIaI AnxIety DIsofdef)": The dIagnosIs Is
appfopfIate onIy If the avoIdance, feaf, of
anxIous antIcIpatIon of encountefIng the so-
cIaI of peffofmance sItuatIon Inteffefes sIg-
nIfIcantIy wIth the pefson's daIIy foutIne,
occupatIonaI functIonIng, of socIaI IIfe, of If
the pefson Is mafkedIy dIstfessed about
havIng the phobIa.. In feafed socIaI of
peffofmance sItuatIons, IndIvIduaIs wIth
SocIaI PhobIa expefIence concefns about
embaffassment and afe affaId that othefs
)+#"#$#
wIII judge them to be anxIous, weak,
'cfazy,' of stupId. They may feaf pubIIc
speakIng because of concefn that othefs
wIII notIce theIf tfembIIng hands of voIce
of they may expefIence extfeme anxIety
when convefsIng wIth othefs because of
feaf that they wIII appeaf InaftIcuIate..
The feaf of avoIdance must Inteffefe sIgnI-
fIcantIy wIth the pefson's nofmaI foutIne,
occupatIonaI of academIc functIonIng, of
socIaI actIvItIes of feIatIonshIps, of the pef-
son must expefIence mafked dIstfess about
havIng the phobIa. Fof exampIe, a pefson
who Is affaId of speakIng In pubIIc wouId
not feceIve a dIagnosIs of SocIaI PhobIa If
thIs actIvIty Is not foutIneIy encountefed on
the job of In the cIassfoom and the pefson
Is not paftIcuIafIy dIstfessed about It."
52. !I%A5 #,% -#,('4 k %, 7- )7.- %, 5$% )%
/,(& 6,3+(%-&<: DanIeI GoIeman, A-#$".E
+"6: 45-6"-.78 I.6)88"E).1) (New Yofk: Ban-
tam, 2000), 32.
)*+"#$#
53. ) 5%)+.- ,0 )$&+,&% 7,,:54-.8-5 )#* 7(5$1
#-55 7-5%15-..-& .$5%5: See, fof exampIe, ht-
tp:,,www.natIonaIpost.com,BusI-
nessBestseIIefs,3927572,stofy.htmI.
54. !).. %).:$#' $5 5-..$#' )#* ).. 5-..$#' $#1
8,.8-5 %).:$#'<: MIchaeI Efafd, C5= 28"3&N
26%5G8)&N 7.0 O)#G78 @8%.0)#&N 7.0 A:76
D:); Z)7. (New Yofk: Pantheon, 2007),
156.
55. 3,&- %4)# \^>ahh 64)+%-&5 $# \\_ 6,(#1
%&$-5: http:,,www.toastmastefs.ofg,
MaInMenuCategofIes,WhatIsToastmas-
tefs.aspx (accessed Septembef 10, 2010).
56. D4- +&,3,%$,#). 8$*-,: http:,,www.toast-
mastefs.ofg,DVDcIIps.aspx (accessed JuIy
29, 2010). CIIck on WeIcome to Toastmas-
tefs! The entIfe 15 mInute stofy."
)**"#$#
CHAPTER 2: THE MYTH OF CHARISMATIC
IEADERSHIP
1. M&-5$*-#% J.$#%,# k ah 3$..$,# ,%4-&
+-,+.-: These names and statIstIcs afe ac-
cofdIng to Tony RobbIns's websIte and oth-
ef pfomotIonaI matefIaIs as of Decembef
19, 2009.
2. 5,3- n\\ 7$..$,# ) /-)&: MeIanIe IIndnef,
What PeopIe Afe StIII WIIIIng to Pay Fof,"
9-#G)&, Januafy 15, 2009. The $11 bIIIIon
fIgufe Is fof 2008 and Is, accofdIng to Maf-
ketdata EntefpfIses, a feseafch fIfm. ThIs
amount was fofecast to gfow by 6.2 pefcent
annuaIIy thfough 2012.
3. 64)$&3)# ,0 5-8-# +&$8)%-./ 4-.* 6,31
+)#$-5: ThIs fIgufe Is accofdIng to Rob-
bIns's websIte.
4. !4/+-&%4/3$6< %-3+-&)3-#%: Hagop S.
AkIskaI, The EvoIutIonafy SIgnIfIcance of
AffectIve Tempefaments," Z)0&173) CME,
)*$"#$#
pubIIshed June 12, 2003, updated June 24,
2003.
5. 5(+-&4(3)# +4/5$6). 5$l-: Steve SaIefno
made thIs poInt In hIs book 2:75 (New
Yofk: Cfown PubIIshefs, 2005), 75. He aIso
made the Iatef poInt about RobbIns's fe-
mafk that he was once so poof that he kept
hIs dIshes In the bathtub.
6. Y,(#*-* $# \ghf k !-*(6)%$#' .-)*-&5
?4, 3):- ) *$00-&-#6- $# %4- ?,&.*<:
Hafvafd BusIness SchooI websIte, Septem-
bef 11, 2010.
7. M&-5$*-#% X-,&'- U; E(54 k ?-&- HE@
'&)*5: PhIIIp DeIves Bfoughton, L:)70 -/
6:) ,%#*)= D+- [)7#& 76 >7#*7#0 @%&".)&&
21:--8 (New Yofk: PenguIn, 2008), 2. See
aIso www.feutefs.com, Factbox: Jefffey
SkIIIIng, June 24, 2010.
8. ?$.. '&)*()%- $#%, ) 7(5$#-55 6(.%(&-:
Stanfofd BusIness SchooI pfofessof of ap-
pIIed psychoIogy Thomas HaffeII tfacked
)*!"#$#
Stanfofd MBAs who gfaduated between
1961 and 1965, and pubIIshed a sefIes of
studIes about them. He found that hIgh
eafnefs and genefaI managefs tended to be
outgoIng and extfovefted. See, e.g., Thomas
W. HaffeII and Befnafd AIpeft, AttfIbutes
of SuccessfuI MBAs: A 20-Yeaf IongItudInaI
Study," >%57. H)#/-#57.1) 2, no. 4 (1989):
301-322.
9. ! LH-&- -8-&/,#- :#,?5 %4)% $%A5 $3+,&%1
)#% %, 7- )# -2%&,8-&%A <: ReggIe GaffIson
et aI., ManagIng IntfovefsIon and Extfo-
vefsIon In the WofkpIace," Whafton Pfo-
gfam fof WofkIng PfofessIonaIs (WPWP)
(PhIIadeIphIa: UnIvefsIty of PennsyIvanIa,
SpfIng 2006).
10. EG@@ DG DOS "KS "TIJO: Hefe I must apoIo-
gIze: I can't fecaII the company that fan
thIs ad, and haven't been abIe to Iocate It.
11. !SOM"ND YNG] VGWN IKHIEIDIGK@<: ht-
tp:,,www.adveftoIog.com,amtfak,pfInt-
)*%"#$#
outdoof,depaft-ffom-youf-InhIbItIon-
s-2110505, (accessed Septembef 11, 2010).
12. ) 5-&$-5 ,0 )*5 0,& %4- +5/64,%&,+$6 *&('
M)2$.: ChfIstophef Iane, >-+ ?-#578 @):7<
*"-# @)175) 7 2"1$.)&& (New Haven: YaIe
UnIvefsIty Pfess, 2007), 127, 131.
13. U- +-&6-$8- %).:-&5 )5 53)&%-&: DeIfoy I.
PauIhus and Kathy I. Mofgan, PefceptIons
of InteIIIgence In IeadefIess Gfoups: The
DynamIc Effects of Shyness and AcquaInt-
ance," K-%#.78 -/ H)#&-.78"6; 7.0 2-1"78 H&;<
1:-8-E; 72, no. 3 (1997): 58191. See aIso
Camefon Andefson and GavIn KIIduff,
Why Do DomInant PefsonaIItIes AttaIn In-
fIuence In Face-to-Face Gfoups? The Com-
petence SIgnaIIng Effects of TfaIt DomIn-
ance," K-%#.78 -/ H)#&-.78"6; 7.0 2-1"78 H&;<
1:-8-E; 96, no. 2 (2009): 491503.
14. %?, 5%&)#'-&5 3-% ,8-& %4- +4,#-: WIIII-
am B. Swann Jf. and Petef J. Rentffow,
BIIftatIousness: CognItIve, BehavIofaI, and
)*&"#$#
PhysIoIogIcaI Consequences of RapId
RespondIng," K-%#.78 -/ H)#&-.78"6; 7.0 2-<
1"78 H&;1:-8-E; 81, no. 6 (2001): 116075.
15. U- ).5, 5-- %).:-&5 )5 .-)*-&5: SImon
Taggaf et aI., IeadefshIp Emefgence In
Autonomous Wofk Teams: Antecedents and
Outcomes," H)#&-..)8 H&;1:-8-E; 52, no. 4
(WIntef 1999): 899926. (The pefson that
speaks most Is IIkeIy to be pefceIved as the
Ieadef.")
16. D4- 3,&- ) +-&5,# %).:5> %4- 3,&- ,%4-&
'&,(+ 3-37-&5: James SufowIeckI, D:)
A"&0-5 -/ ,#-+0& (New Yofk: DoubIeday
Anchof, 2005), 187.
17. I% ).5, 4-.+5 %, 5+-): 0)5%: Howafd GIIes
and RIchafd I. Stfeet Jf., CommunIcatof
ChafactefIstIcs and BehavIof," In M. I.
Knapp and G. R. MIIIef, eds., >7.0G--$ -/
I.6)#3)#&-.78 ,-55%."176"-., 2nd ed. (Thou-
sand Oaks, CA: Sage, 1994), 10361.
)*'"#$#
18. 6,..-'- 5%(*-#%5 ?-&- )5:-* %, 5,.8-
3)%4 +&,7.-35: Camefon Andefson and
GavIn KIIduff, Why Do DomInant Pefson-
aIItIes AttaIn InfIuence In Face-to-Face
Gfoups? The Competence-SIgnaIIng Effects
of TfaIt DomInance."
19. " ?-..1:#,?# 5%(*/ ,(% ,0 WJ E-&:-.-/:
PhIIIp TetIock, 4Q3)#6 H-8"6"178 K%0E5).6
(PfInceton, NJ: PfInceton UnIvefsIty Pfess,
2006).
20. !%4- E(5 %, "7$.-#-<: KathfIn Day IassIIa,
A BfIef HIstofy of GfoupthInk: Why Two,
Thfee of Many Heads Afen't AIways Bettef
Than One," [78) L8%5." Z7E7]".), Januafy,
Febfuafy 2008.
21. @64?)7 k D,43)%5(: DeI Jones, Not AII
SuccessfuI CEOs Afe Extfovefts," C2L
D-07;, June 7, 2006.
22. !5,3- .,6:-* %4-35-.8-5 $#%, %4-$& ,01
0$6-<: Petef F. Dfuckef, D:) J)70)# -/ 6:)
9%6%#) V= ?)+ O"&"-.&N 26#76)E")&N 7.0
)*("#$#
H#716"1)& /-# 6:) ?)Q6 4#7, edIted by Ffances
HesseIbeIn, MafshaII GoIdsmIth, and
RIchafd Beckhafd (San FfancIsco: Jossey-
Bass, 2006), xIxII.
23. %4,5- 6,#5$*-&-* 64)&$53)%$6 7/ %4-$&
%,+ -2-6(%$8-5: BfadIey AgIe et aI., Does
CEO ChafIsma Mattef? An EmpIfIcaI Ana-
IysIs of the ReIatIonshIps Among OfganIza-
tIonaI Peffofmance, EnvIfonmentaI Uncef-
taInty, and Top Management Team Pefcep-
tIons of CEO ChafIsma," L170)5; -/ Z7.<
7E)5).6 K-%#.78 49, no. 1 (2006): 16174.
See aIso DeI Jones, Not AII SuccessfuI
CEOs Afe Extfovefts." Fof an exceIIent
book on thIs topIc, see Rakesh Khufana,
2)7#1:".E /-# 7 ,-#3-#76) 27*"-#= D:) I##7<
6"-.78 B%)&6 /-# ,:7#"&576"1 ,4\&
(PfInceton, NJ: PfInceton UnIvefsIty Pfess,
2002).
24. %4- $#0.(-#%$). 3)#)'-3-#% %4-,&$5% j$3
J,..$#5: JIm CoIIIns, M--0 6- M#)76= A:;
2-5) ,-537.")& Z7$) 6:) J)73X7.0 \6:)#&
)*)"#$#
F-.S6 (New Yofk: HafpefCoIIIns, 2001).
Note that some have questIoned whethef
the companIes CoIIIns pfofIIed afe as
gfeat" as he cIaImed. See Bfuce NIendoff
and KfIstIne Beck, M--0 6- M#)76, of Just
Good?" L170)5; -/ Z7.7E)5).6 H)#&3)16"*)&
22, no. 4 (2008): 1320. See aIso Bfuce
ResnIck and TImothy Smunt, Good to
Gfeat to .?" L170)5; -/ Z7.7E)5).6 H)#<
&3)16"*)& 22, no. 4 (2008): 612.
25. 6,&&-.)%$,# 7-%?--# -2%&,8-&5$,# )#*
.-)*-&54$+: TImothy Judge et aI., Pefson-
aIIty and IeadefshIp: A QuaIItatIve and
QuantItatIve RevIew," K-%#.78 -/ L338")0
H&;1:-8-E; 87, no. 4 (2002): 76580. See
aIso DavId Bfooks, In PfaIse of DuIIness,"
?)+ [-#$ D"5)&, May 18, 2009, cItIng
Steven KapIan et aI., WhIch CEO Chafac-
tefIstIcs and AbIIItIes Mattef?" ?76"-.78 @%#<
)7% -/ 41-.-5"1 ()&)7#1: A-#$".E H73)# ?-P
dedgk, JuIy 2008, a study fIndIng that CEO
success Is mofe stfongIy feIated to
)*#"#$#
executIon skIIIs" than to team-feIated
skIIIs." Bfooks aIso cIted anothef study by
Muffay BaffIck, MIchaeI Mount, and
TImothy Judge, sufveyIng a centufy's
wofth of feseafch Into busIness IeadefshIp
and fIndIng that extfovefsIon dId not cof-
feIate weII wIth CEO success, but that con-
scIentIousness dId.
26. I# %4- 0$&5% 5%(*/ k 0,.* 3,&- 54$&%5:
Adam M. Gfant et aI., RevefsIng 57 the Ex-
tfavefted IeadefshIp Advantage: The RoIe
of EmpIoyee PfoactIvIty," L170)5; -/ Z7.<
7E)5).6 K-%#.78 54, no. 3 (June 2011).
27. !G0%-# %4- .-)*-&5 -#* (+ *,$#' ) .,% ,0
%4- %).:$#'<: Cafmen NobeI, Intfovefts:
The Best Ieadefs fof PfoactIve EmpIoyees,"
>7#*7#0 @%&".)&& 21:--8 A-#$".E !.-+8)0E)=
L 9"#&6 J--$ 76 971%86; ()&)7#1:, Octobef 4,
2010.
28. Y,& /-)&5 7-0,&- %4- *)/ $# S-6-37-&
\gaa: I dfew IafgeIy on DougIas BfInkIey's
)$+"#$#
exceIIent bIogfaphy, (-&7 H7#$&= L J"/)
(New Yofk: PenguIn Books, 2000). Note:
UnIIke KIng, Pafks dId come to beIIeve that
vIoIence was sometImes a justIfIabIe
weapon of the oppfessed.
29. ],5-5> 0,& -2)3+.-> ?)5 #,%: My anaIysIs
of Moses Is based on my own feadIng of Ex-
odus, especIaIIy 3:11, 4:1, 4:3, 4:10,
4:1217, 6:12, 6:30, and Numbefs 12:3.
Othefs have made sImIIaf anaIyses, see, fof
exampIe, http:,,www.theoIogyweb.com,
campus,showthfead.php?t=50284. See
aIso Doug Wafd, The MeanIngs of Moses'
Meekness," http:,,godwafd.ofg,
Hebfew%20Roots,meanIngs_of_moses.htm.
AIso see MafIssa Bfostoff, RabbIs Focus on
PfofessIonaI DeveIopment," ht-
tp:,,www.fofwafd.com,aftIcIes,13971,
(accessed August 13, 2008).
30. ) !6.)55$6 J,##-6%,&< #)3-* N,7-&%
H,&64,?: MaIcoIm GIadweII, D:) D"33".E
H-".6 (New Yofk: Back Bay Books, 2002,
)$*"#$#
ofIgInaIIy pubIIshed by IIttIe, Bfown,
Mafch 2000), 4246.
31. "5 ,0 ])/ ^f> ^h\\: CfaIgsIIst fact sheet,
avaIIabIe on Its websIte,
www.cfaIgsIIst.com (accessed May 28,
2010). Othef InfofmatIon about CfaIgsIIst
comes ffom (1) phone IntefvIew between
CfaIg Newmafk and the authof, Decembef
4, 2006, (2) IdeIIe DavIdson, The CfaIgsIIst
Phenomenon," J-& L.E)8)& D"5)&, June 13,
2004, and (3) PhIIIp WeIss, A Guy Named
CfaIg," ?)+ [-#$ magazIne, Januafy 8,
2006.
32. !X(/ [)?)5):$ )# $#%&,8-&%Z<: MafIa
NIIes, post on BIoghef, a bIoggIng com-
munIty fof women, August 19, 2008. See
http:,,www.bIoghef.com,socIaI-medIa-
Intfovefts.
33. !U,(.*#A% $% 7- ) '&-)% $&,#/<: Pete Cash-
mofe, Ifony AIeft: SocIaI MedIa Intfo-
vefts?" mashabIe.com, August 2008. See
)$$"#$#
http:,,mashabIe.com,2008,08,15,Ifony-
aIeft-socIaI-medIa-Intfovefts,.
34. $#%&,8-&%5 )&- 3,&- .$:-./ %4)# -2%&,1
8-&%5: YaIf AmIchaI-Hambufgef, PefsonaI-
Ity and the Intefnet," In D:) 2-1"78 ?)6=
C.0)#&67.0".E >%57. @):7*"-# ". ,;G)#<
&371), edIted by YaIf AmIchaI-Hambufgef
(New Yofk: Oxfofd UnIvefsIty Pfess, 2005):
2756. See aIso EmIIy S. Off et aI., The In-
fIuence of Shyness on the Use of Facebook
In an Undefgfaduate SampIe," ,;G)#H&;1:-<
8-E; 7.0 @):7*"-# 12, no. 3 (2009), IevI R.
Bakef, Shyness and OnIIne SocIaI Net-
wofkIng SefvIces," K-%#.78 -/ 2-1"78 7.0 H)#<
&-.78 ()876"-.&:"3& 27, no. 8 (2010). RIchafd
N. Iandefs and John W. Iounsbufy, An In-
vestIgatIon of BIg FIve and Naffow Pefson-
aIIty TfaIts In ReIatIon to Intefnet Usage,"
,-53%6)#& ". >%57. @):7*"-# 22 (2006):
28393. See aIso IuIgI AnoIII et aI., Pef-
sonaIIty of PeopIe UsIng Chat: An On-IIne
Reseafch," ,;G)#H&;1:-8-E; 7.0 @):7*"-# 8,
)$!"#$#
no. 1 (2005). But note that extfovefts tend
to have mofe Facebook ffIends than do In-
tfovefts: PavIca SheIdon, The ReIatIonshIp
Between UnwIIIIngness-to-CommunIcate
and Students' Facebook Use," K-%#.78 -/
Z)0"7 H&;1:-8-E; 20, no. 2, (2008): 6775.
ThIs Is unsufpfIsIng, as Facebook has come
to be a pIace whefe peopIe coIIect Iafge
quantItIes of ffIends.
35. )# )8-&)'- ?--:./ )%%-#*)#6- ,0 ^^>hhh:
Pastof RIck and Kay Waffen, OnIIne News-
foom, http:,,www.fIckwaffennews.com,
(accessed Septembef 12, 2010).
36. J,#%-3+,&)&/ -8)#'-.$6).$53 5)/5: Fof
backgfound on evangeIIcaIIsm, I conducted
a sefIes of fascInatIng IntefvIews wIth,
among othefs, the effoftIessIy aftIcuIate
Iaufen SandIef, authof of ("E:6)-%&= F"&<
3761:)& /#-5 6:) 4*7.E)8"178 [-%6: Z-*)5).6
(New Yofk: VIkIng, 2006).
)$%"#$#
37. !6&/ 0&,3 %4- 4-)&% ?,#*-&$#' :-+ %, 0$%
$#<: Mafk Byfon, EvangeIIsm fof Intfo-
vefts," http:,,mafkbyfon.typepad.com,
maIn,2005,06,evangaIIsm_fof_.htmI (ac-
cessed June 27, 2005).
38. !#,% 5-&8- ,# ) +)&$54 6,33$%%--<: JIm
Moofe, I Want to Sefve the IofdBut Not
Sefve on a PafIsh CommIttee," ht-
tp:,,www.beIIefnet.com,FaIths,ChfIstIan-
Ity,CathoIIc,2000,07,I-Want-To-Sefve-
The-Iofd-But-Not-Sefve-On-A-PafIsh-Com-
mIttee.aspx
39. !%4)% 0&($%0(. 3$&)6.-<: Jean Autfet, WIIII-
am Buffofd, and PhIIIIp J. WoIfe, tfans. and
ed., Z7#1)8 H#-%&6 -. ()70".E (%&$". (New
Haven, CT: YaIe UnIvefsIty Pfess, 1989).
CHAPTER 3: WHEN COIIABORATION KIIIS
CREATIVITY
1. !I )3 ) 4,&5- 0,& ) 5$#'.- 4)&#-55<: AI-
beft EInsteIn, In Fofum and Centufy," voI.
)$&"#$#
84, pp. 19394 (the thIfteenth In the Fofum
sefIes J"*".E H:"8-&-3:")&, a coIIectIon of pef-
sonaI phIIosophIes of famous peopIe, pub-
IIshed In 1931).
2. !])&64 a> \gea<: The stofy of Stephen
WoznIak thfoughout thIs chaptef Is dfawn
IafgeIy ffom hIs autobIogfaphy, "A-] (New
Yofk: W. W. Nofton, 2006). The descfIptIon
of Woz as beIng the nefd souI" of AppIe
comes ffom http:,,vaIIeywag.gawkef.com,
220602,woznIak-jobs-desIgn-foIe-
ovefstated.
3. ) 5-&$-5 ,0 5%(*$-5 ,# %4- #)%(&- ,0 6&-1
)%$8$%/: DonaId W. MacKInnon, The
Natufe and Nuftufe of CfeatIve TaIent"
(WaItef Van Dyke BIngham Iectufe gIven
at YaIe UnIvefsIty, New Haven, ConnectIc-
ut, ApfII 11, 1962). See aIso MacKInnon,
PefsonaIIty and the ReaIIzatIon of CfeatIve
PotentIaI," PfesIdentIaI Addfess pfesented
at Westefn PsychoIogIcaI AssocIatIon, Poft-
Iand, Ofegon, ApfII 1964.
)$'"#$#
4. G#- ,0 %4- 3,5% $#%-&-5%$#' 0$#*$#'5: See,
fof exampIe, (1) Gfegofy J. FeIst, A Meta-
AnaIysIs of PefsonaIIty In ScIentIfIc and
AftIstIc CfeatIvIty," H)#&-.78"6; 7.0 2-1"78
H&;1:-8-E; ()*")+ 2, no. 4 (1998): 290309,
(2) FeIst, Autonomy and Independence,"
4.1;18-3)0"7 -/ ,#)76"*"6;, voI. 1 (San DIego,
CA: AcademIc Pfess, 1999), 15763, and
(3) MIhaIy CsIkszentmIhaIyI, ,#)76"*"6;=
98-+ 7.0 6:) H&;1:-8-E; -/ F"&1-*)#; 7.0 I.<
*).6"-. (New Yofk: Hafpef PefennIaI,
1996), 6568. Thefe 7#) some studIes show-
Ing a coffeIatIon between extfovefsIon and
cfeatIvIty, but In contfast to the studIes by
MacKInnon, CsIkszentmIhaIyI, and FeIst,
whIch foIIowed peopIe whose cafeefs had
pfoven them to be exceptIonaIIy cfeatIve
In feaI IIfe," these tend to be studIes of coI-
Iege students measufIng subjects' cfeatIvIty
In mofe casuaI ways, fof exampIe by ana-
IyzIng theIf pefsonaI hobbIes of by askIng
them to pIay cfeatIvIty games IIke wfItIng a
)$("#$#
stofy about a pIctufe. It's IIkeIy that extfo-
vefts wouId do bettef In hIgh-afousaI set-
tIngs IIke these. It's aIso possIbIe, as the
psychoIogIst Uwe WoIffadt suggests, that
the feIatIonshIp between IntfovefsIon and
cfeatIvIty Is dIscefnabIe at a hIghef IeveI
of cfeatIvIty onIy." (Uwe WoIffadt, IndI-
vIduaI DIffefences In CfeatIvIty: PefsonaI-
Ity, Stofy WfItIng, and HobbIes," 4%#-3)7.
K-%#.78 -/ H)#&-.78"6; 15, no. 4, ]JuIy,
August 2001|: 297310.)
5. H)#5 O/5-#6:: Hans J. Eysenck, M)."%&=
D:) ?76%#78 >"&6-#; -/ ,#)76"*"6; (New Yofk:
CambfIdge UnIvefsIty Pfess, 1995).
6. !I##,8)%$,#B%4- 4-)&% ,0 %4- :#,?.-*'-
-6,#,3/<: MaIcoIm GIadweII, Why Youf
Bosses Want to Tufn Youf New OffIce Into
GfeenwIch VIIIage," D:) ?)+ [-#$)#,
Decembef 11, 2000.
7. !K,#- ,0 (5 $5 )5 53)&% )5 ).. ,0 (5<: Waf-
fen BennIs, \#E7."]".E M)."%&= D:) 2)1#)6& -/
)$)"#$#
,#)76"*) ,-887G-#76"-. (New Yofk: BasIc
Books, 1997).
8. !]$64-.)#'-., 4)* )55$5%)#%5<: CIay
ShIfky, >)#) ,-5)& 4*)#;G-0;= D:) H-+)# -/
\#E7."]".E A"6:-%6 \#E7."]76"-.& (New
Yofk: PenguIn, 2008).
9. ,&')#$l- ?,&:0,&6-5 $#%, %-)35: Steve
KosIowskI and DanIeI IIgen, EnhancIng the
EffectIveness of Wofk Gfoups and Teams,"
H&;1:-8-E"178 21").1) ". 6:) H%G8"1 I.6)#)&6 7,
no. 3 (2006): 77124.
10. E/ ^hhh )# -5%$3)%-* 4).0: DennIs J. Dev-
Ine, Teams In OfganIzatIons: PfevaIence,
ChafactefIstIcs, and EffectIveness," 25788
M#-%3 ()&)7#1: 20 (1999): 678711.
11. %,*)/ 8$&%()../ ).. ,0 %4-3 *,: FfedefIck
Mofgeson et aI., IeadefshIp In Teams: A
FunctIonaI Appfoach to UndefstandIng
IeadefshIp Stfuctufes and Pfocesses,"
K-%#.78 -/ Z7.7E)5).6 36, no. 1 (2010):
539.
)$#"#$#
12. g\ +-&6-#% ,0 4$'41.-8-. 3)#)'-&5: IbId.
13. D4- 6,#5(.%)#% @%-+4-# H)&8$.. %,.* 3-:
Authof IntefvIew, Octobef 26, 2010.
14. ,8-& eh +-&6-#% ,0 %,*)/A5 -3+.,/--5:
DavIs, The PhysIcaI EnvIfonment of the
OffIce." See aIso James C. McEIfoy and
PauIa C. Moffow, EmpIoyee ReactIons to
OffIce RedesIgn: A NatufaIIy OccuffIng
QuasI-FIeId ExpefIment In a MuItI-Genefa-
tIonaI SettIng," >%57. ()876"-.& 63, no. 5
(2010): 60936. See aIso DavIs, The Phys-
IcaI EnvIfonment of the OffIce": open-pIan
offIces afe the most popuIaf offIce desIgn"
today. See aIso Joyce Gannon, FIfms
BettIng Open-OffIce DesIgn, AmenItIes Iead
to HappIef, Mofe PfoductIve Wofkefs,"
H-&6<M7])66) (PIttsbufgh), Febfuafy 9, 2003.
See aIso Stephen Beacham, ()78 4&676)
A))$8;, JuIy 6, 2005. The fIfst company to
use an open pIan In a hIgh-fIse buIIdIng
was Owens CofnIng, In 1969. Today, many
companIes use them, IncIudIng Pfoctof &
)!+"#$#
GambIe, Efnst & Young, GIaxoSmIthKIIne,
AIcoa, and H. J. HeInz. http:,,www.owens-
cofnIng.com,acquaInted,about,hIstofy,
1960.asp. See aIso Matthew DavIs et aI.,
The PhysIcaI EnvIfonment of the OffIce:
Contempofafy and EmefgIng Issues," In G.
P. HodgkInson and J. K. Fofd, eds., I.6)#.7<
6"-.78 ()*")+ -/ I.0%&6#"78 7.0 \#E7."]76"-.78
H&;1:-8-E;, voI. 26 (ChIchestef, UK: WIIey,
2011), 193235: . thefe was a 'wIde-
spfead IntfoductIon of open-pIan and Iand-
scaped offIces In Nofth AmefIca In the
1960s and 1970s.' " But see JennIfef Ann
McCuskef, IndIvIduaIs and Open Space Of-
fIce DesIgn: The ReIatIonshIp Between Pef-
sonaIIty and SatIsfactIon In an Open Space
Wofk EnvIfonment," dIsseftatIon, OfganIza-
tIonaI StudIes, AIIIant IntefnatIonaI
UnIvefsIty, ApfII 12, 2002 (the concept of
open space desIgn began In the mId 1960s
wIth a gfoup of Gefman management con-
suItants," cItIng Kafen A. EdeIman, Take
)!*"#$#
Down the WaIIs," L1#-&& 6:) @-7#0 34, no. 3
]1997|: 3238).
15. D4- )3,(#% ,0 5+)6- +-& -3+.,/--
54&)#:: Rogef VIncent, OffIce WaIIs Afe
CIosIng In on Cofpofate Wofkefs," J-&
L.E)8)& D"5)&, Decembef 15, 2010.
16. !D4-&- 4)5 7--# ) 54$0% 0&,3 LIA %, L?-A
?,&:<: PauI B. Bfown, The Case fof
DesIgn," 97&6 ,-537.;, June 2005.
17. N$8). ,00$6- 3)#(0)6%(&-& H-&3)#
]$..-&> I#6;: New ExecutIve OffIce-scapes:
MovIng ffom PfIvate OffIces to Open EnvIf-
onments," Hefman MIIIef Inc., 2003.
18. I# ^hhd> %4- N,55 @64,,. ,0 E(5$#-55:
Dave Gefshman, BuIIdIng Is 'Heaft and
SouI' of the Ross SchooI of BusIness,"
mIIve.com, Januafy 24, 2009. See aIso KyIe
Swanson, BusIness SchooI Offefs PfevIew
of New Home, SIated to Open Next
Semestef," Z"1:"E7. F7"8;, Septembef 15,
2008.
)!$"#$#
19. "66,&*$#' %, ) ^hh^ #)%$,#?$*- 5(&8-/:
ChfIstophef Bafnes, What Do Teachefs
Teach? A Sufvey of AmefIca's Foufth and
EIghth Gfade Teachefs," conducted by the
Centef fof Sufvey Reseafch and AnaIysIs,
UnIvefsIty of ConnectIcut, CIvIc Repoft no.
28, Septembef 2002. See aIso Robeft E.
SIavIn, Reseafch on CoopefatIve IeafnIng
and AchIevement: What We Know, What
We Need to Know," ,-.6)53-#7#; 40%17<
6"-.78 H&;1:-8-E; 21, no. 1 (1996): 4369
(cItIng 1993 natIonaI sufvey fIndIngs that
79 pefcent of eIementafy schooI teachefs
and 62 pefcent of mIddIe schooI teachefs
made sustaIned use of coopefatIve Ieafn-
Ing). Note that In feaI IIfe," many teachefs
afe sImpIy thfowIng students Into gfoups
but not usIng coopefatIve IeafnIng" pef se,
whIch InvoIves a hIghIy specIfIc set of pfo-
cedufes, accofdIng to an e-maII sent to the
authof by Rogef Johnson of the
)!!"#$#
CoopefatIve IeafnIng Centef at the
UnIvefsIty of MInnesota.
20. !J,,+-&)%$8- .-)&#$#'<: Bfuce WIIIIams,
,--3)#76"*) J)7#.".E= L 267.07#0 /-# >"E:
L1:")*)5).6 (Thousand Oaks, CA: CofwIn,
2004), 34.
21. j)#-% Y)&&).. )#* T-,#$- [&,#7,&': Janet
FaffaII and IeonIe Kfonbofg, IeadefshIp
DeveIopment fof the GIfted and TaIented,"
In 9%&".E D78).6XM"/6)0.)&& ". L%&6#78"7.
21:--8&, edIted by M. McCann and F. South-
efn (AdeIaIde: The AustfaIIan AssocIatIon
of MathematIcs Teachefs, 1996).
22. !O3+.,/--5 )&- +(%%$#' %4-$& ?4,.- .$8-5
(+<: RadIo IntefvIew wIth KaI RyssdaI,
Afe CubIcIes GoIng ExtInct?", Z7#$)63871),
ffom AmefIcan PubIIc MedIa, Decembef 15,
2010.
23. " 5$'#$0$6)#% 3)C,&$%/ ,0 %4- -)&.$-5%
6,3+(%-& -#%4(5$)5%5: Safah HoImes and
PhIIIp I. Keff, The IT Cfowd: The Type
)!%"#$#
DIstfIbutIon In a Gfoup of InfofmatIon
TechnoIogy Gfaduates," L%&6#78"7. H&;1:-<
8-E"178 D;3) ()*")+ 9, no. 1 (2007): 3138.
See aIso YaIf AmIchaI-Hambufgef et aI.,
'On the Intefnet No One Knows I'm an In-
tfoveft': ExtfavefsIon, NeufotIcIsm, and In-
tefnet IntefactIon," ,;G)#H&;1:-8-E; 7.0 @)<
:7*"-# 5, no. 2 (2002): 12528.
24. !I%A5 ) %&($53 $# %-64<: Dave W. SmIth, e-
maII to the authof, Octobef 20, 2010.
25. !U4/ 6,(.* %4)% 7,/> ?4,3 I 4)*
7-)%-# 5, -)5$./<: See DanIeI CoyIe, D:)
D78).6 ,-0) (New Yofk: Bantam DeII,
2009), 48.
26. %4&-- '&,(+5 ,0 -2+-&% 8$,.$#$5%5: K.
Andefs EfIcsson et aI., The RoIe of DeIIbef-
ate PfactIce In the AcquIsItIon of Expeft
Peffofmance," H&;1:-8-E"178 ()*")+ 100, no.
3 (1993): 363406.
27. !@-&$,(5 5%(*/ ).,#-<: NeII Chafness et
aI., The RoIe of DeIIbefate PfactIce In
)!&"#$#
Chess ExpeftIse," L338")0 ,-E."6"*) H&;1:-<
8-E; 19 (2005): 15165.
28. J,..-'- 5%(*-#%5 ?4, %-#* %, 5%(*/
).,#-: DavId GIenn, New Book Iays FaII-
ufe to Ieafn on CoIIeges' Doofsteps," D:)
,:#-."18) -/ >"E:)# 40%176"-., Januafy 18,
2001.
29. O8-# -.$%- )%4.-%-5 $# %-)3 5+,&%5: Stafkes
and EfIcsson, Expeft Peffofmance In
Spofts: Advances In Reseafch on Spofts Ex-
peftIse," >%57. !".)6"1& (2003): 6771.
30. I# 3)#/ 0$-.*5> O&$655,# %,.* 3-: Intef-
vIew wIth the authof, ApfII 13, 2010.
31. %-# %4,(5)#* 4,(&5 ,0 S-.$7-&)%-
M&)6%$6-: By the age of eIghteen, the best
vIoIInIsts In the BefIIn MusIc Academy
study had spent an avefage of ovef 7,000
houfs pfactIcIng aIone, about 2,000 houfs
mofe than the good vIoIInIsts, and 4,000
houfs mofe than the musIc teachefs.
)!'"#$#
32. !$#%-#5- 6(&$,5$%/ ,& 0,6(5-* $#%-&-5%
5--35 ,** %, %4-$& +--&5<: CsIkszentmI-
haIyI, ,#)76"*"6;, 177.
33. !7-6)(5- +&)6%$6$#' 3(5$6 ,& 5%(*/$#'
3)%4<: IbId., 65.
34. ])*-.-$#- TAO#'.-: IbId., 25354.
35. !]/ *-)& ]&; E)77)'-<: ChafIes DafwIn,
D:) ,-##)&3-.0).1) -/ ,:7#8)& F7#+".
O-8%5) V= dmjihdmej (CambfIdge, EngIand:
CambfIdge UnIvefsIty Pfess, 1987), 67.
36. %4- J,*$#' U)& X)3-5: These afe de-
scfIbed In Tom DeMafco and TImothy
IIstef, H)-38)+7#)= H#-0%16"*) H#-b)16& 7.0
D)75& (New Yofk: Dofset House, 1987).
37. " 3,(#%)$# ,0 &-6-#% *)%) ,# ,+-#1+.)#
,00$6-5: See, fof exampIe, the foIIowIng: (1)
VInesh Oommen et aI., ShouId HeaIth Sef-
vIce Managefs Embface Open PIan Wofk
EnvIfonments? A RevIew," L&"7 H71"/"1
K-%#.78 -/ >)786: Z7.7E)5).6 3, no. 2
(2008). (2) AoIfe Bfennan et aI.,
)!("#$#
TfadItIonaI Vefsus Open OffIce DesIgn: A
IongItudInaI FIeId Study," 4.*"#-.5).6 7.0
@):7*"-# 34 (2002): 279. (3) James C McEI-
foy and PauIa Moffow, EmpIoyee Reac-
tIons to OffIce RedesIgn: A NatufaIIy
OccuffIng QuasI-FIeId ExpefIment In a
MuItI-GenefatIonaI SettIng," >%57. ()87<
6"-.& 63 (2010): 609. (4) EInaf De Cfoon et
aI., The Effect of OffIce Concepts on Wofk-
ef HeaIth and Peffofmance: A SystematIc
RevIew of the IItefatufe," 4#E-.-5"1&, 48,
no. 2 (2005): 11934. (5) J. Pejtefsen et aI.,
Indoof CIImate, PsychosocIaI Wofk EnvIf-
onment and Symptoms In Open-PIan Of-
fIces," I.0--# L"# 16, no. 5 (2006):
392401. (6) Hefman MIIIef Reseafch Sum-
mafy, 2007, It's AII About Me: The Bene-
fIts of PefsonaI ContfoI at Wofk." (7) PauI
BeII et aI., 4.*"#-.5).678 H&;1:-8-E;
(Iawfence EfIbaum, 2005), 162. (8) DavIs,
The PhysIcaI EnvIfonment of the OffIce."
)!)"#$#
38. +-,+.- .-)&# 7-%%-& )0%-& ) =($-% 5%&,..:
Mafc G. Befman et aI., The CognItIve
BenefIts of IntefactIng wIth Natufe," H&;<
1:-8-E"178 21").1) 19, no. 12 (2008):
120712. See aIso Stephen KapIan and
Mafc Befman, DIfected AttentIon as a
Common Resoufce fof ExecutIve FunctIon-
Ing and SeIf-ReguIatIon," H)#&3)16"*)& -.
H&;1:-8-E"178 21").1) 5, no. 1 (2010): 4357.
39. "#,%4-& 5%(*/> ,0 _f>hhh :#,?.-*'-
?,&:-&5: DavIs et aI., The PhysIcaI EnvIf-
onment of the OffIce."
40. O8-# 3(.%$%)5:$#' k ) 3/%4: John Med-
Ina, @#7". (%8)& (SeattIe, WA: Peaf Pfess,
2008), 87.
41. E)6:7,#- O#%-&%)$#3-#%: MIke MIka, In-
tefvIew wIth the authof, JuIy 12, 2006.
42. N--7,: I#%-&#)%$,#).: KImbefIy BIanton,
DesIgn It YoufseIf: PIeasIng OffIces IaId
Out by the Wofkefs Who Use Them Can Be
)!#"#$#
a BIg Advantage When CompanIes Compete
fof TaIent," @-&6-. M8-G), Mafch 1, 2005.
43. Y,& %-# /-)&5> 7-'$##$#' $# ^hhh: TEDx
MIdwest TaIk, Octobef 15, 2010. AIso, e-
maII to the authof, Novembef 5, 2010.
44. [)0:)> 0,& -2)3+.-: Anthony Stoff,
2-8"6%0)= L ()6%#. 6- 6:) 2)8/ (New Yofk:
Ffee Pfess, 2005), 103.
45. 6,#5$*-&)7./ 3,&- 64--&0(. D4-,*,&
X-$5-.: JudIth Mofgan and NeII Mofgan,
F#P 2)%&& 7.0 Z#P M)"&)8= L @"-E#73:; (New
Yofk: DaCapo, 1996).
46. .-'-#*)&/ )*8-&%$5$#' 3)# ".-2 G57,&#:
AIex Osbofn, [-%# ,#)76"*) H-+)# (W. Ia-
fayette, IN: Pufdue UnIvefsIty Pfess, 1948).
47. '&,(+ 7&)$#5%,&3$#' *,-5#A% )6%()../
?,&:: MafvIn D. Dunnette et aI., The Ef-
fect of Gfoup PaftIcIpatIon on BfaInstofm-
Ing EffectIveness fof Two IndustfIaI
SampIes," K-%#.78 -/ L338")0 H&;1:-8-E; 47,
no. 1 (1963): 3037.
)%+"#$#
48. 5,3- 0,&%/ /-)&5 ,0 &-5-)&64: See, fof ex-
ampIe, PauI A. Mongeau and Mafy CIaIfe
Moff, ReconsIdefIng BfaInstofmIng,"
M#-%3 971"8"676"-. 1, no. 1 (1999): 14. See
aIso Kafan GIfotfa et aI., Idea GenefatIon
and the QuaIIty of the Best Idea," Z7.7E)<
5).6 21").1) 56, no. 4 (ApfII 2010):
591605. (The hIghest IeveI InnovatIon
comes ffom a hybfId pfocess In whIch
peopIe bfaInstofm on theIf own befofe
shafIng Ideas wIth coIIeagues.)
49. !7(5$#-55 +-,+.- 3(5% 7- $#5)#-<: AdfIan
Fufnham, The BfaInstofmIng Myth," @%&"<
.)&& 26#76)E; ()*")+ 11, no. 4 (2000):
2128.
50. X&,(+5 7&)$#5%,&3$#' -.-6%&,#$6)../:
PauI Mongeau and Mafy CIaIfe Moff, Re-
consIdefIng BfaInstofmIng."
51. D4- 5)3- $5 %&(- ,0 )6)*-3$6 &-5-)&64:
ChafIan Nemeth and Jack GoncaIo, Cfeat-
Ive CoIIabofatIons ffom Afaf: The BenefIts
)%*"#$#
of Independent Authofs," ,#)76"*"6; ()<
&)7#1: K-%#.78 17, no. 1 (2005): 18.
52. (5()../ 7-.$-8- %4)% %4-$& '&,(+ +-&1
0,&3-* 3(64 7-%%-&: KeIth Sawyef, M#-%3
M)."%&= D:) ,#)76"*) H-+)# -/ ,-887G-#76"-.
(New Yofk: BasIc Books, 2007), 66.
53. %4- 0-)& ,0 +(7.$6 4(3$.$)%$,#: Susan K.
Opt and DonaId A. Iofffedo, RethInkIng
CommunIcatIon AppfehensIon: A Myefs-
BfIggs PefspectIve," K-%#.78 -/ H&;1:-8-E;
134, no. 5 (2000): 55670.
54. %?, KJ"" 7)5:-%7).. %-)35: James C.
Moofe and Jody A. BfyIInsky, Spectatof
Effect on Team Peffofmance In CoIIege Bas-
ketbaII," K-%#.78 -/ 23-#6 @):7*"-# 16, no. 2
(1993): 77.
55. 7-4)8$,&). -6,#,3$5% S)# "&$-./: Dan
AfIeIy, What's the VaIue of a BIg Bonus?"
?)+ [-#$ D"5)&, Novembef 19, 2008.
56. X&-',&/ E-&#5: The SoIomon Asch and
Gfegofy Befns expefIments afe descfIbed In
)%$"#$#
Gfegofy Befns, I1-.-187&6= L ?)%#-&1").6"&6
()*)78& >-+ 6- D:".$ F"//)#).68; (Boston,
MA: Hafvafd BusIness Pfess, 2008), 5981.
See aIso Sandfa BIakesIee, What Othef
PeopIe Say May Change What You See,"
?)+ [-#$ D"5)&, June 28, 2005. And see
Gfegofy S. Befns et aI., NeufobIoIogIcaI
CoffeIates of SocIaI ConfofmIty and
Independence DufIng MentaI RotatIon," @"<
-8-E"178 H&;1:"76#; 58 (2005): 24553.
57. 4-$'4%-#-* )6%$8)%$,# $# %4- )3/'*).):
In fact, In some ItefatIons of the expefI-
ment, whefe the voIunteefs pIayed wIth a
gfoup of computefs fathef than wIth a
gfoup of peopIe, theIf amygdaIae stayed
quIet even when they dIsagfeed wIth the
computefs. ThIs suggests that peopIe who
don't confofm suffef not so much the feaf
of beIng wfong as the anxIety of beIng ex-
cIuded ffom the gfoup.
58. 0)6-1%,10)6- $#%-&)6%$,#5 6&-)%- %&(5%:
BeIInda Iuscombe, Why E-MaII May Be
)%!"#$#
HuftIng Off-IIne ReIatIonshIps," D"5), June
22, 2010.
59. +,+(.)%$,# *-#5$%/ $5 6,&&-.)%-* ?$%4 $#1
#,8)%$,#: Jonah Iehfef, How the CIty
Hufts Youf BfaIn," @-&6-. M8-G), Januafy 2,
2009.
60. 6&-)%$#' !0.-2$7.-< ,+-# +.)#5: DavIs et
aI., The PhysIcaI EnvIfonment of the
OffIce."
61. "% M$2)& "#$3)%$,# @%(*$,5: BIII Ca-
podagII, MagIc In the WofkpIace: How PIx-
af and DIsney UnIeash the CfeatIve TaIent
of TheIf Wofkfofce," 4//)16"/, Septembef,
Octobef 2010: 4345.
62. @$3$.)&./> )% ]$6&,5,0%: MIcheIIe ConIIn,
MIcfosoft's Meet-My-Mood OffIces,"
@8--5G)#E @%&".)&&+))$, Septembef 10,
2007.
)%%"#$#
CHAPTER 4: IS TEMPERAMENT DESTINY?
" '-#-&). #,%- ,# %4$5 64)+%-&: Chaptef
4 dIscusses the psychoIogIst Jefome Kagan's
wofk on hIgh feactIvIty, whIch some con-
tempofafy psychoIogIsts wouId consIdef to
IIe at the IntefsectIon of IntfovefsIon and
anothef tfaIt known as neufotIcIsm." Fof
the sake of feadabIIIty, I have not eIucId-
ated that dIstInctIon In the text.
1. Y,& ,#- ,0 %4,5- 5%(*$-5> .)(#64-* $#
\gfg: ThIs study Is dIscussed at Iength In
Jefome Kagan and Nancy SnIdman, D:)
J-.E 2:70-+ -/ D)53)#75).6 (CambfIdge,
MA: Hafvafd UnIvefsIty Pfess, 2004).
2. !J)&. j(#'A5 *-56&$+%$,#5 ,0 %4- $#%&,8-&%
)#* -2%&,8-&%<: IbId., 218.
3. &-5-&8-* D,3 )#* -2%&,8-&%-* N).+4:
Jefome Kagan, M78).S& H#-3:)1; (New Yofk:
BasIc Books, 1998), 15861.
)%&"#$#
4. @,3- 5)/ %4)% %-3+-&)3-#% $5 %4- 0,(#*1
)%$,#: See http:,,www.seIfgfowth.com,aft-
IcIes,WaffIeId3.htmI.
5. +,%-#% ,&')#: Kagan and SnIdman, D:)
J-.E 2:70-+ -/ D)53)#75).6, 10.
6. U4-# %4- Y&$57-- .,,:5 .$:- $%A5 4-)*-*
5%&)$'4% 0,& /,(& #,5-: ThIs Image comes
ffom an onIIne vIdeo wIth Joseph Iedoux, a
scIentIst at NYU who studIes the neufaI
basIs of emotIons, especIaIIy feaf and anxI-
ety. See FeaffuI BfaIn In an AnxIous
WofId," 21").1) l 6:) ,"6;, ht-
tp:,,www.nyas.ofg,Podcasts,Atom.axd (ac-
cessed Novembef 20, 2008).
7. !).-&% )%%-#%$,#<: EIaIne N. Afon, H&;1:-<
6:)#73; 7.0 6:) >"E:8; 2).&"6"*) H)#&-. (New
Yofk: RoutIedge, 2010), 14.
8. D4-/ .$%-&)../ (5- 3,&- -/- 3,8-3-#%5:
VafIous studIes have documented these
tendencIes In hIgh-feactIve chIIdfen. See,
fof exampIe, Jefome Kagan, RefIectIon-
)%'"#$#
ImpuIsIvIty and ReadIng AbIIIty In PfImafy
Gfade ChIIdfen," ,:"80 F)*)8-35).6 363, no.
3 (1965): 60928. See aIso EIIen SIegeIman,
RefIectIve and ImpuIsIve ObsefvIng Beha-
vIof," ,:"80 F)*)8-35).6 40, no. 4 (1969):
121322. These studIes use the tefm fe-
fIectIve" fathef than hIgh-feactIve," but
It's a safe bet that they'fe taIkIng about the
same gfoup of chIIdfen. SIegeIman de-
scfIbes them as pfefeffIng Iow-fIsk sItu-
atIons genefaIIy but choosIng hafdef, mofe
soIItafy InteIIectuaI tasks . Iess motofIc-
aIIy actIve, and mofe cautIous" (p. 1214).
(SImIIaf studIes have been done on aduIts,
see chaptefs 6 and 7.)
9. H$'41&-)6%$8- :$*5 ).5, %-#* %, %4$#: )#*
0--. *--+./: EIaIne Afon, D:) >"E:8; 2).&"6<
"*) ,:"80= >)83".E \%# ,:"80#). D:#"*) A:).
6:) A-#80 \*)#+:)85& D:)5 (New Yofk:
Bfoadway Books), 2002.
)%("#$#
10. I0 ) 4$'41&-)6%$8- %,**.-& 7&-):5 )#,%4-&
64$.*A5 %,/: See the studIes by Gfazyna
Kochanska fefeffed to In chaptef 6.
11. 4,? ) '&,(+ ,0 :$*5 54,(.* 54)&- )
6,8-%-* %,/: WInIffed GaIIaghef (quotIng
Kagan), How We Become What We Afe."
D:) L687.6"1 Z-.6:8;, Septembef 1994.
12. 7.(- -/-5> )..-&'$-5> )#* 4)/
0-8-& k %4$# 7,*/ )#* #)&&,? 0)6-:
Kagan, M78).S& H#-3:)1;, 16061.
13. D):- S$5#-/ 3,8$-5: IbId., 161.
14. -2%&,8-&5$,# )#* $#%&,8-&5$,# )&-
+4/5$,.,'$6)../: DavId G. WIntef, H)#&-.78<
"6;= L.78;&"& 7.0 I.6)#3#)676"-. -/ J"*)& (New
Yofk: McGfaw-HIII, 1996), 51116.
15. `h %, ah +-&6-#% 4-&$%)7.-: Thomas J.
Bouchafd Jf. and Matt McGue, GenetIc
and EnvIfonmentaI InfIuences on Human
PsychoIogIcaI DIffefences," K-%#.78 -/
?)%#-G"-8-E; 54 (2003): 45.
)%)"#$#
16. K)l$ -('-#$65 )#* ?4$%- 5(+&-3)6$53:
ThIs has been wfItten about In vafIous
pIaces IncIudIng, fof exampIe, Petef D.
Kfamef, J"&6).".E 6- H#-]71 (New Yofk: Pen-
guIn, 1993), 150.
17. !I 4)8- 7--# *&)''-*> :$6:$#' )#*
56&-)3$#'<: GaIIaghef (quotIng Kagan),
How We Become What We Afe."
18. D4- +(7.$6)%$,# ,0 4$5 -)&./ 0$#*$#'5:
Kfamef, J"&6).".E 6- H#-]71, 154.
19. [)')# (54-&5 3- $#5$*-: I conducted a
sefIes of IntefvIews wIth Jefome Kagan
between 2006 and 2010.
20. *-56&$7-5 4$35-.0 )5 4)8$#' 7--# )#
)#2$,(5: Jefome Kagan, L. L#E%5).6 /-#
Z".0 (New Haven, CT: YaIe UnIvefsIty
Pfess, 2006), 4, 7.
21. +(7.$6 5+-):$#' $5 %4- #(37-&1,#- 0-)&:
VIctofIa CunnIngham, Mofty Iefkoe, and
Iee Sechfest, EIImInatIng Feafs: An Intef-
ventIon that PefmanentIy EIImInates the
)%#"#$#
Feaf of PubIIc SpeakIng," ,8"."178 H&;1:-<
8-E; 7.0 H&;1:-6:)#73; 13 (2006): 18393.
22. M(7.$6 5+-):$#' +4,7$) 4)5 3)#/ 6)(5-5:
Gfegofy Befns, I1-.-187&6= L ?)%#-&1").6"&6
()*)78& >-+ 6- D:".$ F"//)#).68; (Boston,
MA: Hafvafd BusIness Pfess, 2008), 5981.
23. $#%&,8-&%5 )&- 5$'#$0$6)#%./ 3,&- .$:-./:
Susan K. Opt and DonaId A. Iofffedo, Re-
thInkIng CommunIcatIon AppfehensIon: A
Myefs-BfIggs PefspectIve," K-%#.78 -/ H&;<
1:-8-E; 134, no. 5 (2000): 55670. See aIso
MIchaeI J. Beatty, James C. McCfoskey, and
AIan D. HeIseI, CommunIcatIon Appfehen-
sIon as TempefamentaI ExpfessIon: A Com-
munIbIoIogIcaI PafadIgm," ,-55%."176"-.
Z-.-E#73:& 65 (1998): 197219. See aIso
Petef D. MacIntyfe and KImIy A. ThIvIefge,
The Effects of Speakef PefsonaIIty on AntI-
cIpated ReactIons to PubIIc SpeakIng,"
,-55%."176"-. ()&)7#1: ()3-#6& 12, no. 2
(1995): 12533.
)&+"#$#
24. $# ) '&,(+ ,0 +-,+.-> ,# )8-&)'- 4).0 ,0
%4- 8)&$)7$.$%/: DavId G. WIntef, H)#&-.78<
"6;, 512.
25. %-3+-&)%(&- ,& 4(3$*$%/: Natasha
MItcheII, Jefome Kagan: The Fathef of
Tempefament," fadIo IntefvIew wIth
MItcheII on L@, (70"- I.6)#.76"-.78, August
26, 2006 (accessed at ht-
tp:,,www.abc.net.au,fn,aIIInthemInd,stof-
Ies,2006,1722388.htm).
26. !6.$37 ) 0-? 0-#6-5 k *)#'-& )#* -21
6$%-3-#%<: GaIIaghef (quotIng Iykken),
How We Become What We Afe."
27. !D4- (#$8-&5$%/ $5 0$..-* ?$%4 $#%&,8-&%5<:
IntefvIew wIth the authof, June 15, 2006.
28. $0 &)$5-* 7/ )%%-#%$8- 0)3$.$-5 $# 5)0- -#1
8$&,#3-#%5 k !%?$'5 ,# %4- 5)3- '-#-%1
$6 7&)#64<: WInIffed GaIIaghef, IPFP= >-+
>)#)0"6; 7.0 4Q3)#").1) Z7$) [-% A:- [-%
L#) (New Yofk: Random House, 1996), 29,
)&*"#$#
4650. See aIso Kagan and SnIdman, D:)
J-.E 2:70-+ -/ D)53)#75).6, 5.
29. :$*5 )6=($&- %4-$& 5-#5- ,0 &$'4% )#*
?&,#': Gfazyna Kochanska and R. A.
Thompson, The Emefgence and DeveIop-
ment of ConscIence In ToddIefhood and
EafIy ChIIdhood," In H7#).6".E 7.0 ,:"8<
0#).S& I.6)#.78"]76"-. -/ O78%)&, edIted by J.
E. Gfusec and I. KucynskI (New Yofk: John
WIIey and Sons), 61. See aIso Gfazyna
Kochanska, Towafd a SynthesIs of PafentaI
SocIaIIzatIon and ChIId Tempefament In
EafIy DeveIopment of ConscIence," ,:"80
F)*)8-35).6 64 no. 2 (1993): 32547,
Gfazyna Kochanska and Nazan Aksan,
ChIIdfen's ConscIence and SeIf-ReguIa-
tIon," K-%#.78 -/ H)#&-.78"6; 74, no. 6
(2006): 15871617, Gfazyna Kochanska et
aI., GuIIt and EffoftfuI ContfoI: Two Mech-
anIsms That Pfevent DIsfuptIve DeveIop-
mentaI TfajectofIes," K-%#.78 -/ H)#&-.78"6;
)&$"#$#
7.0 2-1"78 H&;1:-8-E; 97, no. 2 (2009):
32233.
30. %&)'-*/ ,0 ) 7,.* )#* -2(7-&)#% %-31
+-&)3-#%: GaIIaghef, IPFP, 4650.
31. *(77-* !%4- ,&64$* 4/+,%4-5$5<: DavId
Dobbs, The ScIence of Success," D:) L6<
87.6"1 magazIne, 2009. See aIso Jay BeIsky
et aI., VuInefabIIIty Genes of PIastIcIty
Genes?" Z-8)1%87# H&;1:"76#;, 2009: 19,
MIchaeI PIuess and Jay BeIsky, DIffefentIaI
SusceptIbIIIty to ReafIng ExpefIence: The
Case of ChIIdcafe," D:) K-%#.78 -/ ,:"80 H&;<
1:-8-E; 7.0 H&;1:"76#; 50, no. 4 (2009):
396404, PIuess and BeIsky, DIffefentIaI
SusceptIbIIIty to ReafIng ExpefIence: Paf-
entIng and QuaIIty ChIId Cafe," F)*)8-3<
5).678 H&;1:-8-E; 46, no. 2 (2010): 37990,
Jay BeIsky and MIchaeI PIuess, Beyond
DIathesIs Stfess: DIffefentIaI SusceptIbIIIty
to EnvIfonmentaI InfIuences," H&;1:-8-E"178
@%88)6". 135, no. 6 (2009): 885908, Bfuce
J. EIIIs and W. Thomas Boyce, BIoIogIcaI
)&!"#$#
SensItIvIty to Context," ,%##).6 F"#)16"-.& ".
H&;1:-8-E"178 21").1) 17, no. 3 (2008):
18387.
32. ?$%4 *-+&-55$,#> )#2$-%/> )#* 54/#-55:
Afon, H&;1:-6:)#73; 7.0 6:) >"E:8; 2).&"6"*)
H)#&-., 3. See aIso A. Engfef, Antecedents
and Consequences of Shyness In Boys and
GIfIs: A 6-yeaf IongItudInaI Study," In 2-<
1"78 A"6:0#7+78N I.:"G"6"-.N 7.0 2:;.)&& ".
,:"80:--0, edIted by K. H. RubIn and J. B.
Asendofpf (HIIIsdaIe, NJ: Iawfence EfI-
baum, 1993), 4979, W. T. Boyce et aI.,
PsychobIoIogIc ReactIvIty to Stfess and
ChIIdhood RespIfatofy IIInesses: ResuIts of
Two PfospectIve StudIes," H&;1:-&-576"1
Z)0"1".) 57 (1995): 41122, I. Gannon et
aI., The MedIatIng Effects of Psycho-
physIoIogIcaI ReactIvIty and Recovefy on
the ReIatIonshIp Between EnvIfonmentaI
Stfess and IIIness," K-%#.78 -/ H&;1:-&-576"1
()&)7#1: 33 (1989): 16575.
)&%"#$#
33. I#*--*> )7,(% ) =()&%-& ,0 [)')#A5 4$'41
&-)6%$8- :$*5: E-maII ffom Kagan to the au-
thof, June 22, 2010.
34. ',,* +)&-#%$#'> 64$.* 6)&-> )#* ) 5%)7.-
4,3- -#8$&,#3-#%: See, fof exampIe, BeI-
sky et aI., VuInefabIIIty Genes of PIastIcIty
Genes?", 5. See aIso PIuess and BeIsky,
DIffefentIaI SusceptIbIIIty to ReafIng Ex-
pefIence: The Case of ChIIdcafe," 397.
35. :$#*> 6,#56$-#%$,(5: Afon, D:) >"E:8; 2).&<
"6"*) ,:"80.
36. D4-/ *,#A% #-6-55)&$./ %(&# $#%, 6.)55
+&-5$*-#%5: Authof IntefvIew wIth Jay BeI-
sky, ApfII 28, 2010.
37. ?,&.* ,0 &4-5(5 3,#:-/5: Stephen J.
SuomI, EafIy DetefmInants of BehavIouf:
EvIdence ffom PfImate StudIes," @#"6"&:
Z)0"178 @%88)6". 53, no. 1 (1997): 17084
(hIgh-feactIve Infants cfoss-fostefed to
nuftufant femaIes actuaIIy appeafed to be
behavIoufaIIy pfecocIous.. These
)&&"#$#
IndIvIduaIs became especIaIIy adept at fe-
cfuItIng and fetaInIng othef gfoup membefs
as aIIIes In fesponse to agonIstIc encountefs
and, pefhaps as a consequence, they sub-
sequentIy fose to and maIntaIned top posI-
tIons In the gfoup's domInance hIefafchy..
CIeafIy, hIgh-feactIvIty need not aIways be
assocIated wIth advefse shoft- and Iong-
tefm outcomes," p. 180). See aIso thIs vIdeo
on the L687.6"1 Z-.6:8; websIte:
(http:,,www.theatIantIc.com,magazIne,
afchIve,2009,12,the-scIence-of-success,
7761,), In whIch SuomI teIIs us that the
monkeys who had that same shoft aIIeIe
and gfew up wIth good mothefs had no
pfobIems whatsoevef. They tufned out as
weII of bettef than monkeys who had the
othef vefsIon of thIs gene." (Note aIso that
the IInk between the shoft aIIeIe of the
SERT gene and depfessIon In humans Is
weII dIscussed but somewhat
contfovefsIaI.)
)&'"#$#
38. %4,('4% %, 7- )55,6$)%-* ?$%4 4$'4 &-)6%1
$8$%/ )#* $#%&,8-&5$,#: Seth J. GIIIIhan et
aI., AssocIatIon Between SefotonIn Tfans-
poftef Genotype and ExtfavefsIon," H&;1:"<
76#"1 M).)6"1& 17, no. 6 (2007): 35154. See
aIso M. R. Munafo et aI., GenetIc PoIy-
mofphIsms and PefsonaIIty In HeaIthy
AduIts: A SystematIc RevIew and Meta-Ana-
IysIs," Z-8)1%87# H&;1:"76#; 8 (2003):
47184. And see CecIIIe I. IIcht et aI., As-
socIatIon Between Sensofy PfocessIng Sens-
ItIvIty and the 5-HTTIPR Shoft,Shoft
Genotype."
39. 4)5 5+-6(.)%-* %4)% %4-5- 4$'41&-)6%$8-
3,#:-/5: Dobbs, The ScIence of Success."
40. )*,.-56-#% '$&.5 ?$%4 %4- 54,&% )..-.- ,0
%4- @OND '-#- k B$<< )#2$-%/ ,# 6).3
*)/5: BeIsky et aI., VuInefabIIIty Genes of
PIastIcIty Genes?"
)&("#$#
41. %4$5 *$00-&-#6- &-3)$#5 )% )'- 0$8-: EIaIne
Afon, H&;1:-6:)#73; 7.0 6:) >"E:8; 2).&"6"*)
H)#&-., 24041.
42. -8-# 3,&- &-5$5%)#% %4)# ,%4-& :$*5:
Boyce, PsychobIoIogIc ReactIvIty to Stfess
and ChIIdhood RespIfatofy IIInesses: Res-
uIts of Two PfospectIve StudIes." See aIso
W. Thomas Boyce and Bfuce J. EIIIs, BIoIo-
gIcaI SensItIvIty to Context: I. EvoIutIonafy-
DeveIopmentaI Theofy of the OfIgIns and
FunctIons of Stfess ReactIvIty," F)*)8-35).6
7.0 H&;1:-376:-8-E; 27 (2005): 283.
43. D4- 54,&% )..-.- ,0 %4- @OND '-#-: See
JudIth R. Hombefg and KIaus-Petef Iesch,
IookIng on the BfIght SIde of SefotonIn
Tfanspoftef Gene VafIatIon," @"-8-E"178 H&;<
1:"76#;, 2010.
44. !5)$.,&5 )&- 5, 7(5/B)#* ?$5-./B.,,:1
$#' (#*-& %4- ?)%-& .$#-<: BeIsky et aI.,
VuInefabIIIty Genes of PIastIcIty Genes?"
)&)"#$#
45. !D4- %$3- )#* -00,&% %4-/ $#8-5%<: Authof
IntefvIew wIth Jay BeIsky, ApfII 28, 2010.
CHAPTER 5: BEYOND TEMPERAMENT
1. !O#C,/3-#% )++-)&5 )% %4- 7,(#*)&/<:
MIhaIy CsIkszentmIhaIyI, 98-+= D:) H&;1:-<
8-E; -/ \36"578 4Q3)#").1) (New Yofk: Hafp-
ef PefennIaI, 1990), 52.
2. ?$#*,?.-55 &,,3 ?$%4 S&; J)&.
@64?)&%l: I conducted a sefIes of Intef-
vIews wIth Df. Schwaftz between 2006 and
2010.
3. %:$ ;55%N4#3% 5; 8 :#P:I 54 B5SI4$89%#6$
%$=N$48=$3%: CafI Schwaftz et aI., InhIb-
Ited and UnInhIbIted Infants 'Gfown Up':
AduIt AmygdaIaf Response to NoveIty,"
21").1) 300, no. 5627 (2003): 195253.
4. I0 /,( ?-&- ) 4$'41&-)6%$8- 7)7/: Fof a
good ovefvIew of the feIatIonshIp between
the amygdaIa and the pfeffontaI coftex, see
Joseph Iedoux, D:) 45-6"-.78 @#7".= D:)
)&#"#$#
Z;&6)#"-%& C.0)#3"..".E& -/ 45-6"-.78 J"/)
(New Yofk: SImon & Schustef, 1996),
chaptefs 6 and 8. See aIso Gfegofy Befns,
I1-.-187&6= L ?)%#-&1").6"&6 ()*)78& >-+ 6-
D:".$ F"//)#).68; (Boston, MA: Hafvafd
BusIness Pfess, 2008), 5981.
5. 5-.01%).: %, &-)55-55 (+5-%%$#' 5$%()%$,#5:
KevIn N. Ochsnef et aI., RethInkIng FeeI-
Ings: An fMRI Study of the CognItIve Regu-
IatIon of EmotIon," K-%#.78 -/ ,-E."6"*)
?)%#-&1").1) 14, no. 8 (2002): 121529.
6. 56$-#%$5%5 6,#*$%$,#-* ) &)%: Iedoux, D:)
45-6"-.78 @#7"., 24849.
7. H)#5 O/5-#6:: DavId C. Fundef, D:) H)#<
&-.78"6; H%]]8) (New Yofk: W. W. Nofton,
2010), 28083.
8. 4$'4 )&,(5). .-8-.5 $# %4- 7&)$#: E-maII
ffom Jefome Kagan to the authof, June 23,
2010.
9. 3)#/ *$00-&-#% :$#*5 ,0 )&,(5).: E-maII
ffom CafI Schwaftz to the authof, August
)'+"#$#
16, 2010. AIso note that Intfovefts seem
not to be In a baseIIne state of hIgh afousaI
so much as susceptIbIe to tIppIng ovef Into
that state.
10. -26$%-* 0)#5 )% ) 5,66-& ')3-: E-maII
ffom Jefome Kagan to the authof, June 23,
2010.
11. ) 4,5% ,0 -8$*-#6- %4)% $#%&,8-&%5 84$
3,&- 5-#5$%$8-: ThIs has been wfItten
about In many pIaces. See, fof exampIe,
Robeft SteImack, On PefsonaIIty and
AfousaI: A HIstofIcaI PefspectIve on
Eysenck and Zuckefman," In \. 6:) H&;1:-<
G"-8-E; -/ H)#&-.78"6;= 4&&7;& ". >-.-# -/
Z7#*". c%1$)#57., edIted by MafvIn Zuck-
efman and Robeft SteImack (Pefgamon,
2005), 1728. See aIso GefaId Matthews et
aI., H)#&-.78"6; D#7"6& (CambfIdge, UK: Cam-
bfIdge UnIvefsIty Pfess, 2003), 16970,
18689, 32942. See aIso Randy J. Iafsen
and DavId M. Buss, H)#&-.78"6; H&;1:-8-E;=
)'*"#$#
F-57".& -/ !.-+8)0E) LG-%6 >%57. ?76%#)
(New Yofk: McGfaw HIII, 2005), 2026.
12. .-3,# C($6-: Fundef, D:) H)#&-.78"6; H%]]8),
281.
13. #,$5- .-8-. +&-0-&&-* 7/ %4- -2%&,8-&%5:
RusseII G. Geen, Pfefeffed StImuIatIon
IeveIs In Intfovefts and Extfovefts: Effects
on AfousaI and Peffofmance," K-%#.78 -/
H)#&-.78"6; 7.0 2-1"78 H&;1:-8-E; 46, no. 6
(1984): 130312.
14. D4-/ 6)# 4(#% 0,& 4,3-5: ThIs Idea comes
ffom WInIffed GaIIaghef, >-%&) D:".$".E= L
(--5<G;<(--5 J--$ 76 >-+ A) J"*) (New
Yofk: Hafpef CoIIIns, 2006).
15. $#%&,8-&%5 0(#6%$,# 7-%%-& %4)# -2%&,1
8-&%5 ?4-# 5.--+ *-+&$8-*: WIIIIam KII-
gofe et aI., The TfaIt of IntfovefsIon-Extfa-
vefsIon PfedIcts VuInefabIIIty to SIeep
DepfIvatIon," K-%#.78 -/ 28))3 ()&)7#1: 16,
no. 4 (2007): 35463.
)'$"#$#
16. S&,?5/ -2%&,8-&%5 7-4$#* %4- ?4--.:
Matthews, H)#&-.78"6; D#7"6&, 337.
17. G8-&)&,(5). $#%-&0-&-5 ?$%4 )%%-#%$,#:
GefaId Matthews and IIsa Dofn, CognItIve
and AttentIonaI Pfocesses In PefsonaIIty
and InteIIIgence," In I.6)#.76"-.78 >7.0G--$
-/ H)#&-.78"6; 7.0 I.6)88"E).1), edIted by
DonaId H. SakIofske and Moshe ZeIdnef
(New Yofk: PIenum Pfess, 1995): 36796.
Of, as the psychoIogIst BfIan IIttIe puts It,
extfavefts often fInd that they afe abIe to
handIe cfammIng fof speeches of bfIefIngs
In a way that wouId be dIsastfous fof
Intfovefts."
18. ) 6/6.- ,0 *&-)*> 0-)&> )#* 54)3-: Befns,
I1-.-187&6, 5981.
CHAPTER 6: FRANKIIN WAS A POIITICIAN, BUT
EIEANOR SPOKE OUT OF CONSCIENCE"
1. !" 54/ 3)# #, *,(7% *&-)*5 %4- #,%$6-<:
ChafIes DafwIn, D:) 4Q3#)&&"-.& -/ 6:)
)'!"#$#
45-6"-.& ". Z7. 7.0 L."578& (ChafIeston,
SC: BIbIIoBazaaf, 2007), 259.
2. O)5%-& @(#*)/> \g_g; D4- T$#6,.# ]-1
3,&$).: My descfIptIon of the conceft Is
based on fIIm footage of the event.
3. "#* $% ?,(.*#A% 4)8-> ?$%4,(% O.-)#,&
N,,5-8-.% k %, 5$#' )% %4- T$#6,.# ]-1
3,&$).: AIIIda M. BIack, ,7&6".E >)# \+.
2:70-+= 48)7.-# (--&)*)86 7.0 6:) 2:73".E -/
H-&6+7# J"G)#78"&5 (New Yofk: CoIumbIa
UnIvefsIty Pfess, 1996), 4144.
4. !D4$5 ?)5 5,3-%4$#' (#$=(-<: D:) L5)#<
"17. 4Q3)#").1)= 48)7.-# (--&)*)86 (PubIIc
BfoadcastIng System, AmbfIca PfoductIons,
2000). See tfanscfIpt: http:,,www.pbs.ofg,
wgbh,amex,eIeanof,fIImmofe,
tfanscfIpt,tfanscfIpt1.htmI.
5. D4-/ 3-% ?4-# 4- ?)5 %?-#%/: BIanche
WIesen Cook, 48)7.-# (--&)*)86N O-8%5)
\.)= dmmehdgjj (New Yofk: VIkIng
)'%"#$#
PenguIn, 1992), esp. 125236. See aIso D:)
L5)#"17. 4Q3)#").1)= 48)7.-# (--&)*)86.
6. 4-& 0$&5% 56$-#%$0$6 +(7.$6)%$,# $# \gge:
EIaIne N. Afon and Afthuf Afon, Sensofy-
PfocessIng SensItIvIty and Its ReIatIon to
IntfovefsIon and EmotIonaIIty," K-%#.78 -/
H)#&-.78"6; 7.0 2-1"78 H&;1:-8-E; 3, no. 2
(1997): 34568.
7. U4-# 54- ?)5 ) '$&. k @4- *-6$*-* %,
0$#* ,(%: The bIogfaphIcaI InfofmatIon
about Afon comes ffom (1) IntefvIew wIth
the authof, August 21, 2008, (2) EIaIne N.
Afon, D:) >"E:8; 2).&"6"*) H)#&-.= >-+ 6-
D:#"*) A:). 6:) A-#80 \*)#+:)85& [-%
(New Yofk: Bfoadway Books, 1996), (3)
EIaIne N. Afon, D:) >"E:8; 2).&"6"*) H)#&-.
". J-*)= C.0)#&67.0".E 7.0 Z7.7E".E ()87<
6"-.&:"3& A:). 6:) A-#80 \*)#+:)85& [-%
(New Yofk: Bfoadway Books, 2000).
8. Y$&5% "&,# $#%-&8$-?-* %4$&%/1#$#-
+-,+.- k .$'4%7(.7 7(&#$#' ) %,(64 %,,
)'&"#$#
7&$'4%./: Afon and Afon, Sensofy-Pfo-
cessIng SensItIvIty." See aIso E. N. Afon,
RevIsItIng Jung's Concept of Innate SensIt-
Iveness," K-%#.78 -/ L.78;6"178 H&;1:-8-E; 49
(2004): 33767. See aIso Afon, D:) >"E:8;
2).&"6"*) H)#&-..
9. D4-/ 0--. -26-+%$,#)../ 5%&,#' -3,%$,#5:
In Iabofatofy studIes, IookIng at pIctufes
desIgned to cfeate stfong posItIve of negat-
Ive emotIons, they fepofted feeIIng mofe
emotIonaIIy afoused than nonsensItIve
peopIe. See B. Acevedo, A. Afon, and E.
Afon, Sensofy PfocessIng SensItIvIty and
NeufaI Responses to Stfangefs' EmotIonaI
States," In A. Afon (ChaIf), >"E: 2).&"6"*"6;N
7 H)#&-.78"6;nD)53)#75).6 D#7"6= J"/6".E 6:)
2:70-+ -/ H&;1:-376:-8-E;, symposIum
pfesented at the AnnuaI MeetIng of the
AmefIcan PsychoIogIcaI AssocIatIon, San
DIego, CaIIfofnIa, 2010. See aIso JadzIa Ja-
gIeIIowIcz, Afthuf Afon, EIaIne Afon, and
Tufhan CanII, Fastef and Mofe Intense:
)''"#$#
EmotIon PfocessIng and AttentIonaI Mech-
anIsms In IndIvIduaIs wIth Sensofy Pfo-
cessIng SensItIvIty," In Afon, >"E:
2).&"6"*"6;.
10. 56$-#%$5%5 )% @%,#/ E&,,: W#$8-&5$%/:
JadzIa JagIeIIowIcz et aI., Sensofy Pfo-
cessIng SensItIvIty and NeufaI Responses to
Changes In VIsuaI Scenes," 2-1"78 ,-E."6"*)
7.0 L//)16"*) ?)%#-&1").1), 2010,
doI.10.1093,scan,nsq001.
11. -64,-5 j-&,3- [)')#A5 0$#*$#'5: Jefome
Kagan, RefIectIon-ImpuIsIvIty and ReadIng
AbIIIty In PfImafy Gfade ChIIdfen," ,:"80
F)*)8-35).6 363, no. 3 (1965): 60928. See
aIso EIIen SIegeIman, RefIectIve and Im-
puIsIve ObsefvIng BehavIof," ,:"80 F)*)8-3<
5).6 40, no. 4 (1969): 121322.
12. !I0 /,(A&- %4$#:$#' $# 3,&- 6,3+.$6)%-*
?)/5<: IntefvIew wIth the authof, May 8,
2010.
)'("#$#
13. 4$'4./ -3+)%4$6: Afon and Afon,
Sensofy-PfocessIng SensItIvIty." See aIso
Afon, RevIsItIng Jung's Concept of Innate
SensItIveness." See aIso Afon, D:) >"E:8;
2).&"6"*) H)#&-.. And see the foIIowIng fMRI
studIes: Acevedo, Sensofy PfocessIng Sens-
ItIvIty and NeufaI Responses to Stfangefs'
EmotIonaI States." And see JadzIa JagIeI-
IowIcz, Fastef and Mofe Intense: EmotIon
PfocessIng and AttentIonaI MechanIsms In
IndIvIduaIs wIth Sensofy PfocessIng SensIt-
IvIty." Note that many pefsonaIIty psycho-
IogIsts who subscfIbe to the BIg 5" theofy
of pefsonaIIty assocIate empathy not wIth
sensItIvIty (a constfuct that Is gaInIng at-
tentIon, but Is feIatIveIy Iess weII known
than the BIg 5), but wIth a tfaIt known as
AgfeeabIeness" and even extfovefsIon.
Afon's wofk does not chaIIenge these asso-
cIatIons, but expands them. One of the
most vaIuabIe aspects of Afon's wofk Is
)')"#$#
how fadIcaIIy, and ffuItfuIIy, she feIntef-
pfets pefsonaIIty psychoIogy.
14. %-#%)%$8-./ )55,6$)%-* ?$%4 5-#5$%$8$%/:
Seth J. GIIIIhan et aI., AssocIatIon Between
SefotonIn Tfanspoftef Genotype and Extfa-
vefsIon," H&;1:"76#"1 M).)6"1& 17, no. 6
(2007): 35154. See aIso M. R. Munafo et
aI., GenetIc PoIymofphIsms and PefsonaI-
Ity In HeaIthy AduIts: A SystematIc RevIew
and Meta-AnaIysIs," Z-8)1%87# H&;1:"76#; 8
(2003): 47184.
15. 54,? %4-3 +$6%(&-5 ,0 56)&-* 0)6-5:
DavId C. Fundef, D:) H)#&-.78"6; H%]]8)
(New Yofk: W. W. Nofton, 2010), cItIng A.
R. HafIfI et aI., SefotonIn Tfanspoftef Gen-
etIc VafIatIon and the Response of the Hu-
man AmygdaIa," 21").1) 297 (2002):
400403.
16. 0)6-5 ,0 +-,+.- -2+-&$-#6$#' 5%&,#' 0--.1
$#'5: Acevedo, Sensofy PfocessIng SensIt-
IvIty and NeufaI Responses to Stfangefs'
)'#"#$#
EmotIonaI States." See aIso JadzIa JagIeI-
IowIcz, Fastef and Mofe Intense: EmotIon
PfocessIng and AttentIonaI MechanIsms In
IndIvIduaIs wIth Sensofy PfocessIng
SensItIvIty."
17. I# \g^\> YSN 6,#%&)6%-* +,.$, k 4,?
5(00-&$#' "3-&$6)#5 ;$B%: Cook, 48)7.-#
(--&)*)86N O-8%5) \.), 125236. See aIso
D:) L5)#"17. 4Q3)#").1)= 48)7.-# (--&)*)86.
18. " :$#* ?,3)# 4)#*5 ) %,/ %, ) %,*1
*.-& k !+&,5,6$). &-.)%$,#54$+5 ?$%4
+)&-#%5> %-)64-&5> )#* 0&$-#*5<: Gfazyna
Kochanska et aI., GuIIt In Young ChIIdfen:
DeveIopment, DetefmInants, and ReIatIons
wIth a Bfoadef System of Standafds," ,:"80
F)*)8-35).6 73, no. 2 (Mafch,ApfII 2002):
46182. See aIso Gfazyna Kochanska and
Nazan Aksan, ChIIdfen's ConscIence and
SeIf-ReguIatIon," K-%#.78 -/ H)#&-.78"6; 74,
no. 6 (2006): 15871617. See aIso Gfazyna
Kochanska et aI., GuIIt and EffoftfuI Con-
tfoI: Two MechanIsms That Pfevent
)(+"#$#
DIsfuptIve DeveIopmentaI TfajectofIes,"
K-%#.78 -/ H)#&-.78"6; 7.0 2-1"78 H&;1:-8-E;
97, no. 2 (2009): 32233.
19. ) ^h\h W#$8-&5$%/ ,0 ]$64$')# 5%(*/: S.
H. Konfath et aI., Changes In DIsposItIonaI
Empathy In AmefIcan CoIIege Students
Ovef TIme: A Meta-AnaIysIs," H)#&-.78"6;
7.0 2-1"78 H&;1:-8-E; ()*")+, August 2010,
e-pubIIcatIon ahead of pfInt (accessed at ht-
tp:,,www.ncbI.nIm.nIh.gov,pubmed,
20688954).
20. &-.)%-* %, %4- +&-8).-#6- ,0 5,6$). 3-1
*$): PameIa PauI, Ffom Students, Iess
KIndness fof Stfangefs?" ?)+ [-#$ D"5)&,
June 25, 2010.
21. ?4-# 4-& +--&5 ?-&- %-)5-*: EIaIne Afon,
D:) >"E:8; 2).&"6"*) ,:"80 (New Yofk: Ran-
dom House, 2002), 18, 28283.
22. %4- #,8-.$5% O&$6 ]).+)55: EfIc MaIpass,
D:) J-.E J-.E F7.1)& (Iondon: CofgI,
1978).
)(*"#$#
23. H$'41&-)6%$8- $#%&,8-&%5 5?-)% 3,&-: V.
De PascaIIs, On the PsychophysIoIogy of
ExtfavefsIon," In \. 6:) H&;1:-G"-8-E; -/
H)#&-.78"6;= 4&&7;& ". >-.-# -/ Z7#*". c%1$<
)#57., edIted by MafvIn Zuckefman and
Robeft M. SteImack (San DIego: EIsevIef,
2004), 22. See aIso Randy J. Iafsen and
DavId M. Buss, H)#&-.78"6; H&;1:-8-E;= F-<
57".& -/ !.-+8)0E) LG-%6 >%57. ?76%#)
(New Yofk: McGfaw-HIII, 2005),199.
24. 5,6$,+)%45 .$- )% %4- -2%&-3- -#*: Van K.
Thafp et aI., AutonomIc ActIvIty DufIng
AntIcIpatIon of an Avefse Tone In NonInstI-
tutIonaIIzed SocIopaths," H&;1:-3:;&"-8-E;
17, no. 2 (1980): 12328. See aIso Joseph
Newman et aI., VaIIdatIng a DIstInctIon
Between PfImafy and Secondafy Psycho-
pathy wIth Measufes of Gfay's BIS and BAS
Constfucts," K-%#.78 -/ LG.-#578 H&;1:-8-E;
114 (2005): 31923.
25. 5,6$,+)%45 4)8- *)3)'-* )3/'*).)-:
YaIIng Yang et aI., IocaIIzatIon of
)($"#$#
DefofmatIons WIthIn the AmygdaIa In IndI-
vIduaIs wIth Psychopathy," L#1:"*)& -/ M).<
)#78 H&;1:"76#; 66, no. 9 (2009), 98694.
26. T$- *-%-6%,&5 k )&- +)&%$)../ 5:$# 6,#1
*(6%)#6- %-5%5: They aIso measufe bfeath-
Ing, puIse fate, and bIood pfessufe.
27. 5(+-&6,,. +(.5- &)%- *(&$#' .$0%,00: WInI-
ffed GaIIaghef, IPFP= >-+ >)#)0"6; 7.0 4Q<
3)#").1) Z7$) [-% A:- [-% L#) (New Yofk:
Random House, 1996), 24.
28. J,&$#- S$C:: CofIne DIjk and Petef J. De
Jong, The RemedIaI VaIue of BIushIng In
the Context of TfansgfessIons and
MIshaps," 45-6"-. 9, no. 2 (2009): 28791.
29. !" 7.(54 6,3-5 ,#.$#- $# %?, ,& %4&--
5-6,#*5<: BenedIct Cafey, HoId Youf
Head Up: A BIush Just Shows You Cafe,"
?)+ [-#$ D"5)&, June 2, 2009: D5.
30. !E-6)(5- $% $5 $3+,55$7.- %, 6,#%&,.<:
IbId.
)(!"#$#
31. [-.%#-& 4)5 %&)6:-* %4- &,,%5 ,0 4(3)#
-37)&&)553-#% k %4)# %, 3$#* %,,
.$%%.-: Dachef KeItnef, @-#. 6- @) M--0= D:)
21").1) -/ 7 Z)7.".E/%8 J"/) (New Yofk: W.
W. Nofton, 2009), 7496.
32. !D4- %/+- %4)% $5 L5-#5$%$8-A ,&
L&-)6%$8-;A k L,++,&%(#$%/ ,#./ :#,6:5
,#6-A <: EIaIne Afon, RevIsItIng Jung's
Concept of Innate SensItIveness," 33767.
33. %?-#%/15-8-# )%%&$7(%-5 )55,6$)%-*:
Authof IntefvIew wIth EIaIne Afon, August
21, 2008.
34. ,%4-& _h +-&6-#% )&- -2%&,8-&%5: Afon,
H&;1:-6:)#73; 7.0 6:) >"E:8; 2).&"6"*) H)#<
&-., 5.
35. (54$ %:83 8 :"3D4$D 5+-6$-5 k ?4)%A5
',$#' ,# )&,(#* %4-3: Max WoIf et aI.,
EvoIutIonafy Emefgence of ResponsIve
and UnfesponsIve PefsonaIItIes," H#-1))0<
".E& -/ 6:) ?76"-.78 L170)5; -/ 21").1)& 105,
no. 41 (2008): 1582530. See aIso Afon,
)(%"#$#
H&;1:-6:)#73; 7.0 6:) >"E:8; 2).&"6"*) H)#<
&-., 2.
36. )#$3).5 4)* +)&%$-5: DavId SIoan WIIson,
4*-8%6"-. /-# 4*)#;-.)= >-+ F7#+".S& D:)-#;
,7. ,:7.E) 6:) A7; A) D:".$ LG-%6 \%#
J"*)& (New Yofk: Bantam DeII, 2007), 110.
37. %&)*-1,00 %4-,&/ ,0 -8,.(%$,#: DanIeI
NettIe, The EvoIutIon of PefsonaIIty VafI-
atIon In Humans and Othef AnImaIs,"
L5)#"17. H&;1:-8-E"&6 61, no. 6 (2006):
62231.
38. U4-# U$.5,# *&,++-* 3-%). %&)+5:
WIIson, 4*-8%6"-. /-# 4*)#;-.), 100114.
39. D&$#$*)*$)# '(++$-5: NettIe, The EvoIu-
tIon of PefsonaIIty VafIatIon In Humans
and Othef AnImaIs," 624. See aIso ShyfII
O'Steen et aI., RapId EvoIutIon of Escape
AbIIIty In TfInIdadIan GuppIes," 4*-8%6"-.
56, no. 4 (2002): 77684. Note that anoth-
ef study found that boId fIsh do bettef wIth
pfedatofs (but these wefe cIchIIds In fIsh
)(&"#$#
tanks, not pIke In stfeams): BfIan R. SmIth
and DanIeI T. BIumsteIn, BehavIofaI Types
as PfedIctofs of SufvIvaI In TfInIdadIan
GuppIes," @):7*"-#78 41-8-E; 21, no. 5
(2010): 6573.
40. #,3)*5 ?4, $#4-&$%-*: Dan EIsenbefg et
aI., DopamIne Receptof GenetIc PoIy-
mofphIsms and Body ComposItIon In
UndefnoufIshed PastofaIIsts: An ExpIofa-
tIon of NutfItIon IndIces Among NomadIc
and RecentIy SettIed AfIaaI Men of Nofth-
efn Kenya," @Z, 4*-8%6"-.7#; @"-8-E; 8, no.
173 (2008), doI:10.1186,1471-2148-8-173.
See aIso: http:,,machInesIIkeus.com,news,
adhd-advantage-nomadIc-tfIbesmen.
41. -2%&,8-&%5 4)8- 3,&- 5-2 +)&%1
#-&5 k 6,33$% 3,&- 6&$3-5. NettIe, The
EvoIutIon of PefsonaIIty VafIatIon In Hu-
mans and Othef AnImaIs," 625. See aIso
DanIeI NettIe, H)#&-.78"6;= A:76 Z7$)& [-%
6:) A7; [-% L#) (New Yofk: Oxfofd
UnIvefsIty Pfess, 2007).
)('"#$#
42. "5 j(#' 5+-6(.)%-* ).3,5% ) 6-#%(&/
)',: CafI Jung, H&;1:-8-E"178 D;3)&, voI. 6
of D:) ,-88)16)0 A-#$& -/ ,P MP K%.E (PfIn-
ceton, NJ: PfInceton UnIvefsIty Pfess,
1971), 559.
43. ?4,5- %&)$%5 +&,3,%- '&,(+ 5(&8$8).:
See, fof exampIe, NIchoIas Wade, The
EvoIutIon of the God Gene," ?)+ [-#$
D"5)&, Novembef 15, 2009.
44. !@(++,5- ) 4-&* ,0 )#%-.,+-<: EIaIne
Afon, Book RevIew: Unto Othefs: The
EvoIutIon and PsychoIogy of UnseIfIsh Be-
havIof," Januafy 2007, ,-5/-#6 c-.) \.<
8".): http:,,www.hspefson.com,pages,3Fe-
b07.htm.
45. !4)?:< )#* !*,8-< 3-37-&5: EIaIne
Afon, A Futufe HeadIIne: 'HSPs, the Key to
Human SufvIvaI?' " August 2007, Comfoft
Zone OnIIne: http:,,www.hspefson.com,
pages,1Aug07.htm.
)(("#$#
46. X&-)% %$% 7$&*5: NettIe, The EvoIutIon of
PefsonaIIty VafIatIon In Humans and Othef
AnImaIs," 62425. See aIso SIoan WIIson,
4*-8%6"-. /-# 4*)#;-.), 110.
47. !I0 /,( 5-#* )# $#%&,8-&% $#%, ) &-6-+1
%$,#<: DavId RemnIck, The WIIdefness
CampaIgn," D:) ?)+ [-#$)#, Septembef 13,
2004.
48. !],5% +-,+.- $# +,.$%$65 *&)? -#-&'/<:
John HeIIemann, The Comeback KId," ?)+
[-#$ magazIne, May 21, 2006.
49. !I%A5 )7,(% %4- 5(&8$8). ,0 %4- +.)#-%<:
BenjamIn Svetkey, ChangIng the CIImate,"
4.6)#67".5).6 A))$8;, JuIy 14, 2006.
50. !?)&&$,& :$#'5< )#* !+&$-5%./ )*8$5-&5<:
Afon, RevIsItIng Jung's Concept of Innate
SensItIveness."
)()"#$#
CHAPTER 7: WHY DID WAII STREET CRASH AND
WARREN BUFFETT PROSPER?
1. j(5% )0%-& eP_h );3;: AIan's stofy and the
descfIptIon of Dofn and hef house afe
based on a sefIes of teIephone and e-maII
IntefvIews wIth the authof, conducted
between 2008 and 2010.
2. Y$#)#6$). 4$5%,&/ $5 0(.. ,0 -2)3+.-5:
Thefe afe aIso many exampIes ffom mIIIt-
afy hIstofy. Huffah, boys, we've got
them!" GenefaI Custef famousIy shouted at
the battIe of IIttIe BIghofn In 1876just
befofe hIs entIfe unIt of two hundfed men
was wIped out by thfee thousand SIoux and
Cheyenne. GenefaI MacAfthuf advanced In
the face of fepeated ChInese thfeats of at-
tack dufIng the Kofean Waf, costIng aImost
2 mIIIIon IIves wIth IIttIe stfategIc gaIn.
StaIIn fefused to beIIeve that the Gefmans
wouId Invade RussIa In 1941, even aftef
.".)6; wafnIngs of an ImpendIng attack. See
DomInIc D. P. Johnson, \*)#1-./"0).1) 7.0
)(#"#$#
A7#= D:) >7*-1 7.0 M8-#; -/ H-&"6"*) I88%<
&"-.& (CambfIdge, MA: Hafvafd UnIvefsIty
Pfess, 2004).
3. D4- "GToD$3- U)&#-& 3-&'-&: NIna
Monk, 9--8& (%&: I.= 26)*) ,7&)N K)##; J)*".N
7.0 6:) C.57$".E -/ L\J D"5)<A7#.)# (New
Yofk: HafpefCoIIIns, 2005).
4. D4-/ +&,%-6% %4-35-.8-5 7-%%-& 0&,3 %4-
*,?#5$*-: The psychoIogy pfofessof
RIchafd Howafd, In an IntefvIew wIth the
authof on Novembef 17, 2008, notes that
Intfovefts tend to down-feguIate posItIve
emotIons and extfovefts tend to up-feguIate
them.
5. ,(& .$37$6 5/5%-3: Note that these days
many scIentIsts dIsIIke the phfase IImbIc
system." ThIs Is because no one feaIIy
knows whIch pafts of the bfaIn thIs tefm
fefefs to. The bfaIn afeas IncIuded In thIs
system have changed ovef the yeafs, and
today many use the tefm to mean bfaIn
))+"#$#
afeas that have somethIng to do wIth emo-
tIon. StIII, It's a usefuI shofthand.
6. !K,> #,> #,F S,#A% *, %4)%<: See, fof ex-
ampIe, Ahmad R. HafIfI, Susan Y.
BookheImef, and John C. MazzIotta, Mod-
uIatIng EmotIonaI Responses: Effects of a
NeocoftIcaI Netwofk on the IImbIc Sys-
tems," ?)%#-()3-#6 11 (1999): 4348.
7. ?4)% =8T$< )# -2%&,8-&% )# -2%&,8-&%:
RIchafd E. Iucas and Ed DIenef, Cfoss-CuI-
tufaI EvIdence fof the FundamentaI
Featufes of ExtfavefsIon," K-%#.78 -/ H)#&-.<
78"6; 7.0 2-1"78 H&;1:-8-E; 79, no. 3 (2000):
45268. See aIso MIchaeI D. RobInson et
aI., ExtfavefsIon and Rewafd-ReIated Pfo-
cessIng: PfobIng IncentIve MotIvatIon In Af-
fectIve PfImIng Tasks," 45-6"-. 10, no. 5
(2010): 61526.
8. '&-)%-& -6,#,3$6> +,.$%$6).> )#* 4-*,#1
$5%$6 )37$%$,#5: Joshua WIIt and WIIIIam
ReveIIe, ExtfavefsIon," In >7.0G--$ -/
))*"#$#
I.0"*"0%78 F"//)#).1)& ". 2-1"78 @):7*"-#, ed-
Ited by Mafk R. Ieafy and RIch H. HoyIe
(New Yofk: GuIIfofd Pfess, 2009), 39.
9. D4- :-/ 5--35 %, 7- +,5$%$8- -3,%$,#:
See Iucas and DIenef, Cfoss-CuItufaI EvId-
ence fof the FundamentaI Featufes of Extfa-
vefsIon." See aIso DanIeI NettIe, H)#&-.78"6;=
A:76 Z7$)& [-% 6:) A7; [-% L#) (New
Yofk: Oxfofd UnIvefsIty Pfess, 2007).
10. D4- 7)5$5 ,0 7(ll: RIchafd Depue and PauI
CoIIIns, NeufobIoIogy of the Stfuctufe of
PefsonaIIty: DopamIne, FacIIItatIon of In-
centIve MotIvatIon, and ExtfavefsIon," @)<
:7*"-#78 7.0 @#7". 21").1)& 22, no. 3 (1999):
491569. See aIso NettIe, H)#&-.78"6;= A:76
Z7$)& [-% 6:) A7; [-% L#).
11. S,+)3$#- $5 %4- !&-?)&* 64-3$6).<: De-
pue and CoIIIns, NeufobIoIogy of the
Stfuctufe of PefsonaIIty: DopamIne, FacIIIt-
atIon of IncentIve MotIvatIon, and Extfavef-
sIon." See aIso NettIe, H)#&-.78"6;= A:76
))$"#$#
Z7$)& [-% 6:) A7; [-% L#). See aIso Susan
Iang, PsychoIogIst FInds DopamIne IInked
to a PefsonaIIty TfaIt and HappIness," ,-#<
.)88 ,:#-."18) 28, no. 10 (1996).
12. -)&./ 0$#*$#'5 4)8- 7--# $#%&$'($#':
Some of the fIndIngs In thIs IIne of feseafch
have been contfadIctofy of have not been
fepIIcated, but togethef they pose an Im-
poftant avenue of InquIfy.
13. I# ,#- -2+-&$3-#%> N$64)&* S-+(-: De-
pue and CoIIIns, NeufobIoIogy of the
Stfuctufe of PefsonaIIty: DopamIne, FacIIIt-
atIon of IncentIve MotIvatIon, and
ExtfavefsIon."
14. -2%&,8-&%5 ?4, ?$# ')37.$#' ')3-5: MI-
chaeI X. Cohen et aI., IndIvIduaI DIffef-
ences In ExtfavefsIon and DopamIne Genet-
Ics PfedIct NeufaI Rewafd Responses," ,-E<
."6"*) @#7". ()&)7#1: 25 (2005): 85161.
15. ,%4-& &-5-)&64 4)5 54,?# %4)% %4- 3-*$1
). ,&7$%,0&,#%). 6,&%-2: CoIIn G. DeYoung
))!"#$#
et aI., TestIng PfedIctIons ffom PefsonaIIty
NeufoscIence: BfaIn Stfuctufe and the BIg
FIve," H&;1:-8-E"178 21").1) 21, no. 6
(2010): 82028.
16. $#%&,8-&%5 !4)8- ) 53)..-& &-1
5+,#5-< k !7&-): ) .-' %, '-% %4-&-<:
NettIe, H)#&-.78"6;= A:76 Z7$)& [-% 6:) A7;
[-% L#).
17. !D4$5 $5 '&-)%F<: MIchaeI J. Beatty et aI.,
CommunIcatIon AppfehensIon as Tem-
pefamentaI ExpfessIon: A CommunIbIoIo-
gIcaI PafadIgm," ,-55%."176"-. Z-.-<
E#73:& 65 (1988): fepoftIng that peopIe
wIth hIgh communIcatIon appfehensIon
vaIue modefate . success Iess than do
those Iow In the tfaIt."
18. !O8-&/,#- )55(3-5 %4)% $%A5 ',,* %, )61
6-#%()%- +,5$%$8- -3,%$,#5<: RIchafd
Howafd IntefvIew wIth the authof, Novem-
bef 17, 2008. Howafd aIso poInted to thIs
IntefestIng take by Roy F. BaumeIstef et aI.,
))%"#$#
How EmotIons FacIIItate and ImpaIf SeIf-
ReguIatIon," In >7.0G--$ -/ 45-6"-. ()E%<
876"-., edIted by James J. Gfoss (New Yofk:
GuIIfofd Pfess, 2009), 422: posItIve emo-
tIon can sweep asIde the nofmaI festfaInts
that pfomote cIvIIIzed behavIof."
19. "#,%4-& *$5)*8)#%)'- ,0 7(ll: Note that
thIs soft of fIsk-takIng behavIof Is In what
DanIeI NettIe (H)#&-.78"6;= A:76 Z7$)& [-%
6:) A7; [-% L#), 83) caIIs the shafed tef-
fItofy" of extfovefsIon and anothef pefson-
aIIty tfaIt, conscIentIousness. In some cases
conscIentIousness Is the bettef pfedIctof.
20. -2%&,8-&%5 )&- 3,&- .$:-./ %4)# $#%&,1
8-&%5 %, 7- :$..-* ?4$.- *&$8$#' k &-1
3)&&/: NettIe, H)#&-.78"6;= A:76 Z7$)& [-%
6:) A7; [-% L#). See aIso TImo Iajunen,
PefsonaIIty and AccIdent IIabIIIty: Afe Ex-
tfovefsIon, NeufotIcIsm and PsychotIcIsm
ReIated to TfaffIc and OccupatIonaI FataIIt-
Ies?" H)#&-.78"6; 7.0 I.0"*"0%78 F"//)#).1)&
31, no. 8 (2001): 136573.
))&"#$#
21. -2%&,8-&%5 )&- 3,&- +&,#- %4)# $#%&,1
8-&%5 %, ,8-&6,#0$*-#6-: Petef Schaefef,
OvefconfIdence and the BIg FIve," K-%#.78
-/ ()&)7#1: ". H)#&-.78"6; 38, no. 5 (2004):
47380.
22. 7-%%-& ,00 ?$%4 3,&- ?,3-#: See, fof ex-
ampIe, SheeIah KoIhatkaf, What If Women
Ran WaII Stfeet?" ?)+ [-#$ Z7E7]".),
Mafch 21, 2010.
23. ) 5%&,#' +&-*$6%,& ,0 0$#)#6$). &$5:1%):1
$#': CameIIa M. Kuhnen and Joan Y. ChIao,
GenetIc DetefmInants of FInancIaI RIsk
TakIng," HJ-2 \?4 4(2): e4362.
doI:10.1371,joufnaI.pone.0004362 (2009).
See aIso Anna Dfebef et aI., The 7R PoIy-
mofphIsm In the DopamIne Receptof D4
Gene (DRD4) Is AssocIated wIth FInancIaI
RIsk TakIng In Men." 4*-8%6"-. 7.0 >%57.
@):7*"-# 30, no. 2 (2009): 8592.
24. U4-# 0)6-* ?$%4 ) .,? +&,7)7$.$%/ ,0
?$##$#': J. P. RoIsef et aI., The Effect of
))'"#$#
PoIymofphIsm at the SefotonIn Tfanspoftef
Gene on DecIsIon-makIng, Memofy and Ex-
ecutIve FunctIon In Ecstasy Usefs and Con-
tfoIs," H&;1:-3:7#571-8-E; 188 (2006):
21327.
25. "#,%4-& 5%(*/> ,0 5$2%/10,(& %&)*-&5:
Mafk Fenton O'Cfeevy et aI., D#70)#&= ("&$&N
F)1"&"-.&N 7.0 Z7.7E)5).6 ". 9".7.1"78 Z7#<
$)6& (Oxfofd, UK: Oxfofd UnIvefsIty Pfess,
2005), 14243.
26. *-.)/$#' '&)%$0$6)%$,#> ) 6&(6$). .$0- 5:$..:
Jonah Iehfef, Don't," D:) ?)+ [-#$)#,
May 18, 2009. See aIso Jacob B. HIfsh et
aI., PosItIve Mood Effects on DeIay DIs-
countIng," 45-6"-. 10, no. 5 (2010):
71721. See aIso DavId Bfooks, D:) 2-1"78
L."578 (New Yofk: Random House, 2011),
124.
27. 56$-#%$5%5 ')8- +)&%$6$+)#%5 %4- 64,$6-:
SamueI McCIufe et aI., Sepafate NeufaI
Systems VaIue ImmedIate and DeIayed
))("#$#
Monetafy Rewafds," 21").1) 306 (2004):
5037.
28. " 5$3$.)& 5%(*/ 5(''-5%5: HIfsch, PosItIve
Mood Effects on DeIay DIscountIng."
29. V-% $% ?)5 C(5% %4$5 :$#* ,0 &$5:1&-?)&*
3$56).6(.)%$,#: WaII Stfeet's judgment
was cIouded by a stfange bfew of (1)
IemmIng-IIke behavIof, (2) the oppoftunIty
to eafn Iafge tfansactIon fees, (3) the feaf
of IosIng mafket shafe to competItofs, and
(4) the InabIIIty to pfopefIy baIance oppof-
tunIty agaInst fIsk.
30. D,, 3(64 +,?-& ?)5 6,#6-#%&)%-* $#
%4- 4)#*5 ,0 )''&-55$8- &$5:1%):-&5: Intef-
vIew wIth the authof, Mafch 5, 2009.
31. !Y,& %?-#%/ /-)&5> %4- SK"<: Fafeed
ZakafIa, Thefe Is a SIIvef IInIng," ?)+<
&+))$, Octobef 11, 2008.
32. R$#6-#% [)3$#5:$: Steven PeafIsteIn, The
Aft of ManagIng RIsk," D:) A7&:".E6-. H-&6,
Novembef 8, 2007. See aIso AIexeI
)))"#$#
BaffIonuevo, VIncent KamInskI: SoundIng
the AIafm But UnabIe to PfevaII," In 10
Enfon PIayefs: Whefe They Ianded Aftef
the FaII," D:) ?)+ [-#$ D"5)&, Januafy 29,
2006. And see Kuft EIchenwaId, ,-.&3"#71;
-/ 9--8&= L D#%) 26-#; (New Yofk: Bfoad-
way, 2005), 250.
33. I3)'$#- %4)% /,(A8- 7--# $#8$%-* %,
K-?3)#A5 .)7: C. M. Pattefson and Joseph
Newman, RefIectIvIty and IeafnIng ffom
AvefsIve Events: Towafd a PsychoIogIcaI
MechanIsm fof the Syndfomes of DIsInhIbI-
tIon," H&;1:-8-E"178 ()*")+ 100 (1993):
71636. CaffIefs of the s-vafIant of the
5HTTIPR poIymofphIsm (whIch Is assocI-
ated wIth IntfovefsIon and sensItIvIty) have
aIso been show to be fastef to Ieafn to
avoId penaIIzIng stImuII In passIve avoId-
ance tasks. See E. C. FIngef et aI., The Im-
pact of Tfyptophan DepIetIon and
5-HTTIPR Genotype on PassIve AvoIdance
and Response RevefsaI InstfumentaI
))#"#$#
IeafnIng Tasks," ?)%#-3&;1:-3:7#571-8-E;
32 (2007): 20615.
34. $#%&,8-&%5 )&- !'-)&-* %, $#5+-6%<: John
Bfebnef and ChfIs Coopef, StImuIus of
Response-Induced ExcItatIon: A CompafIs-
on of the BehavIof of Intfovefts and Extfo-
vefts," K-%#.78 -/ ()&)7#1: ". H)#&-.78"6; 12,
no. 3 (1978): 30611.
35. 3,&- .$:-./ /,( )&- %, .-)&#: Indeed, It's
been shown that one of the cfucIaI ways
that we Ieafn Is to anaIyze ouf mIstakes.
See Jonah Iehfef, >-+ A) F)1"0) (New
Yofk: Houghton MIffIIn Hafcouft, 2009),
51.
36. I0 /,( ;549$ -2%&,8-&%5 %, +)(5- k 4,? %,
7-4)8- )&,(#* ?)&#$#' 5$'#).5 $# %4-
0(%(&-: IntefvIew wIth the authof, Novem-
bef 13, 2008. Anothef way to undefstand
why some peopIe woffy about fIsks and
othefs Ignofe them Is to go back to the Idea
of bfaIn netwofks. In thIs chaptef I focused
)#+"#$#
on the dopamIne-dfIven fewafd system and
Its foIe In deIIvefIng IIfe's goodIes. But
thefe's a mIffof-Image bfaIn netwofk, often
caIIed the Ioss avoIdance system, whose job
Is to caII ouf attentIon to fIsk. If the fewafd
netwofk chases shIny ffuIt, the Ioss avoId-
ance system woffIes about bad appIes.
The Ioss avoIdance system, IIke the fe-
wafd netwofk, Is a doubIe-edged swofd. It
can make peopIe anxIous, unpIeasantIy
anxIous, so anxIous that they sIt out buII
mafkets whIIe evefyone eIse gets fIch. But
It aIso causes them to take fewef stupId
fIsks. ThIs system Is medIated In paft by a
neufotfansmIttef caIIed sefotonInand
when peopIe afe gIven dfugs IIke Pfozac
(known as seIectIve sefotonIn feuptake In-
hIbItofs) that affect the Ioss avoIdance sys-
tem, they become mofe bIase about dangef.
They aIso become mofe gfegafIous. These
featufes coIncIde uncannIIy, poInts out the
neufofInance expeft Df. RIchafd Petefson,
)#*"#$#
wIth the behavIof of IffatIonaIIy exubefant
Investofs. The chafactefIstIcs of decfeased
thfeat pefceptIon and Incfeased socIaI affIII-
atIon ]fesuItIng ffom dfugs IIke Pfozac|
mIffof the decfeased fIsk pefceptIon and
hefdIng of excessIveIy buIIIsh Investofs," he
wfItes. It Is as If bubbIe Investofs afe ex-
pefIencIng a paftIaI deactIvatIon of theIf
bfaIns' Ioss avoIdance systems."
37. &-.)%$8- +-&0,&3)#6- ,0 $#%&,8-&%5 )#*
-2%&,8-&%5: DaIIp Kumaf and Asha KapIIa,
PfobIem SoIvIng as a FunctIon of Extfavef-
sIon and MascuIInIty," H)#&-.78"6; 7.0 I.0"<
*"0%78 F"//)#).1)& 8, no. 1 (1987): 12932.
38. O2%&,8-&%5 '-% 7-%%-& '&)*-5: AdfIan
Fufnham et aI., PefsonaIIty, CognItIve Ab-
IIIty, and BeIIefs About InteIIIgence as Pfe-
dIctofs of AcademIc Peffofmance," J)7#.".E
7.0 I.0"*"0%78 F"//)#).1)& 14 (2003): 4966.
See aIso IsabeI BfIggs Myefs and Mafy H.
McCauIIey, Z@DI Z7.%78= L M%"0) 6- 6:)
F)*)8-35).6 7.0 C&) -/ 6:) Z;)#&<@#"EE&
)#$"#$#
D;3) I.0"176-# (PaIo AIto, CA: ConsuItIng
PsychoIogIsts Pfess, 1985), 116, see aIso
the Myefs 1980 study fefeffed to In AIIan
B. HIII, DeveIopmentaI Student AchIeve-
ment: The PefsonaIIty Factof," K-%#.78 -/
H&;1:-8-E"178 D;3) 9, no. 6 (2006): 7987.
39. \`\ 6,..-'- 5%(*-#%5A :#,?.-*'-: EfIc
RoIfhus and PhIIIp Ackefman, AssessIng
IndIvIduaI DIffefences In KnowIedge:
KnowIedge, InteIIIgence, and ReIated
TfaIts," K-%#.78 -/ 40%176"-.78 H&;1:-8-E;
91, no. 3 (1999): 51126.
40. *$5+&,+,&%$,#)%- #(37-&5 ,0 '&)*()%-
*-'&--5: G. P. MacdaId, M. H. McCauIIey,
and R. I. KaInz, L687& -/ D;3) D7G8)&
(GaInesvIIIe, FI: Centef fof AppIIcatIons of
PsychoIogIcaI Type, 1986), pp. 48385. See
aIso HIII, DeveIopmentaI Student
AchIevement."
41. ,(%+-&0,&3 -2%&,8-&%5 ,# %4- U)%5,#1
X.)5-&: Joanna MoutafI, AdfIan Fufnham,
)#!"#$#
and John Cfump, DemogfaphIc and Pef-
sonaIIty PfedIctofs of InteIIIgence: A Study
UsIng the NEO PefsonaIIty Inventofy and
the Myefs-BfIggs Type IndIcatof," 4%#-3)7.
K-%#.78 -/ H)#&-.78"6; 17, no. 1 (2003):
7984.
42. I#%&,8-&%5 )&- #,% 53)&%-& %4)# -2%&,1
8-&%5: Authof IntefvIew wIth GefaId Mat-
thews, Novembef 24, 2008. See aIso D. H.
SakIofske and D. D. Kostufa, ExtfavefsIon-
IntfovefsIon and InteIIIgence," H)#&-.78"6;
7.0 I.0"*"0%78 F"//)#).1)& 11, no. 6 (1990):
54751.
43. %4,5- +-&0,&3-* (#*-& %$3- ,& 5,6$).
+&-55(&-: GefaId Matthews and IIsa Dofn,
CognItIve and AttentIonaI Pfocesses In
PefsonaIIty and InteIIIgence," In I.6)#.76"-.<
78 >7.0G--$ -/ H)#&-.78"6; 7.0 I.6)88"E).1),
edIted by DonaId H. SakIofske and Moshe
ZeIdnef (New Yofk: PIenum Pfess, 1995),
36796. See aIso GefaId Matthews et aI.,
)#%"#$#
H)#&-.78"6; D#7"6& (CambfIdge, UK: Cam-
bfIdge UnIvefsIty Pfess, 2003), ch. 12.
44. ).5, *$&-6% %4-$& )%%-#%$,# *$00-&1
-#%./ k )&- )5:$#' !?4)% $0<: Debfa I.
Johnson et aI., CefebfaI BIood FIow and
PefsonaIIty: A PosItfon EmIssIon Tomo-
gfaphy Study," D:) L5)#"17. K-%#.78 -/ H&;<
1:"76#; 156 (1999): 25257. See aIso Iee
TIIfofd DavIs and Pedef E. Johnson, An
Assessment of ConscIous Content as ReIated
to IntfovefsIon-ExtfovefsIon," I57E".76"-.N
,-E."6"-. 7.0 H)#&-.78"6; 3, no. 2 (1983).
45. ) *$00$6(.% C$'5)? +(ll.- %, 5,.8-: CoIIn
Coopef and RIchafd TayIof, PefsonaIIty
and Peffofmance on a FfustfatIng CognItIve
Task," H)#1)36%78 7.0 Z-6-# 2$"88& 88, no. 3
(1999): 1384.
46. ) 6,3+.$6)%-* 5-&$-5 ,0 +&$#%-* 3)l-5:
RIck Howafd and Maeve McKIIIen, Extfa-
vefsIon and Peffofmance In the PefceptuaI
Maze Test," H)#&-.78"6; 7.0 I.0"*"0%78
)#&"#$#
F"//)#).1)& 11, no. 4 (1990): 39196. See
aIso John WeInman, NoncognItIve
DetefmInants of PefceptuaI PfobIem-SoIv-
Ing StfategIes," H)#&-.78"6; 7.0 I.0"*"0%78
F"//)#).1)& 8, no. 1 (1987): 5358.
47. N)8-# @%)#*)&* M&,'&-55$8- ])%&$6-5:
VIdhu Mohan and DaIIp Kumaf, QuaIItat-
Ive AnaIysIs of the Peffofmance of Intfo-
vefts and Extfovefts on Standafd Pfogfess-
Ive MatfIces," @#"6"&: K-%#.78 -/ H&;1:-8-E;
67, no. 3 (1976): 39197.
48. +-&5,#).$%/ %&)$%5 ,0 -00-6%$8- 6)..16-#%-&
-3+.,/--5: IntefvIew wIth the authof,
Febfuafy 13, 2007.
49. $0 /,( ?-&- 5%)00$#' )# $#8-5%3-#% 7)#::
IntefvIew wIth the authof, JuIy 7, 2010.
50. 3-# ?4, )&- 54,?# -&,%$6 +$6%(&-5:
CameIIa Kuhnen et aI., NucIeus Accum-
bens ActIvatIon MedIates the InfIuence of
Rewafd Cues on FInancIaI RIsk TakIng,"
?)%#-()3-#6 19, no. 5 (2008): 50913.
)#'"#$#
51. ).. $#%&,8-&%5 )&- 6,#5%)#%./ k 8$'$.)#%
)7,(% %4&-)%5: Indeed, many contempofafy
pefsonaIIty psychoIogIsts wouId say that
thfeat-vIgIIance Is mofe chafactefIstIc of a
tfaIt known as neufotIcIsm" than of Intfo-
vefsIon pef se.
52. %4&-)%18$'$.)#6- $5 3,&- 64)&)6%-&$5%$6 ,0
) %&)$%: But hafm avoIdance Is coffeIated
wIth both IntfovefsIon and neufotIcIsm
(both tfaIts afe assocIated wIth Jeffy
Kagan's hIgh feactIvIty" and EIaIne Afon's
hIgh sensItIvIty"). See Mafy E. Stewaft et
aI., PefsonaIIty CoffeIates of HappIness
and Sadness: EPQ-R and TPQ Compafed,"
H)#&-.78"6; 7.0 I.0"*"0%78 F"//)#).1)& 38, no.
5 (2005): 108596.
53. !I0 /,( ?)#% %, *-%-&3$#-<: can be found
at http:,,www.psy.mIamI.edu,facuIty,
ccafvef,scIBISBAS.htmI. I fIfst came acfoss
thIs scaIe In Jonathan HaIdt's exceIIent
book, D:) >733".)&& >;3-6:)&"&= 9".0".E
)#("#$#
Z-0)#. D#%6: ". L.1").6 A"&0-5 (New Yofk:
BasIc Books, 2005), 34.
54. !7-6,3- $#*-+-#*-#% ,0 %4- 5,6$). -#8$&1
,#3-#%<: MIhaIyI CsIkszentmIhaIyI, 98-+=
D:) H&;1:-8-E; -/ \36"578 4Q3)#").1) (New
Yofk: Hafpef PefennIaI, 1990), 16.
55. !M5/64,.,'$6). %4-,&$-5 (5()../ )55(3-<:
MIhaIyI CsIkszentmIIhaIyI, D:) 4*-8*".E 2)8/=
L H&;1:-8-E; /-# 6:) D:"#0 Z"88).."%5 (New
Yofk: Hafpef PefennIaI, 1994), xII.
56. /,( +&,7)7./ 0$#* %4)% /,(& -#-&'/ $5
7,(#*.-55: The same goes fof happIness.
Reseafch suggests that buzz and othef pos-
ItIve emotIons seem to come a IIttIe easIef
to extfovefts, and that extfovefts as a gfoup
afe happIef. But when psychoIogIsts com-
pafe happy extfovefts wIth happy Intfo-
vefts, they fInd that the two gfoups shafe
many of the same chafactefIstIcsseIf-es-
teem, ffeedom ffom anxIety, satIsfactIon
wIth theIf IIfe wofkand that those
)#)"#$#
featufes pfedIct happIness mofe stfongIy
than extfovefsIon ItseIf does. See Petef HIIIs
and MIchaeI AfgyIe, HappIness,
IntfovefsIon-ExtfavefsIon and Happy Intfo-
vefts," H)#&-.78"6; 7.0 I.0"*"0%78 F"//)#).1)&
30 (2001): 595608.
57. !N-.-)5- V,(& I##-& O2%&,8-&%<: @%&"<
.)&&A))$ onIIne coIumn, Novembef 26,
2008.
58. J4(6: M&$#6-: Fof an account of Chuck
PfInce's pefsona, see, fof exampIe, Mafa
Def HovanesIan, RewIfIng Chuck PfInce,"
@8--5G)#E @%&".)&&A))$, Febfuafy 20, 2006.
59. @-%4 [.)&3)#: Fof InfofmatIon on KIaf-
man, see, fof exampIe, ChafIes KIeIn, KIaf-
man Tops GfIffIn as Investofs Hunt fof
'MafgIn of Safety,' " @8--5G)#E @%&"<
.)&&A))$, June 11, 2010. See aIso Gef-
aIdIne FabfIkant, Managef Ffets Ovef Maf-
ket but StIII Outdoes It," ?)+ [-#$ D"5)&,
May 13, 2007.
)##"#$#
60. ]$64)-. T-?$5: MIchaeI IewIs, D:) @"E
2:-#6= I.&"0) 6:) F--5&07; Z71:".) (New
Yofk: W. W. Nofton, 2010).
61. U)&&-# E(00-%%: Waffen Buffett's stofy, as
feIated In thIs chaptef, comes ffom an ex-
ceIIent bIogfaphy: AIIce Schfoedef, D:)
2.-+G788= A7##). @%//)66 7.0 6:) @%&".)&& -/
J"/) (New Yofk: Bantam Books, 2008).
62. !$##-& 56,&-6)&*<: Some psychoIogIsts
wouId feIate Waffen Buffett's seIf-dIfectIon
not necessafIIy to IntfovefsIon but to a dIf-
fefent phenomenon caIIed IntefnaI Iocus of
contfoI."
CHAPTER 8: SOFT POWER
1. ]$:- U-$: The IntefvIews wIth MIke WeI
and othefs ffom CupeftIno, feIated
thfoughout thIs chaptef, wefe conducted
wIth the authof at vafIous stages between
2006 and 2010.
#++"#$#
2. )&%$6.- 6)..-* !D4- K-? U4$%- Y.$'4%<:
SueIn Hwang, The New WhIte FIIght,"
A788 26#))6 K-%#.78, Novembef 19, 2005.
3. a_ ?-&- K)%$,#). ]-&$% @64,.)&1
54$+ k ^e +-&6-#% 4$'4-& %4)# %4- #)1
%$,#?$*- )8-&)'-: Monta VIsta HIgh
SchooI websIte, as of May 31, 2010.
4. D).:$#' $5 5$3+./ #,% ) 0,6(5: RIchafd C.
IevIn, Top of the CIass: The RIse of AsIa's
UnIvefsItIes," 9-#)"E. L//7"#&, May,June
2010.
5. %4- *83 U5<$ ($49"4O .$S< &)# )# )&%$6.-:
Safah Iubman, East West TeachIng TfadI-
tIons CoIIIde," 27. K-&) Z)#1%#; ?)+&,
Febfuafy 23, 1998.
6. !6,..-'-5 6)# .-)&# %, .$5%-# %, %4-$&
5,(#* ,0 5$.-#6-<: Heejung KIm, We TaIk,
Thefefofe We ThInk? A CuItufaI AnaIysIs of
the Effect of TaIkIng on ThInkIng," K-%#.78
-/ H)#&-.78"6; 7.0 2-1"78 H&;1:-8-E; 83, no.
4 (2002): 82842.
#+*"#$#
7. D4- U5"438B 5; 0$<$849: #3 M$4<538B#%O:
Robeft R. McCfae, Human Natufe and CuI-
tufe: A TfaIt PefspectIve," K-%#.78 -/ ()<
&)7#1: ". H)#&-.78"6; 38 (2004): 314.
8. "3-&$6)#5 )&- 5,3- ,0 %4- 3,5% -2%&,1
8-&%-*: See, fof exampIe, DavId G. WIntef,
H)#&-.78"6;= L.78;&"& 7.0 I.6)#3#)676"-. -/
J"*)& (New Yofk: McGfaw-HIII, 1996), 459.
9. G#- 5%(*/ 6,3+)&$#' -$'4%1 %, %-#1/-)&1
,.* 64$.*&-#: XInyIn Chen et aI., SocIaI
ReputatIon and Peef ReIatIonshIps In
ChInese and CanadIan ChIIdfen: A Cfoss-
CuItufaI Study," ,:"80 F)*)8-35).6 63, no. 6
(1992): 133643. See aIso W. Ray CfozIef,
2:;.)&&= F)*)8-35).6N ,-.&-8"076"-. 7.0
,:7.E) (RoutIedge, 2001), 147.
10. J4$#-5- 4$'4 564,,. 5%(*-#%5 %-.. &-1
5-)&64-&5: MIchaeI HaffIs Bond, @);-.0 6:)
,:".)&) 971)= I.&"E:6& /#-5 H&;1:-8-E; (New
Yofk: Oxfofd UnIvefsIty Pfess, 1991), 62.
#+$"#$#
11. "#,%4-& 5%(*/ )5:-* "5$)#1"3-&$6)#5:
KIm, We TaIk, Thefefofe We ThInk?"
12. "5$)# )%%$%(*-5 %, %4- 5+,:-# ?,&*: See,
fof exampIe, Heejung KIm and HazeI
Mafkus, Ffeedom of Speech and Ffeedom
of SIIence: An AnaIysIs of TaIkIng as a CuI-
tufaI PfactIce," In 4.E7E".E ,%86%#78 F"//)#<
).1)& ". J"G)#78 F)5-1#71")&, edIted by
RIchafd K. Shwedef et aI. (New Yofk: Rus-
seII Sage FoundatIon, 2002), 43252.
13. +&,8-&75 0&,3 %4- O)5%: Some of these
come ffom the epIgfaph of the aftIcIe by
Heejung KIm and HazeI Mafkus, cIted
above.
14. '&(-.$#' ]$#' */#)5%/o-&) V#3<:# -2)3:
NIchoIas KfIstof, The ModeI Students,"
?)+ [-#$ D"5)&, May 14, 2006.
15. +$6%(&-5 ,0 3-# $# *,3$#)#6- +,5-5:
Jonathan Ffeeman et aI., CuItufe Shapes a
MesoIImbIc Response to SIgnaIs of DomIn-
ance and SubofdInatIon that AssocIates
#+!"#$#
wIth BehavIof," ?)%#-I57E) 47 (2009):
35359.
16. !I% $5 ,#./ %4,5- 0&,3 )# -2+.$6$% %&)*$1
%$,#<: HaffIs Bond, @);-.0 6:) ,:".)&) 971),
53.
17. %8#V#3 TO5;"<:5: CafI EIIIott, @)66)# D:7.
A)88= L5)#"17. Z)0"1".) Z))6& 6:) L5)#"17.
F#)75 (New Yofk: W. W. Nofton, 2003),
71.
18. D$7-%)# E(**4$5% 3,#:5 0$#* $##-&
+-)6-: Mafc Kaufman, MedItatIon GIves
BfaIn a Chafge, Study FInds," A7&:".E6-.
H-&6, Januafy 3, 2005.
19. !D4-$& 6$8$.$%/ 4)5 7--# ?-.. *,6(1
3-#%-*<: IydIa MIIIet, The HumbIest of
VIctIms," ?)+ [-#$ D"5)&, August 7, 2005.
20. U-5%-&#$l)%$,# ,0 %4- +)5% 5-8-&). *-61
)*-5: See, fof exampIe, XInyIn Chen et aI.,
SocIaI FunctIonIng and Adjustment In
ChInese ChIIdfen: The ImpfInt of HIstofIcaI
#+%"#$#
TIme," ,:"80 F)*)8-35).6 76, no. 1 (2005):
18295.
21. G#- 5%(*/ 6,3+)&$#' O(&,+-)#1"3-&$61
)#: C. S. HuntsIngef and P. E. Jose, A Ion-
gItudInaI InvestIgatIon of PefsonaIIty and
SocIaI Adjustment Among ChInese AmefIc-
an and Eufopean AmefIcan AdoIescents,"
,:"80 F)*)8-35).6 77, no. 5 (2006):
130924. Indeed, the same thIng seems to
be happenIng to ChInese kIds ". ,:".7 as
the countfy WestefnIzes, accofdIng to a
sefIes of IongItudInaI studIes measufIng
changes In socIaI attItudes. WhIIe shyness
was assocIated wIth socIaI and academIc
achIevement fof eIementafy schooI chIIdfen
as fecentIy as 1990, by 2002 It pfedIcted
peef fejectIon and even depfessIon. See
Chen, SocIaI FunctIonIng and Adjustment
In ChInese ChIIdfen."
22. D4- C,(&#).$5% K$64,.)5 T-3)##: Jews In
Second PIace," 2876), June 25, 1996.
#+&"#$#
23. !" k O k W k G k I<: These voweIs wefe
pfesented out of the usuaI sequence at Pfe-
ston NI's semInaf.
24. X)#*4$ ?)5> )66,&*$#' %, 4$5 )(%,7$,1
'&)+4/: The stofy of GandhI feIated In thIs
chaptef comes pfImafIIy ffom M7.0:"= L.
L%6-G"-E#73:;= D:) 26-#; -/ Z; 4Q3)#"5).6&
+"6: D#%6: (Boston: Beacon Pfess, 1957),
esp. 6, 20, 4041, 59, 6062, 9091.
25. D4- DI]@@ -2)3: I ofIgInaIIy Ieafned
about thIs ffom MaIcom GIadweII, \%68")#&=
D:) 26-#; -/ 2%11)&& (New Yofk: IIttIe
Bfown and Company, 2008).
26. I# \gga> 0,& -2)3+.-> %4- 0$&5% /-)& %4-
DI]@@ ?)5 '$8-#: PufsuIng ExceIIence: A
Study of U.S. EIghth-Gfade MathematIcs
and ScIence TeachIng, IeafnIng Cuf-
fIcuIum, and AchIevement In IntefnatIonaI
Context, InItIaI FIndIngs ffom the ThIfd In-
tefnatIonaI MathematIcs and ScIence
Study," U.S. Depaftment of EducatIon,
#+'"#$#
NatIonaI Centef fof EducatIon StatIstIcs,
PufsuIng ExceIIence, NCES 97-198 (Wash-
Ington, DC: U.S. Govefnment PfIntIng Of-
fIce, 1996).
27. I# ^hhe> ?4-# &-5-)&64-&5 3-)5(&-*:
TIMSS ExecutIve Summafy. The natIons
whose students fIII out mofe of the ques-
tIonnaIfe aIso tend to have students who do
weII on the TIMSS test: EfIIng E. Boe et aI.,
Student Task PefsIstence In the ThIfd In-
tefnatIonaI MathematIcs and ScIence Study:
A Majof Soufce of AchIevement DIffefences
at the NatIonaI, CIassfoom and Student
IeveIs" (Reseafch Rep. No. 2002-TIMSS1)
(PhIIadeIphIa: UnIvefsIty of PennsyIvanIa,
Gfaduate SchooI of EducatIon, Centef fof
Reseafch and EvaIuatIon In SocIaI PoIIcy).
Note that thIs study was based on 1995
data.
28. 6&,5516(.%(&). +5/64,.,'$5% M&$56$..)
E.$#6,: PfIscIIIa BIInco, Task PefsIstence
In Japanese EIementafy SchooIs," In
#+("#$#
A".0-+& -. K737.)&) 40%176"-., edIted by
Edwafd R. Beauchamp (Westpoft, CT:
Gfeenwood Pfess, 1991). MaIcoIm GIadweII
wfote about thIs study In hIs book \%68")#&.
CHAPTER 9: WHEN SHOUID YOU ACT MORE
EXTROVERTED THAN YOU REAIIY ARE?
1. ]--% M&,0-55,& E&$)# T$%%.-: The stofIes
about BfIan IIttIe thfoughout thIs chaptef
come ffom numefous teIephone and e-maII
IntefvIews wIth the authof between 2006
and 2010.
2. H$++,6&)%-5> ]$.%,#> @64,+-#4)(-&>
j(#': PIease see A Note on the Wofds I.6#-<
*)#6 and 4Q6#-*)#6 fof mofe on thIs poInt.
3. U).%-& ]$564-.: Fof an ovefvIew of the
pefson-sItuatIon debate, see, fof exampIe,
DavId C. Fundef, D:) H)#&-.78"6; H%]]8)
(New Yofk: W. W. Nofton, 2010), 11844.
See aIso WaItef MIscheI and YuIchI Shoda,
ReconcIIIng PfocessIng DynamIcs and
#+)"#$#
PefsonaIIty DIsposItIons," L..%78 ()*")+ -/
H&;1:-8-E; 49 (1998): 22958. In fufthef
suppoft of the pfemIse that thefe tfuIy Is
such a thIng as a fIxed pefsonaIIty: We
know now that peopIe who scofe as Intfo-
vefts on pefsonaIIty tests tend to have dIf-
fefent physIoIogIes and pfobabIy InhefIt
some dIffefent genes ffom those who meas-
ufe as extfovefts. We aIso know that pef-
sonaIIty tfaIts pfedIct an ImpfessIve vafIety
of Impoftant IIfe outcomes. If you'fe an ex-
tfoveft, you'fe mofe IIkeIy to have a wIde
cIfcIe of ffIends, have fIsky sex, get Into ac-
cIdents, and exceI at peopIe-ofIented wofk
IIke saIes, human fesoufces, and teachIng.
(ThIs doesn't mean that you +"88 do these
thIngsonIy that you'fe mofe 8"$)8; than
youf typIcaI Intfoveft to do them.) If you'fe
an Intfoveft, you'fe mofe IIkeIy to exceI In
hIgh schooI, In coIIege, and In the Iand of
advanced degfees, to have smaIIef socIaI
netwofks, to stay maffIed to youf ofIgInaI
#+#"#$#
paftnef, and to pufsue autonomous wofk
IIke aft, feseafch, math, and engIneefIng.
ExtfovefsIon and IntfovefsIon even pfedIct
the psychoIogIcaI chaIIenges you mIght
face: depfessIon and anxIety fof Intfovefts
(thInk Woody AIIen), hostIIIty, nafcIssIsm,
and ovefconfIdence fof extfovefts (thInk
CaptaIn Ahab In Z-G;<F"1$, dfunk wIth
fage agaInst a whIte whaIe).
In addItIon, thefe afe studIes showIng
that the pefsonaIIty of a seventy-yeaf-oId
can be pfedIcted wIth femafkabIe accufacy
ffom eafIy aduIthood on. In othef wofds,
despIte the femafkabIe vafIety of sItuatIons
that we expefIence In a IIfetIme, ouf cofe
tfaIts femaIn constant. It's not that ouf pef-
sonaIItIes don't evoIve, Kagan's feseafch on
the maIIeabIIIty of hIgh-feactIve peopIe has
sIngIehandedIy dIspfoved thIs notIon. But
we tend to stIck to pfedIctabIe pattefns. If
you wefe the tenth most Intfovefted pefson
In youf hIgh schooI cIass, youf behavIof
#*+"#$#
may fIuctuate ovef tIme, but you pfobabIy
stIII fInd youfseIf fanked afound tenth at
youf fIftIeth feunIon. At that cIass feunIon,
you'II aIso notIce that many of youf cIass-
mates wIII be mofe Intfovefted than you fe-
membef them beIng In hIgh schooI: quIetef,
mofe seIf-contaIned, and Iess In need of ex-
cItement. AIso mofe emotIonaIIy stabIe,
agfeeabIe, and conscIentIous. AII of these
tfaIts gfow mofe pfonounced wIth age. Psy-
choIogIsts caII thIs pfocess IntfInsIc matuf-
atIon," and they've found these same pat-
tefns of pefsonaIIty deveIopment In coun-
tfIes as dIvefse as Gefmany, the UK, SpaIn,
the Czech RepubIIc, and Tufkey. They've
aIso found them In chImps and monkeys.
ThIs makes evoIutIonafy sense. HIgh
IeveIs of extfovefsIon pfobabIy heIp wIth
matIng, whIch Is why most of us afe at ouf
most socIabIe dufIng ouf teenage and
young aduIt yeafs. But when It comes to
keepIng maffIages stabIe and faIsIng
#**"#$#
chIIdfen, havIng a festIess desIfe to hIt
evefy pafty In town may be Iess usefuI than
the ufge to stay home and Iove the one
you'fe wIth. AIso, a ceftaIn degfee of Intfo-
spectIon may heIp us age wIth equanImIty.
If the task of the fIfst haIf of IIfe Is to put
youfseIf out thefe, the task of the second
haIf Is to make sense of whefe you've been.
4. 5,6$). .$0- $5 +-&0,&3)#6-: See, fof ex-
ampIe, CafI EIIIott, @)66)# D:7. A)88= L5)#<
"17. Z)0"1".) Z))6& 6:) L5)#"17. F#)75
(New Yofk: W. W. Nofton, 2003), 47.
5. j)6: U-.64 )*8$5-* $# ) W"<#3$<<X$$T:
Jack WeIch, ReIease Youf Innef Extfo-
veft," @%&".)&&A))$ onIIne, Novembef 26,
2008.
6. Y&-- D&)$% D4-,&/: Fof an ovefvIew of Ffee
TfaIt Theofy, see, fof exampIe, BfIan R.
IIttIe, Ffee TfaIts, PefsonaI Pfojects, and
Ideo-Tapes: Thfee TIefs fof PefsonaIIty
#*$"#$#
PsychoIogy," H&;1:-8-E"178 I.W%"#; 7, no. 4
(1996): 34044.
7. !D, %4$#- ,?# 5-.0 7- %&(-<: ActuaIIy, thIs
advIce comes not so much ffom
Shakespeafe as ffom hIs chafactef PoIonIus
In >758)6.
8. &-5-)&64 +5/64,.,'$5% #)3-* N$64)&*
T$++): RIchafd IIppa, ExpfessIve ContfoI,
ExpfessIve ConsIstency, and the Coffes-
pondence Between ExpfessIve BehavIof and
PefsonaIIty," K-%#.78 -/ @):7*"-# 7.0 H)#&-.<
78"6; 36, no. 3 (1976): 43861. Indeed, psy-
choIogIsts have found that some peopIe
who cIaIm not to be shy In a wfItten ques-
tIonnaIfe afe quIte adept at conceaIIng
those aspects of shyness that they can con-
tfoI conscIousIy, such as taIkIng to mem-
befs of the opposIte sex and speakIng fof
Iong pefIods of tIme. But they often Ieak"
theIf shyness unwIttIngIy, wIth tense body
postufes and facIaI expfessIons.
#*!"#$#
9. +5/64,.,'$5%5 6).. !5-.013,#$%,&$#'<:
Mafk Snydef, SeIf-MonItofIng of Expfess-
Ive BehavIof," K-%#.78 -/ H)#&-.78"6; 7.0 2-<
1"78 H&;1:-8-E; 30, no. 4 (1974): 52637.
10. -2+-&$-#6- .-55 5%&-55 ?4$.- *,$#' 5,:
Joyce E. Bono and MefedIth A. Vey, Pef-
sonaIIty and EmotIonaI Peffofmance: Extfa-
vefsIon, NeufotIcIsm, and SeIf-MonItofIng,"
K-%#.78 -/ \11%376"-.78 >)786: H&;1:-8-E;"
12, no. 2 (2007): 17792.
11. !N-5%,&)%$8- #$64-< $5 M&,0-55,& T$%%.-A5
%-&3: See, fof exampIe, BfIan IIttIe, Ffee
TfaIts and PefsonaI Contexts: ExpandIng a
SocIaI EcoIogIcaI ModeI of WeII-BeIng," In
H)#&-.<4.*"#-.5).6 H&;1:-8-E;= ?)+ F"#)1<
6"-.& 7.0 H)#&3)16"*)&, edIted by W. Bfuce
WaIsh et aI. (Mahwah, NJ: Iawfence EfI-
baum AssocIates, 2000).
12. !) Y&-- D&)$% "'&--3-#%<: See, fof ex-
ampIe, BfIan IIttIe and Mafyann F. Joseph,
PefsonaI Pfojects and Ffee TfaIts: MutabIe
#*%"#$#
SeIves and WeII BeIngs," In H)#&-.78 H#-b)16
H%#&%"6= M-78&N L16"-.N 7.0 >%57. 98-%#"&:<
".E, edIted by BfIan R. IIttIe et aI.
(Mahwah, NJ: Iawfence EfIbaum AssocI-
ates, 2007), 395.
13. !O3,%$,#). .)7,&<: Howafd S. FfIedman,
The RoIe of EmotIonaI ExpfessIon In
Cofonafy Heaft DIsease," In I. 2)7#1: -/ 6:)
,-#-.7#;<H#-.)= @);-.0 D;3) L, edIted by
A. W. SIegman et aI. (HIIIsdaIe, NJ:
Iawfence EfIbaum AssocIates, 1989),
14968.
14. +-,+.- ?4, 5(++&-55 #-')%$8- -3,%$,#5:
MeIInda Wennef, SmIIe! It CouId Make
You HappIef: MakIng an EmotIonaI
Faceof SuppfessIng OneInfIuences Youf
FeeIIngs," 21").6"/"1 L5)#"17. Z".0, Octobef
14, 2009, ht-
tp:,,www.scIentIfIcamefIcan.com,aft-
IcIe.cfm?Id=smIIe-It-couId-make-you-
happIef.
#*&"#$#
CHAPTER 10: THE COMMUNICATION GAP
1. +-,+.- ?4, 8).(- $#%$3)6/ 4$'4./:
Randy J. Iafsen and DavId M. Buss, H)#&-.<
78"6; H&;1:-8-E;= F-57".& -/ !.-+8)0E)
LG-%6 >%57. ?76%#) (New Yofk: McGfaw-
HIII, 2005), 353.
2. !O2%&,8-&%5 5--3 %, #--* +-,+.- )5 )
0,&(3<: E-maII ffom WIIIIam GfazIano to
the authof, JuIy 31, 2010.
3. I# ) 5%(*/ ,0 \_^ 6,..-'- 5%(*-#%5: Jens
B. Aspendoff and Susanne WIIpefs, Pefson-
aIIty Effects on SocIaI ReIatIonshIps," K-%#.<
78 -/ H)#&-.78"6; 7.0 2-1"78 H&;1:-8-E; 74,
no. 6 (1998): 153144.
4. 5,16)..-* E$' Y$8- %&)$%5: AgfeeabIeness Is
defIned Iatef In thIs chaptef. Openness to
ExpefIence" measufes cufIosIty, openness
to new Ideas, and appfecIatIon fof aft, In-
ventIon, and unusuaI expefIences, Con-
scIentIous" peopIe afe dIscIpIIned, dutIfuI,
effIcIent, and ofganIzed, EmotIonaI
#*'"#$#
StabIIIty" measufes ffeedom ffom negatIve
emotIons.
5. 5$% %4-3 *,?# $# 0&,#% ,0 ) 6,3+(%-&
56&--#: BenjamIn M. WIIkowskI et aI.,
AgfeeabIeness and the PfoIonged SpatIaI
PfocessIng of AntIsocIaI and PfosocIaI In-
fofmatIon," K-%#.78 -/ ()&)7#1: ". H)#&-.78<
"6; 40, no. 6 (2006): 115268. See aIso
DanIeI NettIe, H)#&-.78"6;= A:76 Z7$)& [-%
6:) A7; [-% L#) (New Yofk: Oxfofd
UnIvefsIty Pfess, 2007), chaptef on
agfeeabIeness.
6. -=()../ .$:-./ %, 7- )'&--)7.-: Undef the
BIg FIve" defInItIons of pefsonaIIty, extfo-
vefsIon and agfeeabIeness afe by defInItIon
ofthogonaI. See, fof exampIe, CoIIn G.
DeYoung et aI., TestIng PfedIctIons ffom
PefsonaIIty NeufoscIence: BfaIn Stfuctufe
and the BIg FIve," H&;1:-8-E"178 21").1) 21,
no. 6 (2010): 82028: AgfeeabIeness ap-
peafs to IdentIfy the coIIectIon of tfaIts fe-
Iated to aItfuIsm: one's concefn fof the
#*("#$#
needs, desIfes, and fIghts of othefs (as op-
posed to one's enjoyment of othefs, whIch
appeafs to be feIated pfImafIIy to
ExtfavefsIon)."
7. .)%%-& )&- !6,#0&,#%$8- 6,+-&5<: See, fof
exampIe: (1) DonaId A. Iofffedo and Susan
K. Opt, AfgumentatIon and Myefs-BfIggs
PefsonaIIty Type Pfefefences," papef
pfesented at the NatIonaI CommunIcatIon
AssocIatIon ConventIon, AtIanta, GA, (2)
RIck Howafd and Maeve McKIIIen, Extfa-
vefsIon and Peffofmance In the PefceptuaI
Maze Test," H)#&-.78"6; 7.0 I.0"*"0%78 F"//)#<
).1)& 11, no. 4 (1990): 39196, (3) Robeft
I. GeIst and DavId G. GIIbeft, CoffeIates of
Expfessed and FeIt EmotIon DufIng MafItaI
ConfIIct: SatIsfactIon, PefsonaIIty, Pfocess
and Outcome," H)#&-.78"6; 7.0 I.0"*"0%78
F"//)#).1)& 21, no. 1 (1996): 4960, (4) E.
MIchaeI Nussbaum, How Intfovefts Vefsus
Extfovefts Appfoach SmaII-Gfoup
#*)"#$#
AfgumentatIve DIscussIons," D:) 48)5).67#;
21:--8 K-%#.78 102, no. 3 (2002): 18397.
8. "# $..(3$#)%$#' 5%(*/ 7/ %4- +5/64,.,1
'$5% U$..$)3 X&)l$)#,: WIIIIam GfazIano
et aI., ExtfavefsIon, SocIaI CognItIon, and
the SaIIence of AvefsIveness In SocIaI En-
countefs," K-%#.78 -/ H)#&-.78"6; 7.0 2-1"78
H&;1:-8-E; 49, no. 4 (1985): 97180.
9. &,7,%5 $#%-&)6%-* ?$%4 5%&,:- +)%$-#%5:
See Jefome Gfoopman, Robots That Cafe,"
D:) ?)+ [-#$)#, Novembef 2, 2009. See
aIso AdfIana Tapus and Maja MatafIc,
Usef PefsonaIIty MatchIng wIth Hands-Off
Robot fof Post-Stfoke RehabIIItatIon Thef-
apy," In 4Q3)#"5).678 (-G-6"1&, voI. 39 of
23#".E)# D#716& ". L0*7.1) (-G-6"1& (BefIIn:
SpfIngef, 2008), 16575.
10. W#$8-&5$%/ ,0 ]$64$')# 7(5$#-55 564,,.
5%(*/: ShIfII KopeIman and AshIeIgh
SheIby Rosette, CuItufaI VafIatIon In Re-
sponse to StfategIc EmotIons In
#*#"#$#
NegotIatIons," M#-%3 F)1"&"-. 7.0 ?)E-6"<
76"-. 17, no. 1 (2008): 6577.
11. I# 4-& 7,,: &3P$4: CafoI TavfIs, L.E)#= D:)
Z"&%.0)#&6--0 45-6"-. (New Yofk: Touch-
stone, 1982).
12. 6)%4)&5$5 4/+,%4-5$5 $5 ) 3/%4: RusseII
Geen et aI., The FacIIItatIon of AggfessIon
by AggfessIon: EvIdence agaInst the Cath-
afsIs HypothesIs," K-%#.78 -/ H)#&-.78"6; 7.0
2-1"78 H&;1:-8-E; 31, no. 4 (1975): 72126.
See aIso TavfIs, L.E)#.
13. +-,+.- ?4, (5- E,%,2: CafI ZImmef, Why
DafwIn WouId Have Ioved Botox," F"&1-*<
)#, Octobef 15, 2009. See aIso Joshua Ian
DavIs et aI., The Effects of BOTOX Injec-
tIons on EmotIonaI ExpefIence," 45-6"-.
10, no. 3 (2010): 43340.
14. %4$&%/1%?, +)$&5 ,0 $#%&,8-&%5 )#* -2%&,1
8-&%5: Matthew D. IIebefman and Robeft
RosenthaI, Why Intfovefts Can't AIways
TeII Who IIkes Them: MuItItaskIng and
#$+"#$#
NonvefbaI DecodIng," K-%#.78 -/ H)#&-.78"6;
7.0 2-1"78 H&;1:-8-E; 80, no. 2 (2006):
294310.
15. I% &-=($&-5 ) :$#* ,0 3-#%). 3(.%$%)5:1
$#': GefaId Matthews and IIsa Dofn, Cog-
nItIve and AttentIonaI Pfocesses In Pefson-
aIIty and InteIIIgence," In I.6)#.76"-.78
>7.0G--$ -/ H)#&-.78"6; 7.0 I.6)88"E).1), ed-
Ited by DonaId H. SakIofske and Moshe
ZeIdnef (New Yofk: PIenum, 1995),
36796.
16. $#%-&+&-%$#' ?4)% %4- ,%4-& +-&5,# $5
5)/$#': IIebefman and RosenthaI, Why In-
tfovefts Can't AIways TeII Who IIkes
Them."
17. -2+-&$3-#% 7/ %4- *-8-.,+3-#%). +5/1
64,.,'$5% "8&$. D4,&#-: AvfII Thofne,
The Pfess of PefsonaIIty: A Study of Con-
vefsatIons Between Intfovefts and Extfa-
vefts," K-%#.78 -/ H)#&-.78"6; 7.0 2-1"78 H&;<
1:-8-E; 53, no. 4 (1987): 71826.
#$*"#$#
CHAPTER 11: ON COBBIERS AND GENERAIS
Some of the advIce In thIs chaptef Is based
on IntefvIews I conducted wIth many
cafIng teachefs, schooI admInIstfatofs, and
chIId psychoIogIsts, and on the foIIowIng
wondeffuI books:
EIaIne Afon, D:) >"E:8; 2).&"6"*)
,:"80= >)83".E \%# ,:"80#). D:#"*)
A:). 6:) A-#80 \*)#+:)85& D:)5
(New Yofk: Bfoadway Books), 2002.
Befnafdo J. CafduccI, 2:;.)&&= L
@-80 ?)+ L33#-71: (New Yofk:
Hafpef Papefbacks, 2000).
NataIIe Madofsky EIman and EIIeen
Kennedy-Moofe, D:) C.+#"66). (%8)&
-/ 9#").0&:"3 (Boston: IIttIe Bfown,
2003).
Jefome Kagan and Nancy SnIdman,
D:) J-.E 2:70-+ -/ D)53)#75).6
#$$"#$#
(CambfIdge, MA: Hafvafd
UnIvefsIty Pfess, 2004).
Bafbafa G. Mafkway and Gfegofy P.
Mafkway, ?%#6%#".E 6:) 2:; ,:"80
(New Yofk: St. MaftIn's Pfess,
2005).
Kenneth H. RubIn, D:) 9#").0&:"3
9716-# (New Yofk: PenguIn, 2002).
Wafd K. SwaIIow, D:) 2:; ,:"80=
>)83".E ,:"80#). D#"%53: \*)# 2:;<
.)&& (New Yofk: TIme Wafnef,
2000).
1. ])&: D?)$# ,#6- %,.* ) 5%,&/: ThIs comes
ffom DonaId MackInnon, who beIIeved (but
was not 100 pefcent ceftaIn) that Mafk
TwaIn toId thIs stofy. See DonaId W.
MacKInnon, The Natufe and Nuftufe of
CfeatIve TaIent," (WaItef Van Dyke
#$!"#$#
BIngham Iectufe gIven at YaIe UnIvefsIty,
New Haven, CT, ApfII 11, 1962).
2. %4$5 6)(%$,#)&/ %).- k 7/ S&; j-&&/
]$..-&: I conducted sevefaI In-pefson and e-
maII IntefvIews wIth Df. MIIIef between
2006 and 2010.
3. O3$./ ]$..-&: I conducted sevefaI Intef-
vIews wIth EmIIy MIIIef between 2006 and
2010.
4. O.)$#- "&,#: EIaIne N. Afon, H&;1:-6:)#73;
7.0 6:) >"E:8; 2).&"6"*) H)#&-. (New Yofk:
RoutIedge, 2010), 1819.
5. S&; [-##-%4 N(7$#: RubIn, D:) 9#").0&:"3
9716-#.
6. !8-&/ .$%%.- $5 3)*- )8)$.)7.- %, %4)%
.-)&#-&<: JIII D. Buffuss and IIsa KaenzIg,
IntfovefsIon: The Often Fofgotten Factof
ImpactIng the GIfted," O"#E"."7 L&&-1"76"-.
/-# 6:) M"/6)0 ?)+&8)66)# 21, no. 1 (1999).
7. O2+-&%5 7-.$-8- %4)% #-')%$8- +(7.$6
5+-):$#': Gfegofy Befns, I1-.-187&6= L
#$%"#$#
?)%#-&1").6"&6 ()*)78& >-+ 6- D:".$ F"//)#<
).68; (Boston, MA: Hafvafd BusIness Pfess,
2008), 77.
8. O2%&,8-&%5 %-#* %, .$:- 3,8-3-#%: IsabeI
Myefs et aI., Z@DI Z7.%78= L M%"0) 6- 6:)
F)*)8-35).6 7.0 C&) -/ 6:) Z;)#&<@#"EE&
D;3) I.0"176-#, 3fd ed., 2nd pfIntIng (PaIo
AIto, CA: ConsuItIng PsychoIogIsts Pfess,
1998), 26162. See aIso AIIen I. Hammef,
ed., Z@DI L338"176"-.&= L F)170) -/ ()&)7#1:
-. 6:) Z;)#&<@#"EE& D;3) I.0"176-# (PaIo
AIto, CA: ConsuItIng PsychoIogIsts Pfess,
1996).
9. +&-&-=($5$%- %, %).-#% *-8-.,+3-#%: See
chaptef 3, especIaIIy on the wofk of Andefs
EfIcsson.
10. !%4-/ )&- (5()../ 8-&/ 6,30,&%)7.- %).:1
$#' ?$%4 ,#- ,& %?, ,0 %4-$& 6.)553)%-5<:
E-maII ffom Rogef Johnson to the authof,
June 14, 2010.
#$&"#$#
11. S,#A% 5-)% =($-% :$*5 $# !4$'4 $#%-&)61
%$,#< )&-)5: James McCfoskey, QuIet
ChIIdfen In the CIassfoom: On HeIpIng Not
HuftIng," ,-55%."176"-. 40%176"-. 29
(1980).
12. 7-$#' +,+(.)& $5#A% #-6-55)&/: RubIn, D:)
9#").0&:"3 9716-#: Reseafch fIndIngs do not
suggest that popuIafIty Is the goIden foute
to aII mannef of good thIngs. Thefe sImpIy
Is not much evIdence that It guafantees so-
cIaI of academIc success In adoIescence,
young aduIthood, of Iatef IIfe.. If youf
chIId fInds one othef chIId to beffIend, and
the paIf cIeafIy have fun togethef and enjoy
each othef's company and afe suppoftIve
companIons, good fof hIm. Stop woffyIng.
Not evefy chIId needs to be paft of a bIg,
happy gang. Not evefy chIId needs many
ffIends, fof some, one of two wIII do."
13. $#%-#5- -#')'-3-#% $# )#* 6,33$%3-#%
%, )# )6%$8$%/: I. McGfegof and BfIan
IIttIe, PefsonaI Pfojects, HappIness, and
#$'"#$#
MeanIng: On DoIng WeII and BeIng Youf-
seIf," K-%#.78 -/ H)#&-.78"6; 7.0 2-1"78 H&;<
1:-8-E; 74, no. 2 (1998): 494512.
14. %4- +5/64,.,'$5% S)# ]6"*)35: Jack J.
Bauef, Dan P. McAdams, and JennIfef I.
PaIs, NaffatIve IdentIty and EudaImonIc
WeII-BeIng," K-%#.78 -/ >733".)&& 26%0")& 9
(2008): 81104.
A NOTE ON THE WORDS I?D(\O4(D AND
4oD(\O4(D
1. %4- )#%4&,+,.,'$5% J; "; R).-#%$#-: C. A.
VaIentIne, Men of Angef and Men of
Shame: IakaIaI EthnopsychoIogy and Its
ImpIIcatIons fof SocIoIogIcaI Theofy," 46:<
.-8-E; no. 2 (1963): 44177. I fIfst Ieafned
about thIs aftIcIe ffom DavId WIntef's ex-
ceIIent textbook, H)#&-.78"6;= L.78;&"& 7.0
I.6)#3#)676"-. -/ J"*)& (New Yofk: McGfaw-
HIII, 1996).
#$("#$#
2. "&$5%,%.-: L#"&6-6)8)&N H#-G8)576"17 H:;&"17
XXX, 1 (Bekkef 953A 10 ff.), as tfansIated
In Jonathan Bafnes, D:) ,-538)6) A-#$& -/
L#"&6-68)N 6:) ()*"&)0 \Q/-#0 D#7.&876"-. II
(PfInceton, N.J.: BoIIIngen, 1984).
3. j,4# ]$.%,#: CIted In DavId G. WIntef, H)#<
&-.78"6;= L.78;&"& 7.0 I.6)#3#)676"-. -/ J"*)&
(New Yofk: McGfaw-HIII, 1996), 38084.
4. @64,+-#4)(-&: Afthuf Schopenhauef,
PefsonaIIty, of What a Man Is," In D:) A"&<
0-5 -/ J"/) 7.0 \6:)# 4&&7;& (New Yofk and
Iondon: Dunne, 1901), 1235 (ofIgInaI
wofk pubIIshed 1851), cIted In WIntef, H)#<
&-.78"6;, 38486.
#$)"#$#
,-./01/2 45 678 19 /6:4