VOLUME THREE

I S S U E 28
07. 10.14
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The Buoys are Back in Town | How to Get Pulled Over | Borders Without Borders
VOLUME THREE
I S S U E 28
07. 10.14
PL US: 7 DAY NEW BRAUNF EL S L I VE MUSI C GUI DE PL US: 7 DAY NEW BRAUNF EL S L I VE MUSI C GUI DE
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2 AD SALES 830.358.2493
table of contents
8
Citizen
Soundcheck
The ONLY gui de of i t s ki nd
for t he NB/SM Met ropl ex!
13
12
The County s
Most Wanted
Look Mommy!
Daddys i n t he paper!
15
Last Word
Col by sol ves t he border cri si s.
1st Word
Somebody's goi ng t o get
crushed at St i nky Fal l s.
3
Letters
Pol i t i cal compl ai nt backfres.
Resul t s: Hi l ari ous
5
Hot in
the Kitchen
Our di va of t he di sh
get s her cheesecake on.
11
Advice from
Opa Esel
Quest i onabl e counsel
from Grandpa Karl .
Cover Story
We spook out wi t h New
Braunfel s' Ghost Tours!
4
Sports
The Texas Nat i onal Hot
Dog Eat i ng Champi onshi ps
6
Sound Out of Town
Because Aust i n, San Marcos and
San Ant oni o occasi onal l y have
l i ve musi c t oo.
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2 AD SALES 830.358.2493 2 AD SALES 830.358.2493 TXCITIZEN.COM 3
Well, this is a problem:
Back in 2013, in order to dissuade the scourge
of river piracy, City Council approved the
installation of the buoys above Stinky Falls.
Sure, there were arguments made for the safety
features that accompanied the buoys, but if I
remember the night they were approved, and
I do, the major complaint from NBPD Chief
Tom Wibert was that unsavory types would
hang out at the falls, and help unsuspecting
tubers over all the way over intentionally
scattering aforementioned tubers belongings
to the rivers bottom, where the pirate and his
or her friends would almost instantly begin
looting. Im sure there are some people that
think those buoys are there for safety. Theyre
not. In fact, now that river crowds are back to
pre-disposable container ban levels, the pirate
deterrents pose a pretty clear threat to safety.
No EMT boats are getting through that
mess, and should somebody stroke out, Im pretty
sure the strokees lawyers will want to know why
the City intentionally closed 95 percent of the
right-of-way. Its like Manila down there.
When the buoys were frst proposed, the
public was expecting standard public pool style
buoys, not a military-grade barricade. But heres
the important thing to remember about them:
its perfectly legal to go over/under/past them.
Theyre just there. But naturally, law-abiding
people dont want to breech what appears to
be an offcial obstruction. So now weve got a
problem. Fortunately, were chock full of solutions.
Here are the Citys options, as we see them:
1) Remove the buoys, put a couple more
offcers or rangers on the clock, and go back
to busting pirates. Perhaps Please Dont Help
Tubers Flip Over signage might be in order.
Put the bad guys on notice, so to speak.
2) Keep the buoys, but make it clear that its
ok to pass them. Signage and a ranger or two
can probably make that work. Friendly rangers.
Not scary ones. You want the scary ones wearing
the Stay Alive Dont Litter
t-shirts and handing out
mesh bags. Yeah, our
plan requires signage, but
the City has never ever
been shy about putting up
signs. Dont whine about it
now, City Hall.
3) Maintain the status quo,
and risk the consequences. Google The Who,
Cincinnati, 1979 for an example of what to
expect should we keep going in this direction.
Remember, one of the main issues frst
responders had with the Last Public Exit is that
they couldnt get through the crowd for heart
attack and drowning victims and such. Hmm.
Perhaps this buoy thing is intended to move the
crowd to a more manageable area. Food for
thought on that one. Chew on it. (The Police/
Fire Departments are smart enough to have
come up with that, but its advanced thinking
for City Council. Not their wheelhouse.)
The Last Public Exit is, in fact, too small
to compensate for the size of the Prince Solms
entry area into the river. Is that by design? The
City sure makes getting out of the river more
diffcult than getting in. If Schlitterbahn made
it that hard to get out of the water theyd have
crowd-control problems too. How about some
better steps and handrails and such? How
about that? Maybe some rangers too. That
might help. I mean, everybody that ever rode
my Adventureland Jungle Cruise boat was
helped both on and off. Kept people moving.
Prevented problems but only because we
didnt want any.
Rockin R has a perfectly serviceable exit
right before the Last Public. Ive never seen
anyone use it in the four times Ive foated the
Comal since 2005. Perhaps the City could rent
that exit from Rockin R in exchange for not
screwing with the tubing business anymore.
Or cash. Im good either way.
NEXT WEEK: Litter on the river is the hot
story again, and its only ftting that since 2011s
mathematical shenanigans with the trash fgures
essentially created this column, that wed have
a look at the coverage this time around. Guess
what? More shenanigans, and this time the out-
of-town media outlets are playing along.
\m/
Mike Reynolds
Publisher/Editor-in-Chief
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Me s s a g e & Da t a Ra t e s Ma y Ap p l y
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There is enough misery, madness and mayhem
in New Braunfels history to make even
William Faulkner wince. And you can learn
all about this disturbing and fascinating past
when you take the New Braunfels Ghost Tour.
The walking tour is the brainchild of Lamar
Elementary School teachers Anita Carrera
and Kathryn Chapman (who say their school
is haunted, as well). The goal of the tour is
threefold: to have fun, to illuminate overlooked
local history, and to encourage locals and
non-locals alike to grow a new, albeit creepy,
interest in the downtown area.
Whether you believe in the haunt or
not, if you love history, you will love the tour,
Anita said.
Carreras husband, Rick, agreed. I love
our tour because its based upon history itself.
These are all things that happened.
The tour meets in front of Naegelins
Bakery, and begins with its first stop at the
Prince Solms Inn and finishes in front of the
Faust Hotel.
Along the way you will learn answers to
the questions:
Which two star-crossed lovers meet at the
top of a staircase?
Which former County Clerk wont leave?
What crotchety old German settler still
haunts New Braunfels Coffee Shop?
What is 12-year-old Emma Voelcker
doing now, even though she was murdered
with an ax in 1874?
Who is messing with people at the
Phoenix Saloon?
What hotel owner believes he is still in
charge, even though he is long since passed?
Did one mysterious little girl ever fnd
her cat?
And much, much more.
While walking between the stops on the
tour, groups are regaled with other tales about
areas of the city not on the walk. Anita and
Kathryn note, for example, how Coll Street
seems to be the most haunted stretch in town.
Its been so much fun to research, to learn
about the buildings and the people, Kathryn
said. I cant learn enough.
Accurate research has been exceptionally
important to the team.
The two women say that at almost
every tour, they learn something new or are
presented with a new story to tell.
There are so many stories, we cant tell
them all, Anita said.
Those who dont believe in ghosts will
fnd an interesting insight to local lore and
little known historical facts. One such piece
of information is about the series of tunnels
that run beneath downtown, which are now
walled off. Those tunnels all seemed to have
run to the Phoenix Saloon and were a boon
to those who still wanted to grab a beer
during prohibition. Another historical tidbit
concerns the slaves who once built what
is now Landa Park, which are supposedly
haunting the area.
The team aims to educate while entertain.
We want the locals to know more about
their town and its history, Anita said. We
want the non-locals to know there is more here
than just the rivers.
Another goal for the group is to give a
boost to downtown businesses by whetting the
curiosity of hopeful ghost seekers.
We want to promote local business,
Anita said. We would like people to go into
Henne Hardware, go into the Phoenix Saloon,
go to the Faust Hotel or, next time theyre in
town, stay at the Prince Solms Inn.
And this is one of the beautiful parts of the
tour: The stories are not just about local history,
but the history of local businesses and the
buildings that house them. Henne Hardware,
according to the team, is the longest continually
operating hardware store in Texas. Gephardts
Chili Seasoning was made in the back of the
Phoenix Saloon as way to make to chili a year-
around rather than seasonal dish.
The tour begins at 8 p.m. in front of
Naegelins and runs about an hour-and-half.
Tours are offered Thursdays through Sundays
and the cost is $20 per person, but there are
discounts for those who mention the Ghost
Tours ad in the TX Citizen. There are also
teacher and group discounts. Those who
want to book a spot can go to the groups
website at nbghosttours.com, or call 830-
221-5221. Walk-ons are welcome if there is
room. The team asks that those taking the tour
be there at 7:45.
While they are not firm on the age
limit, New Braunfels Ghost Tours prefers
guests be 12 years of age and older. The
reason for this, as Rick notes, is so we
dont have to sanitize the stories of suicides
and murders.
The maximum size of a preferred group is
25. Any more than that, it becomes unwieldy
and loses intimacy, Rick said. The group
plans to keep the tour running yearly from
March through Wurstfest.
The Ghost Tour has already met great
success. Their Facebook page already as more
than 1,000 likes and the tours are flling up.
New Braunfels Ghost Tours is also ready
to begin a haunted pub-crawl on Saturday,
July 25, which will be a three-hour tour of four
bars. The pub crawl costs $25 (defnitely no
children) and will be in smaller groups of 10-
15. Youll also get a koozie!
The tour is also considering adding a
Gruene addition next summer.
While Anita and Kathryn are keen on the
idea of a lockdown, there are no plans for
such, as of yet. So, anyone wishing to yell at
ghosts and challenge them to fghts (as they do
on the TV) will just have to wait.
For those who dont believe in ghosts and
whatnot, consider how the mature Immortal
Jellyfsh can turn itself back into an infant polyp
stage and start its life all over again, or how
the Golden Jellyfsh feeds on sunlight. Thats
weird and those are just jellyfsh. When you
look deeper into the quantum scale, things
become even more bizarre. So, in a sense,
ghosts arent the weirdest things around us.
Besides, many would say the world is a more
interesting place with ghosts.
Still, you dont have to believe to enjoy
New Braunfels Ghost Tours.
We have people who say, I dont believe
it. But they still come on the tour and they still
enjoy it, said teacher Kathryn.
I love history and if it takes a ghost
story to teach history, then thats fne, said
teacher Anita.
COVER STORY:
New Braunfels
Ghost Tours COVER STORY:
New Braunfels
Ghost Tours
WI TH NI CK ROGERS
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We Couldnt Agree More
The Citizen
Mr. Mike Reynolds, Editor
Letter to the Editor
Dear Editor,
Texas law (The Texas Ethics Commission and TxDOT) requires that the
display of political signs be limited to the 90 days before an election. The law
further demands the signs be taken down and removed within ten days after
the election unless the candidate is in a run-off. Most candidates try hard to
observe these laws.
The signs for Donna Campbell have remained posted all over Comal
County since the March Primary election. People have brought this to her
attention and to the attention of the Republican Party, but neither she nor
they have not acted to remove her signs. In fact, new signs are springing up
within the last week.
These rules are enacted for good reasons. While an occasional sign may
be missed, and left up too long, most candidates adhere to the law. It certainly
appears that Campbell believes that she is above the law. Her behavior is a
sign of disrespect for the law and the people of Comal County. This is not the
only example of her disregard for others, but is certainly one that is easily
observable and should be objectionable to everyone in Comal County.
Robbi Boone, Chairman
Comal County Democratic Party
1610 FM 484
Canyon Lake Ranch, Texas 78133
210-240-6565
It should be noted that Mrs Boone is not only the Democratic chair, shes also the wife
of Dan Boone, who is running against Republican Campbell for the District 25 seat. It should
also be noted that we took this photo of Mr Boones campaign sign on Tuesday, shortly after
receiving Mrs Boones letter.
While we appreciate Mrs Boones concern for the welfare of the communitys eyeballs,
she would be well advised to hold her husband to the same standards as his opponent, lest her
moral high ground be surrendered. She does seem like a very nice lady, though.
Hey, at least Walnut is oh
I challenge you to take a drive down S. Sycamore Ave., New Braunfels
Texas 78130. Its a disgrace! Third world countries have better streets that
this! Roads between Elliott Knox and San Antonio streets are Shredded!
You have to own a 4 wheel drive inside the city limits just to get around. Pot
Holes and patches fll the streets. Already I have had one front end knocked
out due to the cities negligence. Please respond with a decision when S.
Sycamore Ave. between Elliott Knox and San Antonio St. will be up for re-
paving. You can start your drive right in front of my house and see the joy,
531 S. Sycamore Ave.
As a footnote, S. Sycamore Ave. was used as a heavy equipment traveling
street while paving the Walnut Street project. We experienced heavy pavers, dump
trucks, and large bull dozers on our street daily. Other daily traffc also used this
street as a detour. Beware, you should only drive less than 10 miles mph.
Sincerely a concerned tax payer,
L. Dee Smithey
The TX Citizen, New Braunfels Puppy Playland, and the
New Braunfels Theater Company want to thank the
following for making Midway Madness a huge success:
Major props go to The Phoenix Saloon - Courtyard Marriott
Timeless Ink Tattoos - Freddy's Pawn and Jewelry
Bosses Pizza - Gourmet Ice - Sparx Photography
Schmackdab Entertainment - Le Strange Sideshow
the Frito-Pie eaters, and all of our rockin' volunteers!
We couldn't have done any of it without you!
Mark your calendars now Midway Madness 15
is booked at the Phoenix for June 26 of next year.
The TX Citizen, New Braunfels Puppy Playland, and the
New Braunfels Theater Company want to thank the
following for making Midway Madness a huge success:
Major props go to The Phoenix Saloon - Courtyard Marriott
Timeless Ink Tattoos - Freddy's Pawn and Jewelry
Bosses Pizza - Gourmet Ice - Sparx Photography
Schmackdab Entertainment - Le Strange Sideshow
the Frito-Pie eaters, and all of our rockin' volunteers!
We couldn't have done any of it without you!
Mark your calendars now Midway Madness 15
is booked at the Phoenix for June 26 of next year.
TXCITIZEN.COM 7
Kris Davis, coming off a painful defeat in last month's Texas National Frito-Pie Eating Contest at
the Phoenix Saloon, redeemed himself by stuffing nearly six hot dogs down his gullet in ten
minutes' time at the Happy Cow on July 4. Seven eaters entered, but only 12 year-old Jack Reynolds
came close to besting Davis in his quest for gastric glory. Jack's parents were relieved with the
results, as a win would only serve to encourage him. Our congratulations to Davis, who will
return to defend his title at next year's event, should he be hungry again by then.
Photos by
Katie Gomez
8 AD SALES 830.358.2493
Thu 7.10
Adobe Verde
Tyler Hadlock
6pm
Freiheit Country Store
David Selbo
7pm
Iron Horse Grill
Jesse Stratton
8pm
Oma Gruenes Secret Garten
Jam Night
w/ Daniel Thomas Phipps, Matt Harlan
6pm
Phoenix Saloon
Junior Nash
5pm
Rileys Tavern
Pete Benz
9pm
AJs Ale House
Rock & Roll Sing Along Piano Bar Show
9pm
Concerts in the Park
Texanna
7pm
Gruene Hall
Zane Williams
7pm
The Pour Haus
The Vagabonds
7pm
Fri 7.11
Adobe Verde
JJ Garrett Band
6:30pm
The Happy Cow
TBA
8pm
Iron Horse Grill
TBA
7pm
Oma Gruenes Secret Garten
Arms Length
6pm
Phoenix Saloon
Shand Walton
5pm
Slim Bawb & the Fabulous Stumpgrinders
9pm
Rileys Tavern
Anthony Terry
w/ The No Refund Band
9pm
AJs Ale House
Rock & Roll Sing Along Piano Bar Show
9pm
Alpine Haus Restaurant
Off the Grid Polka Band
6pm
Billys Ice House
Nick Verzosa & Noble Union
8pm
Gruene Hall
Bob Schneider
8pm, $25
The Pour Haus
Mothership Connection
8pm
Vineyard at Gruene
Bennett & Hines
7pm
Vino en Verde
Matthew Aaron
8:30pm
Sat 7.12
Adobe Verde
Brett Hendrix Band
6:30pm
Black Whale Pub
2 Rivers Trio
9pm
The Happy Cow
Jordan Minor & The Bottom Dollar Band
8pm
Iron Horse Grill
Band Blue Shift
7pm
Oma Gruenes Secret Garten
Monty Guitar Tyler Band
1pm
The Jamie Krueger Group
6pm
Phoenix Saloon
The Georges
9pm
Rileys Tavern
Billy Dee Band
9pm
Y
O
U
R
L
IV
E
M
U
S
IC
G
U
ID
E
8 AD SALES 830.358.2493 TXCITIZEN.COM 9
AJs Ale House
Rock & Roll Sing Along Piano Bar Show
9pm
Gruene Hall
Danny Brooks
1pm
Dale Watson
w/ Holly Williams
8pm, $12
NB Farm to Market
Dan McCoy
9:30am
The Pour Haus
Whiskey Rodeo
9pm
Vineyard at Gruene
Billy Snipes
7pm
Vino en Verde
Avalon
9pm
Sun 7.13
Adobe Verde
Jesse Stratton
6pm
The Happy Cow
T-Bone & the Bluetones
4pm
Oma Gruenes Secret Garten
Deano & the Housejacks
2pm
Bare Fax
7pm
Phoenix Saloon
Landmark Salon Cut-a-Thon
w/ Javi Garcia
12pm
True Audio Outland
7pm
Geronimo VFW #8456
Glenn Collins & Alibi
3pm
Gruene Hall
Bret Graham
12:30pm
Jon Christopher Davis
w/ Crystal Yates
5pm
The Pour Haus
The New Vagabonds
7pm
Mon 7.14
Rileys Tavern
Songwriter Showcase
w/ John Whipple
8pm
Billys Ice House
Jonathan Garcia
8pm
Gruene Hall
Tom Gillam
7pm
The Pour Haus
Tony Taylor
7pm
Tavern in the Gruene
Court Nance Accident
8pm
Tues 7.15
Watering Hole Saloon
TBA
8:30pm
Comal Country Music Show
Stacy Stark, Winston ONeal, Bob Appel
6pm, NB KofC Hall
Gruene Hall
Aaron Einhouse
1pm
Two Ton Tuesday
7:30pm, $5
The Pour Haus
Open Mic w/ Jon Magill
8pm
River Road Ice House
Scott Morgan
6pm
Tavern in the Gruene
Roots & Branches
7pm
The Blooms
9:30pm
Wed 7.16
Phoenix Saloon
Mario Flores
8pm
Rileys Tavern
TBA
9pm
Watering Hole Saloon
Jon Magill
8:30pm
Gruene Hall
The Georges
7pm
The Pour Haus
Ponderosa
7pm
River Road Ice House
The Texas Jamm Band
8pm
Vineyard at Gruene
Zack Walther
6pm
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
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LOUNGE
THURSDAY 7-10
Karaoke w/Johnny V!
FRIDAY 7-11
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SATURDAY 7-12
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SUNDAY 7-13
Happy Hour All Day!
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MONDAY 7-14
Happy Hour All Day!
TUESDAY 7-15
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WEDNESDAY 7-16
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THURSDAY 7-17
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KEEPIN' IT
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367 Main Plaza
830-625-6605
Local Brews
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Fri 7.11
Cheatham Street Warehouse
Rodney Parker & 50 Peso Reward
w/ Missoula Slim
9pm
The Continental Club
Club Lineup:
The Blues Specialists, 3:30pm
Ian Moore & the Lossy Coils
10pm, $10
Gallery Lineup:
Robert Kraft Trio, 8:30pm
Mike Flanigin Trio, 10:30pm, $5
Floores Country Store
Gary Allan
w/ Rosehill
8pm, 21+, $35-$40
Luckenbach Dance Hall
Casey Hubble
4pm
Mike Stinson
6pm
Red Eyed Fly
Angel Head, Mount Pressmore
Inside, 10pm
No Holiday, Fouled Out, The Last Callers,
Garage Phaze, Bluster
9pm, Outside
Sams Burger Joint
Band of Heathens
w/ Lukas Nelson, P.O.T.R.
6pm, $20-$80
Stubbs BBQ
Lindsey Stirling
w/ AJR
7pm, Outside, $25-$125
The Villettes
w/ Calliope Musicals
10pm, Inside
Sat 7.12
Cheatham Street Warehouse
Armadillo Road
9pm
The Continental Club
Club Lineup:
Redd Volkaert, 3:30pm
La Tampiquene
w/ Graham Wilinson, Elizabeth McQueen,
Kevin Kerby
9pm, $12
Gallery Lineup:
Sherah & the Fine Souls, 8:30pm
Mike Flanigin Trio, 10:30pm, $5
Floores Country Store
John Slaughter
8pm
Luckenbach Dance Hall
The Dust Devils
1pm
JB & the Moonshine Band
w/ The Crooks
9pm, $10
Red Eyed Fly
J Ray
9pm, Inside
Somewhere in Between, 86 The Sun,
Shouldve Been Cowboys, Good Marks!,
Argyle Cactus
8pm, Outside
R & J Music Pavillion
Small Town Habit
9pm
Sams Burger Joint
Nightbird
8pm, $8-$45
Stubbs BBQ
Jeremy Messersmith
8pm, Inside, $12
SOUND TOWN
OUT
OF
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Private Parties- Catering
Wedding Facilities Available
Never a Cover!
Kid & Pet Friendly!
1263 Gruene Road 830.625.1045
Call for Hours!
omalovesyou.com
Special Events Monthly
Private Parties- Catering
Wedding Facilities Available
Never a Cover!
Kid & Pet Friendly!
1263 Gruene Road 830.625.1045
Call for Hours!
omalovesyou.com
JULY 10
@ 6 JAM NIGHT WITH DANIEL THOMAS
PHILPS SP GUEST MATT HARLAN
JULY 11
@ 6 ARMS LENGTH
JULY 12
@ 1 THE MONTY "GUITAR" TYLER BAND
@ 6 THE JAMIE KRUEGER GROUP
JULY 13
@ 2 DEANO AND THE HOUSEJACKS
@ 7 BARE FAX
Upcoming Events:
BEST
OF THE
WURST
2014
double winner!
Best Beer Bar
& Best Bartenders
American Legion Post 179
DJ
Friday Nights, 7pm
Freiheit Country Store
Karaoke
Friday Nights, 8pm
Happy Cow
Karaoke
Thursdays Nights
Koozies Icehouse
DJ
Thursday, Friday, Saturday
Old Ice House
Karaoke
Thursdays, Sundays
DJ
Wednesdays, Fridays, Saturdays
Phoenix Saloon
Karaoke
Thursday Nights
Prickly Pear Lounge
Karaoke
Thursdays, Saturdays
DJ KC
Fridays
The Watering Hole Saloon
Karaoke
Thursdays
DJ
Fridays, Saturdays
diversions
10 AD SALES 830.358.2493 TXCITIZEN.COM 11
Dear Opa Esel:
Whats up with the heavy law
enforcement presence during the
holidays, especially the large number of
State Troopers? Whats going on?
Paranoid

Dear Paranoid:
They are here to protect us from drunk
drivers and those who have a propensity
toward violence. To do that, some members of
law enforcement believe they must harass you
in order to protect you. To avoid harassment
and be considered a good citizen, you must
do your duty and follow a few simple rules:
1). Stay indoors
A good citizen never leaves home. The
only people who go outside are drug dealers,
immigrant smugglers, hookers, terrorists and
the underprivileged (and we know what kind
of troubles the last group can get up to). If
you venture outdoors, you deserve vehicle
searches and anatomical probes. How is law
enforcement supposed to know its done its job
properly if people are going outside? If you
leave your house, the terrorists have won.
2). Dont have fun
Fun leads to trouble, such as drug
dealing, immigrant smuggling, prostitution
and terrorism. Good citizens do not enjoy
themselves, they know better. Just think what
the world would be like if everyone went
outside to have fun? You know what they call
people who have fun? Satanists, thats what.
3). You must haff ze papers in order,
Herr Driver
If you dont have all of your proper
paperwork in order, including a written
permission from the local government to be
outdoors, you can expect to be questioned
and probed. Without paperwork, civilization
crumbles and anarchy ensues. If there were
no paperwork, how could offcials know
if the neer-do-wells are being properly
probed? Al Qaida doesnt care about
paperwork either, buckeroo.
4). Put some damn clothes on, you
young hoodlums!
As I look around town, I am stunned,
stunned at the number of people wearing
nothing more than swim trunks and bikinis.
Good citizens do not go near the water.
The water is bad. Unless you are being
baptized, water belongs to the Devil. Thats
why they dunked witches. I hear Bin Laden
was great swimmer.
5). Stop being poor
As we all know, drug dealers are poor
people who drive 20-year-old cars, same
as terrorists. You do not fnd young men in
expensive cars dealing drugs. Never. They
are our future bosses and government offcials
and would never stoop to such things. Never.
If you think otherwise, then you must be high
on the dope.
6). Dont get caught being not white
For those who are of the minority
persuasion, I just want you to know that while
todays law enforcement offcers are not racist,
your non-whiteness confuses and frightens
many of them. Best to lie low for, well, ever.
For those who are white, please make sure
to fle the proper White paperwork before
heading outdoors.
7). Dont have long hair
While we all know that hippies no longer
dominate the drug and terror trades, the
manuals they still use to train law enforcement
were written in 1971. Regardless, put on some
shoes you damn hippies!
8). Dont be from somewhere else
You know what the problem with tourists
is? They come from strange parts. How much
longer are we supposed to tolerate people
from elsewhere fooding our local coffers
with their ill-gotten loot? Stand with me, New
Braunfels, and shout out so all can hear: Hey,
tourists! We demand that you stop bringing us
your money and keeping our local economy
afoat! We are fed up with the large sums of
cash you generously spend in our community!
Liebe, Karl
Karl Esel is a lifetime resident of our fair city, and is well
known for his sage advice on a wide range of topics. If
you fnd yourself perplexed with no one to turn to, send
your question to Opa Esel at: askesel@txcitizen.com.
Be sure to write Question for Opa Esel in the subject
line of your email.
ADVICE FROM
OPA ESELwith Karl Esel
JULY
17, 18, 19
KICKOFF WITH SLIM BAWB
& THE FABULOUS STUMPGRINDERS
THURSDAY @ 6 PM!
LIVE MUSIC STARTS AT NOON
FRIDAY & SATURDAY!
GOOD MUSIC - COLD BEER - GR EAT TIMES
FREE ADMISSION - FREE LOVE
1263 GRUENE ROAD
NEW BRAUNFELS, TX
830.625.1045
OMALOVESYOU.COM
12 AD SALES 830.358.2493 TXCITIZEN.COM 13
MOST WANTED
$300
REWARD
COMAL COUNTY S
MEDELLIN, JESSE
RODRIGUEZ
Male 507 200 lbs
DOB: 01/01/1976
CHARGE: Possession
of a controlled
substance pg 1 under
1 gram and theft of
property under $1500
with 2 or more
previous convictions
FUENTES,
ENRIQUE
Male 505 150 lbs
DOB: 05/28/1968
CHARGE: Motion to
revoke probation-
possession of a
controlled substance
GRABATIN,
RODNEY JAY
Male 506 130 lbs
DOB: 01/21/1969
CHARGE: Driving
while intoxicated 3rd
or more
GUTIERREZ,
ANTONIO SILVA
Male 505 125 lbs
DOB: 06/13/1960
CHARGE: Motion to
proceed with
adjudication-
possession of a
controlled substance
COLYER,
BRIAN W
Male 510 200 lbs
DOB: 07/23/1974
CHARGE: Theft of
property over $1500
under $20,000
HERNANDEZ,
ANTONIO
BERMUDEZ
Male 600 210 lbs
DOB: 06/11/1942
CHARGE: Driving while
intoxicated 3rd or more
HERNANDEZ,
RUBEN JR
Male 509 189 lbs
DOB: 05/05/1969
CHARGE: Motion to
revoke - theft property
over $1500 under
$20,000
REYES,
BRIAN MICHAEL
Male 601 195 lbs
DOB: 08/21/1973
CHARGE: Credit card
or debit card abuse
REVOLTA,
JESSIE ROLANDO
Male 509 185 lbs
DOB: 11/14/1984
CHARGE: Assault
public servant
MOTT,
JAMES LOUIS
Male 507 220 lbs
DOB: 10/14/1961
CHARGE: Motion to
revoke probation -
intoxicated assault with
vehicle SBI
The names listed have been released in accordance with the Texas Public Information Act. This is a true
and accurate account as of Monday, July 7, 2014 at 9:05 am and may not be current by the time it is read.
Do not try to apprehend anyone. These are listings of criminal warrants with the Comal County Sheriffs
Office and are not indicative of guilt or innocence. Officers are to verify the status of each warrant prior to
making an arrest. Any person is innocent of wrongdoing unless proven guilty in a court of law.
FOR INFORMATION LEADING TO THE ARREST OF COMAL
COUNTYS MOST WANTED. Callers will remain anonymous.
830.620.3400 - 24-Hour
830.620.3411 - Mon-Fri 8am to 5pm
FRIESENHAHN,
RALPH ALFRED
Male 600 220 lbs
DOB: 07/14/1952
CHARGE: Driving
while intoxicated 3rd
or more
Enjoy Responsibly
2014 Shock Top Brewing Co., Shock Top

Lemon Shandy Flavored Belgian-Style Wheat Beer, St. Louis, MO

Brand: Shock Top
Item #: PST201410573
Job/Order #: 262167
Trim: 5.06" x 11.31"
Bleed: none
Live: 4.81" x 11.06"
Closing Date: 4/25/14
QC: CS
Publication: TX Citizen
By Gustavo Arellano
Dear Mexican: I noticed that
Mexican people dont generally smoke.
Dont get me wrongIm not condoning
smoking, but its interesting to see how
some groups do or do no smoke, and I
have yet to see a Mexican person smoke
cigarettes. Does the tobacco industry
not target Latinos?
Fulminating Fumador
Dear Gabacho Smoker: American Lung
Association stats show that Latinos have the
second-lowest rate of smoking among ethnic
groups, with only 15.8 percent of Latinos
smoking in 2008, compared with 21.3 percent
of negritos and 22 percent of gabachos. And
in the Latino category, Mexican immigrants
had an astoundingly low rate of 11.6 percent
(Chicanos, on the other hand, smoke at a 20.1
percent ratego, assimilation!). And its not a
new trendstudies going back to the 1980s
cite the low smoking rate of Mexis. Reasons?
Catholicism, mostly: the Church forbade
smoking back when it ruled Mexico, and the
stigma resonates to the present day. Besides,
Mexicans need their lungs for the Reconquista.
Our livers, on the otra hand? Meh
Dear Mexican: Mexicans, birds, and
ferrets all seem to be naturally attracted
to shiny, sparkly things no matter how
gaudy or tacky. If evolution is true, does
this mean that Mexicans evolved from
birds and ferrets?
Fond of Frottage
Dear Gabacho: No, were descended
from jaguarsand evolution says well
eat gabachos to extinctionor is that
demographics?
Dear Mexican: Hola! Im a long time
reader, frst time writer. I was thinking
a long time about what to ask, because
I dont want to ask a dumb question and
embarrass myself. I fnally decided to
ask on something that tends to bother
me a lot. Why do you think that the
second and/or third generations of
Mexicans born in this country dont
know about their history? What makes
parents not teach their kids?
My father is Mexican and my mom
is of Latino descent. When I was a small
boy, I was always taught about my
heritage and I embrace it. I know that it
has to do with where I was brought up, but
I was raised in a predominately Mexican
area of Houston. When we moved away
from there, I came to reside in an area
with more gringos than anything. Now
my brother, who is 13 years younger
than I am, knows a small amount, if
anything, about his heritage. Dammit!
Im proud to be brown and I think that
the younger generations should be too.
Just so you know I am not some cholito
with tattoos and a lowrider; Im just a
regular guy in his twenties who happens
to know where he comes from.
El Nio Confundido
Dear Confused Boy: Its not just the
second- and third-generation Mexicans who
forget their history; as you noted in your own
family story, even younger siblings within
familias forsake their traditions, even if they
live in the brownest sections of town. But
everyone in this country forgets, from the
Know Nothings who are currently demonizing
Central American and Mexican kids coming
across the border with the same language
used against their ancestors to Mexican-
Americans who rail against new arrivals from
southern Mexico despite being ms darker
than pressure-treated redwood to the neocons
who want us to invade Iraq anew. I wish I
could end this answer on a funny note, but
our collective historical amnesia is the biggest
threat to the U.S.s future sincea yak in heat!
Ask the Mexican at
themexican@askamexican.net,
be his fan on Facebook, follow him on
Twitter @gustavoarellano or follow him
on Instagram @gustavo_arellano!
ASK A MEXICAN!
!
TXCITIZEN.COM 13
Enjoy Responsibly
2014 Shock Top Brewing Co., Shock Top

Lemon Shandy Flavored Belgian-Style Wheat Beer, St. Louis, MO

Brand: Shock Top
Item #: PST201410573
Job/Order #: 262167
Trim: 5.06" x 11.31"
Bleed: none
Live: 4.81" x 11.06"
Closing Date: 4/25/14
QC: CS
Publication: TX Citizen
Well, Im at the halfway point of my Alaskan culinary adventure, and I have been baking up a
storm each day! Our guests have enjoyed seeing glaciers, bald eagles, orcas, and whales, and
when they return to the boat after a long day of sightseeing and activities, we have dinner and
dessert waiting for them. They have especially enjoyed the tastes of Texas that Chef April and I
have brought along, including my Texas Chili recipe, BBQ ribs and chicken, and tamales I may
even send them out fy-fshing with a Thermos of my homemade wassail this week! Many of our
guests are on-board to celebrate a birthday or anniversary so the champagne and chocolate are
in high demand! The following dark chocolate cheesecake is a big hit and we make it every
week. I hope you make it at home for your next special occasion and enjoy it as well.

Dark Chocolate Cheese Cake
24 chocolate wafer cookies
1 tbls sugar
cup (1/2 stick) butter, melted
10 oz high quality dark chocolate,
chopped (I used Callebaut)
4 (8 oz) packages of cream cheese,
room temperature
1 cups plus 2 tbls sugar
cup unsweetened cocoa powder
4 large eggs
cup heavy whipping cream
8 oz milk chocolate, coarsely grated
1 tbls sugar
Dark chocolate curls
For the crust:
Preheat oven to 350. Butter 9-inch diameter spring form pan with 3-inch-high sides. Blend
cookies in food processor until fnely ground; blend in sugar. Add melted butter and process
until well blended. Press crumbs evenly onto bottom (not sides) of prepared pan. Bake just until
set; about 5 minutes. Set aside and allow to cool while preparing flling.
For the flling:
Stir chopped dark chocolate in metal bowl set over saucepan of simmering water until
melted and smooth. Remove bowl from over water; cool chocolate until lukewarm but still
pourable. Blend cream cheese, sugar, and cocoa powder in food processor until smooth. Blend
in eggs 1 at a time. Mix in lukewarm chocolate. Pour flling over crust and smooth the top.
Bake until center is just set and just appears dry; about 1 hour. Cool 5 minutes. Run a knife
around sides of cake to loosen. Chill overnight.
For the topping:
Stir whipping cream, 6 ounces chocolate, and sugar in heavy medium saucepan over low
heat until smooth. Cool slightly. Pour over center of cheesecake, spreading to within 1/2 inch
of edge and flling any cracks. Chill until topping is set; about 1 hour. This cake can be made
3 days ahead. Cover with foil and keep refrigerated. Release pan sides. Transfer cheesecake
to platter. Top with chocolate curls. Let stand 2 hours at room temperature before serving.
Until next time, Eat, Drink & Be Sherri!
Sherri
Copyright 2014 by Eat, Drink & Be Sherri. All rights reserved.
Sherri Gallagher is a New Braunfels chef who grew up in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, where she began cooking at the age of
8. This summer Chef Sherri will be sailing on the M/V Liseron which sails weekly from Sitka to Juneau, Alaska. On board,
Chef Sherri will be preparing breakfast, lunch, dinner, happy hour hors doeuvres, and cocktails for her 20 passengers and
crew, so get ready for some amazing new recipes! Chef Sherri can be contacted at eatdrinkandbesherri@gmail.com.
Hot in the Kitchen
!
with Sherri Gallagher
14 TX CITIZEN 14 AD SALES 830.358.2493 TXCITIZEN.COM 15
Borders.
Imagine a world where your life is not as it
is today. Imagine a world where you havent
been able to fnd work, any work, for years.
Imagine a world where your family is hungry
or where theyre sick and you have no way to
help them. Imagine that your ethnicity or your
religion makes you an enemy of the state, that
you are in real danger every day. Imagine
that you live in a place where none of this will
ever change.
Most of the Democrats in Washington
D.C. would have you believe that you already
live there; the rest of the world knows better.
They try to get into this country in droves. They
give up everything they have and know to get
here. They even risk their lives.
Strangely, its Democrats, not
Republicans, who seek to embrace these
people. In doing so, Democrats give
themselves a political edge over Republicans.
This really neednt be the case. Its the
Republican philosophy, even more so than
that of libertarians, which really speaks to
these people. Give me your tired, your poor,
your huddled masses yearning to breathe
free. should be the motto of the Republican
Party, not something they run away from.
Because Republicans refuse to fnd a way
to welcome these people, Democrats are able
to paint Republicans as xenophobes. The truth
is that most Republicans have specifc and
realistic concerns about immigration, but the
Republican leaderships messaging on this
point is so awful that the default assumption
is that Republicans are bigots. Libertarians
have long argued for open borders, and
Republicans should consider adopting that
position and working towards solutions that
prevent them from supporting it.
The foremost concern is one of security.
In an age of terrorism, its a very real danger
to have insecure borders. We need to know
who is coming into the country and why.
Open borders doesnt have to mean anarchy,
though. The 9/11/01 attacks occurred under
something similar to our current system. It
wouldnt be diffcult to have an open border
system that required immigrant came through
specifc checkpoints to enter the country.
This would allow for appropriate security.
L
a
st W
o
rd
With Kelly Colby
Best Damn Lunch Special
in New Braunfels!
12-4 Monday-Friday
$6.99 Lunch Specials
Specials Include Drink and Side
Slow Roasted Pulled Pork
Sandwiches & Nachos
Hand Breaded Catfish
$8.99 All You Can Eat
Catfish Fridays!
$0.50 Wing Wednesdays
1/2 Price Appetizers from
5-7pm (M-F)
Pool Darts Golden Tee 2014 Daily Drink Specials
830.620.9091 www.scoresnb.com
223 W San Antonio St, Downtown New Braunfels
Homemade Bloody Marys
using Fresh Infused
Jalapeno/Garlic Vodka
243 N. Union Ave
830-629-2662 Like us on
New and Vintage Vinyl
and Turntables
Classic Rock Alternative Punk
Reggae - Funk Soul Country
BUY S E L L T R ADE
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Space Available!
Starting at $350/mo.
includes utilities,
use of reception area
& conference rooms!
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TXCITIZEN.COM 15
Borders.
Imagine a world where your life is not as it
is today. Imagine a world where you havent
been able to fnd work, any work, for years.
Imagine a world where your family is hungry
or where theyre sick and you have no way to
help them. Imagine that your ethnicity or your
religion makes you an enemy of the state, that
you are in real danger every day. Imagine
that you live in a place where none of this will
ever change.
Most of the Democrats in Washington
D.C. would have you believe that you already
live there; the rest of the world knows better.
They try to get into this country in droves. They
give up everything they have and know to get
here. They even risk their lives.
Strangely, its Democrats, not
Republicans, who seek to embrace these
people. In doing so, Democrats give
themselves a political edge over Republicans.
This really neednt be the case. Its the
Republican philosophy, even more so than
that of libertarians, which really speaks to
these people. Give me your tired, your poor,
your huddled masses yearning to breathe
free. should be the motto of the Republican
Party, not something they run away from.
Because Republicans refuse to fnd a way
to welcome these people, Democrats are able
to paint Republicans as xenophobes. The truth
is that most Republicans have specifc and
realistic concerns about immigration, but the
Republican leaderships messaging on this
point is so awful that the default assumption
is that Republicans are bigots. Libertarians
have long argued for open borders, and
Republicans should consider adopting that
position and working towards solutions that
prevent them from supporting it.
The foremost concern is one of security.
In an age of terrorism, its a very real danger
to have insecure borders. We need to know
who is coming into the country and why.
Open borders doesnt have to mean anarchy,
though. The 9/11/01 attacks occurred under
something similar to our current system. It
wouldnt be diffcult to have an open border
system that required immigrant came through
specifc checkpoints to enter the country.
This would allow for appropriate security.
Those entering into the country could be
screened carefully, and because this would
accommodate most legitimate immigrants,
more resources could be applied to fnding
those trying to get into the country illegitimately.
Immigrants arent the problem. By
having an effective system for entry into
the country we could address the actual
problems. We could do background checks,
screen for communicable disease, and even
help immigrants fnd charitable services
that might help them get started. In reality,
this would be little different from what we
have now. We would only need to get
rid of specifc quotas and guidelines for
immigration that are outdated and based on
racist principles of the past.
Another concern is that a massive infux of
immigrants will be a drain on our resources. This
true in as far as it goes, but it doesnt have to
be that way. This is only a problem because we
have created a social safety net that is entirely
too broad. If we were more careful to remove
government subsidies that perpetuate poverty
instead of alleviating it, or at least restrict
access to those truly in need, this wouldnt be
a problem. Once again its not the immigrants
that are the problem but other aspects of our
system. Why not correct the real problem?
More importantly, immigrants can be
a beneft to the system instead of a drag
on it. Immigrant will take jobs, but they will
create them too. Cheap labor will allow for
greater innovation and will eventually add to
the economy. Immigrants will add to the tax
base, and in many cases, those coming to this
country will be the very ones who become
the most prosperous. And, prosperity breeds
prosperity. If we look at past examples of
immigration in this country, its easy to see that
while there is an adjustment period, the end
result is a net gain for our country.
The last concern is the most disturbing.
Many feel that a new wave of immigration
will create a voting bloc for big-government
Democrats. Statistically speaking, this holds
up. Polls show that new immigrants lean
heavily Democrat. Theres no reason why this
should be, though.
First, allowing people into the country does
not automatically make them citizens. Theres
no reason why entry into the country shouldnt
be easy but citizenship hard. If immigrants
come to this country with the intention of
making it their home and contributing to
the system, you can be certain that they will
actively seek citizenship. In truth, we already
have a pretty stringent process for becoming a
citizen, but if there are lapses it should be easy
enough to correct them.
As to the possibility of non-citizens voting
and skewing our politics, it seems to me
that this is an issue of election law. Already
Republicans have been working to ensure the
integrity of our election system. It would be
worthwhile to focus on this with a message
that each citizens vote should be counted and
not diluted with illegitimate voting. The idea
that we, as one of the most developed and
advanced countries on earth, should not have
a system that includes fraud proof elections
is insane. Secure elections should be just as
important as secure borders.
Immigrants arent the enemy; we want
them. The people who seek out a better life
for themselves and their families are the very
ones we want. The tired, the poor, those
yearning to be free, the souls who risk their
all to get to this country are the ones who
appreciate what it means to be an American.
We could learn a lot from them ourselves.
They dont come here looking for a handout;
they come for a chance at freedom. They
come to one of the few countries on earth
where that is a real possibility.
America is a country that was built
on and by immigrants; we all came from
someplace else (with a few Native-American
exceptions). Were a melting pot, and our
differences, ethnic and otherwise, have
made us great. A system that allows for
open immigration would allow us to continue
to adopt the best ideas and best people
from around the world. Republicans should
consider this and act to legislatively remove
the obstacles to a more open immigration
policy. It would be good for them, and it
would be good for America.
L
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You can read more from Kelly Colby at yourfrstshrug.
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