Endorsements for the August Primary Election!

by Stranger
Election Control Board - Seattle News
Jesus, it's hot in Seattle right now. The Stranger office's air conditioning shat itself and died
sometime in February, and we've just spent the last three sweltering weeks listening to a bunch of
Olympia politicians explain why we need to send them back for another spin in the state legislature-
-deep breaths, it's too hot for this bullshit--right after they've just spent their last terms spinelessly
handing Boeing nearly $9 billion in tax breaks while also failing to find the relatively piddling $2
billion that the state supreme court ordered them to cough up so we could properly fund basic
education for the next couple school years. The motherfucking STATE SUPREME COURT. And what
did Olympia do? They pretty much just sat around with their hands down their pants, taking a couple
minutes here and there to sniff at their fingers with deeply satisfied looks on their faces.
Even we, the dropouts and nonfunctional illiterates of the Stranger Election Control Board, know
that a basic, state-funded education is still a CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT in this state, something the
supreme court also understands and the crotch-sniffing dipshits in the legislature continually fail to
comprehend. Which is why the supremes may be about to find our state legislators in contempt of
court. (Which we hear can be punishable with actual jail time! Yes, please! Now, please!)
Honestly, "contempt" is really too light a word for what the SECB feels toward our legislators'
performance lately. No $2 billion for basic education. No statewide transportation package. No
funding for our beleaguered Metro bus service. No urgency about getting us more light rail.
Virtually no action on ending Washington's status as the state with the most regressive tax system in
the nation. No serious steps toward combating climate change. But, like we said, it's hot out, and we
don't want to actually have strokes. We just want to feel like we're about to have them, because a
near-death experience is the closest thing to a break from this urine-smelling summer hellscape that
we can muster.
So, we fume. We fan ourselves with handouts from the well-meaning failures of Olympia, and moist
pamphlets from the aspiring future failures of Olympia, and sweat-soaked missives from no-chance
candidates who actually write out and print up multiple copies of amazing sentences like this: "Many
celebrities, including Angelina Jolie, Chris Rock, and Seattle's beloved Macklemore are even
beginning to take notice of this need for freedom." (Thanks, Paul Addis, state house candidate in
Seattle's 36th District! We will take notice of this noticing! And spoiler alert: We didn't endorse you.)
As we fan ourselves, we watch our iced coffee turn into congealed milk-flavored water and daydream
about the supreme court actually throwing all these scofflaws behind bars.
Enjoy your trips back to Olympia, endorsees! We hope you go from there straight to prison. Same for
you, congresspeople! (Except the prison part. Unless you earn it, too.) And hey, everyone in Seattle,
criminal and non-criminal alike: Please don't fall asleep before you get to that thing at the end of
your ballots that deals with future funding for local parks. Because parks! They're what's for
sleeping in. Not ballots. Good luck, mail in your ballot on or before August 5, stay cool, and please
remember that these days--as a direct consequence of prior SECB endorsements--it is perfectly legal
to buy a state-produced joint before you sit down to follow our excellent voting advice. (Legal notice:
This voting advice is 92 percent indica; was harvested on July 4, 2014; was tested on July 14, 2014;
and contains 26 percent THC.) You're welcome.
The Stranger Election Control Board is: Christopher Frizzelle, Ansel Herz, Dominic Holden, Tim
Keck, Brendan Kiley, Anna Minard, Eli Sanders, and your black-market pot dealer. The SECB does
not endorse in uncontested races, or in races taking place in districts that our underfunded Metro
bus system can't get us to. Thanks, Republicans.
US HOUSE
Congressional District No. 1
Suzan DelBene
Suzan DelBene's impossibly fussy political consultant wouldn't allow her to come chat with the
SECB, apparently terrified that she'd wind up in the same room as her patently ridiculous
conservative challengers, most of whom are running to repeal Obamacare. Her most serious
competitor, Republican Pedro Celis, recently compared gay marriage to polygamy. In Washington
State. In 2014. So, not showing up was a dumb move because freshman DelBene is really great, and
tougher than her asshat consultant seems to think. Even in a swing district, she cosponsored
important gun background-check legislation (that takes guts) and has supported comprehensive,
humane immigration reform. Even better, the former tech exec is passionate about net neutrality
and reining in NSA data collection. Her next priorities include student-loan reform, raising the
minimum wage, helping states collect sales tax on online sales (support local indie businesses!), and
protecting and promoting women's rights in health care and the workplace. She makes us the good
kind of hot. (But we're still bitter she didn't come talk to us.) Vote DelBene.
Congressional District No. 7
Jim McDermott
As we have for the last four centuries, the SECB now solemnly compels you: Do not tamper with the
natural order of the universe. Do not tempt forces you do not understand. Send Seattle Congressman
for All Eternity Jim McDermott back to DC or prepare for chaos, darkness, pestilence, and possibly
the election of eternal also-ran GoodSpaceGuy, who this year paused his ramblings about space
colonization and informed the SECB that, actually, he's more conservative than we ever knew. "The
big thing on earth that I want to do is speak in favor of the competitive free market," GoodSpaceGuy
told us, crushing any benevolent feelings we may have at one time felt for the perennial loser. "And
because of this I have to recommend the abolishment of the minimum wage. It's really a tragedy
when people are told it's illegal for them to work." Vote McDermott.
Congressional District No. 8
Jason Ritchie
The Eighth District is considered purple, and our color wheel tells us that means it's halfway
between red and blue. In 2012, the district went for Obama, so this could be the year that Issaquah
small-business owner Jason Ritchie, whose company builds ramps for the disabled, wins against the
powerful, smirk-happy incumbent, Republican David Reichert. Reichert, who was hit in the head
with a large tree branch in 2010, voted repeatedly to repeal Obamacare and even joined the GOP in
its deranged government shutdown. Ritchie is a badass do-gooder, willing even to call Edward
Snowden a "hero" and criticize the Obama administration for its warrantless surveillance
overreaches. Vote Ritchie!
Congressional District No. 9
Adam Smith
Pastor Don Rivers is running for Congress (again), and he's determined to swing like crazy--like,
really crazy--at incumbent congressman Adam Smith. For example, when Smith accused Rivers of
pushing a "bald-faced lie" during the candidates' meeting with the SECB, Rivers's comeback was:
"You're bald."
As the SECB tried to remember why we were doing this again, Smith conceded: "That's one thing we
can agree on. I'm bald." Okay! Um. Anyway, guys, from what we can figure out, Rivers thinks Smith
isn't doing his job, shouldn't represent the recently re-drawn Ninth District, and is "incompetent of
culture" (which sounds like a racist dog whistle aimed at a white politician in a district that has a
majority population of racial minorities). Yeesh. Rivers may be the only real challenger in this race,
but he annoyed us with his vacuous rhetoric. Smith--who we agree is as bald as a fresh stick of roll-
on deodorant--has a solid record and plenty of specifics to back him up. He says raising taxes on the
rich and cutting back military spending is "a good place to start" in Washington, DC, and around
Seattle; he's supported legal pot; he protested the scandal-hit immigrant detention facility in
Tacoma; and he was an early backer of SeaTac's $15-minimum-wage law when many ran from the
issue. Smith may not be a firebrand, and yeah, he may not have much hair (on his head, at least), but
he's an effective liberal in Congress. Vote Smith.
WASHINGTON STATE LEGISLATURE
LEGISLATIVE DISTRICT NO. 11
Representative Position No. 2: Steve Bergquist
Steve Bergquist drives a giant red Hummer and owns a tennis shop, so that's pretty gross. How,
then, do we explain our confused-but-prominent boners for him? Well, he's a public high-school
teacher who steps up to sponsor every important voter-access bill and votes reliably progressive on
issues we care about, like the Reproductive Parity Act. His opponent, Republican precinct committee
officer Sara Sanoy-Wright, is anti-choice, anti-tax, pro-"family values," and pro-shitty-American-f-
ag-decal-website-design. Barf. Vote Bergquist.
LEGISLATIVE DISTRICT NO. 30
State Senator: Shari Song
Newbie Shari Song has impressed a lot of people the last couple years, including us. (And we're not
easy to impress unless you show up with a strawberry chiffon cake. Oh, wait. She did that.) A
fiercely pro-choice, pro-gay-marriage, anti-regressive-taxes candidate who cites passing a state
transportation package and fully funding education as main priorities, Song is also central to
Democrats' plans for taking back the state senate--which would mean, y'know, actually moving a
progressive agenda forward instead of fighting with obstructionist assholes and achieving nothing.
Her opponent, Mark Miloscia (a lobbyist for the state's Catholic bishops, and no, that's not a
euphemism--we think) defected from the Democratic Party to run this race as a Republican--mainly,
it appears, so he could have more freedom to be antigay and anti-woman. Bleeech. VOTE SONG
RIGHT NOW DO IT OHMYGOD DOOOOO IIIIIIIT.
Representative Position No. 1: Greg Baruso
Ruh-roh. Linda Kochmar, the incumbent Republican from Federal Way, voted against a House bill
earlier this year requiring health-care providers to cover abortion. Immediate disqualification! Her
opponent, Greg Baruso, is a 28-year veteran firefighter running on the Democratic ticket. Vote
Baruso.
Representative Position No. 2: Roger Freeman
Incumbent Democrat Roger Freeman is a former attorney who supports paid sick leave--something
he's terrifyingly familiar with, having recently survived a bout with colon cancer. His challenger is
former Federal Way mayor Jack Dovey, a moderate Republican running on a platform that attacks
the notion of raising taxes, which, um, we're gonna need to fund public transit and public schools
and other key elements of the SECB's plans for an extravagant lifestyle on the public dole. So go
with the moderate liberal dude. Vote Freeman.
LEGISLATIVE DISTRICT NO. 33
State Senator: Karen Keiser
Democratic state senator Karen Keiser of Kent is up against ber-weak competition in this year's
election. First, there's Democrat Marylin Taylor, who boasts of her "professional writing skills when
in 8th grade." She continues, "I desperately ask for your vote! To, make a new change in government
policies and procedures." On the opposite side is Republican Martin Metz, who publishes steamy
mash notes to Ayn Rand on his website: "A free market society with as little government interference
as possible is best." Sure, buddy. Keiser's led the opposition to the corporate education-reform
agenda and helped smooth the rollout of the Affordable Care Act in Washington. Ignore the goofballs
and vote Keiser.
Representative Position No. 1: Tina Orwall
Incumbent Democrat Tina Orwall sponsored legislation that would get to the core of fixing one of the
worst aspects of the criminal industrial complex by providing compensation to people wrongly
convicted of crimes and subsequently exonerated by DNA evidence. And she wants to freeze college
tuition, which our more educated friends inform us has been ballooning lately. Her opponent,
Republican Michael Siefkes, has a non-functioning website called fixolympia.com whose "account
has crashed." Vote Orwall.
Representative Position No. 2: Mia Su-Ling Gregerson
The Republican in this race, former judge Jeanette Burrage, is best known for threatening to
penalize female attorneys who wore pantsuits instead of skirts in her courtroom. The Democratic
candidate is up-and-coming SeaTac mayor Mia Gregerson. She supports the $15 minimum wage and
the DREAM Act (so immigrant youth can afford to go to college), and she beefed up protections for
homeowners facing foreclosure. She is not on record, um, opposing women's skirts. So go with
Gregerson.
LEGISLATIVE DISTRICT NO. 34
Representative Position No. 2: Joe Fitzgibbon
Joe Fitzgibbon! Oh my gosh! We fell so hard for you four years ago. You were a "dreamy," "dashing,"
"swoon"-worthy (subtlety was never our strong suit) 23-year-old lefty Democrat, fresh on the scene,
ready to melt the coldest hearts and shake shit up in Olympia.
Instead, Olympia killed your bitchin' vibe. You came back to the SECB this year defensive and
deflated. You voted for Boeing's $9 billion tax break (and you admitted it felt "shitty," but you did it
anyway). You also, um, FIBBED LIKE A LYING LIAR-PANTS-ON-FIRE PANTS. "So you lied?" we
asked you, about reports that you told Mike McGinn you wouldn't endorse in last year's race for
Seattle mayor, and then went and endorsed rival Ed Murray anyway behind his back. "Yeah, I
guess," you shrugged. We know Olympia is a suckhole, but that was weird, and it makes us question
whether your still-handsome face is a pretty mask to obscure some shitty double-dealing behavior.
(Which, hey, we also might find attractive. Depending.)
Very fortunately for you, Fitzy-gibby, your opponent lacks a brain. Republican Brendan Kolding is
running on an "idea": Revive Washington's underfunded public schools by, get this, diverting tax
dollars to private schools. And he's "not qualified," he says, to offer an opinion about transit issues.
That makes things so easy! He's not qualified for office, then. Hold your nose, keep your knees
together, put on your itchiest turtleneck, and vote for the Gibberfitz man.
LEGISLATIVE DISTRICT NO. 36
State Senator: Jeanne Kohl-Welles
Democrat Jeanne Kohl-Welles, first elected in the mid-Ordovician era, is a badass and you know it.
Even the Washington Post knows it, ranking her as the most effective progressive member of our
state senate. Her opponent, Republican Sarina Forbes, has called for amnesty for people convicted
of pot offenses before pot was legalized statewide (okay), but she also opposes income taxes and was
a Ron Paul delegate in Tampa. "Did you have a reporter there?" she asks. "Did you see me manning
the Republican booth at Hempfest last year?" No, but maybe us *not* endorsing you will allow you
time to keep on with those important activities! Vote Kohl-Welles.
Representative Position No. 1: Reuven Carlyle
The challenger in this race, Leslie Klein, refused to meet with the SECB because, he explained in an
e-mail written in Comic Sans, he was "attending a Tupperware Going Out of Business Sale." Klein
added: "The people who will vote for me attend these types of events, whereas NO one who reads
The Stranger will ever vote for me." That's a direct quote, y'all.
Also, his party preference is "Republicanspirit." On the other hand, Representative Reuven Carlyle
promises he will only attend financially solvent Tupperware parties and did show up at our meeting.
A Democrat, Carlyle was behind closing $125 million in tax loopholes this year, and he's been a
serviceable advocate for closing other tax breaks. (He's also been a strong advocate for adding a lot
more transparency to the state tax-break game. Right on.) Vote for Carlyle and be assured of a
robust Tupperware industry.
Representative Position No. 2: Gael Tarleton
Gael Tarleton burst blood vessels in our eyes by telling us she voted for Boeing's $9 billion in tax
breaks and then, in the same meeting, telling us she viewed the whole thing as "a disgrace." But
then Tarleton calmed us down by announcing she wants a total restructuring of the state's
backwards tax system: a new personal income tax for higher earners, no B&O taxes, lower property
taxes, and a special education investment tax. "I will fight for it," she promised, and at that moment
you could've grown water hyacinths in our panties. Her opponent, libertarian Paul Addis, is the guy
who gave us that handout about Macklemore and Chris Rock. Vote Tarleton.
LEGISLATIVE DISTRICT NO. 37
State Senator: Pramila Jayapal
This race is more crowded than the Tampax aisle during a supermoon (we don't know what that
means either), but only one candidate deserves a seat in the state senate: Pramila Jayapal. A former
organizer for immigrant-rights group OneAmerica, Jayapal launched a campaign to register 25,000
immigrant voters, which pressured the legislature to finally pass a bill that provides financial aid for
students brought to the state illegally as kids. Jayapal backs other smart, progressive policies-
-including an income tax on the rich, a higher minimum wage for the poor, and a refusal to let
Boeing's extortion-like tactics allow them undeserved tax breaks. So vote for Jayapal, but know this:
She has worried some on the SECB by at times seeming too cozy with political insiders, kissing the
asses of timid, moderate politicians when she should've been kicking them. If elected, Jayapal should
make sure she stays focused on representing the marginalized communities in her diverse district,
continuing to apply grassroots pressure on Olympia and not getting more comfortable with the
political circle-jerk. Several others in this race are good, particularly Sheley Secrest, but Jayapal
most deserves your vote.
Representative Position No. 1: Sharon Tomiko Santos
Sharon Tomiko Santos is the only legislator we met who refused to come back to Olympia to vote for
the special-session Boeing deal, but other than that--and yeah, that's quite something given her
colleagues--it's hard to get excited about the mostly bland record of this 15-year veteran legislator.
But the two dudes running against Tomiko Santos are jokes: Daniel Bretzke opposes background
checks for gun purchases (WTF?!), and John Dickinson wants to wear Google Glass to Olympia.
Because: "When you think of 'transparency,' what word do you think of? Glass!" Seriously. Tomiko
Santos, meanwhile, supports a graduated income tax for people and businesses, something our state
needs so desperately that a single mention of it can bring the entire SECB to orgasm. VOTE TOMIKO
SANTOS.
Representative Position No. 2: Eric Pettigrew
OH GOD. JESUS. ALLAH. BRAHMA. Kill us now. Rain genital warts from the heavens. Rapture our
pets. We deserve your wrath--we are endorsing Representative Eric Pettigrew again. Pettigrew has
been in office 12 years but currently chairs zero committees, and told the SECB, "I don't know if I
have passed any bills this term." He didn't support a bill to raise the minimum wage to $12 for
struggling workers, but did vote for the biggest corporate tax break in US history--have we
mentioned it before? It was a $9 billion giveaway to Boeing. Pettigrew also voted to strip most legal
defenses from medical marijuana patients. What's Pettigrew's defense? "I have no defense," he said.
Pettigrew says his biggest accomplishment since his last reelection was securing a token half-million
dollars for youth-intervention programs, yet he touts his "seniority in the house" to say he's getting
things done. Yet, for all his theoretical influence, Pettigrew couldn't move an assault weapons bill
out of the very Democratic caucus that he chairs. What a dud. Still, at least he's not Tamra
Smilanich, a realtor with no political party or identifiable policy platform. So Pettigrew is our dud.
Vote Pettigrew.
LEGISLATIVE DISTRICT NO. 41
Representative Position No. 1: Tana Senn
Bill Stinson is a 20-year-old sophomore at the University of Washington. Yup. This Republican
political science major can't even legally drink, and he wants to go to Olympia. Immediate
disqualification. Democratic incumbent Tana Senn can legally drink and wants to keep pushing on
gun control and tougher protections for victims of domestic violence. Send back Senn.
Representative Position No. 2: Judy Clibborn
House transportation chair Judy Clibborn took one look at the talk of Seattle being on the hook for
downtown tunnel cost overruns and said, "It's not going to happen." Why? For one thing, she wrote
the damn cost overrun provision herself, and she wrote it to be unenforceable, a "poison pill"
necessary to get the tunnel idea passed. We never liked the tunnel or its cost overruns, but we do
like Clibborn's wiliness. Her opponent, Alex O'Neil, is as elusive as Batman but not nearly as hot.
Vote Clibborn.
LEGISLATIVE DISTRICT NO. 43
Representative Position No. 2: Frank Chopp
The SECB loves a badass socialist. (See Sawant, Kshama.) But socialist Jess Spear didn't convince us
she's ready to bring the people's revolution to Olympia, and we think longtime House Speaker Frank
Chopp and his maddening incrementalism will actually do more for the issues we care about, more
quickly, than a Spear election would.
That's because Spear, who sees Sawant's success on the nine-member Seattle City Council as her
model for success in Olympia, seems to believe that electing just one socialist from one Seattle
district to the 98-member state House will suddenly cause the rest of the House members to march
behind her on rent control, a higher minimum wage, and forcing CEOs to give out free foot rubs.
Yeah, we made up that last one, but really, Spear says things like, "I think electing me alone will
cause many people in the legislature to understand." Wrong. If the motherfucking state supreme
court can't even make people in the legislature understand, under the threat of a contempt of court
finding, then how is one election in one ultraliberal district going to transform the minds of people
representing Omak and Moses Lake, never mind a majority of House Democrats? Sawant moved the
city council by capturing the imagination of a majority of Seattleites, which is the kind of thing that
makes every other council member sit up and pay attention. Spear isn't going to capture the
imagination of a majority of the nearly seven million Washingtonians with her focus on rent control.
She didn't even convince a majority of the SECB that rent control is a great idea. (How's it working
out in New York and San Francisco?)
Frank Chopp came into our offices and pointed out the window at affordable housing units that are
under construction, right now, because of his efforts. "I'm the strongest leader on affordable
housing," he says. We believe him. He did vote for the $9 billion Boeing giveaway, which is socialism
of the wrong kind (corporate socialism), but he also backed a $15 minimum wage. In SeaTac. Before
Seattle's wage was even on the table. And he's done more to secure free healthcare for low-income
Washingtonians over the last ten years than Spear could by deposing him as house speaker. (That
kind of change in house leadership, by the way, would likely usher in the reign of "moderate"
Democrat Pat Sullivan of Covington--go ahead, find it on a map--who's the current house majority
leader and is opposed to sensible gun control legislation like universal background checks that close
the gun show loophole.) Chopp also knows what the MVET is and how it connects to saving Metro;
Spear was confused on this issue during our interview, and had to e-mail later to clarify her position.
True, the SECB threatened in 2010 to pee on Chopp's lawn if he didn't get more aggressive in
pushing his liberal values at the state level, and he definitely should check his front yard for dead
spots. He doesn't have a Twitter or Facebook presence for his campaign--doesn't even have a real
campaign website--and because of this and other shortcomings, largely fails to communicate all his
"inside game" accomplishments or use his bully pulpit in a way that makes a modern citizen notice.
Still, he's grinding along in the right direction, which is no small feat in today's Olympia, and the list
of solid progressive bills he's ushered through the House--only to have them killed by the
motherfucking Republican senate--is long. Vote Chopp.
LEGISLATIVE DISTRICT NO. 45
State Senator: Matt Isenhower
This guy is a navy vet, an Amazon manager, and true-blue Dem who could help shift the balance of
power in the GOP-controlled senate back to the left, particularly because the 45th District
increasingly leans Democratic. The other guy is Senator Andy Hill, the chief budget writer for the
GOP. In other words, the guy who writes a budget that consistently guts education and balks at even
tiny, necessary taxes on moral grounds. Vote Isenhower.
Representative Position No. 1: Roger Goodman
Roger Goodman is a four-term Democrat with a legal background in drug-policy reform at the King
County Bar Association. He's been good on legalization, of course, but also good on things like
sponsoring a bill to limit drones (which passed the House this year) and sponsoring one of the only
gun-control bills to pass the entire legislature (allowing cops to seize weapons from alleged domestic
abusers). His perennial challenger, Joel Hussey, is running as a Christian businessman. We love that
"Footprints" poem as much as the next endorsement board, but you should vote Goodman.
Representative Position No. 2: Larry Springer
Former Kirkland City Council member Larry Springer has represented areas of Sammamish and
Redmond for almost a decade now, and he's done not too shabbily by the voters, including those on
lower socioeconomic rungs: seeking funding to build more schools, for example, and strengthening
housing provisions for farmworkers. He's endorsed by an array of liberal interest groups on
everything from the environment to reproductive health. His young Republican challenger, former
marine Brendan Woodward, supported John McCain in 2008 and is an admitted political novice. Not
a contest. Vote Springer!
LEGISLATIVE DISTRICT NO. 46
State Senator: David Frockt
The very serious and impressive David Frockt has done some great work standing up for the little
guy, including passing the imperfect but important Foreclosure Fairness Act and creating a rebate
program for low-income public transit riders that's now part of Mayor Ed Murray's Seattle Metro
funding plan. He favors significant taxes on the wealthy--a capital gains tax, income tax, and closing
corporate tax loopholes--to fund education, and he opposes skyrocketing tuition at UW. We wish
there were more Democrats like him. His Republican opponent, Van Sperry, is a nurse at Children's
Hospital who wants to take on "burdensome regulations and taxation." He also found it too
burdensome to call the SECB back and tell us anything about that. Vote Frockt!
Representative Position No. 2: Jessyn Farrell
You want better mass transit, a higher minimum wage, and a planet that's still habitable when your
grandkids show up? Then this one's easy because Jessyn Farrell works for all of those things. She's
endorsed by the Sierra Club, the League of Education Voters, the King County Labor Council,
NARAL, and everyone you've ever slept with except for the bad ones. Her opponent is a small-
government, free-market-humping Republican community college student who lists his "elected
experience" as being captain of his high-school football team. And he spells it as two words, "Foot
Ball." Nah, brah. Vote Farrell.
LEGISLATIVE DISTRICT NO. 47
State Senator: Carol Barber
The best thing you can say about Republican state senator Joe Fain is that in 2012, after being
"undecided" on the issue of marriage equality (at the age of 31!!!), he came around at the last
minute and was one of the Republican votes that helped pass marriage equality in this state. And...
that's it. Oh, and he wore a cowboy hat on the senate floor once. But that could go either way. Aside
from that, young Joe Fain has slurped up money from Big Oil companies that were backing Tim
Eyman's two-thirds-majority requirement, served as one of the "four horsemen of the buspocalypse"
that screwed King County on Metro funding, and in 2012 helped block the Reproductive Parity Act
from even coming to the senate floor for a vote. So, no. Carol Barber, a little-known Democrat, has
raised $0 and doesn't even have a campaign website, but she shares things on her Facebook page
about moving to a coal-free economy and about maybe registering her uterus as a corporation so
that it would have more rights. So, yes, definitely vote Barber.
Representative Position No. 1: Chris Barringer
In 2012, readers of The Stranger's blog, Slog, voted the other guy in this race, Republican
representative Mark Hargrove, the "Dumbest Legislator in Washington State" after he gave a speech
on the House floor explaining that he opposed marriage equality because of something he learned
while watching a Jack in the Box commercial. Christ on a Sourdough Jack. Vote Barringer, a
Democrat who's not an idiot.
Representative Position No. 2: Pat Sullivan
Republican state House candidate Barry Knowles warns in a link on his website: "We Can't Be
Sheople!" The resulting page rages against "incumbant" Democrats for suspending Tim Eyman's
bullshit (and unconstitutional!) Initiative 960, which made tax increases contingent on a two-thirds
approval in the state legislature. On the upside, he's endorsed by the Auburn Red Barn antique
store. Be a smart sheep and vote for incumbaaaaaant Democrat Pat Sullivan, a solid, if totally
uninspiring, liberal who's currently the majority leader in the House.
LEGISLATIVE DISTRICT NO. 48
State Senator: Cyrus Habib
This is currently the most talked-about seat in Olympia. Double-crossing senator Rodney Tom held it
for years as a Democrat until he effectively switched parties and handed control of the senate to the
GOP two years ago. As majority leader, Tom brought Olympia to a standstill as he nixed transit
options, underfunded schools, and killed women's-health bills. That era is now over--Senator Tom,
after ruining everything, is quitting. Will his replacement be just as bad? One candidate is
Republican Michelle Darnell, a paralegal whose vision is much like Tom's: cut taxes on business,
leave high taxes for low-income workers, promote corporate-style charter schools. Asked to explain
why she supports heavier taxes on the poor and lower taxes on the rich while she spouts rhetoric
about helping homeowners facing foreclosure, Darnell couldn't explain herself: "I am not going to
talk about specific policy," she repeated. THEN WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU APPLYING FOR A JOB
TO MAKE SPECIFIC POLICY? "I am here to facilitate creative conversation," she says. Ugh. On the
other hand, Cyrus Habib has a figuratively clear vision for the state even though he's literally blind.
Already a state representative, Habib has a long-term plan for paying for our underfunded schools,
starting with an across-the-board increase on all B&O taxes, and eventually passing a capital-gains
tax or an income tax on the rich. Habib is right on scores of other progressive issues. Vote Habib and
remove the lingering stench of Rodney Tom once and for all.
Representative Position No. 1: Ross Hunter
Republican Bill Hirt wants to stop the East Link light rail expansion--the idiot. Democrat Ross
Hunter favors light rail expansion and we've endorsed him before, but with the caveat that we want
to see him use his post as House budget chair to stand up and DO SOMETHING about things like
education funding. He has, sorta (though the dumb fuckers in the Republican-controlled senate
blocked a lot of it). He says finding that supreme-court-ordered $2 billion for education is the "over-
riding issue" for the upcoming biennium, and we agree. Maybe Hunter could find some of the money
by taking back some of those Microsoft tax breaks he's helped to push through? (He worked at
MSFT for 17 years.) Let's hope so. Vote Hunter.
Representative Position No. 2: Joan McBride
Libertarian Tim Turner is a former navy submariner who thinks more guns will prevent gun violence.
He's running against Democrat Joan McBride, the former mayor of Kirkland, so, obviously, vote
McBride.
BALLOT MEASURES
City of Seattle Proposition No. 1: For
Jesus H. Christ, when was the last time the phrase "public park funding" got this controversial in
Seattle? People are muttering about dark conspiracies and unelected this-and-that, and it all
revolves around this wonky proposition concerning a new way to pay the taxes that fund our parks.
Speaking of parks: When it's eleventy-jillion fucking degrees outside and everyone in your office
looks like sweaty raw chicken, is it acceptable workplace behavior to lapse into a semiconscious
stupor during staff meetings, blurting out something about having sex with a box of Fudgsicles
while simultaneously stupor-dreaming about racing to the nearest public park so that you can face-
plant in the wading pool? Asking for a friend.
But, also: These kinds of glorious dreams are just what our beautiful taxpayer-funded parks are
meant to inspire! (In our friend. Not us.) The question is: How do we pay for a functional parks
system full of cool, clean--ha-ha--wading pools in the heat of summer?
Well, for years we've been funding a lot of it with property-tax levies, and levies kinda suck. Instead
of the city having a dedicated funding source for a basic service like parks, they go to the voters
every six years and run a big, long, expensive campaign to beg us to approve new funding for
ongoing, necessary expenditures--everything from fixing leaky roofs to sprucing up new green
spaces to filtering all that toddler pee out of the wading pool. (Um, we hope?) But we can only raise
so much money that way, and Seattle's parks have a massive maintenance backlog. At the same
time, we're fast closing in on an overall cap that limits how much money we can raise via levies-
-especially since our fast-growing city also wants to be able to tax ourselves to pay for infrastructure
like quality public preschools and a functional transit system--the kind of shit Olympia will never
deliver.
So, a fix: Under state law, a city can vote to create a parks district, which will authorize new
property taxes that can only be spent on parks and leaves us with a little more room in our levy
capacity for other fun stuff. The city council would basically double as the parks governing board,
the way they do for our Transportation Benefits District, with an oversight committee added on top
of that. It's true: It gives the city new ability to tax you, at a rate of around $150 a year for a
$400,000 house. The horrors! Taxing ourselves to pay for important city resources!
This is why it's too hard to take the no side seriously--they're focused on whiny baby stuff about
"permanent" taxes and how levies are awesome because voters have to sign off on the taxes directly.
But this is how the democratic process works: We elect leaders who set taxes and build budgets and
fund infrastructure, and when they fuck it up, we vote them out. Vote "for."