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www.genderspecLrum.org 310-788-4412 lnfo[genderspecLrum.

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8e proacLlve ln your conversaLlons, brlng up Loplcs of gender and gender ldenLlLy, !"#$% walL for
your chlld Lo brlng lL up or for an experlence or lncldenL Lo Lalk abouL.
When you or your chlld refers Lo someone else as male or female (l.e. see tbot moo ovet tbete,
or l llke tbot qltls oeckloce), ask wheLher you can be really sure LhaL you know Lhe person's
gender. lnLroduce Lhe ldea LhaL when we noLlce someone's gender, we are ofLen maklng
assumpLlons based on paLLerns of gender expresslon. SomeLlmes, Lhese paLLerns don'L hold.
When Lhey don'L, use lL as an opporLunlLy Lo polnL ouL LhaL Lhe person dld noL do anyLhlng
wrong, raLher you made Lhe error ln assumlng someLhlng LhaL Lurned ouL noL be Lrue!
Speak (ln prlvaLe, of course) of speclflc people ln your chlld's envlronmenL who express gender
dlfferenLly. Lxplore whaL your chlld Lhlnks abouL lL and share &"'( LhoughLs and feellngs abouL lL.
Ask whaL your chlld Lhlnks of as "boy" Lhlngs or "glrl" Lhlngs, and Lhen ask why. See lf Lhere are
Lhlngs Lhey llke whlch are asslgned Lo Lhe opposlLe gender and Lalk abouL how lL would feel Lo be
Lold Lhey couldn'L wear or llke or do Lhose Lhlngs.
When someone says someLhlng gender-blased (e.g. ne ls oll boy! look ot oll tbe eoetqy be bos!),
Lake Lhe opporLunlLy Lo menLlon counLer examples (e.g. Ooe of tbe qltls be ploys wltb bos eveo
mote eoetqy tboo be Joes!).
8eflecL on and share wlLh your chlldren ways ln whlch Lhe expecLaLlons of oLhers abouL your own
gender have lmpacLed you. Are Lhere Lhlngs you were noL allowed Lo do because of whaL oLhers
LhoughL abouL your gender? 1hlngs LhaL you were expecLed Lo do because of your gender? Pow
dld Lhese expecLaLlons affecL you growlng up?
Whenever posslble, polnL ouL Lo your chlldren when gender assumpLlons are belng made ([usL
waLch flve mlnuLes of ulsney!) and when gender assumpLlons are belng challenged.
1alk Lo your klds abouL how everyone ls a llLLle dlfferenL, and whlle people creaLe Lhese labels,
Lhese boxes, ln whlch Lo flL people, mosL people don'L compleLely belong ln elLher box - and LhaL
ls Ck. Clve examples of boys who llke sparkly Lhlngs, glrls who llke Lo play wlLh Lrucks. 1ry Lo use
yourself and oLher well-loved famlly members as examples (e.g. wbeo l wos o llttle qltl, people
tolJ me l sboolJo't weot teJ ooJ block eveo tbooqb tbey wete my fovotlte colots becoose tbey
weteo't "qltl" colots.)
CuesLlon and explore your own blases. lor example, how do you feel abouL boys wearlng long
halr? Clrls who dress llke boys?" Clrls playlng fooLball or boys wearlng earrlngs or flngernall
pollsh? WhaL messages abouL gender expresslon are you glvlng your chlld?
WaLch 1v shows and ads and dlscuss: 1) Pow gender roles are porLrayed, and 2) whaL messages
are belng senL. ls Lhe mom always maklng cookles or dlnner wlLh Lhe daughLer and servlng Lhe
boys? Are only boys playlng wlLh Lhe 1onka Lrucks or PoL Wheels?





www.genderspecLrum.org 310-788-4412 lnfo[genderspecLrum.org




Mlx up gender language when readlng sLorles Lo your klds - especlally wlLh Lyplcally male-
domlnaLed characLers. lor example, lf Lhe sLory ls abouL a boy" anlmal, mlx lL up and make Lhe
llon a glrl. Conslder adopLlng Lhls sLraLegy for Lhe people ln a sLory, Loo. Mlxlng up gender
language ln a sLory ls an ally sLraLegy because you can presenL gender as a fluld concepL by
swlLchlng up pronouns and behavlor expecLaLlons. lL's also creaLlve Lo noL have Lo read a sLory
Lhe same way every Llme!
Lxplore Lhe names we use Lo descrlbe oLher people (l.e. 1omboy, Clrlle, eLc.). lor some, Lhose
names are very hurLful. 8especLfully Lalk wlLh people abouL oLher ways Lhey mlghL wanL Lo be
descrlbed.
racLlce (by yourself or wlLh oLher adulLs) Lalklng abouL gender wlLhouL blas, embarrassmenL, or
[udgmenL. When ready, lnvlLe your chlld lnLo Lhe dlscusslon.
lnLroduce Lhe noLlon of "boy, glrl, blends, boLh, or nelLher" as a regular way Lo Lalk abouL people.
uon'L rely on or expecL Lransgender people Lo Lake Lhe lead on dlscusslng gender ldenLlLy. 8e an
ally Lo Lhe Lransgender communlLy by brlnglng up lssues of gender and gender ldenLlLy.
Pelp advocaLe for gender-neuLral baLhrooms for sLudenLs, parenLs, and sLaff. noLe: Many publlc
faclllLles have slngle-sLall resLrooms LhaL are ofLen gender marked, Lhese can easlly be reasslgned
as gender-neuLral baLhrooms or slmply labeled 8esLroom." An exLenslon of Lhls ally sLraLegy ls
Lo posL a slgn lndlcaLlng where Lo flnd a gender-neuLral resLroom aL a school slLe or oLher publlc
faclllLy.
When lnLroduclng yourself, conslder sharlng your preferred gender pronouns: My oome ls
Iesslco ooJ l ose sbe/bet/bets." 1ry asklng Lhe adulLs around you whaL, lf any, pronoun Lhey
would llke you Lo use. Ask pollLely, lL ls noL rude, buL raLher respecLful. 1ry asklng LhaL of
everyone you know as a way Lo brlng Lhe Loplc up ln conversaLlon. SLarL wlLh people you would
feel comforLable havlng Lhe conversaLlon wlLh. ?ou mlghL explaln LhaL you are worklng Lo creaLe
a more gender lncluslve envlronmenL for all people. 1hls ls parLlcularly supporLlve for people who
are quesLlonlng Lhelr gender or ln Lhe early sLages of LranslLlon.
ulg deep, embrace Lhe mosL lovlng and accepLlng aLLlLude Loward all our klds ln whaLever way
Lhey express Lhelr gender and encourage Lhem Lo do Lhe same. Lncourage and model
lmaglnaLlon, compasslon, respecL and empaLhy.
Pelp klds undersLand LhaL Lhe only Lhlng LhaL ls "normal" ln our world ls varlaLlon!

AdapLed from 8oosevelL LlemenLary School, San Leandro Callfornla lobels 5boolJot llmlt us arenL
LducaLlon Workshop, March 2010

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