I Cant Forgive ThemIts Impossible!

By Deborah Wuehler, Senior Editor

Ever feel that it is impossible to forgive? I have. I have been so full of anger and bitterness
that I have had a very difficult time figuring out just how I can forgive. Going to the
extreme of actually loving those who have hurt me seems even more impossible. Im sure
youve gone through it at some time or another in your life too.
You are probably familiar with one or more of these scenarios at the hands of one of these
types of individuals: the relative who spoke evil of you; that friend you had for years who
did something very hurtful; that one who has turned her back on you; that person who
abused, neglected, or rejected you; or the person who falsely accused you and caused you
to be unjustly ostracized. Maybe its as simple as harboring bitterness because your
husband has not been more helpful with the school load you are carrying or just doesnt
seem to love you the way you think you deserve to be loved. I have walked through each
one of these scenarios, and do you know what I have learned? On my own, forgiveness is
not easy; its impossible!
I am so glad that God is the God of the impossible. Its actually something He specializes
in. I have been depressed, hurt, and consumed with all manner of imaginary (and rather
ungodly) conversations I want to have and all manner of justifications for all of my bad
attitudes. I have been anything but saintly.
How can we react the seemingly impossible way and respond lovingly to those who have
hurt us? Here are some areas to consider.
Hate or HealingIts a Choice
Whenever I am angry, I can usually find the root cause to be hurt. So, look at your feelings
honestly and determine if you have been hurt. Now, you have a choice to make. Will you
allow the hurt to turn to hate, or will you allow your heart to be healed?
If we find ourselves full of anger and bitterness, we must repent. We do not want to be seen
as a bitter force to be reckoned with; rather, we want to be seen as those who represent
Christ.
I have found that crying out to the Lord helps hasten the time between hurt and healing. As
we pour out our hearts to the Lord, we start to recognize and confess our own sin and then
can begin to intercede for our enemies.
Mine eyes are ever toward the Lord; for He shall pluck my feet out of the net. Turn
thee unto me, and have mercy upon me; for I am desolate and afflicted. The
troubles of my heart have enlarged: O bring thou me out of my distresses. Look
upon mine affliction and my pain; and forgive all my sins. Consider mine enemies;
for they are many; and they hate me with cruel hatred. O keep my soul, and
deliver me: let me not be ashamed; for I put my trust in Thee (Psalm 25:1520).
Ready to Forgive
Okay, so we cry out to the Lord. Now what? In my own life, I am praying always that I
would become more like my Father. He is always good and kind and always ready to forgive.

He desires in me a heart that is always ready to forgive. Being ready to forgive is an

important key here. We may never hear these words, Please forgive me, from the person
who has hurt us, but we can have a heart that is always ready to forgive and abundant in
mercy at all times. We can only be full of those things if we are full of HimWho is all those
things!
For Thou, Lord, art good, and ready to forgive; and plenteous in mercy unto all
them that call upon thee. Give ear, O LORD, unto my prayer; and attend to the
voice of my supplications. In the day of my trouble I will call upon thee, for thou
wilt answer me (Psalm 86:57).
Love Them or Leave Them?
There are times when we would just rather run or hide from those who hurt us. Ultimately,
the goal is to go from wanting to leave them to loving them.
A man who was tortured in a communist prison and found a way to forgive his torturers was
once asked, What do we tell the person who feels like they cant forgive? His answer was
simple yet profound: If they cant forgive, tell them to make a cake. In other words, dont
wait for your feelings to catch up with your actions. Start actively loving whether you feel
like it or not. Make that cake. Make that invitation. Make that phone call. The actions may or
may not bring on the feelings, but in loving our enemies and doing goodhoping for
nothing in return, we become true sons of our Father, for He is kind to the unthankful and
evil. But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again;
and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for He
is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil (Luke 6:35).
Letting Go
Within the verses in Matthew below, the word forgive in the Greek means to send away or
to let go. And the word trespasses means to fall or to lapse or deviate from truth and
uprightness. So basically, the verse is saying this: Send it away! Let it go! Because when
you choose to do that when men fall or even lapse or deviate from truth and uprightness,
then your Father will also let it go when you fall or lapse from what is right.
It is good to know God is not keeping a record of wrongs I have done against Him; all He
asks is that we throw away our own accounts of others sins as well.
And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. . . . For if ye forgive men their
trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men
their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses (Matthew 6:12,
1415).
Forgiveness Has a Price
However, letting go does not always lessen pain. Pain is part of the gift of forgiveness.
Forgiveness looks like the unjust pain Jesus endured on the cross. To forgive others for the
unjust pain in our lives is what Christlike forgiveness looks like. By letting go of the offense,
and joining Christ as He suffers the pain of forgiveness, we dont lessen the impact of the
crime against us; we nail it to the cross. We suffer with Christ, we die with Christ, and we
are raised with Christ. Its a new life of mercy.

To become merciful as Christ is merciful, we must begin at the cross. We usually take such a
brief look at the cross that we forget what it was that we were looking at. If we look again,
we see complete forgiveness and mercy for all the sin of all mankind, and we see it
drenched in pain. What we tend to forget is that He has not only paid the price for our own
sin but for any sin committed against us and for any sinner who committed that sin against
us. His mercy at Calvary stretches its arms around both sinners.
Whenever I feel that someone owes me, I look at the cross and see that Christ Himself
has already paid the debt. What does your offender owe you? Jesus took His own blood and
wrote paid in full over whatever that is. My own sinful nature wants others to pay the price
for their sin: They should have known better. They took something away from me! They
should pay! But Christ took the pain of their unjust sin upon Himself. He will pay back what
is owed youwith His own blood. Its unjust because He did nothing to deserve that pain,
but its what forgiveness looks like. Paid in full. This is the wonder of the cross.
While We Were Yet Sinners
Notice that even though Jesus offered forgiveness, those around Him continued in their sin:
Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they
parted His raiment, and cast lots (Luke 23:34).
We need to realize that although we have a change of heart, those who oppose us may not
change. The men who heard Jesus offer forgiveness continued to gamble over His earthly
possessions, not realizing what they were doing or what was happening eternally. Even so,
we are to pray the same prayer to our Father for those who dont know what they are doing
or where they are going as they continue in sin: Father, forgive them, for they do not know
what they do.
Lets Review:

Pour out your heart to the Lord and repent of any anger and bitterness.

Be filled with Him so that you are ready to forgive.

Start doing good and actively loving those who have hurt you.

Throw away that list of offenses.

Spend time at the cross.

Embrace the pain of forgiveness as fellowshipping with the sufferings of Christ.

Rise up and extend mercy.

Yes, forgiveness may be completely impossible on our own, but through the precious blood
of Jesus, He offers forgiveness to all, and if we let Him, He will offer it to others through
us! Miracle of miracles! Remember, He specializes in the impossible:

And He said, The things which are impossible with men, are possible with God
(Luke 18:27).
Deborah Wuehler is the Senior Editor forTOS, participating author in The Homeschool
Minute, wife to Richard, and mom to eight gifts from heaven. She loves digging for buried
treasure in the Word, reading, writing, homeschooling, and dark chocolate! You may contact
her at senioreditor@TheHomeschoolMagazine.com .
Copyright 2013, used with permission. All rights reserved by author. Originally appeared in
the January 2013 issue of The Old Schoolhouse Magazine, the family education magazine.
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