Transactional

Analysis Journal
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Basic Fight Themes

Cherry Hartman
Transactional Analysis Journal 1979 9: 123
DOI: 10.1177/036215377900900216
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Basic Fight Themes

Cherry Hartman
Summary

Basic fight themes of "You don't think

I'm important" and "You don't think I'm
competent" which come from the early
script decisions of "I'm not important"
and "I'm not competent" may be the
"real" issue behind many fights between
couples.
Don and Mary Smith are in a weekly
counseling group. Tonight they are fighting.
She is angry because he has been polishing
his shoes on their new living room coffee
table. He maintains he should be able to
polish his shoes anywhere he likes in his
own house.
This seems like a simple problem where
compromise can be easily reached. It is not.
The fight continues with no resolution
and each person experiences angry and hurt
feelings.
What is important in this conflict is
the "basic fight theme" for each person.
Mary's theme is "You don't think I'm
important." Don's theme is "you don't
think I'm competent." These themes are
the "real" issues behind this and most
other fights they have. Mary says, "The
living room furniture is important to me
but you don't even care about it, so you
don't think I'm important either!" Don
says, "You don't think I'm competent
enough to shine my shoes without making
a mess."
These basic fight themes come from
early script decisions of "I'm not important" and "I'm not competent." Mary
received very little positive unconditional
stroking as a child and adequate positive

conditional stroking. Competency is not

an issue for her; her sense of self-importance and self-worth is an issue. Don received much positive unconditional
stroking as an infant and very little
positive conditional stroking as a growing
child. He feels confident of his self-worth
and very uncertain of his competency and
abilities.
These contrasting positions are partly
responsible for Mary and Don being together as a couple. He continually discounts her importance, reinforcing her
decision "I'm not important." She continually calls his competency into question.
Their marriage contract is partly based on
the belief that Don is the important one
and Mary is the competent one.
Mary has made a redecision and now
believes "I am important" and has begun
to seek affirmation for this position. Don
has made a redecision of "I am competent"
and now seeks support for this position.
This puts a new strain on their marriage,
however, in that, initially, it is easier to get
stroking for these new positions from
other people who are not threatened by
the change.
Clinical observation seems to indicate
that these basic fight themes have broad
application among couples. Typically, in
a fight, one person will, in effect, be saying,
"You don't think I'm important." And the
other person will be countering with, "You
don't think I'm competent."

Cherry Hartman, MSW, RM, is a counselor at Lutheran Family Services, Portland, Oregon and is in private practice.

Vol. 9, No.2, April 1979

123
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