Clare Marie Trautfield Conk (1922- 2015)

remarks at memorial Mass

Serra Chapel, Mission Santa Barbara
February 6, 2015
In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit
On this, the saddest day of our lives, when we mourn the deaths of our mother Clare and
our sister Kathryn - who died last night with Nancy, Peter, Steven and I at her bedside;
along with Mary Clare and Max, Norma, Mindy, and our cousin Karen Trautfield, we
turn to the deepest expressions of our faith in humanity and say:
Mary our mother sustain us in moments of darkness and apparent defeat.
We know that no one who ever sought thy aid or intercession was left unaided.
Our mother Clare was the daughter of Walter and Mary who was called May. She lost
both of them as a young woman. I did not know Walter - after whom I am named, as was
my uncle Walter. But I knew May. Though she was ill and in a wheelchair she was
loving and attentive to Nancy and me. She taught me the rules of baseball watching on a
tiny black and white screen - and to love the Brooklyn Dodgers to whom I remained loyal
until the last Brooklyn player left the field - Junior Gilliam one of the first African
American players in the major leagues.
At Mom's 90th birthday when she was very weak from surgery, she said "I hope I'll see
my mother". I hope they are sharing a cup of heavenly tea right now.
Mom's life holds many lessons for us - she a woman who lost her own mother and father
as a young woman. Perhaps the most important is to serve others you must serve
yourself. Having seen her parents taken early by illness she took care of herself. And she
took care of others: our father to whom she was loyal and a model of patience. We her
five children - each of whom was sure we were her special favorite. And she convinced

us that we were smart and able to leave a mark on the world. And that mark meant doing
work of which we were proud that served others.
Mom's own actions exemplified that - in ways that I certainly have often failed to match.
She served God, country, and family. After graduating from St. Joseph's College for
women she, like Dad, joined the United States Navy and served the duration of the war
until the fascists were defeated. They promptly began a family. Married on January 27,
1945, I was born less than 10 months later on November 22. My Irish twin sister Nancy
followed a similarly decent 12 months and eighteen days later. Then came Peter,
Kathryn, and Steven. Five in nine years.
When Steven started school Mom began teaching in Massapequa where she taught
English and at Queens College did graduate work in speech to aid kids who had
disabilities that obstructed their ability to write effectively.
Mom, a veteran, was a peace advocate. She came to oppose the Vietnam war as unjust
and supported conscientious resisters like Jesuit Father Dan Berrigan and his brother
Father Phillip Berrigan. And she embraced the cause of Cesar Chavez and the United
Farmworkers Union. When Mom and Dad moved to California and Mom accomplished
the amazing feat of passing the California bar exam without graduating from law school,
she became a member for twenty five years of the Board of California Rural Legal
Assistance which provides legal help for farm workers and their families.
And of course she served for thirty years on the Board of Santa Barbara Community
Housing Corporation, which dedicated to her the Castillo Homes where we hope you will
join us after Mass.
But what did Mom have to do to accomplish this life of service? In 1978 she found
herself suffering from the same cardiac problems that had felled her father. She found
good doctors who sent her to Stanford where coronary bypass surgery was performed.
Then she resumed her legal studies. Thirteen years later she underwent the same

procedure. There were other crises but thanks to Dad and Kathryn she always found her
way to timely medical assistance. Nancy called her the cat with nine lives. And through
it all she persisted, never complaining, doing all that she possibly could for others.
How did she do that? Faith in others and self is one answer but perhaps most importantly
she took good care of herself. She went to aerobics, to the gym to exercise, she didn't
smoke, she paid attention to her body. Unlike me, and unlike Kathryn, she knew that the
rules applied to her and did not indulge the foolish rationalization that they could be
skirted or skipped.
In closing we all want to say thank you to Dad, Clare's loyal husband of seventy years.
Thank you Dad for all you have done for all of us, for the support you gave Mom as you
watched admiringly as your remarkable wife made her mark on the world. And thank
you for your loving care and attention through her illnesses and health crises. And
especially these past five years when weakened by infection and age her strength ebbed.
You were there for her - every day, caring and attentive. She was very grateful, as she
told me. For all of us I say again - Thank you Dad.
- George