Talking to Troubled Teens

HOW

to

TALK

to

TROUBLED TEENS

Keep Your Best Motives in Mind.

Before talking to your teenager, pause and
ask yourself, What do I really want? This
can help you get your motives in check and
move from simply keeping the peace to
being a powerful influence.
Confront with Facts, not Judgments.
When you use judgments or accusatory
language, it appears you intend simply to
humiliate or punish, and your teen feels no
obligation to engage in the conversation.
Make It Safe. Teens may become defensive
during your crucial conversations less
because of what youre saying than because
of why they think youre saying it.
Discuss, Agree On, and Stick With
Boundaries. If you talk about rules before
your teen is tempted to make bad choices, it
is much easier to enforce them later.
Evaluate the Dialogue. After the
conversation, ask yourself who did most of
the talking. If your teen didnt do at least
25 percent of it, you didnt ask enough
questionsor you didnt allow your teen to
fully participate.
Encourage Accountability. Relate to your
teen the importance of taking responsibility.
Encourage them to use the above steps to
speak up if they are aware of dangerous
behavior from themselves or others.

V I TA L S M A R T S R E S E A R C H

It may seem obvious: parents who talk candidly about tough issues with their teen are more
likely to raise a child who becomes a productive member of society. But according to our
research on how parents can play a greater role in influencing their teens choiceschoices

1 out of 3
parents are either unable or barely able to have a
crucial conversation with their teenager.
about drugs, friends, sex, internet safety, education, laziness, etc.

Our study of more than 300 people also revealed that 55 percent of kids are either unwilling
or barely willing to discuss problems. If parents are unable and kids are unwilling to hold these
crucial conversations, their chances of success drop significantlywhen compared with
the rest of the sample, kids who
dont have the necessary crucial
KEY RESULTS
conversations are only half as likely to
overcome challenges.
of kids are either unwilling
In addition to sabotaging their
or barely willing to discuss problems.
chances to overcome challenges,
the inability to hold these crucial
parents are either unable or
conversations affects four
barely
able
to
have
crucial conversations with
key areas:
their child.
1. O
 verall Relationship: Parents
who are able to have crucial
of parents say holding crucial
conversations with their
conversations improved their relationship
children are more than twice
as likely to describe their
with their teen;
said it hurt the
relationship as very good or
relationship.
extremely good.

55%
30%

48%
17%

2. O
 verall Happiness: Parents
who are able to hold difficult
conversations with their children are 27 percent more likely to describe their children as
moderately or very happy.
3. O
 verall Health: Parents who are able to talk to their children about difficult subjects are
21 percent more likely to describe their children as moderately or very healthy.
4. Overall Productivity: Parents who are able to have crucial conversations with their
children are 57 percent more likely to describe their children as moderately or very
productive members of society.

ABOUT THE RESEARCH. The study

collected responses via an online survey from
344 individuals in April of 2010. Margin of error is
approximately 3%.

LEARN NEW SKILLS. To learn how Crucial

Conversations Training can help you talk to
troubled teens, visit www.vitalsmarts.com or call
1.800.449.5989.

An innovator in corporate training and leadership development, VitalSmarts combines three

decades of original research with 50 years of the best social science thinking to help leaders and
organizations change human behavior and achieve new levels of performance. VitalSmarts has
identified four high-leverage skill sets that, when used in combination, create healthy corporate
cultures. These skills are taught in the Companys award-winning training programs and New York
Times bestselling books of the same titles: Crucial Conversations, Crucial Accountability, Influencer,
and Change Anything. VitalSmarts has consulted with more than 300 of the Fortune 500 companies
and trained more than one million people worldwide. www.vitalsmarts.com