Chapmon 1

Madison Chapmon
Instructor: Malcolm Campbell
English 1103
March 30, 2015

Divorce: Are They Really All Bad?

Divorces have been taking place within families for decades and decades now, but
has anyone ever truly thought in depth about the affects that is has or could have on
children? Divorce is defined as the ending or and instance of legally dissolving marriage,
according to Merriam-Websters dictionary. This sounds pretty bad when you read the
true definition of it, but could it be possible for divorce to bring stability to the lives of
the children suffering in unhappy or unstable homes, or does it always have to be
associated with negative affects regarding the children? We are always seeing statistics on
the Internet regarding divorce rates and whether theyre up or down this year, but rarely
are we seeing statistics talking about the effects they can bring to the children, whether
they are good or bad.
Divorce can indeed have a negative outcome on the lives of the children.
Children of divorce households are worse off than children of intact
household(Stevenson & Wolfers, Marriage and Divorce). A study was done by the
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP), which showed how
some children feel when dealing with divorcing parents. While parents may be
devastated or relieved by the divorce, children are invariably frightened and confused by

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the threat to their security. Some parents feel so hurt or overwhelmed by the divorce that
they may turn to the child for comfort or direction. This can add to the pressure and stress
a child is experiencing. Divorce can be misinterpreted by children unless parents tell
them what is happening, how they are involved and not involved, and what will happen
to them(AACAP). Often times it is hard for parents to talk to their children about
divorce, which can lead to confusion. Researchers say that sometimes when a parent is
suffering from depression, their children may begin to suffer from depression also. The
parents emotions have a strong impact on their childs emotions. The AACAP gives tips
on how to help both the children and the parents with the challenges and stress that
divorce brings them:

Do not keep it a secret or wait until the last minute

Tell your child together with your spouse if possible
Tell your child that the divorce is not their fault
Admit that it may will be upsetting for everyone at first
Reassure your child that you both still love them

Sarah Harris, from the Herald Sun, took a poll asking children of divorced parents
how theyve suffered from the divorce and dealt with it. She believes that parents dont
always notice the affects that their divorces can have or bring on their children.
Sometimes theyre too busy wrapped up in their own feelings and problems to notice
what their children are actually going through. Many parents fail to notice that their
children are turning to drink and drugs, or even considering suicide, the poll found. Some
were insensitive enough to break the news of the divorce to their children by text. Onein
20hadturnedtoalcoholandoneinninehaddeliberatelywoundedthemselves.Afurther
6percenthadconsideredsuicide,whiletwoofthosepolledhadtriedtokillthemselves
(Harris, Herald Sun). At the end of this article, Harris said, While divorce may be the

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best thing for many families, we have to ensure children are helped to understand the split
isn't their fault and that they are still loved." Some children feel like they are stuck in the
middle between their parents as if they have to choose between the two of them. Others
feel as if they are responsible to look after their mothers and fathers after their
relationships fell apart. This shouldnt be the case. In order to reduce the negative
outcomes from divorce, for the sake of the children, the children need to be assured that
nothing has changed or is going to change between them and their parents. Parents need
to take control and handle their divorce maturely and make their children feel just as
loved as they were the day before, as they should be.
There are many factors that determine how families are affected by divorce.
Research was done regarding divorce and children, and according to Purdue University,
Children have different types of reactions. Some reactions will be negative and others
will be positive. Their reactions depend on many different things.( Karuppaswamy,
Purdue.edu). Some of the determining factors mentioned are:

Level of conflict between parents

How parents adjust to divorce
Information children are given about the divorce
Age and developmental level of children
Level of social support
Childrens gender
Childrens ability to cope with stress

These factors play a huge role in the effects on children. When there is a lot of conflict
between the parents, this can lead to criticism of one another as well as arguments over
custody. These experiences can be hard for the child and they can also make it difficult
for the child to adjust to the divorce. If the parents adjust well to divorce, the child is
more likely to adjust well also. Informing the child about the divorce can make it easier

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as well. If a child is uninformed on the divorce they may make things up about it or get
the wrong idea. It is important to let the child know what is going on. The researchers
from Perdue University do not believe that divorce always causes pain because people
react and adjust in many different ways due to the situation that is taking place.
Although there are many negative affects that divorces can bring to families, I do
believe that it is possible for divorce to bring stability to the lives of some children as
well. Depending on the situation, divorce can be good for a family all together or it may
be bad. For example, if the parents of a child are constantly fighting at home and not
getting along, divorce could probably bring stability to the life of that child. Sometimes
divorces are neutral between a couple and may not bring fighting and anger. Often times
the parents remain friends after a divorce and can still get along, which would be good
for the sake of their children. I believe that it is important for the parents to consider their
children when dealing with a divorce. When the situation is handled maturely and
rationally, the child wouldnt be exposed to all of the negativity, which would be less
likely to cause them to be unhappy. However, a third of all the divorce filings from 2011
contained the word Facebook in them. These divorces are said to have been caused by
some type of social media infidelity between one parent and another person. This type of
situation is one that would be more likely to bring negative effects to the children.
Situations in which a parent is involved with someone other than his or her spouse is a
situation that is more likely to cause harmful effects on the family. If a parent isnt happy,
the child most likely isnt happy, so divorce can bring both stability and/or instability to
families.

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People may not realize it, but some families today are in need of divorce. One of
my friends that Ive grown up with, Seth Anderson, has parents who rarely ever speak to
each other, yet they still live under the same roof. He said that when they do talk, which
is rarely, its them arguing over money. They would get a divorce, but my dad said its
too expensive(Anderson). Seth has mentioned to me several times that hes scared hes
going to be like his dad in the future; hes worried that hell end up being unhappy with
his wife and set a bad example for his children as well. According to Seth, his parents
dont love each other anymore; theyre just staying together due to money. In this
situation, I think a divorce is necessary to bring stability to Seths family. What kind of
example are his parents setting for him and his siblings? Studies show that children
living in unstable homes while growing up are more likely to be apart of and unstable
home later in life. I dont want this for Seth. Parents need to consider the effects that
their behavior can have on their children in the present, as well as the future.
In a casual discussion on divorce today, most people feel sympathetic for the
families going through with it, not knowing that it could possibly bring that family
happiness. Little do they know that the divorce may have brought more stability to that
family than ever before. Sure going through a divorce may be hard at first, but its a
process and it takes time to adjust to. According to Judith Wallerstein, only 40% of
children marry after having divorce parents. She has been studying divorces for years
now and Wallerstein has come to conclusion that there are ways to make this adjustment
easier on the children, as well as their parent. Quality post-divorce life is crucial for
children and parents after going through a divorce. As mentioned earlier, the way in

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which the parents react to their divorce is likely to affect the way their children will react
as well.
Divorce is usually upsetting for a child to hear at first, but handling the situation
properly makes it easier for both the children and the parents. If a divorce is what is right
for the family, the child will come to realize that and stability will take its place in their
life.

Works Cited

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Desai, Amy. "How Could Divorce Affect My Kids?" Focus on the Family. 18 Apr.
2006. Web. 12 Mar. 2015. <http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/
divorce-and-infidelity/should-i-get-a-divorce/how-could-divorce-affect-mykids>.

"Children and Divorce." <i>Children and Divorce</i>. 4 Dec. 2013. Web. 8 Mar.
2015.
http://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/Facts_for_Famili
es_Pages/Children_and_Divorce_01.aspx>.

Harris, Sarah. "The True Impact of Divorce on Children." Herald Sun 30 Dec. 2013.
Web. March 1. 2015.

Karuppaswamy, Nithyakala. "The Effect of Divorce on Children: What Makes a

Difference?" Purdue.edu. 2006. Web. 3 Mar. 2015.

Stevenson, Betsey, and Justin Wolfers. "Marriage and Divorce: Changes and Their
Driving Forces. "Journal of Economic Perspectives. 21.2 (2007): 27-52.
Print. 23

Feb. 2015.

Wallerstein, Judith S, and Joan B. Kelly. Surviving the Breakup: How Children and
Parents Cope with Divorce. New York: Basic Books, 1980. Print. Feb 27. 2015.

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