Consider this my crossing of the Rubicon. Don't know what I'm talking about?

Google it you
absolute idiot dad. Diana and mum read on only if you wish. I'm mostly fine.
I am done talking to you and trying to convince you of the truth that the system has worked at for a
decade to put together. You want to know why its taken so long? Because you Gemma and Dad
never EVER told me the fucking truth after all you did to me and Diana. Gemma has never given
me a sincere apology for what she did to me and Diana, I'm sorry but I did nothing wrong IS
NOT GOOD ENOUGH. EVER. Even for minor infractions, but to go what we went through? How
can you argue that? How can you believe that?!
I have just finally pieced the whole fucking puzzle together and been rekindling my self esteem you
extinguished as a boy through abuse all those years ago. Remember that defiance I used to have and
bravery? Well now its fucking back and I see the truth. I am fucking angry and I demand all the
answers. Why now? Lots of reasons but mainly that my psychologist needed to consent with experts
with the results of certain tests. Guess what, I'm probably and actual genius and instead of nurturing
me Dad and Gemma you took me from a vulnerable place where mum did her fucking best with
untreated bipolar, because you dad ran away from your family, and then used your meagre financial
resources to fucking fight her in a court of law when you full fucking well should of known it
wasn't as bad as you were making it out. I was 13 and I still knew what you was doing was wrong
and I legitimately feared everything every step of the way but I was too scared to act because I
knew you had what you wanted and nothing would stop you not even our right to not be hit. I have
a few memories that are recurrent night terrors (not nightmares, the ones where you literally wake
up screaming) and that fucking car journey is one of them. I probed to see if the behaviour was
reasonable and you took it waaaaay fucking out of hand. ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS ADMIT
YOU WERE WRONG AND TIME AND TIME AGAIN YOU MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES IN
WHOLE NEW WAYS.
It gets worse. Because then as a 13 year old boy I had to make the decision where to fucking live
between my parents as the state obviously had to ask me of my opinion, and you dad and Gemma
manipulated me into going with you. Deny it if you want but I know that's what happened. You saw
I made a decision but I couldn't go back on my word because the cogs were already in motion. But
wait! It gets so much worse. You then broke me and arguably Diana and mum through
psychological, emotional and sometimes physical abuse that literally shattered the very base line of
my psyche. It is very probable that you broke what philosophers call the self if it even exists, but
the personality is the deepest level of subconscious in psychology. I have worked hard to piece this
puzzle back together with professional help over the years from a point of absolute vulnerability
living in squalor and I demand some answers. Before you dismiss all of this as you will dad, ask
yourself. How many of your work friends kids live like me and Diana? It's about time we got
answers. I am LITERALLY orders of magnitude smarter than you, and my self may be broken
but I have realised I've spent the last 20 years reading books and browsing the internet learning new
stuff every day and I am MUCH smarter than you will ever be both intelligently and emotionally.
Every day I learn more and more and that gap is just widening. I am forced to be humble because of
my condition, and I have learnt how to basically keep my thoughts on the straight and narrow
through nothing more than grit.
AND THEN AFTER ALL OF THAT YOU LEAVE ME TO LIVE LIKE I HAVE FOR A
DECADE? WITH YOUR MONEY? FUCK YOU. I am basically an angel of my condition to the
point most don't even believe I even have it! It took me YEARS to even find out there were others
like me out there. The quiet ones that turn it all inwards in fear instead of exploding outwards for
attention.
This is what is going to happen. We are all going to a private clinical psychologist to get some much

fucking needed group therapy for all of us. Diana, you obviously have mild clinical depression,
mum has Bi polar, dad you have serious narcissistic traits, I have BPD / PTSD and gemma? You
either have NPD or fucking ASPD. Congratulations, you have serious sociopathic tendencies with
the way you treat others around you. You once told me that people never went to the moon. Not that
it was a hoax, not that it was some batshit insane conspiracy theory but THAT IT NEVER
HAPPENED. And you were fucking adamant. You kept pushing my buttons and when I didn't give
you that lovely attention you so desperately want by abusing others you literally followed me
around to taunt me and I couldn't act in full well knowledge that dad would take your side if I even
raised my voice by using physical intimidation and threats. That's fucking abuse. I've been told that
by various different professionals for years and NOW I AM JUST GETTING UP THE COURAGE
TO TELL YOU SO Every 5 year old knows better than that. You are literally dumber than most 5
year olds and ELI5 would be lost to you. You will never EVER have a fulfilled life until you can
look at other peoples opinions and treat them with respect and validate them as real. EVER, O, and
I will not call into judgement things you say but I do have some serious doubts. Why in the name of
all that is good did you allow me and Diana to both separately spend time with Colin alone?! Over
night?! Nothing obviously happened, he's just a dick with narcissistic traits. Was your silence worth
more than our safety? I really fucking want to know your reasoning behind that one. But it will be
the truth no matter how embarrassing or what ever because, for as long as I have been in the
system? I've heard literally everything.
And you Dad.. you are the one it has taken so long to work out because you literally threw Gemma
to the wolves like you did mum to protect your own interests. I have spent years unraveling your
methods and lies and your a fucking good liar, probably because you actually believe what you say,
but I have finally realised it was all bullshit. I will not be going to Spar with you. You can go if you
wish, but remember your son will probably be in hospital again, giving away his freedom so his
most personal thoughts can be laid on the table and discussed for others to see. I know they are
professionals but it is incredibly dehumanising in a way that I cant explain but I will get you to
understand it a little bit and drag you both into this world for at least a little while..
You know what did it? Getting involved with the psychologist in person. They fucking spotted that
one rickety tick and if she didn't I doubt I would have ever seen it. She never said it but when I
asked she looked away uncomfortably. She is good at her job and won't say anything without a level
of professionalism but I saw exactly what she thought of your traits as a professional. I am VERY
good at picking up on stuff like that.
O, and as for Emma with the snake?! Completely fucking normal levels of behaviour you
invalidated. I spend like a month talking to her about it, seeing how she felt honestly. No fear, no
bullshit, just letting her discuss and explore her feelings and helping her talk about some stuff. You
know why we broke up? Because I want kids and she doesn't. That's it. I was never going to
convince her otherwise of that because I respected her as a human being and that is her choice.
So this is what is going to happen. All 5 of us are going to a private clinical psychologist that I
personally choose and you are fucking paying for it dad. You owe us all that much. Monthly 1 hour
sessions for at least 10 sessions. If at any point you leave that room because your feelings are
getting hurt, not because I'm doing stuff like this, but because the psychologist tells you the fucking
truth, and refuse to finish the treatment I will use all the contacts and skills I've learnt over the years
to crowd fund a fucking good lawyer.. That includes Gemma too. You will both sit there and hear
the truth and I will ask them not to look at my notes. It will be my word against yours. If reddit
comment karma was USD I could literally buy a mansion. I know what they fucking love and that is
getting the pitchforks out and whilst I will protect your identities they will see all to be laid bare. I
will present it as fiction. I will sell the rights to my story to be written into one of those books about
abused children and then we will fucking see who is laughing, living comfortably in a home and

ignoring his children that desperately need help with the entire fucking world knowing what you
really are. You do the bare minimum so you can look yourself in the mirror and say your a good
person, as an ego boost? but you never can be because of just how long this has gone on and the
damage it has caused. I will use my legal right to get my notes from over the years and personally
read every last word and write it into something the entire internet will fucking love. It will be
accurate to the best of my knowledge and you will never work again. EVER. Let's see how much
you like living on less than a month than you and Gemma spend on a fucking dog. Remember
having to go to a charity shop for clothes? Fucking sucks doesn't it? You can section me if you want
but they cant keep me locked up forever and when I get out I will use the legal in my favour like
you abused it all those years ago. The maximum section is 6 months and it has tribunals. That's it.
And after 2 weeks this will pass and they will let me back out into the world because that's how
long it takes me from not being able to withstand inwards rage anymore and build myself back to a
point where I can be safe enough to be in society. I will go voluntarily but I am not for another
second living my life as a fucking martyr for people who obviously don't have any real of humility
because I fucking deserve otherwise. I will always be here for Diana but as far as I'm concerned Our
relationship is either on a fucking long hiatus or over. Done. You fucked up and now I finally have
the self esteem to take things into my own hands. This is a fucking massive breakthrough for me.
Huge. Biggest one by far yet. Psychologist will probably say I need to really treat myself.
I have never told reddit my story, and I bet I could hint at it and authors would start a bidding war.
How I fucking live and what I do, How I have rebuilt myself without a decent level of help and now
I have just realised I am no longer that scared 13 year old malnousihed boy. I am 26. 6'1. 13 ish
stone and people are starting to think I may legitimately be a genius and really fucking angry from
years of bottled up feelings through fear you brought on me because you utterly shattered the very
fabric of my being. The fire you stamped out all those years ago is fucking back and now it's and
inferno. I will literally outthink you every step of the way because I am a better man than you even
if society deems me broken. I will smash through that glass ceiling harder than anyone with
disabilities has ever done it. I will drag both of you personally into that office because I am not
waiting another 10 years for a full recovery. Take some fucking humility for your child because it
will save me YEARS. But it has to be both of you. Continue down this path and you literally are
playing with my life and if it can continue. It could all end tomorrow. Gone. Poof. No more James.
Only reason I am here is so Diana is basically not crying like that again.
Want to know just how serious this is? I suggest you do some fucking research on what happens
when people with BPD finally see the truth of their abusers. ESPECIALLY THE QUIET ONES. I
could handle Gemma but not you dad. This is completely taken me by suprise and I have ignored it
for a few months until the perfect storm of people chipping away at the cage you built for my mind
could fucking be opened from within. I will not do those unspeakable acts, not for you, but for me
and Diana. I honestly don't give a shit if you get a divorce or not, this is happening and no amount
of wriggling will get you out of this as I am fucking good at dealing with people like you because
the internet is literally full of trolls and my education demographic is not exactly easy. But I
honestly can't remember the last time someone didn't listen to me in the classroom. You know how.
Fucking mutual respect. Honesty. Not wriggling it out. I straight up tell them this will be the most
difficult thing they will ever do and they respect me for it because they are so used to easy answers.
Keep Quiet: Diana, You
Neutral: Me (I am usually forced to accept this position because I can't even trust my own thoughts.
Try to think about what that means to legitimately have my intellect but being unable to form my
own opinions because they could become fanatical due to the idea of approved thoughts)
Expose you: Mum, Gemma
I am taking the fucking lead now and I have been quiet for far too long. You may of beaten me and

malnourished me and installed fear into me but I WAS ALWAYS THE LEADER OF THE FAMILY
EVEN AS A CHILD. I'm taking the reigns back and we are now going to do this my way. I know I
am utterly not responsible for the decisions I made but it literally eats at me every day. Not every
week. EVERY FUCKING DAY OF MY LIFE. Whilst you have your little comfortable life? Fuck
you dad. You should know better. You may be smart for your little financial buddies pond but I have
literally exposed my mind to some of histories greatest thinkers to try and understand them through
books, especially the ones with mental health issues. You will not stand against those giants and I
have perfected a lot of my ideas through the ultimate test for ideas; the internet. I read Nietzsche
and laugh at what he considers Nihilism. If you can, try to keep up. Politics, Economics, History,
Law, Psychology, Philosophy, Theology (all the major world religions), Physics, Archaeology,
Anthropology, Literature. Yeah. You are WAY fucking out of your depth on this one. All literally
learnt so I could better understand the human condition. You literally had to physically intimidate
me as a child instead of nurture me because what I said challenged your world views. You could
have just pointed me to a book, but no, you used fear and now I have wasted 10 years of my
precious fucking life to protect your feelings. That is now over. I am literally getting migranes
because my psyche has changed so much in the last week. Everything is being undone and I am
about as fucking angry as it is possible to be. You can run, but you will never hide from someone
like me and I will drag your ass back to this country personally so you give us all the answers few
fucking deserve.
But here's the thing. I think you knew this was only a matter of time. One day I'd make a
breakthrough and we'd all be friends because you did something. Nope. I have utterly separated my
opinions from yours in my mind and I can now validate my own for the first fucking time in my
life.
And you Diana. I am utterly sorry for completely failing you as a brother. I will never put you
through what Danny did and that is what keeps me going in the darkest of days. I literally am so
under-medicated it isn't even funny and the only reasons I can even get out of bed is through sheer
determination. I know it wasn't my fault but I am having real trouble feeling it. I promise you I will
get there one day. For both of us. Every time I look at myself in the mirror I tell myself I'm a good
person and I utterly can't believe it. Can you do that? I need to know. And be honest. Not because of
actions, not because of what you have, but that core. You are and I will guide you through the
system and personally do 1 to 1 work on skills that helped me through the years. If you are hiding
now is the time to stop hiding and let go on the reigns a little. I will make you better as not only a
service user but a professional. You are a constant source of wonder and inspiration for me but me
leaving you in that hell hole was totally unacceptable. I literally left it as long as I could to protect
you and I hope one day you can forgive me from the bottom of your heart. You are the only other
person who can understand my childhood Diana and we really need to stick together on this one.
I understand you are all not perfect, but I have deliberately written this way to toy with your
emotions like you crushed mine all those years ago dad and Gemma. I will have my justice even if I
have to drag you kicking and screaming to a psychologist and in a court of civil law. It is too late for
anything else If you refuse it will literally take me another decade to make a full recovery
probably. If you do this you will cut it down by years and there is no way in hell I am letting you
live your lives the way you do whilst I sit here and rot after you did everything to me, and neglected
me nearly utterly up until this point because I am hard to deal with apparently. You literally have no
idea how well behaved I am for someone with this condition and I turn it all inwards because I
know if I step out of line, that's fucking it. Back to lonely town. You can try and ring me, I will only
communicate to you through text. Can't write? Tough shit. Learn. I fucking did with no guidance
and mental health issues. You are both so utterly toxic with your emotions I have no choice but to
do so so you don't cause further damage to me. I will happily talk to Diana or mum though on the
phone if you are worried for my safety. O. And move back here? To my home? Where I have lived

in fucking hostels and with a war veteran who had a gun AND PTSD? Fuck you. I will say
everything to Marg, which she fucking knows is true, and you will never speak to any of them again
for not only the way you treated me as a child but literally up until this point. I need that distance or
all it takes is one bad day and a taxi ride and congratulations you will be remembered as nice people
and I will rot in a prison cell. If you move here I will be forced to move away as some kind of
relocation for my mental health and build my life again, for what? The 5th time not including hostel
> hilson > here?
You know what you should have done dad? Grown a pair of balls and got me the help if I agreed or
not (which would have literally taken like 30 seconds of googling) you could have literally argued I
had some sort of internet or game addiction or something and sent me to rehab and they would have
kept me there until my mental health was fixed forcibly, instead of getting me to learn to live that
life of moderation without literally any help. At all. From anyone. O and stop giving a fuck what
people think of you because you are so insecure with your own morality. You may call this venting,
but you know it is all true. I have bottled this up for over a decade and you refuse to treat me like a
fucking human being and both apologise to me sincerely and honestly. Guess what? The gloves are
fucking coming off now fuckers. It has taken me this long to piece a fucking impossible puzzle
together, with a broken mind, in a system that actively won't believe me, in a society that thinks I'm
a demon, and you come in and play hero once in a while so you feel good about yourself but leave
me to live like an animal. I honestly don't think Gemma knows better but you fucking should. Try
googling my condition. Look at all the hate groups. People legitimately arguing whether or not
people like me should be allowed children, as if I can't be trusted because all I apparently want to
do is hurt human beings and I should literally be killed like an animal. Not just on forums but in the
fucking academic community. Why? Because the loud ones get all the attention and I sit here doing
fuck all not drawing attention to myself so others like me basically hide in the shadows. Not any
fucking more I don't.
And you are fucking lucky I am making this a private message. After EVERYTHING I am still
good enough to you that I respect you enough to do this in private. Either start giving me the respect
I deserve or I will completely ruin your life legally and with the whole world behind me. Trust me, I
have really held back here and I could have been much much much more viscous. You have 3 days
before I go to the press to make your decision (the time it took Caesar from crossing the Rubicon to
Rome.)
O. I have not aimed to push you too far over the edge with this. Consider it a slap to the face. If you
start having dark urges try living with them for over 10 years and every fucking day at least once
seriously considering it. If you do attempt it maybe you will know just what it's like to be in a, an
utterly delusional state, b, with a shit ton of medical drugs in your system and c, memorising dad's
phone number because my phone was low on battery d, no one telling you if you were going to
make it through the night or not. That is literally the most dark thing ever and I sat there the entire
time knowing I broke a promise to Diana. I tried to argue my case to the professionals but they just
didn't listen at all. FOR MONTHS and MONTHS if not years. And you were content to just let me
be this way. Hell fucking no. I will drag you into this hell with me dad and gemma if I have to
knock some sense into you and wonderland is certainly not as nice as it was in the book.
Think this is bad? I'm sure you did a little bit of research into my condition right? BPD? Do you
know just how often this kind of venting they do to the ones they love? Most of them EVERY DAY.
I have kept quiet for far too long and I WILL NOT PAY THE PRICE FOR MISTAKES THAT
AREN'T MINE. You have lived comfortably for far too long and poked me with a stick by living
lovely quiet life. I am back AND I WILL HAVE MY RETRIBUTION LEGALLY.
You may argue that this is some sort of delusional state. I'm absolutely clear minded using the tools

I've had to basically teach myself. It's fucking hard work and I desperately need some sort of
medication as a crutch for this and the stuff I'm given? Fucking bad. Doesn't even touch the sides.
At all. Can't tell the difference in behaviour if I'm on it or off it from plotting my mood mentally in
a scale between 1-100. Any given day might as well be a random number generator. It really seems
at this moment in time my psychologist is wiping everything they thought they knew about me
clean because I am just too fucking stubborn to die and the things I said were just too unbelievable
to be true. Take that in. Professionals thinking I was lying because what you did to me was literally
unbelievable to them from a non emotional calm standpoint I had to learn as a fucking survival
tactic.
I'm fucking back. Finally think I found the rabbit hole.
lea iacta est
-Et tu, Brute?
O. And whilst I'm at it fuck the investment finance industry. Congratulations, you have built a house
of cards that we have to keep patching up every so often when some falls down to stop a fucking
revolution (because if the whole thing tumbles no one will be able to feed their kids and that is
literally the breaking point of society) to keep your bonuses by allowing people to literally go to
food banks because it has been deemed acceptable to do so by telling people they don't deserve to
either work or buy their own food, and that is completely unacceptable in our position in the world
as an economic power. I work damn hard at my recovery and it isn't something I can just put down
when I want to relax. If I am not vigilant at nearly all times I will probably regret it. I have to keep
myself away from train tracks, and only keep blunt knifes and all sorts of stupid rules because I
know I'm a danger to myself. I have to keep this beast contained every day in a cage and at the
moment I'm keeping a muzzle on it so you don't literally kill yourself because I damn well need
answers and you know you owe them to me. People use some of their hard earned money from
actual professions to feed the poor because you want 2 pay checks. Well done. There is an entire
generation out there that had their futures stolen by the financial crisis, it may seem like we are in
recovery from statistics but they are heavily fudged for political support. I am getting more and
more young people WHO HAVE DEGREES who can't even get a job at ASDA, and they are just as
smart as any degree holder and completely employable.. It is a basically a jobless recovery and the
(public and third sector has been utterly gutted to make it happen including to the point I am really
struggling to secure funding for my own work of a meagre 200,000 pounds for 5 years) with 0 hour
contracts, bringing back loan sharks and people like me not being able to take a paycheck home
because I am not even deemed economically sound to invest 6 fucking pounds an hour in. AND I
LITERALLY GO WITHOUT IT SO I CAN BUY FLIPCHART PAPER TO TEACH PEOPLE
HOW TO DEAL WITH MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES to run entirely different projects you literally
waste away out of incompetence.. If I had the amount of money you waste away on projects I could
literally cure both illiteracy and child hunger to the point of non existence in this country through
educating the populace into peer voluntary positions. Literally my time, some books, some people
and let it grow from there. These people have been utterly mistreated and they deserve some
fucking respect before they utterly snap and they outnumber you 10,000 to 1. There I was putting
my life in real physical danger to the point people were getting wounded and your banker buddies
literally stopped working so they could laugh at us from their lovely secure offices. I may never go
to a protest again out of fear, but I can use a computer and I can kick the hornets nest that is the
internet as good as some of the best. Every time you break the law and we legally take bank asserts
to curb some of that absolute avarice to the point where we basically have to put you in near
bankruptcy and you guys still fucking break the law, because you think you can. You are completely
missing the long term investment because you are soooo fucking short sighted and blind as
shareholders are more interested in dividents than long-term stability. We will start taking your

personal assets if we have to even if they are in tax havens. Don't think that's possible? Don't be a
fool. British politics has no separation of powers and the winning party gets 100% of the power and
the only thing that curbs it is enlightenment liberal tradition. As soon as my generation start voting
in numbers we will take drastic measures out of spite. Congratulations, you literally killed
liberalism in Britain; it's birthplace. Now lovely xenophobic parties are taking route as a short cut
by the undereducated. Muslims, Hindus, Taxi drivers, Teachers whatever.. everyone hates
investment banks but we are utterly stuck with them because they make so much money. You may
hire good lawyers, but we have the judges and law makers. O, and if you think the banks are big
consider this. Credit suisse made what? 4 billion net last year in swiss franks? You know how much
freaking tax revenue states make? GDP of what 3 trillion usd? Income tax, VAT, all the tax that
actually goes to helping people. I doubt the average citizen even keeps half of that for themselves.
And we can literally just print more money if we need to as a surplus package. Congratulations, you
have an entire generation growing up that you stole the future from and they will want scape goats.
They don't read newspapers, they get pretty much everything from the internet, and they are
massively angry and nothing in the world is going to stop them from putting some serious political
pressure down - as the average reader has become more intelligent, but the quality of articles is
hardly the guardian. Most of them don't even know that the government bought shares in some of
these banks.. They just think it was literally free money given away. They won't resort to physical
violence but they will demand answers as to why their parents were so fucking greedy and they had
to suffer for it in the greatest intellectual age that makes the enlightenment look like the dark ages.
Do I think banks control the world? Hell no. Do I think they have too much power to fuck
everything up in an utterly undemocratic fashion for their own personal greed? Yes. And that is
totally unacceptable in a democracy. I know you guys like to think of yourselves as the most
intelligent but you obviously have no understanding of economics or history or politics, just
finance.
O and one final thing. Read this study. http://www.wsj.com/articles/can-money-buy-happinessheres-what-science-has-to-say-1415569538