History of Loving-Final

Dror Amir’s
History of Loving
Pre-Birth
Family and social climate before I was born
1967
Israel, 1967 after the Six days war
I was conceived soon after the six days war in Israel 1967, a time of
happiness and euphoria in the history of Israel. The national moral
was high and the future looked bright for the young state, yet it was
mixed with a lot of the post-war pain and grief the losses. It was the
happy 60’s, The Beatles and all, everybody ware very happy and love My mom in her
national
service days
was all around, I feel it was a great time to be conceived into.
1
My Grandparents dancing with my Seeing the Loving Essence
parents in their wedding
My family was very involved in Israel’s independ-

ence and formation as a state and I am very
proud in that and Prize my family for our small
part in history. The love for the land, people and
patriotism ware qualities that ware embedded in
my family from both sides. I was born exactly
one year after the six days war in which Israel
freed and occupied a lot of the territories from
the south to the west bank and the north (win-
ning an impossible war against four enemy states,
all larger then Israel) the period of time after was
full of hope and happiness. Our family was large,
united and very loving and supporting of each
other. And the general atmosphere was full of
winning, anticipation and hope.
Re"ame
All the males from my grandmother’s side died
through Israel’s early wars serving in the israeli
army and fighting for independence and freedom.
I never knew most of them and just heard stories.
Although I always felt the sadness of this around
my beloved great grandmother and grandmother,
I knew this is a part of my family strength.
My family is large and complex, an interesting

environment to be surrendered coming into this
world. Most of the family dynamics ware about
and around the family business, a successful chain
of Bakeries and European Coffee shops that ware
a new thing in Israel at that time. I tended to see
that business as the something that created a lot
of our family issues but I know today that it was
a blessing, beside making my family very involved
in the community it brought us a lot of wealth
Very young Ziggy and in a way united the family throughout the
and Yona
2
generations. It made us well known nation wide
and I am proud from all of what I learned grow-
ing around the family Business.
Lesson Awareness
Since I was born at the day and time of this war I
was named Dror (Means Freedom in Hebrew)
later on I learned from my mothers journal that
she named me that as bringing out her freedom
and happiness into the family and knowing that
it’s truth I Prize myself for that too. It took me
some time to realize the price of
freedom (my freedom).
The euphoria of that time changed

very fast to the realization of a
young nation building itself with all
the challenges that comes with
that. That was the same for my
family as well as our bakery busi-
ness developed and my parents, uncles and grand
parents worked very hard to provide us with that
ever we needed and hence ware very not available
physically. I think many sacrifices and compro-
Mom
mises have been made during these days but also
and my family knew the values of hard work and how
Dad
early to enjoy it’s fruits as well.
happy
days :)
From the reason I stated above (freeing the
land) I was named Dror (Means Freedom in
Hebrew) and that brings us to the beginning of
my story!
elebrations
Post War C 3
Our Family Tree painted for my Grandparents
for their 50th anniversary
(The Roots are my great Grandparents, the Soil represent my grandparents and
the branches my parents, Uncles and Aunts and the leafs are we the kids)
“...and in the end, the

Love you get is equal to
the love you Make…”
- The Beatles
4
"A baby is God's opinion
that the world should
go on."
- Carl Sandburg
Infancy
Birth to 18 Months
Wednesday, June 5th - 1968

Around 8am
I was born as a healthy and happy baby. I was the first male
grandson in my family from my father’s side (which made me
the golden grandson and hence drew a lot of attention to me)
Infancy
My parents ware working very hard while I was a baby, hence
I was a lot of the time in my grandparents house which was
just above the family main bakery I spent a lot of the time
with my grandparents Yona and Zacharia (a.k.a Ziggy) and with my great grandmother
Miriam so practically I was raised by 3 loving Jewish Mothers which explains a lot of the
attention and care I got as a baby. I think that mostly I did not understood what was all the
noise around me and at many times just wanted to be left alone. Yet the stories and the pic-
tures tells that I was a very active, cute and happy baby and
shows how much action, happiness, joy and delight I brought to
my family.
< my Brit (circumcision) while I was 8 days old.
5
My Mother
Yoela Amir (1947-1998)
Seeing the Loving Essence

My mother Yoela was one of the friendliest peo-
ple I ever knew. Anyone who knew her loved her
and she left possessive impression and upliftment
on anyone she ever met. Her smile, care for oth-
ers (always putting others needs before her own)
and light hearted personality always showed and
uplifted her surrounding. She saw the good in
people and had the ability to bring it out in
whomever she contacted with.
My mother was a living vision of

unconditional love. Her love to us
was beyond any doubt and I al-
ways knew that regardless of what
I‘ll do, say or get into I will always
have her unconditional love and
support. She was my best friend
and I could always share my things, issues and
thoughts with her knowing I will either get a
warm advice or just have a kind ear and loving
heart to share my day with.
Her ability to bring people together was some-

thing I always prized and adored her for. She was
always ready to listen to other people, help
whomever needed, and be a good and loyal friend.
My Mother died very young from cancer (at the

age of 50), her last few months ware very special
as we got very close again I returned to live with
her for a while), the parade of people, family and
friends who came to support her and the hun-
6
dreds who attended her funeral ware the best
demonstration to the loving soul she was.
I miss my mother very much but her soul is with

me and in me everyday. Many of my great quali-
ties and who I am today derive from being her
Son and all of what I learned from her over the
years. Her Loving memories are a shining light to
me and I cherish all of it in my heart.
Lesson Awareness
One of the most significant things I learned from
my relationship with my mother was to take good
care of myself. My mom always have been putting
others and others needs in front of herself. In
general I would say this is a good quality but in
some cases in mom’s life that led to ignoring her
basic needs and in the case of her health it led to
her tragic illness and death (at such young age).
My mother had a small lump on her breast
(which later on we found was a simple breast can-
cer), but she was too ‘busy’ taking care of us and
fighting my dad in their divorce and she did not
go to check herself for more then a year, by the
time she went to check it the cancer started to
spread to other areas of her body (mostly the
liver) and it was too late to cure. Even when she
eventually went to check it, it was only when my
sisters dragged her to do so with them. I think
that this was a significant lesson to me and my
sisters in regards to how much one need to take
good care of himself.
I used to argue with my mother begging her to

take some time and better care for herself I
sometime feel bad I wasn’t too firm on that. Yet I
learned a valuable lesson and know the impor-
tance of taking care of putting myself first at
some aspects of my life.
At my Sister’s Wedding
7
Lesson Awareness (Cont…)
Another important lesson I learned in my rela-
tionship with my mom was setting healthy
boundaries. At times my mother used to get her-
self involved too much in other people lives,
mostly out of care and with a good intention in
mind but at times this was creating uncomfort-
able situations. One area that I personally had
created a boundary with her was in regards to my
I’m
personal relationships, I would feel sometime
that she is crossing the line in her comments or
in stating her opinions in regards to my girl-
friends or close friends. I felt this is not her busi-
ness and at times had to clearly talk with her
about it and explain that even that her opinion is
important to me, sometimes I wish not to know
it and at times it is better if she keep it to herself.
Some of it was because at times I would feel that
whomever I date is not good enough for her and
sometimes I just felt it is not her business and I
need to learn my lessons or go through my expe-
riences by myself. I think that this experience
helped me to create healthy boundaries through-
out other close relationship in my life.
My mother was a very special person and a close

friend but I guess in this aspect she sometimes
extended her reach beyond what I consider
healthy, I had a couple of discussions with her in
regards to this at times but I guess she did not
quite understood what I was trying to tell her,
sometimes she would get hurt from me asking
her to leave some of my issues aside. I was sorry
for that yet felt that it is more important for me
to stand in my integrity with myself and with her
and be honest and assertive about it. I know
without doubt that her intention was always
good, yet that wasn’t my issue in this regard.
8
Re"aming issues as Blessings
Major issue that I recall is my parents’ divorce,
When they got divorced my mother was very
negative and in a combat mode against my father,
it was mostly because of the things they could
not agree in regards to splitting the family assets.
But at the same time it seemed to me that my
mother is taking all of her frustrations on him
from all over the years the same time. It was a
very challenging times for us (the kids), even that
we ware all grownups and had our opinions about
it all, it was like we had to take a side (either my
dads or my mom or the negotiators who moder-
ate between them), this thing got me at least to
form a firm opinion about where my parents are
and to try to look at that not as charged as they
did, getting to be clear with them about it made
me form a stronger identity about myself as a
young adult and also after the divorce process to
form a better relationship with both of my par-
ents (with my dad only for a while) mostly with
my mother as I think that after all, she learned to
appreciate my opinions even more. I think our
relationship was closer and better after my par-
ents divorced and it grew mostly from all the is-
sues that came up through this period of time.
Watering Plants in her
garden which she loved Another thing that come to mind was my
mother’s illness, when we first learned that she
have a terminal cancer and that there is a slim
chance that she’ll cure, I was very sad and frus-
trated, then my mother decided that regardless
she is trying to fight it, going through that to-
gether brought us all very close in a very special
way. At some point it was clear that mother was
dyeing but we did not talked about it, instead we
just got very close, mostly I think to get the most
of the time we have been given together.
9
Mom & Dad early Days
Re"aming issues as Blessings (Cont…)

I think that in the 6 months before my mothers
death I got to know her better then ever before
and I also had a great experience seeing her not
giving up to the cancer and fighting it physically
and mentally. In her last month we traveled to-
gether to the US to look for a miracle, we saw the
best doctors that specializes in Liver cancer, and
even that deep inside we knew that there’s no
hope I think we mostly did it to make sure there
was nothing that could have been done that we
didn’t consider or tried. I can’t forget the minute
that the last doctor who examined her wanted to
talk with me and my relatives alone, and she
asked to be in the room saying that there are no
secrets and we all know where we stand at this
point. The doctor said that she’s a very brave
woman and pending the fact she have only few
weeks to live she is fully functional and act like
she’s not ill on the outside, my mother was still
joking with him and us and thanked him for be-
ing so straight forward and honest with her, that
was the point that she stopped fighting, we got
back to Israel the next day and 9 days later she
passed away. As challenging as this period of time
was, I can clearly see the blessing and in gratitude
er show
With Grandma at flow for the time we had together. I learned another
side of my mother in a very profound way and I
will always remember the blessings and the les-
sons that her last days gave us all. As sad as it
might be, my mothers death was the trigger for
me to look back at my life (she died two days be-
fore my 30th birthday), this was a pivotal change
point in my life, realizing life is so short and if
there is anything I want to change, now is the
time. That was the real blessing of my mothers’
death to me, and it brought me to where I am
My mom last days - in the US today. A much better place.
10
Self-Forgiveness for Judgments
I forgive myself for judging my mom for not tak-
ing care of herself.
I forgive myself for judging my mother as respon-

sible of her illness.
I forgive myself for judging myself for not being

closer to my mom in the years before her death.
Bar Mitzvah trip
At Washington DC - my
I forgive myself for judging my mother for not
being more compassionate through her divorce.
I forgive myself for judging my mom for interfer-

ing with my personal relationships.
I forgive myself for judging my mother for keep-

ing secrets we discovered after her death.
I forgive myself for judging my mother comment-

With Grand ing on my girlfriends.
ma at flow
er show
I forgive myself for judging myself as not a good
enough son.
I forgive myself for judging myself for setting

boundaries with my mother.
I forgive myself for judging my mother as not be-

ing loyal to my dad.
I forgive myself for judging my mother not being

able to move on with her life after her divorce.
I forgive myself for judging my mom for leaving

us alone to deal with many issues after her death.
I forgive myself for judging myself for criticizing

my mother on some of her decisions in life.
I forgive myself for judging my mother for using

us through the divorce process against my dad.
I forgive myself for judging my mother being over

protective at times.
11
The Prayer of Saint Francis Prizing
Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace. As I said, my mother was one of the friendliest
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
people I ever knew and I prize her for that. She
Where there is injury, let me sow pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith. had lots of life wisdom and sensitivity for others,
Where there is despair, hope. I highly acknowledge my mom for her passion to
Where there is darkness, light, life and living her life enjoying meaningful rela-
and where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
tionships with others and for her strength or
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, heart, flexibility , optimism and her huge open
as to console; heart that went along so nicely with her light
To be understood, as to understand;
hearted personality who brought a lot of joy to
To be loved, as to love;
For it is in giving that we receive. those around her.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. I prize myself for inheriting a lot of these quali-
ties from my mother making me who I am today.
I know I was a good loving son and that I re-

spected her a lot, I prize myself for being a
source of pride for her for who I was and for be-
ing a good brother to my sisters.
I am very proud about our good relationship,

great open communications and the fact we had
very few issues between us.
May her soul rest in peace.
< My Mothers Gravestone in Quadima

(the village she was born at)
12
Ziggy
Zechariah Amir (1919-1997) - My grandfather from my dad’s side
My grandfather Zechariah used to be mostly known by his nickname Ziggy, he immigrated
to Israel (at that time Palestine) from Yemen as a young teenager and started working in a
bakery for a very well known family in Jerusalem, everybody who knew him fell in love in
him, The family that he worked for adopted him and treated him like a full family member.
No matter what age, gender, language or race that he would interact with, he had this ability
to have people love him few minutes after they met him. He loved to travel, dress well and
had the most charming and interesting personality along with the most heart warming smile.
When I was little, I spent a lot of time in my grandparents house. It was above the family
bakery business and my parents used to work a lot and leave me there. I spent a lot of time
with my grandfather and I loved him very much. I think that in early ages he spent more
time with me then my dad. I was very connected with him and being the first male born
grandson I got special attention from him as well, I know he was proud in me and loved me
very much and at times it used to bother me noticing he gives me more attention compared
to his other grandsons and granddaughters.
Ziggy’s love for life was present in everything he used to do, from
his profession (Best Pastry Chef) to his interaction with people
(even strangers), he used to make friends wherever he go and be-
came quiet famous in Israel making our family business (Amir
Bakeries) an institute and a great success.
My love to my grandfather is very special, he died almost 10 years

Ziggy in action (Bak
ing) ago and I miss him very much.
13
My grandfather used to say that because he didn’t
really had regular childhood (as a kid in Yemen he
had to work and never went officially to school and
so on) then he is allowed to play all his life to make
up for his lost childhood. Actually he was always a
kid in his mind and this is one of the reasons I loved
Ziggy & Me in a family tri him so much. Although he had a challenging life or
p
maybe because of that, he knew how to live his life
to the fullest. He was a very good example of how to
really live good and make the maximum out of whatever he had. So going through a painful
childhood was his reason to see the blessings in what he had later in his life. Ziggy also knew
how to get the best of things even when they didn’t ware ‘good’ he was very resourceful and
could see the blessing in anything life brought upon him. Being around him and learning a
lot from him was a great inspiration and a true blessing for me.
Lesson Awareness
I learned many things from my grandfather, maybe
the most important thing was his relation to life
and to people. He always treated people with great
respect and always saw the good in things. I don’t
remembering him getting upset, even when ‘bad’
things happened he always used to smile his famous
smile and move on, He also did not like to argue
and whenever things ware close to that he used to
drop the issue or change the subject, I think these
qualities made him so lovable by so many people. I
remember asking him once about something that
got broken (and I expected him to be upset) he just Traveling
glued it with me and told me that it does not worth
to get mad because of it and there are more important things in life. I was
quite young but I clearly remember that he was a good teacher of how to
relate in a calm way to whatever come may.
Another good thing I learned from my was his infinite curiosity, his pas-
sion for traveling, discovering new places and new people, his creativity to
‘invent’ a new cake or a special pastry. He always had great joy and delight
in doing whatever he was doing, I think I got this very early from him
and this is a quality and a lesson that make my life very interesting.
14
I had very few judgments against my
grandfather.
I forgive myself for judging my grandfather

as light headed person at times.
I forgive myself for judging my grandfather

for giving me more attention then my
other siblings.
I forgive myself for judging myself for not

Ziggy & Yona at the Bakery
giving Ziggy enough love back at times.
Prizing
To me my grandfather Ziggy was a living example of
how to live my life to the fullest. I learned from him
how to always relate in a friendly way to people, how
to treat others with respect, how to
make friends, how to give my best in
anything that I do and how to live
my life one day at a time. I prize him
for the personal example he gave in
the way he lived his life, on the pro-
fessional accomplishments he made
building a very successful family
business without having formal education nor profes-
sional training, his abilities to learn and succeed re-
gardless of any life event he went through are truly
Ziggy do America remarkable and inspiring in more then one way.
I know I learned a lot from my grandfather and he was

someone I admired and adored, I prize myself for learn-
ing so much from him and for being able to have some
of his qualities in my character and throughout living
my life. I feel very flattered when some people who
knew him tells me that it shows that I am his grandson
and there there are things in my that remind him.
Ziggy return from America
15
Yona Amir
My Grandmother from My dad’s side

Yona (Means Peace Pigeon in hebrew)
My grandmother was always the Iron lady of the
family, controlling the business and the family
affairs in a firm way. She was
the brain behind my grandfa-
thers talent, managing the
business financial and pulling
the cords behind the scenes of
almost everything that was go-
ing on in the family. She was
known by her amazing cooking
and every Friday we used to gather for a delicious
Friday dinner at her house. My grandma love was
usually ‘tough’ love, she wasn’t the greatest in
showing her affection to others, yet we all knew
she had a great heart.
My grandmother held the family strongly to-

gether, she loved to see us all gathering and shar-
ing what we go through. Not coming to Friday
dinners, Holidays or events was not an option.
Her Love kept us all together, unite (most of the
time) and connected.
Yona was a very generous woman, she gave every-

thing she had to her children, we all knew that we
can always come to her for a good advise or when
in need and she will be there for us. In this regard
her love was unconditional (in others it was pend-
ing our actions :), She demonstrated through her
life strong family values and was the counter bal-
ance to my grandfather light headed personality.
16
I always Wanted my grandmother to teach me to
cook some of her stuff, she never did from many
reasons (her reasons) , she used to tell me when
you get married send your wife here and I will
teach her how to cook everything (kind of her
way to motivate me to get married). I tried for
many year to improvise and get to the taste of her
cooking, I think her refusal to give her recipes
In our First Coffee shop motivated me to learn to cook better, it was kind
of funny as I always admitted to her that I never
really get quite to the taste of her cooking. Later
on when I moved to the US she became more
flexible about it and now she freely gives away
her ‘secrets’. I think my love for being in the
Kitchen (cook/bake etc’) was mostly due to my
grandmother's inspiration and I see that as a true
blessing.
Lesson Awareness
My grandmother used to run all the family finan-
cials, She divided the family business between her
children at a very young age, she did not do it
equally fro reasons that no one could really un-
derstood. She had a preference to give more to
her elder Son (my uncle Yossi), this things cre-
ated a lot of issues in the family in regards to
money and assets, some of these issues exist till
this day. She believed that everything is solvable
by money and tried to fix some issues she created
later on through her life. I learned a lot from
that, seeing how much tension and quarrels these
things created in our family and how sometimes
my grandmothers’ generosity made with good
intention in mind created the opposite (family
issue), I think my real lesson here is not to create
Quality checking
issues over assets and be very sensitive to others
people perception in regards to that.
17
I forgive myself for judging my grandmother as a
hard controlling woman.
I forgive myself for judging my grandmother as

not fair.

conditional in her loving.
I forgive myself for judging myself as conditional

in my loving to my grandmother.
I forgive myself for judging my grandmother for

being bitter when things ware not as she wanted
them to be.

the way she treated my grandfather in his last
days.

too serious and hard on us.
With
My mom, great grandmother I forgive myself for judging my grandmother for
and my sister Vered how she treated my mother after my parents got
divorce.

not taking good care of her health over the years.
Prizing
I prize my grandmother Yona for showing her loving to us all by holding the family to-
gether through good times and through bad times
as well. She always was strong there for us holding
everything together. I also prize her for being part
of my our family success and for her huge generos-
ity as well.
I believe I got some of my character strength from

her along with some good family values.
18
A letter from baby me to God
To Spirit
Dear Spirit, I am thankful for allowing my to choose my great family. I am happy to be such
a cute baby and to bring joy to all around me. I sensed a lot of things around me and was
aware of all the love I got, I’m thankful for my happy and interesting childhood and for
whatever comes my way.
This or something better for the highest good of all concerned !
19
Early Childhood
Ages 2 to 5
1970-1973
I feel that these years were happy period in my life, in these
years both my sisters ware born and I was still the center of
attention in my family, I was growing and was a very active
and naughty kid and I think everybody liked this about me.
1973
In these years my parents kept working very hard hence
ware less present, but I was raised close to them in my
grandparents house and always had my mother around or
my aunt or grandmothers to look after me. I remember I was
playing a lot with myself in my own world with my toys and
then I was also very happy to have 2 additional sisters added
to the family. One of my sisters was born with a shorter leg
and had to go through a lot of medical procedures as a baby, I
remember I loved her very much and was worried as I did
not really understood what was she’s going through.
20
My Father
Yoram Amir
My Experience with my Dad

My father was a very emotionally closed person, a
little bit disconnected from the real world. As a
kid I remember him mostly working in the bak-
ery and listening to music (which was a great love
of him). When he used to put his ear piece and
connect to his music he was in another world, we
ware not allowed to disturb him
and even if we tried he would
usually not respond but really be
caught up in the music within
his own world.
I don’t remember too many

events and interactions with my
dad as a kid as he was really
centered in himself or working most of the time.
I know he worked very hard to provide us with
anything that we physically needed and as a kid I
always had everything that I wanted and more. I
loved to play and I was provided with many
games and activities to keep myself busy so I
guess that at this age stage I didn’t really knew
different.
My father was a very good person, he liked to

help many people and a lot of people loved him.
Some said he was naive (and in a way he was) but
part of his charm came up from the fact that this
is who he was. He was very resourceful and quite
handy in fixing things and being creative when he
needed to resolve a problem or fix a broken thing.
I like to go with him to the bakery and learn
what he do that and help him do his job, some-
21
times I felt I was more a disturbance for him do-
ing that but I like it very much, this was my time
with him there and I learned a lot from that.

When my parents got divorced we (the children)
ware right in the middle of the disagreement be-
tween my parents. On whatever they could not
agree to divide they decided to put on our names.
Then my father regretted that and asked us to
give him back some of the assets they gave us. I
thought it was not fair of him to put us in this
position in the first place and I condemned him
for that for many years. My father got remarried
and did not have any positive contact with us for
many years. On this aspect (connection to us the
kids) my mother way right all along. It took me
many years before I could see things from my fa-
ther’s point of view, we ware not in any contact at
that time but I set the intention of healing my
relationship with him. I tried to call him but he
would never answer (or hang up when he used to
hear my voice), that wasn’t easy for me, yet all I
could do is accept the situation as is. Few month
later I learned he got divorced from his second
wife and he started to try to contact us and
mostly me. Suddenly all m issues with him sur-
faced and I wasn’t sure if I want him back in my
life or not. With the help of one of his best
friends who I respect a lot we arrange to meet
and talk about all that happened and all the
things that we held against each other all over the
years, that was a great relief, I knew that is wasn’t
easy for him as well but I also knew that we must
do it. Funny as it is now my father calls me al-
most once a week, sometimes even more. It is
not the perfect father-son relationship yet it is as
good as it gets. I learned to accept my father for
22
who he is and to see and acknowledge the better
parts of him. I think he look at me now also at a
different light and I am very happy for that.
Lesson Awareness
My father wasn’t loyal to my mother over the years,
everybody knew about it but nobody said anything
about it. The thing created a lot of distance between
my parents over the year, a distance that we as kids
ware very aware of. At some point I think my mother
gave up on him and lived her life mostly with us and
for us. She started to find her own activities and
friends and at one point in time developed an affair
with one of her close friends. When my dad learned
about it he really got upset, he kept complaining that
he is not happy with her and then one day when I was
sitting and talking with him I asked him ‘if you are
not happy, why don’t you get a divorce?’. Even that the
events that followed that ware a bit ugly, I was happy
that both my parents got to live their own lives and be
happy about it instead of staying together and not be
happy with each other. What I learned from all of
that is that when you’re not happy with someone it is
better to be direct and deal with it, instead of drag-
ging it for years and suffer as my parents did, some-
times relationships just don’t work out the way both
sides expect to and it is better to part them instead of
trying to work it out for vain for a long time. It was an
important lesson for me and I hope not to make the
same mistake my parents did and learn from it and
see the good that came out of it eventually for both of
them. I guess I learned more of what not to do from
my dad.
Another thing I learned from my relationship with my dad is to take good care of myself.
My father was considered by many people (mostly by my mom) as selfish and self centered.
There was some truth to that but at the same time I could see that at times this was his way
(the only way he knew) to take care of himself. I think in this aspect a lot of what he was do-
ing is to isolate himself from things he did not knew how to handle and that was his way to
self nurture himself. I think that eventually I learned how to take care of myself while being
aware and considerate of other.
23
Compassionate Self-Forgiveness
I forgive myself for judging my Father as a emo-

tionally closed person.
I forgive myself for judging my dad as not loyal to

my mother.
I forgive myself for judging my Father as a narrow

minded person
I forgive myself for judging my dad as selfish and

self-centered.
I forgive myself for judging my Father as not lov-

ing for his children.
I forgive myself for judging my father for not be-

ing in touch with me for many years.
I forgive myself for judging my dad of not being

considerate of other close family members.
I forgive myself for judging my dad as being a

mean person.
I forgive myself for judging my dad for not being

the father I wanted him to be.
Prizing
I prize myself for learning many good
things from my father. I am happy and
acknowledge both of us for the effort
we’ve done in the past two years to re-
store the connection between us. It
released a lot of heavy weight and I am
happy we both grown to a better place
and can look beyond out differences. It
wasn’t easy but it worth the effort.
24
Great Grandmother Miriam
Miriam Hizmi (1905-1992)

My beloved great Grandmother from my father’s side
My Great Grandmother Miriam was a very special person, she
lost her husband and both of her sons in Israel’s early wars and
been left only with her two daughters. She lived with my
grandmother and was a very kind and quiet person. She always
used to sit and smile quietly, you would never hear her com-
plain or raise her voice, She was a living example to kindness,
wisdom and compassion. She had a good sense of humor and
lots of life wisdom. I could always come to her for advise,
most of the time she would just listen and smile and say nothing, but I always left any en-
counter with her with a calm smile and a lighter heart.
Great Grandmother Miriam was the only person I ever knew that I never heard a judg-
ment, opinion or complaint about anyone or about anything. She had a wound on her left
leg that was burned badly when she was very young while cooking, the kind of wound that
never heals, she used to replace the bandage on it 3 times a day but never complaint about it.
She always asked for very little for herself and helped with whatever she could.
If I could ever think of someone as a saint she would come to my eyes, as quiet as she was
her strong presence was always around my grand mother’s house and I could always see and
feel her love for us in her kind eyes. Her memory and her soul presence is always special to
me.
25
My Grandmother miriam was a very sad
person, I guess that losing all the men she
loved in her life wasn’t an easy thing to live
with. Yet as I said, she never complained nor
said anything about them. Her sadness was
also radiating a lot of strength, strength of
heart knowing that whatever life brought
upon her, she could handle and carry on. I
think her strength passed on to us in many
ways. This is one of the true blessing in my
life that was strongly inspired by her.
Lesson Awareness
A portrait of The greatest lesson I learned from my rela-
miriam painted
by my father’s tionship with Great Grandma Miriam was
second wife her ability to stay in her peace regardless of
Dorit
what happen around her, she was very calm
and whenever people became upset or ware
disturbed by something she was always calming them down and saying it will be OK. She
had this ability to accept anything life brought upon with a small smile, and she had the
faith that things will turn out to be OK regardless. Growing around her calming positive en-
ergy was a great lesson and she was someone a lot of people could learn from.

I had no judgments in regards to my great grandmother Miriam.
I forgive myself for judging God for putting so much sadness, sorrow and loss in her life.
Prizing
I Prize my great grandmother for who she was, a kind, compas-
sionate and wise role model in my life.
I acknowledge myself for being
loving grandson and for being able
able to learn so much from her
about being humble, kind, compas-
sionate and strong.
26
Shaul Barshad
My Grandfather from my Mom’s side
(1912-1987)
My Experience with Him

My grandfather Shaul was a very strong person.
His family was building Israel from a very early
stage and ware the pioneers of developing and
building in the wilderness of what Palestine was
in these days. When he
was 16 years old went to
the first agricultural
school in Israel (Mikve
Israel) and learned
about farming and
when he met my
grandmother and they
Wedding got married they
Day
builded a little farm.
My grandfather and
grandmother joined a small village named
Quadima (go ahead in Hebrew) and ware one of
the few families to form the place and got really
involved in the early days and formation of Israel
as a Jewish state. My grandfather was a tall,
strong and brave person and belonged to the Jew-
ish underground resistance that later became the
Israeli army (IDF-Israel's Defense Force) the sto-
ries tell that in his free time he used to fight in
boxing fights. When I was small I was spending
the summer in my grandparents farm, they
mostly did chicken farming and I had to collect
the eggs every morning and feed the chickens, I
didn’t liked that in the beginning as I wasn’t used
to that kind of work, but later on I learned to en-
27
In my Bar-mitzvah trip with him
joy it. My grandfather had a special sense of hu-
mor and I liked it very much. In his older age he
got sick with Parkinson disease and became really
weak and could not operate independently.

When I had my Bar-Mitzvah my parents’ gift to
me was a long trip to America, in the last minute
they decided that my grandmother and grandfa-
ther will join us, this was due to the fact that my
grandfather had Parkin-
son disease in an ad-
vance mode at this time
and they did not knew if
he could ever make such
a trip again. In the be-
ginning I did not like the idea and thought it will
ruin our trip, but as we went through it I found
out that I enjoy their company, it was very sad for
me to see how someone that used to be so strong
became so weak and had to be on a wheel chair
depending on other people, yet at the same time
I really enjoyed his company, his remarks and wit
sense of humor made
this trip very special.
Also knowing my
grandfather much more
at this stage was a
blessing to me, I
learned so many things
about him and from
him. Seeing his inner
strength getting up
every morning with his limitation and ready to go
with us without slowing us down was something
remarkable and very inspiring to me.
28
Lesson Awareness
My grandfather Shaul was a very strong and
tough person, as a little kid I admired that about
him, yet at the same time I was a little afraid of
him. I always remember that he had the strongest
handshake ever. When I was young and had to go
there for my summer vacation I did not like the
rigid schedule of waking up early to collect the
eggs and then feed the chickens and do other
helping tasks, but I learned to like it and eventu-
ally I think it taught me some self discipline and
I learned to enjoy it. I think this taught me not
just about physical strength but also about char-
acter strength.
I forgive myself for judging my grandfather as a
rigid person.
I forgive myself for judging god for giving my

grandfather the Parkinson disease.

not treating my grandfather nice through his ill-
ness.
I forgive myself for judging myself as selfish not

wanting him to join us on my Bar-Mitzvah Trip.
I forgive myself for judging my grandfather for

demanding everyone for help with his move-
ments.
Prizing
I prize my grandfather Shaul for be- I forgive myself for
ing who he was and about how he lived judging my grandfather
his life to the best he could even when for being angry with
was challenged by his disease. I prize people about his situa-
myself for taking the time as a kid to tion.
be with him, know him and learn a lot
about strength of will and character
from him.
29
My Grandmother Pnina
Pnina Barshad
My Grandmother from my mother’s side
My Grandmother Pnina was a very wise person, she lost most
of her family but one sister in Poland during both world wars
and was very sad and angry most of her life about the anti-
Semitism in Europe. She was highly aware person of events,
herself and others and always had a wise thing to say when
needed. She was probably one of the most educated people I
knew from her generation and I always enjoyed having interest-
ing conversations with her. She lived all her life in the same
house she and my grandfather built in the little village of
Quadima in Israel and she still does so till today. She was a very
modest person and always asked for very little for herself, I also
think she was one of the most economic people I ever knew. Pnina was one of the first peo-
ple to treat me like an adult, it was from her birthday gifts and notes and
to the way we had conversations (even when I was very young), She al-
ways preached for very high standards and morals and always was talking
about doing the right thing while living her life that way as an example. I
learned to appreciate this a lot about her and also learned very much
from her. Pnina also always encouraged me to stick to my higher studies
and supported all of my business initiatives. I know she is very proud of
us and encourage us for being good people and living full lives.
30
Dear
Vered & Drori,
Happy Holiday and I
send you this Funny Tape
to set your good mood,
Re"ame Re"ame Re"ame with Love and kisses,
Grandma Pnina
My Grandmother was a very rigid person, whenever
I used to visit her as a kid she used to criticize some
of my manors and behaviors, I did not like that and
used to be afraid of her reactions to whatever I was
doing. I know today she meant good and actually
taught me lots of valuable things. Knowing that she
lived her life according to what she preached made me appreciate her even more.
Lesson Awareness
One of the good lessons I learned in my relationship with my
grandmother was about discipline and self-discipline, when I was
helping them on the farm it was very important to perform the
tasks at specific times and it was critical for the animals to eat at
the right time and to pick the eggs at the right times (otherwise
they will lay more eggs that might break the other ones), it taught
me a lot of responsibility in the love to nature and animals. Before
that I never understood why she is so tough about these things but
after doing it for a while I got it and it was a good lesson in life.

I forgive myself for judging my grandmother as a rigid person.
I forgive myself for judging myself as not good enough while I was visiting their farm.
I forgive myself for judging myself for not loving the animals at times.
I forgive myself for judging my grandmother for her attitude and impatience to my grandfa-
ther when he was sick.
Prizing
I Prize my grandmother for the personal ex-
ample she gave us by the way she lived her life.
I acknowledge myself for being able to learn
so much from her wisdom and to implement it
in many areas of my life. I love my grandmother
very much.
31
Play Age
Ages 5 to 7
1973-1975
These ware happy years for me, I learned to adopt to a larger
family and to the presence of my sisters. Both my sisters
brought lots of joy to our life and having them around to play
with and interact with was very joyful. At this age I also became
aware of my many cousins and other siblings and I enjoyed very
much playing with them and visiting them at their houses.
In this age stage I started to read a lot, I loved reading and play-
ing with my Lego bricks for hours, I loved my imaginary worlds
and spend many hours playing there. I also remember my
mother spending a lot of time with us
playing and teaching us all kind of things.
I was a very curious boy and loved to read, look for things or take
them a part and figure out how things works. I think I messed a cou-
ple of things badly but managed to get out of it just by being cute :) I
think at this age I started to find technical things very fascinating
hence had the tendency to play with them for a while and then take
them apart.
32
My Sister Tali
My middle sister
My Experience with Her

My Sister Tal (means Dawn in Hebrew and
which everyone called Tali) was born with one
leg significantly shorter then the other, she had to
go through complex and painful medical proce-
dure and operations to extend her leg bone until
she eventually had both her legs even. Even that
she went through a lot of pain, Tali never cried
even once as a baby, which till today is part of her
strength. She was a cute girl that barley com-
plaint about anything, she grew up to be very
beautiful and always smiled and was happy. I
didn’t understood as a kid all of what she’s going
through but when I grew up and realized it all I
developed a great sense of appreciation for her. I
loved my sister very much and I still do, almost
anyone that knows her love her warm and uplift-
In the Hos-
pital recov-
ing personality and always enjoy to be around her.
ering from
her leg Tali always had a bright view on life, some people
operation
considered her light headed or even not smart,
but as we grew up I learned to see how positive
this is and learned to appreciate more and more
her life wisdom and wit.
My sister was the first to get married and today

have two wonderful kids and live with her loving
husband and kids in New Jersey. I am amazed
how good of a mother she became and I enjoy
their company and I try to visit them as much as
I can.
Both my beautiful sisters

33
Re"aming
My sister Tali always had her way doing things,
since she was very young she was into fashion and
beauty products and at some point she wanted of
being a model. There ware times that I thought
that she is shallow and all of what interest her in
life is looks and exterior of people and life. Later
on when we ware growing I could see how sensi-
tive and beautiful her soul is, she is one of the
most caring people I know in my life and always
been there as a loving sister in good times and in
bad times. Her presence in life is a real blessing
and whenever I need some affection I know I can
call her or visit her and always get it in the most
authentic way anyone can give it. I love her warm
and genuine personality and her gentle way of be-
ing direct with people, so I guess in my eyes her
outer beauty just became a reflection of her inner
one.
Lesson Awareness and Blessings

Tali is an inspiration to me and a great teacher as
well about how to live life with almost no worries.
She always had this quality of being above things
and being light and cheerful even through chal-
lenging times. There ware times that I found it
annoying as I couldn’t get to this state of mind
(mostly by being to serious), at such times I used
to think she is irresponsible or not mature in the
way she relates to things.
Yet looking back I think it was a very healthy way

of being and of relating to things while keep smil-
ing regardless of come what may in life upon us.
My sister live her life like this and serves as a

great example, inspiration and reminder to me to
look at the brighter side of life and enjoy it as
much as I can.
34
Self-Forgiveness
I forgive myself for judging my sister as not smart
and superficial at times.
I forgive myself for judging my sister as not re-

sponsible and light headed.
I forgive myself for judging myself as not light

and uplifting as my sister.
I forgive myself for judging God for the suffering

my sister had to go through as a young girl.
I forgive myself for judging myself as not loving

enough back at my sister.
To
the cutest
brother in th
e w orld
Lots of bles
sings for
your birthda
y, congratula
-
tions on the
new kitty,
Love you an
d Miss you
Tali, Guy, T
om and
Ido
At Tali’s Wedding
Prizing
I prize my sister Tali for vivid and light
hearted personality, that always uplifted us
through-out the years, I prize myself for being
a good loving brother to her and for the love
and appreciation that always resides around us.
I acknowledge us both for having great and
close relationship over the years and how we
stick to each other in times of joy and in times
of need.
35
More great loving moments together
Mona Lisa and Celin Dion Look a likes
To
my dear brother!
It was nice having you
here for Passover, we got
excited that almost all the With her awesome
kids and husband
family was together. The kids
in our Christmas
enjoy the playground you assembled
trip to San
for them with Guy. Hope to see
Francisco
you very soon on you 38th Birthday
in Vegas. Love you very very much
and hope all is good with you.
Hugs and Kisses from all of
us and mostly from Me,
Love Tali.
Having Fun at
La jola
36
My Sister Vered
Vered (A Rose in hebrew)
My little sister Vered was a very fun addition to
our family, she was very quiet but naughty and al-
ways was involved with others or in some kind of
mischievous activity or games.
Vered was a cute girl. With an interesting attitude

to life and people. She used to make faces when-
ever anyone looked at her or whenever she was in
front of the camera. She was closer to my other
Sister Tali as they shard a room together and
spend more time together as girls when we ware small.
I remember that as kids we used to play and fight a lot (as a
play), Vered was always the one fighting back and standing on
her own. Like her name Beautiful with a sting.
Later on when I was done with my university and she fin-

ished her Army service she join my young business (at the
time) and we became business partners, Together we made it
a large company and we won Israel’s prime minister award for
fastest growing small business. Vered’s skills played a large
part in our business success. When I came to live in the USA
Vered has joined me and we lived together for awhile, al-
though it was a challenging time we got closer and doing this
move together helped us both in the early days here.
37
I learned many lessons in my relationship
with my sister. I think the most significant
ones were in the period of time that we
worked together. Vered had great organiza-
tional skills while I had more of the entre-
preneur spirit (i.e. I was the messy one)
growing our business very fast required both
and I was very fortunate to have her as my
business partner and to have her go with me
through that experience. Vered is also very
good with people so that helped too. I learned a lot about organizing large projects and get-
ting things in order from her during that period that we worked together. Employees and
customers loved her too and I think that overall we ware a pretty good team. Even that I did
not always admitted that I learned many good lessons in that time.

When our business went down (during the dot
com bubble days) there was a lot of stress and
blame in the air, looking back nobody could do
anything to prevent it and it was the general
risk of being in business, but at the time I knew
my sister blamed me for a lot of that. I felt
really unfair and it wasn’t supportive or helping
at the time. The loss of our business among
other events led to the fact we eventually left
israel and came to live here in the US. We made
this move together and also lived with each
other for a year and half, one one hand it was Dror,
easier doing it together, on the other hand it I wanted to write you a thank you let-
ter long time ago, now it’s a good op-
was really challenging, there was a lot of stress,
portunity and it’s never too late.
blame and mutual anger and not always for the I wanted to thank you for your help
right reasons, yet it got us a bit closer together, and support, it is very important for me
I was amazed how much I don’t know my sister and it helps me to keep moving on. I
and how much she don’t know me. I think that am happy to have a brother like you
in the end we both learned to appreciate each even that it’s not always easy dealing
with you. I wish you all the happiness
other presence and mutual help and that was
in the world.
the blessing in all these chain of events. Thank you for Everything, Love, Vered.
38
I forgive myself for judging my sister as too
organized and controlling.
I forgive myself for judging my sister for not

taking responsibility on her life.
I forgive myself for judging myself as not

good enough loving brother.
I forgive myself for judging my sister for

blaming me when our business went down.
I forgive myself for blaming myself when

our business went down..
I forgive myself for judging myself as being

too hard on my Sister when we lived to-
gether.

moving along with her life.

listening to me or taking my advise.
I forgive myself for judging myself as not

being closer and more open with my sister.
Prizing
I Prize myself for keep loving my sister
regardless of all the challenges we went
through together. I acknowledge us
both for the mutual accomplishments we
reached together. I prize us for sticking
together and for supporting each other in
our own paths of growth through life. I
love my sister very much and know it is
mutual.
39
More of my Sister in Pictures...
Bubbling water
Husband Arik
With her Loving
Wedding
Day (with
skin head
me)
With my cousin Ranni and long hair me
Receiving Prime Minister Award together Visiting Tali in New Jersey

40
Learning Line opportunities
Levana Levana Treated us very differently then our
parents did. On the one hand she was very
nurturing and even spoiled us to some de-
Our Nanny (or 3rd grandmother) gree. On the
other hand she
was strict with
us (in a loving
way) and I think
we as kids
learned a lot
from that. Le-
vana taught me
many things that
made me more
Levana was much more then a Nanny, she
was truly like an additional grandmother to independent like cooking and taking good
us. Since my parents were care of myself. Overall my relationship with
her gave me a lot, also experience always
working hard most of the
her unconditional loving was a great thing.
time, They hired Levana to
take care of us before and
after school time. She was Self-Forgiveness for Judgments
taking care of us like we I had no Judgments placed against Levana,
were her own kids, she used in the recent years she got cancer and I was
to bath us, cook for us and spend a lot of asking god why he give this terrible disease
loving time with us. We loved her very to such good people like her. I forgive
much and in touch with her till this day. myself for judging god for her illness.
She is truly like a family member and she
see us as her grandkids as well. Prizing
I prize Levana for all the love she gave us
over the years. I prize myself for fully ac-
Sometimes Levana would get very strict on cepting her and her love and for being able
us (mostly on naughty me) as a kid I used to to show her my love and appreciation over
dislike it and get upset, today I know she the years.
taught us healthy boundaries and many
manors that served us so well for life. She
had natural life wisdom and lovingly gave a
lot of it to us throughout the years.
41
School Age
Ages 7 to 13
1975-1980
This was an important area of my life, beside going to school (which I
enjoyed very much, but did not do too well according to some of my
teachers judgments), I loved to play a lot and spend time with my be-
loved german shepherd dog, read (a lot) and help whenever I could in
some tasks in my parents Bakery.
In 1978 I had a serious accident, I’ve been hit by a car when I was
on my way to the library and had to go through major operations and
spend a lot of time at home and in hospitals. Even that it was a horri-
ble experience to go through as a kid, I go a lot
through it, mostly realizing how much people
love me and care for me. The amounts of love that I received
throughout my healing period was something that I will never forget
and also reflected to me how much people loved, appreciated and
cared for me and my family.
In these years I developed my love for technology, personal comput-

ers and cameras and started to spend lots of time learning it.
42
Young Nava
Nava & Yoni

My beloved Aunt and Uncle
My Experience with Them

My earliest experience with my Aunt and uncle
was as a little kid when they used to babysit me,
My aunt Nava (My Father’s little sister) was al-
ways loving and cheerful and I loved to spend
time as a kid and as a grown up too. Nava’s inner
and outer beauty and kind soul were always pre-
sent in any family event or in person. They ware
the youngest and coolest adults I knew at the
time I spent lots of time in their house when I
was growing playing cards, monopoly and having
long conversations with them. They loved me too
and treated me like an adult which I really liked.
They were the most loving couple I ever knew
and they are the perfect example for me of how a
couple should be. Whenever I needed an advise
or just a loving ear I used to go to them and
spend a lot of time with them.
Yoni and Nava were also the sanest people in our

family), Working but not getting involved too
much with the family business and all the argu-
ments that ware around it. They were also my
parents best friends and we traveled together
and had lots of fun with them. When I grew up I
always appreciated and admired they ability to
listen and understand me and they supported me
in almost anything I decided to do. They always
gave me the feeling of a grownup, appreciating
my qualities and special talents and encouraging
me to move in my ways (learning computers and
other stuff) and not stay in the family business
like most of my siblings.
43
Re"aming
As I was growing up besides working in the fam-
ily bakery I used to work in my aunts cafe as well,
they work there was ‘cleaner’ and also I could in-
teract more with people so I like it a lot. I never
knew if they gave me the work because they
really needed help or because they liked me and
just wanted to get me something better to do. In
any case to me it was more then a work and more
then the money, the experience that I got there
was important to me and even that they ware
family I felt different there then working at my
parents, it seem more like a real job to me at the
time. One day I asked my uncle and he told me
that I am a great help and that they enjoy having
me them as I have good sense of service and I
have this quality of getting people to buy more
while make them feel good about their choice, at
this point I knew that the original thoughts that
I had that they are just giving me this job to be
nice to me, knowing that felt good and I really
appreciated anything that they done for me.

When my grandmother divided the family busi-
ness she gave my Aunt a smaller part then the
others. That seemed very unfair to many people
at the time. I think that in a way it was kind of
knowing she will not complain because she is
very kind hearted. Till that time I saw this pat-
tern in my family that whomever asks for more
get more, I learned that my aunt and uncle ways
were different, it wasn’t all about the money for
them and keeping family peace and their peace
was more important to them then getting more.
To me it was a valuable lesson about them and
about a different way of relating to things.
44
Self-Forgiveness
I did not too much of a judgments about my aunt
and uncle or about my relationship to them. We
have a special connection and non judgments
seem to be one of its qualities.
I forgive myself for judging my aunt as naive.

unfair in dividing the family business.
I forgive myself for judging myself as not good

enough to work with my uncle and aunt.
I forgive myself for judging my uncle as being too

To opinionated at times.
Drorush
Love you very

much
and Miss yo
u a lot..
Nava and Yoni
Prizing
I prize myself and my Aunt and Uncle for
maintaining such a close and loving relation-
ship over the years. They have been for me a
special kind of relatives and dear friends.
They also make a great living example for life
partnership and unconditional love for each
other and for their relatives. I cherish our re-
lationship and miss them very much as I
haven't seen them since I moved to the US.
45
Rachamim
My Grand Uncle
My Experience with him
Rachamim was a very interesting person, he was my grand-
mother’s brother and my great grandmother only son that sur-
vived the wars, yet on his last reserve service in the army he got
killed. It was something that he did not had to go to, but he
wanted to go and to end his service with honor, it was very unfor-
tunate that he died like this. There was always a sense of mystery
around him, from his smile, to the fact that he did not talk much
and knew very well how to keep a secret. I never knew what he
did in his past but I know it was something that involved the se-
cret service and then he kept working for a security company for a long time. He always
treated me with respect and as an adult, I like this about him. he was the first one that gave
me a significant amount of money as a birthday gift and told me to buy myself whatever I
wanted, that made me feel very good and that was one of the gifts that made me feel like an
adult and not a kid. Rachamim had this quality like my great grandmother of not judging
46
anyone but mostly listen to people and not commenting (a truly heartfelt listening skill), his
eyes had this spark in them and he could you could feel his warm heart just by him smiling
and looking at you.
Re"ame
My great uncle died with no reason in my opinion, for long time I held judgments about the
unfairness of this unfortunate event. People begged him not to go for his last reserve service
, but he insisted that this is the only way to end the service respectfully and this decision
was very aligned with his integrity and high moral values. I was blaming the army for long
time for the conditions that led to the accident that he got killed in, but Today I know it
was his destiny. He lived his life the way he wanted to and avoiding his last call to serve his
country was not an option for him.
Lessons and Blessings

I remember one event from my childhood of my great uncle and my father going to catch a
thief. Someone was stealing stuff from one of our coffee shops and they decided to catch
him and planned that carefully, they had guns, ropes and everything and they planned to
hide there at night and wait for him to come. I was afraid that something might happen to
them and I worried every night when they went there. Eventually they found out it was an
ex-worker and they handed him to the police. I think they demonstrated a lot of courage in
this event and when it was done I could see how they fought for what they believed in and it
was a great lesson and a true blessing (also to know they ware safe)
Compassionate self-forgiveness
I forgive my great uncle for not being more careful and not taking better care for his life.
I forgive myself for judging God and the Army as responsi-

ble for his death.
Prizing
I prize my great uncle Rachamim for who he was and the
great example he gave in his life (and death), Living life of
honest values, loving and great integrity. I prize myself for
learning from him so much and trying to live my life to simi-
lar values.
47
The Accident
That changed my life
The Event (1978)

It was when I was 10.5 years old, I used to read a
lot in these days and I went to the public library
few times a week to replace my books. On my
way to the library I was hit by a car and got seri-
ously injured. I got severe brain concussion and
lost my consciousness for few days. I practically
don’t remember what happen (part of the brain
way of protecting itself from the trauma) but I
read many reports about it so I know the details
well. When I woke up in the hospital they did
not knew what I had, there was some unknown
internal damage so they had to operate me and
this operation saved my life as my spleen was
about to explode and they had to remove it. I had
to stay for a long time in the hospital until I
could get to full recovery and then I had to rest
for a long time at home. This accident changed
my life and I could not be as active physically as I
wanted to. I also had to take antibiotics and
medicine for years after the accident to support
my immune system (as the spleen is the major
the years after the accident organ that produce white blood cells).

After the accident I spent a lot of time at home, I could not physically play outside with my
friends as the healing of my operation took a long time (almost two years), instead I had to
find new activities so beside reading I started to learn more and more about personal com-
puters. I got from my parents and relatives in the US one of the first personal computers in
Israel and by the time I was 12 I programed computer games and used to sell them and
make a nice amount of money for a kid in my age. I loved learning and programing comput-
ers and it became my main hobby for the years to follow, it improved my english and a lot of
other skills and in a way all of the knowledge I acquired at such a young age served me for
48
the rest of my life. I can definitely say that unless I
had the accident I wouldn’t get to sit for so long
and know all of what I know today. So in a way I
can see the accident as the event the changed my
life for good helping to become who I am today.
Knowing that in the years that followed I also
overcame the physical limitation that I faced with,
just make it a true blessings with no doubt. t
hich was my ‘bes
My Computer w e year s
Another blessing that I experienced from the ac- friend’ in thos
cident was the amount of love, care and support that
me and my family got. I wasn’t aware of how many people loved me and how much my fam-
ily was appreciated and how many people wanted to help us. This thing warmed my heart
and helped me to go through the challenges of the healing.
Lesson Awareness
The accident and my medical condition afterward got me to be highly aware of my health
and how much I need to take care of myself. In the years after the accident I had to learn to
do things in different ways, I could not do sport or almost any physical activities, the only
thing I could do was to swim (which I did a lot), I became aware how much I value life and
how much I wanted to take care of myself to recover. Few years after the accident I started
to work on getting back my physical strength my body became very weak from no activity
and from the antibiotics and it was a real challenge for me to become a normal teenager.
With a lot of help from my girlfriend at the time (who was a personal trainer) I got to over-
come this challenge as well. It was a good lesson in life that everything is possible.
Prizing Compassionate Self-Forgiveness

I prize myself for the strength that I forgive myself for judging myself as responsible
took me through this episode of my for my accident.
life. I acknowledge my mental abilities
I forgive myself for judging god for my accident.
to overcome my limitation and the de-
termination to become a ‘normal’ teen- I forgive myself for judging my self on all of my
ager thereafter. I am grateful for all the physical limitations.
people that supported me and I thank
I forgive myself for judging others whenever they
god for guiding me to find my right
had fun and I couldn’t.
path in life throughout this ‘accident’ I
know today that accidents don’t hap- I forgive myself for judging the driver who hit me
pen and there is a reason for everything I forgive myself for judging whomever treated me
that happens.
different and with pity.
49
More memories "om this age...
gies
Sister With Dog
lived at
Mustafa who
used to
the bakery and
e as a kid
take care of m
d loyal
And our belove
rd Dos
german shephe
the Chickens I
Didelon one of
had as a kid
y siblings
ayin g in Q ua dima with all m
Pl
d Keren
ins Sharon an
My sweet cous cle’s arms
on my strong un
50
Bar Mitzvah Memoirs
In
Jerusalem
at the
holly
western
wall
Aliya La Torah
With Ziggy and

Miriam
51
Adolescence
Ages 13 to 19
1981-1987
Growing up wasn’t easy for me. I had to struggle through being very careful with my health
and trying to be like a regular teenager considering I was physically inferior to others due to
some limitation on what I can do or not after the accident. All of this in a competitive
growing environment created a challenging for me.
I general I think I did pretty well, from around the age of 16 I stopped taking antibiotics,
switch to natural stuff and started to rebuild my body, I was bit afraid to get to the army not
being physically prepared. Eventually I got recruited as a combat soldier with no physical
restrictions which I considered as a big achievement, I owe a lot of this to my high-school
friends but mostly to my first girlfriend Nira, who was a fitness trainer (beside being an
awesome girlfriend), she believed in me and pushed me to places that I never thought I
could reach (physically). I kept learning personal computing in my spare time, I worked at a
computer store whenever I could (in between school), High school years where kind of
rough on me as I went to a technical school which was highly competitive environment to
be in. Overall I am happy I went through all of this, it got me with lots of technical skills
along with great fitness to get into the army with.
52
Nira
My First Girlfriend

Nira was going to the same high-school as I did,
she was one of the ‘famous twins’, they was fa-
mous because they were specializing in sports
and won together few championships of basket-
ball and Ping-Pong. Initially I couldn’t see some-
one as Nira dating someone like me, mostly be-
cause we had very few things in
common, I actually asked her
sister out before I asked her (it
was funny and many jokes were
in the air about me and the
twins), but eventually we dated
for more then 4 great years.
Nira got me excited about physical activities and

that was a great thing for me at the time, She al-
ways pushed me and believed in me and it was
great. She also had a great loving family that
loved me very much and accepted me as a son
(they were only daughters), I am still in contact
with them till this day and I love them all very
much. Nira was the first girl that deeply loved me
is was for both of us real, true innocent love, we
spent lots of time together and it was one of the
happiest periods of my life.
53
Nira was very much into physical appearance
and fashion, things that I did not see as impor-
tant at this time, I used to judge her as superficial
and shallow but she consistently brought to my
awareness the importance of that. Eventually I
was very thankful to her as her view on things
changed mine over time, I could look beyond the
appearance of things and on the health benefits
they meant for me. It helped me in many ways
throughout my life but particularly at this age
stage, I discovered that after all there is nothing
wrong in looking good and it actually feels good
too.
Lesson Awareness
At the time I started to date Nira I had very low
confidence and a lot of limiting beliefs about
what my body can do and what it can’t do. Nira
got me to constantly work out, showing me that
my body can become whatever I want it to be. It
was a great experience and great lesson about my-
self, my abilities, self confidence and self trust.
I forgive myself for judging myself as incapable of
physical activity and fitness.
I forgive myself for judging Nira as superficial

Prizing and shallow..
I prize my self for being open and ca-
pable of receiving all of Nira’s Love. I I forgive myself for judging my body as not good
acknowledge myself for overcoming enough or incapable.
every physical limitation and get my- I forgive myself for judging Nira whenever she
self ready to the army like every other pushed me to places I thought I can’t go.
teenager. I prize Nira or her uncondi-
tional love for me and for the blessings I forgive myself for judging my self as not attrac-
and joy that our relationship has tive physically.
brought into my life.
54
My Army Service
(1986-1989)
I was afraid before I got recruited to the Army, in Israel it is Mandatory for boys and Girl to
join the army when you’re 18 years old. The Army have it’s way to decide where will you be
deployed. I found out around 17 that I will be recruited as a combat soldier (it goes by the
time of year that they recruit you), one one hand I was happy to learn that, on the other
hand I dreaded that. I also wanted to do something technical that involved computers and
wasn’t sure how this will fit into everything. My dad had some connections that he sug-
gested to use, I didn’t like that , I wanted to be like everybody else. Eventually I got re-
cruited to the Israeli Air Force into Anti-Aircraft devision, that was a great thing to me be-
cause even that it had the physical challenges and training of a combat unit , it also included
a professional and highly technical course and skills so it seem like it’s going to be interest-
ing. As much as I dreaded it I was also excited to go to the army and to serve my country in
the best way that I could.
Re"ame Re"ame Re"ame

I found it hard to get used to the strict army discipline and rule in the beginning, a lot of the
things did not make sense to me and if you wouldn’t do them there was always a penalty or a
punishment, also being away from home for a long period of time and away from my girl-
friend NIRA who served in the other side of the country wasn’t easy at all. I had to reframe
a lot of what I had to do and try to see the good or benefit in it, or just reframe the way I
think and realize that I just do what I need to do in order to serve my country and do my
army dues. Over time I learned to like it and some of my leadership skills popped out in
ways that my commanders really liked. Looking back I can see and appreciate the blessings.
55
Lesson Awareness
I learned many lessons through my army service, some
of the most significant one were the ones about building
character and self discipline, both developed a high
sense of personal responsibility and accountability and I
highly appreciate the blessing of that as it served me
very well through my life. Another significant lesson
was the need to be flexible and adopt to the system, I
think I was very good in that along with my ability to
get others to do so too, I think this was one of the rea-
sons I got promoted and all of my commander liked me
and appreciated me a lot. I also learned the challenges
of not following with the system when I refused to go
Soldier Prayer before to a commanding path (which require me to choose the
engaging in war
army as a career), some of the people did not liked that
and tried to be not nice to me about it. Eventually I got what I wanted and did the best that
I could in the time and the skills that I was given.

I forgive myself for judging myself as not capable to fully serve
in the army before I joined and in through my boot-camp.
I forgive myself for judging the army system for being very
strict and challenging at times.
I forgive myself for judging some of my commanders for the

orders they gave me that did not make sense at times.
I forgive myself for judging myself as not brave enough to deal

with some of the encounters that I had to go through.
Prizing
I Prize myself for do-
ing the best I could to My Army release form with
serve my country and the final evaluation as
follows: Responsible, with
for being a disci- organizational, training
plined, talented and and management skills.
Socially acceptable,
patriotic soldier initiate and give good
throughout my army personal example to
service and beyond. others.
56
Young Adulthood
Ages 20 to 30
1988-1998
Last portion and the ending my Army service were quite challenging
for me, I could not decide what to do after the army, I know I wanted
to learn but I also wanted to travel and
Major Events
get into business and wasn’t sure about
Year Event
what direction to choose.
Ending of my Army
1989 Eventually I decided to peruse higher
Service
studies, Wasn’t sure at the time if I do
1990- Hebrew University
1994 Years
it for my mother or if it was something I really wanted.
What I knew for sure is that I wanted to be independent so
1991- Operating the Stu-
I looked for a far university from home, I’ve been accepted
1992 dents night club
to the Hebrew University of Jerusalem to learn Economics
1991- Working for Apple and Business Administration (concurrently), my years in Jeru-
1992 Center Jerusalem
salem ware beautiful, I loved the City and had great social
1992 Forming SHAPE life, it was a great period of my life and sometimes I wish I
My mom’s Cancer could travel back in time and re-live those years.. Beside
1997-8
and death School I held two interesting jobs and even that my parents
1999 Selling SHAPE
supported me I became quite independent and I liked it.
57
My University Years
My Experience
I loved my university days. First years were very challenging and getting used to study huge
amount of material wasn’t easy, after 3+ more years of mostly doing things in the army I
couldn’t get to stick my butt on a chair and learn. My best army friend Ofer was my room-
mate in the first year of our Economics and studying together made it easier, I easily made
many friends in the University and I had great social life there. In my second year 2 people
that studied with me approached me and asked me if I’ll join them on a bid to operate the
students night club in out dorms, I gladly did and we won the contract to run the place for 2
years, we took an old ugly place and turned it to be a vivd social place for students to hang
out in and get some basic services they needed from Food and Xerox machines to Arcade
and Music nights we produced with some local talents, operating a night club at such a
young age was great and I really enjoyed it (beside the great boost it gave to my dating life).
I really liked my studies and all the horizons that Economics and MBA opened up to me,
but I knew I wanted to do something that relates to my true love which was computers and
technology, I took a part time job at Apple Centre Jerusalem, Macintosh computers ware
new and exciting and I became part of the team that developed and supported the Hebrew
language for the Mac operating system, I loved those days and don’t know how I managed
to do all of that and still do good at school, it was a lot of fun. Later on I formed my own
company SHAPE and that was a real challenge and a new kind of responsibility. Overall,
looking back this was a very exciting and fulfilling decade, I did what I loved to do and en-
joyed that, oh, and I also did good at school without making a huge effort (which surprised
me in a very good way)
58
Sitting for hours and learning wasn’t easy for
me, I was looking for things to do and had
created constant distractions through the fi-
nals and whenever we had papers deadlines. I
was wise to choose the right people to live
with in the dorms so they could motivate me
to sit and learn and we created our own learn-
ing and support groups and motivated each
other to get through the challenges together.
My Army friend ofer rothman in our dorm room
I’ve re-discovered the great memory and my
ability to crunch numbers and it really helped me. My best friend from the army was my
roommate at first years at the dorms. The First years Economic Exams ware very hard and
almost 80% of whomever started the program could not pass to second year. I passed on the
first round and Ofer my friend did not and dropped out of the program, he was very disap-
pointed and decided to leave Israel and immigrate to Canada to live with his Girlfriend. I
felt really bad and had an issue not to have my best friend with me for the rest of the school
period, later on I found that it turned out to be good as I met new people and my new part-
ners in the club became two of my best friends as well. I missed Ofer, his sense of humor
and his specials way to motivate me to learn, but I guess we each had to go on our own paths
through life and so we did. I keep in touch with him till this day and I miss him a lot.
Lesson Awareness
While operating the students club 2 nights a week (that was the
agreement) I learned many lessons in human social behavior, I had
many relationships with the ‘regulars’ who used to come to the club
every night, hear their stories, give advise and so on. I had great dat-
ing opportunities which I utilized to the fullest, from casual dating
to short term ‘girlfriends’ this experience taught me a great deal
about myself and what I seek in life and in a relationship and even-
tually I ended up dating Meirav for a couple of years, I learned that
I am better in such a relationship then with casual dating. I became
aware of the importance of commitment
Meirav and Me to me and what it means in my life. Even
that I don’t regret anything that I went
through (they were all great experiences) I found out that for me
peace and true love meaning living with someone and mutually
caring for each other, this awareness was a great blessing.
59
I forgive myself for judging myself as a light headed not serious student.
I forgive myself for judging some of my girlfriends as not loving or considerate enough.
I forgive myself for judging myself as irresponsible through some of the casual dating and
sex that I had through these years.
I forgive myself for judging my partners whenever we had serious disagreements.
I forgive myself for judging myself for not putting too much into school and multi-tasking
and multi doing things putting my degree at second priority.
I forgive myself for judging my best friend Ofer for dropping out of School and not fighting
to stay in the program.
I forgive myself for judging myself as selfish and self centered at times.
Prizing
I Prize my self for all of my accomplishments during my university years, I’ve been very
productive, social and very lovable by my school mates and peers. I also acknowledge myself
as being a great business partner and for developing good business skills as I was learning
about it. I think I did great in these years and I prize myself for that. I am in deep gratitude
for Spirit for having the right people cross my path and giving me all of this opportunities to
learn and grow.
More great moments and memories
Many Trips with Meirav my girlfriend at the time
60
More memories "om this splendid times...
Itzik Bezalel - My partner in the club and close friend then
Long Study nights

with beautiful
friends
ight club
fun o n o u r Student n
f
s and tons o
Many Friend
61
Hadas
The one I almost Married

Dating Hadas was an interesting experience, we
met by without planning, two days after I
stopped dating Meirav my girl-
friend till that
time). One of my
er’s Tali coworkers and good
At my Sist
Wedding friend Tammy told
me when she saw I
am sad after break-
Hadas
ing up with Meirav, Tami and
‘why won’t you come to a party tonight and meet

my young Sister?’. I went just wanting to be out
and not sink in my sorrow, I met a beautiful girl
with big blue eyes and warm heart, I think we
both fell in love with each other that evening.
Hadas was a nursing student and had the kindest
heart I ever knew, her whole existence was to
help others and to be of service, she had a great
smile and a lovely personality, she also had a great
warm family and I loved being with and around
them.
Hadas was a very modest non materialistic per-

son, she asked for very little for herself and was
very giving in our relationship. The perfect
woman one might say.
I loved her dearly but she was pushing for mar-
riage at times that I wasn’t sure I am ready for,
then we found a lot of difference between us on
how we see things in an long term committed re-
lationship and eventually decided to part. As
much as we loved each other I guess it wasn’t
enough.
62
I had many thoughts over the years about if me
and Hadas breaking up was the right thing to
do, we had a great relationship and I could really
see her as the one, but, it was also about timing,
we ware at different places in our lives each want-
ing different things and it just didn’t work out the
way we wanted to. When it happened I was very
sad and had some regrets (even that it was a mu-
tual decision), we decided to go on a trip together
to check things out between us, we tried and it
wasn’t a good experience, the expectations were
different. I used to think we both missed some-
thing really good due to bad timing and all kind
of expectations but today I know it was the right
thing to do, she found her love and have 2 kids
and very happy and I moved along knowing that
as much as we loved each other it wasn't enough
and there ware some things
missing there to make it the
ideal relationship for both of
us. I am happy we made the
right decision at the time and
not tempted to give it a try
and find out years later that
it’s not working out for us. I
am happy that she’s happy and I’ll always have a
warm place in my heart for her.
Lesson Awareness
One significant things that I learned in my rela-
tionship with Hadas was setting up mutual and
healthy boundaries in the relationship. Hadas was
a total giver and as I learned later in the relation-
ship some of the things we did she did not like
but she would never say No and would build it up
inside her, it came out by mistake and without
any anger (she was almost unable to express anger
63
at all), when I learned about it I was sad that she
couldn’t express it earlier as I did not want to do
anything that she didn’t want to. Another thing
was how her mother was pushing us for marriage
and the fact that she did not set any boundary
with her about it, it interfere with whatever we
were going through, I sometimes felt I am talking
with her mother and not with her and when I
made her aware of that she totally agreed with
me. It made me very conscious about the impor-
tance of such lines and how it affected the rela-
tionship all along. Overall I think that Hadas was
too good of a person who could hardly say no to
no one and maybe underneath it that was some-
thing that really bothered me as well as for my
ideal relationship I would like to have a partner
with solid opinions about things that are impor-
A birthday letter from Hadas right tant to her. Looking back it was a blessing too as
after we broke up
beside the lesson there it was another area that
we weren't compatible in.
June 1996
Drori, Self-Forgiveness
I thought a lot what to wish you and I think I forgive myself for judging myself as not ready
that the words of this song express most of
what I want to say, so: for marriage with Hadas at the time.
May you always be happy
I forgive myself for judging Hadas for pushing me
May you never stop singing
May you always keep growing to things I wasn’t sure if we’re ready for.
And May you always stay young
Always go straight I forgive myself for judging Hadas’s Mother for
And May you never lose hope
May you always know only peace and good interfering with our relationship.
May you find your true love
Which will allow your freedom in the togetherness I forgive myself for judging myself as not sensi-
May you see the benefit also in challenging situations
May you always stay modest tive in some of my communications with Hadas.
And May you always be healthy
May you make it you way and Make a difference too! I forgive myself for judging hadas for being too
good and not stating clearly her opinions and
So Drori, really, I wish you only good, health,
needs.
happiness and good luck,
! ! ! ! Loving, Hadas I forgive myself for judging myself for not com-
promising and settling down with Hadasi.
64
Prizing
I prize myself for allowing me and Hadas ex-
press ourselves clearly in the last stages of the re-
lationship. I acknowledge us for standing in our
integrity and truth and cut the right not easy de-
cision to keep each on his own path. I prize my-
self for my abilities to give and receive love in my
relationship with Hadas and to express my lov-
ing in many ways through it. I am in deep grati-
tude for all the gifts and the blessings has been
unfolded in this relationship and for the personal
growth I experienced through it.
"There comes a time in the

seeker's life when he dis-
covers that he is at once
the lover and the beloved."
- Sri Chinmoy
My personal
nurse prepare to
‘treat’ me
Smiling :)
With the fortune

teller at San
francisco in our
last trip to-
gether
Relaxing :)
65
SHAPE
The Company I builded from Scratch
1992
One day when I was doing homework at my dorm room an interesting guy knocked on my
door introduced himself and told me that he want me to be his business partner, His name
was Amir Itzkovitz. I was quite surprised and flattered and we started a long conversa-
tions about computer services and what we can do together. It was the happy days of per-
sonal computing, I worked at Apple while finishing my MBA and a lot of innovation and en-
trepreneurship was in the air. Few days later we rented a small office in the center of Jerusa-
lem and formed our company SHAPE. We offered business presentations and multimedia
productions to companies who needed that, it was very early for such services but we prac-
tically went door to door and created the need by demonstrating and convincing companies
about the benefits that they might have using our services, we mostly aimed at small com-
panies that wanted to make their break through abroad and did not knew how to present
themselves to potential clients and business partners. Amir was a brilliant and charming
guy with a lot of persuasion power and It went along fine for a while and then we started to
get bigger projects and things looked good yet scary (we got a huge project from a govern-
ment office that we did not even knew how to do), we started to have disagreements and
after a few weeks of daily arguments of where should our company path lead to. I got to the
conclusion that we cannot work as partners anymore and offered him to buy his part or for
him to buy my part on equal terms. Amir chose to leave the company and stay as an inde-
pendent consultant. I staid with a lot of responsibilities, 2 employees and a couple of pro-
jects, I had to leave my work at Apple and focus solely on SHAPE.
66
At these days my younger sister Vered finished her
Army service and was looking for something to do,
I offered her to come and work with me, on 1993
we opened another office in Tel Aviv and had 7 em-
ployees , we kept growing and became an influen-
tial part of businesses who went abroad and also for
large companies that needed professional presenta-
tions services. One day at 1995 a childhood friend
of mine came with the idea to provide also Internet
My Sister and me after receiving the
and Web services to out client base, Danny join us prime minister award for fastest
and we opened a small department for web produc- growing small business in 1996
tions which we called SHAPE the NET, in 1996
we won the prime minister prize for fastest growing small business. The internet days were
good to us and we kept growing rapidly, by 1999 we
became the largest web production company in Is-
rael and had almost 50 employees, we had aspira-
tions to go public but eventually in the peak of the
dot com days we sold 25% for a leading advertising
agency who represented GREY advertising in Is-
rael, our company valuation for the deal was
$4 million dollars, an amount that seemed imagi-
nary to me, we kept growing and by the year 2000
we had more then 100 employees and the business
just kept growing we got lots of large projects from
abroad through our affiliation with GI (GREY In-
teractive) and we worked with the largest compa-
nies and corporations in Israel. Then when things
seemed very good the internet bubble bursted and
things started to go down. Everybody expectations
blew up and there was a lot of blaming and a hard
time adjusting to the new reality. I’ve been asked to
leave the CEO position to someone with more ex-
perience, when I did so the things went even worst.
Nobody knew what to do and looking back there
was nothing we could do, it wasn’t really up to us.
From the news: ACW (GI Israel) ac-

quired 25% of the leading Internet
company SHAPE...
67
An article about our success in one of the Israel’s leading business magazines
After a long period of declining and lots of arguments between all the partners, I decided I
don’t need it anymore, one of our division went out business and I left it for my lawyers to
resolve and left Israel to start over in the US.
Looking back there was really nothing we could do

but be more humble and grow more slowly (which
wasn’t a realistic option on the happy dot com days), I
do not regret a single bit of it, I learned valuable les-
sons and gained extensive business experience the
thrill of doing business at that level will stay with me
for a long time. SHAPE was like a family to me and
the team was a fabulous group of dedicated people, I
gave and received a lot of love and admiration in the
years we did what we knew best. It was worth every
minute of it the good and the bad.
"God provides the wind, but

man must raise the sails"
international exposure in Cannes
- Saint Augustine
multimedia festival milia
68
I used to see the raise and fall of SHAPE
as something bad and used to take a lot of
responsibility for all of it. A lot of people
lives and sources of income was pending on
SHAPE and seeing it all go down wasn’t
easy for me. Today I know I did the best I
could with the knowledge and the tools
that I had at the time. And also that some
My partner Danny and me at a Microsoft of the events had nothing to do with
business partners event.
anything that we did (larger companies
went out of business at this time frame).
The Events that followed after the business fall were ugly, I had to pay back most of the
money I got from the initial investment and the company was in large debt to a lot of ven-
dors and suppliers, I used to see that as a real big loss at the time, yet today I know this
event freed me to take a different path n life that allow me to work less and experience my
life in different way, I can see the blessing now and the sign to change a direction and pace
in life and I can appreciate it a lot from where I stand today.
Lesson Awareness
I had many lessons in the 9 years of SHAPE but I think the most significant ones were
about people. Employees, customers, Partners all had to be dealt with respect and sensitiv-
ity, We kept shape as a small family, even when we grew to become the largest web agency in
Israel we still worked in small groups that we called ‘families’ we took a lot of thought and
care for whomever we worked with, this created a great sense of loyalty and commitment to
do whatever needed and it
worked both ways, People knew
that in time of need I will do
anything for them and I think
this mutual commitment and
care made SHAPE the success it
was. When we grew very fast
between 1996 and 2000 I was
concerned that we’re not taking
enough care for the human fac-
tor and we hired the best organ-
izational consultant in Israel to
walk us through this. One of his Core team celebrating at Kimel Restaurant
69
recommendations was to improve my lead-
ership skills and I join an exclusive course
for quality leadership, I was the youngest
person to ever do this course (aimed to
track leaders in large organizations and
prepare them for their next role) and I was
very proud of it. Yet with the growth a lot
of other side effects had happen and the
old team got less attention then the used in
the old days and it created a to of internal
Creative Sweat shop :) noise and I used to feel we lost the old
spirit (which we did in a way). Yet when
the times got really tough and we needed to lay down a lot of people and still keep the
things going, everybody got to help, people wanted to keep working without getting paid
and I could see how everyone would do almost anything to save the company, it was heart-
felt and I think at the time I couldn't find the words and the energy to express my gratitude.
My lesson here was that regardless of technology and talents and all, it was all about the
human factor, It’s all about the people who make things happen and at most times it is more
important then growth, financial, investments and all the other fame and fortune that drive
the hi-tech world. I was blessed to work with an amazing loving and talented group of peo-
ple and will remember lots of great moments that we all had together.
Smoke breaks
70
Compassionate Self-Forgiveness for
Judgments
As I was going through the fall of the business I
was full of judgments and blame, I did a lot of
work in this department since then and yet while
writing all of this I see how much more need to
be released.
I forgive myself for judging myself for making

some wrong business decisions. Presenting in Europe
I forgive myself for judging myself for judging
myself for being arrogant, greedy and believing I could predict any business and technology
trend.
I forgive myself for judging myself for judging myself of not seeing this coming and for judg-
ing myself for not minimizing damage as I started to realize it is all gone.
I forgive myself for judging myself for buying into my partners belief that I am not capable
of managing large scale operations.
I forgive myself for judging myself for judging myself as not being able to manage a crisis
(eventually I did it better then anyone could)
I forgive myself for judging myself for judging my partners as stubbing me in the back and
for doing some dirty business tricks behind my back to improve their positions in the bank-
ruptcy.
I forgive myself for judging myself for judging my sisters for not being too supportive
through all of that.
I forgive myself for judging myself for judging some of my associates as not loyal and selfish.
I forgive myself for judging myself for judging the

banks for not allowing more ‘air’ to go through
that.
I forgive myself for judging myself for judging the

lawyers for messing great human relationships
with cold technical agreements.
I forgive myself for judging myself for judging my-

self as responsible to all of that.
Early days at King George st.
71
I forgive myself for judging myself for buying into the belief that spirit wasn’t by my side
through all of it.
I forgive myself for judging myself for buying into the belief that I need to deal with all of
this by myself.
I forgive myself for judging myself for not being more compassionate with my sister under-
standing her stress and fears going through all this while others making the decisions.
I forgive myself for judging myself as being blinded by money.
I forgive myself for judging myself as selfish and ignorant.
I forgive myself for judging myself on my decision to surrender give it all up and start over.
Prizing and Gratitude

I acknowledge myself for starting a com-
pany out of nothing and bringing it to the
peak of what it was. I realize of some of the
mistakes that been done and about the busi-
ness environment that at times was beyond
our control. I prize myself for choosing the
best people and for the great experiences I
head led them through over the years. I’m in
deep gratitude for all the lessons I got
through the rise and fall of beautiful thing I
created and I am very fortunate to utilize all
of that in my new business experience and At monster.com
venture.
You gain strength, courage, and confidence by

each experience in which you really stop to look
fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself,
"I have lived through this horror. I can take the
next thing that comes along."
- Eleanor Roosevelt
72
Adulthood
Ages 30 to 38
1998-2006
It is sad to say, but my mother illness and death in this period of time, gave me a new perse-
cutive on life. In these years I lost three of the most significant things in my life till then, my
dear mom, My Grandfather Ziggy and my Company. These events as sad or tragic as they
Major Events might be got me to look back on my life and value what is
Year Event real and important and in a way started a chain of events that
got me to restart my life in a new country, with very few pos-
1998 My Mothers death
sessions but with a deep sense of seeking my true self, and
2000- SHPAE Peak Success living a better life. In better I don’t mean to physical things
2001 and the Fall
but mostly in finding what really makes me happy and live a
Moving to the US quality and meaningful life while utilizing my skills and tal-
2001
and 9-11
ents not only to improve my life but also to be of service to
Working @ Smart- others. Another major event that led me to deep thoughts
2002
Media about all of that was flying on 9-11 from Boston to LA having
2003 La Curacao me and my sisters life to be saved by an act of god. All that
led me to where I am today and I’ll try to go through that.
2004 TLC and USM
73
Mom’s Illness
And her passing

I went briefly through it before but I feel that
her passing was significant in transforming my
life to where I am today. In her last month I had
With my beloved a lot of heart to heart conversations with her, I
cousins
think that without too much thought (or maybe
she gave it a lot, I can never know) she gave me
her living will and also went with me about her
life laying them as her
life lessons for me.
I don’t know what was
her intention but it
With my grandma was clear to me that as
she went through a lot
of personal challenges
(the treatments and
With my baby niece dealing gradually with
the fact that she’s dy-
ing) all she could think
of as always was about
us, our life after her passing and care for every-
thing else but her own issue. This had a strong
impact on me, beside admiring her courage and
ability to go through all that thinking about the
day after, I went through my life realizing that
even that I accomplished a lot I am not happy. I
did not knew what ‘happy me’ meant in these
With my sisters and me days but it led me to the realization that there is
so much more to life then just working and gain-
6 months before my mother passed ing capital assets and that I need something
away we celebrated her 50th birthday, which is more fulfilling for my soul, yet I did not
we made a big event out of it and most
people that ware invited did not knew knew what it was.
she was sick, this was her way of say-
ing goodbye to most of them with
cheer and grace
74
This led to a chain of events that took place over
3 years and got me to move a country, change my
life style and also learn a great lesson about losing
and what’s really important in life.

My mothers last days ware very challenging for
me, I kept praying and believing for a miracle al-
most till the end. I got this never ending opti-
mism from her. Experiencing her going though
every challenge and stage of the treatment with a
smile, being able to surface and express the care
and loving I had for her (knowing she always had
it for me) was a real gift. She did not want her
sister and my grandmother to know about the
illness and was very well hiding it till the last few
months, she didn’t want them to worry for vain,
she made everybody think she’s doing better on
the treatments then she really was, I think she
kept believing too that some
magical thing can get her
better and we just need to
keep looking.
I remember the turning

point day, I was driving her
to one of the treatments and I could see that
she’s really tired and not feeling well but trying to
disguise it, effecting to keep her cheerful light
appearance, I asked her ‘How do you really feel
About a month before my mom
passed, we met this group of skin- mom, you don’t look OK to me…’ that was the
heads which with them she felt day that she opened up to me and started to
safe in public to go without her wig
for the first time - I think it was a share with me all her thoughts and concerns
relief for her and it shows about what will happen after she’ll die, She didn’t
lose her optimism of fighting it but wanted to get
everything covered just in case. Being able to be
honest, direct and open with her, along with lots
of compassion to her was the greatest blessing.
75
Lesson Awareness
Since that day she was totally open and honest
with me, I believed she should inform everybody
as well to allow them all to have a proper time to
process and part from her, but she insisted that
doing so will do more damage then good. She
couldn’t see my grandmother and her sister going
through another loss (her elder sister died from
cancer too), When it was clear to her that her
time is very limited (about two months before
she died) she told it to them. I think that till to-
day her sister hold some blame on us for not tell-
ing her before, I do not judge her, I know it’s her
My mothers gravestone was way of dealing with the hurt but I did learned
crafted by a very spiritual
artist who after connecting that as challenging as such situation might be,
to the decease, seek for a honesty and openness is the only way to go
natural stone that repre-
through them.
sent his/her soul best and
then sculpts it as an art
piece. Compassionate Self-Forgiveness
Her name in hebrew is on the I forgive myself for judging my mother for keep-
top rock and below it say
“rest in peace, you rare ing her illness a secret.
flower” the coper flowers
and the wild plants around it I forgive myself for judging my aunt and grand-
represents her love for na- mother for judging us not telling them about it.
ture and gardening.
I forgive myself for judging myself whenever I
thought on the grace in my mom’s passing.
I forgive myself for judging myself as selfish want-

Prizing ing to spend so much time with my mother.
I prize myself in respecting my mother I forgive myself for judging some doctors for mis-
and they way she wanted to handle her leading us on my mom’s real situation.
illness and passing. I acknowledge my-
self for being receptive, available, com- I forgive myself for judging my mother from hid-
passionate and loving with her through ing from us her real situation.
all of this. I am blessed to be able to I forgive myself for judging myself for my dis-
see the good and the gifts she left be- agreements with my mom about how she should
hind and be aware of my learnings handle her passing.
from the way she chose to do it.
76
Paulino
Simba, Paulino
(& Louigi)
My Loving Loyal Kitties

My kitties are with my for almost 13 years, they
were the kittens of my girlfriends family cat. The
reason I kept them both was the way they ware
Simba C
laus wit born, Simba was born first and then she gave
h Yaeli
and Ric
ky birth to few dead ones, more then a day later
Paulino was born and he was to small and a bit
retarded, our Vet
told us not to keep
him as he did not
thing he would sur-
vive. We decided to
give him a chance
and he grew up to be 4 months big Kittens
a great (and well de-
Paulino Danci
ng
veloped cat), he was always a bit ‘slow’ but you
might as well say he is the ‘Forest Gump’ version
of a cat.
My kitties are huge, almost 30 pounds each, some

people who sees them freak out as they are big-
ger then average dogs. They are very loving and
also behave in a way like dogs (they don’t have
the usual cat behavior), they are very special to
me and probably my longest non-family relation-
ship that I had (well they are family by now),
They went a long way with me and each of them
has it’s own purpose in life in regards to me. They
are sure they own me (and I am fine with that)
and are the most spiritual cats I’ve ever seen,
they know stuff, they sense my moods and are
2 month’s old
always there for me to provide their uncondi-
very cute look
s tional loving when I’m in need.
77
I think Paulino’s life story can make a movie for
sure, but to me he is the living proof that every-
thing happen for a reason. I
think he know I never gave
up on him and he is my
guardian angel, he will check
anyone who gets too close to
me, always be by my side
Kitchen Kitten Simba
when I’m sick or sad (and he
sense that so well) and
whenever he sense something is wrong with me
he will be there to charge me with his infinite
loving energy. He is not to friendly to other crea-
tures especially if they get into my space. I am so
glad I never listened to the Vet and when through
the challenges of taking care of him as a kitten as
the gifts and blessing he brought into my life
worth everything.
Lesson Awareness
On his daily walk on a leash with my Simba is the wild cat, he like to wonder all day
beautiful cousin keren outside (while Paulino is sleeping guarding the
house), yet they are very much connected (some-
times in a telepathic way) whenever one of them
get lost of don’t come home the other starts to
cry and look for his brother, once I did not found
Paulino for 2 days and Simba really got crazy,
That’s how we got Louigi (my 3rd cat) to keep
them company. Louie was rescued from a shelter
and probably been abused as it took me almost 2
years to build
trust with him, hunting
the other cats did
not like him in the
beginning but
later on enjoyed
his young energies
78
Me very Surprised for getting Louie
on my Birthday from my sister Vered
playing with them and getting them active again.
My lessons in that was mostly to observe how dif-
ferent my cats are, each having it’s own individu-
ality and role in regards to me, yet they are all
very connected and can’t really be without each
other. My relationship with them taught me a lot
about myself, loyalty and commitment. As my
friend say they are very lucky cats (born in Jerusa-
lem, moved to Tel Aviv and then to America), but
at the end of the day I know that I am the lucky
one enjoying all their gifts and loving.
I forgive myself for judging myself for limiting my
kitties freedom at times.
I forgive myself for doubting sometimes in my

love to them (never in their love to me)
I forgive myself for judging myself for leaving my

kitties in Israel with a friend for a while knowing
it wasn’t an easy time for them.
size up :) I forgive myself for judging myself for losing my

Louie trying to
temper or raising my voice at times on my kitties.
Prizing
I prize myself for my unconditional love to my
cats, not sparing any expanse to have them with
me and compromising at times to have my living
situation always to include them. I receive the
blessings of their existence in my life daily and
appreciate all the times we’ve been together.
Louie in his
usual smigu
el position
79
Moving to the US
2001 - a life changing experience
My decision to move to the US was partly a conscious one and partly spirits act, in the years
after my mother passed away I felt a strong urge to change some things in my life, I started
to sense that some things that I used to love are not appealing to me anymore. At the peak
of my companies success (in the one short year that I was a millionaire, at least on paper) I
felt very empty, I accomplished almost all of what I desired, Israel is a very small place and
we worked with most major companies and I felt I need more room to grow. When we
started to represent GREY Interactive in israel I was traveling a lot to the US to coordinate
projects and promote all kind of things in regards to our affiliations, we started to work with
another another investor who was pushing to a lot of projects to promote the Peace be-
tween Israel and the Arab world, we made many projects in Arabic too (most of our business
with GREY was to localize Brand Web sites such as DELL, P&G etc’ to Hebrew), I started
to sense that maybe there’s a bigger thing for me to do then just SHAPE. America was al-
ways appealing to me, we have lots of family here and I had many friends in the Silicon Val-
ley. For me a change had to be significant so I started of thinking of relocating to the US for
a while. Then came the fall of the business and a lot of the dreams seemed impossible (fi-
nancially) at the peak of the crisis I felt I need to take a break and combined a business trip
with few weeks of vacations to get away from the negative energies between me and my
partners and also to get some clarity and perspective (which I could do only from afar) on
the whole situation. I was spending some time alone hiking at Yosemite and it was the first
week in years that I had no phone, no email, just me in nature. I felt very free and relaxed in
a way that I haven't felt for a long time. There, I got it, I suddenly realized that I don’t need
all of that, I can give it all away, sell my part in the company to my partners and start some-
thing new, something that I really like, even that I did not knew what it was at the time I
just liked the idea of starting fresh and I did not really cared at that point about money and
stuff, I knew I can get a long with very little and I felt really aligned with spirit at this point.
When I got back from my vacation to Israel I found that our major company is very close to
bankruptcy, my partners did some moves to transfer many accounts and assets to a new
company and that left me and my sister exposed to serious liability issues of that company
debt. My Lawyers advised me to let them handle that and after one very intense and emo-
tional meeting between me and my partners they advised me to leave the scene as well, the
amount of anger and blame that was mutually in the room could not allow for a reasonable
legal solution to resolve the disputes. It was a horrible week that I’ll never forget as I felt all
of what I built over almost a decade is being ruined by Sophisticated business people and
80
the market cirumsenses (that was the middle of the dot com bubble burst but we could not
know that at that time).
My Decision - Re"aming issues as Blessings

Then one sleepless night I found my
notes from my journal at Yosemite, my
original thought was to take a few
months wrap things up and try a few
months of living in the US, but then I
said to myself, why not now, what the
worst that could happen. So with this
decision in mind I went to my sisters
house to share with her my idea. Since
we ware business partners I did not
want to leave her to deal with the legal
Breath taking views on the road-trip to LA mess, potential huge liability and so on,
so I strongly suggested her to join me.
She didn’t like the idea at first but considering her alternatives she said why not. We decided
to take an unlimited vacation and see what will come out of that (knowing we will always
have the option to come back). This night I could totally reframe all of what happened as
spirit’s act to get my things faster to the direction that I wanted. It took us few days to pack
and cash out our accounts and we ware ready to go. I didn’t want to create the impression
that we are escaping our responsibilities and liabilities from our business situation so I in-
formed my partners in person that we’re leaving, assigning Power of attorneys to my lawyers
to handle everything while where away. And we took our flight to the unknown. I could to-
tally see the blessing now in this chain of events and how things are not what they seem to
be in first look in regards to all of this chain of events.
9-11 - Learning Line opportunities

When we came to the US we took some time to relax and staid with our friends & relatives
at Boston, these are warm loving people that went with us through all of my mothers illness
and arranged some test for her here in the US before she passed away to try every possibility
to find a cure. It was nice but Since we had limited money with us I wanted to check some
possibilities of working. One of my friends who was also a business associate had some pro-
jects I could help him with in LA and we decided to fly there and check things out. We re-
served tickets for 9/11/2001, Boston to LA (AA flight 11 who crashed into the the north
world trade center). By the time I got my local debit card and wanted to pay for the tickets
the price went up so I found a much cheaper flight that day at the same time (Thanks to
81
2,700 miles road trip from Minneapolis to Los angeles - a trip of Joy and gratitude
god and the internet), so 2 days before I changed our flight (and saved our lives). Only my
friends at Boston knew of the change and while we were in the Air everything happened. We
never got to LA that day, we landed in Minneapolis and due to the terror attack had to clear
the airport take a motel and wait. After few days when we realized the airports not going to
open (and my sister did not even wanted to see a plane at this point.) we rented a car and
drove for a week to LA. It was an amazing breath taking road-trip through places we’ve
never been in america and a lot of time and scenic scenes to realize what happened.
Regardless to mention how lucky

we were and how we felt, most of
our relatives ware sure we are
dead and I can’t describe the re-
lief all got while we got them on
the phone and clarified it. The
Amount of people that showed
their love and care for us was
amazing, the gratitude we felt for
someone watching us from above
(we knew it’s my mothers soul).
Driving through colorful colorado
82
The road trip to LA was an interesting lesson, it got us both
to think on how fortunate we are, what simple gift is just
living, it gave us a lot of perspective about everything and
suddenly all our problems in Israel and losing so much
money seemed less significant. Our trip also was interesting
in the way of how it got us closer as we could share our
thoughts and fears from the future but at the same time all
The Hotel signs when we of the 9-11 events got us also to be each very quiet with his
ware driving through Vegas own thoughts about all of what we gone through. It got me
seriously to think about the meaning of life and how most

things that we believe that are important are really insignificant in the grand scheme of
things.
When we got to LA the work opportunity that I had was not relevant as the company
halted a lot of projects due to the situation after 9-11. Starting a life almost from scratch at
the age of 30 was a challenge and also a great lesson in being humble and surrendering to the
events (immigration was very hard after that), I was very frustrated not working for few
months and struggling living on our past savings wasn’t easy. Yet, it gave me time to let the
events and the lessons sink and a lot of time about what will really bring joy to my life, I
was very fortunate to work with some people I knew from the past that developed an appli-
ance that allow blind people to listen to content on the internet, working with Blind people
for a while was also a great experi-
ence to get me down to earth and
to develop a great sense of appre-
ciation and gratitude for basic
things in life (like the ability to
see!) all of these events ware very
meaningful for me and were life
transforming in what I learned
through them. I am in deep grati-
tude for all the people who helped
us when we got here to assimilate
and settle down and of-course for
spirit guidesness and protection
that got us safely through that.
Ironically staying at the new-york new-york while
passing through Las Vegas
83
I forgive myself for judging myself as an irresponsible risk taker throughout the chain of
events.
I forgive myself for judging my partners and other people that ware involved in the collapse
of our business.
I forgive myself for judging my sister for not understanding my reasons and my new ideas of
risking it all and starting up in a new place.
I forgive myself for judging myself for not being more compassionate and understanding
with my sister.
I forgive myself for judging myself for being hard on myself and my sister through all of that.
I forgive myself for all the judgments I had to whomever was involved in 9-11
I forgive myself for judging myself of being caught in our own little story and not being
more compassionate to all the other losses that ware involved in this tragic event.
Prizing
I’m in deep gratitude for aligning with spirit in this period, trusting that come what May we
will be Ok and everything will turn out for the best. I prize myself for my optimism, courage
and following my heart even without having full clarity of where it will lead us. I acknowl-
edge my commitment to my sister in taking her along with me, beside my love to her and
appreciation for all the years we worked together I also feel in that I was respecting my
mothers last request to always care and be there for my sisters. Doing all that and living a
better, simple life today makes me very proud of my ability to give a up a lot for having more
peace of mind and living more in my integrity.
Popping seeds
and relaxing at
Santa monica
on the beach.
I grew my hair
for 2 years
when we got
here and
shaved in only at my sisters wedding day
84
Yaeli and Ricky
(Danielle and Jonathan)
My Beloved Cousin and her Family

Yaeli is my smallest cousin from my dad’s side, She was always one of the Cutest ones in my
family and we ware not in constant contact over the years. The reason I chose to include
her from all my cousins in this age stage because she was one of the major reasons for Me to
choose to come to LA, and since we live here she is one of the closest loving relatives I have
here and we are very close now. She’s Married to Ricardo and they have 2 amazing kids Dan-
ielle and Jonathan)
Yaeli is a very loving, energetic, optimistic and almost always happy person, She have an
awesome smile and warm big heart, being around her always made me feel good. I was visit-
ing her before I decided to move to LA and knowing she’s around here played significantly
in my decision. When we first moved here she was our greatest support to settle down, She’s
so friendly and seem to know everyone and everything so she was our 411 to LA, I can’t find
the right words to describe my gratitude for her physical and emotional support for us on
our first days here. She love kids and study education and I love to have conversations with
her about our family dynamics and how our generation is changing it for good. She is very
caring and involved and always try to get everyone together and be a bridge to peace and
communication in the family. Her communications skills are awesome and I always feel safe
and open to share with her things knowing she will not judge anything and well give me a
fresh perspective on stuff. I love her dearly and enjoy great moments with her and her warm
loving family.
85
Yaeli have this great quality of always see the good in
things and always be happy with what she have. She had a
challenging childhood as my uncle got divorce twice and
he was one of the most challenging persons in our family, I
think she was hurt a lot as a child from all of went on her
side of the family. She left home at a very early age and
kind of managed her way through life in an interesting in-
dependent way. In a way she found ways to isolate her life
from the family dynamics yet still stay connected with al-
most everyone.
Dodo and Danielli
When she moved to L.A. she

worked in a Jewish bakery owned
by someone who learned the
profession working with my late
grand father Ziggy. Other there she met her husband Ricky who is a running the bakery
pastry production, Ricky reminds us a lot of my grandfather (in looks and character) but
also have his unique greats qualities that Balances Yaeli and radiate a lot of peace to be
around, he also had a painful childhood supporting his family in mexico, working since he
was 10 and eventually immigrating to the US bringing the rest of his family to here over the
years. It was very interesting to watch how our family history kind of replicates itself 2 gen-
erations later. I adore them as a couple because they are living a simple happy and healthy
life and are a great inspiration of raising their loving family. Our family is a mixture of many
cultures (or Jewish streams from all over the world) and I think that in the past some of the
family issues and dynamic been derived from the clash of cultures, in the beginning before I
knew Ricky I was a bit concerned to observe how some of our family history is playing it-
self again in our generation, but seeing someone as highly aware and evolved as Yaeli playing
it differently and not only creating her own loving family but also radiating a lot of the love
to heal other family members (it is very warming to see my
Aunt and Uncle changing as well just from being around her
kids and all). To me seeing Yaeli and Ricky is not just in-
spiring but also shows the blessing of transforming a painful
childhood into a great loving relationship by learning from
past family mistakes and serving as a healing pivotal for other
family members just by their way of being.
Fun at Eilat Bakery
86
Lesson Awareness
It was very important for Yaeli to raise their
children as Jewish, we talked a lot about that
and even that we’re not practicing religion we
like the Jewish traditions and in case We
choose to move back to Israel one of these
days this thing can be important. She was
Pushing Ricky to convert and I was uncom-
fortable knowing some of his concerns.
Working for years in a Jewish bakery, going
through all the holiday and so on makes
Ricky knowing about our traditions more then enough, yet it was very important to Yaeli
and we ware sharing about it. Ricardo is someone that really look on things with an inter-
esting perspective, beyond race, religion and all, he practice no religion and claim he don’t
believe in god but in my perspective he is very
Spiritual and very well connected. Eventually
Ricky converted and I think he did it mostly out
of his love to her and knowing how important it
is for her. To me observing the whole process
and lovingly supporting them each with their
dilemma about all of the conversion process was
very interesting, it was a great lesson about how
love wins and see the blessings in when two lov-
ing beings might compromise each to get to be
very happy together. Also seeing their adorable Ricky and me with my Aunt Ester
kids growing in this mix of cultures and lan-
guages is fascinating, seeing how they grab things from each language from each tradition is
amazing and heart warming. I learned many lessons from just being around them and from
our loving mutual presence in each other life.
Another interesting lesson in regards to all of this event was see-

ing the family pattern of strong controlling females trying to im-
pose their will on man (My mom, Grandmothers etc’) being al-
tered and even that it’s there, it was all more communicative and
being done with lots of grace, love and mutual understanding and
not in ways that creates or drag an issue later on along the years,
To me experiencing that, feels very good about how me and my
cousins generations evolved to break some family patterns or alter
them to serve the highest good of all concerned.
87
I forgive myself for judging my cousin Yaeli for
controlling Ricky.
I forgive myself for judging myself for interfering

sometimes too much in their lives.
I forgive myself for judging Yaeli sometimes for

talking too much and creating some family drama
passing info around (sometimes silence is a bless-
ing too).
I forgive myself for judging Ricky as too quiet and

not standing on his own opinions at times.
I forgive myself for judging myself for being too busy at times and not as present and avail-
able to my cousin as she is to me.
I forgive myself for judging myself at looking at

their fault in the beginning of their relationship
instead of seeing the good and the blessings.
I forgive myself for falsely judging Yaeli for cre-

ating or continuing some of our family dramas.
I forgive myself for buying into the belief that

current family affairs will keep popping up in our
life and cannot be altered.
At Birth of her Son Yoni
Prizing
I acknowledge myself for being very loving and supportive in my cousins live and lovingly
spending time with her family. I prize our great connection and the lessons we both got
from talking openly about current and past is-
sues and being aware of how the way we do
things is impacted from our past. I prize my
self for ow close and involved I am in their life
while knowing to respect their space and time
needed no that they have their kids. I’m aware
of how inspiring their connection is to me and
so happy I can enjoy the good and the blessings
in all of that. I’m in gratitude to have people
like Yaeli and Ricky in my life. Celebrating my 37th Birthday
88
Heather
A mutual lesson in growth

Heather was the girl I dated on and off for almost
3 years here in LA. I could call her my last girl-
friend but the nature of our relationship was full
with struggle and challenges. We officially broke
up about 10 times and then got back together, I
never had such an intense and challenged rela-
tionship with anyone.
But along all of that
there was a lot of mutual
loving and care, I mean
as challenging as it all
was the values and
growth we both experi-
enced through it are
unmeasurable and I see
her as a catalyst to a lot of the self work on my-
self wanting to be a better person (in general and
in a relationship).
I met heather through an internet dating site and

initially she did not want to meet but was excited
to come see my cats and so we met. We had a
very intense physical (sexual) connection and we
found ourselves liking each-other in many ways
“Sometimes the most challenging and started dating. It the years we knew each
relationships are also the most other ware challenging for me going through the
valuable one." struggles of assimilating and acclaiming to the life
- Mary Hulnik here in the US and I am not sure that I was fully
available to be in a relationship the way she had
in mind, I could see that whenever she tried to
get to close to me I would distance myself from
her and push her away. We also had a lot of cul-
tural differences between us that bothered us
89
both and in one way attracted us to each other
but mostly served as an issue between us because
we both tried to change each other instead of just
accepting who we are and appreciate our differ-
ences.
I think my inner knowing felt that in the first few

weeks and even that we had no issues at the time
I told her that I feel it will not work between us
and that we better end it before we both get at-
tached. Since that breakout we kept going on and
off over the years, we tried twice efforts to stick
to a couple of months of committing to each
other and trying to bridge our difference make it
work out, but found ourselves blowing it up again
and again.
I think it was an issue of timing and acceptance,

we dearly loved and cared for each other, yet
weren't compatible in they way we both per-
ceived an ideal relationship should be.

I never got to figure out all of the dynamics of
our relationship, But there was one thing that we
clearly aware of in the end and it might be the
root of why things did not work out. We each had
a vision of our ideal life parter and what an ideal
relationship is and from some reason we subcon-
sciously did not compromise about it and tried to
change each other to be who we ideal want to be.
This dynamic was very painful, energy consuming
and hurting (mutually) because it made us both
feel not good enough to each other. The good
thing is that we both talked about it and we were
very aware of that, we truly tried to make it work
out of care and positive intentions, after every
dispute or disagreement we spent a lot of time
Text messaging and writing each others long
90
Birthday card after...
emails of our microscopic truths and this
dynamic as energy consuming as it was
served as a great vehicle for both of us trying
to become better people and altering our-
selves to the way of being we both wanted to
experience. For me there were a lot of heal-
ing and blessing in the process, Striving to
make it work with Heather was one of the
reasons I took USM and some other per-
sonal development/relationships seminars. I
can clearly see the blessings we each indi-
vidually got from all of that, I can see the
difference in me that
grew out of this rela-
tionship and how I am
different today in this
regards. Understanding
that there was nothing
wrong in any of us and
appreciating each
other in the end was a good thing.
Another important reframe is that even that we

both perceived this relationship as painful, we got
to realize that we had a lot of fun and more lov-
ing moments then painful ones through it. From
some reason through it we both chose to stick to
the pain, drama and appreciate less the good and
the joy we had through it. I was the one high-
lighting in to Heather after our final break and
she agreed, I think that seeing that and knowing
we both meant the best for each other is a real
blessing.
Heather is engaged today in a very heathy rela-

tionship and communicate to me that she don’t
think she could be where she is now unless we
ware going through all of that.
91
Lesson Awareness
I could not even start to describe the numerous
lessons I got through my experiences with
Heather, I think that mostly we had our souls
here assisting us to step to the next level of our
process and path and serving mutual lessons to
each other allowing us both to
grow into healthier relation-
ships now. To me Heather high-
lighted all of the dark sides or
things I was not aware of doing
while being in a relationship.
The fact we had good commu-
nication about it all marked me my path of where
I needed to heal most and was a great marker for
where I am and where I want to go with myself in
my processing. Having the last part of our rela-
tionship through first year of USM assisted me a
lot in going deeper with myself and eventually get
to the self honoring decision that we must end it
for the highest good of both of us.
I forgive myself for judging heather as a drama
queen.
I forgive myself for judging Heather as not ideal

or good enough for me as a life partner.
I forgive myself for judging my self as not good

enough through this relationship.
I forgive myself for judging myself as not-being

gentle and compassion with Heather and myself
throughout our experiences.
I forgive myself for judging myself for asking

Heather to change to be who I wanted her to be.
92
I forgive myself for hurting Heather at times by
distancing myself from her or being mean when
she kept looking for way to get to me.
I forgive myself for judging myself as controlling

and withholding my love from Her.
I forgive myself for judging Heather for not un-

derstanding me.
I forgive myself for judging Heather for not see-

ing or acknowledging the good parts of me.
I forgive myself for judging myself not Seeing

Heather as a diving being going through a human
experience at times.
I forgive myself for judging myself for acknowl-

edging Heather for the loving girlfriend she was
most of the time.
Love is like the truth,
sometimes it prevails, I forgive myself for judging myself for not prizing
sometimes it hurts.
or communicating my appreciation to Heather
- unknown for all the things she did for me over the years.
I forgive myself for mocking Heather at times on

our differences.
I forgive myself for judging myself focusing on

our differences and disputes instead of the bless-
ings and loving.
Prizing
I prize myself for going through all of that with
Heather and ending it on a positive note and
making the effort to maintain our friendship. I
acknowledge the conscious and deliberate ef-
forts , energy and intentions we both made to try
to make it work. I’m in deep gratitude and self
appreciation for the loving and all the good quali-
ties of togetherness this experience has surfaced
and unfolded in me.
93
USM
My Awesome Experience - Seeing the Loving Essence
I decided to Include USM in my history of loving because I see it as thee most significant
one in my life in regards to my personal growth, my ability to give and receive Authentic lov-
ing and at the same time I had a lot of personal chal-
lenges in understanding the program and accepting
some of it’s valuable concepts. I struggled my way
through next year and the main reason I sticked in
was the amount of unlimited love and the amazing
friendships I established through it.
I relate to USM not just as my school experience that

I got, but also as a truly life changing experience for
Magical Lunch Breaks
me and as an entity that I keep in my loving and my
prayers and in my intention to stay involved all through my life and keep spreading (maybe a
career change) what I go to others as well. I will not be able to cover here all of the experi-
ences, gifts, lessons, and of-course the infinite amounts of Loving and support that I got but
I am sure it reflects through this papers energies and through the pictures.

I had a lot of issues with school throughout first year, I didn’t got some of the stuff and ‘old’
me did not like the marketing statements and it all seemed to too good to be true for me
(and as someone who specializes in marketing I can totally see the projections now). Some
of my issues created a lot of resistance and some resentment in me on myself (for not get-
ting it) and for school (who does not deliver the
promise). Somehow every month another layer of
resistance dropped (same as my layers of working
internally and going deeper), I understand today
that I misinterpreted the whole things and that
the process is so individual and probably never
ending, I get it now! I can see and feel the bless-
ings this year and I understand where it’s all came
from (my other school experiences that ware very
technical and more straight forward to under-
stand. Smiles of true love in the patio
94
Learning Line opportunities
It is funny but one of the reason to come to USM was to
study something interesting (out of my field of technical/
management) in native english to improve my english and
communications in others, as an immigrant I always felt my
english is not good enough, I have no doubt that USM
helped me through that (never read so many books in such
timeline or wrote papers with such length and scopes), but
even more I discovered the true blessing of being able to
communicate clearly with myself, I guess that when my soul
took me to all kind of info night to study something out of what I used to know It was actu-
ally seeking for something as fulfilling as this, never even tried to figure out what really got
me to sign up but I know today that that was my destiny and I am in deep gratitude for
spirit that brought interesting souls to cross my path and bring me home (and I can call my
USM experience home today) - this is the greatest lessons and gift I got through this experi-
ence and is to learn about myself and discover the real authentic me that was there under all
the crap.

I forgive myself for judging myself for not getting some
of the concepts when I started the program.
I forgive myself for judging School for selling something

which is not comprehensible.
I forgive myself for judging School for anything that did

not work for me while practicing the basic skills.
I forgive myself for judging myself as not smart enough

Silly Moments - is that a
Judgment? :) to get what I was learning.
I forgive myself for judging myself as not receptive and open to new concepts and disci-
plines.
I forgive myself for judging my english as not good enough and as that something that is
standing between me and success in school and in America.
I forgive myself for judging other class mates while comparing myself to their experiences
and getting upset that I don’t get the same.
I forgive myself for judging myself as phony practicing fake it till you make it on some of the
skills.
95
I forgive myself for judging others as not
authentic while they got some of their
breakthroughs.
I forgive myself for judging myself as judg-

ing myself as competitive while comparing
myself to others.
I forgive myself for judging Ron and Mary at

times that I did not understand or did not
agree with what they were saying and teach-
ing.
The 3 amigos
I forgive myself for judging myself for judging the readers for deducting me points from
things that I thought they shouldn’t (and I am thankful l now as I get it)
I forgive myself for judging myself for not expressing myself fully and clearly through some
of the homework assignments blaming my english and my writing skills.
I forgive myself for judging myself for being behind of the readings through the program.
I forgive myself for judging myself for reading and writing slower in english.
I forgive myself for judging others while they were in joy and healed and I went through my
pain, processing and my own healing.
I forgive myself for judging some class mates that did not got what I was trying to tell them
through our trios.
I forgive myself for judging others when I

asked for help and did not got exactly what
I’m expecting (and can totally see the bless-
ings and my own inner lessons in that).
I forgive myself for judging myself for real-

izing I might not graduate as an ‘A’ Student.
I forgive myself for buying into the beliefs

that I am what my accomplishments and
grades are and for judging my process as not
good, deep or fast enough.
Love Joy and mutual appreciation
Celebrating at the end of 1st year
96
Prizing Self acknowledgment and gratitude
Again, I cannot find the words (and enough
pages) to express all my gratitude and self-
appreciation.
The major things that comes up for me are;
Acknowledging myself as going successfully

through a challenging (and Fun) program in
my second language and mostly enjoying it.
I prize myself for my commitment, open-
ness, dedication and willingness to the pro-
gram, to myself and to go deeper and heal.
I am so happy to be a source of joy and in-
spiration for others (in class and beyond), My amazing Project team - Joyful noisemakers
I’m in deep gratitude for all the true friendships and the opportunity I had to become serv-
ice for others and a better person.
I prize myself for my capacity to give and receive amounts of love I could never imagined
possible before. I acknowledge my friendliness and authentic true self who made me very
popular, acceptable and a source of joy, service and bringing the class together in many ac-
tivities and events. I’m in delight I did all of that out of authentic love, alignment with my-
self and spirit and a true sense of service and giving without expecting anything in return.
I’m in deep gratitude for regaining so many qualities I thought I’ve lost, for discovering who
I really am and for openly receiving all the love, gratitude and prizing that others are giving
me through our experiences.
I’m thankful for Ron & Mary, all my classmates, project team, relationship team, all my trio-
mates all the assistants, readers, school faculty and for prize myself my ability to radiate
truly my appreciation for the gifts they could
introduce to me through school experience.
And
I prize my soul for bringing USM to my path,

trusting and inner knowing what is good for
me and for how wise spirit is to make my life
so fortunate in any aspect that I look on.
My loving and supportive brother-sisters

relationship team
97
Great Hikes of 1st Year - tine to
unwind and connect with each other
and nature
Fun @ reunity Party
with so many
Celebrating my 37th birthday
ng!
loving souls - What a blessi
Fun and relaxation on 1st

year graduation party
98
Highlights and gifts of
second year
Heart painting party as our gift to first

year - and our rocky leader Kristi
99
Other thoughts and feelings and intentions
I had many more people, animals and events in my life that I
wanted to include but could not do so within the time frame,
I did include whatever came up to me as the most significant
people and the things that needed to heal and praise most. I
chose to include many others as a short picture and one-liner
while processing inside myself the elements in regards to
them. It is clear to me and it is my intention to keep working
on my History of Loving after June to complete and surface
other experiences that will make this project truly complete
for ex-perfectionist me :).
I did send many relative, sibling, friends or events that I did not include my thoughts and
loving with the scope of this work and I included some more pictures here that represent
that.
I also set the intention to audit second year 30-40 years from now and complete the second
part of my history of loving : )
* this or something better for the highest good of a' concerned *
“...and in the end, the

Love you get is equal to
the love you Make…”
- The Beatles
100

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History of Loving-Final

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Dror Amir’s

My family was very involved in Israel’s independ-

My family is large and complex, an interesting

The euphoria of that time changed

“...and in the end, the

Wednesday, June 5th - 1968

< my Brit (circumcision) while I was 8 days old.

Seeing the Loving Essence

My mother was a living vision of

Her ability to bring people together was some-

My Mother died very young from cancer (at the

I miss my mother very much but her soul is with

I used to argue with my mother begging her to

My mother was a very special person and a close

Re"aming issues as Blessings (Cont…)

I forgive myself for judging my mother as respon-

I forgive myself for judging myself for not being

I forgive myself for judging my mom for interfer-

I forgive myself for judging my mother for keep-

I forgive myself for judging my mother comment-

I forgive myself for judging myself for setting

I forgive myself for judging my mother as not be-

I forgive myself for judging my mother not being

I forgive myself for judging my mom for leaving

I forgive myself for judging myself for criticizing

I forgive myself for judging my mother for using

I forgive myself for judging my mother being over

I know I was a good loving son and that I re-

I am very proud about our good relationship,

May her soul rest in peace.

< My Mothers Gravestone in Quadima

My love to my grandfather is very special, he died almost 10 years

I forgive myself for judging my grandfather

I forgive myself for judging my grandfather

I forgive myself for judging myself for not

I know I learned a lot from my grandfather and he was

Seeing the Loving Essence

My grandmother held the family strongly to-

Yona was a very generous woman, she gave every-

I forgive myself for judging my grandmother as

I forgive myself for judging my grandmother as

I forgive myself for judging myself as conditional

I forgive myself for judging my grandmother for

I forgive myself for judging my grandmother for

I forgive myself for judging my grandmother as

I forgive myself for judging my grandmother for

I believe I got some of my character strength from

This or something better for the highest good of all concerned !

My Experience with my Dad

I don’t remember too many

My father was a very good person, he liked to

Re"aming issues as Blessings

I forgive myself for judging my Father as a emo-

I forgive myself for judging my dad as not loyal to

I forgive myself for judging my Father as a narrow

I forgive myself for judging my dad as selfish and

I forgive myself for judging my Father as not lov-

I forgive myself for judging my father for not be-

I forgive myself for judging my dad of not being

I forgive myself for judging my dad as being a

I forgive myself for judging my dad for not being

Seeing the Loving Essence

Self-Forgiveness for Judgments

My Experience with Him