COUNSELING BY JUDY

NEWSLETTER
SUMMER 2015

CONFLICT
Conflict in relationships, whether it be between spouses,
family members, friends, or coworkers, is virtually
inevitable. Conflict itself isnt the problem; however, how
its handled can bring people closer together or push them
farther apart. Poor communication can potentially weaken
the bond between people, resulting in mistrust,
frustration, and resentment. Disagreements and
misunderstandings can be grounds for intense anger and
distancing. On the other hand, effective communication
can enable sharing of information, perspective taking, and
profound understanding. When communication flows well,
conflict is more likely to be resolved in a cooperative
manner, instead of escalating to a destructive level. Good
communication is essential to achieving and sustaining a
healthy relationship.

RESOLUTION

The single
biggest problem

Collaborative strategies for negotiating conflicts include

the following steps:

in

1. Choose an mutually acceptable time and place to

discuss the conflict

is the illusion

2. Talk it out- each person takes a turn stating his/her

position and needs, while the other person attentively
listens and tries to understand the speakers perspective.
3.

Brainstorm solutions to resolve the conflict

4. Choose a solution that meets both parties needs

and on which they can both agree. Try it. If it doesnt

Judy Kaminsky, LMFT

Specializing in, but not limited to, Marriage & Family Therapy
600 West Germantown Pike- Suite 400
Plymouth Meeting, Pennsylvania 19462
counselingbyjudy@comcast.net
www.counselingbyjudy.com

communication
that it has
taken place.
~George Bernard
Shaw

Lorem Ipsum

HEALTHY
COMMUNICATION
USING
I-MESSAGES
An I-message is an assertive
way to express your anger,
sadness, or disappointment
with something

another

person has done. It allows you

to communicate how you feel
without attacking or blaming
him or her. An "I" message
can help de-escalate a conflict
and pave the way for a
constructive conversation as
well as a resolution.

I-Message Formula:
I feel ______________ (State
your feeling) when you
____________ (Describe the
behavior that elicits the
feeling) because
______________ (State why the
behavior causes that feeling).
Id like ______________ (State
what youd like for the
outcome).
Example: "I feel hurt and
insignificant when youre

We have two ears and one mouth so that

we can listen twice as much as we speak
~Epictetus
CONFLICT RESOLUTION
TIPS
Stay focused on the
issue at hand.
Dont bring up past
hurts or other
issues.
Acknowledge your
share of
responsibility in the
conflict.
Take time to cool off
if one or both of
you is getting too
angry or upset to
have a constructive
conversation.
Resume when both
of you are calm,
with a constructive
attitude and
mutual respect.
If youve tried to
resolve conflicts on
your own and
things dont seem
to be improving,
consider therapy to

THINGS TO AVOID
Defensiveness
Overgeneralization
(i.e. You always
You never)
Blame
Criticism
Ridicule
Body language that
conveys disinterest
or that is
patronizing
Character attacks;
Name-calling (i.e.
Youre lazy.
Youre careless.)
Lying
Needing to be
right or to win
Interrupting
Being judgmental